Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:08,040
"Jackie Onassis had hidden
the Walther PPK pistol
2
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:09,845
in her round hat.
3
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:14,340
"As the motorcade approached the
Texas Book Depository window,
4
00:00:14,375 --> 00:00:18,800
"she knew this was her only chance
to finally murder her husband."
5
00:00:18,835 --> 00:00:21,480
This is bullshit.
6
00:00:21,515 --> 00:00:23,485
Bullshit?
7
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,165
How the hell would he know?
8
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,040
Well, for a start,
her name wasn't Jackie Onassis
9
00:00:28,075 --> 00:00:29,840
when she was married to Kennedy.
10
00:00:29,875 --> 00:00:31,405
It was Jackie Kennedy!
11
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,045
Oh! So, he's a historian
as well as a shitty actor!
12
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:39,720
OK, but did you know she was having
an affair with Onassis at the time?
13
00:00:39,755 --> 00:00:41,325
No, she wasn't!
14
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:43,960
She didn't meet Onassis until
many years later.
15
00:00:43,995 --> 00:00:46,560
Come on, you got to help me
out with this guy.
16
00:00:46,595 --> 00:00:48,005
Clem Fandango!
17
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,845
What do you think?
Do I need this shit?
18
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:53,760
Yeah, and who told you Jackie
Kennedy assassinated her husband?
19
00:00:53,795 --> 00:00:56,497
Who told me? A few guys told me.
20
00:00:56,532 --> 00:00:59,165
A couple of guys who were there.
21
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,400
But more importantly,
Arnold Schwarzenegger!
22
00:01:02,435 --> 00:01:03,645
What?!
23
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,680
So, he was there, too, was he?
24
00:01:05,715 --> 00:01:07,637
No, he wasn't there, you asshole!
25
00:01:07,672 --> 00:01:09,560
He was married to the Kennedys!
26
00:01:09,595 --> 00:01:11,565
Which one? All of them?
27
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,580
All right, you... You know what?
28
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,525
Maybe we should crack on, guys?
29
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,845
You know, hell of a lot
to get through.
30
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,560
Hi, Sola, this is Clem Fandango.
Can you hear me?
31
00:01:20,595 --> 00:01:22,560
Yes, I can hear you, Clem Fandango.
32
00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,085
What do you...
what do you want?
33
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,920
Nothing. I was just making
sure you can hear me.
34
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:31,605
Look, do we have to use
this Toast guy?
35
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,840
His attitude stinks,
he sounds like George Lazenby,
36
00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:38,040
he's not professional at all,
his delivery is terrible.
37
00:01:38,075 --> 00:01:40,240
And don't get me started
on his hair...
38
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,760
What, is he saying something?
Sorry, I've lost Sola's sound.
39
00:01:46,795 --> 00:01:50,320
Maybe we should continue with me
just reading the book?
40
00:01:50,355 --> 00:01:52,480
OK, Steven, maybe...
maybe we do that.
41
00:01:52,515 --> 00:01:53,845
Yeah.
42
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,600
Yeah, we've got another 95.000 words
to get through, Steven.
43
00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:02,340
"She thought of her
millionaire Greek lover
44
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:05,565
"and of her philandering
presidential husband.
45
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:09,200
"Soon she would be free of Jack
and enjoying the high life
46
00:02:09,235 --> 00:02:12,360
"on one of Onassis's luxury yachts."
47
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,685
This is so great, Jennifyer.
48
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,680
Can I just ask a question,
Mr Chickentoss?
49
00:02:57,715 --> 00:03:00,205
Call me Richard. Go ahead.
50
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,560
Isn't this more like the kind of
thing a hospital visitor would do
51
00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:05,685
rather than a doctor?
52
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,405
That is such a great question.
53
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,120
But, occasionally, a doctor may
place a vase beside a patient
54
00:03:12,155 --> 00:03:14,245
to make them feel more comfortable
55
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,400
before giving them some
terrible news.
56
00:03:16,435 --> 00:03:18,045
Oh, right.
57
00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,845
OK, I get it.
No, they wouldn't...
58
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,200
OK. So, everybody,
grab your stethoscopes
59
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:24,240
from beneath your chairs.
60
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,765
David, you want to try this?
61
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,800
Just place the stethoscope
around your neck
62
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,680
and look concerned.
63
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,640
Uh... Steven, we've not
seen much from you today.
64
00:03:39,675 --> 00:03:41,680
Would you like to try that?
65
00:03:41,715 --> 00:03:42,800
Yeah...
66
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,325
Wow.
67
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:54,360
That's very, very good, Steven.
68
00:03:54,395 --> 00:03:56,360
Have you played a doctor before?
69
00:03:56,395 --> 00:03:59,165
No. Uh, well, I...
70
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,480
..played a vet in an episode
of The Archers for Radio 4,
71
00:04:02,515 --> 00:04:04,400
but I think they lost the tapes.
