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♪ upbeat theme playing ♪
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,926
♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba,
ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
3
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,845
♪ Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da ♪
4
00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:17,935
- Son, this is the story
5
00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,480
of my first life-changing opportunity
as a photographer.
6
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,650
Okay.
At least your work stories have less sex.
7
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,777
- True,
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00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,904
but this one has drugs.
9
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,991
- Hi, you must be Amber.
10
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,326
We spoke on the phone.
11
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,912
I'm Sophie Tompkins,
here to see Naomi Reisberg.
12
00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:40,332
I can't believe
I'm saying those words out loud.
13
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:43,752
I have idolized Ms. Reisberg
since forever.
14
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:46,839
And now, she wants to meet me...
15
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,842
Oh, it's just been a dream
to show in her gallery, and...
16
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,427
I even wore my good luck bangles!
17
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:56,348
Naomi,
Shortie McTalkie is here to see you.
18
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,270
Everyone in our system has a nickname.
Nothing personal.
19
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:04,982
- That felt personal. Don't care.
20
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,733
I'm meeting Naomi Reisberg.
21
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,528
Honestly, this is such an honor.
22
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,281
You know, I submitted my work
a couple months ago,
23
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:13,991
and I never heard back
so then I just assumed
24
00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,784
that you weren't interested
in showing my photographs--
25
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,661
- Oh, I'm not.
26
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:21,373
My daughter Rivka's
bat mitzvah is this Saturday,
27
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,709
and our photographer
dropped out at the last second.
28
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,587
So, I had Amber dig
through our submissions
29
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:30,215
to find someone halfway decent
who'd be available, and that's you.
30
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:32,467
Halfway decent and available.
31
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,346
Uh... Thanks?
32
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:40,475
I really thought you called me
in here about my artistic work.
33
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,021
You didn't even look at my portfolio?
- No.
34
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,690
I looked at the event
photography on your web site.
35
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,943
- Oh. Cool. Cool.
36
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,654
- Listen, Sophie, I never do this,
37
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,698
but I'm three days out from the party,
38
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,742
and it's either you
or my mom and her iPad.
39
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:59,119
So, how about this?
40
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:01,622
You do a good job on Saturday,
41
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,249
and I'll take a look
at your artistic portfolio.
42
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,461
- Oh my god! That would be amazing!
43
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,505
- Great.
- Okay.
44
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,590
- My baby only becomes a woman once,
45
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,384
and this party is a who's who
of New York royalty,
46
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so I want every moment captured.
47
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,097
Lin-Manuel Miranda gives a speech? Photo.
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00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:20,891
Billy Porter eats a lettuce wrap? Photo.
49
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,936
Anderson Cooper gets wasted
and dances by himself
50
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:26,230
to the new Adele song?
Photo, photo, photo!
51
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,067
Obviously, you'll need to bring
your best assistant.
52
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,361
- Obviously.
53
00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:35,489
Yeah. I mean, I never go
anywhere without my assistant.
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00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:38,951
Who do you think's parking
my car right now?
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00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:41,286
♪
56
00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:47,000
- Look at you literally whistling
while you work.
57
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,753
I've never seen you this
happy with your pants on.
58
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:53,715
- Well, what can I say?
I love earning an honest living.
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00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,718
Although, now you mention it,
this job would be heaven without pants.
60
00:02:57,386 --> 00:02:59,721
Ellen, what are your plans for today?
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00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,182
- I'm working on my memoirs.
And by working,
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00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,434
I mean reading
one celebrity memoir a week.
63
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:08,146
And by reading, I mean listening,
so my hands are free for snacking.
64
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,608
- Don't you miss working?
65
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,528
- I'm... figuring out my next career move.
66
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,697
And I can get by on the checks
from my farm, so--
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00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,323
- You see, work gives me a purpose,
68
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,117
and a drive,
69
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,452
and the self-esteem
of a nerd in Silicon Valley.
70
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:25,539
I mean, just look at all these five-star
Yelp reviews I've received.
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00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,708
"Love that British bartender."
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00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,667
Eh?
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00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,627
"Come for the drinks,
stay for the Charlie."
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00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,880
- Hey!
- And my personal favorite,
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00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,424
"That British hunk is so hot
76
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,427
that I started drinking again
just to see him."
