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_
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_
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Daddy's home!
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Another mission, uh, survived.
5
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Oh, Stan!
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It's always such a relief
to have you back...
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Ew! You're soaked in sweat!
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Where was your mission,
inside a giant pair of ski boots?
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We relocated a family for the
witness protection program,
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00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:28,076
and part of that is actually
helping the people move.
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Dick made fun of me for
wearing a back brace then
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threw his own back out trying
to show off. It was awesome.
13
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I had to move two pool tables by myself,
but totally worth it.
14
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Witness protection?! How exciting!
15
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How did the people end up there?
Did they see someone get iced?
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Sorry. Those are state secrets.
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00:00:43,827 --> 00:00:45,427
Which is unfortunate for you
18
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'cause this town's crawlin'
with fascinating witnesses!
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But I'm a vault, baby!
These secrets die with me.
20
00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,367
Unless I die after 2035.
21
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That's when they become public domain.
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Attention, please.
I have an announcement.
23
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I found my first gray hair.
24
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And I couldn't be happier!
25
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I'd always hoped to go full
gray by the end of high school,
26
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and this is the first step
towards that silver-fox dream!
27
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Like Jamie Lee Curtis!
28
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This is great news!
29
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My boy is ready for a man's barber shop.
30
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You can finally come to Bushwhackers!
31
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The haircuts are whatever,
but the vibe's incredible.
32
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We sit around for hours
just choppin' it up.
33
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- Chopping what up?
- You know, "choppin' it up."
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Gabbin', shootin' the shit,
35
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smokin' and jokin' without the smokin'.
36
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Chit-chat on steroids.
You're gonna love it.
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Let's go!
38
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Also, babe, on my walk this morning,
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I made contact with a really big dog
40
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and I finally found my
dinosaur book and...
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- Jeff! What's up?
- Not much.
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No. Why are you telling me
43
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about every little thing in your life?
44
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I am trying to read
Cinnabon's privacy policy.
45
00:01:50,226 --> 00:01:52,360
Well, my memory's so bad that I know
46
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if I don't tell you
everything right away,
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the important stuff will
slip through the cracks.
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How about this... Instead of telling me
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everything as it happens,
50
00:02:01,305 --> 00:02:03,171
write it all down in this notebook.
51
00:02:03,173 --> 00:02:04,572
Oh, I get it!
52
00:02:04,574 --> 00:02:06,174
And then I can go through it
53
00:02:06,176 --> 00:02:08,643
and share the most
important parts with you.
54
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No!
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
57
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♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
58
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♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
59
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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You ever see the show "Cheers"?
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I'm kinda the Sam Malone around here.
65
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You have to be Kirstie Alley.
Everyone else is taken.
66
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Oh! No, I knew you were gonna say that!
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00:02:52,022 --> 00:02:54,155
- Oh, you...
- That's Tony. He's great.
68
00:02:54,157 --> 00:02:56,424
He has a bunch of brothers
who refuse to talk to him,
69
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and he won't tell us why.
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It was a soul-stirring episode.
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No, no, no, no, no!
No "Masked Singer" talk.
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I wasn't able to watch last night
'cause I...
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was on... a date!
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- Ooh!
- Ha ha ha!
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00:03:08,504 --> 00:03:10,905
So, where'd you take Tuttle's mom?
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Yeah! Where'd you take my mom, Tony?
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My mom missed my ninth birthday party
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'cause of a vicious yeast infection.
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Uh... I'm, uh, sorry to hear that, Stan.
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Tony, this is my son, Steve.
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He just got his first gray hair.
82
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I remember my first gray hair...
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But it wasn't on my head.
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Hey, Steve, pretty soon
85
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the whole town's gonna
know about your gray hair.
86
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Raymont here's a real blabbermouth.
87
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Ha ha! It's true!
88
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That's why I became a news director.
89
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:47,342
Lewis was talking about
his peeee-nisssss!
90
00:03:49,279 --> 00:03:51,879
So, my date last night.