72
00:04:04,435 --> 00:04:06,045
I see.
73
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,440
Now, could you try listening?
74
00:04:08,475 --> 00:04:09,525
Yeah.
75
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,640
OK, listening is very important
in doctor acting.
76
00:04:12,675 --> 00:04:14,880
Imagine that a patient
is telling you
77
00:04:14,915 --> 00:04:17,040
his or her terrible symptoms.
78
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,125
Oh...!
79
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,120
It's very obvious to me that
you've played doctors before.
80
00:04:26,155 --> 00:04:27,360
It's so obvious.
81
00:04:27,395 --> 00:04:28,957
I haven't.
82
00:04:28,992 --> 00:04:30,485
Follow that!
83
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,445
OK, everyone, that's all for today.
84
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,200
We'll see you tomorrow,
except for Steven.
85
00:04:35,235 --> 00:04:37,125
Honestly...
86
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,960
..I have nothing more to teach you.
87
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,560
Good Lord.
88
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,085
Hi, uh, Steven.
89
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:48,080
I've been doing doctor acting
classes for ten years,
90
00:04:48,115 --> 00:04:51,040
and I have never seen anything
like what you did today.
91
00:04:51,075 --> 00:04:52,325
Really?
92
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,205
I mean, that was nothing.
93
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,640
I'm actually here in the States
because I'm playing the lead role
94
00:04:57,675 --> 00:04:59,720
in the new Star Wars movie.
95
00:04:59,755 --> 00:05:01,800
Yeah, sure
96
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,365
What?
97
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,200
Are you playing Dr Spock?
98
00:05:05,235 --> 00:05:06,757
Doctor who?
99
00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,245
Oh, Doctor Who.
100
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,360
I don't think anyone watches
that over here any more.
101
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,840
Anyway, would you mind...?
102
00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,240
You know, I've been meaning
to ask you a question.
103
00:05:26,275 --> 00:05:28,557
You're an actor. Right.
104
00:05:28,592 --> 00:05:30,396
How do you cry on camera?
105
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:32,165
Well, it's a good question.
106
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,920
Mostly applies to straight actors,
and by "straight" I'm not referring
107
00:05:34,955 --> 00:05:36,937
to their sexual orientation.
108
00:05:36,972 --> 00:05:38,906
I mean serious dramatic actors.
109
00:05:38,941 --> 00:05:40,805
Actors who cannot do comedy.
110
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,880
Your not funny, so how do you do it?
111
00:05:43,915 --> 00:05:45,805
Well...
112
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,685
..I just focus on a spot
in the distance,
113
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:52,880
I think about snakes, monsters,
aliens - all under my bed -
114
00:05:52,915 --> 00:05:56,280
and when that thought gets
too much, I cry.
115
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:57,965
Puta de madre!
116
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,645
Hay un hombre ahi abajo...
117
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,160
Some guy blocking
the entrance where?
118
00:06:04,195 --> 00:06:05,600
Show me.
119
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,725
Hey!
120
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,245
Get out of there!
121
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,280
You're blocking the entrance
to my building!
122
00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:13,485
What's happening?
123
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,165
Some homeless guy and his mattress
124
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,000
right in front of the
doorway down there.
125
00:06:17,035 --> 00:06:18,440
You believe that shit?!
126
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,600
Ugh...
127
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,820
How about that, buddy?
128
00:06:40,855 --> 00:06:42,680
Ah...! You like that?
129
00:06:42,715 --> 00:06:44,800
Huh? Argh!
130
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,040
Yo conozco ese hombre.
131
00:06:52,075 --> 00:06:53,525
Si...
132
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,720
No es tu papa?
133
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,560
Was that man out there your father?
134
00:06:58,595 --> 00:07:01,005
Yeah! So what?!
135
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,760
Haven't seen him in 40 years,
since I was five.
136
00:07:04,795 --> 00:07:06,960
Did he leave home
when you were five?
137
00:07:06,995 --> 00:07:08,437
I left home when I was five.
138
00:07:08,472 --> 00:07:09,880
I had enough of those assholes.
139
00:07:09,915 --> 00:07:11,200
Fuck...
140
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,960
Was that really his father?
141
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,120
Can I just start by saying
Mark Ruffalo absolutely
142
00:07:23,155 --> 00:07:25,765
loved your audition. What?
143
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:29,085
He said he follows you on the
Twitter and the Instagram,
144
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:32,120
which is where he noticed your tweet
announcing your donation
145
00:07:32,155 --> 00:07:34,445
to his Climate Solutions Project.
146
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,720
How many people retweeted that?
Was it two million?
147
00:07:37,755 --> 00:07:40,720
You're getting me confused
with another actor!
148
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,645
Oh, yeah.
149
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,485
I'm Steven Toast.
150
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,200
Ah, shit, so you are, yeah.
