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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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She wasn't my first girl or my second.
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Previously on "You Me Her"...
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Listen to me, do not
say the "L" word to him.
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- I almost got married when I was 18.
- What happened?
6
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He told me that he should probably go
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to this Brown University place.
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Honestly, this Lori person
sounds like a real cunt.
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She he has threatened to
send out a blanket e-mail
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to all of the Hamilton parents.
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We're just going to delay the
announcement of your promotion
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00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:25,558
a couple of weeks.
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I'm making a silent vow to
never ever end up like you.
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Oh, dear God. I made that.
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Jack. This just got weird.
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So, whatever happened
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to that skinny, Nordic-looking chick
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you start dating immediately... after...
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After you dumped me? I married her.
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Ruby. Sure. I'll be right there.
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I was never here.
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Okay, don't leave my tab open.
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I left his tab open.
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My man.
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00:00:52,503 --> 00:00:54,952
How would you feel about helping kids
26
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- get to the other side of 21?
- Like a wellness center.
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She didn't seem like an ex.
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She seemed like the ex.
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It feels fragile. The three of us.
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You guys have been
third-wheeling the shit out of me!
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You've decided that I'm
not fluid, I'm a lesbian?
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Okay, well, fuck you for
making massive life decisions
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completely on your own
that affect both of us.
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Well then, fuck you both
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for chasing me down half-cocked,
you matching set of dumbshits!
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00:01:22,803 --> 00:01:24,907
Ok, what are we supposed
to do about the elephant?
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You know, we may have
slapped a coat of paint on it
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so it'd blend in with the
walls, but I can still see it.
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You know why? 'Cause it's
a big painted elephant
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standing in our fucking bedroom.
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00:01:34,514 --> 00:01:38,058
So, this elephant in
the room, what does it...
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00:01:38,684 --> 00:01:41,624
- well, what does it represent?
- Imbalance.
43
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It represents imbalance. I know that.
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He has this absurd notion
we're third-wheeling him.
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That he's our penis bridge
46
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to a more traditional
lesbian relationship.
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I don't know, I mean,
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imagine I had a phase in my
life where I was just like...
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you know, swimming in dicks.
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00:01:57,398 --> 00:01:59,529
That's something I would
probably tell my wife about,
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okay? But not her.
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00:02:01,515 --> 00:02:03,674
Apparently, three of her
past five relationships
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have been with women.
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I didn't know about it.
Might have been nice to
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00:02:06,349 --> 00:02:07,914
- drop me a hint.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:02:07,936 --> 00:02:11,530
So, Jack has now officially
proclaimed me a homosexual.
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00:02:11,537 --> 00:02:13,801
Okay. This whole thing started
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00:02:13,807 --> 00:02:16,574
when Ding and Dong here raced
to the airport to stop me
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00:02:16,590 --> 00:02:18,361
from going home to Colorado but just
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00:02:18,481 --> 00:02:21,231
forgot to discuss what they'd
do when they got me back.
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And don't even get me started
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- on the pumpkin spice fucking candles.
- What?
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00:02:26,087 --> 00:02:27,629
I thought you liked those.
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00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:30,044
- What's wrong with them?
- You don't like the candles or the...
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00:02:30,046 --> 00:02:32,722
- the pumpkin spice flavor?
- They're very seasonal.
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- We love them.
- So...
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00:02:35,102 --> 00:02:38,548
so would you say that perhaps the can...
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00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:40,261
The candles are a metaphor?
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00:02:40,262 --> 00:02:41,963
Yes, for our, uh...
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00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,755
our conventional
30-to-40-something suburban life?
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00:02:45,875 --> 00:02:48,277
- Is that it?
- I don't know.
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Maybe, or they may just be gross.
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00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:52,581
'Cause honestly, once
you get it into your head,
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once you make the connection,
you can't stop thinking
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that they smell like human feces, so...
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_
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Morning.
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00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,172
Hey, 'sup?
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Uh, I was... I was just
gonna have some cereal.
80
00:03:31,249 --> 00:03:34,501
You know just like...
you know, reg cereal. Um,
81
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it's not a big deal. Do you want some?
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Whatever, I don't care.
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00:03:38,246 --> 00:03:41,233
You're busy, so... bye.
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00:03:41,934 --> 00:03:43,980
- Uh, and I'll see you later.
- What, uh...
85
00:03:44,007 --> 00:03:46,447
- just see what's behind door number 1.
- Whoa.
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00:03:46,473 --> 00:03:48,929
Uh, that was a weird thing to say.
87
00:03:48,935 --> 00:03:50,656
Is that a game-show reference?
88
00:03:50,776 --> 00:03:52,942
I don't really get it 'cause I'm not 60.
89
00:03:54,813 --> 00:03:55,977
You need to stop that.
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00:03:56,097 --> 00:03:56,953
Stop what?
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00:03:56,992 --> 00:03:59,685
That whole, "I see you, Nina
Martone" thing. I get it,
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00:03:59,741 --> 00:04:01,216
fellow doctoral candidate.
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00:04:01,226 --> 00:04:02,490
We can read each other's shit.
94
00:04:02,499 --> 00:04:03,910
You sure about that?
95
00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,172
What's my shit?