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That's not good.
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00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,973
- Ahem!
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00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,850
You are looking at
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00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,518
the official photographer
81
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:49,688
for renowned gallerist Naomi Reisberg's...
82
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,733
...daughter's bat mitzvah on Saturday!
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00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:56,236
- Aw, you're doing that thing
where you say, like,
84
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,447
sad words in a happy voice. I do it.
85
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,325
This bar is hemorrhaging money!
86
00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,911
- Okay, I know it's not exactly
87
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,704
what I was hoping for,
88
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,248
but Naomi did say that
she would look at my portfolio
89
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,042
if I crushed the bat mitzvah photos.
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00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:13,337
Which I plan on doing with
the help of my assistant...
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00:04:13,337 --> 00:04:15,130
Valentina.
92
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,174
- Oh! I can't.
93
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,384
I have to go into the office on Saturday.
94
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,595
We're dressing, like,
six huge names for a premiere,
95
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,889
and I still need
to accessorize Timothée Chalamet.
96
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:26,475
Wait, Timothée Chalamet, the pro wrestler?
97
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:29,937
- Yep. Back then,
he was a tiny little movie star.
98
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,982
- God, your job is so cool.
99
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,027
I mean, your career is in the fast lane,
100
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,279
and my career is hitchhiking
on the side of the road,
101
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,531
and there's no takers.
102
00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,866
- Okay, fine.
103
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,160
Let's, uh, bat that mitzvah.
104
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,119
- Yes!
105
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,248
- Oh, Charlie, I need you
to pick up a shift on Saturday.
106
00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:52,000
Jesse and I are doing
a classic Pound Day.
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00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,919
- I'm sorry, what?
108
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,128
I just heard it. Guys,
109
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,297
keep your heads out of the gutter, okay?
A Pound Day is when
110
00:04:57,297 --> 00:05:00,008
we both have a lot of work to do.
We lock ourselves in our apartment,
111
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,510
we get a bunch of snacks, and we pound--
112
00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:02,636
- Each other!
- Yeah!
113
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,012
No!
114
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,723
We pound out our work. We keep
each other from procrastinating.
115
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:09,393
- Mm-hmm. Hannah's on me about
doing my wedding guest list.
116
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,854
- And I'm finally gonna write
my first song as a solo artist,
117
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:15,107
without Meredith,
and it's gonna be awesome! I mean...
118
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:18,569
Sonny wrote a ton
of hits without Cher, I think.
119
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,903
- Nope.
120
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,365
He became the mayor of Palm Springs,
and then a congressman.
121
00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,034
He revolutionized
the United States copyright law.
122
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:28,120
It's all in his memoir!
123
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,332
- Hey, I know it's gotta feel like a lot
124
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,043
to dive back into writing
songs without Meredith,
125
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,503
but you got this.
126
00:05:37,171 --> 00:05:38,547
- Thanks.
127
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,424
Just... hope I'm ready.
128
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,009
- I know that you are.
129
00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,720
But, just in case...
- Yeah?
130
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,807
- Take a good look bangle.
- Good luck bangle?
131
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,602
- Yeah. I mean, just to help you
win your future Grammy,
132
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:54,104
and if you do, then you have
to thank me in your speech.
133
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,106
- Sure.
- Before your mom. And God.
134
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,107
- Deal.
135
00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,861
♪
136
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:05,240
- Alright! Time to get our
guest listing and songwriting on.
137
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,242
- Woo! Let's pound, baby. Mm.
138
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:25,219
Okay, I can't write songs with some bird
just creepily staring at me
139
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,429
with its beady eyes and its pecky beak.
140
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:32,226
Hey, shoo,
you good-for-nothing winged rat!
141
00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:35,854
Ah! Ah! He summoned a friend!
142
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,482
- How do you make a bird
leave your windowsill?
143
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,484
We tried to "shoo." It didn't work.
144
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,903
- That's how you Google things?
- Yeah.
145
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,240
- Jesse... Check this out.
- Yeah.
146
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,161
- Bird makeup tutorial
- That is not at all helpful--
147
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,955
Wow, she does all that
with just face paint?
148
00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,957
- Yeah, there's no way.
It's way too real.