151
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,457
I'm getting confused.
152
00:07:50,492 --> 00:07:52,645
It's been a busy morning.
153
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,560
Do you know anyone in LA
with a spare room?
154
00:07:55,595 --> 00:07:57,125
I need to move out.
155
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,845
Russ Nightlife is
driving me crackers.
156
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,005
You want to move out,
you need cash, buddy.
157
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,960
Everybody knows there's money
in playing doctors.
158
00:08:04,995 --> 00:08:07,925
Who knew you'd be such
a goddamn natural?
159
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,525
You sure impressed the hell out
of Richard Chickentoss.
160
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,560
I didn't do anything. I don't know
what all the fuss is about.
161
00:08:13,595 --> 00:08:17,240
Oh, we have to strike while
the iron's red hot, baby!
162
00:08:17,275 --> 00:08:19,160
You know a Bellender Bojangles?
163
00:08:19,195 --> 00:08:20,805
Belinda Bojangles?
164
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,520
No, BELLENDER Bojangles.
165
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,125
Unusual name.
166
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,525
Though, we are in the US of A.
167
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,000
She's producing a new TV show
set in a hospital,
168
00:08:32,035 --> 00:08:34,017
it's the latest vehicle for Carmen.
169
00:08:34,052 --> 00:08:36,000
You've heard of Carmen, right? No.
170
00:08:36,035 --> 00:08:37,605
The audition is tomorrow.
171
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,320
I'm going to call Bellender now.
172
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,320
Brooke! That car!
173
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,160
Bell.
174
00:08:47,195 --> 00:08:48,840
Sure.
175
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,245
Steven! Hi!
176
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,005
My name's Hoop Kaaak -
177
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,045
that's Kaaak with three As -
director of the show.
178
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,520
Bellender's a little late,
but, you know, that's all right.
179
00:09:04,555 --> 00:09:06,920
We can get to know each other
a little bit. Steven!
180
00:09:06,955 --> 00:09:09,720
I'm Bellender Bojangles.
I'm sorry I'm late.
181
00:09:09,755 --> 00:09:11,960
Brooke has told me all about you.
182
00:09:11,995 --> 00:09:15,217
I am so excited to meet you.
183
00:09:15,252 --> 00:09:18,440
This is so super exciting.
184
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,640
Bellender, I love your shoes.
185
00:09:21,675 --> 00:09:22,805
Oh, thank you.
186
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,245
They're the latest thing.
187
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,560
They're based on the horseshoes,
which are actually nailed
188
00:09:26,595 --> 00:09:29,200
on to your foot,
so they're a perfect fit.
189
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,920
It's only very minor surgery, so...
190
00:09:30,955 --> 00:09:32,337
Mm, they're great.
191
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:33,720
Hugs all round.
192
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:36,325
Oh!
193
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,360
What do we like here, Hoop?
Hugs and smiles!
194
00:09:38,395 --> 00:09:39,605
And what do we do here, Hoop?
195
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,880
We love entertaining people
and we love making TV shows.
196
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,737
Do you want in, Steven?
197
00:09:44,772 --> 00:09:46,560
Uh... I'm good, thanks.
198
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,400
I hear you just completed
the doctor acting class
199
00:09:54,435 --> 00:09:56,017
with Rich Chickentoss.
200
00:09:56,052 --> 00:09:57,600
How'd that go for you?
201
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,980
We heard you kicked ass.
202
00:10:01,015 --> 00:10:02,925
I didn't really do anything.
203
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,520
You are being humble, Steven.
We don't do humble in this town.
204
00:10:06,555 --> 00:10:09,000
Well, actually, the real reason
why I am in this town
205
00:10:09,035 --> 00:10:11,680
is cos I'm starring in
the new Star Wars movie.
206
00:10:11,715 --> 00:10:12,920
Yeah, sure.
207
00:10:12,955 --> 00:10:14,125
Sorry?
208
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,040
Would you like to have a read
of some of the script?
209
00:10:16,075 --> 00:10:17,485
I'll find us some hard copies.
210
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,760
Uh, let me just stop you there,
Hoop, if you don't mind.
211
00:10:19,795 --> 00:10:23,000
Steven, would you be OK with
improvising a little?
212
00:10:23,035 --> 00:10:24,045
What?
213
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,560
I was thinking, you could just say
some general doctor things.
214
00:10:26,595 --> 00:10:28,045
You know, anything you like.
215
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,480
As long as they're doctor related.
216
00:10:30,515 --> 00:10:31,840
Uh...
217
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,080
One more thing, Mrs Wisehunt.
218
00:10:36,115 --> 00:10:38,097
Now, I've just seen your X-rays,
219
00:10:38,132 --> 00:10:40,080
and you have six months to live.
220
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:45,040
Something else.
221
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,780
Are you unwell, Captain?
