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1
00:00:06,582 --> 00:00:09,591
(Celtic heavy metal music
playing)
2
00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:17,574
(all three grunt)
3
00:00:17,667 --> 00:00:18,759
(grunting)
4
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,702
Listen up, ya pukes.
5
00:00:20,763 --> 00:00:23,430
You're only calling us that
'cause we puked in the van.
6
00:00:23,599 --> 00:00:25,432
You've been sentenced
to complete
7
00:00:25,584 --> 00:00:27,601
"The Highland Trek
for Troubled Truants"
8
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,511
by the juvenile court.
9
00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:31,179
So why are you in charge?
10
00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:34,424
Because this is my sentence
from the adult court!
11
00:00:34,593 --> 00:00:36,351
Now watch the video.
12
00:00:36,445 --> 00:00:39,204
Welcome, wayward teens and aspiring criminals.
13
00:00:39,431 --> 00:00:41,707
The Highlands Trek will teach you resilience,
14
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:44,359
team-building, collective mindfulness--
15
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,769
WILLIE:
Stupid buzzwords!
16
00:00:45,788 --> 00:00:47,028
They mean nothing.
17
00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:49,715
Just get your sorry arses
to Ankle Rock
18
00:00:49,942 --> 00:00:51,383
by tomorrow at noon.
19
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,385
Uh, I'm not really
seeing the ankle.
20
00:00:53,537 --> 00:00:56,263
The ankle doesn't care
what ya see!
21
00:00:57,466 --> 00:00:59,433
(munching loudly)
22
00:01:03,639 --> 00:01:04,546
(chuckles)
23
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,548
Oh, man, this is so lame.
24
00:01:06,716 --> 00:01:08,216
They're just picking on us
because we're thugs
25
00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:10,794
and badasses, right, guys?
26
00:01:10,813 --> 00:01:13,463
(chuckles)
Nice backpack, Simpson.
27
00:01:13,482 --> 00:01:16,800
What do you got in there,
ladies' underwear?
28
00:01:16,819 --> 00:01:18,577
(both laughing)
29
00:01:18,728 --> 00:01:20,987
Lovely, you've already
isolated the weak one.
30
00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:24,249
(laughs) But there's
still one more delinquent
31
00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:27,086
to join your scurvy crew.
32
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,999
Hello, fellows.
(grunts)
33
00:01:33,152 --> 00:01:36,095
Oh, my!
I seem to have turtled myself.
34
00:01:36,246 --> 00:01:40,265
Now, Martin, don't forget
your nightly tick check.
35
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,768
You know how they love
the little fat folds
36
00:01:42,995 --> 00:01:44,661
-in your tum-tum.
-Yes, Mother.
37
00:01:44,754 --> 00:01:48,014
My magnifying glass and tweezers
are in my toiletry pouch.
38
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,850
-Huh?
-Uh...
39
00:01:50,002 --> 00:01:51,335
BART: Thank you, God!
40
00:01:51,353 --> 00:01:52,611
You sent me a dork so dweeby
41
00:01:52,762 --> 00:01:54,020
even I can pick on him.
42
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:56,264
Nice backpack, Martin.
43
00:01:56,358 --> 00:01:58,817
What do you got in there,
ladies' underwear?
44
00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,844
-(both laugh)
-Good one.
45
00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:02,346
(laughs)
46
00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:04,681
Come on, Simpson,
let's get this over with.
47
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:08,201
Oh, and as you wander aimlessly,
freezing, hungry
48
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:11,371
and weeping for your mothers,
keep your eyes open.
49
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:14,024
Along the way,
you might just find
50
00:02:14,117 --> 00:02:17,377
the greatest of all treasures.
51
00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:18,528
Whoa, treasure.
52
00:02:18,622 --> 00:02:20,139
This death march
to stay out of prison
53
00:02:20,215 --> 00:02:22,382
just got interesting.
54
00:02:22,534 --> 00:02:24,459
(chuckles)
They're so screwed.
55
00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:27,396
Well, better get off
to me side hustle.
56
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:32,467
Woof, woof! Birthday Dog
says, "Happy birthday."
57
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,528
♪ ♪
58
00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:37,990
So, Simpson,
59
00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:40,901
what did you do
to get stuck on this perp hike?
60
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:42,569
Let's just say I got
a little creative
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00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,705
with some laundry pods.
