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[soft rhythmic breathing]
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[honking]
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-[beep]
-[in Spanish] I am the Shaman.
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[birds tweeting]
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[Steve] I can't tell you the reason,
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or even the day I knew
something was wrong.
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Was it stress?
A few genes on a strand of my DNA?
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A virus? Was it all of those things?
None of them?
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You hate yourself.
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And you hate yourself for hating so much.
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[native American song playing]
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It's very difficult for me to accept
that this is where I am.
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I feel like I need to create
some sort of meaning out of it.
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I want to love and be loved.
I just miss the emotional capacity.
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I want to feel again.
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00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:02,951
[James] I grew up in a small,
affluent town outside of Boston.
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When I first arrived
at a school like this,
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I thought I was on the brink of making it.
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I thought I was on the brink
of finding it with a capital "I,"
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because I was going to
the best school in the country.
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And that to be a guarantee that
I was on the right track.
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That's what I thought in my head.
Uh, the reality was very different.
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The school has a motto, which is Non Sibi
which is "not for one's self,"
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00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,573
and that's a motto I truly believe in.
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But in practice, despite the prestige
and the wealth that is here,
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we're acting like animals.
Even if it is with a bow-tie.
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[woman speaking indistinctly]
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[man speaking indistinctly]
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Kids are under a lot more pressure,
um, than they used to be.
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Uh, I don't think that
their role in life is as clear.
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If you were to ask me what pushed him
over the edge, I would say
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he needed to perform at the highest level,
that he needed to get the academic degrees
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in order to consider himself successful.
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[thunder crashes]
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[James] When I started feeling terrible,
I started pushing myself
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00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,638
in ways that my body and mind
couldn't sustain.
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I did what society told me to do,
I did what my parents told me to do,
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and by age 21, 22...
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uh... I was dead.
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Just parking the car up
to the side of this bridge
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and looking down
at these railroad tracks, and uh...
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[sniffles] Just thinking, you know...
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just actually, just finding great relief
in-- in the idea that, you know,
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00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:33,267
I could, like, end the pain
of what I've gone through.
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I remember--
I remember thinking two thoughts.
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One was, "Thank God you can buy guns
at Wal-Mart in America."
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00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:48,074
And the other one was, "I think
if I did it I'd put my neck on...
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-on the railroad tracks."
-[railway bell sounding]
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[train approaching]
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The greatest concern was that he might be
so depressed that he'd hurt himself.
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Kill himself. And so psychiatrists
at M.G.A. decided it would be
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appropriate for him to
be admitted to McLean's.
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00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,419
[James] I'm so convinced my life is over,
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I actually elected to have
electro-convulsive therapy...
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00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:50,094
um, which actually
happens right over here.
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00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:54,640
A metal rod attached to your head
and they give you a shock
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00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,852
and you get a seizure, and, uh...
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00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:02,523
it can lift depressive symptoms
or even schizophrenic symptoms.
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00:08:07,361 --> 00:08:09,614
It's one of the methods of last resort.
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00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,117
-[man exhales]
-[machine beeps]
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00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,537
[Dr. Mason] Essentially is like
rebooting your computer
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00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,623
when you can't get it to work, it's stuck.
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00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:22,668
And you just turn everything off
and you reboot it, and...
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00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,879
at times in the human brain
when you do that
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00:08:24,962 --> 00:08:29,383
you can actually effectively recover
from a severe depression.
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-[rapid breathing]
-[machine beeps]
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[electrical buzzing]
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[rapid breathing continues]
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If you've experienced depression,
you know, I'm not just a little bit sad.
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00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:59,038
I wake up every day, you know,
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just feeling like, just hell.
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[Dr. Mason] Non-drug therapy seem
to engage him in any way.
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Cognitive behavioral therapies
and the group interactions,
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uh, he just wasn't interested
or felt they weren't productive at all.
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James at one point really turned around
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and felt that
the whole psychiatric institution
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had harmed him.
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That the drugs had given him
might have permanently damaged him.
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00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:43,791
[James] I'm not prepared to feel this way
for the rest of my life, and, uh...
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00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,087
You know, I just hope maybe I can...
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00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,840
I can find a way to...
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you know crawl my way
or begin to crawl my way out of it.
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00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,723
So I give myself ten months.
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00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,393
And, if nothing's changed after that,
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00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,270
I kind of feel like...
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00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,773
you know, I have a right to kill myself.
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00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:12,403
I've-- I'll give myself a license
to-- to kill myself.
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[electronic voice]
911. Do you need fire, medical or police?
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00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:22,622
[man] We have a code yellow here,
missing patient known as James Freeman,
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00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:26,208
his parents have been informed,
how should we proceed?
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00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:30,713
[flight engine roars]
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00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:35,092
[James] I just got out of the hospital.
Um, I'm not going back.
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00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:40,348
I just don't feel like anything that's
going on in there is helping me.
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00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:49,315
I read about ayahuasca
in National Geographic
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00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:52,860
I heard it has helped
people with depression.
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I just decided to come to Iquitos
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and start looking for someone
who can help me out.
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A center or a shaman,
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00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:10,086
an individual or just anyone
who knows what they're doing
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00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:13,923
and who I think is well-intentioned,
someone I can trust.
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00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,347
[whimpers]
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The shamans down here have been using
ayahuasca for thousands of years.
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00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:37,947
I'm skeptical about shamanism and spirit
and keeping my fingers crossed.
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00:11:43,619 --> 00:11:44,870
Take a sip.
105
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,459
Come out. Would you like ayahuasca, man?
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00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,130
Ayahuasca, many visions.
It's OK, it will clean your life.
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[man] If you want to change.
Ayahuasca, good price, my man.
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00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,224
[snarls]
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[in Spanish] The path is closed,
but we can open it for you.
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00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:48,726
[in Spanish] I did a treatment
for three and a half months.
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00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:53,814
In 115 days I cured AIDS.
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00:13:00,905 --> 00:13:04,658
[in Spanish]
Christ presented himself twice
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during ceremony and told me...
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00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:13,584
"What you are drinking,
I drank at the Last Supper."
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00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:26,805
[James] People are trying to sell me
all sorts of things, plants, medicine.
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00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:29,517
And they're telling me
they can cure whatever.
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There's definitely a business side
to what's going on down here.
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I'm not looking for God,
I'm not looking for spirit,
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00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,196
I'm not looking for any of that.
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00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:47,243
I feel like it's going to take
something miraculous to heal me.
121
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:55,000
Everyone I meet is
really enamored with Guillermo,
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00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:58,504
singing his praises,
this is the best shaman.
