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1
00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:31,977
I'm late, I know.
2
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:36,852
Huh.
3
00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,723
Did anyone call?
4
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,203
No.
5
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,639
Kendra didn't call?
6
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,250
No. No one.
7
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,168
That's good.
8
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,696
My son had a game
this morning,
9
00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:56,480
and he wanted me to wait
for his dad to get there,
10
00:02:56,524 --> 00:03:00,397
and then I got caught in
some traffic or an accident...
11
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:01,920
You got in an accident?
12
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:08,231
What? No, I got stuck
in the traffic of an accident.
13
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,844
What are you doing?
14
00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:13,932
Dishes.
15
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:19,242
Okay. Well, can you
come help me set up?
16
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,504
What do
we need to set up?
17
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,463
The room, for the meeting.
18
00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:26,118
Why are you doing dishes?
19
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:27,990
No one cleaned up
from this morning.
20
00:03:29,687 --> 00:03:31,167
Oh, I'm so sorry.
21
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,213
That's very responsible
of you to...
22
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,998
Yeah. We got to tell them
to clean up after themselves.
23
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:38,696
I... I definitely did
tell them that.
24
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,524
What... Who was it? AA?
25
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,614
No, Al-Anon.
AA cleans up after themselves.
26
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:48,706
Okay. Well, can you, uh...
27
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,142
How about you do that
a little bit later
28
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:51,405
and what... You wanna come
help me set up this room?
29
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,408
I wanna set it up
before Kendra gets here.
30
00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:10,772
Okay.
31
00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,556
Here. Help me
pull out this table.
32
00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:16,343
Okay.
33
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,345
Oh, careful. Careful, careful.
34
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:25,787
Oh, sorry.
35
00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:32,837
Let's see.
Center it a little more.
36
00:04:34,622 --> 00:04:36,058
Okay.
37
00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:09,700
Hi.
38
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:11,093
Hello. Hi.
39
00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,355
-Judy?
-Yes.
40
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:13,487
Kendra Carter. Pleasure.
41
00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,330
Well, this is very nice.
42
00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,942
Thank you so much.
We think so too.
43
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,685
Most people just drive north
to St. Thomas these days,
44
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:42,167
but we find plenty to do here.
45
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:43,908
So where will they be meeting?
46
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:46,520
Oh. Um, right. I'm sorry.
47
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:47,782
I'm taking too long.
48
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,087
Sorry. I don't mean
to be rude, I just...
49
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:50,219
No, no, no, you're not
being rude. This is...
50
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,133
That's a really
wonderful question.
51
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:52,482
They're in a room downstairs.
52
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:53,875
Here, follow me.
53
00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:59,359
We usually have
meetings down here,
54
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:00,621
but the reverend thought
55
00:06:00,664 --> 00:06:02,927
they might need
a little more privacy,
56
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,842
so we're gonna
put them in the back.
57
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:06,235
Well, if you think it's best.
58
00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:07,802
I do. I do.
59
00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,631
I think it's lighter,
it has better...
60
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:11,762
You know, it's nicer.
61
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,503
And Linda approved it?
62
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,070
I've never actually met Linda.
63
00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:16,941
She's not a parishioner
here. So...
64
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,726
But she's seen it?
65
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:21,772
Um, well, she met with
the reverend here privately,
66
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:22,860
uh, several times.
67
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:24,514
So I'm assuming that she did.
68
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,257
-Uh...
-Oh.
69
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:30,433
Will we hear this music
back there?
70
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:33,654
Oh, shoot.
Yeah, that's a problem.
71
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:35,786
It might be. Can they stop?
72
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,397
Uh, they have lessons today.
73
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,963
Can't we just close the doors?
74
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,443
I don't want it
to be a distraction.
75
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:41,575
You know what?
I'm gonna talk to them.
76
00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:42,880
-It'll be fine.
-Thank you.
77
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:44,447
Absolutely. Uh, do you
want to see the room?
78
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,883
-Yes, please.
-Okay.
79
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,851
What do you think?
