All language subtitles for Indien.AKA.India.1993.576p.BluRay.x264.AAC.2.0-dps.engl.

Morning. My name's Fellner.
You must be Herr Bösel.

Great. Could I just put my
overnight bag in the trunk?

Thanks, that's very sweet.

Terrible weather, isn't it?

April being unpredictable, as usual.

Although, I really like springtime.

The flowers in bloom…

Though March can often be
like November, kind of gloomy.

Except that Christmas has past
and the mosquitoes are on their way.

Herr Bösel, would you mind terribly
not smoking in here,

It's just that I have
this minor allergy.

Thanks, that's very sweet.

Well, this'll be a nice
business trip, won't it?

I'm looking forward to summer.
Sitting outside,

a bit of dancing,
a bit of freaking out.

Although the only ones who've got
real rhythm are the blacks.

Fall has the advantage
that the grapes are cheaper.

And in winter of course, taking
little walks, drinking tea with rum…

Though winter isn't
what it used to be,

even if it does cool down at night.

In the desert it often gets so hot,

even the animals that live there
don't go out in the sun.

Hey, isn't that funny…

Kirchdorf, Kirchstätten,
Mönichkirchen.

All the villages have 'Kirche'
(church) in their name.

One can take it
that the church was there first

and then the village grew up around
it. Kind of interesting, that.

Our former president, for instance,
Kirchschläger.

It's quite likely that his
ancestors came from Kirchschlag.

Do you know Trivial Pursuit, with
questions about geography, history…

Herr Bösel!

That's aluminium.
It can be recycled!

Where are your emergency signs?

What emergency signs?

Where are people supposed to go
in case of a fire?

Outside, I guess.

What's this supposed to be?

Do we say
"Showers on display"?

It's always worked before…

Madam,
this is an official brochure

issued by the Lower Austrian
Federal Government.

How about a few days here

with your family, in the summer,
free of charge?

Don't try that with me.

I never, ever…

- But Herr Schremser never…
- I'm in charge now and I'm different!

We only get elderly guests
and they almost never shower.

If the water takes 5 minutes
to arrive it's not a shower,

it's a guessing game.

What's so funny?

All innkeepers are morons.

Yes…

that's kind of true.

A bunch of morons, all of them.

Oh, a health fanatic, are you?
Only vegetables.

No, no.

I'm on the kiwi diet.

Everything except kiwis.

What I like
are those breaded mushrooms,

you know,
deep-fried with tartare sauce.

I used to love that fried spam.

But not so much now.

Now I like fried mushrooms better.

It's changed.

Sometimes when my wife's not at home
I make myself fishsticks.

You can fry them up real quick.

It's a cinch.

What I sort of like is Italian food.

Those little squid rings,
deep-fried.

They really fill you up.

What I'm not crazy about…

is Chinese food.

It all tastes the same.

What's that you're listening to?

INDIA

My dear man, if it says
"Wiener Schnitzel" on the menu,

then it has to be veal.

Yes, sure.

Except if it says "made with pork".

The tablecloth was filthy,

the saltshaker was
all clogged with ketchup…

and the "freshly-made venison"
came out of these cans.

Yes, sure…

Well, boss,…

That puts me in a
very difficult position.

I think I left the butter out
at breakfast.

Can you take a look?

And while you're at it,
the zucchinis need to be used up.

Be a dear.

Three, two, one - big kiss!

Here's another…

My friend…
that really wasn't necessary.

Good-bye.

All the best.

They were out of freshly-squeezed.

Thanks, that's very sweet.

The American Indians, for instance,

they hardly talked at all.

They sat outside
their tents for days,

saying nothing,

and after, say, three weeks,…

they said one word.

But of course then
it was something very important.

"Oof", probably,
or "How", or "Yippy-ay".

Yeah, something important.

We have a little trash bag now.

- Hey, where is everything?
- I tidied up a bit.

And where's the newspaper?

It was a week old.

It had the week's TV guide.

- We don't get to watch TV.
- What d'you mean?

If I want to watch TV, I watch TV.

And I want to know
what's interesting,

'cause that's what I watch, and
I can only do that with the guide.

Sorry.

