subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Blackish s08e05 Ashy to Classy.eng

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:08,834 [ "America The Beautiful" plays ] Dre: The American Dream 2 00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:13,970 pay your dues, and anything you ever want can be yours. 3 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,841 Unless you're Black. 4 00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:19,845 To get even a tiny drop of that respect we deserve, 5 00:00:19,889 --> 00:00:22,065 Black people have to be the best. 6 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:24,720 No, the greatest. 7 00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:27,114 And because we have to be great, 8 00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:30,987 that excellence oozes through everything we do -- 9 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,685 how we walk, how we talk, 10 00:00:33,729 --> 00:00:36,340 and especially how we look. 11 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,081 We don't have a choice. 12 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,084 Our path to the American Dream is so narrow 13 00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:44,653 that one perceived slip brings out the haters. 14 00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:48,135 Serena was on her way to winning another French Open, 15 00:00:48,178 --> 00:00:51,442 but all they could talk about was her catsuit. 16 00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:54,402 Barack Obama went three racks in his closet, 17 00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:57,057 and everyone lost their minds. 18 00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,755 So, as always, Black people gotta do 19 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:02,845 even more than we already do. 20 00:01:02,888 --> 00:01:05,935 That's why the Johnsons always bring it. 21 00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:07,893 Time for - a freshness check. - Okay. 22 00:01:07,937 --> 00:01:09,591 So, Adidas top and sweats, 23 00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,332 and I even got the socks. 24 00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:13,116 Okay. No notes. 25 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,858 You are my favorite. Get outta here. 26 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,688 These shoes don't drop for another month. 27 00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:21,733 Don't listen to what I just told him. 28 00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,431 - You're my favorite. - Alright. 29 00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,217 [ Ominous chord strikes ] 30 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:30,394 Whoa! Whoa! Do you think you're leaving this house 31 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:33,528 looking like you've been rolling around in flour all day?! 32 00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,399 Don't you move. You stay right there. 33 00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:37,880 Unh-unh! Did you really think you were gonna leave this house 34 00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:39,577 with them fire-startin' legs? 35 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,188 What you think this is, huh? 36 00:01:41,231 --> 00:01:42,841 Mnh-mnh. I ain't the one. 37 00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,887 Devante, I ain't the one. 38 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,367 What are you doing? 39 00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,805 He thinks I'm the one, Bow. I ain't the one. 40 00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,372 Come here, boy. Okay. Oh -- 41 00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,548 [ Scoffs ] Like I'm gonna let this little boy's knees 42 00:01:53,591 --> 00:02:01,730 undo all of Dr. King's work. 43 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:04,167 You are presentable. Beat it. Unh! 44 00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,864 I get it, Dre. He's ashy. 45 00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,823 But don't you think you went a little bit overboard there? 46 00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,129 I'm having flashbacks 47 00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:11,087 to when you shaved Jack's head 48 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,436 because his lineup was off. 49 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,047 There's no such thing as overreacting 50 00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:17,659 when your family's honor is at stake. 51 00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,835 What my baby talkin' about? 52 00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,097 Our family honor? 53 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,664 This one was gonna let Devante 54 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:24,318 go to school ashy. 55 00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:25,580 Oh, Lord. Rainbow: Dre, that's not what I said. 56 00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,538 She tryin' to get that baby snatched up 57 00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,192 by Black CPS! 58 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,280 Mm-hmm. 59 00:02:30,324 --> 00:02:32,369 What's... Black CPS? 60 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,806 Black Child Protective Services! 61 00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,547 Okay. That's -- That's not a thing. 62 00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:37,809 Oh, it's a thing. 63 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:40,029 They guard our kids 64 00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:42,597 against Black parents who ain't got no damn sense. 65 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:43,815 Okay. You. 66 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,644 Snatched up that Baxter boy when Dre was 7 67 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:47,776 'cause he always had 68 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,082 crusty eyes and chapped lips. 69 00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:51,345 That...didn't happen. 70 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:53,434 You better believe it happened. 71 00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:56,045 [ Scoffs ] Swooped in like the feds 72 00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:59,048 with that, uh, Elián González 73 00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,529 and placed him with a family of witnesses 74 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:04,053 on the good side of the 10 Freeway! 75 00:03:04,096 --> 00:03:07,187 Uh, thank you so -- Thank you so much, Ruby. 76 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,232 - Ashy. - Yeah, thank you. 77 00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:10,799 [ Scoffs ] Thank you. 78 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:12,453 Yeah, no. She's right. 