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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,966 --> 00:00:03,725 He really has an ugly face. 2 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,439 He is certainly ugly. 3 00:00:05,552 --> 00:00:07,717 But, you know what, that's not really what bothers me about this. 4 00:00:07,830 --> 00:00:09,473 What bothers me is that he looks like an old woman. 5 00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:10,861 - Right! - Yeah. 6 00:00:10,974 --> 00:00:14,087 Well, he is wearing a lot of blush on those cheekbones, 7 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,660 but I feel like that was the look of the times. 8 00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,817 No, no, but it's not just that though, Mac, it's not. 9 00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:20,040 I mean, a lot of presidents somehow end up looking like women. 10 00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:21,483 I mean, look at Ronald Reagan, right? 11 00:00:21,857 --> 00:00:24,320 Now, why would you hang a painting like this on your wall? 12 00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:27,431 Well, it's the Historical Society, bro. They have to hang it up. 13 00:00:27,544 --> 00:00:29,459 Oh, well, we got to suffer just because some old dude 14 00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:31,392 who looks like Meryl Streep chopped down a cherry tree, like, 15 00:00:31,505 --> 00:00:34,437 ten million years ago? It's just, he looks terrible! 16 00:00:35,297 --> 00:00:37,485 You know what? Let's take it down. 17 00:00:37,598 --> 00:00:39,569 It's just gonna distract us through the meeting. 18 00:00:39,682 --> 00:00:40,952 - Yeah, let's get it down, man. - Let's take it down. 19 00:00:41,065 --> 00:00:42,994 It's not gonna work. 20 00:00:43,107 --> 00:00:44,816 It's just gonna distract us. 21 00:00:45,204 --> 00:00:46,975 Unbelievable. It's bolted to the wall. 22 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,870 Well, that proves our point, man. We're not the first people to try and take that thing down. 23 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:51,744 Yeah, but we're gonna be the first ones to actually succeed. 24 00:00:51,857 --> 00:00:53,905 - Come on, let's tear it down, Charlie. - Let's just rip it off the wall, man. 25 00:00:54,018 --> 00:00:55,974 - Rip it right off the wall. - Whoa, guys, guys, guys. 26 00:00:56,409 --> 00:00:58,883 I got a pocketknife. Just cut it out of the frame. 27 00:00:58,940 --> 00:00:59,940 That's a good idea. 28 00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:01,488 'Cause I really, I've had enough of this dude. 29 00:01:01,601 --> 00:01:04,768 - Just cut it right out of the frame. - What are you doing? 30 00:01:08,713 --> 00:01:11,794 - Do you want this up? - Yes. Yes, I do. 31 00:01:12,259 --> 00:01:14,858 Uh, may I help you gentlemen with something? 32 00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:16,109 Yeah, yeah. 33 00:01:16,222 --> 00:01:19,877 Actually, we're here because we want to get our bar certified as a historic landmark. 34 00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:21,971 We want tourists to be able to come by Paddy's Pub 35 00:01:22,084 --> 00:01:24,047 as part of the walking tour of Philly. 36 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,359 You know, they can come by, suck up some history, do some shots, get blasted. 37 00:01:27,472 --> 00:01:30,711 In order to be considered as a historical site, 38 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:34,892 your bar would have to have some historical significance. 39 00:01:35,005 --> 00:01:37,051 Well, trust us when we tell you that Paddy's Pub 40 00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:40,095 played an extremely important part in history. 41 00:01:40,571 --> 00:01:42,801 Mm, and what, uh, part of history might that be? 42 00:01:42,914 --> 00:01:44,905 The cracking of the Liberty Bell, of course. 43 00:01:45,591 --> 00:01:50,139 Synchro : Criztian 44 00:02:17,115 --> 00:02:21,586 So you're claiming that your bar had a direct role 45 00:02:21,699 --> 00:02:24,192 in the cracking of the Liberty Bell? 46 00:02:24,305 --> 00:02:26,017 - Absolutely. - Well, then tell me about it. 47 00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:28,315 Well, the year was 1412... 48 00:02:29,085 --> 00:02:30,902 - No. Really? - Let Dennis, let Dennis... 49 00:02:31,015 --> 00:02:33,028 - Let me tell the story, Charlie. - Okay. 50 00:02:33,861 --> 00:02:36,064 The year was 1776. 51 00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:39,712 And Paddy's Pub, then known, of course, as Patrick's Pub, 52 00:02:39,825 --> 00:02:42,877 was a hotbed of revolutionary activity. 