Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,933 --> 00:00:04,103
♪ Chappelle's show ♪ ♪ Oww ♪
2
00:00:05,333 --> 00:00:07,133
♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪
3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,570
♪ Woo-hoo ♪
4
00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:10,773
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
5
00:00:10,833 --> 00:00:11,703
[applause]
6
00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:14,803
[male announcer] Ladies and gentlemen...
7
00:00:14,866 --> 00:00:17,826
Dave Chappelle!
8
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:20,730
[cheers]
9
00:00:24,633 --> 00:00:26,473
Man, thank you, guys.
10
00:00:26,533 --> 00:00:27,803
Thanks, man.
11
00:00:28,466 --> 00:00:30,066
[hooting]
12
00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:32,896
What's up, everybody?
13
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,226
Yo, what's up, man?
14
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,330
Thank you, guys. Man, shoot.
15
00:00:39,666 --> 00:00:40,926
Thank you, man.
16
00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:43,933
Thanks-- oh.
17
00:00:45,033 --> 00:00:46,573
Oh, man, y'all got me, like--
18
00:00:47,633 --> 00:00:48,903
you got me touched tonight.
19
00:00:51,066 --> 00:00:52,266
I would actually cry,
20
00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:54,503
but the reefer has dried my eyes out.
21
00:00:58,066 --> 00:01:00,766
You know, I wish my grandmother could see me.
22
00:01:00,833 --> 00:01:03,533
My grandmother gave me the best advice of my life.
23
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:04,930
She said, "You know, Dave,
24
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,200
everybody wants to be the first person
25
00:01:07,266 --> 00:01:08,466
to do something.
26
00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:09,773
Well, let me tell you something.
27
00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:12,673
Don't ever be the first black person
28
00:01:12,733 --> 00:01:13,573
to do anything."
29
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:16,373
[chuckles]
30
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:19,730
Because anytime you hear
31
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,500
about the first black dude that did something,
32
00:01:21,566 --> 00:01:22,796
it's a terrible story,
33
00:01:24,833 --> 00:01:27,003
no matter how benign.
34
00:01:27,066 --> 00:01:29,666
Imagine, like, who was the first black person
35
00:01:30,766 --> 00:01:32,726
to take a shit on a white toilet?
36
00:01:35,566 --> 00:01:36,866
Well, we did some research,
37
00:01:36,933 --> 00:01:39,733
and I think you'll be surprised at what we found.
38
00:01:42,466 --> 00:01:44,666
Good evening, I'm Philip Halston.
39
00:01:46,066 --> 00:01:50,326
In 1954, the United States was marred with unrest.
40
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,600
With the bus boycotts in Montgomery
41
00:01:52,666 --> 00:01:55,026
and "Brown versus the board of education"
42
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:57,430
still under deliberation,
43
00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:00,430
the social climate was changing rapidly.
44
00:02:01,533 --> 00:02:03,973
It was in this context that one man,
45
00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:06,403
Cyrus Holloway, made history
46
00:02:06,466 --> 00:02:10,026
when he took on the rural town of Hartsfield, Alabama.
47
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,770
I remember it was a hot day,
48
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:17,003
and I was working the double shift at the steel mill.
49
00:02:19,666 --> 00:02:21,596
Between shifts, I went outside
50
00:02:21,666 --> 00:02:24,026
and bought myself a roast beef sandwich
51
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:26,000
from a boy that used to sell them out front,
52
00:02:27,666 --> 00:02:30,066
but little did I know that that roast beef sandwich
53
00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:32,133
would change my life forever.
54
00:02:34,666 --> 00:02:39,196
Not Long after lunch, I felt a bubbling in my stomach--
55
00:02:39,266 --> 00:02:40,096
an evil bubbling.
56
00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:44,573
A bubble that, to me, signified nothing else
57
00:02:44,633 --> 00:02:47,173
but the early stages of mud butt.
58
00:02:49,033 --> 00:02:50,333
I had to take a dump.
59
00:02:51,666 --> 00:02:53,166
I had to take a dump immediately.
60
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:57,173
The closest colored bathroom was located
61
00:02:57,233 --> 00:02:59,173
in the basement of the steel mill,
62
00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:00,773
near the boiler room.
63
00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:04,033
Oh, that toilet was disgusting.
