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♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
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ANNOUNCER:
From New York City,
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it's The Chris Rock Show!
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Tonight, actress Vivica A. Fox,
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musical guestMissy "Misdemeanor" Elliott.
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Plus, musical directorGrandmaster Flash.
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(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
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Ladies and gentlemen,Chris Rock!
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(CHEERS, APPLAUSE)
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Thank you!
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(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE)
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Thank you.
Thank you! Thank you.
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Thank you. Thank you all.
Thank you all for...
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(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
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Thank you all...
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(AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHEERING)
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-For... Thanks for...
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, WHISTLING)
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WOMAN IN AUDIENCE: I love you,
Chris. Oh, my goodness!
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING,
CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
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Hey!
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-Stop it, Ma!
-(LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
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(LAUGHING) What the hell?
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-Calm down, woman!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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Hey, how's it going, Flash?
Flash in the house. All right.
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So, big week this week.
Big week, big week, big week.
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-Uh, Mitch "Blood" Green...
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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...Mitch "Blood" Green
is suing Mike Tyson
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-for beating his ass in 1988!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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Eighty-eight!
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That must have been
some ass-whooping...
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-...that he's gonna sue.
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He's like,
"Damn, I can't sit down."
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-"I gotta sue Mike Tyson."
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-"My ass still hurt."
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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What the hell going on?
They're in court right now.
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Yesterday,
Mitch's mother testified
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and showed photos of her son
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with his face swollen
and grotesque!
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And the judge ruled them as
inadmissible evidence,
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because it was taken
before the ass-whooping.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
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-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-But that's what he--
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Mitch...
Mitch isn't much of a looker.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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This week,
a teenager in Mississippi,
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in Mississippi,
opened fire on his classmates.
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Just started killing kids, man.
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Must be real hard going
to school in Mississippi, huh?
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Started killing all the kids
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-'cause he wasn't popular.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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Wasn't popular.
Yeah, I guess you real popular,
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'cause you the only one alive!
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-Yeah. That's real popular.
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(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
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He's the only one alive.
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-Yeah, man, you got next, man.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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(LAUGHS) It's all about you.
You the school president.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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(LAUGHS) What else happening?
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-Rick James! Rick James...
-(AUDIENCE GROANING)
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Rick James announced
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that he's going to do
his first concert in ten years.
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Slick Rick James, that's right.
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He says he only wants to perform
in front of a small audience.
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That's right. A small audience,
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the three girls he got
tied up in his basement.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, CHEERS)
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(LAUGHS)
You been to Rick's house?
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Hey, a new study shows
that high school students
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who had access to birth control
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were less likely to have
sex than those that didn't.
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Unless they also had
a nickel bag and a Land Rover.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, APPLAUDS)
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(LAUGHS) Then they got theirs.
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-You understand?
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'Cause if you got a nickel bag
and a Land Rover, you the man.
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You know,
when I was in high school,
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I didn't have to worry
about sex at all.
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At all. I was--
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I was 30 pounds lighter.
I had braces, I had glasses.
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-Shit, I was birth control!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, CHEERS)
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Now, I know what y'all thinking.
I know right now,
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it's hard for y'all
to do the show,
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'cause you want to party.
'Cause you know why?
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Everybody's thinking
about the same thing,
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tonight is Rosh Hashanah,
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-the Jewish New Year.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
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That's right.
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And tonight is Rosh Hashanah
and Jewish New Year,
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I know all of y'all
got plans for tonight.
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So, right now we're gonna go
to our correspondent
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live in Times Square,
Jon Hayman.
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-Chris, it is insane here!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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Although this is
one of the, uh, lighter turnouts
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we've seen in recent
New Year's eves.
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Still, there are literally
dozens of people walking around
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-the Times Square area.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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And in just about, oh,
twenty minutes or so,
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it's hard to believe,
but when that big ball drops,
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-it'll be 5758.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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-Happy New Year, Chris!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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Thanks a lot, Jon.