96
00:04:06,215 --> 00:04:07,777
Uh, pretending that
you don't have any shit,
97
00:04:07,798 --> 00:04:10,176
- which means you're super fucked up.
- Wow.
98
00:04:10,629 --> 00:04:12,144
I'm sorry to disappoint you.
99
00:04:12,161 --> 00:04:13,753
Parents are happily married.
100
00:04:13,783 --> 00:04:15,269
Great family.
101
00:04:15,596 --> 00:04:17,413
Still got to Blazers games with my Pops.
102
00:04:17,443 --> 00:04:19,797
Pops? Oh, God.
103
00:04:19,798 --> 00:04:21,837
It's even worse than I thought. It's...
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00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:24,206
you're just... you're chronically happy,
105
00:04:24,206 --> 00:04:26,136
which means you're unacceptably dull.
106
00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:27,876
- Yeah?
- Yeah, sorry.
107
00:04:27,928 --> 00:04:30,366
That didn't seem to be
your diagnosis last night.
108
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:32,041
- Mm?
- Mm-hmm.
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00:04:41,205 --> 00:04:43,885
I'm not running away
to Brown University.
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Izzy tell you that?
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00:04:50,794 --> 00:04:51,904
Um...
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Oh, my God.
113
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,668
You're still hanging out with Izzy.
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00:04:55,672 --> 00:04:58,541
You guys are still fucking.
I really am rebound girl.
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00:04:58,735 --> 00:05:00,414
No, Nina.
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00:05:00,463 --> 00:05:01,876
No, not at all. Look,
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00:05:01,883 --> 00:05:03,366
we ran into each other on campus.
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00:05:03,374 --> 00:05:05,531
We had a cup of coffee
so that I could download
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00:05:05,549 --> 00:05:07,401
the Nina Martone user's manual.
120
00:05:07,435 --> 00:05:09,671
And then she threatened to
wear my balls as earrings
121
00:05:09,706 --> 00:05:12,246
- if I ever hurt you.
- That's even worse than fucking her.
122
00:05:13,395 --> 00:05:15,109
No, it's not.
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00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:18,007
Okay. Hyperbolic...
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00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,814
obviously not worse than
fucking her, but I...
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00:05:20,159 --> 00:05:22,475
Why would she tell you that? She's
the only person in the entire world...
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00:05:22,501 --> 00:05:25,315
Well, maybe because
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00:05:25,828 --> 00:05:28,289
I told her I'm falling for you.
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00:05:31,193 --> 00:05:32,345
Nina.
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00:05:33,519 --> 00:05:34,775
I have to get to class.
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00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,733
Hey, babe! Nina!
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00:05:39,579 --> 00:05:41,305
You're still in your jams.
132
00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:44,287
And you didn't take your
purse or anything else.
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00:05:53,748 --> 00:05:55,789
I didn't really have to get to class.
134
00:05:56,683 --> 00:05:58,720
No shit. Seriously?
135
00:05:59,377 --> 00:06:01,452
I kind of panicked there for a second.
136
00:06:01,672 --> 00:06:04,944
No shit.
137
00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:15,571
It's, uh... it's kind of like
a lumberjack type of thing.
138
00:06:15,653 --> 00:06:17,996
I guess we could microwave and share it.
139
00:06:20,443 --> 00:06:21,867
I would like that.
140
00:06:30,055 --> 00:06:31,652
I feel like I'm on the outside
141
00:06:31,665 --> 00:06:34,721
of this mundane suburban
ritual looking in.
142
00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:36,162
You know?
143
00:06:37,237 --> 00:06:38,903
What do you think that means?
144
00:06:39,102 --> 00:06:40,828
It means we're taking out the trash.
145
00:06:40,884 --> 00:06:42,744
Therapy has its perils.
146
00:06:42,755 --> 00:06:43,914
Hey.
147
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:45,515
- Hey.
- About time.
148
00:06:46,162 --> 00:06:47,544
- You good?
- Yeah.
149
00:06:47,565 --> 00:06:48,714
Hi.
150
00:06:49,302 --> 00:06:50,841
Glad you can still walk.
151
00:06:50,914 --> 00:06:52,197
Thank you.
152
00:06:52,210 --> 00:06:53,709
So girls can't drink beer?
153
00:06:53,710 --> 00:06:55,192
Is that how it works around here?
154
00:06:55,407 --> 00:06:58,256
Yeah, we have a strict,
uh, no beer for girls policy
155
00:06:58,282 --> 00:06:59,989
here in the land where time stood still.
156
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:01,684
No cursing either.
157
00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:03,807
You sure you want to live in
this backwards fucking hellhole?
158
00:07:04,221 --> 00:07:05,685
Is it second Friday already?
159
00:07:06,064 --> 00:07:07,384
Oh, it's guys' night.
160
00:07:07,739 --> 00:07:10,056
So there's a guys' night
but not a girls' night.
161
00:07:10,086 --> 00:07:13,293
- Um, actually, there is... tonight.
- Oh.
162
00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:15,786
Can you, uh, like, possibly dial down
163
00:07:15,813 --> 00:07:17,758
the righteous indignation to like a 9?
164
00:07:17,759 --> 00:07:20,311
Sorry. Apparently,
therapy makes me salty.
