All language subtitles for Greys.Anatomy.S18E12.720p.WEB.H264-PECULATE[eztv.re]

Meredith: Our genes, which we
inherit from our parents,

determine who we are
biologically.

Just a heads-up --
the owner of the cabin

has a very strict
no-phones policy,

except in emergencies.

I wouldn't want
to upset the owner.

No, you wouldn't. Right?

Wow.

It's more amazing
than you described.

Well, the porch railing's
a little loose,

and, you know, bears.

But they're not inside,
so...

Okay. Hmm.

Our blueprint.

Sorry, it's just
one last e-mail to Amelia

about the FDA.

And then you'll be done
changing the world?
Yes.

Done.

Ready?
Yeah.

Let's go.

Man over PA:
Paging Dr. Hamilton

to the Grey Center.

Dr. Hamilton
to the Grey Center.

Meredith: Everything from
our eye color to our height.

Even our laugh.

But, also, our diseases.

Did I miss
the party invite?

A very expensive
experiment succeeded,

which means more money,
more people.

More toys.
Is this a new 3D b--

Don't.
I know.
Don't touch it.

Did you see
Meredith's notes?

She said we could
finish the report.

Asthma, diabetes, cancers.

And be done with all this?

But who you are at your core
goes way beyond genes.

98, 99, 100!

Ready or not, here I come.So, the sun
is actually white?

Yeah. Weird, huh?
Yeah.

And it's not even
the biggest star.Is that true, Aunt Maggie?

Huh?

I'm so sorry.
What was it?

What -- Ask me again.

Well, I think you should
go lay down.

No. No.

I took the flu medication.

I'm gonna rally,

and I'm gonna help
with the kids.

Well, you know I used to be
a camp counselor, right?

I know CPR, and I've seen
every Marvel movie.

And, you know,
the whole surgeon thing.

It's just it requires
a different kind of training.

I'll be fine.

Let's just get you
upstairs and --

I can't find Ellis.

Oh, God.

Yeah, okay.
Here we go.

Here we go.

You're rewriting your report
in your head, aren't you?

I am still stuck on the part
where we explained

why we chose to break up
the injection into four parts.

Mm.

When you work
on something like that,

it invades your thoughts.

It i-invades your dreams,
everything.

It's weird.

Two weeks ago,
I wrote out

a cellular calculation
on Zola's homework.

Well, think how smart
she looked.

It was a history
assignment.
Oh.

About 15 years ago,

I got involved in a study
on liver transplants

with HIV-positive donors
and recipients,

and it was a lot
of ups and downs

and flying
all over the country.

And I wanted to be able
to turn my brain off

every once in a while,
so...cabin.

It was the first big purchase
I made just for me.

Did it work,
to shut your brain off?

The first few times
I came up here,

I got a little stir crazy.

Because there were
no lives to save.Not a single one.

So, I had to settle
into the calm.

Oh. What's that like?

Takes some getting used to.

You're not very good
at this, are you?

No.

Come here.

I think we need to re-work
the way we tackle

David's bowel obstruction.

It reads like he was
intentionally trying to hide it.Didn't he?

Maybe, but he's already been
accused of pay-to-play.

Putting entire
responsibility on him

would further
discredit him,

just as he's looking
to widen the project.

So we should
take the blame?

I didn't say that, either.

Hamilton's
primary care physician

had examined
and cleared him,

and he reported feeling fine
that morning.

Patients with Parkinson's
are at risk

for other
health conditions.

Maybe we could have done more
on our end.

Hamilton almost cost us
that entire surgery.

Why would we lie?
We're not.

But the goal is to further
Parkinson's research.

Do you have to do that?

Walk?
Pace.

Fine, okay --
an argument could be made

that due to the extreme
motivation of patients

who are seeking
this experimental surgery,

it requires more in-depth
history and physical pre-op.

Right, okay.
Let's frame it like that.

Thorough history-taking
and rigorous testing

should be considered
before performing the surgery

moving forward.

Yeah, it doesn't
point fingers,

and it focuses on outcomes.

And it provides value
to future surgeries.

Mm-hmm.

Pacing works.

So, are we ready
to submit this?

I think we are.

Okay, we are...

done.

We are.

My flight doesn't leave
until tomorrow morning.

Or I could change it...

to today.

Or you could stay.

You wanna come to a show?

What the --
Uncle Nick!