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00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:07,054
You know, here's this magical man
that's going to save your life.
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00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:12,935
[folk music playing]
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00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,111
[Guillermo speaking Spanish]
I demonstrate what love,
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00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:26,657
tranquility and interior peace is.
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00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:33,497
I make human beings love
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00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:38,419
and value themselves.
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00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,215
Ayahuasca is a medium.
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00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:47,386
Not only to discover the light,
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00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:52,641
not only to discover the disease,
but many other things.
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00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:00,608
[James] Going to my first
ayahuasca ceremony tonight.
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00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:05,070
I won't be able to drink it because
I'm still weaning off my medication
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00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:09,742
and it could interact with the ayahuasca
and that could be really dangerous.
135
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,785
Possibly even fatal.
136
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:46,278
Apparently the shamans
can still do work on you
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00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,739
even if you're not drinking the medicine.
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00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:53,118
They use their songs,
which they call icaros.
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00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:56,872
What exactly they are doing,
I'm not entirely sure.
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00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,625
[man speaking in Spanish]
May Mother Ayahuasca guide your journey,
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give you power, protection, wisdom,
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discipline, and love.
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00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:15,182
[exhales]
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00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,101
[indistinct muttering]
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00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:27,403
[exaggerated moaning]
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00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,948
[James] He was going through something
extraordinarily intense.
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00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:34,868
[man 2] ...became so strong that there
should have been an intervention.
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00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,453
[James] I searched for my flashlight.
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00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,497
I was curious to see
what was actually happening.
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00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:42,334
[man 2] It might have had something to do
with the medicine he was taking.
151
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,004
[James] Man, this--
this is something else.
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00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,172
[woman] Someone should be checking.
153
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,383
[man 2] He's beating himself.
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00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:50,843
[indistinct talking]
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00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,344
Somebody please do something.
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00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:56,265
[man 2] The was something going wrong.
He had blood in his mouth.
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00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:04,440
[man chanting]
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00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,122
[chanting fades]
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00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:38,932
[in Spanish] Cause of death:
lung failure, brain failure.
160
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:42,102
Death by suffocation... that led
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00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:45,147
to cardiac arrest.
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I'm all right, here it's always relaxed.
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00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:56,825
He insisted on getting ayahuasca
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00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,537
even though I told him not to drink it,
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00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,581
so I gave it to him.
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00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,671
[James] I was sitting closest to him.
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00:18:09,755 --> 00:18:14,468
I walked by his dead body.
I smelled what a dead body smells like.
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00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:18,388
I've never had anything like that
happen to me in my life.
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00:18:18,472 --> 00:18:23,685
I was-- I was incensed.
You know, I was furious, that
170
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:27,815
the... people here had been negligent
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00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:32,444
in caring for the safety of this man.
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00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,203
This is supposed to be the perfect place,
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Guillermo, the big shaman, the big healer.
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00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:49,753
Pretty shocked about what happened,
and I've only been here a couple weeks.
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Back to trying to find someone else.
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[in Spanish]
In 64 years of Shamanism,
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00:19:02,057 --> 00:19:04,434
I haven't had one death.
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00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:09,356
[chanting]
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00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,958
[chanting continues]
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00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:54,276
I was not aware that somebody died
in the ceremony next to James.
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00:19:56,820 --> 00:20:02,367
Who are these shaman, and are they
legitimate or are they charlatans?
182
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,038
And who are the good ones
and who are the bad ones?
183
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,583
Who are these people
that we have never met
184
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,251
we-- they have no credentials,
185
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:14,755
we have no way
of finding anything out about them.
186
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:16,965
And they're giving our son
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00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:22,054
hallucinogenic drugs out
away from civilization.
188
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:31,438
Any parent wonders
what could we have done differently.
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00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,316
It is a black cloud
that hangs over your head
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00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,360
every minute of every day.
191
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:42,616
You feel like you've damaged somebody
you deeply love.
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00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:48,455
And you remember all the things you did
that you wish now you'd done differently.
193
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:03,971
[hens cackling]
194
00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,597
[dog barking]
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00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,874
[James]
I ran in to some foreigners in town
196
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,961
who suggested that
I check out an American.
197
00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:38,213
I speak a little Spanish,
198
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:42,676
but having someone who speaks English
might be really helpful.
199
00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,394
[Ron] So this is my treasure chest.
200
00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:59,651
With this closet,
plum full of bottles of ayahuasca,
201
00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:05,282
it will have a value of almost,
somewhere around $250,000.
202
00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,993
[indistinct background noise]
203
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,707
The Ayahuasceros flood here.
204
00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:16,543
This is like the gold mine of ayahuasca.
205
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:24,259
Many Ayahuasceros around this town that
use their powers in very wrong ways.
206
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:31,183
People are much more concerned about
making a dollar than helping someone.
207
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:36,813
The healing, the true healers
are out there, but they're hard to find.
208
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:41,026
And the true healers don't-- don't charge.
209
00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:44,321
Every one of us foreigners
living here are guilty
210
00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:48,658
of exploiting these people,
myself included.
211
00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:52,871
Compared to what I pay for the medicine
and what I sell it for,
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00:22:53,371 --> 00:22:54,998
I make very good money.
213
00:23:00,921 --> 00:23:05,634
I've been a drug addict.
I've had my problems with alcohol.
214
00:23:05,842 --> 00:23:07,844
I spent seven months in prison.
215
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:10,639
I'm a high school dropout.
216
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,894
I get college professors.
217
00:23:16,394 --> 00:23:19,439
Come and want to work with me
and learn from me.
218
00:23:19,648 --> 00:23:23,652
You know, I'm down here in the jungle
with an ex-con who's a shaman,
219
00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:26,196
who's been down here for 13 years.
220
00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:29,825
He fights roosters on,
you know, on the weekend.
221
00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:31,576
[rooster crows]
222
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:40,460
[indistinct talking]
223
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:45,674
[Ron] A lot of people come and they see,
"Ron, you fight roosters?"
224
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:49,010
And "You work with ayahuasca?"
225
00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:51,930
"You're a shaman and you fight roosters?"
226
00:23:52,806 --> 00:23:57,394
And I've told them, "Well,
I'm also a spiritual warrior".
227
00:23:58,478 --> 00:24:03,859
So this helps keep me in contact
with my warrior spirit.
228
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:07,112
[cheering]
229
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:17,330
People don't have a real clear view on
the whole spectrum of life and nature.
230
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:27,465
This is not someone who, five years ago,
I would have taken seriously at all
231
00:24:27,549 --> 00:24:29,384
because of my academic background.
232
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:35,348
You know, he was not successful
by the standards that I define success.