165
00:07:20,604 --> 00:07:21,613
Oh, boy.
166
00:07:21,635 --> 00:07:22,876
- What?
- No, you just...
167
00:07:22,925 --> 00:07:23,982
Therapy?
168
00:07:24,348 --> 00:07:26,328
Freak train's already
running off the rails?
169
00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:29,021
- Really gonna miss you, Izzy.
- Guys, come on.
170
00:07:29,141 --> 00:07:31,460
It's just a check-up.
You know, proactive
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00:07:31,465 --> 00:07:32,556
relationship maintenance.
172
00:07:32,593 --> 00:07:33,543
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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00:07:33,663 --> 00:07:35,138
We'll talk about it tonight.
174
00:07:35,775 --> 00:07:37,377
Yeah, we will.
175
00:07:37,497 --> 00:07:39,260
Oh, right, yeah. That's awesome.
176
00:07:39,269 --> 00:07:40,938
And hope you like Chardonnay.
177
00:07:41,058 --> 00:07:42,174
I've actually never had it
178
00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:43,960
'cause I'm not a desperate
housewife of anywhere.
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00:07:43,976 --> 00:07:46,092
But I'm gonna invite my friend Nina
180
00:07:46,146 --> 00:07:47,688
because I live here now.
181
00:07:49,426 --> 00:07:50,899
Across the street.
182
00:07:52,091 --> 00:07:54,071
Okay. Glad that all got worked out.
183
00:07:54,092 --> 00:07:56,023
- See you in 10 minutes?
- Yeah, definitely.
184
00:07:57,356 --> 00:07:59,281
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, no, totally.
185
00:07:59,298 --> 00:08:01,618
- We can just...
- Em? Carm?
186
00:08:01,823 --> 00:08:03,301
Do you have a sec?
187
00:08:06,372 --> 00:08:08,917
Oh, sh... should I go sit on the curb
188
00:08:08,982 --> 00:08:11,410
- while the adults talk or... ?
- No, no, you too.
189
00:08:11,577 --> 00:08:13,520
Whatever your real name is.
190
00:08:13,574 --> 00:08:15,664
Okay, make it quick 'cause I'm
having some kind of allergic reaction.
191
00:08:15,686 --> 00:08:17,374
Yeah, like, uh, like
your skin's crawling?
192
00:08:17,577 --> 00:08:19,900
I see you're not gonna
make this easy for me.
193
00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:21,569
Well, let's see, Lori. Because of you,
194
00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,386
I got kicked off of the theater project
195
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,255
built on my blood, sweat, and tears,
196
00:08:25,268 --> 00:08:27,352
and now I hate going to work. But, uh,
197
00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:28,561
yeah, sure.
198
00:08:29,118 --> 00:08:30,667
Let's make this easy for you.
199
00:08:30,732 --> 00:08:33,603
I wanted to apologize.
200
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:40,202
I was hoping that we could
start over and be friends?
201
00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:43,767
Like, maybe I could come
over for whatever it is
202
00:08:43,802 --> 00:08:45,939
- you guys do every second Friday.
- Yeah, no.
203
00:08:46,962 --> 00:08:49,624
Yeah, we're at capacity.
Like, maximum occupancy.
204
00:08:49,646 --> 00:08:51,831
Yeah, it's like a fire safety thing.
205
00:08:51,951 --> 00:08:52,970
Sorry.
206
00:08:53,993 --> 00:08:56,142
I had an epiphany. I'm an asshole.
207
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,011
Always last to know.
208
00:08:58,364 --> 00:09:00,748
My mother was an asshole,
her mother before her,
209
00:09:00,761 --> 00:09:03,893
and now my daughter
is becoming an asshole.
210
00:09:03,906 --> 00:09:04,826
Ava?
211
00:09:04,946 --> 00:09:06,901
Come on. She came out
of the box that way.
212
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:07,907
So to speak.
213
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,937
No, she was my angel.
214
00:09:12,206 --> 00:09:16,791
I'm hoping to break the asshole
cycle before it's too late.
215
00:09:22,911 --> 00:09:24,141
Sure.
216
00:09:24,534 --> 00:09:25,514
Really?
217
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,267
See ya later.
218
00:09:42,241 --> 00:09:44,554
- Oh, God, where is it?
- What?
219
00:09:44,736 --> 00:09:47,040
The pumpkin spice candle. Ugh.
220
00:09:47,049 --> 00:09:48,479
I only lit one of them.
221
00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:50,850
Wait... them? Why?
222
00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:52,689
- What's this?
- Hey.
223
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,543
A number in the middle
of a piece of paper?
224
00:09:57,895 --> 00:10:00,294
- It's a salary.
- Like every year?
225
00:10:00,301 --> 00:10:02,122
Yeah, every year.
226
00:10:02,365 --> 00:10:03,895
Wow.
227
00:10:03,922 --> 00:10:06,452
Private jet. Five-star hotel.
228
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,995
- Wait, so this is about a job?
- Mm-hmm.
229
00:10:09,028 --> 00:10:10,741
- Em.
- Yeah.
230
00:10:12,049 --> 00:10:15,400
Yeah, coolest firm in
Seattle. Their, um...
231
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,800
their senior partner
is 60-something, so...