62
00:02:45,815 --> 00:02:47,391
(air horn blows)
63
00:02:47,409 --> 00:02:48,667
(explosion)
64
00:02:48,818 --> 00:02:50,485
(cats meowing)
65
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,670
(siren wailing)
66
00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,063
(buzzer sounds)
67
00:02:53,081 --> 00:02:55,340
Not bad.
Juvenile, but delinquent.
68
00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:58,093
Not half as cool
as what I did, though.
69
00:02:59,663 --> 00:03:00,921
(bell dings)
70
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,014
(siren wailing)
71
00:03:02,165 --> 00:03:04,090
(buzzer sounds)
72
00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:07,019
What can I say?
I love dining al fresco.
73
00:03:07,246 --> 00:03:09,596
Who doesn't?
But check out what I did.
74
00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:13,358
-(glass shattering)
-(coins jingling)
75
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:16,086
-(siren wailing)
-(buzzer sounds)
76
00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:19,013
I wonder what Princey Pants
did to get stuck here?
77
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,516
Nothing. I chose to be here.
78
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:22,426
ALL THREE:
Wha...?
79
00:03:22,444 --> 00:03:23,944
This extracurricular activity
80
00:03:24,096 --> 00:03:27,264
will give me an edge with the
most exclusive middle schools.
81
00:03:27,357 --> 00:03:29,357
Carvingsley,
Thistleberry Hall...
82
00:03:29,451 --> 00:03:31,859
-Stop being you.
-(grunting)
83
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,954
BART:Included in the shoving circle.
84
00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:36,030
Could this day get any better?
85
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:38,032
Wisteria Country Day...
86
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,200
(humming)
87
00:03:39,294 --> 00:03:41,461
Hey, Marjorie,
without the boy around,
88
00:03:41,613 --> 00:03:43,555
-maybe we can... (whispering)
-Mm.
89
00:03:43,707 --> 00:03:45,206
And... (whispering)
90
00:03:45,342 --> 00:03:47,041
-Mm.
-And... (giggles)
91
00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,952
(whispering)
92
00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:51,045
Oh, Homie,
I like two of those things.
93
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,065
And I'll consider the third.
94
00:03:53,216 --> 00:03:55,216
(both giggling)
95
00:03:55,385 --> 00:03:56,977
-(both gasp)
-Non-problem child!
96
00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:59,387
Mom, Dad, with Bart away,
97
00:03:59,481 --> 00:04:03,057
I can now fulfill a dream
I never dared speak aloud.
98
00:04:03,151 --> 00:04:06,060
For one fleeting weekend,
I want to live as...
99
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,821
an only child.
100
00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:10,640
"Only child"? What about Maggie?
101
00:04:10,734 --> 00:04:14,160
Um, I kind of made
alternate arrangements for her.
102
00:04:14,313 --> 00:04:17,071
Time for
a Flip This Bathroom marathon.
103
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:20,425
Ooh, baby, Mama loves
her terra cotta.
104
00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:22,210
(sighs)
105
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,579
As you can see
on this pie chart,
106
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:28,174
this is the time you spend on
my older and younger siblings.
107
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,769
So, if you'll just humor
a middle child's
108
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,496
most frivolous whimsy,
109
00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:35,015
I would like you to spend
the entire weekend
110
00:04:35,167 --> 00:04:37,667
focusing only on me.
111
00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:38,944
-No.
-Homer!
112
00:04:39,171 --> 00:04:40,445
Of course we will.
113
00:04:40,597 --> 00:04:41,929
Oh, it's wonderful!
114
00:04:42,024 --> 00:04:43,598
Oh, and for the next two days,
115
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,026
I would like you
to call me Jules.
116
00:04:46,194 --> 00:04:48,436
I think an only child
would have a name
117
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:50,497
like Jules.
118
00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:54,034
Okay!
Our first only-child activity
119
00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:55,627
is gonna be playing horsey.
120
00:04:55,854 --> 00:04:57,779
Start working on your neighs.
121
00:04:57,947 --> 00:04:59,947
(both neighing)
122
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,092
(Celtic heavy metal music
playing)
123
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:10,867
♪ Who still sleeps in Mommy's bed? ♪
124
00:05:10,886 --> 00:05:13,053
♪ Seymour Skinner ♪
125
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,555
♪ Who wears a toupee on his head? ♪
126
00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:17,465
♪ Seymour Skinner ♪
127
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,060
♪ Who kisses Gary Chalmers' butt? ♪
128
00:05:20,228 --> 00:05:22,154
♪ Seymour Skinner ♪
129
00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:25,139
♪ He does his best with budget cuts ♪
130
00:05:25,233 --> 00:05:28,327
♪ Seymour Skinner... ♪
131
00:05:28,554 --> 00:05:30,162
(sighs)
Don't worry, guys.