To hell with your sorry.

What is this?

My orange juice.

Well, that's a new one on me.

Getting stomachache
from orange juice…

But of course if you're prone to it,

if you have that tendency,
you shouldn't risk it.

That's my first salami sandwich
in 5 months.

I wonder how my
body will react to it.

It's actually quite unhealthy,

but a little sin now and then,
why not?

And then it has to be real salami,
of course,

because the taste's
really in the fat.

Normally meat makes me sick.

Those half-raw chicken legs,

or that clotted fat on the wings
that looks like pus.

But sometimes I get this craving…

If there's some lard around,

I simply stick my finger in it -
no bread needed.

But that's nothing;
the Japanese eat raw fish.

The Philippinos are the worst -

They eat warm monkey's brain.

They crack it's skull open

and spoon it out like a
soft-boiled egg. Horrendous.

Herr Fellner…

Could you, just for 5 minutes,
shut your face?

I feel you have
something against me.

We can't leave it like this.
We have to talk this through.

I don't want to.

I'm sure that's only
the outward symptom,

the inner causes lie much deeper.

Do you dislike the way I dress,
or is it my manner?

We have to talk.
- Shut up.

Is "talking it through"
too threatening?

Let's chat about it. Where
does this aggression come from?

Fuck off!

You see,
that's exactly what I mean.

There's hidden aggression
in everything you say.

Let it out!

It's wonderfully liberating.

We'll deal with this later.

Herr Fellner, look…

I didn't mean it like that.

There - spit on me.

That's your style.

We can pull each other's nose
hairs out, like in the Stone Age.

Today there are other ways
besides ruining a $400 jacket.

- Don't get so fucking upset…
- If you say "fuck" one more time,

I can't work with you any longer.
Is that perfectly clear?

Waitress, what about my schnitzel?

Scandalous, all this waiting.
Like at the ski lift.

When you look at it,

90% of all innkeepers
are 100% stupid.

Give me that.

With this report
they'll only get refugees next year.

What's his name?
- Kirchner.

We're in Kirchdorf and the owner's
called Kirchner. There you go again.

My name's Fellner.

That indicates that my ancestors
once had a tannery, or something.

Bösel - hard to say where
that comes from. Probably Slav.

Are you saying I'm a foreigner?!

I'm not a foreigner.
- No, your ancestors in the Middle Ages…

Do I speak dialect?
Do I speak any kind of dialect?

Who ordered the schnitzel?

Mixed salad.

Excuse me, have you any
freshly-squeezed orange juice?

Well, I'd have to make it.

Just a small glass.
Thanks, that's very sweet.

In Seisenbach I once had to wait

1½ hours for a schnitzel.

And the longest I ever
had to wait, that was…

in Rhodes.

But frankly,

that grilled stuff they have there,
that barbequed meat,

that's not my thing.

I have this theory that there's a
connection between food and landscape.

Where the landscape is barren,
you often get grilled food.

Here the landscape's a bit lusher,

so we have all those
different desserts.

I'm not crazy about sweet things.

In India, for instance,
they only eat rice.

They sit on the street, eating their
rice and laughing, some of them starving…

The landscape there
must be fascinating.

No, rice is not my thing.
I don't go for side-dishes.

The Japanese for instance have
the soup at the end of the meal.

You're kidding!

What, really?

That's wild. All
those other cultures…

The others…

the American Indians.

They don't attack at night.

They think if they attack at night

and one of them is shot,

they won't go to heaven.

That's why they only attack
in the daytime.

Attack… who?

The fort.

I see.

Come on…

Honeybunch, let me past.

You'll never make it!

What a moron!

He should have slowed down.

Get in!

I'll drive to Kirchdorf
in second gear, I swear.

Don't be so nervous.

I'm going to report you!
You're a raving lunatic!

Oh, yes?

And d'you know what you are?

A stuck-up snot!

Shit!

Who invented the automatic window?

Only joking. I'll ask you,

a general knowledge question, OK?
A really easy one.

What is the northern ice-cap
of our planet called?

If that's not your strong point,
we can play something else.

Checkers, pick-up-sticks, dominoes.

57, 68, 78,
many thanks for your help.

