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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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- House, call my son.
- Lights on.
3
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,150
It's 2050, how does this still not work?
4
00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:28,694
Call. My. Son!
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And turn down the damn lights.
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00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,366
Hi, Mom.
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Oh, hi, sweetie!
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- Oh, you look tired.
- Okay, thanks for calling.
9
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:41,916
- Are you busy?
- Not really. Just finished studying.
10
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Good 'cause I wanna tell you
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00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,129
the story of how I met your father.
12
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I already know how you met Dad.
13
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,925
Ah, you know the basics,
14
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:54,136
but it's time for me to tell
you the unabridged version.
15
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:56,848
How many glasses of
that wine have you had?
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00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,350
Just enough to include the sexy bits.
17
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,562
Oh good god, here we go.
18
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,940
Now, like a lot of love
stories back in 2022,
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00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,942
this one starts with a Tinder date.
20
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Excuse me.
21
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:12,196
Actually, it starts with me
being late to a Tinder date.
22
00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,115
Don't hit me! Don't hit me!
23
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,200
- Uh, Sophie?
- Yeah!
24
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,910
Hey, I'm Jesse. This
is my best friend Sid.
25
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,579
Don't mind him, he's
just hitching a ride.
26
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,664
Oh! Ask me why I'm hitching a ride.
27
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:26,252
- Come on! Ask me!
- Uh, w-why are you hitching a ride, Sid?
28
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,629
I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight.
29
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,591
Wow, girlfriend! Not gonna
be saying that much longer!
30
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Someone's gonna be nothing but fiancée!
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Fiancée! Fiancée! Fiancée!
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Sophie, be a dear and choke me out
with this charging cord, would you?
33
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,808
Ooh, actually, can I use it
34
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,227
'cause my phone's belly
is hungry. She's all,
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"Feed me, Mama!"
36
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,608
Okay, tell me everything. Who is she?
37
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,359
Okay, so her name's Hannah.
38
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,861
She's a surgical resident in LA,
39
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,321
so we've been doing
the long-distance thing
40
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:55,140
while I'm here running
my bar, Pemberton's.
41
00:01:55,143 --> 00:01:57,573
Uh, look at you, locking down a surgeon!
42
00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,035
How you gonna ask her?
43
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,370
So, she thinks we're gonna
go see Beyoncé tonight,
44
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,583
but really, I got all our friends
waiting at my bar to surprise her.
45
00:02:05,351 --> 00:02:07,084
You think she's gonna be a little bummed
46
00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:08,586
that you're not actually seeing Beyoncé?
47
00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:09,712
I keep telling him
she's gonna be bummed.
48
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,715
Okay, a lifetime with me
is better than Beyoncé.
49
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,509
- Sure.
- Hm...
50
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,344
So, uh, what about you, Sophie?
51
00:02:16,345 --> 00:02:18,347
What's going on at the Rosewood bar?
52
00:02:19,181 --> 00:02:20,867
Okay, uh,
53
00:02:20,870 --> 00:02:22,642
I know this might sound crazy,
54
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,936
but I think I've found the man
55
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,021
that I'm gonna spend
the rest of my life with.
56
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,272
- Hm.
- Yeah.
57
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,649
Only thing is he's from Tinder,
58
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,233
and we haven't actually
met in real life yet.
59
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:33,367
Oh, very You've Got Mail.
60
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:37,154
More like you've got unrealistic
expectations for this date.
61
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,289
Okay, I-I know how this sounds,
62
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,076
but I am not some wide-eyed dope
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who thinks she's found true love
every time some douchey ibanker
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00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,042
swipes right and texts, "'Sup?"
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00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,545
My last Tinder date was the worst one yet.
66
00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:52,172
The guy showed up 20 minutes late.
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00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:54,966
Sophie? Sorry, I'm late.
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00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,552
Oh. That's okay.
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00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:58,719
Subway delay?