We'll check with you later.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING,
APPLAUDING AND CHEERING)
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And, everyone that is
celebrating Rosh Hashanah,
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I want you
to drive safely. Okay.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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Okay. Right now,
at The Chris Rock Show,
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we would like to take
some time out to honor
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some very special Americans.
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♪ (HEARTFELT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
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Ordinary citizens who make
extraordinary contributions
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in their own communities.
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Never getting the credit
they so richly deserve.
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These people volunteer
their time and labor,
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one, two, three times a week,
for you and me,
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-to perform oral sex.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
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Never seeking the spotlight,
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these people practicethe purest form of charity,
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giving in private withoutneeding their neighbors to know
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-how truly merciful they are.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)
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For most of the day,they may be shopkeepers,
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or homemakers, or farmers.
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But for a few minuteshere and there,
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they're our heroes,
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who through small actsof human kindness
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make an increasinglyhostile world
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just a little bit happier.
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-Remaining anonymous...
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, LAUGHING)
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...to all but a few,
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these outstanding Americansdeserve a salute
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from all of us,for never forgetting
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-that charity begins at home.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
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(CHEERING)
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So, Betty, Bill, Akim,
Judith, Mary, and Al Sharpton,
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-we salute you...
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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-...for performing oral sex.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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Okay, yo, we got
a great show tonight.
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We got Vivica A. Fox
in the house!
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(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
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That's right.
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We got Missy "Misdemeanor"
Elliott in the house!
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(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
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And right now,
I want you to give it up
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-for Grandmaster Flash.
-(RECORD SCRATCHES)
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(CHEERS, APPLAUSE)
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Now, coming up later this month
on HBO is a new special.
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Here's a peek.
Take a look.
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NARRATOR: Though manhas conquered his environment,
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there remainthose elements of nature
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with the powerto humble and terrify.
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Tornadoes,tidal waves, hurricanes,
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and the most frighteningphenomenon of them all...
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Darkness.
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-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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The sky turned completely black.
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Stayed that way for hours.
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I can't take it anymore.
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I mean, in the last year alone,
we've been hit by darkness
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at least 365 times.
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-We're moving.
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The children were terrified.
And so was I.
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Kids, come on! Hurry up.
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Come on,
it's coming, it's coming!
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NARRATOR: But there is one groupof people who are not afraid.
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-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
-They call themselves,
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-The Darkness Chasers.
-(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
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If darkness is out there,
we're gonna find it.
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NARRATOR:
Meet Dr. Karl Eberhardt,
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Nocturnalist.
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He and his team head toa location, where they suspect
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it might get dark.
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Once in the field,the chasers busy themselves
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setting up equipmentand taking readings.
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...Point one.
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This is a Darkness Chaser's
best friend.
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We know we're experiencing
full-on darkness
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when we can no longer see it.
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Dr. Eberhardt?
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Yes, Paul?
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I'm getting some readings
of darkness underneath this van.
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-No, that's shade, you fool!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
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I've been pursuing
occurrences of darkness
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for about... about five years,
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and my wife thinks I'm crazy.
(CHUCKLES)
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NARRATOR: Dr. Eberhardt assuresteam readiness...
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-Go!
-...with constantdarkness dexterity exercises.
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Come on! It's always gonna be
a lot darker than that!
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NARRATOR:
Eventually frustration sets in.
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Nothing. Shit.
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Well, it's 4:00 p.m.
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We've been out here
since 10:00 a.m.
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Haven't found
a sign of darkness yet.
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Let's get out of here.
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NARRATOR:
Back at the Darkness Institute,
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-Dr. Eberhardtand his team regroup... -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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...in preparationfor another sighting.
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I believe it was the emperor
Augustus Caesar
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who believed that darkness
was God putting on his shades.
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(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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NARRATOR: Eventually,the waiting around is over.
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The call comes.
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I just got a report
that east of here,
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they're experiencing dusk.
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Conditions couldn't
be any more favorable
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for the formation of darkness.
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-Let's hope we get lucky.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
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I've seen this before.
If you look up into the sky,
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you'll notice that the light
is disappearing
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in small increments.
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-(SOFTLY) It's sneaky.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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NARRATOR: With darknessfinally coming upon them,
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the team becomes anxious.
