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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,739 --> 00:00:14,926 Ripped and corrected by - YoungJedi - 2 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,939 - House, call my son. - Lights on. 3 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,150 It's 2050, how does this still not work? 4 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,695 Call. My. Son! 5 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,864 And turn down the damn lights. 6 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,367 Hi, Mom. 7 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,785 Oh, hi, sweetie! 8 00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:38,330 - Oh, you look tired. - Okay, thanks for calling. 9 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:41,917 - Are you busy? - Not really. Just finished studying. 10 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,711 Good 'cause I wanna tell you 11 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,130 the story of how I met your father. 12 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,841 SON: I already know how you met Dad. 13 00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,926 Ah, you know the basics, 14 00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:54,137 but it's time for me to tell you the unabridged version. 15 00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,849 How many glasses of that wine have you had? 16 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,351 Just enough to include the sexy bits. 17 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,563 SON: Oh good god, here we go. 18 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,941 Now, like a lot of love stories back in 2022, 19 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,943 this one starts with a Tinder date. 20 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,194 Excuse me. 21 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:12,197 Actually, it starts with me being late to a Tinder date. 22 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,116 Don't hit me! Don't hit me! 23 00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,201 - Uh, Sophie? - Yeah! 24 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,911 Hey, I'm Jesse. This is my best friend Sid. 25 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,580 Don't mind him, he's just hitching a ride. 26 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,665 Oh! Ask me why I'm hitching a ride. 27 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:26,253 - Come on! Ask me! - Uh, w‐why are you hitching a ride, Sid? 28 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,630 I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight. 29 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,592 Wow, girlfriend! Not gonna be saying that much longer! 30 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,844 Someone's gonna be nothing but fiancée! 31 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:36,305 Fiancée! Fiancée! Fiancée! 32 00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,057 Sophie, be a dear and choke me out with this charging cord, would you? 33 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,809 Ooh, actually, can I use it 34 00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,228 'cause my phone's belly is hungry. She's all, 35 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,731 "Feed me, Mama!" 36 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,609 Okay, tell me everything. Who is she? 37 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,360 Okay, so her name's Hannah. 38 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,862 She's a surgical resident in LA, 39 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,322 so we've been doing the long‐distance thing 40 00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,365 while I'm here running my bar, Pemberton's. 41 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,576 Uh, look at you, locking down a surgeon! 42 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,036 How you gonna ask her? 43 00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,371 So, she thinks we're gonna go see Beyoncé tonight, 44 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,583 but really, I got all our friends waiting at my bar to surprise her. 45 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,587 You think she's gonna be a little bummed that you're not actually seeing Beyoncé? 46 00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:09,713 I keep telling him she's gonna be bummed. 47 00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,715 Okay, a lifetime with me is better than Beyoncé. 48 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,510 - Sure. - Hm... 49 00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,345 So, uh, what about you, Sophie? 50 00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,347 What's going on at the Rosewood bar? 51 00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,016 Okay, uh, 52 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,643 I know this might sound crazy, 53 00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,937 but I think I've found the man 54 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,022 that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. 55 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,273 - Hm. - Yeah. 56 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:31,235 Only thing is he's from Tinder, and we haven't actually met in real life yet. 57 00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,612 Oh, very You've Got Mail. 58 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:37,157 More like you've got unrealistic expectations for this date. 59 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,785 Okay, I‐I know how this sounds, 60 00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:42,079 but I am not some wide‐eyed dope 61 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:45,541 who thinks she's found true love every time some douchey ibanker 62 00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,043 swipes right and texts, "'Sup?" 63 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,546 My last Tinder date was the worst one yet. 64 00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,172 The guy showed up 20 minutes late. 65 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,967 Sophie? Sorry, I'm late. 66 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,553 Oh. That's okay. 67 00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:58,720 Subway delay? 68 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,764 Uh, no, actually, I was, uh... 69 00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,641 I was on another date before this, and, uh, 70 00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:03,809 let's just say it went well. 71 00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,143 Like, uh... 72 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,521 Like really well. 73 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,982 Like, I just had sex. 74 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,942 - He told you that?! - Why would he tell you that?! 75 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,402 That's not even the worst part. 76 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,197 He actually thought that telling me he just had sex was charming. 