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1
00:00:02,159 --> 00:00:07,751
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
I SHALL NOT WANT ♪
2
00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:13,757
♪ HE MAKETH ME TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪
3
00:00:14,207 --> 00:00:19,343
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪
4
00:00:19,345 --> 00:00:25,582
♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪
5
00:00:27,286 --> 00:00:28,785
AND FINALLY,
6
00:00:28,787 --> 00:00:31,722
I GOT A LETTER
FROM RAINBOW PICTURES
7
00:00:31,724 --> 00:00:34,691
ASKING WHETHER OR NOT
THEY CAN MAKE A FILM HERE.
8
00:00:34,693 --> 00:00:36,427
THAT DOES SOUND
QUITE INTERESTING.
9
00:00:36,429 --> 00:00:38,429
I HAVE, OF COURSE,
SAID "NO."
10
00:00:38,431 --> 00:00:40,431
IS THERE ANYONE
FAMOUS IN IT?
11
00:00:40,433 --> 00:00:41,832
WELL, LET'S SEE.
12
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:46,137
ACCORDING TO THIS LETTER,
SOMEBODY CALLED JOHNNY...DEPP.
13
00:00:46,139 --> 00:00:47,338
( Hugo gasps )
14
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:50,274
JOHNNY DEPP? IN OUR VILLAGE?
15
00:00:50,276 --> 00:00:54,045
JOHNNY "PLEASE USE
YOUR SCISSORHANDS TO SNIP
MY PANTS OFF IMMEDIATELY" DEPP?
16
00:00:54,047 --> 00:00:56,380
AND YOU HAVE SAID NO TO HIM?
17
00:00:56,382 --> 00:00:58,416
I SWORE
THAT SENSE AND SENSIBILITY
18
00:00:58,418 --> 00:01:02,286
WOULD BE THE LAST TIME
THAT WE HAD A FILM CREW HERE.
19
00:01:02,288 --> 00:01:05,489
THAT EMMA THOMPSON--
SHE'S A GOER.
20
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,359
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO
21
00:01:08,361 --> 00:01:10,428
WITH WHETHER OR NOT
EMMA THOMPSON "GOES,"
22
00:01:10,430 --> 00:01:11,929
WHATEVER THAT MEANS.
23
00:01:11,931 --> 00:01:14,331
IT MEANS SHE GOES.
24
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:16,067
WHERE?
25
00:01:16,069 --> 00:01:19,470
WHEREVER YOU WANT HER TO.
26
00:01:19,472 --> 00:01:21,939
OH, THAT'S NICE,
ISN'T IT?
27
00:01:21,941 --> 00:01:23,240
WHAT IS?
28
00:01:23,242 --> 00:01:26,277
WELL, A LOT OF PEOPLE,
WHEN THEY GIVE YOU A LIFT,
29
00:01:26,279 --> 00:01:28,345
THEY JUST GO
WHEREVER THEY'RE GOING,
30
00:01:28,347 --> 00:01:31,415
BUT EMMA THOMPSON
APPARENTLY GOES
WHEREVER YOU WANT.
31
00:01:31,417 --> 00:01:33,417
THAT WASN'T WHAT
I HAD IN MIND.
32
00:01:33,419 --> 00:01:37,121
SHUT UP,
ALL OF YOU.
33
00:01:37,123 --> 00:01:39,656
AS FOR
KATE WINSLET...
34
00:01:39,658 --> 00:01:41,258
WHAT? WHAT?
35
00:01:41,260 --> 00:01:43,627
LOVELY TABLE MANNERS.
36
00:01:43,629 --> 00:01:45,129
RIGHT.
37
00:01:45,131 --> 00:01:48,699
IF I MAY FINISH...
A LITTLE VILLAGE
LIKE OURS
38
00:01:48,701 --> 00:01:52,570
DOES NOT HAVE
THE ELECTRICAL CAPACITY
TO SUPPORT A FILM CREW.
39
00:01:52,572 --> 00:01:55,973
THE LIGHTS FUSED EVERY NIGHT
WHILE SENSE AND SENSIBILITY
WERE HERE.
40
00:01:55,975 --> 00:01:57,975
OH, COME ON, DAD,
DON'T EXAGGERATE.
41
00:01:57,977 --> 00:01:59,577
EVERY SECOND NIGHT,
THEN.
42
00:01:59,579 --> 00:02:01,812
HOW LONG WERE THEY HERE?
TWO NIGHTS.
43
00:02:01,814 --> 00:02:03,514
( men mumble )
44
00:02:03,516 --> 00:02:05,849
WELL, I SUGGEST
WE HAVE A VOTE ON IT.
