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1
00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:09,096
Troops, we're running low
on fresh water,
2
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,446
so I must speak against
this ridiculous new trend
3
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:13,056
of handwashing.
4
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:15,537
Sir, I heard that handwashing
prevents dysentery.
5
00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:19,019
Oh, I'm sorry, Collins,
are you a physician or a barber?
6
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:21,064
I didn't think so.
7
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:25,851
Now, time for
my newest invention.
8
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,245
One that shall surely turn
the tide in this conflict.
9
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,860
A musket with a spy glass
attached. I'm calling it...
10
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,993
the "Eyesaac."
11
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,864
So just your name? Right.
12
00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,431
But instead of the letter "I,"
13
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:41,974
I'm spelling it
with the word "eye"...
14
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:45,697
E-Y-E... at the front.
15
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:49,310
Point is, close combat will
soon be a thing of the past,
16
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,442
because the Eyesaac, E-Y-E,
17
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:55,011
allows for accurate targeting
of up to...
18
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,795
And I kid you not... 50 yards.
19
00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:03,324
Glory be, I've got eyes
on a British officer.
20
00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:06,327
Now, of course it would be
dishonorable to engage
21
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:08,416
while, you know, he's unarmed.
22
00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,766
Quite a striking fellow.
23
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:12,594
He's fit of body,
24
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,987
well-groomed,
25
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,077
ready for action.
26
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,866
Right.
27
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,782
Well, lots of war stuff to do.
28
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,827
Battle is nigh. And remember,
29
00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:31,482
do not shoot them until
30
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,702
you see the green of his eyes.
31
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,443
Theireyes.
32
00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,227
Till you see the green
of their eyes.
33
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,944
I actually didn't notice
if he had green eyes.
34
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,926
Theyhad green eyes.
35
00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:50,197
Oh, I gotta find a way out
of this crypt.
36
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,826
I'm not getting eaten
by a purple worm.
37
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,069
Eaten by a worm?
38
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,375
This game seems stressful.
39
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,028
This is what Jay does to relax?
40
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,745
Dungeons & Dragons isn't
about relaxation,
41
00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,031
it's about adventure.
42
00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:00,574
Yeah. Nothing says adventure
like eating
43
00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,818
a family-size bag of
chips by yourself.
44
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:05,995
Okay, Jay, you're gonna have
to make a decision. Do you...
45
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,301
Oh, come on. Not again.
46
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:12,828
I'm sorry, guys, my Internet
cut out again. Yeah, we know.
47
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:15,004
It's happened, like,
20 times already.
48
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,025
Yeah, well, what do you expect?
It's rural Internet.
49
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,486
You guys get it.
You're from Queens.
50
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:19,922
That's practically the country.
51
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,595
Jay, we moved downtown,
by Brett and Shayla.
52
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:22,838
You did? Wait.
53
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:23,752
Who's Brett and Shayla?
54
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,188
You haven't met Brett yet? Okay.
55
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:27,451
He is hilarious.
He fits right in.
56
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,366
We met him at a pub quiz.
57
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:31,238
Oh...
58
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,544
I'm confused. Is this
part of the game?
59
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,348
Unfortunately, I think
the only game being played here
60
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:36,372
is an adult man
61
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,506
trying to maintain
long-distance friendships.
62
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,638
I don't get it. Couldn't...
a hotspot or something?
63
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,529
Oh, great, you're back.
Hey, can you hear me?
64
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,077
Do we just ask Brett
to take Jay's spot?
65
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,533
What? Brett can't have my spot.
No way.
66
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:48,013
What are you thinking, should we
just kill Jay's character?
67
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:48,907
No, guys,
68
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:50,996
I can hear you.
69
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:53,608
I'm sad to lose Jay.
But Brett? Hello?
70
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:54,870
I hate Brett.
71
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,219
Wow. Hard to imagine
72
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,047
feeling this betrayed
by friends.
73
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,223
Didn't your best friend sleep
with your wife?
74
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:03,444
Yes, Sasappis. Thank you
for that helpful example.
75
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,489
So you want me to just take down
the whole shed?
76
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,361
Yeah, it's kind of an eyesore.
77
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,363
Oh.
78
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:15,369
What on earth is
the meaning of this?
79
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,087
Oh, yeah, this place
will come down real easy.
80
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:20,548
Come down?
81
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,071
I'll have you know
these barracks
82
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,831
are the sovereign territory
of his Royal Highness
83
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,292
King George III.