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This is some good darkness.
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I haven't seen
darkness like this since...
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the last time
we were out when it was dark.
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Don't be alarmed.
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What we have here
is a darkness cluster.
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Don't be scared,
it could last for hours.
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What are the meters showing?
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PAUL: I can't see anything,
I'm not sure.
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-CHASER: Yeah,
I don't know. It's kind of dark. -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
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MALE NARRATOR:
Finally, in the completeabsence of light,
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the chasers collectessential darkness data.
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DR. KARL EBERHARDT:
Ah! That's my toe, bitch!
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-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-PAUL: Sorry.
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NARRATOR:
To learn more about darkness,
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visit your local library,or your basement.
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Stay tuned to HBO.
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Coming up next,
The World's Scariest Sunsets.
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(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)
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Hey, our first guest
has appeared in such films
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as Set it Off, Booty Call,Independence Day,
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00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:10,212
and you can catch her right now
in the hit film Soul Food.
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Please give it up
for Vivica A. Fox.
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00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:15,498
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
237
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,330
-Vivica, on my show.
-(VIVICA LAUGHS)
238
00:11:27,417 --> 00:11:29,537
-Vivica A. Fox.
-Thank you,
239
00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:31,825
-thank you, thank you.
-"A." What's the "A" for?
240
00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:33,577
-Anjanetta.
-Anjanetta?
241
00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:35,827
-Uh-huh.
-Anjanetta. That's kind of ghetto there.
242
00:11:35,917 --> 00:11:36,917
-(LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
243
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,000
Anjanetta!
244
00:11:38,083 --> 00:11:40,213
My mother's from West Point,
Mississippi.
245
00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:42,792
So, where she came up
with Vivica and Anjanetta--
246
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:44,245
She had, like-- she had
a neck bone in her lip.
247
00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:47,793
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-Yeah.
248
00:11:47,875 --> 00:11:51,285
-Anjanetta, pass the peas!
-(VIVICA LAUGHS)
249
00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:53,705
-Yeah, no shit.
-No, no, no.
250
00:11:53,792 --> 00:11:55,712
I loved you in Soul Food.
251
00:11:55,792 --> 00:11:58,332
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
-Yeah. Thank you.
252
00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,880
-I loved you in Soul Food.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
253
00:12:02,958 --> 00:12:06,038
-I'm glad you got the part.
-(LAUGHS) Why?
254
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:08,415
'Cause you know why,
you look good in everything
255
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:09,540
-I see you in...
-Uh-huh.
256
00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:11,035
...but sometimes they give you
some fucked-up parts.
257
00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:12,915
(SHRIEKS) Like what?
258
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,040
'Cause they had you stripping
in Independence Day.
259
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,035
-I was like,
"What the fuck they doing?" -But that scene was this short.
260
00:12:17,125 --> 00:12:18,245
-Right?
-I know, but I was like,
261
00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:20,133
I was mad. I was like, okay,
there's my girl, Vivica.
262
00:12:20,208 --> 00:12:22,288
-Yeah! Vivica, yeah!
-Raw!
263
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,785
She work it. Yeah!
264
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:26,455
The one Black lady
in the whole movie, yeah!
265
00:12:26,542 --> 00:12:28,382
Why the fuck
they got her stripping?
266
00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:29,578
-(LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
267
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:31,077
-I was mad, 'cause I thought--
-But for once,
268
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,287
they trusted the sister
to be the sex symbol.
269
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:34,575
-You did help save the day.
-Thank you.
270
00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:36,077
-You did save the world.
-Yes.
271
00:12:36,167 --> 00:12:38,667
You know, I thought, "Did they
cut out a scene or some shit?"
272
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:42,000
"Did they cut out the scene
where you shook your ass and the aliens went that way?"
273
00:12:42,083 --> 00:12:45,213
-(SHRIEKS) You are bad.
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, LAUGHING)
274
00:12:45,292 --> 00:12:49,212
That was good, that was good.
That was good, that was good.
