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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
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00:00:05,397 --> 00:00:08,248
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,844
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,995 --> 00:00:14,847
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:18,333
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,745
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,247
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:24,506
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:30,404
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Good morning, Peter.
Hope you enjoyed sleeping in.
11
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,541
Oh, there's no sleeping in
when you're an alcoholic, Lois.
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00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:44,692
You just never go to sleep.
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00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,545
Happy Valentine's Day, honey.
14
00:00:46,696 --> 00:00:50,549
You actually remembered
it was Valentine's Day.
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00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,051
Of course I did.
16
00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:53,627
Look, I know in years past,
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00:00:53,779 --> 00:00:55,612
I haven't always been
the most thoughtful partner.
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00:00:55,631 --> 00:00:59,058
I'm often self-centered,
confuse my words, and shellfish.
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00:00:59,209 --> 00:01:01,894
But I love you today
and every day.
20
00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:04,304
You are our family's rock,
21
00:01:04,456 --> 00:01:06,957
which is why I got you this.
22
00:01:06,975 --> 00:01:09,293
Oh, jewelry.
23
00:01:09,311 --> 00:01:12,071
Like in a commercial.
24
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,724
A Pedalton?
25
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:21,080
Okay, can I talk to you upstairs
for a near-the-vent argument?
26
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:27,828
How dare you buy me something
that suggests I need exercise!
27
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,163
This is a loud way
to say thank you.
28
00:01:30,316 --> 00:01:33,483
Anybody have Valentine's Day
in the divorce pool?
29
00:01:33,502 --> 00:01:34,742
That would be Meg.
30
00:01:34,837 --> 00:01:35,837
Boom, boom, boom.
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00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,672
Picked a holiday.
Smart. She's smart.
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00:01:38,824 --> 00:01:42,184
I just thought you'd like it. I
saw it on The Today Show.
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00:01:43,253 --> 00:01:45,345
Second hour with
Hoda and Savannah
34
00:01:45,497 --> 00:01:47,331
or third hour with
the nonsense people?
35
00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:49,608
- Second hour.
- Where is it?
36
00:01:57,025 --> 00:01:58,099
Good morning.
37
00:01:58,193 --> 00:01:59,988
I'm your instructor,
Cody Spraytan.
38
00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:03,288
Are you ready to pedal so
hard your periods go away?
39
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,958
Yes! It's not healthy,
but it's convenient.
40
00:02:06,185 --> 00:02:07,442
Now we're gonna sprint
41
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,294
while I tell a distracting
personal story
42
00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:12,631
about how I almost
met Adam Levine.
43
00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:15,300
It's 2016. It's Vegas.
44
00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:17,092
I'm coming off a
horrible breakup.
45
00:02:17,196 --> 00:02:18,453
First pool party in,
46
00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,788
I see who I think is a
dirty man with tattoos,
47
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,048
and I'm like, "Ugh."
48
00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:25,227
But then I'm like,
"Wait a minute."
49
00:02:28,223 --> 00:02:31,224
Huh, I think I'll try a
scenic ride this morning.
50
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:34,711
Let's see. Uh,
California Coastline,
51
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:36,155
Gardens of Singapo...
52
00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:39,383
Oh, The Tour De Franz.
53
00:02:39,401 --> 00:02:41,718
Pull over here.
Let's get a sausage.
54
00:02:41,737 --> 00:02:43,311
We just started, Dennis.
55
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:46,147
I once watched a squirrel
get hit by a car right here,
56
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,333
and I saw one get hit
by a truck over there.
57
00:02:48,485 --> 00:02:50,165
Yeah, you've seen
a lot of squirrels
58
00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:51,486
get hit by a lot of things.
59
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,488
There are a lot
of stupid squirrels.
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00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,347
Shouldn't you be
wearing bike shorts
61
00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:58,010
- instead of jean shorts?
- Eh, shorts are shorts.
62
00:02:58,161 --> 00:02:59,920
Oh, hey, there's a
stop sign coming.
63
00:03:00,072 --> 00:03:02,406
Give it the finger
and ride through.
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00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,410
Bite me!
65
00:03:06,428 --> 00:03:08,929
This isn't very fun.
When are we done?
66
00:03:09,081 --> 00:03:10,672
We ride until my ass falls out.
67
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,082
It's already out.
68
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,525
Then we're done.