222
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,480
Oh, that's very good.
223
00:10:50,515 --> 00:10:51,565
Really?
224
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,045
This is amazing. Keep going.
225
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,120
You try any more shit like that,
Mrs Greenflash,
226
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,120
and I'll have to take
your temperature.
227
00:10:57,155 --> 00:10:58,685
Oh...!
228
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,445
Mother, you've got gout.
229
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:04,000
Probably due to the amount of whisky
and cigars you consume!
230
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,880
That's so good.
231
00:11:08,915 --> 00:11:10,165
Thank you.
232
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,720
May I ask, to be this good,
I'm presuming you've worked
233
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,560
as an actual doctor, right?
234
00:11:14,595 --> 00:11:15,765
No.
235
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,320
I once played a vet on an episode
of The Archers on Radio 4,
236
00:11:19,355 --> 00:11:21,480
but I think they lost the tapes.
237
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:22,925
It is uncanny.
238
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,000
I loved how you worked out that not
only that your mother had gout,
239
00:11:26,035 --> 00:11:28,237
but also how she got it.
240
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:30,405
Genius. Well, thank you.
241
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,560
You know, my own doctor was
just fired for having sex
242
00:11:32,595 --> 00:11:34,160
with his colleague's twin sisters.
243
00:11:34,195 --> 00:11:35,725
Really?
244
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,360
Some guys have all the luck.
245
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:43,160
I'm sorry.
246
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:47,965
Yes...
247
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,200
Gina, would you tell everybody
coming in later to audition
248
00:11:50,235 --> 00:11:52,120
for the Doctor Grainger part
not to bother?
249
00:11:52,155 --> 00:11:53,725
Ooh, that's good.
250
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,520
I'm presuming you're new to LA,
Steven? Where are you staying?
251
00:11:56,555 --> 00:11:59,280
I'm staying with a friend.
Well, he's not really a friend.
252
00:11:59,315 --> 00:12:01,320
If I'm honest,
I'm desperate to get out.
253
00:12:01,355 --> 00:12:03,325
Well, I think you may be in luck.
254
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,800
I have a great place here
in Beverly Hills,
255
00:12:05,835 --> 00:12:08,205
but I recently moved out
to Santa Monica.
256
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,080
Why don't you stay in my
Beverly Hills apartment?
257
00:12:11,115 --> 00:12:12,085
Really?
258
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,125
It's a fantastic penthouse.
259
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,440
Here, I'll give you the key now.
260
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:18,845
Thank you.
261
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,860
You can stay there as long as
you want, rent-free obviously.
262
00:12:21,895 --> 00:12:25,087
It's having a multi-million-dollar
refurb at the moment.
263
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:28,280
But as soon as that's completed,
it's all yours, Steven.
264
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:29,880
Should only be a couple of weeks.
265
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,245
Sounds splendid.
266
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,480
Welcome aboard, Steven!
267
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,920
My God, you are going to have such
fantastic chemistry with Carmen.
268
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,845
She's in such a great place
right now.
269
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,960
Remarried for the fifth time to
Rodrigos, who we all love dearly.
270
00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:44,880
You guys are going to be
great together.
271
00:12:44,915 --> 00:12:47,320
I'm so super excited to start!
272
00:12:47,355 --> 00:12:48,520
Hot damn!
273
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:05,720
Thrust?
274
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,885
Steven.
275
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,045
You're here?
276
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,620
I've been here for three hours.
277
00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:38,160
Ah, shoot! No-one told you?
278
00:13:38,195 --> 00:13:39,325
No.
279
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,685
Oh. Sorry, Steven.
280
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,645
You see, Carmen is always
three hours late.
281
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:45,520
So, if we say nine o'clock,
we know she'll turn up at 12:00.
282
00:13:45,555 --> 00:13:48,240
I'm so sorry,
someone should have told you.
283
00:13:48,275 --> 00:13:49,725
Hayley.
284
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,840
Why did you forget to tell Mr Toast
not to turn up till 12:00?
285
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,240
Erm...
286
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:56,520
I don't think I was...
287
00:13:56,555 --> 00:13:58,285
OK, Hayley.
288
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,360
Now I look like a douchebag
in front of our actor.
289
00:14:01,395 --> 00:14:03,640
So one of us has to leave
the company.
290
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,000
Jesus, that's harsh.
291
00:14:12,035 --> 00:14:13,325
My apologies, Steven.
292
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:14,880
That obviously won't happen again.
293
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,620
Come on, boys!
294
00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:24,525
Come closer.
295
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,720
You know what turns me on!
296
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,880
♪ So, take your time
Take it slowly
297
00:14:31,915 --> 00:14:34,197
♪ Drink some wine
It is lovely
298
00:14:34,232 --> 00:14:36,556
♪ Let's make love
Nice and sexy
299
00:14:36,591 --> 00:14:38,880
♪ Let's make sex
Nice and naughty
300
00:14:38,915 --> 00:14:40,125
♪ Fuck these bitches
301
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,080
♪ Fuck 'em in the ass
on my private jet... ♪
302
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:43,565
What?