64
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,630
Wasn't fit for Christian butt cheeks.
65
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,900
My only options at that time were,
66
00:03:09,966 --> 00:03:13,596
I could either go doo-doo in my trousers,
67
00:03:13,666 --> 00:03:14,726
which I couldn't do--
68
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,630
that was my only good pair at the time--
69
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:20,826
or I could use the White restroom.
70
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:24,670
It was risky, but so was mud butt.
71
00:03:24,733 --> 00:03:27,203
Mr. Holloway proceeded to go to the white restroom
72
00:03:27,266 --> 00:03:28,866
and take what would be known
73
00:03:28,933 --> 00:03:30,973
as one of the most significant dumps
74
00:03:31,033 --> 00:03:32,633
in American history.
75
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,430
After the historic dump began,
76
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:38,030
one of Holloway's co-workers, Austin Stringer,
77
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,630
entered the restroom.
78
00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:41,530
He immediately called the local police,
79
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,800
who were being followed by a television crew.
80
00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:46,873
[farts]
81
00:03:46,933 --> 00:03:48,203
There he is, officer!
82
00:03:48,266 --> 00:03:49,466
Come out of there, Holloway.
83
00:03:50,433 --> 00:03:51,373
With all due respect...
84
00:03:51,433 --> 00:03:52,373
[farting]
85
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,903
I got the mud butt.
86
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,600
While I was on the toilet, they sicced dogs on me.
87
00:03:57,666 --> 00:03:58,696
[dog barking]
88
00:03:58,766 --> 00:04:00,196
sprayed me with water.
89
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,500
Good lord, it's mud butt!
90
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,870
Finally, I just let them haul me off to jail.
91
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,266
Book him.
92
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,330
Desecration of a white facility with negroid feces.
93
00:04:16,366 --> 00:04:17,526
Here's your evidence.
94
00:04:19,333 --> 00:04:21,073
I can make about three, four more bags of that
95
00:04:21,133 --> 00:04:21,933
if you want, sir.
96
00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:26,503
Cyrus was charged with using a white rest facility
97
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,096
and faced nine years in prison.
98
00:04:29,166 --> 00:04:31,226
Word spread quickly around Hartsfield
99
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,100
and the nation at large.
100
00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:35,526
Civil rights activists throughout the United States
101
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,500
descended on this tiny Alabama town
102
00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:39,666
almost immediately.
103
00:04:39,733 --> 00:04:41,073
My brothers and sisters,
104
00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:44,833
we are gathered here today to discuss
105
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:49,130
matters of the cocka-dookie and the stinky-stinky.
106
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,730
-Yes! -Yes, sir!
107
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,530
I have a question to pose to the government.
108
00:04:55,166 --> 00:04:56,096
[farting]
109
00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:59,166
Why can't my turd float next to yours?
110
00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,473
[cheering]
111
00:05:01,533 --> 00:05:02,803
Our voices will be heard!
112
00:05:04,233 --> 00:05:07,703
It was the first and largest demonstration of its kind--
113
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:10,126
the nation's first shit-in.
114
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:12,600
No, my brothers and sisters. Do not run!
115
00:05:12,666 --> 00:05:15,526
Turn your butt cheeks toward the aggressors,
116
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,330
and let them clean your butt cheeks
117
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,330
with the cascading water.
118
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,700
This is a good thing, my brothers and sisters.
119
00:05:21,766 --> 00:05:24,296
The shit-in made national news,
120
00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,866
and the American legal society picked up the case
121
00:05:26,933 --> 00:05:29,833
and took it all the way to the supreme court.
122
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:32,830
[protesters chanting]
123
00:05:35,066 --> 00:05:38,566
In the case of Holloway versus the state of Alabama,
124
00:05:38,633 --> 00:05:41,433
the supreme court rules in favor of Mr. Holloway.
125
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,830
[cheers]
126
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:44,470
[applause]
127
00:05:46,833 --> 00:05:47,873
[gavel pounds]
128
00:05:47,933 --> 00:05:49,833
It is my opinion that,
129
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,400
no matter what the color of your skin,
130
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,730
your feces will be Brown.
131
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:59,366
Except for the clay-colored ones
132
00:05:59,433 --> 00:06:01,403
and, of course, the spinach Green.
