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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,005 ♪ upbeat theme playing ♪ 2 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,926 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba ♪ 3 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,845 ♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da ♪ 4 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,935 - Son, this is the story 5 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,480 of my first life-changing opportunity as a photographer. 6 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,650 Okay. At least your work stories have less sex. 7 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,777 - True, 8 00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,904 but this one has drugs. 9 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,991 - Hi, you must be Amber. 10 00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,326 We spoke on the phone. 11 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,912 I'm Sophie Tompkins, here to see Naomi Reisberg. 12 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:40,332 I can't believe I'm saying those words out loud. 13 00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:43,752 I have idolized Ms. Reisberg since forever. 14 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,839 And now, she wants to meet me... 15 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,842 Oh, it's just been a dream to show in her gallery, and... 16 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,427 I even wore my good luck bangles! 17 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:56,348 Naomi, Shortie McTalkie is here to see you. 18 00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,270 Everyone in our system has a nickname. Nothing personal. 19 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,982 - That felt personal. Don't care. 20 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,733 I'm meeting Naomi Reisberg. 21 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,528 Honestly, this is such an honor. 22 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,281 You know, I submitted my work a couple months ago, 23 00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,991 and I never heard back so then I just assumed 24 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,784 that you weren't interested in showing my photographs-- 25 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,661 - Oh, I'm not. 26 00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:21,373 My daughter Rivka's bat mitzvah is this Saturday, 27 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,709 and our photographer dropped out at the last second. 28 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,587 So, I had Amber dig through our submissions 29 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:30,215 to find someone halfway decent who'd be available, and that's you. 30 00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,467 Halfway decent and available. 31 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,346 Uh... Thanks? 32 00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:40,475 I really thought you called me in here about my artistic work. 33 00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,021 You didn't even look at my portfolio? - No. 34 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,690 I looked at the event photography on your web site. 35 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,943 - Oh. Cool. Cool. 36 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,654 - Listen, Sophie, I never do this, 37 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,698 but I'm three days out from the party, 38 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,742 and it's either you or my mom and her iPad. 39 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:59,119 So, how about this? 40 00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,622 You do a good job on Saturday, 41 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,249 and I'll take a look at your artistic portfolio. 42 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,461 - Oh my god! That would be amazing! 43 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,505 - Great. - Okay. 44 00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,590 - My baby only becomes a woman once, 45 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,384 and this party is a who's who of New York royalty, 46 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,512 so I want every moment captured. 47 00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,097 Lin-Manuel Miranda gives a speech? Photo. 48 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,891 Billy Porter eats a lettuce wrap? Photo. 49 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,936 Anderson Cooper gets wasted and dances by himself 50 00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,230 to the new Adele song? Photo, photo, photo! 51 00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,067 Obviously, you'll need to bring your best assistant. 52 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,361 - Obviously. 53 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:35,489 Yeah. I mean, I never go anywhere without my assistant. 54 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,951 Who do you think's parking my car right now? 55 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,286 ♪ 56 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:47,000 - Look at you literally whistling while you work. 57 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,753 I've never seen you this happy with your pants on. 58 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,715 - Well, what can I say? I love earning an honest living. 59 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,718 Although, now you mention it, this job would be heaven without pants. 60 00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,721 Ellen, what are your plans for today? 61 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,182 - I'm working on my memoirs. And by working, 62 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,434 I mean reading one celebrity memoir a week. 63 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:08,146 And by reading, I mean listening, so my hands are free for snacking. 64 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,608 - Don't you miss working? 65 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,528 - I'm... figuring out my next career move. 66 00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,697 And I can get by on the checks from my farm, so-- 67 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,323 - You see, work gives me a purpose, 68 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,117 and a drive, 69 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,452 and the self-esteem of a nerd in Silicon Valley. 