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ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
my brother, Barry,
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00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,295
loved imitating his heroes.
3
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,214
From whip-wielding adventurers on-screen
4
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,925
to python-flexing champions of the ring,
5
00:00:08,050 --> 00:00:09,343
he couldn't help but see himself
6
00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:11,094
in their action-packed exploits.
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00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:14,514
But there was one suave
super-spy who topped them all.
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00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,975
Bond. James Bond.
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00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,685
That's how he introduces himself.
10
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,729
I love how even after
almost being murdered,
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00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,606
he's wildly flirty.
12
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:25,484
[British accent]
"Welcome, sir, I'm Jenny Flex."
13
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:26,610
Her name is kinda suggestive.
14
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:27,903
Yeah, good stuff.
15
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,364
You guys said you'd eat some
popcorn if I got the big tub.
16
00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,532
And now my delicate tummy
is upset with all of you.
17
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:33,742
We told you not to get it.
18
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,702
It's only 50 cents more
for the rodeo barrel.
19
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,497
Wait. Adam hasn't praised the movie yet.
20
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:39,790
Why aren't you still clapping
21
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,375
and/or demanding to see it again?
22
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,376
Yeah, it was neat.
23
00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:43,669
"Neat" is something you say
24
00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:45,087
after uncomfortably watching
25
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,713
your little brother's
performance in "The King and I."
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00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,048
How dare you?
27
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:50,050
One critic said my performance
was so inappropriate
28
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:51,593
- he couldn't look away.
- Just say you loved it
29
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,595
so I can stop being scared of
his furrowed brow.
30
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,055
Look, the fight on
the Eiffel Tower was fun,
31
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,723
but what villain uses a blimp?
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00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:57,766
I think we can all agree
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00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,309
it's a bad choice for a getaway vehicle.
34
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:02,145
Blimp technology is in its infancy.
35
00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:04,064
We don't know what tomorrow will bring.
36
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,565
Hopefully an end to this conversation.
37
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:06,817
[Normal voice]
Well, I spent the whole time
38
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,111
lost in dreamboat Roger Moore's
blue eyes.
39
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:11,321
He got my Aston Martin a-revvin'.
40
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:13,240
Exactly. Wait. What?
41
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:14,866
The only plot hole was
there weren't more women
42
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,285
jumping his British bones. [Hisses]
43
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,203
But he was so old.
44
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,788
Like over 50.
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00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:20,914
Maybe you didn't notice,
46
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:22,499
but he took a lot of elevators
in this one.
47
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,252
Whatever Grandpa Bond's doing,
it's working.
48
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:26,503
Double oh, yeah.
49
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:27,754
Brea, how about you?
50
00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,172
You hot for the spy guy?
51
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:31,591
Mm, I prefer a softer man
who plays it safe.
52
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:33,218
Ouch, but also whoo-hoo!
53
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,928
Could Roger Moore do this?
54
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Secret agent kick!
55
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:38,265
My bucket!
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00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:40,017
♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
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Subs by kinglouisxx
for www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,316
♪ I don't know the future ♪
60
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,819
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
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00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,280
It was January 5th, 1980-something,
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and just like she did at home,
63
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,450
my mom was stopping by the store
64
00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:58,577
to clean up after my dad.
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[Both scream]
66
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,581
Damn it, Mike. You scared me.
67
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,834
Sorry. My night face has been
described as both waxy and ashy.
68
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,461
Two words that seem to fight each other,
69
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,338
- but what are you gonna do?
- Why are you here?
70
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,256
I'm just working late
and fighting gingivitis.
71
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:13,008
- Are you living here?
- Fine.
72
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,468
I am temporarily enjoying the perks
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00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,761
of owning 30 mattresses
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00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,596
because Fran and I are separating.
75
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,348
Oh, my God.
76
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,475
But you're both so young and vital.
77
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:22,601
Vital? You kidding?
78
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,144
Five years ago,
my doctor started saying,
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00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,687
"Eh, it is what it is."
80
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,607
What happened? And I'm not just
curious for gossip purposes.
81
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,735
I don't know. I guess Fran just
got sick of my general way.
82
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,487
That does have a ring of truth to it.
83
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,654
Yeah, but it's not all bad.