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00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,562
Uh, no, actually, I was, uh...
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00:03:00,565 --> 00:03:02,640
I was on another date
before this, and, uh,
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00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,001
let's just say it went well.
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00:03:04,004 --> 00:03:05,338
Like, uh...
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00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,521
Like really well.
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00:03:08,261 --> 00:03:09,762
Like, I just had sex.
76
00:03:09,765 --> 00:03:11,939
- He told you that?!
- Why would he tell you that?!
77
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,402
That's not even the worst part.
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00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,196
He actually thought that telling
me he just had sex was charming.
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He thought I'd just
laugh and smile and say,
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"That's so crazy!" Because,
God forbid, a woman in this city
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00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,705
actually expects anything from a guy,
82
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,165
even if it's just the basic
decency to not tell her
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00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,668
he just had sexual
intercourse with someone else!
84
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,500
What is wrong with everyone?!
85
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,716
And right there, outside that bar,
86
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,343
I decided to quit Tinder.
87
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,762
But when I went to
deactivate my account...
88
00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:43,974
I matched with Ian.
89
00:03:44,522 --> 00:03:46,682
You matched with Ian?!
She matched with Ian.
90
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,019
- Yeah.
- It started with
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00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:52,148
your typical flirty banter, you
know, just getting to know you stuff.
92
00:03:52,151 --> 00:03:54,525
Who was your first celebrity crush?
93
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,403
Tia Mowry. You?
94
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,197
Buzz Lightyear.
95
00:03:59,198 --> 00:04:02,491
Oh, an astronaut made of plastic...
96
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,826
Freaky!
97
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:07,955
And then we started to
actually get to know each other.
98
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:10,374
What kind of photography do you do?
99
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,793
Right now, I shoot stuff
like birthday parties
100
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,837
and engagement photos to pay the rent,
101
00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,359
but my heart is in street photography.
102
00:04:17,362 --> 00:04:18,966
That's when you sneak up on a stranger,
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00:04:18,967 --> 00:04:21,886
take their picture, and then run
away before they punch you, right?
104
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,263
That's exactly right.
105
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,481
- What do you do?
- I know this sounds made up,
106
00:04:26,484 --> 00:04:28,726
but I'm a marine biologist.
107
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,230
That is 100% made up.
108
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:34,565
And before long, we
were texting all day.
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00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:35,921
All night, too.
110
00:04:35,924 --> 00:04:38,569
- First kiss?
- Mabel Greyhound, seventh grade.
111
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,613
- You cook?
- One of my favorite hobbies.
112
00:04:44,807 --> 00:04:46,452
I've been thinkin' about you all day.
113
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,829
Oh my god, Ian, ask a girl out already!
114
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,582
I was thinking the exact same thing!
115
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:54,877
So, are you ever gonna ask
me to meet you in real life?
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00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,337
I'd love to,
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00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:59,507
but I'm in Australia for
work for the next two weeks.
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00:04:59,510 --> 00:05:02,134
So, we made plans to
meet up when he got back,
119
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,053
and that brings us to tonight,
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00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:06,430
and my last first date ever.
121
00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,432
Wow, that's romantic as hell.
122
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:10,059
I know, right?
123
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,562
- What does the killjoy think?
- Hey!
124
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:15,190
Look, I got a real good
feeling about this Ian guy.
125
00:05:16,170 --> 00:05:17,545
No, no. I can't do it.
126
00:05:17,548 --> 00:05:19,424
No, the truth is the chances of this guy
127
00:05:19,427 --> 00:05:21,694
being your soul mate are lower than low.
128
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:24,073
I mean, there's a better chance
of you giving me a five-star review
129
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,076
after this rude assessment I'm making.
130
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,203
Speaking of which,
don't forget your phone.
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00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,038
Ah. Thanks.
132
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,165
Uh, happy proposing.
133
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,251
Thank you.
134
00:05:39,921 --> 00:05:42,840
- What?