53 00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:46,876 Revolutionaries from all over the country had come together to gather 54 00:02:46,989 --> 00:02:50,398 at Patrick's Pub to speak of war and revolution. 55 00:02:50,693 --> 00:02:53,650 Will you look at that? Sons of Liberty. 56 00:02:53,763 --> 00:02:57,305 Patriots meeting in our bar, speaking of revolution and freedom. 57 00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:00,172 Can you believe it, dear brother? We're witnessing history in the making. 58 00:03:00,285 --> 00:03:02,167 I do not give a shit, Deandra. 59 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,771 Now, get me a flagon of ale. Get your own ale, dick. 60 00:03:05,932 --> 00:03:08,985 You are my slave. You have to get me flagons of ale. 61 00:03:09,374 --> 00:03:11,800 I saved you from being burned at the stake for being a witch. 62 00:03:11,913 --> 00:03:14,698 You're the one who accused me of being a witch in the first place, Dennis. 63 00:03:14,811 --> 00:03:16,748 Well, what's done is done. That's all in the past now. 64 00:03:17,047 --> 00:03:19,064 So you can either be a slave witch in the bar, 65 00:03:19,177 --> 00:03:20,945 or you can be a burned up witch outside. 66 00:03:21,058 --> 00:03:23,188 Up to you! Flagon of ale now? 67 00:03:23,739 --> 00:03:27,032 Guys, guys, guys, I've got some news! I've got some terrible news! 68 00:03:27,145 --> 00:03:29,928 - Oh, MacDonald, how goes it? - Not good. 69 00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:31,812 You know that chick I've been banging down at Independence Hall? 70 00:03:31,925 --> 00:03:33,479 - Mm, the fat one. - She's not that fat. 71 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,215 Yeah, she's pretty fat, dude. Good one, witch. 72 00:03:35,260 --> 00:03:36,264 Well, whatever. 73 00:03:36,377 --> 00:03:39,496 She told me in complete confidence that a bunch of old dudes down there 74 00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:43,279 are drafting a declaration-- a declaration of independence. 75 00:03:43,392 --> 00:03:45,161 Wait, why would we want to be free from the British? 76 00:03:45,274 --> 00:03:47,334 This declaration is gonna start an all-out war. 77 00:03:47,447 --> 00:03:49,240 We have to make sure we are not on the losing side. 78 00:03:49,353 --> 00:03:51,375 - Definitely. - Okay, clearly the British are gonna win this thing. 79 00:03:51,488 --> 00:03:52,883 - Clearly. - All right, we have to make sure 80 00:03:52,996 --> 00:03:55,205 that the Crown knows that we're on their side. 81 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,494 We have to make our own declaration. 82 00:03:57,650 --> 00:04:02,650 Yes. Yes, we need to make a declaration of dependence. 83 00:04:08,101 --> 00:04:12,949 Buy a pelt here! We have raccoon, we have foxes! 84 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,409 Ho, there, sir. 85 00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:19,712 Now, my good gentleman, what says you of my fine furs here? 86 00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:23,554 Merrily I be able to guide you toward some interest in some purchase. 87 00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:25,133 I can't understand what you're saying. 88 00:04:25,246 --> 00:04:26,561 - You want to buy a fur? - Yeah. 89 00:04:26,674 --> 00:04:28,606 In July? No, thanks. 90 00:04:30,171 --> 00:04:33,979 Not so fast now. That's a nice looking cart of pumpkins you got here. 91 00:04:34,494 --> 00:04:36,985 Uh, what says you we maketh some trade, hmm? 92 00:04:37,098 --> 00:04:40,921 - All my furs for all your pumpkins. - No. 93 00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:43,225 All right, aye-aye-aye-aye- aye-aye-aye-aye! 94 00:04:43,637 --> 00:04:45,440 One pumpkin. 95 00:04:45,902 --> 00:04:47,298 - Deal. - All righty! 96 00:04:47,411 --> 00:04:49,054 Wait, wait, wait, whoa, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. 97 00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:51,855 We're not traders, Charlie. We're thieves. 98 00:04:51,968 --> 00:04:55,156 You want his pumpkins, we kill him and take his pumpkins. 99 00:04:55,269 --> 00:04:57,893 This is 1776. 100 00:04:58,006 --> 00:04:59,566 We'll get away with it! 101 00:05:00,111 --> 00:05:02,131 - I can hear you. - Yeah, all right, very good. 102 00:05:02,244 --> 00:05:03,486 This is how it will go down. 103 00:05:03,599 --> 00:05:05,744 I will beat the man about the face and the neck 104 00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:07,725 and maybe the chest area and possibly the groin 105 00:05:07,838 --> 00:05:10,487 until he's no longer consisting of life pulse. 106 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,418 And then you can collect up the man's cart. 107 00:05:13,531 --> 00:05:15,406 I shall findeth a stick. 