91
00:03:51,881 --> 00:03:54,015
You'll never guess who it was with.
92
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Dracula! Dracula's a funny guess!
93
00:03:56,552 --> 00:03:58,352
Oh, uh, n-no, uh...
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Guys, it was Tanya from the
nail salon across the street.
95
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- He-yo!
- Va-va-va voom!
96
00:04:02,692 --> 00:04:04,292
Suck your blood!
97
00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:06,961
Hey, Tony,
want to see a picture of a rose?
98
00:04:06,963 --> 00:04:10,298
It's got the reddest petals,
like red on steroids!
99
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:13,768
Uh, I should, uh,
probably focus on the kid's hair.
100
00:04:15,639 --> 00:04:18,773
So, uh... H-How'd the date go?
101
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Yeah. Did ya get lucky?
102
00:04:20,444 --> 00:04:24,045
Actually, boys, I did get lucky...
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'Cause I forgot my wallet
and she had to pay!
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Classic Tony!
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Save that money, bitch!
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Who wants to hear more
107
00:04:33,389 --> 00:04:36,091
about my mother's yeast infection?
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00:04:40,396 --> 00:04:42,797
Another great trip to the barber shop.
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Damn. I was on "fi-ah" today.
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"Steve got his hairs cut.
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"Mr. S got caught on fire.
112
00:04:51,741 --> 00:04:56,077
Mrs. S is watching pornography
on the living-room TV."
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Must have been cool seeing
your dad in his element, huh?
114
00:05:00,284 --> 00:05:02,684
I-It was... It was fine, I guess.
115
00:05:02,686 --> 00:05:06,354
You guess? Come on!
Tell your mother how awesome I was.
116
00:05:06,356 --> 00:05:07,689
- I can't.
- Sure, you can!
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00:05:07,691 --> 00:05:11,225
It's not braggin'
if you're talking about somebody else.
118
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:14,162
Dad, you were completely out of sync.
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Every time you spoke,
120
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,232
the conversation came
to a screeching halt.
121
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:20,768
No! I-I'm good at chopping it up.
122
00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:22,570
I'm Sam from "Cheers"!
123
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:23,905
No chance. You're...
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00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,374
Gosh, I can't even give you
the quiet guy with glasses
125
00:05:26,376 --> 00:05:28,442
who pops up like every 10 episodes.
126
00:05:28,444 --> 00:05:31,913
You're so out of place,
it'd be like if a character
127
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:35,049
from a completely different
show came in the bar...
128
00:05:35,051 --> 00:05:36,518
Maybe Gargamel from "The Smurfs"?
129
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,452
And I feel like that's even generous.
130
00:05:38,454 --> 00:05:41,189
Nope. Unh-unh.
We are going back to Bushwhackers.
131
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I'm gonna show you how wrong you are!
132
00:05:43,327 --> 00:05:46,260
- Ooh!
- Hmm.
133
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:51,133
I think doctor Throbber's weiner
may have never been broken.
134
00:05:51,135 --> 00:05:54,068
_
135
00:05:54,070 --> 00:05:55,870
Well, I'm on your side, Brian.
136
00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:58,272
It sounds like vengeance was necessary.
137
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,875
The kid's neck is ready
for another shave, Tony.
138
00:06:00,877 --> 00:06:02,144
Okay, what are we talking about?
139
00:06:02,146 --> 00:06:03,811
I was just explaining to the fellas
140
00:06:03,813 --> 00:06:06,348
why the coast guard keeps
coming around looking for me.
141
00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:09,151
Coast guard, coast is clear,
clear channel, English channel.
142
00:06:09,153 --> 00:06:12,420
Go, Bazooka Sharks, guv'na!
143
00:06:12,422 --> 00:06:15,023
Hmm. Not exactly a standing ovation.
144
00:06:15,025 --> 00:06:17,625
But that's okay.
Let's go with a classic.