149
00:06:54,957 --> 00:06:57,793
- Hi, fam. Wanna look like a bird?
150
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,878
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
This is an 18-minute video.
151
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:01,880
We're supposed to be working.
- You're right.
152
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,966
♪ video music ♪
153
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,009
Just one minute.
- Yeah! We gotta see this.
154
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,845
♪
155
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,471
Just one minute, just one minute.
156
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,265
- Ellen, I have horrible news.
157
00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:15,060
I have received a one-star
Yelp review. Ready?
158
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,063
"Great bar, except for
the insufferable British guy.
159
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,774
"The only thing worse than his drinks...
160
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:23,819
is his flat butt."
161
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:25,946
I mean, it's not true, is it?
Everybody knows
162
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,781
I have a juicy bubble butt.
163
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,867
- Dude, who cares? It's just Yelp.
164
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,953
It's where white people go to complain
about how spicy Thai restaurants are.
165
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:36,665
- I care, Ellen!
My pristine reputation is on the line!
166
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,626
I must figure out who wrote
this dastardly review
167
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,253
and get them to revise it.
168
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:44,047
I will not sleep or eat,
until I have done so.
169
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,592
- You just--
- I mean starting now.
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00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,013
♪ pop music ♪
171
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:53,974
- Oh good, you're here.
These are all the guests
172
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,559
with whom Rivka should be photographed.
173
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,477
Start with titans of industry,
174
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,646
followed by Tony Award winners,
175
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:00,939
then Tony Award nominees,
176
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,567
and if you get around to it,
friends and family.
177
00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,819
Oh! Here's Rivka.
178
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,781
- Oh. My. God. You did not tell me
179
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,783
this was Rivka Rebel's bat mitzvah.
180
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,911
She has, like, a gazillion
followers on Instagram.
181
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,245
- Oh.
- You know this pose?
182
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,707
That was her. She did it first.
183
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,587
- Rivka, meet your photographer, Sophie,
184
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,422
and this is her assistant, Valentina.
185
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,759
- Hey, Rivka. Mazel on your mitzvah.
186
00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:31,345
- Remember, you can contour a bad nose,
187
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,514
but not a bad attitude.
188
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,806
Find your light, Rebels!
189
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,600
Rivka out.
190
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,354
And Sophie in!
191
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,813
I would love to get a photo--
192
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,066
- Sorry, I don't pose for amateurs.
193
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,277
- Good luck.
194
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,780
That's why our other
photographer dropped out.
195
00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:52,991
Oh, and watch out for Lin-Manuel Miranda.
196
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:53,951
He loves to photobomb.
197
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:02,376
Okay, who's the cruel Yelper?
198
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,547
Sylvia. Oh my god, it's Sylvia!
199
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,799
Well, she's totally
unaffected by my charm.
200
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,093
Last week, I asked her
if she wanted a Charlie Special.
201
00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:11,885
- What's that?
202
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,263
- Oh, it's a special drink
with a haiku written by me.
203
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:15,055
- Oh...
204
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:18,141
- But Sylvia says she doesn't appreciate
"amateur poetry." And look.
205
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:22,354
The review was written by
RavenHairedMaven712.
206
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,939
- Sylvia has jet-black hair.
207
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,190
She's the maven!
208
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,026
- Time to get her to re-Yelp.
209
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,696
Ellen, prepare to see
a charm offensive. Ooh!
210
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,865
Should we go "bright and cheery"
or "sexy voice"?
211
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:33,949
- Bright and cheery.
- Not sexy--
212
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:34,950
- No, no, no.
- Okay.
213
00:09:36,743 --> 00:09:40,038
Sylvia! Darling! Is that a new top?
214
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:43,125
- I've had this top for over 40 years.
215
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,502
But, you should probably change yours.
216
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,462
It's very unflattering.
217
00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,173
- Right.
218
00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,885
- At least she didn't say anything
mean about your butt.
219
00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:56,180
- Should've done sexy voice.
- No.
220
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,931
♪
221
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,475
Ready? One, two, three.
222
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:05,606
Wow! This is exactly what I'd look like
if I was a bird.
223
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,232
And-and you look...
224
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:10,736
Can I try again? I'm so sorry.
