All language subtitles for Masters of Sex - 01x11 - Phallic Victories.PROPER KILLERS

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

Previously on Masters Of Sex...

Libby:
Did the kids hold you up?

- Gini's got two.
Estabrooks: - Oh.

Virginia: No, actually,
it was my ex-husband.

He spent the night on the sofa.

He's having
some financial issues.

It's a long story.

[ Both breathing heavily ]

William:
I wanted to give you this.

I came up with the amount

by, uh, adding up the times
we've... participated.

Take the money.

Ethan: Hey.

Do you want to be alone?

Libby:
Something has happened.

William: You're pregnant.

It's not possible.

Did you think I wouldn't know?

You're lucky I don't come after
your medical license.

Ethan: Unh!

I capped Libby because you were
too selfish to do it yourself.

William: You're finished
at this hospital.

Lillian: The university has
approved my pap smear proposal.

Virginia: $600.

Lillian: Not enough for lab
equipment or a proper staff.

Virginia: The rules are
different for men and women.

Bill hit you?

Ethan: Uh, it has to do with Libby
and how she really got pregnant.

Virginia:
Now I understand.

It was never really
about the research.

No. We were having an affair.

I quit.

Virginia: I see
you still need a secretary.

Masters of Sex - 1x11
"Phallic Victories"

William: Virginia!

Virginia: Do you mind
not bellowing for me?

William: Where's the data for
the nulliparous-study subjects?

Jane:
I'm sorry. The what?

William: Nulliparous--

uh, women
who have never given birth.

That's another one
for your vocabulary list.

Jane:
I haven't seen it.

I can just go ask Virginia
where to find it--

William:
No, don't... do that.

Jane: Oh, it's not a problem.
She's just down the hall.

William: You're not
to involve her in any way.

She's no longer an employee
of this office.

Virginia: Just let me confirm it
with the doctor,

and I'll get right back to you.

Yeah. Thank you, Hal,
for the opportunity.

How long do you think it would
take you to make your case

for pap smears
becoming standard procedure

- in gynecological exams?
Lillian: - How long?

Well, so far,
it's been about three years.

Virginia:
No, I mean in minutes.

I just got off the phone
with Hal Fortner.

Lillian:
The pharmaceutical rep?

Virginia: Mm-hmm.
His company is sponsoring

a two-day, all-expenses-paid,
ob/gyn conference

at some golfing resort
outside of Knoxville.

Lillian: Oh, God. One
of those medical boondoggles.

Virginia:
Do not turn up your nose.

I just got you the last
15-minute spot on the program.

Lillian:
How did you manage that?

Virginia:
The comedian dropped out.

I told him
you had terrific patter.

Lillian:
About cervical cancer?

Virginia: You go on after "New
techniques in breech births"

and before 125 country doctors
hit the links.

That is your target audience,
isn't it?

Lillian: How does a man
save a woman from drowning?

Virginia: What?

Lillian:
He takes his foot off her head.

That's the only joke I know.

Virginia: I don't think you're
gonna have to try to be funny.

No, you just have to show up
and try to change a few minds.

Lillian:
Well, you know men.

It's easier to change
their diapers than their minds.

Two. That's two.

Virginia:
Yeah, but, really, don't.

It's not doing you any favors.

Lillian:
And you'll come with me?

It'd be helpful
to have some assistance.

Virginia: I can't really do
an overnight. I-I have my kids.

Lillian:
Can't you leave them alone?

Virginia:
They're 6 and 8.

Lillian: Can't you leave them
with someone?

Angela.

Angela has children.

Virginia:
Angela has cocker spaniels.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Lillian: Well, they're alive,
aren't they?

She obviously knows
how to take care of them.

Virginia: It's a joke.
Another joke.

Excuse me.

Nulliparous are women
who have never given birth.

Jane: Well, yes.

Obviously.

Um, but where would he--

Virginia:
It's under P for "Para."

Para 0 is never having
carried a child.

Para 1 is one pregnancy,
para 2 is two, and so on.

Why is he asking for that?

Jane: I think for the
introduction to the presentation.

He's talking about the range
of study subjects.

Virginia: No. Do not let him spend
too much time on methodology, Jane.

He gets bogged down
by statistical data.

I'm always telling him...

I used to tell him.

Don't make it sound
like it's coming from me,

but keep him calm, you know?

It's a big part of the job,

preventing Bill from becoming
his own worst enemy.

Jane:
I don't know, Virginia.

He doesn't really listen to me
the way he listened to you.

♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

♪ which nobody can deny ♪

All: Speech! Speech!

Ethan: Okay! Okay.

I was kind of hoping
that I'd slip out of here today

without anyone making a fuss.

But...

now I'm glad you did.

Because it gives me
an opportunity to say thank you.

Working with you people
the past two years,

it's made me a better doctor.

And I think it's made me
a better friend.

And I know
it's made me a better man.

