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1
00:00:01,966 --> 00:00:03,725
He really has an ugly face.
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,439
He is certainly ugly.
3
00:00:05,552 --> 00:00:07,717
But, you know what, that's not
really what bothers me about this.
4
00:00:07,830 --> 00:00:09,473
What bothers me is that he looks
like an old woman.
5
00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:10,861
- Right!
- Yeah.
6
00:00:10,974 --> 00:00:14,087
Well, he is wearing a
lot of blush on those cheekbones,
7
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,660
but I feel like that was
the look of the times.
8
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,817
No, no, but it's not
just that though, Mac, it's not.
9
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:20,040
I mean, a lot of presidents
somehow end up looking like women.
10
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:21,483
I mean, look at Ronald Reagan, right?
11
00:00:21,857 --> 00:00:24,320
Now, why would you hang a
painting like this on your wall?
12
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:27,431
Well, it's the Historical Society, bro.
They have to hang it up.
13
00:00:27,544 --> 00:00:29,459
Oh, well, we got to suffer
just because some old dude
14
00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:31,392
who looks like Meryl Streep
chopped down a cherry tree, like,
15
00:00:31,505 --> 00:00:34,437
ten million years ago?
It's just, he looks terrible!
16
00:00:35,297 --> 00:00:37,485
You know what?
Let's take it down.
17
00:00:37,598 --> 00:00:39,569
It's just gonna distract us
through the meeting.
18
00:00:39,682 --> 00:00:40,952
- Yeah, let's get it down, man.
- Let's take it down.
19
00:00:41,065 --> 00:00:42,994
It's not gonna work.
20
00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,816
It's just gonna distract us.
21
00:00:45,204 --> 00:00:46,975
Unbelievable.
It's bolted to the wall.
22
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,870
Well, that proves our point, man. We're not the
first people to try and take that thing down.
23
00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,744
Yeah, but we're gonna be the
first ones to actually succeed.
24
00:00:51,857 --> 00:00:53,905
- Come on, let's tear it down, Charlie.
- Let's just rip it off the wall, man.
25
00:00:54,018 --> 00:00:55,974
- Rip it right off the wall.
- Whoa, guys, guys, guys.
26
00:00:56,409 --> 00:00:58,883
I got a pocketknife.
Just cut it out of the frame.
27
00:00:58,940 --> 00:00:59,940
That's a good idea.
28
00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:01,488
'Cause I really, I've had enough
of this dude.
29
00:01:01,601 --> 00:01:04,768
- Just cut it right out of the frame.
- What are you doing?
30
00:01:08,713 --> 00:01:11,794
- Do you want this up?
- Yes. Yes, I do.
31
00:01:12,259 --> 00:01:14,858
Uh, may I help you gentlemen
with something?
32
00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:16,109
Yeah, yeah.
33
00:01:16,222 --> 00:01:19,877
Actually, we're here because we want to get
our bar certified as a historic landmark.
34
00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:21,971
We want tourists to
be able to come by Paddy's Pub
35
00:01:22,084 --> 00:01:24,047
as part of the walking tour of Philly.
36
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,359
You know, they can come by, suck up
some history, do some shots, get blasted.
37
00:01:27,472 --> 00:01:30,711
In order to be considered as
a historical site,
38
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:34,892
your bar would have to have some
historical significance.
39
00:01:35,005 --> 00:01:37,051
Well, trust us when
we tell you that Paddy's Pub
40
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:40,095
played an extremely important
part in history.
41
00:01:40,571 --> 00:01:42,801
Mm, and what, uh, part of
history might that be?
42
00:01:42,914 --> 00:01:44,905
The cracking of the
Liberty Bell, of course.
43
00:01:45,591 --> 00:01:50,139
Synchro : Criztian
44
00:02:17,115 --> 00:02:21,586
So you're claiming that your
bar had a direct role
45
00:02:21,699 --> 00:02:24,192
in the cracking of the Liberty Bell?
46
00:02:24,305 --> 00:02:26,017
- Absolutely.
- Well, then tell me about it.
47
00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:28,315
Well, the year was
1412...
48
00:02:29,085 --> 00:02:30,902
- No. Really?
- Let Dennis, let Dennis...
49
00:02:31,015 --> 00:02:33,028
- Let me tell the story, Charlie.
- Okay.
50
00:02:33,861 --> 00:02:36,064
The year was 1776.
51
00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:39,712
And Paddy's Pub, then known,
of course, as Patrick's Pub,
52
00:02:39,825 --> 00:02:42,877
was a hotbed
of revolutionary activity.
53
00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:46,876
Revolutionaries from all over
the country had come together to gather
54
00:02:46,989 --> 00:02:50,398
at Patrick's Pub to speak
of war and revolution.