77 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,158 He thought I'd just laugh and smile and say, 78 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,412 "That's so crazy!" Because, God forbid, a woman in this city 79 00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,706 actually expects anything from a guy, 80 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,166 even if it's just the basic decency to not tell her 81 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,669 he just had sexual intercourse with someone else! 82 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,421 What is wrong with everyone?! 83 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,717 And right there, outside that bar, 84 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,343 I decided to quit Tinder. 85 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,763 But when I went to deactivate my account... 86 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,974 I matched with Ian. 87 00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,685 - You matched with Ian?! - She matched with Ian. 88 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,020 - Yeah. - It started with 89 00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:51,899 your typical flirty banter, you know, just getting to know you stuff. 90 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,526 Who was your first celebrity crush? 91 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,404 IAN: Tia Mowry. You? 92 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,198 SOPHIE: Buzz Lightyear. 93 00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,492 IAN: Oh, an astronaut made of plastic... 94 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,827 Freaky! 95 00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,956 And then we started to actually get to know each other. 96 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,375 IAN: What kind of photography do you do? 97 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,794 Right now, I shoot stuff like birthday parties 98 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,838 and engagement photos to pay the rent, 99 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,508 but my heart is in street photography. 100 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,967 IAN: That's when you sneak up on a stranger, 101 00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,887 take their picture, and then run away before they punch you, right? 102 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,264 SOPHIE: That's exactly right. 103 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,308 - What do you do? - I know this sounds made up, 104 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,727 but I'm a marine biologist. 105 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,230 SOPHIE: That is 100% made up. 106 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,566 And before long, we were texting all day. 107 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,235 All night, too. 108 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,570 - First kiss? - Mabel Greyhound, seventh grade. 109 00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,614 - You cook? - One of my favorite hobbies. 110 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,453 IAN: I've been thinkin' about you all day. 111 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,830 Oh my god, Ian, ask a girl out already! 112 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,583 I was thinking the exact same thing! 113 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,878 So, are you ever gonna ask me to meet you in real life? 114 00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,338 IAN: I'd love to, 115 00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,758 but I'm in Australia for work for the next two weeks. 116 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,135 So, we made plans to meet up when he got back, 117 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,054 and that brings us to tonight, 118 00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,431 and my last first date ever. 119 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,433 Wow, that's romantic as hell. 120 00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,060 I know, right? 121 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,563 - What does the killjoy think? - Hey! 122 00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,190 Look, I got a real good feeling about this Ian guy. 123 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,734 No, no. I can't do it. 124 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,611 No, the truth is the chances of this guy 125 00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,697 being your soul mate are lower than low. 126 00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:24,074 I mean, there's a better chance of you giving me a five‐star review 127 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,076 after this rude assessment I'm making. 128 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,204 Speaking of which, don't forget your phone. 129 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,039 Ah. Thanks. 130 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,166 Uh, happy proposing. 131 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,251 SID: Thank you. 132 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,843 - What? - Ooh... You liked her. 133 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,802 - Did not. 134 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:44,970 - Did, too. - Did not! 135 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,972 - Did not. - Did, too‐‐ Dammit. 136 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,439 Ian? 137 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,648 Sophie! 138 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,108 Hi. 139 00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,193 Hi. 140 00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:03,322 And thus began the best first date I'd ever been on. 141 00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,658 A date so good, you don't even check your phone. 142 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,493 - SOPHIE'S SON: Whoa. - I know. 143 00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:13,957 You know, we should go see that new movie next week 144 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,752 where walking Joaquin Phoenix plays Amelia Earhart. 145 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,545 FUTURE SOPHIE: And then it happened. 146 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,089 What? 147 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,842 Okay, so... 148 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,219 Sophie, the thing is... 149 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,679 I'm moving to Australia. 