70 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,539 I mean, just look at all these five-star Yelp reviews I've received. 71 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,708 "Love that British bartender." 72 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,667 Eh? 73 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,627 "Come for the drinks, stay for the Charlie." 74 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,880 - Hey! - And my personal favorite, 75 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,424 "That British hunk is so hot 76 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,427 that I started drinking again just to see him." 77 00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,012 That's not good. 78 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,973 - Ahem! 79 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,850 You are looking at 80 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,518 the official photographer 81 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,688 for renowned gallerist Naomi Reisberg's... 82 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,733 ...daughter's bat mitzvah on Saturday! 83 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:56,236 - Aw, you're doing that thing where you say, like, 84 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,447 sad words in a happy voice. I do it. 85 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,325 This bar is hemorrhaging money! 86 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,911 - Okay, I know it's not exactly 87 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,704 what I was hoping for, 88 00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,248 but Naomi did say that she would look at my portfolio 89 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,042 if I crushed the bat mitzvah photos. 90 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:13,337 Which I plan on doing with the help of my assistant... 91 00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,130 Valentina. 92 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,174 - Oh! I can't. 93 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,384 I have to go into the office on Saturday. 94 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,595 We're dressing, like, six huge names for a premiere, 95 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,889 and I still need to accessorize Timothée Chalamet. 96 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,475 Wait, Timothée Chalamet, the pro wrestler? 97 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:29,937 - Yep. Back then, he was a tiny little movie star. 98 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,982 - God, your job is so cool. 99 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,027 I mean, your career is in the fast lane, 100 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,279 and my career is hitchhiking on the side of the road, 101 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,531 and there's no takers. 102 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,866 - Okay, fine. 103 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,160 Let's, uh, bat that mitzvah. 104 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,119 - Yes! 105 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,248 - Oh, Charlie, I need you to pick up a shift on Saturday. 106 00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:52,000 Jesse and I are doing a classic Pound Day. 107 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,919 - I'm sorry, what? 108 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,128 I just heard it. Guys, 109 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,297 keep your heads out of the gutter, okay? A Pound Day is when 110 00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,008 we both have a lot of work to do. We lock ourselves in our apartment, 111 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,510 we get a bunch of snacks, and we pound-- 112 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,636 - Each other! - Yeah! 113 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,012 No! 114 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,723 We pound out our work. We keep each other from procrastinating. 115 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,393 - Mm-hmm. Hannah's on me about doing my wedding guest list. 116 00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,854 - And I'm finally gonna write my first song as a solo artist, 117 00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:15,107 without Meredith, and it's gonna be awesome! I mean... 118 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:18,569 Sonny wrote a ton of hits without Cher, I think. 119 00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,903 - Nope. 120 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,365 He became the mayor of Palm Springs, and then a congressman. 121 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,034 He revolutionized the United States copyright law. 122 00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,120 It's all in his memoir! 123 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,332 - Hey, I know it's gotta feel like a lot 124 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,043 to dive back into writing songs without Meredith, 125 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,503 but you got this. 126 00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,547 - Thanks. 127 00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,424 Just... hope I'm ready. 128 00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,009 - I know that you are. 129 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,720 But, just in case... - Yeah? 130 00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,807 - Take a good look bangle. - Good luck bangle? 131 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,602 - Yeah. I mean, just to help you win your future Grammy, 132 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,104 and if you do, then you have to thank me in your speech. 133 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,106 - Sure. - Before your mom. And God. 134 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,107 - Deal. 135 00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,861 ♪ 136 00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:05,240 - Alright! Time to get our guest listing and songwriting on. 137 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,242 - Woo! Let's pound, baby. Mm. 138 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:25,219 Okay, I can't write songs with some bird just creepily staring at me 139 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,429 with its beady eyes and its pecky beak. 140 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:32,226 Hey, shoo, you good-for-nothing winged rat! 141 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:35,854 Ah! Ah! He summoned a friend! 