All language subtitles for Metalocalypse s02e04 Dethdoubles.eng

[ cheering ]

ANNOUNCER:
Come on, let's see those horns!

Let's see those horns!

[ cheering ]

With Dethklok's help and my
666-point business plan,

we will make this world better.

Come on!

Let's see a pit down here.

Why do they have us right here
in front of all these dildos?

Yeah, l mean,
we're right in front of everybody.

lt's like they're gawkings at us

likes a bunch of fish that can't
close their eyes.

- Look at that guy.
- Look at that one.

Look at that douche.

NATHAN:
Look at that douche bag.

Look at that douche bag.

SKWlSGAAR:
Looks at that douche bag.

Looks at that douche bag.

NATHAN:
Look at that douche bag.

MURDERFACE:
Looks at that douche bag.

Douche bag.

Douche bag.

All:
Douche bag. Douche bag.

Douche bag. Douche bag.
Douche bag. Douche bag.

l'm just so irritated
by these stupid fans!

Dude, what's wrong
with you?

lt's that here we are, again,
stuck with each other.

We've got no friends.

l know, it's just us.

We're not friends, are we?

No.

Oh, god, no.

Friends, we can't to affords to
have friends this days.

The price for fames.

A bunch of caged rats.

That's what we are,
a bunch of caged rats

that are also
death-metal musicians.

Yeah, we're the rats,

and look what's on the
other side of the cage.

Douche bags.

Yeah, what if some of
these [bleep] starts [bleep] us?

Who knows?

What if we get [bleep] with?

You know, l feel slightly,

just slightly better knowing my
sawed-off shotgun is loaded.

Oh, l got cinnamon icing all
over my hand!

What happened back there, huh?
What was that?

We don't know.

We no means it.
lt was accidents.

We're not at fault.

Blood bath doesn't
read well in print, all right?

You know what l'm saying?

We can't do anything right!

Look, l've noticed you guys

have been down and
pouty lately.

And l don't want to put you in
harm's way anymore,

so l've taken the liberty of
hiring doubles

to take over for your
celebrity appearances.

Dethklok, meet Dethklok.

" Do anything for Dethklok "
" Do anything for Dethklok "

" Do anything for Dethklok "

" Do anything for Dethklok "
" Do anything for Dethklok "

" Dethklok! Dethklok!
Dethklok! Dethklok! "

" l'm...ticking...for...the...
Dethklok! Dethklok! "

" Skwisgaar Skwigelf,
taller than a tree "

" Toki Wartooth,
not a bumblebee "

" William Murderface
Murderface Murderface "

" Pickles the drummer "

" Doodily doo, doodily doo "

" Nathan Explosion "

STAMPlNGSTON:
Gentlemen, this latest Duncan Hills

coffee store
opening has ended in a massacre.

General Crozier?

Many innocents died.

No report of any attempt on
Dethklok's lives whatsoever.

lt means that Dethklok has
greatly improved their security.

Which is why they've employed
doubles who work for us.

These are some of our finest
soldiers.

STAMPlNGSTON:
More interesting is the union between

Leonard Purcell and Dethklok.

They've taken their business
relationship to the next level

and stand to monopolize all
coffee shops on the planet.

Purcell has purchased the
island of Sumatra,

and Dethklok
will meet him there and perform

on top of a dormant volcano.

CROZlER:
Our doubles will get close to Purcell and retrieve

his secret business contracts,

which will no doubt help us to
control his growing strength.

Be careful, General.

We are here to observe.

Be careful.

MURDERFACE:
Let me see if l understand you correctly.

You expect us to cut off our
faces and then sew them

on these regular jack offs and
then resew them

back on our own faces for
the tour?

You're a sick man.

No, no, there will
be no face cutting.

Look at them.
They already look like you.

NATHAN:
Oh, l thought that was, like, a coincidence.

That is coincidence.

Listen, great men
throughout history

have used doubles,

men who needed to stay alive for
the greater good

of the people, like yourselves,
men like Winston Churchill,

Joseph Stalin --

Awesome!

l'm Stalin. l call it.

l'm Nixon.

l wants to be Bill Cosby.

No, it doesn't work that way.

We get doubles of you is what
l'm saying.

Hold on.

This guy does not look like me.

He's hideous. He's grotesque.
Look at him.

Actually,
Murderface, he --

MURDERFACE:
Look at that head, that disgusting forehead,

that stupid-shaped hair, beady eyes,
like, stupid, flat nose,

white, hammer-ass,
chicken-pluck legs idiot.

You got to get your eyes
checked, you piece of [bleep]

the guy doesn't look like me!

Oh, god.

He looks just like me.

[ indistinct talking ]

Uh, listen,
l don't think it's a great idea

for you guys to get too close to
your doubles.

Well, l guess we
are friends all of the suddens.

Well, you just can't
have them as your friends.