- Ooh... You liked her.
135
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:43,801
Did not.
136
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:44,969
- Did, too.
- Did not!
137
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,972
- Did not.
- Did, too... Dammit.
138
00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:55,438
Ian?
139
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:56,647
Sophie!
140
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,107
Hi.
141
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,193
Hi.
142
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:03,321
And thus began the best
first date I'd ever been on.
143
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:06,657
A date so good, you don't
even check your phone.
144
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,493
- Whoa.
- I know.
145
00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:13,956
You know, we should go see
that new movie next week
146
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,751
where walking Joaquin
Phoenix plays Amelia Earhart.
147
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,719
And then it happened.
148
00:06:20,309 --> 00:06:21,710
What?
149
00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:23,547
Okay, so...
150
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,218
Sophie, the thing is...
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00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,679
I'm moving to Australia.
152
00:06:29,515 --> 00:06:30,932
You just got back from there.
153
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:32,308
I know.
154
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,227
It was only supposed
to be a research trip,
155
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,104
but right before I left, they
offered me a full-time job
156
00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:39,607
on a team that's helping
endangered coral reef procreate.
157
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,361
Can't you just...
158
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,780
light a candle and
put on some soft rock?
159
00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,658
I mean, that always works for me.
160
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,704
When are you leaving?
161
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,523
Tonight.
162
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,000
Tonight.
163
00:06:57,501 --> 00:07:01,210
I only came back to New York
to pack and sublet my place.
164
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,339
I know I should have
told you this sooner.
165
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,049
I was just afraid
that you wouldn't come,
166
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,301
and...
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00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,471
I had to meet you, Sophie.
168
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,724
And so,
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00:07:13,725 --> 00:07:15,893
we decided it would be a bad idea
170
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,937
to start a long-distance relationship
171
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,523
after just a few weeks of texting
172
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,066
and an amazing first date.
173
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:26,238
Goodbye, Sophie.
174
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:28,991
Goodbye, Ian.
175
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,870
Uh...
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00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:36,373
I kind of wanna kiss you right now.
177
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,334
I kind of want that, too.
178
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:46,133
Uh... I think it's best if we don't.
179
00:07:47,726 --> 00:07:49,386
Maybe someday.
180
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,224
Yeah. Someday.
181
00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,911
I was devastated.
182
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:17,121
But at least I was
coming home to my bestie,
183
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,706
Aunt Valentina!
184
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:21,083
She was just back from
Fashion Week in London.
185
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,336
Oh! I'm so happy you're home.
186
00:08:23,344 --> 00:08:24,296
I missed you so much.
187
00:08:24,299 --> 00:08:26,172
We don't have time for
"I miss yous!" Dish.
188
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,548
How was your date with Ian? Was he tall?
189
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:29,634
- Yes.
- Was he a good listener?
190
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:30,635
Yes.
191
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:33,137
Were his eyes as kind as his photo?
192
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,222
Yes!
193
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,310
Why aren't you jumping?
194
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,939
Because he's moving to Australia.
195
00:08:43,941 --> 00:08:46,944
Soph, I am so sorry.
196
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,238
Did you bang one out anyway?
197
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,198
Oh, at least I still have you.
198
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,409
You know what? We can just be
199
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,973
two single New York ladies
doing it for ourselves.
200
00:08:57,976 --> 00:09:01,123
We can start a podcast
called "Who Needs Men?"
201
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,960
Ah! Yeah! Uh, about that...
202
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,254
We can workshop the title later.
203
00:09:05,257 --> 00:09:07,755
- Oh my god!
- My god!
204
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,048
A pervert! A pervert!
205
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,342
Please don't spray me! I
have an extremely delicate face!
206
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:14,984
He's not a pervert. This is Charlie.
207
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,058
Okay, he's sort of a
pervert, but in a good way,
208
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,101
You must be Sophie.
209
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,145
It's a real pleasure... Oh my god.