80
00:06:57,852 --> 00:06:59,375
It's better back here.
81
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,595
Oh, right.
82
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:05,425
Sorry. I was told no one would
be in the building is all.
83
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,470
Oh, yeah. Um, I'm sorry.
84
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,472
We usually have them practice
down here.
85
00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,866
But they're... We moved them
to the church.
86
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:14,608
Okay, so will anyone else
be in here?
87
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:16,174
The choir's rehearsing
for tomorrow.
88
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:19,308
Oh, right. I'm so sorry
that I moved the chairs.
89
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,788
Oh, no, it's fine.
90
00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:23,486
But they're rehearsing
up in the church though?
91
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:25,967
Yeah.
92
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,316
That should be fine.
93
00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:31,059
Anthony, can you,
um, go downstairs
94
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,061
and get the snacks that
I brought and bring them up
95
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,324
and set them up
on the far table over there?
96
00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:36,847
Thank you.
97
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:42,810
But the room's okay?
98
00:07:42,853 --> 00:07:44,507
I think so.
99
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,640
Great.
100
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:50,339
We got some bagels and
some water and, um, coffee.
101
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:51,906
I'm gonna make
some great coffee.
102
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:53,211
That's a nice idea.
103
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:57,302
Okay. Um, and the...
Sorry about the chairs,
104
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,870
-but the table is okay?
-The table?
105
00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:01,916
The placement of the table
is good for you?
106
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:03,091
-It's fine.
-For the...?
107
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:06,355
Okay. Great.
108
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:07,617
That's great.
109
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,054
Placement
of the table's great.
110
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:12,535
Do you have tissues?
Like a tissue box?
111
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,232
Yeah, we have some
right over here.
112
00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:15,930
That's a really great idea.
Of course.
113
00:08:15,973 --> 00:08:19,107
All right. Now we're
getting somewhere. Um...
114
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,326
How many people
are coming, again?
115
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:24,199
-Why?
-There'll be four of them.
116
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,984
You got, like, a lot of food.
117
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,160
I don't think
they'll be eating.
118
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:31,946
-Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...
-What's this?
119
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,992
That's my lunch.
You can put that away. Um...
120
00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:37,255
Sorry. I thought that
I should have some food.
121
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:39,301
Yeah, no, no.
It's a really nice thought.
122
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:42,913
I just... I don't think we
need to put all of that out.
123
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:45,263
-It's... We shouldn't.
-Right.
124
00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:46,917
Right. Okay.
125
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,615
So how long have you worked
with the families?
126
00:08:48,658 --> 00:08:50,355
-Anthony. That...
-What?
127
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,096
That's okay.
128
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:53,837
Just the one family.
129
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,536
But six years now.
130
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:57,841
-Wow.
-Oh, wow.
131
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:02,063
Were you working with
the family before the...?
132
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:04,674
No, no, no. It's how we met.
133
00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,894
-Can we move these?
-Yes, absolutely.
134
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,853
-Thank you.
-Have they done this before?
135
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,160
Anthony, that's none
of our business.
136
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,292
Have you printed out
for tomorrow?
137
00:09:14,336 --> 00:09:15,380
-I did.
-Okay,
138
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:16,556
did you fold for tomorrow?
139
00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:26,566
-Sorry about him.
-No, he's fine.
140
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,959
We were gonna
give him the day off,
141
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,439
but then his family, they
really need to keep him busy.
142
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:31,788
You don't need to explain.
143
00:09:31,832 --> 00:09:33,573
Okay, that's good of you.
144
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:36,619
I mean, he's really sweet,
most of the time.
145
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:40,231
But he's not your typical,
uh, church employee.
146
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:42,886
But then again,
we are Episcopalian.
147
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:45,062
Sorry, that's just
a little Christian humor.
148
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,716
Oh, no, don't put it
in the center.
149
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,023
-Oh.
-It looks freaky.
150
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,416
Uh, put it to the side
or maybe back over there,
151
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:52,896
so they see it,
but you know...
152
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,900
Right. I'm sorry. Of course.
