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Ripped and corrected by
- YoungJedi -
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- House, call my son.
- Lights on.
3
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,150
It's 2050, how does this still not work?
4
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,695
Call. My. Son!
5
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:30,864
And turn down the damn lights.
6
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,367
Hi, Mom.
7
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,785
Oh, hi, sweetie!
8
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:38,330
- Oh, you look tired.
- Okay, thanks for calling.
9
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:41,917
- Are you busy?
- Not really. Just finished studying.
10
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:44,711
Good 'cause I wanna tell you
11
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,130
the story of how I met your father.
12
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,841
SON:
I already know how you met Dad.
13
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,926
Ah, you know the basics,
14
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:54,137
but it's time for me to tell you
the unabridged version.
15
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,849
How many glasses
of that wine have you had?
16
00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,351
Just enough to include the sexy bits.
17
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,563
SON:
Oh good god, here we go.
18
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,941
Now, like a lot of
love stories back in 2022,
19
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,943
this one starts with a Tinder date.
20
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,194
Excuse me.
21
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:12,197
Actually, it starts with me
being late to a Tinder date.
22
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,116
Don't hit me! Don't hit me!
23
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,201
- Uh, Sophie?
- Yeah!
24
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,911
Hey, I'm Jesse.
This is my best friend Sid.
25
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,580
Don't mind him, he's just hitching a ride.
26
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,665
Oh! Ask me why I'm hitching a ride.
27
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:26,253
- Come on! Ask me!
- Uh, w‐why are you hitching a ride, Sid?
28
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,630
I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight.
29
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,592
Wow, girlfriend! Not gonna be
saying that much longer!
30
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,844
Someone's gonna be nothing but fiancée!
31
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:36,305
Fiancée! Fiancée! Fiancée!
32
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:39,057
Sophie, be a dear and choke me out
with this charging cord, would you?
33
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,809
Ooh, actually, can I use it
34
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,228
'cause my phone's belly is hungry.
She's all,
35
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,731
"Feed me, Mama!"
36
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,609
Okay, tell me everything.
Who is she?
37
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,360
Okay, so her name's Hannah.
38
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,862
She's a surgical resident in LA,
39
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,322
so we've been doing
the long‐distance thing
40
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,365
while I'm here
running my bar, Pemberton's.
41
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,576
Uh, look at you,
locking down a surgeon!
42
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,036
How you gonna ask her?
43
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,371
So, she thinks we're gonna go
see Beyoncé tonight,
44
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,583
but really, I got all our friends
waiting at my bar to surprise her.
45
00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:08,587
You think she's gonna be a little bummed
that you're not actually seeing Beyoncé?
46
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:09,713
I keep telling him
she's gonna be bummed.
47
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,715
Okay, a lifetime with me
is better than Beyoncé.
48
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,510
- Sure.
- Hm...
49
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,345
So, uh, what about you, Sophie?
50
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,347
What's going on at the Rosewood bar?
51
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:21,016
Okay, uh,
52
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,643
I know this might sound crazy,
53
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,937
but I think I've found the man
54
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,022
that I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
55
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,273
- Hm.
- Yeah.
56
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:31,235
Only thing is he's from Tinder, and we
haven't actually met in real life yet.
57
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,612
Oh, very You've Got Mail.
58
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:37,157
More like you've got unrealistic
expectations for this date.
59
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,785
Okay, I‐I know how this sounds,
60
00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:42,079
but I am not some wide‐eyed dope
61
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:45,541
who thinks she's found true love
every time some douchey ibanker
62
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,043
swipes right and texts, "'Sup?"
63
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,546
My last Tinder date was the worst one yet.
64
00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,172
The guy showed up 20 minutes late.
65
00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,967
Sophie? Sorry, I'm late.
66
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,553
Oh. That's okay.
67
00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:58,720
Subway delay?
68
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,764
Uh, no, actually, I was, uh...
69
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,641
I was on another date
before this, and, uh,
70
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:03,809
let's just say it went well.
71
00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,143
Like, uh...
72
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,521
Like really well.