45
00:02:05,851 --> 00:02:07,618
VERY WELL.
46
00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:11,088
DO WE WANT OUR
LOVELY LITTLE VILLAGE
TOTALLY DISRUPTED
47
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:13,790
BY HUNDREDS OF CARS
AND VANS,
48
00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:17,060
AND ACTORS
WITH EGOS THE SIZE
OF THE MILLENNIUM DOME?
49
00:02:17,062 --> 00:02:20,998
MM, AND WITH BOTTOMS
LIKE PEACHES IN CLING FILM.
50
00:02:22,001 --> 00:02:24,034
ALL THOSE IN FAVOUR.
51
00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:28,472
BE IT ON
YOUR OWN HEADS.
52
00:02:28,474 --> 00:02:30,107
OH, YES, PLEASE.
53
00:02:32,278 --> 00:02:34,411
RIGHT.
"DEAR JOHNNY...
54
00:02:34,413 --> 00:02:36,346
"HELLO, I'M YOUR LOCAL VICAR
GERALDINE.
55
00:02:36,348 --> 00:02:39,349
"ALL WOMAN, 38-88-68--
56
00:02:39,351 --> 00:02:41,051
"YES, MIRACLES DO HAPPEN--
57
00:02:41,053 --> 00:02:43,553
"AND I'LL BE VERY HAPPY
TO HELP
58
00:02:43,555 --> 00:02:46,223
"IF YOU'RE EVER IN NEED
OF SPIRITUAL COUNSELLING
59
00:02:46,225 --> 00:02:49,492
OR ANYTHING ELSE,
LIKE SUGAR, MILK, OR--"
60
00:02:49,494 --> 00:02:51,361
NO, THAT'S PUSHING IT.
61
00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:53,363
"WHY DON'T YOU
DROP ROUND TONIGHT
62
00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:55,698
"TO MEET ME
AND SOME OF THE OTHER VILLAGERS,
63
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:58,535
WHO ARE ALL
LOVELY AND INTERESTING PEOPLE."
64
00:02:58,537 --> 00:02:59,602
HEH-OH.
65
00:02:59,604 --> 00:03:01,104
NO, MUSTN'T TELL LIES
66
00:03:01,106 --> 00:03:02,605
ABOUT THE VILLAGERS.
67
00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:04,607
GUESS WHICH HAND
THE CHOCOLATE'S IN.
68
00:03:04,609 --> 00:03:06,609
IT'S ALWAYS
IN THAT ONE, ISN'T IT?
69
00:03:06,611 --> 00:03:09,246
YES!
YOU WANT A LICK?
70
00:03:09,248 --> 00:03:11,648
IT'S MIGHTY TEMPTING,
BUT NO, THANKS.
71
00:03:11,650 --> 00:03:13,083
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
72
00:03:13,085 --> 00:03:15,785
I'M WRITING A LETTER
TO JOHNNY DEPP,
AS ONE DOES.
73
00:03:15,787 --> 00:03:18,621
GONNA WRITE ANOTHER ONE
IN A MINUTE TO BRAD PITT,
74
00:03:18,623 --> 00:03:21,825
JUST SAYING,
"FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, BRAD,
WILL YOU STOP CALLING ME!
75
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,527
CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT
IT WAS A ONE-NIGHT STAND?"
76
00:03:24,529 --> 00:03:26,029
OH, THAT'S NICE.
77
00:03:26,031 --> 00:03:28,031
"I'LL BE VERY HAPPY
TO HELP
78
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:31,034
"IF YOU'RE EVER IN NEED
OF SPIRITUAL COUNSELLING
OR ANYTHING ELSE--
79
00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:33,036
SUGAR, MILK,
OR CASUAL SEX."
80
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:35,105
NO, NO,
I'VE CROSSED THAT OUT.
81
00:03:35,107 --> 00:03:37,874
I'VE CROSSED THAT OUT,
YOU SEE, THE "CASUAL SEX" BIT.
82
00:03:37,876 --> 00:03:39,576
( Unchained Melody playing )
83
00:03:39,578 --> 00:03:41,544
OH, I THINK THIS IS IT.
84
00:03:41,546 --> 00:03:44,114
YEAH, I THINK
THIS IS THE ONE HERE.
85
00:03:44,116 --> 00:03:46,649
RIGHT. AHEM.
86
00:03:46,651 --> 00:03:49,319
I SUPPOSE I JUST GO
AND KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
87
00:03:49,321 --> 00:03:50,387
YEAH.
