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Previously on
How I Met Your Father...
2
00:00:16,810 --> 00:00:18,978
- Send your absolute best photo,
3
00:00:18,979 --> 00:00:22,607
and I'll consider squeezing
you into our New Voices show.
4
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:25,110
- I got to take
the perfect shot.
5
00:00:26,903 --> 00:00:28,779
- When you're a
struggling artist,
6
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:31,282
you only get so many
chances to prove yourself.
7
00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:33,576
So, when a big one
presents itself,
8
00:00:33,577 --> 00:00:35,369
you can't help but wonder,
9
00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:37,079
"Am I good enough?"
10
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,455
- I'm not good enough!
11
00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:40,708
All of these photos
are terrible!
12
00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:41,959
- Alright, calm down.
13
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,129
- Hey! Don't tell a woman
to calm down! We hate that!
14
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:47,673
- It's almost as bad as
telling us that we look tired.
15
00:00:47,674 --> 00:00:49,550
You think that we don't
know that we're tired?!
16
00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:50,991
We're the ones
inside of our bodies!
17
00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:54,931
- Do you guys think
any of these are good?
18
00:00:55,348 --> 00:00:57,182
- I love this one
of a blurry tampon.
19
00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:58,726
You know, what a
powerful statement
20
00:00:58,727 --> 00:01:00,979
about how we need to
focus on women's issues.
21
00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:03,939
- That's a photo I accidentally
took inside my purse.
22
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,735
- Or... is it art?
23
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,486
- Woo! 'Sup, fam?
24
00:01:09,487 --> 00:01:11,488
Guess who's finally
recording new music
25
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,907
as a solo artist?
26
00:01:12,908 --> 00:01:15,117
- Did Jungkook leave
BTS and go solo?
27
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,411
Mm, we all saw it coming!
28
00:01:17,412 --> 00:01:19,163
- No! It's me!
29
00:01:19,164 --> 00:01:22,041
I finally laid down some
new tracks without Meredith.
30
00:01:22,042 --> 00:01:23,584
Thank you!
31
00:01:23,585 --> 00:01:25,085
- Yeah,
that's also exciting.
32
00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:27,171
- Hell yeah, it is!
33
00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:28,881
Jesse, I am so
proud of you, man.
34
00:01:28,882 --> 00:01:30,966
Can I kiss your forehead? Mwah!
- You better.
35
00:01:30,967 --> 00:01:32,885
Ugh! I'm glad you're
so psyched for me
36
00:01:32,886 --> 00:01:35,429
because I did max out all my
credit cards on studio time,
37
00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:37,849
and I'm going to be late
on rent this month, but...
38
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:39,808
do you need any more
back rub coupons?
39
00:01:39,809 --> 00:01:42,729
- No, Jesse, I got plenty
of back rub coupons, man!
40
00:01:44,189 --> 00:01:45,439
- I feel you, Jesse.
41
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,150
I have drained my entire bank
account on rolls of film.
42
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:49,110
But, you know what?
43
00:01:49,111 --> 00:01:51,445
That's just the life of a
struggling artist, right?
44
00:01:51,446 --> 00:01:54,532
Like, pour everything into
our work, live on the cheap...
45
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:56,326
Here!
46
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:59,036
Have some free fruit salad.
- Ooh! Don't mind if I do.
47
00:01:59,037 --> 00:02:00,996
- That is not fruit salad!
48
00:02:00,997 --> 00:02:03,541
- These are my cocktail garnishes!
- And they're delicious.
49
00:02:04,084 --> 00:02:06,377
- Oh hey, can I interest
you in little, uh, BYOB?
50
00:02:06,378 --> 00:02:08,420
It's one of my struggling
artist life hacks.
51
00:02:08,421 --> 00:02:10,089
- Hell yes.
- Oh, can I get one of those?
52
00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:11,173
- Yeah, of course.
53
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:13,300
- And I wonder why this
bar isn't profitable!
54
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,136
- I got to go home and change
55
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,680
and shoot as many
rolls as possible
56
00:02:17,681 --> 00:02:20,724
before Drew's big school
fund-raiser tonight.
57
00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:23,852
Wasn't that so nice of him
to invite you guys to that?
58
00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:26,146
He said it's like the
Oscars of public education.
59
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,192
Bye!
60
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,111
- We're not actually
excited about this, right?
61
00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,282
Well, well, well.
62
00:02:36,283 --> 00:02:38,617
Look at you.
63
00:02:38,618 --> 00:02:41,078
If it isn't the most manly man
64
00:02:41,079 --> 00:02:43,497
at the Jefferson
Elementary charity auction.
65
00:02:51,965 --> 00:02:53,091
- Hi, Sid.
