All language subtitles for Theatre Macabre. s01e15.Decameron.eng

(ominous music)

(lid creaking)

- How do you do?

I'm Christopher Lee.

Not a bad way to travel,
really,

if you're going to steal in someplace,

steal something, or even be stolen.

When Boccaccio was
writing his "Decameron,"

the town of Salerno suffered
a plague of thieves.

One of the most successful
was Ruggiero,

but he was a stealer of
ladies' hearts.

There was a rumor going
around the town

that he'd had slight difficulties
with his last girlfriend,

which, of course,
was nonsense.

They'd had a few words,
he shot her,

and that was as far as it went.

Now we shall see him
going much farther.

(cheerful music)

(women laughing)

(glasses clinking)

- Now come on, Nanette,
you have got to satisfy

my curiosity about your
story's ending.

Petronella and her lover

were surprised by her
husband, right?

- The best is to come,
my dear.

"Now, look here,"
said Gianello.

"It's really a perfect but
awfully dirty

Barbados barrel,
and he must clean it up."

He simply wouldn't buy
it from him as it stood.

So, as soon as Petronella
heard him mention

that he wanted the barrel cleaned,

she said, "Oh, my husband
will do it at once."

And gave a sly wink to
Gianello, her lover.

"But of course,"
said her husband,

and immediately took off
his cuffs, collar and shirt,

and without a murmur,
got inside.

Then he began to scrub it out.

When Petronella saw this,

without saying a word,
she seized the chance,

and, pulling herself up,
positioning herself comfortably

over the mouth of the barrel,

proceeded to give her
husband instructions.

Meanwhile, Gianello took
advantage of the moment,

moved up behind Petronella

and began satisfying his
wild passion for her,

her husband being well
out of sight

at the bottom of the barrel.

Petronella, enjoying it all
immensely,

gave her husband instructions.

"Almost perfect, dear.

Just a little more to the right.

Yes, that's good.

Now you found it.

That's it, scrub a little
more to the left, my love.

Marvelous, darling.

Scrub harder still, my love!"

Her lover's passion at last
having exhausted itself,

Gianello gently withdrew

and Petronella ordered her
husband to get out of the barrel

so that she could inspect it properly.

Gianello also went and
inspected the barrel.

And Petronella then turned to
her Gianello

and she said, "You mustn't
accept the barrel, obviously,

unless you are completely
satisfied with it."

Gianello replied,
"No, it's spotless.

It looks very good."

And, paying the husband
three florins,

said it was a pleasure to be
given such splendid service.

(all laughing)

- Wonderful, Nanette.

That was a thrilling story, wasn't it?

You will find it difficult to
beat Nanette.

She already is such a fabulous
storyteller, isn't she?

For us, she makes everyone
come to life

in the most remarkable way.
It's quite fantastic.

You'll have to use your
imagination to win the prize, dear.

I've no doubt to with Angela's
perfect face and bright eyes,

I've complete confidence her story

must enthrall and excite us.

- My most respectable husband,
the doctor,

told me this story.

It was only a few weeks after
our marriage took place.

He finds it most exhilarating
to tell me such tales.

It's about this weird old surgeon,

the Master Mazzeo of
Montagna.

Having lived as a widower for years,

he decided suddenly

to marry this exquisitely
beautiful young girl he knew.

In spite of his old age,

he was a kind and
considerate husband,

giving her everything she
could wish for.

She adored being spoiled
and pampered

and spent a fortune on
clothes and finery.

There was only one thing that
dissatisfied the poor girl.

She found her husband a
bit too aged

for her longings and desires,

and quite often she felt cold in bed.

Her husband's excuse was
his exhaustion after work,

and eventually she became restless,

and dressing up in her newest gown,

she would wander through the town

allowing her imagination to run riot,

being filled with admiration

for the young men she saw there.

- Give me my money!
- Away with you!

- Let us drink to beauty and to happiness!

