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1
00:00:00,984 --> 00:00:03,335
[MUSIC PLAYS]
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,987
Okay, I'm gonna say that
you like water sports,
3
00:00:05,989 --> 00:00:07,673
because that'll make
you 10% more attractive.
4
00:00:07,675 --> 00:00:09,583
This is dumb. I don't
need to be on a dating app.
5
00:00:09,585 --> 00:00:11,493
This is a great place to meet people.
6
00:00:11,495 --> 00:00:13,570
I helped a very nice woman
to her car the other night.
7
00:00:13,572 --> 00:00:15,497
Oh, no, we know. The banana hoarderer.
8
00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:17,832
- It's "hoarder."
- Okay, we get it.
9
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:19,259
You went to med school, all right?
10
00:00:19,261 --> 00:00:21,762
Well, yes, that is the
woman I'm talking about,
11
00:00:21,764 --> 00:00:23,430
and... fine.
12
00:00:23,432 --> 00:00:25,357
- Say I like water sports.
- I just Googled "water sports."
13
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,767
I think it means something
different on the apps.
14
00:00:26,769 --> 00:00:28,436
- Ugh.
- Okay, we're gonna do the profile picture now.
15
00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:29,677
Yeah. Thanks.
16
00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:32,197
- Now?
- Yeah. Let's lead with the boobs.
17
00:00:33,442 --> 00:00:35,016
- What?
- I can't believe you're doing this.
18
00:00:35,018 --> 00:00:36,035
- What's happening?
- Ugh.
19
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,287
- Read 'em and weep.
- Let's go.
20
00:00:37,946 --> 00:00:39,596
- Huh.
- Ooh.
21
00:00:39,598 --> 00:00:40,688
Now, what is that?
22
00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:43,042
Is that a nursing bra?
23
00:00:43,044 --> 00:00:44,526
It's my work bra!
24
00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:46,453
It's got support in
the front for lifting.
25
00:00:46,455 --> 00:00:48,363
Oh, okay. So if you don't want someone
26
00:00:48,365 --> 00:00:50,457
with a moving truck, you're
gonna wanna ditch that.
27
00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:52,459
Here, I've got something
that'll make them pop.
28
00:00:52,461 --> 00:00:54,778
It's Tuesday "sex night"
with Dan, and, you know.
29
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:56,555
This is the only time
it's gonna come off, so...
30
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,872
Oh.
31
00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:00,059
I'll be right here, just waiting.
32
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:02,119
Here you go. No, no, no, no, no.
33
00:01:02,121 --> 00:01:03,288
That doesn't go with those pants.
34
00:01:03,289 --> 00:01:05,806
I don't wear underwear in these, so...
35
00:01:05,808 --> 00:01:10,627
??
36
00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:11,795
? Hey! ?
37
00:01:11,797 --> 00:01:13,238
??
38
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,982
SARAH: Guys, there's no one
worth dating on these apps.
39
00:01:15,984 --> 00:01:17,467
It's like online shopping,
40
00:01:17,469 --> 00:01:19,394
but there's nothing in my size or style.
41
00:01:19,396 --> 00:01:21,488
Well, at least you're bi.
42
00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:24,399
I mean, imagine if you had
to choose from only the men.
43
00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:26,234
Wait a minute. Does that
say "Good Vibes Only"?
44
00:01:26,236 --> 00:01:28,312
- Oh, God.
- That's not very inclusive.
45
00:01:28,314 --> 00:01:29,421
Oh, okay. Here.
46
00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:32,165
Here's someone who doesn't
completely make me sick.
47
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:34,927
Oh, yeah. You two would
have very attractive sex.
48
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:35,929
- Right?
- AMY: Hang on.
49
00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,246
Does that say Merrick Skateway?
50
00:01:38,248 --> 00:01:39,598
Look at her background.
51
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,933
[GASPS] It is.
52
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,327
She's wearing the
uniform. She works there.
53
00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:45,162
We have to go check her out.
54
00:01:45,164 --> 00:01:47,164
And we can skate! Amy,
we can take our kids.
55
00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,515
It would be so fun.
56
00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:50,609
I was gonna bring them to
that booger-infested playground
57
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,261
at the mall, but no, I
guess this is a step up.
58
00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:55,355
Guys, I don't even want to be dating,
59
00:01:55,357 --> 00:01:57,432
much less have you as my
wingmen with your children.
60
00:01:57,434 --> 00:01:59,268
Mm. But you are never
gonna find happiness
61
00:01:59,269 --> 00:02:00,786
if you don't put yourself out there.
62
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,013
It's all about manifesting joy.
63
00:02:03,015 --> 00:02:04,698
Or so says O Magazine.
64
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:06,458
Oh, crap on a stick.
65
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,034
It's a mother from Luke's school.
66
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:10,537
Hide me, please.
67
00:02:10,539 --> 00:02:12,189
??
68
00:02:12,191 --> 00:02:14,858
Oh, excuse me. Did she just avoid me?
69
00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:16,301
The nerve!
70
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:19,546
Hi! I thought that was you!
71
00:02:19,548 --> 00:02:23,291
- It's me.
- [BOTH LAUGH AWKWARDLY]
72
00:02:23,293 --> 00:02:26,461
I just want to say I'm sorry
73
00:02:26,463 --> 00:02:29,556
Luke wasn't invited to Dylan's party.
74
00:02:29,558 --> 00:02:31,984
I didn't... I didn't
know that he had a p...
75
00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,635
- there was a party.
- Yeah.