66
00:02:54,301 --> 00:02:55,760
- What are you doing
here, Meredith?
67
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:59,054
Shouldn't you be out rejecting
the proposal of a young lover,
68
00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:01,640
and then fleeing to Europe with his cat?
- Okay.
69
00:03:01,641 --> 00:03:05,145
Of course, I could have handled
things better with Jesse, but...
70
00:03:05,937 --> 00:03:07,813
you know, there's no
instruction manual
71
00:03:07,814 --> 00:03:10,357
for being blindsided
with a public proposal.
72
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:11,735
Wait...
73
00:03:16,907 --> 00:03:18,616
- What are you doing right now?
74
00:03:18,617 --> 00:03:20,200
- I'm working on a new album,
75
00:03:20,201 --> 00:03:22,412
so I try to record stuff
whenever inspiration strikes.
76
00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:24,371
Wow.
77
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,750
What are you doing
different to your skin?
78
00:03:27,459 --> 00:03:29,043
- Well, actually, yeah,
79
00:03:29,044 --> 00:03:30,878
I've been using this
new alpha hydroxy mask.
80
00:03:30,879 --> 00:03:32,004
It's like...
81
00:03:32,005 --> 00:03:35,049
No! No. This is what you do.
82
00:03:35,050 --> 00:03:36,800
You charm people,
you suck 'em in,
83
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:39,595
and then you stomp
their hearts to a pulp.
84
00:03:39,596 --> 00:03:42,890
- Okay, look, I need to talk to Jesse,
alright? And I don't have his new number.
85
00:03:42,891 --> 00:03:44,892
- Is he here?
- Nope. He's on a date.
86
00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:47,395
With Dua Lipa.
87
00:03:47,771 --> 00:03:49,980
- Jesse is dating pop
superstar Dua Lipa.
88
00:03:49,981 --> 00:03:51,106
- Correct.
89
00:03:51,107 --> 00:03:53,525
They met at a Shake Shack,
ended up splitting a burger...
90
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:54,611
- Dua Lipa is a vegan!
91
00:03:55,237 --> 00:03:56,779
Forget it. I'll just come back...
- No!
92
00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:58,197
No, no, no. Do not
come back later.
93
00:03:58,198 --> 00:04:00,532
Jesse's gonna be home
soon. I got to go to work,
94
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:02,702
so why don't you
just... wait here?
95
00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:04,412
- Okay...
96
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:06,623
What's your Wi-Fi password?
97
00:04:07,249 --> 00:04:09,918
- It's "Meredith sucks." All
one word, "sucks" is in caps.
98
00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:15,715
Ellen? Meet me at
Pemberton's. We have a code M.
99
00:04:17,384 --> 00:04:20,511
- Valentina, let's go
over tomorrow's looks.
100
00:04:20,512 --> 00:04:22,346
Michelle Williams' dress?
- Steamed and ready to go.
101
00:04:22,347 --> 00:04:24,348
- Harry Styles' dress?
- Steamed and ready to go.
102
00:04:24,349 --> 00:04:25,391
- Tilda Swinton's armor?
103
00:04:25,392 --> 00:04:27,142
- Polished and ready to go.
- And where are
104
00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:28,435
J.Lo's nipple concealers?
105
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:29,688
- Right here, Fred.
106
00:04:31,815 --> 00:04:35,026
- These are black.
Her dress is sheer!
107
00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:37,403
Do you want J.Lo's nips
108
00:04:37,404 --> 00:04:39,572
to be staring out at the
world like a coked-out ow?
109
00:04:39,573 --> 00:04:40,906
- Sorry. Nobody told me.
110
00:04:40,907 --> 00:04:42,908
I think we have some nude ones.
111
00:04:42,909 --> 00:04:44,952
- You are an incredibly
dumb person, Valentina.
112
00:04:44,953 --> 00:04:47,246
- Fred, you cannot
talk to me like that.
113
00:04:47,247 --> 00:04:49,623
- Oh, honey, I'm not
talking to you. Mm-mmm.
114
00:04:49,624 --> 00:04:51,626
I'm talking to my
doll Valentina.
115
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,214
- We both know that doll
is just a weird workaround
116
00:04:57,215 --> 00:04:59,383
so you can verbally abuse
me without a lawsuit.
117
00:04:59,384 --> 00:05:03,096
- No, it's not. You
stupid, stupid, worthless idiot.
118
00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,306
Oh, sometimes,
119
00:05:05,307 --> 00:05:07,266
I have fantasies about
taking you to a Knicks game
120
00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:10,269
and waiting for the kiss cam to come
around and land on us, and then...
