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1
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_
2
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Troops, we're running
low on fresh water,
3
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so I must speak against this
ridiculous new trend of hand-washing.
4
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Sir, I heard that hand-washing
prevents dysentery.
5
00:00:13,767 --> 00:00:17,119
Oh, I'm sorry, Collins, are
you a physician or a barber?
6
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I didn't think so.
7
00:00:20,644 --> 00:00:23,951
Now, time for my newest invention.
8
00:00:24,082 --> 00:00:26,345
One that shall surely turn
the tide in this conflict.
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A musket with a spy glass
attached. I'm calling it...
10
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the "Eyesaac."
11
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- So just your name?
- Right.
12
00:00:37,095 --> 00:00:38,531
But instead of the letter "I,"
13
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I'm spelling it with the word "eye"...
14
00:00:40,098 --> 00:00:43,797
E-Y-E... at the front.
15
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:47,610
Point is, close combat will
soon be a thing of the past,
16
00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:49,742
because the Eyesaac, E-Y-E,
17
00:00:49,873 --> 00:00:53,311
allows for accurate
targeting of up to...
18
00:00:53,442 --> 00:00:55,095
and I kid you not... 50 yards.
19
00:00:58,751 --> 00:01:01,624
Glory be, I've got eyes
on a British officer.
20
00:01:01,754 --> 00:01:04,627
Now, of course it would
be dishonorable to engage
21
00:01:04,757 --> 00:01:06,716
while, you know, he's unarmed.
22
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Quite a striking fellow.
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He's fit of body,
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well-groomed,
25
00:01:13,418 --> 00:01:15,377
ready for action.
26
00:01:19,859 --> 00:01:22,166
Right.
27
00:01:22,296 --> 00:01:25,082
Well, lots of war stuff to do.
28
00:01:25,212 --> 00:01:27,127
Battle is nigh. And remember,
29
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do not shoot them until
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you see the green of his eyes.
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Their eyes.
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00:01:33,873 --> 00:01:35,527
Till you see the green of their eyes.
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I actually didn't notice
if he had green eyes.
34
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They had green eyes.
35
00:01:47,558 --> 00:01:49,517
Oh, I gotta find a
way out of this crypt.
36
00:01:49,647 --> 00:01:51,040
I'm not getting eaten by a purple worm.
37
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,389
Eaten by a worm?
38
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,695
This game seems stressful.
39
00:01:53,825 --> 00:01:55,348
This is what Jay does to relax?
40
00:01:55,479 --> 00:01:56,959
Dungeons & Dragons
isn't about relaxation,
41
00:01:57,089 --> 00:01:58,351
it's about adventure.
42
00:01:58,482 --> 00:01:59,788
Yeah. Nothing says adventure like eating
43
00:01:59,918 --> 00:02:02,138
a family-size bag of chips by yourself.
44
00:02:02,268 --> 00:02:05,315
Okay, Jay, you're gonna have
to make a decision. Do you...
45
00:02:05,446 --> 00:02:06,621
Oh, come on. Not again.
46
00:02:08,274 --> 00:02:12,148
- I'm sorry, guys, my Internet cut out again.
- Yeah, we know.
47
00:02:12,278 --> 00:02:14,324
It's happened, like, 20 times already.
48
00:02:14,455 --> 00:02:16,239
Yeah, well, what do you
expect? It's rural Internet.
49
00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:17,806
You guys get it. You're from Queens.
50
00:02:17,936 --> 00:02:19,242
That's practically the country.
51
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:20,809
Jay, we moved downtown,
by Brett and Shayla.
52
00:02:20,939 --> 00:02:23,201
You did? Wait. Who's Brett and Shayla?
53
00:02:23,202 --> 00:02:24,508
You haven't met Brett yet? Okay.
54
00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:26,771
He is hilarious. He fits right in.
55
00:02:26,902 --> 00:02:28,686
We met him at a pub quiz.
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00:02:28,817 --> 00:02:30,558
Oh...
57
00:02:30,688 --> 00:02:32,864
I'm confused. Is this part of the game?
58
00:02:33,075 --> 00:02:34,642
Unfortunately, I think the
only game being played here
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00:02:34,772 --> 00:02:37,906
is an adult man trying to
maintain long-distance friendships.
60
00:02:38,036 --> 00:02:40,038
I don't get it. Couldn't...
a hotspot or something?
61
00:02:40,169 --> 00:02:42,734
Oh, great, you're back.
Hey, can you hear me?
62
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,677
Do we just ask Brett to take Jay's spot?
63
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:46,500
What? Brett can't have my spot. No way.
64
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:48,730
What are you thinking, should
we just kill Jay's character?
65
00:02:48,731 --> 00:02:50,396
No, guys, I can hear you.