79 00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:13,758 Is she? 80 00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:14,977 Yea-- 81 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,109 I'm talking about Devante 82 00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,633 knowing he should never leave this house 83 00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:20,330 looking like a little Dennis Rodman. 84 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:23,246 Well, I think you need to be a little less worried 85 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,987 about Devante's legs 86 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,075 and a little bit more worried 87 00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:27,337 about the things you say to him. 88 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:29,818 The things I say to him? Yeah. 89 00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:32,473 I'm talking no different than how I talk to all of our kids. 90 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,953 What we learned about parenting 91 00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:37,608 has evolved since we had Zoey. 92 00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:40,263 It is very important for us to stay up on what's new. 93 00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,744 Just last week, I heard a podcast 94 00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:44,746 where they shared new research... 95 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:49,707 Mm-hmm....saying that the words we use have meaning, 96 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,927 including the positive ones. 97 00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:54,495 So when we say to our kids, "Oh, you're so smart, 98 00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,671 you're so pretty, you're so strong," 99 00:03:56,714 --> 00:03:59,413 they think that they have no value 100 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:00,936 if they are not those things. 101 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,503 Well, what makes a child valuable? 102 00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:04,026 Because they don't have no money. 103 00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:07,116 Okay, well, I just don't want us 104 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:09,553 to give our kids a complex. 105 00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,729 We're four for four, Bow! 106 00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:14,428 Zoey went to college, Junior has a job, 107 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,604 Diane takes all honor classes, 108 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:17,909 and Jack -- 109 00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:20,695 Jack used the can opener the other day. 110 00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,131 I'm not worried. 111 00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,264 You know what? Fine, Dre. Forget I said anything. 112 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:25,830 I already have. Okay, great. 113 00:04:25,874 --> 00:04:28,137 I love you so much. Bye-bye. Love you, too. 114 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:29,530 Olivia: Wow. 115 00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,096 I'm impressed with the whole routine they have here. 116 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,228 When I was in school, 117 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,012 any old pervert could walk on campus. 118 00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:35,884 Oh, no. It used to be like that over here, too, 119 00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:38,278 before we found out Coach Weeks wasn't a gym teacher. 120 00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:42,282 Whoa! Wha-- You guys have Picture Day tomorrow?! 121 00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,632 See, this is the kind of stuff that should be in the calendar. 122 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,156 Yep, and I know exactly what my look is gonna be. 123 00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:49,158 Bookish beauty who turns heads 124 00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,551 just by taking off her glasses. 125 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:54,555 Mm. Diane, that's just some dumb movie trope. You -- 126 00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:55,904 Oh, my God! You're stunning! 127 00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:57,340 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 128 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,037 What about you, Jack? What do you got planned? 129 00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:00,604 Oh, I'm just gonna hit it with my classic -- 130 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:01,866 the "bless 'em." 131 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:07,568 ♪ 132 00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:09,918 Okay. Are you sure you want to go with that, Jack? 133 00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:11,528 Your high-school yearbook photo 134 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:14,575 is one of your top-four lifetime photos of all time! 135 00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,359 Yeah. It's right up there with your driver's license, 136 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,361 your passport, and your wedding photo. 137 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,320 And my personal favorite -- mugshot. 138 00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:23,366 Look at these baby waves. I'm not pressed. I got this. 139 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,499 Okay, no, Jack, this is not a joke. 140 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,718 This picture will follow you forever. 141 00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:30,112 In mine, there was a weird shadow on my chest, 142 00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,332 and everybody thought I was stuffing my bra. 143 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,464 They called me "Crinkle Cups" every day after that 144 00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,161 for three years. 145 00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:37,424 It's how they announced me at graduation. 146 00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:39,426 Wow. Yeah. 147 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:42,429 Uh, thank you, Olivia. I-I guess it is a big photo. 148 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,909 It is, yeah. I said that. 149 00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,650 Yeah, but you're - unreliable. - Yeah, seriously, though. 150 00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:47,912 Shouldn't you be at work right now? 151 00:05:47,956 --> 00:05:49,479 - Get out. - Get a job, bro. 152 00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,307 I got a job. 153 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,526 Jack: - Disappointed. - Don't play with my bag. 154 00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:56,660 ♪ 155 00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,749 That's a hundred. 