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00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:22,389
Shut up!
It's starting!
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00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,957
The Springfield Atoms
have earned
3
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,058
the number‐one pick
in this year's draft,
4
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:29,229
after intentionally losing
every game last season.
5
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,099
Nobody tanks like Springfield‐‐
6
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,268
City of Intentional Losers.
7
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:36,203
Tank! Tank! Tank!
8
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,938
‐And with the first pick
‐
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00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:41,041
of the draft,
the Springfield Atoms select...
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00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,876
Grayson Mathers.
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00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:45,946
All right!
12
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:48,682
Yeah! All right!
13
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:53,854
We have witnessed the most
beautiful birth in the world‐‐
14
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,290
that of a football dynasty.
15
00:00:56,390 --> 00:01:00,427
Let's show Philadelphia what
a real victory riot looks like!
16
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,506
What a needless tragedy.
17
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,975
You say our corporate revenue
is down?
18
00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:17,644
Well, the losses are
all coming from one division‐‐
19
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:18,946
your liquor company.
20
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:20,480
Sales of Mr. Gentleman Brandy
21
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:23,283
have reached zero and
are only projected to go down.
22
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:24,251
Impossible.
23
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:26,153
Mr. Gentleman is sipped
by every trustee
24
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,355
of the Narragansett
Whale Oil Concern.
25
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,891
Well, maybe the problem
is the ad campaign.
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00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,359
It's encouraging consuming
27
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,528
as little of the liquor
as possible.
28
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:38,799
Ah. That'll hold me
for quite a while.
29
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:40,234
So, I brought
in a branding expert
30
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,469
to reimagine Mr. Gentleman.
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00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:43,637
These days,
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00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,873
which in the branding business
is called "the present,"
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00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:48,008
the only liquor brands
people care about
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00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,110
are endorsed by big celebrities.
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00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,145
People think,
"If I buy this tequila,
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00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,348
then I'm as fun
as George Clooney."
37
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:56,884
Or, "I need to be more smug
and unbearable.
38
00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:59,286
Hey,
Ryan Reynolds has a gin."
39
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:02,723
So we find the perfect celebrity
to represent my brandy.
40
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:03,991
But who?
41
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:05,726
What about Harrison Ford?
42
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,728
‐Too Hollywood.
‐Dolly Parton?
43
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:08,762
Too Dollywood.
44
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:09,763
With that, we end the list
45
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:12,099
of every celebrity
who does not already have
46
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:13,567
an existing liquor company.
47
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,870
So what we need
is a brand‐new celebrity,
48
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,972
one adored by the common man.
49
00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,974
Grayson Mathers!
50
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:24,411
Grayson Mathers!
Grayson Mathers!
51
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:25,913
‐
‐Grayson!
52
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,147
Grayson, some have dubbed you
53
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,383
"The Savior of Springfield
Football".
54
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,785
Isn't that a lot of pressure
for a rookie?
55
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,053
I do me.
56
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,622
If you don't like it,
that's on you.
57
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:36,590
Mm‐hmm.
58
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,292
Grayson, some people are put off
59
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:39,793
by your tell‐it‐like‐it‐is
attitude.
60
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:40,961
What do you say to them?
61
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,129
I'm an open book,
62
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:43,931
but the media and haters
63
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,933
and people who have
never played the game,
64
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,836
I carry myself
with a certain confidence,
65
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,271
and I don't apologize
for your perception
66
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:54,474
of statements I did not make,
but stand by.
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00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,476
Truth bomb.
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00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,178
I sleep at night.
69
00:02:58,245 --> 00:02:59,813
What did you just say?
70
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,582
I do me.
71
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,552
Man, that dude
keeps it so real.
72
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:06,920
He's all, "This is me.
73
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,989
I don't apologize.
What up, haters?"
74
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,124
He does him.
75
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,994
I wish I was
half as myself as he is.
76
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,865
They adore this pigskin‐tossing
football thrower.