73
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,982
Like, I just had sex.
74
00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,942
- He told you that?!
- Why would he tell you that?!
75
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,402
That's not even the worst part.
76
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,197
He actually thought that telling me
he just had sex was charming.
77
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,158
He thought I'd just laugh
and smile and say,
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00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:23,412
"That's so crazy!" Because,
God forbid, a woman in this city
79
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,706
actually expects anything from a guy,
80
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,166
even if it's just the basic
decency to not tell her
81
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,669
he just had sexual intercourse
with someone else!
82
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,421
What is wrong with everyone?!
83
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,717
And right there, outside that bar,
84
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,343
I decided to quit Tinder.
85
00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:41,763
But when I went to deactivate
my account...
86
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,974
I matched with Ian.
87
00:03:44,850 --> 00:03:46,685
- You matched with Ian?!
- She matched with Ian.
88
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,020
- Yeah.
- It started with
89
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:51,899
your typical flirty banter,
you know, just getting to know you stuff.
90
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,526
Who was your first celebrity crush?
91
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,404
IAN:
Tia Mowry. You?
92
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,198
SOPHIE:
Buzz Lightyear.
93
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,492
IAN:
Oh, an astronaut made of plastic...
94
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,827
Freaky!
95
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,956
And then we started to
actually get to know each other.
96
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,375
IAN:
What kind of photography do you do?
97
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,794
Right now,
I shoot stuff like birthday parties
98
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,838
and engagement photos to pay the rent,
99
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,508
but my heart
is in street photography.
100
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:18,967
IAN:
That's when you sneak up on a stranger,
101
00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,887
take their picture, and then run away
before they punch you, right?
102
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,264
SOPHIE:
That's exactly right.
103
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,308
- What do you do?
- I know this sounds made up,
104
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,727
but I'm a marine biologist.
105
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,230
SOPHIE:
That is 100% made up.
106
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,566
And before long,
we were texting all day.
107
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,235
All night, too.
108
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,570
- First kiss?
- Mabel Greyhound, seventh grade.
109
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,614
- You cook?
- One of my favorite hobbies.
110
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,453
IAN:
I've been thinkin' about you all day.
111
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,830
Oh my god, Ian,
ask a girl out already!
112
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,583
I was thinking the exact same thing!
113
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,878
So, are you ever gonna ask me
to meet you in real life?
114
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,338
IAN:
I'd love to,
115
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,758
but I'm in Australia for work
for the next two weeks.
116
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,135
So, we made plans to meet up
when he got back,
117
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,054
and that brings us to tonight,
118
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,431
and my last first date ever.
119
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,433
Wow, that's romantic as hell.
120
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,060
I know, right?
121
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,563
- What does the killjoy think?
- Hey!
122
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,190
Look, I got a real good
feeling about this Ian guy.
123
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,734
No, no. I can't do it.
124
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,611
No, the truth is the chances of this guy
125
00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:21,697
being your soul mate are lower than low.
126
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:24,074
I mean, there's a better chance of you
giving me a five‐star review
127
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,076
after this rude assessment I'm making.
128
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,204
Speaking of which,
don't forget your phone.
129
00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,039
Ah. Thanks.
130
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,166
Uh, happy proposing.
131
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,251
SID:
Thank you.
132
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,843
- What?
- Ooh... You liked her.
133
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,802
- Did not.
134
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:44,970
- Did, too.
- Did not!
135
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,972
- Did not.
- Did, too‐‐ Dammit.
136
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,439
Ian?
137
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,648
Sophie!
138
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,108
Hi.
139
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,193
Hi.
140
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:03,322
And thus began the best first date
I'd ever been on.
141
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,658
A date so good, you don't
even check your phone.
142
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,493
- SOPHIE'S SON: Whoa.
- I know.
143
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:13,957
You know, we should go see
that new movie next week
144
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,752
where walking Joaquin Phoenix
plays Amelia Earhart.
145
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,545
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And then it happened.
146
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,089
What?
147
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,842
Okay, so...
148
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,219
Sophie, the thing is...