[ Chuckles softly ]

Until we meet again.

[ Applause ]

Thank you.

What are you doing here?

Libby: [ Chuckles ]
[ Smooch ]

Couldn't miss your send-off...

seeing as how...
I'm responsible for it.

- I feel terrible, Ethan.
Ethan: - No, you-- Libby, don't.

Y-you didn't ask me to do

anything
that I wasn't willing to do.

And, in the end,
we both came out ahead.

Libby: - Both of us?
Ethan: - Mm-hmm.

Libby:
I know that I did, but... you?

Ethan: No, it's a fresh start
for me, a clean slate.

Libby: Have you been reading
Norman Vincent Peale?

Ethan: No, I'm not
just putting on a brave face.

It's the right time for me
to go. I've accepted that.

You know, there's no repairing
my relationship with Bill.

Libby: - Well--
Ethan: - And there's nothing

for you to do about that, Libby.

I am going to end up
in a great hospital

that appreciates me
for my doctoring,

not because I'm Bill's protégé.

You know, your husband...
[Groans]

casts a long shadow.

It feels good to finally walk
out into the light.

- You know what also helps?
Libby: - Hmm?

Ethan: - Being in love.
Libby: - Ethan!

You're in love?
With whom?

Ethan:
Bill didn't say anything?

[ Woman speaking indistinctly
on PA]

Libby: Knock, knock.

Jane: Mrs. Masters.

William:
And another thing, Vir-- Jane!

Jane: That's what he calls me
these days.

William:
This section you just typed

contains 11 references
to sexual "intermission."

- Jane: Okay...
- William: It's "intromission"!

An intermission
is something happens

halfway through
"gone with the wind"!

Jane:
Mrs. Masters is here, sir.

Sorry.
We're really scrambling here.

So much information to organize
for the presentation,

plus there's this
whole visual component.

Oh, my God!

Professor Ladetto's been on hold
for 10 minutes.

Shoot.

William:
Lib. What are you doing here?

Jane: He hung up.
Should I get him back?

William:
I don't have time for him.

I told you already--

put everyone off
until after the 19th--

only patients
and surgical procedures.

Libby: So I guess lunch with your
wife is out of the question.

William: Oh, I'm sorry.

I wanted to be further along
by now,

but the typesetter needs
the handout materials by Friday.

Jane: Virginia left us
a little shorthanded.

William: We'll be fine.

Libby:
I could help out for a while.

At least answer the phones.

William: Oh, I-I don't think
that's a good idea,

considering your condition.

Libby: There's nothing for me
to do at home except to wait

[chuckles] for the stork... and for you.

He hasn't been home one night
this week before midnight.

I could be your new Virginia--

your new old Virginia, the one
that just answered the phones.

[ Typewriter clacking ]

Virginia: I never did just
answer phones, did I, Bill?

William: Yes.

All right.
That's, uh-- that's fine.

Uh, just for a few days.

Uh, you can help us
get over the hump.

Libby:
Now it finally makes sense,

why Virginia didn't want to work
nights anymore.

She and Ethan are an item.

You neglected to tell me that.

William: Did I?

Libby: They were having
a send-off for him downstairs,

and he told me the whole story.

Jane:
Too bad he's leaving, huh?

William:
It's his own doing.

He's made
some very poor decisions.

Libby: That have worked
to other people's benefit.

Anyhow, he seems to be taking it
in stride.

In fact, I don't think
I've ever seen him happier.

A good woman
can make all the difference.

[ Telephone rings ]

Dr. William Masters' office.

[ Door opens ]

Can you take a break?

William: What's that?

Libby: 10 minutes, Bill.

Please.

William: Look at this.
Uh, and for you?

Libby: I ate.

About an hour ago,
in front of the TV.

You don't remember?

William: Oh, that's right.
I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Libby: Can I ask?

What's on the other side of
this, once you present the work?

What will be different?

William: Uh... everything.

A university's stamp of approval
makes the work legitimate--

you know, not some clandestine,
after-hours enterprise

but something
that can operate in the open,

which means more resources
for the study,

a more diverse sampling,
further-reaching conclusions.

Libby:
And recognition, headlines...

awards.

William: Uh...

maybe...

further down the road.

That's-- that's not
what I'm focused on.

Libby: No?

Does it end there?

[ Chuckles ]

When do you stop feeling like
you've got something to prove?

William: There's always
something to prove.

Virginia: Wait.
How do you like your eggs?

Ethan: Uh, I don't know.
Scrambled.

Virginia: Henry! Tessa!
It's time to wake up!

Henry:
We wanted cereal.

Tessa: Three more boxtops, and we
get a Siren Whistle Crazy Ring.

Virginia:
Sometimes eggs are nice, too.

[ Doorbell rings ]

- Tessa: Ethan!
- Henry: Ethan!

Ethan:
Dr. Housecall, at your service.

And what's your ailment today,
ma'am?

