All language subtitles for Assisted Living s02e20 Jumping the Broom.eng

- ♪

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Do you remember where
we were at this time,

on this day 20 years ago?

- Eww! Come on,
there's young ears around.

- Why would you even have
that conversation around us?

- We weren't doing that.
Your dad was proposing to me.

- Dad, you proposed to Mom at
8:00 AM with sleep in her eye,

looking a hot mess?

Come on, Dad,
that's a rookie maneuver!

- Your mom never
looks a hot mess.

Look at her.

Now, a lukewarm mess,
yeah, that's very often.

I had planned on
proposing at dinner,

but I was just too excited.

- You must've really been
in love with Mom, huh, Dad?

- Yeah, yeah, a long time ago.
I actually loved her.

- That's so romantic.
- It was.

Your daddy was so cute.

- So what did you think?
Was it a good proposal?

- Absolutely not.

He, like, took the
ring out of the box and...

"So what do you
think about that?"

- I thought it was
real player like.

- What woman wants their husband
talking about being a player?

- After a guy spends a
lot of money on a ring,

why are there rules on
how he should deliver it

after he spent thousand...

hundreds of dollars on it?
Ooh, shade.

- Because some thought
should go into it.

You have so much to
learn about women.

- I thought you
was gonna be happy.

I know you wanted to get married

and it took every penny I had
to buy that ring.

- Mm, yeah, we did have to
eat a lot of ramen noodles

after you bought this ring.

- Roughing it, baby.
Young and in love, mm!

- Yeah, I'm never doing that.

- How was the wedding, Mom?

- Yeah, we went to the
justice of the peace.

I didn't have a dress.

There was no family
there, no friends.

- We just had each other
and that's all we needed.

- We were so broke,
our rehearsal dinner

was hamburgers at Four Guys.

- Dang, Dad, you couldn't
afford the extra guy?

- I know. But now we can.

[sighs]
And that's why...

- Oh my god. Dad!

- We're gonna do
it right this time.

- What are you doing?

- Leah Renee Washington?

- Mm-hmm, that's me.

- Will you marry me again?

- What are you
talking about, boy?

- I'm talking about us being
like Martin and Coretta.

Renewing our vows.
What you say?

- Oh, that's a great idea, baby!

Like this time with a dress,
with family, friends.

- Mm-hmm.

And something a little
bit better than burgers.

What do you say?

- [squeals]
I do, I do, I do!

Of course I do! Oh, baby!

Okay, I'm going
to tell everybody.

- Okay. Ask them if
they can help us pitch in.

- LEAH: Okay!
- Put it all together.

- So Dad, uh, when you were
saying you wanted to be more

like Michael and Loretta,
who was that again?

- I said Martin and Coretta.

Martin Luther King
and his wife, Coretta?

- Oh.

- Boy, stop playing.
- Oh, he's not playing, Dad.

You have so much to
teach your youngest son.

- How you know I got other kids?

- You do?
- Nah, nah, I'm just kidding.

- All right, yeah, man,
I was just playing.

I knew that, I knew that.

- You know who Rosa
Parks is, right?

- She the one who...
put the roses in the parks.

- Harriet Tubman?

- She invented the
hot tub, Dad, come on.

- George Washington Carver?

- George Washington Carver.

What, George Washington
Carv--Carv--Carver, okay.

He carved the--the statue...

- Congratulations, Philip.

You just earned yourself a
nice Black history class today.

- ♪

♪ No matter what
you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go,
I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember,
blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if
we stay together ♪♪

- ♪

- Philip, what are you doing
surfing the internet when

everybody's running around,

preparing for tomorrow's
ceremony?

- My dad's making me
read up on Black history.

- That does not look
like Black history.

It looks like a woman who's
suffering from hypothermia

'cause she can't stop shaking.

- It's called twerking.

I honestly didn't
know where to start,

so I'm watching a music video.

- Black history began
the way human history began:

Africa, for we are
the world's first people.

We built great kingdoms
like Axum

and amazing cities like
Timbuktu.

- I never learned
that in school.

- That is because they don't
want you to know about your

powerful history.

I'll have to leave you
to your research.

I have to drive to the
florist to order some flowers.

- You know you can just
order them online, right?

- Oh yes, but online
you don't get to meet

the person behind the counter.

And you may never know,

it could be an older woman
with an apple bottom

with a thing for
sexy Black African men.

- I like your style!

- BOTH: [laughing]

- We Black people,
we're a hopeful people.