84
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,031
I mean, I got top-of-the-line sleepers
85
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,032
as far as the eye can see.
86
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,533
The commute is easy.
87
00:02:38,658 --> 00:02:40,285
And, I mean,
what more can a man ask for?
88
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,329
Love? Companionship? Connection?
89
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,289
- [Microwave dings]
- Ooh, ramen night again.
90
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:45,457
Gotta tell ya, Bev,
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00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,000
the Japanese have really mastered
92
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,169
the fine art of microwave soup.
93
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,588
Arigato, my Far Eastern friends.
94
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,590
Damn it, Mike. Ditch the cardboard mush.
95
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,468
You're coming home with me
for a home-cooked meal.
96
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:57,886
[Door opens, closes]
97
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,389
Hey, there's my work buddy.
98
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,515
W-What's this one doing here?
99
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,475
Murray, that is no way to greet a guest.
100
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,645
Guest? Like I don't see this guy
enough between 10:00 and 3:00?
101
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:07,854
Those are your hours?
102
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,356
How do you support us?
103
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,483
Did you know he's been
sleeping at the store?
104
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,402
He mentioned it. Something about
his life falling apart.
105
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,529
Do you even listen to people
when they talk?
106
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,656
Fine, I'll ask.
What's your deal, Pajama Jim?
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00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,616
Fran and I are taking
a little time apart.
108
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,201
- And now I know.
- Okay, can you guys take
109
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,953
your super strong friendship
somewhere else?
110
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,621
I'm trying to write my vows here.
111
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,705
Vows? For what?
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My wedding?
113
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:28,625
Wow, you guys really don't talk.
114
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,293
And that's why we're
the fourth-highest-grossing
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discount furniture store
in the township.
116
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:34,256
That doesn't seem great.
117
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I'll tell you what's not great...
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marriage.
119
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,468
Here's a little notion for your vows...
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love is a sham.
121
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:43,098
Ignore him. What have you got
so far, schmoopy-poo?
122
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,099
"Dear Geoff.
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'G' is for 'good.'
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'E' is for 'even better.'
125
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:49,563
'O' is for 'oh, dang, that's my fella.'"
126
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,398
- I'm gonna stop you.
- I'm gonna let you.
127
00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:52,691
Got a little something for your poem.
128
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,651
I buy Fran a beach house in the hopes
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00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,404
that I might buy myself
some moments of silence.
130
00:03:57,529 --> 00:03:58,447
But no.
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00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,656
The only thing busier than her mouth
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00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:00,740
are my credit cards.
133
00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:04,035
I'm gonna go sit in a closet
where his sad, dead love can't get me.
134
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,495
Hey, can I use the john?
135
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,913
I haven't showered in days.
136
00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:09,416
I think I smell of Entenmann's
and sadness.
137
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:12,210
Upstairs.
The only door that doesn't lock.
138
00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,629
[Sighs] Damn it, Murray.
139
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,465
You can't just let
their marriage end like this.
140
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,424
Oh, I can.
141
00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,301
But more importantly, so can you.
142
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,135
Too late.
143
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,761
I will repair their broken marriage
144
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,431
and prove to Erica
that true love is forever.
145
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,349
Is this what it feels like
when I don't listen?
146
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:27,684
Because I'm okay with that.
147
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,061
Hey, I got all naked.
I couldn't find the towels.
148
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:31,480
Is that our bedspread?
149
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,898
Eh, it's somebody's.
150
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,608
I have a lot of work ahead of me.
151
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,360
While my mom was determined
to save Mike's marriage,
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00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:40,071
Barry wanted me to help
celebrate his relationship.
153
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,823
Dang it. One piece is missing.
154
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:42,824
Uh, we get the gist.
155
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,159
It's the green guy from "Ghostbusters."
156
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,077
That's Slimer. He's pure ectoplasm,
157
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,497
and he's not just a mascot,
he's a friend.
158
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,541
You know, sometimes it's okay to just say,
"That's right, Brea."
159
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,460
- You're done with this.
- No!
160
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,545
- Hey, it's your brother.
- Enough small talk.
161
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,214
I have an emergency announcement.
162
00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,132
Joanne and I have been dating
for a few months,
163
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,593
and I finally found her
the perfect gift.