66
00:02:50,427 --> 00:02:53,008
I'm sad to lose Jay. But Brett? Hello?
67
00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:54,270
I hate Brett.
68
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,447
Wow. Hard to imagine feeling
this betrayed by friends.
69
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,623
Didn't your best friend
sleep with your wife?
70
00:02:59,754 --> 00:03:02,844
Yes, Sasappis. Thank you
for that helpful example.
71
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,889
So you want me to just
take down the whole shed?
72
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:06,761
Yeah, it's kind of an eyesore.
73
00:03:08,763 --> 00:03:09,763
Oh.
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00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:14,769
What on earth is the meaning of this?
75
00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,381
Oh, yeah, this place
will come down real easy.
76
00:03:18,511 --> 00:03:19,948
Come down?
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00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:21,471
I'll have you know these barracks
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00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:24,692
are the sovereign territory of
his Royal Highness King George III.
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00:03:25,736 --> 00:03:28,130
- And look at this one. Gawking.
- Sorry.
80
00:03:28,913 --> 00:03:30,175
Mark.
81
00:03:30,306 --> 00:03:31,655
Sorry, Mark.
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00:03:31,786 --> 00:03:33,831
Uh, just leave the shed.
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00:03:33,962 --> 00:03:35,224
I have a meeting.
84
00:03:35,354 --> 00:03:37,313
We'll talk later.
85
00:03:37,443 --> 00:03:39,097
- She can see us.
- Remarkable.
86
00:03:39,228 --> 00:03:40,751
Indeed.
87
00:03:40,882 --> 00:03:43,449
Hey. Uh, did you guys know
there's three British soldiers
88
00:03:43,580 --> 00:03:46,235
from the Revolutionary War
living in our garden shed?
89
00:03:46,365 --> 00:03:47,365
Don't worry about them.
90
00:03:47,366 --> 00:03:48,454
They mostly stick to themselves.
91
00:03:48,585 --> 00:03:50,195
They come up to the main house
92
00:03:50,326 --> 00:03:52,371
once every year or so with
some dispute or complaint.
93
00:03:52,502 --> 00:03:54,635
They've never gotten
over losing the war.
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00:03:54,765 --> 00:03:56,985
Well, those limeys can wipe
their eyes with crumpets.
95
00:03:57,115 --> 00:03:59,727
'Cause this land is, and
has always been, American.
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00:03:59,857 --> 00:04:01,163
Said the guy from Massapequa.
97
00:04:01,293 --> 00:04:03,339
Ever since the war, the agreement's been
98
00:04:03,469 --> 00:04:05,341
the Americans get the house,
the Brits get the shed.
99
00:04:05,471 --> 00:04:07,343
No, no, no, no.
100
00:04:07,473 --> 00:04:09,562
Oh, no. What is it, Jay?
101
00:04:09,693 --> 00:04:11,347
Hitch died.
102
00:04:11,477 --> 00:04:13,218
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
103
00:04:13,349 --> 00:04:15,220
That's awful. He was a...
104
00:04:15,351 --> 00:04:16,918
really...
105
00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:18,180
You have no idea who Hitch is, do you?
106
00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:20,486
- I do not.
- He was my D&D character.
107
00:04:20,707 --> 00:04:21,795
Oh. No, not to be insensitive,
108
00:04:21,926 --> 00:04:25,930
it's just, doesn't he exist entirely
in your head? What is it, Pete?
109
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:28,976
I-I just wanted to say, as a
long-time adventurer myself,
110
00:04:29,107 --> 00:04:33,459
the bond between D&D creator
and character can be very real.
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00:04:33,589 --> 00:04:36,000
I know I shed a few tears
when I lost Gelvin Monkspear
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00:04:36,001 --> 00:04:37,050
to the demogorgon.
113
00:04:37,051 --> 00:04:39,227
Pete's saying he can
relate, 'cause he got upset
114
00:04:39,357 --> 00:04:41,446
- about losing some character to a demidragon.
- Demogorgon.
115
00:04:41,577 --> 00:04:42,577
Demogorgon?
116
00:04:42,578 --> 00:04:44,406
Pete plays D&D?
117
00:04:44,536 --> 00:04:46,495
Heck yeah. It was really
popular in the '80s.
118
00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:49,193
Hey, maybe Jay and I
could play together.
119
00:04:49,324 --> 00:04:51,108
Oh, that's really sweet... Pete
wishes he could play with you.
120
00:04:51,239 --> 00:04:53,806
Whoa, we totally could
do that. Hey, Pete,
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00:04:53,937 --> 00:04:56,548
Pete, listen, you pick
a character and I'll DM,
122
00:04:56,679 --> 00:04:59,508
and then Sam... Sam, all you have to do
123
00:04:59,638 --> 00:05:00,813
is translate, like
you're doing right now.
