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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,960 PHONE RINGS 2 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,880 Toast. How are you finding Uncle Sam? 3 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,040 Who? 4 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,520 Uncle Sam. The old US of A. 5 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,120 It's exactly as I expected. 6 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,080 Well, you know what they say. 7 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,280 Sorry, who is this? 8 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,920 It's Ed. Calling collect from England. 9 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,320 You haven't forgotten me already, old chap? Oh, yes. Sorry, Ed. 10 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,080 Found anywhere to stay? 11 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,760 Listen, guess who's landed a role in the latest Star Wars movie. 12 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,520 I'll give you a clue. 13 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,080 Not only is he a great actor, 14 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:26,480 but also a good friend of yours. 15 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:27,680 Hopkins? 16 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,320 No. Ian McKellen? 17 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,680 No. Tom Conti? 18 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,120 No! 19 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,760 Wow, you've stumped me there, Toast. 20 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:40,240 Not only is he a fantastic actor, but also a great friend of yours. 21 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:41,720 Patrick Stewart? 22 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,560 No! Fucking hell, Ed, it's me. 23 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:44,720 Ah. 24 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,280 Found anywhere to stay yet? 25 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,880 Well, Ed, as luck would have it, I sat next to this chap, 26 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,920 Russ Nightlife, on the plane. 27 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:54,080 He reckoned he needed the rent, so he give me his address. 28 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,480 That's a stroke of luck. 29 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,040 Strange thing is, he disappeared halfway through the flight. 30 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,360 I didn't even see him get off the plane. 31 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,800 That's odd. Have you reported this to the police? 32 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,800 To the LAPD? 33 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,320 To the FBI? 34 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:10,640 Calm down, Ed, I think someone might have watched too much of The Quincy. 35 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,040 So how are you enjoying the climate, Toast? 36 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,680 Is it always this hot? 37 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,280 You've got some mail. Really? What is it? 38 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,920 It's just a postcard. Not worth forwarding on. 39 00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,320 Well, who's it from? 40 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,840 It's from Greta Thunberg. 41 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,200 She must know you're a climate sceptic. 42 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,360 Well, with this heat, I'm beginning to think Greta has a fair point. 43 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,200 HE CHUCKLES OBNOXIOUSLY 44 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,840 Look, I can't talk to you any longer, I'd better get back 45 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,000 to the apartment to see Russ Nightlife. 46 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,320 All the best. 47 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,440 I say, waiter! 48 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,280 Is it always this hot? 49 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:55,280 My previous roommate was in the apartment for six months. 50 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,480 He died. Kounis syndrome. 51 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,120 Poor Kounis. 52 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,320 That wasn't his name. It's the disease he died of. 53 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,800 Oh, sorry, I thought it was his name. 54 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,640 No, his name was Razzmatazz. Hercule Razzmatazz. 55 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,320 Thanks for letting me stay, Russ. 56 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,120 You've done me a huge favour. 57 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,720 Did I mention I've got a large part in the new Star Wars movie? 58 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,680 Yeah. Sure. 59 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,400 Out of interest, 60 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,760 why did you disappear halfway through the flight? 61 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,040 One minute we were chatting... OK, Toast, I'll level with you. 62 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,200 I don't have many rules or regs here, 63 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,600 but I've got to insist that my roommates be respectable and neat. 64 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,000 You got that? 65 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,480 Understood. 66 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:40,600 I also don't want you bringing back any Goddamn hook-ups. 67 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,760 Hook-ups? 68 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,160 That's right. 69 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,240 I'm not up to speed on your situation, 70 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,560 but looking at you, I'm guessing that you're a single guy. 71 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,360 I don't mean to smash your action, 72 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:53,400 but I've got to keep it clean. 73 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,800 I can't have any strangers in this apartment snooping around. 74 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,640 So no strangers, no snooping, and no Goddamn hook-ups. 75 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:03,320 Fair enough. 76 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,280 Erm, I'll use a motel. 