84
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,468
And look at this one.
85
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:28,730
Gawking.Sorry.
86
00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:30,775
Mark.
87
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,255
Sorry, Mark.
88
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:34,431
Uh, just leave the shed.
89
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:35,824
I have a meeting.
90
00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,913
We'll talk later.
91
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,697
She can see us.Remarkable.
92
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,351
Indeed.
93
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,049
Hey. Uh, did you guys know
there's three British soldiers
94
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,835
from the Revolutionary War
living in our garden shed?
95
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:47,836
Don't worry about them.
96
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,161
They mostly stick to themselves.
97
00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:50,795
They come up to the main house
98
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:53,006
once every year or so with
some dispute or complaint.
99
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,235
They've never gotten
over losing the war.
100
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,585
Well, those limeys can wipe
their eyes with crumpets.
101
00:03:57,715 --> 00:04:00,327
'Cause this land is,
and has always been, American.
102
00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,763
Said the guy from Massapequa.
103
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,939
Ever since the war,
the agreement's been
104
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,047
the Americans get the house,
the Brits get the shed.
105
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:06,637
No, no,
106
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:07,943
no, no.
107
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:10,162
Oh, no. What is it, Jay?
108
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,947
Hitch died.
109
00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:13,818
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
110
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,820
That's awful. He was a...
111
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:17,518
really...
112
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:18,886
You have no idea
who Hitch is, do you?
113
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,086
I do not. He was my D&D character.
114
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,412
Oh. No, not to be insensitive,
115
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,873
it's just, doesn't he exist
entirely in your head?
116
00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:26,440
What is it, Pete?
117
00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:29,486
I-I just wanted to say, as
a long-time adventurer myself,
118
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:32,446
the bond between D&D creator
and character
119
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:33,969
can be very real.
120
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,947
I know I shed a few tears
when I lost Gelvin Monkspear
121
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,320
to the demogorgon.
122
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,627
Pete's saying he can relate,
'cause he got upset
123
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,917
about losing some character
to a demidragon.Demogorgon.
124
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:42,847
Demogorgon?
125
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,806
Pete plays D&D?
126
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,895
Heck yeah. It was
really popular in the '80s.
127
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:49,593
Hey, maybe Jay and I
could play together.
128
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,615
Oh, that's really sweet... Pete
wishes he could play with you.
129
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,206
Whoa, we totally could
do that. Hey, Pete,
130
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:56,948
Pete, listen, you pick
a character and I'll DM,
131
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,908
and then Sam... Sam,
all you have to do
132
00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:01,320
is translate,
like you're doing right now.
133
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,085
I love this idea! Oh, no, no, no.
134
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:04,739
I mean, I love you, obviously,
135
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,064
but fantasy role-playing games
136
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,916
are at the far end
of that affection.
137
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,918
Yeah. Okay, cool.
138
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:12,094
All my best friends
just broke up with me,
139
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,791
but, uh, I can see
140
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:17,360
that playing a game is...
is too big of an ask.
141
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,493
Okay, we can play tonight.
142
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,799
Yes! Oh!
143
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,366
Pete, saddle up, baby!
144
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,281
Oh, no. Whoo!
145
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,936
Tonight we ride! Rrroo!
146
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,807
We demand parley
147
00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:31,418
at once!
148
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,767
Ugh, these fools.
149
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,899
Oh, boy. What's going on here?
Aah!
150
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:35,813
She cansee us.
151
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,902
My God,
152
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,272
what foul deal with the devil
hath provoked such a power?
153
00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,167
She fell down the stairs,
and when she woke up
154
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,169
she could talk to
ghosts and animals.
155
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,781
Uh, no. I'm not sure
where she got the animals thing.
156
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:47,956
But I'm Samantha. Hi.
157
00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:49,479
Lieutenant-Colonel
Nigel Chessum.
158
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,569
I've come to discuss
the unprovoked attack
159
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,136
- on our land.
- I don't know
160
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:55,442
if I'd say this is your land.
161
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:56,660
Yeah, give 'em hell, Sass!
162
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:57,879
USA!
163
00:05:58,009 --> 00:05:59,924
USA! Are you talking
about the door?
164
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:03,232
This is about dignity
and decorum and...
165
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,929
Yes, the door.
166
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,864
We want it put back, and we
won't accept anything less.
167
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,064
Sam?
168
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:12,197
Have you seen
my yellow Decepticons shirt?
