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1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:04,242
? It seems todaythat all you see ?
2
00:00:04,475 --> 00:00:07,326
? Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ?
3
00:00:07,485 --> 00:00:10,929
? But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ?
4
00:00:11,088 --> 00:00:13,940
? On which we used to rely? ?
5
00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:17,433
? Lucky there's a family guy ?
6
00:00:17,459 --> 00:00:20,852
? Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ?
7
00:00:20,953 --> 00:00:22,362
? All the things that make us ?
8
00:00:22,383 --> 00:00:23,624
? Laugh and cry ?
9
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:29,525
? He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ?
10
00:00:36,187 --> 00:00:38,929
Good morning, Peter.
Hope you enjoyed sleeping in.
11
00:00:39,029 --> 00:00:41,696
Oh, there's no sleeping in
when you're an alcoholic, Lois.
12
00:00:41,930 --> 00:00:43,854
You just never go to sleep.
13
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,711
Happy Valentine's Day, honey.
14
00:00:45,867 --> 00:00:49,720
(gasps) You actually remembered
it was Valentine's Day.
15
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,231
Of course I did.
16
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,810
Look, I know in years past,
17
00:00:52,966 --> 00:00:54,799
I haven't always been
the most thoughtful partner.
18
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:58,249
I'm often self-centered,
confuse my words, and shellfish.
19
00:00:58,408 --> 00:01:01,093
But I love you today
and every day.
20
00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:03,509
You are our family's rock,
21
00:01:03,667 --> 00:01:06,168
which is why I got you this.
22
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:08,509
Oh, jewelry.
23
00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:11,293
Like in a commercial.
24
00:01:13,976 --> 00:01:15,958
A Pedalton?
25
00:01:15,982 --> 00:01:20,318
Okay, can I talk to you upstairs
for a near-the-vent argument?
26
00:01:22,987 --> 00:01:27,082
How dare you buy me something
that suggests I need exercise!
27
00:01:27,185 --> 00:01:29,426
PETER: This is a loud way
to say thank you.
28
00:01:29,585 --> 00:01:32,752
Anybody have Valentine's Day
in the divorce pool?
29
00:01:32,778 --> 00:01:34,018
That would be Meg.
30
00:01:34,116 --> 00:01:35,116
Boom, boom, boom.
31
00:01:35,211 --> 00:01:37,953
Picked a holiday.
Smart. She's smart.
32
00:01:38,112 --> 00:01:41,472
I just thought you'd like it. I
saw it on The Today Show.
33
00:01:42,551 --> 00:01:44,643
Second hour with
Hoda and Savannah
34
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,634
or third hour with
the nonsense people?
35
00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:48,915
- Second hour.
- Where is it?
36
00:01:53,587 --> 00:01:55,688
? ?
37
00:01:56,354 --> 00:01:57,428
Good morning.
38
00:01:57,524 --> 00:01:59,319
I'm your instructor,
Cody Spraytan.
39
00:01:59,347 --> 00:02:02,623
Are you ready to pedal so
hard your periods go away?
40
00:02:02,783 --> 00:02:05,301
Yes! It's not healthy,
but it's convenient.
41
00:02:05,534 --> 00:02:06,791
Now we're gonna sprint
42
00:02:06,813 --> 00:02:08,646
while I tell a distracting
personal story
43
00:02:08,803 --> 00:02:11,988
about how I almost
met Adam Levine.
44
00:02:13,058 --> 00:02:14,666
It's 2016. It's Vegas.
45
00:02:14,822 --> 00:02:16,462
I'm coming off a
horrible breakup.
46
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:17,827
First pool party in,
47
00:02:17,849 --> 00:02:20,165
I see who I think is a
dirty man with tattoos,
48
00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:21,430
and I'm like, "Ugh."
49
00:02:21,586 --> 00:02:24,612
But then I'm like,
"Wait a minute."
50
00:02:27,622 --> 00:02:30,623
Huh, I think I'll try a
scenic ride this morning.
51
00:02:30,724 --> 00:02:34,117
Let's see. Uh,
California Coastline,
52
00:02:34,143 --> 00:02:35,568
Gardens of Singapo...
53
00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,800
Oh, The Tour De Franz.
