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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Oww ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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Let's start the show.
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[cheers & applause]
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[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen.
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Dave Chappelle!
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Whoa!
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Hey, hey.
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Wow.
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Man.
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Hey, little guy.
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[applause]
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All right, thank you so much.
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Ever see that, uh, commercial
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where that guy, Calvin, gets a job at a fast food restaurant?
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Remember that commercial?
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That guy Calvin would get a job at a fast food restaurant
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and they act like that's the best thing that could happen
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to a guy in the ghetto--
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like the whole neighborhood's excited,
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like this is gonna end poverty.
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[Laughing]
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"Calvin, you gettin' this job is the signpost
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to a new era in the Black community.
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"Thank you, fast food restaurant."
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That's not what it's like to work at a fast food--
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people aren't proud of you.
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Let's see what would happen to Calvin
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if he really had a job in fast food.
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[audience laughing]
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Look at that, Calvin's got a job.
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Hey, Calvin.
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Way to go, young blood, way to go.
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[announcer] WacArnold's is proud to give young African Americans
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an opportunity to serve their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare of their own environment.
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Afternoon, ladies.
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Eww, nigga, you smell like French fries.
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♪ WacArnold's ♪
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Well, see, hold up.
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Now, that's just a week into it.
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Let's see what happens with Calvin,
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like, three weeks into it.
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♪
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Well, here you go, Calvin.
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My first check.
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Thank you, sir.
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♪
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[announcer] WacArnold's is proud to give young African Americans
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an opportunity to serve their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare of their own environment.
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Look at that, Calvin's got a job.
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Hey, Calvin.
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Hey, miss Harvey, got my first paycheck.
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That's good, Calvin, very good.
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Way to go, young blood. Gettin' paid, gettin' paid.
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Ay, yo, I heard Calvin got a job.
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Man, I'm proud of him.
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-Let's Rob that nigga, man. -Yeah, son.
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♪ WacArnold's ♪ [applause]
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Pretty rough.
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Why don't we check in with Calvin two months later?
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[announcer] WacArnold's is proud to give young African Americans
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an opportunity to serve their communities,
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making them feel responsible
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for the welfare of their own environment.
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[Calvin] Hey, where's miss Harvey?
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Oh, she died, Calvin-- of high cholesterol.
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Too much WacArnold's.
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[audience groaning]
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Damn, Calvin, you look beat the hell up.
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-What's up, fry guy? -Punk bitch.
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[audience laughing]
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Corny-ass nigga.
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Yo, Calvin, it's a thin line between fries and shakes.
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[audience laughing]
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♪ The leanest burger In the world ♪
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♪ Could be the meanest Burger in the world ♪
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♪ If you cook it that way ♪
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I need to stop smokin' this shit, here, brother.
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Hey, brought y'all home some dinner from work.
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Calvin, you can't keep feedin'
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me and your baby hamburgers
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and French fries every goddamn night.
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Well, what the hell do you expect me to do?
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Nigga, get a real job.
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Bitch, WacArnold's has given me an opportunity
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to serve my community and feel responsible
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for the welfare of my own environment.
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Don't give me that triflin'-ass bullshit!
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I'm under a lot of pressure,
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hey and whose gloves are these?
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Huh?
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Who you fuckin', OJ?
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What is this?
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Calvin, you're always working.
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Oh, you fuckin' Defari!
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I seen that African leavin' here when I was comin' in.
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Well, shit, if you was here a little bit more!
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WacArnold's is tearing this family apart!
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You know miss Harvey died.
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Oh, man. [Baby crying]
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The baby.
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The baby's crying.
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See, and guess what?
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The rib sandwich is comin' back on Tuesday.
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Guess who ain't gettin' one?
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[woman] I don't eat pork, anyway.
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You damn right you don't eat pork
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'cause I ain't givin' you none.
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I ain't givin' you no hamburgers, no apple pies.
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I ain't givin' you shit!
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Calvin got that all locked down.
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If you want some WacArnold's, you got to go through me.
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You're cut off!
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You're cut off!
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I'm Calvin around here.
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You know about me?
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Everybody know I got a job.
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All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick commercial break.