77
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,600
He's brash, outspoken,
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00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,502
willfully uninformed.
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00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:22,970
He has no filter.
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00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,772
In our sanitized,
clickbait‐ready,
81
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:26,907
media‐driven world,
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00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,376
what people crave
is authenticity.
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00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:32,112
If you don't believe me,
look at the metrics.
84
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,080
Now you believe me.
85
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,682
Why didn't you mention
any of this before?
86
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,652
I don't know.
87
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:42,122
This bad boy must be the new
face of my brandy company.
88
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,924
Smithers, hire him at once.
89
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:46,360
And get rid of this.
90
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,830
But my metrics!
91
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:58,338
I got no problem being me.
92
00:03:58,438 --> 00:03:59,840
Opinions exist.
93
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,241
Think about it.
94
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:04,111
Do you seriously doubt
I know what I'm like?
95
00:04:04,178 --> 00:04:05,946
And when it comes to brandy,
96
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,581
go ahead and sip.
97
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,582
Me?
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00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:10,317
I'll chug.
99
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:12,753
I do me.
100
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:14,454
You do you...
101
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:16,190
my way.
102
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,725
Congratulations, my boy.
103
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:22,396
You are the face of America's
most marked‐up trash liquor.
104
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,665
There's one thing
that's unique about me‐‐
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00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,900
I've always admired rich people.
106
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,736
And now I'm getting paid by one.
107
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:30,971
That's on you.
108
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,273
Aw, come on, Burnsy.
109
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:34,975
Bring it in.
110
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,377
Yeah. I got you, bro.
111
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:43,450
So this is what it feels like
to be brought in.
112
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:49,389
Cheers!
113
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:52,159
To the money
that comes from business.
114
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:55,028
To friendship hugs.
115
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,897
Well,
116
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,131
first game
of the season tomorrow,
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00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,333
so I'd better hit the Hay.
118
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,034
That's the name of the club
I'm going to.
119
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,236
Then I'm gonna hit the Sack.
120
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,438
That's where the after‐party is.
121
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,044
There he is, kids.
122
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,480
The QB who will one day
take us to the Super Bowl,
123
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,582
own several
local car dealerships
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00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,785
and host a middling
Saturday Night Live.
125
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,488
Oh, look at that baby face.
126
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:24,258
I hope
there's no tackling today.
127
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:28,295
Babyface looks
a little hungover, Mom.
128
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,163
Geez. He's kind of got
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00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,800
that "Dad asleep in his car
outside Moe's" look going.
130
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,669
The icy stare of a born winner?
131
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,971
Yes. That one.
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00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:42,142
And so begins a new era
in Atoms football.
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00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,144
The golden child's mighty arm
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00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:47,748
shall spiral a grim warning
to all who would oppose him.
135
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,816
Hut, hut! Hike!
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00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,623
Oh, God.
137
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,427
‐Get off the field!
‐Boo!
‐You suck!
138
00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:02,996
Oh, my God.
139
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:06,633
The 22‐year‐old
I bet all my happiness on
140
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,069
is nothing but a bust!
141
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,171
Bust! Bust! Bust! Bust!
142
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,273
But you were just
cheering for him.
143
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:14,975
You've been talking
about how great he is
144
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,476
every day for months.
145
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,145
But he's sucking.
146
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,680
It's the second‐best thing
he could do
147
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,448
next to playing great.
148
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:24,852
How dare they jeer that boy?
149
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:27,020
He's like the arrogant,
out‐of‐control son
150
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,590
I never sent to boarding school
and forgot about.
151
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,960
And Grayson Mathers
has just been benched.
152
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,430
And here comes the Haterade.
153
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,731
Aah!
154
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,768
Boo an angel, why don't you?
155
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,538
Thunder‐stick him!
156
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:56,250
There are far worse things
to be buried under.
157
00:06:56,316 --> 00:07:00,153
Launch the souvenir
loaded nachos!
158
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:11,265
Ah. Nothing like
a nice body‐temperature bath.