88
00:03:50,389 --> 00:03:54,091
♪ ...FOR YOUR TOUCH ♪
89
00:03:54,093 --> 00:03:56,926
AHEM. AHEM.
90
00:03:56,928 --> 00:03:59,896
( giggles )
91
00:03:59,898 --> 00:04:01,564
I JU--OHH, SORRY.
92
00:04:01,566 --> 00:04:05,135
JUST GOT TO GATHER MYSELF
FOR A MOMENT.
93
00:04:05,137 --> 00:04:06,936
I MEAN, THAT'S JOHNNY DEPP
IN THERE,
94
00:04:06,938 --> 00:04:09,139
IN THAT BIT OF TIN.
95
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,508
WHAT ABOUT IF HE'S GOT
A BIRD IN THERE?
96
00:04:11,510 --> 00:04:13,810
WHY WOULD HE HAVE
A BIRD IN THERE?
97
00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:15,312
WELL, YOU KNOW...
98
00:04:15,314 --> 00:04:17,447
FEEDIN' IT NUTS?
99
00:04:17,449 --> 00:04:20,150
NO, THE OTHER SORT
OF BIRD, ALICE.
100
00:04:20,152 --> 00:04:22,452
NON-NUT-EATING BIRDS.
101
00:04:22,454 --> 00:04:24,621
OOH, THAT'S A TRICKY ONE.
102
00:04:24,623 --> 00:04:26,289
JUST GO AND DO IT.
103
00:04:26,291 --> 00:04:29,126
VULTURES, I SUPPOSE.
OCELOTS.
104
00:04:29,128 --> 00:04:31,928
SHUSH, NOW.
SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.
105
00:04:31,930 --> 00:04:36,933
♪ I ♪
106
00:04:36,935 --> 00:04:40,970
♪ NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
107
00:04:43,008 --> 00:04:44,508
GO ON.
108
00:04:44,510 --> 00:04:47,477
♪ ...I NEED YOUR LOVE ♪
109
00:04:47,479 --> 00:04:49,513
♪ HE'S THE LEADER,
HE'S THE LEADER ♪
110
00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:51,148
♪ HE'S THE LEADER
OF THE GANG ♪
111
00:04:51,150 --> 00:04:53,550
♪ ...SPEED YOUR LOVE ♪
112
00:04:53,552 --> 00:04:56,886
♪ TO ♪
113
00:04:56,888 --> 00:04:59,756
♪ ME ♪
114
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,358
I THINK I'VE GOT NITS.
115
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:02,426
NITS?
116
00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:05,728
I HAVE. I'VE GOT
GREAT BIG NITS IN MY HAIR.
117
00:05:05,730 --> 00:05:08,565
REALLY BIG NITS.
AAH!
118
00:05:08,567 --> 00:05:10,534
HI.
119
00:05:10,536 --> 00:05:11,668
HI.
120
00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:12,902
CAN I HELP YOU?
121
00:05:12,904 --> 00:05:15,205
UM...YEAH.
122
00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:19,543
HI. UM, I'M GERALDINE.
I'M--I'M...I'M VICAR.
123
00:05:20,879 --> 00:05:22,812
HI. HI.
HI.
124
00:05:22,814 --> 00:05:26,616
AND I'M A WOMAN
WITH WOMEN'S NEEDS.
125
00:05:28,019 --> 00:05:31,921
UM, I'VE JUST DROPPED BY
TO GIVE YOU THIS INVITATION
126
00:05:31,923 --> 00:05:35,492
TO COME TO, UH, DRINKS
AT THE KNICKERAGE--
127
00:05:35,494 --> 00:05:37,794
AT THE, UM,
AT THE KNOCKERAGE--
128
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,964
AT THE--AT THE VICARAGE
TONIGHT.
129
00:05:40,966 --> 00:05:43,567
THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.
THANK YOU.
130
00:05:43,569 --> 00:05:47,170
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO COME,
IT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY...
HEAVENLY.
131
00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:50,107
YEAH, IT WOULD BE GOOD TO MEET
SOME OF THE LOCAL PEOPLE.
132
00:05:50,109 --> 00:05:52,775
LISTEN, DO YOU THINK
IT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT
133
00:05:52,777 --> 00:05:55,078
IF I BROUGHT A FEW FRIENDS
WITH ME?
134
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,247
WE WERE GONNA HAVE
A PARTY ANYWAY,
135
00:05:57,249 --> 00:06:01,851
SO MAYBE WE COULD JUST
BUM SOME BOOZE OFF YOU.