76
00:02:33,637 --> 00:02:37,047
It's just that we're encouraging
Dylan to be more authentic,
77
00:02:37,049 --> 00:02:39,399
and he doesn't feel like he
and Luke have a lot in common,
78
00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:43,162
so it would be inauthentic
to pretend they're friends.
79
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:47,891
Dylan likes animals,
but not all the time.
80
00:02:47,893 --> 00:02:49,651
Yeah, right. No, of course.
81
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:52,229
Um, we're... we're all
grown-ups here, so...
82
00:02:52,231 --> 00:02:53,246
[BOTH LAUGH]
83
00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:54,898
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No big deal.
84
00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:56,082
Oh, one thing, um...
85
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:58,993
I want you to know that
I avoided you first.
86
00:02:58,995 --> 00:03:00,662
Okay, Dylan's mom?
87
00:03:00,664 --> 00:03:03,665
??
88
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,926
Luke isn't getting invited
to birthday parties now.
89
00:03:05,928 --> 00:03:07,244
I mean, what is that?
90
00:03:07,246 --> 00:03:09,003
When we were kids, we
were taught to be nice.
91
00:03:09,005 --> 00:03:11,248
Everyone was invited, even the losers.
92
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:12,782
And we got a lifelong
friendship out of it.
93
00:03:12,784 --> 00:03:15,435
Yes! Who... Wait. Who
are you talking about?
94
00:03:15,437 --> 00:03:18,030
Hey, hey, hey. You
got a foot in the door.
95
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,865
- [GASPS]
- Let's all just be grateful.
96
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,943
??
97
00:03:22,945 --> 00:03:25,520
[CHUCKLES]
98
00:03:25,522 --> 00:03:27,372
Can I have one of the new Popsicles?
99
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,523
Depends.
100
00:03:28,525 --> 00:03:30,692
Who's the best mom in the whole world?
101
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:31,785
- You are!
- [LAUGHS]
102
00:03:31,787 --> 00:03:32,954
- [CELLPHONE RINGING]
- Grocery shopping
103
00:03:32,955 --> 00:03:34,771
is so much more fun
when you come with...
104
00:03:34,853 --> 00:03:36,503
[SCREAMS]
105
00:03:38,524 --> 00:03:39,706
Hi.
106
00:03:39,708 --> 00:03:41,133
Hey, Jodie.
107
00:03:41,135 --> 00:03:43,468
Uh, I read that Oprah
article you told me about.
108
00:03:43,470 --> 00:03:44,619
It is awesome.
109
00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:46,363
Isn't Oprah the best? [GRUNTS]
110
00:03:46,365 --> 00:03:47,622
Mommy! I want a Popsicle!
111
00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:48,865
Yeah, totally.
112
00:03:48,867 --> 00:03:53,145
Um, hey, so, I am working
on manifesting my joy,
113
00:03:53,147 --> 00:03:58,208
and there's something that I
wanted to ask you about, but, um...
114
00:03:58,210 --> 00:04:01,135
kind of worried that it
might be inappropriate.
115
00:04:01,137 --> 00:04:02,396
You can talk to me about anything.
116
00:04:02,397 --> 00:04:05,215
Mommy, I want Popsicles!
117
00:04:05,217 --> 00:04:06,608
I want Pop...
118
00:04:07,644 --> 00:04:09,995
Go get it! Sorry, that wasn't to you.
119
00:04:09,997 --> 00:04:11,071
[SIGHS]
120
00:04:11,223 --> 00:04:12,831
Oh, man, the gym would
kill me if they knew
121
00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:14,666
I was asking a client this.
122
00:04:14,668 --> 00:04:17,911
Can you give me advice on
starting my own fitness company?
123
00:04:17,913 --> 00:04:19,746
Oh.
124
00:04:19,748 --> 00:04:21,506
But it's gonna be more
than a company, you know?
125
00:04:21,508 --> 00:04:23,842
It's gonna be a... a fitness empire...
126
00:04:23,844 --> 00:04:27,679
classes, supplements,
sleeveless T-shirts, you know?
127
00:04:27,681 --> 00:04:30,073
That all sounds great, but
why do you think I can help?
128
00:04:30,075 --> 00:04:31,833
Well, I mean, you
used to work at a bank.
129
00:04:31,835 --> 00:04:33,910
You understand money and business.
130
00:04:33,912 --> 00:04:36,855
Plus, I've seen you use the
Reminders app on your phone,
131
00:04:36,857 --> 00:04:38,932
and that is awesome.
132
00:04:38,934 --> 00:04:40,417
Yeah, I'm pretty awesome.
133
00:04:40,419 --> 00:04:42,343
Have you ever considered
taking some business courses
134
00:04:42,345 --> 00:04:45,012
at Nassau Community College?
135
00:04:45,014 --> 00:04:46,590
I knew you would have the answer.
136
00:04:46,592 --> 00:04:49,759
You always have the answer.
You are such a real grown-up.
137
00:04:49,761 --> 00:04:51,928
Oh, shoot. I gotta go.
138
00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:54,948
Um, I got a client, but I
will talk to you later, okay?
139
00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:56,099
Thank you so much.
140
00:04:56,101 --> 00:04:57,117
Really, it was nothing.
141
00:04:57,119 --> 00:04:58,794
All right, bye.
142
00:05:00,381 --> 00:05:02,714
Oy.
143
00:05:02,716 --> 00:05:03,773
[DOOR UNLOCKS]
144
00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:06,701
Don't tell your brother
you licked those.
145
00:05:06,703 --> 00:05:08,778
They're tonight's dessert.