(man laughing)

(cheerful music)

(man whooping)

(people chattering)

(woman laughing)

- [Merchant] I want that
money back, you owe me!

- Beautiful damsels of Salerno,

tell this beggar to get out of my sight!

Today will be a day of love
and merriment for all of us.

Who would be fool enough

to think of money at such a time?

Ah, my pretty rose!

Tell these squirming misers
to leave us in peace!

Otherwise I won't answer
for the consequences.

You'd better warn these pigs

that I've a vile temper!

(man and woman laughing)

Even their sour-tempered wives,

who no doubt love them dearly,
will not recognize them

when they get home.

- Look here now, Ruggiero.
Five weeks I've been waiting.

Listen, I want my money,
you hear?

(Ruggiero roars)
You will!

- Leave him, Pepino,
you're better-

(Ruggiero laughs)

- Interesting, Rossina.

I'd say his charms are
being completely wasted

in the beds of street girls,
wouldn't you?

- Now, beware, my lady.

He is Ruggiero D'Angelo,
a scoundrel in Salerno.

I've heard his feats
are beyond description.

There isn't a single living
relative in the place

has anything to do with
the Vagabond.

- It's such a pity.

It's sad to think how very lonely

the poor fellow must be sometimes.

(Ruggiero laughing)

- Come to my arms, my
pretty little fillies.

(liquids bubbling)

(loud knocking)

- [Man]
Dr. Mazzeo, are you there?

Master Mazzeo?

- It's too late, my friend,

I've already closed for the evening.

- But please, sir.
In Amalfi,

there has been a fight.

The blood is flowing in the streets.

You know Sapito? Well, he
has been wounded badly.

It looks as if it's fatal.
Come quickly!

- Dearest, you heard the
dreadful news.

I have to leave.

Don't fret yourself over nothing.

I'll return by dawn, and meanwhile,

will you tell Rossina to take this bottle

to old Francis for his leg?

Don't be sad, rest
yourself 'til my return.

- Rossina!

Rossina!

- You called, my lady?
- Look!

The master has just left.

- Yes, isn't it wonderful?

I've a whole evening to myself.

This is a night for love.

Make haste, Rossina,
please hurry!

(romantic music)

- Go on.

(Ruggiero singing in Italian)

- Come here!

(Rossina laughing)

(Ruggiero speaks in Italian)

(Ruggiero speaks in Italian)

(romantic music swells)

- She felt as though she were a virgin

as she approached the bed.

Imagine how nervous she was.

She was trembling with anticipation.

There he lay, this
lusty, virile young man,

a stranger to her.

He just lay there without
uttering a single word.

As though he were dead.

Passion, however, overcame
her shyness, and...

- Oh, my darling,
at last we're together!

(woman sighs, moans)

You're playing games with me.

(woman sighs)

Wake up, you lazy brute!

It's a waste of time,
you coming here

if all you want to do is sleep!

Forgive me,
Holy Mother.

- [Rossina]
My lady!

- Now perhaps you will
wake up, my great lover.

- [Rossina]
My lady, what are you doing?

- [Signora Mazzeo]
Oh, Rossina, he is dead!

- You must be mistaken.

(leg thumps)

You're right, he is dead.

- Mamma mia,
how did it happen?

I should've controlled myself.

My good lady, please,
forgive me, please.

Oh, what can we do with him?

- Stop worrying,
my sweet lady.

Before the master returns,

we will have got rid of this corpse.

- Where shall we put the body?

If it's left outside the house,

everybody is going to suspect
that he was here visiting me.

Then what?

- Calm yourself.
Only this morning,

I saw a chest outside
the cabinetmaker's,

and I just had the perfect idea.

We'll take the body and
leave it in the chest

for someone to find.

Did ever you see such
a handsome face?

Such a waste of life!

And gifted with the strength of a lion.

But we must make it look as though

he's been attacked by
some villain or other.

Ah, he's got a knife, this will do.

- Oh please, Rossina-

- A stab or two!

- No, please don't, don't
mark his beautiful body.