121
00:05:10,270 --> 00:05:12,187
firing you in front
of the whole world!
122
00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:14,607
- Fred, that was
clearly directed to me.
123
00:05:14,608 --> 00:05:16,150
- Was not. I was
talking to the doll,
124
00:05:16,151 --> 00:05:18,361
and you can't prove
otherwise. Bye!
125
00:05:20,906 --> 00:05:23,950
- At least you got
an actual doll.
126
00:05:26,036 --> 00:05:28,495
- Hey, bunny. Think we'll have
time to grab a proper dinner
127
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,331
before this Drew nightmare.
128
00:05:30,332 --> 00:05:32,416
Apparently, they're serving
pasta made by schoolchildren,
129
00:05:32,417 --> 00:05:35,169
and I am not trying to get head
lice from a plate of ravioli.
130
00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:36,629
- One sec. I just need to...
131
00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:39,340
swipe something from
our accessories closet.
132
00:05:39,341 --> 00:05:41,008
- What do you mean, swipe?
133
00:05:41,009 --> 00:05:43,469
- I promised Drew I would donate
something to the auction tonight.
134
00:05:43,470 --> 00:05:45,387
I was just going to grab a
random blouse or something,
135
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:47,390
but, lucky for Drew's school...
136
00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,851
my boss really
pissed me off today.
137
00:05:50,852 --> 00:05:55,022
- Valentina, that is a beige lambskin
quilted medium Chanel 19 flap.
138
00:05:55,023 --> 00:05:56,441
It's worth thousands!
139
00:05:58,026 --> 00:06:01,195
Men can be bag hags, too.
You're gonna steal that?
140
00:06:01,196 --> 00:06:02,488
- Not steal it.
141
00:06:02,489 --> 00:06:03,822
Swipe it.
142
00:06:03,823 --> 00:06:05,407
- That's just an adorable
way of saying steal!
143
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:06,408
- Chill!
144
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,786
Nobody will ever find out.
Fred never checks that closet.
145
00:06:08,787 --> 00:06:10,496
Hey, stop looking
at me like that,
146
00:06:10,497 --> 00:06:12,122
you judgmental little bitch!
147
00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:15,042
- Fine. Do whatever you want.
Just don't talk to me that way.
148
00:06:15,043 --> 00:06:17,921
- Oh, sorry! Oh, I was
talking to the doll.
149
00:06:21,841 --> 00:06:24,343
- Now, I know what tonight's
nightmare will be about.
150
00:06:27,013 --> 00:06:28,806
- Hey, you. DREW
: Hi.
151
00:06:28,807 --> 00:06:31,392
I'm really excited for you to
meet all my work peeps tonight.
152
00:06:31,393 --> 00:06:32,726
I told them all about you.
153
00:06:32,727 --> 00:06:33,936
Anyhoo,
154
00:06:33,937 --> 00:06:35,688
uh, any luck getting
your perfect picture?
155
00:06:35,689 --> 00:06:36,897
- Not yet.
156
00:06:36,898 --> 00:06:40,276
I almost got one of a cat and
raccoon being interspecies friends.
157
00:06:40,277 --> 00:06:42,611
But, then it turned
out the cat was dead,
158
00:06:42,612 --> 00:06:44,656
and the raccoon was eating it.
159
00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:46,783
- Oh, ew.
160
00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:50,119
Anyway, I-I really
admire your hustle.
161
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,496
- Thanks. Oh my god.
162
00:06:52,497 --> 00:06:54,290
I think this adorable old couple
163
00:06:54,291 --> 00:06:56,251
is about to kiss over a
steam vent. I-I got to go.
164
00:07:03,842 --> 00:07:05,467
Whoa! Ah!
165
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,469
Ow...
166
00:07:10,724 --> 00:07:13,226
Oh thank God, nothing's broken.
167
00:07:22,903 --> 00:07:24,154
Oh...
168
00:07:27,407 --> 00:07:29,074
Jesse! Hey.
169
00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:31,286
You don't happen to have
a cheap dentist, do you?
170
00:07:32,162 --> 00:07:33,663
Thank God.
171
00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:38,751
Yes. If he gives me a free
toothbrush, you can have it.
172
00:07:41,213 --> 00:07:43,756
- What took you so long?! Does
code M mean nothing to you?
173
00:07:43,757 --> 00:07:46,050
- Literally nothing!
But it better be bad
174
00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:47,343
because I was in
the middle of doing
175
00:07:47,344 --> 00:07:49,345
that alpha hydroxy
mask you gave me,
176
00:07:49,346 --> 00:07:51,388
and now, I'm only half hydroxy!
177
00:07:51,389 --> 00:07:53,515
I got to go even out.
