All language subtitles for Boston Legal [3x07]-ke

Previously on 'Boston legal'

You kill her, Lincoln?

- She was drawn to me!
- Drawn to you?

You're a weird little pervert.

You watch your mouth!

Or what, you'll kill me?

You're an extraordinary woman.

I don't get to meet many.

I met this guy, Tom.

My daughter, she wants me
to fight the cancer,

but I got a second and third opinion,
and they all say it's inoperable.

You see how this makes so much sense?

If you attempt to purchase a lung,

you will be prosecuted
to the fullest extent of the law.

Tom and I are gonna be
going on a little vacation.

- Where?
- Probably best you don't know.

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I don't think wearing costumes during
business hours is such a good idea.

Oh, it's good for morale.

We end up getting a better
turnout for the party.

I wonder what he's done now.

Perjury?
Jerry, I can't keep up.

One day it's the doll,
the next scientologists,

now perjury.

Add to that a little hop.

Okay, uh, deep breath.

And start from the middle.

I was on a jury over the summer,
a federal capital case.

In order to be on such a jury,

you must declare in your questionnaire
that you're not against the death penalty.

- What's with the hop?
- It's a nervous tick.

When I try to control my voice,
sometimes my legs hop, okay?

Would you prefer that I squeal?

Well...

You didn't let me answer.

Anyway, we found the man guilty,
imposed a life sentence.

Cut to weeks later,

I'm doing an interview
in furtherance of my new firm,

I'm being profiled,
if you can imagine,

and somehow the issue
of the death penalty comes up,

and I said that I've always
been categorically opposed.

And the prosecutor from the capital case
must have read it,

and he had me arrested for committing
perjury against the federal court.

And now I'm about to go on trial.

I'm confused.

Oh. I was on a jury over the summer,
a federal capital case...

No, I know what happened.

I'm confused as to why you lied
about your views on capital punishment.

- Because it's wrong.
- Okay, it's wrong.

So why lie?

It's not just the death penalty,

it's the issue that only pro-death people
should get to sit on death cases.

It's stacking the deck, Alan.
It's wrong.

That's why I lied,
to unstack a stacked deck.

And now you're being charged
with perjury.

And the horrible prosecutor man
wants me to serve three years.

Boston Legal
3x07. Trick or Treat

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ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON ABC: 2006/10/31

The grim reaper?

I thought I could use it
throughout the year,

you know, when I fire people.
It's a nice touch.

You gotta see me in full costume.

Hello.

Hello. Lovely outfit,
but I'm not surprised.

Lincoln.

Did someone speak?
I heard a noise.

It sounded a bit godless,
but I heard it all the same.

May I have a word with you, Shirley Schmidt?

What are you doing here?

Well, I'm certainly having nothing
to do with you, Mr. Dirty mouth.

I came to talk to Shirley

because she is a name partner
in Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

This is for you, Shirley.

- It's a summons.
- Yes, and I am sorry,

because I sense
you and I could be friends.

But I have been wronged
by your firm, Shirley,

specifically by Mr. Dirty mouth, here.

He slandered my good name.

Lincoln, not to ruin your plans,

but I have immunity for
what I say in court.

You have qualified immunity,
which you ran viciously amok of.

Oh, you had your fun running over me,
didn't you, Mr. Dirty mouth?

Well, now it's my turn
to run over you.

And again, I am sorry, Shirley.

I feel you and I could've
forged a special bond.

What exactly did you say about him?

Oh, you know, that he might
have been the killer.

# I once knew a man #

# who owned a butcher shop #

# Ole! #

# He also had apartments
to rent up on top #

# but he didn't include on the sign
that he painted "no pets" #

# And the tenant who rented
had six hungry dogs he regrets #

# but he said! #

# When things go wrong #

# just sing this song #

# the birds in the trees #

# will sing "C'est la vie" #

# and soon you will see
your cares will be free #

Denise, what's wrong?

# Sing C'est la vie #

- Daniel.
- What? Daniel Post?

# Sing C'est la vie #

He's dead.

# Sing C'est la vie #

He's dead.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good-bye.

Um...

Daniel died during a lung
transplant surgery in Brazil.

