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1
00:00:48,658 --> 00:00:50,853
(Bird cries)
2
00:01:07,578 --> 00:01:09,808
(? Sitar plays)
3
00:01:47,284 --> 00:01:49,354
What shall we do now, Malachi?
4
00:01:49,404 --> 00:01:53,556
This paint is quick-drying
as well as non-drip.
5
00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:55,913
We'll praise the Lord while we wait.
6
00:01:58,644 --> 00:02:03,195
(? All sing hymn)
7
00:02:14,644 --> 00:02:18,683
Two bits? You think so?
Aye, and maybe another sausage.
8
00:02:20,844 --> 00:02:23,233
Whoa! The waistline, man.
9
00:02:23,284 --> 00:02:25,639
Sure I can't tempt you
wi' something else?
10
00:02:25,684 --> 00:02:28,437
Maybe just a smidgen of chutney
if there's any going.
11
00:02:28,484 --> 00:02:32,113
No going. Coming. Lachlan's bringing
a batch of his home-made.
12
00:02:32,164 --> 00:02:35,122
For Lachlan's home-made chutney,
I'd wait forever.
13
00:02:35,164 --> 00:02:38,520
- Whoa! Alex, is that the red?
- No, just mineral water, Alex.
14
00:02:38,564 --> 00:02:42,921
- What?
- Wine makes you lethargic, dearest.
15
00:02:42,964 --> 00:02:48,641
Tired. Liable to fall asleep later on.
16
00:02:49,764 --> 00:02:51,880
I'll get a mineral water.
17
00:02:54,004 --> 00:02:56,199
- What have I told you?
- Check the oil.
18
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,519
Check the oil. And now look at us.
19
00:02:58,564 --> 00:03:00,600
That's supposed to be served chilled.
20
00:03:00,644 --> 00:03:03,112
- It's only chutney.
- Only chutney?!
21
00:03:03,164 --> 00:03:07,396
That is my chutney. That is your entry
to every barbie in Lochdubh.
22
00:03:07,444 --> 00:03:11,915
I'd like to think I was invited
for my personality, not your chutney.
23
00:03:11,964 --> 00:03:15,673
A fine evening for a prayer meeting.
24
00:03:15,724 --> 00:03:19,114
Mr McCrae.
You're welcome to join in if you'd like.
25
00:03:19,164 --> 00:03:21,473
I don't think so, Bethsheba.
26
00:03:21,524 --> 00:03:24,721
? For soon were we...
27
00:03:24,764 --> 00:03:28,916
So, er... what's he making you
wear all this stuff for?
28
00:03:28,964 --> 00:03:31,956
To deter vanity, he says.
29
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:35,360
The only thing this deters is the babes.
30
00:03:35,404 --> 00:03:39,397
Lachie, man, I'm at the height
of my sexual powers, just like you.
31
00:03:39,444 --> 00:03:42,641
Sounds awful, right enough.
No babes, I mean.
32
00:03:42,684 --> 00:03:45,198
I don't think I could handle that, Jubel.
33
00:03:45,244 --> 00:03:50,523
Tell me about it. So you're seeing
some at the moment, then?
34
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:53,476
Oh, one or two irons in the fire, yeah.
35
00:03:53,524 --> 00:03:55,879
(Singing continues)
36
00:03:57,604 --> 00:04:00,516
Shouldn't that say Lochdubh,
Mr McBean?
37
00:04:01,764 --> 00:04:06,201
My husband is going about
the Lord's work, Mr McCrae.
38
00:04:06,244 --> 00:04:09,156
I thought the road signs
were the council's business.
39
00:04:09,204 --> 00:04:11,638
I'll be reporting this, you know.
40
00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:14,073
Come on, Lachie Jr.
41
00:04:15,684 --> 00:04:18,278
We're just off to Hamish's barbie.
42
00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:21,396
(Groans in horror) What?
43
00:04:22,644 --> 00:04:26,000
You would take your son into that house,
McCrae?
44
00:04:26,044 --> 00:04:29,798
You would let your boy sup with Satan?
45
00:04:29,844 --> 00:04:32,597
Satan? I didn't see any Satan
on the guest list.
46
00:04:32,644 --> 00:04:36,603
- Did you, Lachie Jr?
- No. No Satan.
47
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:40,273
Get a life, McBean. Come on, son.
48
00:04:40,324 --> 00:04:42,360
(Shouts)
49
00:04:42,404 --> 00:04:46,158
(Jabbers incoherently)
50
00:04:59,244 --> 00:05:04,034
- It's going well, don't you think?
- Well, good wine, good company.
51
00:05:04,084 --> 00:05:07,235
Brilliant cooking.
Why shouldn't it go well?
52
00:05:08,604 --> 00:05:11,755
You know what?
I've been a complete idiot, haven't I?
53
00:05:12,564 --> 00:05:15,601
I could have had all this long ago.
54
00:05:18,164 --> 00:05:20,758
(Man) Has Lachlan told you
about McBean?
55
00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:24,592
He painted out the road sign.
The man has clearly lost the plot.
56
00:05:25,764 --> 00:05:29,518
You see a lot more of Alex and Hamish
than I do, Mr McIver.
57
00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:33,762
- Do they seem happy?
- Well, they seem to be, Major.
58
00:05:33,804 --> 00:05:36,318
Then why don't they
just get married, hm?
59
00:05:36,364 --> 00:05:40,755
I don't understand. It'd get that McBean
off their backs at the very least.
60
00:05:40,804 --> 00:05:43,079
Marriage is a great responsibility.
61
00:05:43,124 --> 00:05:48,039
It's a damn disgrace. I mean,
who does that McBean think he is?
62
00:05:48,084 --> 00:05:51,633
Lots of couples live together,
for heaven's sake.
63
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:55,597
Agnes, dear, the Reverend might not
see things in quite that light.
64
00:05:55,644 --> 00:05:58,761
Oh, I'm not that far apart from Agnes.
65
00:05:58,804 --> 00:06:01,762
If God is love, then where there's love,
there's God.
66
00:06:01,804 --> 00:06:05,001
- We must believe that, mustn't we?
- See?
67
00:06:05,044 --> 00:06:08,002
- Another glass of wine, Alan?
- No, I won't.
68
00:06:08,044 --> 00:06:10,604
It makes me feel lethargic.
69
00:06:10,644 --> 00:06:12,475
Did you hear that, Barney?
70
00:06:12,524 --> 00:06:16,358
I think Alan and I see things
in entirely the same light.
71
00:06:16,404 --> 00:06:19,999
There it was in big red letters.
"Gomorrah".
72
00:06:20,044 --> 00:06:22,877
If it hadn't been for the presence
of Lachie Jr here,
73
00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:26,599
I'd have banjoed that McBean
there and then, I kid you not.
74
00:06:26,644 --> 00:06:28,953
Gomorrah, hey? Well, well, well.
75
00:06:29,004 --> 00:06:34,203
That was a biblical city that God
destroyed on account of the goings-on.
76
00:06:34,244 --> 00:06:37,316
I know that. What do you take me for,
an ignoramus or what?
77
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:40,640
- I was just pointing out...