150 00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:30,933 You just got back from there. 151 00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:32,309 I know. 152 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,228 It was only supposed to be a research trip, 153 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,105 but right before I left, they offered me a full‐time job 154 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,608 on a team that's helping endangered coral reef procreate. 155 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,362 Can't you just... 156 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,781 light a candle and put on some soft rock? 157 00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,658 I mean, that always works for me. 158 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,704 When are you leaving? 159 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,249 Tonight. 160 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,000 Tonight. 161 00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:00,546 I only came back to New York to pack and sublet my place. 162 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,340 I know I should have told you this sooner. 163 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,050 I was just afraid that you wouldn't come, 164 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,301 and... 165 00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,471 I had to meet you, Sophie. 166 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,725 FUTURE SOPHIE: And so, 167 00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,894 we decided it would be a bad idea 168 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,938 to start a long‐distance relationship 169 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,524 after just a few weeks of texting 170 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,067 and an amazing first date. 171 00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,238 Goodbye, Sophie. 172 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,991 Goodbye, Ian. 173 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,870 Uh... 174 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,373 I kind of wanna kiss you right now. 175 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,334 I kind of want that, too. 176 00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,133 Uh... I think it's best if we don't. 177 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,386 Maybe someday. 178 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,224 Yeah. Someday. 179 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,911 I was devastated. 180 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,122 But at least I was coming home to my bestie, 181 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,707 Aunt Valentina! 182 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,084 She was just back from Fashion Week in London. 183 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,337 SOPHIE: Oh! I'm so happy you're home. 184 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,630 I missed you so much. 185 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,173 We don't have time for "I miss yous!" Dish. 186 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,549 How was your date with Ian? Was he tall? 187 00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,635 - Yes. - Was he a good listener? 188 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:30,636 Yes. 189 00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:33,138 Were his eyes as kind as his photo? 190 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,223 Yes! 191 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,310 Why aren't you jumping? 192 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,939 Because he's moving to Australia. 193 00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,944 Soph, I am so sorry. 194 00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,238 Did you bang one out anyway? 195 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,742 Oh, at least I still have you. 196 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,410 You know what? We can just be 197 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,704 two single New York ladies doing it for ourselves. 198 00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:01,124 We can start a podcast called "Who Needs Men?" 199 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,961 Ah! Yeah! Uh, about that‐‐ 200 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,003 We can workshop the title later. 201 00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,756 - Oh my god! - My god! 202 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,049 A pervert! A pervert! 203 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,343 Please don't spray me! I have an extremely delicate face! 204 00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,805 He's not a pervert. This is Charlie. 205 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,058 Okay, he's sort of a pervert, but in a good way, 206 00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,102 You must be Sophie. 207 00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,145 It's a real pleasure‐‐ Oh my god. 208 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,648 I'll go round up a robe. 209 00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,401 Y‐‐ Funny story. 210 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,612 We me at London Fashion Week. Hit it off... 211 00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,614 big time. 212 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,324 One thing led to another, 213 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,995 and now he... lives with us. So, back to you and Ian‐‐ 214 00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,247 - Wait, what?! - I know, this is fast, 215 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,749 but when he told his crazy fancy 216 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,878 "high society" family that he was heading to New York 217 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,047 to be with a Mexican assistant stylist, 218 00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,466 they made some very outdated Ugly Betty jabs, 219 00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,510 and then they cut off his trust fund! 220 00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,847 They Meghan Markled you guys. 221 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,223 Although, it's for the best. 222 00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,892 I mean, who needs unlimited wealth and palaces? 223 00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:03,437 I will get by on my charm and my street smarts. 