And you get the news
through a mariachi band?

You had to know Daniel.

He, uh, always said that
when his time came,

"Hmm, C'est la vie."

Is there gonna be a service?

We had one while he was alive.

- Sorry?
- Again...

you had to know Daniel.

I wish I had.

His remains are at Mass General.

So I think I'll go and...

pay my respects there and, uh...

yeah.

- Would you like me to go with you?
- No, thank you.

I'm...

I'm fine.

I've been braced for this
for a long time.

I think...

I'm actually okay.

Trick or treat.

Maybe not.

Dead?

Evidently during a lung
transplant operation. / Oh, my god.

Well, do we cancel the Halloween party?

Well, I certainly have to
cancel my costume, but...

no, we're a big firm.
I say we go forward with the party.

Um, on another matter,

we're being sued for slander
by one of Jeffrey's red herrings
in the Scott Little trial.

Which one? There were so many.

The neighbor Lincoln Meyer.

Great. Do we need to get
outside counsel?

We do not.
I can defend this myself.

- Very bad idea.
- I'm full of them.

At a minimum, we use somebody
not involved in this trial.

Well, that leaves Alan, me and...

Uh, Brad.

No, no, no, no. Not him.

Yes, him.

This will be an opportunity
for the two of you to bond.

Get yourself in a bit
of trouble there, sport?

I'm certainly not defending his deceit.

Mr. Espenson never meant to
truly defraud the court.

There's no real proof he lied.

He could have simply been lying
in the subsequent interview

where he was pretending to be
against the death penalty.

Is this how you intend to play it,

that he was truthful with us and
lied during his magazine interview?

No.

I intend to play it by asking for
an exercise of your discretion.

Mr. Shore, this case
started in state court.

It was specifically removed
to federal jurisdiction

at the direction of Alberto Gonzales.

Why? Because Massachusetts
doesn't have a death penalty.

So his perjury is a big deal.

My marching orders are
to prosecute him to the full extent.

Now if he wants to plea,

I'll give him 18 months.

My client is not going to
prison for 18 months.

Well, it's either that or three years
as far as I can see.

Come on, Jerry.

Here we go.

What's that?

The remains of Daniel Post.

Okay, he wasn't a large man,
but he was taller than that.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mr. Post donated his body parts

to either research science
or organ transplant facilities.

All that remains is a foot.

- A foot?
- Just the one?

Yes.

Well, we're here.

Yes?

Please.

He looks so peaceful.

That's not Daniel Post.

I beg your pardon?

Daniel Post was 5'7",
white and a size 8 max.

That is a black foot,
and it is the size of a small boat.

Well, there must be some mistake.

Yes, a big one, and you made it.

That is an African-American foot.

It looks darker in the box.
If we see it in the light...

No, no, I don't need
to see it in the...

where is Daniel Post?

Is everything all right?

No. No, everything is not all right.
For god's sakes...

Please, could you find
my friend something lighter,

possibly in a size eight?

A big foot?

She's meeting with
the facility manager in an hour.

I'd have stayed, but I'm
in court with Jerry.

Give me the address. I'll go.

Brad, how are we doing
with Lincoln Meyer?

I have a motion to dismiss
marked up for this afternoon.

In the meantime, he's noticed
a depo for judge Hooper.

Oh, great.

And who's representing
this charming man?

That's the most fun part of all.

I'm representing myself,
Shirley, like Gideon.

I hope you'll all join me
for judge Hooper's deposition.

Refreshments will,
of course, be served.

Oh, it's all too delicious
for words, don't you think?

I've got a caterer coming in 20 minutes,

so I want the conference room
clean and I mean...

Mr. Jones, would you please explain
what a death-qualified jury is?

During voir dire,

jurors are asked the so-called
Witherspoon questions,

named for the supreme court decision

that determined the process
for jury selection in a capital case.

According to Witherspoon,

jurors who simply have a general objection
to the death penalty cannot be kept off,

but anyone who would always
voted against the death penalty

under any circumstances can be.

- And Mr. Espenson was on this jury?
- Yes.

He declared in his questionnaire

that he had no objection to the death
penalty under any circumstances.

We learned later that this was a lie.

