All language subtitles for Ptg.S01E01.1080p.WEB.H264

I feel bad saying this,
I do,

but Coleen's makeup,
it just -- it looks terrible.

Oh, my God!

I think so, too!

And when is the last time
she put on blue eye shadow?

I don't know.
Our prom, maybe?

Well, I wouldn't know.
I wasn't asked to prom.

It's been 22 years.

I think we gotta
let this one go.

I'm trying.
Guys...

There you are.

Coleen's hair is
next-level bad.

I haven't seen her wear it
like this since our prom.

I --
Jodie, you're gonna have
to get over it.

She's trying.
I think we should
say something.

There are girls from high school
out there.

Col's gotta look hot...
so they'll be mad.

Amy: I think I made
her eye shadow worse,

if that's possible.

[ Piano plays somber music ]

Jodie: I can't believe
she's gone.

She made everything
better.

What are we gonna do
without her?

You know, of the four of us,
I really --

I really did think
you'd be the first to go, Amy.

You know, with all the --
the artificial sweeteners

and smoking all those years,
the drinking, the pills,

the gluten,
the jaywalking.

I'm so sorry.
I promise, I will be next.

Coleen would
really like that.

[Squeaks]

♪♪

[ Music plays faintly ]

Metallic bronze eye shadow,
hair loose and messy,

light denim jumpsuit,
unless it's winter --

I am rethinking
the jumpsuit.

I think it's a little too causal
for a coffin.

Well, this is going in
the will for now.

You're the greatest husband,
Henry.

Dan will end up just...

pouring me in a jar
with his mother.

Alright.
I gotta get to work.

Okay.
Uh, you gonna be okay?

Yeah.
Maybe in about five years.

It's gonna be okay.

I love you.

Bye, Jodie.

[ Sixpence None The Richer's
"Kiss Me" plays ]

Hey, this is our prom s--

Everyone missed you.
Don't think that they didn't.

You're very missed.

Sorry, that was
the hospital again.

Can't even day drink
at my best friend's funeral

without getting
interrupted.

You didn't talk about the
baby's hair without me, did you?

Oh, it was as bad
as Coleen's.

Coleen never would
have let someone

use hairspray
on her toddler.

She was
the best mother.

She spent every waking moment
with that kid.

It was like,
where Coleen ended,

Lila began.

Okay.
I get it.

You guys think
I'm a terrible mother.

No.

I work long hours.

I can't be home.

You produce
a morning cooking show.

You get off at 1:00
every day.

Yeah, that is true,

but it is a very
high-stress job, okay?

And I need time to decompress
before I go home,

before they go to bed.

I want to be with my kids.
I do.

I love my kids.
I just --

I inherited
the maternal instincts

of a corn chip.

You know what,
and if I didn't know

that she was in Florida
at a different bar right now,

Well, now you're insulting
corn chips.

Someday, I am gonna go home,
and I am gonna be a mother.

Amy, if Coleen's death
has taught us anything,

it's that we don't know
how much time we have left.

And have a hair
and makeup plan in place.

Oh, Amy does.
It's almost in her will.

You know,
'cause I'm next.

Seriously.
It's okay.

Someday is now.

We have to live
our best lives now.

Which is why
I am getting back in shape

and seeing a trainer.

I-I pay in cash so that
Dan doesn't know.

You know the only weight
you have to lose is Dan.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Damn it.

It's work.
I'm not even on call today.

I hate my life.

Somebody better be lying
in a pool of blood.

Oh, good.
Good.

She's a doctor.

♪♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪♪

-[ Applause ]
-[ Bell rings ]

Sarah, guess what.

I am going straight home
from work today.

Okay?

I was thinking
of Coleen.

And the whole "someday is now"
of it all,

and I have a chance
that she didn't have.

So, I'm gonna be
a really good mom.

In the afternoons.

Scary, huh?
Wow.

I mean, I thought
I had big news.

I just quit medicine.

Yours is way better
than mine.

What do you mean
you quit medicine?

I was in the ER
this morning

at the end
of an 18-hour shift,

and all I could think about
was the burrito that

I left in the doctors lounge
in the microwave.

Ooh, what kind?

Egg white, avocado,
vegan cheese.

You'd hate it.