225
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,696
- Hm...
226
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,324
Nah. I'm like a late bloomer bird, right?
227
00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:18,410
Had some tough years in high school,
but I'm going into comedy.
228
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:20,996
- Hm.
229
00:10:22,331 --> 00:10:25,000
- Okay. Time to get back to work, right?
230
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,128
- Yep. Mm-hmm. Back to work.
- Back to work.
231
00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,507
- We can't not take pictures
first, though, right?
232
00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,800
- Okay. Let's go get our phones,
you beautiful bird genius!
233
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,680
♪
234
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,017
- Rivka. I just need
to get one picture of you
235
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,228
in front of that neon sign,
236
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:46,480
and then you can
live your hashtag best life.
237
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,232
- Oh my god, Rebels.
238
00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:50,901
This photographer lady is tragic.
239
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,906
- How am I supposed to crush
the bat mitzvah photos
240
00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:58,033
when the bat mitzvah girl
won't even acknowledge me?
241
00:10:58,033 --> 00:11:00,953
- She acknowledged you.
You're... tragic.
242
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:05,082
Let me try to talk to her.
I'm in fashion, I speak teen.
243
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:08,252
The trick is to mispronounce
things confidently.
244
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:09,795
Wertch and lurnnn, gir'.
245
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,342
What urrrrrp?
246
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:20,639
- Not bad.
Oh, and neither are your boots.
247
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:22,891
How did someone like you
get their old-ass feet
248
00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,269
into a pair of limited edition YSLs?
249
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,146
- Well, I work for Fred Z right now,
250
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:29,857
but my Instagram is blowing up,
251
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:32,943
so designers are reaching out
to me directly.
252
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,736
I could get you some great stuff.
253
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,072
All you'd have to do
is take a selfie with me.
254
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,700
- Hm. Hm. Yeah. No.
255
00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,580
- Hey, you're supposed to be helping me,
256
00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:46,415
not trying to get a selfie with her.
257
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,876
- Sorry, sorry! I just thought a pic
with her would be great for my brand.
258
00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:51,795
You seem really tense. You want a Xanax?
259
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:54,715
I picked some up for when we had
to go to Sid's improv show.
260
00:11:55,424 --> 00:11:57,926
- No. You know I can't do pills.
261
00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,012
The last time I took a Benadryl,
I emailed my cousin
262
00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,680
and told him I've always
wanted to kiss him.
263
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,265
- Ew! Soph!
264
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,434
- Whatever! He's an underwear model,
265
00:12:05,434 --> 00:12:07,477
and I see him, like, twice a year.
266
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,480
- But you're animal control!
I mean, it's literally your job
267
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,024
to come over here
and control these animals...
268
00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:14,568
Wow, I am a sexy bird.
269
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:17,070
H-hello? He hung up.
270
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,242
- Siri, Google "how to get rid of
trapped birds in your apartment."
271
00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:25,579
Oh, there's a new TikTok dance craze
272
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,372
called the Trapped Bird.
♪ music playing on video ♪
273
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:30,375
So, fam, you want to learn
how to do The Trapped Bird?
274
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,045
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
No more viral bird crazes, alright?
275
00:12:33,045 --> 00:12:35,631
We just gotta go in there,
put the snacks out on the fire escape,
276
00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:38,258
and then the birds will leave.
- Right 'cause birds love snacks.
277
00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:39,760
They're only human.
278
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,888
Okay, ready?
- Yep.
279
00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:45,891
♪
280
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:52,356
Ah! Ah! Ah! Fly!
281
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:56,527
Follow your leaders,
you disgusting gutter flappers!
282
00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,947
Oh!
283
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,035
Okay, it's locked.
284
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:09,122
Mommy, look at those strange ladies.
285
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:13,752
- We are not ladies!
We're two men in pigeon makeup!
286
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,010
- Sylvia! How about a joke? Um...
287
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,097
Why did the bartender
put laxatives in the drink?
288
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,975
- You put laxatives in my drink?
289
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,060
- No, of course not. It's just a joke.
290
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,603
Why did the bartender put--
291
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,397
Why did the bartender
put laxatives in the drink?
292
00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:35,274
For shits and giggles!
That's the punchline!