136
00:06:01,853 --> 00:06:03,019
YEAH. WHY NOT?
137
00:06:03,021 --> 00:06:05,021
I MEAN, ANYTHING,
YOU KNOW,
138
00:06:05,023 --> 00:06:08,091
TO DO WITH BUMS
AND...YOU AND ME
139
00:06:08,093 --> 00:06:09,626
AND BUMS.
140
00:06:09,628 --> 00:06:11,128
THAT'S FINE, YEAH.
141
00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:13,396
GREAT.
142
00:06:13,398 --> 00:06:14,964
GREAT. OKAY.
143
00:06:14,966 --> 00:06:16,966
WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH,
HONEY, AND, UH,
144
00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:19,136
WE'LL SEE YOU LATER.
145
00:06:19,138 --> 00:06:20,203
YEAH, DEFINITELY.
146
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,904
THANK YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
147
00:06:21,906 --> 00:06:23,573
BYE-BYE.
BACK TOWARD YOU.
148
00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:25,808
AND YOU. BYE-BYE.
149
00:06:25,810 --> 00:06:27,177
ESPECIALLY NICE
MEETING YOU.
150
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:28,845
THANKS. BYE.
SEE YA.
151
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:29,946
YEAH. YEAH.
152
00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:37,120
♪ OH, MY LOVE ♪
153
00:06:37,122 --> 00:06:38,688
♪ MY DARLING ♪
154
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,691
WHAT?
155
00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:43,126
♪ I HUNGER ♪
156
00:06:43,128 --> 00:06:45,295
♪ HUNGER FOR YOUR... ♪
157
00:06:45,297 --> 00:06:49,165
HIYA!
Vicar: HIYA!
158
00:06:49,167 --> 00:06:52,002
ALICE, CAN YOU LAY OUT
THE CRISPS FOR ME?
159
00:06:52,004 --> 00:06:53,537
OKEY-DOKEY,
BOSS WOMAN.
160
00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:10,020
ALL RIGHT, COMING.
161
00:07:10,022 --> 00:07:14,525
OH, DEAR, ALL THOSE WASTED YEARS
JOHNNY SPENT WITH KATE MOSS
162
00:07:14,527 --> 00:07:17,828
WHEN HE COULD HAVE HAD
HIS ARMS AROUND THIS.
163
00:07:17,830 --> 00:07:19,162
FABULOUS.
164
00:07:19,164 --> 00:07:20,998
( laughs )
SO IS YOURS!
165
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,332
OH, THANK YOU.
166
00:07:22,334 --> 00:07:25,335
MIND IF I MAKE
JUST A TINY, LITTLE
ADJUSTMENT TO IT?
167
00:07:25,337 --> 00:07:27,170
UM, WHERE'S THE--THERE.
168
00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:30,340
JUST SLIP YOUR ARMS
OUT THE SLEEVES, RIGHT.
169
00:07:30,342 --> 00:07:31,508
JUST A LITTLE NEW IDEA.
170
00:07:31,510 --> 00:07:34,011
TWIST THE MIDDLE ROUND.
THAT'S IT. ALL THE WAY.
171
00:07:34,013 --> 00:07:36,914
THEN PUT YOUR ARMS
BACK IN THERE, DO YOU SEE?
172
00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:39,850
IT'S A WHOLE NEW WAY
OF WEARING IT, ISN'T IT?
173
00:07:39,852 --> 00:07:41,351
YEAH.
THERE WE ARE.
174
00:07:41,353 --> 00:07:43,520
THAT'S, UH,
WELL, THAT'S BETTER.
175
00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:46,423
THANKS. YOU DON'T THINK
THAT WE'RE OVERDOING IT?
176
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,459
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, IT IS
JUST A CASUAL DRINKS.
177
00:07:49,461 --> 00:07:51,494
NO. JOHNNY SPENDS
HIS WHOLE LIFE
178
00:07:51,496 --> 00:07:53,564
BEING SURROUNDED
BY EXOTIC BIRDS.
179
00:07:53,566 --> 00:07:55,432
YEAH, LIKE PARROTS
AND PEACOCKS
180
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,968
AND BIG BIRD
FROM SESAME STREET.
181
00:07:57,970 --> 00:08:01,838
SHUT UP A LOT NOW, ALICE.
( doorbell rings )
182
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,907
EE!
OH, GOD, THAT'S HIM.
183
00:08:03,909 --> 00:08:06,142
( panting )
184
00:08:06,144 --> 00:08:07,844
BREASTS, DON'T FAIL ME NOW.