108 00:05:15,519 --> 00:05:17,498 Yes! Well, we'll need a stick to do the bashing. 109 00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:18,805 Sit tight, sir. 110 00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:21,198 Pick a stick, any stick you like. 111 00:05:21,311 --> 00:05:24,178 All right, well, methinks the rod to be the most suitable for our purposes. 112 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,878 Ah, very nice rod. Go with that rod. 113 00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:28,094 Okey dokey dokey do. Uh-oh! He's gone. 114 00:05:28,414 --> 00:05:30,663 What? He stole our furs! 115 00:05:30,776 --> 00:05:32,647 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 116 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,490 - You shit head. - Hey, look on the bright side, Franklin. 117 00:05:35,991 --> 00:05:37,865 We got ourselves a pumpkin. 118 00:05:38,789 --> 00:05:40,407 This is gonna work. 119 00:05:43,627 --> 00:05:44,992 I can't believe you dressed like that, bro. 120 00:05:45,105 --> 00:05:47,123 Um, excuse me, this is a good plan, okay? 121 00:05:47,236 --> 00:05:49,415 If we're gonna get this declaration into the hands of the queen, 122 00:05:49,528 --> 00:05:50,857 we need to dress the part. 123 00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:52,487 It's not the way the British dress, bro. 124 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,482 - They dress like this. - No, British commoners 125 00:05:54,595 --> 00:05:56,679 dress like you're dressed-- British peons, okay? 126 00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:59,797 I'm dressed like a nobleman, okay? These people respond to royalty. 127 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:02,753 Hey, guys, come on. Please help. 128 00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:04,810 Just use your witch strength, slave. 129 00:06:04,923 --> 00:06:06,993 Yeah, it's not that much further. God! 130 00:06:07,106 --> 00:06:09,477 Uh, pardon me, pardon me, good sirs. 131 00:06:09,991 --> 00:06:12,050 But which of you gentlemen happens to be 132 00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,568 the highest ranking military officer here? 133 00:06:14,681 --> 00:06:16,217 That would be me. 134 00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:21,055 Cricket. Colonel Cricket. 135 00:06:23,312 --> 00:06:24,897 What is your business, sirs? 136 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,596 Ah, well, Colonel, we are the owners of the fine 137 00:06:27,709 --> 00:06:29,901 local establishment Patrick's Pub. 138 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,578 Patrick's Pub! Yes, of course, of course. 139 00:06:34,691 --> 00:06:36,104 The liberty bar. 140 00:06:36,444 --> 00:06:39,107 - You harbor patriots. - Oh, whoops, no, no, no. 141 00:06:39,173 --> 00:06:40,173 - No. - No, myth. 142 00:06:40,238 --> 00:06:41,677 - Myth. - Bad intel there. 143 00:06:41,790 --> 00:06:43,587 Yeah, bad intel. Bit of a miscommunication. 144 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:47,146 Actually, that is why we're here. Uh, we drew up this declaration. 145 00:06:47,259 --> 00:06:51,337 We also included an illustration that we had hoped would illuminate 146 00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:53,497 our intentions towards the queen, huh? 147 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:59,518 This appears to be a rendering of... the two of you 148 00:06:59,631 --> 00:07:04,086 sodomizing the king whilst the queen is forced to witness. 149 00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:05,549 - Oh, no! - Goodness gracious, no! 150 00:07:05,662 --> 00:07:07,801 No, look. I'm holding homeboy's arms back. 151 00:07:08,175 --> 00:07:09,907 Dennis is ready to jam him in the face, 152 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:12,570 - and the queen is impressed. - Yeah, that's a bad guy, that's not the king. 153 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,157 - Uh, we're doing bad stuff to the bad... - Give me this. 154 00:07:14,270 --> 00:07:16,246 - You know, you don't get it. - Let's get the ale. The ale. 155 00:07:16,359 --> 00:07:18,145 Wench, now, the ale, presenteth it. 156 00:07:18,731 --> 00:07:20,242 Okay, set that down in front of him. 157 00:07:20,355 --> 00:07:23,544 And, uh, yes, good Colonel, we present this ale to you 158 00:07:23,657 --> 00:07:27,273 and your men in hopes that it will fuel the British to victory. 159 00:07:28,032 --> 00:07:29,430 Madam. 160 00:07:30,274 --> 00:07:31,830 - Whoa! Hey! - What the hell you doing? 