293
00:13:35,899 --> 00:13:38,902
- I hate prank comedy.
- Of course you do, Sylvia...
294
00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:43,073
- Well, that was a disaster
of epic proportions.
295
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,074
- Yeah, I know.
296
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:45,826
Wait a minute...
297
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,329
"The British bartender's tight pants
298
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,207
are a disaster of epic proportions..."
299
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:56,128
- So, Sylvia and I use the same idioms.
That means less than nothing.
300
00:13:56,128 --> 00:13:58,463
- "His service skills are
less than nothing!" Ellen?
301
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,008
Are you the Raven-Haired Maven?
302
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,010
- No, I'm not!
303
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,554
I don't even have...
304
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:06,847
Oh hello, Yelp.
305
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,225
I do not remember downloading you.
306
00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:13,020
Oh, right...
307
00:14:13,437 --> 00:14:15,814
- Alright. I'm off
to work the late shift.
308
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,734
You know, it's not
just clocking in to a job.
309
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:21,028
It is clocking in to a purpose.
310
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,446
You should really try it. Hm.
311
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:31,580
- After you left, I had way
more than my usual half martini,
312
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,707
aka Tiny-Tini,
313
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:35,459
and it must have gone to my head.
314
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:38,462
You don't have a purpose, Ellen!
315
00:14:38,462 --> 00:14:40,714
You should get a job, Ellen!
316
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,466
♪
317
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:43,926
Guess what?
318
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,637
Your butt's flat!
319
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,556
- Ellen, why would you
write such horrible things?
320
00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:51,808
- I don't know.
321
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,394
I mean, you have been kind of
throwing your new job in my face,
322
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,314
and I guess...
I'm a little jealous of you.
323
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,651
We both got to New York
at the exact same time,
324
00:15:00,651 --> 00:15:02,611
and you already have
a girlfriend that you love,
325
00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,530
and a job that you're great at.
326
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:05,989
You're lapping me at everything.
327
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,491
- Ellen, no.
- It's fine.
328
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:12,746
Don't you dare watch me sad walk away!
329
00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,166
- So then, I was like,
330
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:19,086
not going to happen, Kanye.
Not while you're with Kim."
331
00:15:20,546 --> 00:15:22,756
- Uh, Val? You're supposed
to be helping me.
332
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:23,966
What the hell?
333
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,845
- Okay, I know this looks bad,
334
00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:29,763
but I got her to tag me,
335
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,099
and it already has 6,000 likes.
336
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,976
Imagine what this will do for my brand.
337
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:37,187
- Are you seriously still
talking to me about your brand?
338
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:39,940
- Oh my god. It just hit me.
339
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,984
Am I talking really fast?
I feel like I'm talking really fast.
340
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,235
Let's twerk.
341
00:15:43,235 --> 00:15:45,362
♪ party music ♪
342
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,614
- What's wrong with them?
- I don't know.
343
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,659
They remind me of
my first time on Adderall.
344
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:51,910
Oh no.
345
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,789
So, they stole my tin of drugs.
346
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,834
You seem really tense.
Do you want a Xanax?
347
00:15:58,834 --> 00:16:01,336
♪
348
00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:03,714
- Lose the purse.
- Oh.
349
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,807
- What? What was in there?
- Not much!
350
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,060
Just a Xanax I offered you.
And some Canadian Adderall.
351
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:20,230
And some Ambien because I couldn't sleep
after I took all the Canadian Adderall.
352
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,191
♪
353
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:33,535
- God. High little children.
354
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:36,371
Everyone, get in the corner
and... and huddle up!
355
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,457
♪
356
00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:41,001
You know, none of this would have happened
if you hadn't been obsessed
357
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,212
with getting your stupid
selfie with Rivka.
358
00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:46,048
You made today all about
you and your brand,
359
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:47,716
even though you already
have an amazing job.
360
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,927
- No, I don't.
361
00:16:49,927 --> 00:16:51,470
My job is a nightmare.
362
00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,055
- What are you talking about?
363
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:56,350
Your job always sounds
so fancy and glamorous--
364
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:58,435
- Because I make it sound that way.
365
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:01,772
But the truth is glamorous
things happen around me,
366
00:17:01,772 --> 00:17:04,900
while I do menial grunt work
for a psychopathic stylist.