156 00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:01,404 Wow. I did not think you were gonna do it. 157 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,406 And all for just $44. 158 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,277 Oh, yeah. 159 00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,757 Uh, this might be a bad time to ask, 160 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,978 but I actually need to borrow exactly $44. 161 00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:12,415 Hey. What's going on, fellas?[ Muffled cough ] 162 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,938 Check this out. 163 00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:17,028 Bow thinks the way I talk to Devante 164 00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:18,116 is gonna mess him up. 165 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,292 Mm. Well, you named him Devante. 166 00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,686 Uh, that doomed him to ride the bus. 167 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,123 But lookit. So what? You know, he's had trauma in his life. 168 00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,429 Big deal. 169 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:30,172 Trauma actually makes kids better, okay? 170 00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:33,175 Look at Kawhi Leonard, Prince Harry, Batman. 171 00:06:33,218 --> 00:06:35,003 Don't forget about Simba. [ Chuckles ] 172 00:06:35,046 --> 00:06:36,570 I had an uncle just like that. 173 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,746 He tried to kill me a gang of times. 174 00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:41,444 Yeah. Dre, think about all the great men we'd miss out on 175 00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:43,141 if they didn't go through trauma as kids. 176 00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:45,143 I haven't traumatized him, okay? 177 00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,623 I'm just telling him like it is, 178 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,278 and if I come off blunt, no big deal, alright? 179 00:06:49,321 --> 00:06:50,366 Kids are resilient. 180 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,715 I completely agree. 181 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,414 It is a father's duty to be direct, 182 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,241 to prepare them - for the world. - Mm! 183 00:06:56,285 --> 00:06:59,070 It's all this touchy-feely crap that the moms tell 'em. 184 00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,637 That's what screws 'em up. 185 00:07:00,681 --> 00:07:02,813 Yeah, like, uh, "Someone will love you for who you are." 186 00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:04,772 "Bullies are just jealous of you." 187 00:07:04,815 --> 00:07:07,470 "No one's gonna make fun of your tail, Josh." 188 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:08,993 You had a tail? 189 00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,125 That tracks. 190 00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:10,908 Hey, Dre? Dre: Mm? 191 00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:12,823 Freak here is right. 192 00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:15,522 The real world needs real talk. 193 00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,872 Exactly. If I didn't give it to him raw, 194 00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,308 I wouldn't be doing my job 195 00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,875 as a loving, present Black father. 196 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,311 That's right. 197 00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,008 My Black father was very present. 198 00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:25,532 Gave me notes on everything -- 199 00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:29,361 how to chew my food, my handwriting, how to snore... 200 00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:32,103 how weird my nipples look through my shirts. 201 00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,192 By pointing out my flaws, it made me a better person. 202 00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:35,629 Wait, wait, wait. 203 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,935 Is that why you wear vests all the time? 204 00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,589 Because of your weird nipples? 205 00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:40,764 Fashion choice only. 206 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:43,114 Okay, guys, thank you for your input, 207 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:46,944 and my children will not be developing any weird complexes. 208 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,512 They know that I love them all 209 00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:51,340 and I'm coming from a good place. 210 00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,474 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some real work to do. 211 00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,435 You can see them through my hands? 212 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,655 Here's the thing -- I know I'm a good dad. 213 00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:04,179 I'm teaching my children the right lessons, 214 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,137 and that's why they're just fine. 215 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:10,228 Kids! Come get this fancy-ass pizza that's... 216 00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:12,274 not as good but more expensive than Pizza Hut! 217 00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:18,106 Devante: I'm ashy, Daddy. 218 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:19,934 I don't want to be ashy. 219 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,546 Oh, man. 220 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,808 I broke my kid. 221 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,681 [ Clattering ] What the hell? 222 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,247 Man: Police, police, police! 223 00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:30,248 Okay! Black CPS. 224 00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,902 Where's the child you broke? 225 00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:39,127 ♪ 226 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:40,824 We're taking you with us to La Jolla. 227 00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:41,999 You'll be safe there. 228 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,349 Devante: Bye, Daddy. 229 00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,003 But you didn't see him, man! 230 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:49,006 Every time he took a step, his knees ignited a fire! 231 00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,400 It's his mama's fault! 