161 00:07:31,943 --> 00:07:33,841 Get out of here! You're making a big mess! 162 00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,475 Get back to the bar! 163 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:38,834 - I'm really sorry. That was huge! - Yeah. That's... 164 00:07:38,947 --> 00:07:40,891 That hit you right in the face, didn't it? 165 00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:43,167 You know what? We don't condone that sort of thing, okay? 166 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,520 We're going to tar and feather the shit out of her when she gets back. 167 00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:46,825 Don't worry. Don't worry. 168 00:07:47,098 --> 00:07:51,482 I pray you, who is that fiery wench? 169 00:07:51,595 --> 00:07:53,672 Her? Oh, that's just my sister Deandra. 170 00:07:53,785 --> 00:07:55,507 - She's a slave. - Yeah. And a witch. 171 00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:56,510 Yeah. 172 00:07:56,584 --> 00:07:58,068 You keep your sister as your slave? 173 00:07:58,181 --> 00:08:00,195 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Aye. 174 00:08:00,594 --> 00:08:02,734 So are we good here now? What's the deal? 175 00:08:03,347 --> 00:08:06,831 Gentlemen, you have both proven to me in the very short time 176 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,652 that I've known you that you are both slanderous perverts 177 00:08:09,765 --> 00:08:12,274 lacking any semblance of moral fortitude. 178 00:08:12,387 --> 00:08:16,788 However, I do desire to seek further counsel with the lady. 179 00:08:18,313 --> 00:08:20,538 Uh... lady? Oh, the... the witch! 180 00:08:20,651 --> 00:08:22,575 The same girl we've just been talking about? 181 00:08:22,688 --> 00:08:25,542 You don't really think she's a... a witch, do you? 182 00:08:26,216 --> 00:08:29,245 - Yeah. Yeah, she's a witch. - Yeah. I'm pretty sure. 183 00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:30,692 Pretty sure. 184 00:08:31,062 --> 00:08:32,395 All right, look. 185 00:08:32,508 --> 00:08:36,884 I wish to court her in some manner, and 186 00:08:37,496 --> 00:08:40,668 I could use your help because I'm not, admittedly, 187 00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:43,248 very good with women. 188 00:08:44,163 --> 00:08:46,342 Good with women? You mean good at women? 189 00:08:46,455 --> 00:08:48,637 Like, you can't catch them when they run away from you? 190 00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:50,820 Bro, it's 1776. They don't have any rights. 191 00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:52,718 You can just take them and force them to do whatever you want. 192 00:08:52,831 --> 00:08:56,336 I do not wish to take her. I would like to win her favor, 193 00:08:56,676 --> 00:08:58,632 like a gentleman does a lady. 194 00:08:58,745 --> 00:09:01,297 - That just does not compute with me. - I don't understand what you're saying. 195 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,243 Digging the accent, but don't understand you. 196 00:09:03,356 --> 00:09:05,654 - Are you saying you're gay? - All right, escort them out! 197 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:08,230 Oh, no. We... we... Okay. 198 00:09:08,343 --> 00:09:09,430 Are you going to drink the beer? 199 00:09:09,543 --> 00:09:11,188 - No, leave it. Out. - Just drink the beer. 200 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,656 Maybe you'll get some balls and you can take the woman. 201 00:09:18,110 --> 00:09:19,110 - Fire! - Ready? 202 00:09:19,178 --> 00:09:20,615 - Yes. Shoot. - All right. 203 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:23,678 One, two, three. 204 00:09:24,714 --> 00:09:27,709 Do not shoot that pumpkin! What are you doing? 205 00:09:27,822 --> 00:09:30,868 I stole a bunch of guns! I'm testing them out, Charles! 206 00:09:31,199 --> 00:09:33,993 This revolution is going to make us a fortune! 207 00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:35,420 All right. Well, leave the pumpkin out of it. 208 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:37,530 - The pumpkin's innocent! - Shoot the pumpkin. 209 00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,756 - Do not shoot the pumpkin please. - Okay. 210 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,124 - Give me the gun. - Fine. 211 00:09:42,237 --> 00:09:44,714 Why is the witch lady shooting at you anyway? 212 00:09:44,827 --> 00:09:48,098 - Maybe she used her sorcery. - Sorcery? 213 00:09:48,211 --> 00:09:50,000 Your dumb-dick partner walked into the bar 214 00:09:50,113 --> 00:09:52,292 and said he stole a bunch of guns and asked if I wanted to shoot 215 00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:55,231 a pumpkin off his head, and of course I did, so here we are. 216 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,533 - Damn your necromancy, woman! - No, I'm not. 217 00:09:57,646 --> 00:09:59,896 Maybe, if we shoot you, you won't feel it anyway, witch. 