132
00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:32,980
I got this.
(grunts)
133
00:05:33,075 --> 00:05:34,741
(bleating nearby)
134
00:05:34,893 --> 00:05:36,651
What the hell was that?
135
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,670
It's a baby goat.
136
00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:40,413
In a cage.
137
00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:42,323
(bleating)
138
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,158
Yeah, okay, okay.
The best thing to do
139
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,011
is just kick it and leave.
140
00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:49,163
Hold on, goat-- G-O-A-T.
141
00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,257
This has to be
the "greatest of all treasures"
142
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,927
that janitor guy
was talking about.
143
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,670
What kind of treasure is a goat?
144
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,415
Trust me, I've done
all the disciplinary courses.
145
00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:02,085
Outward Bound, Inward Pummel,
Empathy Boot Camp.
146
00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:04,178
They always have
stupid word puzzles,
147
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:05,772
and this is one of them.
148
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,942
We got to take the goat
with us back to Ankle Rock.
149
00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:11,352
Hell no--
I don't trust that thing.
150
00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,279
Look at those frog-ass eyes.
151
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,207
Which way is he even
supposed to be looking?
152
00:06:15,434 --> 00:06:16,708
(bleats)
153
00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:18,101
Tough nards, goat-scroat.
154
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:19,694
It's coming with us.
155
00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:22,288
Welcome to the Troubled Truants.
156
00:06:22,441 --> 00:06:24,049
(bleats)
157
00:06:24,126 --> 00:06:26,259
(Celtic heavy metal music
playing)
158
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,115
(bleating)
159
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,208
BART:
You know,
this goat's pretty cool.
160
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,137
I think we should call him...
Axel.
161
00:06:37,347 --> 00:06:40,065
No way! That name's
reserved for Axl Rose,
162
00:06:40,292 --> 00:06:42,142
the god of heavy metal.
163
00:06:42,294 --> 00:06:44,628
Well, this Axel eats metal.
164
00:06:44,721 --> 00:06:47,221
(gasps)
My hearts of palm!
165
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,150
Whoa! Axel likes nerd grub.
166
00:06:50,302 --> 00:06:52,059
(chuckles)
Let's see what other
167
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,486
-stupid stuff it eats.
-(gasps)
168
00:06:53,639 --> 00:06:54,821
My smoothie-shaker!
169
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,564
My graphing calculator!
170
00:06:56,658 --> 00:06:58,250
(gasps)
My night crocs!
171
00:06:58,477 --> 00:06:59,826
(sobbing)
172
00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:04,147
Guys, maybe we should let him
keep some of his stuff?
173
00:07:04,149 --> 00:07:06,166
You're sticking up
for this dorkus?
174
00:07:06,318 --> 00:07:08,927
Maybe you're not the jerk
we thought you were.
175
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:11,337
(moaning nearby)
176
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,991
(monstrous voice):
Return our sacrificial goat.
177
00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:18,228
Or my scythe shall reap
your souls.
178
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:21,731
-(all scream)
-(Axel bleating)
179
00:07:25,671 --> 00:07:29,689
(monstrous voice):
Return our goat or die!
180
00:07:29,841 --> 00:07:30,949
(all scream)
181
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,951
(Axel bleating)
182
00:07:33,102 --> 00:07:35,120
(Celtic heavy metal music
playing)
183
00:07:40,035 --> 00:07:41,793
(panting):
Haw-haw! Haw-haw!
184
00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:43,462
Haw-haw!
185
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,041
I think those skull-heads
were Satanists.
186
00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:50,969
Ah, great,
we finally meet someone cool,
187
00:07:51,196 --> 00:07:53,287
and they want
to chop us in half.
188
00:07:53,381 --> 00:07:55,456
According to the map,
this river goes
189
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,217
right by Ankle Rock.
190
00:07:57,385 --> 00:07:58,977
And, look, Dame Fortune
191
00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:01,313
has gifted us a canoe.
192
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,225
Let's splash this thing.
193
00:08:05,393 --> 00:08:06,318
(bleating)
194
00:08:06,469 --> 00:08:08,469
Come on, Axel, get in the boat.
195
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:11,323
Ugh.