55
00:02:50,693 --> 00:02:53,650
Will you look at that?
Sons of Liberty.
56
00:02:53,763 --> 00:02:57,305
Patriots meeting in our bar,
speaking of revolution and freedom.
57
00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,172
Can you believe it, dear brother?
We're witnessing history in the making.
58
00:03:00,285 --> 00:03:02,167
I do not give a shit,
Deandra.
59
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,771
Now, get me a flagon of ale.
Get your own ale, dick.
60
00:03:05,932 --> 00:03:08,985
You are my slave.
You have to get me flagons of ale.
61
00:03:09,374 --> 00:03:11,800
I saved you from being burned at
the stake for being a witch.
62
00:03:11,913 --> 00:03:14,698
You're the one who accused me of being
a witch in the first place, Dennis.
63
00:03:14,811 --> 00:03:16,748
Well, what's done is done.
That's all in the past now.
64
00:03:17,047 --> 00:03:19,064
So you can either be a slave
witch in the bar,
65
00:03:19,177 --> 00:03:20,945
or you can be a burned up
witch outside.
66
00:03:21,058 --> 00:03:23,188
Up to you!
Flagon of ale now?
67
00:03:23,739 --> 00:03:27,032
Guys, guys, guys, I've got some news!
I've got some terrible news!
68
00:03:27,145 --> 00:03:29,928
- Oh, MacDonald, how goes it?
- Not good.
69
00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:31,812
You know that chick I've been
banging down at Independence Hall?
70
00:03:31,925 --> 00:03:33,479
- Mm, the fat one.
- She's not that fat.
71
00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,215
Yeah, she's pretty fat, dude.
Good one, witch.
72
00:03:35,260 --> 00:03:36,264
Well, whatever.
73
00:03:36,377 --> 00:03:39,496
She told me in complete confidence
that a bunch of old dudes down there
74
00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:43,279
are drafting a declaration--
a declaration of independence.
75
00:03:43,392 --> 00:03:45,161
Wait, why would we want to
be free from the British?
76
00:03:45,274 --> 00:03:47,334
This declaration is
gonna start an all-out war.
77
00:03:47,447 --> 00:03:49,240
We have to make sure we are not
on the losing side.
78
00:03:49,353 --> 00:03:51,375
- Definitely.
- Okay, clearly the British are gonna win this thing.
79
00:03:51,488 --> 00:03:52,883
- Clearly.
- All right, we have to make sure
80
00:03:52,996 --> 00:03:55,205
that the Crown knows
that we're on their side.
81
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,494
We have to make our own
declaration.
82
00:03:57,650 --> 00:04:02,650
Yes. Yes, we need to make
a declaration of dependence.
83
00:04:08,101 --> 00:04:12,949
Buy a pelt here!
We have raccoon, we have foxes!
84
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,409
Ho, there, sir.
85
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:19,712
Now, my good gentleman,
what says you of my fine furs here?
86
00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:23,554
Merrily I be able to guide you
toward some interest in some purchase.
87
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:25,133
I can't understand what
you're saying.
88
00:04:25,246 --> 00:04:26,561
- You want to buy a fur?
- Yeah.
89
00:04:26,674 --> 00:04:28,606
In July? No, thanks.
90
00:04:30,171 --> 00:04:33,979
Not so fast now. That's a nice
looking cart of pumpkins you got here.
91
00:04:34,494 --> 00:04:36,985
Uh, what says you we maketh some
trade, hmm?
92
00:04:37,098 --> 00:04:40,921
- All my furs for all your pumpkins.
- No.
93
00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:43,225
All right, aye-aye-aye-aye-
aye-aye-aye-aye!
94
00:04:43,637 --> 00:04:45,440
One pumpkin.
95
00:04:45,902 --> 00:04:47,298
- Deal.
- All righty!
96
00:04:47,411 --> 00:04:49,054
Wait, wait, wait, whoa,
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
97
00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:51,855
We're not traders, Charlie.
We're thieves.
98
00:04:51,968 --> 00:04:55,156
You want his pumpkins,
we kill him and take his pumpkins.
99
00:04:55,269 --> 00:04:57,893
This is 1776.
100
00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,566
We'll get away with it!
101
00:05:00,111 --> 00:05:02,131
- I can hear you.
- Yeah, all right, very good.
102
00:05:02,244 --> 00:05:03,486
This is how it will go down.
103
00:05:03,599 --> 00:05:05,744
I will beat the man about the
face and the neck
104
00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:07,725
and maybe the chest area
and possibly the groin
105
00:05:07,838 --> 00:05:10,487
until he's no longer
consisting of life pulse.
106
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,418
And then you can collect up the
man's cart.