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Don't go anywhere, we'll be right back
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with more Chappelle's Show.
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[cheers & applause]
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Ow ♪
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[cheers & applause]
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Welcome back.
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Welcome back, everybody.
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Uh...
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Thanks, guys.
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So, last season, I had Paul Mooney
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on the show do a segment
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called "ask a Black dude."
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And I asked him, I said,
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"Paul, we gotta do that again this year."
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He said, "oh, I can't do it, homie."
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But I'll do you one better.
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And he put me on to the hottest psychic ever
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in the history of the world.
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So, please, America, make some noise
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for Paul Mooney as Negrodamus.
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[applause]
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[man] What's the meaning of life?
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[woman] Who is my real father?
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[woman 2] Will I ever find a husband?
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[man] Am I gonna get sick?
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[man 1] Does god really exist?
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[female announcer] For centuries,
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people have turned to one man
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for the answer to life's great mysteries.
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That man is Negrodamus.
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[audience laughing]
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You, sir.
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Negrodamus,
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what mistakes did Michael Jackson make
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before he got arrested?
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Michael Jackson...
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Should have not been a singer.
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Michael Jackson should have been a priest.
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Then he would've just been transferred.
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You, ma'am.
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Negrodamus, why is President Bush
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so sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?
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Because he has the receipt.
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Next question.
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[cheers & applause]
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[speaking Italian]
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Rosie O'Donnell
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shall have a sex change.
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She will become a man
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and marry Liza Minnelli's husband and beat him.
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[audience laughing]
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Grazie, grazie mille, grazie.
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Next.
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Hi, Negrodamus.
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What will happen to Star Jones on the view?
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Star Jones, I'm getting something.
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Star Jones will have two jobs.
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First, she'll do the view.
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Then she'll take her wig off and do the weather.
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Thank you, Negrodamus.
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[female announcer] For centuries,
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people have turned to one man
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for the answer to life's great mysteries.
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That man is Negrodamus.
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[applause]
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That's right.
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Y'all remember that comedian, Gallagher?
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[audience] Yeah.
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Pretty corny, right?
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He is, he was a corny dude.
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Well, the thing people don't know about Gallagher--
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I don't know if you know this or not,
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it might just be something comedians know--
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He had a twin brother.
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Did you know that?
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He sold his act to his twin brother.
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His twin brother goes on the road as Gallagher two.
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Not makin' that up.
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Here's even a lesser-known fact.
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His twin brother
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sold the act to a Black guy named Earl Wallingford.
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And the Black dude went out as Black Gallagher.
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I have tape of his special.
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It's ridiculous.
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Where are the weapons of mass destruction?
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That's what I'm talkin' about.
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Osama bin Laden.
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Why don't they call him, "Osama been hiding."
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Hope you like my outfit.
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The queer guys came by and had an eye for me.
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Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons, Green Clovers, Orange Stars?
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That leprechaun's on acid.
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He's crazy.
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He's crazy.
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He's crazy like me.
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Are you ready to smash some fruit?
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Can't hear you.
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Pee on US!
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Yeah, you wanna smash some fruit, yeah?
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Smash some fruit, you Black son of a bitch.
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Well, Black Gallagher
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doesn't go out like no punk bitch with a mallet.
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[gun shots]
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Black Gallagher, bitch! That's right!
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[screaming]
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I got warrants.
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[applause]
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We're gonna take a quick commercial break.
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But don't go anywhere, everybody.
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We got more show coming up right after this.
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[cheers & applause]
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Ow ♪
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Hey, gang.
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Welcome back to Chappelle's Show .
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Up top beside the sound, it's good to see ya.
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[applause]
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Man, this is crazy, man.
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All right, last season, we started the series off
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with a sketch about a black white supremacist.
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Very controversial.
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[applause]
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Yes, it was very...
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It sparked this whole controversy
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about the appropriateness of the...
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The "N" word, the dreaded "N" word.
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Then when I would travel, people would come up to me,
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white people would come up to me, like,
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"man, that sketch you did about them niggers, that was..."
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[audience laughing]
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Take it easy.
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I was joking around.