210
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,648
I'll go round up a robe.
211
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,400
Y... Funny story.
212
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,843
We me at London Fashion
Week. Hit it off...
213
00:09:30,846 --> 00:09:32,613
big time.
214
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,323
One thing led to another,
215
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,994
and now he... lives with us.
So, back to you and Ian...
216
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,340
- Wait, what?!
- I know, this is fast,
217
00:09:40,343 --> 00:09:42,748
but when he told his crazy fancy
218
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,877
"high society" family that
he was heading to New York
219
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:49,046
to be with a Mexican assistant stylist,
220
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:51,465
they made some very
outdated Ugly Betty jabs,
221
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:53,679
and then they cut off his trust fund!
222
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,846
They Meghan Markled you guys.
223
00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,222
Although, it's for the best.
224
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,122
I mean, who needs unlimited
wealth and palaces?
225
00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:03,500
I will get by on my charm
and my street smarts.
226
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,939
- I can see your penis again.
- Oh!
227
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,317
- Stay in there, lad.
- Hm.
228
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:10,944
There my undies are!
229
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,779
That's right. Completely forgot
230
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,033
we started out here
with all the fruit play.
231
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:23,206
You might wanna toss those, too.
232
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,601
These were organic!
233
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,934
So, I said I know this is
fast, but I am super into him,
234
00:10:29,937 --> 00:10:32,924
and I decided I am not gonna
let something as irrational
235
00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:34,842
as rational thinking
stand in the way of that.
236
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,928
And that's when I realized...
237
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,671
I let rational thinking stand
in the way of me and Ian.
238
00:10:39,674 --> 00:10:41,680
I mean, sure, he's moving
to a different continent,
239
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,727
but, you know, I've got tons of
miles. We can always have Facesex.
240
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,729
- Whoa, what is Facesex?
- I think she's mixing up
241
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,864
Facetime and phone sex.
242
00:10:47,867 --> 00:10:49,525
I'm the cool friend.
243
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,735
I have to tell Ian that
ending things was a mistake.
244
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,529
Yes. Yes!
245
00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:57,114
Tell him. Oh, I'd love that for you!
246
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,616
And this is where you say you love
247
00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:01,078
my "British guy moves
in with us" plan for me.
248
00:11:04,591 --> 00:11:06,968
Ah! This isn't my phone.
249
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,082
I must've taken the wrong one
when I got out of the Uber!
250
00:11:11,085 --> 00:11:13,297
I've gotta get to Pemberton's right now.
251
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:16,050
Can we come with? Can't
wait to see the real New York.
252
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,395
Can we take a subway?
253
00:11:17,398 --> 00:11:19,804
I've always wanted to see
what the subway's like!
254
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,807
So, that's what a subway is like.
255
00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,725
Does it always smell like that?
256
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,853
No! Sometimes, it's way worse.
257
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,147
One time, I was in a car where one
guy was peeing, one guy was pooping,
258
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,817
- and one guy was dead.
- Ah, the subway trifecta.
259
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,069
Hope you made a wish.
260
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,617
Surprise!
261
00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,370
Sophie! You're not Sid.
Why are you not Sid?
262
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,539
Because you gave me his
phone instead of mine
263
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,665
when I got out of your car.
264
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:49,016
Wait, so I've been tracking
you this whole time?
265
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:50,916
Okay, guys, we do not have eyes on Sid!
266
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,503
Everyone, back to your hiding spots.
267
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,713
Okay, what is Sid's ETA?
268
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:55,669
Literally any second, so
I really need you to hide.
269
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,842
Good, good, 'cause I'm not
sure what time Ian's flight is,
270
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,849
but I've gotta talk to him
before the plane takes off.
271
00:11:59,851 --> 00:12:01,220
For the love of god, hide!
272
00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:03,843
I freeze under pressure!
273
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:05,747
This is why I've been
hit by three Citi Bikes!