232
00:10:19,002 --> 00:10:23,215
- so they have been insinuating...
- They've been insinuating... wait
233
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,110
Sorry. Um,
234
00:10:25,144 --> 00:10:27,343
how long has this been going on?
235
00:10:27,345 --> 00:10:29,231
I mean, it's just a
discussion. It's not...
236
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,119
it's not like I'm actually gonna go.
237
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,369
You don't... you don't
take the company jet
238
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:35,134
and stay in a hotel like this
239
00:10:35,597 --> 00:10:38,305
if you're gonna say no. You know?
240
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:43,599
Massive "fuck you" that gets
around really fast, so...
241
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,800
So you're not even
considering it like at all?
242
00:10:48,195 --> 00:10:50,763
Even with your promotion on hold?
243
00:10:53,606 --> 00:10:54,858
Okay.
244
00:10:57,270 --> 00:11:00,033
It's really awesome.
245
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:04,930
So, me, you,
246
00:11:04,989 --> 00:11:07,616
Carmen, Lori, Nina,
247
00:11:07,649 --> 00:11:09,786
shit ton of Chardonnay...
this could get weird.
248
00:11:09,818 --> 00:11:11,835
I recommend you curb your enthusiasm.
249
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:14,194
Hmm.
250
00:11:18,014 --> 00:11:19,261
What's wrong?
251
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,447
Clomid time.
252
00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:24,812
- Whoa, you're still doing all that?
- Yep.
253
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,199
And I got to lay off
the booze and the weed.
254
00:11:27,548 --> 00:11:31,133
- You must really want a kid.
- I must.
255
00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:35,616
What about you?
256
00:11:35,827 --> 00:11:39,192
Or are you too young to even
257
00:11:39,664 --> 00:11:41,397
think about that yet?
258
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,069
Uh...
259
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:48,525
Honestly, I've... I've dreamt
about it since I can remember.
260
00:11:48,844 --> 00:11:51,391
Only child of a broken family goes
261
00:11:51,404 --> 00:11:54,338
real hard in one of
two directions, so...
262
00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:01,136
Um...
263
00:12:01,607 --> 00:12:04,932
- When you and Jack get pregnant...
- If.
264
00:12:05,195 --> 00:12:09,012
- lf we get pregnant.
- Okay, if you get pregnant,
265
00:12:10,422 --> 00:12:12,357
what does that make me?
266
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,569
How is that misogynistic?
267
00:12:21,623 --> 00:12:22,639
I mean, it sounds like a compliment,
268
00:12:22,663 --> 00:12:24,369
but it's really just
like saying "fairer sex."
269
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,593
Exactly, it's... it's like
a thinly veiled prescription.
270
00:12:28,004 --> 00:12:29,981
You stay pretty and
keep your shit together
271
00:12:29,985 --> 00:12:31,008
so I don't have to.
272
00:12:31,128 --> 00:12:32,955
- Yeah, exactly.
- Right?
273
00:12:33,243 --> 00:12:34,374
Does it hurt?
274
00:12:34,742 --> 00:12:37,171
- Don't answer. Don't say it. Don't answer.
- Does what hurt?
275
00:12:37,227 --> 00:12:39,942
You know, you two getting your
heads so far up each other's asses.
276
00:12:39,981 --> 00:12:42,143
- Oh, come on.
- Jack!
277
00:12:42,217 --> 00:12:44,290
- What are you even talking about?
- No, I'm telling you.
278
00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:46,294
- Hi.
- Hey.
279
00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:50,273
This is, um...
280
00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:51,832
- Ashton.
- Ashton.
281
00:12:52,178 --> 00:12:55,363
- What's up?
- My date from Tinder...
282
00:12:55,638 --> 00:12:57,801
in a land where he's still my age.
283
00:12:57,921 --> 00:12:59,279
Probably should update.
284
00:12:59,322 --> 00:13:01,151
Haven't changed much, though.
285
00:13:02,926 --> 00:13:05,041
- That's a nice piece, man.
- Thanks. 20K.
286
00:13:05,068 --> 00:13:07,297
- But who checks price tags?
- I'll tell you who, it's poor people.
287
00:13:07,323 --> 00:13:09,546
Gotta get the newest one, out next year.
288
00:13:10,117 --> 00:13:13,414
Got to pace it up, babe.
Reservation's five minutes ago.
289
00:13:13,435 --> 00:13:14,639
Boys.
290
00:13:14,908 --> 00:13:16,182
Okay.
291
00:13:16,241 --> 00:13:17,983
You still want the
wellness thing to happen,
292
00:13:18,103 --> 00:13:20,529
you will call me in five
minutes and get me out.
293
00:13:24,451 --> 00:13:27,084
Ashton. Hmm.
294
00:13:27,646 --> 00:13:29,269
What are these looks for?
Don't give me that look.
295
00:13:29,274 --> 00:13:30,640
She's just an old friend.
296
00:13:30,849 --> 00:13:32,522
Oh, so you're saying that wasn't Ruby,
297
00:13:32,527 --> 00:13:34,476
the chick who dumped you
right before you met Emma?
298
00:13:34,503 --> 00:13:36,569
Holy shit. Are you
bringing that one in, too?
299
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,247
She interviewed me for
the professor position.