153
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:02,819
So where...? Are you gonna be
doing all of this
154
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:04,255
in here with them or...?
155
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:08,346
No, they've, uh,
they've agreed to be alone.
156
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:11,175
Well, um, you can
come hang with us.
157
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,787
We're, um...
We have a lot of room
158
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:16,746
and we have great Wi-Fi.
159
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,313
Um, I have a few calls
I need to make
160
00:10:18,356 --> 00:10:20,054
so I'll probably
just work from the car.
161
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:23,187
Oh, no, that's sad.
You should stay with us.
162
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,667
You can have the
reverend's whole office.
163
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:26,930
Oh, okay, we'll figure it out.
164
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,062
-Okay.
-Um...
165
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,934
What are these?
166
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:33,807
Oh, yeah.
Aren't those really neat?
167
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,244
That was a school project.
It's supposed to be
168
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,028
stained glass.
169
00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:43,338
Is there something wrong?
170
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,212
Oh.
171
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:51,389
Right.
172
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,827
It's fine. You know what?
173
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:56,525
I'm... I'm gonna step out
and make a call. Okay?
174
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:57,700
-Sure, yes.
-Thanks.
175
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,528
Yes, please. Take your time.
176
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:24,858
Okay, that's it. Here we are.
177
00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:26,642
I know. Keep driving.
178
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,252
What?
179
00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:30,298
Just... I'm not... Not now.
180
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:31,516
I'm not ready yet.
Just keep driving.
181
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:32,604
I don't know where we are.
182
00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:34,911
Anywhere. Just go. Just drive.
183
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:37,348
Pull up around the corner
there, over there somewhere.
184
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,524
-Just go!
-Okay. Okay.
185
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:47,707
Hi, Linda. No problem.
I'm here. Take your time.
186
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,012
Have you spoken with Richard?
187
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,387
What the hell
are we doing here?
188
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,957
-Are you gonna be all right?
189
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:23,699
Honey?
190
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,874
I don't know.
191
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:30,401
-Okay.
-No, I don't know if I can...
192
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:34,623
I don't know if I can do it.
193
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,106
Well, we don't have to.
194
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,936
We could just
turn around and leave.
195
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,678
If that's what you want.
196
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:48,506
No.
197
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:51,379
I mean, I don't think
I can say it.
198
00:12:55,644 --> 00:12:56,688
Okay.
199
00:12:56,732 --> 00:13:00,388
Well, you know,
you don't have to.
200
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:01,476
We could just go there
201
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:04,044
and listen to what
they have to say.
202
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,481
You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.
203
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:08,744
-All right?
204
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,572
If I don't, would you?
205
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:15,272
I'm sorry. That's not fair.
206
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:18,362
No, it's...
You know, it's not...
207
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,247
I wouldn't, but...
208
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,759
Come on.
Are you ready to go back?
209
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,851
Okay.
210
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:14,375
All right.
211
00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,421
Absolutely.
We can discuss that
212
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:02,205
when I get back
day after tomorrow.
213
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:21,659
Oh, dear.
214
00:15:39,329 --> 00:15:40,417
Mr. and Mrs. Perry?
215
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:42,115
Jay, please. Kendra?
216
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,159
Yes.
217
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,305
Gail?
218
00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,839
Hi.
219
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,362
-Hi. Jay Perry.
-Oh, hi.
220
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:13,581
-This is my wife, Gail.
-My name is Judy.
221
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:14,669
-Hello.
-Hi, Judy.
222
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:15,757
-Hi.
-I'm Jay.
223
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:16,932
Hi. Thank you
so much for coming.
224
00:16:16,976 --> 00:16:18,890
Thank you for, uh,
providing the space.
225
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:21,545
Oh, absolutely.
We're so happy we could help.
226
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,025
Well, we have you all set up
right back here.
227
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,070
Oh, yeah. We have some food...
228
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,680
Great.
229
00:16:25,723 --> 00:16:26,986
...and some coffee, and some
water. Do y'all want anything?
230
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,988
I think we're good
for now. Right?