- Contemporary geologists...
78
00:06:40,684 --> 00:06:46,281
they think that Sodom and Gomorrah
were destroyed by natural disasters.
79
00:06:46,324 --> 00:06:49,077
- Just thought I'd throw that in.
- Anyway...
80
00:06:49,124 --> 00:06:52,753
Next thing is,
McBean starts speaking in tongues.
81
00:06:52,804 --> 00:06:57,036
Speaking in tongues, eh?
You'd know a lot about that sort of thing.
82
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,961
- I've seen it.
- Where was that?
83
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:01,757
- Cape Fear.
- There you go, you see.
84
00:07:01,804 --> 00:07:03,715
Saw it himself up in Cape Fear.
85
00:07:03,764 --> 00:07:06,232
I think he means the film, Lachlan.
86
00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:08,195
- Cape Fear.
- That's right.
87
00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:12,795
It's at the end, and Robert De Niro,
he's this religious maniac.
88
00:07:12,844 --> 00:07:14,835
He's chained to this sinking boat,
89
00:07:14,884 --> 00:07:18,877
and just as the boat's going under,
he starts speaking in tongues.
90
00:07:18,924 --> 00:07:21,233
(Jabbers)
91
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,202
It was brilliant, the way that he did it.
92
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:29,123
(? Sitar playing Indian music)
93
00:07:34,044 --> 00:07:36,194
Oh, no.
94
00:07:36,244 --> 00:07:39,395
Lachlan, my man.
95
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:44,202
- Looking good, Lachlan, looking good.
- Feeling good, Zoot, feeling good.
96
00:07:44,244 --> 00:07:46,883
- Hambo.
- Zoot. How are we?
97
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:50,519
Only wonderful, Hambo. Only wonderful.
98
00:07:50,564 --> 00:07:54,193
Well, Zoot, you know
you're always welcome here. But...
99
00:07:54,244 --> 00:07:59,113
There's some pretty solid citizens
in the company, so nothing... aromatic.
100
00:08:01,004 --> 00:08:03,234
- Nothing?
- Nothing.
101
00:08:05,844 --> 00:08:09,723
What have I stumbled in on here,
Hambo? A Victorian theme evening?
102
00:08:09,764 --> 00:08:12,676
Just try looking on it
as a new experience.
103
00:08:12,724 --> 00:08:16,194
- New experience. I like that.
- Aye.
104
00:08:16,244 --> 00:08:19,600
- I'll tell my fellow risk-takers.
- Good man.
105
00:08:22,524 --> 00:08:24,674
Hello.
106
00:08:24,724 --> 00:08:28,160
Zoot's been spending a lot of time
around Lochdubh these days.
107
00:08:28,204 --> 00:08:31,276
What's the attraction, I wonder?
108
00:08:32,684 --> 00:08:35,482
Open your hearts, dear friends.
109
00:08:35,524 --> 00:08:37,515
Open your minds and hearts,
110
00:08:37,564 --> 00:08:43,355
and together we shall know... the infinite.
111
00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:37,558
(Shouts)
112
00:09:37,604 --> 00:09:40,277
(Laughs)
113
00:09:45,004 --> 00:09:49,236
Lord, cleanse this house of sin
114
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:52,321
with the form of thy most sacred blood.
115
00:09:52,364 --> 00:09:55,481
Cleanse it, cleanse it.
116
00:09:55,524 --> 00:09:58,994
(McBean) Turn thy back on Satan now.
117
00:10:00,044 --> 00:10:01,875
Alarm call, madam.
118
00:10:03,404 --> 00:10:05,918
I heard them.
119
00:10:05,964 --> 00:10:09,320
Lord, visit thy vengeance
120
00:10:09,364 --> 00:10:13,039
on this stinking cesspool of sin.
121
00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:16,360
- Cesspool of sin!
- Bethsheba. Another fine day.
122
00:10:16,404 --> 00:10:19,123
- It is indeed, Mr McIver.
- Be warned!
123
00:10:19,164 --> 00:10:22,520
Stay back from this wicked abode,
John McIver.
124
00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:26,034
Wicked abode?
That's the police house, man.
125
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:29,713
Now get out of my way
before I lose my temper.
126
00:10:29,764 --> 00:10:32,756
"Wicked abode"!
127
00:10:32,804 --> 00:10:37,241
He that succours sin, himself sins.
128
00:10:37,284 --> 00:10:39,559
Himself sins.
129
00:10:40,364 --> 00:10:43,162
I don't understand it, you know.
130
00:10:43,204 --> 00:10:45,081
What?
131
00:10:45,124 --> 00:10:48,958
The Church of the Stony Path
sets out strict codes for the brethren,
132
00:10:49,004 --> 00:10:51,598
but they've never
behaved like this before.
133
00:10:51,644 --> 00:10:53,919
And those clothes! They look ridiculous.
134
00:10:53,964 --> 00:10:57,752
Yes, well, maybe it took us
to bring out the worst in them.
135
00:10:57,804 --> 00:11:02,195
No, they've been like this
since before you moved in with Hamish.
136
00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:04,963
But you do seem
to have given them a focus.
137
00:11:05,004 --> 00:11:09,202
- (Dog barks)
- That's me off, then.
138
00:11:09,244 --> 00:11:12,156
- Take care.
- Take care?
139
00:11:12,204 --> 00:11:14,923
This is Lochdubh, Alex.
140
00:11:19,724 --> 00:11:22,113
God curse that man.
141
00:11:22,164 --> 00:11:24,962
- Curse him, curse him.
- Think he means me, Lord.
142
00:11:25,004 --> 00:11:28,076
- Fornicator.
- Definitely means me.
143
00:11:28,124 --> 00:11:30,843
Do you think you can scoff at us,
Macbeth?
144
00:11:30,884 --> 00:11:33,034
His ministers? His elect?
145
00:11:33,084 --> 00:11:37,714
Oh, his elect, is it?
Well, tell me this, Mr McBean.
146
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,914
If the Lord thinks so much of you,
147
00:11:39,964 --> 00:11:44,003
how come he's just let my dog
piss up your trouser leg?
148
00:11:44,044 --> 00:11:46,035
Jock.
149
00:11:46,084 --> 00:11:49,554
Dog of Dionysus.
150
00:11:49,604 --> 00:11:53,153
Hound from Hades!
151
00:11:53,204 --> 00:11:58,073
Infest that beast with fleas, Lord.
152
00:11:58,124 --> 00:12:00,957
- Come on, Jock.
- Send down a plague
153
00:12:01,004 --> 00:12:03,359
upon his foul master's house!
154
00:12:03,404 --> 00:12:07,238
And let thy wrath be felt by the Jezebel
155
00:12:07,284 --> 00:12:10,640
that lives in sin within it.
156
00:12:13,884 --> 00:12:17,957
The temptress who leads man into sin!
157
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:21,076
- (Hamish) Alan.
- Isn't that such a stooshie?
158
00:12:21,124 --> 00:12:25,322
I suppose I should apologise for him,
since he is a member of the cloth.
159
00:12:25,364 --> 00:12:28,515
- Nonsense.
- You're very kind, but tell me...