Charlotte! What --
What are you doing here?

Clearly,
we had the same idea.

Can you give me a minute?

Just a minute.

Sorry.

Ellis!
Ellis?

Where is that girl?

Well, she's not
in the bathroom.

Ugh, God.
Are you okay?

My sinuses have just turned
into a vise around my brain.

Hey, doesn't she love
to hide in her closet?

I checked.
She's not there.Ellis!

How am I gonna tell Meredith
I lost one of her kids?

We didn't lose her --
we just don't know where she is.

Ellis!

I can just hear
Meredith now.

"I always knew
it was gonna be you."

I found her!Oop.

Mm. Mm.

Here I come.

Are you okay?

Did I win?

Yeah, you sure did.

Let's play again.No, let's not.

Why don't you two go get
a juice box, all right?

And I'll be right there
in a second.

Ugh...

Hey, let me handle it.Mm.

All right? You rest.

Look how level-headed I was
during all that.

What is this?

Oh, this looks like
some of Ellis' old stuff.

I thought Meredith had all
of this stuff put in storage.

Can I keep this?

I don't see why not.

I mean,
we can ask your mom.

Wow.

Wow.

Is this for you,
Aunt Maggie?

Hi.
Charlotte:
Hey.

Okay, let's try this again.

Uh, Meredith,
this is my niece, Charlotte.

Charlotte, this is
Dr. Meredith Grey.Hi, Charlotte.

It's really nice
to meet you.

He talks about you
all the time.

Aww.
Wait, Dr.Grey?

As in the -- the surgeon
that saved your kidney?

Life.
But, yes, same one.

You forgot to mention
that she's your girlfriend.

Well, I wanted to properly
introduce you two.

Well, that was definitely
an introduction.

And, um, are you supposed

to be dating your patients?

He's not my patient anymore,
so it's fine.

Who's this?Oh, uh, this is Silver.

Silver? Okay.
Nice to meet you.

You guys, uh, friends,
or...

More like soul mates."Soul mates"?

It's like we've known
each other lifetimes.

Eras.

Long time.

Pretty far away from school.

You know, mid-terms.

I'm starving.

I saw steak.I can eat.

Let's eat.
Let's eat.

Are you gonna open it?

Well, it could be
for another Margaret.

You know,
after my mom died...

there was a fire
in my grandmother's house,

and it burned up
a good part of it,

including the bedroom
where my brother and I kept

a lot of our stuff
in storage.

I lost a lot
of pictures and books,

and I lost
the last birthday card

my mom had given me.

I was devastated.

And to this day,
I still dream about...

seeing her handwriting again.

You don't even
have to read it,

but it's nice
that you have it.

Do you want a soda?

A water?

I would love
a ginger ale.

Can I get a ginger ale
and Coke, please?

I spent a lot of time
in places like this

when I was younger.

What was that Amelia like?Lucky to have survived.

High most of the time.

Doing things she could not
remember the next day.

Probably still brilliant.They call it high-functioning.

Well, this Amelia
just helped a million patients

get one step closer to a cure
for their horrible disease.

To the one
who drilled the holes.

To us.

Are you okay?
Yeah.

Not exactly the night
I had planned,

but I'm still gonna make you
the perfect steak.

If Silver doesn't
eat it first.

Yes, that is true.

A little more cheese
would go a long way.

So, Silver.Silver: Hmm?

Cool name.Yeah.

Real cool.It feels like who I am

in this moment, you know?

Bright, but overlooked.

When I first met Silver,
his name was actually Oak,

but he's much more
of a Silver now.

I'm sorry --
Silver's not your real name?

Oh, it is -- for now.
Yeah.

Uh, we're always
evolving, you know?

So, I change my name
each time I feel

like a different person.Huh.

Is that often?No more than
the next person.

Mmm.

Mmm, that's good.

A little salty.

Where did you two meet?

In the woods.

Charlotte participated in one
of my micro-dosing experiences.

Drugs?Psilocybin.

So, 'shrooms?
Calm down.

Real low doses.
You don't even feel it.

As I understand it,
micro-dosing therapy

is for people
with, uh, anxiety,

depression,
substance abuse issues.

Does that describe you,
Charlotte?

We use it to get in touch
with our shadow selves --

the parts of us that
we're ashamed and scared of.

Not what it's for.
Meredith?

Yeah?Uh, micro-dosing therapy --

know anything about it?
I...

have read some
of the science, sure.
Mm-hmm.