Herr Fellner, what's the matter?

Lucky in love?

The way you play…

a real Casanova.

Those aren't loser's points
you've got - it's a rash.

All right, let's go for it!

Shall we close the deck?
Do we close it?

Close or what?
Sure we close it.

Ace. Ten. Forty.

Where did you learn to play cards?
With the Salvation Army?

How many teeth does
a male humpback whale have?

Come on. What do you think?
How many?

I don't care.

The male humpback
has a few more than the female.

Careful, Herr Bösel.
Maybe it's a trick question.

Maybe it doesn't have any.
- Are we playing or not?

It eats plankton, actually.

Plank-ton. Now what's that?
A soap powder, a contraceptive?

Fuck you!

I have no desire…

to have this trip spoiled…

by a repulsive, primitive drinker,

who never made it, who spent 17
years grovelling around on the road,

and who takes out his frustration
on his colleagues.

I like being on the road.

I'm a cowboy.

Wrong, pal…

you're a failure.

Let's say, 350 teeth. Wild guess.

What?

350 teeth the male humpback.
Female 738. Just a guess.

Herr Bösel, I actually wanted
to finish my report…

Let's have a drink.

Liven up a bit!

I'm often very lively.
Sometimes exuberantly so.

I've already been
to 3 parties this year.

One of them an "Almost Naked" party.
I didn't get drunk there, either.

You went to a party naked?

- Almost.
- What did you wear?

An elephant's trunk.

An elephant's trunk?

Where?
- Where do you think?

What? Herr Fellner…

an orgy-goer?

What does your wife say to that?
- I'm not married.

- Did you get laid?
- Pardon?

- Did you score?
- Herr Bösel, I do not 'score'.

It's a question of pleasure.

Perhaps it's beyond your
limited horizons, but I once

spent a night lying next to a woman…
and nothing happened.

That happens. Problems
getting your trunk off, right?

In Japan, the men imagine they're
doing it with a rubber plant.

Just so they can hold out longer!

Sure,…

some broads can be worse
than a rubber plant.

I have the awful suspicion that you
haven't quite understood what I mean.

- What haven't I understood?
- What I…

- Come on, explain it to me.
- But I just did…

I'm a moron, tell me
what I don't understand.

You misunderstood that.

I didn't misunderstand anything.

Stop talking that stupid
back-to-front roundabout nonsense.

Say it straight out!

And don't talk about
those weirdos in Japan!

They all fly into ships
and kill themselves.

What can they teach us?
Didn't you say they eat raw fish?

And rubber plants
that they grind in bed.

And soup for dessert!

Would you be so kind as
to leave the room?

Look, I don't mount my old woman
like a dog.

Sure, at first you…

say a few nice things to her,
give her few looks,

honey baby…

have a few drinks…

But at the right moment
you have to strike.

Compare it to a ski jump.

You have to know the right moment
to take off.

You can't ask yourself
if the ski jump likes it or not.

Herr Bösel,
we simply have different views.

- Herr Fellner, let's have a drink.
- I don't drink.

You wanna know why?

Should I tell you?
- No.

- You haven't been married long enough.
- I'm not married!

Should I tell you what I bought
my wife for Christmas?

Wanna know?

Some red…

lacy panties.

What's so funny?

What do you buy your
wife for Christmas?

A jar of coffee,
so she doesn't go to sleep on you?

- Practical things.
- Like what?

Well, household items…

What was it this year?

A mixer…

A mixer!

Herr Fellner, you're a moron.

Buy your wife something
you can enjoy too.

But I do!
I enjoy banana milkshakes.

Forget it! Buy her lacy underwear,

or even better… some high heels.
Get her to wear them in bed.

We don't need that.

- You haven't been married long enough.
- I'm not married.

After you've been married a while
high heels are crucial.

Or do you think it's fun lying
next to an old woman?

Everytime you touch her
it feels like cold rice pudding.

Herr Bösel, that's enough!

When I met her, it was wonderful.

At a costume party.

She was eighteen.

She looked like that…

Gina Lollobrigida.

With a black wig.

Three months later she called me.

Said she was pregnant.

We got married.