- Okay, no.
178
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,684
Meredith is at my
apartment right now,
179
00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:56,894
and she needs to talk to Jesse.
180
00:07:58,063 --> 00:08:00,272
- Do you think she's pregnant?
Did she look pregnant?
181
00:08:00,273 --> 00:08:02,942
- Actually, yes. She was glowing
brighter than the left side of your face.
182
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:07,446
- Is Jesse going home before the gala?
- No.
183
00:08:07,447 --> 00:08:09,531
- So, Meredith's in your
apartment waiting for no one.
184
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:12,034
- Correct.
- Very good, very good.
185
00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:13,744
Then, that buys us some time.
186
00:08:13,745 --> 00:08:15,120
But what's our endgame?
187
00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:17,499
- Well, we don't have one.
There is no end to our game.
188
00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:21,126
That is a really
tight rap lyric!
189
00:08:26,466 --> 00:08:29,468
- My god, Ellen, our rhymes are lit!
- Woo-hoo!
190
00:08:29,469 --> 00:08:32,263
- Meredith's not the only one
who can impromptu songwrite.
191
00:08:32,264 --> 00:08:34,640
Yeah, not
bad.
192
00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:37,476
Jesse's still not back,
and I really need to...
193
00:08:37,477 --> 00:08:38,603
Wait...
194
00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:41,731
You must
be Jesse's sister.
195
00:08:42,399 --> 00:08:45,609
He used to tell me so many stories
about how close you guys were.
196
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:48,487
What is that character you used
to do whenever you drank water?
197
00:08:48,488 --> 00:08:50,615
- He told you about Barbara Waters?
- Yes!
198
00:08:51,783 --> 00:08:53,617
- :
Today on The View,
199
00:08:53,618 --> 00:08:55,035
I will be interviewing
200
00:08:55,036 --> 00:08:57,663
a delicious glass of ice water!
201
00:08:57,664 --> 00:09:00,416
- Oh, that is such
a good impression!
202
00:09:00,417 --> 00:09:02,084
You should audition for SNL.
203
00:09:02,085 --> 00:09:04,503
- Oh, stop. I mean, it
has crossed my mind...
204
00:09:04,504 --> 00:09:07,006
- Ellen, you're
getting sucked in.
205
00:09:07,007 --> 00:09:08,258
Oh.
206
00:09:10,427 --> 00:09:13,095
Jesse just texted me. He's
back at the apartment.
207
00:09:13,096 --> 00:09:14,256
Come on, we'll walk you back.
208
00:09:15,348 --> 00:09:16,474
- Fine.
209
00:09:18,268 --> 00:09:20,148
- : What are we doing?
- I don't know!
210
00:09:21,479 --> 00:09:23,814
- Thanks again for driving me here.
- Yeah, no problem.
211
00:09:23,815 --> 00:09:25,399
I'm just looking forward
to that new toothbrush.
212
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,737
- I just want to get in,
get out, and get to Drew.
213
00:09:31,114 --> 00:09:34,825
Yikes. This place is worse than my
waxer the day before Valentine's.
214
00:09:34,826 --> 00:09:37,494
I told Drew I was
gonna be right on time.
215
00:09:37,495 --> 00:09:39,496
- Uh yeah, that might be tough.
216
00:09:39,497 --> 00:09:42,207
Dr. Hoffman's super popular
because he's so affordable.
217
00:09:42,208 --> 00:09:44,543
The only way to get cheaper
dental care is to date a dentist.
218
00:09:44,544 --> 00:09:45,904
But then you gotta
date a dentist.
219
00:09:49,883 --> 00:09:50,883
Okay...
220
00:09:52,052 --> 00:09:54,929
- Whether the weather be fine,
or whether the weather be not,
221
00:09:54,930 --> 00:09:56,555
we'll weather the weather,
whatever the weather,
222
00:09:56,556 --> 00:09:57,891
whether we like it or not.
223
00:09:58,767 --> 00:10:01,144
- Move over, she's
spitting all over me.
224
00:10:02,772 --> 00:10:05,314
- Sorry! Just
warming up my cords.
225
00:10:05,315 --> 00:10:07,650
There's an open call
for Wicked later,
226
00:10:07,651 --> 00:10:10,736
and I have a really good
feeling about this one.
227
00:10:10,737 --> 00:10:14,366
But my gums randomly
bleed, so here I am.
228
00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:17,701
- We're not like
these people, right?
229
00:10:17,702 --> 00:10:19,621
- What? No, of course not.
230
00:10:20,914 --> 00:10:22,790
- Oh, I see.
231
00:10:22,791 --> 00:10:25,168
Well, thanks for reading it.