159
00:07:11,365 --> 00:07:13,033
I've never been booed before.
160
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,068
Not even when I trolled
the Florida State fans
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00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,737
by dancing on their coach.
162
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,673
Am I, like, a loser now?
163
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,542
If I am a loser,
164
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,544
then maybe I shouldn't be...
165
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:24,778
doing me.
166
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,779
Pish posh.
167
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,614
Doing you is what you do best.
168
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:28,849
And I'll prove it,
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00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,518
by putting you
in front of an adoring crowd.
170
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:34,888
Captain Underpants here!
171
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,089
Wimpy Kid!
172
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,791
I got Narnia!
173
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,826
Goosebumps here!
174
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:43,597
Our guest has achieved great
things in life by hard work
175
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,098
and being six‐foot‐four.
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00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,934
Please welcome Grayson Mathers.
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00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,773
Your principal
brought me here to tell you
178
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,575
that school is important.
179
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,210
But I got to keep it real.
180
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:59,379
This is the first time
I've ever been in a school,
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00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:02,783
and I own
three identical Ferraris!
182
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,618
That's wassup!
183
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,356
I have a question.
184
00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:10,624
You suck!
185
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,961
You're garbage
outside the pocket!
186
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,196
Your average depth of target
is a joke.
187
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,731
Bust! Bust! Bust!
188
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,501
The children are destroying him
with their hot takes!
189
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,636
Bust! Bust! Bust!
190
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,004
Shut up, you stupid kids!
191
00:08:24,071 --> 00:08:26,173
I'm a man! A football man!
192
00:08:26,273 --> 00:08:28,008
All I throw is dimes!
193
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,243
Here's a dime for you!
194
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,144
‐A dime for you!
‐
195
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,479
Nothin' but dimes!
196
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:33,647
Boom! Dime!
197
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:35,883
Boom! Dime!
198
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,417
‐Oh!
‐
199
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:40,754
The Madagascar
hissing cockroaches are loose!
200
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,662
All I drink is brandy!
201
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:52,332
My urethra is on fire!
202
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,437
I heard what you said
about your urethra.
203
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:59,173
Are you feeling okay?
204
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,874
I'm fine. Beat it, media.
205
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,209
You listen here, young man.
206
00:09:02,276 --> 00:09:04,344
Just because you're embarrassed
by your own behavior
207
00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,313
is no reason to lash out at me.
208
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:09,049
I'm the one person in town
who feels sorry for you,
209
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:10,817
and even I've about had it.
210
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,686
Now apologize.
211
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:13,820
I'm sorry.
212
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,689
Um... ma'am.
213
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,325
Good. Now, tell me what's wrong.
214
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:19,560
I mean, it doesn't make sense.
215
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,695
I can't stop partying.
I barely sleep.
216
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,730
I called Peyton Manning
a chicken‐fried Frankenstein
217
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:24,765
on Twitter.
218
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,667
I‐I'm doing me more than ever.
219
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,402
So why don't I play good?
220
00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:29,436
Oh, sweetie.
221
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:32,606
It sounds like you just need
to slow down.
222
00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:36,910
I actually have
six identical Ferraris.
223
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,646
I want to own
all the blue ones.
224
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,984
I know what's wrong with you.
225
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,986
Not enough Ferraris.
226
00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,722
What this boy needs
is a home‐cooked meal
227
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,724
and a good night's sleep.
228
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,025
At my house.
229
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,862
A partnership
betwixt a man and a woman
230
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,331
to provide for the care
of a young person.
231
00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,499
You supply
the nurturing home life,
232
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,401
and I'll be
the emotionally‐withholding
233
00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,570
yet somehow worshipped
father figure.
234
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:05,639
It's a deal.
235
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,641
You're coming home with me.
236
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:08,775
I really want to,
237
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:09,943
but I'm kind of supposed
to get into it
238
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,513
with some hockey players
outside a strip club later.