303
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,360
♪ Suck my titties
I'll smoke your grass... ♪
304
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:46,525
Jesus.
305
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,440
♪ Losing your mind when
you're eating this ass... ♪
306
00:14:48,475 --> 00:14:50,285
Good God!
307
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,840
♪ When you're eating this ass!
308
00:14:52,875 --> 00:14:54,640
♪ Eating this ass. ♪
309
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,600
Hello, everybody! Hola!
310
00:14:59,635 --> 00:15:00,765
Hello!
311
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,805
Meh, meh, meh!
312
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,600
So, Hoop, you want to tell everyone
a little bit about the show?
313
00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:07,285
Yes. I'm Hoop Kaaak -
314
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,880
that's Kaaak with three As -
the director of our show.
315
00:15:09,915 --> 00:15:11,965
It's called The Hospital,
316
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,365
and it's about a hospital in
New York for sick children,
317
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,760
which is run by a very conscientious
doctor, called Doctor Grainger,
318
00:15:17,795 --> 00:15:19,560
who will be played by Steven...
319
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:22,480
Steven, uh...?
320
00:15:22,515 --> 00:15:24,200
Toast. Toast.
321
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,520
The hospital has no money,
so the owners are forced to sell
322
00:15:28,555 --> 00:15:31,640
to a glamorous, rich entrepreneur,
called Trace Willoughby,
323
00:15:31,675 --> 00:15:33,405
who is also a super bitch,
324
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:35,845
played by the extraordinary Carmen,
325
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,280
who, quite frankly, is no stranger
to playing super bitches!
326
00:15:39,315 --> 00:15:41,240
I am a super bitch!
327
00:15:41,275 --> 00:15:42,845
Boo! Boo!
328
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,440
You love it. You love it!
329
00:15:44,475 --> 00:15:46,000
You want it!
330
00:15:46,035 --> 00:15:47,325
Boo!
331
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,840
Trace immediately plans
to knock down the hospital
332
00:15:49,875 --> 00:15:52,245
due to its value as prime
real estate.
333
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:55,320
But can Doctor Grainger stop her
and save the sick children?
334
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,760
Ooh!
335
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,920
OK, let's start.
336
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,920
Scene one. Interior hospital. Day.
337
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,925
Splendid.
338
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,000
Well, I don't see why we can't
get in touch with your mother
339
00:16:12,035 --> 00:16:14,040
and she'll pick you up
and home you go.
340
00:16:14,075 --> 00:16:15,680
Would you like that?
341
00:16:15,715 --> 00:16:17,765
Excellent.
342
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,445
Doctor Grainger.
343
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,360
You have until next Tuesday to
get rid of these sick children
344
00:16:22,395 --> 00:16:25,045
and find somewhere else to live.
345
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,005
You won't get away with this,
Trace Willoughby.
346
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:30,200
I'll fight you every step of
the way, you heartless witch.
347
00:16:30,235 --> 00:16:33,217
And I know how your husband died.
348
00:16:33,252 --> 00:16:36,165
Ha! Conrad died of natural causes!
349
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:40,160
How can an axe to the back of the
head be described as natural causes?
350
00:16:40,195 --> 00:16:44,240
I have one thing to say to you,
Doctor Grainger.
351
00:16:44,275 --> 00:16:45,725
What?
352
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,005
♪ Fuck these bitches
353
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,840
♪ Fuck 'em in the ass
on my private jet
354
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,165
♪ You're economy class
355
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,485
♪ Suck my titties
I smoke your grass
356
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,320
♪ You'll be losing your mind
when you're eating this ass... ♪
357
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,480
Why does she have to sing a song
in every bloody episode?
358
00:16:59,515 --> 00:17:02,037
It's supposed to be a serious drama.
359
00:17:02,072 --> 00:17:04,560
Cos she's a singer, not an actress.
360
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,360
She's not even Brazilian.
361
00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:08,845
She's Irish.
362
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,760
Well, then, why not hire
a non-singing actress?
363
00:17:11,795 --> 00:17:13,800
Like every other hospital show.
364
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,405
Wait here, Toast.
365
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,920
I got to get my painkillers
out of the trunk.
366
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,377
Right.
367
00:17:20,412 --> 00:17:21,800
Oh...!
368
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,765
Ooh...! Hey, man.
369
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,700
I don't have any money and...
370
00:17:31,735 --> 00:17:33,600
..my mother will be back soon.
371
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,445
Jesus Christ!
372
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,320
Ha! He talks real funny.
373
00:17:38,355 --> 00:17:40,160
Is he from the olden times?
374
00:17:40,195 --> 00:17:41,685
Ew!