224 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,940 - I can see your penis again. - Oh! 225 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,318 - Stay in there, lad. - Hm. 226 00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,944 There my undies are! 227 00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,780 That's right. Completely forgot 228 00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,033 we started out here with all the fruit play. 229 00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,207 You might wanna toss those, too. 230 00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,458 These were organic! 231 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,755 So, I said I know this is fast, but I am super into him, 232 00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:32,925 and I decided I am not gonna let something as irrational 233 00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,843 as rational thinking stand in the way of that. 234 00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,929 FUTURE SOPHIE: And that's when I realized... 235 00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,973 I let rational thinking stand in the way of me and Ian. 236 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,683 I mean, sure, he's moving to a different continent, 237 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,728 but, you know, I've got tons of miles. We can always have Facesex. 238 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,730 - Whoa, what is Facesex? - I think she's mixing up 239 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,731 Facetime and phone sex. 240 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,525 I'm the cool friend. 241 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,736 I have to tell Ian that ending things was a mistake. 242 00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,530 Yes. Yes! 243 00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:57,115 Tell him. Oh, I'd love that for you! 244 00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,617 And this is where you say you love 245 00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:01,078 my "British guy moves in with us" plan for me. 246 00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,875 Ah! This isn't my phone. 247 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,879 I must've taken the wrong one when I got out of the Uber! 248 00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,298 I've gotta get to Pemberton's right now. 249 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:16,051 Can we come with? Can't wait to see the real New York. 250 00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,219 Can we take a subway? 251 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,805 I've always wanted to see what the subway's like! 252 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,807 So, that's what a subway is like. 253 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,726 Does it always smell like that? 254 00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,854 No! Sometimes, it's way worse. 255 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,148 One time, I was in a car where one guy was peeing, one guy was pooping, 256 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,818 - and one guy was dead. - Ah, the subway trifecta. 257 00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,069 Hope you made a wish. 258 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,618 Surprise! 259 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,371 Sophie! You're not Sid. Why are you not Sid? 260 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,540 Because you gave me his phone instead of mine 261 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,666 when I got out of your car. 262 00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,251 Wait, so I've been tracking you this whole time? 263 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,919 Okay, guys, we do not have eyes on Sid! 264 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,504 Everyone, back to your hiding spots. 265 00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,714 Okay, what is Sid's ETA? 266 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,549 Literally any second, so I really need you to hide. 267 00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,843 Good, good, 'cause I'm not sure what time Ian's flight is, 268 00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,720 but I've gotta talk to him before the plane takes off. 269 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,221 For the love of god, hide! 270 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,932 I freeze under pressure! 271 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,642 This is why I've been hit by three Citi Bikes! 272 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,279 What are you doing? 273 00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:20,032 Still smelling that train. It's in my hair. 274 00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,743 There's a stranger's body odor trapped in my hair. 275 00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,496 Um, hello! 276 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,916 Sorry. Didn't see you there. 277 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,377 I know. That's why I said, "Um, hello." 278 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,714 I was feeling creepier and creepier with every second that passed. 279 00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,966 I'm Ellen. I just moved here from Iowa. 280 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:38,926 - Mm. - Oh, 281 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,595 and I'm Jesse's sister. Adopted, obviously. 282 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:45,140 I mean, it's not obvious to me. I have no idea who Jesse is. 283 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,518 Have you taken the train yet? It's an underground freak show. 284 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,811 We get it. You hated the train. 285 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,856 So, what brings you to New York? 286 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:53,857 I'm getting divorced. 287 00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,151 - Oh... - Oh my god, you poor thing. 288 00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,779 Little Crescent, Iowa, has 600 people in it, 289 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,447 and she was the only other lesbian. 290 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,033 We both knew it had run its course, 291 00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:06,203 so I moved to New York to start over, reconnect with my brother... 292 00:13:07,079 --> 00:13:08,455 and ask out Kate McKinnon. 293 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,666 Whoa! Do you know Kate McKinnon? 294 00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:11,917 No. 295 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,752 Do you? 296 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,048 - Where the hell are they? - Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Look, look. 297 00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,717 Sid is my best friend, okay? And if he were in charge of my proposal‐‐ 298 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,761 Purely hypothetical, I'm never getting married, 299 00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,388 but he would make sure it was perfect, alright? 