145
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,227
Hey, have I ever shown you guys
146
00:06:19,229 --> 00:06:22,096
this amazing picture of a rose?!
147
00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:23,898
Gargamel...
148
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,433
Gargamel...
149
00:06:25,435 --> 00:06:27,301
Gargamel...
150
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,303
Am I bad at chopping it up?
151
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:32,240
So I told him,
"for a perfect ham sandwich,
152
00:06:32,242 --> 00:06:36,310
the secret is... uncooked black beans."
153
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,645
Secrets?! You want secrets?!
154
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,981
Well, Tuttle's in the
witness protection program
155
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,383
'cause he saw a bunch of murders!
156
00:06:41,385 --> 00:06:43,317
Stan! How could you?!
157
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,588
Stan, if that's true,
you basically just killed Tuttle.
158
00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:49,524
H-Hey, we're...
we're just guys chopping it up, right?
159
00:06:49,526 --> 00:06:51,926
What happens at Bushwhackers
s-stays at Bushwhack...
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00:06:51,928 --> 00:06:53,327
Gotta go!
161
00:06:55,265 --> 00:06:57,465
I'm receiving breaking news from my boss
162
00:06:57,467 --> 00:06:59,801
with another
"chop from the barber shop."
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00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:01,669
Langley Falls' own Al Tuttle
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00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,738
is in the witness protection program.
165
00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:07,008
Is this station responsible for
the certain death of Al Tuttle?
166
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:10,344
We blame the person who told us...
Stan Smith.
167
00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:14,416
As always, our file photos
come from Pogofest 2017.
168
00:07:16,886 --> 00:07:19,721
_
169
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:26,061
I can't believe he's dead.
170
00:07:26,063 --> 00:07:28,463
Goes to show, you can go at any moment,
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00:07:28,465 --> 00:07:30,532
no matter how perfect your body is.
172
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,134
If I'm God, I'd want that back, too.
173
00:07:33,136 --> 00:07:34,469
This is tragic!
174
00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:37,939
I was about to get Tuttle
to lend me 16 bucks.
175
00:07:37,941 --> 00:07:40,541
- I needed that 16!
- Why?
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00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,009
I'm getting sued for renting someone
177
00:07:42,011 --> 00:07:43,411
an apartment I don't own.
178
00:07:43,413 --> 00:07:45,480
It costs 16 bucks to
park at the courthouse,
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00:07:45,482 --> 00:07:48,816
where I will tell that
person to go [BLEEP] himself.
180
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,289
You're doing great.
We'll be done here soon,
181
00:07:54,291 --> 00:07:56,357
then we'll set you up
with a new identity.
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00:07:56,359 --> 00:07:58,293
- Thanks, Stan...
- Oh, God!
183
00:07:58,295 --> 00:08:00,495
I just miss you so much, buddy!
184
00:08:00,497 --> 00:08:05,232
So sad! So unsuspicious!
185
00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:08,103
Today we lay to rest Al Tuttle.
186
00:08:08,105 --> 00:08:10,171
Tuttle was recently outed as a snitch
187
00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:11,973
against multiple crime families.
188
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,781
But even more recently,
he happened to die...
189
00:08:19,783 --> 00:08:21,783
murdered by one of the many prostitutes
190
00:08:21,785 --> 00:08:23,718
he had grown to trust.
191
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,788
But most importantly,
Tuttle is now very dead,
192
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:28,723
and anyone who came to
town looking to kill him
193
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,057
can head home.
194
00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:31,392
God did the job for you.
195
00:08:31,394 --> 00:08:33,595
I thought a prostitute killed him?
196
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:36,263
Uh, the...
the prostitute's name was God.
197
00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:38,466
She was... Dutch, I believe.
198
00:08:38,468 --> 00:08:40,602
No more questions. This funeral's over.
199
00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:44,806
Why all the long faces?
200
00:08:44,808 --> 00:08:46,808
It's a beautiful day. Let's chop it up.
201
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:49,076
Is there any difference
between heavy cream
202
00:08:49,078 --> 00:08:50,678
and heavy whipping cream?