133
00:06:02,566 --> 00:06:05,726
And, no matter what the hue of your poo,
134
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,233
it will undoubtedly stink.
135
00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:10,330
Good day.
136
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,570
[applause]
137
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,103
[Holloway] By the time they read that verdict,
138
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:17,296
mud butt... mud butt was calling.
139
00:06:17,366 --> 00:06:19,966
I suppose I was happy about winning.
140
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:22,533
I think what I was most happy about
141
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,070
was that I could get up from that courtroom
142
00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:26,503
and use the toilet.
143
00:06:26,566 --> 00:06:27,566
How you doing, Ms. Pippen?
144
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:28,633
[farts] Ahh!
145
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,400
I just remember going in that bathroom
146
00:06:30,466 --> 00:06:31,826
and taking the first...
147
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:33,430
[farting]
148
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:37,230
free dump that I'd ever taken in my life.
149
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:40,000
A beautiful dump. [farting]
150
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:43,266
As a matter of fact, the choir from my church came.
151
00:06:43,333 --> 00:06:46,433
♪ Well, I'm gonna Lay down my burden ♪
152
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:51,770
♪ Down by the riverside Down by the riverside ♪
153
00:06:51,833 --> 00:06:53,803
♪ Down by the riverside ♪
154
00:06:53,866 --> 00:06:56,766
♪ I'm gonna Lay down my burden ♪
155
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,873
♪ Down by the riverside ♪
156
00:06:58,933 --> 00:07:03,003
♪ Ain't gonna study war no more♪
157
00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:03,866
[farts]
158
00:07:05,933 --> 00:07:08,303
It is all just a matter
159
00:07:08,366 --> 00:07:11,626
of the stinky-stinky and the cocka-dookie.
160
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,000
I'm Philip Halston. Good night.
161
00:07:17,066 --> 00:07:20,166
♪ Well, I ain't Gonna study war no more ♪
162
00:07:22,566 --> 00:07:24,966
We'll be right back with more Chappelle's show
163
00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:27,273
after these messages.
164
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,100
[cheers]
165
00:07:29,166 --> 00:07:32,926
[applause]
166
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,770
Whoo!
167
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:38,333
[phone ringing]
168
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:39,470
Hello, and good evening.
169
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:40,900
It's me.
170
00:07:40,966 --> 00:07:41,826
What?
171
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:42,830
It's me.
172
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:43,770
What?
173
00:07:43,833 --> 00:07:46,373
It's me, Little Jon.
174
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,430
Okay!
175
00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,530
I'm feeling lonely.
176
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,670
I feel like I just need to talk to someone
177
00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:53,533
who will understand, and, well,
178
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,970
that someone is you, Jon.
179
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,530
Okay!
180
00:07:57,533 --> 00:07:58,633
Don't you like Popsicles?
181
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,000
-What? -I said,
182
00:08:00,066 --> 00:08:01,626
-don't you like Popsicles? -What?
183
00:08:01,700 --> 00:08:03,270
I said, don't you like Popsicles?
184
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:04,103
Yeah!
185
00:08:04,166 --> 00:08:06,566
-What? -Yeah!
186
00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:07,873
Okay!
187
00:08:07,933 --> 00:08:11,203
Sometimes I feel like I am all alone in this world,
188
00:08:11,266 --> 00:08:14,596
-and I have no one to go to! -What?
189
00:08:14,666 --> 00:08:18,426
I said, sometimes I feel like I'm all alone
190
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,930
in this world, and I have no one, sir!
191
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:21,933
What?
192
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:22,900
No one!
193
00:08:22,966 --> 00:08:23,796
What?
194
00:08:23,866 --> 00:08:25,026
-To go to. -Huh?
195
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:28,870
No one that understands my pain!
196
00:08:28,933 --> 00:08:29,833
Yeah!
197
00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:32,073
Yeah!
198
00:08:32,133 --> 00:08:33,433
Sometimes when I'm alone,
199
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:39,296
I sit on my hand and wait till it gets numb
200
00:08:39,366 --> 00:08:40,226
and masturbate.
201
00:08:41,766 --> 00:08:42,766
I call that "A stranger."
202
00:08:44,133 --> 00:08:45,833
Have you ever given yourself a stranger?