232 00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:54,490 ♪ 233 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,144 [ Sighs ] 234 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:57,406 Okay, buddy. 235 00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:03,543 I tried to fight it, but Bow was right. 236 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,414 I gave our kids a complex. 237 00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:09,244 Why do you have that guilty face? 238 00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:10,419 What did you do? 239 00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,203 I think I broke our baby, Bow. 240 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:15,946 He was putting lotion on like a redhead on a beach! 241 00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,470 The whole room smelled like a Bath & Body Works. 242 00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,516 Oh, Dre... 243 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,127 Dre, Dre, Dre, Dre, Dre. 244 00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:27,436 It seems as if your...drive to be the best dad ever 245 00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:31,875 has skidded on the lotion of your bad decisions. 246 00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,660 I told you this would happen. 247 00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,053 Words have consequences! 248 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:38,012 Two years of saying "pee in the toilet," 249 00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:40,362 and this is what sticks? 250 00:09:40,405 --> 00:09:42,190 Ah, I think I messed up one of our kids. 251 00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,496 Mnh. One of your kids? 252 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,369 Come on, big guy. All of us need therapy. 253 00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:49,023 What are you talking about? You're fine, boy. 254 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,112 I can't even play games 'cause you told me 255 00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,592 the only point of competition 256 00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,376 is to wipe the floor with the blood of your enemies. 257 00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:55,812 And? 258 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,901 He breaks out into hives before game night. 259 00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,599 See, Dre? 260 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,252 Words are very powerful. 261 00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:03,864 But now that you're ready to evolve, I... 262 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:07,258 I have the perfect podcast for you. 263 00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:11,001 [ Sweetly ] A child is like a boat, 264 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:16,224 and a parent is like a gentle breeze. 265 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,313 Those are just my thoughts. 266 00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,620 Thoughts from a doctor. 267 00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:23,840 I'm Dr. Rainbow Johnson. 268 00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:28,018 Thank you for listening to "Bow Knows Parenting" 269 00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:32,109 with Dr. Rainbow Johnson, MD. 270 00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:39,073 [ Normal voice ] Okay. Well, that did not record. 271 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,425 I didn't mean to mess up my kid. 272 00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:46,036 I guess I just got to figure out a way to fix this. 273 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:50,171 No, no! Let the expert handle Devante. 274 00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:52,869 You just try not to cause any more damage, alright? 275 00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,175 Yeah. 276 00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:56,525 I'm gonna go save my -- my kid. 277 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:00,921 Okay, look. I know this looks bad, 278 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,966 but if we learned anything 279 00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,489 from the Michael Jordan documentary, 280 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,405 it's that there's a price for greatness. 281 00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:08,929 Oh, no. Here come the hives. 282 00:11:08,972 --> 00:11:10,495 Okay... [ Groans ] 283 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:15,500 ♪ 284 00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:16,850 Look. Please don't stop on my account. 285 00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:18,460 I am very entertained. 286 00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,288 I've been here for hours, but I can't figure out 287 00:11:20,331 --> 00:11:21,898 what I'm gonna do for this school picture. 288 00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,334 Nothing I'm trying is gonna make an impression 289 00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:24,640 that'll stand the test of time. 290 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,033 Look, look. Pew, pew, pew! 291 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,950 See? Forgettable. 292 00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,039 [ Groans ] Bro, you are missing 293 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,432 the forest for the trees, man. 294 00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,261 It's about the whole look and the vibe you bring into it. 295 00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,786 Okay, um, what's my vibe right now? 296 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:44,573 "Grown man who watches children's movies...alone." 297 00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,967 I'm gonna blow this. 298 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:50,797 Look. Don't you worry, friend. 299 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,842 I've got your back. 300 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:55,627 [ Kool & the Gang's "Hollywood Swinging" plays ] 301 00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:58,456 ♪ 302 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:02,896 So, Diane had gotten her hooks into Jack, 303 00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:05,855 and it was going to be a test of whether I could keep myself 304 00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:08,118 from doing lasting damage to my kids. 305 00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:09,554 ♪ Hey, hey, hey 306 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,774 Because this... 307 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,558 this was not it. 308 00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:14,908 ♪ 309 00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:16,170 [ Bell dinging ] 310 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:19,608 ♪ Say hey, hey, hey 311 00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,565 ♪ What ya got to say? 312 00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:22,742 Look... 313 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:23,960 at you. 314 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,701 See, Diane's made me realize 315 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,572 that the way to make a lasting impression 316 00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,618 is to channel those NBA greats. 