107
00:05:13,531 --> 00:05:15,406
I shall findeth a stick.
108
00:05:15,519 --> 00:05:17,498
Yes! Well, we'll
need a stick to do the bashing.
109
00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:18,805
Sit tight, sir.
110
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:21,198
Pick a stick, any stick you like.
111
00:05:21,311 --> 00:05:24,178
All right, well, methinks the rod to
be the most suitable for our purposes.
112
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,878
Ah, very nice rod.
Go with that rod.
113
00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:28,094
Okey dokey dokey do.
Uh-oh! He's gone.
114
00:05:28,414 --> 00:05:30,663
What?
He stole our furs!
115
00:05:30,776 --> 00:05:32,647
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
116
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,490
- You shit head.
- Hey, look on the bright side, Franklin.
117
00:05:35,991 --> 00:05:37,865
We got ourselves a pumpkin.
118
00:05:38,789 --> 00:05:40,407
This is gonna work.
119
00:05:43,627 --> 00:05:44,992
I can't believe you
dressed like that, bro.
120
00:05:45,105 --> 00:05:47,123
Um, excuse me, this
is a good plan, okay?
121
00:05:47,236 --> 00:05:49,415
If we're gonna get this declaration
into the hands of the queen,
122
00:05:49,528 --> 00:05:50,857
we need to dress the part.
123
00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:52,487
It's not the way the
British dress, bro.
124
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,482
- They dress like this.
- No, British commoners
125
00:05:54,595 --> 00:05:56,679
dress like you're dressed--
British peons, okay?
126
00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:59,797
I'm dressed like a nobleman, okay?
These people respond to royalty.
127
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:02,753
Hey, guys, come on.
Please help.
128
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:04,810
Just use your witch
strength, slave.
129
00:06:04,923 --> 00:06:06,993
Yeah, it's not that much further. God!
130
00:06:07,106 --> 00:06:09,477
Uh, pardon me,
pardon me, good sirs.
131
00:06:09,991 --> 00:06:12,050
But which of you gentlemen
happens to be
132
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,568
the highest ranking
military officer here?
133
00:06:14,681 --> 00:06:16,217
That would be me.
134
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:21,055
Cricket. Colonel Cricket.
135
00:06:23,312 --> 00:06:24,897
What is your business, sirs?
136
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,596
Ah, well, Colonel, we
are the owners of the fine
137
00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:29,901
local establishment Patrick's Pub.
138
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,578
Patrick's Pub!
Yes, of course, of course.
139
00:06:34,691 --> 00:06:36,104
The liberty bar.
140
00:06:36,444 --> 00:06:39,107
- You harbor patriots.
- Oh, whoops, no, no, no.
141
00:06:39,173 --> 00:06:40,173
- No.
- No, myth.
142
00:06:40,238 --> 00:06:41,677
- Myth.
- Bad intel there.
143
00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:43,587
Yeah, bad intel.
Bit of a miscommunication.
144
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:47,146
Actually, that is why we're here.
Uh, we drew up this declaration.
145
00:06:47,259 --> 00:06:51,337
We also included an illustration
that we had hoped would illuminate
146
00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:53,497
our intentions
towards the queen, huh?
147
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:59,518
This appears to be a
rendering of... the two of you
148
00:06:59,631 --> 00:07:04,086
sodomizing the king whilst the
queen is forced to witness.
149
00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:05,549
- Oh, no!
- Goodness gracious, no!
150
00:07:05,662 --> 00:07:07,801
No, look.
I'm holding homeboy's arms back.
151
00:07:08,175 --> 00:07:09,907
Dennis is ready to jam
him in the face,
152
00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:12,570
- and the queen is impressed.
- Yeah, that's a bad guy, that's not the king.
153
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,157
- Uh, we're doing bad stuff to the bad...
- Give me this.
154
00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:16,246
- You know, you don't get it.
- Let's get the ale. The ale.
155
00:07:16,359 --> 00:07:18,145
Wench, now, the ale, presenteth it.
156
00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,242
Okay, set that down in front of him.
157
00:07:20,355 --> 00:07:23,544
And, uh, yes, good Colonel, we
present this ale to you
158
00:07:23,657 --> 00:07:27,273
and your men in hopes that it will fuel
the British to victory.
159
00:07:28,032 --> 00:07:29,430
Madam.
160
00:07:30,274 --> 00:07:31,830
- Whoa! Hey!
- What the hell you doing?
161
00:07:31,943 --> 00:07:33,841
Get out of here!
You're making a big mess!
162
00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,475
Get back to the bar!
163
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:38,834
- I'm really sorry. That was huge!
- Yeah. That's...