77 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,200 Anyhoo, here's the key. 78 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,880 What? 79 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,080 I'm just fooling around. That's a joke key. 80 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,400 Oh! 81 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,720 We don't use a key any more, we use a code. 82 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,040 6789 83 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,640 3654 7011 84 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,160 001 4603 85 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,640 279 601 86 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,040 111 395. 87 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,880 Will you remember that? No! 88 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,480 I'm going to text it to you. 89 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,320 COMICALLY ANTIQUATED BEEPING 90 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:43,880 All right, I just sent you the code. 91 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,200 PHONE CHIMES 92 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,480 I need you to memorise it and then immediately delete it 93 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,320 from your cell. Capisce? Capisce. 94 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,640 PHONE RINGS 95 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,160 Ah, I need to take this. 96 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:02,880 Has he not answered yet, India? 97 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:05,560 Ugh, no point in getting him to call me back, 98 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,560 because he's as tight as a duck's arse, 99 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,280 and they're watertight. Ha! 100 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:11,320 Is that right, Jane? 101 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,320 I'm guessing you have tremendous news. 102 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,960 I have tremendous news. 103 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,200 Which is? 104 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,960 Ray Sober is dead. 105 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,240 What? 106 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,600 Ray Sober is dead. Ray Sober? 107 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,680 Yes, you remember him, Ray Sober, the actor. 108 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:26,920 You hated him. 109 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,760 Oh, Ray Sober, yeah. 110 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:31,920 He was that prick that sent me off to fetch him a skyhook 111 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,440 and some tartan paint on my first job. 112 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,000 Ha! The classic fool's errand. 113 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:40,560 Well, I'm glad he's dead, but why is that tremendous news, Jane? 114 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:45,120 Well, Ray Sober was about to star in a major film over there, 115 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:48,160 but now, because he's dead, they fear he won't turn up, 116 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,160 so I reckon you're a shoo-in for the role. 117 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:55,920 And apparently, it's going to be the biggest rom com film of all time. 118 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,560 Rom com? 119 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,840 Do you mean Romley Compton, the actor? 120 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,680 I didn't even know he was in films. 121 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,680 No, not Romley Compton the actor, rom com. 122 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:09,360 It's short for romantic comedy, like Love Actually 123 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,960 or The Four Weddings And The Funeral. 124 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,440 I haven't heard of either of those. 125 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,240 Hang on a second, so I will be starring in the biggest 126 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,400 science fiction film of all time, 127 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,200 and the biggest rom com film of all time? 128 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,720 Isn't it amazing? 129 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,160 The biggest science fiction film of all time 130 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,320 and the biggest rom com film of all time. 131 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,400 You'll make $1 billion. 132 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,320 $1 billion? Well, I'll take a pinch of that shit. 133 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,480 Ha! 134 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,120 As long as I'm not playing the butler. 135 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,960 What? Brits in Hollywood. 136 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,000 They're always playing butlers, and if not butlers, murderers. 137 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,880 No, no, you won't be playing the butler. 138 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,920 Well, what's the plan? Do you remember Brooke Hooberman? 139 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,480 Yes, I remember. 140 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,920 She handles all the Brits over there. 141 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,360 I'll text you her number. Call her pronto. 142 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,560 Is it always this hot, Pronto? 143 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,360 Why are you calling me Pronto? 144 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,680 I don't know. 145 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,440 Jane said to call you that. Is it a nickname or something? 146 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,920 No, don't call me Pronto. 147 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,880 My name is Brooke Hooberman. 148 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,840 May I ask, is this your permanent office? 149 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,560 It seems to be a car. 150 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,440 I love British actors. 151 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,000 I've handled them over here for Goddamn years. 152 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,160 Peter O'Toole, love him. 153 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,360 Larry Olivier, Ollie Reed, all great guys. 154 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,080 Are they doing OK? 155 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:48,000 Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... 156 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,720 Ray Sober is dead. 157 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,960 Poor bastard can't do the movie now, he's dead. 158 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,960 Jane recommended you, and the director took a look at your reel - 159 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,840 he thinks you're the Goddamn guy. 160 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:05,320 You got a bit of time before the Star Wars movie, right? 