124
00:05:00,944 --> 00:05:02,685
- I love this idea!
- Oh, no, no, no.
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00:05:02,815 --> 00:05:04,339
I mean, I love you, obviously,
126
00:05:04,469 --> 00:05:05,557
but fantasy role-playing games
127
00:05:05,688 --> 00:05:07,516
are at the far end of that affection.
128
00:05:07,646 --> 00:05:09,518
Yeah. Okay, cool.
129
00:05:09,648 --> 00:05:11,694
All my best friends
just broke up with me,
130
00:05:11,824 --> 00:05:16,960
but, uh, I can see that playing
a game is... is too big of an ask.
131
00:05:18,005 --> 00:05:19,593
Okay, we can play tonight.
132
00:05:19,599 --> 00:05:21,399
Yes! Oh!
133
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:22,966
Pete, saddle up, baby!
134
00:05:23,097 --> 00:05:24,881
- Oh, no.
- Whoo!
135
00:05:25,012 --> 00:05:27,536
Tonight we ride! Rrroo!
136
00:05:27,766 --> 00:05:31,018
We demand parley at once!
137
00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:32,367
Ugh, these fools.
138
00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:34,499
- Oh, boy. What's going on here?
- Aah!
139
00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:35,544
She can see us.
140
00:05:35,545 --> 00:05:39,765
My God, what foul deal with the
devil hath provoked such a power?
141
00:05:39,896 --> 00:05:41,767
She fell down the stairs,
and when she woke up
142
00:05:41,898 --> 00:05:43,769
she could talk to ghosts and animals.
143
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:46,381
Uh, no. I'm not sure where
she got the animals thing.
144
00:05:46,511 --> 00:05:47,556
But I'm Samantha. Hi.
145
00:05:47,686 --> 00:05:49,079
Lieutenant-Colonel Nigel Chessum.
146
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:53,550
I've come to discuss the
unprovoked attack on our land.
147
00:05:53,551 --> 00:05:55,042
I don't know if I'd
say this is your land.
148
00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:56,260
Yeah, give 'em hell, Sass!
149
00:05:56,391 --> 00:05:57,479
USA!
150
00:05:57,609 --> 00:05:59,524
- USA!
- Are you talking about the door?
151
00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:02,832
This is about dignity and decorum and...
152
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,629
Yes, the door.
153
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,457
We want it put back, and we
won't accept anything less.
154
00:06:06,588 --> 00:06:08,764
Sam?
155
00:06:08,894 --> 00:06:11,897
Have you seen my yellow
Decepticons shirt?
156
00:06:12,028 --> 00:06:13,160
Oh, I think it's in the dryer.
157
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,596
Uh-uh, I checked.
158
00:06:14,726 --> 00:06:15,826
I'll come help you in
a sec. I'm just dealing
159
00:06:15,901 --> 00:06:17,860
with some British ghosts
from the Revolutionary War.
160
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:19,253
Okay. I'll check the hamper.
161
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,430
Sorry, you were saying?
162
00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,172
Our barracks. This
affront shall not go un...
163
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,564
Oh, fine, I'll-I'll do it.
164
00:06:26,695 --> 00:06:29,306
- Pardon?
- I'll tell the contractor
165
00:06:29,437 --> 00:06:30,525
to put the door back on. Anything else?
166
00:06:30,655 --> 00:06:34,137
Oh. Um, I...
167
00:06:34,338 --> 00:06:37,515
had sort of a lengthy diatribe
planned, but, uh, splendid.
168
00:06:37,645 --> 00:06:39,646
Well, shall we get out of here, sir?
169
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,388
Oh, yes.
170
00:06:41,519 --> 00:06:43,651
I suppose there's no reason to linger.
171
00:06:43,782 --> 00:06:45,697
No other reason I can think of.
172
00:06:45,827 --> 00:06:47,916
Sam, I believe that shirt
that Jay's looking for
173
00:06:48,047 --> 00:06:50,354
is in the hallway closet upstairs...
174
00:06:52,965 --> 00:06:54,619
Lieutenant-Colonel Chessum.
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00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:56,795
Captain Higgintoot.
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00:06:56,925 --> 00:06:59,014
What, um... what fortune prompts
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00:06:59,145 --> 00:07:01,321
such an unexpec... pected visit?
178
00:07:01,452 --> 00:07:04,629
A... trivial matter, now concluded.
179
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:06,283
- Hmm.
- I...
180
00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:08,110
do hope my presence, though unexpected,
181
00:07:08,241 --> 00:07:10,156
is not entirely unpleasant.
182
00:07:10,287 --> 00:07:12,463
Oh, no, I think it's fair to say
183
00:07:12,593 --> 00:07:15,292
that your presence is the
furthest thing from unpleasant.