164
00:07:38,947 --> 00:07:40,891
That hit you right in the
face, didn't it?
165
00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:43,167
You know what? We don't condone
that sort of thing, okay?
166
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,520
We're going to tar and feather the
shit out of her when she gets back.
167
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:46,825
Don't worry. Don't worry.
168
00:07:47,098 --> 00:07:51,482
I pray you, who is that fiery wench?
169
00:07:51,595 --> 00:07:53,672
Her? Oh, that's just my
sister Deandra.
170
00:07:53,785 --> 00:07:55,507
- She's a slave.
- Yeah. And a witch.
171
00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:56,510
Yeah.
172
00:07:56,584 --> 00:07:58,068
You keep your sister as your slave?
173
00:07:58,181 --> 00:08:00,195
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aye.
174
00:08:00,594 --> 00:08:02,734
So are we good here now?
What's the deal?
175
00:08:03,347 --> 00:08:06,831
Gentlemen, you have both
proven to me in the very short time
176
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,652
that I've known you that
you are both slanderous perverts
177
00:08:09,765 --> 00:08:12,274
lacking any semblance of moral
fortitude.
178
00:08:12,387 --> 00:08:16,788
However, I do desire to seek
further counsel with the lady.
179
00:08:18,313 --> 00:08:20,538
Uh... lady?
Oh, the... the witch!
180
00:08:20,651 --> 00:08:22,575
The same girl we've just been
talking about?
181
00:08:22,688 --> 00:08:25,542
You don't really think she's
a... a witch, do you?
182
00:08:26,216 --> 00:08:29,245
- Yeah. Yeah, she's a witch.
- Yeah. I'm pretty sure.
183
00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:30,692
Pretty sure.
184
00:08:31,062 --> 00:08:32,395
All right, look.
185
00:08:32,508 --> 00:08:36,884
I wish to court her
in some manner, and
186
00:08:37,496 --> 00:08:40,668
I could use your help
because I'm not, admittedly,
187
00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:43,248
very good with women.
188
00:08:44,163 --> 00:08:46,342
Good with women?
You mean good at women?
189
00:08:46,455 --> 00:08:48,637
Like, you can't catch them
when they run away from you?
190
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:50,820
Bro, it's 1776.
They don't have any rights.
191
00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:52,718
You can just take them and force
them to do whatever you want.
192
00:08:52,831 --> 00:08:56,336
I do not wish to take her.
I would like to win her favor,
193
00:08:56,676 --> 00:08:58,632
like a gentleman does a lady.
194
00:08:58,745 --> 00:09:01,297
- That just does not compute with me.
- I don't understand what you're saying.
195
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,243
Digging the accent,
but don't understand you.
196
00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:05,654
- Are you saying you're gay?
- All right, escort them out!
197
00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:08,230
Oh, no. We... we... Okay.
198
00:09:08,343 --> 00:09:09,430
Are you going to drink the beer?
199
00:09:09,543 --> 00:09:11,188
- No, leave it. Out.
- Just drink the beer.
200
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,656
Maybe you'll get some balls
and you can take the woman.
201
00:09:18,110 --> 00:09:19,110
- Fire!
- Ready?
202
00:09:19,178 --> 00:09:20,615
- Yes. Shoot.
- All right.
203
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:23,678
One, two, three.
204
00:09:24,714 --> 00:09:27,709
Do not shoot that pumpkin!
What are you doing?
205
00:09:27,822 --> 00:09:30,868
I stole a bunch of guns!
I'm testing them out, Charles!
206
00:09:31,199 --> 00:09:33,993
This revolution is going to make
us a fortune!
207
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,420
All right. Well, leave the
pumpkin out of it.
208
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,530
- The pumpkin's innocent!
- Shoot the pumpkin.
209
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,756
- Do not shoot the pumpkin please.
- Okay.
210
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,124
- Give me the gun.
- Fine.
211
00:09:42,237 --> 00:09:44,714
Why is the witch lady
shooting at you anyway?
212
00:09:44,827 --> 00:09:48,098
- Maybe she used her sorcery.
- Sorcery?
213
00:09:48,211 --> 00:09:50,000
Your dumb-dick partner walked
into the bar
214
00:09:50,113 --> 00:09:52,292
and said he stole a bunch of guns and
asked if I wanted to shoot
215
00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:55,231
a pumpkin off his head,
and of course I did, so here we are.
216
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,533
- Damn your necromancy, woman!
- No, I'm not.
217
00:09:57,646 --> 00:09:59,896
Maybe, if we shoot you, you
won't feel it anyway, witch.
218
00:10:00,009 --> 00:10:03,023
You know what, okay, you guys.
I tell you what, you win.
219
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,560
I'm a witch, okay?