232
00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:28,754
Any particular reason
it wasn't for you or...
233
00:10:28,755 --> 00:10:31,299
Hello? Hello?
234
00:10:33,009 --> 00:10:35,512
There goes another
six years of my life.
235
00:10:36,137 --> 00:10:38,305
- Hey. Sir?
236
00:10:38,306 --> 00:10:40,975
You okay?
- I'll be fine.
237
00:10:40,976 --> 00:10:44,479
I just really thought this novel was
finally going to be my big break.
238
00:10:45,105 --> 00:10:48,149
Hey, do you know if Dr. H still
gives out free toothbrushes?
239
00:10:48,984 --> 00:10:50,442
- Mm-hmm.
240
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:52,528
- So, uh, like,
241
00:10:52,529 --> 00:10:54,113
are you new to the
whole writer thing?
242
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:55,990
Like, it's a calling
you found later in life?
243
00:10:55,991 --> 00:10:58,033
- No. Started right
out of college.
244
00:10:58,034 --> 00:11:00,452
I finished my first manuscript
245
00:11:00,453 --> 00:11:02,162
the day Reagan was elected,
246
00:11:02,163 --> 00:11:04,290
and I remember promising myself,
247
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:05,958
"I'm going to be
a published author
248
00:11:05,959 --> 00:11:08,002
before that man leaves
the White House!"
249
00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:09,587
- Ha, ha.
- And then I made
250
00:11:09,588 --> 00:11:12,923
the same promise to myself
when Bush was elected.
251
00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,759
Then Clinton. Then Clinton again.
- Yeah... Yeah...
252
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,969
- Then other Bush twice.
253
00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:18,638
- Oh, please stop
saying presidents!
254
00:11:20,307 --> 00:11:22,683
- Now, I know you
think I'm exaggerating,
255
00:11:22,684 --> 00:11:26,271
but Dr. Hoffman was the
oldest dentist I'd ever seen.
256
00:11:27,606 --> 00:11:29,357
- Which one of you is Sofa?
257
00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:33,235
- It's Sophie.
258
00:11:33,236 --> 00:11:34,905
Sofa is furniture.
259
00:11:35,488 --> 00:11:36,864
- A bit louder, sweetheart.
260
00:11:36,865 --> 00:11:38,825
- Sophie!
- Sophie!
261
00:11:39,326 --> 00:11:43,038
- Sophie! That's my
great-granddaughter's name.
262
00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:45,414
Come in the back. I'll
give you a haircut.
263
00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:47,541
Oh, I'm sorry.
264
00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:49,085
Come on, I'll look
at your teeth.
265
00:11:56,509 --> 00:11:58,969
- Here. The bartender
said, "Say when,"
266
00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:01,597
and I just stayed silent.
- I'm gonna need a lot more
267
00:12:01,598 --> 00:12:04,099
than a Big Gulp of shit chardonnay
to get me through the night.
268
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:06,977
I'm an accessory to
grand theft Chanel.
269
00:12:06,978 --> 00:12:09,940
- Dude, I swear no one will
notice the purse is gone.
270
00:12:14,903 --> 00:12:18,239
My boss has noticed
the purse is missing.
271
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,951
- Oh my god, this night
can't get any worse.
272
00:12:23,495 --> 00:12:25,038
Did the kids make
the wine as well?
273
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,375
- Honestly, my tooth
looks better than ever.
274
00:12:29,376 --> 00:12:30,626
- Totally.
275
00:12:30,627 --> 00:12:32,753
You look like you could be
in a Colgate commercial,
276
00:12:32,754 --> 00:12:35,924
whereas an hour ago, you looked like
you could be in an anti-meth commercial.
277
00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:40,553
- Honestly, I was starting to question
all my life choices back there.
278
00:12:40,554 --> 00:12:42,846
We are nothing like those
losers in the waiting room.
279
00:12:42,847 --> 00:12:45,307
Ow! Oh!
280
00:12:45,308 --> 00:12:47,560
What happened?
- I don't know. The car just stopped.
281
00:12:47,561 --> 00:12:50,146
- Ow... Is my nose bleeding?
282
00:12:51,022 --> 00:12:53,691
- No, but you did
break your tooth again.
283
00:12:53,692 --> 00:12:56,068
- Huh? Ah!
284
00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:03,200
- I can't stop thinking about what
will happen if we go down for this.
285
00:13:03,201 --> 00:13:05,995
I'll wind up in prison,
carving soap figurines
286
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:09,748
and training crows to deliver
cigarettes to someone named Big Papa.
287
00:13:09,749 --> 00:13:12,710
- We're not going to prison. I'm just
gonna take back the purse before the...