233
00:24:37,934 --> 00:24:42,105
Am I happy? I'm sick, dude.
I'm really fucking sick.
234
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:45,817
It has nothing-- It's not like,
this is so frustrating.
235
00:24:45,901 --> 00:24:47,861
Like, people can't understand this.
236
00:24:47,944 --> 00:24:50,405
I look at a beautiful woman
and I feel nothing.
237
00:24:50,488 --> 00:24:52,824
I look at a sunset, I feel nothing.
238
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:57,704
I have no ambition. I have no desire
other than to feel human again.
239
00:24:58,622 --> 00:24:59,623
You know?
240
00:25:01,499 --> 00:25:04,377
[sickle cutting through plants]
241
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,345
[Ron] They plant their garden
in the jungle, it's cut and slash.
242
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:16,097
So, before they can plant their garden,
243
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:20,227
you have to cultivate,
you have to clear it first.
244
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:24,397
So they look at the human body
the same way.
245
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:27,525
Before you can teach it,
or before you can heal it,
246
00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:30,362
first you have to clean it.
247
00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,949
So, Ohey is a very strong purgative.
248
00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:42,165
Pushes all the bad energy out of you.
249
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:46,002
But when it does that,
you sort of, like, experience...
250
00:25:46,294 --> 00:25:48,922
all that badness before it leaves.
251
00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:51,549
And so the day you take it,
it's just like,
252
00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:54,135
it makes me feel like
I'm back at step one.
253
00:25:56,263 --> 00:26:01,142
And it's gotten a little bit easier,
but, it's just-- it's hard.
254
00:26:02,185 --> 00:26:07,274
So I told James, I said,
"It's not some place to come
255
00:26:07,357 --> 00:26:10,485
with a bedside manner, where I sit
256
00:26:10,568 --> 00:26:12,654
and tell you everything's gonna be fine.
257
00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:16,324
I talk to you all day.
I tuck you in at night.
258
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:19,244
It's not this cushy-cushy stuff
you're looking for.
259
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:21,830
It's you do the work."
260
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:25,125
The real work is with the patient
261
00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:28,169
and the medicine
that they're working with.
262
00:26:29,713 --> 00:26:34,217
In our western society, we are creating
a lot of problems with these pills.
263
00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:38,930
That we, and everybody
is looking for the one pill.
264
00:26:39,014 --> 00:26:41,975
I can just take this one pill
and everything's fine.
265
00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:44,019
It doesn't exist.
266
00:26:46,062 --> 00:26:49,024
With our natural medicines,
these things don't happen.
267
00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:56,948
[clanging]
268
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:06,541
[James] All the medication seemed
to represent to me was,
269
00:27:06,624 --> 00:27:08,585
was symptom management.
270
00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:15,133
Was a-- a kind of "go back to sleep,
James, and get back into the game".
271
00:27:18,553 --> 00:27:24,392
My husband and I, being physicians,
um, had the privilege
272
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:28,938
to really know enough about the system
to see what the flaws were.
273
00:27:29,147 --> 00:27:33,985
The psychiatry division here is ranked
the best in the United States. OK?
274
00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:37,364
So, when I go and talk to the colleagues,
275
00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:40,158
the chairman of the department
and ask for a recommendation,
276
00:27:40,241 --> 00:27:42,410
I'm expecting to get somebody
277
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:46,247
who's really,
exceedingly confident in this field.
278
00:27:46,414 --> 00:27:50,585
I had helped start a company, that was
from a Rockefeller University scientist,
279
00:27:50,668 --> 00:27:55,215
one's a Nobel Laureate, one's probably
the leading neurobiologist in the country.
280
00:27:55,298 --> 00:27:57,425
And I went to one of our board meetings
281
00:27:57,509 --> 00:28:00,220
when James was at probably
one of his really low points
282
00:28:00,303 --> 00:28:05,558
and the Nobel Laureate for neuroscience,
who started this company with me,
283
00:28:05,642 --> 00:28:07,727
said, "Mason, you have to understand,
284
00:28:07,811 --> 00:28:11,231
psychiatrists have no real understanding
of how the brain works."
285
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:16,611
OK? And, he said,
286
00:28:17,028 --> 00:28:21,074
"Our weapons, our tools, our therapies,
they're so primitive,
287
00:28:21,157 --> 00:28:23,576
because of our fundamental
lack of understanding
288
00:28:23,660 --> 00:28:25,203
of how the human brain works."
289
00:28:25,286 --> 00:28:28,665
When these drugs came out,
it gave psychiatry a sense
290
00:28:28,748 --> 00:28:31,292
that they were like the other doctors
that had good medicines.
291
00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:32,627
And so they prescribe them a lot.
292
00:28:32,710 --> 00:28:34,838
How many people do you know who've been
on an anti-depressant for a year
293
00:28:34,921 --> 00:28:36,548
who can come off it and stay off it?
294
00:28:36,631 --> 00:28:40,176
The desire to do that is fueled by time,
money, and the pharmaceutical industry.
295
00:28:40,260 --> 00:28:42,762
There's no question that that is the case.
296
00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:49,894
[Ron] In the plant kingdom, when we take
plant medicines for an illness,
297
00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:54,899
it's not any one thing in that plant
that heals the illness.
298
00:28:56,067 --> 00:29:00,071
It's the combination of everything
working together.
299
00:29:00,572 --> 00:29:03,324
There is no magic bullet.
300
00:29:24,137 --> 00:29:29,100
[James] Just behind my family,
my getting sick was hardest on Kate.
301
00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:34,981
He was so funny and witty and outgoing.
302
00:29:35,899 --> 00:29:40,737
But so smart and sensitive
and intellectually curious
303
00:29:40,987 --> 00:29:43,615
at the same time.
304
00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:48,244
And... there was just-- there was
an instant connection between us.
305
00:29:56,628 --> 00:30:00,924
He just-- he made everyone
around him a better person.
306
00:30:06,346 --> 00:30:09,599
And he cared so deeply
about the people in his life.
307
00:30:13,228 --> 00:30:17,982
[James] When we broke up,
it was really hard for me.
308
00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:21,236
She was the biggest person in my life.
309
00:30:24,072 --> 00:30:27,909
I miss the person that I knew, and...
310
00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,454
the way he made me feel, and...
311
00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:41,214
now it's like sometimes talking to...
like, a-- a wall.
312
00:31:05,613 --> 00:31:09,117
[rooster crowing in the distance]
313
00:31:11,035 --> 00:31:13,079
For somebody to just start dieting
314
00:31:13,246 --> 00:31:17,333
and be able to jump in and do a diet
for a month is very impressionable.