I'm a witch!
220
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,240
And I curse both of you and all
of your stupid guns.
221
00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:11,686
Charlie, goddamn it!
222
00:10:11,799 --> 00:10:13,618
- Give me that gun.
- She cursed the gun!
223
00:10:13,928 --> 00:10:15,364
She cursed the gun.
224
00:10:15,764 --> 00:10:17,183
She put a curse on the gun!
225
00:10:17,296 --> 00:10:18,727
Let's try this one.
226
00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:20,496
Nothing!
227
00:10:20,609 --> 00:10:21,899
Try on me.
228
00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,511
Damn those Sons of Liberty
sons of bitches, Dennis.
229
00:10:31,624 --> 00:10:33,338
Those guys are going to get us
in so much trouble.
230
00:10:33,451 --> 00:10:34,692
- Let's do this.
- No, no, no, no!
231
00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:36,625
- You hang back.
- What? Me? Why?
232
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,320
Because, dude, we need to get
as much intel from these guys
233
00:10:39,433 --> 00:10:40,730
as we possibly can for
that Colonel Cricket.
234
00:10:40,843 --> 00:10:42,609
This fop thing is going to
totally blow our cover.
235
00:10:42,722 --> 00:10:44,026
What's going on with your mouth?
236
00:10:44,139 --> 00:10:45,774
- Oh, I got some wooden teeth put in.
- Did you?
237
00:10:45,887 --> 00:10:47,876
Yeah. Well, all the patriots
are doing it, including Washington,
238
00:10:47,989 --> 00:10:50,396
which is why it makes sense,
okay, if we're going undercover!
239
00:10:50,509 --> 00:10:52,432
- Not this fop bullshit!
- No, the fop thing's good, man.
240
00:10:52,545 --> 00:10:54,643
I got a plan with it. Yeah.
I got an angle.
241
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:56,614
Fine. Okay, listen.
242
00:10:56,941 --> 00:10:59,528
- You let me take the lead, okay?
- Yeah. Okay.
243
00:10:59,641 --> 00:11:01,212
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You son of a bitch.
244
00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:07,377
Fellas! How you doing?
A couple of flagons of ale for you!
245
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,828
So I just want to say, we love
what you're doing over here.
246
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:13,597
I mean, taxation with
representation, right?
247
00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:17,129
So, uh... what's the buzz, huh?
What are we all talking about, huh?
248
00:11:17,242 --> 00:11:19,911
Surrender, maybe?
249
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,662
- We speak of revolution.
- Revolution?
250
00:11:23,775 --> 00:11:27,105
Revolution! That's great!
I'm completely on top of that!
251
00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:28,947
Hey, fellas, who's taking the
minutes here?
252
00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:31,119
'Cause I feel like I could be an
asset to you as a secretary, and--
253
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,327
Let's start by taking down
all of their names.
254
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,831
- First and last, please.
- Son of a bitch.
255
00:11:36,944 --> 00:11:40,000
Gentlemen, I think this
meeting is adjourned.
256
00:11:43,032 --> 00:11:44,654
You stupid son of a bitch,
dude!
257
00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:46,983
What are you doing with the accent
and the British...? Goddamn it!
258
00:11:47,096 --> 00:11:48,891
Yeah. No, no, no.
I just decided to go a different way.
259
00:11:49,004 --> 00:11:50,492
- The spy thing wasn't really working.
- Yeah? What way was that?
260
00:11:50,605 --> 00:11:52,902
Well, your wooden teeth
whistly-tooth thing? That was bad.
261
00:11:53,015 --> 00:11:54,500
- That wasn't working.
- My teeth were a smashing success.
262
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,704
We are in dire straits here, okay?
We need a change of plan.
263
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,371
I think the only way we're going
to convince these people
264
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:01,802
that we're on their side
is to become 100% British.
265
00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:04,777
- To become British?
- We gotta commit to the fop thing.
266
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,727
That actually seems pretty
sensible, Dennis.
267
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,472
No more "S's" for you.
268
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,819
It's just so cramped in here.
269
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,874
I mean, you'd think people who came
here so many years before the English,
270
00:12:15,987 --> 00:12:17,419
that they'd build bigger houses!
271
00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:19,320
Yeah. You'd think they'd
have huge homes.
272
00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,125
What is the sleeping
situation in here?
273
00:12:21,238 --> 00:12:23,655
You think this father and son are
sleeping on the same bearskin together?
274
00:12:23,768 --> 00:12:25,876
Probably.
Where else they going to sleep?
275
00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:26,959
What a bunch of losers!
276
00:12:27,072 --> 00:12:29,899
I'm telling you, a bunch of
inbred savages.
277
00:12:30,234 --> 00:12:31,890
I speak English.