- Young man, I'm off to get
the cake, but I had to ask.

Do you really not know
who Rosa Parks is?

- I've heard the name.

- But you must
remember the deeds,

hers and those other heroes like
Tubman, and Truth, and Douglass,

and DuBois, and Martin,
and Malcolm, and Medgar,

and--and those countless other

brothers and sisters
through time

who fought for our
equality, our rights,

and our humanity.

Now...

Where was I going?

- To go pick up the cake.

- Yes, I almost forgot.

- Philip, darling.
I know you're studying,

but I didn't want you to
forget about our entertainers.

- Oh, like the
singers and comedians.

- Yes, like the sports
stars, the dancers,

the actors like Ossie Davis.

You know, we were on
Broadway together.

He starred in
"A Raisin in the Sun"

and I starred in
"A Chitlin on the Moon."

- That play was on Broadway?

- Broadway adjacent.

But anyway, in Black history

there are more than performers
and creators.

There are scientists and
inventors that found a way

to shine in spite of those
that were hell bent on

snuffing out their light.

- Who wants to
snuff out our light?

- Don't worry about it, darling,

because our light is
so bright and fabulous

that no one will
ever be able to put it out.

Speaking of fabulous,

I have to go and buy
my dress for tomorrow.

- You have millions of
dresses in your closet.

- Oh darling,
they're all couture.

My mother told me...
- [Doorbell rings]

- ...it would be a sin
to outshine the bride.

- Yo!
- LINDOR: What's up, brah?

So, I heard you've been
learning about Black history.

- Yeah, and it's
cool and everything.

Trust me, I appreciate and
respect the people that came

before me and all the
things they did, but--

- It feels like
ancient history, right?

I feel you, bro.

Like, as important as
Black history is to know,

it just doesn't feel super
relevant for our generation,

you know?
- Right.

Like, like, like trust me,
I think it's dope that--

that they built a huge empire
2,000 years ago--

- But we're tired of being
followed around in a mall

like we stole something
right now, today.

- Exactly! Like, like,

I don't want that soggy lasagna
from that janky food court.

- Sounds like you wanna learn
about some modern Black history.

- Yeah, no cap.

- Okay, but I can
do you one better.

We can make some modern-day
Black history right now.

- How?

- There's a rally
downtown, all right?

We can show up
for our community

and--and--and protest
police brutality.

- Bet. Let's do it!

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- Ah! Okay.

[clears throat]
The cake is ordered.

The flowers are taken care of.

The food is set.

And I got my dress.

Mm-hmm.

- [chuckles]

- Instead of worrying about
whatever is in your phone,

you should be worried about
the ceremony tomorrow, Jeremy.

- Baby, I've been ready.
Come on, now. Stop it.

- Okay, you weren't
ready 20 years ago.

- I married you, didn't I?
- Finally.

- Sorry, are we
interrupting anything?

- Oh no, we was just--
we was talking.

- Oh. Okay, you know what?

We just wanted to stop by
to make sure everything is

in order for the big day
tomorrow.

- Slowly but surely.

- All right.
- Oh, good.

- You know what?
I also--I got my dress.

And I just wanted
to thank you

for making me
your maid of honor.

I mean, you know what?
The honor is all mine.

I'm so happy for you guys.

- Thank you, Cora.

- And I'm honored that y'all let
me be the main preacher at y'all

little do-over wedding, yeah?

Hey, tell me--tell me how
y'all want this to go down.

Tell me what you want me to do.

- Well, what are our options?

- Okay, uh, let me see.

I got the Prince package,
'cause I work in packages.

- The Prince package?
- Oh!

- What's the Prince package?

- That's where I drive
in a little red Corvette

wearing a raspberry beret

and I let the doves go
and make 'em cry.

- That sounds like a
PETA violation to me.

- What else you got?

- I got the Michael package.

Yeah, the Michael package,
I come in in Billie Jeans

and I do really, really
bad stuff

until y'all get mad and
y'all just tell me, beat it.

- All your packages
sound bad, Mr. Brown.

- You wanna be
starting something?

Hm? Hm?
- JEREMY: Mister Brown?

You don't have,
like, a normal, simple,

everyday ceremony
where, you know,

you come in with the "Dearly
beloved" and then, you know,

we exchange vows, woompty-woomp,
then, you may kiss the bride,

push through, that's it?

- You aren't playing.
- JEREMY: Keep it pushing.

- Woompty-woomp,
keep it pushing?