231
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:31,991
I'm fine.
232
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,340
-Thank you, Judy.
-Yeah, thank you.
233
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,124
Should... Do you want me
to show you the space?
234
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,734
No, I'll show them. Thank you.
235
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,345
Okay, great. It's so lovely
to meet both of you, so much.
236
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,086
-Thank you.
-You can follow me.
237
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:44,003
Right here.
238
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:51,923
Is the room
okay for you?
239
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:57,625
Uh...
240
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,584
Table, chairs,
241
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,195
Jesus watching us.
242
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,848
It's great.
243
00:17:03,892 --> 00:17:05,676
Okay. Well, I know
244
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,852
we've gotten your signatures
on everything,
245
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:09,115
and you're all squared away
246
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:11,030
as far as our offices
are concerned.
247
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,467
But... while it's just
the three of us,
248
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,208
is there anything
you want to ask me?
249
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:17,949
I think we're okay.
250
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:19,603
Will they be here soon?
251
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,691
I just
spoke with them.
252
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:21,910
They should be here
any minute.
253
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,042
-Oh.
-Would you be okay
254
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,130
if I left you alone
for just a bit?
255
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:25,305
Absolutely. Sure.
256
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:26,654
I'll be right back.
257
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,285
Hi. No, I'm outside.
258
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,593
Oh, I... I see you.
259
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,565
We're right in here.
260
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,396
-Hello.
-Hi.
261
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:18,097
Richard, Linda, this is Jay
and Gail Perry.
262
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:21,056
We've met, actually.
It was a long time ago.
263
00:18:23,145 --> 00:18:24,494
How are you?
264
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:28,107
Yeah, we're fine. Thanks.
265
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,329
Have you been waiting long?
266
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:36,158
No, we just got here.
We haven't even sat down.
267
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,899
How's the room? Okay?
268
00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,988
-It's fine.
-I thought so.
269
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:42,599
Gail?
270
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:44,471
I'm fine.
271
00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:46,690
Okay, good.
272
00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:50,520
I brought these for you.
273
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,566
Oh. Oh.
274
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,307
-I'm sorry.
-No, they're...
275
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:55,395
Small.
276
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:57,353
No, they're very nice.
Thank you.
277
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,142
Should we sit?
278
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,232
Yeah, let's take a seat.
279
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:16,981
Take your coat?
280
00:19:26,077 --> 00:19:27,949
Well, we've... we've spoken.
281
00:19:27,992 --> 00:19:29,559
Yeah, we're all sorted.
282
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,082
We are. Yes.
283
00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:36,175
Well, I'm grateful to see
you all together finally.
284
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,480
May I say that?
285
00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:40,004
And I'm hopeful that
we all think
286
00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:41,223
that this was
a good thing to do
287
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,312
by the time
we leave here today.
288
00:19:43,356 --> 00:19:44,400
Is that okay?
289
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:45,880
-Yes.
-Thanks, Kendra.
290
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:49,013
All right, well,
I'm going to leave you alone.
291
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:50,363
Let me know
if you need anything.
292
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,452
Nice to meet you both.
293
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:53,844
-You too.
-Mmm-hmm.
294
00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:13,168
You wanna maybe just...
295
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:19,740
These are nice.
296
00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:21,132
Thank you.
297
00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:22,917
I wanted to bring something.
298
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,964
Uh, I tried to pick
what's available
299
00:20:27,008 --> 00:20:29,532
or seasonal, which isn't much.
300
00:20:29,576 --> 00:20:33,362
-You made this?
-Yeah. Sort of a new hobby.
301
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:34,407
Oh.
302
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:37,888
Thank you.
303
00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:38,933
Sure.
304
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,721
I'm sorry. Just...
I don't want to be rude.
305
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,984
But could we just, like,
while we're talking,
306
00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:48,986
-just put these somewhere?
-Of course.
307
00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,074
-No, no, no, I'll take it.
-Okay.
308
00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:51,293
-I'm so sorry.
-No.
309
00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:05,699
-Thank you.
-Oh, sure.