160
00:12:28,564 --> 00:12:31,158
Do you think that man's insane?
161
00:12:31,204 --> 00:12:35,516
- Well, I think he's just daft.
- What, not dangerous, then?
162
00:12:35,564 --> 00:12:38,636
- No, just daft.
- I see.
163
00:12:38,684 --> 00:12:42,279
I'll say good day to you, Hamish.
Thank you so very much.
164
00:12:44,244 --> 00:12:46,678
For what?
165
00:12:48,964 --> 00:12:51,159
He preaches with a lot of passion.
166
00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,240
It sounds like a lot of abuse to me.
167
00:12:53,284 --> 00:12:56,082
Sure, but remember, Hambo...
168
00:12:57,244 --> 00:13:00,077
They say the Lord works
in wondrous ways.
169
00:13:00,124 --> 00:13:01,113
Is that right?
170
00:13:03,484 --> 00:13:06,044
It occurred to me
that it might be worthwhile
171
00:13:06,084 --> 00:13:08,075
having a look at the McBeans.
172
00:13:09,564 --> 00:13:13,318
You know, at the Church
of the Stony Path as a whole.
173
00:13:13,364 --> 00:13:16,481
- Oh, yes?
- Yes.
174
00:13:16,524 --> 00:13:21,234
One never knows
what a good journo might find there
175
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:24,435
if he or she was to dig deep enough.
176
00:13:25,284 --> 00:13:30,153
You surprise me, Flora. I half thought
you might agree with the McBeans.
177
00:13:30,204 --> 00:13:33,241
Hamish and Alex aren't married, after all.
178
00:13:33,284 --> 00:13:35,718
Neither am I, Isobel.
179
00:13:36,644 --> 00:13:39,477
And who can blame Alexandra?
180
00:13:39,524 --> 00:13:45,201
I mean, that Macbeth. Wouldn't you just
know he'd be a dirty boy?
181
00:13:52,764 --> 00:13:55,562
(Both moaning)
182
00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:07,797
- Oh, Malachi.
- Put the pebbles back, wife.
183
00:14:11,724 --> 00:14:14,955
But you'll cripple yourself.
184
00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:21,159
- Why are you doing these things?
- The struggle with Lucifer is arduous.
185
00:14:21,204 --> 00:14:23,434
But this...
186
00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:25,873
Oh, sweet Bethsheba.
187
00:14:27,044 --> 00:14:30,161
Your concern does you credit.
188
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:34,959
Yet more proof that you are the Lord's
greatest gift to this humble servant.
189
00:14:35,684 --> 00:14:40,041
Please, Malachi. I don't deserve.
190
00:14:40,084 --> 00:14:42,552
I think it's deserved.
191
00:14:42,604 --> 00:14:45,243
And that is why, in my own way,
192
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,673
I have always loved you.
193
00:14:48,724 --> 00:14:51,875
And why, in my own way,
194
00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:54,040
I always will.
195
00:14:58,724 --> 00:15:03,240
But I've begun to chart a difficult course
for the Church, Bethsheba.
196
00:15:04,084 --> 00:15:07,394
And if you came to feel that the burden
of leadership
197
00:15:07,444 --> 00:15:09,912
was too great for you to share with me...
198
00:15:12,324 --> 00:15:16,602
then I assure you I'd understand.
199
00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:26,440
I want you to know that.
200
00:15:32,124 --> 00:15:34,479
Bethsheba?
201
00:15:41,084 --> 00:15:43,359
(Moans)
202
00:15:50,244 --> 00:15:54,032
- Shall I make you a sleeping draught?
- (Moaning continues)
203
00:15:57,444 --> 00:16:01,483
To shut out the hiss-s-s
of the serpent's tongue.
204
00:16:37,684 --> 00:16:40,642
- That Reverend Snow...
- He's a nice man.
205
00:16:42,004 --> 00:16:45,713
He asked me if I thought
McBean was... insane.
206
00:16:47,324 --> 00:16:51,033
- You know, dangerous.
- I've been wondering the same thing.
207
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:54,712
No, I mean, it was the way he asked.
208
00:16:56,124 --> 00:16:58,592
Alan Snow.
209
00:16:59,724 --> 00:17:01,555
Kind of odd.
210
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:05,233
We could get shot of McBean
if we just get married.
211
00:17:05,284 --> 00:17:07,479
I'm not giving in to that clown.
212
00:17:07,524 --> 00:17:11,073
I was thinking we might do it
for our own sakes, Hamish.
213
00:17:11,124 --> 00:17:14,400
Alex, I want to get married.
214
00:17:14,444 --> 00:17:16,799
But I want to do it right.
215
00:17:17,484 --> 00:17:20,794
And that costs a lot more than we've got,
basically.
216
00:17:22,804 --> 00:17:25,477
Just wait till we get some cash put by.
217
00:17:25,524 --> 00:17:30,598
Who'd have thought that?
You wanting a proper wedding.
218
00:17:30,644 --> 00:17:35,001
No, no, I mean,
I just want to do things right.
219
00:17:35,044 --> 00:17:37,114
That's all.
220
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:07,756
What are they doing?
221
00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:10,272
That patch has been set aside
for hand-tilling.
222
00:18:10,324 --> 00:18:13,634
After a day in there,
you should be too knackered to sin.
223
00:18:13,684 --> 00:18:18,394
It doesn't work, though. Not when you're
at the height of your sexual powers.
224
00:18:18,444 --> 00:18:22,562
- Like me, Isobel.
- Jubel, I'm here to do a story.
225
00:18:22,604 --> 00:18:24,720
Jubel!
226
00:18:26,964 --> 00:18:29,273
- See you.
- Yep.
227
00:18:29,324 --> 00:18:31,519
What can we do for you,
Miss Sutherland?
228
00:18:31,564 --> 00:18:35,477
Well, I was, erm...
I was thinking of doing a piece.
229
00:18:35,524 --> 00:18:37,754
For the religious affairs column.
230
00:18:37,804 --> 00:18:41,319
We've been here a long time.
Why the sudden interest?
231
00:18:41,364 --> 00:18:44,959
Well, this persecution of Hamish...
232
00:18:45,004 --> 00:18:47,279
Your choice of words betrays you, miss.
233
00:18:47,324 --> 00:18:50,361
I'll not talk with an ally of sinners.
234
00:18:50,404 --> 00:18:53,316
- Out of my way!
- If you'll just listen, Mr McBean...
235
00:18:53,364 --> 00:18:56,003
Out of my way! Now! Out!
236
00:18:56,044 --> 00:18:57,921
Mr McBean!
237
00:18:57,964 --> 00:18:59,795
(Isobel screams)
238
00:18:59,844 --> 00:19:02,597
- (Isobel cries)
- Lie still. You'll be fine.
239
00:19:02,644 --> 00:19:04,680
- Just lie still.
- What happened?
240
00:19:04,724 --> 00:19:06,954
- It was an accident.
- She needs a doctor.
241
00:19:07,004 --> 00:19:10,997
She stepped under the wheel!
It was an accident!
242
00:19:11,044 --> 00:19:13,353
It was an accident.
243
00:19:14,644 --> 00:19:15,713
It was an accident.
