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1
00:00:15,541 --> 00:00:19,221
-You filming people having chemo now?
-[Tony sniggers] No, just you.
2
00:00:19,501 --> 00:00:20,381
Oh. [chuckles]
3
00:00:20,461 --> 00:00:21,421
[Tony] All right?
4
00:00:22,341 --> 00:00:23,181
[Lisa] Yeah.
5
00:00:25,421 --> 00:00:27,021
I'm not looking my best, am I?
6
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:29,501
[Tony] You're fine.
7
00:00:30,301 --> 00:00:33,981
["Little Piece of Nothing" plays]
♪ The sun is fading ♪
8
00:00:35,741 --> 00:00:39,701
♪ A little more every turn ♪
9
00:00:42,661 --> 00:00:46,101
♪ But if we make it ♪
10
00:00:47,901 --> 00:00:51,781
♪ I'll be here for you for sure ♪
11
00:00:53,981 --> 00:00:56,341
♪ Oh ♪
12
00:00:56,941 --> 00:01:01,021
♪ Release a little piece of my hoping ♪
13
00:01:02,981 --> 00:01:06,461
♪ Away into the wild and free ♪
14
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:13,341
♪ Sometimes I wish that we hadn't gotten ♪
15
00:01:13,861 --> 00:01:18,941
♪ So deep ♪
16
00:01:31,621 --> 00:01:34,861
How long...
have you been posting your mail...
17
00:01:35,701 --> 00:01:37,141
in a dog waste bin?
18
00:01:38,021 --> 00:01:39,301
About a year now, I'd say.
19
00:01:39,381 --> 00:01:42,101
Right. I mean, it says "dog waste" on it.
20
00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:43,981
Yeah, but my eyes are shot to shit.
21
00:01:44,061 --> 00:01:45,581
-Right.
-[man] I'm blind as a bat.
22
00:01:45,661 --> 00:01:48,461
These aren't mine. I lost mine.
I found these on a bus.
23
00:01:48,821 --> 00:01:49,781
-They're no good.
-Right.
24
00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:51,981
Gotta be near the house,
need a piss every ten minutes.
25
00:01:52,061 --> 00:01:53,701
I got a prostate like a coconut.
26
00:01:54,501 --> 00:01:57,581
This is the least of my worries,
to be honest with you, with all that.
27
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,141
Anyway, where was I?
28
00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:03,341
So... Right, my sister, yeah?
She lives in Australia.
29
00:02:03,421 --> 00:02:04,861
I'm thinking,
"Why's she ignoring me?"
30
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:06,901
-You were writing to her, and she wasn't--
-Yeah.
31
00:02:06,981 --> 00:02:09,861
-But you were putting them in there?
-Well, yeah. I'm not on email, see.
32
00:02:09,941 --> 00:02:12,821
I keep getting threatening letters
from the gas and the electricity.
33
00:02:12,901 --> 00:02:15,381
I said, "Hey, I've paid,"
I said, "and I'll prove it to you."
34
00:02:15,461 --> 00:02:16,821
So, I sent them another letter.
35
00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:19,781
And I put it in here, with all my letters,
in all that shit!
36
00:02:20,101 --> 00:02:22,701
What did you think the smell was?
Wasn't that a clue?
37
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,101
-I thought that was me.
-You thought it was you?
38
00:02:25,181 --> 00:02:27,181
There's a similar smell in the house,
to be honest.
39
00:02:27,261 --> 00:02:29,661
-I've got nobody to be hygienic for.
-[Tony] No?
40
00:02:29,741 --> 00:02:32,181
Nah. No point, is there?
No one to wash for.
41
00:02:33,461 --> 00:02:35,621
-Yourself, maybe?
-No, no point, is there?
42
00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:39,861
No point to anything, is there, really?
I don't know where they took the letters.
43
00:02:39,941 --> 00:02:42,421
Where do they take dog shit?
They probably bury it, do they?
44
00:02:42,541 --> 00:02:44,541
That's where we're all gonna end up,
though, innit?
45
00:02:44,981 --> 00:02:49,421
You know, we're all just future shit,
you know? I've got no self-esteem, I have.
46
00:02:49,501 --> 00:02:51,181
No.
47
00:02:51,621 --> 00:02:53,621
That's why I never had a relationship.
48
00:02:53,701 --> 00:02:55,381
You've never had a relationship?
49
00:02:56,181 --> 00:02:57,821
'Cause I knew that if I did...
50
00:02:58,661 --> 00:03:01,461
that she's going to find somebody,
see, better than me.
51
00:03:01,821 --> 00:03:05,621
Better than me, at that.
And then leave me, wouldn't she? Eh?
52
00:03:10,501 --> 00:03:13,421
Right, come on, then. What's your angle
on this? What's it gonna be?
53
00:03:13,501 --> 00:03:18,341
I don't think there is an angle.
You've been posting your letters in a...
54
00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:23,061
a box of shit for a year.
That is pretty much it.
55
00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:25,501
There's a moral to the story,
though, ain't there? Gotta be.
56
00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:28,701
You know, be careful.
Careful now where you post your letters.
57
00:03:30,341 --> 00:03:31,661
-Take a picture.
-Yeah.
58
00:03:33,701 --> 00:03:35,421
-Hurry up. I need a piss.
-[Lenny] All right.