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You start to realize these sketches,
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in the wrong hands, are dangerous.
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You know, and that "N" word is a doozie.
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Especially for us Black folks.
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You know, a lot of different feelings come up
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when they hear that word.
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But I'm thinking, is it because
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Black people actually identify themselves as "N" words?
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00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:27,766
No, I don't know, maybe.
271
00:11:27,833 --> 00:11:30,103
But what if we just use the word for other people?
272
00:11:30,166 --> 00:11:31,926
Would it be so bad? I don't know.
273
00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:37,233
So I made a sketch.
274
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,700
It's about a white family
275
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,466
whose last name happens to be "Niggar", that's all.
276
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:47,930
Let's see how offensive the word sounds now.
277
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,870
♪ N-I-G, G-A-R ♪
278
00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:53,003
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
279
00:11:54,033 --> 00:11:56,103
♪ We all know Who they are ♪
280
00:11:56,166 --> 00:11:58,566
♪ Frank, Tim and Emily ♪
281
00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:02,203
♪ Teaching Tim How to ride a bike ♪
282
00:12:02,266 --> 00:12:04,896
♪ These are the Niggars That we like ♪
283
00:12:04,966 --> 00:12:07,466
♪ N-I-G, G-A-R ♪
284
00:12:07,533 --> 00:12:10,233
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
285
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,930
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
286
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,070
♪ Yeah ♪
287
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:17,303
♪
288
00:12:21,166 --> 00:12:22,466
Breakfast is served.
289
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:25,103
Look, hon, my sister just had another baby.
290
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:27,196
Look at this little bundle of joy.
291
00:12:27,266 --> 00:12:29,066
She's got those Niggar lips.
292
00:12:29,133 --> 00:12:31,033
I know, so thin.
293
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,670
Is Tim still asleep?
294
00:12:32,733 --> 00:12:34,103
[Emily] I think so.
295
00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:36,396
He sure is one lazy Niggar.
296
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:40,103
Good morning, Mom. Morning, Dad.
297
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:41,366
Good morning.
298
00:12:41,433 --> 00:12:43,173
You know, Tim, we're having a dinner party tonight.
299
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:44,333
I trust you'll be here.
300
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,470
Oh, I can't.
301
00:12:45,533 --> 00:12:48,603
I have my first big date with Jenny Halstead.
302
00:12:48,666 --> 00:12:50,566
Oh.
303
00:12:50,633 --> 00:12:53,333
Jenny has a date tonight with the Niggar boy from school.
304
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,270
What? Oh, god, no!
305
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:57,133
No, daddy, that's his name.
306
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,070
Timmy Niggar.
307
00:12:58,133 --> 00:13:01,473
Oh, of course, that Niggar.
308
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:04,673
He's a very good athlete and so well-spoken.
309
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:06,733
That family's going places.
310
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,400
I mean, we're rich. They're Niggar rich.
311
00:13:09,466 --> 00:13:10,726
Oh, Bill.
312
00:13:11,633 --> 00:13:12,733
[Clifton] Mornin', Niggars!
313
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,200
Why, it's Clifton, our colored milkman.
314
00:13:15,266 --> 00:13:18,626
And this is my favorite family to deliver milk to.
315
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:20,070
The Niggars!
316
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,873
Mmm-mm!
317
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:25,133
Somethin' sho' smells good.
318
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,300
You Niggars cookin'?
319
00:13:26,366 --> 00:13:27,526
We sure are.
320
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,870
There's some leftover bacon if you'd like some.
321
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:31,473
Ooh, none for me.
322
00:13:31,533 --> 00:13:33,273
I know better than to get between
323
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:34,673
a Niggar and their pork.
324
00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:36,803
Might get my fingers bit.
325
00:13:36,866 --> 00:13:39,026
[laughing] Here you go.
326
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,270
I, I hate to bother you about this.
327
00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:46,003
But, uh, well, you didn't pay your bill last week.
328
00:13:46,066 --> 00:13:47,796
And I know how forgetful you Niggars are
329
00:13:47,866 --> 00:13:49,296
when it comes to paying bills.
330
00:13:49,366 --> 00:13:52,026
Golly, Clifton, it slipped my mind.