275
00:12:49,042 --> 00:12:52,382
So, now, you got the dope parts,
you're married.
276
00:12:52,458 --> 00:12:54,328
You got the kid,
you got the relationship.
277
00:12:54,417 --> 00:12:55,627
Now, tell everybody
what you said
278
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:58,078
when you saw Soul Food and
I saw you at the after party.
279
00:12:58,167 --> 00:13:00,207
-You remember?
-I was like, I was just really happy.
280
00:13:00,042 --> 00:13:01,422
-It was just a good Black movie.
-Thank you.
281
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,830
It didn't have... It was good...
282
00:13:02,917 --> 00:13:04,877
It wasn't good by, like,
Black movie standards.
283
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:07,208
-VIVICA: Thank you.
Now, this is what he told me. -It was just a good movie.
284
00:13:07,042 --> 00:13:09,462
He gave me a hug, he was like,
"Yeah, Vivica, it was love,
285
00:13:09,542 --> 00:13:11,752
and it was real good
for a Black movie too!"
286
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:14,253
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-It was... No, but it was better than that.
287
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,583
It wasn't like--
'Cause sometimes you watch Black movies and you be like,
288
00:13:16,667 --> 00:13:18,327
-"Damn, this shit is whack."
-Oh, yeah.
289
00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:21,247
But it's better
than that other whack shit.
290
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,543
-(SHRIEKS, LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
291
00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:25,325
-(LAUGHS)
-(APPLAUSE)
292
00:13:25,417 --> 00:13:27,077
At least
we get to see us, right?
293
00:13:27,167 --> 00:13:28,247
-Right.
-Right.
294
00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:30,793
So... And a lot of times
you watch a Black movie,
295
00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:33,075
you don't want to say it's bad
in front of white people.
296
00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:36,377
-(LAUGHS)
-So, you just lie and shit.
297
00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:38,038
-Oh, it's really good.
-Oh, yeah!
298
00:13:38,125 --> 00:13:38,995
-Loved it.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
299
00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:41,753
I understood the whole plot
of Waiting to Exhale, yeah.
300
00:13:41,833 --> 00:13:44,833
-(BOTH LAUGH)
-I understood it all.
301
00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:47,287
-It never got convoluted at all!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
302
00:13:47,375 --> 00:13:49,125
It's great!
303
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:51,878
-But you--
-Fabulous. Go see it solo.
304
00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:53,418
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Ooh.
305
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,500
-(LAUGHS)
-You...
306
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:58,883
-Ooh. That was...
-(BOTH GROAN)
307
00:13:58,958 --> 00:14:01,958
Hey, hey, hey. Speaking of wild,
how did... Now, okay.
308
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:03,422
So, you did
Independence Day, right?
309
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,170
-Right.
-Then they call you up.
310
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,710
When you saw the script
that said Booty Call...
311
00:14:07,792 --> 00:14:09,332
-Uh-huh.
-...what was going through your mind?
312
00:14:09,417 --> 00:14:11,077
-Okay, three things.
-You're going, "Okay, I got a booty."
313
00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:15,457
-(BOTH LAUGH)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
314
00:14:15,542 --> 00:14:16,922
-Three things.
-What was going through your mind?
315
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,540
Okay, first I thought
of Bill Bellamy.
316
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,535
Right? From him doing the joke
on Def Comedy Jam,
317
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:21,705
-all right?
-CHRIS: Okay.
318
00:14:21,792 --> 00:14:23,672
Then I said, "Well,
there's got to be something
319
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:25,880
about the true definition
of a late phone call..."
320
00:14:25,958 --> 00:14:28,788
-CHRIS: Right. Okay.
-"...and this shit better be funny".
321
00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:30,375
Yeah.
It had some funny shit in there.
322
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:31,788
-Yes, we did.
-They had some funny shit.
323
00:14:31,875 --> 00:14:33,165
Especially with me in it,
because I knew I wouldn't
324
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:35,170
be able to live it down
for the rest of my life.
325
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,670
Every time you see me,
"Girl, Booty Call was whack!"
326
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:40,207
Right? And you know
they would have.