I'm curious,

when you're trying someone
accused of larceny,

do you ask potential jurors
if they oppose jail time?

No.

Do you ask them if they oppose
fines or community service

- or giving the victim restution?
- No.

So there is no such thing
as a jail-qualified jury

or a fine-him-$1,000-qualified jury,

a make-him-pick-up-trash-
on-the-highway-qualified jury?

No, there's not.

And yet there is a death-qualified jury.

I wonder why that is.

Could it be that a jury made up of people
favoring the death penalty

is more prone to convict
in the first place?

- There's no evidence of that.
- Come on.

I have many prosecutor friends.

They tell me once you have
your death-qualified jury,

your work is pretty much done.

- Objection.
- Sustained.

If you have 12 people who you know
are ready to kill somebody,

I bet that "presumed innocent" idea
is far less problematic.

- Objection.
- Sustained.

Uh, it seems that, um...

none of, uh, Daniel,
uh, ended up where...

I assure you, we're investigating.

What do you mean, none of him?

Mr. Post's cadaver
has apparently been stolen.

We suspect his parts have found
their way into the black market.

The black market?

The very place Daniel did his shopping.

Sorry.

We think we have a lead
as to who stole him.

Your mother?

Yes. It seems we're getting serious.

I want you to meet her.

I'm not good with mothers.

You'll make the effort with mine.

Is she a little person?

Does that matter?

Of course not.
You know how I love them so.

Bethany...

I'm not the kind of guy
that girls take home to their mother.

I tend to...

you know, hit on them.

You'll meet my mother, Denny,

you'll be nice to her
and dignified.

Did your wife ever say to you
that I was a pedophile?

No.

Did she ever indicate that she
believed me to be a pedophile?

No.

Do you find it odd that your
beautiful wife, may she rest in peace,

would tell Scott Little that
she thought I was a pedophile
and never say that to you?

My suspicion is she never
said that to Scott Little.

Just a theory,

but my bet is his lawyers convinced him
to drop the pedophile tag

to better set you up as a red herring
as my wife's killer.

Did you ever say anything to
these despicable lawyer people

that could lead them to think
I killed your wife, god rest her soul?

There's nothing I told them
in support of their theory

that you were the killer.

- Well, that seemed worthless.
- Maybe.

What basis did you have for
suggesting him as the killer?

- What basis?
- Yes.

She got a restraining order
against him. He's certifiable.

Was there evidence at all
that he could have done it
or that he was a pedophile?

You representing him or me
in this, Brad?

I'm just asking you the questions

that he'll be asking you
if this ever goes to trial, Jeff.

This goes to trial,
one of us is a pretty terrible lawyer.

Our only defense is
civil disobedience, Jerry,

and it's not a particularly
legal one at that.

You need to be sincere
up there, and passionate.

Melissa, I wrote a memorandum
on civil disobedience last year.

I need...
what's happening here?

I've been reassigned
to a different lawyer, Alan.

I'm no longer your assistant.

What are you talking about?

I'll still be at the firm.
I've just been reassigned.

Reassigned to whom?

Jeffrey Coho.

Melissa, what's going on?

What's going on, Alan,

is I'm not comfortable discovering you
in closets photography buffing

or walking into your office finding
some sex doctor measuring your pants

or smelling the waft of maple syrup
after you've tried cases
against old girlfriends.

What's going on is I've had enough.

I see.

And how did you happen to end up
with this Jeffrey Coho?

Oh. We clicked.

This is where a crisp, little squeal
works particularly well for me.

- Ms. Bauer.
- Yeah?

I am pleased to report
we have recovered Mr. Post.

- Really?
- Not all of him,

but, uh, you know,
if you'd like to pay your respects.

Um...

what have you got?

Wll, uh, so far, and the search is
by no means complete, of course,

but, uh, so far,
we, we have his, uh, spleen.

That's it, his spleen?

Yeah.

But we're positive it's him.

More than half of the world's countries
have outlawed capital punishment.

Virtually all of the industrialized
democracies have eliminated it.

The five countries that
execute the most people are,

in order, China, Iran, Saudi Arabia,

the United states and Pakistan.

Is that the company we want to keep?