315
00:31:18,418 --> 00:31:21,880
But he's very sincere in his work
in wanting to get well.
316
00:31:24,507 --> 00:31:27,302
[James]
I'm finally gonna give ayahuasca a go.
317
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:30,096
I've been cleaning my body.
318
00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:34,726
I hope the medicine and the ceremony
can help me understand
319
00:31:34,809 --> 00:31:37,270
what's going on inside of me.
320
00:31:37,353 --> 00:31:41,065
[man speaking in Spanish]
In the name of the Father, the Son
321
00:31:42,650 --> 00:31:46,070
and the Holy Ghost, that always guides me.
322
00:32:05,131 --> 00:32:06,758
[exhales]
323
00:32:06,966 --> 00:32:10,595
[whistling]
324
00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:22,357
Thank you, Dear Lord,
for this day, for this night.
325
00:32:22,732 --> 00:32:25,109
For the people who arrive
to drink ayahuasca.
326
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:28,446
Thank you for all you give us Lord, amen.
327
00:32:36,371 --> 00:32:37,830
[chuckles]
328
00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:44,545
[inhales sharply]
329
00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:49,384
[animal-like loud groan]
330
00:32:49,509 --> 00:32:51,636
[transforms to wicked laugh]
331
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:58,518
[chanting]
332
00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:07,151
[laughter]
333
00:33:08,486 --> 00:33:10,947
[Kate's voice] I love James. [laughs]
334
00:33:11,030 --> 00:33:14,826
[James' voice echoing] Medications...
medications... medications...
335
00:33:14,951 --> 00:33:16,577
[rooster crowing]
336
00:33:17,537 --> 00:33:19,872
[James] I want to be healthy.
337
00:33:26,921 --> 00:33:31,259
[indistinct fragmented noises]
338
00:33:32,927 --> 00:33:35,346
I feel nothing... I feel nothing...
339
00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:37,765
...to feel human again.
340
00:33:38,433 --> 00:33:41,561
[man chanting]
341
00:33:41,644 --> 00:33:43,229
[deep groaning]
342
00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:45,523
[James] Medications.
343
00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:51,279
I didn't want to take the pills...
I didn't want to take the pills...
344
00:33:51,654 --> 00:33:55,783
...some traditional American medications.
345
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:01,664
[railway bell sounding]
346
00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:11,382
-[disgusted groan]
-[chanting and drum beats]
347
00:34:41,496 --> 00:34:44,248
[James narrating]
I saw moments in my life...
348
00:34:44,874 --> 00:34:49,670
as if there was just some mirror.
Things I'd completely forgotten about.
349
00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:53,883
Everything I've gone through has left
an imprint somewhere inside of me.
350
00:34:56,844 --> 00:34:58,638
I never had self-love.
351
00:34:58,971 --> 00:35:01,599
I didn't know the source of love.
352
00:35:01,808 --> 00:35:06,938
I didn't know how to find that wholeness.
353
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,690
That fulfillment, that completeness,
354
00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:13,569
that feeling of well-being,
of internal love.
355
00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:17,240
The answers that society provided for me
was that comes from a woman,
356
00:35:17,323 --> 00:35:18,783
or that comes from being rich,
357
00:35:18,866 --> 00:35:22,954
or that comes from being famous
and liked by people and being popular.
358
00:35:24,914 --> 00:35:26,749
I don't think those answers are true.
359
00:35:30,169 --> 00:35:34,215
[Ron] I've had to tell James
I'm buying a new piece of land.
360
00:35:34,382 --> 00:35:36,634
I'm going to be building a new camp.
361
00:35:36,968 --> 00:35:39,095
I'm going to be very busy with this.
362
00:35:39,178 --> 00:35:44,392
I'm not going to be able to give you
the service that I've been giving you.
363
00:35:51,274 --> 00:35:55,236
[indistinct background noises]
364
00:36:39,113 --> 00:36:41,532
[James]
My parents used to call me sentimental.
365
00:36:41,616 --> 00:36:44,243
I remember as child, even as a teenager,
366
00:36:44,577 --> 00:36:47,496
feeling very connected
to the people around
367
00:36:47,580 --> 00:36:50,541
and emotions and music
and all of these things.
368
00:36:50,875 --> 00:36:53,711
I want all of those experiences back.
369
00:36:54,212 --> 00:36:57,506
It's being human. I want to feel again.
370
00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:06,724
[flute playing]
371
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,622
[Sherry]
Am I ever going to see my son again?
372
00:37:29,830 --> 00:37:32,583
Could he disappear off into the Amazon?
373
00:37:32,667 --> 00:37:34,001
Or kill himself,
374
00:37:34,335 --> 00:37:38,923
or decide that he never
wanted to come back to this country again?
375
00:37:46,889 --> 00:37:48,474
[Dr. Mason] I grew up
in a military family.
376
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:50,142
My dad was an admiral in the Navy.
377
00:37:50,226 --> 00:37:56,148
And, uh, the style of parenting
was, "set the bar really high
378
00:37:56,232 --> 00:37:58,442
and then be critical
when it's not achieved".
379
00:37:58,526 --> 00:38:00,152
I think James struggled with that,
380
00:38:00,236 --> 00:38:02,655
because he was disorganized
a bit as a kid.
381
00:38:02,738 --> 00:38:06,117
I think, you know, he used
to play soccer and he was the goalie
382
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:09,245
and he'd watch the butterflies go over
and the ball would go by him sometimes.
383
00:38:09,328 --> 00:38:14,750
I mean, he-- He didn't focus on
the tasks in front of him
384
00:38:14,834 --> 00:38:20,131
in a way that Western society schools,
other things, require you to do
385
00:38:20,214 --> 00:38:22,758
to be successful by that criteria.
386
00:38:22,842 --> 00:38:28,681
And, I always thought he just
wasn't trying hard enough to do it.
387
00:38:29,181 --> 00:38:32,351
I was driving him into seeing the world
the way I saw the world
388
00:38:32,435 --> 00:38:36,063
and he wasn't willing or able
389
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:39,233
or interested in
seeing the world that way.
390
00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:48,200
He had an idea of how it should go,
how it is, how it will be.
391
00:38:48,534 --> 00:38:54,040
And I think I was,
I wasn't working in that-- in that idea.
392
00:38:54,665 --> 00:39:00,296
And instead of letting that idea bend,
I think I ended up breaking.
393
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:03,549
And, instead of looking somewhere else...
394
00:39:07,970 --> 00:39:09,221
You know, I--
395
00:39:10,723 --> 00:39:11,724
Instead of...