Tessa: - My stomach hurts.
Henry: - Mine, too.

Ethan: Oh, well,
I prescribe 10... tickles!

[ Laughter ] 1, 2, 3...

Virginia: Scrambled eggs.

Ethan:
Mmm. You read my mind.

Tessa:
How about fried chicken?

We're having it for dinner,
right, mom?

Henry:
Can Ethan come? Can he?

Virginia:
He's welcome to join us.

Lillian is going
to a medical conference

outside of Knoxville
this afternoon.

So I thought I'd duck out early.

Ethan:
She didn't ask you to go with?

Virginia: Mm. She did, actually,
but, you know, the kids.

Ethan: Why didn't you say
anything earlier?

You should go.
I can watch them.

Henry: Yeah, mom.
Ethan can watch us.

Virginia:
Ethan is our friend.

He's not a babysitter.

Henry:
Well, we're not babies.

Tessa: Look, nothing bad could
happen to us 'cause he's a doctor.

Ethan:
She makes an excellent point.

It'd be fun, right?

Henry: Please?

Virginia:
Not too much fun, I hope.

After all, it is a school night.

Ethan: It'd be
just the right amount of fun.

Not too little, not too much.

Gin, come on. Go.
I got you covered.

Ditmer: In the next section
of the study,

we directed our attention
to the possibility

of an intestinal lesion...

...ovarian cyst.

Special consideration
must be paid to patients

after menopause.

However, Miss T's history
of tarry stools should have...

Another example is the ORH...

...diverticulitis is suspected,

sigmoidoscopy and a barium-enema
X-ray should be performed.

Are there any questions?

Libby:
Bill, a Lester just called.

He said he needs to know
as soon as possible

what information
you want transferred to slides.

- What are you doing?
William: - It's not big enough.

Or... loud enough.

There's too much methodology
here, too many numbers.

I've got to grab their attention
in the first two minutes...

and then hold it for another 38.

Libby:
What makes you think you won't?

William: Frank Ditmer just did
20 minutes on diverticulitis.

By minute four, it was like
rats deserting a sinking ship.

Libby:
Well, there's diverticulitis

and then
there's human sexuality.

William: Vir--

Jane!

Jane: You yelled, sir?

William: Yeah, there's some
additional statistical data

Virginia and I gathered
that I want to include...

Libby: More data, Bill?
But didn't you just say--

William: - ...on penis size.
Libby: - Oh.

William: We compiled
the averages a while ago--

flaccid, erect--
and there was data that showed

that smaller phalluses expand
more than larger ones.

I'm gonna need those numbers,
too, Jane.

Libby:
If you've compiled them,

why aren't they already
in the presentation?

William: Well, we thought--
I thought--

they'd be a distraction from
all the other findings of ours

that required more than a
grade-school ruler to determine.

I think we should use everything
we've got, even the film.

Tell Lester I'm gonna need
a projector on the day.

Jane:
Wait. The... interior footage?

The "Looking down a mine shaft"
footage?

Libby: - I'm sorry. What?
Jane: - Are you sure the audience

is ready
for what they'll be seeing?

Libby:
What will they be seeing?

William:
I'll walk them through it.

But I want it all
in the presentation--

everything but the kitchen sink.

And I want you to identify
female participants

who have had strong
orgasmic responses with Ulysses.

You can help Jane with that.

She can show you
how to read the print-outs.

Jane: May I ask why?

William: We're gonna ask them to
come in for two additional sessions,

to perform artificial coition
with different-size phalluses.

We're gonna see
if penis size plays a role

in women's sexual satisfaction.

That should keep them
in their seats.

Ethan: Okay, "stair" like step
and "stare" like gaze.

Good. Two more.

Henry: All right, use--
like "use" a napkin

and "youse," like...

"Youse better trade me
that fucking baseball card."

Ethan:
Who uses that word?

Tessa: Henry's friend Darryl
uses it all the time.

Henry:
Liar. He does not.

Well, maybe he said it
once or twice.

Ethan: Hey, that is not a nice word
for anyone to use, especially a kid.

There are lots
of better words--

[ Knock on door ]

Like "darn."
Huh? Darn's a fine word.

And also a homonym,
like, to darn a sock?

Huh? Write that one down.

May I help you?

George:
Who the fuck are you?

Funny.
She's never mentioned your name.

Ethan: It's funny. She mentions
your name all the time,

usually with an expletive
in front of it.

George:
Which, you could argue,

is better than
never having been spoken of.

Ethan: Nevertheless, she left me
with very explicit instructions

not to let the kids
out of my sight.

George: Not even if they're
with their own father?

Ethan: If she was expecting you to
show up, she would have told me.

I mean,
don't you two have a schedule?

George:
No, we keep it loose.

I never know
when I'm gonna be in town.

Ethan: Well, I have a three-page
list that pretty much allows

for every conceivable
possibility

except you showing up.