184
00:07:15,422 --> 00:07:16,815
Okay, am I nuts, or is there, like,
185
00:07:16,945 --> 00:07:18,599
crazy chemistry between these two?
186
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,601
This has been going on for centuries.
187
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:23,213
Every year they find some
reason to "redraw the border"
188
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,953
or "extend the truce,"
and neither one of them
189
00:07:25,084 --> 00:07:26,825
- ever makes a move.
- Mm.
190
00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:30,307
Well, I, uh, suppose
I shall bid you adieu.
191
00:07:30,437 --> 00:07:33,135
Yes, yes, and I shall bid adieu to you.
192
00:07:33,266 --> 00:07:35,703
Oh. What a droll little rhyme.
193
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,009
Oh!
194
00:07:39,098 --> 00:07:40,578
Splendid.
195
00:07:40,708 --> 00:07:42,275
Well...
196
00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:45,539
I guess I'm not going
to fife myself out, am I?
197
00:07:45,670 --> 00:07:46,845
Oh, no.
198
00:07:46,975 --> 00:07:48,325
Baxter?
199
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,946
- Well, back to the closet.
- What?
200
00:08:01,076 --> 00:08:02,513
To look for Jay's shirt.
201
00:08:02,643 --> 00:08:05,167
Right.
202
00:08:05,698 --> 00:08:08,214
You cross the icy river
203
00:08:08,345 --> 00:08:12,131
only to find what nightmares
lurk on the other side.
204
00:08:12,262 --> 00:08:14,176
From forth the darkness of the cave
205
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:17,484
emerges an abominable yeti!
206
00:08:17,615 --> 00:08:19,007
Ha-ha-ha!
207
00:08:19,138 --> 00:08:20,748
Oh, not good.
208
00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:22,402
We probably should have
taken the mountain pass.
209
00:08:22,533 --> 00:08:24,796
- Pete says they should have taken the mountain pass.
- Yeah.
210
00:08:24,926 --> 00:08:27,233
That's what we get for accepting
a map from a Frost Giant.
211
00:08:27,364 --> 00:08:29,409
Sass is second-guessing the Frost Giant.
212
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:31,063
Well, I'm not messing with a yeti.
213
00:08:31,193 --> 00:08:32,282
I'm getting back in the boat.
214
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:33,848
And Alberta wants to
get back in the boat.
215
00:08:33,979 --> 00:08:35,633
Ooh, unfortunately,
216
00:08:35,763 --> 00:08:38,592
you turn around to see
that the boat has sunk
217
00:08:38,723 --> 00:08:39,854
into the icy river.
218
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,813
- Oh.
- Escape...
219
00:08:41,943 --> 00:08:43,728
is no longer an option.
220
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:46,744
Well, then combat it is.
221
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,224
Sam, please tell Jay
that Gelvin Monkspear II
222
00:08:49,355 --> 00:08:51,357
has unsheathed his sword.
223
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:56,275
Sam? A little focus?
We're about to be devoured
224
00:08:56,406 --> 00:08:57,581
by a ferocious beast over here.
225
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,626
Right. Sorry, it's just,
it's been a few hours.
226
00:08:59,757 --> 00:09:01,498
So is the game almost done?
227
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:04,675
Well, I mean, this particular
session could be close to done.
228
00:09:04,705 --> 00:09:05,719
This session?
229
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,504
What do you mean? Doesn't somebody win
230
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:08,940
and then, like, we're done?
231
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,681
No.
232
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,247
This isn't Candy Land, Sam.
233
00:09:12,378 --> 00:09:13,378
Dungeons & Dragons
234
00:09:13,423 --> 00:09:15,555
is not a game that
just ends in one night.
235
00:09:15,686 --> 00:09:17,862
Every campaign is a
multi-chaptered quest.
236
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:20,168
They could last months or even years.
237
00:09:20,299 --> 00:09:21,518
Years?
238
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:22,693
That's what makes it so fun.
239
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,696
Now, where were we with that yeti?
240
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:28,438
A little too close for comfort, I'd say.
241
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:31,092
Repeat that for Jay. I think
he'd get a kick out of it.
242
00:09:32,442 --> 00:09:34,835
How about those Brits stopping by, hmm?
243
00:09:34,966 --> 00:09:37,185
Probably won't have to see
them for another few years.
244
00:09:39,710 --> 00:09:42,452
Uh, I have to say, though, that...
245
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,411
that Nigel fellow seems
like a really good guy.
246
00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:49,459
Oh, well, can't say I agree
with his politics, but, uh...
247
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,504
he's a man of honor. Interesting,
248
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:54,202
because you're also
kind of a man of honor.