300
00:13:38,306 --> 00:13:39,883
- That's all.
- Oh, no shit.
301
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:41,154
- Yeah.
- Okay.
302
00:13:41,181 --> 00:13:43,599
Now we're thinking about starting
a wellness center at Griffin.
303
00:13:43,719 --> 00:13:45,719
That's perfect for you. It's super gay.
304
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:47,434
So does your current
harem know about this?
305
00:13:47,445 --> 00:13:48,902
- Or is it like a secret?
- Okay, enough.
306
00:13:48,924 --> 00:13:50,898
- I'm just asking.
- You know what? This is...
307
00:13:51,093 --> 00:13:53,418
It's been one hour, and you guys
have already pissed me off, okay?
308
00:13:53,452 --> 00:13:54,623
- What?
- New record.
309
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,630
- Good guys' night.
- Don't lump me in with him.
310
00:13:57,750 --> 00:13:59,478
Jacky!
311
00:13:59,510 --> 00:14:01,941
And that's how it works. Boom...
he's gone like a little bitch.
312
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,762
You're an incredibly
wise man, you know that?
313
00:14:03,762 --> 00:14:06,037
- I know. Thanks, Dave.
- I was being sarcastic.
314
00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:08,972
Yeah, you better run. David!
315
00:14:11,134 --> 00:14:12,352
I love my Pops.
316
00:14:12,753 --> 00:14:14,960
I see more of him now than
I did as a kid, though.
317
00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:16,720
He was always at work.
318
00:14:17,286 --> 00:14:18,953
He sold, uh...
319
00:14:19,687 --> 00:14:21,922
Shit. But, uh...
320
00:14:22,146 --> 00:14:23,484
Whatever... he sold something.
321
00:14:23,984 --> 00:14:25,305
We'll say insurance.
322
00:14:25,833 --> 00:14:27,162
My point is, is that
323
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:29,527
I was raised in a household of women...
324
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:30,904
mom and two big sisters...
325
00:14:30,921 --> 00:14:32,635
so I'm very comfortable
on this side of the fence.
326
00:14:32,644 --> 00:14:33,779
- It's still weird, right?
- Mm-hmm.
327
00:14:33,809 --> 00:14:35,752
Don't worry... his penis
isn't gonna puncture
328
00:14:35,765 --> 00:14:37,289
- you're hallowed chick night.
- All that said,
329
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,955
I will not be drinking
Chardo-fuckin'-nay
330
00:14:39,020 --> 00:14:40,064
Won't do it.
331
00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:41,561
Gives a man breasts.
332
00:14:42,196 --> 00:14:43,732
I don't even like Chardonnay.
333
00:14:43,853 --> 00:14:45,821
And yet when I gather
with two or more women,
334
00:14:45,830 --> 00:14:47,443
I reflexively drink it.
335
00:14:47,643 --> 00:14:50,196
I'm starting to think we've
been mass media brain-fucked.
336
00:14:50,581 --> 00:14:51,590
Hey.
337
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:53,808
What are you making?
338
00:14:54,312 --> 00:14:55,681
Old fashioned...
339
00:14:55,801 --> 00:14:57,010
classic cocktail.
340
00:14:57,094 --> 00:14:58,310
Mind making another?
341
00:14:58,430 --> 00:14:59,531
I would... I would be honored.
342
00:14:59,651 --> 00:15:00,761
You know what? Make that two.
343
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,585
The revolution will not be televised.
344
00:15:02,621 --> 00:15:04,494
No more Chardonnay...
say it with me, people.
345
00:15:04,563 --> 00:15:05,879
That's not gonna happen.
346
00:15:06,665 --> 00:15:09,617
Tastes like flat Fresca, but
I strangely don't hate it.
347
00:15:09,786 --> 00:15:11,443
I have Molly in the car.
348
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,808
- Mm.
- Your dog's in the car?
349
00:15:13,928 --> 00:15:16,191
- Who's Molly?
- Bring her in. We love dogs.
350
00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:19,178
- No. Mnh-mnh.
- Oh.
351
00:15:19,298 --> 00:15:21,085
- Oh, oh.
- Yeah.
352
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,164
- Drugs.
- Drugs.
353
00:15:22,181 --> 00:15:23,598
- Mm-hmm.
- We know lots of dogs
354
00:15:23,598 --> 00:15:25,194
are called Molly, so...
355
00:15:25,952 --> 00:15:27,451
You know, I... I think
I'm gonna probably
356
00:15:27,464 --> 00:15:29,329
stay on this side of my line, but yeah.
357
00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:31,197
And I'll be going home
to two small children
358
00:15:31,223 --> 00:15:33,581
and one presumably wasted husband, so...
359
00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:35,547
But, uh, we're all adults here,
360
00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:36,933
so, yeah, by, uh...
361
00:15:37,342 --> 00:15:39,276
by all means indulge.
362
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:40,916
- I'm in.
- Let's roll.
363
00:15:41,529 --> 00:15:44,565
And the light beer is you, I assume.
364
00:15:44,759 --> 00:15:46,024
Here he is.
365
00:15:46,394 --> 00:15:48,704
Hey, uh, is my tab still
open from last time?
366
00:15:48,756 --> 00:15:49,654
Yeah. Yeah.