That's not something
you would say

if you were into this, Jeremy.

- What do you mean
if I was into this?

This was my idea.
I'm the one that planned this.

- It was your idea because
you messed up the first time

and I practically had
to drag you down the altar.

- Shut up, she had to drag you?
You didn't wanna be there?

- Mr. Brown, get out of
these people's business.

- --I do, Cora!

- No, that's okay, Mr. Brown.

The only reason we're together
is because I gave Mr. Jeremy,

like, a series of ultimatums.

- Really? Can you stop playing?

That is not what happened.
- Oh.

- That's not true.
You know that's not true.

- Oh please, you just
wanted to play around

with your little friends

and go to all the clubs
until I finally gave you

an ultimatum and told you

that either we were
going to be serious

or you can lose my number.

- So you were trying to tell me

Jeremy was a Santa Claus
in them streets?

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Ho, ho, ho!

- Mr. Brown!
You know what?

Hey, guys,
we're gonna leave.

- Nuh-uh, Cora, I'm
not gonna miss this.

I wanna see this.

Somebody gotta be a
witness, call the police.

- And then, after
we made it official,

he wanted to just
date for a few years,

talking about we'll--
"We'll see what happens."

- Nah, he didn't!
- Ha! Yes, he did.

Mm, so I said,
"Either we move in together

or I'mma move forward apart."

Ha, ha, ha!
- Man, amen!

- Just wait a minute.
Hold up, wait.

You mean to tell me

you took this sweet,
innocent little angel

and you made a sinner
out of her?

You know it said in the Word
that thou should not watcheth

the movie and just chill.
You should marry.

- And then I had to give him a
final ultimatum and told him

if he was gonna just
keep dragging his feet,

then I was done, done, done!

- D-U-N, son, done!

- You know what I'm done with?
- Oh, what you done with?

- This conversation.

- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hmm.

- That's right?
- That's right.

- Mm!
- See look,

we've been married
for 20 years, all right?

We have two beautiful children.

- That's a lie.

- We have a wonderful
life together.

And you still
living in the past.

Stuff that you should've
been past by now.

I mean, or at least
a sane person would.

- Oh, and you don't never
play the crazy card with

a Black woman, you know that.

- He done played the
wrong card, playa.

- So you're saying a sane
person should be past this, huh?

Well, maybe we should be past

this whole renew our vows
ceremony.

- All right, whatever.
If that's what you wanna do.

- Oh, okay.

Mr. Brown, I've decided
what package we'll take.

- What's that?

- We're gonna take
the Empty package.

'Cause there will not
be a ceremony tomorrow.

- CORA: No, wait!

- You don't ever, ever
call a Black woman crazy.

You might as well
go take your dingus

and throw it in the
garbage disposal, boy.

- I didn't call her crazy.

- You don't even imply
nothing like that.

Man, I taught you
better than that!

- Lay it on me, playa.

- Okay, lesson number one.
Pay attention.

Before you get
ready to make out,

make sure they take their
dentures out, all right?

I'm serious, man.
- That is disgusting.

- VINNY: I know it is.
It happened to me, man.

I'm trying to tongue wrestle
with Flat Booty Trudy, man,

check this out.

Her dentures fell out
of her mouth into my mouth.

I almost--it's
unbelievable, man.

- Look, man, I didn't come here

to hear your tales
from the crypt, all right?

I'm here to know if
I was right about Leah

or she has a point
and I need to apologize.

- Okay, lesson number two.

Whenever you're having an
argument with your lady,

you need to ask yourself,

number one,
do you wanna be right,

or number two,
do you wanna be together?

- What do that even mean?

- You concentrating so hard to
win the fight and she's gonna

leave you, congratulations,
you done lost the war, dumbass.

- So you're saying I should
apologize, basically.

- Worked out for me
and Flat Booty Trudy.

She called me up
the other day, said,

"I'm sorry my dentures
fell out in your mouth."

I'm like, "What?"

"I'm sorry my dentures
fell out in your mouth."

And now I'm hooking up with
her gummy ass next Tuesday.

- Hello, Son, how was the march?

- It was straight fire.

I mean, thousands of people
came together

to peacefully protest
police brutality.

I mean, straight good vibes.
And then let me tell you--

- Hold up, Philip, okay.

You can tell your dad
about your march later on

'cause your dad has
a march he needs to attend.

- What march?

- You need to march
your ass upstairs

and apologize to your wife.

- [sighs] All right, man.