278
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:34,200
Oh, shit! For real?
279
00:12:34,525 --> 00:12:35,702
Yes.
280
00:12:35,815 --> 00:12:37,351
Oh, that's not good.
We didn't mean to...
281
00:12:37,464 --> 00:12:39,200
Our bad.
Uh, just tell me.
282
00:12:39,313 --> 00:12:42,323
How much land are you going to
give away for a pumpkin these days?
283
00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:43,626
Charlie... Charlie, listen.
284
00:12:43,739 --> 00:12:47,397
What we need
is your magical powers
285
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:50,446
to lift the curses from our guns.
286
00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:52,261
- Gag-ga da boom.
- Okay?
287
00:12:52,374 --> 00:12:54,789
- We're going to pay you.
- Oh, yeah. We gotta pay you.
288
00:12:54,902 --> 00:12:57,566
We'll give you this.
We brought this for you.
289
00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:58,887
- Booze! Right?
- Booze.
290
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,558
Makes you feel good.
Helps you sleep.
291
00:13:00,671 --> 00:13:02,863
Brings the tribe together.
292
00:13:05,922 --> 00:13:08,679
You want me to scalp them?
293
00:13:11,931 --> 00:13:15,015
That young Indian was
fast with the tomahawk!
294
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,585
He really lobbed a big hunk
off your head up here.
295
00:13:17,698 --> 00:13:19,449
He's going to make me look
deformed!
296
00:13:19,562 --> 00:13:21,644
Yeah. And you're going to be
deformed for the rest of your life.
297
00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:24,904
Give me that skunk pelt.
I'll use it for hair.
298
00:13:25,017 --> 00:13:27,106
- Don't push! Don't push!
- All right.
299
00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:30,123
- It's look cool.
- It looks pretty good.
300
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,495
- Lady Deandra?
- Yes? Can I help you?
301
00:13:34,588 --> 00:13:36,214
Colonel Cricket.
302
00:13:36,979 --> 00:13:39,092
We met the other day...
303
00:13:40,273 --> 00:13:43,163
I was the one you delivered the
keg to...
304
00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:47,523
- You spit in my face.
- Oh! Yep. Yep. There it is.
305
00:13:48,123 --> 00:13:52,945
Indeed. Forgive my
rather unadorned approach, but
306
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,210
from the first moment I laid
my eyes on you...
307
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:57,517
...I was smitten.
308
00:13:57,787 --> 00:14:02,475
Perhaps my impatience has gotten
the best of me, but if you will have me,
309
00:14:02,588 --> 00:14:06,590
I would be most honored
to call you my wife.
310
00:14:11,647 --> 00:14:13,772
A simple "no" would have
sufficed.
311
00:14:15,809 --> 00:14:18,746
Okay, all right, that one got in
my mouth. That's really not cool.
312
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:22,300
You listen to me,
you pale-faced English dickhole,
313
00:14:22,413 --> 00:14:23,812
you got a revolution coming.
314
00:14:23,925 --> 00:14:28,088
And pretty soon, all of the slaves are
gonna be free, and I will be owned by no man.
315
00:14:29,807 --> 00:14:31,540
- I am a fool...
- Yeah.
316
00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:34,394
...having allowed myself to
317
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,192
imagine us back in my
sprawling manor in England.
318
00:14:37,305 --> 00:14:42,037
You on my arm, adorned in magnificent
garments, dressed in the finest jewels.
319
00:14:42,511 --> 00:14:43,815
Cricks, back it up a little bit.
320
00:14:43,928 --> 00:14:45,887
You talking about garments and jewelry?
321
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,750
But alas, my love cannot mend
our differences.
322
00:14:49,863 --> 00:14:52,435
Oh, no-no-no, wait-wait-wait-wait!
Your love, your love can.
323
00:14:52,548 --> 00:14:55,955
Your love is, your love is
currently doing that, so...
324
00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:59,568
You didn't mention anything about the
sprawling manor and all the garments.
325
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:02,017
- That was stupid.
- But I-I thought that you just said...
326
00:15:02,130 --> 00:15:05,040
Yeah, I did, I did, I did,
but it's... your love, it's, like,
327
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:07,422
filling me up with all
kinds of stuff.
328
00:15:07,535 --> 00:15:09,001
- Is it?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is!
329
00:15:09,114 --> 00:15:11,375
- Let's do this! Let's get married!
- What?
330
00:15:12,550 --> 00:15:14,283
- Oh, Lady Deandra...
- Yes!
331
00:15:14,396 --> 00:15:16,736
...you have made me the
happiest man alive!
332
00:15:17,286 --> 00:15:20,267
We're gonna have to work up to that,
though, 'cause you are crazy ugly.