375
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,280
Look at all these creepy photos!
376
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,920
See you around, brother.
377
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,920
Must have left them on
the gas station counter.
378
00:17:54,955 --> 00:17:56,840
Goddamn it!
379
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,040
So, first show goes out tonight.
380
00:18:01,075 --> 00:18:02,360
You excited?
381
00:18:02,395 --> 00:18:03,605
Yeah.
382
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,240
Ah, give it a couple of weeks,
people start kissing your ass
383
00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:09,160
when you they see you,
you'll know it's a hit!
384
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:19,805
♪ Ray... ♪
385
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,000
Good grief. Surely not.
386
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,960
♪ Ray... ♪
387
00:18:23,995 --> 00:18:25,405
Oh...!
388
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,060
♪ Ah! ♪
389
00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:28,645
Hey, Carmen.
390
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,540
What about those sick kids?
391
00:18:30,575 --> 00:18:32,365
You're one shitty lady.
392
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,800
I don't care what
you assholes think.
393
00:18:34,835 --> 00:18:37,160
Why don't you go fuck yourselves?
394
00:18:37,195 --> 00:18:38,845
Such language!
395
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,605
Not to mention,
those poor sick children.
396
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,240
Who cares? I can get a billion
dollars for that old building.
397
00:18:45,275 --> 00:18:48,240
How do you like that,
you weasel-faced witch?
398
00:18:48,275 --> 00:18:50,560
But we all love you,
Doctor Grainger.
399
00:18:50,595 --> 00:18:52,577
You're my favourite
on the show.
400
00:18:52,612 --> 00:18:54,626
I'm not really Doctor Grainger.
401
00:18:54,661 --> 00:18:56,640
It's a part.
Play along, Toast.
402
00:18:56,675 --> 00:18:58,325
They love it.
403
00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:01,760
Hey, you two! Oh, yes!
404
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,120
Mwah!
405
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,360
Mm!
406
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:14,120
Oh, God, I love hugging people!
407
00:19:14,155 --> 00:19:15,925
Yes, you do.
408
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,100
So, the show is a huge success.
409
00:19:18,135 --> 00:19:20,240
Are you two getting great feedback?
410
00:19:20,275 --> 00:19:23,205
Everyone loves a super bitch!
411
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,725
And I hear they love you,
too, Steven.
412
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,205
Well, it's not me, is it?
It's the character.
413
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,160
I've been wondering something,
Steven, what is the whole story
414
00:19:32,195 --> 00:19:34,520
behind the, uh...
you know, the white?
415
00:19:34,555 --> 00:19:36,005
I fell out of a tree,
416
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,640
like the Olympic swimmer,
Duncan Goodhew.
417
00:19:38,675 --> 00:19:40,165
OK, listen to this.
418
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,565
I got a letter from a couple who
really love the show, uber fans,
419
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:49,880
but not only is the guy's mother a
crazy super-duper fan of the show...
420
00:19:49,915 --> 00:19:52,120
..but especially of you,
Steven Toast.
421
00:19:52,155 --> 00:19:53,725
Really?
422
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,800
Oh, I got to get this.
423
00:19:55,835 --> 00:19:57,325
It's Rodrigos.
424
00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,085
They have a small request.
425
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,800
Would you go and visit his mother
in hospital?
426
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:05,605
She has not been well lately.
427
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:09,160
Are you serious? Doctor Grainger
in an actual hospital?
428
00:20:09,195 --> 00:20:12,240
It'll be great publicity
for the show.
429
00:20:12,275 --> 00:20:14,680
Rodrigos is gay!
430
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:15,805
I'm sorry?
431
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,820
Rodrigos is gay!
432
00:20:17,855 --> 00:20:19,707
He just told me!
433
00:20:19,742 --> 00:20:21,525
I am distraught!
434
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,445
I can't live with him any more!
435
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,080
Can I stay in your Beverly Hills
place, please?
436
00:20:26,115 --> 00:20:27,720
Of course.
437
00:20:27,755 --> 00:20:29,645
No...
438
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,240
Steven, have you got the key
to my apartment in Beverly Hills?
439
00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:34,845
You haven't moved in yet, have you?
440
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,700
Well, I was planning on
moving in today.
441
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,520
I packed all my belongings
this morning.
442
00:20:38,555 --> 00:20:39,765
Is the key in your apartment?
443
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,760
I think Carmen needs the place
a bit more than you.
444
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:43,000
I mean, look at her.
445
00:20:43,035 --> 00:20:44,285
He's gay!
446
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,805
We need that key. Oh...!
447
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,200
He has a boyfriend called Carlos!
448
00:20:48,235 --> 00:20:50,560
They've been fucking for six months!
449
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,805
Toast!
450
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,000
Your stuff is still here.
I thought you were moving out!
451
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:58,800
Who the hell are these two?!