239
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,449
I'll call them
and tell them you're sick.
240
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,020
Yo. Two parents and some kids?
241
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,322
This is a straight‐up family.
242
00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:23,524
For real.
243
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,492
I guess we are.
244
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:28,929
So, Grayson, you just graduated
from college, right?
245
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,664
What did you major in?
246
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,032
Oh, they never told me.
247
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,902
That means communications.
248
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:37,538
You see, I grew up
on the Florida‐Texas border,
249
00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,373
where football is king.
250
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:42,209
One day, I saw this other baby
crawling a post pattern,
251
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,877
and I hit him with my pacifier.
252
00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:46,246
Perfect spiral. 20 yards.
253
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,549
My folks did what
any loving parents would do‐‐
254
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:50,817
they packed me off
to football academy.
255
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,319
I'm real grateful.
256
00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:54,655
If you keep a kid at home
till he's two,
257
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,490
it can screw up his development.
258
00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:58,992
Growing up in an
all‐football environment
259
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:02,329
helped me avoid the distractions
that come with being a kid‐‐
260
00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:04,965
friends, laughing, that junk.
261
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:08,001
For college, Alabama Tech
was an easy choice.
262
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,970
Coach is an amazing recruiter.
263
00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,905
You really feel his passion.
264
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:15,042
Wait, so you never
see your parents?
265
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,910
Oh, I see them all the time!
266
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:17,911
I see them at games,
267
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,446
in documentaries about me,
268
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:20,747
in the Campbell's Soup
commercial
269
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,950
my mom did without my knowledge.
270
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,451
Oh, Grayson,
271
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,453
growing up with nothing
but football
272
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,188
can't have been healthy.
273
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,424
No, no, I'm good.
274
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,226
Gimme that back!
275
00:11:32,326 --> 00:11:33,961
Starters eat before scrubs!
276
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,829
Everybody knows that!
277
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,939
You know, I'm beginning to see
the appeal of football.
278
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:47,908
Hit him again!
279
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,610
Kids, behave!
280
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,681
In a family,
we do not steal food.
281
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:55,983
‐But...
‐No buts.
282
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,618
Just because there aren't
coaches and minders
283
00:11:57,684 --> 00:12:01,188
watching your every move doesn't
mean you can act selfishly.
284
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:04,391
In a family, you don't do you.
285
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:05,492
You do...
286
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,527
others?
287
00:12:06,627 --> 00:12:07,995
And don't you forget it.
288
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,397
Now, boys, clear the table.
289
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,500
Bust. Bust. Bust.
290
00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:16,503
You sure the rookie
doesn't mind sharing?
291
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,639
Maggie loves company.
292
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,340
Um, Mrs. Marge,
293
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,975
do‐do you think
it'd be all right
294
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,644
if I stayed here for a while?
295
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,547
I've never been around
a real family before.
296
00:12:26,647 --> 00:12:28,782
Of course you can.
297
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,284
You sure? I'm a lot of work.
298
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,719
I need 9,000 calories a day
or I'll die.
299
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,489
So does my husband, silly.
300
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,489
Wow!
301
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:11,892
I've never seen such
a tiny megachurch.
302
00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,828
It's a normal‐sized
regular church, Grayson.
303
00:13:15,596 --> 00:13:18,966
Hey, here's a little fuel
for your private jet, Reverend.
304
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:23,637
When did the faces
on the paper money get so big?
305
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,907
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
306
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,075
Wow.
307
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,877
My first birthday party.
308
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,945
I made you a card.
309
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:35,048
We're all playing catch.
310
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:36,617
You've all given me so much.
311
00:13:36,717 --> 00:13:38,018
I have a family now.
312
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,454
A family that's shown me
I don't have to be selfish
313
00:13:40,521 --> 00:13:41,488
to be a success.
314
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,356
Huddle up, team.
315
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,124
Feelings on three!
One, two, three!
316
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,192
Feelings!
317
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,060
Who wants presents?