69
00:03:22,761 --> 00:03:24,620
What the hell?
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00:03:27,282 --> 00:03:30,167
You're not taking
this from me, bitch.
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00:03:32,287 --> 00:03:35,672
Suck it, Bon.
72
00:03:39,294 --> 00:03:41,887
I hope that mascara
burns your eyes out.
73
00:03:42,038 --> 00:03:43,871
How's that cheap wine headache?
74
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,283
Go roll in dirt, you pig.
75
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:48,209
Your hair dye stinks!
Tell your daughter
76
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:51,045
- to stop watching me change!
- Tell your son to stop watching me change!
77
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,482
Peter, go cut her power!
78
00:03:54,884 --> 00:03:56,985
- Hey.
- Hey.
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00:04:02,968 --> 00:04:04,468
Oh, someone's in here.
80
00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:18,423
Whoa, did we get that
European exchange student
81
00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:20,050
I saw on TikTok?
82
00:04:21,653 --> 00:04:23,670
Hey, little man.
83
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,839
Lois?
84
00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:28,992
But you're... you're... hot.
85
00:04:29,011 --> 00:04:30,994
All right, everyone out.
86
00:04:31,013 --> 00:04:32,604
I got a soupy keister.
87
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,519
Wow, Mom. You are looking fit.
88
00:04:39,671 --> 00:04:40,762
Yeah, you're ripped.
89
00:04:40,856 --> 00:04:42,839
You look like Madonn...
90
00:04:42,932 --> 00:04:44,616
You want to say that again?
91
00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:46,176
Who do I look like?
92
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,287
The mom from Modern Family.
93
00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:50,772
That's
right. Julie Bowen.
94
00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:52,958
That's the appropriate answer.
95
00:04:53,185 --> 00:04:54,587
What do you think
of Lois's new look?
96
00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:57,129
I say this in the most
respectful way possible,
97
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,946
but don't you think
she looks a little...
98
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,115
- mannish?
- Mannish. Yeah, awesome, right?
99
00:05:01,209 --> 00:05:03,710
Yeah, I got to say,
Peter, I love that bike.
100
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:06,530
Hey, maybe you
should give it a try, huh?
101
00:05:06,548 --> 00:05:09,549
No way. Name one cool
person who rides a bike.
102
00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:10,701
Kermit the Fro...
103
00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:13,478
Okay, skinny legs, here I come.
104
00:05:13,630 --> 00:05:16,315
Good morning.
Are you ready to sweat?
105
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:19,651
- I woke up sweating.
- Okay, let's climb this hill!
106
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:20,986
I want to impress you
107
00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:24,564
but also see if I can
peek down your sports bra.
108
00:05:24,716 --> 00:05:28,142
Ow! Ow! Ow! My balls.
109
00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:30,403
No, the other ones.
110
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:31,854
Ow! Ow! Ow!
111
00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:33,665
Ow! Ow! Ow!
112
00:05:33,892 --> 00:05:35,241
Did you hear that?
113
00:05:35,394 --> 00:05:37,744
- I think Peter hurt his balls.
- I didn't hear anything.
114
00:05:37,896 --> 00:05:40,655
Hmm. Must have been at a
frequency only dogs can hear.
115
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,332
Excuse me, I have to go bark.
116
00:05:59,142 --> 00:06:00,653
So, what do you think happened
117
00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:01,843
to my voice, Doc?
118
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,010
Peter, I'm afraid you suffered
119
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,938
something called Pedalton Balls.
120
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:07,199
Here's a video
explaining everything.
121
00:06:07,426 --> 00:06:09,442
Hi, I'm Oliver Platt,
122
00:06:09,595 --> 00:06:12,095
here to talk to you
about Pedalton Balls,
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00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:14,097
a painful condition
where your testicles
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00:06:14,116 --> 00:06:16,375
get lodged next
to your voice box.
125
00:06:16,526 --> 00:06:18,406
It's actually part of
a long list of ailments
126
00:06:18,528 --> 00:06:20,879
that fat guys suffer
when they try to exercise.
127
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,530
These include
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00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,049
Trapped Fart Disorder,
129
00:06:24,276 --> 00:06:25,609
Jump Rope Tangles,
130
00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:26,793
Push-Up Butt,
131
00:06:26,945 --> 00:06:29,279
Sock-Skin Foot and Jog Fog,
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00:06:29,297 --> 00:06:32,632
where your sweat condenses
into a functioning cloud.