317 00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:32,273 If my classmates are gonna remember me for anything, 318 00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:35,363 it's gonna be that I pulled off the Full Westbrook. 319 00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,017 Wait. 320 00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:39,323 Ah. Can't forget my timepiece. 321 00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,238 It makes the fit. 322 00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,110 Yes, it does. 323 00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:44,328 Thanks for your help. 324 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,678 The pleasure was truly all mine. 325 00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:48,158 What? 326 00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:50,552 While I succeeded at biting my tongue, 327 00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:53,250 Bow tried to clean up my mess with Devante. 328 00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:55,731 [ Chuckles ] Hi, sweetheart. 329 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,167 Look at that nice truck! 330 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,517 Vroom, vroom, vroom! 331 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:02,042 So, honey, I wanted to talk to you 332 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:05,262 about how crazy Daddy was yesterday. 333 00:13:05,306 --> 00:13:07,351 He was so crazy, right? 334 00:13:07,395 --> 00:13:09,571 Talking about all that lotion stuff? 335 00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,616 My God, I wish I could say he's gonna be better, 336 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:14,184 but we both know he's not. 337 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,404 So... 338 00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:17,840 honey, I just want to make sure you know 339 00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:20,538 that there's nothing wrong with your skin. 340 00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,410 You're so strong 341 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,717 and so handsome and... 342 00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:27,415 Wait a minute. 343 00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:29,939 Okay, the podcast said do not focus on beauty 344 00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,636 or he is going to become an egomaniac. 345 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:32,855 I got this. 346 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,552 [ Inhales sharply ] 347 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:37,033 Devante... 348 00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,383 you are so smart. 349 00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:45,563 Goop said compliments are the new smoking. 350 00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:47,827 Okay. Honey... 351 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,872 I just want you to understand 352 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:52,179 that you... 353 00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:55,399 you are my special little boy -- 354 00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:58,881 but not so special or so handsome or so smart 355 00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:00,317 that you're gonna -- 356 00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:03,668 you're gonna become a sociopath, so... 357 00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,018 Do you understand? 358 00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:06,584 [ Devante crying ] 359 00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:09,631 Oh, my God. No. Oh, God. Oh, no, no. 360 00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,938 Okay. Um -- No, please don't cry! 361 00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,331 Please don't cry! Okay. It's okay. 362 00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:15,550 Sweetheart, it's fine. 363 00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:16,551 Listen. Come here. 364 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,074 Vroom! Vroom! 365 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,816 Look at this truck! This is my favorite truck! 366 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,470 Vroom, vroom! 367 00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,298 Do you want ice cream for dinner, honey? 368 00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:25,603 [ Crying continues ] 369 00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:30,826 Oh, look at you! You look beautiful, baby. 370 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,176 I killed Picture Day. 371 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:36,876 See, without my glasses, people saw a whole new Diane Johnson. 372 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,660 See, Miguel Juarez did a double take 373 00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:40,183 when I walked by like a beer commercial, 374 00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:42,185 and his girlfriend was maaad. 375 00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:45,188 That feeling never gets old, you know. 376 00:14:45,232 --> 00:14:46,711 The other day, I started a fight 377 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,626 between a couple at the fruit stand. 378 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:49,540 Oh. [ Laughs ] 379 00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:50,933 Ho! 380 00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,543 That's what you wore for Picture Day? 381 00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:54,850 Yeah. Isn't it dope? What you think, Grandma? 382 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,722 Well, what I think is, um... 383 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,118 I'm gonna buy a dozen yearbooks 384 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:04,425 and pass 'em out to all my friends. 385 00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:06,209 Well, you got to let me autograph 'em 386 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:07,689 - before you pass 'em out. - Alright, now. 387 00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:09,996 Dre: Mm-hmm. 388 00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:12,389 You cannot be okay with that. 389 00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:15,175 Well, you know, he's just expressing himself. 