310
00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:08,832
You know that... Okay.
311
00:21:09,964 --> 00:21:11,531
How was your trip down here?
312
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:14,403
Drive. We drove.
Yeah. It was fine.
313
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,013
Did you drive or...?
314
00:21:16,057 --> 00:21:20,017
I flew in last night.
I'm leaving this afternoon.
315
00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:22,237
Oh, okay. Right.
316
00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:25,980
Will you be driving
back tonight or...?
317
00:21:26,023 --> 00:21:28,765
We have a room,
hotel arranged,
318
00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:30,332
but we may not
want to stay over.
319
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,378
-Head back?
-Right.
320
00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:40,299
So, um, look, thank you
for agreeing to meet us
321
00:21:40,951 --> 00:21:42,953
and together.
322
00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,216
Oh, you're welcome.
323
00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:49,351
I appreciate you, all of you,
making the journey.
324
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:51,048
I know I'm not easy to get to.
325
00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:52,398
We're happy to come
to you, Linda.
326
00:21:52,441 --> 00:21:56,184
I mean, yes, and I, uh...
327
00:21:58,926 --> 00:22:01,232
We want to start
by saying that
328
00:22:01,276 --> 00:22:05,498
we, uh, regret some of
the things that we said.
329
00:22:05,541 --> 00:22:07,804
Oh, don't, don't be regretful.
330
00:22:07,848 --> 00:22:11,068
We wish we didn't have to rely
so much on our attorneys.
331
00:22:11,112 --> 00:22:14,202
But, uh, now it's really just
to protect our son.
332
00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:17,771
-Steven.
-Mmm.
333
00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:20,774
Yeah. How's he doing?
334
00:22:20,817 --> 00:22:22,602
He's doing very well.
Thank you for asking.
335
00:22:22,645 --> 00:22:24,995
They're in Baltimore now,
not far from me.
336
00:22:25,039 --> 00:22:26,170
They have a little boy
on the way.
337
00:22:26,214 --> 00:22:27,955
That's great.
338
00:22:27,998 --> 00:22:29,870
Thank you. And how is Sophie?
339
00:22:29,913 --> 00:22:32,263
-How's your daughter?
-She's, uh...
340
00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:34,527
-She's doing fine.
-She's much better.
341
00:22:34,570 --> 00:22:37,747
She's made a lot of progress
the last year.
342
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:39,488
She's looking at, uh,
343
00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:41,447
applying to schools now,
college, for the fall.
344
00:22:41,490 --> 00:22:42,535
Oh, that's wonderful.
345
00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:43,666
-That's great.
-Thanks.
346
00:22:43,710 --> 00:22:44,972
That's great.
That's great.
347
00:22:45,015 --> 00:22:46,016
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
348
00:22:53,328 --> 00:22:54,808
-Um...
349
00:23:01,597 --> 00:23:04,295
Did you guys
bring photos or...?
350
00:23:04,339 --> 00:23:06,646
Yes, yes. I...
351
00:23:06,689 --> 00:23:08,256
There was some talk
of maybe, uh...
352
00:23:09,736 --> 00:23:12,303
it would be good
to share them. I don't know.
353
00:23:12,347 --> 00:23:13,522
Gail, do you wanna...?
354
00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:17,004
And I also brought
other things to share.
355
00:23:17,047 --> 00:23:19,136
Yep. Kendra said
you might do that. Sure.
356
00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:20,921
Okay, good.
357
00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:23,053
I don't know
if this is a good time for...
358
00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:24,141
Do you wanna wait
till they go?
359
00:23:24,185 --> 00:23:25,273
No. I'm okay.
360
00:23:25,316 --> 00:23:26,361
No? Okay, so maybe
we should just...
361
00:23:26,405 --> 00:23:28,015
No. We agreed, so... here.
362
00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:36,415
Here. This is Sophie.
363
00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:38,721
-Oh.
-Oh.
364
00:23:38,765 --> 00:23:40,462
-Oh, she's beautiful.
-Oh, she's a young lady now.
365
00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:42,595
Yeah.