Forget that stupid chomp horse.
196
00:08:11,550 --> 00:08:12,807
Just leave him.
197
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,659
Yeah, bros before goats.
198
00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:17,996
But you said he was
the greatest of all treasures.
199
00:08:18,223 --> 00:08:19,664
I'm allowed to change my mind.
200
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,392
I contain multitudes, dingus.
201
00:08:22,485 --> 00:08:24,836
But if the Satanists find Axel,
they'll slaughter
202
00:08:25,063 --> 00:08:27,005
every last hair
on his chinny chin chin!
203
00:08:27,156 --> 00:08:29,566
We can just walk--
it'll take a little longer,
204
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:32,844
but I can always use
more steps on my FatBit.
205
00:08:32,996 --> 00:08:34,571
-Walk?
-No way!
206
00:08:34,664 --> 00:08:36,515
Okay, Simpson,
you got to choose.
207
00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:38,558
Boat or goat?
208
00:08:39,244 --> 00:08:40,352
(soft, sad bleat)
209
00:08:40,503 --> 00:08:41,686
Mm...
210
00:08:41,838 --> 00:08:44,523
I guess I'm with Axel.
211
00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:46,674
And... Martin.
212
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:48,175
(Martin whooping)
213
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:50,695
Your funeral, nard-bags.
214
00:08:50,922 --> 00:08:53,089
Okay, river, to Ankle Rock.
215
00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:55,308
It's just you and me, chum.
216
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:57,944
And, good news,
the footbridge across the river
217
00:08:58,096 --> 00:09:00,205
is only eight kilometers away.
218
00:09:00,432 --> 00:09:03,433
(sighs) This day
just keeps getting better.
219
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:06,027
This day just keeps
getting better!
220
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,879
Ha! My roll again.
221
00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:09,864
Boy, my turn comes
so much quicker
222
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,050
when there's
only the three of us.
223
00:09:13,128 --> 00:09:15,128
This is pretty fun, Lisa.
224
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,614
-(clears throat)
-I mean, Jules, Jules.
225
00:09:17,632 --> 00:09:19,966
I didn't even know
we had Suffragette Monopoly.
226
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,376
And there's the box.
227
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:24,788
Because it's been buried
under the games
228
00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:26,523
Bart always gets to play.
229
00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:29,309
And there are the boxes.
230
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,384
Ha! Yay!
231
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,645
You landed on my protest corner.
232
00:09:32,798 --> 00:09:34,480
$250, please.
233
00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:35,740
Fine, here's
234
00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:38,726
two Lucretia Motts
and an Elizabeth Cady Stanton.
235
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,728
But I want to wear the hat.
236
00:09:40,822 --> 00:09:41,729
-Hmm?
-Mm.
237
00:09:41,823 --> 00:09:43,064
Is that the time?
238
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,249
We're way behind on my list
239
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,309
of only-child activities.
240
00:09:46,328 --> 00:09:48,494
Hmm, "stuffed animal high tea,
241
00:09:48,647 --> 00:09:50,088
toenail painting party?"
242
00:09:50,315 --> 00:09:52,239
Do I even have toenails?
243
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,817
Our sourdough should have been
244
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,927
in the proving drawer
20 minutes ago!
245
00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:57,596
Honey, relax.
246
00:09:57,823 --> 00:09:59,172
We have plenty of time.
247
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:01,415
Bart will be back in 18 hours.
248
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,934
Now, let's get moving, people.
249
00:10:03,086 --> 00:10:04,436
If this bread doesn't rise,
250
00:10:04,587 --> 00:10:06,438
you're gonna see a side of Jules
251
00:10:06,665 --> 00:10:08,440
you never knew existed.
252
00:10:08,516 --> 00:10:10,692
(whispering loudly):
I'm scared of Jules.
253
00:10:12,428 --> 00:10:14,838
-Stupid oars.
-Stupid river.
254
00:10:14,931 --> 00:10:17,115
(grunting)
255
00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:21,268
(shivering)
256
00:10:21,363 --> 00:10:23,955
-(thunder rolling)
-Huh?
257
00:10:24,107 --> 00:10:25,773
(both shivering)
258
00:10:25,867 --> 00:10:27,792
"Welcome to our Airbnb."
259
00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,369
What the hell's that?
260
00:10:29,521 --> 00:10:30,962
It's when rich people rent
their extra houses out
261
00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:34,090
-for lots of money.
-Extra houses?