327
00:14:40,042 --> 00:14:42,422
-The name Booty Call...
-Thank God it was funny.
328
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,420
-...was really like, you know--
-Yeah. Out there.
329
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,670
But it was a safe sex
message film.
330
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:49,130
-Was that your ass on the front?
-Didn't it look like it?
331
00:14:49,208 --> 00:14:51,998
It looked like your ass.
I'd recognize your ass!
332
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:54,083
-(BOTH LAUGH)
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
333
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,330
-It looked like--
-You...
334
00:14:57,417 --> 00:14:59,457
Yeah, like that
little cream outfit I had on.
335
00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:01,002
-They just colored it in blue.
-Yeah.
336
00:15:01,083 --> 00:15:02,883
I should have gotten some
merchandising stuff for that,
337
00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:04,128
-shouldn't I?
-Yeah!
338
00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:05,878
Motherfuckers
owe me some money.
339
00:15:05,958 --> 00:15:07,878
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
340
00:15:07,958 --> 00:15:10,128
-That's all right.
-CHRIS: Yeah.
341
00:15:10,208 --> 00:15:12,458
-Sell a little booty.
-(LAUGHS)
342
00:15:12,542 --> 00:15:13,712
Yeah,
but it's doing really well.
343
00:15:13,792 --> 00:15:15,212
It tripped me out.
I was on the airplane
344
00:15:15,042 --> 00:15:16,132
and to look in the little--
345
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:17,578
-I saw those--
-You know what I'm saying?
346
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,877
-Was that a trip?
-You know what's really wild?
347
00:15:19,958 --> 00:15:21,168
I'm sitting in American.
348
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,630
And they got all these movies,
and the white guy gets, like,
349
00:15:23,708 --> 00:15:25,288
-On Golden Pond or whatever.
-(LAUGHS)
350
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:27,875
And I'm like, "I'll take
Booty Call, please."
351
00:15:27,958 --> 00:15:30,498
-Did they all turn
and look at you? -They were like, no.
352
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:32,083
You're like, no, really.
353
00:15:32,167 --> 00:15:33,787
-They were like, nigger, please.
-(LAUGHS)
354
00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:37,785
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-Not Booty Call.
355
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:41,580
All the Black people
were like, "No!"
356
00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:44,377
-"No, they gonna find out!"
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
357
00:15:44,458 --> 00:15:47,958
(LAUGHS) So, Vivica, I have
to thank you for showing up
358
00:15:48,042 --> 00:15:49,002
-to my show.
-You know you're my boy.
359
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:50,923
I really love that you're here.
360
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,500
Everyone should
go see Soul Food.
361
00:15:52,583 --> 00:15:54,173
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
-It's the best thing out.
362
00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:57,250
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
-Take care of yourself.
363
00:16:12,125 --> 00:16:14,125
Sexual harassment is a sensitive
364
00:16:14,208 --> 00:16:17,168
and, unfortunately,
a prevalent topic in the news.
365
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,250
At The Chris Rock Show,
366
00:16:18,333 --> 00:16:21,753
we believe the only way to stop
the injustice is to expose it.
367
00:16:21,833 --> 00:16:24,173
My next guest
is in the process of filing
368
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,880
a sexual harassment suit
against her employer.
369
00:16:26,958 --> 00:16:30,328
Please, welcome,
via satellite, Sophia James.
370
00:16:30,417 --> 00:16:32,997
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
371
00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:34,383
Thank you, Chris.
372
00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:37,998
I've been having a tough time
getting my story in the media.
373
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:40,583
Why? I mean,
from the information that you have given me,
374
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,287
this sounds like a blatant case
of sexual harassment.
375
00:16:43,375 --> 00:16:46,125
Oh, it is.
I'm emotionally traumatized.
376
00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:48,038
That's why I'm not
with you in person.
377
00:16:48,125 --> 00:16:50,165
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
378
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,130
I understand.
379
00:16:51,208 --> 00:16:54,208
Now, could you tell us
what you've been through?
380
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,000
(SIGHS)
I've been called horrible names,
381
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,543
like "jugs," "tits,"
and "booby-boo." Um...