Anyway, I get back to
the microwave after my surgery,

and someone has eaten half
of my burrito

and just left
the other half just --

just sitting there,
like an animal.

And that was
my breaking point.

I-I-I couldn't
do it anymore.

I-I grabbed my stuff,
and I peaced out.

You couldn't have just bought
another burrito?

It wasn't about the burrito,
Amy.

It was about everything

that I've given up
for medicine --

my -- my -- my 20s, my 30s,
my marriage.

You know that my absence
drove Diana

into the arms
of her acupuncturist.

Well,
I think she drove herself.

It did -- No, it did.
It drove her.

This is why I told you

not to give all your money
to Diana in the divorce,

because what if you had
a psychotic break,

which is what
you're having right now.

I have never
been better.

I am going to
get another job.

A fun one.

You can't.
You are a doctor.

♪ I'm coming ♪

♪ Out ♪

Not anymore.

♪ I'm coming ♪

♪ I'm coming out ♪

♪ I want the world to know ♪

♪ Got to let it show ♪

♪ I'm coming out ♪

♪ I want the world to know ♪

♪ Got to let it show ♪

♪ Got to let it show ♪

♪ I'm ♪

♪ I'm coming out ♪

[ Jodie Groans ]

You're so tight.

Am I hurting you?

It's good.

I like it.

Alright.
Let's go slow.

Hey,
did you lose weight?

2 1/4 pounds.

I'm doing intermittent fasting,
like you said.

And now with the high-intensity
interval training,

you're gonna be building
some lean muscle mass.

I'm telling you,
you're gonna be back

in your skinny jeans
before you know it.

You -- You're gonna look
so freaking hot.

[ Chuckles ]

I'm already in them.

[ Chuckling ]
Oh, my God.

Well, when you get home,
you gotta send me a picture.

Today?

Not in a couple weeks?

You're funny.

Meet me over
by the mini trampoline.

I'm gonna grab you
some water.

Nobody gets me water
at home.

I find that
very hard to believe.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sighing ] Okay.

Oh, that's a lot.

Mm, mnm-mnm.

[ Tires squeal ]

Maybe someday is tomorrow.

♪♪

[ Cellphone rings ]

Uh, hi.

How's it going
with the kids?

Or did you change your mind
about going home

and you're headed
to Mexico?

[ Tires screech ]

Nope.

I'm almost there.
I'm almost home, yeah.

What,
are you checking up on me?

You didn't think I was actually
gonna go home, or --

No.

Can't a guy
call his wife

and ask if she's run
off to Mexico?

Yeah.
No, you sure can.

But we are --
I am -- is all good.

I am ready to mother.

[ Clang ]
Aaah!

What the hell happened?

I'm -- I'm home.

Hi -- Hi, Luke.

[ Upbeat music plays ]
[ Door opens, closes ]

Mommy's home
in the daytime!

Are you not
feeling well?

What? No.
I'm good.

I just wanted to see
my children, so --

Hi, Jules.

Hi! Oh, yes.

See? Okay.
This is great.

Gloria, you can --
you can take off.

I'll -- I'll pay you,
of course.

You never come home
before I have the kids

bathed, fed, and in bed.

Well, I wouldn't --
I wouldn't say never.

Look, my friend died,

and I want to be a good mom,
so...

You don't want me?

I'll go.

Gaga.

Gaga's gotta go.

Gaga's gotta go.

Oh, bye-bye,
my sweet girl.

Oh, don't forget to --

Never mind.

You know
what you're doing.

You're their mother.

I don't want
to insult you.

No, you can insult me!

Gloria!
[ Door closes ]

[ Music continues ]

Gaga!

Luke: You're just in time
to play dinosaurs.

You can be a triceratops,
named for its three-horned face.

Don't touch those screens.
Alright.

[ Cellphone chimes ]

I'll be in my room!
Don't come in!

Mom, I'm hungry!

There's food
on the floor!

Oh, hey, Andy,
you look pretty!

Don't come in my room!

My mom.
No, you can't meet my mom.

It's not even legal
that we're dating.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

Come on!
Come on!

Please. Please.

No. No.

Just fit!

Fit! I'm begging you!

Whoop!

I begged you!

[ Groaning ]

Please, please, please,
please, please, please.

♪♪

So close.