59
00:03:35,501 --> 00:03:36,781
-Get on with it.
-[shutter clicks]
60
00:03:36,861 --> 00:03:38,341
-Hang on. Got it?
-Great.
61
00:03:38,421 --> 00:03:39,261
[man] All right.
62
00:03:41,861 --> 00:03:43,101
-There he goes.
-Yep.
63
00:03:43,981 --> 00:03:45,541
-[Tony] That's depressing.
-[Lenny] Yeah.
64
00:03:45,621 --> 00:03:49,021
[Tony] Imagine never having a relationship
in case it ends.
65
00:03:50,101 --> 00:03:51,341
A relationship is life.
66
00:03:51,821 --> 00:03:52,741
Exactly.
67
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:56,621
I've had a good life.
68
00:03:57,061 --> 00:04:00,381
-Well, it's still going!
-No, I know. I know.
69
00:04:03,181 --> 00:04:05,741
Look, he's pissing where he stands.
Like a dog.
70
00:04:07,261 --> 00:04:09,821
[Tony] That's the best he's felt all day,
that piss.
71
00:04:11,541 --> 00:04:13,421
Right, I'm off to see my dad.
72
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,421
Right. I'm just gonna...
73
00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:16,781
-See you later.
-See ya.
74
00:04:19,821 --> 00:04:20,701
[shutter clicks]
75
00:04:22,141 --> 00:04:24,061
-Oh, hi.
-Hi.
76
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:26,381
-[nurse] You all right?
-Yeah. Um...
77
00:04:27,021 --> 00:04:28,541
Is he OK? He seems a bit...
78
00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:31,901
-Yeah. Well, he's been a bit up and down.
-[Tony grunts]
79
00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:33,621
Perky this morning, though, eh?
80
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:35,061
Called Simon a cunt.
81
00:04:36,061 --> 00:04:36,901
Did he?
82
00:04:36,981 --> 00:04:39,181
[chuckles]
Yeah, I thought you'd like that.
83
00:04:40,301 --> 00:04:41,301
That's my boy!
84
00:04:43,141 --> 00:04:45,101
Anyway, I'd better get on.
I've got to--
85
00:04:45,181 --> 00:04:48,141
Um, I'm going to that revue thing tonight,
86
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:49,381
-if you wanna...
-Oh!
87
00:04:49,461 --> 00:04:51,501
-I'm working, sorry.
-Right. Yeah.
88
00:04:51,581 --> 00:04:52,781
Well, it's no big deal.
89
00:04:53,181 --> 00:04:56,261
If you want to chat,
give me a call... or text.
90
00:04:56,821 --> 00:04:58,861
-[chuckles] OK.
-All right.
91
00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:00,381
See you later.
92
00:05:06,421 --> 00:05:07,901
Do you want to lie down, Dad?
93
00:05:10,461 --> 00:05:12,381
-Yeah.
-Yeah? Come on, then.
94
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,061
[Tony's dad exhales heavily]
95
00:05:15,141 --> 00:05:16,301
-Come on.
-Yeah.
96
00:05:16,861 --> 00:05:18,221
[Tony's dad groans lightly]
97
00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:22,941
And I know that nothing's...
you know, certain or anything, but...
98
00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:25,581
Jill's gonna come with me
to the revue.
99
00:05:25,661 --> 00:05:28,421
-What revue?
-It's a local theater thing.
100
00:05:29,301 --> 00:05:30,141
Oh, yeah?
101
00:05:30,821 --> 00:05:33,501
Plenty of thespussy knocking about, then?
102
00:05:33,581 --> 00:05:34,661
No, I don't think so.
103
00:05:34,741 --> 00:05:36,221
It's... more like...
104
00:05:37,141 --> 00:05:39,701
um, local people doing some songs, and...
105
00:05:39,781 --> 00:05:42,021
I mean, there's one woman
who does feminist poetry.
106
00:05:42,101 --> 00:05:43,341
[scoffs] Feminists!
107
00:05:43,421 --> 00:05:47,301
Lesbians make me laugh, you know.
They use dildos and stuff, don't they?
108
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:48,701
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
109
00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:52,461
Sorry, do you like cock or don't you?
You're confusing me here, darling.
110
00:05:52,541 --> 00:05:54,861
Make your fucking mind up.
D'you know what I mean?
111
00:05:57,061 --> 00:05:58,061
Yeah!
112
00:05:58,141 --> 00:05:59,541
-Do you?
-Yeah. No, it's...
113
00:06:00,061 --> 00:06:01,581
er... a good point.
114
00:06:02,181 --> 00:06:05,461
I actually had to...
let down that chick at work.
115
00:06:05,981 --> 00:06:09,781
She was coming on a bit strong.
I was like... "Nah.
116
00:06:11,061 --> 00:06:12,381
Back... Back off, baby."
117
00:06:12,461 --> 00:06:13,461
-Wise.
-Yeah.
118
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:16,981
-Don't shit on your own doorstep, brother.
-That's what I thought, yeah.
119
00:06:18,181 --> 00:06:20,541
Anyway, she's in the bank
if you need a nosh.
120
00:06:21,301 --> 00:06:22,661
[chuckles lightly] OK.
121
00:06:25,541 --> 00:06:27,621
-Fancy seeing you here.