149
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,679
I'm moving to Australia.
150
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:30,933
You just got back from there.
151
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:32,309
I know.
152
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,228
It was only supposed
to be a research trip,
153
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,105
but right before I left,
they offered me a full‐time job
154
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,608
on a team that's helping
endangered coral reef procreate.
155
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,362
Can't you just...
156
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,781
light a candle
and put on some soft rock?
157
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,658
I mean, that always works for me.
158
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,704
When are you leaving?
159
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,249
Tonight.
160
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,000
Tonight.
161
00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:00,546
I only came back to New York
to pack and sublet my place.
162
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,340
I know I should have
told you this sooner.
163
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,050
I was just afraid
that you wouldn't come,
164
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,301
and...
165
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,471
I had to meet you, Sophie.
166
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,725
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And so,
167
00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,894
we decided it would be a bad idea
168
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,938
to start a long‐distance relationship
169
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,524
after just a few weeks of texting
170
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,067
and an amazing first date.
171
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,238
Goodbye, Sophie.
172
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,991
Goodbye, Ian.
173
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,870
Uh...
174
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:36,373
I kind of wanna kiss you right now.
175
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,334
I kind of want that, too.
176
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,133
Uh... I think it's best if we don't.
177
00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,386
Maybe someday.
178
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,224
Yeah. Someday.
179
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,911
I was devastated.
180
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,122
But at least I was coming home
to my bestie,
181
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,707
Aunt Valentina!
182
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,084
She was just back
from Fashion Week in London.
183
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,337
SOPHIE:
Oh! I'm so happy you're home.
184
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,630
I missed you so much.
185
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,173
We don't have time for
"I miss yous!" Dish.
186
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,549
How was your date with Ian? Was he tall?
187
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,635
- Yes.
- Was he a good listener?
188
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:30,636
Yes.
189
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:33,138
Were his eyes as kind as his photo?
190
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,223
Yes!
191
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,310
Why aren't you jumping?
192
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,939
Because he's moving to Australia.
193
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,944
Soph, I am so sorry.
194
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,238
Did you bang one out anyway?
195
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,742
Oh, at least I still have you.
196
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,410
You know what? We can just be
197
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,704
two single New York ladies
doing it for ourselves.
198
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:01,124
We can start a podcast called
"Who Needs Men?"
199
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,961
Ah! Yeah! Uh, about that‐‐
200
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,003
We can workshop the title later.
201
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:07,756
- Oh my god!
- My god!
202
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,049
A pervert! A pervert!
203
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,343
Please don't spray me!
I have an extremely delicate face!
204
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,805
He's not a pervert.
This is Charlie.
205
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,058
Okay, he's sort of a pervert,
but in a good way,
206
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,102
You must be Sophie.
207
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,145
It's a real pleasure‐‐ Oh my god.
208
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,648
I'll go round up a robe.
209
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,401
Y‐‐ Funny story.
210
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,612
We me at London Fashion Week.
Hit it off...
211
00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:32,614
big time.
212
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,324
One thing led to another,
213
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,995
and now he... lives with us.
So, back to you and Ian‐‐
214
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,247
- Wait, what?!
- I know, this is fast,
215
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,749
but when he told his crazy fancy
216
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,878
"high society" family
that he was heading to New York
217
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,047
to be with a Mexican assistant stylist,
218
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,466
they made some very
outdated Ugly Betty jabs,
219
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,510
and then they cut off his trust fund!
220
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,847
They Meghan Markled you guys.
221
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,223
Although, it's for the best.
222
00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,892
I mean, who needs
unlimited wealth and palaces?
223
00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:03,437
I will get by on my charm
and my street smarts.
224
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,940
- I can see your penis again.
- Oh!
225
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,318
- Stay in there, lad.
- Hm.
226
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,944
There my undies are!
227
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,780
That's right. Completely forgot
228
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,033
we started out here
with all the fruit play.
229
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,207
You might wanna toss those, too.
230
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,458
These were organic!