161 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,120 You mean the biggest science fiction movie of all time? 162 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:12,120 Yeah, anyway, the director is Dwight Difference. 163 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,040 SHE GROWLS 164 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,520 I'll arrange a Zoom call with him. 165 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,040 SHE GROWLS AGAIN 166 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,440 All right. Well, as long as I'm not playing the butler. 167 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:21,680 What? 168 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,400 You know, British actors, always playing the butler 169 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,040 or the murderer. 170 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,160 It is the butler. You'll be playing the butler. 171 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,320 Right. 172 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,600 But the butler turns out to be the murderer, 173 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,040 so you're playing the butler AND the murderer. 174 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,800 I thought it was a rom com. 175 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,640 A what? 176 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:43,320 Dwight signed up a real A-lister to play the lead. 177 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:47,480 This guy wants to meet you before they officially offer you the part. 178 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,240 Who is this A-lister? 179 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:54,560 Ah, Dwight's keeping shtoom, but he's big. 180 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,520 HORNS HONK, TYRES SCREECH 181 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,240 BROOKE CHUCKLES 182 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,880 Oh, I need you to do me a Goddamn favour. 183 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,360 What? 184 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,080 Are you friends with David Bowie? 185 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,480 What? 186 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,400 Well, you're from London, you must know David. 187 00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,000 I have something belonging to him. 188 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,440 You know the suit he wore in the 1983 Serious Moonlight tour? 189 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,040 No. 190 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,320 Well, it's in that suitcase next to you. 191 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,600 He left it here years ago, and then he never collected it. 192 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,040 Could you give that back to him next time you see him in London? 193 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:33,120 Well, again, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Brooke, but... 194 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,880 Could you do that for me, Toast? 195 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,160 OK. 196 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,960 I've got to meet my next actress. 197 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,320 Right. 198 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,240 You've got to get out, I've got to meet my next girl. 199 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,920 Oh, right, OK. 200 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:56,680 Ah, Natasia, great news about the vampire comedy, huh? 201 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:01,960 BUZZING 202 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,160 MORE BUZZING 203 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:11,600 Hey. 204 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,040 Didn't mean to barge in. 205 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,320 Wasn't sure where you were. 206 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,520 BUZZING 207 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,320 Well, you can see me through the glass. 208 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,120 Could you get that? Get what? 209 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,920 It's Billy. Could you just buzz her in? 210 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,560 Who's Billy? What time is it? 211 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,880 It's 6.00am. 212 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,480 BUZZING 213 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:36,120 MORE BUZZING 214 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,440 What? 215 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,120 Hello? 216 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,040 WOMAN SPEAKS SPANISH 217 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,800 Yeah, I'm letting you in. 218 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,280 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 219 00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,640 What? 220 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,880 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 221 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,360 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 222 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,240 Who is she? 223 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,600 What? Who is that woman? 224 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,160 Hold on a second. 225 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:23,680 VOLUME DECREASES 226 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:28,280 What were you saying? 227 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,560 Who is that lady? 228 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:31,480 That's Billy. She helps me out. 229 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,560 Billy, can I have a can of soda? 230 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:38,200 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH ANGRILY 231 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,400 SHE CHUCKLES 232 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,200 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 233 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,400 What do you think of that? 234 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,000 Shit! 235 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:26,360 SHE GASPS, SPEAKS SPANISH 236 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:30,920 Did you ever do that at immigration? 237 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:35,400 No, but as an actor, I've found it useful for both comedy and drama. 238 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,720 PHONE CHIMES 239 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,360 Ah. My agent, checking in. 240 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:40,760 Your agent? 