164
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:02,802
The gift of me.
165
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,930
[British accent] Barry. Barry Bond.
166
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,264
[Normal voice] Nephew of James Bond
167
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,724
and worldly gentleman super-spy
168
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,851
and insatiable and acrobatic lover.
169
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,311
But those words don't describe you.
170
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,146
If anything, you're the opposite
of James Bond.
171
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,774
And you're the opposite of
the opposite of James Bond.
172
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,567
So... James Bond?
173
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:18,944
Look, I'm not here to discuss
174
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,946
how confusing opposites can get,
Dave Kim.
175
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,280
I'm here to make great art.
176
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,491
I'll bite. What are you gonna
force us to do?
177
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,328
The title is "You Only Die
Once or Twice,
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00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:29,496
but Never Three Times"?
179
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:30,622
Your parts are highlighted.
180
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,415
Brea, you are the femme fatale.
181
00:05:32,541 --> 00:05:34,334
Why am I wearing a bikini
in the Swiss Alps?
182
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,794
I justify it on page seven.
183
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,879
You were born in a Russian genetics lab
184
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,215
and you're half polar bear
from your father's side.
185
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,716
I'm Q and Moneypenny?
186
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:42,759
So much range.
187
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:46,263
Explosive gadgets and secretarial work.
188
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,473
And I die in the first scene
by being filled with lead
189
00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:50,267
then pulled apart by giant magnets?
190
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:53,853
It's gruesome, but necessary so
I can avenge your idiotic death.
191
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,063
This is lazy writing.
192
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,648
I refuse to change a single word.
193
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,149
Why is everyone mischievous?
194
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,442
The mischievous manservant.
195
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:00,777
The mischievous baccarat dealer.
196
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,404
The mischievous baby?
197
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,489
It heightens the tension, Dave Kim.
198
00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:05,448
Despite this not fitting in with
199
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:07,951
my usual light-hearted cinematic tastes,
200
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,953
I have always wanted
to dabble in the spy genre,
201
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,955
- so we're in.
- We are?
202
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,540
I'm part polar bear, Adam.
203
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,125
But only if I handle the rewrite.
204
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,459
Deal.
205
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:19,129
While my brother was determined
to be the best Bond ever,
206
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,673
my mom was intent on
fixing Mike's marriage.
207
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,133
Hello, Murray Goldberg.
208
00:06:23,258 --> 00:06:24,634
Get out of the papasan.
209
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,012
I most certainly will not
get out of the papasan.
210
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,680
I love the papasan.
211
00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:30,765
It is my papa-sanctuary.
212
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,726
Do not get involved in Mike's marriage.
213
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,019
I have a plan.
214
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,563
See, the way to drive Mike
back into Franny's arms
215
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,356
is to show him what he's been missing.
216
00:06:38,481 --> 00:06:39,816
And how are you gonna do that?
217
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,611
By getting him to date a woman
far worse than Fran.
218
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,821
- [Door bells jingle]
- Beverly,
219
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:48,074
why did you ask to meet me in
this off-season haunted house?
220
00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,035
This is my husband's place of business.
221
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,620
Remind me what he does for work again...
222
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,039
besides having to tell you
that he loves you.
223
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,332
Save that gold.
224
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,834
Oh, Mike, you have a customer.
225
00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,502
Hello, miss, may I help you
find something?
226
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:01,046
Is there a door closer than that one
227
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:02,881
to leave this godforsaken place?
228
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,966
Mike, this is Jane. Jane, Mike.
229
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:06,760
- How do you...
- Don't touch me with that hand.
230
00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:09,512
You look like a man
who scratches everywhere.
231
00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:13,141
Bevy, your friend is very mean
and very attractive.
232
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,101
Hm, well, I don't see it,
but let's pretend yes.
233
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:18,688
Um, you know, Mike has recently
become single.
234
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,690
Are you trying to set us up?
235
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:21,983
Have you seen me?
236
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,485
I have the body of a swimmer.
237
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,986
He has the body of someone
238
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,863
they'd find face-down in a river.
239
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,365
I'm mesmerized.
240
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:31,201
I have an idea.
Why don't the two of you go
241
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,495
and discuss all of the things
you don't have in common
242
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,121
at China Garden.