300 00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,515 So, I can't have your peeking head ruining his big night. 301 00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:29,017 Alright, alright. 302 00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,728 Why are you never getting married? 303 00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,231 Uh, I'm never getting married 304 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:37,276 because the one girl I wanted to marry broke my heart, okay? 305 00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,862 - Wait a second. - No. 306 00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,781 - I know you. - And here we go. 307 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,284 You are the guy from the video! 308 00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,411 FUTURE SOPHIE: The video was an unfortunate incident 309 00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,496 that had recently gone viral. 310 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,791 - Jesse. I'm sorry. I... - She's gonna say no. Oh my god. 311 00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,710 - What a nightmare. - This poor schmuck. 312 00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,462 - What a loser. - What a disaster. 313 00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,759 Now, she's in Europe, recording her first solo album, 314 00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,971 and I'm known all around the city as Mr. Proposal Fail. 315 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:09,057 You know who liked the video last week on Twitter? Michelle Obama. 316 00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:13,520 How did you forget the Beyoncé tickets at the bar? 317 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,272 ALL: Surprise! 318 00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,275 What's happening? 319 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,277 Hannah... 320 00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,822 I remember the moment I fell in love with you. 321 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,743 It was our first year of med school, 322 00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,661 and we were dissecting dead bodies, 323 00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,163 and, um, 324 00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,540 you leaned over, and you said to me, you said, 325 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,542 "Hey, you know how to get to the stomach? 326 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,045 You take the spleen‐ic route." 327 00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,298 And I thought, oh... 328 00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,968 This is the girl for me. 329 00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,637 Aww... 330 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,390 Hannah, I believe we can make it through anything together. 331 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:54,645 Even if sometimes, we take the spleen‐ic route. 332 00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,647 So... 333 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,861 Hannah... 334 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,156 Will you marry me? 335 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,408 Yes! 336 00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:11,703 Yes! 337 00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,791 Oh, I can't believe I'm getting engaged 338 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,876 and seeing Beyoncé! 339 00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,503 Oh... 340 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,130 I can't believe I'm getting engaged! 341 00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,597 Look at that! A proposal that won't haunt 342 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,182 and traumatize them forever. 343 00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,142 Good for him. 344 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,396 - I love you so much. - I love you more. 345 00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:40,858 And I love hilarious phone mishaps. 346 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,237 We swapped in the Uber. Mazel tov, by the way. 347 00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:48,323 Uh, here. It's dead, which feels very on brand for you. 348 00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,825 Um, I'm sorry. 349 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,368 Mm! 350 00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,705 - Oh my god. - What? 351 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:57,541 There were so many men urinating in there at once. 352 00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,543 Just a cacophony of piss. 353 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,881 Wait, now you're too fancy for stalls? 354 00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,883 Darling, I use stalls. 355 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,552 That's where we keep the ponies. 356 00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,430 Valentina, I think I've made a terrible mistake. 357 00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,515 I don't think I can live in this hellscape. 358 00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,226 This hellscape is my daily life, 359 00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,644 you prissy royal bitch. 360 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,146 Hey... 361 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,066 Mm! 362 00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,319 - Mm? - Mm! One‐‐ one second. 363 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,737 Alright. 364 00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,822 Oh my god. 365 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,533 A lung just became available for my patient! 366 00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,910 Yes! Oh! 367 00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,786 Honey, oh... 368 00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,497 - Oh, it's all over your shirt. - It's okay. 369 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,293 Babe, I am so sorry, but I have to get back to LA. 370 00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:45,380 Hey, hey. Look, my sister's hanging out with your friends. 371 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,549 She's kind of a loner, so I really want her to meet people. 