333
00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:23,586
Keep your pants on, curly.
334
00:15:23,699 --> 00:15:26,733
You want the slave, you gotta
pay for the slave.
335
00:15:26,846 --> 00:15:28,209
- What?
- I'm sorry.
336
00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:30,586
We're not gonna give it to
you for free.
337
00:15:30,699 --> 00:15:33,457
You gotta sweeten the pot, eh?
338
00:15:34,414 --> 00:15:36,743
- How'd you like to buy some guns?
- Yes.
339
00:15:38,006 --> 00:15:39,288
Guns?
340
00:15:41,314 --> 00:15:43,243
- I shall buy your guns.
- Yes!
341
00:15:43,356 --> 00:15:46,028
- I shall buy your guns!
- No-no-no-no-no, not yet.
342
00:15:46,141 --> 00:15:47,403
Hey, hey-hey, hey.
343
00:15:50,299 --> 00:15:52,328
Why does he keep spitting in
my mouth?
344
00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,209
Who is this man?
345
00:15:57,684 --> 00:16:01,563
Ah, hello to you, sirs,
and to you, ladies.
346
00:16:01,676 --> 00:16:03,160
These heels are almost
impossible to walk in.
347
00:16:03,273 --> 00:16:04,842
Well, get over it, dude.
You gotta walk in 'em, okay?
348
00:16:04,925 --> 00:16:05,925
Now let me hear the voice.
349
00:16:06,038 --> 00:16:09,003
No, I don't think that the voice is
entirely necessary, so I'm not gonna do it.
350
00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:11,223
If we're gonna wipe away all
traces of our colonial background
351
00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:13,075
and blend in with British culture,
we need to walk the walk
352
00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:15,309
- and we need to talk the talk.
- Fine. How do you do it?
353
00:16:15,422 --> 00:16:19,629
Your voice needs to come off as elegant
(with English accent): as your clothing, okay?
354
00:16:19,742 --> 00:16:21,818
So try this.
355
00:16:22,806 --> 00:16:27,725
Would you like a spot of tea?
You-- "Yeeees...!"
356
00:16:28,706 --> 00:16:31,170
Would you like a spot of tea?
357
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,938
Ye-es.
358
00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:34,868
- Draw it out more.
- Draw it out more than that?
359
00:16:34,981 --> 00:16:36,143
Yees...!
360
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,731
Yees...!
361
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:40,799
That's good.
362
00:16:40,857 --> 00:16:43,131
Those wooden teeth are killing me.
That lisp is stupid.
363
00:16:43,244 --> 00:16:45,335
I think the wooden teeth are the
whole thing that's saving this thing.
364
00:16:45,425 --> 00:16:46,425
- You sound ridiculous, dude.
- No, I don't.
365
00:16:46,494 --> 00:16:48,939
It sounds pretty good. I'm not losing
the teeth. Let's just move past that.
366
00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:50,953
Let's keep walking.
Okay, try it again. Try it again.
367
00:16:51,601 --> 00:16:54,023
Yeeees...!
368
00:16:54,136 --> 00:16:56,221
Yees...!
369
00:16:56,812 --> 00:16:58,839
Yeees...!
370
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,476
- Yees...!
- Good, good, good.
371
00:17:00,589 --> 00:17:03,583
- Now, flourish the pinkie.
- Flourish the pinkie.
372
00:17:03,696 --> 00:17:06,052
Yees...!
373
00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:08,598
Well, what have we got here?
374
00:17:08,711 --> 00:17:11,846
A pair of poofs about town.
375
00:17:11,959 --> 00:17:15,639
Sodomites in frilly lace.
376
00:17:15,752 --> 00:17:16,883
- No!
- No, no!
377
00:17:16,996 --> 00:17:18,183
- Nayeth.
- Oh, nayeth, nayeth.
378
00:17:18,296 --> 00:17:22,026
No, we are simply two noble
Britishmen out on a stroll.
379
00:17:22,346 --> 00:17:24,074
- Good day, sir.
- Good day. Oh!
380
00:17:27,156 --> 00:17:30,138
Boys... get the tar.
381
00:17:31,874 --> 00:17:33,014
Shit.
382
00:17:34,811 --> 00:17:37,489
Deandra, come and help me
count my gold.
383
00:17:37,602 --> 00:17:39,405
I'm not your slave anymore,
Franklin.
384
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,625
I'm about to go live like the
goddamn Queen of England
385
00:17:41,738 --> 00:17:43,435
and never see you two bitches again.
386
00:17:43,548 --> 00:17:46,266
Charles, I told you the
revolution pays.
387
00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:48,678
Yeah, yeah, but look at this, huh?