382
00:16:59,625 --> 00:17:02,665
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-"Booby-boo?"
383
00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,457
Yes. You know, like,
384
00:17:06,542 --> 00:17:09,422
♪ Booby, booby-booWhere are you? ♪
385
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,920
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
386
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,210
"Hey, booby,
you want a booby snack?"
387
00:17:14,042 --> 00:17:16,042
-I mean, come on.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
388
00:17:16,125 --> 00:17:17,995
This is not proper behavior
in the workplace.
389
00:17:19,458 --> 00:17:21,878
-Not at all. I mean...
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
390
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,918
I think even Clarence Thomas
would agree with that. I mean--
391
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,960
Let me ask you this.
Can you prove your case?
392
00:17:27,042 --> 00:17:29,042
Yes.
I wore a tiny camera to work,
393
00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:31,455
and I caught those animals
red-handed.
394
00:17:31,542 --> 00:17:34,172
-Okay. Okay. Let's see the tape.
-AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yeah, let's see it.
395
00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:37,670
CUSTOMER 1: Hey, nice ass.I'd like it on my face, baby.
396
00:17:37,750 --> 00:17:39,500
CUSTOMER 2: Come on girl, go onand show us some tits, come on.
397
00:17:39,583 --> 00:17:41,083
CUSTOMER 3: Hey, sweetheart,come here, baby.
398
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,077
CUSTOMER 4:
Hey girl, show us some tits.
399
00:17:43,167 --> 00:17:46,997
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
400
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:56,165
I mean,
there you have it, Chris.
401
00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,580
You know, I still have
a hard time watching that.
402
00:17:58,667 --> 00:18:00,497
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
403
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:06,537
-You're a stripper!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
404
00:18:06,625 --> 00:18:09,375
I am an employee
of a strip club.
405
00:18:09,458 --> 00:18:11,708
-Oh, cut the crap!
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
406
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:14,422
Busboys are employees
at strip clubs.
407
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,080
I just saw a dollar bill
hanging out your ass!
408
00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:18,537
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
409
00:18:18,625 --> 00:18:21,125
Strippers can't claim
sexual harassment!
410
00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:23,288
It doesn't matter what
profession you are in.
411
00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:25,995
No one has the right
to treat you like a rib.
412
00:18:26,083 --> 00:18:28,963
Well, they do
if you're wrestling around in barbecue sauce!
413
00:18:29,042 --> 00:18:32,132
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
414
00:18:32,208 --> 00:18:34,328
Well, what about
the name-calling? "Jugs"?
415
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:36,917
Now, come on,
you have to admit, that's sexual harassment.
416
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,040
Hey! If you say "jugs"
to your secretary,
417
00:18:40,125 --> 00:18:41,745
that's sexual harassment.
418
00:18:41,833 --> 00:18:45,883
But if you say "jugs" to a woman
with her jugs out,
419
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,998
-that's a witty remark! Hey!
-(AUDIENCE WHOOPING)
420
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,253
If you don't want men
touching you,
421
00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,173
why don't you
just leave the club?
422
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:53,880
Oh, I did.
I made that tape on my last day.
423
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:56,078
I didn't even give them fools
two weeks' notice.
424
00:18:57,417 --> 00:18:59,287
-Two weeks' notice?
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
425
00:18:59,375 --> 00:19:01,455
Who the hell do you
think you are?
426
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:04,997
Bank tellers give notice.
427
00:19:05,083 --> 00:19:10,133
Strippers just tiptoe out
the door to the alley, okay?
428
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:14,628
(AUDIENCE CHEERING,
LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
429
00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:16,038
Come on now,
430
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:19,075
I'm sure there was another
naked ho waiting in the wings.
431
00:19:19,167 --> 00:19:20,497
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
432
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:22,923
Excuse my French.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
433
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,330
But at least you quit. You quit.
What are you doing now?
434
00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:27,997
Well,
I have an interview tomorrow
435
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:31,883
-for a job at Booty Land.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
436
00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:35,463
I ought to smack
the shit out of you.