390 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,829 He looks like he's expressing himself 391 00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,788 right into clown college! 392 00:15:19,831 --> 00:15:21,442 You know, I think I have a connect 393 00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:22,704 on the yearbook committee. 394 00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,924 Maybe I can get the photo wiped? 395 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,490 How you gonna have your son 396 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,275 out in the streets looking like that? 397 00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:31,278 Why didn't you talk some sense into that boy? 398 00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,889 I'm trying to watch how I talk to our kids 399 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,023 because I'm afraid I'm messing them up. 400 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,981 What you talking about? Those kids are fine. 401 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,549 Are they? Because I don't know that. 402 00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:44,987 Warning Devante not to be ashy probably gave him nightmares. 403 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,337 And if I tell him to work hard, is he gonna get obsessive? 404 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:49,687 And if I tell him work isn't everything, is he gonna get lazy? 405 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,080 And if I tell him to keep his chin up, 406 00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,516 is he gonna get plastic surgery 407 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,214 and end up looking like Michael Jackson?! 408 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,433 Hey, hey, now. Come on. 409 00:15:56,477 --> 00:15:59,088 Ain't no sense in getting all emotional, pumpkin. 410 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,481 I'm not emotional! 411 00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,570 Yes, you are. 412 00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,920 Now, you the man of this house. 413 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,227 You got to keep your emotions in check! 414 00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,359 Just like I've been telling you since you were a kid! 415 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,187 [ Voice breaking ] You're right, Mama. 416 00:16:11,231 --> 00:16:12,710 I'll keep my emotions in check. 417 00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,190 'Course I'm right. 418 00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:18,673 You go on over there and make yourself a snack or somethin'. 419 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,588 And if you're gonna cry, you go somewhere 420 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,155 where them kids won't hear you! 421 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,460 Yes, ma'am. 422 00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,462 [ Scoffs ] 423 00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,029 I'll cry quietly. 424 00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:29,727 Rainbow: Dre? [ Sobbing ] 425 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:32,339 Dre! What are you doing? 426 00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,036 [ Crying ] My mom said I shouldn't cry 427 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,777 in front of the babies. 428 00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,909 I guess our kids aren't the only ones that are affected 429 00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:41,348 by something that their parents have said to them. 430 00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:42,566 Yeah. 431 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:43,959 Well... 432 00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:49,051 At least I fixed Devante. 433 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,270 [ Whimpers ] 434 00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:52,054 [ Strained sob ] 435 00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,838 No, I didn't. 436 00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:59,235 I blew it! I blew it big-time! 437 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:02,325 [ Sobbing ] 438 00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,066 I want cake. 439 00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,981 [ Sobbing ] There's more under the sink! 440 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,635 Really? Yeah. 441 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,680 Chocolate, strawberry. 442 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,642 [ Sighs ] 443 00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,907 Babe. Yeah? 444 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:23,259 Do you think I've been using these secret cakes 445 00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:25,261 as a way to soothe myself as I'm trying to control 446 00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:27,220 the natural emotions I'm pushing down? 447 00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,526 Well, Dre, when Junior dropped out of college, 448 00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:32,747 you gave the bakery half of your paycheck every month, 449 00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,053 so, you know... 450 00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,055 Yeah. I'm sorry. 451 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,578 I don't know what all that was. 452 00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:40,885 You know, I'm just now starting to realize that... 453 00:17:40,929 --> 00:17:42,800 it was a lot of pressure growing up in a house 454 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,628 where I was told to check my emotions 455 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,543 because I was the man of the house. 456 00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:50,112 Ugh. That's a lot of responsibility on a child. 457 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,375 Yeah, but get this. Hmm? 458 00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:54,290 I understand why she was telling me that. 459 00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,205 Why? 460 00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,033 She was doing her best to prepare me 461 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,122 for the world that I was in. 462 00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,341 Hmm. 463 00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:05,432 But still... I always had a voice in my head 464 00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:09,566 making me feel bad every time I got emotional. 