146
00:05:08,780 --> 00:05:10,705
Mommy's home.
147
00:05:10,707 --> 00:05:11,873
- Hi, Mommy.
- Hi, Mommy.
148
00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:14,709
Ooh, look, Julia. That's
your mommy, remember?
149
00:05:14,711 --> 00:05:16,878
Okay, I think she
knows who I am, Gloria.
150
00:05:18,473 --> 00:05:21,549
- You're home early.
- Yeah, a guy fell off the scaffolding at the site.
151
00:05:21,551 --> 00:05:24,310
He'll be fine, but we're
pretending he won't, so half day.
152
00:05:24,312 --> 00:05:26,238
[CHUCKLES] Hey, Luke, guess what.
153
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,241
You and I are gonna go to
the roller rink right now.
154
00:05:29,243 --> 00:05:32,744
But I want to work on
this 700-piece puzzle
155
00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:35,138
of an African Bear.
156
00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:36,657
Mm-hmm, okay, okay. So here's the thing.
157
00:05:36,658 --> 00:05:39,142
We're gonna have a little
chat right now, okay?
158
00:05:39,144 --> 00:05:40,477
All right, I'm gonna shoot you straight.
159
00:05:40,479 --> 00:05:41,903
It's time to broaden our horizons.
160
00:05:41,905 --> 00:05:44,756
I mean, the animal stuff,
it's very cool, but it's a lot,
161
00:05:44,758 --> 00:05:47,074
and I think it alienates the other kids.
162
00:05:47,076 --> 00:05:49,596
And plus, you can't go drinking in
college with African Bears, right?
163
00:05:49,596 --> 00:05:51,078
Of course you can't.
164
00:05:51,098 --> 00:05:54,340
African Bears have been
extinct for thousands of years.
165
00:05:54,342 --> 00:05:55,492
Yeah, Mommy.
166
00:05:55,494 --> 00:05:59,086
Okay, I need you to
try to be cool, okay?
167
00:05:59,088 --> 00:06:00,439
I am begging you.
168
00:06:00,441 --> 00:06:02,256
I know you love spending time with me,
169
00:06:02,258 --> 00:06:03,850
but it would mean a lot to your mom
170
00:06:03,852 --> 00:06:05,186
if you went roller skating.
171
00:06:05,187 --> 00:06:06,612
We'll do the puzzle tomorrow.
172
00:06:06,613 --> 00:06:07,762
Okay, Gloria.
173
00:06:07,764 --> 00:06:09,114
Doing a great job, buddy.
174
00:06:10,342 --> 00:06:11,784
I don't know what the problem is.
175
00:06:11,785 --> 00:06:13,119
He's a perfect little angel.
176
00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,845
He's not getting invited
to birthday parties, Gloria.
177
00:06:15,922 --> 00:06:16,922
It's their loss.
178
00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:22,518
Okay, we have to fire Gloria.
179
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,037
She's way too supportive of Luke.
180
00:06:24,039 --> 00:06:26,022
We need someone more shame-y.
181
00:06:26,024 --> 00:06:27,189
I think you got that covered.
182
00:06:27,209 --> 00:06:29,042
- What are you doing?
- I'm trying to fix him, okay?
183
00:06:29,044 --> 00:06:30,602
This is all your fault.
184
00:06:30,604 --> 00:06:32,695
He gets the whole animal
obsession thing from you.
185
00:06:32,697 --> 00:06:33,938
I'm not obsessed.
186
00:06:33,957 --> 00:06:35,273
I just like them and know
everything about them.
187
00:06:35,275 --> 00:06:36,791
Plus, I got invited to
plenty of birthday parties.
188
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:38,718
It's because you've been
handsome since birth.
189
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,988
Yes, but also 'cause
I was so good at magic.
190
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:44,282
- You keep that to yourself.
- Okay.
191
00:06:44,284 --> 00:06:46,951
Look, I was Luke's
age when I met Coleen.
192
00:06:46,953 --> 00:06:49,287
He's not even gonna have
a dead friend to mourn.
193
00:06:49,289 --> 00:06:50,713
Don't worry, I'm sure something tragic
194
00:06:50,715 --> 00:06:52,214
will happen to someone he loves.
195
00:06:52,216 --> 00:06:54,067
- Oh, God. I hope so.
- I don't...
196
00:06:54,069 --> 00:06:55,385
Okay, I'm not taking Julia,
197
00:06:55,386 --> 00:06:57,145
so since you're home, thank you.
198
00:06:57,147 --> 00:06:58,963
Why can't we ask Gloria to stay?
199
00:06:58,965 --> 00:07:01,741
Because I'm home. Obviously.
200
00:07:01,743 --> 00:07:03,484
- That's...
- Luke!
201
00:07:03,486 --> 00:07:06,246
JODIE: [GASPS] You guys!
202
00:07:06,248 --> 00:07:07,639
After all these years,
203
00:07:07,641 --> 00:07:09,324
it still smells like pound cake in here.
204
00:07:09,326 --> 00:07:10,417
Aw, Jodie.
205
00:07:10,419 --> 00:07:13,144
That's old skate sweat
and carpet fungus.
206
00:07:13,146 --> 00:07:14,236
That is what that is.
207
00:07:14,238 --> 00:07:15,814
Guys, do you remember Couples Skate?
208
00:07:15,816 --> 00:07:17,148
It was so hard to skate
209
00:07:17,150 --> 00:07:19,669
- and make out at the same time, but we did it.
- It was!