244
00:19:16,804 --> 00:19:20,433
- He did apologise, Hamish.
- The damage is already done.
245
00:19:20,484 --> 00:19:23,317
- Calm down, Hamish.
- Look what he did to her!
246
00:19:23,364 --> 00:19:26,356
- It's only bruising.
- The ground was soft.
247
00:19:30,084 --> 00:19:35,477
You go home, and you tell
that badly-put-together man kit
248
00:19:35,524 --> 00:19:39,437
that I have seen this,
I have seen what he did to her.
249
00:19:39,484 --> 00:19:41,952
And you tell him his time is coming.
250
00:19:42,004 --> 00:19:44,677
But it was an accident, Mr Macbeth.
251
00:19:44,724 --> 00:19:47,682
- Malachi wouldn't tell a lie.
- Hamish...
252
00:20:16,124 --> 00:20:19,275
Excuse me, do I get to know
what's going on here?
253
00:20:19,324 --> 00:20:23,317
- You saw what he did to her.
- And I saw what that did to you, Hamish.
254
00:20:23,364 --> 00:20:25,878
That man has been standing out here
for weeks.
255
00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:28,757
Every day he's called me names, and...
256
00:20:28,804 --> 00:20:33,878
Alex, he never touched you. If he
touched you it would be a different story.
257
00:20:33,924 --> 00:20:36,119
Would it, Hamish?
258
00:20:37,084 --> 00:20:39,678
Yeah.
259
00:20:39,724 --> 00:20:42,443
I'm surprised you even have to ask that.
260
00:20:50,084 --> 00:20:52,473
Dinner for one, then.
261
00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:01,876
(Barks)
262
00:21:06,804 --> 00:21:09,398
(Malachi shouts)
263
00:21:13,004 --> 00:21:14,835
Malachi!
264
00:21:16,764 --> 00:21:19,232
- Malachi!
- (Malachi screams)
265
00:21:19,284 --> 00:21:21,673
Malachi!
266
00:21:22,364 --> 00:21:25,401
No! Don't look upon him!
267
00:21:25,444 --> 00:21:30,074
He is the beast! Look away from his face,
Bethsheba!
268
00:21:30,124 --> 00:21:32,843
- Look away from his face!
- Malachi!
269
00:21:32,884 --> 00:21:35,557
One look and he'll wither your soul.
270
00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:41,801
Oh, Bethsheba. I... saw him!
271
00:21:42,724 --> 00:21:45,921
He is the beast!
272
00:21:45,964 --> 00:21:49,354
Get away from the barn! It is the beast!
273
00:21:51,484 --> 00:21:53,998
I'll call the fire brigade.
274
00:22:00,124 --> 00:22:02,115
Aagh!
275
00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:05,960
Well, he could be mad.
276
00:22:06,004 --> 00:22:09,758
Or he might just be embarked on
some kind of Back To Basics campaign,
277
00:22:09,804 --> 00:22:12,364
which would make him mad in my book,
anyway.
278
00:22:14,284 --> 00:22:16,923
Did I not say keep the weight
off that foot?
279
00:22:16,964 --> 00:22:19,239
I'll be all right.
280
00:22:19,284 --> 00:22:21,115
How is he?
281
00:22:21,164 --> 00:22:24,474
He'll live, unfortunately.
Minor burns to his lower legs.
282
00:22:24,524 --> 00:22:26,560
He's talking to John at the moment.
283
00:22:26,604 --> 00:22:28,799
He refuses to speak to me.
284
00:22:34,084 --> 00:22:38,874
So this noise.
You say you went to investigate.
285
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,994
And then what?
286
00:22:41,044 --> 00:22:43,399
It was horrible.
287
00:22:43,444 --> 00:22:46,993
I went into the barn
288
00:22:47,044 --> 00:22:51,879
and there was this sudden stench
of sulphur.
289
00:22:51,924 --> 00:22:58,557
And then I heard a low, infernal laugh.
290
00:23:01,844 --> 00:23:04,312
When I raised my lantern...
291
00:23:06,964 --> 00:23:11,640
I saw... it was the beast.
292
00:23:13,724 --> 00:23:18,275
And his name... was Macbeth.
293
00:23:18,324 --> 00:23:20,838
(Evil laughter)
294
00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:25,476
I mean, he actually said
it was me in the barn.
295
00:23:25,524 --> 00:23:30,200
You should have seen that TV John.
Did he enjoy telling me or what?
296
00:23:31,244 --> 00:23:35,078
Apparently he had
these rather piercing green eyes.
297
00:23:35,124 --> 00:23:37,638
Cat's, I think they were.
298
00:23:37,684 --> 00:23:42,394
And there was mention
of this low kind of chuckle.
299
00:23:42,444 --> 00:23:46,153
Oh, and there were definitely hooves,
you know, and a tail.
300
00:23:46,204 --> 00:23:49,674
But no horns.
He was quite clear on that point.
301
00:23:49,724 --> 00:23:52,397
You were out last night.
Where did you go?
302
00:23:54,044 --> 00:23:58,560
Well, I was... Now, wait a minute.
303
00:24:01,244 --> 00:24:03,758
You don't think it was me in there,
do you?
304
00:24:05,724 --> 00:24:07,237
Alex!
305
00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:12,596
There's a perfectly simple explanation
for all of this. There has to be.
306
00:24:14,444 --> 00:24:18,722
Right, I'll prove it to you.
A perfectly simple explanation.
307
00:24:18,764 --> 00:24:22,598
- OK, prove it!
- Why are we having this conversation?
308
00:24:50,484 --> 00:24:52,395
You're there, Hamish.
309
00:24:52,444 --> 00:24:55,402
Peter, please. Any ideas?
310
00:24:56,204 --> 00:24:59,162
A man dropped a lamp, Hamish.
That's about it.
311
00:24:59,204 --> 00:25:02,401
We were on our way back
from another call.
312
00:25:02,444 --> 00:25:06,278
We got here a bit sharpish, but
we could have saved more of the place.
313
00:25:06,324 --> 00:25:09,521
- If it hadn't been for that hold-up.
- What was that?
314
00:25:09,564 --> 00:25:12,158
Some hippy in a hurry.
315
00:25:12,204 --> 00:25:14,274
First of all he nearly rammed us,
316
00:25:14,324 --> 00:25:17,236
then we had to wait for him to back up
so we could get by him.
317
00:25:17,284 --> 00:25:19,718
Tattoo on his forehead? Blue BMW?
318
00:25:19,764 --> 00:25:22,278
- Aye, that's him.
- Zoot Macpherrin.
319
00:25:22,324 --> 00:25:24,394
I'll tell him to check his speed.
320
00:25:24,444 --> 00:25:26,435
Surprising, though.
321
00:25:26,484 --> 00:25:31,433
Zoot generally does everything
in a kind of, er... a kind of sedate manner.
322
00:25:31,484 --> 00:25:33,440
(Whispering) Hamish.
323
00:25:34,524 --> 00:25:36,913
Hamish!
324
00:25:44,604 --> 00:25:47,482
Hamish, what's happening here?