133
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,801
But don't worry. With
the help of gravity,
134
00:06:34,953 --> 00:06:36,561
Pedalton Balls
will clear itself.
135
00:06:36,713 --> 00:06:38,045
While you're waiting,
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00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:41,474
check out my 1993 medium
hit The Three Musketeers,
137
00:06:41,627 --> 00:06:43,126
because I only do movies
138
00:06:43,145 --> 00:06:45,887
with titles that are
also candy bars.
139
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,130
Isn't there anything I can do
140
00:06:47,149 --> 00:06:49,241
to help my voice get
back to normal faster?
141
00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,945
I don't know, I just
like putting on videos.
142
00:06:50,969 --> 00:06:54,729
I guess try doing something
with a lot of needless standing?
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00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,623
All rise.
144
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,066
Before we start communion,
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00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,420
we have a few church
announcements.
146
00:07:01,571 --> 00:07:05,165
First off, I'm seeing a
lot of AirPods in ears,
147
00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:07,408
so let's get that under control.
148
00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:10,262
Secondly, all hymns
now identify as "they."
149
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:13,823
And, of course,
"amen" is now "athem."
150
00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:15,600
Athem.
151
00:07:15,752 --> 00:07:17,102
Athem.
152
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,665
Stewie, how would you like
153
00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:24,276
to go to a Mommy & Me
class with me tomorrow, huh?
154
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:26,594
They haven't seen
my new look yet,
155
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,013
and I feel like I need a win in
front of the Range Rover mom.
156
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:30,782
Are you asking me out on a date?
157
00:07:30,934 --> 00:07:33,526
Well, I'm gonna have
to get waxed first.
158
00:07:33,679 --> 00:07:36,663
I want you to make
it look like Caillou.
159
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,700
- The Body of Christ.
- Thank you, Father.
160
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,110
Your voice. It's pristine.
161
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,131
You know, one of our altar
boys called in sick today.
162
00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:48,950
How would you like to
fill in for him in the choir?
163
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,785
Well, okay.
164
00:07:50,879 --> 00:07:53,972
But only if God will kill a
bunch of babies for no reason.
165
00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:55,215
That's not a problem.
166
00:07:55,367 --> 00:07:57,476
God does that
a lot in the Bible.
167
00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:15,160
♪ To Jesus Christ,
our sovereign king ♪
168
00:08:15,311 --> 00:08:21,057
♪ Who is the
world's salvation. ♪
169
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,984
They're falling
asleep out there.
170
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,318
We got to kick this up a notch.
171
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:27,172
- Follow my lead.
- We don't know who you are.
172
00:08:27,323 --> 00:08:28,990
♪ Tragedy ♪
173
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:33,011
♪ When church is lame and
you miss the game, it's a tragedy ♪
174
00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:36,067
♪ When your bum goes
numb from kneeling some ♪
175
00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:39,576
♪ It's a tragedy. ♪
176
00:08:41,096 --> 00:08:43,838
Wow, that was amazing!
177
00:08:43,932 --> 00:08:46,583
How would you like to be a
regular member of the choir?
178
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:49,027
I'll do it, buddy,
under one condition:
179
00:08:49,178 --> 00:08:51,863
we shake like that
epic handshake meme.
180
00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:54,324
You got a deal, buddy.
181
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:05,544
Everyone, let's take out
our drums for drum circle.
182
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:10,048
You ready to play
again? Me, too.
183
00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:12,884
My refraction
period is very short.
184
00:09:13,036 --> 00:09:15,111
I finish fast, but
I can go a lot.
185
00:09:15,130 --> 00:09:16,704
Some people prefer that.
186
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,515
A good refractor.
187
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,344
Now let me do you.
188
00:10:03,511 --> 00:10:05,328
Is everyone watching?
189
00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:09,065
Are they impressed with
how quickly I refracted?
190
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,944
♪ He died for us,
he died for us ♪
191
00:10:13,171 --> 00:10:15,113
♪ He died for us,
he died for us ♪
192
00:10:15,264 --> 00:10:16,926
♪ He died for us,
he died for us ♪
193
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,875
♪ He died for us,
he died for us ♪
194
00:10:18,877 --> 00:10:22,287
♪ In the Bible, the holy Bible ♪
195
00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:26,774
♪ Messiah sleeps tonight. ♪
196
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,369
That was wonderful, Peter.