210
00:07:19,669 --> 00:07:20,911
- We managed to do it.
- Yeah, I didn't.
211
00:07:20,912 --> 00:07:22,488
That was my cue to hit
the concession stand.
212
00:07:22,489 --> 00:07:24,339
I used to use the licorice rope
as a microphone and lip-sync
213
00:07:24,341 --> 00:07:26,174
to all of the slow songs,
and then I'd eat it.
214
00:07:26,176 --> 00:07:28,101
[GASPS] Oh, my God. It's still here.
215
00:07:28,103 --> 00:07:30,252
It's still here! I was so popular.
216
00:07:30,254 --> 00:07:32,013
Luke really does get it from Henry.
217
00:07:32,105 --> 00:07:33,272
I mean, I can't believe Evan and Nora
218
00:07:33,273 --> 00:07:36,090
didn't want to come
with, but their loss.
219
00:07:36,092 --> 00:07:37,443
I mean, can't you just
force them to do things
220
00:07:37,444 --> 00:07:38,943
until they're big
enough to overpower you?
221
00:07:38,945 --> 00:07:40,187
Oh, no. They're very strong
222
00:07:40,188 --> 00:07:41,280
from all the karate
they end up quitting.
223
00:07:41,281 --> 00:07:42,707
- Oh.
- I mean, did anyone really like skating?
224
00:07:42,708 --> 00:07:44,374
I feel like it was just the place to be.
225
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:47,769
- Only the losers, like, liked skating.
- True.
226
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:50,605
Mom, skating looks awesome!
227
00:07:50,607 --> 00:07:53,458
Aww, of course you think so, buddy.
228
00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:55,367
Guys, guys, guys. There's Seema.
229
00:07:55,369 --> 00:07:58,279
Okay, go rent skates,
check her out first,
230
00:07:58,281 --> 00:07:59,614
see if she'll murder me in my sleep
231
00:07:59,616 --> 00:08:02,300
or if she's hot enough
to make it worth it, okay?
232
00:08:02,302 --> 00:08:04,619
Come on, Mom! Let's get skates now!
233
00:08:04,621 --> 00:08:05,970
Yes, yes. Go get skates.
234
00:08:05,972 --> 00:08:07,622
And, Luke, when you're there,
235
00:08:07,624 --> 00:08:09,381
find out if the lady behind the counter
236
00:08:09,383 --> 00:08:11,050
has a lower back tattoo.
237
00:08:11,052 --> 00:08:12,310
- Okay!
- Okay.
238
00:08:12,312 --> 00:08:13,146
- Yeah, that is a deal-breaker.
- Great kid.
239
00:08:13,146 --> 00:08:14,146
He's... He's okay.
240
00:08:14,147 --> 00:08:16,906
??
241
00:08:20,728 --> 00:08:23,913
??
242
00:08:24,075 --> 00:08:25,724
Whoa.
243
00:08:25,726 --> 00:08:27,893
This must be what
baby penguins feel like
244
00:08:27,895 --> 00:08:30,821
as they find their
footing for the first time.
245
00:08:30,823 --> 00:08:34,400
Or how a little boy feels
when he first learns to skate,
246
00:08:34,402 --> 00:08:37,828
is a more normal way to say it.
247
00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:40,148
Hey, Luke. You get my intel?
248
00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:41,832
- Nope.
- Nope?
249
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,909
How was Seema? Was she terrible?
250
00:08:43,911 --> 00:08:45,319
She was terrible. I
knew she'd be terrible.
251
00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:46,837
- Let's go.
- No, she was nice.
252
00:08:46,839 --> 00:08:47,931
Super friendly.
253
00:08:47,933 --> 00:08:49,766
That's worse than terrible. It's boring.
254
00:08:49,768 --> 00:08:52,602
God, you're ridiculous.
Just go talk to her.
255
00:08:52,604 --> 00:08:54,103
It's a first date at a roller rink.
256
00:08:54,105 --> 00:08:56,497
There's no place for this
relationship to go but up.
257
00:08:56,499 --> 00:08:58,274
True. How do I look?
258
00:08:58,276 --> 00:08:59,925
Good. Oh, wait. You've got a...
259
00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:01,018
Actually...
260
00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:04,614
Oh, my God. O... okay. Ahh! Huh. [SIGHS]
261
00:09:04,616 --> 00:09:06,691
Hopefully I dry off before I get there.
262
00:09:06,693 --> 00:09:08,025
- Thank you.
- So pretty.
263
00:09:08,027 --> 00:09:09,786
So pretty.
264
00:09:09,788 --> 00:09:11,345
Hey, ready to hit the rink with me?
265
00:09:11,347 --> 00:09:13,291
Nope, definitely not. These
skates were just for optics.
266
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:15,366
Cool. I can manifest my own joy.
267
00:09:15,368 --> 00:09:16,701
It's gonna be the old routine...
268
00:09:16,703 --> 00:09:18,777
skate, Pac-Man, slushy, repeat.
269
00:09:18,779 --> 00:09:21,706
Jodie, um, you know
that if you didn't let me
270
00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,025
cheat off you when we were younger,
271
00:09:23,026 --> 00:09:24,968
we probably wouldn't be friends, right?
272
00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:26,970
[CHUCKLES] You're funny.
273
00:09:26,972 --> 00:09:28,638
Oh. Oh.
274
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,456
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
275
00:09:30,458 --> 00:09:32,717
I'll save it for when they play ABBA.
276
00:09:32,719 --> 00:09:34,869
??