54
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,142
Pull over here.
Let's get a sausage.
55
00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:42,740
LOIS: We just started, Dennis.
56
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,580
I once watched a squirrel
get hit by a car right here,
57
00:02:45,606 --> 00:02:47,772
and I saw one get hit
by a truck over there.
58
00:02:47,929 --> 00:02:49,609
Yeah, you've seen
a lot of squirrels
59
00:02:49,677 --> 00:02:50,934
get hit by a lot of things.
60
00:02:50,956 --> 00:02:52,939
There are a lot
of stupid squirrels.
61
00:02:52,963 --> 00:02:54,803
Shouldn't you be
wearing bike shorts
62
00:02:54,952 --> 00:02:57,470
- instead of jean shorts?
- Eh, shorts are shorts.
63
00:02:57,627 --> 00:02:59,386
Oh, hey, there's a
stop sign coming.
64
00:02:59,542 --> 00:03:01,876
Give it the finger
and ride through.
65
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:04,142
- (tires screech)
- (horn honks)
66
00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:05,891
Bite me!
67
00:03:05,913 --> 00:03:08,414
This isn't very fun.
When are we done?
68
00:03:08,572 --> 00:03:10,163
We ride until my ass falls out.
69
00:03:10,185 --> 00:03:11,576
It's already out.
70
00:03:11,597 --> 00:03:13,022
Then we're done.
71
00:03:14,504 --> 00:03:20,578
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
72
00:03:22,282 --> 00:03:24,141
(gasps) What the hell?
73
00:03:25,551 --> 00:03:26,793
(chuckles)
74
00:03:26,813 --> 00:03:29,698
You're not taking
this from me, bitch.
75
00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:35,215
(chuckles) Suck it, Bon.
76
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,445
I hope that mascara
burns your eyes out.
77
00:03:41,603 --> 00:03:43,436
How's that cheap wine headache?
78
00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:45,852
(chuckles) Go
roll in dirt, you pig.
79
00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:47,783
Your hair dye stinks!
Tell your daughter
80
00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:50,623
- to stop watching me change!
- Tell your son to stop watching me change!
81
00:03:50,650 --> 00:03:53,067
Peter, go cut her power!
82
00:03:54,477 --> 00:03:56,578
- Hey.
- Hey.
83
00:04:01,183 --> 00:04:02,424
(shower running)
84
00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:04,080
Oh, someone's in here.
85
00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:05,860
(shower turns off)
86
00:04:06,015 --> 00:04:07,949
? ?
87
00:04:15,304 --> 00:04:18,063
Whoa, did we get that
European exchange student
88
00:04:18,222 --> 00:04:19,697
I saw on TikTok?
89
00:04:21,307 --> 00:04:23,324
Hey, little man.
90
00:04:23,422 --> 00:04:25,497
Lois?
91
00:04:25,654 --> 00:04:28,655
But you're... you're... hot.
92
00:04:28,681 --> 00:04:30,664
All right, everyone out.
93
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:32,279
I got a soupy keister.
94
00:04:36,297 --> 00:04:39,206
Wow, Mom. You are looking fit.
95
00:04:39,365 --> 00:04:40,456
Yeah, you're ripped.
96
00:04:40,553 --> 00:04:42,536
You look like
Madonn... (choking)
97
00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:44,317
You want to say that again?
98
00:04:44,431 --> 00:04:45,881
Who do I look like?
99
00:04:45,978 --> 00:04:47,996
The mom from Modern Family.
100
00:04:48,152 --> 00:04:50,486
- (coughs) - That's
right. Julie Bowen.
101
00:04:50,552 --> 00:04:52,677
That's the appropriate answer.
102
00:04:52,909 --> 00:04:54,311
What do you think
of Lois's new look?
103
00:04:54,339 --> 00:04:56,857
I say this in the most
respectful way possible,
104
00:04:57,014 --> 00:04:58,680
but don't you think
she looks a little...
105
00:04:58,703 --> 00:05:00,852
- mannish?
- Mannish. Yeah, awesome, right?
106
00:05:00,951 --> 00:05:03,452
Yeah, I got to say,
Peter, I love that bike.