I'm not sure I'm as educated
on it as Silver is.

So, are you guys in some
of the same classes, or...?Nope.

Uh, are we ready to eat?Silver: I'm not really
a college type of guy.

I'm more of a student of life.

So, as a student of life,
what do you do?

We can learn a lot more
from traveling the world

than sitting in a classroom.

Okay, we're definitely
ready to eat.

Mm.

We plan to really
study everything around us

in Costa Rica.

Nick: I'm sorry.
"Costa Rica"?

Are you guys planning a trip
after the semester's over?

In two weeks.Is this some sort
of study abroad?

Why pay tuition when you can
just go for a few months?

I was gonna tell you.Tell me what?

I'm leaving school.

Ellis: I have to admit
that letter writing

is my preferred form
of communication.

You're able to say
what you need to say

without rude interruption
or interference.

"There are things I should
probably say to you, Margaret,

and there's no time
like the present.

My recent diagnosis
has forced me

to think about
my own mortality.

The past."

"And mistakes."

"You know, I think I got
my desire to take care of people

from my mother."I can't believe it's you.

"She was the quintessential
housewife."

"And everything,
down to the pleats

in my A-line skirt,
had to be perfect.

But that wasn't
enough for my father.

He slept with all
of his secretaries.

Even the married ones.

My mother hated it, but clearly
not enough to say a word.

But I swore I'd never become
someone's doormat."

I would never have taken you
as the doormat type.

I wasn't.

Who are you?

This letter
is for my daughter.

It's -- It's --
I'm -- I'm -- I'm Maggie.

Margaret.
Your daughter.

I-I am
one of your daughters.

Hmm.

Where was I?

"I swore I'd never follow
my mother's example.

Well, that was short-lived.

I ended up as
Richard Webber's doormat.

Oh, how I loved that man.

Even the part of him
that was married,

because that meant I could
never end up like my mother..."

Don't hover over me!

Y-You're distracting me.

I'm sorry, I --

I'm s-- Please.

Don't go.

Please, just keep reading.

Hey. Hey, you two. Hey.
Why don't you come sit down...Give it back!

...so that we can play
"Connect Four"?Give me the bear!

No!
Give me the bear!And we can be real quiet

so that your Aunt Maggie
can get some sleep, okay?No, he's mine!

Give me it!I'll teach you my game strategy
if you come sit down.

Always choose yellow...Bailey: Give it back!

...if you want to win.

Aren't you tired yet?

Whew.

Were you scared
when your mom died?

Um...

Yeah, I'm -- I-I was.

I was -- I-I was
a lot of things.

I was scared when I thought
my mom was dying.

Yeah, I was, too.

But thankfully,
she's here now.

She's okay.

Yeah, but I'm...

still scared.

Yeah, I understand that.
But you know what?

I think all we can do...

is try to take advantage
of the time we have now

with the people we love.Bailey:
It's mine! It's mine!

-Give me it!
-It's mine! Stop!

Bailey: Ow!

Winston:
Oh. Uh-oh, okay.Zola: Oh, God.

What happened?
What, what, what, what, what?

What happened?
What happened?

Oh.Oh, are you okay?

Ooh, okay.

Ow.

Charlotte:
I swear,

I was gonna tell you.

When?
Soon?

I knew you
were gonna do this.

I knew you were gonna be you
and freak out.

I'm sorry. How am I supposed
to react to the news

you're dropping out
of college?

I'm taking time off.

Charlotte, you have
two years left.

I want to travel now.

You finish,
then you travel the world.

That's how it works.The world really is
the best classroom.

Dude. Please?

He's not entirely wrong.

Are you serious?Will you just listen?

Silver and I want
to elevate ourselves,

and Costa Rica's
all about wellness --

I'm planning some sweet
meditation workshops.

Man, you've got
to stop talking.

We're gonna stay in an eco-lodge
and be surrounded by nature.

Are you hearing yourself,
or am I the only one that thinks

this sounds ridiculous?

Please, help me out here.

Wow, thank you.
You know what?

It's not your decision
to make.How you gonna pay for it?

I have money saved,
and we're gonna make some more

with Silver's...workshops.

They're pay-what-you-can.That sounds about right.

So, what happens
when you change your mind

about the eco-lodge
and your soul mate?

You know, when Silver here
turns to Bronze.