And the kid wasn't even mine,

it was some mechanic's
from Simmering.

And I nearly broke my back
building our house.

Like a fool I slaved for that whore,
the dirty slut…

Every year at Christmas,
the presents…

Nothing less than a fur coat
was good enough for her…

And what did I get?

Soap on a rope.

It's time to go to bed now.

Can I tell you something?

Man to man?

I only screw her now
to provoke her.

Honestly.

D'you think screwing
her interests me?

But when I see she doesn't want it,

then I ram it in her…
real hard.

Now we really are going to bed.
Come on.

Let's have another drink!

Are you crazy?

Let's play strip poker.

No, it's time to go to bed.

Let's see who can piss furthest!

Morning, Herr Fellner.

Well…

How are we this morning?

I'm glad the weekend's coming.

I've got a lot to do in the garden.

The hedge needs cutting again…

get the hedge trimmer out…

Then I'll start on the vegetables.

Then the strawberries.

I pick them and my
wife freezes them.

I must say,
I like having a garden.

Because you can see
the change of seasons.

When you see snow outside…
you know it's winter.

Tell me, Herr Fellner, you're
an expert on those exotic cultures.

That tartare sauce…

does it really come
from the Tartars?

What's your theory?

My theory is that you're a stupid,
ignorant little asshole.

If you want a few strawberries
in June, just come by…

we always have too many.
- No, get your wife to freeze them.

And then get her over the freezer

and screw her from behind so it's really
unpleasant for her. My suggestion.

Look, Herr Fellner…

What I said yesterday about women
and so on…

I was drunk…

I didn't mean to insult
your girlfriend, honestly,

I'm sure your girlfriend's
a really good guy.

I called my girlfriend this morning.

And how is she?

I don't know.

A man answered.

Perhaps your brother-in-law?

I'm not married.

Want another orange juice?

No…

A schnaps. A double.

Three, two, one…

You know, German beer's more bitter.

Then again, their wine's sweeter.

Each to his own.

There's this Mexican beer,
that's supposed to be carcinogenic.

Aren't we lucky we're in Austria,
then?

Tourist board inspection. We're
here to check the sauna railings.

- The sauna railings.
- Precisely. You don't have any?

But… what for?

The older guests want to keep up
with the young ones,

sit on the highest bench
and…

That's why you need sauna railings.

You do have older guests?

Well, yes.

But…

we don't have a sauna.

Do you have a wine cellar?

We'll have a look at those railings.

Absolutely.

- Fire doors?
- You didn't know? Shocking.

You need a fire door between
the bedroom and bathroom.

The guests take a shit at night,
a smoke to help it along,

read the paper while they're at it
and burn to death. Fire doors, a must.

In that case we'll have to
inspect everything really carefully.

Absolutely.

Where's the wine cellar?

What does the name of the town
'Sieghartskirchen' tell you?

Simple. Sieghart turned
up in the Middle Ages

went over to the church and pissed.

So they called it 'Siegharts-Kirchen'.
- Precisely.

Want to see a photo
of my girlfriend?

Sure.

Good-looker.

When she's wearing makeup.

Put this on.

Pure delight.

Terrific.

I'm sorry to tell you

that your handling of the room keys
was unprofessional.

One hand behind your back!

Show me you can do it.

Shoelace is untied.
Do it up, look smart.

Take your shoes off.
I want to see if your socks stink.

Varicose veins in the catering trade.
Have to do something about those.

He doesn't mean it.

Good night.

No harm intended.

What's going on?

Will you be much longer?

I don't know.

It's incredible.
One toilet for the whole floor.

It's just like tourism in Albania…

I can't go if you're
standing outside.

Why can't you go if
I'm standing outside?

I just can't.

Piss in the sink.
- What?

By day I inspect sinks
and by night I piss in them?

Don't take it personally.

I just don't like it when I come out
of the bathroom and it stinks of me.

Then someone I know goes in.
Know what I mean?

Completely. I don't like going into
the bathroom when it stinks, either.

Only I don't care whether
I know the person or not.

Sometimes I get worried
that I've forgotten to flush it.

The traumas of life.

Were you always worried
that yours was too big?

- What?
- Your thingy.