203
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,949
Yeah. They add a protein
that makes it easier to whip.
204
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:56,351
Oh. Uh, well...
205
00:08:56,353 --> 00:08:59,086
Tuttle's still alive!
We faked the whole thing!
206
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,225
Well, shit. Up and at 'em.
Time for plan B.
207
00:09:04,227 --> 00:09:05,493
I'm going, too?!
208
00:09:06,283 --> 00:09:07,028
Absolutely.
209
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:09,564
Your dad's been off his game,
and I can't leave you thinking
210
00:09:09,566 --> 00:09:10,966
that's how big Stan operates.
211
00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:14,169
Is this really a mission for
a 14-year-old to be going on?!
212
00:09:14,171 --> 00:09:18,105
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was
talking to a gray-haired man.
213
00:09:18,107 --> 00:09:19,841
Oh, my God!
214
00:09:19,843 --> 00:09:22,978
Tuttle was dead,
and now he's back to life!
215
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,246
Well, if Tuttle's not dead...
216
00:09:25,248 --> 00:09:27,382
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
217
00:09:27,384 --> 00:09:30,918
Gold medal! Team U.S.A.!
218
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,721
This isn't a dream!
This is really happening!
219
00:09:33,723 --> 00:09:35,190
I know!
220
00:09:35,192 --> 00:09:39,126
_
221
00:09:39,128 --> 00:09:40,595
I think we lost 'em.
222
00:09:40,597 --> 00:09:43,665
And if they do catch us,
at least I'll die with friends,
223
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,867
which I really never saw for myself.
224
00:09:45,869 --> 00:09:48,469
We're gonna be fine.
There's a safe house in Vermont.
225
00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:50,538
We just have to get there,
notify the CIA,
226
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:53,208
and they'll swoop in and
reset everything for Tuttle.
227
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,876
I liked my old life.
228
00:09:54,878 --> 00:09:57,612
Now I'm gonna be shipped off
to somewhere like Antarctica.
229
00:09:57,614 --> 00:10:00,615
I mean, it'll be a nice excuse
to wear my new winter coat,
230
00:10:00,617 --> 00:10:03,951
and there's gotta be good
access to fresh fish.
231
00:10:03,953 --> 00:10:05,553
Can't be much traffic.
232
00:10:05,555 --> 00:10:07,422
Okay!
I'm actually looking forward to it!
233
00:10:07,424 --> 00:10:10,558
Mr. Tuttle, how'd you end up
in witness protection anyway?
234
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:13,770
Well, back in my 20s,
I lived in Chicago...
235
00:10:14,431 --> 00:10:17,298
...and I suffered from
horrible agoraphobia.
236
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,700
Didn't go outside for years.
237
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:24,505
And then one day I forced
myself to face my fears.
238
00:10:24,507 --> 00:10:28,776
But as luck would have it,
Chicago was hosting Mob-Con,
239
00:10:28,778 --> 00:10:30,645
and there were a few families there
240
00:10:30,647 --> 00:10:32,714
who didn't care for each other.
241
00:10:34,317 --> 00:10:36,517
Courtesy of the Gambonis!
242
00:10:36,519 --> 00:10:39,320
I saw a mob hit. And then another.
243
00:10:39,908 --> 00:10:42,724
Strike four! Courtesy of the Gambinos!
244
00:10:45,455 --> 00:10:47,595
Courtesy of the Bingonis!
245
00:10:47,597 --> 00:10:50,732
I had to testify in a
whole mess of trials.
246
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:53,201
So I was placed in witness protection.
247
00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:57,873
But I choose to look
at it as a blessing.
248
00:10:57,875 --> 00:11:00,876
Otherwise, I never would have
ended up in Langley Falls
249
00:11:00,878 --> 00:11:02,210
and met you guys!
250
00:11:02,212 --> 00:11:04,812
Geez. Meeting us is the blessing?