142 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,482 - How do you make a bird leave your windowsill? 143 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,484 We tried to "shoo." It didn't work. 144 00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,903 - That's how you Google things? - Yeah. 145 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,240 - Jesse... Check this out. - Yeah. 146 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,161 - Bird makeup tutorial - That is not at all helpful-- 147 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,955 Wow, she does all that with just face paint? 148 00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,957 - Yeah, there's no way. It's way too real. 149 00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,793 - Hi, fam. Wanna look like a bird? 150 00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,878 - Stop, stop, stop, stop. This is an 18-minute video. 151 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,880 We're supposed to be working. - You're right. 152 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,966 ♪ video music ♪ 153 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,009 Just one minute. - Yeah! We gotta see this. 154 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,845 ♪ 155 00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,471 Just one minute, just one minute. 156 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,265 - Ellen, I have horrible news. 157 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:15,060 I have received a one-star Yelp review. Ready? 158 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,063 "Great bar, except for the insufferable British guy. 159 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,774 "The only thing worse than his drinks... 160 00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,819 is his flat butt." 161 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,946 I mean, it's not true, is it? Everybody knows 162 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,781 I have a juicy bubble butt. 163 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,867 - Dude, who cares? It's just Yelp. 164 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,953 It's where white people go to complain about how spicy Thai restaurants are. 165 00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:36,665 - I care, Ellen! My pristine reputation is on the line! 166 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,626 I must figure out who wrote this dastardly review 167 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,253 and get them to revise it. 168 00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:44,047 I will not sleep or eat, until I have done so. 169 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,592 - You just-- - I mean starting now. 170 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,013 ♪ pop music ♪ 171 00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:53,974 - Oh good, you're here. These are all the guests 172 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,559 with whom Rivka should be photographed. 173 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,477 Start with titans of industry, 174 00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,646 followed by Tony Award winners, 175 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:00,939 then Tony Award nominees, 176 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,567 and if you get around to it, friends and family. 177 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,819 Oh! Here's Rivka. 178 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,781 - Oh. My. God. You did not tell me 179 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,783 this was Rivka Rebel's bat mitzvah. 180 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,911 She has, like, a gazillion followers on Instagram. 181 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,245 - Oh. - You know this pose? 182 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,707 That was her. She did it first. 183 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,587 - Rivka, meet your photographer, Sophie, 184 00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,422 and this is her assistant, Valentina. 185 00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,759 - Hey, Rivka. Mazel on your mitzvah. 186 00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,345 - Remember, you can contour a bad nose, 187 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,514 but not a bad attitude. 188 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,806 Find your light, Rebels! 189 00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,600 Rivka out. 190 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,354 And Sophie in! 191 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,813 I would love to get a photo-- 192 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,066 - Sorry, I don't pose for amateurs. 193 00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,277 - Good luck. 194 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,780 That's why our other photographer dropped out. 195 00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:52,991 Oh, and watch out for Lin-Manuel Miranda. 196 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:53,951 He loves to photobomb. 197 00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:02,376 Okay, who's the cruel Yelper? 198 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,547 Sylvia. Oh my god, it's Sylvia! 199 00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,799 Well, she's totally unaffected by my charm. 200 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,093 Last week, I asked her if she wanted a Charlie Special. 201 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:11,885 - What's that? 202 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,263 - Oh, it's a special drink with a haiku written by me. 203 00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:15,055 - Oh... 204 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,141 - But Sylvia says she doesn't appreciate "amateur poetry." And look. 205 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:22,354 The review was written by RavenHairedMaven712. 206 00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,939 - Sylvia has jet-black hair. 207 00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,190 She's the maven! 208 00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,026 - Time to get her to re-Yelp. 209 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,696 Ellen, prepare to see a charm offensive. Ooh! 210 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,865 Should we go "bright and cheery" or "sexy voice"? 