243
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:38,375
Fine. But only because you think
you're some great matchmaker.
244
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,668
I'll prove you wrong.
245
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:40,919
Oh, no, don't do that.
246
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:42,545
Shall we make some mistakes?
247
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,506
- [Sighs]
- And so, it looked like my mom's plan
248
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,424
to drive Mike back into his wife's arms
249
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,093
was gonna be a success.
250
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:49,052
Until it wasn't.
251
00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,804
It was great!
252
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,765
- There's my steady beau.
- What?
253
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,518
I hate to admit it, Beverly,
but you did it.
254
00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,895
Well, don't you have some qualms?
255
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:00,355
Oh, all of them.
256
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,066
But despite his unappealing
nature and shape,
257
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:05,485
he made it quite clear of
his enormous wealth,
258
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,070
so whee!
259
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,571
Oh, my.
260
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,824
What a unique pairing.
261
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:11,908
Stick this in your vows...
262
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,910
Don't marry the first dummy
that comes along.
263
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,788
Wait for the second dummy
who's smoking hot.
264
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:20,375
And make sure the dummy's
ridiculously loaded.
265
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,001
All right, I'm so happy for you. Bye.
266
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,294
She wasn't.
267
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,838
Meanwhile, Barry had finished his movie
268
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:28,216
and was ready to show Joanne
how good of a Bond he could be.
269
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,635
You are gonna love this surprise.
270
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,011
Ooh, I'm so excited.
271
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,472
But why didn't you just
blindfold me with a necktie?
272
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:35,432
I don't own one.
273
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:37,559
But I do own two pirate's eyepatches.
274
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:38,852
Ta-da!
275
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,061
We're gonna watch a movie?
276
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,730
Oh, not just any movie.
277
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,773
One made especially for you.
278
00:08:43,898 --> 00:08:45,316
And it was gonna be epic.
279
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,526
[British accent] This summer,
280
00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:49,696
get ready for Bond, Barry Bond... 0014.
281
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,489
'Cause that's twice as good as seven.
282
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:53,158
Time to die, Mr. Bond.
283
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,785
♪
284
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,787
The time to die is yours.
285
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:58,663
[Imitates bones cracking]
286
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:01,958
[Normal voice] It has it all... action.
287
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,294
Romance.
288
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,588
Style.
289
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,132
Underwater stuff.
290
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:12,135
And, of course, the man himself.
291
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,762
Saving the world is easy.
292
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,972
What's hard is
looking this good doing it.
293
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,223
[British accent] Coming this summer
294
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,683
and every summer after.
295
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,143
ADULT ADAM: But her response...
296
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:21,269
not what he expected.
297
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,812
[Laughs] Oh, my God.
298
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,355
Thank you for this.
299
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,024
It was the perfect gift.
300
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,942
[Laughs] Ooh, underwater stuff.
301
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,986
- Yeah, underwater stuff.
- Ahh!
302
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,572
I should go freshen up.
I peed myself a little.
303
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:33,990
[Laughs]
304
00:09:34,115 --> 00:09:37,911
♪
305
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,497
It had been a day since
306
00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:43,708
Joanne's underwhelming reaction
to Barry's Bond movie.
307
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,627
There's my Care Bear.
308
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,420
Who's excited to go mini-golf?
309
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,422
You can be your favorite... red ball.
310
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:52,258
Eh, I'm not really in the mood
for tiny versions of anything.
311
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:54,511
Well, I'm a tiny version,
and you like me.
312
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:55,929
For sure. I'mma go take a nap
313
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,181
in my childhood bedroom
where I feel safe.
314
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,099
Even though the samurai sword
above my bed
315
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,143
would suggest otherwise.
316
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,646
Gee, I wonder if he's upset.
317
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,523
I may know what's going on.
318
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,775
I didn't exactly respond
to his Bond movie
319
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,819
- the way that he'd hoped.
- And how did you respond?
320
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,320
I laughed and laughed.
321
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,571
And then laughed some more.
322
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:14,739
Why would you do that?
323
00:10:14,864 --> 00:10:16,282
I thought that it was a joke.
324
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:18,451
He wrestled a rubber snake.