325
00:25:47,524 --> 00:25:51,153
I knew nothing but happiness here
till all this started.
326
00:25:51,204 --> 00:25:53,843
What's going on?
327
00:25:53,884 --> 00:25:55,875
I don't know, Jubel.
328
00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:00,313
I don't know.
329
00:26:03,804 --> 00:26:06,637
So what do you reckon then, Minister?
330
00:26:06,684 --> 00:26:08,914
Did McBean see Old Nick or what?
331
00:26:08,964 --> 00:26:11,114
- What?
- The devil, man.
332
00:26:14,284 --> 00:26:19,119
- There's no such thing. It's a myth.
- So you think McBean's gone bananas?
333
00:26:19,164 --> 00:26:22,042
It has to be one or the other, doesn't it?
334
00:26:25,124 --> 00:26:27,513
Would you please excuse me?
335
00:26:31,164 --> 00:26:33,394
That is a worried man.
336
00:26:33,444 --> 00:26:35,480
I'm with you, Lachie Jr.
337
00:26:35,524 --> 00:26:39,233
That man knows a thing about this
devil business. You mark my words.
338
00:26:39,284 --> 00:26:42,959
My brave husband's taking no chances,
are you, Barney?
339
00:26:43,004 --> 00:26:45,643
- Don't start, Agnes.
- What do you mean?
340
00:26:45,684 --> 00:26:50,712
Use your nose, Lachlan.
Or if not that, your eyes.
341
00:26:50,764 --> 00:26:54,837
Look. Garlic. To ward off evil spirits.
342
00:26:54,884 --> 00:26:58,718
- I just thought I'd give the bar a...
- (Lachie) A kind of continental feel.
343
00:26:58,764 --> 00:27:00,516
(Barney) Exactly, Lachlan.
344
00:27:00,564 --> 00:27:04,557
How does this lend itself
to the general ambience of the place?
345
00:27:04,604 --> 00:27:07,038
Sometimes I wish
I'd listened to my mother.
346
00:27:15,244 --> 00:27:17,678
Wouldn't have any more of these,
would you?
347
00:27:17,724 --> 00:27:19,874
- Are you winding me up, Lachlan?
- Nope!
348
00:27:19,924 --> 00:27:23,917
If there's any protecting to be done,
I want some for me and the boy.
349
00:27:23,964 --> 00:27:27,036
Actually, against forces
of this magnitude,
350
00:27:27,084 --> 00:27:29,473
the old garlic is pretty puny stuff.
351
00:27:29,524 --> 00:27:33,233
What we need
is something far more potent.
352
00:27:34,724 --> 00:27:37,079
What about chillies?
353
00:27:39,204 --> 00:27:41,160
- Heads up.
- Hi, John.
354
00:27:41,204 --> 00:27:42,876
Hamish.
355
00:27:46,964 --> 00:27:50,843
- Did you see that?
- I saw it all right.
356
00:27:50,884 --> 00:27:53,114
- Hamish, lad.
- Aye.
357
00:27:54,084 --> 00:27:59,875
That's it for me, boys. If TV John
McIver's worried, that's it for me.
358
00:28:04,204 --> 00:28:06,638
Nice shot, Isobel.
359
00:28:06,684 --> 00:28:09,801
- How's the foot?
- It's fine.
360
00:28:09,844 --> 00:28:12,483
Bit sore, that's all.
361
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,480
Good.
362
00:28:26,404 --> 00:28:28,759
So how are things with you?
363
00:28:30,084 --> 00:28:32,120
Not good.
364
00:28:33,884 --> 00:28:36,876
Alex thinks I was in the barn.
365
00:28:36,924 --> 00:28:39,882
Not with the horns and the tail,
of course,
366
00:28:39,924 --> 00:28:42,119
but she thinks I was there.
367
00:28:44,524 --> 00:28:47,834
She thinks I went for McBean
because of what he did to you.
368
00:28:50,084 --> 00:28:52,723
Because of what I feel for...
369
00:28:52,764 --> 00:28:55,278
Because of what Alex thinks
I might feel for...
370
00:28:55,324 --> 00:28:57,519
- I see.
...you, yeah.
371
00:28:57,564 --> 00:28:59,202
Anyway.
372
00:29:00,084 --> 00:29:04,282
Anyway, if I can just find out
what happened, everything will be OK.
373
00:29:08,764 --> 00:29:11,198
She has to be able to trust me, Isobel.
374
00:29:11,244 --> 00:29:13,838
It's the least she deserves.
375
00:29:17,764 --> 00:29:21,677
- I did ask her to come back.
- Why are you telling me all this?
376
00:29:23,844 --> 00:29:25,482
Why?
377
00:29:27,804 --> 00:29:32,161
Well, because
we've never talked about us. That's why.
378
00:29:32,204 --> 00:29:35,082
I just wanted you to know
why I did what I did.
379
00:29:35,124 --> 00:29:37,319
- Us?
- Yeah.
380
00:29:37,364 --> 00:29:39,434
There's no us.
381
00:29:40,684 --> 00:29:43,721
You live with Alex.
382
00:29:43,764 --> 00:29:46,358
That's that, as far as I'm concerned.
383
00:29:49,124 --> 00:29:51,001
Yeah.
384
00:29:54,124 --> 00:29:56,592
It's not a problem, Hamish.
385
00:30:03,244 --> 00:30:05,712
So what are you going to do?
386
00:30:07,324 --> 00:30:10,475
Oh, I don't know. I'm not sure.
387
00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:14,801
If I can just get a starting point,
everything will be fine.
388
00:30:17,364 --> 00:30:19,832
Come on, Isobel, please.
389
00:30:21,764 --> 00:30:27,043
There might be something going on
at the McBean farm. It's just gossip.
390
00:30:27,084 --> 00:30:29,837
Something Esme Murray hinted at.
391
00:30:39,044 --> 00:30:41,512
Come on, keep up, boy, keep up, now.
392
00:30:45,044 --> 00:30:48,957
- You're sure?
- We didn't come here for tea, TV John.
393
00:30:49,004 --> 00:30:51,996
- We want protection.
- Spiritual protection.
394
00:30:52,044 --> 00:30:54,433
Is there anything we can do, TV John?
395
00:30:54,484 --> 00:30:57,874
Well, there is, as a matter of fact.
396
00:30:57,924 --> 00:31:00,961
- There's an old Aztec ceremony.
- Aztec?
397
00:31:01,004 --> 00:31:06,078
Oh, yes. I learned it down in Veracruz,
you see.
398
00:31:06,124 --> 00:31:10,117
- That's in Mexico, Lachie Jr.
- Veracruz, TV John?
399
00:31:10,164 --> 00:31:14,999
Oh, yes. I had spent
all but my last few pesos on bad rum.
400
00:31:15,044 --> 00:31:19,322
I woke up in an alley with a tongue on me
like Gandhi's flip-flop.
401
00:31:19,364 --> 00:31:23,562
So I went for a hair of the dog.
402
00:31:23,604 --> 00:31:27,153
I went into this small, cool cantina.
403
00:31:27,204 --> 00:31:30,002
As I was sitting there sipping my cure,
404
00:31:30,044 --> 00:31:33,832
I saw this very beautiful young girl.