169
00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,528
Oh, I think it's in the dryer.
170
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,896
Uh-uh, I checked.
171
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,177
I'll come help you in a sec.
I'm just dealing
172
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,241
with some British ghosts
from the Revolutionary War.
173
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,553
Okay. I'll check the hamper.
174
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,730
Sorry, you were saying?
175
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,472
Our barracks.
This affront shall not go un...
176
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,864
Oh, fine, I'll-I'll do it.
177
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:27,996
Pardon?
178
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,606
I'll tell the contractor
179
00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:30,931
to put the door back on.
Anything else?
180
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:34,437
Oh. Um, I...
181
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:37,745
had sort of a lengthy diatribe
planned, but, uh, splendid.
182
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:38,746
Well,
183
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:39,897
shall we get out of here, sir?
184
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,618
Oh, yes.
185
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,881
I suppose there's
no reason to linger.
186
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,927
No other reason I can think of.
187
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,146
Sam, I believe that shirt
that Jay's looking for
188
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,584
is in the hallway closet
upstairs...
189
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,849
Lieutenant-Colonel Chessum.
190
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:57,025
Captain Higgintoot.
191
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:59,244
What, um... what fortune prompts
192
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,551
such an unexpec... pected visit?
193
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:04,859
A... trivial matter,
now concluded.
194
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:06,513
Hmm.I...
195
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,340
do hope my presence,
though unexpected,
196
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,386
is not entirely unpleasant.
197
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,693
Oh, no, I think it's fair to say
198
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,522
that your presence is the
furthest thing from unpleasant.
199
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,045
Okay, am I nuts,
or is there, like,
200
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,829
crazy chemistry
between these two?
201
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,831
This has been going
on for centuries.
202
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:23,443
Every year they find some reason
to "redraw the border"
203
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,290
or "extend the truce,"
and neither one of them
204
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:27,055
ever makes a move.Mm.
205
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,360
Well, I, uh, suppose
206
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,537
I shall bid you adieu.
207
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,365
Yes, yes,
and I shall bid adieu to you.
208
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,496
Oh.
209
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:35,933
What a droll little rhyme.
210
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,239
Oh!
211
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,808
Splendid.
212
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,505
Well...
213
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,769
I guess I'm not going
to fife myself out, am I?
214
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,075
Oh, no.
215
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:48,555
Baxter?
216
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,176
Well, back to the closet. What?
217
00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:02,743
To look for Jay's shirt.
218
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,397
Right.
219
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:08,444
You cross the icy river
220
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:12,361
only to find what nightmares
lurk on the other side.
221
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,406
From forth
the darkness of the cave
222
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,714
emerges an abominable yeti!
223
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,237
Ha-ha-ha!
224
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,978
Oh, not good.
225
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,739
We probably should have
taken the mountain pass.
226
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:25,026
Pete says they should have
taken the mountain pass.Yeah.
227
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,463
That's what we get for accepting
a map from a Frost Giant.
228
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,639
Sass is second-guessing
the Frost Giant.
229
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,293
Well, I'm not messing
with a yeti.
230
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,583
I'm getting back in the boat.
231
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,185
And Alberta wants
to get back in the boat.
232
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:35,863
Ooh, unfortunately,
233
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,255
you turn around to see
234
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:38,822
that the boat has sunk
235
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,084
into the icy river.
236
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,043
Oh.Escape...
237
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,958
is no longer an option.
238
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:46,874
Well, then combat it is.
239
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,354
Sam, please tell Jay
that Gelvin Monkspear II
240
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,487
has unsheathed his sword.
241
00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:56,405
- Sam? A little focus?
- We're about to be devoured
242
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,776
by a ferocious beast over here.
243
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,756
Right. Sorry, it's just,
it's been a few hours.
244
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,628
So is the game almost done?
245
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:04,805
Well, I mean, this particular
session could be close to done.
246
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:05,719
This session?
247
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,634
What do you mean?
Doesn't somebody win
248
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,070
and then, like, we're done?
249
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:10,811
No.
250
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,377
This isn't Candy Land, Sam.
251
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,508
Dungeons & Dragons
252
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,685
is not a game that just ends
in one night.
253
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,992
Every campaign is
a multi-chaptered quest.
254
00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:20,298
They could last months
or even years.
255
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,648
Years?
256
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:22,898
That's what makes it so fun.
257
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,085
Now, where were we
258
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:25,826
with that yeti?