367
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:08,654
Remember when I said I was going to spend
today accessorizing Timothée Chalamet?
368
00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:11,240
That was a lie. I was actually
supposed to get the pit stains
369
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,535
out of my boss's suede jacket
before returning it to Balenciaga.
370
00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:17,246
And if they noticed the pit stains,
I was supposed to say...
371
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:18,622
my pits did it.
372
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:21,542
- Okay, that is so messed up.
373
00:17:21,542 --> 00:17:23,961
Also you have, like,
the least sweaty pits in New York.
374
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:26,296
- I... know! I literally
375
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,632
just drugged a group of kids,
and I'm dry as a bone.
376
00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,262
- We don't lie to each other, Val.
377
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,390
It's part of our code,
along with our agreement
378
00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:39,184
to never speak about what happened
on Halloween 2018.
379
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,144
- What happened--
- I'll never tell!
380
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,147
- Why didn't you just tell me
your job sucked?
381
00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,567
- Because...
382
00:17:47,568 --> 00:17:50,821
you've always seen me
as this bad-ass boss bitch...
383
00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:53,907
I didn't want to pop that bubble.
384
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,868
- You couldn't if you tried.
385
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,911
- You still love me?
386
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,496
- Yes, of course I do.
387
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,375
- Wait a minute.
388
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:08,213
They took my other tin.
389
00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,631
- Huh?
390
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:12,342
- The wintergreen tin
has all the good stuff.
391
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,888
The red tin is just
ibuprofen and probiotics.
392
00:18:17,598 --> 00:18:19,183
- Okay, wait. So, you're saying--
393
00:18:19,183 --> 00:18:21,268
- The placebo effect is real!
394
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:24,354
These nerds are just headache
and bloat-free with good gut health.
395
00:18:27,733 --> 00:18:29,860
- Hey, dorks, you're all on--
396
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,988
- Super intense, very hard illegal drugs.
397
00:18:32,988 --> 00:18:36,158
So, unless you want us to tell your
parents you're, uh, smack heads,
398
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,701
you're gonna go back out there
399
00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,161
and act sober.
400
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,664
- You wouldn't really
tell my mom, would you?
401
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,459
She said she'd limit my screen time
if she ever caught me with drugs.
402
00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:48,670
My whole life is screen time.
She's going to limit my life!
403
00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:50,714
- Oh. Well then,
404
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:53,509
you better get in there
and give me every shot I need.
405
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,719
When I say smile, you say how hard.
406
00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:58,055
And I'm talking about real smiles.
407
00:18:58,055 --> 00:19:01,099
None of those dead-eyed
Generation Z smiles. You got it?
408
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,226
- Yes, ma'am.
409
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:05,354
- That's more like it.
But do not call her ma'am.
410
00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:06,855
We are not that old.
- Correct.
411
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:08,815
Out you go. Go on.
412
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,400
♪
413
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,818
- Dude, what's wrong with us?
414
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,238
We should be in there
pounding out our tasks,
415
00:19:14,238 --> 00:19:15,822
and instead,
we're trapped out here...
416
00:19:16,490 --> 00:19:18,408
being birds.
417
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:22,287
- Yeah. I don't know, man,
today just felt kind of tough.
418
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,250
Jesse, I'm really struggling
with this guest list, man.
419
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:28,085
Like, I really just...
I wanna invite people
420
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:30,587
that are, like, super close to me,
you know?
421
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:33,048
And so many of those people
are back in New Delhi.
422
00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:38,387
I've been thinking for a long time
that I wanted to have two weddings.
423
00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:40,681
One here, one in India,
424
00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:43,392
but Hannah, she's already killing herself
425
00:19:43,392 --> 00:19:45,060
trying to plan one wedding
426
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,688
and I don't want to
overwhelm her and stuff, you know?
427
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:52,818
Are you seriously
laughing at me right now?
428
00:19:52,818 --> 00:19:54,152
- I'm sorry! You're just...
429
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:56,613
You're, like, this hideous bird
who wants two weddings!
430
00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,869
I couldn't focus today, either.
431
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,747
Sophie called it. I'm scared I'll never
write anything good without Meredith.
432
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,875
- Of course you will, man.