-[Anne laughs]
122
00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:31,541
-You OK?
-Yeah.
123
00:06:32,021 --> 00:06:34,981
Still covering awful local stories
that no one cares about,
124
00:06:35,541 --> 00:06:36,861
upsetting people I like,
125
00:06:37,301 --> 00:06:38,461
trying to keep my job,
126
00:06:39,061 --> 00:06:40,461
and not kill anyone. You?
127
00:06:40,981 --> 00:06:42,821
[laughs heartily]
128
00:06:44,141 --> 00:06:45,101
Ah...
129
00:06:45,701 --> 00:06:48,701
It's nice to hear you moan
about work, and...
130
00:06:49,341 --> 00:06:51,741
relationships, just like a normal person.
131
00:06:53,541 --> 00:06:56,381
-Yeah, I suppose this is progress.
-Mm.
132
00:06:57,101 --> 00:06:58,621
I should pay you for these chats.
133
00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:01,461
All that money I waste on the shrink,
this is much better.
134
00:07:02,901 --> 00:07:05,141
Your friendship means more to me
than money.
135
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,181
Are you lonely?
136
00:07:15,061 --> 00:07:16,461
I only miss one person.
137
00:07:18,181 --> 00:07:20,661
Yep. Me too.
138
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:27,181
-What?
-Um...
139
00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:30,901
Do you want to go to the revue tonight?
140
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,501
I don't think so.
I don't get out much these days.
141
00:07:37,101 --> 00:07:39,261
It's hardly out. It's less out than this!
142
00:07:39,781 --> 00:07:42,581
And it's still just sitting down
looking at something.
143
00:07:42,981 --> 00:07:43,981
It'll be funny.
144
00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:46,101
Come on.
145
00:07:48,421 --> 00:07:49,341
OK.
146
00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:50,861
-Yeah?
-I'll pop in.
147
00:07:52,501 --> 00:07:53,341
Brilliant.
148
00:07:55,301 --> 00:07:58,341
[Paul] I'd very much like to thank you all
for letting me share your day.
149
00:07:58,421 --> 00:08:01,901
Hi. Um... Would you like to go
to the revue thing tonight?
150
00:08:02,461 --> 00:08:03,461
What is it?
151
00:08:03,541 --> 00:08:05,021
Awful, probably.
152
00:08:05,101 --> 00:08:07,701
But some of us are going down,
and someone I... um...
153
00:08:07,781 --> 00:08:09,941
Just it might be fun.
I thought you might...
154
00:08:10,501 --> 00:08:11,781
Uh, sure, yeah. Why not?
155
00:08:12,221 --> 00:08:14,981
Great. It's at the community hall
at 7:30.
156
00:08:15,381 --> 00:08:18,101
But we'd get there early enough
for a drink if you want, or just...
157
00:08:18,181 --> 00:08:20,661
Is there a dress code?
Should I wear a suit or...?
158
00:08:20,741 --> 00:08:22,941
No. It's really not a posh do. [chuckles]
159
00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:25,221
What would you wear
to visit a mental home?
160
00:08:25,301 --> 00:08:27,261
But... you know, look nice.
161
00:08:28,101 --> 00:08:29,141
-So--
-Look nice?
162
00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:31,301
I mean... groomed, whatever.
163
00:08:31,381 --> 00:08:32,221
Oh.
164
00:08:32,941 --> 00:08:33,821
OK.
165
00:08:33,901 --> 00:08:35,621
-Brilliant.
-Well, I'll see you later.
166
00:08:36,821 --> 00:08:37,661
Good.
167
00:08:51,741 --> 00:08:53,341
-Look.
-What are you doing?
168
00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:56,621
-[James] Just limbering up.
-[Valerie] This is an office.
169
00:08:59,821 --> 00:09:02,141
-[June] Hiya.
-Hi.
170
00:09:02,221 --> 00:09:03,821
-What you doing?
-Just limbering up.
171
00:09:03,901 --> 00:09:06,141
Come on, you.
Let's get you down that hall.
172
00:09:07,301 --> 00:09:08,861
If your dad could see you now.
173
00:09:09,181 --> 00:09:11,701
What happened? Is he dead?
174
00:09:11,781 --> 00:09:15,981
No, he walked out on us.
James did his head in, didn't ya?
175
00:09:16,061 --> 00:09:18,141
-[James] I was a bit of a handful.
-[June] Mm.
176
00:09:18,221 --> 00:09:20,581
Thought there was something wrong
with him at first.
177
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,221
He even had to see the school doctor.
178
00:09:22,301 --> 00:09:24,621
-Thought I was mad [chuckles].
-Or backward.
179
00:09:24,701 --> 00:09:27,461
[James] Yeah, I was terrible at everything
at school.
180
00:09:27,541 --> 00:09:30,461
I was more interested in, like,
entertaining people, you know?
181
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:34,261
-And there wasn't anything wrong with you?
-Oh, no. Not, like, mental or anything.
182
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,341
Overweight and... hyperactive, but--
183
00:09:36,421 --> 00:09:37,621
Just really annoying.
184
00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:40,461
Mm. His dad said, "It's either him or me.
185
00:09:40,541 --> 00:09:42,661
One of us has got to go
for this to work."
186
00:09:42,741 --> 00:09:43,781
And you chose him?