231
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,755
So, I said I know this is fast,
but I am super into him,
232
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:32,925
and I decided I am not
gonna let something as irrational
233
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,843
as rational thinking
stand in the way of that.
234
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,929
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And that's when I realized...
235
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,973
I let rational thinking stand
in the way of me and Ian.
236
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,683
I mean, sure, he's moving
to a different continent,
237
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,728
but, you know, I've got tons of miles.
We can always have Facesex.
238
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,730
- Whoa, what is Facesex?
- I think she's mixing up
239
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,731
Facetime and phone sex.
240
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,525
I'm the cool friend.
241
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,736
I have to tell Ian that
ending things was a mistake.
242
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,530
Yes. Yes!
243
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:57,115
Tell him. Oh, I'd love that for you!
244
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,617
And this is where you say you love
245
00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:01,078
my "British guy moves in with us"
plan for me.
246
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,875
Ah! This isn't my phone.
247
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,879
I must've taken the wrong one
when I got out of the Uber!
248
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,298
I've gotta get to Pemberton's right now.
249
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:16,051
Can we come with?
Can't wait to see the real New York.
250
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,219
Can we take a subway?
251
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,805
I've always wanted to see
what the subway's like!
252
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,807
So, that's what a subway is like.
253
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,726
Does it always smell like that?
254
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,854
No! Sometimes, it's way worse.
255
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,148
One time, I was in a car where one guy
was peeing, one guy was pooping,
256
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,818
- and one guy was dead.
- Ah, the subway trifecta.
257
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,069
Hope you made a wish.
258
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,618
Surprise!
259
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,371
Sophie! You're not Sid.
Why are you not Sid?
260
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,540
Because you gave me his phone
instead of mine
261
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,666
when I got out of your car.
262
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,251
Wait, so I've been
tracking you this whole time?
263
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,919
Okay, guys, we do not have eyes on Sid!
264
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,504
Everyone, back to your hiding spots.
265
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,714
Okay, what is Sid's ETA?
266
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,549
Literally any second,
so I really need you to hide.
267
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,843
Good, good, 'cause I'm not sure
what time Ian's flight is,
268
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,720
but I've gotta talk to him
before the plane takes off.
269
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,221
For the love of god, hide!
270
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,932
I freeze under pressure!
271
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,642
This is why I've been hit
by three Citi Bikes!
272
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,279
What are you doing?
273
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:20,032
Still smelling that train.
It's in my hair.
274
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,743
There's a stranger's body odor
trapped in my hair.
275
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,496
Um, hello!
276
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,916
Sorry. Didn't see you there.
277
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,377
I know. That's why I said, "Um, hello."
278
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,714
I was feeling creepier and creepier
with every second that passed.
279
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,966
I'm Ellen.
I just moved here from Iowa.
280
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:38,926
- Mm.
- Oh,
281
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,595
and I'm Jesse's sister.
Adopted, obviously.
282
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:45,140
I mean, it's not obvious to me.
I have no idea who Jesse is.
283
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,518
Have you taken the train yet?
It's an underground freak show.
284
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:49,811
We get it. You hated the train.
285
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,856
So, what brings you to New York?
286
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:53,857
I'm getting divorced.
287
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,151
- Oh...
- Oh my god, you poor thing.
288
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,779
Little Crescent, Iowa,
has 600 people in it,
289
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,447
and she was the only other lesbian.
290
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,033
We both knew it had run its course,
291
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:06,203
so I moved to New York to start over,
reconnect with my brother...
292
00:13:07,079 --> 00:13:08,455
and ask out Kate McKinnon.
293
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,666
Whoa! Do you know Kate McKinnon?
294
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:11,917
No.
295
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,752
Do you?
296
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,048
- Where the hell are they?
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Look, look.
297
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,717
Sid is my best friend, okay?
And if he were in charge of my proposal‐‐
298
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,761
Purely hypothetical,
I'm never getting married,
299
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,388
but he would make sure
it was perfect, alright?
300
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,515
So, I can't have your peeking
head ruining his big night.
301
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:29,017
Alright, alright.
302
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,728
Why are you never getting married?