218 00:10:00,009 --> 00:10:03,023 You know what, okay, you guys. I tell you what, you win. 219 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,560 I'm a witch, okay? I'm a witch! 220 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,240 And I curse both of you and all of your stupid guns. 221 00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:11,686 Charlie, goddamn it! 222 00:10:11,799 --> 00:10:13,618 - Give me that gun. - She cursed the gun! 223 00:10:13,928 --> 00:10:15,364 She cursed the gun. 224 00:10:15,764 --> 00:10:17,183 She put a curse on the gun! 225 00:10:17,296 --> 00:10:18,727 Let's try this one. 226 00:10:19,467 --> 00:10:20,496 Nothing! 227 00:10:20,609 --> 00:10:21,899 Try on me. 228 00:10:29,421 --> 00:10:31,511 Damn those Sons of Liberty sons of bitches, Dennis. 229 00:10:31,624 --> 00:10:33,338 Those guys are going to get us in so much trouble. 230 00:10:33,451 --> 00:10:34,692 - Let's do this. - No, no, no, no! 231 00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:36,625 - You hang back. - What? Me? Why? 232 00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,320 Because, dude, we need to get as much intel from these guys 233 00:10:39,433 --> 00:10:40,730 as we possibly can for that Colonel Cricket. 234 00:10:40,843 --> 00:10:42,609 This fop thing is going to totally blow our cover. 235 00:10:42,722 --> 00:10:44,026 What's going on with your mouth? 236 00:10:44,139 --> 00:10:45,774 - Oh, I got some wooden teeth put in. - Did you? 237 00:10:45,887 --> 00:10:47,876 Yeah. Well, all the patriots are doing it, including Washington, 238 00:10:47,989 --> 00:10:50,396 which is why it makes sense, okay, if we're going undercover! 239 00:10:50,509 --> 00:10:52,432 - Not this fop bullshit! - No, the fop thing's good, man. 240 00:10:52,545 --> 00:10:54,643 I got a plan with it. Yeah. I got an angle. 241 00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:56,614 Fine. Okay, listen. 242 00:10:56,941 --> 00:10:59,528 - You let me take the lead, okay? - Yeah. Okay. 243 00:10:59,641 --> 00:11:01,212 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You son of a bitch. 244 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:07,377 Fellas! How you doing? A couple of flagons of ale for you! 245 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,828 So I just want to say, we love what you're doing over here. 246 00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:13,597 I mean, taxation with representation, right? 247 00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:17,129 So, uh... what's the buzz, huh? What are we all talking about, huh? 248 00:11:17,242 --> 00:11:19,911 Surrender, maybe? 249 00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,662 - We speak of revolution. - Revolution? 250 00:11:23,775 --> 00:11:27,105 Revolution! That's great! I'm completely on top of that! 251 00:11:27,218 --> 00:11:28,947 Hey, fellas, who's taking the minutes here? 252 00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:31,119 'Cause I feel like I could be an asset to you as a secretary, and-- 253 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:34,327 Let's start by taking down all of their names. 254 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,831 - First and last, please. - Son of a bitch. 255 00:11:36,944 --> 00:11:40,000 Gentlemen, I think this meeting is adjourned. 256 00:11:43,032 --> 00:11:44,654 You stupid son of a bitch, dude! 257 00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:46,983 What are you doing with the accent and the British...? Goddamn it! 258 00:11:47,096 --> 00:11:48,891 Yeah. No, no, no. I just decided to go a different way. 259 00:11:49,004 --> 00:11:50,492 - The spy thing wasn't really working. - Yeah? What way was that? 260 00:11:50,605 --> 00:11:52,902 Well, your wooden teeth whistly-tooth thing? That was bad. 261 00:11:53,015 --> 00:11:54,500 - That wasn't working. - My teeth were a smashing success. 262 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,704 We are in dire straits here, okay? We need a change of plan. 263 00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,371 I think the only way we're going to convince these people 264 00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:01,802 that we're on their side is to become 100% British. 265 00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:04,777 - To become British? - We gotta commit to the fop thing. 266 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,727 That actually seems pretty sensible, Dennis. 267 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,472 No more "S's" for you. 268 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,819 It's just so cramped in here. 269 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,874 I mean, you'd think people who came here so many years before the English, 270 00:12:15,987 --> 00:12:17,419 that they'd build bigger houses! 