372 00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,929 Yeah. Seems like they're really hitting it off. 373 00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,056 - Mm. - Hey, 374 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,141 as soon as my phone powers on, I'm out of here, 375 00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,936 but I wanted to tell you, you can't give up on love 376 00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:01,647 just because of your proposal fail. 377 00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,899 I know that there is a Brooklyn Bridge girl 378 00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,984 out there for you somewhere. 379 00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:09,780 Am I supposed to know what that is? Because you look like 380 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,490 you practically moved yourself to tears just now, 381 00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,659 but I have no idea what you're talking about. 382 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,954 - It's this thing I made up. - Okay. 383 00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,706 See, I've lived in New York since college, 384 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,084 but I've never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, 385 00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,961 and after a while, I waited so long 386 00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:27,172 that I decided I would wait and walk it with my soulmate. 387 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,718 You're one of those people whose parents actually stayed married, aren't you? 388 00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,095 College sweethearts, 389 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,680 married for 30 years sort of thing. 390 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,181 So you're like, if they found each other, 391 00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,766 there must be someone out there for everyone. 392 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,643 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? 393 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,229 Yeah. Something like that. 394 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,439 Must be nice. 395 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,401 Those of us who grew up in the real world, not so sure. 396 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,945 - Looks like your phone's back. - Yes! 397 00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,990 Aw. 398 00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:56,118 Ian sent me a pic holding his boarding pass and looking sad. 399 00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,662 - Aww. - I'm gonna call him. 400 00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,874 Wait, look. 401 00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,668 I can see all of his flight info. 402 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,838 Cool. He's got TSA PreCheck. 403 00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,090 He would! 404 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,426 I've always talked about getting that. 405 00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,094 But it's like a whole thing. No, not the point. 406 00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:19,141 I'm going to go to JFK and tell him that we're meant to be. 407 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,935 - Really? - Hey, uh, can I borrow your car? 408 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,854 I need to take Hannah to the airport. 409 00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:26,356 - What? - Emergency surgery calls. 410 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,276 Seems like the universe wants me to take everyone to the airport. 411 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,944 - Alright. Let's go. - Okay. What, are you coming? 412 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,196 I am! Oh! 413 00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,698 Wait! 414 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,909 You can't leave me alone with Charlie. I think I hate him. 415 00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,953 - We live with him. - I know! 416 00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:44,958 Valentina, don't abandon me! I have nowhere to go! 417 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,252 I'll need to sell my body to survive! 418 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,174 Hey, sis! Uh, we're all going to the airport. 419 00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,134 You forgot me, didn't you? 420 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,011 What? Who could for‐‐ 421 00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,429 Yeah. Completely forgot you. I'm sorry. 422 00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:05,646 FUTURE SOPHIE: And so, we all went to JFK 423 00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,815 to tell him that I wanted us to be together. 424 00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,568 There he is. 425 00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:15,572 Oh god, don't let this be the next Proposal Fail. 426 00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,449 Wait! Aren't you‐‐ 427 00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:20,702 It's actually Mr. Proposal Fail, but yes. 428 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:22,704 Ian! 429 00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:26,124 Sophie? What are you‐‐ 430 00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001 I've been on 87 Tinder dates this year. 431 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,379 Okay, all of them were duds. 432 00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:33,465 Just to be clear, I don't do, like, sexy stuff with all the guys. 433 00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,718 A lot of the times, I just have a white wine and talk. 434 00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:39,012 I also want to be clear that I am not judging anyone 435 00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,472 who does hook up on every date. 436 00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,474 It's just not my style. But if it's someone else's, 437 00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,268 that's her business, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. 438 00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,228 This is getting away from her. 439 00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,982 Look, what I'm trying to say is that 440 00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,859 we live in confusing times, 441 00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,194 where it's really hard to meet someone 442 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,363 and‐and‐and connect and have it feel... 443 00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:58,740 Easy. 444 00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:02,160 And tonight, it felt easy. 445 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,621 Other than the Australia thing, 446 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,332 which feels insurmountably hard, 447 00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:08,667 but we can get through it. 448 00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,670 I know that we can. 449 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,174 What do you say? 450 00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,970 Sophie, I'd love to make it work, but... 451 00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,348 it's a 14‐hour time difference, 452 00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,267 and I'm gonna be living 453 00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,895 out at sea for weeks on end without service. 