251
00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:07,415
Ever wish you just let
the mob kill ya instead?
252
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,952
Ah, sometimes I wonder if they did
253
00:11:10,954 --> 00:11:12,820
and this is actually hell!
254
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:16,357
The devil lives in hell!
255
00:11:19,362 --> 00:11:22,029
He, uh... sure does, dad.
256
00:11:22,031 --> 00:11:24,966
Damn. I'm really not good at choppin'
it up, am I?
257
00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:26,234
Dad, forget it.
258
00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:28,035
Let's just focus on getting Tuttle to...
259
00:11:29,372 --> 00:11:30,705
Dad, why are you pulling over?
260
00:11:30,707 --> 00:11:32,307
Because it's not my fault.
261
00:11:32,309 --> 00:11:34,709
I'm with a nerdy kid and a snitch loser.
262
00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:38,045
I just need some new energy in here.
263
00:11:38,047 --> 00:11:40,247
Dad, considering the circumstances,
264
00:11:40,249 --> 00:11:42,784
we really shouldn't be inviting
strangers into the car!
265
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,253
I'm kinda with Steve on this, Stan.
266
00:11:45,255 --> 00:11:46,788
Can you two chill out?
267
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:48,856
I gotta get this chop-it-up
monkey off my back.
268
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:50,725
Ah, don't worry. I'm harmless.
269
00:11:50,727 --> 00:11:53,861
Except for one time when I was
passing through Chattanooga.
270
00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:56,664
Well, ya... ya can't blame anyone
271
00:11:56,666 --> 00:11:59,467
for what they do in Chattanooga.
272
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,802
A friend of mine from the gym
273
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,205
goes to Europe, like, all the time.
274
00:12:05,342 --> 00:12:07,675
And at that point, it was do or die,
275
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:11,078
so I pushed that octopus
right in front of the train.
276
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,348
Can't blame anyone for what
they do in Chattanooga!
277
00:12:14,417 --> 00:12:16,083
Yeah, like the gentleman said...
278
00:12:16,085 --> 00:12:19,554
Hitchhiker, I gotta say,
you are a dazzling conversationalist.
279
00:12:19,556 --> 00:12:22,023
Well, when you're a career hitchhiker,
you have to be.
280
00:12:22,025 --> 00:12:24,548
You rely on people
wanting you in the car.
281
00:12:24,583 --> 00:12:25,693
If you wanna keep the mileage going,
282
00:12:25,695 --> 00:12:27,695
you gotta keep the convo going.
283
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,230
Did you just make that up?
284
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:30,765
- No.
- Wow!
285
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:33,034
Would you be willing... to teach me?
286
00:12:33,036 --> 00:12:36,437
Yes. If you allow me to
take my shoes and socks off.
287
00:12:36,439 --> 00:12:37,572
Deal!
288
00:12:37,574 --> 00:12:39,641
Good, 'cause I just took 'em off.
289
00:12:39,643 --> 00:12:41,576
And... you'll be able to tell.
290
00:12:46,249 --> 00:12:48,449
The sun is shining.
291
00:12:50,053 --> 00:12:54,322
Two crows are fighting over a dildo.
292
00:12:54,324 --> 00:12:56,191
Babe's gonna love this.
293
00:12:57,594 --> 00:13:00,461
With all this writing,
I forgot to eat lunch.
294
00:13:00,463 --> 00:13:02,397
Better grab a popsicle.
295
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,434
Whoa! Two popsicles!
296
00:13:10,607 --> 00:13:12,607
Wait. I had been doing something,
297
00:13:12,609 --> 00:13:15,877
something that was
helping with my memory.
298
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,545
What was it?
299
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,014
Whoa! Two popsicles!
300
00:13:19,016 --> 00:13:22,484
Whoa! Two crows fighting over a dildo!
301
00:13:22,486 --> 00:13:24,952
Babe's gonna love this!
302
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:26,354
Hey, babe!
303
00:13:26,356 --> 00:13:28,289
Whoa! Two popsicles!