271 00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:19,320 Yeah. You'd think they'd have huge homes. 272 00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,125 What is the sleeping situation in here? 273 00:12:21,238 --> 00:12:23,655 You think this father and son are sleeping on the same bearskin together? 274 00:12:23,768 --> 00:12:25,876 Probably. Where else they going to sleep? 275 00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:26,959 What a bunch of losers! 276 00:12:27,072 --> 00:12:29,899 I'm telling you, a bunch of inbred savages. 277 00:12:30,234 --> 00:12:31,890 I speak English. 278 00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:34,200 Oh, shit! For real? 279 00:12:34,525 --> 00:12:35,702 Yes. 280 00:12:35,815 --> 00:12:37,351 Oh, that's not good. We didn't mean to... 281 00:12:37,464 --> 00:12:39,200 Our bad. Uh, just tell me. 282 00:12:39,313 --> 00:12:42,323 How much land are you going to give away for a pumpkin these days? 283 00:12:42,436 --> 00:12:43,626 Charlie... Charlie, listen. 284 00:12:43,739 --> 00:12:47,397 What we need is your magical powers 285 00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:50,446 to lift the curses from our guns. 286 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:52,261 - Gag-ga da boom. - Okay? 287 00:12:52,374 --> 00:12:54,789 - We're going to pay you. - Oh, yeah. We gotta pay you. 288 00:12:54,902 --> 00:12:57,566 We'll give you this. We brought this for you. 289 00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:58,887 - Booze! Right? - Booze. 290 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,558 Makes you feel good. Helps you sleep. 291 00:13:00,671 --> 00:13:02,863 Brings the tribe together. 292 00:13:05,922 --> 00:13:08,679 You want me to scalp them? 293 00:13:11,931 --> 00:13:15,015 That young Indian was fast with the tomahawk! 294 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,585 He really lobbed a big hunk off your head up here. 295 00:13:17,698 --> 00:13:19,449 He's going to make me look deformed! 296 00:13:19,562 --> 00:13:21,644 Yeah. And you're going to be deformed for the rest of your life. 297 00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:24,904 Give me that skunk pelt. I'll use it for hair. 298 00:13:25,017 --> 00:13:27,106 - Don't push! Don't push! - All right. 299 00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:30,123 - It's look cool. - It looks pretty good. 300 00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:33,495 - Lady Deandra? - Yes? Can I help you? 301 00:13:34,588 --> 00:13:36,214 Colonel Cricket. 302 00:13:36,979 --> 00:13:39,092 We met the other day... 303 00:13:40,273 --> 00:13:43,163 I was the one you delivered the keg to... 304 00:13:44,467 --> 00:13:47,523 - You spit in my face. - Oh! Yep. Yep. There it is. 305 00:13:48,123 --> 00:13:52,945 Indeed. Forgive my rather unadorned approach, but 306 00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,210 from the first moment I laid my eyes on you... 307 00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:57,517 ...I was smitten. 308 00:13:57,787 --> 00:14:02,475 Perhaps my impatience has gotten the best of me, but if you will have me, 309 00:14:02,588 --> 00:14:06,590 I would be most honored to call you my wife. 310 00:14:11,647 --> 00:14:13,772 A simple "no" would have sufficed. 311 00:14:15,809 --> 00:14:18,746 Okay, all right, that one got in my mouth. That's really not cool. 312 00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:22,300 You listen to me, you pale-faced English dickhole, 313 00:14:22,413 --> 00:14:23,812 you got a revolution coming. 314 00:14:23,925 --> 00:14:28,088 And pretty soon, all of the slaves are gonna be free, and I will be owned by no man. 315 00:14:29,807 --> 00:14:31,540 - I am a fool... - Yeah. 316 00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:34,394 ...having allowed myself to 317 00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,192 imagine us back in my sprawling manor in England. 318 00:14:37,305 --> 00:14:42,037 You on my arm, adorned in magnificent garments, dressed in the finest jewels. 319 00:14:42,511 --> 00:14:43,815 Cricks, back it up a little bit. 320 00:14:43,928 --> 00:14:45,887 You talking about garments and jewelry? 321 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:49,750 But alas, my love cannot mend our differences. 322 00:14:49,863 --> 00:14:52,435 Oh, no-no-no, wait-wait-wait-wait! Your love, your love can. 323 00:14:52,548 --> 00:14:55,955 Your love is, your love is currently doing that, so... 324 00:14:56,068 --> 00:14:59,568 You didn't mention anything about the sprawling manor and all the garments. 