Hey, don't tell him those
stories about Big Booty Trudy,

all right?

- Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye.

We are gathered here today for
this most suspicious occasion,

to--to gather today
to join Jeremy...

what's your middle name?

- Delonte.
- Delonte.

Jeremy De--you don't have
no apostrophes in there?

- Just say it.
It don't--it don't matter.

You can't pronounce
an apostrophe.

Just say it.
- All right, all right.

Jeremy Delonte without
no apostrophes Washington.

We join him today with...

We join him today with...

Is she back there?

We join him today--my freestyle,

I don't have a
whole bunch of freestyle,

so I just don't make--

- Look everybody, uh...

- Excuse me.

- Leah's not here
yet, all right?

And...I just wanna
take this time

to let all my friends
and family know

that I appreciate y'all

and I've always loved
that woman.

- ATTENDEES: Aww!

- Yeah, yeah.

I know Leah still feels some
type of way because, you know,

I was a little laid back about
our relationship back then,

but that did not mean
I didn't love her.

I was laid back about
everything:

school, work, you name it.

I guess I was just a
little immature back then.

- A little immature?

Man, didn't y'all tell me he
put his tongue on a cold pole,

and they had to call the
fire truck to get him off?

- Okay, I was
extremely immature.

But the point is...

it may have took me some
nudging to put a ring on it.

But I thank God every
single day for bringing me

that strong Black woman

and getting me to
where I need to be.

- And you still have her.

- ATTENDEES: Aww!

- Where she belongs.

By your side.

- Baby.

You are the best thing
that's ever happened to me.

And that's including the kids.

If I can go back in time
and tell that teenager

in that roller rink
what I know today...

I'da proposed to you
right then and there.

- I'm sorry I'm late.

I thought a lot about our
conversation last night.

[sighs] And how slow we were to
get to the altar the first time.

- Mm-hmm.
- And then I realized

that it never matters
how you get there.

You can walk, you can drive,
you can take a train--

- Take an electric scooter.

I don't care how you get there.

Just get there if you can.

- An electric scooter.

The how doesn't matter.

The only thing that matters
is that you get home.

And you're my home, Jeremy.

- ATTENDEES: Aww!

- Baby, you are my home.

Wait, you thought
about this last night?

- Uh-huh!
- Why you late?

- I overslept. [giggles]

- You got me talking to these
people I don't even like?

- MR. BROWN: That was cold.
That's cold.

- A woman with two kids, a job,
and a husband that snores

doesn't play when she gets
an opportunity to sleep in.

- Uh, uh, before y'all
put us both to sleep,

I gotta get this rented
tuxedo back in a few minutes.

Can y'all jump the
broom or sweep the mop,

or whatever y'all want,
just so we can get it done.

- Shoulda took it
back when you got it.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- You're looking
like a black fly.

- BOTH: [laughing]

- MR. BROWN: This is great?
This is great.

- Okay. [clears throat]

- Jumping the broom symbolizes
sweeping away the past.

Are you ready for our future?

- You know I am.

- On three?
- On three?

- On three?
- Okay.

- BOTH: One, two, three.

- [cheers and applause]

- I now give to you
Jeremy and Leah Washington!

- [cheers and applause]

- How does my booty
look in this dress?

- It look good. Now, you should
try and save some booty.

- I got plenty.
- You got that bad hip.

- It's the knees,
baby, it's the knees.

- Hey, guys!

- What you talkin' 'bout, boy?

What you doin' up so late?

- I'm making a "I
Can't Breathe" sign.

- Boy, go to bed.

The next Black Lives Matter
march ain't till next month.

- I know, but...

after everything I've learned,
I wanna do something today.

Like, today, right now.

- You can do something
today right now.

You can start working on
yourself to make yourself

a successful young man.

- Mm-hmm, get educated,
vote for candidates

that respect our community.

- Build a career and a family
of your own that shines as

an example of Black excellence.

- That's how you
can work every day

to make the changes
you wanna see.

- And we like what you
doin' for a change.

Proud of you, Son.

- But now...we have
to say goodnight.

- Wait, wait, wait, your
bedroom isn't that way.

- Uh, well, tonight it is,
'cause we staying at a hotel.

- Yeah, we didn't get to go on
our honeymoon the first time,

so we about to
make up for it, dawg!

- Woooo!

- Eww, man, that's gross!

I'mma protest what
y'all talk about right now.

- LEAH: Go to bed, boy!

- ♪

- ♪

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0