304
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,367
Let's fire up a test convo, Stan,
305
00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:40,768
so I can see what I'm working with.
306
00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:42,837
Tuttle, start us off, chief.
307
00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:45,707
O-kay, well, uh, I, for one,
308
00:13:45,709 --> 00:13:48,976
am really enjoying all
the stars in the sky.
309
00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:51,513
Yeah. Don't get this in the big city.
310
00:13:51,515 --> 00:13:54,382
I saw a video on YouTube of a rat dying!
311
00:13:54,384 --> 00:13:55,783
Okay. We'll pause there.
312
00:13:55,785 --> 00:13:57,785
Let's start with a concept called "fit,"
313
00:13:57,787 --> 00:13:59,520
and that's gonna be a three-pronger
314
00:13:59,522 --> 00:14:00,922
for a guy like you, Stan.
315
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,391
One, does what I have to say fit
316
00:14:03,393 --> 00:14:05,593
with the subject of the conversation?
317
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:06,994
- At all?
- Interesting.
318
00:14:06,996 --> 00:14:09,731
Steve, write all this down for me, 'kay?
319
00:14:09,733 --> 00:14:12,667
Two, does it fit with the tone?
320
00:14:12,669 --> 00:14:16,137
Happy versus sad, nice versus mean.
321
00:14:16,139 --> 00:14:19,807
And, three, does it fit,
just, like, space-wise?
322
00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:22,410
Because if someone else
is already talking,
323
00:14:22,412 --> 00:14:24,011
the... the answer is no.
324
00:14:24,013 --> 00:14:25,380
Make sense?
325
00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,684
Steve, go ahead
and read all that back to me.
326
00:14:29,686 --> 00:14:32,353
Anyone can string words together...
327
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:33,889
gravel, thunder, swimming pool.
328
00:14:33,891 --> 00:14:35,957
Oh, yeah, that sounds nice!
329
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,560
No, Stan, that's actually the
opposite of what I'm saying.
330
00:14:38,562 --> 00:14:41,629
90% of talking... is listening.
331
00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:44,900
Aah! They found us!
332
00:14:44,902 --> 00:14:47,234
That guy's from the funeral, Dad!
333
00:14:47,236 --> 00:14:49,104
Mangia this bullet, you snitch!
334
00:14:52,776 --> 00:14:55,510
That was too close, Dad!
W-We gotta be more careful!
335
00:14:55,512 --> 00:14:57,178
You saw what happened to that guy,
336
00:14:57,180 --> 00:15:00,515
and you think we should be more careful?
337
00:15:01,046 --> 00:15:03,385
Here it is, the safe house.
338
00:15:05,789 --> 00:15:09,190
Uh, Dad, why aren't you,
uh, getting out?
339
00:15:09,192 --> 00:15:12,059
I think you and I both know
why I'm not getting out.
340
00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:13,929
I've gotta keep driving
around with Hitchhiker.
341
00:15:13,931 --> 00:15:16,738
I'm this close to choppin'
it up like a master.
342
00:15:16,773 --> 00:15:17,832
- No, you're not.
- Shut up!
343
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,601
See? We're already ribbin' each other.
344
00:15:19,603 --> 00:15:20,735
- No, we're not.
- Damn you to hell!
345
00:15:20,737 --> 00:15:23,471
You guys head in.
I'll be back in no time.
346
00:15:23,473 --> 00:15:24,940
You see how close I am.
347
00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:27,609
Dad, don't go!
348
00:15:27,611 --> 00:15:31,479
Well, Steve,
I guess that puts you in charge.
349
00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,425
_
350
00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:40,589
Over there!
351
00:15:45,829 --> 00:15:46,894
Whoa.
352
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:48,996
What's this?
353
00:15:55,172 --> 00:15:56,904
Guys, I'm back!
354
00:15:56,906 --> 00:15:59,574
The hitchhiker told me he
couldn't teach me anything more
355
00:15:59,576 --> 00:16:01,476
and then just walked into the ocean.