288
00:13:12,711 --> 00:13:14,378
- : Who's
ready for an auction?
289
00:13:14,379 --> 00:13:15,672
- auction starts.
290
00:13:16,548 --> 00:13:20,260
- Alright. Let's get started
with this gorgeous Chanel purse.
291
00:13:20,844 --> 00:13:23,847
The bidding will start
at $500.
292
00:13:24,556 --> 00:13:26,348
: 500,
500, do I hear 500...
293
00:13:26,349 --> 00:13:29,059
- I gotta bid on it to
win it back, so here goes.
294
00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:30,644
- $15,000!
295
00:13:30,645 --> 00:13:32,564
- And I'm out.
296
00:13:35,859 --> 00:13:38,819
- My mechanic said I needed
to replace my master cylinder,
297
00:13:38,820 --> 00:13:41,530
.but I thought I
had a few months.
298
00:13:41,531 --> 00:13:43,074
- I found my tooth!
299
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:48,120
Why would you eat my tooth?!
300
00:13:48,121 --> 00:13:49,371
- That was a Tic Tac.
301
00:13:49,372 --> 00:13:50,874
No, that's a pill.
302
00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:52,541
- Damn it!
303
00:13:53,084 --> 00:13:55,502
What if we are not
struggling artists
304
00:13:55,503 --> 00:13:57,588
on the verge of our big breaks?
305
00:13:57,589 --> 00:14:00,758
What if we are going to wind up like
those sad people in the waiting room,
306
00:14:00,759 --> 00:14:03,344
using old presidents to track
how long we've been failures
307
00:14:03,345 --> 00:14:05,930
because I've been taking
photos since Obama...
308
00:14:05,931 --> 00:14:07,806
Wah, I'm already doing it!
- Okay, okay, Sophie, stop it.
309
00:14:07,807 --> 00:14:10,434
Alright, I've seen your
photos. They're fantastic.
310
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,186
You've got a half dozen shots
311
00:14:12,187 --> 00:14:15,397
you could send in right now to impress
that hoity-toity gallery woman.
312
00:14:15,398 --> 00:14:17,316
And even if for some reason
she doesn't like them,
313
00:14:17,317 --> 00:14:18,944
somebody else will.
314
00:14:19,486 --> 00:14:20,486
- How do you know?
315
00:14:20,487 --> 00:14:23,280
- Because the way you see
the world is-is incredible!
316
00:14:23,281 --> 00:14:27,117
You're like this insane little
ball of joy and hope and optimism.
317
00:14:27,118 --> 00:14:30,037
I mean, even today. Y-you
were eating cocktail garnishes
318
00:14:30,038 --> 00:14:31,665
and acting like it
was a lobster dinner.
319
00:14:32,874 --> 00:14:34,083
That's why I love
being around you,
320
00:14:34,084 --> 00:14:37,295
and it's how I know the world
is going to love your photos.
321
00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:39,463
'Cause you're amazing.
322
00:14:42,259 --> 00:14:43,426
- Oh...
323
00:14:44,135 --> 00:14:45,428
Um...
324
00:14:46,346 --> 00:14:47,347
Thank you.
325
00:14:48,807 --> 00:14:50,517
- No problem.
326
00:14:57,732 --> 00:14:59,483
And
that's when it happened.
327
00:14:59,484 --> 00:15:01,278
My perfect shot.
328
00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:03,737
- Jesse, don't move.
329
00:15:03,738 --> 00:15:05,614
- Why? Is there a bee on me?
330
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:07,575
I lost my EpiPen. I
couldn't afford a new one.
331
00:15:07,576 --> 00:15:09,201
Oh my god, this is
it. This is how I die.
332
00:15:09,202 --> 00:15:12,162
- No bee.
You're my shot.
333
00:15:12,163 --> 00:15:13,789
- Oh. Okay.
- Just keep working on the car.
334
00:15:13,790 --> 00:15:15,916
- Do you want me to do that cool
pose where I look up at the sky?
335
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:17,126
- Nobody wants that.
336
00:15:17,127 --> 00:15:19,129
- Okay.
337
00:15:20,088 --> 00:15:22,006
- Jesse?
338
00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:23,508
Jesse!
339
00:15:24,092 --> 00:15:27,511
: That is so weird.
He must have just left.
340
00:15:27,512 --> 00:15:30,222
- Jesus. I haven't seen acting this
bad since my nana's nursing home
341
00:15:30,223 --> 00:15:32,100
put on a production
of Dear Evan Hansen.
342
00:15:32,851 --> 00:15:33,894
Okay, look.