187
00:09:43,861 --> 00:09:46,501
Oh, no. I chose his dad at first.
But when we asked James to leave,
188
00:09:46,581 --> 00:09:48,781
he broke down,
threatened to kill himself, didn't ya?
189
00:09:49,141 --> 00:09:49,981
Yeah.
190
00:09:55,901 --> 00:09:57,701
Found someone better now, anyway.
191
00:09:58,341 --> 00:09:59,341
[June giggles]
192
00:09:59,901 --> 00:10:01,621
Right, let's get going.
193
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:04,421
Yeah. Lots to do. I'm starving as well.
194
00:10:04,501 --> 00:10:06,661
[June] No, don't be eating too much.
You always do that:
195
00:10:06,741 --> 00:10:09,261
get excited, all churned up,
and then you've got to dance around--
196
00:10:09,341 --> 00:10:12,061
If you're getting food, um,
I'll... I'll come with you.
197
00:10:12,421 --> 00:10:13,301
[sniggers]
198
00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:15,261
See ya.
199
00:10:15,621 --> 00:10:16,461
[Lenny] Wait!
200
00:10:17,861 --> 00:10:20,381
-Good.
-[Kath] I'd better get off an' all.
201
00:10:21,501 --> 00:10:24,181
To, uh... get ready for tonight.
202
00:10:26,741 --> 00:10:27,901
Got a date.
203
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:33,221
So...
204
00:10:34,861 --> 00:10:36,021
-See ya later.
-Bye.
205
00:10:37,381 --> 00:10:38,381
[Sandy] Bye.
206
00:10:45,101 --> 00:10:46,621
Looking forward to tonight?
207
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,541
It's work, isn't it?
208
00:10:50,701 --> 00:10:51,781
[Tony] Yeah, but...
209
00:10:53,061 --> 00:10:54,061
might be fun.
210
00:10:54,581 --> 00:10:55,781
[chuckles sadly] Yeah.
211
00:10:57,261 --> 00:10:59,581
We laugh at James
for living with his mum,
212
00:10:59,661 --> 00:11:02,461
but he's ten years younger than me,
I live with my mum.
213
00:11:03,461 --> 00:11:04,621
Everyone's got a date.
214
00:11:05,701 --> 00:11:06,701
I haven't.
215
00:11:08,461 --> 00:11:09,981
-Sorry.
-No, I mean...
216
00:11:10,701 --> 00:11:13,341
you're not the only one.
It's no big deal.
217
00:11:14,581 --> 00:11:15,621
There's no rush.
218
00:11:16,181 --> 00:11:17,501
Don't wallow. It's...
219
00:11:18,981 --> 00:11:20,221
You get addicted to it.
220
00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:23,661
I am, I think.
221
00:11:24,501 --> 00:11:25,501
Grief, I mean.
222
00:11:26,901 --> 00:11:30,341
I sort of know where I am with it.
Do you know what I mean? I just...
223
00:11:31,861 --> 00:11:34,981
When summat goes well or I see
a glimpse of hope, I get confused.
224
00:11:35,741 --> 00:11:39,381
And then when it all turns to shit,
I go, "Oh, there it is.
225
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,461
Now we can get drunk and wait for death."
[chuckles]
226
00:11:45,341 --> 00:11:46,861
When you do find a fella,
227
00:11:49,261 --> 00:11:50,741
dance with him when he wants.
228
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,461
I wish I'd danced with Lisa
every time she asked.
229
00:11:56,781 --> 00:11:59,341
It was 'cause I was embarrassed sometimes
or lazy.
230
00:12:00,701 --> 00:12:02,021
Oh, what I'd give for...
231
00:12:02,821 --> 00:12:04,461
just five minutes with her now.
232
00:12:05,981 --> 00:12:07,941
Just holding her. Just moving around.
233
00:12:10,181 --> 00:12:11,021
See?
234
00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:14,421
-Back to normal. Both crying again.
-[Sandy chuckles]
235
00:12:14,981 --> 00:12:17,101
-Good work.
-Yeah. [sighs]
236
00:12:19,541 --> 00:12:20,581
You'll be fine.
237
00:12:23,541 --> 00:12:25,421
-Really straight away.
-You gonna go again?
238
00:12:25,501 --> 00:12:27,821
Well, I've hardly had any of this,
but I'd normally--
239
00:12:27,901 --> 00:12:30,021
Hiya. My date.
240
00:12:32,341 --> 00:12:33,341
Short notice.
241
00:12:33,621 --> 00:12:36,701
[chuckles] Businessman, though.
Got a Rolls Royce, haven't ya?
242
00:12:36,781 --> 00:12:39,501
-Secondhand.
-Still a Rolls Royce. Very successful.
243
00:12:39,581 --> 00:12:41,901
Yeah, I made a lot of money in scrap.
244
00:12:41,981 --> 00:12:43,061
Don't say scrap.
245
00:12:44,101 --> 00:12:46,101
-Let's go and see this.
-Yeah, let's...
246
00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:58,061
-Oh! You're my postman.
-[Pat] Yeah.
247
00:12:58,621 --> 00:12:59,981
-Are you the hoarder?
-Yeah!
248
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:04,101
-You're a prossie! I know you.
-[both] Sex worker.
249
00:13:04,181 --> 00:13:06,621
Yeah, seen you at the garages.
I couldn't afford that.