367
00:15:49,688 --> 00:15:51,337
Do you want me to
just put these on that?
368
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,796
- Might as well.
- Cheers.
369
00:15:53,878 --> 00:15:55,879
Listen, uh, while I have you here,
370
00:15:55,999 --> 00:15:58,834
I used your riff the other
day... the one you said to
371
00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:01,566
what's-his-pickle about what's-her-nuts.
372
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,211
And it kind of came across
373
00:16:03,229 --> 00:16:05,753
as a little insensitive
to the autism community.
374
00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:07,470
Yeah, that's not meant for them.
375
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:10,224
No, I... I didn't use
it on an autistic person.
376
00:16:10,250 --> 00:16:12,995
But I was wondering if you could
kind of clarify how I use it.
377
00:16:13,115 --> 00:16:14,816
Actually, no, I'm sorry.
378
00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:16,871
- Just a flat no, huh?
- Yeah, if you could just maybe
379
00:16:16,887 --> 00:16:18,503
- leave my tab open again, that'd be great.
- Sure.
380
00:16:18,529 --> 00:16:20,325
- Enjoy your flat beer.
- Yeah. Thanks.
381
00:16:22,076 --> 00:16:23,073
Interesting.
382
00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:24,618
What the hell was that about?
383
00:16:24,738 --> 00:16:27,663
- You, Dr. Trakarsky.
- Hey, you.
384
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:30,409
My liberator, you are a fucking genius.
385
00:16:30,529 --> 00:16:32,200
Did you actually tell
him that you're a surgeon
386
00:16:32,249 --> 00:16:34,357
that specializes in
anal retractions? Because
387
00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:35,616
that was technically my idea.
388
00:16:35,637 --> 00:16:37,111
I gave him that to give to you.
389
00:16:37,186 --> 00:16:39,182
So I'm... I'm the
genius. I'm just saying.
390
00:16:39,203 --> 00:16:40,637
It was my idea, as well.
391
00:16:40,638 --> 00:16:43,001
Dislodging a TV remote as we speak.
392
00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:44,997
You know, a domestic dispute, so...
393
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:47,387
- Ohh.
- Hey, how you doing?
394
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,491
Remember me? Does this look familiar?
395
00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:51,726
Jack's big brother. How are you?
396
00:16:51,727 --> 00:16:54,443
Uh... a little.
397
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,629
- Yeah. You were big.
- Yeah.
398
00:16:56,672 --> 00:16:59,204
- And loud.
- Yeah, he's so different now.
399
00:17:00,384 --> 00:17:01,713
Thank you.
400
00:17:01,833 --> 00:17:05,394
So, I quit smoking like five
years, six months, and two days ago,
401
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:07,358
but I have been traumatized.
402
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:11,842
So I bought a pack, and
I desperately need one.
403
00:17:12,077 --> 00:17:14,181
Chat about the wellness center?
404
00:17:14,513 --> 00:17:15,618
- Sure.
- Yeah?
405
00:17:15,642 --> 00:17:18,675
Sure, yeah. I'm also traumatized
by the company I keep,
406
00:17:18,724 --> 00:17:19,927
- as you can tell.
- Oh.
407
00:17:19,959 --> 00:17:21,675
More specifically, he's traumatized by
408
00:17:21,869 --> 00:17:24,897
- me trying to turn him into a man.
- Bam, yeah.
409
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:26,995
- Now I remember you.
- Yes.
410
00:17:27,178 --> 00:17:29,883
Now she remembers you.
411
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,128
Do you have any idea
412
00:17:32,169 --> 00:17:35,282
what it's like to be the one at the
sleepover who gets picked up early
413
00:17:35,284 --> 00:17:38,124
because "nothing good
happens after 10:00"?
414
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:41,596
Can you even fathom how
something like that...
415
00:17:41,772 --> 00:17:43,404
it defines you?
416
00:17:43,524 --> 00:17:46,485
Especially when everyone else's
mom already hates your mom
417
00:17:46,512 --> 00:17:49,803
because she's a
horrible, superior bitch.
418
00:17:49,845 --> 00:17:53,633
How... how that scorn and
the ridicule... it just
419
00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:55,907
makes you spiteful.
420
00:17:56,027 --> 00:17:59,474
This is all exploding in my
head like a giant cycle of
421
00:17:59,514 --> 00:18:03,256
assholishness that is my
responsibility to break
422
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,873
for the sake of my daughter.
423
00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,528
I mean, does that make sense?
424
00:18:09,542 --> 00:18:12,347
- I feel like I was rambling. Was I rambling?
- Wow.
425
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,464
That was just...
426
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:16,743
Shit, man.
427
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,550
I'm sorry, but fuckin' A.
428
00:18:18,577 --> 00:18:20,769
That was so damn beautiful.
429
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:22,583
Dial it back, Moonbeam.
430
00:18:22,703 --> 00:18:27,532
So deep and real and raw.
431
00:18:27,978 --> 00:18:29,489
Yeah.
432
00:18:29,786 --> 00:18:30,892
Hmm.
433
00:18:30,952 --> 00:18:34,162
It seems like you met Molly,
434
00:18:34,662 --> 00:18:37,211
but you didn't. Right?