So to be clear,

you are completely opposed
to the death penalty. / I am.

And yet, when you were given
the juror questionnaire to fill out,

you said you weren't.

Yes.

Why, Jerry?

Because I know how the system works.

If you admit you oppose
capital punishment,

they keep you off the jury,

having only pro-death penalty
people on the jury

is completely unfair to the defendant,

which is why I committed
an act of civil disobedience,

to call attention to the gross
unfairness of my sexual surrogate.

I mean the jury selection process!

Oh, it just came out.

Jerry...

I know you know that perjury
in federal court is serious.

What I'm not sure you appreciate...

this case you were a juror on...

it was of enormous importance
to the government.

It was an opportunity to bring the death penalty
to a state that doesn't have it.

As as far as they're concerned...

you ruined some...

very big plans.

This sounds like a preamble
to a very bad prognosis.

I've talked to Denny,
Shirley, Paul Lewiston.

I've had a lot of people trying to
pull strings behind the scenes.

This case is not going away.

But I expect that...

you are.

We have no defense, Jerry.

You flat-out committed perjury.

Okay.

Can I say good-bye to my mother?

You're not going away this minute.

I'll give the closing and...

I guess, beg the jury
to ignore the law.

And...

we'll see.

Do not tuck your napkin
into your collar.

I will be mortified.

Do not smoke your cigar.

Do not make any Clintonian jokes
as to where the cigar has been.

What can I do?

Just be nice and get through it.

You seem on edge.

Of course I'm on edge.
It's my mother.

Oh, god, and here she comes.

Hi, honey.

Sorry I'm late.

Hi. Bella...

Bella.

Denny?

You two know each other?

You're dating Denny Crane.
Why didn't you tell me?

I wanted it to be a surprise.

What's going on?

Well, Denny and I were once...

Engaged.

Surprise.

He had no alibi
the night of the murder.

Fresh flowers from his garden
were found on her nightstand.

It would have been legal malpractice
for Jeffrey Coho

not to focus the jury on Lincoln Meyer
as a possible suspect.

Mr. Meyer.

Well...

he implied I was a pedophile,

a freak who should be registered
as a sex offender

when I have committed no such offense.

And even if I had,
which I most certainly have not,

to suggest that I'm a killer, a murderer?

That Gracie Jane woman reported it
in front of millions of people,

and I was damaged.

What about this peeping Tom crap?

I am an open and notorious peepy.

Why, when I would send her flowers,
I used to write,

"with love from your little peepy."

And she liked having a peepy,
and even if she didn't,

it doesn't give these lawyer people
a right to aver that I'm a killer.

I mean, look at me, judge,
I'm damaged.

That, that's a spleen?

Are you sure it's him?

Positive.

We did a tissue match.

I'll give you a moment alone.

I can't get closure with a spleen.
This is not working.

Look, Denise,
I think what you need to do is

go sit somewhere in a quiet place,
maybe a church,

and grieve for the man you loved.

More good news.

The FBI made an arrest.

Harold Pines, he's been arrested before
for the commercialization of body parts.

He's in custody.
What's more,

the very lead that led to his arrest
has also led to the recovery of most of your fiance.

He's got a kidney in L.A.,

His liver is on a plane
as we speak coming back from Topeka,

his small intestine is waiting
to clear customs in Ottawa,

and here in my hands...

his heart.

- That's Daniel's heart?
- It is.

What about his head?

The head is still at large.

Her mother?

It was a hundred years ago.
It shouldn't count.

- How did Bethany take it?
- Not well.

She bit me.

Should I flee?
Should I move to Canada?

- Jerry...
- I can't take prison, Alan.

It wouldn't be
an hospitable place for me.

Jerry, I cannot maintain
we'll win this trial,

but I give you my word, I'll do everything
I can to keep you out of prison.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Brad!

Clerk just called.
Judge Potts has his ruling.

Let's go.

I'm informed you
and my assistant have "clicked."

I'm sorry.
You are again?

I don't like having my assistant
poached like a cow or an egg,

and I especially don't like learning that
you and she are "clicking" behind my back.

You know...

I'm really not feeling the love here.

Would you, um, give us some privacy?