185
00:08:07,846 --> 00:08:09,646
( inhales )
186
00:08:09,648 --> 00:08:10,914
YES.
187
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,150
EVENING,
VICAR.
188
00:08:14,152 --> 00:08:17,320
( laughs ) HI, LADS.
COME ON IN.
189
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,990
INTERESTING, UH,
CLOTHES.
190
00:08:19,992 --> 00:08:21,658
WHERE'S DAVID?
191
00:08:21,660 --> 00:08:24,661
HE SAID HE'D RATHER
HAVE A BULL TERRIER
CLAMPED TO HIS PRIVATES
192
00:08:24,663 --> 00:08:26,763
WHILE WATCHING
REPEATS OF KILROY.
193
00:08:26,765 --> 00:08:28,364
FAIR DEUCE,
FAIR DEUCE.
194
00:08:29,969 --> 00:08:33,136
NO. AHEM.
195
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,138
HEARD JOHNNY WAS
BRINGING SOME FRIENDS.
196
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,140
YEAH, WELL,
DON'T GET TOO EXCITED.
197
00:08:37,142 --> 00:08:39,375
IT'S PROBABLY JUST THE PRODUCER,
PEOPLE ON THE CREW.
198
00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:41,678
I THOUGHT THEY MIGHT
BE SOMEONE FAMOUS.
199
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:45,716
LIKE MAUREEN
FROM THE DRIVIN' SCHOOL.
200
00:08:47,185 --> 00:08:48,685
SHE IS A STUNNER.
201
00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:50,988
YES, I WOULDN'T MIND
PARKIN' IN HER GARAGE.
202
00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:51,989
( doorbell rings )
203
00:08:51,991 --> 00:08:53,957
AAH! THAT'S HIM,
THAT'S HIM.
204
00:08:53,959 --> 00:08:56,093
RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
TRY TO LOOK COOL.
205
00:08:57,997 --> 00:09:00,230
OR...MAYBE NOT.
206
00:09:00,232 --> 00:09:01,231
COME ON.
207
00:09:01,233 --> 00:09:02,265
All: OH!
208
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,767
ALICE,
GET OUT OF THE WAY!
209
00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:05,769
Hugo: DAD SAID
THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
210
00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:07,771
OH, GOD, IT'S A POWER CUT.
( doorbell rings )
211
00:09:07,773 --> 00:09:09,372
COMING!
( running footsteps )
212
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,373
( door opens )
213
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,375
Vicar: UM, IS THAT YOU,
JOHNNY?
214
00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,377
Johnny: YEAH,
AND HERE ARE
MY FRIENDS.
215
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:15,879
GERALDINE,
THIS IS SEAN.
216
00:09:15,881 --> 00:09:18,815
Sean Connery: HELLO, MY DEAR.
I'M SURE YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
217
00:09:18,817 --> 00:09:22,619
THINK JULIA ROBERTS
IN PRETTY WOMAN
AFTER A VERY BIG MEAL,
218
00:09:22,621 --> 00:09:24,454
AND YOU'RE PRETTY CLOSE.
219
00:09:24,456 --> 00:09:26,623
AND THIS IS MICK
AND THIS IS MICHAEL.
220
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:29,126
Mick Jagger:
HELLO, HOW'S IT GOIN'? OKAY?
221
00:09:29,128 --> 00:09:32,228
IT IS SO DARK IN HERE.
IT'S QUITE SCARY, ISN'T IT?
222
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:34,898
Michael Caine: HELLO, DARLIN'.
CHARMED, I'M SURE.
223
00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:36,900
HOW'S ABOUT
A COUPLE OF, UH--
224
00:09:36,902 --> 00:09:38,902
WHAT DO YOU CALL 'EM
OVER HERE--BIRDS?
225
00:09:38,904 --> 00:09:40,370
IS THAT ALL RIGHT?
226
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,373
Alice: EXOTIC, OR JUST
SPARROWS AND BUDGIES
AND THINGS LIKE THAT?
227
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,042
THIS IS MADONNA.
228
00:09:45,044 --> 00:09:47,044
Vicar: OH, MY GOD!
229
00:09:47,046 --> 00:09:48,945
Madonna: HI THERE, VIC.
HOW'S IT HANGING?
230
00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:52,049
OH, VERY WELL,
THANK YOU.
231
00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:54,584
Johnny: AND THE DUCHESS OF YORK
WAS JUST DROPPING BY.
232
00:09:54,586 --> 00:09:58,021
Vicar: OH! OH, WELL,
HI, REDHEAD.