274
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,278
What are you doing?
275
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:20,031
Still smelling that
train. It's in my hair.
276
00:12:20,032 --> 00:12:22,953
There's a stranger's body
odor trapped in my hair.
277
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,495
Um, hello!
278
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,915
Sorry. Didn't see you there.
279
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,376
I know. That's why I said, "Um, hello."
280
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,713
I was feeling creepier and creepier
with every second that passed.
281
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:37,965
I'm Ellen. I just moved here from Iowa.
282
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:38,925
- Mm.
- Oh,
283
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,594
and I'm Jesse's sister.
Adopted, obviously.
284
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:44,867
I mean, it's not obvious to me.
I have no idea who Jesse is.
285
00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:47,517
Have you taken the train yet?
It's an underground freak show.
286
00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:50,187
We get it. You hated the train.
287
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:52,608
So, what brings you to New York?
288
00:12:52,611 --> 00:12:53,856
I'm getting divorced.
289
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:56,150
- Oh...
- Oh my god, you poor thing.
290
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,778
Little Crescent, Iowa,
has 600 people in it,
291
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,446
and she was the only other lesbian.
292
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,242
We both knew it had run its course,
293
00:13:02,245 --> 00:13:06,851
so I moved to New York to start
over, reconnect with my brother...
294
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:08,454
and ask out Kate McKinnon.
295
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:10,665
Whoa! Do you know Kate McKinnon?
296
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:11,917
No.
297
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,752
Do you?
298
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,047
- Where the hell are they?
- Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Look, look.
299
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,716
Sid is my best friend, okay? And if
he were in charge of my proposal...
300
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:22,760
Purely hypothetical, I'm
never getting married,
301
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,387
but he would make sure
it was perfect, alright?
302
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,514
So, I can't have your peeking
head ruining his big night.
303
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:29,017
Alright, alright.
304
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:31,727
Why are you never getting married?
305
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:34,230
Uh, I'm never getting married
306
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:37,276
because the one girl I wanted
to marry broke my heart, okay?
307
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,862
- Wait a second.
- No.
308
00:13:40,571 --> 00:13:42,780
- I know you.
- And here we go.
309
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,283
You are the guy from the video!
310
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,410
The video was an unfortunate incident
311
00:13:47,411 --> 00:13:49,495
that had recently gone viral.
312
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,790
- Jesse. I'm sorry. I...
- She's gonna say no. Oh my god.
313
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,709
- What a nightmare.
- This poor schmuck.
314
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,462
- What a loser.
- What a disaster.
315
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,758
Now, she's in Europe,
recording her first solo album,
316
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,970
and I'm known all around the
city as Mr. Proposal Fail.
317
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:09,057
You know who liked the video last
week on Twitter? Michelle Obama.
318
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:13,250
How did you forget the
Beyoncé tickets at the bar?
319
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:15,726
Surprise!
320
00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,272
What's happening?
321
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,277
Hannah...
322
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,822
I remember the moment
I fell in love with you.
323
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,531
It was our first year of med school,
324
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,451
and we were dissecting dead bodies,
325
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:31,162
and, um,
326
00:14:31,163 --> 00:14:33,539
you leaned over, and
you said to me, you said,
327
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,710
"Hey, you know how
to get to the stomach?
328
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,044
You take the spleen-ic route."
329
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,298
And I thought, oh...
330
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,967
This is the girl for me.
331
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,637
Aww...
332
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,390
Hannah, I believe we can make
it through anything together.
333
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:54,644
Even if sometimes, we
take the spleen-ic route.
334
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:56,647
So...
335
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,861
Hannah...
336
00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:06,156
Will you marry me?
337
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,407
Yes!
338
00:15:10,663 --> 00:15:11,705
Yes!
339
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,790
Oh, I can't believe I'm getting engaged
340
00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,875
and seeing Beyoncé!
341
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,503
Oh...
342
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,129
I can't believe I'm getting engaged!