388
00:17:48,791 --> 00:17:52,290
Guys, there is a full-fledged revolution
happening outside right now!
389
00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:55,493
It is a bloodbath!
We have got to do something!
390
00:17:55,606 --> 00:17:56,667
What?
391
00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,179
Uh, let's back up and talk
about what this is.
392
00:17:58,292 --> 00:18:00,676
No, no, no, this is not important.
This is not important right now, okay?
393
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,196
- I think it's very important.
- There's a war happening outside
394
00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:05,122
- and we need to...
- We were acting like British noblemen,
395
00:18:05,235 --> 00:18:06,798
and then he couldn't
drop the she-male thing,
396
00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:08,857
so we got tarred and
feathered for being Sodomites!
397
00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:11,073
It is not a she-male thing...
398
00:18:11,479 --> 00:18:13,614
Goddamn it, we don't have
time for this!
399
00:18:15,087 --> 00:18:16,971
Help! Help me!
400
00:18:17,084 --> 00:18:18,385
Are you okay?
Are you dying?
401
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,948
No, no, no, don't die yet! Don't die
yet until you get me to your mansion.
402
00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:24,426
No, I'm unscathed, my darling.
403
00:18:24,539 --> 00:18:26,896
- Oh, thank God.
- This is the blood of my men.
404
00:18:27,009 --> 00:18:28,821
We've suffered too many
casualties.
405
00:18:29,158 --> 00:18:32,696
- All our guns jammed.
- Blame that on your witch wife.
406
00:18:32,809 --> 00:18:33,812
Let me see that.
407
00:18:35,011 --> 00:18:38,348
Permit me to hide out here till
British reinforcements arrive
408
00:18:38,461 --> 00:18:41,139
and massacre the entire lot of rebels.
409
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:45,077
Then shall we escape safely
together, my darling?
410
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,244
Oh, okay.
I'm gonna go get you some water.
411
00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:49,906
Yeah, hey, Cricks, when the
reinforcements get here,
412
00:18:50,019 --> 00:18:52,199
Dennis and I are cool, right?
We're not on your shit list?
413
00:18:52,312 --> 00:18:54,943
Yeah, like, we got tarred and
feathered for your ass, so...
414
00:18:55,056 --> 00:18:58,008
Protect me, and I shall make
sure that all of you
415
00:18:58,121 --> 00:19:00,606
are safe for the mighty soul...
416
00:19:02,533 --> 00:19:03,799
Shit!
417
00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:08,362
Goddamn it, Frank.
You just ruined my all life.
418
00:19:08,475 --> 00:19:11,554
- Wait, wait, wait, check his pulse.
- He doesn't have a head.
419
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:14,753
Oh, my God. If the British come in here
and find this body, we are screwed.
420
00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:16,701
Oh, Jesus! He's right.
We've got to get rid of this body.
421
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:17,527
How are we gonna to do that?
422
00:19:17,562 --> 00:19:19,301
- Maybe we could bury.
- No, there's no time.
423
00:19:19,413 --> 00:19:20,153
We've got to burn that body.
424
00:19:20,188 --> 00:19:22,820
- It's gonna go to their intention.
- Let's cut it of in pieces.
425
00:19:22,933 --> 00:19:24,561
I've got an idea.
426
00:19:25,818 --> 00:19:28,602
- Yeah? You have it?
- It's heavy.
427
00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:37,952
Shit! Bro, we just broke
the liberty bell.
428
00:19:38,065 --> 00:19:40,263
I'll get you, my pretty!
429
00:19:43,708 --> 00:19:45,230
It's totally broken.
430
00:19:45,343 --> 00:19:49,125
Knock this story!
431
00:19:49,238 --> 00:19:52,692
- Okay?
- We weren't finish yet. Just a...
432
00:19:52,805 --> 00:19:55,450
I've finished listening.
433
00:19:55,563 --> 00:19:57,471
Have you now?
434
00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:01,234
Okay, that's fair.
The end, I guess.
435
00:20:01,929 --> 00:20:04,443
So, are we in an historical
landmark, now?
436
00:20:04,556 --> 00:20:06,637
- No!
- You got to be kidding me!
437
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:10,453
- Such a good story.
- Maybe she didn't understand the story.
438
00:20:10,566 --> 00:20:13,572
- Maybe skim too much.
- Yeah, let's tell the false story this time.
439
00:20:13,685 --> 00:20:15,957
- We won't leave out any details.
- A lot more details.
440
00:20:16,070 --> 00:20:19,127
You know what? Sit back, get concentreted,
it's gonna get a low longer this time.
441
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,403
- You're ready?
- The start is the same.
442
00:20:21,516 --> 00:20:23,813
The year was 1776...
36696
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