277
00:09:34,871 --> 00:09:36,204
Bye, Mom!
278
00:09:36,206 --> 00:09:39,131
??
279
00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:42,819
You must love that... putting
smiles on their little faces.
280
00:09:42,821 --> 00:09:46,397
Uh, truthfully, not
really a big fan of kids.
281
00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:47,898
[GASPS] Oh, I can't stand them.
282
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:50,476
Dirty little germ buckets, am I right?
283
00:09:50,478 --> 00:09:53,696
Do you have a pair of unused skates?
284
00:09:53,698 --> 00:09:56,057
Uh, men's size 4 haven't been touched.
285
00:09:56,059 --> 00:09:58,668
Even the guys with that size
will lie and ask for a 10.
286
00:09:58,670 --> 00:10:00,003
Right.
287
00:10:00,005 --> 00:10:02,897
Um, full disclosure, I-I'm
actually not here to skate.
288
00:10:02,899 --> 00:10:05,916
Um, I saw your profile on my dating app,
289
00:10:05,918 --> 00:10:08,419
and I dragged my friends down
here to check you out first.
290
00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:10,921
- Is... Is that weird?
- Pretty weird.
291
00:10:10,923 --> 00:10:12,831
Too weird?
292
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:15,092
I get it. Everyone's fake on the apps.
293
00:10:15,094 --> 00:10:18,003
So I take it your friends
approved of me, then?
294
00:10:18,005 --> 00:10:20,915
They were pretty useless,
um, but, you know,
295
00:10:20,917 --> 00:10:23,359
I took a leap of faith, and
so far you don't disappoint.
296
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:26,195
Um, but it is still early.
I haven't seen you chew.
297
00:10:26,197 --> 00:10:27,679
[LAUGHS]
298
00:10:27,681 --> 00:10:30,516
Then, uh, I guess we should hang out.
299
00:10:30,518 --> 00:10:31,869
I have two bottles of strawberry wine
300
00:10:31,870 --> 00:10:34,019
I confiscated from some teenagers.
301
00:10:34,021 --> 00:10:37,040
Wanna get hammered
and, uh, hit the rink?
302
00:10:37,042 --> 00:10:40,434
Break out the men's size 4.
303
00:10:40,436 --> 00:10:45,106
??
304
00:10:45,408 --> 00:10:47,199
RINK DJ: What up, skaters?
305
00:10:47,351 --> 00:10:49,944
It's time to limbo!
306
00:10:49,946 --> 00:10:52,354
Limbo!
307
00:10:52,356 --> 00:10:53,706
Whoo!
308
00:10:53,708 --> 00:10:55,070
_
309
00:10:55,071 --> 00:10:57,752
- _
- How low can she go?
310
00:10:57,753 --> 00:11:00,278
- _
- Nice one!
311
00:11:00,279 --> 00:11:03,100
_
312
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:06,219
Come on, our next lucky limbo skater!
313
00:11:06,221 --> 00:11:08,946
This does not bring me joy.
314
00:11:08,948 --> 00:11:11,966
Well, did you preheat the oven, Dan?
315
00:11:11,968 --> 00:11:14,894
Yes, well, that's why the
pizza's cold in the middle.
316
00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:20,896
??
317
00:11:25,222 --> 00:11:26,814
??
318
00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:30,576
Oh, I'm having major flashbacks
of you during Couples Skate.
319
00:11:32,138 --> 00:11:35,397
At least back then I still had
hope things would get better.
320
00:11:35,399 --> 00:11:37,324
Could still cling to my dreams
321
00:11:37,326 --> 00:11:41,587
of a husband and kids and a house.
322
00:11:41,589 --> 00:11:45,091
You got all that.
323
00:11:45,093 --> 00:11:48,410
It's not how I imagined.
324
00:11:48,412 --> 00:11:50,821
I wanted the fairytale version.
325
00:11:50,823 --> 00:11:53,491
I wanted my life to feel
like "Pretty in Pink."
326
00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:54,659
Oh, my God. No, you didn't.
327
00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,177
First of all, that dress was a disaster.
328
00:11:56,178 --> 00:11:57,846
- [GASPS]
- Redheads should not wear pink.
329
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,346
Who said she could wear that?
330
00:11:59,348 --> 00:12:00,940
- I'm saying it.
- She made that dress.
331
00:12:01,122 --> 00:12:03,271
Yeah. It looked like a potato sack.
332
00:12:03,273 --> 00:12:06,366
Okay, clearly, you don't get it.
333
00:12:06,368 --> 00:12:09,444
I can't manifest joy.
334
00:12:09,446 --> 00:12:11,630
Nothing ever changes.
335
00:12:11,632 --> 00:12:13,299
Nothing ever changes.
336
00:12:13,301 --> 00:12:14,800
Nothing ever changes.
337
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:16,135
I want to skate with
Matt. That'll never happen.
338
00:12:16,137 --> 00:12:18,045
That's just another dumb fantasy.
339
00:12:18,047 --> 00:12:19,805
If they don't sell licorice rope,
340
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:21,623
I am burning this place down.
341
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:22,866
Ooh. [CHUCKLES]
342
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:25,311
Exciting.
343
00:12:25,313 --> 00:12:26,553
Oh.
344
00:12:26,555 --> 00:12:27,871
? Ooo ?
345
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,297
? I just wanna get away ?
346
00:12:29,299 --> 00:12:34,394
LUKE: Mom, look! I'm so fast,
I'm like a peregrine falcon.
347
00:12:34,396 --> 00:12:35,713
Oh, that's great, Luke.