George: What qualifies you
to play guardian?

Why should I
trust them with you?

Ethan: Well, for starters,
I'm a doctor.

George: What kind of doctor is
free in the middle of the day?

Ethan: I'm in between jobs
at the moment.

George: Oh. In other words,
you're unemployed?

Ethan: - Just for the time being.
George: - Yeah.

You got nothing on me, pal.

Hey! I missed you guys!
Who wants to watch TV?

Ah, come on!

I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha!

Tessa: Daddy!

Virginia: How much more did
the train cost, again?

Lillian: $7.

$7 this study can't afford.

Do you know how many pap smears
one can administer for $7?

Virginia: I don't know.

Three?

Lillian:
That's right. Three.

Man: Excuse me, ma'am. Can you
turn off your reading light?

Lillian: No, I cannot.
I'm working here.

I'm preparing for a presentation
on a medical procedure

which might just save
your wife's-- hey!

Virginia:
Lillian, please take a break.

Look out the window.
Enjoy the scenery.

Lillian: There's nothing to see.
It's pitch black.

Sissy: Would either of you
ladies like a ham sandwich?

- I'm not really hungry.
Lillian: - Thank you, no.

Virginia: But you're very kind
for the offer. Thank you.

Are you heading home or away?

Sissy: I'm going to my sister's
wedding in Kingsport.

Virginia: Oh, how nice.

Sissy: Not really.

Rydell, the groom--

we think he held up
a service station.

We're not entirely sure.

But we think.

I'm doing the hair.

Virginia: Oh.

Sissy: - Are you two sisters?
Lillian: - No.

Virginia: No.
We are traveling for business.

Sissy:
What kind of business?

Virginia: My companion is
a doctor, and I'm her assistant.

Sissy: No kidding?

Do you know
anything about moles?

Jane: Um, I'm looking
at your calendar, sir.

How many subjects do you think
we can schedule in a night?

William:
Uh, three, maybe four.

Jane:
And you need each of them

to come back
for a second session, right?

To test with a different size?

Which means we can only see
1/4 of the participants

we'd otherwise see.

William:
Just... take care of it.

Jane: Um...

between now
and the presentation, sir?

Will there be time
to see enough subjects?

William: How many participants
do we have the time to see

between now and the presentation?

Jane: [ Sighs ] Maybe 12.

Virginia: You can't offer
a conclusive finding

with a sample of 12, Bill.

You know that.

It's not big enough.

William: Uh...
that'll be more than adequate.

Jane: Really, sir?

Libby: Here's another one--
"Married, three children, 28.

Two sessions
of artificial coitus.

Both times, she had a consistent
orgasmic response with Ulysses."

William: Excellent.

Libby: Do we tell them
the purpose of the study?

William: You don't need
to tell them anything.

Jane:
Dr. Masters makes the calls.

William: I'm the only one
who knows the identities.

Jane:
Well, you and Virginia.

William: Uh...

maybe it's not too late
to call this one.

Will you excuse me, please?
Sorry.

Confidentiality.

Libby: I feel like
I'm always a step behind.

Jane: It's a steep learning
curve, but it flattens out.

[ Door closes ]
Virginia taught me that.

Libby: Probably won't be here
long enough to get my bearing.

But that's okay.

I just wanted to see Bill
in his element

before I'm lost forever
to diapers and pacifiers.

I do understand why he finds
the work so fascinating.

All these study subjects--
how do you keep yourself

from reading every single one
of their files?

She lost her virginity at 16

in the bathroom
of the Staten Island ferry

to a sailor on liberty.

Two sessions with Ulysses.

First intercourse--
oh, my goodness-- 43.

Jane: - No?
Libby: - [ Chuckles ]

But-- [ Clears throat ]-- multi-orgasmic.

Jane: [ Chuckles ] Talk about
patience being rewarded.

Jane: There was
this one woman I saw--

it's the thickest file.

It's in here somewhere.

Oh, here it is.

She came in 23 times.

That's the record so far.

Libby:
She participated 23 times?

S-she's got to be eligible for
the size study, don't you think?

Jane: Uh...

"No artificial coitus.

One session of automanipulation.
But nothing with Ulysses."

So essentially
it was all intercourse...

with...

Well, this is weird.

Same male study subject.

Libby:
Now, I'm sure she's got a story.

[ Men shouting ]

Ethan:
Are you gonna eat your potatoes?

Henry: How did Indians shave
if they didn't have razors?

George: Uh, they, um...

they used
sharpened buffalo teeth.

And they looked
at their reflections in, um...

- pools of water.
- Ethan: They did not.

Indians have very sparse
facial hair, like the Chinese.

Tessa: Just like Henry.

Ethan: Henry's gonna have plenty
of facial hair when he grows up.

George: Mm-hmm.
Just like his father.

You're more of a, uh,
peach-fuzz type, huh, pal?