405
00:31:35,044 --> 00:31:39,242
We were about the same age
and she was staring at me.
406
00:31:39,284 --> 00:31:42,720
I couldn't think why,
for I'd never been much to look at.
407
00:31:43,764 --> 00:31:47,882
But it transpired
that it was my aura she could see.
408
00:31:49,644 --> 00:31:55,082
When we eventually spoke, she told me
that she was directly descended
409
00:31:55,124 --> 00:31:57,319
from Aztec royalty.
410
00:31:57,364 --> 00:32:00,720
Maybe even Atahualpa himself.
411
00:32:01,764 --> 00:32:05,200
Anyway, over the next few days,
412
00:32:05,244 --> 00:32:09,203
she taught me a great deal
about my psychic gifts.
413
00:32:10,084 --> 00:32:12,598
As well as her own.
414
00:32:12,644 --> 00:32:17,320
She told me how her people
had traditionally protected themselves
415
00:32:17,364 --> 00:32:19,673
from the forces of darkness.
416
00:32:21,444 --> 00:32:24,993
But you boys would never be
up for something like that.
417
00:32:27,764 --> 00:32:29,083
Try us.
418
00:32:30,684 --> 00:32:33,676
Ger-an-i-um.
419
00:32:33,724 --> 00:32:37,319
That's four syllables, I believe.
420
00:32:37,364 --> 00:32:39,798
I can count, Rory.
421
00:32:44,684 --> 00:32:46,720
(Knocking)
422
00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:51,398
(Sighs)
423
00:32:51,444 --> 00:32:54,516
But I don't have anything to go on.
I'm desperate, Esme.
424
00:32:54,564 --> 00:32:57,283
Join the club.
425
00:32:57,324 --> 00:33:00,282
Well, it's a bit delicate.
426
00:33:01,484 --> 00:33:04,237
But since you're the law, Hamish.
427
00:33:04,284 --> 00:33:10,439
It was a couple of months back. I was
coming off the bus from Inverness...
428
00:33:10,484 --> 00:33:13,874
having just visited a sick friend...
429
00:33:13,924 --> 00:33:16,643
when I noticed Bethsheba.
430
00:33:16,684 --> 00:33:20,996
She was getting off in front of me
and she dropped her shoulder bag.
431
00:33:21,044 --> 00:33:24,036
I gave her a hand to gather up her things.
432
00:33:25,564 --> 00:33:27,475
Go on.
433
00:33:27,524 --> 00:33:29,913
That's when I saw it.
434
00:33:30,804 --> 00:33:33,272
Black underwear.
435
00:33:34,364 --> 00:33:37,481
Then I saw her eyes
and I knew for certain...
436
00:33:37,524 --> 00:33:40,755
she'd had a good time.
437
00:33:41,324 --> 00:33:44,873
Women can't hide that kind of thing
from each other, Hamish.
438
00:33:46,964 --> 00:33:49,114
Was Malachi there?
439
00:33:49,164 --> 00:33:51,598
Hamish, you're not listening.
440
00:33:51,644 --> 00:33:54,602
I said she'd had a good time.
441
00:33:57,004 --> 00:33:59,723
Right.
442
00:33:59,764 --> 00:34:02,198
Right. OK.
443
00:34:04,124 --> 00:34:06,115
Hamish... (Grunts)
444
00:34:10,284 --> 00:34:12,002
(Whispers) Go on.
445
00:34:12,044 --> 00:34:14,683
(Chimes and chanting)
446
00:34:31,164 --> 00:34:33,120
Hambo.
447
00:34:40,964 --> 00:34:44,843
You'll forgive my friends if they seem
a wee bit skittish, Hambo,
448
00:34:44,884 --> 00:34:48,240
but we've had reports
of a certain manifestation.
449
00:34:49,884 --> 00:34:53,672
A certain VIP from the nether regions
showing up on your patch.
450
00:34:53,724 --> 00:34:56,113
Bollocks.
451
00:34:56,164 --> 00:34:59,361
(Chanting continues)
452
00:35:04,764 --> 00:35:08,723
This cat in the car.
Have you got any description?
453
00:35:08,764 --> 00:35:11,801
No, the firemen were too busy
trying to get to the fire.
454
00:35:11,844 --> 00:35:13,994
Ah, that is unfortunate, Hambo.
455
00:35:14,044 --> 00:35:18,913
But you can rule me out. Last night
I was a million miles from Lochdubh...
456
00:35:18,964 --> 00:35:21,080
metaphysically speaking.
457
00:35:21,124 --> 00:35:23,922
I was surfing the astral waves,
458
00:35:23,964 --> 00:35:27,195
a kaleidoscope of the exquisite hues -
459
00:35:27,244 --> 00:35:31,920
indigos, violets,
the most magnificent crimsons.
460
00:35:31,964 --> 00:35:34,524
Yeah, I think I know the spot.
461
00:35:36,644 --> 00:35:40,159
I hope you can believe me
when I say this, Hambo.
462
00:35:40,204 --> 00:35:42,320
I'm really sorry I can't help you.
463
00:35:43,644 --> 00:35:46,442
- Got the birch twigs?
- I've got them. One each.
464
00:35:46,484 --> 00:35:48,554
- Have you got the...
- I've got it!
465
00:35:48,604 --> 00:35:52,199
I don't want to be out here
a minute longer than is necessary.
466
00:36:08,524 --> 00:36:11,322
"Flowers by Bethsheba."
467
00:36:14,524 --> 00:36:17,960
(Chanting)
468
00:36:27,964 --> 00:36:29,033
(Sniggers)
469
00:36:29,084 --> 00:36:32,121
- John.
- Shh! Get down!
470
00:36:32,164 --> 00:36:33,961
(Chanting continues)
471
00:36:35,044 --> 00:36:37,763
Oh, my God!
472
00:36:37,804 --> 00:36:42,036
Doesn't it make you think
that civilisation is such a thin veneer?
473
00:36:43,004 --> 00:36:44,835
Look what they're doing!
474
00:36:44,884 --> 00:36:47,273
You did say free beer for a month.
475
00:36:47,324 --> 00:36:50,396
(Agnes laughing)
They've gone absolutely...
476
00:36:50,444 --> 00:36:53,436
(All) Ah! (Pitch rises)
477
00:36:53,484 --> 00:36:55,839
(Agnes laughs)
478
00:36:59,444 --> 00:37:01,833
(Door closes)
479
00:37:01,884 --> 00:37:05,035
(Footsteps approach)
480
00:37:12,684 --> 00:37:15,403
- Ask me who's a clever boy, then.
- Who?
481
00:37:15,444 --> 00:37:18,277
Me. I know what happened.
482
00:37:18,324 --> 00:37:22,442
I told you there'd be
a perfectly simple explanation for this.
483
00:37:23,924 --> 00:37:27,394
Bethsheba McBean is having an affair
484
00:37:27,444 --> 00:37:29,435
with Zoot Macpherrin.
485
00:37:29,484 --> 00:37:33,033
This I know because she was spotted
coming off a bus from Inverness
486
00:37:33,084 --> 00:37:35,598
with black underwear and a certain look.