203
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,470
-What? -A stranger?
204
00:08:47,533 --> 00:08:49,273
Yeah, yeah, I do.
205
00:08:49,333 --> 00:08:50,533
Okay!
206
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:51,930
Yeah!
207
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,330
-[Phone ringing] -Hold on.
208
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,700
They calling me.
209
00:08:56,833 --> 00:08:58,473
Lil Jon? It's Oprah.
210
00:08:58,533 --> 00:08:59,433
How are you?
211
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:01,530
Good. Listen, I'm pregnant.
212
00:09:02,066 --> 00:09:05,466
[laughs]
213
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,070
Are you sure it's mine?
214
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:10,633
I'm sure. It's yours.
215
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,330
Ahh, skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet!
216
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,330
I love you.
217
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:14,300
Okay, bye-bye!
218
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:19,873
It was Oprah. [laughs]
219
00:09:19,933 --> 00:09:21,003
She's having our baby.
220
00:09:21,066 --> 00:09:22,366
Yeah!
221
00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:24,233
I can't hear you. My cell phone's breaking up.
222
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,530
I can't hear you.
223
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,700
Sounds like your phone is breaking up.
224
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,430
What?
225
00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:29,696
What?
226
00:09:30,366 --> 00:09:31,166
What?
227
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:32,800
What?
228
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,200
What?
229
00:09:34,833 --> 00:09:35,833
What?
230
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:36,930
-Okay! -Yeah!
231
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,030
-Yeah! -Yeah!
232
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:39,270
-Yeah. -What?
233
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:40,233
-What? -Okay!
234
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:41,300
-Okay. -Yeah!
235
00:09:41,366 --> 00:09:42,796
Affirmative. Huh?
236
00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:44,166
Roger! Yeah!
237
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,600
What?
238
00:09:45,666 --> 00:09:47,626
Melting down! Ahh!
239
00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:48,830
Bye, nigger!
240
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:49,970
[female announcer] You've just watched
241
00:09:50,033 --> 00:09:51,503
"A moment in the life of Lil Jon."
242
00:09:53,866 --> 00:09:56,326
Hey, gang, we're gonna take a quick commercial break.
243
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,400
Don't go anywhere.
244
00:10:01,366 --> 00:10:03,626
Man, I'm bored.
245
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:05,070
I got to go to the Chappelle show.
246
00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:07,773
Hey everybody. Welcome back.
247
00:10:09,033 --> 00:10:11,933
Welcome back to the show.
248
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,670
You know, I've talked about a lot of things on the show.
249
00:10:15,733 --> 00:10:18,173
I've made fun of so many different people.
250
00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:20,333
And people say, Dave, you talk about everybody
251
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:21,400
except the President.
252
00:10:21,466 --> 00:10:22,596
Why didn't you do that?
253
00:10:22,666 --> 00:10:24,796
Well, 'cause he's the President.
254
00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:28,273
Now, I know my limits, ladies and gentlemen,
255
00:10:28,333 --> 00:10:29,673
and I wouldn't want to cross them,
256
00:10:29,733 --> 00:10:30,703
but I will say this.
257
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:35,326
If our President were Black,
258
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,370
we would not be at war right now.
259
00:10:37,433 --> 00:10:38,633
Not because a black person
260
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,000
wouldn't have done something like that.
261
00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:42,096
It's because America wouldn't let a black person
262
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,196
do something like that
263
00:10:43,266 --> 00:10:46,226
without asking them a million questions.
264
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,630
You know, they always do polls,
265
00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:51,300
like, "Minorities just don't seem to trust the government.
266
00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:53,496
Because you don't understand what it looks like for US
267
00:10:53,566 --> 00:10:55,366
So let me help paint the picture.
268
00:10:55,433 --> 00:10:58,703
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you now, "Black Bush."
269
00:11:01,766 --> 00:11:03,466
[female narrator] President Bush continues
270
00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:05,333
to make his case for an invasion of Iraq.
271
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,200
After carefully examining the region,
272
00:11:07,266 --> 00:11:09,226
me and my cabinet agree that that area
273
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,170
is definitely ripe for regime change.
274
00:11:11,233 --> 00:11:12,173
A'ight?