241 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,080 You with the FBI? 242 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,000 No, my acting agent. 243 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,080 Oh! 244 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,040 I'm just going to go lie down. 245 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:50,760 OK. 246 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,440 He's in a funny mood. 247 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,000 But hey, guess he's always in a funny mood. 248 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,360 You speak English? Yeah! 249 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,320 Just not in front of Russ Nightlife. 250 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,400 It's easier that way. He's not the kind of person 251 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,440 you want to get into a long conversation with. 252 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,880 It's best if he thinks I don't speak English. 253 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,080 Yeah, he is very odd. Yeah. 254 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,160 He rarely leaves this apartment. 255 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,880 And don't provoke him, because he'll get frightened 256 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,720 and he'll try to fight you. 257 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,200 You know that whole fight or flight response 258 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,520 to a tense situation? Yes. 259 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:28,760 What would you do? 260 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,000 Well, it would depend on the situation. 261 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,480 DISTANT THUD, RUSS LAUGHS 262 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,600 Yeah, he is VERY odd. Mm. 263 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,160 Hey, you know what? I've got to go Zoom with this British guy, 264 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:43,720 so I'll call you back, all right? 265 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,160 Holy Moley! 266 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,600 Holy mackerel. 267 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,400 Oh, my God, Catherine, if you could see what I'm looking at right now. 268 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,960 He looks like he's calling from jail. 269 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,560 He looks like a sex nuisance. 270 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:56,360 Erm, hello there. Just so you know, you're not muted. 271 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,800 Shit. Hey, Catherine, I'm going to call you back. 272 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,400 I am so sorry. 273 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,760 It's OK. I am incredibly mortified. 274 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,960 I am so sorry. No. Forget it. 275 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,280 I'm Steven Toast, and I'm assuming you're Dwight Difference. 276 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:12,200 I am Dwight Difference, and I am very excited about the possibility 277 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,760 of us working together. 278 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,480 I met with Brooke Hooberman, who suggested I get in touch 279 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,920 with you regarding your new motion picture. 280 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,760 Now, when you mentioned my name, did she sort of mumble 281 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,920 under her breath, like kind of a growl? 282 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,400 Now you bring it up, I think she did. 283 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,760 You know, I've got to tell you, I love your accent. 284 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,120 I love it. Can you say something else? 285 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,640 Something else. 286 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,480 You know, I love that. 287 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,360 You know Shakespeare? 288 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,200 Let me hear some Shakespeare. Yeah. 289 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:45,360 "Drink provokes the desire but takes away the performance." 290 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,840 That's from Macbeth. 291 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:49,120 Is that Shakespeare? 292 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:50,280 Yes, it is. 293 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,160 Is he English? Yes, he was. 294 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:53,560 Did not know that. 295 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,960 That is so cool. 296 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,640 You know something? You're going to be great in my film. 297 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,400 Not to mention the fact that we have a major star playing the lead. 298 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,960 Really? Who is it? 299 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,520 I bet you want to know. 300 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,560 I got to tell you this, he's British, just like you, 301 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:08,960 and he's a little reclusive, 302 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,360 so he wants to meet you before I offer you the part. 303 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,480 It's a formality, but everything's going to be all right, OK? 304 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,200 It's going to be beautiful. 305 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,000 Did I mention I'm starring in the new Star Wars movie? 306 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,560 Yeah, sure. 307 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,120 All right, so I've got to go. 308 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,640 I will see you at the Canyon Cafe, 4.00 this afternoon. 309 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,000 Say it after me. 310 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,840 Canyon Cafe, 4.00. I'll be there. 311 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,240 I love that accent. 312 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,880 Oh, by the way, remember to wear some tennis shorts. 313 00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:35,600 Tennis shorts? 314 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,280 Jim! 315 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,800 Hey, Steven. 316 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,200 Nice shorts, man. 317 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,640 I thought you were in Paris. 