259
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,568
A little too close
for comfort, I'd say.
260
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:31,222
Repeat that for Jay. I think
he'd get a kick out of it.
261
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,965
How about those Brits
stopping by, hmm?
262
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,315
Probably won't have to see
them for another few years.
263
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,582
Uh, I have to say,
though, that...
264
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:45,541
that Nigel fellow seems
like a really good guy.
265
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:49,589
Oh, well, can't say I agree
with his politics, but, uh...
266
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,634
he's a man of honor. Interesting,
267
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,332
because you're also
kind of a man of honor.
268
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,814
Well, the truth is,
is that there's a secret
269
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,990
that I've been
keeping from Nigel,
270
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,340
and to share it would release
an immense burden,
271
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:06,083
but I have a feeling he is
not going to take it very well.
272
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,520
Okay, I hear you,
but there's also a chance
273
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:11,021
that something that seemed so
unthinkable all those years ago
274
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,264
might not be a big deal now.
275
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,309
You're right.
276
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:17,181
What am I so afraid of?
277
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:18,966
I'm gonna do it.
278
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:21,229
Really? You'll talk to him?
279
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,710
Uh-huh. I'm gonna do it.
280
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,059
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
281
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,190
What do I wear?
282
00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:29,541
Wait, no, can't change,
so itchy shirt it is.
283
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,501
Break a leg!
284
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,590
Man...
285
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,027
we were up so late last night, huh?
Were we?
286
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:39,682
Gosh, I was having so much fun,
I didn't notice.
287
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,162
I could have gone all night.
288
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,032
You want to know
what my favorite part was?
289
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,426
It was just getting to know
the ghosts a little bit.
290
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:45,645
Pete? Are you kidding me?
291
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,821
That guy is great.
I didn't think anyone knew more
292
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,231
about '80s basketball
than I did.
293
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:52,521
Well, early '80s, and then...
294
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,972
You know, if we're gonna get
to the fortress any time soon,
295
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,806
we're gonna have to play
a few times a week,
296
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:57,894
at least. And each
of those sessions
297
00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,397
would last about...? Not long.
298
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:02,009
Five, six hours.Wow.
299
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,924
Well, let me check my schedule.
Available.
300
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,317
And that could go on
for potentially years?
301
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:07,536
Yeah.
302
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:12,889
Jay, I don't know exactly
how to tell you this, but...
303
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,283
the ghosts don't want to play
with you anymore.
304
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,893
Whaaat? What?
305
00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,503
I know. I'm sorry.
306
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,680
But I thought they had fun.
307
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:22,682
We did have fun.
What are you doing, Sam?
308
00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:24,092
Well, I guess
that not being able
309
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,120
to move the pieces or roll...
310
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,967
Some of them just got
a little bored. Bored?
311
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:28,862
That's not true.
312
00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:30,143
Okay. Yes, it's disappointing.
313
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,952
I'm upset, too. I...
314
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:35,477
I love this game!
Those darn ghosts!
315
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,498
Well, if they didn't like it,
then... they didn't like it.
316
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,002
We loved it.
317
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,048
Liar! Huh.
318
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,963
I guess I'll just put
all this away, then.
319
00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,201
You know, maybe we could watch
320
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,313
a movie later.
321
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:46,880
Yeah.
322
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,925
Sure, that sounds fun.
323
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,056
Hmm.
324
00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,017
And I thought the mindflayer
325
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,454
would be the greatest monster
I'd encounter this week.
326
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,154
Or the gelatinous cube.
That one was tough, too.
327
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,684
So she just straight-up
lied to him?
328
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,009
Like it was nothing. We have to fix this.
329
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,556
Last night was so fun,
330
00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:12,795
and I don't know
if you've noticed,
331
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,013
but we don't have
a ton going on here.
332
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:15,275
Yeah, I just wish
there was a way
333
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,339
we could talk to Jay directly
and set this straight.
334
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,062
If only there was some way
we could get a message
335
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,001
across the celestial plane.
336
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,615
I think I have an idea.
337
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:30,750
Uh, perhaps we discuss
338
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,448
whatever it is you...
wanted to talk about.
339
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,625
Well, well, the truth is,
is it's quite personal,
340
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,367
and I've been keeping
a secret from you
341
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:42,718
for, oh, 250 years.
342
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,372
Oh? I'm just really nervous
343
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,808
about how you're gonna take it.