396
00:39:17,021 --> 00:39:20,232
Forgiveness is not something
you just logically understand
397
00:39:20,316 --> 00:39:21,275
and flip a switch.
398
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:23,361
You get hurt and it takes work
to come out of.
399
00:39:23,569 --> 00:39:25,696
But when that depression
and that hurt and that anger,
400
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,490
that whole fucking thing goes so deep
401
00:39:27,573 --> 00:39:30,576
that you can't even feel
your own body any more, man...
402
00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:33,371
I read books, I tried to understand
why this happened.
403
00:39:33,454 --> 00:39:37,166
I go. I go to therapy, I meditate,
I try to do good things,
404
00:39:37,249 --> 00:39:41,212
and I say, I tell my parents I love them,
I swallow it even when I don't want to.
405
00:39:41,462 --> 00:39:45,383
I do every single fucking thing!
Every single thing.
406
00:41:22,771 --> 00:41:25,149
[birds chirping]
407
00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:31,113
I heard back at Guillermo's that there is
408
00:41:31,197 --> 00:41:36,285
a Shipibo community
living deeper in the forest.
409
00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:39,497
And in that community, they have
410
00:41:39,997 --> 00:41:44,460
many shamans who still practice
without this business side of things,
411
00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:47,129
where they heal because it's a calling.
412
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:49,757
I'd be working with Pepe.
413
00:41:54,929 --> 00:41:57,932
[Pepe speaking foreign language]
I feel proud of my community.
414
00:41:58,140 --> 00:42:02,978
I was born here and my family lives here.
415
00:42:03,312 --> 00:42:06,690
People recognize me as a healer,
416
00:42:06,774 --> 00:42:10,027
I'm happy to try and heal people
from all their sufferings.
417
00:42:12,655 --> 00:42:16,659
When I started to diet to become a shaman,
I was also very sick.
418
00:42:16,951 --> 00:42:19,370
Then one night, the spirit
of ayahuasca visited me.
419
00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:24,124
She told me I would become a shaman.
420
00:42:30,214 --> 00:42:36,011
Until now we never trusted foreigners
421
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:39,974
because of fear.
422
00:42:41,267 --> 00:42:46,313
Now we open the doors of our community.
423
00:42:49,858 --> 00:42:52,236
We prepare the flower bath
424
00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:58,242
by extracting
the different medicinal plants.
425
00:42:58,409 --> 00:43:03,747
The energy of the plants penetrates
and affects the deepest cells of the body.
426
00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:08,002
It cleans it from anxiety,
tension or any bad energy.
427
00:43:45,164 --> 00:43:48,167
[James] According to them, this bath is...
428
00:43:49,543 --> 00:43:53,339
going to revitalize me
and clean me of bad energy.
429
00:43:53,422 --> 00:43:57,301
And provide nourishment
on some level to my nervous system.
430
00:44:00,346 --> 00:44:04,141
I've walked around
really thinking I know a lot,
431
00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:07,686
and if any of what they are saying
is true down here,
432
00:44:07,770 --> 00:44:09,813
then maybe I know really, really little.
433
00:44:12,483 --> 00:44:17,363
I'm just trying to keep an open mind
and not be judging any of this.
434
00:44:17,446 --> 00:44:20,199
And... I think there's
a part of me that maybe
435
00:44:20,282 --> 00:44:22,701
believes that that itself is healing.
436
00:44:42,596 --> 00:44:49,561
For me, James has good insight,
437
00:44:51,146 --> 00:44:53,816
he understands everything we talk about.
438
00:45:02,449 --> 00:45:04,410
[James] They're brewing ayahuasca today.
439
00:45:04,618 --> 00:45:09,498
I've been told by Pepe it's actually
the plants that approached them
440
00:45:09,915 --> 00:45:13,919
and communicated to them
how to make this brew.
441
00:45:36,191 --> 00:45:40,571
The fact that these two plants
in a jungle that has
442
00:45:40,863 --> 00:45:44,491
tens if not hundreds of thousands of
different species of plants
443
00:45:44,950 --> 00:45:48,328
have been selected
and put together is amazing.
444
00:46:25,407 --> 00:46:26,658
[whistles]
445
00:46:34,625 --> 00:46:38,295
[James] We head in to the Maloka,
which is the ceremonial space
446
00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:41,798
and we are presented
with a cup of ayahuasca
447
00:46:41,882 --> 00:46:46,887
and it is just
the foulest tasting thing I've ever had.
448
00:46:52,184 --> 00:46:55,312
The shamans have a pipe in hand,
which they light.
449
00:46:55,395 --> 00:46:58,524
And inside that pipe is tobacco,
called Mapacho.
450
00:47:04,530 --> 00:47:07,366
So then we wait for maybe a half an hour
451
00:47:07,449 --> 00:47:11,286
until we start to feel
the effects seeping in.
452
00:47:14,540 --> 00:47:18,335
[singing a tune]
453
00:47:31,974 --> 00:47:36,728
[singing in native language]
454
00:47:54,746 --> 00:47:59,001
So the shamans say that these Icaros,
these songs that they're singing
455
00:47:59,084 --> 00:48:02,588
have actually been taught to them
by the plants
456
00:48:02,879 --> 00:48:07,426
which they have dieted
in isolation drinking these plants.
457
00:48:07,676 --> 00:48:11,346
It's from them that
the source of the healing comes.
458
00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:16,059
And... the songs are the way
of transferring that healing.
459
00:48:37,122 --> 00:48:41,335
[rapid breathing]
460
00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:46,757
[singing]
461
00:49:18,330 --> 00:49:21,875
[breathing rapidly]
462
00:49:24,086 --> 00:49:28,131
[low groaning]
463
00:49:47,901 --> 00:49:52,489
[James] It felt like I was in a dream
and at moments was experiencing dread
464
00:49:52,739 --> 00:49:57,285
and in others, like I was feeling
uplifted and encouraged
465
00:49:57,369 --> 00:50:02,290
and if not well, then at least
on a journey to finding that.
466
00:50:14,803 --> 00:50:17,848
There's some life coming through me,
I think it's the plants.
467
00:50:18,223 --> 00:50:21,935
But also seeing how
the society down here works.
468
00:50:22,060 --> 00:50:25,188
How these Shipibo people raise their kids,
469
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:27,482
it doesn't seem that there's the same
amount of pressure
470
00:50:27,566 --> 00:50:29,818
to become something down here.
471
00:50:46,209 --> 00:50:49,588
I loved playing soccer as a kid.
Yeah, I was a goalkeeper.