318 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,360 How's Jane? 319 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,440 Jane's good, yeah. I'm glad I saw you, hold on. 320 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,880 I'll just give you my... 321 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,080 What the f...? 322 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,360 Hey! 323 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,760 I'm Nina Armenian, Dwight's assistant. 324 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,800 All right. Dwight suddenly had to take a short skiing holiday, 325 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,680 but I'll be organising things for you today. 326 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,600 He what? He had to suddenly take a skiing holiday. 327 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,800 He says it's too hot in LA. 328 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,600 Well, he's right about that. 329 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,160 When do I get to meet this major star? 330 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,920 Our major star is British, and like a lot of you British guys, 331 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,520 he's kind of eccentric, you know? 332 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,000 And he wants you to do something for him. 333 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,440 What's that? 334 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,040 He needs to see your knees. 335 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,200 He's got this thing about knees. 336 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,720 Are you serious? 337 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,360 He says the knees have to look right and not be too distracting, 338 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:50,080 otherwise it's a deal-breaker. 339 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,320 Well, this is bloody odd. 340 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,800 Not how I thought I'd get my first major Hollywood movie role. 341 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,480 Never a dull moment in Hollywood, right? 342 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:00,360 What? Follow me, please. 343 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,600 Is that a two-way mirror? 344 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,680 Yes! How did you guess? 345 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,280 He's behind the mirror. 346 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,720 Yeah, I thought so. 347 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,440 This is going so great. 348 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:22,120 He's now asked if you could turn and stand in profile. 349 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,440 Bit kinky, all this, isn't it? 350 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,400 Wouldn't be surprised if it was Mark Rylance behind the mirror. 351 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,840 I know he's into this kind of rumshenanigan. 352 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,800 He says he's very grateful. 353 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,120 I bet he is. 354 00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,440 When do I get to meet him? 355 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,720 Not just yet. 356 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:44,680 He says he doesn't feel quite ready. He's sure you understand. 357 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,120 Understand what? 358 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,520 Makes me wonder what kind of crazy shit he'll get up to on set. 359 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:52,760 Oh, great, he's got everything he needs. 360 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,400 He says you can go now. 361 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,240 The whole thing was very odd indeed. 362 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,160 Russ, can I ask you a personal question? 363 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,320 Due to our situation, it could be relevant. 364 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:15,840 What is it? 365 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,880 Do you have OCD? 366 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,440 You mean obsessive-compulsive disorder? 367 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:25,200 Yes. Do you have OCD? 368 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,000 Why do you ask? 369 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,800 Because you've spelt OCD with your peas. 370 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,480 Oh, weird. 371 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,040 Didn't know I did that, 372 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,880 but no, I don't have OCD. 373 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,280 Ah, thanks. 374 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,960 Hold on, these shrimps, 375 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,840 are they definitely dead? 376 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,760 Billy, did you get these from the usual fish place? 377 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,880 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH ANGRILY 378 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,920 Yeah, but are they definitely dead? 379 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,080 SHE SIGHS 380 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:05,360 I thought I saw some movement, a sign of life. 381 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,120 Well, they look pretty dead to me. 382 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,600 Well, how do you know?! 383 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,880 Billy, did you get any documentation certifying 384 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,640 that they're definitely dead? SHE SIGHS 385 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,640 SHE SPEAKS SPANISH 386 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:24,680 What did she say? 387 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,280 She said they were caught in Alaska, so she's guessing 388 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,600 there's a fair chance they didn't survive the journey. 389 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,200 HE LAUGHS 390 00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:32,720 Toast! 391 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:35,680 I don't think you appreciate how serious I am about this. 392 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,120 Jesus, this guy looks like a dog. 393 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,840 That Goddamn white streak makes him look like an asshole. 394 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,880 He looks like a fucking asshole, like skunkhead. 395 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,440 Maybe he's in the witness protection programme, I don't know. 396 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,680 Maybe he's going through something. Just so you know, you're not muted. 