356
00:16:02,846 --> 00:16:04,780
There you boneheads are!
357
00:16:04,782 --> 00:16:07,082
Come on! Let's chop it up!
358
00:16:07,985 --> 00:16:10,986
Pointing? Okay. How about...
359
00:16:10,988 --> 00:16:14,121
Nice point.
You should be a pencil for Halloween!
360
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:16,924
See? These guys get it.
361
00:16:16,926 --> 00:16:18,860
No. We're laughin' at you.
362
00:16:18,862 --> 00:16:20,996
Uhp. Rude dude alert.
363
00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:24,265
_
364
00:16:26,803 --> 00:16:29,136
How long after I left
did the mafia get here?
365
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:31,272
Like right away. Maybe two minutes?
366
00:16:31,274 --> 00:16:32,940
Okay. Good. I don't have to feel bad
367
00:16:32,942 --> 00:16:34,942
about stopping for
dinner with Hitchhiker.
368
00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:36,812
Wouldn't have changed anything.
369
00:16:36,814 --> 00:16:40,147
Our three families have
been warring for decades,
370
00:16:40,149 --> 00:16:41,883
but looking for you, Tuttle,
371
00:16:41,885 --> 00:16:43,951
has brought us together peacefully!
372
00:16:43,953 --> 00:16:46,821
So... does that mean
you're not gonna kill me?
373
00:16:46,823 --> 00:16:48,756
Oh, no, we're definitely killing you.
374
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,492
Please! You can't! Is he perfect? No!
375
00:16:51,494 --> 00:16:54,562
But he's a good guy,
and I'll feel responsible if he dies.
376
00:16:54,564 --> 00:16:57,765
Nah, you won't feel anything.
You'll be dead, too.
377
00:16:57,767 --> 00:16:59,567
Not taking care of witnesses
378
00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:01,302
is kinda how we ended up in this mess.
379
00:17:01,304 --> 00:17:04,239
Plus, this way,
each family gets to kill one person,
380
00:17:04,241 --> 00:17:07,242
which'll keep things fair
in our uneasy alliance.
381
00:17:07,244 --> 00:17:10,111
Just give us a minute
to decide who kills who.
382
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,514
I'm sorry chopping it
up brought us to this.
383
00:17:12,516 --> 00:17:14,315
- It happens!
- It's just...
384
00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:17,109
I'm your hero in every
other aspect of life.
385
00:17:17,144 --> 00:17:17,919
You are?
386
00:17:17,921 --> 00:17:20,388
I couldn't handle even
one teeny, tiny area
387
00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:23,324
where you didn't look at
me as an absolute God.
388
00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:25,593
But fortunately no one has to die,
389
00:17:25,595 --> 00:17:28,057
because big Stan has a plan.
390
00:17:28,092 --> 00:17:29,731
What you've both forgotten is that
391
00:17:29,733 --> 00:17:31,532
I'm a master of chopping it up now.
392
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,602
I'm gonna go chat with the mafia guys,
393
00:17:34,604 --> 00:17:36,203
and when they're completely engrossed,
394
00:17:36,205 --> 00:17:38,206
you two slip out the
back and call the police.
395
00:17:38,208 --> 00:17:40,608
All that's gonna do
is get you shot first!
396
00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:43,278
Stan. You got this.
397
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,012
Thanks, Tuttle.
398
00:17:45,014 --> 00:17:47,682
Alright.
Game time, bitches.
399
00:17:50,019 --> 00:17:51,619
Can I do this guy?
400
00:17:52,622 --> 00:17:54,556
Uh, you guys wanna see
401
00:17:54,558 --> 00:17:56,357
a picture of a rose?
402
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,693
Sure. We'll check it out.
403
00:17:58,695 --> 00:18:01,897
- Oh, it's beautiful!
- Soooo red!
404
00:18:01,899 --> 00:18:05,433
And I'm just now appreciatin'
that strong, spiky stem!