318
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,562
‐I do! I do!
‐Ooh, ooh, I do!
319
00:13:48,662 --> 00:13:49,796
‐I do! I do!
‐Merch!
320
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,798
Try this on, big fella.
321
00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:55,502
Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns!
322
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,070
I'm so glad you came!
323
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,239
Now it's a party, huh, guys?
324
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,941
Oh, I would never miss
the birthday
325
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,943
of football's brashest bad boy.
326
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,244
Now let's head out.
327
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:07,181
You and I are having
a night on the town.
328
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:10,017
It's time to party
with Brandyman!
329
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:13,353
Or Do‐You‐Man? I'm...
Can we decide on a catchphrase?
330
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,455
Catchphrase TBD!
331
00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:16,723
Are you nuts?
332
00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,258
You do realize that Grayson has
333
00:14:18,325 --> 00:14:21,228
a career‐defining
football game tomorrow.
334
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:24,431
He's gonna go to bed early
after a nice hot bath.
335
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:27,801
You can try out
the Silly Soap I bought. Huh?
336
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,002
All right!
337
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,804
This man plays a game
for a living
338
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,173
and you infantilize him?
339
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:37,444
Fine, but your mollycoddling
will have dire consequences.
340
00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:39,446
Mark my words.
341
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:43,250
‐Mathers with
his fourth touchdown of the day!
‐
342
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:45,485
And in a never‐before‐seen move,
343
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,055
the opposing defense
is resigning en masse
344
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,724
to try their luck
in the Canadian Football League.
345
00:14:50,791 --> 00:14:52,192
Good luck, fellas.
346
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:56,063
There he is! The man I never
thought was a bust for a second!
347
00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,065
A 53‐point win.
348
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,367
Bet you can't wait to say
something really arrogant.
349
00:15:00,434 --> 00:15:02,369
Just lucky
to have great teammates,
350
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,704
what a game plan,
351
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:06,340
keep my head down and work.
352
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,611
But also the greats who paved
the way in this league.
353
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,881
Where's my bad boy?
354
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,149
Come on, son. Be a sore winner.
355
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:17,885
Make Daddy proud.
356
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:20,120
Maybe you could call
the other team soft?
357
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,556
I mean, it's just us reporters
here. No one will know.
358
00:15:22,656 --> 00:15:25,025
No, sir. I'm just trying
to be the kind of guy
359
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:27,060
who makes a mother proud.
360
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,829
Are you saying...
361
00:15:28,896 --> 00:15:30,430
you're a mama's boy?
362
00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:33,400
I'm the biggest mama's boy
on the planet!
363
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,904
Mmm. Tastes good.
364
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:39,573
Marge Simpson,
what have you done?
365
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,148
You've ruined
our beautiful, arrogant boy!
366
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,884
Ruined? He's happy now.
367
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,719
What's wrong, guys?
Why are you fighting?
368
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:55,722
Oh, this woman's got you as
twisted as a Cossack's mustache.
369
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:59,293
What happened to the bad boy I
raised up from recent adulthood?
370
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,228
Don't listen to him, Grayson.
371
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:04,998
I'm so sorry
I ruined your spokesperson.
372
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,867
He's not just my spokesperson.
373
00:16:06,934 --> 00:16:08,268
He's my spokes‐son.
374
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,370
And you stole him from me.
375
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,106
You're so merged
with your own selfishness,
376
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:16,577
you don't even identify it
as selfishness anymore.
377
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,744
You're a monster!
378
00:16:17,878 --> 00:16:19,313
And you're winning!
379
00:16:20,848 --> 00:16:22,950
You've got to choose, my boy.
380
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,618
Me or her.
381
00:16:24,685 --> 00:16:27,821
Can't you see
you're tearing me apart?!
382
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:30,057
I need to grind tape
of blitz protections
383
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:32,693
against an eight‐man box!
384
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:51,044
I haven't heard
from Grayson in days.
385
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:54,548
Neither has the NFL Network,
ESPN or Adam Schefter.