487
00:37:35,644 --> 00:37:37,874
This I know because Zoot was seen later
488
00:37:37,924 --> 00:37:41,599
driving fast away from the McBean
house on the night of the fire,
489
00:37:41,644 --> 00:37:43,441
a fact he subsequently denied.
490
00:37:43,484 --> 00:37:46,476
- Now, why would he do that?
- I'm sure you're gonna tell me.
491
00:37:46,524 --> 00:37:48,162
I am.
492
00:37:48,204 --> 00:37:51,435
Zoot's in the barn.
He's waiting for Bethsheba.
493
00:37:51,484 --> 00:37:54,396
But it's Malachi who happens along.
494
00:37:54,444 --> 00:37:58,153
Zoot jumps up, yeah? Gives him a fright.
495
00:37:58,204 --> 00:38:01,514
Er... McBean drops the lamp,
the fire starts,
496
00:38:01,564 --> 00:38:05,955
and what with the smoke, the flames
and his obsession with the devil,
497
00:38:06,004 --> 00:38:08,393
he sees what he wants to see.
498
00:38:08,444 --> 00:38:10,674
What he's wanted to see all his life.
499
00:38:10,724 --> 00:38:14,000
Ridiculous. Zoot Macpherrin
would never look at Bethsheba.
500
00:38:14,044 --> 00:38:16,319
Isn't that just a tad sexist?
501
00:38:16,364 --> 00:38:20,198
There's no need for that.
There's no need for any of this.
502
00:38:20,244 --> 00:38:23,202
If you say you weren't in the barn,
you weren't, OK?
503
00:38:23,244 --> 00:38:25,314
No, not OK.
504
00:38:25,364 --> 00:38:28,083
Hamish, I'm tired. I want to go to bed.
505
00:38:28,124 --> 00:38:32,561
Are you coming, or do you intend
continuing with your enquiries?
506
00:38:32,604 --> 00:38:34,959
Not tonight.
507
00:38:36,004 --> 00:38:37,915
At least Isobel's trying to help.
508
00:38:41,564 --> 00:38:44,715
Well, I'm sure you'll make a great team.
509
00:39:04,604 --> 00:39:07,437
(Man wincing in pain)
510
00:39:50,044 --> 00:39:52,194
(Footsteps approach)
511
00:40:00,524 --> 00:40:02,833
What happened between them, John?
512
00:40:04,324 --> 00:40:10,513
Well, whatever it was, can you not see
that he's trying to reassure you about it?
513
00:40:11,804 --> 00:40:15,433
- How long was he there?
- Just a couple of minutes.
514
00:40:15,484 --> 00:40:17,714
Talking to Malachi?
515
00:40:19,124 --> 00:40:21,479
Why?
516
00:40:22,164 --> 00:40:24,234
It doesnae make sense.
517
00:40:26,524 --> 00:40:30,722
Maybe Esme's wrong and
Bethsheba's not having an affair at all.
518
00:40:39,204 --> 00:40:42,037
- Hi there, Neil.
- Well, Hamish. It's yourself.
519
00:40:42,084 --> 00:40:45,838
- It is yourself, I hope.
- Aye, it's me, Neil.
520
00:40:45,884 --> 00:40:50,594
Listen, I'm looking for a bit of
information of a rather sensitive nature.
521
00:40:51,724 --> 00:40:54,192
- Bethsheba McBean.
- Aye.
522
00:40:54,244 --> 00:40:57,839
- Do you think she's, er...
- Very definitely, Hamish.
523
00:40:57,884 --> 00:41:00,796
With the minister. The Reverend Snow.
524
00:41:01,684 --> 00:41:03,800
- What?
- Aye.
525
00:41:03,844 --> 00:41:06,563
I noticed it after about the third trip.
526
00:41:06,604 --> 00:41:11,519
He would sit at the back, she at the front,
studiously ignoring each other.
527
00:41:12,724 --> 00:41:14,760
Hamish, is that you?
528
00:41:17,764 --> 00:41:20,562
Yeah, it's me. Reverend Snow around?
529
00:41:20,604 --> 00:41:24,119
- He got a phone call from Malachi.
- Malachi?
530
00:41:24,164 --> 00:41:26,314
What was he saying?
531
00:41:26,364 --> 00:41:28,798
(Jabbers)
532
00:41:28,844 --> 00:41:31,483
Very good, Jimmy.
533
00:41:31,524 --> 00:41:33,754
Just that much.
534
00:41:33,804 --> 00:41:36,034
You move that much,
535
00:41:36,084 --> 00:41:39,360
I get by without you noticing.
536
00:41:39,404 --> 00:41:44,432
Ple-e-e-e-e-a-se.
537
00:41:47,484 --> 00:41:50,715
God spake unto this humble servant
and he said,
538
00:41:50,764 --> 00:41:53,232
"Malachi, dost thou really think
539
00:41:53,284 --> 00:41:57,641
"that Macbeth could assume
the guise of the Fallen One without help?
540
00:41:57,684 --> 00:41:59,834
"No, no, no," he said.
541
00:41:59,884 --> 00:42:04,639
"Seek ye out
he who claims to walk in my light,
542
00:42:04,684 --> 00:42:07,915
"and there shall ye find your tormentor.
543
00:42:09,084 --> 00:42:12,679
"The one who claims
to walk in my light."
544
00:42:14,284 --> 00:42:16,923
Well, it was obvious who he meant.
545
00:42:20,164 --> 00:42:22,200
What have you done with Bethsheba?
546
00:42:22,244 --> 00:42:25,077
Done with her?
547
00:42:25,124 --> 00:42:27,558
She's gone to the shops. It's Thursday.
548
00:42:28,524 --> 00:42:32,153
And I sent the brethren up the ben
to meditate.
549
00:42:32,204 --> 00:42:34,638
So it's just you and me.
550
00:42:36,484 --> 00:42:41,433
So I said to the Lord,
"Lord, how shall I dispatch
551
00:42:41,484 --> 00:42:44,635
"the Fallen One's disciple?"
552
00:42:44,684 --> 00:42:51,476
The Lord said, "In the usual way,
Malachi. In the usual way."
553
00:42:54,004 --> 00:42:57,201
(Jabbers)
554
00:42:57,244 --> 00:42:59,758
You're not yourself.
555
00:43:00,924 --> 00:43:02,357
(Bang)
556
00:43:04,804 --> 00:43:07,238
- That felt so good.
- (Zoot) Hambo!
557
00:43:08,604 --> 00:43:10,276
What have you done?
558
00:43:10,324 --> 00:43:13,396
You. Phone Alex,
tell her to bring Doc Brown up here.
559
00:43:19,884 --> 00:43:23,763
Are we meant to continue wondering
why you've gathered us all here?
560
00:43:23,804 --> 00:43:26,762
I'd like to know what happened
to Malachi's head.
561
00:43:26,804 --> 00:43:29,557
It was perfectly simple, Doc.
562
00:43:31,644 --> 00:43:35,876
He was having an affair with her.
563
00:43:38,044 --> 00:43:40,239
But so was he.