433
00:20:07,875 --> 00:20:09,751
You just need new inspiration.
434
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:13,088
- Hello? Anybody home? Super let me in!
435
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:14,798
Oh, thank God. Animal control.
436
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:17,009
Wait!
437
00:20:17,009 --> 00:20:20,012
It this, like, a sex thing?
You won't believe how many times it is.
438
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,519
- Knock, knock.
439
00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:33,942
- You don't have to mouth-knock.
I don't deserve that courtesy.
440
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,653
- 'Course you do. Look, Ellen, I...
441
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:41,658
I'm sorry that I was throwing
my new job in your face.
442
00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:43,076
You know, it wasn't fair.
443
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:47,414
But it's okay that you're still
finding your footing here.
444
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:51,752
'Cause I thought you should know
that you are already getting rave reviews.
445
00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:54,338
- Oh no. Are you doing a thing?
446
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,425
You look extremely pleased with yourself.
- What on Earth is this?
447
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,720
A new Yelp review for Ellen Gibson? Well,
448
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,265
let's see what BritishBubbleButt31
has to say about you.
449
00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:10,270
- "Ellen Gibson has only been
in New York for a little while,
450
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:13,273
"but she's already the most interesting,
451
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,776
beautiful, and loyal friend
I've ever had."
452
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:20,489
Charlie...
- I know. I outdid myself.
453
00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:24,326
- "She's also the most giving woman
I've ever shared a room with.
454
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:28,372
Just nonstop giving all the time."
455
00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:30,832
Charlie, this sounds like I just...
456
00:21:31,834 --> 00:21:33,210
Is that my actual number?!
457
00:21:38,966 --> 00:21:40,217
Hello?
458
00:21:40,217 --> 00:21:42,261
I hear you're real giving...
459
00:21:45,389 --> 00:21:48,350
- So, we need to have another
talk about internet safety.
460
00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:52,271
- Great! Okay, Rivka. Now,
461
00:21:52,271 --> 00:21:55,399
let's get one with your
Hebrew school teacher, mid-jump.
462
00:21:55,983 --> 00:21:57,734
- Ugh. Fine.
463
00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,736
Just don't tag me, Jacob.
464
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,824
Well!
465
00:22:03,824 --> 00:22:05,659
I'm impressed.
466
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:08,787
And I haven't been impressed
since Cirque du Soleil "Mystere."
467
00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:10,622
A deal's a deal.
468
00:22:10,622 --> 00:22:12,875
Send your absolute best photo to Amber,
469
00:22:12,875 --> 00:22:15,961
the one that sums up
who you are as an artist,
470
00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:19,631
and I'll consider squeezing you
into our New Voices show.
471
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:22,718
- I know just the one I'm going to send.
472
00:22:22,718 --> 00:22:24,136
Thank you, Naomi.
473
00:22:24,136 --> 00:22:25,971
Thank you. I'll get it to you ASAP.
474
00:22:25,971 --> 00:22:27,181
- Wonderful. Valentina.
475
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:33,020
- Oh my god, Sophie, it's happening!
476
00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:34,688
- I know! I know!
477
00:22:34,688 --> 00:22:37,149
- So what photo are you gonna send?
- I don't know, I don't know!
478
00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:39,568
I gotta take the perfect shot.
479
00:22:39,860 --> 00:22:43,739
- So, Aunt Valentina didn't
actually drug a bunch of tweens,
480
00:22:43,739 --> 00:22:47,242
and I didn't tank my first
life-changing opportunity.
481
00:22:48,202 --> 00:22:50,537
But now, I needed inspiration to strike.
482
00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:54,333
Something someone else was struggling
with at the exact same time.
483
00:22:57,711 --> 00:22:59,296
- Hey, Jesse.
- Yeah?
484
00:22:59,296 --> 00:23:00,380
- I talked to Hannah.
485
00:23:01,131 --> 00:23:02,716
She gets it. Okay,
486
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:05,928
do you know how fine
she's gonna look in a sari?
487
00:23:05,928 --> 00:23:08,931
- Hey, man, I'm happy for you.
That you're with a girl that gets it.
488
00:23:25,322 --> 00:23:28,325
♪ slow melody ♪
489
00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,426
♪
37710
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