472
00:50:50,005 --> 00:50:55,010
At some point, you know, I just thought
I was, like, too busy to play soccer.
473
00:50:55,093 --> 00:51:00,140
I didn't have time to play sports anymore.
I had to be working.
474
00:51:00,223 --> 00:51:02,309
You know, I had to be
doing something serious.
475
00:51:02,392 --> 00:51:04,686
And by the time I got to college,
476
00:51:04,770 --> 00:51:08,899
how does this relate to my getting
the best grades I possibly can? And, uh...
477
00:51:09,941 --> 00:51:13,111
and soccer unfortunately
didn't really fit in to that.
478
00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:19,034
[children shouting]
479
00:51:34,216 --> 00:51:36,593
Some of Guillermo's apprentices
480
00:51:36,676 --> 00:51:40,639
who've started
a non-government organization, an NGO,
481
00:51:40,764 --> 00:51:45,685
are coming to Santa Rosa de Dinamarca...
482
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:50,273
intending to start something
like a center down here.
483
00:51:54,277 --> 00:51:57,447
[Guillermo speaking in foreign language]
I will train the gringos
484
00:51:58,114 --> 00:52:04,287
in preparing medicinal plants
and become shamans.
485
00:52:20,136 --> 00:52:23,640
[James] It's strange to me
to see Guillermo after what happened
486
00:52:23,849 --> 00:52:28,144
at his center back outside
of Iquitos with the death...
487
00:52:29,271 --> 00:52:34,359
and to see him coming here,
carrying on business as usual.
488
00:52:36,987 --> 00:52:40,240
[Pepe speaking in native language]
Our grandfathers were people
489
00:52:40,490 --> 00:52:42,742
that worked
for the benefit of the community.
490
00:52:42,951 --> 00:52:49,082
Now that has changed
491
00:52:49,332 --> 00:52:54,588
because of the ayahuasca business.
492
00:52:55,338 --> 00:52:58,675
[James] Pepe is getting worried
that all of this
493
00:52:58,758 --> 00:53:02,512
is going to create
a very different atmosphere down here.
494
00:53:02,596 --> 00:53:04,389
And there's going to be jealousy,
495
00:53:04,472 --> 00:53:08,476
and the issues of money are
going to start affecting everyone here.
496
00:53:11,730 --> 00:53:13,899
[speaking in Spanish]
497
00:53:14,649 --> 00:53:19,738
[man] Thanks to the tourists,
we have the funds
498
00:53:19,821 --> 00:53:24,117
to see the whole community
prospering soon.
499
00:53:24,326 --> 00:53:29,247
[crowd applauds]
500
00:53:29,581 --> 00:53:33,001
[in English] The project of our NGO
is to cure the Shipibo people.
501
00:53:33,084 --> 00:53:36,713
And it's through the medicine
that we'll find a solution
502
00:53:36,796 --> 00:53:42,218
to educate people
and change their mentality.
503
00:53:45,722 --> 00:53:50,852
[James] All this business, everything
that's going on here around ayahuasca
504
00:53:50,936 --> 00:53:53,647
is very stressful to me.
505
00:53:56,316 --> 00:54:00,946
Your first diet
will be tobacco and your pipe.
506
00:54:02,197 --> 00:54:04,574
[James] The shamans have something
called a Dieta,
507
00:54:04,658 --> 00:54:10,914
which consists of living in isolation
and ingesting plants.
508
00:54:11,206 --> 00:54:13,750
I'm going to be starting
with Mapacho tobacco
509
00:54:13,833 --> 00:54:17,128
and eating only rice and fish.
510
00:54:17,462 --> 00:54:20,131
I'll be doing that
for the next four months,
511
00:54:20,298 --> 00:54:21,800
alone with my mind.
512
00:54:23,551 --> 00:54:24,928
[hissing]
513
00:54:25,387 --> 00:54:28,139
It's really hard sucking down tobacco.
514
00:54:28,223 --> 00:54:31,726
You're trying to get stuff out
and you're probably going to vomit.
515
00:54:35,689 --> 00:54:36,731
[groans]
516
00:54:37,983 --> 00:54:40,360
From the moment I vomited,
517
00:54:41,486 --> 00:54:43,196
it started to pour rain.
518
00:54:47,742 --> 00:54:52,956
These plants are extremely powerful.
519
00:55:02,465 --> 00:55:05,427
More fevers, more cramps,
sweat, nightmares.
520
00:55:07,637 --> 00:55:11,766
You know, there's not anyone around
right now, there's no speaking.
521
00:55:13,393 --> 00:55:17,897
You know, just you...
the sounds of the jungle...
522
00:55:19,357 --> 00:55:22,110
and the mental clock just tick,
523
00:55:22,986 --> 00:55:26,197
tick, tick, tick.
524
00:55:36,249 --> 00:55:41,463
Since I've been here, I've dieted five,
six plants, mucura, aioscha...
525
00:55:41,546 --> 00:55:45,133
[indistinct]
526
00:55:47,260 --> 00:55:48,553
It's hard work.
527
00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:58,521
There was this, like, feeling of a vacuum,
like a dark, nasty energy.
528
00:55:58,813 --> 00:56:00,523
It felt like I was having surgery.
529
00:56:08,323 --> 00:56:09,407
Oh, my God.
530
00:56:11,326 --> 00:56:13,787
I cannot describe
what just happened to me.
531
00:56:15,789 --> 00:56:17,499
The spirit of Chiric Sanango...
532
00:56:19,459 --> 00:56:21,044
came and visited me.
533
00:56:22,962 --> 00:56:26,049
Threw me on the bed,
went right in to my left side,
534
00:56:26,132 --> 00:56:28,009
ripping out stuff.
535
00:56:28,968 --> 00:56:33,807
Reprogramming my brain, sapping,
I was just powerless.
536
00:56:34,057 --> 00:56:35,100
Paralyzed.
537
00:56:36,392 --> 00:56:37,727
But I knew this was good.
538
00:56:41,689 --> 00:56:45,610
I don't have this, like, ambition,
this drive to prove myself,
539
00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:49,239
to prove that I'm intelligent,
to prove that I'm successful.
540
00:56:49,322 --> 00:56:53,034
I-- I don't have this, like,
inferiority complex anymore.
541
00:56:53,284 --> 00:56:59,916
I don't have this-- this anger towards,
you know, my father in particular.
542
00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:01,626
You know, it's just...
543
00:57:02,418 --> 00:57:08,883
it's just being all stripped and I have
no attachment to my previous way of life.
544
00:57:12,262 --> 00:57:16,349
I've just had, like,
the most horrifying nightmares.