No…

I always thought mine was too small.

Because it looked shrivelled
after I'd showered.

I was kissing a girl at the pool once
when I was 15 and I got this swelling,

and this little Yugoslav boy
was sitting there and said

"Cucumber big, hard!"

Ever since then I've
been embarrassed.

I had my first orgasm in the gym
while I was climbing a rope.

By accident.

Do you know,
mine won't stay so long any more?

Stay what?

Well… hard.

After a few minutes
it goes limp again.

Don't worry, that's psychosomatic.

I hope so.

I thought it might
come from all that…

you know, too much…

playing with yourself…

I did it a hell of a lot as a kid…

never really stopped, actually.

D'you think it's normal?

You never know, do you?

D'you know, you're the only person,
since my mother,

that I've been able to shit next to?

That's wonderful!

Let's be friends!

Kurtl.

Heinzi.

That reminds me of my last
holiday with Karin.

We always got up before sunrise

and went for a swim.

There were just a few lights
from the fishing boats,

and you'd swim out
and the whole sea was red.

In Rhodes we saw the sunrise too.

On the last day.

We had to get up at 5 a.m.
It was one of those…

cheap flights via Hungary.

It's coming.

Come on out, it's real easy.

Come on, Heinzi,
come on! It's real easy!

What if someone sees us?

What's the matter?

You'll be all right
by the time you get married.

We have here an interesting case.

A suspected rare form of testicular…

The CT scan…

is being performed to evaluate
the possible involvement

of the parailiac and
portal lymph nodes.

However, the findings will have no

therapeutic consequences…

due to sonographically identified
hepatic secundaria.

Shove him in.

Excuse me…

I've still got my stud in.
Is that OK?

Everything OK?

A bit constipated.

Lying there on your butt,
while others slave away.

I wouldn't mind being in your place.

It's wonderful here.

What about the nurses?
Everything under control?

Travelling alone today?

No, Schremser's on with me now.

Why? I'll be out tomorrow.

Just for two or three days,
so you can rest.

I don't have to
rest. I'm in top form.

The thing is, the physician
has my results in his desk

and is off on vacation,
helicopter skiing in Canada.

They said if he'd gone away then
it wouldn't be anything serious.

Right…

Is it still swollen?

A bit.

But it's not my prostate.
I can piss all right.

Then what is it?

I brought some strawberries.
- Great. From the garden?

No, from the freezer.
But they taste fresh.

Hello, Willi boy.

Why hasn't Willi got water?

Finally! It's you in person. Great.

Who's that man that keeps leaving
messages on my answering machine?

I think it's great…
that you can be so open about it…

You want to split up?
Uh… what about our condo?

Do you want to build a partition?

Anyway, I'm having a great time.
Taking a few days off and…

You know what I should have done?

Fucked you senseless.

Over the freezer,
against the radiator, in the closet…

So, darling, that's it. Thanks, bye.

So?

This room is for patients only. Visiting
time is tomorrow from 4 to 5 p.m.

You want some orange juice?

I'm OK with my barium sulphate.

What sort of swelling is it?

- And who are you?
- I'm a friend of his, I work with him.

You have to wait until the doctor
speaks to the patient.

So the doctor talks
with him and then…

I see.

Look…

what could it be?

It could be a lot of things.

Anything's possible, right?

And…

a swelling like that,
will go down again, right?

- That was a foul.
- No way!

Penalty!

- That wasn't in the penalty area!
- Come on!

You're a cheat!

You cheat at cards, you cheat at…

- Goal!
- No way!

Hey, you'll get me into trouble!

Sorry.

There's no penalty
outside the penalty area.

Have another donut?

Thanks.

Is it still visiting time?

Put this on, or the patients
will start complaining.

They asked me if I was
into horizontal bar exercises…

or if I'd worn tight pants.

I always thought it was too big.
But my pants were too tight!

Sure. Jeans and all that.

That was something on the
rounds today. That Fellner guy.

The one with testicular cancer?

He asked if there was anything
homeopathic he could take.

He doesn't feel anything.
- I don't think he knows yet.

Funny he hasn't been told yet.