233
00:09:58,023 --> 00:10:00,190
Duchess ( Fergie ):
HELLO, VICAR.
234
00:10:00,192 --> 00:10:02,893
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
SORRY, WHAT'S THIS THING?
235
00:10:02,895 --> 00:10:04,995
I CAN FEEL SOMETHING
SHORT AND PRICKLY.
236
00:10:04,997 --> 00:10:07,197
IS IT A PRESENT,
A CACTUS OR SOMETHING?
237
00:10:07,199 --> 00:10:09,399
Robin Cook: NO, NO, NO,
I'M ROBIN COOK.
238
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:10,934
OH.
239
00:10:10,936 --> 00:10:14,637
WELL, SOMEWHERE IN HERE
ARE MY VILLAGERS.
240
00:10:14,639 --> 00:10:17,340
UM, GUYS, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST INTRODUCE YOURSELVES?
241
00:10:17,342 --> 00:10:19,142
Mr. Newitt:
HELLO, EVERYONE.
242
00:10:19,144 --> 00:10:22,579
MADONNA, CAN I JUST SAY
I'M A GREAT FAN OF YOUR WORK,
243
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:25,749
PARTICULARLY THE EARLY STUFF,
WHEN YOU WERE NICE AND FAT.
244
00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,118
Vicar: HA HA HA!
PLEASE IGNORE HIM.
245
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,620
ONE OF HIS PARENTS
HAD FOUR LEGS, YOU SEE.
246
00:10:30,622 --> 00:10:32,622
GET READY TO ROCK,
EVERYONE.
247
00:10:32,624 --> 00:10:34,324
THE PARTY STARTS HERE.
248
00:10:34,326 --> 00:10:38,461
( pop music playing )
249
00:10:40,866 --> 00:10:42,832
OHH.
250
00:10:42,834 --> 00:10:46,903
OH, WHAT DID I
GET UP TO LAST NIGHT?
251
00:10:46,905 --> 00:10:49,072
OHH. OHH.
252
00:10:49,074 --> 00:10:50,273
( gasps )
253
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,175
OH, NO.
254
00:10:52,177 --> 00:10:54,177
OH, THAT WAS ROBIN COOK.
255
00:10:54,179 --> 00:10:56,947
COMPLETELY MISSED MY MOUTH.
256
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:59,049
KISSES LIKE A BLIND...
( doorbell rings )
257
00:10:59,051 --> 00:11:00,617
VACUUM CLEANER.
258
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,154
HELLO, VICAR.
I HEAR YOU HAD
QUITE A NIGHT.
259
00:11:05,156 --> 00:11:07,891
OH, BOY,
YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
260
00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:09,859
MICHAEL CAINE, RIGHT...
261
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:11,695
( laughs )
262
00:11:11,697 --> 00:11:13,997
BROUGHT THIS MANGO.
263
00:11:13,999 --> 00:11:16,967
APPARENTLY, THOUGH,
APART FROM JOHNNY,
264
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,469
YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEE
ANY OF YOUR GUESTS.
265
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,838
WELL, NO, BUT THEY
WERE DEFINITELY THERE.
266
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,339
OR WERE THEY?
267
00:11:23,341 --> 00:11:26,342
I SUSPECT YOU'VE HAD THE WOOL
PULLED OVER YOUR EYES.
268
00:11:26,344 --> 00:11:29,813
I THINK HE PROBABLY
BROUGHT ALONG A COUPLE
OF RATHER GOOD IMPRESSIONISTS.
269
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,082
NO, HE DID NOT.
270
00:11:32,084 --> 00:11:33,583
I MEAN, LOOK.
271
00:11:33,585 --> 00:11:34,951
WHAT'S THAT?
272
00:11:34,953 --> 00:11:37,687
THIS IS MADONNA'S BRA.
273
00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:40,590
THAT IS NOT MADONNA'S BRA.
IT'S YOURS.
274
00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:42,626
IT ISN'T. LOOK,
I'M STILL WEARING MINE.
275
00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:45,294
I THINK YOU'VE PROBABLY GOT
MORE THAN ONE BRA.
276
00:11:45,296 --> 00:11:49,099
NO, I HAVEN'T.
FOR ME, BRAS ARE LIKE MEN.
277
00:11:49,101 --> 00:11:53,103
YOU KNOW, YOU MEET
ONE YOU LOVE, AND YOU
STICK WITH IT FOR LIFE.