437
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,002
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
438
00:19:42,292 --> 00:19:45,582
Girl, you can forget winning
a sexual harassment case.
439
00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:47,747
Oh, okay.
I beg to differ.
440
00:19:47,833 --> 00:19:50,883
All right. Let's look at some
more of that tape, mister man.
441
00:19:50,958 --> 00:19:55,208
-(CHEERS)
-CHRIS: Hey, come on, man!
442
00:19:55,042 --> 00:19:57,082
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
443
00:19:58,208 --> 00:20:03,668
Stop the tape! Stop the tape!
Stop the fuckin' tape!
444
00:20:05,250 --> 00:20:06,670
And thanks
for coming on the show.
445
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,000
Good luck with your case.
446
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:12,713
(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
447
00:20:15,292 --> 00:20:17,422
Here to perform the song,
"Sock It 2 Me"
448
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,750
off her album, Supa Dupa Fly,
449
00:20:19,833 --> 00:20:22,793
give it up for
Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott.
450
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:27,745
♪ Hey, yoYou know what? Uh-huh? ♪
451
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:30,383
♪ Me I'm super flySuper duper fly ♪
452
00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:32,038
♪ What, what, what ♪
453
00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:36,075
♪ Super flyDo it, do it, do it ♪
454
00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:41,127
♪ Me I'm Super flySuper duper fly ♪
455
00:20:41,208 --> 00:20:44,128
♪ Hey yo, hey yo ♪
456
00:20:47,125 --> 00:20:53,035
♪ I was looking for affectionSo, I decided to go ♪
457
00:20:53,125 --> 00:20:57,535
♪ Swing that in my directionI'll be out of control ♪
458
00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:04,535
♪ Let's take it to perfectionJust you and me ♪
459
00:21:04,625 --> 00:21:07,575
♪ Let's see if you canBring, bring, bring ♪
460
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:11,577
♪ The nasty out of meNow, now, now, sock it to me ♪
461
00:21:11,667 --> 00:21:12,997
♪ Ooh, ah ♪
462
00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:14,673
♪ Sock it to meLike you want to ♪
463
00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,210
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
464
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:18,962
♪ I can take it like a proYou know ♪
465
00:21:19,042 --> 00:21:21,792
♪ Do it long broWith the backstroke ♪
466
00:21:21,875 --> 00:21:24,785
♪ My hormones jumpingLike a disco ♪
467
00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:27,665
♪ I be popping messLike some Crisco ♪
468
00:21:27,750 --> 00:21:30,580
♪ All you gotta say isMissy go go ♪
469
00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:33,707
♪ And when you say goI won't move slow ♪
470
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,292
♪ I'm at your houseAround midnight ♪
471
00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:39,665
♪ So don't fall asleep ♪
472
00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:44,750
♪ It'll just be me, me, meOn a late night creep ♪
473
00:21:45,708 --> 00:21:48,078
♪ I'm gonna show you thangs ♪
474
00:21:48,667 --> 00:21:51,417
♪ That you can't believe ♪
475
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:56,460
♪ Jump in this b-e-dAnd won't you sock it to me ♪
476
00:21:57,792 --> 00:21:59,882
♪ Sock it to meOoh, ah ♪
477
00:21:59,958 --> 00:22:01,328
♪ Sock it to meLike you want to ♪
478
00:22:01,417 --> 00:22:02,827
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
479
00:22:02,917 --> 00:22:05,127
♪ I can take it like a proYou know ♪
480
00:22:05,208 --> 00:22:08,418
♪ Do it long broWith the backstroke ♪
481
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:11,460
♪ My hormones jumpingLike a disco ♪
482
00:22:11,542 --> 00:22:14,462
♪ I be popping messLike some Crisco ♪
483
00:22:14,542 --> 00:22:17,422
♪ And all you gotta say isMissy go go ♪
484
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:20,080