325
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,619
For nine minutes.
326
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,496
For some reason, he demanded final cut.
327
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,249
Still, it's well established
Barry's a tad sensitive.
328
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,500
[Scoffs] A tad?
329
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,918
I coughed while he was talking,
330
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,920
and he accused me of
trying to ruin his story
331
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,171
about meeting a turtle.
332
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,382
Insanely sensitive.
333
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:33,967
But how could he not be?
334
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:37,095
On one hand, our dad constantly
calls him a moron.
335
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,805
On the other, our mom endlessly
336
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,932
showers him with undeserved praise.
337
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,767
It's not a parenting success story.
338
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,686
But he will get over it, right?
339
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,187
I dunno. One time at the mall,
340
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:47,939
he lost a game of peek-a-boo to a baby,
341
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,607
and I had to physically separate them.
342
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,526
Sounds like he can't really
handle anything.
343
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,027
You're a quick study, Joanne.
344
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,195
But I can give you a few tricks
345
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,489
that I use to calm our
combustible little buddy.
346
00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,825
We'll begin with the three P's.
347
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:00,577
First up... praise.
348
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:01,744
So I just say nice things to him?
349
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,246
- I do that already.
- No.
350
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:06,249
This is the kind of praise that
isn't applicable to any human.
351
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,209
If it doesn't feel like
you're worshiping a living god,
352
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,335
you're doing it wrong.
353
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,004
Stroke the bear. [Clicks tongue] Check.
354
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,964
There's gotta be so many
better ways to say that.
355
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,591
Next up, power.
356
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,675
Of course.
357
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,552
I have it all, and he wants it.
358
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:18,803
Not at all.
359
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,347
Power as in athletic prowess
on the sports field.
360
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,932
So just let him win at sports?
361
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,894
Well, it goes against
my dominant nature, but okay.
362
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,353
For the third and final "P"...
363
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,243
Pan-fried trout?
No, it's pan-fried chicken.
364
00:11:29,353 --> 00:11:31,149
Oh, wait, is the "P" silent?
Is it Pterodactyl?
365
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,108
You don't have to guess.
366
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:34,436
You just have to
publicly humiliate yourself.
367
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,863
You lower yourself
to make him feel higher.
368
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,990
For the record, I don't think
any woman should ever
369
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,367
debase herself
to make a man feel better.
370
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,536
Well, that's why
you don't have a boyfriend.
371
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,246
[Chuckles]
372
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,581
Thanks.
373
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:50,835
♪
374
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,170
She took the chalkboard.
375
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,714
While Joanne hoped
to help Barry save face,
376
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:58,343
my mom's plan to fix Mike's
marriage had blown up in hers.
377
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,637
You will never guess
who I just saw during
378
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:03,640
my power walk/power sit
and eat Sbarro at the mall.
379
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,432
- Tip O'Neill?
- No.
380
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,642
- Mr. Belvedere?
- TV character.
381
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:06,851
- Quick Draw McGraw?
- Cartoon.
382
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,978
- Waldenbooks?
- That is a store.
383
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,773
It was Formica Mike and Jane Bales.
384
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,900
He was sitting on her lap.
385
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:14,901
I don't follow.
386
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,736
And I'm not asking for a clarification.
387
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,196
I just refuse to follow.
388
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,907
He needs to dump her
and go back to his wife.
389
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,408
Have you ever thought for a second
390
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,577
that it's a good thing
that Mike and Fran split?
391
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,621
Have you ever thought
for a second that you don't know
392
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,289
what the [bleep] you're talking about?
393
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,792
Fran's [gulps] a lot.
394
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:31,834
Why?
395
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,628
Because she's a strong, confident woman
396
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,754
who speaks her mind?
397
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:35,672
You've seen it, too.
398
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,340
[Doorbell rings]
399
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,802
How dare you?
400
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,470
How could you take my Mikey
401
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,972
and set him up with another woman?
402
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,307
I don't understand.
He said you kicked him out.
403
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,476
Of course I did. That's our thing.
404
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,770
Especially now that
the kids are out of the house
405
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,522
and the seams have been revealed.
406
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,107
We're hot, then we're cold,
407
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,817
then we're sweaty and disgusting.
408
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,360
It's called marriage.