What are you sporting there--
three, four days' growth?

Ethan:
I shaved this morning.

George: You don't say.
So did I.

Tessa: Even when you shave,
daddy, you've got scratchy spots.

George: Well, Bug, you know,
it's hard to stay on top of it

when you have
a beard as heavy as I do.

Ethan: Really precise shaving takes
a kind of hand-eye coordination

that lots of men
just don't have.

I mean, surgeons do.

Professional athletes,
baseball players, especially.

George: Listen,
when the time comes, Sport,

your old man's gonna teach you
how to shave.

See, the trick of it
is going against the grain.

Ethan: With the grain.

Against the grain causes
in-grown hairs and razor burn.

George:
Yeah, maybe in sissies,

but if you want a close shave,
it's the only way to go.

Ethan: 'Cause that approach has
worked so well for you in life--

- going against the grain.
George: - Better than kowtowing

to the establishment,
like some people.

Ethan: People with jobs,
who support their families?

George: I don't see you having
either of those things, buddy.

Henry: Hey, would you two stop?
We're watching here.

Ethan:
I can ride a horse like that.

George:
I can ride bareback.

Libby: Bill?

You asleep?

William: Nearly.

Libby:
I was just wondering.

There was a couple in the study
who came back again and again.

Do you know the ones I mean?

William:
Yes, a married couple.

Libby:
No, they weren't married.

Her questionnaire said
she was divorced.

William: Did it?

Oh, yes, that's right.
I remember now.

Libby, it's late.
Go to sleep.

Libby: Did they know each other
before the study?

Bill?

William:
I-I don't think so.

Libby:
So you introduced them.

William: [ Breathes deeply ]
I suppose.

Libby: 23 times. [ Chuckles softly ]

They must have fallen in love.

Did they fall in love?

William: I-I don't know.

That question lay
outside our area of inquiry.

Virginia: Remind me again
why the train was a bad idea.

Lillian: Trains break down, too,
you know.

Didn't the desk clerk say
there were two beds?

Virginia:
He also said there was a view.

Sissy: Well, ladies,
I'm just fine with the floor

so long as I can pinch
one of those pillows.

Lillian: The driver said they can't get another
bus here till around 8:00 in the morning,

and we've got another six hours
of driving, easy.

Virginia: The program ends at at 3:00.
You have the last spot.

Lillian:
We'll be cutting it very tight.

Sissy:
Oh, what's this contraption?

"10 cents for 15 minutes of
tingling relaxation and ease."

[ Click ]

[ Bed vibrating ]

Virginia: Can't seem to get away
from vibrators, now, can I?

Sissy: [ Giggling ]

Hey, Doctor, why don't you let
me do your hair up in rollers?

You'll look like a million bucks
in the morning.

I can give you
the buck seventy-five special.

Virginia: How can you afford to
make a living charging so little?

Doesn't your salon take 50%?

Lillian:
How would you know that?

Virginia: Because
I used to worked as a singer.

In another life.

And no matter what I made,
the house always took half.

Sissy: Not me.
I keep all of it.

I bring in a lot of heads, so I
worked out a deal with my boss.

Virginia: Ah.
The rainmaker's prerogative.

That's what my old boss calls
that kind of arrangement.

Lillian: - Masters does?
Virginia: - Mm-hmm.

He brings in so many patients
to the hospital,

the university allows him
to collect directly

for his services.

Lillian:
I don't understand.

He's not paid a salary,
like all the other doctors?

Virginia: No, he's more, um...
like an independent contractor.

Lillian: So the more patients
he gets, the more he benefits.

Virginia: It's not like he's making
off in the night with the money.

Lillian:
He's diverting funds, Virginia.

Virginia: He's not doing anything
the university hasn't sanctioned.

Lillian:
That doesn't make it right.

Don't you see how that
disadvantages every other doctor

trying to get a study
off the ground?

I have to go begging
for a pittance,

but meanwhile, Bill Masters
gets to skim off the top?

It's a sweetheart deal,
Virginia, and it's not fair.

Sissy: Ahhh.

Libby: I'm afraid there's
nothing till after the 19th.

No, not a trip. He's got
a very big presentation.

Thank you, Dr. Jarvis.
I'll tell him that.

Malcolm: You know,
you have a smile in your voice.

Libby: I do?

Malcolm: It's an excellent
quality in a secretary.

It really puts people at ease.

Libby:
Well, aren't you sweet?

[ Chuckles softly ]

Jane: Can I get you anything
while you wait?

[ Door opens ]
Libby: Oh, Bill, this is--

Malcolm: Dr. Masters--
Malcolm Toll.

I'm one of the new fellows.

I did my residency at Ann Arbor.

Duncan McAllister
said to say hello.

I just want to say
how much I'm looking forward

- to learning from you, sir.
William: - Yes. Well...

I just reached
a fourth participant.

I've scheduled her for 9:15.