348
00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:38,807
Maybe just reel it in
a little bit, buddy.
349
00:12:38,809 --> 00:12:40,067
? Ooo ?
350
00:12:40,069 --> 00:12:42,720
? We could find a better place ?
351
00:12:42,722 --> 00:12:46,557
[LAUGHTER]
352
00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:48,058
? Ooo ?
353
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:50,503
? We could find a better place ?
354
00:12:50,505 --> 00:12:52,730
??
355
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:55,733
Okay. Hey, hey, hey.
356
00:12:55,735 --> 00:12:56,842
Hey, girls.
357
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:59,494
Hey. Where do you get off?
358
00:12:59,496 --> 00:13:01,238
I bet you don't even know
what a peregrine falcon is.
359
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,999
You want to know why?
'Cause you're basic.
360
00:13:04,001 --> 00:13:05,926
[SCOFFS] Whatever.
361
00:13:05,928 --> 00:13:07,411
? We could find a better place ?
362
00:13:07,413 --> 00:13:09,263
- ? Better, better, better ?
- Flap away, Luke.
363
00:13:09,265 --> 00:13:11,023
Flap your little heart out, buddy.
364
00:13:11,025 --> 00:13:13,267
Flap your little heart out. Go.
365
00:13:13,269 --> 00:13:14,843
Yeah.
366
00:13:14,845 --> 00:13:19,590
[DANCE BEAT PLAYS]
367
00:13:19,592 --> 00:13:22,568
Okay, all right. This seems like...
368
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,094
- Oof.
- Oh, God.
369
00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:25,946
- This is really wedged in there.
- Right?
370
00:13:25,948 --> 00:13:27,448
I think it might just
be a part of you now.
371
00:13:27,449 --> 00:13:29,449
Um, your profile said you worked out,
372
00:13:29,451 --> 00:13:31,377
so give it a go.
373
00:13:31,379 --> 00:13:33,287
- Okay.
- Okay.
374
00:13:33,289 --> 00:13:35,455
[GRUNTS]
375
00:13:35,457 --> 00:13:37,124
Oh!
376
00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:40,201
[BOTH LAUGH]
377
00:13:40,203 --> 00:13:41,795
Oh, my gosh. Ahh.
378
00:13:41,797 --> 00:13:43,872
[SIGHS]
379
00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:46,225
You know, you should
really get this checked out.
380
00:13:46,227 --> 00:13:51,564
It looks like an asymmetrical
melanocytic nevus.
381
00:13:51,566 --> 00:13:54,124
It's got some concerning
discoloration to it, as well.
382
00:13:54,126 --> 00:13:55,793
Geez, you sound like a doctor.
383
00:13:55,795 --> 00:13:58,295
Oh, I was. I mean,
before I was a bagger.
384
00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:00,388
I didn't kill anyone.
It... It was a choice.
385
00:14:00,390 --> 00:14:01,740
Wow.
386
00:14:01,742 --> 00:14:04,243
Wow, wow.
387
00:14:04,245 --> 00:14:05,986
It's been 12 whole minutes
388
00:14:05,988 --> 00:14:07,746
and you had to stick it in there
389
00:14:07,748 --> 00:14:08,806
that you're a doctor.
390
00:14:08,808 --> 00:14:09,990
Oh, I'm... N-No.
391
00:14:09,992 --> 00:14:11,642
It's just because I
saw something, you know,
392
00:14:11,644 --> 00:14:13,568
possibly pre-cancerous on your face.
393
00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:15,662
No, it was important for you
394
00:14:15,664 --> 00:14:17,405
that I know you're not just a bagger.
395
00:14:17,407 --> 00:14:21,076
And clearly, you just
had to rub it in my face.
396
00:14:21,078 --> 00:14:23,971
I think you might have
an inferiority complex.
397
00:14:23,973 --> 00:14:26,098
Oh, so you're a psychologist now, too?
398
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:27,825
Oh, no. I was a real doctor.
399
00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:29,343
Wow. [SCOFFS]
400
00:14:29,345 --> 00:14:32,012
I think we're done here.
I'm gonna get your shoes.
401
00:14:32,014 --> 00:14:33,088
Okay.
402
00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:35,107
Because I'm just a shoe person.
403
00:14:35,109 --> 00:14:37,860
Mm, not a very good
one. These aren't mine.
404
00:14:39,113 --> 00:14:41,363
Wow.
405
00:14:42,024 --> 00:14:43,507
Yeah, right there.
406
00:14:43,509 --> 00:14:47,268
Hey, everybody. We got the
reverse-skate coming up.
407
00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:49,622
Uhhhh... Hi.
408
00:14:49,624 --> 00:14:51,198
You can't talk to my kid like that!
409
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,850
Oh, God. I talk to all kids like that.
410
00:14:52,852 --> 00:14:55,110
Plus, it was your kid
who insulted my weird son,
411
00:14:55,112 --> 00:14:57,537
so if anyone deserves
an apology, it's me.
412
00:14:57,948 --> 00:14:59,690
Oh, God. I don't like
where this is going!
413
00:14:59,692 --> 00:15:02,025
Brace yourselves, party people!
414
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:06,121
- Okay, go over here.
- It's time to... rewind!
415
00:15:06,123 --> 00:15:08,807
Re... What? Oh, my God.
416
00:15:08,809 --> 00:15:10,458
Oh, my God. Ahh!
417
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:11,460
Okay, I'm sorry!
418
00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:13,795
??