It must be awfully difficult
telling somebody…

he's only got 2 weeks left.
- I'm not gonna tell him.

Doctor! Excuse me.

I've been so tired
the last two days.

Don't you think it could be a
side-effect of that 'Spirobon'?

There you are.

The doctor's just been here.

What did he say?

He threw me out of the nurses' room.

I'm so stiff today.

- Don't worry.
- I'm not worried.

It's probably some kind of germ
or something,

some kind of virus.
- I've always been faithful.

I didn't mean… no… nothing
dangerous, some kind of plankton…

that got in somehow. That's all…

Don't worry.
- I'm not worried.

Modern medicine is incredible,
they've got everything under control.

They've got something
for everything…

They've invented
this cough medicine…

you take the drops and 3
minutes later, your cough's gone.

- I don't have a cough.
- They can work wonders…

'ill weeds grow apace'.
- What d'you mean?

You always make
these stupid remarks.

It's a saying,
'ill weeds grow apace' is a saying.

I didn't mean to…

Stop pawing me,
you'll give me a concussion.

Have you been drinking?

Come on, Willi.

C'mon, boy, you can make it.

68, 79, 99.
Thanks for your help.

Lao-tsu for instance says:

Wait by the river till the corpse
of your enemy drifts past.

Because the Indians throw their
dead into the river.

Imagine if they did that here.

It would ruin the tourist industry.

Ace and forty.

My sixth point. Thank you.

Or Ghandi, for instance,
in that movie.

First he was a lawyer,
then he knitted wool.

The English slapped him in the face…
he didn't care.

He knew he'd be a tulip in his next
life, and the Englishman a daisy.

- Schremser's waiting.
- What's it like with Schremser?

You can't talk to him.

He's kind of primitive.

Need anything?

Orange juice, maybe?

A television or a radio?

Need anything?

Got everything?

If you need anything, just call.

Bananas, maybe?

Good boy, Willi.

Wait…

For your birthday.

Thanks.

Heinzi!

I'm going away for a few days.

When?

Tomorrow.

You knew, right?

Why didn't you say anything, stupid?

I saw the doctor.
He said "Cancer", I said "Great!"

What about the strawberries?

They're fantastic, really great!

Nowadays they have new…

Cancer has lost
a lot of it's impact…

Eat with me. Drink with me. But
don't lie to me. I can't stand it.

I'm just matter, see,
I won't die.

In 2 weeks I'll be another sort
of matter, more like strawberries.

Why did I become a human being
and someone else a chicken?

Hard to say.

One person becomes this,
another that.

Once you become something
there's nothing you can do.

Would it have been better
if I'd been born a woman?

Having a period every month
isn't a bowl of cherries, either.

In India, for instance…

because they believe
in reincarnation,

the question of emancipation
doesn't even arise.

One time you're a man,
the next time a woman.

That's why they burn
the widows there.

So they can become a man quicker.

Tough if there isn't any.

- Any what?
- Reincarnation.

No, of course there is.

I was just talking.
Sure there is.

Where d'you think it all comes from,
then?

Where does the rain come from?

- From the clouds.
- Where do the clouds come from?

From Ireland, mostly.

And where does Ireland come from?

You're right. There is something.

Don't be sad.

I'll be back.

As a different person,
and you'll recognize me right away.

We'll do everything we have no time
for now. We'll go to the "Prater",

ride on the miniature railroad,
go to the sex museum,

get ice cream all over our clothes and
drive bumper cars till our knees are blue.

It's a deal.

Give me one of those.

A bit strong.

If I were a smoker and I had cancer,
that would be great.

At least then I'd know why.

One thing gets me.

I've always wanted to play an
instrument. Maybe in my next life.

I'll get you one now!
What d'you want? Guitar, banjo?

No, don't bother.
I was thinking of a church organ.

And I wish I'd been to India.

What?

You've never been to India?

I wanted to go after high school,
but then I got this job.

It wasn't meant to be.

Look…

That's where I'll be soon.

I'd like to be
in the upper right-hand corner.

Can you fix that for me?

Sure.

I never could stand
sitting in those restaurants…

in the middle of the room,

surrounded by everybody else.

I hate that.

Where d'you think you're going?