♪ And when you say goI won't move slow ♪
485
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,290
♪ Ooh, ah ♪
486
00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:25,125
♪ Sock it to meLike you want to ♪
487
00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:26,328
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
488
00:22:26,417 --> 00:22:28,997
♪ I can take it like a proYou know ♪
489
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:31,923
♪ Do it long broWith the backstroke ♪
490
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,080
♪ My hormones jumpingLike a disco ♪
491
00:22:35,167 --> 00:22:37,627
♪ I be popping messLike some Crisco ♪
492
00:22:37,708 --> 00:22:40,828
♪ All you gotta say isWhat, what, what ♪
493
00:22:40,917 --> 00:22:43,417
♪ And when you say goI won't move slow ♪
494
00:22:44,125 --> 00:22:46,705
♪ Ooh, ah ♪
495
00:22:46,792 --> 00:22:48,132
♪ Sock it to meLike you want to ♪
496
00:22:48,208 --> 00:22:49,668
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
497
00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:52,580
♪ I can take it like a proYou know ♪
498
00:22:52,667 --> 00:22:55,327
♪ Do it long broWith the backstroke ♪
499
00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:58,327
♪ My hormones jumpingLike a disco ♪
500
00:22:58,417 --> 00:23:01,207
♪ I be popping messLike some Crisco ♪
501
00:23:01,292 --> 00:23:04,132
♪ All you gotta say isMissy go go ♪
502
00:23:04,208 --> 00:23:06,708
♪ And when you say goI won't move slow ♪
503
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:10,077
♪ Beep, beep ♪
504
00:23:10,167 --> 00:23:12,127
♪ Who got the keysTo the jeep ♪
505
00:23:14,750 --> 00:23:16,580
♪ Driving to the beach ♪
506
00:23:16,667 --> 00:23:19,667
♪ Top down, loud soundsSee my peeps ♪
507
00:23:19,750 --> 00:23:22,580
♪ Give them poundsNow who do it be? ♪
508
00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:25,417
♪ It be me, me, me ♪
509
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:28,920
♪ Looks like it's 'bout to rainWhat a shame ♪
510
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:32,170
♪ I got the armor-allTo shine up the stain ♪
511
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,040
♪ Oh, Missy try to maintain ♪
512
00:23:35,125 --> 00:23:38,325
♪ Icky-icky-icky-ickyYo, Icky-icky-icky ♪
513
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:40,627
♪ Sock it to me nowOoh ah ♪
514
00:23:40,708 --> 00:23:42,248
♪ Sock it to meLike you want to ♪
515
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:43,713
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
516
00:23:43,792 --> 00:23:46,672
♪ I can take it like a proYou know ♪
517
00:23:46,750 --> 00:23:49,500
♪ Do it long broWith the backstroke ♪
518
00:23:49,583 --> 00:23:52,633
♪ My hormones jumpingLike a disco ♪
519
00:23:52,708 --> 00:23:55,378
♪ I be popping messLike some Crisco ♪
520
00:23:55,458 --> 00:23:58,288
♪ All you gotta say isMissy go go ♪
521
00:23:58,375 --> 00:24:00,745
♪ And when you say goI won't move slow ♪
522
00:24:01,250 --> 00:24:04,250
♪ Huh, ho, oh, hey ♪
523
00:24:04,333 --> 00:24:10,753
-MISSY: Sock it me
like you want to... -(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
524
00:24:10,833 --> 00:24:12,633
-Yo. I want to thank...
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
525
00:24:12,708 --> 00:24:16,168
...you for the show tonight.
I thank my guests, Vivica A. Fox,
526
00:24:16,250 --> 00:24:18,960
-Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott.
-(LAUGHS)
527
00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:21,882
We'll see you next week!
Yo, Flash, take us out!
528
00:24:21,958 --> 00:24:24,038
-Let's go to Jon Hayman.
-All right.
529
00:24:26,375 --> 00:24:32,495
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
five, four, three,
530
00:24:32,583 --> 00:24:36,883
two, one... That's it!
Happy New Year, everybody!
531
00:24:36,958 --> 00:24:42,208
-(NOISEMAKER BLARES WEAKLY)
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
532
00:24:44,750 --> 00:24:49,080
♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
533
00:24:49,130 --> 00:24:53,680
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