262
00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:36,718
Gah...
263
00:10:38,196 --> 00:10:41,431
("Everybody's Jumping"
by Dave Brubeck Quartet playing)
264
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:47,370
BOTH:
Oh!
265
00:10:47,463 --> 00:10:49,205
Al fresco!
266
00:10:49,224 --> 00:10:51,374
(thunder crashes)
267
00:10:51,393 --> 00:10:54,377
My parents won't let me watch
Itchy and Scratchy.
268
00:10:54,379 --> 00:10:57,471
But I do watch Caillou,
a Canadian educational program
269
00:10:57,491 --> 00:11:00,808
about a bald boy fascinated
by the world around him.
270
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,236
(groans)
Sounds great.
271
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,814
Hey, my Code Orange
Nuclear Cheezee Thingz!
272
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,983
That's my breakfast,
lunch and dinner.
273
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,060
(bleats, burps)
274
00:11:11,154 --> 00:11:13,338
You know, Bart, this summer,
my family's going
275
00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:16,566
to visit Grandmother Didi
and her friend Carol
276
00:11:16,659 --> 00:11:18,251
on Sanibel Island.
277
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,086
Mother and Father said
I can bring a chum.
278
00:11:20,255 --> 00:11:22,514
What say that chum were you?
279
00:11:22,665 --> 00:11:24,182
(groans)
Shut up!
280
00:11:24,333 --> 00:11:27,410
Just because we both like this
goat doesn't mean I like you.
281
00:11:27,429 --> 00:11:29,854
I mean, come on,
you're a loser nerd
282
00:11:30,081 --> 00:11:31,748
and I'm King Stink.
283
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:35,509
We have nothing in common,
and we can never be friends.
284
00:11:35,587 --> 00:11:36,736
(gasps)
285
00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:42,850
-(munching)
-Lisa...
286
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,944
Uh, Jules, slow down.
287
00:11:45,096 --> 00:11:46,871
There's plenty of ice cream.
288
00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:48,448
No way.
289
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,192
Bart always eats
all the Mint Choco Smash.
290
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,453
(munching):
And I...
291
00:11:53,621 --> 00:11:55,772
don't get any.
292
00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:57,865
Now I'm gonna finish it.
293
00:11:57,943 --> 00:11:59,718
(munching)
294
00:11:59,869 --> 00:12:02,587
Oh, my gosh, it's time
for my only-child beat poetry.
295
00:12:02,739 --> 00:12:04,723
Okay, Mom, you're on bongos.
296
00:12:04,874 --> 00:12:07,058
Dad, you snap.
297
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,228
A room to myself.
298
00:12:10,455 --> 00:12:13,047
becomes a womb to my self.
299
00:12:13,141 --> 00:12:17,051
A solitary tree
in this only-child family.
300
00:12:17,145 --> 00:12:19,404
Not lonely, but singular.
301
00:12:19,631 --> 00:12:20,964
Ya dig?
302
00:12:21,057 --> 00:12:23,408
(laughs)
Okay, okay, okay, next activity!
303
00:12:23,635 --> 00:12:26,077
Hey, we didn't get
to do my poem.
304
00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:27,320
(Marge sighs)
305
00:12:27,472 --> 00:12:29,322
There's no time!
(munching)
306
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,399
We still have
Daddy-daughter piggyback ride.
307
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,977
Giddyap!
308
00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:35,979
Oh, this is great!
It's so great!
309
00:12:35,997 --> 00:12:38,498
I'm finally an only child.
310
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:40,574
Faster, faster!
311
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,594
(retching)
312
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:47,782
Jules doesn't feel so good.
313
00:12:47,784 --> 00:12:49,416
I'm sorry.
314
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,602
That's okay, sweetie.
315
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:53,846
All my best nights end
with throwing up, too.
316
00:12:54,015 --> 00:12:56,191
(both snoring)
317
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,445
(both screaming)
318
00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,855
(monstrous voice):
Where be our goat?
319
00:13:03,008 --> 00:13:04,674
(both scream)
320
00:13:04,843 --> 00:13:06,267
But we don't have the goat.
321
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,344
The other losers have it.
322
00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:10,863
Banish them to the dungeon.
323
00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:12,698
(both thud)
324
00:13:12,851 --> 00:13:14,233
(door creaks closed)
325
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,353
-(pounding on door)
-NELSON: Let us out!
326
00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:20,215
DOLPH:
There's old lawn chairs
down here!