409
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,904
I was just trying to push him
back to you.
410
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:02,073
By dangling Bo Derek in front of him?
411
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,324
She's awful.
412
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,076
Men don't care about awful.
413
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,327
I'm awful.
414
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:07,495
You need to fix this.
415
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,081
We may have hit a rut,
but he's my forever baby.
416
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:14,168
There may be a way for me
to undo all of this.
417
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,586
♪
418
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,589
We are gonna put you on the arm
of a beautiful man.
419
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,092
And make Mikey jealous, nice.
420
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,387
Say hello to physical
educationalist Coach Nick.
421
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,055
A circus strong man? I don't know.
422
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,390
He's not really my type.
423
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:28,808
Well, it's not about your type.
424
00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,602
It's about who is gonna be
the most threatening to Mike.
425
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,312
He does fill out those tiny shorts.
426
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,898
Those would be full-blown pants
on a regular man.
427
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,275
[Chuckles]
428
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,861
One glance at Coach Nick's beefy arms
429
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:42,321
will send Mike running
straight back into yours.
430
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,448
I love this plan.
431
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,367
As my mom was fixing up
another unlikely couple,
432
00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,870
Joanne was trying to fix
her relationship with Barry,
433
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,204
starting with praise.
434
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:53,041
Hubba-hubba.
Look at my buff, beautiful boy.
435
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:55,334
Did someone replace my shirt
with a snugger version?
436
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:56,335
Pfft. I wouldn't know,
437
00:13:56,461 --> 00:13:58,004
but you are the smartest person
God made.
438
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,548
Well, it doesn't matter
if I can't punch and kick.
439
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,592
But praise didn't seem to work,
440
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:05,136
so it was time for
the second "P"... power.
441
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,888
Hey.
442
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,598
Bet you can't score on me.
443
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,475
Effortless challenge accepted.
444
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,393
Great.
445
00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,853
Oh. Oh.
446
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,772
Ah! Ah!
447
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:18,107
Oh, boom shakalaka.
448
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:21,277
You are clearly an NBA All-Star.
449
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,238
Wait. These aren't regulation nets.
450
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,824
There's a nine-year-old
over there windmill jamming.
451
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,493
And he has newer Jordans
than mine. [Scoffs]
452
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,286
And when that didn't work,
453
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,413
Joanne had to resort to the final "P"...
454
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:33,706
public humiliation.
455
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:34,791
Whoa!
456
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,334
[Laughter]
457
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:39,170
Well, this is embarrassing.
458
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,089
But also hilarious.
459
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,091
Now you can laugh at me
460
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,510
and recognize that sometimes
things in life are funny.
461
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:48,221
I don't see why it's funny to
waste all that Hawaiian Punch.
462
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,555
Island people worked hard
463
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,724
to squeeze tropical sunshine
into every drop.
464
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,726
Seriously, Barry? Come on.
465
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,561
You come on.
466
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:57,438
Why did you laugh at me as James Bond?
467
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,023
Because it was hysterical.
468
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,692
But I was equal parts
dangerous and sexy.
469
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,653
You weren't, okay?
470
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,905
I love you so much
that I bent over backwards
471
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:06,948
to make you feel better.
472
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:09,450
So maybe the problem
isn't that I laughed
473
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,286
but that you're too insecure
to laugh at yourself.
474
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,247
Ugh.
475
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:18,042
While Joanne had hit
her breaking point with Barry,
476
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,753
my mom was still hoping
she could get Mike and Fran
477
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:21,796
to come together.
478
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,257
Beverly, this puff is heavenly.
479
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:25,508
What's in it?
480
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,761
Oh, just butter, lard, oil, flour,
481
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:32,140
cheese, bacon, more cheese,
and beef drippin's.
482
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,307
Beef drippin's?
483
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,518
That's what Mama used
to feed me as a baby.
484
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:36,936
Aww. [Chuckles]
485
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,647
It's dark out,
there are people in my house,
486
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,023
and I don't like it.
487
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,818
It's called a mingle party,
Murray. So mingle.
488
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:44,986
And do I really need to be here
489
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,155
for your little lesson on
the sanctity of marriage?
490
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,950
Yes. You're gonna witness
firsthand how love always wins.