278
00:11:53,105 --> 00:11:56,172
I MET THIS
PARTICULAR LOVE MATCH
IN BRITISH HOME STORES,
279
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:59,109
AND, WELL, I'LL TAKE HIM
TO MY GRAVE WITH ME.
280
00:11:59,111 --> 00:12:00,910
HIM? I DIDN'T KNOW BRAS
WERE MASCULINE.
281
00:12:00,912 --> 00:12:02,578
WELL, OF COURSE THEY ARE.
282
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:04,413
YOU WOULDN'T WANT
SOMETHING FEMALE
283
00:12:04,415 --> 00:12:07,917
CUPPING YOUR BREASTS
FROM DAWN TILL DUSK,
WOULD YOU?
284
00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:10,920
WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU MIGHT
IF YOU'RE A TENNIS PLAYER.
285
00:12:10,922 --> 00:12:14,257
NO, THE POINT IS THAT
WE HAD A HUGE, SUCCESSFUL
CELEBRITY PARTY
286
00:12:14,259 --> 00:12:16,292
IN THIS ROOM LAST NIGHT,
287
00:12:16,294 --> 00:12:18,862
AND THIS IS MADONNA'S BRA,
288
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,697
AND, DOUBTING DAVID,
289
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,231
THIS--RIGHT, THIS--
290
00:12:22,233 --> 00:12:23,867
THIS--THIS--
291
00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:26,970
FERGIE'S TIARA.
THANK YOU.
292
00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:29,172
( laughs )
293
00:12:29,174 --> 00:12:32,676
OH, YOU'LL HAVE TO PULL
THE OTHER ONE
AND PULL IT VERY HARD.
294
00:12:32,678 --> 00:12:36,479
CLEARLY MR. DEPP
DECIDED TO MAKE A FOOL
OUT OF ALL OF YOU,
295
00:12:36,481 --> 00:12:39,248
BROUGHT ALONG RORY BREMNER
AND MIKE YARWOOD,
296
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:41,785
AND YOU FELL FOR IT
HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER.
297
00:12:41,787 --> 00:12:44,520
YOU ARE A SAD,
GULLIBLE CREATURE, VICAR...
298
00:12:44,522 --> 00:12:47,256
OH, DEAR.
AND YOU HAVE BEEN HAD.
299
00:12:47,258 --> 00:12:49,059
( doorbell rings )
300
00:12:49,061 --> 00:12:51,895
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME
JUST ONE MOMENT?
MM-HMM.
301
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,169
HI. FORGOT THE TIARA.
302
00:12:59,171 --> 00:13:01,805
OH, GINGE, COME ON IN.
303
00:13:01,807 --> 00:13:05,208
GO STRAIGHT THROUGH.
I'LL FIND IT FOR YOU.
304
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:06,642
( sighs )
305
00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:08,878
THIS IS, UH, DAVID.
306
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,014
HELLO.
HOW DO YOU DO, DAVID?
307
00:13:11,016 --> 00:13:13,382
I DO...
308
00:13:13,384 --> 00:13:14,884
UH, DO DO...
309
00:13:14,886 --> 00:13:16,485
VERY WELL...
310
00:13:16,487 --> 00:13:17,486
THANK YOU.
311
00:13:17,488 --> 00:13:19,655
HERE IT IS.
312
00:13:19,657 --> 00:13:22,291
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OH, MADONNA SAID
SHE LEFT HER BRA.
313
00:13:22,293 --> 00:13:24,327
SHE DID, YES.
VOILA.
314
00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:26,696
SAYS SHE CAN'T LIVE
WITHOUT HIM.
ABSOLUTELY.
315
00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:28,898
WELL, IT WAS NICE
TO MEET YOU, HANDSOME.
316
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:33,002
YES, TO MEET YOU...
NICE...DUCHESS.
317
00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:35,805
OH, VIC, WILL I SEE YOU
AT SEAN'S ON SATURDAY?
318
00:13:35,807 --> 00:13:37,807
YOU BET.
I WOULDN'T MISS IT.
319
00:13:37,809 --> 00:13:38,975
CIAO.
CIAO.
320
00:13:38,977 --> 00:13:41,077
SEE YOU THERE.
321
00:13:42,313 --> 00:13:44,247
LOVELY.
322
00:13:44,249 --> 00:13:46,116
( sighs )
323
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:50,620
OH, YE OF TINY, TINY FAITH.
324
00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:54,310
♪ FOREVER ♪
325
00:13:55,398 --> 00:13:58,559
RIGHT, ARE YOU READY?
THIS ONE IS A BIT SAUCY.
326
00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:00,640
THAT'S HOW I LIKE 'EM!