303
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,231
Uh, I'm never getting married
304
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:37,276
because the one girl I wanted
to marry broke my heart, okay?
305
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,862
- Wait a second.
- No.
306
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,781
- I know you.
- And here we go.
307
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,284
You are the guy from the video!
308
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,411
FUTURE SOPHIE:
The video was an unfortunate incident
309
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,496
that had recently gone viral.
310
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,791
- Jesse. I'm sorry. I...
- She's gonna say no. Oh my god.
311
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,710
- What a nightmare.
- This poor schmuck.
312
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,462
- What a loser.
- What a disaster.
313
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,759
Now, she's in Europe,
recording her first solo album,
314
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,971
and I'm known all around
the city as Mr. Proposal Fail.
315
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:09,057
You know who liked the video
last week on Twitter? Michelle Obama.
316
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:13,520
How did you forget
the Beyoncé tickets at the bar?
317
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,272
ALL:
Surprise!
318
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,275
What's happening?
319
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,277
Hannah...
320
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,822
I remember the moment
I fell in love with you.
321
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,743
It was our first year of med school,
322
00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,661
and we were dissecting dead bodies,
323
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,163
and, um,
324
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,540
you leaned over,
and you said to me, you said,
325
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,542
"Hey, you know how to get to the stomach?
326
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,045
You take the spleen‐ic route."
327
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,298
And I thought, oh...
328
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,968
This is the girl for me.
329
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,637
Aww...
330
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,390
Hannah, I believe we can make it
through anything together.
331
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:54,645
Even if sometimes,
we take the spleen‐ic route.
332
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,647
So...
333
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,861
Hannah...
334
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,156
Will you marry me?
335
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,408
Yes!
336
00:15:10,661 --> 00:15:11,703
Yes!
337
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,791
Oh, I can't believe I'm getting engaged
338
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,876
and seeing Beyoncé!
339
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,503
Oh...
340
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,130
I can't believe I'm getting engaged!
341
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,597
Look at that!
A proposal that won't haunt
342
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,182
and traumatize them forever.
343
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,142
Good for him.
344
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,396
- I love you so much.
- I love you more.
345
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:40,858
And I love hilarious phone mishaps.
346
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,237
We swapped in the Uber.
Mazel tov, by the way.
347
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:48,323
Uh, here. It's dead,
which feels very on brand for you.
348
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,825
Um, I'm sorry.
349
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,368
Mm!
350
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,705
- Oh my god.
- What?
351
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:57,541
There were so many men
urinating in there at once.
352
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,543
Just a cacophony of piss.
353
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,881
Wait, now you're
too fancy for stalls?
354
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,883
Darling, I use stalls.
355
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,552
That's where we keep the ponies.
356
00:16:09,595 --> 00:16:11,430
Valentina, I think I've made
a terrible mistake.
357
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,515
I don't think I can live
in this hellscape.
358
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,226
This hellscape is my daily life,
359
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,644
you prissy royal bitch.
360
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,146
Hey...
361
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,066
Mm!
362
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,319
- Mm?
- Mm! One‐‐ one second.
363
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,737
Alright.
364
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,822
Oh my god.
365
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,533
A lung just became
available for my patient!
366
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,910
Yes! Oh!
367
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,786
Honey, oh...
368
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:37,497
- Oh, it's all over your shirt.
- It's okay.
369
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,293
Babe, I am so sorry,
but I have to get back to LA.
370
00:16:42,503 --> 00:16:45,380
Hey, hey. Look, my sister's
hanging out with your friends.
371
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,549
She's kind of a loner, so I
really want her to meet people.
372
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,929
Yeah. Seems like
they're really hitting it off.
373
00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,056
- Mm.
- Hey,
374
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,141
as soon as my phone powers on,
I'm out of here,
375
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,936
but I wanted to tell you,
you can't give up on love
376
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:01,647
just because of your proposal fail.
377
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:03,899
I know that there is
a Brooklyn Bridge girl
378
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,984
out there for you somewhere.
379
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:09,780
Am I supposed to know what that is?