107
00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:06,278
Hey, maybe you
should give it a try, huh?
108
00:05:06,302 --> 00:05:09,303
No way. Name one cool
person who rides a bike.
109
00:05:09,462 --> 00:05:10,462
Kermit the Fro...
110
00:05:10,558 --> 00:05:13,242
Okay, skinny legs, here I come.
111
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,085
WOMAN: Good morning.
Are you ready to sweat?
112
00:05:16,243 --> 00:05:19,428
- I woke up sweating.
- Okay, let's climb this hill!
113
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:20,770
I want to impress you
114
00:05:20,924 --> 00:05:24,351
but also see if I can
peek down your sports bra.
115
00:05:24,511 --> 00:05:27,937
Ow! Ow! Ow! My balls.
116
00:05:27,965 --> 00:05:30,206
No, the other ones.
117
00:05:30,305 --> 00:05:31,662
Ow! Ow! Ow!
118
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,476
(high-pitched): Ow! Ow! Ow!
119
00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:35,057
Did you hear that?
120
00:05:35,213 --> 00:05:37,563
- I think Peter hurt his balls.
- I didn't hear anything.
121
00:05:37,721 --> 00:05:40,480
Hmm. Must have been at a
frequency only dogs can hear.
122
00:05:40,505 --> 00:05:43,089
(phone chimes)
123
00:05:47,436 --> 00:05:49,177
(dogs barking)
124
00:05:49,201 --> 00:05:51,183
Excuse me, I have to go bark.
125
00:05:51,207 --> 00:05:53,248
(barking)
126
00:05:59,015 --> 00:06:00,526
(high-pitched): So, what
do you think happened
127
00:06:00,553 --> 00:06:01,719
to my voice, Doc?
128
00:06:01,741 --> 00:06:02,889
Peter, I'm afraid you suffered
129
00:06:02,911 --> 00:06:04,819
something called Pedalton Balls.
130
00:06:04,918 --> 00:06:07,085
Here's a video
explaining everything.
131
00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:09,333
Hi, I'm Oliver Platt,
132
00:06:09,491 --> 00:06:11,991
here to talk to you
about Pedalton Balls,
133
00:06:12,016 --> 00:06:13,999
a painful condition
where your testicles
134
00:06:14,022 --> 00:06:16,281
get lodged next
to your voice box.
135
00:06:16,438 --> 00:06:18,318
It's actually part of
a long list of ailments
136
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:20,795
that fat guys suffer
when they try to exercise.
137
00:06:20,952 --> 00:06:22,452
These include
138
00:06:22,474 --> 00:06:23,974
Trapped Fart Disorder,
139
00:06:24,205 --> 00:06:25,538
Jump Rope Tangles,
140
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:26,725
Push-Up Butt,
141
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,214
Sock-Skin Foot and Jog Fog,
142
00:06:29,237 --> 00:06:32,572
where your sweat condenses
into a functioning cloud.
143
00:06:32,674 --> 00:06:34,749
But don't worry. With
the help of gravity,
144
00:06:34,906 --> 00:06:36,514
Pedalton Balls
will clear itself.
145
00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:38,002
While you're waiting,
146
00:06:38,025 --> 00:06:41,434
check out my 1993 medium
hit The Three Musketeers,
147
00:06:41,595 --> 00:06:43,094
because I only do movies
148
00:06:43,116 --> 00:06:45,858
with titles that are
also candy bars.
149
00:06:45,959 --> 00:06:47,108
Isn't there anything I can do
150
00:06:47,129 --> 00:06:49,221
to help my voice get
back to normal faster?
151
00:06:49,377 --> 00:06:50,930
I don't know, I just
like putting on videos.
152
00:06:50,958 --> 00:06:54,718
I guess try doing something
with a lot of needless standing?
153
00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:56,620
All rise.
154
00:06:57,588 --> 00:06:59,070
Before we start communion,
155
00:06:59,093 --> 00:07:01,427
we have a few church
announcements.
156
00:07:01,584 --> 00:07:05,178
First off, I'm seeing a
lot of AirPods in ears,
157
00:07:05,338 --> 00:07:07,429
so let's get that under control.
158
00:07:07,454 --> 00:07:10,288
Secondly, all hymns
now identify as "they."