327
00:14:01,118 --> 00:14:04,342
GOD SAYS TO ADAM, "I'VE GOT
TWO BITS OF GOOD NEWS FOR YOU,"
328
00:14:04,479 --> 00:14:06,532
"AND ONE BIT OF BAD NEWS."
329
00:14:06,639 --> 00:14:08,959
- RIGHT.
- SO ADAM SAYS, "WELL..."
330
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:10,800
"TELL ME THE GOOD NEWS BITS FIRST."
331
00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:13,618
AND GOD SAYS "WELL, I'M
GOING TO GIVE YOU AN ORGAN,"
332
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:15,594
"WHICH IS CALLED "THE BRAIN","
333
00:14:15,618 --> 00:14:18,184
"AND THIS'LL MAKE YOU
UNDERSTAND ALL SORTS OF THINGS,"
334
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:19,758
"IT'LL GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF THOUGHT,"
335
00:14:20,079 --> 00:14:22,319
"IT'LL BE THE CENTRE OF YOUR VERY SOUL."
336
00:14:23,038 --> 00:14:26,104
- AWW, ISN'T THAT NICE?
GOOD OL' GOD.
- YEAH. YEAH.
337
00:14:26,478 --> 00:14:29,640
"AND THE SECOND BIT OF GOOD NEWS IS
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU ANOTHER ORGAN,"
338
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:33,279
"CALLED "THE..." WELL,
CALLED "THE KNOB"."
339
00:14:34,319 --> 00:14:36,759
OH, RIGHT. 'CAUSE YOU DO
NEED A LOT OF KNOBS ON ORGANS.
340
00:14:37,399 --> 00:14:38,717
NO, THE OTHER KIND OF KNOB.
341
00:14:39,158 --> 00:14:42,518
- YOU KNOW, THE WILLY?
THE WILLY. ( laughs )
- OH, RIGHT. ( gasps )
342
00:14:42,598 --> 00:14:46,879
OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! IMAGINE GOD
SAYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT! NAUGHTY!
343
00:14:46,958 --> 00:14:48,958
AND GOD SAID, "WITH THIS
PARTICULAR ORGAN..."
344
00:14:49,278 --> 00:14:53,317
"YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THE MOST
INTENSE PLEASURE KNOWN TO MAN."
345
00:14:53,839 --> 00:14:55,735
- IS THAT RIGHT?
- YEAH, CERTAINLY IS.
346
00:14:55,919 --> 00:14:58,698
AND SO ADAM SAYS,
"WELL, WHAT'S THE BAD NEWS THEN?"
347
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:01,705
AND GOD SAYS,
"WELL, THE ONLY PROBLEM IS..."
348
00:15:01,959 --> 00:15:04,359
"I'M AFRAID YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO
USE BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME."
349
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,224
( laughs hysterically )
350
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,665
RIGHT... WHAT?
351
00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:12,140
YOU KNOW...
YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO USE THE BRAIN...
352
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,095
AND THE KNOB AT THE SAME TIME.
DYA GET IT? BECAUSE MEN CAN'T...
353
00:15:15,199 --> 00:15:17,486
- OH YEAH, RIGHT!
- Y'SEE? Y'SEE? YEAH.
354
00:15:18,838 --> 00:15:21,518
SO HE WON'T BE ABLE TO THINK
WHEN HE GOES TO THE LOO.
355
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:25,144
THAT MUST BE WHY MEN'S
BATHROOMS ARE ALWAYS SO MESSY.
356
00:15:25,318 --> 00:15:27,318
NO, YOU HAVEN'T
GOT IT ALL, HAVE YOU?
357
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,219
GOD, THAT IS SUCH A GOOD JOKE.
358
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,935
I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA
TELL YOU ANY MORE JOKES.
( chuckles )
359
00:15:32,038 --> 00:15:37,038
POOR OLD EVE, SHE'D BETTER NOT
LEAVE THE LOO SEAT DOWN WITH ADAM
SPLASHING IT AROUND EVERYWHERE!
360
00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:38,442
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?
361
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,779
I THINK GOD'D RUN OUT OF BRAINS
BY THE TIME HE GOT TO YOU!
362
00:15:43,119 --> 00:15:44,124
DYA THINK?
363
00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:47,484
YEAH, I THINK HE HAD.
DIDN'T HAVE ANY MORE LEFT IN THE BUCKET!
364
00:15:47,839 --> 00:15:48,727
( chuckles )
365
00:15:48,759 --> 00:15:53,330
♪ FOREVER ♪
24887
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