211 00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:33,949 - Bright and cheery. - Not sexy-- 212 00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:34,950 - No, no, no. - Okay. 213 00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:40,038 Sylvia! Darling! Is that a new top? 214 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,125 - I've had this top for over 40 years. 215 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,502 But, you should probably change yours. 216 00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,462 It's very unflattering. 217 00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,173 - Right. 218 00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,885 - At least she didn't say anything mean about your butt. 219 00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:56,180 - Should've done sexy voice. - No. 220 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,931 ♪ 221 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,475 Ready? One, two, three. 222 00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:05,606 Wow! This is exactly what I'd look like if I was a bird. 223 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,232 And-and you look... 224 00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,736 Can I try again? I'm so sorry. 225 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,696 - Hm... 226 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,324 Nah. I'm like a late bloomer bird, right? 227 00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:18,410 Had some tough years in high school, but I'm going into comedy. 228 00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:20,996 - Hm. 229 00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:25,000 - Okay. Time to get back to work, right? 230 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,128 - Yep. Mm-hmm. Back to work. - Back to work. 231 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,507 - We can't not take pictures first, though, right? 232 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,800 - Okay. Let's go get our phones, you beautiful bird genius! 233 00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,680 ♪ 234 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,017 - Rivka. I just need to get one picture of you 235 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,228 in front of that neon sign, 236 00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:46,480 and then you can live your hashtag best life. 237 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,232 - Oh my god, Rebels. 238 00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,901 This photographer lady is tragic. 239 00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,906 - How am I supposed to crush the bat mitzvah photos 240 00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:58,033 when the bat mitzvah girl won't even acknowledge me? 241 00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,953 - She acknowledged you. You're... tragic. 242 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:05,082 Let me try to talk to her. I'm in fashion, I speak teen. 243 00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:08,252 The trick is to mispronounce things confidently. 244 00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:09,795 Wertch and lurnnn, gir'. 245 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,342 What urrrrrp? 246 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,639 - Not bad. Oh, and neither are your boots. 247 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:22,891 How did someone like you get their old-ass feet 248 00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,269 into a pair of limited edition YSLs? 249 00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,146 - Well, I work for Fred Z right now, 250 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,857 but my Instagram is blowing up, 251 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,943 so designers are reaching out to me directly. 252 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,736 I could get you some great stuff. 253 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,072 All you'd have to do is take a selfie with me. 254 00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,700 - Hm. Hm. Yeah. No. 255 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,580 - Hey, you're supposed to be helping me, 256 00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:46,415 not trying to get a selfie with her. 257 00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,876 - Sorry, sorry! I just thought a pic with her would be great for my brand. 258 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,795 You seem really tense. You want a Xanax? 259 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,715 I picked some up for when we had to go to Sid's improv show. 260 00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:57,926 - No. You know I can't do pills. 261 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,012 The last time I took a Benadryl, I emailed my cousin 262 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,680 and told him I've always wanted to kiss him. 263 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,265 - Ew! Soph! 264 00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,434 - Whatever! He's an underwear model, 265 00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,477 and I see him, like, twice a year. 266 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,480 - But you're animal control! I mean, it's literally your job 267 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,024 to come over here and control these animals... 268 00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:14,568 Wow, I am a sexy bird. 269 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:17,070 H-hello? He hung up. 270 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,242 - Siri, Google "how to get rid of trapped birds in your apartment." 271 00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:25,579 Oh, there's a new TikTok dance craze 272 00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,372 called the Trapped Bird. ♪ music playing on video ♪ 273 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:30,375 So, fam, you want to learn how to do The Trapped Bird? 274 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,045 - Stop, stop, stop, stop. No more viral bird crazes, alright? 275 00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:35,631 We just gotta go in there, put the snacks out on the fire escape, 276 00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:38,258 and then the birds will leave. - Right 'cause birds love snacks. 277 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:39,760 They're only human. 