343
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,596
Look at that! A proposal that won't haunt
344
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,182
and traumatize them forever.
345
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,141
Good for him.
346
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:37,395
- I love you so much.
- I love you more.
347
00:15:37,396 --> 00:15:40,857
And I love hilarious phone mishaps.
348
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:45,693
We swapped in the Uber.
Mazel tov, by the way.
349
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:48,322
Uh, here. It's dead, which
feels very on brand for you.
350
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,825
Um, I'm sorry.
351
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,368
Mm!
352
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:54,704
- Oh my god.
- What?
353
00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:57,540
There were so many men
urinating in there at once.
354
00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,543
Just a cacophony of piss.
355
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,880
Wait, now you're too fancy for stalls?
356
00:16:03,881 --> 00:16:05,883
Darling, I use stalls.
357
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,552
That's where we keep the ponies.
358
00:16:09,476 --> 00:16:11,429
Valentina, I think I've
made a terrible mistake.
359
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:13,514
I don't think I can
live in this hellscape.
360
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,225
This hellscape is my daily life,
361
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,895
you prissy royal bitch.
362
00:16:17,898 --> 00:16:19,146
Hey...
363
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,065
Mm!
364
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,318
- Mm?
- Mm! One... one second.
365
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:26,737
Alright.
366
00:16:27,446 --> 00:16:28,821
Oh my god.
367
00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:31,532
A lung just became
available for my patient!
368
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:32,909
Yes! Oh!
369
00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:34,785
Honey, oh...
370
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:38,078
- Oh, it's all over your shirt.
- It's okay.
371
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:41,414
Babe, I am so sorry, but
I have to get back to LA.
372
00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:45,096
Hey, hey. Look, my sister's
hanging out with your friends.
373
00:16:45,099 --> 00:16:47,548
She's kind of a loner, so I
really want her to meet people.
374
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,928
Yeah. Seems like they're
really hitting it off.
375
00:16:51,929 --> 00:16:54,055
- Mm.
- Hey,
376
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:56,140
as soon as my phone
powers on, I'm out of here,
377
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:58,935
but I wanted to tell you,
you can't give up on love
378
00:16:58,936 --> 00:17:01,390
just because of your proposal fail.
379
00:17:01,393 --> 00:17:03,898
I know that there is
a Brooklyn Bridge girl
380
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,984
out there for you somewhere.
381
00:17:07,398 --> 00:17:09,779
Am I supposed to know what
that is? Because you look like
382
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,489
you practically moved
yourself to tears just now,
383
00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,659
but I have no idea what
you're talking about.
384
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,953
- It's this thing I made up.
- Okay.
385
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,705
See, I've lived in
New York since college,
386
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,083
but I've never walked
across the Brooklyn Bridge,
387
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,960
and after a while, I waited so long
388
00:17:23,961 --> 00:17:27,172
that I decided I would wait
and walk it with my soulmate.
389
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,389
You're one of those people whose parents
390
00:17:30,392 --> 00:17:31,717
actually stayed married, aren't you?
391
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,094
College sweethearts,
392
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,679
married for 30 years sort of thing.
393
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,180
So you're like, if
they found each other,
394
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,765
there must be someone
out there for everyone.
395
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,643
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right?
396
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,328
Yeah. Something like that.
397
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,438
Must be nice.
398
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,401
Those of us who grew up in
the real world, not so sure.
399
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,945
- Looks like your phone's back.
- Yes!
400
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,989
Aw.
401
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:56,117
Ian sent me a pic holding his
boarding pass and looking sad.
402
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,661
- Aww.
- I'm gonna call him.
403
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,874
Wait, look.
404
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,859
I can see all of his flight info.
405
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:07,837
Cool. He's got TSA PreCheck.
406
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:10,089
He would!
407
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:12,425
I've always talked about getting that.
408
00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,429
But it's like a whole
thing. No, not the point.