405
00:18:05,435 --> 00:18:08,503
I'd gladly receive a
kiss from this rose.
406
00:18:08,505 --> 00:18:10,572
Ha! Like the song!
407
00:18:12,709 --> 00:18:15,510
He's doin' it! He's choppin' it up!
408
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:19,246
Such a nicely composed photo.
Did you take this?
409
00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:21,516
Yeah, I took it. Off the Internet!
410
00:18:31,328 --> 00:18:35,330
And, class,
Stan was so good at conversing now
411
00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:36,932
that he used his silver tongue
412
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:40,135
to actually "chop up" the bad guys.
413
00:18:40,137 --> 00:18:43,204
- _
- It's all here in "The Book of Fischer."
414
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:47,074
After our lord and savior,
Tuttle, died and rose again,
415
00:18:47,076 --> 00:18:49,877
this was the first
miracle he performed...
416
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,879
giving an ordinary man the ability
417
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:55,082
to chop up wrongdoers with his words.
418
00:18:55,084 --> 00:18:58,153
Whoa!
419
00:18:58,155 --> 00:19:00,355
How do we know any of this is true?
420
00:19:00,357 --> 00:19:03,625
Part of being a Tuttle's
witness is faith.
421
00:19:03,627 --> 00:19:07,228
Once you have truly welcomed
Tuttle into your life,
422
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,764
you'll know in your
heart that everything
423
00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:11,833
in "The Book of Fischer" is true,
424
00:19:11,835 --> 00:19:13,969
every story enlightening,
425
00:19:13,971 --> 00:19:16,972
every spelling mistake meaningful.
426
00:19:16,974 --> 00:19:18,439
But wait a second.
427
00:19:18,441 --> 00:19:21,042
How did the prophet Fischer
even record this story?
428
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:24,779
It happened after his book was
entombed in the refrigerator.
429
00:19:24,781 --> 00:19:28,316
Uh... not all stories are told linearly.
430
00:19:28,318 --> 00:19:30,752
Time to color in your picture of a rose.
431
00:19:37,861 --> 00:19:41,663
Uh, you guys wanna see
a picture of a rose?
432
00:19:49,539 --> 00:19:51,206
Tuttle, easy. I-It's over.
433
00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:53,274
What the hell, Tuttle?! We had a plan!
434
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,142
The rose was about to do its thing!
435
00:19:55,144 --> 00:19:57,078
Have you had that gun the whole time?
436
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,947
Yeah, I've been a marked man
for 20 years.
437
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,283
But I've never had to use it before.
438
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,886
Well, everyone who knew
you were alive is dead.
439
00:20:04,888 --> 00:20:08,556
So I guess you can either
go back to Langley Falls
440
00:20:08,558 --> 00:20:10,225
or your life before that.
441
00:20:10,227 --> 00:20:12,760
Uh, I'll go back to Langley.
442
00:20:12,762 --> 00:20:14,495
That's where I have the most friends.
443
00:20:14,497 --> 00:20:17,632
Ha! I'll never be as funny
as you are, Tuttle.
444
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:19,767
Do we have to do something about this?
445
00:20:19,769 --> 00:20:22,169
It's a safe house, not an Airbnb.
446
00:20:22,171 --> 00:20:25,740
We don't have to
"load the dishwasher" before we go.
447
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:29,977
"The parable of chopping it up"
448
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:32,313
is one of my favorites.
449
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,249
Can we go to McCyberDonald's
on the way home?
450
00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:37,385
Ask your father. Here he comes.
451
00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:43,191
Still alive and kickin'
after all these years!
452
00:20:43,193 --> 00:20:45,593
Pretty annoying how
everyone worships Jeff now,
453
00:20:45,595 --> 00:20:47,128
but gotta put up with it...
454
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:50,065
'cause I can't get enough
of these sexy robot people!
455
00:20:51,534 --> 00:20:53,534
Stop!
456
00:21:00,308 --> 00:21:02,035
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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