327
00:13:21,209 --> 00:13:23,209
So... what time tomorrow
328
00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:25,136
do you think we'll make it
to the rock, buddy?
329
00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:26,696
I'm not your buddy.
330
00:13:26,714 --> 00:13:28,031
I don't have any buddies.
331
00:13:28,199 --> 00:13:30,124
(sighs)
Well, you could.
332
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,869
Just pretend to like stuff
regular kids like.
333
00:13:32,887 --> 00:13:35,296
Dial down the dork a little bit.
334
00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:36,873
You think it's that easy?
335
00:13:36,966 --> 00:13:38,374
You don't know the hell
I'm living in!
336
00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:40,226
My parents have me
in a pressure cooker!
337
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,211
Classical Greek club,
waltzing lessons.
338
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,047
I'm going to explode.
339
00:13:44,065 --> 00:13:46,825
And I have problems, Bart--
scary problems!
340
00:13:46,976 --> 00:13:48,809
I see two therapists!
341
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,644
They email each other about me.
342
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,832
And I'm on drugs--
Focusyn to help me focus,
343
00:13:53,983 --> 00:13:55,834
Somnicrank to help me sleep!
344
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:57,651
I hope you take those with food.
345
00:13:57,745 --> 00:14:00,654
And don't forget Intriginol
to lift my spirts.
346
00:14:00,748 --> 00:14:02,748
Because they're low, Bart.
347
00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:04,901
Ever so low.
348
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,253
Dude, you're freaking us out!
349
00:14:07,405 --> 00:14:09,997
And I didn't volunteer
for this juvie-jaunt.
350
00:14:10,091 --> 00:14:12,183
Like you, I was sentenced to it.
351
00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:15,311
Because of what I did.
352
00:14:17,265 --> 00:14:18,339
-(siren wailing)
-I broke into that pharmacy
353
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,266
to steal more drugs,
354
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,086
because I still wasn't focused enough to please my parents.
355
00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:26,089
Never enough focus
for Gareth and Gloria.
356
00:14:26,107 --> 00:14:28,608
Whoa, you may not be cool,
357
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,536
but you're psycho, and that
makes you kind of awesome.
358
00:14:31,763 --> 00:14:34,155
Your words of praise
are but honey drizzled
359
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,374
-on bitter greens!
-Huh?
360
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:39,043
You're only nice to me
when no one's around.
361
00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:40,879
Which makes you worse
than a bully.
362
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:43,773
It makes you a coward
and a conformist.
363
00:14:43,866 --> 00:14:46,217
You're not a rebel or a bad boy.
364
00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:47,627
(laughs)
365
00:14:47,779 --> 00:14:50,037
You're nothing but a follower.
366
00:14:50,131 --> 00:14:52,390
Come on, Axel, let's go.
367
00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:55,476
Axel, no, you can't
choose him over me.
368
00:14:58,456 --> 00:14:59,639
(bleats)
369
00:14:59,791 --> 00:15:00,957
Mm...
370
00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:03,192
(groans)
371
00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,800
-(bleats)
-Axel!
372
00:15:10,818 --> 00:15:12,135
I knew
you'd come back for me.
373
00:15:12,228 --> 00:15:14,746
Oh, I love you too, goat,
374
00:15:14,897 --> 00:15:17,582
with your wet slimy kisses.
375
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:19,142
(screams)
Ew, slugs!
376
00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,602
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!
377
00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:23,829
Hmm. Oh, right.
378
00:15:23,982 --> 00:15:25,924
I've been ditched, I'm lost,
379
00:15:26,151 --> 00:15:28,818
and the only people
looking for me are...
380
00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:30,653
Satanists.
381
00:15:30,746 --> 00:15:32,913
(grunting)
Let us out!
382
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:35,324
We'll do Satan stuff for you!
383
00:15:35,418 --> 00:15:38,436
Like grow pointy beards
or draw them on with eyeliner!
384
00:15:38,663 --> 00:15:40,939
I ask you a final time.
385
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,683
Where is our sacrifice?
386
00:15:43,835 --> 00:15:46,593
We told you, we don't know
where the goat is.
387
00:15:46,688 --> 00:15:49,280
Then prepare to die!
388
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,508
How?
389
00:15:52,527 --> 00:15:54,661
(both grunt)
390
00:15:55,863 --> 00:15:57,789
(yawns)
391
00:15:57,865 --> 00:16:00,441
What time is it? What happened?