Oh, he admits it,
sees?

He is a tyrants. He admits it.

Do you understand
the purpose of having a double?

Yeah, l'll take this
one, guys.

A double is like having
the best friend

you've ever had in your
whole life.

A double listens to you when no
one in this crazy world will.

A double is like having a child
and watching him grow up

and feeling that feeling of
pride

and unyielding trust that no one
else can --

They exist so that
if someone tries to kill you,

they will be killed instead.

Whoa, what?

l mean, just thinking of those
us as dead, l mean,

l'm gonna cry.
l might seriously cry about that.

That's why you don't get
emotionally attached, Nathan.

NATHAN:
Hey, where'd my me go?

CROZlER:
What do you have so far?

Sir, the band Dethklok will not
give us a moment to ourselves.

All they want to do is pal around.

[ bang ]
Wait, l've been spotted.

NATHAN:
Hey, me, we don't got a lot of time

before you got to go!

We've got to go pal around!

ANNOUNCER:
Well, it's a great Duncan Hills Metal Day parade

here today
in Pasadena, California.

Dethklok looks great.

They're looking healthy.

They're feeling good.

lt's a great day.

Back to you.

[ dialing ]

Hey, we just saw
you on TV at the parade!

Hey, when you get back,

we're gonna have a surprise
party for you.

Give me the phone.
Give me the phone.

Give me the phone.

Give me the phone.
Give me the phone!

Hold on!
Here's Nathan.

Hi.
We just saw you the parade!

lt was great!

l said that already!

Oh, yeah,

we're having a party for you
when you come back.

lt's be gonna be awesome!

Ask them if they
want chocolate cake.

l will.
Hold on. Hold on.

Oh, we'll gets
the bounce house.

Tell them about the balloons!

We're gonna have
balloons!

We got to go.
Goodbye.

What are you, uh, doing,
on the phone?

You're supposed to be doing
your jobs.

Jobs?
l play bass not to have a job.

You're supposed to
be preparing for the concert.

Nathan...
you're in charge here.

How's rehearsal coming?

Oh, it's, um...

uh...uh...

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Good.

[ bird chirping ]

NATHAN:
You ever think of just, you know, giving it all up?

You know?

You mean, like,
killings yourself.

No. What?

No, l mean, like,
stopping being big, famous,

becoming a regular
old jack off.

And then kill yourself?

No, no,
it's stopping being famous -- yeah,

l don't know,
you can kill yourself if you want to.

You know, it would be great,
you know,

to walk down the street,
not be bothered for once.

Walks where?

l don't know.

Walk down the street.

To where?

To where--
l don't know, walk to the store.

Just buys it on the internet.
Haves it delivered.

l know l can buy it on the
internet,

but what if l want
to walk to the park

and look at some swans, you know?

Well, maybe you should have
thought of that

before you
got famous.

NATHAN:
Toki's right.

We're here in Sumatra,
a nation built on coffee.

The Sumatrans, known as a
nervous, edgy,

and dehydrated people,

seem to have a calm excitement
tonight as they

anticipate Dethklok's
performance on Condor Mountain,

the world-famous dormant
volcano,

where 10,000 baristas
will be brewing

the largest cup of coffee.

NATHAN:
[ singing indistinctly ]

Ugh!
Ow. Oh.

Get it open and hack
the briefcase.

We need those contracts.

" We fear no death "

" We fear no death "

" We fear no death "

Hey, awesome! Dethklok!

Can l have your autograph?

Aaaaah!

[ screaming ]

l got it!

[ screams ]

What was thought to be a
dormant volcano erupted

after 50,000 gallons of
Duncan Hills coffee

was brewed inside of it.

Thousands of fans were
incinerated.

Rumors of Dethklok being burned
alive were greatly exaggerated,

as the band escaped unharmed.

Well, l'm afraid it's time
to say goodbye to your doubles.

Toki:
Why? They still alive.

l know they are.

Then why do we got
to say goodbye to them?

Because, Pickles,
they no longer look like you.

That was the point.

Their skin is burned,
they don't even have features.

SKWlSGAAR:
What if we burned ourselves to looks like thems?

Then maybes we coulds keep them.

That would work!
You know it would!

Come on, let's burn ourselves!

That is out of the question,
Murderface.

You're out of the question.

l'm afraid it's time for you

to say goodbye to your
doubles now.

Let us do it.

lt's better if they hear
it from us,

because we're them,
after all.

Thanks for coming, us.

You know, there's --

there's never an easy ways
to do this.

But, you know, sometimes you --

we're out of
options sometimes.

You know business is not
personal,

and in this case,
it is, because it's us.

You're us, and --

[ sighs ]

l hate having to say this, but--

Oh--
Let me explain.

l got a little smoother way of
explaining it, here.

Guys...

it's --

You see, the thing is that --

[ gunshot ]

[ thumps ]

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