343
00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:36,812
If you guys really don't
think I should see Jesse,
344
00:15:36,813 --> 00:15:39,273
then I guess I can tell you
what's up and you can pass it on.
345
00:15:39,274 --> 00:15:40,941
- Oh my god. Can we...
Can we handle this?
346
00:15:40,942 --> 00:15:42,776
- Have you met
us? Of course not!
347
00:15:42,777 --> 00:15:44,612
We couldn't even handle
the Impossible Burger
348
00:15:44,613 --> 00:15:46,071
because it was too real.
349
00:15:46,072 --> 00:15:48,491
- Okay, in our defense, what
kind of vegetarian meat bleeds?
350
00:15:49,618 --> 00:15:53,330
- I wrote a new album, and I got
signed to a pretty major label.
351
00:15:54,289 --> 00:15:56,999
And the first single's
coming out this week.
352
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,544
This morning, I taped a segment
on The Drew Barrymore Show, and...
353
00:16:00,545 --> 00:16:03,631
she called it "a certified
Barrymore banger,"
354
00:16:03,632 --> 00:16:06,592
and then a bunch of donuts
fell from the ceiling.
355
00:16:06,593 --> 00:16:08,511
I really do not
understand that show.
356
00:16:09,137 --> 00:16:12,140
- Drew is daytime's new
darling. Get on board.
357
00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:14,099
- The single drops tomorrow,
358
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,936
and it's very obviously
about me and Jesse,
359
00:16:16,937 --> 00:16:19,063
and I think the combo
of me having a big song
360
00:16:19,064 --> 00:16:21,273
and it being about our
relationship could be,
361
00:16:21,274 --> 00:16:22,442
you know, a lot for him.
362
00:16:23,860 --> 00:16:26,071
But yeah, m-maybe it's
best coming from you guys.
363
00:16:27,614 --> 00:16:30,784
Anyway, I'm staying at the
Bowery, if he wants to talk.
364
00:16:37,249 --> 00:16:40,501
- I can't believe I was your perfect shot.
365
00:16:40,502 --> 00:16:42,920
I guess my middle school art
teacher Miss Duncan was right.
366
00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:45,631
I do have the body of a model.
367
00:16:45,632 --> 00:16:48,509
- That is a very disturbing
story from your past.
368
00:16:50,262 --> 00:16:51,304
Um...
369
00:16:52,264 --> 00:16:53,765
All that stuff you
said earlier...
370
00:16:54,891 --> 00:16:56,433
Thank you.
371
00:16:58,395 --> 00:16:59,395
- There you are.
372
00:16:59,938 --> 00:17:01,063
- Hey!
373
00:17:03,275 --> 00:17:05,651
I'm sorry I'm late, and
that I look like this.
374
00:17:05,652 --> 00:17:09,405
I'm hoping that the-the chipped
tooth adds more character?
375
00:17:09,406 --> 00:17:12,283
Like maybe I've got a
real juicy origin story.
376
00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:15,786
- Mm. You know, the chipped
tooth's kind of charming.
377
00:17:15,787 --> 00:17:18,539
The, um, the bird shit on your shoulder
leaves something to be desired.
378
00:17:18,540 --> 00:17:21,250
- Oh! Oh god. I...
379
00:17:21,251 --> 00:17:22,960
It was a long walk here.
380
00:17:22,961 --> 00:17:24,420
- It's all good. JESSE: Hm.
381
00:17:24,421 --> 00:17:27,257
- You missed the superintendent
but, um, glad you're here now.
382
00:17:28,216 --> 00:17:30,426
You know, Jesse, that
full-time music teacher job
383
00:17:30,427 --> 00:17:32,177
we talked about comes
with full dental...
384
00:17:32,178 --> 00:17:34,556
- Uh, I-I'm good,
Drew. Thanks, though.
385
00:17:35,891 --> 00:17:38,267
Well, okay. I'm going
to let you two hang.
386
00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:44,357
- You offered him a full-time job?
- Yep.
387
00:17:45,275 --> 00:17:48,277
You know, I get that Jesse wants
time to work on his own music.
388
00:17:48,278 --> 00:17:50,571
I just... I don't know,
389
00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:52,574
wish he'd stop chasing
a pipe dream, you know?
390
00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:55,952
- Wait...
391
00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:59,955
Do you think that me
making it as a photographer
392
00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:01,750
is also a pipe dream?
393
00:18:03,752 --> 00:18:06,713
- Maybe... maybe we can
talk about this later?
394
00:18:07,422 --> 00:18:11,301
- Actually, I-I'd kinda like
to hear your answer right now.
395
00:18:14,346 --> 00:18:17,348
- Look, I-I think
photography is your passion,
396
00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:18,600
and that's awesome.