[ Sighs ]

[ Squeaks ]

[ Both growling ]

Okay, this dinosaur's

just gonna catch
its dinosaur breath.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hey.

I-I came home...

to be a good mother
because someday is today.

Something bad's happened.
I need help.

Get over here.
Oh, thank God.

We'll be right over.

Okay! Change of plans.

Field trip.
Okay.

Yep, bring the sticks.
Okay.

I'll bring drums.

Oh, great. Great idea.
That will be fun in the car.

I still have to make Dan
a chicken.

Mom, did you know Florida has
the most shark-infested waters?

Luke, I did not
know that.

[ Chuckles ] Huh.

This is going --
This is going well, right?

You guys are --
Everyone's having a good time.

We're having fun, right?

[ Farts ]

She crapped herself,
and she's sitting on it.

Oh, that is --
Yeah -- [ Gags ]

That is crap.

Oh, she wants Gloria.

Okay, well, Gloria's not here.
It's just Mommy.

Well, it's not --
it's not just Mommy,

but you know what I mean.
Please!

Luke, I'm gonna want you
to hold your breath right now.

It's not healthy.

[ Inhales sharply ]

[ Crying ]

♪♪

Ooh.
Luke: Mom, did you know
peregrine falcons

feed on loons,
pigeons, and ducks?

Great.

That is such good information
right now.

Hi. Thank you so much
for letting us cut.

What?
Okay, it'll be a second.

Oh, my God.

Where are the diapers.
I didn't bring any diapers?

Oh, God!

Are there any emergencies
or 72-hour shifts?

I'm looking for something

where there's no illness
or death,

and I don't have to deliver
bad news to anyone.

I mean,
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it.

Sometimes you have
to tell the customers

that we're out
of the port wine cheddar.

It just happens.

You know, so...

Great.

I'll do it.

Yes.

I haven't interviewed you
yet.

Right.
What would you like to know?

Okay, um, any cash
register experience?

I-I'm a doctor.
MD-PhD.

I ran the busiest ER
in the tri-state area

for most of --
No cash register experience.

Uh, okay.

How about, uh,
bagging groceries?

Oh, well,
if it's anything like

putting organs
back into a body,

I'm --
No bagging experience.

Shopping cart stacking?

Yes.

Amy: Okay. Watch yourself.
Luke, watch yourself.

Watch yourself, Luke.
We've been waiting
here all day.

Ma'am, that was really
not okay 'cause --

You're gonna want
to burn that down.

Finally.
Look here...

[ Bird chirps ]

Now, what's all this?

I just need you
to roll me over,

pull down my sweatshirt so
it looks like these jeans fit,

and take a photo of me
from behind.

What smells like poo?

Oh, Gloria purposely

didn't tell me
to bring diapers,

and Julia had a blowout
in the car.

Where are the kids?
They're not up here, are they?

No, they're downstairs.
I'm paying Andrea to watch them.

She's gonna give Julia a bath,

and then loan her a crop top
and some short shorts.

I think she's sexually active.
It's just a feeling I get.

Okay.

Why are we doing this?

Because -- Aah!

Well,
it's just for my trainer.

I told him that my skinny jeans
were fitting again,

and he wants to see
for training purposes.

Oh, my God.

Are you having a thing
with your trainer

that you paid cash for?

No!

I'm not having a thing
with my trainer.

I... [ Chuckles ]

Uh...

His name is Matt,
which is my favorite name,

and he is so cute,
and I do have a crush.

I'm not doing anything.
Get a good angle.

Okay.

Oh! Oh, take
your boots off.

Dan hates feet on the bed.
I don't want a lecture.

Yeah, Dan sucks.
Here we go.

It has to look
like I'm standing.

Yeah, put your head to the side,
kinda like --

like you're over the shoulder,
being like, "Hey."

Hey.
Like, "Come hither."

Yeah.
Perfect.

Are my heels dry?
Are they cracked?

You know what I'm not gonna do,
is put lotion on your feet.

That's where I'm gonna
draw the line.

Can you just
crop out my feet?

Okay.

Do something
with your hand.

You would never hold them
out like that.

And I want to look sexy,

but not, like,
mom sexy.

Let me come
back to that.

How's my hair look.

I feel like that's not what
he's gonna be looking at.

Okay. Good point.
Good point. Good point.