331
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,530
Here you go.
332
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,570
Sorry about that.
333
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:55,933
Oh, Niggar, please.
334
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,470
Niggar, please!
335
00:13:57,533 --> 00:13:59,973
Well, take care, Mr. "N" word.
336
00:14:00,033 --> 00:14:01,703
I have a hot date with the wife tonight.
337
00:14:01,766 --> 00:14:02,926
All right, take care.
338
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,500
All right, peace, Niggar.
339
00:14:04,566 --> 00:14:06,396
[audience laughing]
340
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:12,473
Niggars!
341
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,370
♪
342
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,200
[man] Stevenson, party of four.
343
00:14:19,266 --> 00:14:21,896
Uh, Stevenson, party of four.
344
00:14:21,966 --> 00:14:24,366
Table five, please. Bon Appetit.
345
00:14:25,633 --> 00:14:28,533
Niggar, party of two, Niggar, party of two.
346
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,030
Lookie here, Jack!
347
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:31,570
Just because we're colored, doesn't mean
348
00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:34,233
we came out here to be disrespected, okay?
349
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:36,070
Uh, we're the Niggar family.
350
00:14:36,133 --> 00:14:37,733
Oh, hi, Clifton.
351
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:41,170
Oh, well, hello, little Niggar.
352
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,270
These are the Niggars I was telling you about.
353
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:46,573
Are you the Niggar that broke the bottle
354
00:14:46,633 --> 00:14:47,803
over Ronnie's head at the dice game?
355
00:14:47,866 --> 00:14:49,696
No, not that Niggar.
356
00:14:49,766 --> 00:14:52,426
The Niggar from work. The milk route.
357
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,700
Oh, okay.
358
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:56,930
Have a nice meal.
359
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,830
I bet you'll get the finest table
360
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:00,900
a Niggar's ever got in this restaurant.
361
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,630
[laughing]
362
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,870
Ooh, whee!
363
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:11,926
Oh, lord, this racism is killing me inside.
364
00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:14,573
[doorbell ringing]
365
00:15:14,633 --> 00:15:16,503
Well, honey, put your dinner party face on.
366
00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:20,203
[Frank] Hello.
367
00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:22,566
Well, you must be the wetbacks.
368
00:15:23,466 --> 00:15:25,266
It's Sanchez.
369
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:28,473
And don't call us wetbacks, Niggar.
370
00:15:28,533 --> 00:15:30,033
We find it offensive.
371
00:15:32,266 --> 00:15:33,996
I'm just kidding, we are the wetbacks.
372
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,196
[laughing]
373
00:15:40,066 --> 00:15:41,796
Wait'll we tell the Jews.
374
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,773
Oh, you're one crazy Niggar.
375
00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:48,233
♪ N-I-G, G-A-R ♪
376
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,870
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
377
00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:53,233
♪ It's the Niggar family ♪
378
00:15:53,866 --> 00:15:54,966
Niggars!
379
00:15:55,033 --> 00:15:55,933
♪
380
00:15:57,700 --> 00:15:59,030
I'm Dave Chappelle.
381
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,230
You guys are the best audience in the world.
382
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,500
I'd like to thank you all.
383
00:16:02,566 --> 00:16:04,066
I'd like to thank everybody at home.
384
00:16:04,133 --> 00:16:05,703
And we'll see you next week!
385
00:16:05,766 --> 00:16:08,826
[cheers & applause]
386
00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:12,803
[Chappelle] I'm rich, biatch!
387
00:16:12,866 --> 00:16:13,726
[horn honks]
388
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:14,830
Hi, thank you.
389
00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,700
You know why a dog licks his balls?
390
00:16:19,933 --> 00:16:21,103
'Cause they're salty.
391
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:24,370
Black Gallagher!
392
00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:26,033
Rich people stink!
393
00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:32,473
They smell like someone's been cooking Bologna in their shirt.
394
00:16:34,466 --> 00:16:38,426
The sun is very far away from the earth, people.
395
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,203
But I'm hot.
396
00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:49,673
♪
397
00:16:49,723 --> 00:16:54,273
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