325 00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:02,017 - That was stupid. - But I-I thought that you just said... 326 00:15:02,130 --> 00:15:05,040 Yeah, I did, I did, I did, but it's... your love, it's, like, 327 00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:07,422 filling me up with all kinds of stuff. 328 00:15:07,535 --> 00:15:09,001 - Is it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is! 329 00:15:09,114 --> 00:15:11,375 - Let's do this! Let's get married! - What? 330 00:15:12,550 --> 00:15:14,283 - Oh, Lady Deandra... - Yes! 331 00:15:14,396 --> 00:15:16,736 ...you have made me the happiest man alive! 332 00:15:17,286 --> 00:15:20,267 We're gonna have to work up to that, though, 'cause you are crazy ugly. 333 00:15:21,562 --> 00:15:23,586 Keep your pants on, curly. 334 00:15:23,699 --> 00:15:26,733 You want the slave, you gotta pay for the slave. 335 00:15:26,846 --> 00:15:28,209 - What? - I'm sorry. 336 00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:30,586 We're not gonna give it to you for free. 337 00:15:30,699 --> 00:15:33,457 You gotta sweeten the pot, eh? 338 00:15:34,414 --> 00:15:36,743 - How'd you like to buy some guns? - Yes. 339 00:15:38,006 --> 00:15:39,288 Guns? 340 00:15:41,314 --> 00:15:43,243 - I shall buy your guns. - Yes! 341 00:15:43,356 --> 00:15:46,028 - I shall buy your guns! - No-no-no-no-no, not yet. 342 00:15:46,141 --> 00:15:47,403 Hey, hey-hey, hey. 343 00:15:50,299 --> 00:15:52,328 Why does he keep spitting in my mouth? 344 00:15:52,536 --> 00:15:54,209 Who is this man? 345 00:15:57,684 --> 00:16:01,563 Ah, hello to you, sirs, and to you, ladies. 346 00:16:01,676 --> 00:16:03,160 These heels are almost impossible to walk in. 347 00:16:03,273 --> 00:16:04,842 Well, get over it, dude. You gotta walk in 'em, okay? 348 00:16:04,925 --> 00:16:05,925 Now let me hear the voice. 349 00:16:06,038 --> 00:16:09,003 No, I don't think that the voice is entirely necessary, so I'm not gonna do it. 350 00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:11,223 If we're gonna wipe away all traces of our colonial background 351 00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:13,075 and blend in with British culture, we need to walk the walk 352 00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:15,309 - and we need to talk the talk. - Fine. How do you do it? 353 00:16:15,422 --> 00:16:19,629 Your voice needs to come off as elegant (with English accent): as your clothing, okay? 354 00:16:19,742 --> 00:16:21,818 So try this. 355 00:16:22,806 --> 00:16:27,725 Would you like a spot of tea? You-- "Yeeees...!" 356 00:16:28,706 --> 00:16:31,170 Would you like a spot of tea? 357 00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:32,938 Ye-es. 358 00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:34,868 - Draw it out more. - Draw it out more than that? 359 00:16:34,981 --> 00:16:36,143 Yees...! 360 00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:38,731 Yees...! 361 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:40,799 That's good. 362 00:16:40,857 --> 00:16:43,131 Those wooden teeth are killing me. That lisp is stupid. 363 00:16:43,244 --> 00:16:45,335 I think the wooden teeth are the whole thing that's saving this thing. 364 00:16:45,425 --> 00:16:46,425 - You sound ridiculous, dude. - No, I don't. 365 00:16:46,494 --> 00:16:48,939 It sounds pretty good. I'm not losing the teeth. Let's just move past that. 366 00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:50,953 Let's keep walking. Okay, try it again. Try it again. 367 00:16:51,601 --> 00:16:54,023 Yeeees...! 368 00:16:54,136 --> 00:16:56,221 Yees...! 369 00:16:56,812 --> 00:16:58,839 Yeees...! 370 00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,476 - Yees...! - Good, good, good. 371 00:17:00,589 --> 00:17:03,583 - Now, flourish the pinkie. - Flourish the pinkie. 372 00:17:03,696 --> 00:17:06,052 Yees...! 373 00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:08,598 Well, what have we got here? 374 00:17:08,711 --> 00:17:11,846 A pair of poofs about town. 375 00:17:11,959 --> 00:17:15,639 Sodomites in frilly lace. 376 00:17:15,752 --> 00:17:16,883 - No! - No, no! 377 00:17:16,996 --> 00:17:18,183 - Nayeth. - Oh, nayeth, nayeth. 378 00:17:18,296 --> 00:17:22,026 No, we are simply two noble Britishmen out on a stroll. 379 00:17:22,346 --> 00:17:24,074 - Good day, sir. - Good day. Oh! 380 00:17:27,156 --> 00:17:30,138 Boys... get the tar. 381 00:17:31,874 --> 00:17:33,014 Shit. 382 00:17:34,811 --> 00:17:37,489 Deandra, come and help me count my gold. 383 00:17:37,602 --> 00:17:39,405 I'm not your slave anymore, Franklin. 384 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:41,625 I'm about to go live like the goddamn Queen of England 385 00:17:41,738 --> 00:17:43,435 and never see you two bitches again. 