249
00:09:55,552 --> 00:09:57,684
Well, the truth is, is
that there's a secret
250
00:09:57,815 --> 00:09:59,860
that I've been keeping from Nigel,
251
00:09:59,991 --> 00:10:02,210
and to share it would
release an immense burden,
252
00:10:02,341 --> 00:10:05,953
but I have a feeling he is
not going to take it very well.
253
00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:08,390
Okay, I hear you, but
there's also a chance
254
00:10:08,521 --> 00:10:10,784
that something that seemed so
unthinkable all those years ago
255
00:10:10,915 --> 00:10:13,134
might not be a big deal now.
256
00:10:14,179 --> 00:10:15,179
You're right.
257
00:10:15,267 --> 00:10:17,051
What am I so afraid of?
258
00:10:17,182 --> 00:10:18,836
I'm gonna do it.
259
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,209
Really? You'll talk to him?
260
00:10:21,339 --> 00:10:23,690
Uh-huh. I'm gonna do it.
261
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:25,039
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
262
00:10:25,169 --> 00:10:29,521
What do I wear? Wait, no, can't
change, so itchy shirt it is.
263
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:32,481
Break a leg!
264
00:10:32,692 --> 00:10:34,650
Man...
265
00:10:34,781 --> 00:10:37,087
- we were up so late last night, huh?
- Were we?
266
00:10:37,218 --> 00:10:40,625
- Gosh, I was having so much fun, I didn't notice.
- I could have gone all night.
267
00:10:40,752 --> 00:10:42,223
You want to know what
my favorite part was?
268
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,486
It was just getting to know
the ghosts a little bit.
269
00:10:44,616 --> 00:10:45,705
Pete? Are you kidding me?
270
00:10:45,835 --> 00:10:47,881
That guy is great. I didn't
think anyone knew more
271
00:10:48,011 --> 00:10:49,186
about '80s basketball than I did.
272
00:10:49,317 --> 00:10:52,581
Well, early '80s, and then...
273
00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:55,018
You know, if we're gonna get
to the fortress any time soon,
274
00:10:55,149 --> 00:10:57,220
we're gonna have to play a
few times a week, at least.
275
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:59,457
- And each of those sessions would last about... ?
- Not long.
276
00:10:59,588 --> 00:11:02,069
- Five, six hours.
- Wow.
277
00:11:02,199 --> 00:11:03,984
Well, let me check my
schedule. Available.
278
00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:06,377
And that could go on
for potentially years?
279
00:11:06,508 --> 00:11:07,596
Yeah.
280
00:11:09,076 --> 00:11:12,949
Jay, I don't know exactly
how to tell you this, but...
281
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,343
the ghosts don't want
to play with you anymore.
282
00:11:15,473 --> 00:11:16,953
- Whaaat?
- What?
283
00:11:17,084 --> 00:11:18,563
I know. I'm sorry.
284
00:11:18,694 --> 00:11:20,740
But I thought they had fun.
285
00:11:20,870 --> 00:11:22,742
We did have fun. What
are you doing, Sam?
286
00:11:22,872 --> 00:11:24,134
Well, I guess that not being able
287
00:11:24,265 --> 00:11:26,180
to move the pieces or roll...
288
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,921
- Some of them just got a little bored.
- Bored?
289
00:11:28,051 --> 00:11:29,051
That's not true.
290
00:11:29,052 --> 00:11:32,012
Okay. Yes, it's disappointing.
I'm upset, too. I...
291
00:11:32,142 --> 00:11:35,537
I love this game! Those darn ghosts!
292
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:37,452
Well, if they didn't like it,
then... they didn't like it.
293
00:11:37,582 --> 00:11:39,062
We loved it.
294
00:11:39,193 --> 00:11:41,108
- Liar!
- Huh.
295
00:11:41,238 --> 00:11:43,023
I guess I'll just put
all this away, then.
296
00:11:43,153 --> 00:11:45,373
You know, maybe we could
watch a movie later.
297
00:11:45,503 --> 00:11:46,940
Yeah.
298
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,985
Sure, that sounds fun.
299
00:11:49,116 --> 00:11:50,116
Hmm.
300
00:11:52,162 --> 00:11:54,077
And I thought the mindflayer
301
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:56,514
would be the greatest monster
I'd encounter this week.
302
00:11:57,864 --> 00:12:00,214
Or the gelatinous cube.
That one was tough, too.
303
00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:08,744
So she just straight-up lied to him?
304
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:11,080
- Like it was nothing.
- We have to fix this.
305
00:12:11,081 --> 00:12:12,580
Last night was so fun,
306
00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:13,777
and I don't know if you've noticed,
307
00:12:13,789 --> 00:12:15,225
but we don't have a ton going on here.
308
00:12:15,297 --> 00:12:16,429
Yeah, I just wish there was a way
309
00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,518
we could talk to Jay directly
and set this straight.