435
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,481
Well, thank you. Uh,
436
00:18:40,482 --> 00:18:43,334
but I don't know... are you...
437
00:18:43,718 --> 00:18:45,945
Oh. Molly's amazing.
438
00:18:45,978 --> 00:18:49,504
You would fucking love
Molly. She would...
439
00:18:49,531 --> 00:18:51,244
she would complete you.
440
00:18:51,437 --> 00:18:54,946
So, is Molly a... a motivational speaker
441
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:56,436
- or cult leader?
- Yes.
442
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,505
Uh, yes, that's exactly
who she is. Um, Molly...
443
00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:03,112
- Morgenstern.
- Very controversial.
444
00:19:03,232 --> 00:19:05,000
- Emma.
- Mm-hmm?
445
00:19:05,176 --> 00:19:06,808
Your skin isn't like butter.
446
00:19:08,096 --> 00:19:09,740
It is butter.
447
00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:11,609
- It... it's not butter.
- Come here.
448
00:19:11,612 --> 00:19:15,123
No, no. Okay. Okay, enough
with the heavy petting. Yeah?
449
00:19:16,115 --> 00:19:17,727
You stay over there for a while.
450
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,851
Chardonnay. This shit is a revelation.
451
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:23,742
So beautifully complex.
452
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:25,496
I feel ashamed
453
00:19:25,570 --> 00:19:28,700
about any prejudice that I
brought to this experience.
454
00:19:29,617 --> 00:19:31,364
Mm. Mm-hmm.
455
00:19:31,552 --> 00:19:33,980
- It is good.
- It's good.
456
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,671
Not sure I'm getting quite as
much out of it as you, but...
457
00:19:37,602 --> 00:19:38,856
Lori.
458
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,785
Lori. You're forgiven.
459
00:19:43,451 --> 00:19:45,312
And you are loved.
460
00:19:46,424 --> 00:19:50,208
None of us will ever make
you leave the sleepover.
461
00:19:50,943 --> 00:19:52,332
Ever.
462
00:19:53,534 --> 00:19:56,615
Oh, that was so good, Iz. So poignant.
463
00:19:56,735 --> 00:19:58,072
Poignant.
464
00:19:58,105 --> 00:20:00,473
- Poignant.
- Oh, hey, Lori.
465
00:20:00,486 --> 00:20:02,375
- My babysitter just texted.
- And...
466
00:20:02,436 --> 00:20:03,986
everyone forgives you, so...
467
00:20:03,993 --> 00:20:05,744
Except for me. I'm gonna
need a little more convincing,
468
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:06,980
so let's finish up at my house, okay?
469
00:20:07,012 --> 00:20:09,278
Wha... no, no. They're being so nice.
470
00:20:09,332 --> 00:20:11,452
- I love you, Lori.
- I love you.
471
00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:13,205
Okay, that's great. Here we go.
472
00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:16,019
- Bring your drink.
- Oh. Okay.
473
00:20:16,412 --> 00:20:17,893
You are loved!
474
00:20:18,138 --> 00:20:19,201
- Yeah.
- So loved.
475
00:20:19,216 --> 00:20:20,464
Thank... thank you for coming.
476
00:20:20,518 --> 00:20:23,372
- You are loved.
- Let me just put my shoes on.
477
00:20:23,415 --> 00:20:25,282
Thanks for coming.
478
00:20:25,293 --> 00:20:26,560
- All right.
- Take my glass?
479
00:20:26,587 --> 00:20:28,222
It's overwhelming.
480
00:20:28,276 --> 00:20:31,907
- Lori Matherfield, can you believe it?
- Yeah.
481
00:20:43,666 --> 00:20:48,221
I... I was conducting a
very important experiment.
482
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,448
Trying to figure out the level of drunk
483
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,111
that it would take to make
a guy like that fuckable.
484
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,060
Okay, well, I only met him briefly,
485
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,914
but I would have to go with, uh,
486
00:20:56,939 --> 00:21:00,117
thoroughly blacked out maybe.
487
00:21:02,191 --> 00:21:05,175
I think my vagina would
scream until I woke up.
488
00:21:05,295 --> 00:21:07,282
Yeah.
489
00:21:07,594 --> 00:21:10,099
All right, I just said
"fuckable" and "vagina"
490
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,139
before we finished a cigarette.
491
00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:16,260
Okay, here we go. Um,
492
00:21:16,565 --> 00:21:18,663
I think we have a really good shot
493
00:21:18,689 --> 00:21:21,227
at this wellness center
idea, Dr. Trakarsky.
494
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:23,553
- Yeah. Good.
- Boom...
495
00:21:23,587 --> 00:21:26,639
abruptly and awkwardly back to business.
496
00:21:32,961 --> 00:21:35,566
I think your ex is an asshole.
497
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:41,418
- And an idiot.
- That he is.
498
00:21:41,614 --> 00:21:43,178
Thank you.
499
00:21:50,523 --> 00:21:53,201
What? What are you thinking?
500
00:21:55,947 --> 00:21:57,964
Alternate realities.
501
00:21:59,243 --> 00:22:01,825
Yeah.