Food inspection.
Where's the canteen?

It's closed. Where are you…

Is that sandwich from the canteen?

Did it taste funny?

Is there anything wrong?

I'd throw it away to
be on the safe side.

It's instant nasi goreng but…

I made the rice.
- Great.

Do you think I should be cremated?

The trouble is, I'm claustrophobic.

I even have problems in my condo.

Maybe ashes in an
urn feel less cramped…

knife and fork, please -

than a corpse in a coffin.

Hard to say how one
would feel as ashes.

Actually, I'm glad it's cancer.

It could be much worse.

Sure, much worse.

You can be glad that…

For instance…

Blind! Being blind must be terrible.

I'd rather be deaf,
at least then you can see…

Or tetanus.

For weeks you feel nothing,
then you start grinning, like this.

You can't control your
muscles any more,

they go into spasm and you die
of exhaustion, in the crab position.

Just imagine…

an island full of tetanus cases, half
of them grinning, half doing the crab.

Cancer's definitely better.

Cancer is wonderful.

If you die quickly, you can't…

experience all those things, like…

apricot jam on fresh white bread.

Shaving-cream on your skin…

warm summer rain,

the wind blowing
through a pine forest,

a woman…

a child…

Or simply that feeling…

on the last day of your vacation,
going down to the beach…

and looking out over the sea
and knowing…

it's the last time till next year.

Why me?

Why not you, you bastard?

You're finished.
Your wife doesn't give a shit.

Why me, why not you?

Your son hates you.
He isn't even yours!

Why not you, you shit?
- Cut it out!

You idiot, I'm not dying.
It's you who's dying!

Don't give up. No matter what.
Just don't give up.

It's like in Vienna with the tram.

Sometimes I run for the tram…

and I miss it by a split second.

And I think
"fucking public transport"!

Then I start walking and after
twenty yards I turn round

and see that just
behind the tram I missed

there was another one coming,

but I won't get that one now either,

because I started walking.

Do you see what I mean?

Heinzi, you're an idiot.

But I'm glad you're here with me
and not somebody else.

How come?

Because you don't
understand a thing.

And that's wonderful.

Look what I got you.

Look,

you press that, there

then you get…

beat and swing and charleston…

- I just want to play a simple tune.
- What?

A simple tune.

Wait, you have to…

Oh, come on…

Now I've done that, too.

Yesterday I took Willi to the woods.
Just Willi and me.

It was great.

Willi was so happy.

He hates being home, too.

Animals are really wise.

They know
when they're going to die.

Except perhaps when they're
run over by a car.

I think even then…

It was so beautiful yesterday.

The sun made these
beautiful shadows…

through the leaves onto the moss.

It was great.

You could hear this stream
kind of babbling.

A forest like that…

would be so nice.

Look…

Over there are the mountains.

I went there with my godmother.

She died two years ago.

I'll be seeing her again soon.

D'you know who I'd like to see?

My grandpa.

I loved him best of all the family.

He always played with me.

He taught me rude songs. We
annoyed the whole family with them.

- What kind of songs?
- Just little songs…

Oh Christmas tree,
Oh Christmas tree,

I fart so much,
It's killing me.

I try so hard
To keep them in,

They just come out
And stink like sin.

That was grandpa.

My grandpa made me the happiest
I've ever been.

He gave me a pedal
car for Christmas.

A red one.

No!

That's incredible!

That's exactly what I got, too.
A red pedal car with black tires.

That was my best Christmas ever!

Great.

Did you drive all round the house
like crazy, too?

I was totally exhausted… the next
morning I couldn't move my legs.

My parents took me to hospital.
They thought it was polio.

But I had muscle cramps
from all the pedaling.

Did I tell you about
that friend of mine?

He had an operation,

appendix,

and he was recovering nicely,

then he takes a walk on the hospital
grounds and gets run over by an ambulance.

Don't give up. Whatever happens,
just don't give up.

It's like with old Willi.

He lies there and you think
he'll never get up again,

and then suddenly he'll struggle
to his feet to fetch a stick.

Come on, Kurti.

C'mon, boy, you can make it.

You know what I learned from you,

I learned that…

That's the way it is.