452
00:20:58,835 --> 00:21:00,337
You can't bring people here!
453
00:21:00,372 --> 00:21:01,805
No-one should know where I am!
454
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,200
Yeah, this is Carmen,
the pop legend.
455
00:21:04,235 --> 00:21:06,160
How can you not know it's me?!
456
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:09,600
And this is Bell...
I'm Bellender Bojangles.
457
00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:11,120
I like to hug people
when I meet them.
458
00:21:11,155 --> 00:21:12,440
No, no, no. Oh, come on.
459
00:21:12,475 --> 00:21:13,525
No, no, no.
460
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,760
No, no, no, he doesn't like
close personal contact.
461
00:21:15,795 --> 00:21:18,000
I say, Russ, you've trodden
on her scarf.
462
00:21:18,035 --> 00:21:19,640
Let me help with that.
463
00:21:19,675 --> 00:21:21,137
Whoa!
464
00:21:21,172 --> 00:21:22,600
Shit!
465
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,285
Oh!
466
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,085
Oh. That's lucky.
467
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,060
He landed on a soiled mattress.
468
00:21:29,095 --> 00:21:31,447
Who is that old homeless man?
469
00:21:31,482 --> 00:21:33,861
I don't believe it. My boy!
470
00:21:33,896 --> 00:21:36,240
Not now, Dad. Just get off!
471
00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,120
That's his father.
472
00:21:38,155 --> 00:21:39,605
Get off!
473
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,720
Don't hug him! He doesn't like
close personal contact!
474
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,805
Hey, Ma?
475
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,245
This here's Steven Toast.
476
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,660
You remember,
you wrote him a letter?
477
00:21:56,695 --> 00:21:59,040
She's a lot older than I expected.
478
00:21:59,075 --> 00:22:00,885
She's 93.
479
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,640
She's been in and out of hospital
constantly for the past, like,
480
00:22:03,675 --> 00:22:06,440
what, 25 years.
She fell down her steps last week.
481
00:22:06,475 --> 00:22:08,360
Now she's completely fucked.
Look at her.
482
00:22:08,395 --> 00:22:10,777
We've had to visit her a lot.
483
00:22:10,812 --> 00:22:13,125
I mean a lot. Way too much.
484
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:16,480
We're from New York, so it's
a flight over here to see her.
485
00:22:16,515 --> 00:22:18,405
It's a pain in the ass
is what it is.
486
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,280
Yeah, but I imagine she can't help
being ill.
487
00:22:20,315 --> 00:22:22,245
Oh, yeah, right. OK, Steven!
488
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,800
Anyways, no point in hanging around.
489
00:22:24,835 --> 00:22:26,605
The knob is there.
490
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,760
All you got to do is turn it to
the right, and it'll all be over.
491
00:22:29,795 --> 00:22:30,965
What?!
492
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,125
It was her last request.
What was?
493
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,000
For you to turn off her
life-support machine!
494
00:22:35,035 --> 00:22:36,245
It was her dying wish!
495
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,880
Hey, look, time's tight here, honey.
We got a plane to catch back home,
496
00:22:38,915 --> 00:22:40,537
for the dogs,
you know what I'm saying?
497
00:22:40,572 --> 00:22:42,160
Hang on. What do the doctors
think of this?
498
00:22:42,195 --> 00:22:43,445
Oh...!
499
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:45,125
My mother hates the doctors, OK?
500
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:46,960
She could give two shits
what they think.
501
00:22:46,995 --> 00:22:48,360
She didn't want a doctor doing it.
502
00:22:48,395 --> 00:22:49,965
She asked for you.
503
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,400
She loves that show you're in!
504
00:22:52,435 --> 00:22:54,045
Don't do it...
505
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,925
She just said something. No...
506
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,120
I heard nothing. You hear
something? I heard nothing.
507
00:22:58,155 --> 00:22:59,285
No, nothing.
508
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,125
This is some dark shit.
509
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,220
I shouldn't even be here.
What...?
510
00:23:03,255 --> 00:23:05,280
Steven! Steven, where you going?!
511
00:23:05,315 --> 00:23:06,920
You come back here!
512
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,680
Yeah, sure, it's odd,
but the main thing is,
513
00:23:13,715 --> 00:23:16,640
the show is a big success.
514
00:23:16,675 --> 00:23:17,765
Yes, it is.
515
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,360
Maybe I should ask Bellender
for a pay rise.
516
00:23:20,395 --> 00:23:22,920
Well, they signed you up
for two seasons,
517
00:23:22,955 --> 00:23:25,165
we agreed the same fee for both.
518
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:28,280
You want more dollars,
she'll have to change the contract.
519
00:23:28,315 --> 00:23:31,040
Yeah, I can be pretty persuasive
when I try.
520
00:23:31,075 --> 00:23:32,640
Let me have a word with her.