250
00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:08,821
-Not in a million years.
-No.
251
00:13:08,901 --> 00:13:11,861
Have to make up my own fun.
I've shoved my cock up my arse.
252
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:15,741
-So, how does that work?
-Ooh! Now he's interested!
253
00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:18,861
Trade secrets, innit?
Nah, you're a mate.
254
00:13:18,941 --> 00:13:21,021
Basically, I cram it up there flaccid...
255
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:22,901
and then I wait for it to get hard.
256
00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:25,821
It's the only way it can be done,
if I'm honest.
257
00:13:25,901 --> 00:13:27,421
I think a bit too honest.
258
00:13:41,741 --> 00:13:42,821
[chuckles lightly]
259
00:14:00,301 --> 00:14:01,381
Thank you.
260
00:14:09,901 --> 00:14:10,741
Oh...
261
00:14:10,821 --> 00:14:11,941
-Hi.
-Hello.
262
00:14:17,981 --> 00:14:19,101
There's one there.
263
00:14:28,901 --> 00:14:32,701
[Ken] Right, settle down, you lot.We're about to start.
264
00:14:32,781 --> 00:14:37,421
Now, please welcome a manwho likes to get around.
265
00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:40,701
You could even sayhe's a bit of a wanderer.
266
00:14:40,781 --> 00:14:41,621
Here we go!
267
00:14:41,701 --> 00:14:46,021
♪ Well, I'm the type of guyWho will never settle down ♪
268
00:14:46,101 --> 00:14:46,981
Hello!
269
00:14:47,061 --> 00:14:51,061
♪ Where pretty girls areYou know that I'll be found ♪
270
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:54,501
♪ I love 'em and I squeeze 'em'Cause to me they're all the same ♪
271
00:14:54,581 --> 00:14:55,741
You are!
272
00:14:55,821 --> 00:14:58,941
♪ I kiss 'em and I hug 'emI don't even know their name ♪
273
00:14:59,021 --> 00:15:00,741
♪ They call me the wanderer ♪
274
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,941
♪ Yeah, the wanderer ♪
275
00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:06,261
♪ I go around, aroundAround, around, around ♪
276
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:10,221
[Ken] Oh! Thank you for that. Right...
277
00:15:10,301 --> 00:15:13,421
Lord Mayor's here himself.
Round of applause for t'Lord Mayor.
278
00:15:15,141 --> 00:15:17,461
Oi! When are you gonna sort out them bins?
279
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:18,821
[audience laughs]
280
00:15:18,901 --> 00:15:20,501
My rubbish is piled high,
281
00:15:20,581 --> 00:15:23,181
and some of it is very, uh, suspicious,
shall we say?
282
00:15:23,261 --> 00:15:26,141
[chortles] Hey, come on.
I've seen what's in your garbage.
283
00:15:26,221 --> 00:15:27,421
[audience laughs]
284
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:30,621
Anyway, ladies and gentlemen,
or whatever you call yourselves.
285
00:15:30,701 --> 00:15:33,261
Gotta be careful nowadays, haven't you?
Can't say anything. God!
286
00:15:33,341 --> 00:15:34,701
You know who I'm talking about,
287
00:15:34,781 --> 00:15:37,261
she works in the chip shop
and she looks like Tony Soprano.
288
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:38,821
No, good luck to her.
289
00:15:38,901 --> 00:15:41,661
Right, who's ready
for A Night of 1000 Stars?
290
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,061
-[audience] Yeah!
-[Ken] Thousand stars, yeah.
291
00:15:44,501 --> 00:15:47,781
First act, we have got,
uh... Elton John...
292
00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:49,941
-[audience] Ooh!
-...and Kiki Dee!
293
00:15:50,621 --> 00:15:53,181
Not really, it's a mother and son duo.
294
00:15:53,261 --> 00:15:56,141
Er, which is a bit weird when you think
about it, but don't worry.
295
00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:59,381
Anyway, please put your hands together,
go mad, go crazy,
296
00:15:59,461 --> 00:16:03,021
-it's June and James!
-[audience cheers, applauds]
297
00:16:03,981 --> 00:16:06,061
["Don't Go Breaking My Heart" plays]
298
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:11,661
♪ Don't go breaking my heart ♪
299
00:16:13,381 --> 00:16:16,061
♪ I couldn't if I tried ♪
300
00:16:17,501 --> 00:16:20,421
[James] ♪ Oh, honey, if I get restless ♪
301
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:23,581
♪ Baby, you're not that kind ♪
302
00:16:26,261 --> 00:16:27,621
[James] ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
303
00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:30,581
[both] ♪ Nobody knows it ♪
304
00:16:33,301 --> 00:16:36,461
-♪ Right from the start ♪-♪ I gave you my heart ♪
305
00:16:36,941 --> 00:16:39,381
[June, tunelessly] ♪ Ooooh-oh... ♪
306
00:16:39,461 --> 00:16:41,821
♪ I gave you my heart ♪
307
00:16:43,701 --> 00:16:45,741
[audience applauds]
308
00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:48,141
[Ken] Well, wasn't that fabulous?
309
00:16:48,221 --> 00:16:49,501
OK, ladies and gentlemen.
310
00:16:49,581 --> 00:16:52,901
Now, some of you might've been wonderingwhat that awful smell was.