454 00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,148 It'd just be way too hard. 455 00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:33,108 Oh, this is brutal. 456 00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,695 I'm really sorry, Sophie. 457 00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:39,072 But, maybe someday, right? 458 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,700 Yeah. Maybe. 459 00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,672 But I didn't want to wait around for some day. 460 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,972 I'm doing it! 461 00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,184 I'm walking the bridge without the love of my life! 462 00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:10,354 Sounded more triumphant in my head. 463 00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:11,647 You walk that bridge, girl. 464 00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:16,109 That... surprisingly clean and... 465 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,611 actually rather majestic bridge. 466 00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:20,322 You don't have to pretend to like this for me. 467 00:21:21,657 --> 00:21:23,283 I'm not pretending. 468 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,786 You know, I‐I really do think it's stunning. 469 00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:29,790 Brimming with... with life and personality. 470 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:34,795 Like you. 471 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,467 Charlie, do you know one of the reasons I fell so hard for you? 472 00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:44,096 Because my charm is all boy, but my body is all man? 473 00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:46,682 No. 474 00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,642 It's because I thought you were brave. 475 00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,604 You've lived this incredibly pampered life, 476 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,314 but you walked away from it all. 477 00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,359 To take a chance on us. 478 00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,863 Charlie... 479 00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:02,906 this city is magic! 480 00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,826 And so am I. 481 00:22:08,579 --> 00:22:11,623 Do you wanna be a part of that magic or not? 482 00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:14,710 I do. 483 00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,004 Very, very much. 484 00:22:23,177 --> 00:22:26,555 If Sophie can walk across this bridge totally alone 485 00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,098 and Sid can have 486 00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:31,018 a good attitude about his fiancée ditching him, 487 00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:33,854 and you two can try to make your... 488 00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,522 completely doomed relationship work... 489 00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,523 - Hey! - Ellen! 490 00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:40,194 ...then I can stop obsessing over my divorce 491 00:22:40,194 --> 00:22:42,196 and ask a woman out to divorce! 492 00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:45,199 To divorce. To dinner! Dammit! 493 00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:46,742 You'll get there. 494 00:22:50,329 --> 00:22:52,706 This is good for Soph. She needed this. 495 00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:56,043 What? She's gonna be fine. She's got her parents' magic love story 496 00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,170 to keep her stupidly optimistic. 497 00:22:58,170 --> 00:22:59,880 - Magic love story? - Yeah. 498 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,382 Sophie's mom is a party girl 499 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,760 who bounces around from boyfriend to boyfriend. 500 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,970 Her dad wasn't even in the picture. 501 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:09,139 The only thing magical about Sophie's life 502 00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:11,141 is that she still believes in love at all. 503 00:23:13,477 --> 00:23:15,896 How have I never walked this bridge before? 504 00:23:15,896 --> 00:23:17,397 I told you! 505 00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,234 - Whoo! - Now, we're talking! 506 00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:22,903 Listen, what are we gonna do for dinner? Because it's late... 507 00:23:25,364 --> 00:23:27,658 Thanks for having us over for drinks, guys! 508 00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:28,992 Yeah, of course. I mean, 509 00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,495 hot engagement sex, 510 00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:33,664 drinks with total strangers... 511 00:23:34,331 --> 00:23:35,874 Two equally good things. 512 00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:40,921 Wow. Love your place! 513 00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,589 Thanks. It was a total score. 514 00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:44,550 We got it from this old married couple 515 00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,844 who posted it on the Wesleyan Alumni Group. 516 00:23:46,844 --> 00:23:48,428 We even got them to leave their swords. 517 00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:50,597 Wow. Nice touch. 518 00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:54,059 FUTURE SOPHIE: So, that's it. 519 00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,561 That's the night I met your father. 520 00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:04,945 SOPHIE'S SON: But you guys didn't even get together. 521 00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:06,530 Get together? Oh! 522 00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,156 That's a much longer story. 523 00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,658 Now, where was I? 524 00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,411 Where'd I put that bottle of wine? 525 00:24:17,534 --> 00:24:18,814 Ripped and corrected by - YoungJedi - 39071

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