278 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,888 Okay, ready? - Yep. 279 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:45,891 ♪ 280 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,356 Ah! Ah! Ah! Fly! 281 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:56,527 Follow your leaders, you disgusting gutter flappers! 282 00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,947 Oh! 283 00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,035 Okay, it's locked. 284 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:09,122 Mommy, look at those strange ladies. 285 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:13,752 - We are not ladies! We're two men in pigeon makeup! 286 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,010 - Sylvia! How about a joke? Um... 287 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,097 Why did the bartender put laxatives in the drink? 288 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,975 - You put laxatives in my drink? 289 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,060 - No, of course not. It's just a joke. 290 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,603 Why did the bartender put-- 291 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,397 Why did the bartender put laxatives in the drink? 292 00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:35,274 For shits and giggles! That's the punchline! 293 00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:38,902 - I hate prank comedy. - Of course you do, Sylvia... 294 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,073 - Well, that was a disaster of epic proportions. 295 00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,074 - Yeah, I know. 296 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:45,826 Wait a minute... 297 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,329 "The British bartender's tight pants 298 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,207 are a disaster of epic proportions..." 299 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:56,128 - So, Sylvia and I use the same idioms. That means less than nothing. 300 00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:58,463 - "His service skills are less than nothing!" Ellen? 301 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,008 Are you the Raven-Haired Maven? 302 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,010 - No, I'm not! 303 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,554 I don't even have... 304 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:06,847 Oh hello, Yelp. 305 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,225 I do not remember downloading you. 306 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,020 Oh, right... 307 00:14:13,437 --> 00:14:15,814 - Alright. I'm off to work the late shift. 308 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,734 You know, it's not just clocking in to a job. 309 00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,028 It is clocking in to a purpose. 310 00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,446 You should really try it. Hm. 311 00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:31,580 - After you left, I had way more than my usual half martini, 312 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,707 aka Tiny-Tini, 313 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,459 and it must have gone to my head. 314 00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:38,462 You don't have a purpose, Ellen! 315 00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:40,714 You should get a job, Ellen! 316 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,466 ♪ 317 00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:43,926 Guess what? 318 00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,637 Your butt's flat! 319 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,556 - Ellen, why would you write such horrible things? 320 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:51,808 - I don't know. 321 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,394 I mean, you have been kind of throwing your new job in my face, 322 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,314 and I guess... I'm a little jealous of you. 323 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,651 We both got to New York at the exact same time, 324 00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:02,611 and you already have a girlfriend that you love, 325 00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,530 and a job that you're great at. 326 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:05,989 You're lapping me at everything. 327 00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,491 - Ellen, no. - It's fine. 328 00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:12,746 Don't you dare watch me sad walk away! 329 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,166 - So then, I was like, 330 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:19,086 not going to happen, Kanye. Not while you're with Kim." 331 00:15:20,546 --> 00:15:22,756 - Uh, Val? You're supposed to be helping me. 332 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:23,966 What the hell? 333 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,845 - Okay, I know this looks bad, 334 00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:29,763 but I got her to tag me, 335 00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,099 and it already has 6,000 likes. 336 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,976 Imagine what this will do for my brand. 337 00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:37,187 - Are you seriously still talking to me about your brand? 338 00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,940 - Oh my god. It just hit me. 339 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,984 Am I talking really fast? I feel like I'm talking really fast. 340 00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,235 Let's twerk. 341 00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:45,362 ♪ party music ♪ 342 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,614 - What's wrong with them? - I don't know. 343 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,659 They remind me of my first time on Adderall. 344 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:51,910 Oh no. 345 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,789 So, they stole my tin of drugs. 346 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,834 You seem really tense. Do you want a Xanax? 347 00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:01,336 ♪ 348 00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:03,714 - Lose the purse. - Oh. 349 00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,807 - What? What was in there? - Not much! 350 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,060 Just a Xanax I offered you. And some Canadian Adderall. 