Leave him to sleep peacefully.

- [Rossina]
Help me lift him, then.

Come along.

- [Signora Mazzeo]
Oh, Rossina,

if my husband ever finds out-

- [Rossina] Don't worry!

- Look at her,
she's pale as a ghost!

The poor girl is suffering
as though it really happened.

- The two conspirators then
dragged the heavy chest

with the body down the street.

They left it outside
the cabinetmaker's house

and hurried home without being seen.

That same evening,
Stefano and Pepino

were returning home late,

saw the box there, and believing
they'd found a treasure,

picked up the chest and carried it inside.

(Stefano and Pepino grunting)

- [Pepino]
Silence, you idiot!

- Easy, now.

That stupid cabinetmaker
has made this box of lead.

- Shut up, you fool.
It's mahogany, I tell you!

And believe me, it's
worth a fortune in itself.

- [Stefano]
I wonder what's inside?

- [Pepino]
This way.

Quietly, or you'll wake up
our wives.

This will do.

- [Stefano] Shall we wait and
open it in the morning, then?

- [Pepino]
Yes, leave it there.

We mustn't disturb our wives.

- However, the surprise awakening
the wives got that night

thrilled them!

(exciting music)

- Where have you been, my love?

Sleepyhead.

Come on.

My lady, you're cheating.

One, two...

Three!

Three legs!

(women yelpiflg)

Excuse me, ladies!

(fast music)

(all clamoring)

No, no, I don't know!

(all clamoring)

- Silence!

This scoundrel dares
to enter my very home,

so he can rob me. Well, this
time you won't get away!

The judge will hear about this!

To the dungeon with him!
To the dungeon!

(torturer singing in Italian)

(Ruggiero laughing)

- For the love of Methuselah...
Oh, God,

Stop, no!
(laughing)

Stop, I've just remembered!

- Speak, then.

- It is quite true,
your lordship,

I owe Pepino 150 florins,

so I went to the house that night

to see if they'd give me
time to pay.

- Shall I write it?

- To pay the debt,

but they didn't understand.

- Shall I write it?

- And you didn't pay them,
but stole their money instead.

- So they say.

(torturer sings)

(torturer spits)

- And now you'll pay for
your villainy

by hanging from the gallows,
my man.

- The news of Ruggiero's arrest

spread like wildfire through Salerno.

- The poor lady and her
servant racked their brains

trying to think of some way to help.

But as things were,

there was absolutely
nothing they could do.

You can imagine how
miserable they both felt.

- Rossina, wake up, child!

Dearest wife, I'm here at last.

I've flown back to your
arms, my pretty little bird.

I've had the most awful time
in Amalfi,

however, I'll tell you about that later.

I've got to go now to see that patient

with the bad leg.
He must be suffering agonies.

Why, Rossina, what were
you thinking of?

You've forgotten to deliver the bottle!

Bring it here.

The poor fellow must be
going out of his mind.

What's this?

This bottle was full
when I left it yesterday.

What on Earth goes on
in this house?

Every time my back's turned

there's something gone
wrong always!

- Oh, come, it's only a few
drops of water, after all.

Surely you don't have to
cry and splutter

over such a small matter.

It seems unnecessary to
make this fuss.

- Most probably it is,
but you don't understand.

This was a special drug
for poor old Francis

to help him get some sleep.

This was a sleeping drug,

and whoever it was drank
this up must have slept well.

- Everyone here seems to be awake.

Run along, my little wizard,

and prepare a fresh mixture.

' Hmm!

- Now we know what happened
to Ruggiero.

We must make plans quickly.

Tell me,
what news have you got?

- My lady, Ruggiero's in
terrible danger of his life.

They say they found him guilty

and it's going to be a
public hanging at sunrise.

There's no one to speak for him.

- Somehow we have to prove
his innocence.

I have an idea.

You must speak to my
husband, Rossina.

(curious music)

- Excuse me, master.

I must confess the truth,
my master,

please don't be angry with me.

- What have you been doing?