275
00:11:12,233 --> 00:11:13,203
But if I can be real about it--
276
00:11:13,266 --> 00:11:14,496
-Be real, son. -Real?
277
00:11:14,566 --> 00:11:15,966
Be real real, son.
278
00:11:16,033 --> 00:11:17,473
Tried to kill my father, man.
279
00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:18,373
[all] Word.
280
00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:19,533
I don't play that shit.
281
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,270
Say word, he tried to kill your father, son.
282
00:11:21,333 --> 00:11:23,333
That nigger tried to kill my father!
283
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,900
Word to everything we love,
284
00:11:24,966 --> 00:11:26,426
we coming to see y'all, son.
285
00:11:28,566 --> 00:11:29,866
[female announcer] Meanwhile, President Bush
286
00:11:29,933 --> 00:11:31,703
and British Prime Minister Tony Blair
287
00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:34,766
offered a spirited explanation for a possible war with Iraq.
288
00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:38,073
This nigger very possibly has weapons of mass destruction.
289
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:39,503
I can't sleep on that.
290
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:40,866
Not on my watch!
291
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:43,233
That's not how I roll. That shit is serious!
292
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:45,170
Now, if you don't want to take my word for it,
293
00:11:45,233 --> 00:11:46,373
why don't you ask Tony Blair?
294
00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:48,033
He got a whole 'nother set of intelligence.
295
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,270
What's up, Tony?
296
00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:52,173
We don't know much about Saddam,
297
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:54,203
but we can't trust random niggers
298
00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:57,296
with things like that, as George so eloquently put it.
299
00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:59,596
I'm with him 100% of the way.
300
00:11:59,666 --> 00:12:01,926
We don't know what he has.
301
00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:05,696
[male narrator] If the United States goes
302
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:06,796
to war with Iraq,
303
00:12:06,866 --> 00:12:09,066
will it first have to provide evidence
304
00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:12,203
that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction?
305
00:12:12,266 --> 00:12:14,826
So far, the UN has found nothing,
306
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,930
but President Bush counters with this:
307
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,000
The nigger bought aluminum tubes!
308
00:12:20,066 --> 00:12:21,726
Do I need to tell you
309
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,270
what the fuck you can do with an aluminum tube?
310
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:25,700
Aluminum!
311
00:12:26,966 --> 00:12:28,096
That don't scare you?
312
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:29,896
Fine. I didn't want say this.
313
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:35,373
The motherfucker bought some yellow cake, okay, in Africa.
314
00:12:35,433 --> 00:12:37,403
He went to Africa, and he bought yellow cake.
315
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:38,566
Are you sure?
316
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,303
Yes, I'm sure, bitch!
317
00:12:40,366 --> 00:12:42,526
I got the Head of C. I. A. right here, he'll tell you!
318
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,500
What up? Are you sure?
319
00:12:44,566 --> 00:12:45,896
Are you sure?
320
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,796
I can't believe you mother fuckers.
321
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:50,066
This is ridiculous. Ridiculous!
322
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:52,903
Me and Jeb just coming back from Africa.
323
00:12:52,966 --> 00:12:55,026
Cradle of fucking civilization.
324
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,630
-And this nigger out here buying yellow cake.
325
00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:58,970
From the motherland.
326
00:12:59,033 --> 00:13:00,873
Are you sure it was yellow cake?
327
00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:02,203
Y'all niggers don't believe me,
328
00:13:02,266 --> 00:13:04,026
I got some yellow cake right here!
329
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:05,730
Look, you see? You believe this shit now?
330
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,400
Don't drop that shit!
331
00:13:07,466 --> 00:13:09,296
I know. I know what to do with it!
332
00:13:09,366 --> 00:13:11,866
That's why I got it wrapped up in this special C. I. A. napkin.
333
00:13:11,933 --> 00:13:13,373
Just don't drop that shit here.
334
00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:14,933
You better hope I don't drop this shit!
335
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,970
Pray to God you don't drop that shit.
336
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:18,173
Yellow cake.
337
00:13:18,233 --> 00:13:19,103
Fucking right.
338
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,733
[Male announcer] A sensitive accusation
339
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,070
for this administration
340
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:26,233
is the theory held by many that the real reason
341
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,900
the US Is so interested in toppling Saddam
342
00:13:28,966 --> 00:13:31,926
is control of the oil that Iraq is sitting on.