351 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:20,230 And some Ambien because I couldn't sleep after I took all the Canadian Adderall. 352 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,191 ♪ 353 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,535 - God. High little children. 354 00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:36,371 Everyone, get in the corner and... and huddle up! 355 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,457 ♪ 356 00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:41,001 You know, none of this would have happened if you hadn't been obsessed 357 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,212 with getting your stupid selfie with Rivka. 358 00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:46,048 You made today all about you and your brand, 359 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,716 even though you already have an amazing job. 360 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,927 - No, I don't. 361 00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:51,470 My job is a nightmare. 362 00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,055 - What are you talking about? 363 00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,350 Your job always sounds so fancy and glamorous-- 364 00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,435 - Because I make it sound that way. 365 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:01,772 But the truth is glamorous things happen around me, 366 00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:04,900 while I do menial grunt work for a psychopathic stylist. 367 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:08,654 Remember when I said I was going to spend today accessorizing Timothée Chalamet? 368 00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:11,240 That was a lie. I was actually supposed to get the pit stains 369 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,535 out of my boss's suede jacket before returning it to Balenciaga. 370 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:17,246 And if they noticed the pit stains, I was supposed to say... 371 00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:18,622 my pits did it. 372 00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,542 - Okay, that is so messed up. 373 00:17:21,542 --> 00:17:23,961 Also you have, like, the least sweaty pits in New York. 374 00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:26,296 - I... know! I literally 375 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,632 just drugged a group of kids, and I'm dry as a bone. 376 00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,262 - We don't lie to each other, Val. 377 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,390 It's part of our code, along with our agreement 378 00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:39,184 to never speak about what happened on Halloween 2018. 379 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,144 - What happened-- - I'll never tell! 380 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,147 - Why didn't you just tell me your job sucked? 381 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,567 - Because... 382 00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:50,821 you've always seen me as this bad-ass boss bitch... 383 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:53,907 I didn't want to pop that bubble. 384 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,868 - You couldn't if you tried. 385 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,911 - You still love me? 386 00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,496 - Yes, of course I do. 387 00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,375 - Wait a minute. 388 00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,213 They took my other tin. 389 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,631 - Huh? 390 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:12,342 - The wintergreen tin has all the good stuff. 391 00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,888 The red tin is just ibuprofen and probiotics. 392 00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:19,183 - Okay, wait. So, you're saying-- 393 00:18:19,183 --> 00:18:21,268 - The placebo effect is real! 394 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:24,354 These nerds are just headache and bloat-free with good gut health. 395 00:18:27,733 --> 00:18:29,860 - Hey, dorks, you're all on-- 396 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,988 - Super intense, very hard illegal drugs. 397 00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,158 So, unless you want us to tell your parents you're, uh, smack heads, 398 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,701 you're gonna go back out there 399 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,161 and act sober. 400 00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,664 - You wouldn't really tell my mom, would you? 401 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,459 She said she'd limit my screen time if she ever caught me with drugs. 402 00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:48,670 My whole life is screen time. She's going to limit my life! 403 00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:50,714 - Oh. Well then, 404 00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:53,509 you better get in there and give me every shot I need. 405 00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,719 When I say smile, you say how hard. 406 00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:58,055 And I'm talking about real smiles. 407 00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:01,099 None of those dead-eyed Generation Z smiles. You got it? 408 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,226 - Yes, ma'am. 409 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:05,354 - That's more like it. But do not call her ma'am. 410 00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:06,855 We are not that old. - Correct. 411 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:08,815 Out you go. Go on. 412 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,400 ♪ 413 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,818 - Dude, what's wrong with us? 414 00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,238 We should be in there pounding out our tasks, 415 00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:15,822 and instead, we're trapped out here... 416 00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:18,408 being birds. 417 00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:22,287 - Yeah. I don't know, man, today just felt kind of tough. 