You're gonna be stuck
in Costa Rica with no money.

Who you gonna call
then, huh?

Not you.

I'm the only one
you cancall!

I think this steak's Wagyu.

An afterlife? Really?You seem surprised.

'Cause you're
a neuroscientist.

Who doesn't believe
this is all there is.

I think that this life
is part of one long journey.

I don't think I want
to keep living life after life.

It sounds exhausting.

Well, I'd like to think
we do better each time.

So, the next one
will be decent?

Exactly.

So, to temper
your expectations...

the band is okay.

The vibe is good.

I would listen
to bad karaoke right now.

Can you watch my Coke?Mm-hmm.

All right, guys.

I used to be Charlotte.

I had pink hair,
traveled all over Europe.

I had soul mates
that were fun.

That supposed to make me
feel better?
Maybe.

I'm just saying,
things worked out okay for me.

When I thought I was dying,
what did I ask you

to do for Charlotte?

To make sure
she got an education.

That's right.

Then you should know this isn't
really up for discussion.

Because of your sister?I'm not gonna talk about
my sister right now.

If you keep trying
to control her, you...

you will lose her.

You have to find a way
to let her be who she is.

That's the one thing I do know
about being a 20-year-old woman.

It's hard. I get it.

No, you do not get it.

You had a mother
who was a surgical genius.

She had a woman
who couldn't recognize her

9 times out of 10.

She's genetically programmed
to make huge mistakes,

and I've spent
the last 10 years trying

to make sure that
that does not happen.

So, no, you do not get it.

She pushed me
into the fireplace.

Ellis!
He pushed me first!

He's my bear.No, it's mine!

No, give me it! Stop!Give me! Ah!

Hey, we want Aunt Maggie
to stay asleep

so she doesn't see the blood
on the carpet, okay?

How much blood is there?Barely any.

And I told you
not to run in the house.

You always run
in the house.

You know what?

We are gonna play
emergency room.

Is that a game?Yeah.

It's an exciting one, too.

Can I play?You're our patient.

And, Zola,
you're my resident,

so you will assist me
with the surgery.

Will you prepare
the antiseptic?
Mm-hmm.

Surgery?It's like a play surgery.

You know, like, pretend.
It's make-believe.

It'll be fun.
Here you go.

Thank you,
Dr. Grey-Shepherd.

You're welcome,
Dr. Ndugu.

We're going to
clean the cut first,

and then
we're going to apply gauze

to protect the skin
and help with healing.

"I used to be
so unsure of myself.

I constantly listened
to everyone else --

advisors, attendings,
even other residents --

but I never listened
to the voice inside.

To what I wanted."
Is that why
you gave me up?

"I didn't even want to go
into general surgery initially.

I wanted to do cardio,
but I talked myself out of it.

I forced myself out of it."

You wanted to go
into cardio?

"I would have been
extraordinary."

I amextraordinary!

I went into cardio.

Ellis, is that
because of you?

How should I know?

Because...

I a-am your daughter.

I...

Please, look at me!
Please!

Please! See me! Please!

"Regrets are useless,
though.

They make you weak.

Always pining for something
out of your control.

That's why I became
a remarkable surgeon --

because I never let
the inconsequential

get in my way."

I was inconsequential?

Margaret, would you stop
interrupting?

Your sister's kids
are cute.
Kai: Yeah,
they're adorable.

PB&J?

Yeah!

Did you ever feel
the kid and marriage pressure?

Mm, my grandmother guilts me
every Thanksgiving.

She's not getting
any younger.

Mm.

So, plants?

Yeah, mm-hmm.

This is Ringo.

Makes sense.

And this is Janis.

-Mm-hmm.
-Mm-hmm.

And that is Tina.

I actually love kids.

So much that
I don't want any.

Being a parent is hard,
as you know.

Don't touch.

You are responsible

for another person's
everything.

Shaping their perspective
and worldview.

Trying to keep them alive

and help them be
a decent human being.

All the while,
figuring out your own stuff.

Well, yeah.

But there's a lot of love

that kind of comes in
to balance all of that.

I love.

I love my plants.

Oh, hi.
Oh, sorry.

I thought Silver
was in here.

No, he went outside,
I think.

He said something
about needing a "pipe."

Um, look,
I know we just met,

but, uh, would you mind
talking to my uncle for me?

Since you've probably got
some sway with him right now.

Charlotte, you remind me
so much of myself.