386
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,350
The football world
hangs in the balance,
387
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,185
waiting for
this rookie phenom quarterback
388
00:16:58,252 --> 00:17:00,487
to choose
between his surrogate parents.
389
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:04,558
My sources tell me that Mathers
hasn't gone back to Mr. Burns
390
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:07,194
and that Marge has just
this second finished folding
391
00:17:07,261 --> 00:17:09,930
the sheets Grayson
may never sleep on again.
392
00:17:09,997 --> 00:17:11,765
What sources?
393
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,804
What if I never see my special
big football boy again?
394
00:17:17,838 --> 00:17:21,742
Mom, a fancy invitation
came for you.
395
00:17:21,842 --> 00:17:23,443
Grayson sent me a ticket
396
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:26,713
for the Sports Channel's
annual awards show.
397
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:28,849
You're going
to the Sportswardsies?
398
00:17:28,949 --> 00:17:31,051
That's the one night
when pro athletes
399
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,287
finally get to thank
their agents.
400
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:35,989
And Grayson picked me
as his plus‐one,
401
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,624
not Mr. Burns.
402
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,892
You won!
403
00:17:38,992 --> 00:17:40,894
Motherhood won!
404
00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:42,930
Yippee!
405
00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:44,264
‐
406
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,333
LISA
All good, all good.
407
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:54,708
‐You!
‐You!
408
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:58,011
Wait, I'm supposed
to be sitting next to Grayson.
409
00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:01,014
So am I.
I know what's happening here.
410
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,317
Obviously, our boy
sat us together thinking
411
00:18:03,417 --> 00:18:05,853
we would reach
some sort of rapprochement.
412
00:18:05,953 --> 00:18:07,921
He Parent Trapped us!
413
00:18:07,988 --> 00:18:09,122
Too bad for him‐‐
414
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:11,358
we're never gonna
see eye to eye.
415
00:18:11,425 --> 00:18:12,459
Amen, sister.
416
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:16,096
A toast
to never‐ending animosity.
417
00:18:16,897 --> 00:18:18,565
I'll drink to that.
418
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:20,400
Enemies forever.
419
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,336
Mm. Ah.
420
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,872
The Sportswardsies are starting.
421
00:18:24,972 --> 00:18:27,007
Kids, have you filled out
your betting sheets?
422
00:18:27,074 --> 00:18:29,309
Look at these categories.
423
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:30,511
Worst Contract?
424
00:18:30,611 --> 00:18:31,745
Best World Series?
425
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,747
The Donald Sterling
Appalling Owner
426
00:18:33,847 --> 00:18:35,916
Lifetime Achievement Award?
427
00:18:35,983 --> 00:18:38,118
James Dolan,
James Dolan, James Dolan.
428
00:18:38,252 --> 00:18:41,221
For me, it's all about
Best Stretcher Ride Thumbs‐Up.
429
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,590
Most of all,
I'd like to thank Gordo,
430
00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:46,193
who I pay six figures
to carry my trophies.
431
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,729
Gordo, this is for you, buddy.
432
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:52,299
When we come back,
the Sportswardsy
433
00:18:52,366 --> 00:18:54,501
for Most Inspiring Athlete.
434
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:57,004
Oh, he's looking
at the wrong camera.
435
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:59,206
He's such a cutie.
436
00:18:59,273 --> 00:19:02,609
How could two people like us,
with all our flaws,
437
00:19:02,743 --> 00:19:04,745
make this perfect creature?
438
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,547
I'm a terrible father.
439
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:09,816
I should have raised him
to be a man, not a brand.
440
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:12,953
Ah. Let's promise
we'll do better, Monty.
441
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,421
Together.
442
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:18,358
The winner
for Most Inspiring Athlete is...
443
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:19,793
Grayson Mathers.
444
00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:21,261
‐♪ ♪
‐
445
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,965
You all know I've had
some personal struggles lately.