Sure.
I'll be right down the hall.

Thank you.

You a cop?

No, Mr. Pines.
I'm a lawyer.

I was engaged to a man
named Daniel Post,

whose body was stolen
either by you or an accomplice.

Um...

I don't know anything.

That's not true, Mr. Pines.

You've been arrested in the past
for commercialization of body parts,

and you run a million-dollar
skin harvesting ring.

Look, lady, I'm not
gonna talk to you, okay?

I just want to know
where his head is.

I need to...
say good-bye.

I'm not here looking for evidence
so much as for my lover's head.

I'd like to help, okay?

Obviously, I got my own problems.

How about you retain me as counsel?

I'm sorry? / That way anything
you say is privileged.

I can't repeat it.

Please.

So you'd be my lawyer?

For the purpose of this discussion,
I'm your lawyer.

All right, I don't know
for sure, okay?

There's this house in Salem.
It's famous in an underground kind of way.

For Halloween, uh...

they like to do it up for real, you know,

like a haunted house.

They like to get themselves
some real heads.

Now I don't know
if your fiance's there,

but...

If you're against the death penalty,

you can call your congressman,
protest in the street,

start a blog, publish a book.

There are countless ways
to get your point across.

Committing perjury isn't one of them.

Obstructing justice isn't one of them.

Mr. Espenson lied.

He defrauded the court.

His actions were an insult to that court

as well as everyone who believes
in our system of justice.

You are now part of that system.

Do your duty.

Send Mr. Espenson to jail.

Let's forget all about
capital punishment for a minute

and look at this another way.

Say a small town is having
a community meeting to vote

on whether or not
to build a big incinerator.

But before the selectmen
let you into the meeting,

they ask you how you feel
about incinerators,

and if you're opposed to them,

you don't get to go to the meeting.

Does that seem fair to any of you?

Don't we want all sides represented
at a community meeting?

Jury selection is supposed
to work the same way.

All of you, in theory, should represent
a cross section of the community.

Well, here we are in Massachusetts,
a state with no death penalty.

One would assume therefore

that the majority of the community
is opposed to capital punishment.

But anyone who holds that view
cannot be a juror

in a federal death penalty case.

This isn't just weeding out people
with idiosyncratic opinions.

This is weeding out the majority.

It's strategic.

We all know intuitively,

if you start talking about punishment
before a trial even begins,

you're putting the idea of guilt
in the forefront of everyone's mind.

Yet, presumption of innocence...

is the foundation
of our whole justice system.

Without that, we're no better
than totalitarian states

who imprison and execute people
on the whim of an all-powerful leader.

Jerry Espenson...

Jerry Espenson is my friend.

I care for him dearly.

And...

I know him to be, fundamentally,
a law-abiding man

who simply saw an injustice
and tried to do something about it.

If he's guilty of anything...

it's of appealing to
his sense of fairness.

Now, I suppose...

he's appealing to yours.

Hey, give me a second.

Lincoln.

Hello, Mr. Dirty mouth.

Come to make me an offer of settlement
before the judge rules against you?

I'm not surprised.

I've been watching you
for a bit, Lincoln...

sitting here.

Really?

- Are you a bit of a peepy?
- You seemed sad.

You seemed...

alone, I guess.

Did I?

You must have misread me.

What's going on, Lincoln?

This lawsuit, what are you doing?

Is this just about attention?

You don't think I have feelings.

Those things you said
about me in court...

I have feelings, Mr. Coho.

I'm sorry.

I was just doing whatever I could
to defend my client.

It wasn't personal.

It was very personal.

President Bush is back
in the White house today

after a 2 1/2-week vacation
at his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

The president travelled via Air force one
arriving in Washington early this morning.

The president has a full schedule
in the coming days.

I used to tell her about
the great Denny Crane.

It's one reason, I think,
she ended up going to law school.

She had no idea that
I used to sleep with you.

Just as I had no idea
that you now sleep with...

How is she?

I can't get her to talk to me.

She's pretty upset.

She bite you?

She bites. I know this.

I don't want you to see
my daughter anymore, Denny.

Come on, Bella.

I can't see someone because
she turns out to be your daughter?