Because you look like
380
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,490
you practically moved yourself
to tears just now,
381
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,659
but I have no idea
what you're talking about.
382
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,954
- It's this thing I made up.
- Okay.
383
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,706
See, I've lived in New York
since college,
384
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,084
but I've never walked across
the Brooklyn Bridge,
385
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,961
and after a while,
I waited so long
386
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:27,172
that I decided I would wait
and walk it with my soulmate.
387
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,718
You're one of those people whose parents
actually stayed married, aren't you?
388
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,095
College sweethearts,
389
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,680
married for 30 years sort of thing.
390
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,181
So you're like, if they found each other,
391
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,766
there must be someone
out there for everyone.
392
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,643
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right?
393
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,229
Yeah. Something like that.
394
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,439
Must be nice.
395
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,401
Those of us who grew up
in the real world, not so sure.
396
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,945
- Looks like your phone's back.
- Yes!
397
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,990
Aw.
398
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:56,118
Ian sent me a pic holding his
boarding pass and looking sad.
399
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,662
- Aww.
- I'm gonna call him.
400
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,874
Wait, look.
401
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,668
I can see all of his flight info.
402
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,838
Cool. He's got TSA PreCheck.
403
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,090
He would!
404
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,426
I've always talked
about getting that.
405
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,094
But it's like a whole thing.
No, not the point.
406
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:19,141
I'm going to go to JFK
and tell him that we're meant to be.
407
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,935
- Really?
- Hey, uh, can I borrow your car?
408
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,854
I need to take Hannah to the airport.
409
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:26,356
- What?
- Emergency surgery calls.
410
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,276
Seems like the universe wants me
to take everyone to the airport.
411
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,944
- Alright. Let's go.
- Okay. What, are you coming?
412
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,196
I am! Oh!
413
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,698
Wait!
414
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,909
You can't leave me alone with Charlie.
I think I hate him.
415
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,953
- We live with him.
- I know!
416
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:44,958
Valentina, don't abandon me!
I have nowhere to go!
417
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,252
I'll need to sell my body to survive!
418
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,174
Hey, sis!
Uh, we're all going to the airport.
419
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,134
You forgot me, didn't you?
420
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,011
What? Who could for‐‐
421
00:18:56,011 --> 00:18:57,429
Yeah. Completely forgot you. I'm sorry.
422
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:05,646
FUTURE SOPHIE:
And so, we all went to JFK
423
00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,815
to tell him that I wanted us
to be together.
424
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,568
There he is.
425
00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:15,572
Oh god, don't let this be
the next Proposal Fail.
426
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,449
Wait! Aren't you‐‐
427
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:20,702
It's actually Mr. Proposal Fail,
but yes.
428
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:22,704
Ian!
429
00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:26,124
Sophie? What are you‐‐
430
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001
I've been on 87 Tinder dates this year.
431
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,379
Okay, all of them were duds.
432
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:33,465
Just to be clear, I don't do,
like, sexy stuff with all the guys.
433
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,718
A lot of the times, I just have
a white wine and talk.
434
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:39,012
I also want to be clear
that I am not judging anyone
435
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,472
who does hook up on every date.
436
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,474
It's just not my style.
But if it's someone else's,
437
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,268
that's her business,
and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
438
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:46,228
This is getting away from her.
439
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,982
Look, what I'm trying to say is that
440
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,859
we live in confusing times,
441
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,194
where it's really hard to meet someone
442
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,363
and‐and‐and connect and have it feel...
443
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:58,740
Easy.
444
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:02,160
And tonight, it felt easy.
445
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,621
Other than the Australia thing,
446
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,332
which feels insurmountably hard,
447
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:08,667
but we can get through it.
448
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,670
I know that we can.
449
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,174
What do you say?
450
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,970
Sophie, I'd love
to make it work, but...
451
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,348
it's a 14‐hour time difference,
452
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,267
and I'm gonna be living
453
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,895
out at sea for weeks
on end without service.
454
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,148
It'd just be way too hard.