446
00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:28,235
I was losing
the football game of emotions.
447
00:19:28,302 --> 00:19:31,004
But there's one person
who got me through it.
448
00:19:31,071 --> 00:19:32,506
He's talking about you.
449
00:19:32,573 --> 00:19:33,841
You're the nurturer.
450
00:19:33,974 --> 00:19:35,976
But you're his inspiration.
451
00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:37,744
It's got to be you.
452
00:19:39,847 --> 00:19:40,981
And that person is...
453
00:19:41,048 --> 00:19:44,685
‐my fiancée Kaitlyn!
‐
454
00:19:44,785 --> 00:19:47,321
The three days I've known her
have seemed like a lifetime.
455
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,023
An Instagram model,
a YouTube reactor
456
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,092
and the creator of Yoga Yogurt,
457
00:19:52,159 --> 00:19:54,461
the faith‐based yogurt
you eat while yoga‐ing.
458
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,331
Kaitlyn is so much more
than a business manager to me.
459
00:19:57,431 --> 00:20:00,033
Though she's that, too!
As of this morning!
460
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:02,870
Hope you can handle
total financial control, baby!
461
00:20:02,970 --> 00:20:04,171
Good news, babe!
462
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,772
You're fighting Floyd Mayweather
463
00:20:05,839 --> 00:20:07,841
on a Valentine's Day
pay‐per‐view!
464
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:11,011
She's getting me out
of the brandy business,
465
00:20:11,078 --> 00:20:13,080
into something
more wholesome,
466
00:20:13,146 --> 00:20:16,416
our new line
of all‐ages hard seltzers.
467
00:20:16,450 --> 00:20:18,252
@Katilicious _97,
468
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,020
I can't wait to marry you.
469
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,522
Tell me there's a prenup.
470
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:22,556
No prenup!
471
00:20:22,623 --> 00:20:24,191
That's how I roll!
472
00:20:24,258 --> 00:20:26,326
Who wants some seltzers?
473
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:27,327
Dime for you!
474
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,997
And just like that,
we've been replaced.
475
00:20:30,097 --> 00:20:32,833
One day, they're these sweet,
innocent creatures
476
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,935
who are totally reliant on you.
477
00:20:35,002 --> 00:20:37,437
Then, suddenly,
it's two weeks later
478
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,606
and they're gone.
479
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:54,254
When we return, find out
who takes home the Sportswardsy
480
00:20:54,288 --> 00:20:55,923
for Best
Press Conference Meltdown
481
00:20:55,989 --> 00:20:57,157
and Most Valuable MVP.
482
00:20:57,224 --> 00:20:59,193
Plus, Cirque du Soleil
will reimagine
483
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,228
this year's Most Flagrant Fouls.
484
00:21:01,295 --> 00:21:03,497
Later, it's
Least Racist Team Name
485
00:21:03,564 --> 00:21:05,632
and Coldest Bud Light,
486
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:06,834
brought to you by Bud Light.
487
00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:09,102
And don't miss Kenny Chesney
and his musical tribute
488
00:21:09,169 --> 00:21:12,472
to the 100 all‐time
worst‐run vanity charities.
489
00:21:12,573 --> 00:21:15,108
Then, find out which
baseball player will take home
490
00:21:15,175 --> 00:21:17,044
Highest Batting Average.
491
00:21:17,144 --> 00:21:19,112
And five living legends
battle it out
492
00:21:19,213 --> 00:21:21,415
for the Most Tone‐Deaf
Hall of Fame Speech.
493
00:21:21,515 --> 00:21:22,516
And lots more.
494
00:21:22,583 --> 00:21:26,119
All that when
the Sportswardsies continue.
495
00:21:26,186 --> 00:21:29,122
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
496
00:21:29,189 --> 00:21:32,125
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
497
00:21:32,192 --> 00:21:34,928
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
498
00:21:34,995 --> 00:21:38,398
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
499
00:22:06,393 --> 00:22:08,529
Shh!
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