418 00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,250 Jesse, I'm really struggling with this guest list, man. 419 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,085 Like, I really just... I wanna invite people 420 00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:30,587 that are, like, super close to me, you know? 421 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:33,048 And so many of those people are back in New Delhi. 422 00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:38,387 I've been thinking for a long time that I wanted to have two weddings. 423 00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:40,681 One here, one in India, 424 00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:43,392 but Hannah, she's already killing herself 425 00:19:43,392 --> 00:19:45,060 trying to plan one wedding 426 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,688 and I don't want to overwhelm her and stuff, you know? 427 00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:52,818 Are you seriously laughing at me right now? 428 00:19:52,818 --> 00:19:54,152 - I'm sorry! You're just... 429 00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:56,613 You're, like, this hideous bird who wants two weddings! 430 00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,869 I couldn't focus today, either. 431 00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,747 Sophie called it. I'm scared I'll never write anything good without Meredith. 432 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,875 - Of course you will, man. 433 00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:09,751 You just need new inspiration. 434 00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:13,088 - Hello? Anybody home? Super let me in! 435 00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:14,798 Oh, thank God. Animal control. 436 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:17,009 Wait! 437 00:20:17,009 --> 00:20:20,012 It this, like, a sex thing? You won't believe how many times it is. 438 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,519 - Knock, knock. 439 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:33,942 - You don't have to mouth-knock. I don't deserve that courtesy. 440 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,653 - 'Course you do. Look, Ellen, I... 441 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:41,658 I'm sorry that I was throwing my new job in your face. 442 00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,076 You know, it wasn't fair. 443 00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:47,414 But it's okay that you're still finding your footing here. 444 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:51,752 'Cause I thought you should know that you are already getting rave reviews. 445 00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:54,338 - Oh no. Are you doing a thing? 446 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,425 You look extremely pleased with yourself. - What on Earth is this? 447 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,720 A new Yelp review for Ellen Gibson? Well, 448 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,265 let's see what BritishBubbleButt31 has to say about you. 449 00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:10,270 - "Ellen Gibson has only been in New York for a little while, 450 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:13,273 "but she's already the most interesting, 451 00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,776 beautiful, and loyal friend I've ever had." 452 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:20,489 Charlie... - I know. I outdid myself. 453 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:24,326 - "She's also the most giving woman I've ever shared a room with. 454 00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:28,372 Just nonstop giving all the time." 455 00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:30,832 Charlie, this sounds like I just... 456 00:21:31,834 --> 00:21:33,210 Is that my actual number?! 457 00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:40,217 Hello? 458 00:21:40,217 --> 00:21:42,261 I hear you're real giving... 459 00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:48,350 - So, we need to have another talk about internet safety. 460 00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:52,271 - Great! Okay, Rivka. Now, 461 00:21:52,271 --> 00:21:55,399 let's get one with your Hebrew school teacher, mid-jump. 462 00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:57,734 - Ugh. Fine. 463 00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,736 Just don't tag me, Jacob. 464 00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,824 Well! 465 00:22:03,824 --> 00:22:05,659 I'm impressed. 466 00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:08,787 And I haven't been impressed since Cirque du Soleil "Mystere." 467 00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:10,622 A deal's a deal. 468 00:22:10,622 --> 00:22:12,875 Send your absolute best photo to Amber, 469 00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:15,961 the one that sums up who you are as an artist, 470 00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:19,631 and I'll consider squeezing you into our New Voices show. 471 00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:22,718 - I know just the one I'm going to send. 472 00:22:22,718 --> 00:22:24,136 Thank you, Naomi. 473 00:22:24,136 --> 00:22:25,971 Thank you. I'll get it to you ASAP. 474 00:22:25,971 --> 00:22:27,181 - Wonderful. Valentina. 475 00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:33,020 - Oh my god, Sophie, it's happening! 476 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,688 - I know! I know! 477 00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:37,149 - So what photo are you gonna send? - I don't know, I don't know! 478 00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,568 I gotta take the perfect shot. 479 00:22:39,860 --> 00:22:43,739 - So, Aunt Valentina didn't actually drug a bunch of tweens, 480 00:22:43,739 --> 00:22:47,242 and I didn't tank my first life-changing opportunity. 481 00:22:48,202 --> 00:22:50,537 But now, I needed inspiration to strike. 482 00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:54,333 Something someone else was struggling with at the exact same time. 483 00:22:57,711 --> 00:22:59,296 - Hey, Jesse. - Yeah? 484 00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:00,380 - I talked to Hannah. 485 00:23:01,131 --> 00:23:02,716 She gets it. Okay, 486 00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:05,928 do you know how fine she's gonna look in a sari? 487 00:23:05,928 --> 00:23:08,931 - Hey, man, I'm happy for you. That you're with a girl that gets it. 488 00:23:25,322 --> 00:23:28,325 ♪ slow melody ♪ 489 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,426 ♪ 37710

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