465 00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:14,397 And today I realized that voice was my mama. 466 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,399 Dre. Hmm? 467 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:20,099 We are gonna be the voice in our child's head. 468 00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:23,537 So what are we gonna do about it? 469 00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,539 I do not know. 470 00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,584 You know, if -- if we're gonna fail no matter what... 471 00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,151 Mm-hmm. 472 00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:31,719 ...do we just lean into it? I-I don't know. 473 00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:33,373 A-Abandon them? No, Dre. 474 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,114 That's still illegal. 475 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,811 Okay, so we just live with the fact 476 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:39,205 knowing we're gonna be the voice in their heads influencing them 477 00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:42,164 towards every good and bad decision that they'll ever make. 478 00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,557 Yes, I think so. 479 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,515 Mm! 480 00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:48,953 You know, I -- I have my parents' voices in my head, too. 481 00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:50,955 - Mm-hmm. - But they're super positive. 482 00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:53,001 They were constantly telling me over and over and over 483 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,829 and over again how smart I was, you know? 484 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,439 But it made me believe 485 00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,659 that the way to make people happy... 486 00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,313 is to achieve. 487 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:01,531 Mm. 488 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,272 Oh. 489 00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,622 That's why I'm always telling people that I'm a doctor! 490 00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,842 Ha ha! Yeah! It's the voice in my head! 491 00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,192 Ah. [ Laughing ] 492 00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:13,152 Well, maybe now that you realize it, you'll stop. 493 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,719 No. I'm not hurting anybody. 494 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:17,199 No, you're just killing them. 495 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,853 I am not killing people, Dre. 496 00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,202 There's, like, one a year. 497 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,856 And I don't kill them. They just die. 498 00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:23,074 It's not my fault. 499 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:28,210 [ Cellphone chimes ] 500 00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:33,694 Oh, wow. Jack, I am really sorry. 501 00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:36,784 What? Did you make me eat something that's not food again? 502 00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:39,265 No, somebody from the yearbook committee leaked your photos. 503 00:19:39,308 --> 00:19:40,440 They're everywhere. 504 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:41,354 Really? 505 00:19:43,747 --> 00:19:46,533 Oh, no, yo. They made you a meme. 506 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:47,621 Gimme that. 507 00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:51,755 This is dope! 508 00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:52,843 - Wait. What?! - Wait. What?! 509 00:19:52,887 --> 00:19:54,280 I'm being shared everywhere. 510 00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:56,107 I got to make merch and an Instagram 511 00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,109 where I can localize all the posts. 512 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,678 Oh, my God. I could be an NFT. 513 00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:03,027 I'm gonna be a legend! 514 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,554 We do not deserve him. 515 00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:10,948 I've got to figure out how to screw him out of that NFT money. 516 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:14,604 I'm not perfect. I'm going to make mistakes. 517 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:18,521 But knowing those mistakes will become voices in his head 518 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,567 makes the stakes feel too high. 519 00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:24,048 All I'm saying is... we can be imperfect together 520 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,007 on the path to getting better. 521 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:27,400 Alright? You get me, son? 522 00:20:28,705 --> 00:20:31,665 I love you, Daddy. Oh. 523 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:35,190 But as long as one of those voices is me saying... 524 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,932 I love you, too, Devante. 525 00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:41,544 ...I've done my job as a parent. 526 00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:43,154 Okay. Go get ready. 527 00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:47,289 I love you, too, Dad. 528 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,117 Don't you have your own place? 529 00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,468 Jack: When that meme first dropped, 530 00:20:52,512 --> 00:20:54,383 I thought it would die down in a few days. 531 00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:56,994 But before I knew it, it took on a life of its own. 532 00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:59,301 I was getting offers left and right. 533 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,042 My face was on billboards, they let me dance 534 00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:03,174 at the Puppy Bowl halftime show, 535 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:06,134 and I became the co-host of a new "Soul Train" 536 00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:08,397 with a hologram Don Cornelius. 537 00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,181 The meme became so popular 538 00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:11,531 that I sold my life rights 539 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,228 to the highest corporate bidder. 540 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,708 That's how I became a trillionaire. 541 00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:17,885 And that's also how you guys got your names, 542 00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:20,017 Sierra Mist and Mountain Dew. 543 00:21:21,497 --> 00:21:23,586 Anyway, let's take that warp-speed jet 544 00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:25,501 to visit Aunt Diane and Uncle Michael B. Jordan. 545 00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:27,155 Come on. 546 00:21:27,205 --> 00:21:31,755 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40258