Except you're a lot braver
than I was.

I thought I was rebelling
against my mother.

In actuality,
I was doing

exactly
what she wanted me to do.

I'm not rebelling.

Are you sure?
Yes.

Yeah, I'm sure.

I just --
I don't know.

I want something new,
different.

Change.

Yeah.
Yeah.

The last two years
were not what I expected,

and I've been thinking
about, you know,

the way
I want to live my life,

and maybe it's not
like other people

or like how my uncle
wants me to.

You know he means well.

He is so worried
about me becoming my mother

that he doesn't see, you know,
who I'm actually becoming.

Very hard to live outside
the shadow of your parents.

Yeah, well,
he's making it harder.

It's always been his way
or no way.

You'll see that --
eventually.

Will you talk to him?

You can.

You can.

"I stopped doing what was
expected of me after Richard.

I started doing what was best
for me, and only me."

Now, I'm not judging you
for giving me up.

I just feel like
you're ashamed of me.

I'm the child of an affair

with a married man
who didn't choose you.

Tell me I'm wrong.

"The first time
I met Bill and Diane,

I was so nervous
that they would judge me.

But it was
nothing like that.

They we really kind,
loving, hardworking people

who really wanted a child."

You chose my parents?

"I knew you were going to be
in good hands.

They were my first choice.

I just knew."

"They asked if I wanted
the occasional update

about how you were doing."

They did?"Of course, I declined."

You declined?
Hmm.

I'm not a dinner
invitation, Ellis.

You declined?

You weren't the least bit
curious about me?

You're the one who thinks
that everything you touch

is extraordinary.

Didn't want to see
if I fit the bill?

No, no, no.
Look at me, Ellis.

You don't get to
avoid me now.

Look at me!What do you want me to say?!

That I wish
it was different?

That I wish that you
and Meredith and me and Richard

could have been
one big, happy family?

Well, that was
a childish fantasy.

It was never gonna happen!

I -- I'm here.

Living every day in the shadow
of the great Ellis Grey.

Her living and breathing
and walking and talking mistake,

the one who wasn't
good enough to be approved.

You don't know
how hard it was for me.

But I picked up the pieces,
and I moved on.

And I did it --
on my own.

And I spent every day

wondering why
I wasn't worthy.

Didn't you ever think about
how I might feel?

I made a decision,
and I stood by it.

That decision not to see you
I do not regret one bit.

That decision
I am proud of!

Baby, hey.

What happened?
What's going on?

Are you okay?

That woman --

She's awful. She --

She was exactly

how Meredith
described her.

I don't think I'm gonna
finish the letter.

Then don't.

And know that...

whatever it says
does not change

the amazing person
that you are.

I know.

Okay.

I just wish I didn't
need her to know that.

Come here.

Finishing school is gonna
give you more options.

It's something
most people do not have.

Most people --
You're talking about Mom?
Yes.

Your mom could have had options,
but she threw them all away.

She made the same mistake
over and over and over again.

I know. I was there.Then act like it!

I'm not her!

Oh, my --Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Please, stop.

Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop.
No, no.

Stop, stop, stop.
I-I-I --

Look, I just want
what's best for you, okay?

Based on what youwant,
not what I want.

No, based on a lot
of life experience.

You know, most people
aren't like you.

Not everyone wakes up one day
and immediately knows

what they want to do.

I need to figure
some stuff out by myself.

Why can't that be okay?

I just...

I don't want you
to have to struggle.

Will you give yourself
some more credit?

Have you ever had
to bail me out of jail?

Or, like, pick me up
off the side of the road?

Or -- I don't know,
take pills out of my hand?

No.
Because you did your job.

I'm okay,
and it's because of you

that I can even think
about traveling the world.

I will go back to school.
I promise.

Charlotte: I'll make sure
that I have options.

But in order
for me to do that,

you have to stop trying
to dictate my every move.

You have to let me mess up

and, like, change my mind
a few times.

And if I do drugs... Charlotte.

...they will be
plant-based, okay?

So calm down.

Ellis:
"I do have one regret."

Please, go.

"I do wish that you
and Meredith could have met.

She could have used a sister.

She's so much like me.

Stubborn, singular-focused.

I have a feeling you would have
been a good influence on her."

True sisters.

We are.

I wasn't the best mother
to Meredith.

I had high expectations

which she couldn't
always reach.

But I did my best
with you,

by giving you away.