311
00:16:52,981 --> 00:16:55,821
No, that smell is not the drains,
it's not the bins,
312
00:16:55,901 --> 00:16:58,181
-it is our next act! Uh...
-[audience laughs]
313
00:16:58,261 --> 00:17:00,701
Bless him,
he has got a serious hygiene problem.
314
00:17:00,781 --> 00:17:03,021
Now, he's doing a bit of stand-up comedy.
315
00:17:03,461 --> 00:17:04,341
[audience] Ooh!
316
00:17:04,421 --> 00:17:08,141
Which, as we all know, is very hard,
and he is not very good at it!
317
00:17:08,221 --> 00:17:10,461
-[laughter]
-So, fingers crossed for him, all right?
318
00:17:10,581 --> 00:17:13,821
Please welcome... Brian Gittins!
319
00:17:22,661 --> 00:17:25,301
[Brian] I'm not as professional
as I'd like to be.
320
00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:28,821
If I ever were to make it big,
321
00:17:28,901 --> 00:17:32,221
there are a few things that might come out
in the tabloids about me
322
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,781
that I feel like I need to...
323
00:17:35,101 --> 00:17:36,901
nip in the bud immediately.
324
00:17:42,141 --> 00:17:43,421
I've given one blow job.
325
00:17:43,861 --> 00:17:46,381
[gasping, scattered chuckling in audience]
326
00:17:47,741 --> 00:17:50,381
-That's a... He's a hairdresser.
-[Brian] One blowie.
327
00:17:50,701 --> 00:17:53,501
The assistant manager
of Tambury Football Club.
328
00:17:54,621 --> 00:17:56,101
-Yeah, Mark Dobson.
-[man 1] What?
329
00:17:56,661 --> 00:17:59,581
[Brian] I promise you,
that is never going to happen again.
330
00:17:59,901 --> 00:18:01,581
OK? I was at my lowest ebb.
331
00:18:03,061 --> 00:18:05,421
My wife had just left me
for Mickey the Gypsy.
332
00:18:06,981 --> 00:18:10,141
Do you know Mickey the Gypsy?
No? Good.
333
00:18:10,221 --> 00:18:11,221
Stay away from him.
334
00:18:11,781 --> 00:18:13,981
'Cause he'll smash your face in
as quick as look at ya!
335
00:18:14,621 --> 00:18:16,021
Yeah. OK? Yeah.
336
00:18:20,421 --> 00:18:21,741
Right, who wants some jokes?
337
00:18:21,821 --> 00:18:24,941
-[man 2] Yeah, please.
-Just remember there are children here.
338
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,981
Hello, son. What's your name?
339
00:18:27,061 --> 00:18:28,461
-[George] George.
-George?
340
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,301
Huh, nice name, George.
341
00:18:30,381 --> 00:18:32,181
-How old are you?
-Nine.
342
00:18:32,261 --> 00:18:35,901
I've got a little joke for you, lad.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
343
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:37,141
[George] I don't know.
344
00:18:37,461 --> 00:18:38,701
Michael Jackson.
345
00:18:38,781 --> 00:18:39,981
[shocked gasps]
346
00:18:40,381 --> 00:18:43,341
Wouldn't want him rummaging round
in your underwear, would you?
347
00:18:44,261 --> 00:18:45,301
Knock knock.
348
00:18:45,381 --> 00:18:46,381
Who's there?
349
00:18:46,461 --> 00:18:47,621
My ex-wife.
350
00:18:48,181 --> 00:18:49,701
Go fuck yourself,
351
00:18:49,781 --> 00:18:51,901
-you dirty, manky whore.
-[faux coughing]
352
00:18:54,181 --> 00:18:55,701
Yeah. I'll leave it there.
353
00:18:56,901 --> 00:18:59,621
I'm not really in the right headspace
or the...
354
00:19:00,101 --> 00:19:02,861
Well, thanks for listening. And the, uh...
355
00:19:03,461 --> 00:19:05,141
[scattered applause]
356
00:19:07,261 --> 00:19:09,181
Bloody hell, what was that?
357
00:19:09,261 --> 00:19:13,901
Oh, my God, absolutely disgusting.
Blow jobs in front of the mayor.
358
00:19:14,341 --> 00:19:15,621
Absolutely vile.
359
00:19:15,701 --> 00:19:18,501
Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry, Mr. Mayor.
360
00:19:19,341 --> 00:19:21,661
-Get them bins sorted!
-[scattered chuckling]
361
00:19:21,741 --> 00:19:24,061
-Hey? There we go. Now we're back.
-[applause]
362
00:19:24,141 --> 00:19:25,021
All right.
363
00:19:25,101 --> 00:19:27,021
You're not going to be there
while I'm on.
364
00:19:27,101 --> 00:19:29,021
-Yeah.
-Now, let's have a little bit of poetry.
365
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,621
-Who loves poetry?
-[audience] Yeah!
366
00:19:30,701 --> 00:19:34,061
-No, you're fucking not.
-Please welcome the wonderful Rebecca!
367
00:19:34,141 --> 00:19:36,141
[audience applauds]
368
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:37,661
[Rebecca] I'm Rebecca.
369
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,661
I will be performing some
of my poetry for you tonight.
370
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,261
Enjoy.
371
00:19:42,341 --> 00:19:45,221
-[groans] I feel sick.