344
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:46,939
Well, I...
345
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,985
think I might take it...
346
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,074
just fine.
347
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,989
Really?
348
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,599
Oh.
349
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:57,124
All right, here it goes.
350
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,386
Nigel?
351
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,344
Yes, Isaac?
352
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,999
I killed you.
353
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,088
Excuse me?!
354
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,314
Hello, Officer.
355
00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:19,972
Oh, boy.
356
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,670
Are you telling me
357
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,455
the cowardly sniper
that took my life was you?
358
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:27,545
Well, th-that was not at all
my intention.
359
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,852
To have murdered in cold blood
360
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,462
a fellow officer!
361
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:32,593
My hope was to apologize.
362
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,901
I've had enough of this.
363
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,250
Uh...
364
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,425
Baxter?
365
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:41,429
Oh, God.
366
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,740
All right, no Sam in sight.
367
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,307
Hurry up and do your thing.
368
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,190
Just a little faster, buddy.
369
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,669
I think Jay's rinsing off.
370
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,680
Lied about what?
371
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,857
Seriously, dude,
this is gonna kill me.
372
00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:19,249
We've come too far, man.
373
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:20,642
Fine.
374
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,432
Hey, babe.
375
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,086
Got a better
Internet connection,
376
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,567
so now I can play D&D
with my boys in the city.
377
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,656
That's amazing. Yeah, and even better,
378
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,701
one of the guys had to drop out,
379
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,355
so there's room for you
380
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:39,574
to join permanently.
381
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:42,055
No way. Super cool, huh?
382
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,946
'Cause I know how much
you love playing the game,
383
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,886
because that's what you told me.
384
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,367
I know you lied!
385
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,369
But how? No, I didn't! Uh-huh!
386
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,130
The ghosts told me.
And it was genuinely haunting.
387
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:55,807
I was in the shower, I was nude,
388
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:57,658
and then letters just appeared
in the steam!
389
00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,376
Trevor. The ghost
390
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,291
without pants
is watching me shower?
391
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:02,466
Gotta love that.
392
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,599
Sam, why did you lie to me?
393
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,601
I wanted to help you play
with the ghosts,
394
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,472
but I really don't like
your favorite game.
395
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:09,996
Why didn't you just tell me?
396
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,606
Because I didn't want
to upset you.
397
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:14,348
And it just seemed easier
to blame the ghosts. I don't care
398
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,306
if you like playing the game
or not, okay?
399
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,308
Objectively, you should,
because it's awesome.
400
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,007
But honestly,
I just miss my friends.
401
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,313
I know. And you have this
whole group of people
402
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,489
that-that you can talk to
that I can't even see.
403
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,700
So the other night when
we were all playing together,
404
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,841
I actually felt like
I was part of the gang.
405
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:34,324
- The British are coming!
- The British are coming!
406
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:35,847
I do hear you.
407
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:42,332
So I guess things with Nigel
didn't go so great, huh?
408
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,421
No, Sam, they didn't.
409
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:49,339
It has come to my attention
that I, an officer
410
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:50,490
in His Majesty's Armed Forces,
411
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,212
was murdered
412
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:55,476
by the shameful American
war criminal Isaac Higgintoot.
413
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:58,131
Wait, that was the secret?
414
00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,542
This horrifying breach of
decorum shall not go unpunished.
415
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,265
We are taking the house.
416
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,180
Well...
417
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:08,271
if you insist that the time
for words has passed...
418
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,664
Just coming through...
419
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:14,190
Then, no matter the cost
in blood or treasure,
420
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:19,108
my army and I will defend
this house to the bitter end.
421
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:23,373
If it's war you want...
422
00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,723
then war you shall have.
423
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,899
So be it.
424
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,030
It's time for battle!
425
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:31,815
Oh!
426
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,343
Get out of here.
427
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:39,650
This is the war? I'm a pacifist,
428
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,001
but even I would like to see
a little more action.
429
00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:45,526
Oh! Damn this
impotent existence!
430
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,658
If I was alive,
I would wipe you and your boys
431
00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,138
off the face of the earth.
432
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,855
No, you wouldn't.
You'd shoot me in the chest
433
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:51,943
while I was reading my poems!
434
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,448
Oh, wait. You already did that.
435
00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:55,710
Well.
436
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,494
If we can't fight,
437
00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:00,236
then how the hell do we resolve
this invasion, hmm?
438
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:04,284
If only there were some way
to simulate actual combat.