159
00:07:10,446 --> 00:07:13,856
And, of course,
"amen" is now "athem."
160
00:07:13,882 --> 00:07:15,640
Athem.
161
00:07:15,797 --> 00:07:17,147
ALL: Athem.
162
00:07:17,301 --> 00:07:19,301
(organ music playing)
163
00:07:19,326 --> 00:07:21,718
Stewie, how would you like
164
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,334
to go to a Mommy & Me
class with me tomorrow, huh?
165
00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:26,658
They haven't seen
my new look yet,
166
00:07:26,682 --> 00:07:29,082
and I feel like I need a win in
front of the Range Rover mom.
167
00:07:29,173 --> 00:07:30,857
Are you asking me out on a date?
168
00:07:31,013 --> 00:07:33,605
Well, I'm gonna have
to get waxed first.
169
00:07:33,764 --> 00:07:36,748
I want you to make
it look like Caillou.
170
00:07:38,387 --> 00:07:40,795
- The Body of Christ.
- Thank you, Father.
171
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:43,211
Your voice. It's pristine.
172
00:07:43,236 --> 00:07:46,237
You know, one of our altar
boys called in sick today.
173
00:07:46,395 --> 00:07:49,063
How would you like to
fill in for him in the choir?
174
00:07:49,088 --> 00:07:50,904
Well, okay.
175
00:07:51,002 --> 00:07:54,095
But only if God will kill a
bunch of babies for no reason.
176
00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:55,346
That's not a problem.
177
00:07:55,501 --> 00:07:57,610
God does that
a lot in the Bible.
178
00:07:57,766 --> 00:07:59,700
? ?
179
00:08:05,366 --> 00:08:07,516
("To Jesus Christ, Our
Sovereign King" playing)
180
00:08:10,641 --> 00:08:15,328
? To Jesus Christ,
our sovereign king ?
181
00:08:15,489 --> 00:08:21,235
? Who is the
world's salvation. ?
182
00:08:21,341 --> 00:08:23,175
They're falling
asleep out there.
183
00:08:23,199 --> 00:08:24,514
We got to kick this up a notch.
184
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:27,371
- Follow my lead.
- We don't know who you are.
185
00:08:27,528 --> 00:08:29,195
? Tragedy ?
186
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:33,220
? When church is lame and
you miss the game, it's a tragedy ?
187
00:08:34,384 --> 00:08:36,288
? When your bum goes
numb from kneeling some ?
188
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:39,801
? It's a tragedy. ?
189
00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:41,310
(cheering)
190
00:08:41,332 --> 00:08:44,074
Wow, that was amazing!
191
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:46,826
How would you like to be a
regular member of the choir?
192
00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:49,276
I'll do it, buddy,
under one condition:
193
00:08:49,432 --> 00:08:52,117
we shake like that
epic handshake meme.
194
00:08:52,276 --> 00:08:54,585
You got a deal, buddy.
195
00:09:02,050 --> 00:09:05,827
Everyone, let's take out
our drums for drum circle.
196
00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:10,343
You ready to play
again? Me, too.
197
00:09:10,501 --> 00:09:13,186
My refraction
period is very short.
198
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,419
I finish fast, but
I can go a lot.
199
00:09:15,443 --> 00:09:17,017
Some people prefer that.
200
00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:18,831
A good refractor.
201
00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:27,807
("Tum Ho Toh Lagta Hain" by
Amaal Mallik & Shaan playing)
202
00:09:53,491 --> 00:09:56,742
Now let me do you.
203
00:10:03,932 --> 00:10:05,749
Is everyone watching?
204
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:09,491
Are they impressed with
how quickly I refracted?
205
00:10:10,714 --> 00:10:13,381
? He died for us,
he died for us ?
206
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,556
? He died for us,
he died for us ?
207
00:10:15,712 --> 00:10:17,374
? He died for us,
he died for us ?
208
00:10:17,402 --> 00:10:19,327
? He died for us,
he died for us ?
209
00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:22,743
? In the Bible, the holy Bible ?
210
00:10:22,902 --> 00:10:27,238
? Messiah sleeps tonight. ?