502
00:22:04,563 --> 00:22:07,584
Did you know that
503
00:22:07,855 --> 00:22:10,775
there are molecular tests that
suggest that there's, like,
504
00:22:10,782 --> 00:22:14,126
thousands of realities
that are happening at once?
505
00:22:14,246 --> 00:22:17,533
- Right. Cat in the box.
- That's right.
506
00:22:17,549 --> 00:22:18,763
- Right?
- Yeah.
507
00:22:18,806 --> 00:22:20,511
You open the lid, and you're discovering
508
00:22:20,549 --> 00:22:22,324
only one of the many outcomes.
509
00:22:23,198 --> 00:22:25,356
Cat's dead, cat's alive.
510
00:22:25,874 --> 00:22:27,072
Cat has kittens.
511
00:22:27,076 --> 00:22:29,387
Ruby didn't break up with Jack.
512
00:22:33,207 --> 00:22:35,354
Ruby didn't break up with Jack.
513
00:22:43,550 --> 00:22:45,880
It's all so fucking
complicated now, though... Roo.
514
00:22:46,350 --> 00:22:48,648
You have no idea.
515
00:22:49,792 --> 00:22:53,476
Roo... I haven't heard that
in a long time. I like it.
516
00:22:53,791 --> 00:22:56,374
It's nice.
517
00:23:10,517 --> 00:23:12,891
Maybe it's me.
518
00:23:13,066 --> 00:23:15,211
Maybe I'm the one making it complicated.
519
00:23:15,331 --> 00:23:17,044
Maybe it's not them.
520
00:23:17,982 --> 00:23:19,582
Them?
521
00:23:21,307 --> 00:23:23,262
It's a long story.
522
00:23:28,549 --> 00:23:30,566
I need to go home.
523
00:23:34,564 --> 00:23:37,457
Wait, do it again.
524
00:23:42,898 --> 00:23:45,152
It feels so good.
525
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:50,371
Ho, ho, ho.
526
00:23:58,396 --> 00:24:00,580
It's like you put on mittens.
527
00:24:01,932 --> 00:24:04,655
- So, this is happening.
- Hey, you.
528
00:24:04,689 --> 00:24:06,931
Come in. The water's warm.
529
00:24:07,051 --> 00:24:10,633
- It's so warm.
- Izzy, um... yeah, yeah... Izzy took Molly. I...
530
00:24:10,860 --> 00:24:12,665
and I tried to...
531
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,334
Great, it's awesome. So now
532
00:24:14,342 --> 00:24:16,855
- aphrodisiacs are part of chicks' night?
- That's right.
533
00:24:16,897 --> 00:24:19,036
No more Chardonnay.
534
00:24:19,037 --> 00:24:21,414
- No more Char... No one?
- Jack.
535
00:24:21,442 --> 00:24:22,850
Come on.
536
00:24:28,549 --> 00:24:30,310
Is he mad?
537
00:24:32,665 --> 00:24:34,302
Are you mad?
538
00:24:36,486 --> 00:24:38,745
- How is that fair?
- Just not now.
539
00:24:38,806 --> 00:24:41,126
- What? Not now?
- Just not right now.
540
00:24:41,140 --> 00:24:42,447
Jack, let us...
541
00:24:42,488 --> 00:24:44,963
let us just dry off, and
then we can talk about this.
542
00:24:46,605 --> 00:24:48,979
Listen to me. Like, a minute before
543
00:24:49,027 --> 00:24:51,380
you came in, I just said to
her... didn't I? I just said...
544
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,517
I just finished telling someone
that I was the complication,
545
00:24:55,164 --> 00:24:56,722
that I was to blame.
546
00:24:57,592 --> 00:24:59,912
Someone? What someone?
547
00:25:00,795 --> 00:25:02,266
Ruby.
548
00:25:04,942 --> 00:25:06,682
Fuck this.
549
00:25:10,797 --> 00:25:12,280
Jack!
550
00:25:17,189 --> 00:25:18,909
Fuck!
551
00:25:19,853 --> 00:25:21,983
Okay, we didn't... we
didn't do anything wrong.
552
00:25:21,997 --> 00:25:23,835
He's never left like that before.
553
00:25:24,209 --> 00:25:26,774
Just go to your side of the tub.
554
00:26:15,671 --> 00:26:20,641
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
555
00:26:27,554 --> 00:26:29,880
The adventure begins.
556
00:26:29,895 --> 00:26:31,891
Want even more You Me Her?
557
00:26:31,918 --> 00:26:33,441
We're together!
558
00:26:33,482 --> 00:26:36,537
Go online to continue the conversation.
559
00:26:41,777 --> 00:26:44,164
What were you doing while you
were hugging the toilet and
560
00:26:44,178 --> 00:26:46,688
- staring at your phone.
- I was checking the calendar.
561
00:26:46,741 --> 00:26:49,365
- Seriously?
- So does this mean you're late?
562
00:26:49,377 --> 00:26:50,935
Why are you hugging me?
563
00:26:51,502 --> 00:26:54,146
Jack left and you said he never leaves.
564
00:26:54,180 --> 00:26:56,965
- He wants a family.
- So does Izzy as it turns out.
565
00:26:56,992 --> 00:26:58,354
And you?
566
00:26:59,778 --> 00:27:01,545
- Hey.
- Hi.
38553
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