Malcolm:
Uh, sir, I saw you have

a uterine adenocarcinoma surgery
scheduled for tomorrow.

I was hoping I could observe.

Libby:
Dr. Toll was just telling us

he's a fourth-generation
physician.

William: Have you cleared it
with your attending?

Malcolm: I thought
I'd get your okay first.

Dr. Masters, I know you have
a history of mentoring fellows,

and I just want to make a case
for myself as early as possible.

I-I know Dr. Haas had that role

and he's no longer
at the hospital.

And I know his
are very big shoes to fill.

William:
They're not so big, actually.

Malcolm: Well,
I just wanted to let you know,

I'm a man with very big feet.

Libby: He didn't mean that
literally, Jane.

Jane: But he actually does.

May I ask?

Malcolm: - Size 13 1/2.
Jane: - [ Giggles ]

Malcolm: Since I was 11.

Virginia: [ Sighs ]
We're too late. We missed it.

Lillian?

Lillian:
I have to sit down.

Virginia:
Are you all right?

Lillian:
Of course I'm not all right.

I just traveled 17 hours
for no reason at all.

Virginia: Well,
let's just regroup for a moment.

Lillian: You know
why we missed it, Virginia?

Because we were stuck
in a fleabag motel.

Why were we stuck?
Because we took the bus.

Why'd we take the bus? Because
we couldn't afford the train.

And we couldn't afford the train
because Washington University

only gave me a lousy 600 bucks
to fund an outreach program.

Why did they only give me $600?

Because every penny Bill Masters
is making for the university,

he's giving to himself.

Virginia:
Is that what you think?

That all of this
leads back to Bill?

Lillian: Well, it starts
with him and what he represents.

Virginia:
Which is what, exactly?

You think Bill's advantaged
because he's a man?

He's advantaged
because he's a brilliant doctor

who figured out a way
to beat the system

and not so he could line
his own pockets, mind you,

but so he could fund research

that he believes
will help better people's lives.

Lillian: Well,
having a dick doesn't hurt.

Virginia: You know
what you've got, Lillian?

You've got a case of penis envy.

Lillian:
It'd make things a lot easier.

Virginia:
[ Chuckles softly ]

Lillian: Don't you ever wish
you were a man?

Virginia: No.

Never.

Lillian: You never feel betrayed
by your anatomy,

that you have all these parts

that could just turn
against you?

[ Breathes deeply ]

I don't know what I'm saying.

Suddenly,
I'm just very, very tired.

Virginia:
Well, you don't get to be tired.

We're here.

It took us 17 hours,
but we're here.

So we need to figure out a way

to make this trip worthwhile
somehow.

Lillian:
What do you suggest?

Virginia: Well...

there aren't just fraternities
in this world.

There are also sororities.

Excuse me, sir?

The doctors,
they're all out golfing?

Man: Yes, ma'am.
You looking for your husbands?

Virginia: Uh, no. Actually,
we're looking for their wives.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Excuse me, ladies.

Might I trouble one of you
for a cigarette?

I've just smoked my last.

Enid: Oh, of course.

Virginia: Thank you.

Enid:
Would you care to join us?

Virginia: Oh.

Yes, thank you.

I'm Virginia.
This is Lillian.

Enid:
Hello. I'm Enid.

And this is
Geraldine, Betsy, Diana, and...

and I am so sorry.
I've forgotten your name.

Louise: - Louise.
Enid: - Louise.

We've only just met.

Virginia: Oh, I see.

And yet I'm sure
you have so much in common.

Kids, men who love to golf.

[ Light laughter ]

In fact, I bet even
how you first met your husbands.

How many of yours
were office romances?

Betsy: Well, I ran Doug's office
for two years.

Diana: I was Mel's nurse.
[ Chuckles ]

Enid: Greg's secretary.

Virginia: Well,
I'm sure all of their practices

were better off having you
on the payroll,

whispering in their ears,

letting them know
that maybe their patients had

other concerns besides, say,
losing the baby weight.

Am I right?
[ Both chuckling ]

Betsy: Doug used to say,
"Let's check the oil,"

before he did a pelvic exam.

Enid: - [ Scoffs lightly ]
Betsy: - I put a stop to that.

Virginia: You know,
there's this new cancer test

that they're doing in all of the
major metropolitan hospitals.

It's a simple cervical swab--
takes less than 10 seconds.

Lillian here is far better
versed in the medicine

than I am.

What were you telling me
earlier?

Lillian:
It's called the pap smear.

Maybe some of you ladies
have heard of it.

Ethan: You missed them.

They tried to stay up, but they
couldn't keep their eyes open.

I tucked them in
about 20 minutes ago.

George: [ Scoffs ]
It's not even 8:00.

Ethan: They're kids.
They were tired.

George: Well, did you give Tessa
her stuffed turtle?

Because she can't sleep
without that thing.

Ethan:
It's a Raggedy Ann doll now.