211
00:10:27,267 --> 00:10:29,843
That was wonderful, Peter.
212
00:10:29,976 --> 00:10:32,351
Way better than
our previous choir
213
00:10:32,450 --> 00:10:35,284
who killed half our
congregation during COVID.
214
00:10:35,443 --> 00:10:37,535
You really think you
can just come in here
215
00:10:37,692 --> 00:10:39,968
- and steal our spotlight?
- Aw, Spotlight.
216
00:10:40,201 --> 00:10:42,384
Yeah, before you
came, I was wrist-deep
217
00:10:42,483 --> 00:10:43,724
in every old lady's casserole.
218
00:10:43,879 --> 00:10:45,654
Now I'm lucky
if I get just a sniff
219
00:10:45,809 --> 00:10:46,889
of an old lady's casserole.
220
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,389
I like this story.
221
00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:51,578
If you knew what was good
for you, you'd quit right now.
222
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:53,755
I'm not quitting. And
I'm not gonna be bullied
223
00:10:53,853 --> 00:10:55,835
by some noodle-armed kids.
224
00:10:55,935 --> 00:10:58,216
Hey, we're tough Catholic
kids. We've been assaulted
225
00:10:58,275 --> 00:11:01,443
by an army of older brothers
and sisters our entire lives.
226
00:11:01,603 --> 00:11:03,787
You ever have an older
sister sit on your head
227
00:11:03,944 --> 00:11:05,794
for an entire Notre
Dame football game?
228
00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:08,041
- Because I have.
- Hey, Peter,
229
00:11:08,066 --> 00:11:10,474
what did the kneeling
apparatus say to the ankle?
230
00:11:10,632 --> 00:11:12,056
- "Pew."
- (grunts)
231
00:11:12,153 --> 00:11:14,304
(boys laugh)
232
00:11:14,327 --> 00:11:17,545
I'm your rides home, guys.
233
00:11:20,422 --> 00:11:23,256
Okay, I'm gonna go heat
up your bottle, Stewie.
234
00:11:23,323 --> 00:11:25,340
I'll be right back.
235
00:11:25,363 --> 00:11:27,772
Hey, how was your "date"?
236
00:11:27,796 --> 00:11:29,423
It's still going.
(clicks tongue)
237
00:11:29,451 --> 00:11:32,285
- I'm pretty close to done with this.
- When we parked the car,
238
00:11:32,311 --> 00:11:33,937
she did that thing
where she leaned over
239
00:11:33,965 --> 00:11:35,605
and unbuckled me
from my car seat.
240
00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:37,713
And she took a little extra time
241
00:11:37,737 --> 00:11:40,163
fishing around for
that bottom safety belt.
242
00:11:40,396 --> 00:11:42,062
You know what that
means. (clicks tongue)
243
00:11:42,084 --> 00:11:44,676
- Please stop.
- The only downside is she has kids.
244
00:11:44,835 --> 00:11:47,761
But I said I'm cool with it, and
whoosh, the doors flew open.
245
00:11:47,919 --> 00:11:50,344
That's a little tip.
I've got a little tip, too.
246
00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:51,770
- (clicks tongue)
- Yes?
247
00:11:51,857 --> 00:11:53,932
- What?
- Someone did... (clicks tongue)
248
00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:56,030
- I'm here now. What is it?
- Oh.
249
00:11:56,055 --> 00:11:59,372
Uh, n-no, I was using that
to punctuate my sentences.
250
00:11:59,473 --> 00:12:01,957
Don't do that. I walked very far
251
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:04,649
thinking I'd get
a carrot. Very far.
252
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,667
There's no carrots, guys.
253
00:12:10,584 --> 00:12:12,601
So, this is my place.
254
00:12:12,758 --> 00:12:14,144
I'm living with my
parents right now,
255
00:12:14,171 --> 00:12:15,261
which isn't preferred,
256
00:12:15,284 --> 00:12:16,785
but they always keep
yogurt in the fridge,
257
00:12:16,812 --> 00:12:17,954
so that's pretty tight.
258
00:12:18,184 --> 00:12:19,775
All right, good night, Stewie.
259
00:12:19,798 --> 00:12:23,175
I had a really
nice day with you.