You look like you're in
a time out as a superhero.

-Hanging out in my closet.
-Just hanging out.

-In my skinny jeans.
-Perfect.

I've lost circulation
in my calves.

And here, here, here.
I got one.

I got one that looks
like you are, um,

standing against
your favorite carpet wall.

I feel like you're laughing
at me.
No, I'm not.

No, I'm not --
I am not laughing at you.

I mean,
I'm laughing with you.

Will you get these
off of me?

They are splitting me
in half.

Oh, I gotta call Sarah,

because she will not want
to miss this.

[ Groans ]

Hi.

You wanna come over to Jodie's
and play tic-tac-camel-toe?

You quit over a burrito?

Oh.

And I applied for a job
at Fields.

The store?!

As what,
their doctor?

I believe the title
is "bagging associate."

Oh.

I'm done with hard work.

After this, of course.

Sarah,
you didn't quit out of guilt

because Coleen died?

What? Wait.

Whoa.
No. No.

You don't, right?
I mean, you shouldn't.

Why would I feel guilty?

I'm not an oncologist.

I just know that
you really loved Coleen

and you've dedicated your life
to taking care of people,

and you probably made yourself
feel responsible

for saving her somehow.

Amy, your neck looks amazing
from down here.

Aww. Thank you.

Huh.
Wait a minute.

How come Coleen dies
and Amy decides to be a mother

and you start wearing makeup
and -- and jeans, sort of,

but when I want
to quit my career,

it's not okay.

I was a mother before,
technically.

I wear makeup sometimes.

You don't think
it looks creepy?

Because it can definitely
look creepy.

No. Not at all.
No?

-Not anymore.
-Pants!

Why don't we just hitch Jodie
to the back of my car.

I will floor it.

Or we could go back
at the waist, like, with gusto.

No.

An ice bath will
contract her legs

and activate
the brown adipose fat --

Brown fat?!
Just cut me out!

Cut out all the colors
of the fat!

[ Panting ]

Amy, will you cut
along the seams

so I can fix this later.
Of course. Of course.

[ Screams ]
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
Sorry, I panicked!

These pants are like cheap
wrapping paper!

There's no pushback!

Oh, please.
Sarah, help me.

Okay, this is not good.
What's not good?!

What's not good?
I'll take it out!

Amy, Amy, Amy, no!

[ All screaming ]
Put it back in!

Put it back in!
Put it back in!

Okay, okay! Great, guys.
Thank you.

Now we have to go
to the ER.

I just quit.
I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

[ Indistinct announcement
over PA ]

Um, do you have a pen?

All I have is this,
uh, princess one.

I don't.

Does anyone
have a pen?

I just can't
have anything.

I take care of everyone,

and I ask for nothing
in return.

Children treat me
like a servant

because they see
Dan doing it.

[ Scoffs ]
He's not even smart.

He says "fustrated."

He thinks he's so manly
because he makes money.

Well, news flash,
this camel toe has come closer

to giving me an orgasm
than he ever has.

[ Sobbing ]
My best friend is dead.

♪♪

I'm sad.

And all I want is
to fit into my skinny jeans

so my trainer will want
to have sex with me,

and I can't even do that!

Oh, you skinny bitch!

So, you're gonna cheat
on your husband

after Diana
ruined our marriage

and pretty much my life?

I'd like to.

Let's go.
Whoa, whoa.

We're gonna go before
backward arm guy?

[ Groaning ]

Yeah.

VIP.

I haven't done anything.

It's just a fantasy,
like fitting into pants.

You know, if this trainer BS
is because Dan

can't give you
an orgasm,

I'll show him how.

Like a little tutorial.

Well, he doesn't
know I don't.

What?

I fake it.

I make a squeak.

Oh, well,
we need to hear that right now.

-What?
-Oh, yeah.

Now?
Yeah.

Come on.
I'm not --

Hey, you want cute stitches
or puckering?

[ Gasps ]

Let's go.

♪♪

[ Squeaks ]

[ Laughs ]

That was it?

There's no more to that?

You make that
when you cry.

Oh, yeah.

I knew I got that
from somewhere.

Oh, my God.
There you are.

I mean, are --
are you -- are you okay?

Are the kids okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're fine.

We're good.
They're with Andrea.

She's very mature.