392
00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:03,202
Oh, sweetie,
you got a little overexcited
393
00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:05,779
and barfed yourself to sleep.
394
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,115
Wait, I spent all night
sleeping in bed
395
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:11,469
between Mom and Dad,
center spoon?
396
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:14,822
It doesn't get more
"only child" than that.
397
00:16:14,824 --> 00:16:18,034
Wait, there's still time for us
to do "a gender-blind production
398
00:16:18,052 --> 00:16:20,812
of The Crucible,"
whatever those words mean.
399
00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:22,963
Meh, that's
kind of a Jules thing.
400
00:16:23,057 --> 00:16:25,374
Right now, I'd kind of rather
just stay in bed
401
00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:26,985
and be a Lisa.
402
00:16:27,136 --> 00:16:28,969
ALL THREE:
Mm.
403
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,197
(Celtic heavy metal music
playing)
404
00:16:41,926 --> 00:16:43,592
I don't need that stupid Martin.
405
00:16:43,594 --> 00:16:45,394
I can make it
to Ankle Rock on my own.
406
00:16:45,413 --> 00:16:47,730
Compass, which way do I go?
407
00:16:47,749 --> 00:16:49,398
Compass? (groans)
408
00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:51,492
Must not be getting a signal.
409
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,510
(glass shatters)
410
00:16:52,587 --> 00:16:54,995
Ew, it's poop.
411
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,181
Nuclear orange poop... (gasps)
412
00:16:57,258 --> 00:16:59,726
Just like those Cheezee Thingz
Axel ate.
413
00:16:59,911 --> 00:17:02,520
This is goat poop.
414
00:17:04,249 --> 00:17:06,357
(Celtic heavy metal music
playing)
415
00:17:10,922 --> 00:17:12,280
(gasps)
416
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,867
Martin. Martin! Oh, my God.
417
00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:17,777
-He's dead!
-(Martin moaning)
418
00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:20,038
Oh, you're alive!
419
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:22,948
-Man, you're a heavy sleeper.
-(yawns)
420
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:25,601
That would be the Somnicrank.
421
00:17:25,694 --> 00:17:29,530
Listen man, that stuff
you said to me, you were right.
422
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,215
I shouldn't care
what those bullies think of me.
423
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,776
Well, I'm glad you've learned
that their approval
424
00:17:33,869 --> 00:17:36,587
-is meaningless.
-NELSON: Help!
425
00:17:36,814 --> 00:17:39,540
Satanists are gonna kill us!
426
00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:42,134
Oh, my God,
I've got to save those bullies.
427
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,895
Then they'll think I'm awesome.
428
00:17:44,046 --> 00:17:46,397
No, then they'll think
we're awesome.
429
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,362
(shouting)
430
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:56,649
Cut!
431
00:17:56,801 --> 00:18:00,636
You can turn off
the voice-changing app, Madison.
432
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,580
Huh? Huh?
433
00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:05,157
(normal voice):
Those little kids ruined
the shot.
434
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:08,086
Wait? This is just a movie?
435
00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:10,146
They're not Satanists,
they're...
436
00:18:10,239 --> 00:18:12,648
(shudders)
...film students.
437
00:18:12,741 --> 00:18:14,908
(laughs)
The only thing worse
438
00:18:15,002 --> 00:18:17,153
than nerds are film nerds.
439
00:18:17,171 --> 00:18:19,079
My cousin went to film school.
440
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,432
And now he walks dogs
for a living.
441
00:18:21,659 --> 00:18:23,175
(groans)
Stupid kids!
442
00:18:23,328 --> 00:18:25,085
Now we'll never get
into Splatter Fest.
443
00:18:25,163 --> 00:18:27,012
Let alone win the Palme D'gore!
444
00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:29,065
(grunting)
445
00:18:31,169 --> 00:18:32,852
(both shouting)
446
00:18:33,004 --> 00:18:34,353
You knocked
the blade off its track!
447
00:18:34,522 --> 00:18:37,490
Those little dudes are
gonna get sacrificed for real.
448
00:18:38,526 --> 00:18:40,509
Now we're getting
the performance.
449
00:18:40,528 --> 00:18:42,120
That's the fear.
450
00:18:43,197 --> 00:18:44,864
Oh, that crazy blade's
going everywhere.
451
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,940
What do we do?
452
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,793
Hmm. (gasps)
453
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:51,537
MARTIN:
The movements of the pendulum
may seem random,
454
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,114
but it actually swings
in the exact pattern
455
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,041
of Strauss' "Blue Danube."