-Come on, you'll be all right.
372
00:19:45,301 --> 00:19:46,661
God is a woman
373
00:19:47,101 --> 00:19:49,141
Her kingdom is life
374
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:53,821
She is nature, nurture, warrior, wife
375
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,461
She grew you inside her
376
00:19:56,541 --> 00:19:58,821
Alone, selfless
377
00:19:58,901 --> 00:20:02,381
She gave her body so you could live
378
00:20:02,821 --> 00:20:04,781
Almighty creator
379
00:20:04,861 --> 00:20:08,261
Instigator of every single soul
380
00:20:08,781 --> 00:20:11,501
In a single cell waiting
381
00:20:12,301 --> 00:20:14,141
For her Big Bang
382
00:20:14,821 --> 00:20:16,261
-[James farts]
-[Rebecca] Oh!
383
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:17,901
You dumpy little cunt!
384
00:20:17,981 --> 00:20:20,461
-Did you just fart?
-[June] Don't talk to him like that.
385
00:20:20,541 --> 00:20:23,541
I've told him never to hold it in
if he needs to pump, it's bad for him.
386
00:20:23,621 --> 00:20:24,981
-He just farted!
-[James] Rude.
387
00:20:25,061 --> 00:20:28,381
[Rebecca] He just... I told you
not to stand there! Oh, my God!
388
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:31,141
-Oh, it fucking stinks up here!
-She's coming off.
389
00:20:31,221 --> 00:20:32,781
Get out there, you have to take over.
390
00:20:32,861 --> 00:20:34,701
-Come on, do your dance.
-Go on, James.
391
00:20:35,621 --> 00:20:38,501
-[Ken] Give us a show!
-[applause]
392
00:20:38,581 --> 00:20:40,541
Oh... I think he's followed through!
393
00:20:40,621 --> 00:20:42,381
Oh, fuckin' hell!
394
00:20:42,901 --> 00:20:44,901
["Send in the Clowns" plays]
395
00:21:28,741 --> 00:21:29,981
[phone dialing out]
396
00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:34,421
Hi.
397
00:21:34,981 --> 00:21:35,941
How's it going?
398
00:21:37,341 --> 00:21:38,301
Tony...
399
00:21:39,421 --> 00:21:41,381
I'm sorry, your dad's passed away.
400
00:21:44,981 --> 00:21:45,821
OK.
401
00:21:47,541 --> 00:21:48,461
Um...
402
00:21:50,301 --> 00:21:51,541
Uh, I'll come over.
403
00:21:52,501 --> 00:21:53,421
OK.
404
00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:55,381
OK, bye.
405
00:21:59,701 --> 00:22:01,461
[sighs heavily]
406
00:22:02,781 --> 00:22:04,781
["Send in the Clowns"
continues playing]
407
00:22:16,381 --> 00:22:17,541
-Hey.
-Hi.
408
00:22:19,781 --> 00:22:21,261
I'm so sorry.
409
00:22:22,221 --> 00:22:24,381
-Was it just in his sleep?
-Yeah, he just...
410
00:22:24,941 --> 00:22:26,141
just stopped breathing.
411
00:22:29,101 --> 00:22:32,781
Um... I won't call Matt tonight,
I'll tell him tomorrow, and I'll, uh...
412
00:22:33,141 --> 00:22:35,941
-Will you do all the...?
-Oh, yeah. We'll take care of all that.
413
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:38,581
-I just need his birth certificate and...
-OK.
414
00:22:38,661 --> 00:22:40,101
...a couple of other bits and pieces.
415
00:22:43,421 --> 00:22:44,461
He was a good man.
416
00:22:46,221 --> 00:22:47,501
[sighs] He was...
417
00:22:49,781 --> 00:22:51,541
-He was kind, weren't he?
-Yeah.
418
00:22:52,461 --> 00:22:53,661
And gentle, he, um...
419
00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:56,581
He never hit me, he never smacked me...
420
00:22:57,341 --> 00:22:58,341
as a kid,
421
00:22:58,421 --> 00:23:01,181
however... naughty I was.
422
00:23:01,781 --> 00:23:03,981
Mum would go,
"Wait till your dad gets home."
423
00:23:04,381 --> 00:23:05,581
And he'd come in,
424
00:23:06,101 --> 00:23:08,421
all smiles, and he'd go, "Hello, boy!"
425
00:23:09,181 --> 00:23:10,701
And she'd go, "He's been bad."
426
00:23:11,341 --> 00:23:12,661
And he'd go, "Oh...
427
00:23:14,061 --> 00:23:15,621
I'm disappointed in you, son."
428
00:23:16,341 --> 00:23:17,581
Oh, that would kill me.
429
00:23:18,421 --> 00:23:20,461
Other kids would say
their dad had belted them.
430
00:23:20,541 --> 00:23:24,221
And I'd think, "That's nothing
to him saying he was disappointed."
431
00:23:24,301 --> 00:23:25,421
I never wanted to...
432
00:23:27,101 --> 00:23:28,141
disappoint him.
433
00:23:29,501 --> 00:23:30,501
I never upset him
434
00:23:30,581 --> 00:23:33,261
-when I was sitting here grumpy, did I?
-No! God.
435
00:23:33,341 --> 00:23:35,261
-He loved you being here.