197
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,871
Way better than
our previous choir
198
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,799
who killed half our
congregation during COVID.
199
00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:37,043
You really think you
can just come in here
200
00:10:37,195 --> 00:10:39,471
- and steal our spotlight?
- Aw, Spotlight.
201
00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:41,881
Yeah, before you
came, I was wrist-deep
202
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,216
in every old lady's casserole.
203
00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:45,143
Now I'm lucky
if I get just a sniff
204
00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:46,374
of an old lady's casserole.
205
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:47,871
I like this story.
206
00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:51,057
If you knew what was good
for you, you'd quit right now.
207
00:10:51,209 --> 00:10:53,226
I'm not quitting. And
I'm not gonna be bullied
208
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,302
by some noodle-armed kids.
209
00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,678
Hey, we're tough Catholic
kids. We've been assaulted
210
00:10:57,732 --> 00:11:00,900
by an army of older brothers
and sisters our entire lives.
211
00:11:01,052 --> 00:11:03,236
You ever have an older
sister sit on your head
212
00:11:03,388 --> 00:11:05,238
for an entire Notre
Dame football game?
213
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,481
- Because I have.
- Hey, Peter,
214
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,909
what did the kneeling
apparatus say to the ankle?
215
00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:11,485
"Pew."
216
00:11:13,748 --> 00:11:16,966
I'm your rides home, guys.
217
00:11:19,829 --> 00:11:22,663
Okay, I'm gonna go heat
up your bottle, Stewie.
218
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,741
I'll be right back.
219
00:11:24,759 --> 00:11:27,168
Hey, how was your "date"?
220
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,814
It's still going.
221
00:11:28,838 --> 00:11:31,672
- I'm pretty close to done with this.
- When we parked the car,
222
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,318
she did that thing
where she leaned over
223
00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:34,982
and unbuckled me
from my car seat.
224
00:11:35,052 --> 00:11:37,086
And she took a little extra time
225
00:11:37,105 --> 00:11:39,531
fishing around for
that bottom safety belt.
226
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,424
You know what that means.
227
00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:44,035
- Please stop.
- The only downside is she has kids.
228
00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:47,113
But I said I'm cool with it, and
whoosh, the doors flew open.
229
00:11:47,265 --> 00:11:49,690
That's a little tip.
I've got a little tip, too.
230
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,110
Yes?
231
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:53,269
- What?
- Someone did...
232
00:11:53,362 --> 00:11:55,362
- I'm here now. What is it?
- Oh.
233
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,699
Uh, n-no, I was using that
to punctuate my sentences.
234
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:01,277
Don't do that. I walked very far
235
00:12:01,296 --> 00:12:03,963
thinking I'd get
a carrot. Very far.
236
00:12:04,115 --> 00:12:06,975
There's no carrots, guys.
237
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:11,896
So, this is my place.
238
00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:13,434
I'm living with my
parents right now,
239
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:14,548
which isn't preferred,
240
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,069
but they always keep
yogurt in the fridge,
241
00:12:16,093 --> 00:12:17,235
so that's pretty tight.
242
00:12:17,462 --> 00:12:19,053
All right, good night, Stewie.
243
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,449
I had a really
nice day with you.
244
00:12:23,468 --> 00:12:25,744
Wait, that's it?
245
00:12:25,895 --> 00:12:28,580
You're leaving? I thought...
246
00:12:33,069 --> 00:12:35,311
Oh, my little buddy.
247
00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:38,405
You're upset. Okay,
okay, I'll tell you what.
248
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,668
You can sleep with Mommy
in the big bed tonight, okay?
249
00:12:42,821 --> 00:12:44,078
The big bed?
250
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,580
Well, Rupert, don't wait
up, 'cause I'm gonna be...
251
00:12:51,663 --> 00:12:52,996
Father,
252
00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:54,255
can I talk to you for a minute?
253
00:12:54,349 --> 00:12:56,349
Peter, come in.
What's on your mind?
254
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,851
It's just I really
like singing here.
255
00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:02,355
I finally found a way I can
positively contribute in church.
256
00:13:02,507 --> 00:13:05,300
But the other choirboys hate me.
257
00:13:05,302 --> 00:13:07,527
You know, a wise man once said,
258
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,270
"The thing about humanity
259
00:13:09,364 --> 00:13:12,515
is that we get
stronger with adversity."