397 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:53,960 Fuck me. 398 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,400 All right, I've got to go. Bye. 399 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,080 I am so sorry. 400 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,960 I am terribly, terribly sorry. 401 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:03,360 You know, I'm juggling my cellphone, I've got the iPad... 402 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,920 It's OK. 403 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,400 These things, they happen. 404 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,720 Now, listen, Toast, I'm so glad you called. 405 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:11,760 He wants to meet you. Who does? 406 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,680 "Who does?" Our Goddamn star, that's who, our A-lister. 407 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,440 He is ready to say hello personally. 408 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,840 Yesterday's knee thing went so great, and now he thinks 409 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,160 it's time to, you know, finally meet face-to-face. 410 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,960 Great. When's it happening? 411 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,480 Tomorrow. I'm hosting a big Hollywood party. 412 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,120 It's a fancy dress party, 413 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:33,760 a David Bowie-themed fancy dress party. 414 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,680 Ooh, I like the sound of that. 415 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,360 I'm going as Ziggy Stardust. 416 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,760 Yes, I did think you looked a little different. 417 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,120 So that look is gone. 418 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:45,240 You can't look like Ziggy Stardust, OK? 419 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,360 You need another David Bowie costume, because as I say, 420 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:50,400 Ziggy is gone. 421 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,480 No Ziggy. Very well. 422 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:03,680 BILLY SPEAKS SPANISH 423 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,520 This movie's going to be my best ever, I can smell it. 424 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:26,080 Great. I did presume you were going to be here. 425 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,080 I'm actually in Alaska. 426 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,560 It's such a shame I can't meet you in person, Toast, 427 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,600 but it won't stop me from enjoying this party. 428 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,160 Anyway, our star is dying to meet you. 429 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,800 Is he here yet? 430 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,160 I don't see him there. 431 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:45,200 One thing, Toast, you see anybody else dressed like Ziggy Stardust, 432 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,200 tell Nina Armenian to throw 'em out, all right? 433 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,840 ENTRYPHONE RINGS 434 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:52,600 Hello? 435 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,320 Hi, I'm Paul Rudd, I'm here for the Dwight Difference party. 436 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:57,400 Are you dressed as Ziggy Stardust? 437 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:58,920 Yes. 438 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,760 I'm so sorry, Dwight's already selected that costume, 439 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,320 so I'm afraid you're not allowed to enter the premises. 440 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:10,880 Drink, sir? 441 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,480 Why not? 442 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:22,920 I knew David Bowie. 443 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,240 Charming chap. Always carried explosives. 444 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:28,720 Is it always this hot? 445 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,360 Are you English? 446 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:33,480 Yes. Is it that obvious? I'm an actor. 447 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,840 Are you Anthony Hopkins? 448 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,400 No. He's Welsh. 449 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,000 I'm actually here because I'm starring in the new Star Wars movie. 450 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:43,880 Yeah, sure. 451 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,120 What did you say? 452 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:47,560 I said make sure you see the beautiful garden. 453 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:52,520 It was actually the first garden in America, created in 1965. 454 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,800 You never know who you might see there. 455 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,800 I saw Simon Garfunkel once. 456 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,960 Oh, it's one person? 457 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,360 For years, I assumed they were a double act. 458 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,840 HE LAUGHS 459 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,920 Anyway, you might bump into a few celebrities out there. 460 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,000 OK, sounds great. Do you fancy a stroll? 461 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,520 Sorry, sir, I'm not allowed to socialise in any way with guests. 462 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,400 Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right. 463 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,200 Ah, wishing well. 464 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:27,720 So it is. 465 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,160 Ooh! 466 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:36,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 467 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,800 I knew very little of science fiction before I accepted the role, 468 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:44,320 so to win this Oscar is very special. 469 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,360 Very special indeed. 470 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,840 Thank you. 471 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:54,960 MUSIC BASED ON DAVID BOWIE'S "ASHES TO ASHES" 472 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:04,600 Hello. 