386 00:17:43,548 --> 00:17:46,266 Charles, I told you the revolution pays. 387 00:17:46,379 --> 00:17:48,678 Yeah, yeah, but look at this, huh? 388 00:17:48,791 --> 00:17:52,290 Guys, there is a full-fledged revolution happening outside right now! 389 00:17:52,403 --> 00:17:55,493 It is a bloodbath! We have got to do something! 390 00:17:55,606 --> 00:17:56,667 What? 391 00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,179 Uh, let's back up and talk about what this is. 392 00:17:58,292 --> 00:18:00,676 No, no, no, this is not important. This is not important right now, okay? 393 00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,196 - I think it's very important. - There's a war happening outside 394 00:18:03,309 --> 00:18:05,122 - and we need to... - We were acting like British noblemen, 395 00:18:05,235 --> 00:18:06,798 and then he couldn't drop the she-male thing, 396 00:18:06,911 --> 00:18:08,857 so we got tarred and feathered for being Sodomites! 397 00:18:08,970 --> 00:18:11,073 It is not a she-male thing... 398 00:18:11,479 --> 00:18:13,614 Goddamn it, we don't have time for this! 399 00:18:15,087 --> 00:18:16,971 Help! Help me! 400 00:18:17,084 --> 00:18:18,385 Are you okay? Are you dying? 401 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,948 No, no, no, don't die yet! Don't die yet until you get me to your mansion. 402 00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:24,426 No, I'm unscathed, my darling. 403 00:18:24,539 --> 00:18:26,896 - Oh, thank God. - This is the blood of my men. 404 00:18:27,009 --> 00:18:28,821 We've suffered too many casualties. 405 00:18:29,158 --> 00:18:32,696 - All our guns jammed. - Blame that on your witch wife. 406 00:18:32,809 --> 00:18:33,812 Let me see that. 407 00:18:35,011 --> 00:18:38,348 Permit me to hide out here till British reinforcements arrive 408 00:18:38,461 --> 00:18:41,139 and massacre the entire lot of rebels. 409 00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:45,077 Then shall we escape safely together, my darling? 410 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,244 Oh, okay. I'm gonna go get you some water. 411 00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:49,906 Yeah, hey, Cricks, when the reinforcements get here, 412 00:18:50,019 --> 00:18:52,199 Dennis and I are cool, right? We're not on your shit list? 413 00:18:52,312 --> 00:18:54,943 Yeah, like, we got tarred and feathered for your ass, so... 414 00:18:55,056 --> 00:18:58,008 Protect me, and I shall make sure that all of you 415 00:18:58,121 --> 00:19:00,606 are safe for the mighty soul... 416 00:19:02,533 --> 00:19:03,799 Shit! 417 00:19:05,005 --> 00:19:08,362 Goddamn it, Frank. You just ruined my all life. 418 00:19:08,475 --> 00:19:11,554 - Wait, wait, wait, check his pulse. - He doesn't have a head. 419 00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:14,753 Oh, my God. If the British come in here and find this body, we are screwed. 420 00:19:14,866 --> 00:19:16,701 Oh, Jesus! He's right. We've got to get rid of this body. 421 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:17,527 How are we gonna to do that? 422 00:19:17,562 --> 00:19:19,301 - Maybe we could bury. - No, there's no time. 423 00:19:19,413 --> 00:19:20,153 We've got to burn that body. 424 00:19:20,188 --> 00:19:22,820 - It's gonna go to their intention. - Let's cut it of in pieces. 425 00:19:22,933 --> 00:19:24,561 I've got an idea. 426 00:19:25,818 --> 00:19:28,602 - Yeah? You have it? - It's heavy. 427 00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:37,952 Shit! Bro, we just broke the liberty bell. 428 00:19:38,065 --> 00:19:40,263 I'll get you, my pretty! 429 00:19:43,708 --> 00:19:45,230 It's totally broken. 430 00:19:45,343 --> 00:19:49,125 Knock this story! 431 00:19:49,238 --> 00:19:52,692 - Okay? - We weren't finish yet. Just a... 432 00:19:52,805 --> 00:19:55,450 I've finished listening. 433 00:19:55,563 --> 00:19:57,471 Have you now? 434 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:01,234 Okay, that's fair. The end, I guess. 435 00:20:01,929 --> 00:20:04,443 So, are we in an historical landmark, now? 436 00:20:04,556 --> 00:20:06,637 - No! - You got to be kidding me! 437 00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:10,453 - Such a good story. - Maybe she didn't understand the story. 438 00:20:10,566 --> 00:20:13,572 - Maybe skim too much. - Yeah, let's tell the false story this time. 439 00:20:13,685 --> 00:20:15,957 - We won't leave out any details. - A lot more details. 440 00:20:16,070 --> 00:20:19,127 You know what? Sit back, get concentreted, it's gonna get a low longer this time. 441 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,403 - You're ready? - The start is the same. 442 00:20:21,516 --> 00:20:23,813 The year was 1776... 36696

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