456
00:18:56,194 --> 00:18:58,344
Bart, waltz with me.
457
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:03,182
(humming Strauss' "Blue Danube")
458
00:19:12,393 --> 00:19:15,060
It's okay, it's okay,
we can make this work.
459
00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,546
We can just add
the kid corpses in post.
460
00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:18,881
(grunting)
461
00:19:18,883 --> 00:19:19,973
-MADISON: Oh, God, no!
-(burps)
462
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:22,234
Our entire film was on that!
463
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,830
My footage, my beautiful
faked found footage!
464
00:19:26,057 --> 00:19:28,315
(sobbing)
465
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:31,744
I can't go back to selling
essential oils on Facebook.
466
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:34,488
No one knows what they are.
467
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,490
ALL FOUR:
Haw-haw!
468
00:19:36,584 --> 00:19:38,551
Baa-baa!
469
00:19:40,405 --> 00:19:42,013
So then the po-po showed up
470
00:19:42,164 --> 00:19:44,073
and hauled me away.
471
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,516
I hate the po-po!
472
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,167
Prince, you're a certified
473
00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,395
pre-owned bad-ass.
474
00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:51,230
Hmm.
475
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,511
I was sure you'd get lost
476
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,180
and eat the wee fat one,
but you made it.
477
00:20:00,349 --> 00:20:02,942
And that earns you
the greatest of all treasures.
478
00:20:03,094 --> 00:20:04,944
And it's right behind you.
479
00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:08,097
It's the land you traversed,
480
00:20:08,157 --> 00:20:10,208
the journey you made,
481
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,935
and the character you built.
482
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:15,213
Are you freaking kidding me?
483
00:20:15,289 --> 00:20:17,940
That's not treasure,
that's garbage.
484
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,884
Nature is garbage.
485
00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:22,220
(grunting)
486
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:26,224
Step away from those bad kids,
Martin.
487
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:28,226
You'll be late
for your violin lesson.
488
00:20:28,453 --> 00:20:30,561
By the way, you play that now.
489
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,806
Yeah, they are bad kids.
490
00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:35,066
Just like me.
491
00:20:35,293 --> 00:20:37,810
And bad kids ride in the van.
492
00:20:37,886 --> 00:20:40,554
If it makes you nervous,
take a pill.
493
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,615
(boys laughing)
494
00:20:44,485 --> 00:20:44,909
(Martin grunts)
495
00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:47,227
(bleating)
496
00:20:47,396 --> 00:20:49,330
♪ ♪
497
00:21:03,004 --> 00:21:05,096
Maggie, honey,
play nice with the kitty.
498
00:21:05,247 --> 00:21:07,339
I just have to... (shouting)
499
00:21:07,492 --> 00:21:09,600
Oh, aah, the cat!
(screaming)
500
00:21:09,752 --> 00:21:11,752
-Oh, my God, aah!
-Bart, Bart, you come back here.
501
00:21:11,846 --> 00:21:14,513
-(yowling)
-(sobbing): Ow!
-Bart!
502
00:21:14,665 --> 00:21:15,940
-MARGE: Almost gotcha.
-(chuckles)
503
00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:17,182
-(Snowball II yowling)
-HOMER: Oh, come back here!
504
00:21:17,351 --> 00:21:18,851
-Oh! Let go! Ow!
-BART: Yum.
505
00:21:19,003 --> 00:21:20,169
MARGE:
I'm gonna send you back
506
00:21:20,187 --> 00:21:21,279
to Willie
if you don't stop this.
507
00:21:21,506 --> 00:21:23,597
-(Bart chuckles)
-MARGE: You stop right now.
508
00:21:23,691 --> 00:21:25,174
-HOMER: Why is no one
helping me?!
-MARGE: Give me that
509
00:21:25,192 --> 00:21:26,191
tub of ice cream.
510
00:21:26,344 --> 00:21:27,618
HOMER:
Does anybody even see this?!
511
00:21:27,695 --> 00:21:28,844
(yelling)
512
00:21:28,937 --> 00:21:30,346
Ah...!
513
00:21:30,439 --> 00:21:32,773
(Homer sobbing)
514
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,441
Ow! Oh, let go!
515
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:37,110
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
516
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:40,539
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
517
00:21:40,691 --> 00:21:41,948
Shh!
518
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,877
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
519
00:21:45,029 --> 00:21:47,430
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