419
00:15:13,797 --> 00:15:16,540
[HUMMING]
420
00:15:16,542 --> 00:15:19,968
??
421
00:15:19,970 --> 00:15:25,565
And we're going to get
kicked out, just like always.
422
00:15:25,567 --> 00:15:27,159
AMY: Okay, okay, look. I'm sorry.
423
00:15:27,161 --> 00:15:28,661
Your daughter's really great!
424
00:15:28,663 --> 00:15:30,054
This is all my husband's fault.
425
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,555
He is the one that you want!
426
00:15:31,557 --> 00:15:32,890
Amy, grab on!
427
00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:34,649
Oh, my God, you saved me!
428
00:15:34,651 --> 00:15:35,668
You feel so thin.
429
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:37,561
Oh! Matt has me doing burpees.
430
00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:39,730
Clearly the gym sparks joy.
431
00:15:39,732 --> 00:15:41,565
Oh, my... Excuse me.
432
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:44,159
[GASPS] We started a conga line!
433
00:15:44,161 --> 00:15:47,421
No! Get off! Get off! I'm not into this.
434
00:15:47,423 --> 00:15:48,663
Aw, you're no fun.
435
00:15:48,665 --> 00:15:51,166
Oh, my God, you really
are a good skater.
436
00:15:51,168 --> 00:15:52,685
I know. You know what, though?
437
00:15:52,687 --> 00:15:54,928
I was never really good
at stopping, so, uh...
438
00:15:54,930 --> 00:15:56,021
- Wait, what do you mean?
- Yeah.
439
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:58,857
- Save yourself.
- Oh, my God!
440
00:15:58,859 --> 00:15:59,933
Ugh!
441
00:15:59,935 --> 00:16:01,485
This day just keeps getting better.
442
00:16:02,679 --> 00:16:04,755
- Oh, God.
- Are you okay, Mommy?
443
00:16:04,757 --> 00:16:06,199
Yeah, no. I meant to do all that.
444
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,867
[LAUGHTER]
445
00:16:08,869 --> 00:16:13,096
That's right, keep skating,
or my mom will attack you
446
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:15,874
like a red-tailed hawk eats a rabbit!
447
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:18,043
Yeah! Raarrr!
448
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:20,528
- Oh.
- That's not what they sound like.
449
00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:21,696
Okay, you need to work with me
450
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,882
a little bit here, okay, buddy?
451
00:16:26,554 --> 00:16:28,795
? Yeah, let's celebrate ?
452
00:16:28,797 --> 00:16:30,723
You sure you gave me your shoes?
453
00:16:30,725 --> 00:16:32,299
Well, I didn't come in socks.
454
00:16:32,301 --> 00:16:34,542
Wow.
455
00:16:34,544 --> 00:16:36,044
- Hey.
- Hey, guys. Let's go.
456
00:16:36,046 --> 00:16:37,306
Forget about your shoes.
You're never gonna find them.
457
00:16:37,306 --> 00:16:39,757
- Oh.
- They can't leave with their skates.
458
00:16:39,883 --> 00:16:42,067
Well, thanks to you, they also
can't leave with their shoes.
459
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,143
Good luck with your face.
460
00:16:43,145 --> 00:16:45,237
? It's time to laugh, to love ?
461
00:16:45,239 --> 00:16:47,631
- ? To let it all go ?
- I hate you guys for making me date.
462
00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:50,609
I feel like that's on Diana
for blowing up your marriage.
463
00:16:50,611 --> 00:16:53,520
Meh. Mating for life is overrated.
464
00:16:53,522 --> 00:16:55,172
No, I think I need
to lock something down
465
00:16:55,174 --> 00:16:57,282
while I'm still hot.
466
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,359
Luke. Luke!
467
00:16:59,361 --> 00:17:01,027
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
468
00:17:01,029 --> 00:17:03,513
Time to fly the coop, baby bird.
469
00:17:03,515 --> 00:17:06,032
Own it. Own it, baby bird. You got this.
470
00:17:06,034 --> 00:17:07,534
? Yeah, let's do this ?
471
00:17:07,536 --> 00:17:12,631
- ? We're gonna have a party, gonna celebrate ?
- Aww.
472
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:13,857
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
473
00:17:13,859 --> 00:17:16,802
[LILA CRYING]
474
00:17:16,804 --> 00:17:18,553
Oh.
475
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:22,925
Whenever I had a crappy day,
476
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,202
I would come here and Coleen
would take my mind off it.
477
00:17:25,204 --> 00:17:28,129
- Well, she's not here.
- So out of habit, I... I came by.
478
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:31,725
Great. Lila's in her crib.
You guys can cry together.
479
00:17:31,727 --> 00:17:33,393
I'm gonna go to bed.
480
00:17:33,395 --> 00:17:35,378
You're not wearing any shoes.
481
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,547
She's teething. Good luck.
482
00:17:37,549 --> 00:17:39,716
Well, if I'm gonna
keep getting in fights
483
00:17:39,718 --> 00:17:41,476
at the roller rink, I
have to start training.
484
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,996
Hey, do you think I can
do Krav Maga on skates?
485
00:17:43,998 --> 00:17:46,389
- Is that a thing?
- You know what?
486
00:17:46,391 --> 00:17:49,726
I'm proud of you for embracing our son,
487
00:17:49,728 --> 00:17:51,503
in your own bizarre way.
488
00:17:51,595 --> 00:17:53,153
Well, I mean, it's just who I am now.
489
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,988
I'm a red-tailed hawk, so...
490
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:56,247
Is that right? Mm.
491
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:57,490
Oh.