310
00:12:18,648 --> 00:12:20,215
If only there was some
way we could get a message
311
00:12:20,346 --> 00:12:22,261
across the celestial plane.
312
00:12:25,873 --> 00:12:27,875
I think I have an idea.
313
00:12:29,419 --> 00:12:32,010
Uh, perhaps we discuss
314
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:34,708
whatever it is you...
wanted to talk about.
315
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,885
Well, well, the truth is,
is it's quite personal,
316
00:12:38,016 --> 00:12:43,978
and I've been keeping a secret
from you for, oh, 250 years.
317
00:12:44,109 --> 00:12:45,632
- Oh?
- I'm just really nervous
318
00:12:45,762 --> 00:12:47,068
about how you're gonna take it.
319
00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:48,199
Well, I...
320
00:12:48,287 --> 00:12:50,245
think I might take it...
321
00:12:50,376 --> 00:12:52,334
just fine.
322
00:12:52,465 --> 00:12:54,249
Really?
323
00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:55,859
Oh.
324
00:12:55,990 --> 00:12:58,384
All right, here it goes.
325
00:12:58,514 --> 00:12:59,646
Nigel?
326
00:12:59,776 --> 00:13:01,604
Yes, Isaac?
327
00:13:01,835 --> 00:13:04,359
I killed you.
328
00:13:06,448 --> 00:13:07,448
Excuse me?!
329
00:13:12,802 --> 00:13:14,674
Hello, Officer.
330
00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:21,332
Oh, boy.
331
00:13:21,420 --> 00:13:23,030
Are you telling me
332
00:13:23,161 --> 00:13:25,815
the cowardly sniper that
took my life was you?
333
00:13:25,946 --> 00:13:28,905
Well, th-that was not
at all my intention.
334
00:13:29,036 --> 00:13:32,822
To have murdered in cold
blood a fellow officer!
335
00:13:32,953 --> 00:13:33,953
My hope was to apologize.
336
00:13:33,997 --> 00:13:36,261
I've had enough of this.
337
00:13:36,391 --> 00:13:37,610
Uh...
338
00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:38,785
Baxter?
339
00:13:40,439 --> 00:13:42,789
Oh, God.
340
00:13:48,363 --> 00:13:50,190
All right, no Sam in sight.
341
00:13:50,321 --> 00:13:51,757
Hurry up and do your thing.
342
00:14:02,507 --> 00:14:04,640
Just a little faster, buddy.
343
00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:06,119
I think Jay's rinsing off.
344
00:14:14,345 --> 00:14:17,130
Lied about what?
345
00:14:17,261 --> 00:14:19,307
Seriously, dude, this is gonna kill me.
346
00:14:19,437 --> 00:14:20,699
We've come too far, man.
347
00:14:20,830 --> 00:14:22,092
Fine.
348
00:14:28,446 --> 00:14:29,882
Hey, babe.
349
00:14:30,013 --> 00:14:31,536
Got a better Internet connection,
350
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:34,017
so now I can play D&D
with my boys in the city.
351
00:14:34,147 --> 00:14:36,106
- That's amazing.
- Yeah, and even better,
352
00:14:36,236 --> 00:14:38,151
one of the guys had to drop out,
353
00:14:38,282 --> 00:14:41,024
so there's room for
you to join permanently.
354
00:14:41,154 --> 00:14:43,505
- No way.
- Super cool, huh?
355
00:14:43,635 --> 00:14:45,289
'Cause I know how much
you love playing the game,
356
00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:48,336
because that's what you told me.
357
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,817
I know you lied!
358
00:14:51,948 --> 00:14:53,819
- But how? No, I didn't!
- Uh-huh!
359
00:14:53,950 --> 00:14:55,473
The ghosts told me. And
it was genuinely haunting.
360
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,257
I was in the shower, I was nude,
361
00:14:57,388 --> 00:14:59,042
and then letters just
appeared in the steam!
362
00:14:59,172 --> 00:15:02,741
- Trevor.
- The ghost without pants is watching me shower?
363
00:15:02,872 --> 00:15:03,916
Gotta love that.
364
00:15:04,047 --> 00:15:06,049
Sam, why did you lie to me?
365
00:15:06,179 --> 00:15:08,051
I wanted to help you
play with the ghosts,
366
00:15:08,181 --> 00:15:09,922
but I really don't
like your favorite game.
367
00:15:10,053 --> 00:15:11,446
Why didn't you just tell me?
368
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:13,056
Because I didn't want to upset you.
369
00:15:13,186 --> 00:15:14,952
And it just seemed easier
to blame the ghosts.
370
00:15:14,953 --> 00:15:17,756
I don't care if you like
playing the game or not, okay?
371
00:15:17,887 --> 00:15:19,758
Objectively, you should,
because it's awesome.