473 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:06,240 TOAST SCREAMS 474 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,920 MYSTERIOUS MAN SCREAMS 475 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:15,480 Toast, Toast, snap out of it. 476 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,280 Toast! Snap out of it! 477 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:18,880 Where a...? Where am I? 478 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:20,840 What the hell happened, Steven? 479 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:25,880 I was attacked by a man in a David Bowie Ashes To Ashes costume. 480 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,360 This man? That's him. That's who attacked me. 481 00:24:29,360 --> 00:24:31,280 Shit, that's just Daniel being Daniel. 482 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,880 Who? Daniel Day-Lewis, you goof. 483 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,320 That's who. He's the A-lister in our movie. 484 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,680 Daniel Day-Lewis was the Ashes To Ashes man? 485 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,840 Yes. He just wanted to say hello. 486 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,840 Jesus, I think you might have blown it, Steven. 487 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,840 I mean, you bit his ear off. 488 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,120 I what? 489 00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:50,920 You lost all control, Toast. 490 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,920 Daniel has gone straight to the hospital whilst his team search 491 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,680 the gardens for his missing ear. 492 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:58,440 Really? What the fuck's the matter with you? 493 00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,320 They've been looking for it for three hours. 494 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:02,720 Do you remember biting it off, Steven? No. 495 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,640 I mean, I may have slightly panicked, you know, 496 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,560 the fight or flight response to a tense situation. 497 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,240 I chose fight. 498 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,280 Which was the wrong response. 499 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,280 Yes, in hindsight, I should have chosen flight. 500 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,920 Do you think this might affect our movie? 501 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:21,480 Nina, take me inside. 502 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,880 Yes, Dwight. No, wait, wait... 503 00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,640 Dumb Limey asshole. 504 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,640 Should've known not to hire someone who looks like a pimp from the '70s. 505 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,600 Apart from the fight with Daniel Day-Lewis, 506 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,440 where they claim I bit his ear off, 507 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,040 I'd say the party was a huge success. 508 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,520 The movie's not going ahead. 509 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:41,920 Finished. 510 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,040 You messed up big time, buddy. 511 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,920 Daniel Day-Lewis has pulled out. You bit his Goddamn ear off. 512 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,680 He's gone into retirement. 513 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,560 He's never going to make a movie ever again. 514 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,920 Bit of an overreaction, wouldn't you say? 515 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,160 You bit his ear off! 516 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,640 I've no recollection of that at all. 517 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:04,720 It doesn't matter what you recollect, you crazy bastard, 518 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,920 the main thing is the movie is not happening. 519 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,400 My son-in-law... SHE GROWLS 520 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,280 ..is real pissed. 521 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,440 Well, thank goodness I still have the Star Wars movie 522 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,680 to look forward to. 523 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,640 Have you seen the state of David Bowie's costume? 524 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,840 What the hell are you going to tell him? 525 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,080 Tell who? 526 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,720 OK, here's my next meeting. 527 00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:30,920 Good God, it's Edward Fox. 528 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:34,440 Toast? What the hell are you doing here in LA? 529 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,240 I'm starring in the new Star Wars movie. 530 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,760 Yeah, sure. 531 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,000 What's this rumshenanigan I hear about you 532 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,240 chomping off Daniel Day-Lewis' ear? 533 00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:49,880 The poor bugger just came out of retirement. 534 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,400 How the hell did you know that? 535 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,000 Toast, your time with me is over. 536 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,320 I'm now in a meeting with Edward Fox. 537 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,960 Please vacate the vehicle. 538 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,440 Toodle-pip, Toast. 539 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,400 Where's Billy? 540 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,720 Don't worry about Billy. Billy's going to be fine. 541 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,920 You just concentrate on standing still, 542 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,800 and put that apple on your head. 543 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,400 You got a problem with that? 544 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:20,720 If I'm honest, Russ, 545 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,760 it's not really the Tinseltown experience I imagined. 546 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:27,520 Just put the apple on your head, keep the dialogue to a minimum, 547 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,760 and your head...still. 548 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:33,640 All right. 549 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,000 TOAST GROANS 550 00:27:44,050 --> 00:27:48,600 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39834

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