564
00:43:41,244 --> 00:43:43,883
And he must have wanted
to have a clear field.
565
00:43:43,924 --> 00:43:47,473
So he told him about these two.
566
00:43:48,844 --> 00:43:54,714
The upshot is, when you've fixed him up,
I'm lifting him for attempted murder.
567
00:43:54,764 --> 00:43:58,996
I'm sorry, Zoot. I'm gonna have to lift you
for conspiracy.
568
00:43:59,044 --> 00:44:02,002
I'm sorry, Hambo. That's not how it was.
569
00:44:03,764 --> 00:44:06,403
OK, Zoot. You tell me how it was.
570
00:44:06,444 --> 00:44:10,835
I was meant to come in and rescue Alan,
but...
571
00:44:10,884 --> 00:44:12,954
Zoot's telling the truth.
572
00:44:13,004 --> 00:44:16,519
Late one night, he saw Bethsheba
and the Reverend Snow together.
573
00:44:16,564 --> 00:44:18,919
Mr Macpherrin!
574
00:44:19,764 --> 00:44:22,517
- You told Malachi.
- Straight away.
575
00:44:22,564 --> 00:44:26,079
- After all those long talks we'd had?
- What long talks?
576
00:44:26,124 --> 00:44:30,640
I advised Bethsheba to do her own thing,
to move off with the Reverend Snow.
577
00:44:30,684 --> 00:44:34,233
And she would have, Mr Macbeth,
but Alan here respected me.
578
00:44:34,284 --> 00:44:38,675
He was worried about what people would
think if he took another man's wife.
579
00:44:38,724 --> 00:44:41,636
- How do you know these things?
- Zoot told me.
580
00:44:41,684 --> 00:44:43,675
- Bethsheba told me.
- The long talks.
581
00:44:43,724 --> 00:44:45,362
Right, Doc.
582
00:44:45,404 --> 00:44:48,157
We decided to force Alan's hand,
Mr Macbeth.
583
00:44:48,204 --> 00:44:52,880
I became such an ogre he would be
forced to take Bethsheba away.
584
00:44:52,924 --> 00:44:55,199
Hence the religious mania, the clothes.
585
00:44:55,244 --> 00:44:59,442
Correct, Doc. Malachi the good
became Malachi the mad and the bad.
586
00:44:59,484 --> 00:45:02,920
And this had the effect
of turning the community away from you
587
00:45:02,964 --> 00:45:06,274
so they'd support Alan
when he tried to take Bethsheba.
588
00:45:06,324 --> 00:45:09,521
- Doc, can I ask the questions?
- Sorry, Hamish.
589
00:45:09,564 --> 00:45:13,762
But despite everything I did,
Alan wouldn't budge.
590
00:45:13,804 --> 00:45:16,841
- And my feet were killing me.
- Wait, wait, wait.
591
00:45:19,924 --> 00:45:24,122
If you wanted her and him
to get it together,
592
00:45:25,804 --> 00:45:28,079
then why didn't you just tell
her and him?
593
00:45:28,124 --> 00:45:30,080
Yes, why didn't you?
594
00:45:30,124 --> 00:45:32,843
(Doc Brown)
Hamish, that would never do.
595
00:45:32,884 --> 00:45:36,399
That would be Malachi the good.
The ultra good.
596
00:45:36,444 --> 00:45:39,436
And Alan's feelings of guilt
for having hurt Malachi
597
00:45:39,484 --> 00:45:41,714
would have destroyed the relationship.
598
00:45:41,764 --> 00:45:44,278
- That's what Zoot said.
- Basic psychology.
599
00:45:44,324 --> 00:45:46,599
Really very simple.
600
00:45:52,404 --> 00:45:54,315
Right, then.
601
00:45:54,364 --> 00:45:56,434
And this had better be good.
602
00:45:58,604 --> 00:46:01,641
Why would you want Bethsheba
to leave you?
603
00:46:08,244 --> 00:46:13,272
So that she could enjoy...
the love she'd found.
604
00:46:15,484 --> 00:46:17,759
And so that I might be free...
605
00:46:19,124 --> 00:46:21,319
to enjoy mine.
606
00:46:21,364 --> 00:46:23,400
Malachi!
607
00:46:26,084 --> 00:46:27,563
No.
608
00:46:27,604 --> 00:46:31,279
I thought you might have had
a wee inkling. I'm sure Alex did.
609
00:46:31,324 --> 00:46:33,554
A wee while back, some friends and I
610
00:46:33,604 --> 00:46:36,721
arranged a weekend
of perception development.
611
00:46:36,764 --> 00:46:39,642
Malachi came up to remonstrate with us,
612
00:46:39,684 --> 00:46:42,881
but when our eyes met...
613
00:46:42,924 --> 00:46:45,643
there was to be no remonstrance.
614
00:46:47,124 --> 00:46:50,161
You two were in the barn.
615
00:46:51,444 --> 00:46:54,004
I dropped the lamp.
616
00:46:54,044 --> 00:46:57,400
When I heard Bethsheba coming,
I had to think of something.
617
00:46:57,444 --> 00:47:00,880
I am still a minister
in the Church of the Stony Path.
618
00:47:00,924 --> 00:47:03,392
(Clears throat)
619
00:47:05,404 --> 00:47:10,080
I am sure that the people in this room
can keep a confidence
620
00:47:10,124 --> 00:47:14,003
if you consider it necessary
for the good of your church, Malachi.
621
00:47:16,724 --> 00:47:20,558
But, er... But what are we going to do?
622
00:47:20,604 --> 00:47:24,995
- I think you should move in with Alan.
- We'll say that I'm giving you refuge.
623
00:47:25,044 --> 00:47:27,683
The community has turned
against Malachi.
624
00:47:27,724 --> 00:47:31,399
- Meanwhile you file for a divorce.
- And Jubel can take over
625
00:47:31,444 --> 00:47:33,196
and Malachi can move in with me.
626
00:47:33,244 --> 00:47:35,075
- Are you coming?
- Are you kidding?
627
00:47:35,124 --> 00:47:38,275
- What will you and Zoot do?
- We can continue to meet.
628
00:47:38,324 --> 00:47:40,713
We can make sure our holidays coincide.
629
00:47:40,764 --> 00:47:43,039
I've a substantial villa on the Algarve.
630
00:47:43,084 --> 00:47:46,997
The Algarve?! That's wonderful!
631
00:47:51,884 --> 00:47:55,160
Just like I said.
A perfectly simple explanation.
632
00:47:55,204 --> 00:47:57,559
It was just exactly like you said.
633
00:47:57,604 --> 00:47:59,959
Thanks very much, Alex.
634
00:48:00,004 --> 00:48:04,156
I went out and proved I wasnae
in the barn, and I did that for you.
635
00:48:04,204 --> 00:48:09,562
Hamish, all you had to do was say
that you had no feelings for Isobel.
636
00:48:14,844 --> 00:48:16,960
Well, are you coming?
637
00:48:17,004 --> 00:48:19,882
Yeah, later. Doc will be needing a lift.
638
00:48:28,804 --> 00:48:32,922
(? Singing a hymn)
639
00:48:32,972 --> 00:48:37,522
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