409
00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:19,138
I'm going to go to JFK and
tell him that we're meant to be.
410
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,934
- Really?
- Hey, uh, can I borrow your car?
411
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,853
I need to take Hannah to the airport.
412
00:18:23,854 --> 00:18:26,355
- What?
- Emergency surgery calls.
413
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,275
Seems like the universe wants me
to take everyone to the airport.
414
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,943
- Alright. Let's go.
- Okay. What, are you coming?
415
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,196
I am! Oh!
416
00:18:33,322 --> 00:18:34,697
Wait!
417
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,979
You can't leave me alone with
Charlie. I think I hate him.
418
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:39,953
- We live with him.
- I know!
419
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:44,957
Valentina, don't abandon
me! I have nowhere to go!
420
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,252
I'll need to sell my body to survive!
421
00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:52,174
Hey, sis! Uh, we're
all going to the airport.
422
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,133
You forgot me, didn't you?
423
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,851
What? Who could for...
424
00:18:55,854 --> 00:18:57,528
Yeah. Completely forgot you. I'm sorry.
425
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:05,645
And so, we all went to JFK
426
00:19:05,646 --> 00:19:08,814
to tell him that I
wanted us to be together.
427
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,568
There he is.
428
00:19:12,554 --> 00:19:15,571
Oh god, don't let this
be the next Proposal Fail.
429
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:17,448
Wait! Aren't you...
430
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:20,701
It's actually Mr. Proposal Fail, but yes.
431
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,671
Ian!
432
00:19:23,674 --> 00:19:25,734
Sophie? What are you...
433
00:19:25,737 --> 00:19:28,000
I've been on 87 Tinder dates this year.
434
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,378
Okay, all of them were duds.
435
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:33,464
Just to be clear, I don't do,
like, sexy stuff with all the guys.
436
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,717
A lot of the times, I just
have a white wine and talk.
437
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:39,011
I also want to be clear
that I am not judging anyone
438
00:19:39,012 --> 00:19:40,471
who does hook up on every date.
439
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,473
It's just not my style.
But if it's someone else's,
440
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:44,396
that's her business, and
it's nothing to be ashamed of.
441
00:19:44,398 --> 00:19:46,228
This is getting away from her.
442
00:19:47,271 --> 00:19:49,981
Look, what I'm trying to say is that
443
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,858
we live in confusing times,
444
00:19:51,859 --> 00:19:54,193
where it's really hard to meet someone
445
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,363
and-and-and connect and have it feel...
446
00:19:57,698 --> 00:19:58,740
Easy.
447
00:19:59,408 --> 00:20:02,160
And tonight, it felt easy.
448
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:04,620
Other than the Australia thing,
449
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,331
which feels insurmountably hard,
450
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:08,667
but we can get through it.
451
00:20:10,012 --> 00:20:11,513
I know that we can.
452
00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,174
What do you say?
453
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,970
Sophie, I'd love to make it work, but...
454
00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:23,347
it's a 14-hour time difference,
455
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,266
and I'm gonna be living
456
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,895
out at sea for weeks
on end without service.
457
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:31,147
It'd just be way too hard.
458
00:20:31,148 --> 00:20:33,108
Oh, this is brutal.
459
00:20:34,735 --> 00:20:36,694
I'm really sorry, Sophie.
460
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:39,071
But, maybe someday, right?
461
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:41,699
Yeah. Maybe.
462
00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,672
But I didn't want to wait
around for some day.
463
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:03,971
I'm doing it!
464
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:07,184
I'm walking the bridge
without the love of my life!
465
00:21:08,018 --> 00:21:09,859
Sounded more triumphant in my head.
466
00:21:09,862 --> 00:21:11,647
You walk that bridge, girl.
467
00:21:12,898 --> 00:21:16,108
That... surprisingly clean and...
468
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:17,610
actually rather majestic bridge.
469
00:21:17,611 --> 00:21:20,322
You don't have to pretend
to like this for me.