260
00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:14,183
Who said that? Jesus?
261
00:13:14,202 --> 00:13:16,777
No, it was Justin
Bieber's dad on Twitter.
262
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:19,613
The answer to pretty
much all of life's questions
263
00:13:19,707 --> 00:13:21,282
are on Twitter. Try there.
264
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,376
So you're not gonna help me?
265
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,212
Oh, I'm not allowed
to talk to kids alone.
266
00:13:26,364 --> 00:13:28,214
Not because of anything I did.
267
00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:32,227
It was, you know,
all the other dingbats.
268
00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:37,040
Well, I guess I'm
on my own, then.
269
00:13:37,058 --> 00:13:39,892
Oh, no, you're not.
270
00:13:44,215 --> 00:13:45,231
Jesus?
271
00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:47,474
I am here to help
you with your problem.
272
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,138
You're gonna help
me win an Emmy?
273
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,554
Whoa, no, no, no.
Your choir problem.
274
00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:53,665
There's some things
not even I can do.
275
00:13:53,816 --> 00:13:56,751
- Maybe you can ask your dad?
- I'm not gonna ask my dad.
276
00:14:03,751 --> 00:14:05,751
Uh-oh, someone better call Noah,
277
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:09,088
because I think one of
his hippos fell off the ark.
278
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,924
Bible burn.
279
00:14:12,077 --> 00:14:13,743
Come on, guys. I came
here to make peace.
280
00:14:13,761 --> 00:14:16,596
And I brought someone with
me who I think you'll listen to:
281
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,356
Jesus Christ.
282
00:14:22,103 --> 00:14:24,178
That's not Jesus.
Why's he so tan?
283
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,198
Yeah, everyone knows that
Jesus was Paul Bettany pale.
284
00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:28,533
Guys, it's really me.
285
00:14:28,684 --> 00:14:31,444
Now, let's talk about
the power of forgiveness
286
00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,187
while I lean on my own knee.
287
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,056
Ew, look at his toenails.
288
00:14:35,058 --> 00:14:36,933
They're so long and yellow.
289
00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:38,951
They keep growing
after you die, okay?
290
00:14:39,104 --> 00:14:41,296
You guys are
supposed to listen to me.
291
00:14:43,942 --> 00:14:46,384
Hey, want to know what my
favorite book of the Bible is?
292
00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,294
The Old Testes-ment.
293
00:14:48,446 --> 00:14:49,486
That's not how you say it.
294
00:14:49,538 --> 00:14:51,464
They're gonna kick
you in the schnutz.
295
00:14:53,134 --> 00:14:55,118
Those kids are really mean.
296
00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:56,619
Well, we're taking
a new approach.
297
00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,621
You're gonna beat
the crap out of them,
298
00:14:58,714 --> 00:15:00,064
and I'm gonna help you do it.
299
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:01,715
But would I be the first person
300
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:04,885
to be violent to someone else
in the name of Jesus Christ?
301
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:08,406
No, that's kind
of religion's whole deal.
302
00:15:12,395 --> 00:15:14,913
Morning. Sorry if I'm
walking a little funny.
303
00:15:15,064 --> 00:15:17,974
Crazy night.
304
00:15:17,992 --> 00:15:19,250
Hey, so don't tell anybody,
305
00:15:19,402 --> 00:15:22,236
but I slept with
Lois last night.
306
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,647
Who are you gonna tell? Chris?
307
00:15:24,666 --> 00:15:25,815
You can tell Chris.
308
00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:27,074
I don't know what
you think you're doing,
309
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,152
but it's not what you
think you're doing.
310
00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:30,555
Look, all I know is
I woke up sideways
311
00:15:30,579 --> 00:15:32,764
on the other end of the
bed from where I started.
312
00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:34,581
But tonight is the night.
313
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,935
It is going down.
314
00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,344
- What is?
- It.
315
00:15:38,496 --> 00:15:41,664
- What's "it"?
- Capital "I," capital "T."
316
00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:44,108
- That's still nothing.
- Turn on Kenny Loggins,
317
00:15:44,335 --> 00:15:46,352
- because "This Is It."
- What?
318
00:15:46,504 --> 00:15:50,006
The IT department called,
and they asked for a lot of RAM.
319
00:15:50,024 --> 00:15:51,410
Well, that one kind
of makes sense.