See, it also turns out
she's yours.

Is she sure?

No. We're gonna have to have
a paternity test.

Can two full-size people have a midget?

- Does Bethany know?
- I don't know.

God, it's one thing to date a dwarf,
but to have fathered one...

Denny, I bet Bethany does know.

Why?

Oh, god.

Afraid so.

Hi, honey.

Who's your daddy?

Statements made by lawyers in court
are immune from defamation liability.

This is a longstanding exception.

Statements made outside of court, however,

are afforded no such protection.

Mr. Coho, you repeated
these things to the press.

You enjoy no privilege there.

However, again,

it is my view you were only
commenting to the media

on matters that occurred
inside the courtroom.

And because the privilege
does extend to that situation,

I'm going to grant
the defendant's motion to dismiss.

And, Mr. Meyer,

before you decide
to go sue anybody else,

you might consider that truth
is also a defense to defamation.

For my money, you appear to be
a seriously disturbed man.

This court is adjourned.

Boo.

That's perfect.

I have to go to Salem later today.
Maybe you should come with me.

What's in Salem?

Possibly, um...

Daniel's head.

In some ghoulish haunted house.
Evidently they, uh...

they use real cadavers.

Daniel's head is in a haunted house?

Maybe.

You have plans later?

Don't ask, okay?

The defendant will please rise.

Madam Foreperson, the jury
has reached a unanimous verdict?

- We have, your honor.
- What say you?

"In the matter of the United states
vs. Jerald Espenson"

"on one count of perjury,"

"we the jury find the defendant
Jerald Espenson"

"not guilty."

What?

Members of the jury, this concludes
your jury service. / Oh, my god.

You are dismissed.
This court stands adjourned.

Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you!

# Yes, I know it's a drag
it's a doggone shame #

# I've danced the same dance, #

# felt the same pain
I had the same passion #

# and done the same things as you #

# yeah, you better believe me,
it's true I've worn the same shoe, #

# walked the same walk
at least a time or two #

# and I heard the same things #

# done the same things as you #

# in this time #

# this time that we live in #

# is easy to give in #

You won.

Don't ask me how.
The jury must have just...

Ignored the law like total commies.

Exactly.

Maybe they had reservations
about the death penalty in general.

See, that's why we're
perceived as soft on terror.

We can't even kill our own people.

Where's your daughter?

The paternity test is still pending.

- Who's your daughter?
- Never mind.

My stomach feels bloated.

I hope I'm not getting my period.

# Give it time #

# time to live and die #

What?

Sally is gone.
Melissa is gone.

Forget it, horny toad.

Oh, brother.

This is one of the most ridiculous things
I've ever done in my life.

Let's go in here.

What was that?

What kind of cult gets off
on something like this?

I don't know.

- You suppose that's real?
- I don't know.

Why aren't we letting
the police do this?

Uh, because...

because it's privileged.

Denise, none of them
look like Daniel.

There's gotta be a better way
to get closure than this.

Well, we're here now,
so let's just get through it.

Shouldn't you be grieving for this man
instead of out looking for his head?

Oh, I thought for a minute
it was him.

Oh, my... / What?

No, I...

What? / Nothing. I just,
for a second, in that box,

I thought I saw a head
that resembled Da...

just my imagination.

Oh, my god.

Oops. I didn't see you there, judge.

I have long fantasized getting
in one of the Lennon Sisters' dresses.
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Me, too.

Ever wonder how you'd be
as a woman, Denny?

I'd be a lesbian.

Yes.

You think we'd look
at the world differently?

I mean, it is a man's world still.

I would imagine at a minimum,
we'd be more vulnerable.

And physically.

We'd have our own breasts to fondle.

I bet you'd feel differently
about capital punishment.

Why?

Denny, you get emotional over
the odd bowel movement.

Suppose you gave birth?

I would think your appreciation
for human life...

Franz Kafka said the meaning
of life is that it ends.

One day you're here,
and the next...

To Daniel Post.

My loss.

I didn't know you even knew him.

I didn't.

And from what I gather, my loss.

You're not getting in this dress.

# Gotta take this sentimental journey #

# Lennon Sisters' "Sentimental journey" #

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