Jodie thinks
she's sexually active.

Oh, it's just a feeling I get.
Whoo.

Boy, I can't panic
like I could in my 20s.

Wait, how did you know
I was here?

I haven't even posted
about this yet.

Well, I called you 100 times.
Got no answer.

Find My Phone on my phone
said your phone

was at the hospital,
so I raced over.

Jodie,
are you wearing makeup?

Aaah! Oh.

Well, it's on silent
because we're at a hospital.

Wait, are you --
are you tracking me

because you don't trust me
with the kids?

'Cause if so,
that's insulting.

Honey, I'm tracking you

because you always
lose your phone,

and you're not
even with the kids.

Only because Jodie
almost lost her leg

trying on skinny jeans.

Amy!
They fit in the back.

They really don't.

Unbelievable.
Okay.

I left work for this.

Left a guy on a roof.

Maybe I should just
wait for him here.

Next time your phone
says you're at the hospital,

I'll just assume
it was a pants emergency.

Thanks, boo.

Bye.

I'll see you at home.
Alrighty.

Bring the kids.

[ Amy Sighs ]

Okay, he's right.
I'm avoiding the kids.

We know.
It's obvious.

Oh.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Hello?

Oh. Hi.

It's Fields.

Really?

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm used to that.
You know, ER doctor and all.

I get up ea--
Alright.

I'll see you tomorrow.
Bye-bye.

The person they wanted --
he broke his parole.

I got the job at Fields.

And not
as their doctor.

No.
Is this crazy?

It's insane.
It's ridiculous.

Oh, my God.
I'm terrified.

-Oh, we all are.
-Aaaaaah!

That is the noise
you should make.

Matt texted back.

When did you have time
to send the picture?

Um, when I was bleeding out
in the car.

Oh, it does look
like it fits from the back.

This is all
Coleen's fault.

♪♪

If she could see us now,
huh?

♪♪

[ Laughing ]
She would die.

Yeah, I-I realize

that's the wrong thing
to say now.

[ Insects chirping ]

Jules...

I'm sorry I embarrassed you
at the coffee shop.

But trust me,
those judgmental looks --

they -- they weren't for you.

They -- They were for me.

This was not your fault.

It was Gloria's fault.
No, it wasn't.

It wasn't.
It was mine.

"What kind of mother
forgets diapers?", you ask.

An incompetent one.

I suck.

But know this --

I will always love you.

I wasn't hugged.

Henry: Do you
want a hug?

I don't know
how Coleen did it.

I mean, being a mom
was so effortless for her.

She just --
She knew.

She just knew
what Lila wanted,

and she knew how to care
for her, and --

I mean, she wasn't worried
about messing things up.

It's like, where Coleen ended,
Lila began.

What does that even mean?
I don't know.

Jodie said it.
It's mom language.

I'm not cut out
for this.

I was a lazy
dinosaur today,

and then Julia kept asking
for Gloria.

I mean, she is --
she is obsessed with Gloria.

No, she's not.
She's used to her.

Besides, I wouldn't
have married you

if I didn't think
you'd make an amazing mom.

I love you,
but you don't always make

the best decisions.

Well,
I got that one right.

Maybe.

Julia: Mama.

Did she --
Did she just ask for me?

Mm-hmm.

Go see
what she wants.

Oh, okay.

Hi.

I'm here.
Mommy's here.

Yeah. Okay.

Daddy, did you know
the moray eel

is the largest sea snake?

Really?
Look at this smart guy.

Did you also know that
the moray eel needs a warm,

subtropical environment
to survive?

Mommy, are you coming over
again tomorrow?

You mean home?

Yeah.

Yes.

Most likely.

I love you guys.

♪♪

Four showers,

and I still smell
the baby poo.

And you know what?
Julia wasn't even embarrassed.

She seemed --
She seemed almost proud.

[ Laughs ]

Okay, okay, I gotta go.

I'm going back there today
because of you.

And in case you're wondering,

we're holding it
together down here,

so you don't have to worry
about us.

Let's elevate,
shall we?

Aah!

Eh, actually, you can
maybe worry a little bit.

I miss you, girl.
Love you.

♪ I'm on my way up ♪

♪ Won't look back ♪

♪ I'm on my way up ♪

♪ My way ♪

♪ Mm-mm ♪