491
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,202
Can love win in the basement
with the TV on?
492
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:55,788
Bev, we need to talk.
493
00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:58,374
Look, I know giant Coach Nick
is not your type
494
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,626
and shorts with a blazer
are not au courant,
495
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:01,878
but you got to trust me.
496
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,005
Mike is gonna come
crawling back in no time.
497
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,089
Forget dumb Mike.
498
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,757
I think it's love with this Nick fella.
499
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,384
He wants to take me places.
500
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,261
It's to run stairs at the stadium,
501
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,805
but he's so intense and demanding,
502
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,473
I think I want to please him.
503
00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:17,643
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
504
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,687
Hey, tell me you're planning on
fighting Coach Nick
505
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,022
to get your wife back.
506
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,607
Why would I do that?
507
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,234
Look at that guy.
He's a brick wall with eyes.
508
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,777
And I'll tell you something...
I'm relieved.
509
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,487
Because for a minute there, I felt bad
510
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,823
about liking this horrible,
gorgeous woman.
511
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,992
Oh, I made him sell his dog.
512
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:36,245
In fact, I would like
to propose a toast.
513
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:37,538
FORMICA MIKE: To Beverly.
514
00:16:37,670 --> 00:16:40,724
She saw our broken home
and easily found it new love.
515
00:16:40,811 --> 00:16:43,169
- Mm.
- Marriage is like musical chairs.
516
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:46,764
They play the music until
you find the right chair.
517
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,925
And Jane is my chair.
518
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,260
Oh, we'll see
who's gonna be whose chair.
519
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:54,013
Well, I'm happy for all of you.
520
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:58,392
♪
521
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,519
Hey, what's going on?
522
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,396
Honestly, I don't know.
523
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,982
I thought marriage was
supposed to last forever.
524
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,235
Aw, come on.
525
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,486
[Sighs]
526
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:09,946
Erica knows better than that.
527
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,989
I'm not worried about Erica.
528
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:13,574
I'm worried about us.
529
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,492
Us?
530
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,494
Mike's lazy, Fran nags.
531
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,913
She speaks her mind, he's a pill.
532
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:22,083
Their kids go off to college,
and immediately they grow apart.
533
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,918
I mean, I know it sounds crazy,
534
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,670
but are we that different?
535
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,755
Bevy, that's ridiculous.
536
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,090
Is it?
537
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,759
They thought the same thing once, too.
538
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:35,429
♪
539
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,183
After his most recent
interaction with Joanne,
540
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,477
Barry was left with a burning question.
541
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:42,770
JTP and Adam.
542
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,106
- TOGETHER: JTP!
- And Adam, I guess.
543
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,941
Joanne has brought something
to my attention
544
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,235
that has shaken me to my rock-hard core.
545
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,444
Be honest.
546
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,154
Would you describe me as sensitive?
547
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,574
I would describe you
as handsome and powerful.
548
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,243
Yeah. Wanna tackle me?
549
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:58,577
Tackle me, too, Big Tasty.
550
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:00,079
Always down for a Barry tackle.
551
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:01,372
Damn it, it's true.
552
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,790
You're all just triple "P"-ing me.
553
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:03,916
I saw the chalkboard.
554
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,710
Aw, why did Joanne take it with her?
555
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:08,045
My closest friends and family
556
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,006
don't even feel comfortable
being honest with me?
557
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,758
Bar, it's just... you feel so deeply.
558
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,720
Plus, you're unstable,
irrational, volatile,
559
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,138
and oh, no, what have I done?
560
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,223
See, we live in constant fear
561
00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:21,642
of how you'll react to
even the smallest criticism.
562
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,769
You're actually ripping up
my history paper as we speak.
563
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,647
Fine. I can be a bit brash at times,
564
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,190
and you've all just been okay with this?
565
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,650
It's been a difficult two decades.
566
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,068
I have something called trauma dandruff.
567
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:33,487
But we care about you
and want to protect you.
568
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,781
Even though sometimes
it's at our own expense.
569
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,034
We aren't honest with you
because it's easier.
570
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,870
But what Joanne did,
telling you the truth,
571
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:44,081
laughing in the face
of a wild-card lunatic...