I knew you would be better off
with Bill and Diane.

I was.

Hey, my baby.

Mom!

Okay.

Amelia: When did you get
into music?

A few years ago.
Really?

You looked like you'd been
playing since you were a kid.

It started
as a dare, actually.

My friend took me
to an Open Mic Night,

certain it would cure
my hatred of public speaking.

Didn't work.

Clearly.

No, still hate it,
but performing is different.

It's like this deep
part of myself

that doesn't get
to come out often...

gets to be a rock star.

You're real carefree
on stage.

I am.

And self-assured.

Just when I feel like
I'm figuring my stuff out...

...life lifes.

Why do you pretend like
you're not a rock star yourself?

Thank you
for flattering me.

No, I-I'm wondering.

Why do you self-deprecate?

You're more than that.

I don't know.

I guess...

it's kind of become
my shield of armor.

Protection.

From what?

From fully loving
every part of me.

'Cause if I do, then...

I deserve a love
that does the same.

It took me a long time
to embrace all of who I am.

So, outside love
is like icing.

I don't even think
I know all of who I am.

Well, I'm excited to get to know
all of who you are.

Me, too.

You sure you two
don't wanna come?

Should be a sick
full moon ceremony.

Meredith?
Sick full moon?

I'm good.
We'll pass.

It was nice meeting you.

I'm glad my uncle has
someone else to worry about.

Have a great time
in Costa Rica.

We will.

So, next weekend, yes?Yes, yes, yes.

I will come, and I'll give you
all the deets about our trip.

You know, coordinates, flights,
the trees I'll be touching.

Okay. Goodbye.

I'm sorry our weekend
got ruined.

No, these are our lives.

There's no need
to apologize for them.

I'm not used to help.

Someone else's opinion.

Well, if you know
anything about me,

you'll have to
get used to it.

Well, yeah,
that's not easy for me.

I mean, how would you feel
if I was trying

to give you help
when it comes to your sisters?

I wouldn't like it,

and I would tell you
you were wrong.

Well, then, we'regonna
have to get used to it.

Charlotte's a great girl.

You did a really good job.

The weird thing is,

is I don't want her
to end up like me, either.

So rigid one day,
she wakes up

and wants to rethink
everything.

Is that what you're doing?

I chose a career where saving
one life means losing another,

and every case feels harder
than the last.

Are you thinking
about quitting?

No.

I don't know.

I don't -- I don't know.

You know, Hamilton thinks that
I took the Parkinson's project

because I'm really trying
to cure Alzheimer's.

Is that true?
I don't know.

But I also don't know
if I can just go back

to Grey-Sloan and be
Chief of General anymore.

You know, I think today,
you saw that I'm not the, um --

I'm not the most, uh...

Patient?

Yeah, that's it.

Who is patient when it comes
to their family?

Not me.

I also have a temper.

You have a temper?Yeah.

Well, I don't believe it.

I threw a retractor once.
Yeah.

About eight years ago,
after losing a patient, I --

I didn't hit anymore,
but I-I think about it

about once a day.

I also have a very hard time
trusting people.

And if you sell insurance
or you don't like dogs,

you're dead to me.

Well, agreed on that.

When I'm falling in love,
I-I-I --

I mean, it scares me

because I've done it
very rarely in my life.

When you're falling
in love?

Winston: There you go!Thank you.

Is Aunt Maggie okay?

Yeah.

She's all right.

Are you okay?

Do you think my birth mother
thinks about me?

Do you think about her?

I wonder about her,
but I feel bad about it.

I don't want to make
my mom sad.

I think it's normal
to wonder where we came from

and why we are
the way we are.

And we can --

we can have
different feelings about it.

Growing up, I didn't like
being around my dad

because of some
of the decisions he made.

But my mom --

she was my hero.

So's mine.

I can't.
Why not?

Because I'm a mom.

...I miss my son
with every cell of my body.

And I hope that part of me
doesn't scare you away,

because it is a part of me
that I truly, deeply love.

Meredith:
Who you really are

is the result
of many, many things.

How you deal with fear.

Who you surround yourself with.

I can't believe
she wrote this.

It doesn't even
seem like her.

It's not like
she mailed it.

She could have forgotten
she wrote it.

I don't know.

I used to feel like
there was something missing,

and I just figured
it was her.

I don't feel that way
anymore.

And how you show up
when it matters.