343
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,370
What about people who say
344
00:13:33,433 --> 00:13:35,333
you're only interested in the middle east for oil?
345
00:13:35,866 --> 00:13:36,526
What?
346
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,230
Huh? Oil?
347
00:13:39,366 --> 00:13:40,496
Who said something about oil, bitch?
348
00:13:40,566 --> 00:13:42,426
Are you cooking? Oil?
349
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:46,203
Man, I don't know what--
350
00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:47,166
Come on y'all. Get out of here!
351
00:13:48,966 --> 00:13:50,266
[announcer] President Bush met
352
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,033
with UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan
353
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:54,500
and made it clear the US will act
354
00:13:54,566 --> 00:13:56,796
even if the UN is reluctant.
355
00:13:56,866 --> 00:13:58,496
UN, you have a problem with that,
356
00:13:58,566 --> 00:13:59,566
you know what you should do?
357
00:13:59,633 --> 00:14:00,803
You should sanction me.
358
00:14:00,866 --> 00:14:02,696
Sanction me with your army.
359
00:14:02,766 --> 00:14:04,496
Oh, wait a minute!
360
00:14:04,566 --> 00:14:06,096
You don't have an army!
361
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:08,196
I guess that means you need to shut the fuck up!
362
00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:09,966
That's what I'd do if I didn't have no army.
363
00:14:10,033 --> 00:14:11,373
I would shh! The fuck up.
364
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:13,533
Shut the fuck up!
365
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,270
That's right, Kofi Annan.
366
00:14:15,333 --> 00:14:16,873
Think I'm gonna take orders from an African?
367
00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:19,633
You might speak 16 languages, but you gonna need them
368
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:21,630
when you in times square selling fake hats.
369
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:22,970
I know Gucci when I see it, nigger.
370
00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:24,603
I'm rich.
371
00:14:24,666 --> 00:14:26,896
I got a coalition of the willing.
372
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:30,326
I got 40 nations ready to roll, son!
373
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,130
Like who?
374
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,630
Who the fuck said that?
375
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,170
Huh? Huh?
376
00:14:35,233 --> 00:14:36,033
Like who?
377
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,030
England.
378
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:39,930
Japan's sending Play Stations.
379
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,900
Stankonia said they're willing to drop bombs over Baghdad.
380
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,266
Rickety row is coming!
381
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,703
Afrika Bambaataa and the Zulu nation.
382
00:14:48,766 --> 00:14:51,326
That means I am not doing this by myself,
383
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,770
and I am not disrespecting the UN,
384
00:14:54,833 --> 00:14:56,133
even though they don't got no army.
385
00:14:57,466 --> 00:14:59,226
Go sell some medicine, bitches!
386
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:01,896
I'm trying to get that oil--
387
00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:03,366
Oh! [coughs]
388
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:10,266
[female announcer] The US fired the opening salvo
389
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:11,403
in the war on Iraq
390
00:15:11,466 --> 00:15:13,296
with at least 40 tomahawk cruise missiles
391
00:15:13,366 --> 00:15:16,266
and precision guided bombs, centering on Baghdad.
392
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,973
["Hail to the chief" playing]
393
00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:19,233
[male announcer] Good evening.
394
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,100
Tonight, President George Bush is on board
395
00:15:21,166 --> 00:15:23,326
the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln
396
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,230
off the California coast.
397
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,300
It will be the site of what is essentially
398
00:15:27,366 --> 00:15:29,966
his victory speech in the war against Iraq.
399
00:15:31,166 --> 00:15:32,026
[clears throat]
400
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,400
What did I say?
401
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,266
I'm not gloating, but what did I say?
402
00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,273
Did I not say that we would win that shit?
403
00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:39,533
We rocked them 'bamas! We rocked them!
404
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,670
[whispering] Nigger, you see me come in on that plane?
405
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:42,673
Shhhhooo.
406
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:44,733
Da-da-da-da-da-da-dah!
407
00:15:46,866 --> 00:15:48,096
[announcer] For the second straight day,
408
00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:49,296
these hard-line Iraqis
409
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,696
protested the American presence here.
410
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,370
Mr. President, when do you think
411
00:15:54,433 --> 00:15:56,903
they'll hold general elections in Iraq?