397
00:18:20,018 --> 00:18:22,728
But I also think there
comes a time in life
398
00:18:22,729 --> 00:18:24,855
when you should
get a stable job,
399
00:18:24,856 --> 00:18:27,149
so you can plan for your future.
400
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:28,735
Or afford a dentist.
401
00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:32,656
- Got it.
402
00:18:35,116 --> 00:18:37,786
- I gotta go say hi to
those teachers. Um...
403
00:18:38,745 --> 00:18:40,455
We'll keep talking later, okay?
404
00:18:50,882 --> 00:18:53,343
- Well, it's official.
Fred's going to fire me.
405
00:18:54,094 --> 00:18:55,761
I've worked for
that horrible man
406
00:18:55,762 --> 00:18:58,264
for five excruciating years,
407
00:18:58,265 --> 00:19:00,307
and I put up with him
because I told myself
408
00:19:00,308 --> 00:19:03,562
that it was a stepping stone
to something great, but now...
409
00:19:04,271 --> 00:19:06,063
it's all for nothing.
410
00:19:06,064 --> 00:19:08,148
He knows everyone
in this industry,
411
00:19:08,149 --> 00:19:10,067
and he will make sure
that I'm known as the girl
412
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:13,738
who stole the beige lambskin
quilted medium Chanel 19 flap.
413
00:19:15,115 --> 00:19:16,449
- No, he won't.
414
00:19:17,784 --> 00:19:19,786
Because I am swiping it back.
415
00:19:22,414 --> 00:19:25,332
- But you hate stealing.
- I know.
416
00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:26,792
But I love you more.
417
00:19:26,793 --> 00:19:29,879
So just promise you'll wait for me if
I get thrown in the pokey for this.
418
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,214
- Mm...
419
00:19:32,215 --> 00:19:34,383
This is so romantic!
420
00:19:34,384 --> 00:19:36,970
But I cannot, in good conscience,
commit to waiting for you.
421
00:19:58,575 --> 00:20:01,493
- Well...
422
00:20:01,494 --> 00:20:04,538
a lovely evening. Thank you
very much. Valentina, run!
423
00:20:08,585 --> 00:20:11,378
- Maybe we give him worse
news before Meredith's news,
424
00:20:11,379 --> 00:20:13,339
so it doesn't seem so bad.
425
00:20:13,340 --> 00:20:14,757
- Like what?
- I don't know.
426
00:20:14,758 --> 00:20:16,800
We can tell him he
has testicular cancer.
427
00:20:16,801 --> 00:20:18,970
- How on earth would we
know that before him?
428
00:20:19,971 --> 00:20:22,682
- Oh, I love you, Bonnie.
- I love you more, Clyde!
429
00:20:23,892 --> 00:20:26,644
- Don't mind them. They're in
the middle of some very intense
430
00:20:26,645 --> 00:20:28,187
outlaw-themed role-play.
431
00:20:28,188 --> 00:20:29,439
Where were you guys tonight?
432
00:20:30,607 --> 00:20:32,609
- Something came up.
- Oh.
433
00:20:33,443 --> 00:20:34,486
Everything okay?
434
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:42,284
- Sorry, it's
the tow truck company.
435
00:20:42,285 --> 00:20:45,125
My car broke down on the side of the
road. It's gonna cost me a fortune.
436
00:20:45,372 --> 00:20:48,375
Something tells me they're not gonna
take back rub coupons. Be right back.
437
00:20:51,503 --> 00:20:54,005
- Maybe we can just tell him tomorrow.
- Yes.
438
00:20:54,965 --> 00:20:58,134
Tomorrow is a perfect
day for you to tell him.
439
00:21:01,096 --> 00:21:03,556
Am I good
enough to make it as an artist?
440
00:21:03,557 --> 00:21:06,560
That's the question I asked myself
a thousand times a day back then.
441
00:21:08,019 --> 00:21:11,565
Except when I was around
a certain someone.
442
00:21:13,608 --> 00:21:15,235
- Hey.
- Hey.
443
00:21:16,152 --> 00:21:17,237
Why aren't you with Drew?
444
00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:19,905
- We had a fight.
445
00:21:19,906 --> 00:21:22,325
- Oh. I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
446
00:21:23,451 --> 00:21:25,703
Drew doesn't believe in
what I'm doing with my life,
447
00:21:25,704 --> 00:21:28,707
thinks it's time for me to
grow up and get a real job...
448
00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:33,336
I guess the way he sees me is...
449
00:21:34,713 --> 00:21:36,715
pretty different than
the way you see me.
450
00:21:41,511 --> 00:21:45,055
- Well, maybe he's
not the guy for you.
34916
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