439
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,764
What?
440
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,464
Damn it,
I may have the solution.
441
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,120
Okay, I don't really understand
what's happening here,
442
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,947
but I'd just like to say
for the record,
443
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:19,212
I am happy to solve all
future ghost conflicts this way.
444
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518
Okay, Pete,
you are now face-to-face with...
445
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:23,042
Who's that guy? Oh, Jenkins.
446
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,323
That's one of the
British ghosts.
447
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,957
Okay, you find yourself
face-to-face
448
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,959
with Jenkins' tiefling bard.
449
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:31,093
Okay. Well,
then I unsheathe my moonblade
450
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,617
and whisper the phrase
"swift defeat to my enemies,"
451
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,880
thus marking him as a sworn
enemy, and giving myself
452
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,795
an extra 3d6 damage.
453
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,841
Gadzooks, this is boring.
454
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,538
Why would anyone play this?
455
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,323
Okay. This is silly.
456
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:45,107
Nigel,
457
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,544
my killing you was an accident,
458
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,740
but not telling you about it
for the last two centuries,
459
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,722
that was just plain wrong.
460
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,899
And for that I'm truly sorry.
461
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,555
Why didn't you
just say something?
462
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,818
I-I was afraid you'd be mad.
463
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,255
Oh...
464
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,474
Isaac and the British commander
are making up.
465
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,650
Aw, that's nice.
What did Isaac do?
466
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:09,697
He murdered him. Ooh, that is hard
to bounce back from.
467
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:12,569
I can see why that might be
a hard subject to broach, but...
468
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:15,616
how does one
even accidentally shoot another?
469
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:16,965
Well...
470
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:21,100
I-I was really intending
to spy on you-ur camp,
471
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,233
using a musket looking glass
that I had invented.
472
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,931
Some people are calling it
the "Eyesaac."
473
00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:28,498
Like your name? But with...
474
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:29,630
E-Y-E at the beginning?
475
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,633
Yes. How did you know? Well,
476
00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:33,764
what else would it be?
477
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,375
Simply brilliant.
478
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:37,246
I love it.
479
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:38,682
I mean...
480
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,554
for an instrument of my demise.
481
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,251
And I love you...
482
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:44,862
loving it.
483
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,647
I love you loving it.
484
00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,954
We shall consider the matter
water under the bridge.
485
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,522
The invasion is cancelled.
486
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,848
But we can keep playing, right? Yeah.
Mama has a fourth-level spell slot
487
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,352
she's itching to use.
488
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:57,483
Thank you
489
00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,355
for your gracious hospitality.
490
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:02,271
Until we next parley.
491
00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:04,839
Baxter?
492
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,366
A-About that,
493
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,803
maybe it would help
keep the peace
494
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,675
if we, um...
495
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,416
parleyed more often.
496
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,114
Interesting.
497
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,943
Perhaps, say, we could walk
the grounds sometime
498
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:23,988
to discuss the peace...
499
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,339
among other matters.
500
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,298
I'm... actually not...
501
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:31,170
doing anything right now.
502
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,823
Oh, uh, s...
503
00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,303
splendid.
504
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,478
To the grounds.
505
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,398
Uh, as you were, Baxter.
506
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,445
Stand down.
507
00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:51,581
Okey dokey, conflict resolved.
508
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,559
Cool. All right, well, I guess
we're done playing, then.
509
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:56,325
No. Jay, D&D is not
one of those games
510
00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,371
that's just done in an hour.
511
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,373
It's a rich,
multi-chaptered campaign.
512
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,418
It could last for months.
513
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:03,593
Are you serious?
514
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:04,918
Do you really want
to keep playing?
515
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,248
No.
516
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:07,902
But I will, for you.
517
00:20:08,032 --> 00:20:09,382
Aw.
518
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:10,948
Good. 'Cause I joined
that book club
519
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,079
last year for you.
520
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:13,607
All right,
let's roll for initiative!
521
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,302
All right! 20!
522
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,402
Come on.
Guys, we're not doing this.
523
00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,534
This is not the new system.
524
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:32,772
I really want to smell
some pepperoni.
525
00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:34,513
There is no way
that I'm writing "pepperoni."
526
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:35,537
Seriously,
527
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,800
this is super creepy!
528
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,324
Are you guys
529
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,369
still in here? Please leave.
530
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:47,768
Captioning sponsored by CBS
531
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:50,058
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
37523
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