372
00:15:19,889 --> 00:15:22,457
But honestly, I just miss my friends.
373
00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:24,763
- I know.
- And you have this whole group of people
374
00:15:24,894 --> 00:15:26,939
that-that you can talk
to that I can't even see.
375
00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:29,115
So the other night when we
were all playing together,
376
00:15:29,246 --> 00:15:31,291
I actually felt like
I was part of the gang.
377
00:15:32,858 --> 00:15:35,774
The British are coming!
The British are coming!
378
00:15:35,905 --> 00:15:37,297
I do hear you.
379
00:15:40,910 --> 00:15:43,782
So I guess things with Nigel
didn't go so great, huh?
380
00:15:43,913 --> 00:15:45,871
No, Sam, they didn't.
381
00:15:46,002 --> 00:15:50,789
It has come to my
attention that I, an officer
382
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:51,920
in His Majesty's Armed Forces,
383
00:15:51,964 --> 00:15:53,662
was murdered
384
00:15:53,792 --> 00:15:56,926
by the shameful American war
criminal Isaac Higgintoot.
385
00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,581
Wait, that was the secret?
386
00:15:59,711 --> 00:16:01,887
This horrifying breach of
decorum shall not go unpunished.
387
00:16:02,018 --> 00:16:03,715
We are taking the house.
388
00:16:04,016 --> 00:16:05,800
Well...
389
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:09,891
if you insist that the
time for words has passed...
390
00:16:10,022 --> 00:16:11,284
just coming through...
391
00:16:11,414 --> 00:16:15,810
then, no matter the cost
in blood or treasure,
392
00:16:15,941 --> 00:16:20,728
my army and I will defend
this house to the bitter end.
393
00:16:22,556 --> 00:16:24,993
If it's war you want...
394
00:16:25,124 --> 00:16:27,343
then war you shall have.
395
00:16:27,474 --> 00:16:29,519
So be it.
396
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:30,650
It's time for battle!
397
00:16:32,435 --> 00:16:33,435
Oh!
398
00:16:36,439 --> 00:16:37,963
Get out of here.
399
00:16:38,093 --> 00:16:41,270
- This is the war?
- I'm a pacifist,
400
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,621
but even I would like to
see a little more action.
401
00:16:44,926 --> 00:16:47,146
Oh! Damn this impotent existence!
402
00:16:47,276 --> 00:16:49,278
If I was alive, I would
wipe you and your boys
403
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:50,758
off the face of the earth.
404
00:16:50,889 --> 00:16:52,368
No, you wouldn't. You'd
shoot me in the chest
405
00:16:52,499 --> 00:16:53,499
while I was reading my poems!
406
00:16:53,587 --> 00:16:56,068
Oh, wait. You already did that.
407
00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:57,330
Well.
408
00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:59,114
If we can't fight,
409
00:16:59,245 --> 00:17:01,856
then how the hell do we
resolve this invasion, hmm?
410
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:05,904
If only there were some way
to simulate actual combat.
411
00:17:06,948 --> 00:17:08,384
What?
412
00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:12,084
Damn it, I may have the solution.
413
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,740
Okay, I don't really understand
what's happening here,
414
00:17:15,870 --> 00:17:17,567
but I'd just like to say for the record,
415
00:17:17,698 --> 00:17:20,832
I am happy to solve all future
ghost conflicts this way.
416
00:17:20,962 --> 00:17:23,138
Okay, Pete, you are
now face-to-face with...
417
00:17:23,269 --> 00:17:24,662
- who's that guy?
- Oh, Jenkins.
418
00:17:24,792 --> 00:17:25,837
That's one of the British ghosts.
419
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:27,577
Okay, you find yourself face-to-face
420
00:17:27,708 --> 00:17:29,579
with Jenkins' tie-fling bard.
421
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:32,713
Okay. Well, then I
unsheathe my moon-blade
422
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,237
and whisper the phrase
"swift defeat to my enemies,"
423
00:17:35,368 --> 00:17:37,500
thus marking him as a sworn
enemy, and giving myself
424
00:17:37,631 --> 00:17:39,415
an extra 3D6 damage.
425
00:17:39,546 --> 00:17:41,461
Gadzooks, this is boring.
426
00:17:41,591 --> 00:17:43,158
Why would anyone play this?
427
00:17:43,289 --> 00:17:44,943
Okay. This is silly.
428
00:17:45,073 --> 00:17:46,727
Nigel,
429
00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:49,164
my killing you was an accident,
430
00:17:49,295 --> 00:17:51,253
but not telling you about it
for the last two centuries,
431
00:17:51,384 --> 00:17:53,342
that was just plain wrong.
432
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,519
And for that I'm truly sorry.
433
00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,175
Why didn't you just say something?