260
00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:26,480
- (door closes)
- Wait, that's it?
261
00:12:26,636 --> 00:12:29,321
You're leaving? I thought...
262
00:12:29,479 --> 00:12:31,455
(crying)
263
00:12:33,826 --> 00:12:36,068
Oh, my little buddy.
264
00:12:36,167 --> 00:12:39,168
You're upset. Okay,
okay, I'll tell you what.
265
00:12:39,194 --> 00:12:43,437
You can sleep with Mommy
in the big bed tonight, okay?
266
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,857
The big bed?
267
00:12:44,879 --> 00:12:47,362
Well, Rupert, don't wait
up, 'cause I'm gonna be...
268
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:49,346
(snoring)
269
00:12:52,462 --> 00:12:53,795
- (knock on door)
- Father,
270
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,057
can I talk to you for a minute?
271
00:12:55,154 --> 00:12:57,154
Peter, come in.
What's on your mind?
272
00:12:57,253 --> 00:12:59,661
It's just I really
like singing here.
273
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:03,171
I finally found a way I can
positively contribute in church.
274
00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:06,123
But the other choirboys hate me.
275
00:13:06,132 --> 00:13:08,357
You know, a wise man once said,
276
00:13:08,514 --> 00:13:10,105
"The thing about humanity
277
00:13:10,203 --> 00:13:13,354
is that we get
stronger with adversity."
278
00:13:13,454 --> 00:13:15,029
Who said that? Jesus?
279
00:13:15,052 --> 00:13:17,627
No, it was Justin
Bieber's dad on Twitter.
280
00:13:17,653 --> 00:13:20,469
The answer to pretty
much all of life's questions
281
00:13:20,569 --> 00:13:22,144
are on Twitter. Try there.
282
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:24,242
So you're not gonna help me?
283
00:13:24,341 --> 00:13:27,083
Oh, I'm not allowed
to talk to kids alone.
284
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:29,091
Not because of anything I did.
285
00:13:29,248 --> 00:13:33,109
It was, you know,
all the other dingbats.
286
00:13:35,860 --> 00:13:37,936
Well, I guess I'm
on my own, then.
287
00:13:37,959 --> 00:13:40,793
MAN: Oh, no, you're not.
288
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:43,103
? ?
289
00:13:45,132 --> 00:13:46,148
Jesus?
290
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:48,394
I am here to help
you with your problem.
291
00:13:48,418 --> 00:13:50,062
You're gonna help
me win an Emmy?
292
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:52,482
Whoa, no, no, no.
Your choir problem.
293
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,599
There's some things
not even I can do.
294
00:13:54,755 --> 00:13:57,690
- Maybe you can ask your dad?
- I'm not gonna ask my dad.
295
00:14:04,712 --> 00:14:06,712
Uh-oh, someone better call Noah,
296
00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:10,054
because I think one of
his hippos fell off the ark.
297
00:14:10,155 --> 00:14:12,897
(laughs) Bible burn.
298
00:14:13,057 --> 00:14:14,723
Come on, guys. I came
here to make peace.
299
00:14:14,744 --> 00:14:17,579
And I brought someone with
me who I think you'll listen to:
300
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,346
Jesus Christ.
301
00:14:19,501 --> 00:14:21,477
? ?
302
00:14:23,105 --> 00:14:25,180
That's not Jesus.
Why's he so tan?
303
00:14:25,204 --> 00:14:28,205
Yeah, everyone knows that
Jesus was Paul Bettany pale.
304
00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:29,547
Guys, it's really me.
305
00:14:29,701 --> 00:14:32,461
Now, let's talk about
the power of forgiveness
306
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,211
while I lean on my own knee.
307
00:14:34,233 --> 00:14:36,083
Ew, look at his toenails.
308
00:14:36,089 --> 00:14:37,964
They're so long and yellow.
309
00:14:38,062 --> 00:14:39,987
They keep growing
after you die, okay?
310
00:14:40,144 --> 00:14:42,336
You guys are
supposed to listen to me.
311
00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:47,435
Hey, want to know what my
favorite book of the Bible is?
312
00:14:47,592 --> 00:14:49,351
The Old Testes-ment.