- I dare say you must have
heard of Ruggiero D'Angelo.

Well, you see, master, he
became attracted to me,

and eventually, in spite
of myself, I tried so hard,

I lost my head over him and
fell desperately in love.

When he hear you were
away on business,

he came here last night and
persuaded me

to let him stay the night
in my room.

He wouldn't accept no as an answer.

He forced himself upon me.
I could do nothing.

Suddenly, he felt terribly thirsty,

and as my lady was
asleep, do you understand?

And before I could fetch him
a drink from the kitchen,

he picked up this flask and drank.

Now, forgive me, master.

Well, the next thing I
knew, within a few moments,

you see, he was lying there.

Believe me,
I thought he was dead.

I was out of my mind,
as you can imagine.

I was frightened that I'd killed him.

Oh, my dear master,
forgive me,

I know how angry you are, please!

The worst of the story is to come yet.

I hid him in this chest,

then I left it for lost in the street,

but now they're talking of hanging him!

Save him, good master,
be merciful!

Explain to the judge it was my fault!

- Now, now, it's no use crying
over a drop of spilled milk.

I admit it was a dreadful letdown.

Just because I was out for the night,

you thought you'd fulfill
your desires.

But he slept instead, didn't he?

It was bad luck,
poor Rossina.

Off with you then, and save
this bandit from the gallows!

And if you wish to take
yourself a lover

in the near future,

stop being foolish and
marry the scoundrel.

Save yourself all this trouble.

- A thousand thanks, master.

(torturer singing in Italian)

- A visitor for you,
Master del Scandigo.

The beautiful Rossina,
come to see you!

- Master del Scandigo, I hope
you don't mind me calling.

I just thought you must get a
little hungry here sometimes,

all by yourself,

and I brought you a few
tasty bits of chicken.

In the meanwhile,

could I have a few words
with your prisoner there?

(torturer gabbles)

(sings in Italian)

Thank you.

Signor Ruggiero.

- Rossina?

- Marco, lower the cage!

(sings in Italian)

Your Lordship, please,
you've got to listen.

I swear on my mother's head,

this poor fellow was the
victim of a dreadful injustice.

- I will listen to you, pretty Rossina.

I must have had a
little kiss first.

(singing in Italian)

- It was really a most
amusing afternoon,

his lordship being more than satisfied.

So Rossina told how she
awaited her lovey eagerly,

how he was thirsty

and swallowed the
sleeping draft by mistake,

and then how she believed

she had accidentally
killed him in ecstasy.

How terrified!

She put him in a chest

and left him outside the
house for dead.

Ruggiero, when questioned,
did remember

going to the doctor's house
for some reason or other.

He also remembered
he was thirsty,

and after drinking from the bottle

he woke up in the chest in Pepino's house.

(all laughing)

- That was unfortunate for you!

Your business was to make
the young lady happy in bed!

(all laughing)

The devil fell asleep on her!

I find the defendant guilty
of neglecting his duties

as a lover, and would not blame
the young lady in question

were she to find another.

I must now pass judgment on you.

Ruggiero D'Angelo,

I find you not guilty of
trespass and housebreaking.

The prosecutors,
on the other hand,

Pepino and Stefano, I find
guilty of false testimony,

and sentence you--

- Shall I write it?

(women laughing)

- From then on, my friends,

it was the most harmonious
household you could imagine.

The situation was perfect.

Ruggiero most obligingly
kept his mistress content,

and in the meantime, he
never neglected his duty

as husband to Rossina.

As for the old doctor,
well,

he decided, where ignorance was bliss,

it was folly to be wise.

I only wish I could work out
such a plan in my household.

One thing I'm sure of, ladies,

I wouldn't keep my lover
locked up in a chest all day.

(women laughing)

- Bravo, I have the
honor of presenting this

to the cleverest storyteller in Florence.

(triumphant music)

- That's what comes of
taking the wrong medicine.

You never know what can happen.

(ominous music)

(lid creaking)