455
00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:33,108
Oh, this is brutal.
456
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,695
I'm really sorry, Sophie.
457
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:39,072
But, maybe someday, right?
458
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,700
Yeah. Maybe.
459
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,672
But I didn't
want to wait around for some day.
460
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,972
I'm doing it!
461
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,184
I'm walking the bridge
without the love of my life!
462
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:10,354
Sounded more triumphant in my head.
463
00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:11,647
You walk that bridge, girl.
464
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:16,109
That... surprisingly clean and...
465
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,611
actually rather majestic bridge.
466
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:20,322
You don't have to pretend
to like this for me.
467
00:21:21,657 --> 00:21:23,283
I'm not pretending.
468
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,786
You know,
I‐I really do think it's stunning.
469
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:29,790
Brimming with...
with life and personality.
470
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:34,795
Like you.
471
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,467
Charlie, do you know one of
the reasons I fell so hard for you?
472
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:44,096
Because my charm is all boy,
but my body is all man?
473
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:46,682
No.
474
00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,642
It's because I thought you were brave.
475
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,604
You've lived this
incredibly pampered life,
476
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,314
but you walked away from it all.
477
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,359
To take a chance on us.
478
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,863
Charlie...
479
00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:02,906
this city is magic!
480
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,826
And so am I.
481
00:22:08,579 --> 00:22:11,623
Do you wanna be a part
of that magic or not?
482
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:14,710
I do.
483
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,004
Very, very much.
484
00:22:23,177 --> 00:22:26,555
If Sophie can walk across
this bridge totally alone
485
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,098
and Sid can have
486
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:31,018
a good attitude about
his fiancée ditching him,
487
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:33,854
and you two can try to make your...
488
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,522
completely doomed relationship work...
489
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,523
- Hey!
- Ellen!
490
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:40,194
...then I can stop obsessing
over my divorce
491
00:22:40,194 --> 00:22:42,196
and ask a woman out to divorce!
492
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:45,199
To divorce. To dinner! Dammit!
493
00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:46,742
You'll get there.
494
00:22:50,329 --> 00:22:52,706
This is good for Soph.
She needed this.
495
00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:56,043
What? She's gonna be fine.
She's got her parents' magic love story
496
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,170
to keep her stupidly optimistic.
497
00:22:58,170 --> 00:22:59,880
- Magic love story?
- Yeah.
498
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,382
Sophie's mom is a party girl
499
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,760
who bounces around
from boyfriend to boyfriend.
500
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,970
Her dad wasn't even in the picture.
501
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:09,139
The only thing
magical about Sophie's life
502
00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:11,141
is that she still believes in love at all.
503
00:23:13,477 --> 00:23:15,896
How have I never walked
this bridge before?
504
00:23:15,896 --> 00:23:17,397
I told you!
505
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,234
- Whoo!
- Now, we're talking!
506
00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:22,903
Listen, what are we gonna do for dinner?
Because it's late...
507
00:23:25,364 --> 00:23:27,658
Thanks for having us
over for drinks, guys!
508
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:28,992
Yeah, of course. I mean,
509
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,495
hot engagement sex,
510
00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:33,664
drinks with total strangers...
511
00:23:34,331 --> 00:23:35,874
Two equally good things.
512
00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:40,921
Wow. Love your place!
513
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,589
Thanks. It was a total score.
514
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:44,550
We got it from
this old married couple
515
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,844
who posted it
on the Wesleyan Alumni Group.
516
00:23:46,844 --> 00:23:48,428
We even got them
to leave their swords.
517
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:50,597
Wow. Nice touch.
518
00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:54,059
FUTURE SOPHIE:
So, that's it.
519
00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,561
That's the night I met your father.
520
00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:04,945
SOPHIE'S SON:
But you guys didn't even get together.
521
00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:06,530
Get together? Oh!
522
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,156
That's a much longer story.
523
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,658
Now, where was I?
524
00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,411
Where'd I put that bottle of wine?
525
00:24:17,534 --> 00:24:18,814
Ripped and corrected by
- YoungJedi -
39071
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