412
00:15:56,966 --> 00:15:58,796
Damn, I knew I shouldn't have called on this nigger!
413
00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,826
I should not have called on you 'cause you're always
414
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:02,170
trying to distract motherfuckers
415
00:16:02,233 --> 00:16:05,603
with things like the war and skirt all the real issues.
416
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,396
Gay people are getting married, folks.
417
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:09,530
Yes.
418
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,733
Nasty! Imagine that.
419
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:16,000
Two women touching on each other's tittie balls,
420
00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:18,003
wrestling them,
421
00:16:18,066 --> 00:16:19,726
gently stroking those nipples
422
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,230
till they get just so stiff and erect!
423
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:24,130
Blowing on them.
424
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,030
[blowing]
425
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,203
Men. Barbecue.
426
00:16:32,266 --> 00:16:34,566
"I like you." "I like you too, dog."
427
00:16:34,633 --> 00:16:36,303
"Let's get married, man."
428
00:16:36,366 --> 00:16:37,496
It's crazy!
429
00:16:37,566 --> 00:16:39,726
-What about your-- -That shit is gross!
430
00:16:43,566 --> 00:16:46,026
Mr. President. Mr. President, sir.
431
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,930
How do you explain the continual upheaval in Iraq
432
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,100
even after the capture of Saddam Hussein?
433
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,070
Why are you doing this, man?
434
00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:55,333
I thought you was my black brother.
435
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,600
Why you asking me questions like that?
436
00:16:57,666 --> 00:16:59,496
Fine, I'll answer your stupid-ass question.
437
00:16:59,566 --> 00:17:00,966
Here's what I feel about Iraq.
438
00:17:01,033 --> 00:17:03,833
I feel like you guys keep trying to distract people with Iraq
439
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,770
when I'm focusing on other things,
440
00:17:05,833 --> 00:17:07,773
namely the moon.
441
00:17:07,833 --> 00:17:10,333
Yes, I said it, the moon.
442
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,230
Can't be distracted.
443
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:12,670
"What's going on with the war?
444
00:17:12,733 --> 00:17:14,033
What's wrong with the economy?"
445
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,370
Stop worrying about that! I got that shit under control!
446
00:17:16,433 --> 00:17:19,073
Let's focus on space, nigger.
447
00:17:19,133 --> 00:17:21,133
The United States of Space.
448
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,330
'Cause I ain't stopping at the moon.
449
00:17:23,266 --> 00:17:24,366
Write this down:
450
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:27,630
M-A-R-S.
451
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:28,770
Mars, bitches.
452
00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:30,373
That's where we are going.
453
00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:31,633
Mars. Red rocks!
454
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:32,530
Yeah, yeah!
455
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,233
I'd like to thank each and every one of you
456
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:42,330
for being here
457
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,800
and everyone at home for supporting the show.
458
00:17:44,866 --> 00:17:46,766
It's been an amazing season.
459
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,433
We love you. We thank you for it.
460
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,930
We shook up the world!
461
00:17:51,466 --> 00:17:52,126
I'm out!
462
00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:57,373
I'm rich, bitch!
463
00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:59,103
-[horn blowing] -Hi, thank you.
464
00:17:59,933 --> 00:18:01,473
Who do you know in Iraq?
465
00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:02,433
Go ahead, say what you was gonna say.
466
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,270
-the war is over! The war is over!
467
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,003
[rolls tongue]
468
00:18:06,066 --> 00:18:06,966
You know who this is?
469
00:18:07,033 --> 00:18:08,133
Antwone Fisher.
470
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,270
He's still here.
471
00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:10,503
He's still standing.
472
00:18:10,566 --> 00:18:11,766
He's still strong!
473
00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:13,003
Just like America!
474
00:18:13,066 --> 00:18:14,496
Antwone, take a bow!
475
00:18:16,066 --> 00:18:17,296
Some brave teachers.
476
00:18:17,366 --> 00:18:18,426
Big up to you, teachers.
477
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,500
There's a milkman in the house.
478
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:21,666
What's popping?
479
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,603
Rock steady crew's in the house.
480
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,426
Crazy legs. What's up, my nigger?
481
00:18:25,476 --> 00:18:30,026
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33026
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.