545
00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:17,892
People I love dying...
546
00:57:18,351 --> 00:57:19,936
-No.
-...sick, killing each other.
547
00:57:21,855 --> 00:57:23,857
Speaking like a demonic language.
548
00:57:24,107 --> 00:57:27,068
[man speaking demonic language]
549
00:57:27,235 --> 00:57:30,613
And having, like,
an exorcism performed on me.
550
00:57:36,453 --> 00:57:39,080
And the plant just
makes me feel like hell.
551
00:57:39,789 --> 00:57:41,249
I hate it, but I love it.
552
00:57:41,624 --> 00:57:45,086
I don't know if it's the devil himself,
it might have been my soul.
553
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:48,673
Put it in to the back of my head.
554
00:57:56,681 --> 00:58:01,352
Um... I really don't know what this is
going to do, if this really could be it.
555
00:58:01,436 --> 00:58:06,274
I had a vision, like I said,
three... three days ago...
556
00:58:07,734 --> 00:58:11,154
where I was spoken to by presumably...
557
00:58:12,238 --> 00:58:17,494
Ayahuasca herself, and she told me that
I was going to be born again, and...
558
00:58:18,453 --> 00:58:21,581
that, uh... this is
a new life coming, and...
559
00:58:22,582 --> 00:58:28,254
I think, uh, really nervous about
the possibility of what might not happen.
560
00:58:28,546 --> 00:58:33,009
And, and, what could happen, and...
561
00:58:34,552 --> 00:58:37,639
'cause, you know, on the one hand,
there's no reason given,
562
00:58:37,722 --> 00:58:40,767
everything I've experienced out here,
these incredible visions
563
00:58:40,850 --> 00:58:44,854
experiences I've had in my room here,
in my bed, in ceremony,
564
00:58:44,938 --> 00:58:50,193
uh, to think that
this isn't going to do anything.
565
01:00:17,739 --> 01:00:21,326
[birds chirping]
566
01:00:31,419 --> 01:00:34,589
[buzzing]
567
01:02:04,429 --> 01:02:08,266
[indistinct calling]
568
01:02:29,162 --> 01:02:33,374
[faint singing]
569
01:02:48,890 --> 01:02:53,728
[continues singing]
570
01:03:12,121 --> 01:03:14,832
[in Spanish] How beautiful. Thank you.
571
01:03:14,916 --> 01:03:19,086
When you sing like this, it feels
572
01:03:19,170 --> 01:03:23,716
as if you are a plant, it's not human,
573
01:03:24,175 --> 01:03:28,137
it's a very different sound.
574
01:03:28,304 --> 01:03:32,725
You have listened to me,
now I wish to hear you sing.
575
01:03:32,809 --> 01:03:33,810
No-- OK.
576
01:03:36,062 --> 01:03:39,816
[whistling a tune]
577
01:03:45,905 --> 01:03:49,992
♪ My brother where do you intend
To go tonight? ♪
578
01:03:50,076 --> 01:03:54,539
♪ I heard that you missed
Your connecting flight ♪
579
01:03:54,872 --> 01:04:01,420
♪ Through the blue ridge mountains
Over near Tennessee ♪
580
01:04:02,129 --> 01:04:05,216
[resumes whistling]
581
01:04:06,300 --> 01:04:10,638
♪ You're ever welcome brother
Anytime you like ♪
582
01:04:10,721 --> 01:04:13,516
♪ We'll drive to the countryside ♪
583
01:04:13,599 --> 01:04:17,144
♪ Leave behind some
Green-eyed look-a-like ♪
584
01:04:18,271 --> 01:04:22,400
♪ So no one gets worried no one ♪
585
01:04:24,026 --> 01:04:28,865
♪ But Sean don't get callous ♪
586
01:04:29,156 --> 01:04:32,660
♪ I'm sure it'll be fine ♪
587
01:04:34,161 --> 01:04:39,333
♪ I love you I love you ♪
588
01:04:39,417 --> 01:04:43,087
♪ Oh brother of mine ♪
589
01:05:08,070 --> 01:05:11,073
[indistinct conversation]
590
01:06:26,107 --> 01:06:29,360
[low friendly growls]
591
01:06:32,947 --> 01:06:37,952
[James] I feel like Pepe is just here
to help people, and heal people.
592
01:06:38,119 --> 01:06:42,707
And there's no image
he's trying to cultivate or project.
593
01:06:42,957 --> 01:06:46,002
And there's something very real about him.
594
01:06:48,546 --> 01:06:51,674
[crow cawing]
595
01:06:51,966 --> 01:06:54,677
[water gurgling]
596
01:06:57,430 --> 01:06:59,807
[thunder crashes]
597
01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:22,038
Yesterday, they threw
Pepe out of the village.
598
01:07:22,121 --> 01:07:24,665
I don't even know where he is,
if he's in Pucallpa now
599
01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:28,127
but he's no longer here in Dinamarca.
600
01:07:28,961 --> 01:07:34,050
I heard it was money issues
between the NGO and the shamans.
601
01:07:34,592 --> 01:07:38,763
There's a lot of hype and fanaticism
and fanfare surrounding this whole project
602
01:07:38,846 --> 01:07:41,474
that's going on down here, but, uh...
603
01:07:41,557 --> 01:07:44,643
I think there's something very naive
604
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:48,689
and something not quite right, either.
605
01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:01,994
[in foreign language]
The NGO accused me of conducting
606
01:08:02,078 --> 01:08:07,124
private ceremonies for the tourists,
607
01:08:07,374 --> 01:08:11,504
they said I need to leave my village.
608
01:08:54,004 --> 01:08:57,424
[chopping]
609
01:09:12,565 --> 01:09:15,276
[James] I'm becoming much stronger
610
01:09:15,359 --> 01:09:21,240
and in a way that I didn't even believe
was possible or necessary.
611
01:09:21,532 --> 01:09:22,867
And it's amazing.
612
01:09:42,595 --> 01:09:45,222
I've been told by someone in the village
613
01:09:45,306 --> 01:09:49,310
that Pepe was going to be back
after a couple of weeks.
614
01:09:49,602 --> 01:09:53,606
It's been at least that long
and I've heard nothing.
615
01:09:53,689 --> 01:09:57,026
He was humble and he was kind
and invested in my care,
616
01:09:57,318 --> 01:10:00,279
and to have him be dismissed is--
617
01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:04,450
I just don't understand
how something like this happens.
618
01:10:17,838 --> 01:10:20,799
I feel like we've switched positions,
619
01:10:20,883 --> 01:10:27,306
we've... traded places, and yet as long as
I can pay that I get to stay.