521
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,100
Why are you dressed like a clown?
522
00:23:38,135 --> 00:23:40,525
I'm celebrating. I'm a star now.
523
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,320
You said yourself,
people love my character.
524
00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:45,925
Yes, of course they do, Steven!
525
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,280
It's no secret that Carmen gets paid
a hell of a lot more than I do,
526
00:23:49,315 --> 00:23:51,837
and she's staying in
your fancy mansion.
527
00:23:51,872 --> 00:23:54,476
I'm sorry, the contract
is legally binding,
528
00:23:54,511 --> 00:23:57,080
and there's not a thing
I can do about it.
529
00:23:57,115 --> 00:23:58,405
Bloody irritating.
530
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:00,565
Come on. Give me a hug.
531
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,120
No, no, I'm not going to fall
for that hug bullshit.
532
00:24:03,155 --> 00:24:04,365
Come on.
533
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,440
Oh, you big bear of a man.
534
00:24:06,475 --> 00:24:08,317
The show is a success.
535
00:24:08,352 --> 00:24:10,160
What more could you want?
536
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:16,080
Oh. There is another issue
I'd like to talk about.
537
00:24:16,115 --> 00:24:17,605
What issue?
538
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:21,160
There is a chance...
you may be arrested for murder.
539
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:26,645
What?!
540
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,845
That family who contacted you,
541
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,840
did you turn off their mother's
life-support machine?
542
00:24:31,875 --> 00:24:33,565
No, I bloody did not!
543
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,720
Well, she's dead now, so somebody
did, without a doctor present,
544
00:24:36,755 --> 00:24:38,525
which kind of makes it
a criminal matter.
545
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,640
The family did it, they couldn't
wait to get rid of her.
546
00:24:40,675 --> 00:24:41,885
They say you did it.
547
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,605
No, they asked me to do it.
548
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,085
Poor old girl hadn't even
seen the show.
549
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:50,440
If you were charged with murder,
it would reflect badly on the show.
550
00:24:50,475 --> 00:24:51,925
Not necessarily.
551
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,045
The LAPD are looking into it.
552
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,240
They say that there is footage
of you fleeing the building.
553
00:24:57,275 --> 00:24:59,120
Yeah, I was trying to
get away from them.
554
00:24:59,155 --> 00:25:01,097
I wouldn't mind, Steven.
555
00:25:01,132 --> 00:25:03,005
But you're Doctor Grainger.
556
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,920
You're supposed to be the good guy.
557
00:25:04,955 --> 00:25:06,400
I am the good guy.
558
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,760
Would you stop looking dubious?
559
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:15,240
Anyway, you can't fire me,
I'm contracted for a second series.
560
00:25:15,275 --> 00:25:17,840
And as you said yourself,
it's legally binding.
561
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:23,680
Carmen!
562
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,480
You're three hours late, Steven.
563
00:25:38,515 --> 00:25:39,645
Yeah, but I thought...
564
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:43,520
Since Rodrigos has left,
now I am always on time.
565
00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:53,200
OK, we've waited long enough.
Let's start.
566
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,365
Scene one. Interior hospital. Night.
567
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:02,080
We see Trace Willoughby alone
in the ward. It is late.
568
00:26:02,115 --> 00:26:03,360
Doctor Grainger enters.
569
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,900
You wanted to see me, Mrs
Willoughby? If it's about...
570
00:26:06,935 --> 00:26:09,400
Trace Willoughby stabs
Doctor Grainger with a knife.
571
00:26:09,435 --> 00:26:13,000
He falls in a cowardly manner
to the floor.
572
00:26:13,035 --> 00:26:15,137
He lies there motionless,
573
00:26:15,172 --> 00:26:17,240
like a piece of shit.
574
00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:18,757
He's dead.
575
00:26:18,792 --> 00:26:20,240
Very dead.
576
00:26:20,275 --> 00:26:21,400
What?
577
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:23,685
Scene two.
578
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,120
Trace is with her attractive
younger lover, Jim Buckstar,
579
00:26:26,155 --> 00:26:28,480
played by Sonny-Sam Disco.
580
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,960
Thank God that dog-faced
limey weasel
581
00:26:38,995 --> 00:26:41,960
is finally out of the
picture, darling.
582
00:26:41,995 --> 00:26:43,600
Here's to us, baby.
583
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,520
I have big plans for making
millions of dollars
584
00:26:48,555 --> 00:26:50,880
by selling the hospital!
585
00:26:50,915 --> 00:26:52,240
I know you do.
586
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,640
It's part of a long-term plan
for world domination.
587
00:26:57,675 --> 00:27:01,560
Can you imagine, the whole
Trace Willoughby phenomenon
588
00:27:01,595 --> 00:27:04,565
bigger than we've ever dreamed of.
589
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,360
I think I'd like an apartment
in Paris...
590
00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:14,360
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
42316
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.