470
00:21:21,657 --> 00:21:23,282
I'm not pretending.
471
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:25,786
You know, I-I really
do think it's stunning.
472
00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:30,046
Brimming with... with
life and personality.
473
00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:34,795
Like you.
474
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,467
Charlie, do you know one of the
reasons I fell so hard for you?
475
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:44,250
Because my charm is all
boy, but my body is all man?
476
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:46,681
No.
477
00:21:46,682 --> 00:21:48,642
It's because I thought you were brave.
478
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:52,603
You've lived this
incredibly pampered life,
479
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,314
but you walked away from it all.
480
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:57,359
To take a chance on us.
481
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:00,862
Charlie...
482
00:22:00,863 --> 00:22:02,905
this city is magic!
483
00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,826
And so am I.
484
00:22:08,445 --> 00:22:11,489
Do you wanna be a part
of that magic or not?
485
00:22:13,208 --> 00:22:14,710
I do.
486
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,004
Very, very much.
487
00:22:23,177 --> 00:22:26,554
If Sophie can walk across
this bridge totally alone
488
00:22:26,555 --> 00:22:28,097
and Sid can have
489
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:31,017
a good attitude about
his fiancée ditching him,
490
00:22:31,018 --> 00:22:33,853
and you two can try to make your...
491
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,521
completely doomed relationship work...
492
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:36,523
- Hey!
- Ellen!
493
00:22:36,982 --> 00:22:40,193
...then I can stop
obsessing over my divorce
494
00:22:40,194 --> 00:22:42,196
and ask a woman out to divorce!
495
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:45,198
To divorce. To dinner! Dammit!
496
00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:46,741
You'll get there.
497
00:22:50,329 --> 00:22:52,705
This is good for Soph. She needed this.
498
00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:56,042
What? She's gonna be fine. She's
got her parents' magic love story
499
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,169
to keep her stupidly optimistic.
500
00:22:58,170 --> 00:22:59,879
- Magic love story?
- Yeah.
501
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,381
Sophie's mom is a party girl
502
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:04,759
who bounces around from
boyfriend to boyfriend.
503
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,969
Her dad wasn't even in the picture.
504
00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:09,138
The only thing magical
about Sophie's life
505
00:23:09,139 --> 00:23:11,141
is that she still
believes in love at all.
506
00:23:13,477 --> 00:23:15,895
How have I never walked
this bridge before?
507
00:23:15,896 --> 00:23:17,397
I told you!
508
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:20,233
- Whoo!
- Now, we're talking!
509
00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:22,902
Listen, what are we gonna do
for dinner? Because it's late...
510
00:23:25,364 --> 00:23:27,657
Thanks for having us
over for drinks, guys!
511
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:28,991
Yeah, of course. I mean,
512
00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:31,494
hot engagement sex,
513
00:23:31,495 --> 00:23:33,664
rinks with total strangers...
514
00:23:34,331 --> 00:23:35,874
Two equally good things.
515
00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:40,920
Wow. Love your place!
516
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,586
Thanks. It was a total score.
517
00:23:42,589 --> 00:23:44,549
We got it from this old married couple
518
00:23:44,550 --> 00:23:46,843
who posted it on the
Wesleyan Alumni Group.
519
00:23:46,844 --> 00:23:48,427
We even got them to leave their swords.
520
00:23:48,428 --> 00:23:50,596
Wow. Nice touch.
521
00:23:52,808 --> 00:23:54,058
So, that's it.
522
00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,561
That's the night I met your father.
523
00:24:02,932 --> 00:24:04,944
But you guys didn't even get together.
524
00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:06,529
Get together? Oh!
525
00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:08,155
That's a much longer story.
526
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:09,658
Now, where was I?
527
00:24:10,534 --> 00:24:12,410
Where'd I put that bottle of wine?
528
00:24:45,572 --> 00:24:49,617
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
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