George: You're enjoying this,
aren't you?

Ethan: I don't enjoy them waiting
for a father who doesn't show up.

George: Hey, I don't need
a lecture from you, pal.

And just because
you're popping my ex-wife,

that doesn't give you
any right to--

Ethan:
I'm going to marry her.

I haven't asked her yet,

but I'm going to,
and she's going to say yes.

George: [ Scoffs ]

Well, I wouldn't count on it.

Gini's not like other girls.

She doesn't put much stock
in a ring on her finger.

She'd probably be happy
to go on like this for a while.

Ethan: Well, she'd be foolish
to follow me out of state

unless it was as my wife.

I'm considering
a number of job possibili--

George: You're not taking
my children out of Missouri.

Ethan: You're welcome to visit.
You visit now.

George: Who the fuck
do you think you are?

Ethan: I'm just saying,
I'm going to be there for them.

You don't have to like it.

George: Well,
let me tell you something, pal.

It doesn't matter what you and
Virginia do or where you go,

'cause you are never gonna be
those kids' father.

Ethan: You want to keep
the title, George?

You got it.

All I want is the job.

William: So...

you're free to choose
whichever phallus you like.

In a future session,

you'll be asked to use the one
you didn't choose tonight,

and we'll be comparing
those results with your response

to the very first phallus
we provided you with.

Virginia:
What are you doing, Bill?

There's not enough time
to get it right.

William: Which one
would you like to begin with?

Virginia:
I feel like Goldilocks.

You're waiting to see
which one I choose, aren't you?

Wondering if it reflects
a particular preference.

William:
I'm just here to observe.

Virginia: Impartially?

No stake in the outcome,
whatsoever?

William: I know
what the outcome is gonna be.

Virginia: How?

12 study subjects can't prove
anything conclusively.

William: In time,
if additional data warrants it,

I'll revisit the finding.

Virginia: Which is what?

William:
A man's size doesn't matter.

Virginia: There's no way
you could know that.

William:
I'm going to say it.

Virginia:
You are cutting corners, Bill.

William: I'm gonna tell them
what they want to hear.

So they'll hear
what I want to tell them.

It's for the greater good.

You've got to get people
into the tent, Virginia--

make the work relevant to them,
personally.

Virginia: You're not giving them
the gift you think you are.

Now, after all those jubilant
small-to medium-sized men

come home and crawl into bed
beside their sleeping women,

they're gonna stare up
at the bedroom ceiling

and they're going to realize

that if size doesn't matter,
something else does.

And that something else is going
to scare the hell out of them

because maybe...
they don't have it.

And maybe Ethan does.

That's the fear, isn't it?

Not whether you're big enough.

Whether you're good enough.

William:
I need this to go well...

because if it doesn't...

I will have lost everything.

Virginia: You are a bigger man
than that, aren't you?

William: No.

I don't think I am.

[ Knock on door ]

Jane:
Miss 8:30's all wired up.

William: I'm ready.

Virginia:
Hickory, Maryville, Spartanburg,

Dalton, Albertville,
and Williamsburg.

We've got advocates
in six cities, in six states,

in one fell swoop.

That is a good day's work.

[ Sighs ]

The shortest distance between
two points is a straight line.

Lillian: You should needlepoint
that on a sampler.

Most of them met their husbands
at work.

It makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Virginia: You could meet
someone, too, Lillian.

Lillian:
No, I mean, where they'd be

if they'd actually pursued
careers--

all those women, putting their
ambitions on the back burner.

I'm not looking for a man.

And according to Bill Masters,
I don't need one.

Didn't you say that was
a big revelation from his study?

Virginia: It's not
just his study, you know.

Lillian: Well...
[ Thunder rumbles ]

his will be the only name
on it.

Don't you find it ironic that,

in the end,
it's going to be a man

who will tell women that they
can find their own satisfaction?

Which isn't all that satisfying
for you, is it?

Don't you ever want anything
that's just yours, Virginia?

Virginia: Well, who has anything
that's just theirs?

What do you have?

Lillian: I have cancer.

[ Thunder rumbles ]

Virginia: What?

Lillian:
Cervical cancer, actually.

It's very advanced.

Past the point of treatment.

It was detected with a pap smear
in my mid-20s.

I wanted to be a doctor
before that,

but it led me to specialize
in gynecology.

Virginia:
And you've had...

radiation?

Lillian:
And then a hysterectomy.

I thought it was gone,

but then it came back
about 18 months ago.

It progressed to my liver,
which is Stage IV.

Virginia: Lillian...

[ Breathes deeply ]

I'm so sorry.

Lillian: I'm not going to be around
to see the testing become routine.

I'm going to have to hand
the work off...

to someone who can fight
the fight...

who can talk small
but think big...

who can find the shortest
distance between two points.

Do you know anyone like that?

[ Breathes deeply ]

Ah.