320
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:54,360
After tonight, Cousin It
isn't gonna be the only one
321
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,362
- covered in hair.
- Okay, nope. I'm out.
322
00:15:56,514 --> 00:15:59,182
Gonna go finish my
coffee in the sunroom.
323
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,960
Chris was FaceTiming
with a foot in there.
324
00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:03,777
I'm gonna just call
it a day. Go to sleep.
325
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,047
Dogs can just do that.
326
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:14,722
Does anyone know how to
send athlete's foot spray to Romania?
327
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:22,629
All right, that's all of 'em.
328
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,875
Good. Now go refill
all the holy water.
329
00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:26,818
What am I doing here?
330
00:16:26,969 --> 00:16:28,544
Stow the hymnals,
dust the altar.
331
00:16:28,563 --> 00:16:30,488
I'm supposed to
be training to fight,
332
00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:32,284
and you're having
me clean the church.
333
00:16:32,308 --> 00:16:34,993
Show me "Sign of the Cross."
334
00:16:36,571 --> 00:16:38,571
No. Really show me.
335
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,001
Now show me "Stow the Hymnals."
336
00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:48,731
Oh, you've been teaching
me this whole time.
337
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:50,733
I love these scenes.
338
00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:53,177
Now show me "Book of Mark."
339
00:16:53,329 --> 00:16:56,639
Ow! I didn't do
the reading ones.
340
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:04,838
Tonight is the night, Rupert.
341
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,006
She's gonna be here any minute,
342
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,652
and I need everything
to be perfect.
343
00:17:07,676 --> 00:17:11,487
You finally get to
watch, you little freak.
344
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:16,868
Oh, well, look at
you, Mr. Sleepyhead.
345
00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:19,095
Mind if I join you?
346
00:17:19,188 --> 00:17:20,663
Don't mind at all.
347
00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:25,877
Wait. Where's that
rippling hot bod?
348
00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:28,271
Oh, it feels good to
have my old body back.
349
00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:30,773
I used that Pedalton
for three days.
350
00:17:30,792 --> 00:17:32,458
They said that
was a world record.
351
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,386
And I am out of here.
352
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,281
No, you can't still watch.
353
00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:40,541
There's nothing to
watch. It's not happening.
354
00:17:50,461 --> 00:17:52,645
We told you to
get lost, Griffin.
355
00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:53,813
I did get lost.
356
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:56,282
In the power of Christ.
357
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,995
Go get him, boys.
358
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,424
Looks like someone
learned how to fight.
359
00:18:13,576 --> 00:18:15,409
Yeah, I did a whole
Karate Kid thing.
360
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,579
What's that? I'm only allowed
to watch Kirk Cameron movies.
361
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,057
Aw, you poor dude.
362
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:42,178
Just give up already.
363
00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:43,937
You're finished.
364
00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:54,215
Finish him.
365
00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:06,310
Yeah! Eat cross!
366
00:19:06,537 --> 00:19:09,421
- You did it, Peter.
- Yeah! High five!
367
00:19:09,573 --> 00:19:11,040
Cool scar.
368
00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:20,140
Ow, my balls!
369
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,160
Ow, my balls?
370
00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:23,995
Hey, my voice is back to normal.
371
00:19:24,146 --> 00:19:25,404
Oh, well, look at that.
372
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,665
I guess you can't sing
in the choir anymore.
373
00:19:27,816 --> 00:19:29,149
I guess not.
374
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,002
Hey, you guys
want to call a truce?
375
00:19:31,153 --> 00:19:33,223
And maybe don't tell
your dads I beat you up?
376
00:19:33,247 --> 00:19:35,080
Yeah. That's
probably a good idea.
377
00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:36,593
Hey, why you guys
so mean anyway?
378
00:19:36,734 --> 00:19:39,993
What did anybody ever
do to a bunch of choirboys?
379
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,597
Oh, my stars.
380
00:20:46,137 --> 00:20:48,487
Hi, I'm Lois Griffin.
381
00:20:48,639 --> 00:20:51,565
Please, before you buy one
of these pieces of equipment,
382
00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:54,643
think about if it's gonna be
better than watching Ozark.
383
00:20:54,662 --> 00:20:56,328
Thank you.
384
00:20:56,481 --> 00:21:00,091
Damn it!
Who put that weight there?!
385
00:21:00,115 --> 00:21:02,115
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