313
00:14:49,507 --> 00:14:50,547
That's not how you say it.
314
00:14:50,602 --> 00:14:52,528
They're gonna kick
you in the schnutz.
315
00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:54,184
(groans)
316
00:14:54,206 --> 00:14:56,190
Those kids are really mean.
317
00:14:56,212 --> 00:14:57,695
Well, we're taking
a new approach.
318
00:14:57,718 --> 00:14:59,701
You're gonna beat
the crap out of them,
319
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:01,148
and I'm gonna help you do it.
320
00:15:01,379 --> 00:15:02,803
But would I be the first person
321
00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:05,976
to be violent to someone else
in the name of Jesus Christ?
322
00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:09,504
(chuckles) No, that's kind
of religion's whole deal.
323
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:16,028
Morning. Sorry if I'm
walking a little funny.
324
00:15:16,185 --> 00:15:19,095
Crazy night.
325
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,378
Hey, so don't tell anybody,
326
00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:23,367
but I slept with
Lois last night.
327
00:15:23,392 --> 00:15:25,784
Who are you gonna tell? Chris?
328
00:15:25,809 --> 00:15:26,958
You can tell Chris.
329
00:15:26,978 --> 00:15:28,219
I don't know what
you think you're doing,
330
00:15:28,241 --> 00:15:30,300
but it's not what you
think you're doing.
331
00:15:30,323 --> 00:15:31,708
Look, all I know is
I woke up sideways
332
00:15:31,735 --> 00:15:33,920
on the other end of the
bed from where I started.
333
00:15:34,076 --> 00:15:35,742
But tonight is the night.
334
00:15:35,766 --> 00:15:38,100
It is going down.
335
00:15:38,257 --> 00:15:39,515
- What is?
- It.
336
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:42,838
- What's "it"?
- Capital "I," capital "T."
337
00:15:42,864 --> 00:15:45,289
- That's still nothing.
- Turn on Kenny Loggins,
338
00:15:45,522 --> 00:15:47,539
- because "This Is It."
- What?
339
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:51,198
The IT department called,
and they asked for a lot of RAM.
340
00:15:51,224 --> 00:15:52,610
Well, that one kind
of makes sense.
341
00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:55,563
After tonight, Cousin It
isn't gonna be the only one
342
00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:57,572
- covered in hair.
- Okay, nope. I'm out.
343
00:15:57,728 --> 00:16:00,396
Gonna go finish my
coffee in the sunroom.
344
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:03,180
Chris was FaceTiming
with a foot in there.
345
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,004
I'm gonna just call
it a day. Go to sleep.
346
00:16:05,028 --> 00:16:07,278
Dogs can just do that.
347
00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:10,874
(snoring)
348
00:16:11,029 --> 00:16:15,966
CHRIS: Does anyone know how to
send athlete's foot spray to Romania?
349
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,897
All right, that's all of 'em.
350
00:16:23,922 --> 00:16:27,148
Good. Now go refill
all the holy water.
351
00:16:27,248 --> 00:16:28,098
What am I doing here?
352
00:16:28,252 --> 00:16:29,827
Stow the hymnals,
dust the altar.
353
00:16:29,849 --> 00:16:31,774
I'm supposed to
be training to fight,
354
00:16:31,930 --> 00:16:33,575
and you're having
me clean the church.
355
00:16:33,603 --> 00:16:36,288
Show me "Sign of the Cross."
356
00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:39,875
No. Really show me.
357
00:16:39,974 --> 00:16:41,623
(grunting)
358
00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:44,314
Now show me "Stow the Hymnals."
359
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,655
(grunting)
360
00:16:46,812 --> 00:16:50,055
Oh, you've been teaching
me this whole time.
361
00:16:50,082 --> 00:16:52,065
I love these scenes.
362
00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:54,513
Now show me "Book of Mark."
363
00:16:54,671 --> 00:16:57,981
Ow! I didn't do
the reading ones.
364
00:17:03,365 --> 00:17:06,199
Tonight is the night, Rupert.
365
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,374
She's gonna be here any minute,
366
00:17:07,396 --> 00:17:09,022
and I need everything
to be perfect.
367
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:12,861
You finally get to
watch, you little freak.