I'm going to try to get
some sleep.

[ Sighs ]

Ethan: Let's go.

- Okay.
Henry: - Bye.

Ethan:
All right, have a nice day!

George: What do you call
that spot under the knee

that the doctor taps with a
hammer and makes your leg kick?

Ethan:
A patellar reflex.

George: Yeah.

Virginia's mine.

You tap and I kick, hard.

Ethan: Mm.

Well, I understand.

She's quite a woman.

George:
I didn't want kids.

Not that I don't love
the ones I got. I do.

But I knew they'd pull her away
from me, and they did.

And the thing of it is,
I let them go.

I mean, if you don't want
your kids to turn out like you,

then what have you
got to teach them?

Ethan: Hmm.

George:
You seem like a nice enough guy.

Ethan:
I'd like to think so.

Trying to be.

George: Yeah.

Wherever you land, I could--
I could probably book

some local gigs thereabouts,
change up circuits.

Ethan: That'd be nice.

George: It doesn't mean
I don't love them.

Ethan: Of course not.

I hope you'll wish
Virginia and me well.

George:
Well, I tell you,

it helps knowing that what she
and I had, you'll never know.

Because she's not the girl
she was back then.

Ethan: Well...

I'll take her anyway.

George:
Ever heard her sing?

Nah.
She doesn't even hum anymore.

And the two of us onstage...

[ Chuckles ] I'm telling you,

you know, we had this rhythm,
we had this...

[Fingers click]
back and forth.

We were a real team.

But she changed.

Got a career.

Got all ambitious.

You'll never know
the girl she was back then.

And that's my consolation prize.

[ Car door opens, closes ]

Libby: Bill?

What is it?

William: Nothing.

Can't sleep.

Libby: Is it work?

William: No.

It's, uh... no.

Libby:
Well, can I get you something?

William: No. I'm fine.
Please, don't get up, Libby.

I should be taking care of you.

Libby: You do.

William:
Uh, l-let's go back to bed.

Libby:
You do take care of me.

You...

feel good...

inside me.

You feel just right.

William: - Libby, please--
Libby: - No, I-I...

I know that I wasn't your first.

But you were mine.

And once I met you,

I've never wanted to be
with another man.

Virginia:
I am so sorry about George.

- I had no idea--
Ethan: - It's okay.

No bones were broken.

He and I got a lot
straightened out, actually.

Virginia:
Really? Like what?

Actually, never mind.
I don't want to know.

I do want to know, but...
only if it's good.

If it's bad, I'd prefer if you
waited until I was less tired.

It was a hard trip.

If I die, he gets the kids.

Ethan: - What?
Virginia: - He's their father.

It'd be hard to make a case that
they belong with anybody else.

I... I can't die.

Just...

promise me I won't die.

Ethan: [ Chuckles ]

Well, I'm a doctor.

So you've got that
working in your favor.

Virginia: Have you heard
from any hospitals?

Ethan: A few.

Virginia: Any close by?

I don't know how many miles
I can put on the car

driving back and forth
before I'm gonna need new tires.

Ethan: Well, why don't you
let me worry about that?

Virginia:
[ Breathes deeply ]

Ethan: In fact, why don't you
let me worry about everything?

I mean it, Gini.

You want to quit your job,
go to school full-time?

- I think you should.
Virginia: - [ Chuckles ]

Ethan: You want to stay home
with the kids?

I'll support you, in every way.

Virginia: [ Chuckling ] Wow.

What has gotten into you?

You must have really missed me.

Ethan: If there is something
that you always wanted to do,

someone you wanted to be
and you never got the chance,

I will make that happen.

I want us to be a team.

Virginia: Aren't we?

We're a couple.

Ethan: No, a team.

Like-- I don't know--
like Burns and Allen.

Virginia: - [ Chuckles ]
Ethan: - Or Lewis and Clark.

Virginia: Bonnie and Clyde.

Ethan: Hey.

I'm serious.

Virginia:
Haas and Johnson.

Ethan:
It's got a ring to it.

Don't you think?

[ Soft music plays ]

Virginia:
♪ you give your hand to me ♪

♪ and then you say hello ♪

♪ and I can hardly speak ♪

♪ my heart is beating so ♪

♪ and anyone can tell ♪

♪ you think you know me well ♪

♪ but you don't know me ♪

♪ no, you don't know the one ♪

♪ who dreams of you at night ♪

♪ and longs to kiss your lips ♪

♪ and longs to hold you tight ♪

♪ to you, I'm just a friend ♪

♪ that's all I've ever been ♪

♪ no, you don't know me ♪

♪ you give your hand to me ♪

♪ and then you say goodbye ♪

♪ I watch you walk away ♪

♪ beside the lucky guy ♪

♪ you'll never, never know ♪

♪ the one who loves you so ♪

♪ no, you don't know me ♪

[ Music ends ]

Sync and corrections by n17t01
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