572
00:18:44,206 --> 00:18:45,583
that took guts.
573
00:18:45,715 --> 00:18:47,035
- [Crowded House's "Something So Strong"]
- Okay.
574
00:18:47,106 --> 00:18:48,502
But from now on, I'd rather have
575
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,629
a little dose of honesty
from you guys too.
576
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:51,756
- Nope.
- Our system works.
577
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,883
- If it ain't broke.
- I'm going to college soon.
578
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,843
♪ Love can make you weep ♪
579
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,345
Hey.
580
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,055
I was hoping you'd be here.
581
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,349
It really didn't seem that way
the past few days.
582
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,352
Sorry. I was jealous of your
relationship with James Bond.
583
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,313
A fictional character, but go on.
584
00:19:07,438 --> 00:19:11,525
[Sighs] It also seems
I'm deeply insecure.
585
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,027
And even though it hurts,
586
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,613
the good thing is I know you'll
always tell me the truth.
587
00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,031
Always.
588
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,367
Like if it was between you and 007,
589
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,369
I'd pick you every time.
590
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,161
Really?
591
00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:24,163
Really.
592
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:26,332
[British accent] Why, Mr. Goldberg,
593
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:27,750
can I fix you something?
594
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,168
Coffee, tea...
595
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,127
me?
596
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:31,253
♪ Is like a lust for gold ♪
597
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,671
Get over here.
598
00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,924
♪
599
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,342
♪ Something so strong ♪
600
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,052
Well, I just finished my vows.
601
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,095
Want to take a look?
602
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,805
Did you mention that marriage is
603
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,349
nothing but a silly farce until you die?
604
00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,267
- ♪ Something so strong ♪
- Just read.
605
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:47,228
♪ Could carry us away ♪
606
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,647
"I can't wait to be
your partner for life,
607
00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:51,649
your best friend,
608
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:54,151
the person you grow old with.
609
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,570
Some people say marriage is hard,
610
00:19:56,695 --> 00:20:00,616
but I know it won't be for me
because I'll be married to you."
611
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,118
♪ You fall into the same trap ♪
612
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,412
Erica, this is so beautiful.
613
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,080
♪ Is happening to us all ♪
614
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,207
It's because Dad helped me.
615
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:11,168
♪ Yeah ♪
616
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:12,628
You helped her with this?
617
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,714
Eh, the girl transcribed some grunts.
618
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,466
So you're never gonna leave me?
619
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:21,429
Bevy, we're not like those other people.
620
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:25,099
You are my everything.
621
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,966
Just don't make a big deal out of it.
622
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:28,099
♪ Something so strong ♪
623
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,271
♪ Could carry us away ♪
624
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:31,814
I'm your everything!
625
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:34,150
[Both laugh]
626
00:20:34,282 --> 00:20:35,366
♪ Something so strong ♪
627
00:20:35,437 --> 00:20:37,476
Sometimes love isn't perfect.
628
00:20:37,609 --> 00:20:40,239
♪ Could carry us awa-a-a-a-a-y ♪
629
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:42,116
When you're with the right person,
630
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,743
you learn to love them
not despite their flaws,
631
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,495
but because of them.
632
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,165
♪ Something so strong ♪
633
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,336
Okay, despite my better
judgment, we're doing a sequel.
634
00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:55,796
All right, where's my Bond girl?
635
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:57,631
She's sitting this one out
for obvious reasons.
636
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,467
But I did find you a new Bond girl
637
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,218
that I think you'll have
a real connection with.
638
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:02,178
What? Who?
639
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:05,264
[Spy movie music plays]
640
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:08,184
Why, Mr. Bond, you look
surprised to see me.
641
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:10,978
Introducing Mommy Galore.
642
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,480
I'm a moon scientist.
643
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,900
No. I am not gonna wrestle on
the rim of a volcano with her.
644
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:17,610
But I have a license to snuggy.
645
00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:18,486
[Groans]
646
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,404
- Here she goes.
- [Squeaking]
647
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:21,489
- [Groans]
- He loves them.
648
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,616
She really is the greatest
villain of all time.
649
00:21:23,741 --> 00:21:24,992
- [Smooching]
- Stop, stop. Cut.
650
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,202
Fine!
47713
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