620
01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:31,602
And it just doesn't make sense to me.
621
01:10:31,769 --> 01:10:35,022
And I feel quite alone
all of a sudden here.
622
01:10:57,670 --> 01:11:01,548
[Pepe] As a teacher I think it's horrible
623
01:11:02,591 --> 01:11:07,137
that they treat our medicine as if
624
01:11:07,221 --> 01:11:10,516
you were prostituting yourself.
625
01:11:15,479 --> 01:11:16,522
[machine beeps]
626
01:11:18,023 --> 01:11:19,400
I am the Shaman.
627
01:11:32,955 --> 01:11:38,043
Ayahuasca too is better, Ayahuasca.
The Ayahuasca is better, my friend.
628
01:11:38,460 --> 01:11:42,965
Little by little, the essence
of the plants is being lost.
629
01:11:56,770 --> 01:11:58,856
[James] My time in Peru is over.
630
01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:06,905
No one knows where Pepe is.
I don't get to say goodbye.
631
01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:08,657
I feel sad about it.
632
01:12:09,450 --> 01:12:13,037
I'm grateful that I can feel the sadness.
633
01:12:13,329 --> 01:12:17,082
I wish he knew how highly I think of him.
634
01:12:24,923 --> 01:12:27,676
Pepe is the last shaman I'll work with.
635
01:13:04,755 --> 01:13:05,798
[indistinct]
636
01:13:28,112 --> 01:13:31,448
[man] I now understand what James
was suffering from.
637
01:13:31,824 --> 01:13:35,494
His sense of loneliness and desperation,
the feeling of being dead inside.
638
01:13:43,377 --> 01:13:48,632
James could have become a great Shaman.
639
01:13:51,176 --> 01:13:53,429
[James] I think a shaman
is someone who looks...
640
01:13:54,513 --> 01:13:59,143
at the world and doesn't see...
matter devoid of spirit.
641
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:02,146
He sees life in everything,
642
01:14:02,229 --> 01:14:05,816
he sees an intelligence that
weaves its way through our body,
643
01:14:05,899 --> 01:14:07,901
through the rocks, through the trees,
644
01:14:07,985 --> 01:14:10,279
through the sky,
through the entire cosmos.
645
01:14:11,238 --> 01:14:14,158
And it's an intelligence that
is far greater than anything
646
01:14:14,241 --> 01:14:17,369
man can understand or comprehend.
647
01:14:26,420 --> 01:14:29,006
I'll have to go home and integrate
what I've learned here
648
01:14:29,089 --> 01:14:32,009
to make amends
with the places I come from.
649
01:14:34,344 --> 01:14:38,265
I'm not here to rule the world.
I'm not here to be somebody big.
650
01:14:38,557 --> 01:14:41,852
I'm here to be a very small part
of something much larger than myself,
651
01:14:41,935 --> 01:14:44,021
and that's extremely liberating.
652
01:14:48,692 --> 01:14:49,735
I had found...
653
01:14:51,069 --> 01:14:53,113
a place of peace inside
654
01:14:53,363 --> 01:14:58,535
that I think the longer I can learn to
live in that center of peace,
655
01:14:58,911 --> 01:15:01,955
I believe everything else
is going to come back.
656
01:15:34,363 --> 01:15:38,283
I had to stop reacting and responding
to their programming, their mind.
657
01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:41,912
You know, their plan for James,
because that was not working.
658
01:15:42,412 --> 01:15:44,540
But what kept me going was their hearts.
659
01:15:44,706 --> 01:15:48,460
Because I knew it would destroy them,
and that they really did care about me.
660
01:15:54,007 --> 01:15:57,970
[Sherry] The greatest thing
I've taken from James's journey
661
01:15:58,053 --> 01:16:02,975
is to be really proud of his courage...
662
01:16:03,642 --> 01:16:07,396
to do something that was such an unknown
663
01:16:07,563 --> 01:16:13,735
and was potentially incredibly dangerous
and just sticking to his guns.
664
01:16:15,320 --> 01:16:17,489
[James] I don't think ayahuasca
is to be worshiped.
665
01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:22,077
I don't think ayahuasca gives you anything
that you don't already have in yourself.
666
01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:25,455
And that was a message given to me
from the plant spirits.
667
01:16:25,664 --> 01:16:30,419
That I hold the key in myself
668
01:16:31,295 --> 01:16:34,548
to whatever it is
I need to do in order to get well.
669
01:16:38,260 --> 01:16:41,388
I'm doing OK.
Yeah, I'm doing all right. Still alive.
670
01:16:42,180 --> 01:16:44,016
That's all we could ask for, huh?
671
01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:49,271
Didn't think it was going to happen,
but here we are.
672
01:16:50,480 --> 01:16:53,108
Still in the woods,
can't get out of the woods.
673
01:16:55,444 --> 01:16:56,528
We're tryin'.
674
01:17:03,827 --> 01:17:05,412
[Dr. Mason] I think we all wish
675
01:17:05,495 --> 01:17:08,123
we'd had better, closer relationships
with our own fathers.
676
01:17:08,206 --> 01:17:09,875
I think most men feel that way.
677
01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:12,336
I don't feel he's ready to do that.
678
01:17:12,753 --> 01:17:15,172
On the other hand,
he called me up on Father's Day
679
01:17:15,255 --> 01:17:16,632
and he came home for the weekend
680
01:17:16,715 --> 01:17:18,717
and we talked for an
hour and a half on the back porch
681
01:17:18,800 --> 01:17:21,511
and he talked about the people
around him and what he did
682
01:17:21,595 --> 01:17:26,016
and that was the best conversation
we've ever had, ever, I mean...
683
01:17:27,643 --> 01:17:28,602
you know.
684
01:17:32,981 --> 01:17:36,193
I just wish his journey
hadn't been so hard on him.
685
01:17:36,610 --> 01:17:38,403
You know, I-- he's--
686
01:17:38,487 --> 01:17:41,239
an absolutely spectacular human being.
687
01:17:57,297 --> 01:17:59,675
[James] Though I wasn't necessarily cured,
688
01:17:59,841 --> 01:18:03,512
I feel like I came back
with a will to live.
689
01:18:07,599 --> 01:18:09,643
One day maybe move towards medicine
690
01:18:09,726 --> 01:18:13,105
and try to contribute in any way possible
to helping other people
691
01:18:13,188 --> 01:18:16,983
who have found their self
in a similar position as my own.
692
01:18:21,822 --> 01:18:24,449
I'm just taking it a day at a time.
693
01:18:37,295 --> 01:18:39,923
[man singing in foreign language]
55875
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