492
00:17:57,492 --> 00:18:00,160
- Well, come here, you winged beast.
- [CHUCKLES]
493
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,678
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Oh, and that's a kid.
494
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,271
- Okay.
- [DOOR OPENS]
495
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:06,441
Pick a card, any card.
496
00:18:06,443 --> 00:18:09,261
Aww. You know you're the
reason bad things happen, right?
497
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:10,687
Are you gonna let him do the trick?
498
00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:12,322
- Mm-hmm.
- Pick a card, Mommy.
499
00:18:13,099 --> 00:18:14,190
There we go.
500
00:18:14,192 --> 00:18:16,785
[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE]
501
00:18:16,787 --> 00:18:22,106
??
502
00:18:22,108 --> 00:18:23,608
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
503
00:18:23,610 --> 00:18:28,630
??
504
00:18:28,632 --> 00:18:33,784
??
505
00:18:33,896 --> 00:18:35,805
Hey!
506
00:18:35,807 --> 00:18:37,824
I'll give you a lift.
507
00:18:37,826 --> 00:18:40,418
Oh, sorry.
508
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:41,811
Ignore that.
509
00:18:41,813 --> 00:18:44,089
Thanks. This parking lot
always gives me the creeps.
510
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:46,165
Ah, you got the guns
to protect yourself.
511
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,742
I got a spot by the back door.
512
00:18:47,744 --> 00:18:49,577
It's right up next to
the dumpster, though,
513
00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:51,988
but you can just crawl out on my side.
514
00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:55,934
? We fight and delight in
the tears that we cry ?
515
00:18:55,936 --> 00:18:58,011
? Until dawn ?
516
00:18:58,013 --> 00:19:00,105
? Oh, whoa ?
517
00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:01,331
? Hold me now ?
518
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:03,666
- [ENGINE TURNS OFF]
- [SIGHS]
519
00:19:03,668 --> 00:19:07,687
Hey, so, I have some,
uh, kind of major news.
520
00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:11,383
I signed up for some of
those business courses.
521
00:19:11,385 --> 00:19:13,033
- Oh, fantastic.
- Yeah.
522
00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:14,444
- That's great news.
- Yeah.
523
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,129
I'm really glad that I
came to you about that.
524
00:19:16,131 --> 00:19:17,615
I mean, you're the
smartest person I know.
525
00:19:17,616 --> 00:19:19,465
[LAUGHS] The smartest?
526
00:19:19,467 --> 00:19:21,393
- Yeah.
- Rea... You think?
527
00:19:21,395 --> 00:19:23,453
- Yeah. Yeah, really.
- Really?
528
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:26,689
I, uh... I think that
you're the total package.
529
00:19:27,976 --> 00:19:30,143
Thank you.
530
00:19:30,145 --> 00:19:32,237
That brings me joy.
531
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:34,406
Um, and there's something else
532
00:19:34,408 --> 00:19:36,482
that I-I've been wanting to tell you.
533
00:19:36,484 --> 00:19:38,968
Um...
534
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,895
and if I don't just say
it now, I'm... I'm...
535
00:19:40,897 --> 00:19:42,580
? Go far away ?
536
00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:46,309
I'm very attracted to you.
537
00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:48,253
? There's nowhere that I'd rather be ?
538
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,255
I think you're cute, too.
539
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,090
Really?
540
00:19:52,092 --> 00:19:55,927
Because I-I've been wanting
to kiss you for a while now.
541
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:58,096
? Whoa, warm my heart ?
542
00:19:58,098 --> 00:20:00,915
Oh, God. That was inappropriate.
543
00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:02,842
I'm so sorr... And
you can't even get out.
544
00:20:02,844 --> 00:20:04,585
I-I've trapped you!
I'm a sexual predator!
545
00:20:04,587 --> 00:20:07,588
- You're not! It's okay 'cause I'm very into it.
- I'm so sorry.
546
00:20:07,590 --> 00:20:09,607
And it would only be a kiss.
547
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,109
Yeah?
548
00:20:11,111 --> 00:20:12,111
Well...
549
00:20:12,112 --> 00:20:13,594
No. No. You're married.
550
00:20:13,596 --> 00:20:17,190
I mean, yes, we are technically married,
551
00:20:17,192 --> 00:20:20,359
but we're not... doing great.
552
00:20:20,361 --> 00:20:22,102
I'm sorry to hear that.
553
00:20:22,104 --> 00:20:25,198
? ... me and we're laughing,
we're loving it all ?
554
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,200
Well, it's more than just kissing.
555
00:20:27,202 --> 00:20:31,020
I'd really like to do more.
556
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:33,447
??
557
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:36,450
And that was more
inappropriate, and I'm so sorry.
558
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:39,378
I-I keep... I don't know
why I just keep just talking.
559
00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:40,863
Can I lose eight more pounds first?
560
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,865
? ... tears that we cry until dawn ?
561
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:44,367
Before we do more?
562
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:49,872
? Oh, hold me now ?
563
00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:53,042
? Whoa, warm my heart ?
564
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,061
Can we make it six pounds?
565
00:20:55,063 --> 00:20:56,136
? Stay with me ?
566
00:20:56,138 --> 00:20:57,547
Definitely. Let's go do burpees.
567
00:20:57,549 --> 00:20:58,639
Okay.
568
00:20:58,641 --> 00:21:01,475
? Let loving start, let loving start ?
569
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:04,053
- I got it.
- Okay. I'll help you.
570
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:05,830
? Whoa-oa-oa ?40816
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