-[sighs]
436
00:23:36,621 --> 00:23:39,221
It's just I had a lot on my mind.
I still have. I...
437
00:23:39,741 --> 00:23:42,101
I'd hate to think
that I was upsetting him or...
438
00:23:42,781 --> 00:23:47,221
Do you know, there are some people here
that get a visit maybe... once a week.
439
00:23:49,141 --> 00:23:53,461
I don't think I've ever known a son
visit his dad every day without fail.
440
00:23:55,221 --> 00:23:56,981
Even when he was in pain himself.
441
00:24:02,301 --> 00:24:05,581
I thought you thought I didn't care,
but I did. I always did.
442
00:24:05,661 --> 00:24:07,541
[chuckles] I never thought that.
443
00:24:09,301 --> 00:24:12,341
Just gave you a bit of a hard time
now and again. [chuckles]
444
00:24:14,061 --> 00:24:15,341
I probably deserved it.
445
00:24:16,101 --> 00:24:17,101
You never did.
446
00:24:20,661 --> 00:24:24,541
Just... I had to get your attention
somehow, though, didn't I? [giggles]
447
00:24:24,941 --> 00:24:25,901
And it worked.
448
00:24:25,981 --> 00:24:27,941
Well... a bit.
449
00:24:29,821 --> 00:24:30,901
No, it didn't.
450
00:24:31,981 --> 00:24:33,501
You already had my attention.
451
00:24:35,421 --> 00:24:38,021
From the first second...
I set eyes on you.
452
00:24:41,381 --> 00:24:42,301
But, you know...
453
00:24:45,941 --> 00:24:47,301
Yeah. [chuckles sadly]
454
00:24:50,101 --> 00:24:51,301
Um... Do...
455
00:24:52,141 --> 00:24:54,741
Do you want to maybe just sit with him
for a wee while?
456
00:24:54,821 --> 00:24:55,661
Yeah.
457
00:24:56,021 --> 00:24:57,021
No, and you.
458
00:24:57,861 --> 00:24:59,861
[mournful piano music plays]
459
00:25:26,581 --> 00:25:27,861
[Brandy pants]
460
00:25:30,301 --> 00:25:31,141
For me?
461
00:25:31,901 --> 00:25:32,901
[whines]
462
00:25:34,661 --> 00:25:35,501
Thank you.
463
00:25:36,181 --> 00:25:37,421
You're such a good girl!
464
00:25:38,021 --> 00:25:40,021
[gentle instrumental music plays]
465
00:25:47,941 --> 00:25:50,501
[Lisa] What, you're just gonna play cardsand get drunk all night?
466
00:25:51,701 --> 00:25:54,261
-Yep.
-[Lisa] Well, what am I supposed to do?
467
00:25:54,341 --> 00:25:56,141
-You know what you're supposed to do...-What?
468
00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:58,301
Go outand make us all a cheese sandwich
469
00:25:58,381 --> 00:26:00,941
-with some crisps.-[Lisa] Oh, right. Careful.
470
00:26:01,021 --> 00:26:02,021
[Lisa and Tony laugh]
471
00:26:02,101 --> 00:26:04,101
-[Lisa] Very funny!-[Dad] What d'you think, Brandy?
472
00:26:04,181 --> 00:26:07,701
Shall I throw away the five...or the three? What do you think?
473
00:26:07,781 --> 00:26:10,501
-[Lisa] Oh, look!-Yeah, I'll throw away the three.
474
00:26:10,581 --> 00:26:13,141
-She loves it there, look.-There we go, yeah. All right.
475
00:26:13,221 --> 00:26:15,341
-What do you think?-[Lisa] Look, she's bored!
476
00:26:15,421 --> 00:26:16,781
She's as bored as me!
477
00:26:17,141 --> 00:26:18,581
[Lisa and Dad laugh]
478
00:26:18,661 --> 00:26:19,981
[Lisa] She loves you, Ray.
479
00:26:20,061 --> 00:26:22,101
-[Ray laughs]
-[Lisa chuckles]
480
00:26:23,501 --> 00:26:26,381
-[Ray laughs raucously]
-[Lisa] Aww!
481
00:26:26,941 --> 00:26:29,741
["And So It Goes" plays]
♪ In every heart ♪
482
00:26:29,821 --> 00:26:32,501
♪ There is a room ♪
483
00:26:33,541 --> 00:26:38,261
♪ A sanctuary safe and strong ♪
484
00:26:39,101 --> 00:26:42,261
♪ To heal the wounds ♪
485
00:26:42,981 --> 00:26:45,861
♪ From lovers past ♪
486
00:26:46,381 --> 00:26:51,301
♪ Until a new one comes along ♪
487
00:26:52,301 --> 00:26:58,781
♪ I spoke to you in cautious tones ♪
488
00:26:59,381 --> 00:27:03,861
♪ You answered me with no pretense ♪
489
00:27:04,621 --> 00:27:10,301
♪ And still I feel I said too much ♪
490
00:27:11,181 --> 00:27:16,341
♪ My silence is my self-defense ♪
491
00:27:16,781 --> 00:27:19,501
♪ And so it goes ♪
492
00:27:20,341 --> 00:27:23,701
♪ And you're the only one ♪
493
00:27:24,421 --> 00:27:26,461
♪ Who knows ♪
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