434
00:18:00,306 --> 00:18:02,438
I-I was afraid you'd be mad.
435
00:18:02,569 --> 00:18:03,875
Oh...
436
00:18:04,005 --> 00:18:06,094
Isaac and the British
commander are making up.
437
00:18:06,225 --> 00:18:08,270
Aw, that's nice. What did Isaac do?
438
00:18:08,401 --> 00:18:11,317
- He murdered him.
- Ooh, that is hard to bounce back from.
439
00:18:11,447 --> 00:18:14,189
I can see why that might be a
hard subject to broach, but...
440
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,236
how does one even
accidentally shoot another?
441
00:18:17,366 --> 00:18:18,585
Well...
442
00:18:18,716 --> 00:18:22,720
I-I was really intending
to spy on you-ur camp,
443
00:18:22,850 --> 00:18:25,853
using a musket looking
glass that I had invented.
444
00:18:25,984 --> 00:18:28,551
Some people are calling
it the "Eyesaac."
445
00:18:28,682 --> 00:18:30,118
Like your name? But with...
446
00:18:30,249 --> 00:18:31,250
E-Y-E at the beginning?
447
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:35,384
- Yes. How did you know?
- Well, what else would it be?
448
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:36,995
Simply brilliant.
449
00:18:37,125 --> 00:18:38,866
I love it.
450
00:18:38,997 --> 00:18:40,302
I mean...
451
00:18:40,433 --> 00:18:42,174
for an instrument of my demise.
452
00:18:42,304 --> 00:18:43,871
And I love you...
453
00:18:45,394 --> 00:18:46,482
... loving it.
454
00:18:46,613 --> 00:18:48,267
I love you loving it.
455
00:18:48,397 --> 00:18:51,574
We shall consider the matter
water under the bridge.
456
00:18:51,705 --> 00:18:54,142
The invasion is cancelled.
457
00:18:54,273 --> 00:18:55,420
But we can keep playing, right?
458
00:18:55,421 --> 00:18:57,972
Yeah. Mama has a fourth-level
spell slot she's itching to use.
459
00:18:58,103 --> 00:19:00,975
Thank you for your gracious hospitality.
460
00:19:02,150 --> 00:19:03,891
Until we next parley.
461
00:19:05,153 --> 00:19:06,459
Baxter?
462
00:19:10,985 --> 00:19:11,986
A... about that,
463
00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:16,295
maybe it would help keep
the peace if we, um...
464
00:19:16,425 --> 00:19:18,036
parleyed more often.
465
00:19:19,385 --> 00:19:20,734
Interesting.
466
00:19:20,865 --> 00:19:23,563
Perhaps, say, we could
walk the grounds sometime
467
00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:25,608
to discuss the peace...
468
00:19:25,739 --> 00:19:27,959
among other matters.
469
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,918
I'm... actually not...
470
00:19:31,049 --> 00:19:32,790
doing anything right now.
471
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,443
Oh, uh, s...
472
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:35,923
splendid.
473
00:19:36,054 --> 00:19:37,098
To the grounds.
474
00:19:42,277 --> 00:19:44,018
Uh, as you were, Baxter.
475
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:47,065
Stand down.
476
00:19:50,938 --> 00:19:53,201
Okey dokey, conflict resolved.
477
00:19:53,332 --> 00:19:55,073
Cool. All right, well, I
guess we're done playing, then.
478
00:19:55,203 --> 00:19:57,945
No. Jay, D&D is not one of those games
479
00:19:58,076 --> 00:19:59,991
that's just done in an hour.
480
00:20:00,121 --> 00:20:01,993
It's a rich, multi-chaptered campaign.
481
00:20:02,123 --> 00:20:04,038
It could last for months.
482
00:20:04,169 --> 00:20:05,213
Are you serious?
483
00:20:05,344 --> 00:20:06,432
Do you really want to keep playing?
484
00:20:06,562 --> 00:20:07,868
No.
485
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,522
But I will, for you.
486
00:20:09,652 --> 00:20:11,002
Aw.
487
00:20:11,132 --> 00:20:13,699
Good. 'Cause I joined that
book club last year for you.
488
00:20:13,787 --> 00:20:15,180
All right, let's roll for initiative!
489
00:20:16,834 --> 00:20:19,500
All right! 20!
490
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:30,472
Come on. Guys, we're not doing this.
491
00:20:30,602 --> 00:20:32,604
This is not the new system.
492
00:20:32,735 --> 00:20:33,736
I really want to smell some pepperoni.
493
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,477
There is no way that
I'm writing "pepperoni."
494
00:20:35,607 --> 00:20:37,870
Seriously, this is super creepy!
495
00:20:38,001 --> 00:20:41,439
Are you guys still
in here? Please leave.
496
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:48,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36283
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