368
00:17:15,739 --> 00:17:18,257
Oh, well, look at
you, Mr. Sleepyhead.
369
00:17:18,414 --> 00:17:20,490
Mind if I join you?
370
00:17:20,588 --> 00:17:22,063
Don't mind at all.
371
00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:27,286
Wait. Where's that
rippling hot bod?
372
00:17:27,443 --> 00:17:29,686
Oh, it feels good to
have my old body back.
373
00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:32,193
I used that Pedalton
for three days.
374
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,884
They said that
was a world record.
375
00:17:33,982 --> 00:17:36,816
And I am out of here.
376
00:17:38,162 --> 00:17:39,720
No, you can't still watch.
377
00:17:39,742 --> 00:17:41,984
There's nothing to
watch. It's not happening.
378
00:17:42,008 --> 00:17:44,008
? ?
379
00:17:45,093 --> 00:17:47,001
(boys laugh)
380
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,565
(doors open)
381
00:17:51,931 --> 00:17:54,115
We told you to
get lost, Griffin.
382
00:17:54,272 --> 00:17:55,288
I did get lost.
383
00:17:55,443 --> 00:17:57,760
In the power of Christ.
384
00:17:59,899 --> 00:18:02,483
Go get him, boys.
385
00:18:04,062 --> 00:18:05,704
(grunting)
386
00:18:12,757 --> 00:18:14,941
Looks like someone
learned how to fight.
387
00:18:15,098 --> 00:18:16,931
Yeah, I did a whole
Karate Kid thing.
388
00:18:16,954 --> 00:18:20,105
What's that? I'm only allowed
to watch Kirk Cameron movies.
389
00:18:20,131 --> 00:18:22,590
Aw, you poor dude. (grunts)
390
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,810
(grunting)
391
00:18:41,534 --> 00:18:43,759
- (groans) - Just
give up already.
392
00:18:43,782 --> 00:18:45,523
You're finished.
393
00:18:45,547 --> 00:18:47,755
(dramatic music playing)
394
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,825
Finish him.
395
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:06,183
(grunts)
396
00:19:06,339 --> 00:19:07,947
Yeah! Eat cross!
397
00:19:08,178 --> 00:19:11,062
- You did it, Peter.
- Yeah! High five!
398
00:19:11,221 --> 00:19:12,688
Cool scar.
399
00:19:12,709 --> 00:19:14,384
(rumbling)
400
00:19:19,472 --> 00:19:20,380
(grunts)
401
00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:21,808
(normal voice): Ow, my balls!
402
00:19:21,832 --> 00:19:23,832
Ow, my balls?
403
00:19:23,987 --> 00:19:25,671
Hey, my voice is back to normal.
404
00:19:25,827 --> 00:19:27,085
Oh, well, look at that.
405
00:19:27,182 --> 00:19:29,349
I guess you can't sing
in the choir anymore.
406
00:19:29,505 --> 00:19:30,838
I guess not.
407
00:19:30,861 --> 00:19:32,694
Hey, you guys
want to call a truce?
408
00:19:32,849 --> 00:19:34,919
And maybe don't tell
your dads I beat you up?
409
00:19:34,948 --> 00:19:36,781
Yeah. That's
probably a good idea.
410
00:19:36,939 --> 00:19:38,299
Hey, why you guys
so mean anyway?
411
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:41,702
What did anybody ever
do to a bunch of choirboys?
412
00:19:41,729 --> 00:19:44,313
- (whispers indistinctly)
- Oh, my stars.
413
00:19:48,994 --> 00:19:51,128
(instrumental version
of "Tragedy" playing)
414
00:20:21,249 --> 00:20:23,190
? ?
415
00:20:48,002 --> 00:20:50,352
Hi, I'm Lois Griffin.
416
00:20:50,509 --> 00:20:53,435
Please, before you buy one
of these pieces of equipment,
417
00:20:53,536 --> 00:20:56,520
think about if it's gonna be
better than watching Ozark.
418
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,212
Thank you.
419
00:20:58,369 --> 00:21:01,979
(grunts) Damn it!
Who put that weight there?!
420
00:21:02,029 --> 00:21:06,579
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