She's grown up a lot.
366
00:23:42,638 --> 00:23:43,726
Oh, oh.
367
00:23:43,770 --> 00:23:44,945
Yeah.
368
00:23:44,988 --> 00:23:48,339
-Oh.
-And this is, uh...
369
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:55,782
I'd like to see them.
370
00:23:57,610 --> 00:23:58,611
Okay.
371
00:24:00,917 --> 00:24:02,919
This is Evan
when he was three.
372
00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:08,185
-Oh, my goodness.
-What's he got there?
373
00:24:08,229 --> 00:24:09,709
-He's so sweet.
-It's, uh...
374
00:24:09,752 --> 00:24:11,624
It's one of those,
uh, roller thing...
375
00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:13,364
Push that thing everywhere
376
00:24:13,408 --> 00:24:14,844
and balls would bounce,
would pop.
377
00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:15,976
They'd pop out of it,
yeah. Yeah.
378
00:24:16,019 --> 00:24:17,020
Oh, right,
I remember those.
379
00:24:17,064 --> 00:24:18,935
Yeah, yeah.
380
00:24:18,979 --> 00:24:21,938
Do you have the...
his catcher picture?
381
00:24:21,982 --> 00:24:23,070
Bring the catcher picture?
382
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:24,158
Yeah, we have it.
We brought it.
383
00:24:24,201 --> 00:24:25,464
Okay. You wanna...?
384
00:24:27,248 --> 00:24:29,032
Oh. Here it is.
385
00:24:29,076 --> 00:24:31,948
I think he was about 12.
Little League.
386
00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,036
Oh.
387
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,255
He was a good athlete,
wasn't he?
388
00:24:34,298 --> 00:24:35,474
Yeah, he was really good
at sports.
389
00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:36,518
Look at him.
390
00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:37,650
I mean, he liked
a lot of things.
391
00:24:37,693 --> 00:24:39,347
He was, you know...
392
00:24:39,390 --> 00:24:42,829
Sung in a band, Model UN,
a lot of stuff.
393
00:24:42,872 --> 00:24:45,266
But, yeah, he was
a very good athlete.
394
00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:46,702
Oh.
395
00:24:46,746 --> 00:24:49,749
The... It's a funny thing,
but the catcher outfit...
396
00:24:49,792 --> 00:24:50,837
He didn't want
to play catcher.
397
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,621
He just liked the gear.
398
00:24:52,665 --> 00:24:54,754
Oh, he liked the gear.
399
00:24:54,797 --> 00:24:56,146
-Yeah.
-Oh.
400
00:24:59,933 --> 00:25:03,806
So, um, do we have
one of all of us, or...?
401
00:25:03,850 --> 00:25:05,895
Of course. Lots.
402
00:25:05,939 --> 00:25:07,854
We had to print
a lot of photos out.
403
00:25:07,897 --> 00:25:08,942
Nobody has
photographs anymore.
404
00:25:08,985 --> 00:25:10,378
-Right?
-Yeah.
405
00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:11,727
It's nice to hold something.
Not just, you know...
406
00:25:11,771 --> 00:25:13,337
-It is.
-This is us.
407
00:25:15,209 --> 00:25:16,993
-That's...
-That's the last Christmas.
408
00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:27,700
Yeah, we were always...
We made them all dress up.
409
00:25:27,743 --> 00:25:30,398
"Cheesy," we're saying there.
We're not saying cheese.
410
00:25:30,441 --> 00:25:31,530
Our family never did.
411
00:25:33,314 --> 00:25:37,710
They thought we were so stupid
because... Ridiculous.
412
00:25:45,152 --> 00:25:46,283
I'm sorry.
413
00:25:46,327 --> 00:25:48,155
-It's okay.
-Yeah.
414
00:25:48,198 --> 00:25:50,374
-No, I'm sorry.
-Here.
415
00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:51,550
No, don't be, Linda.
416
00:25:51,593 --> 00:25:53,116
No, no, maybe we should...
417
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,555
-Okay.
-I wanted to share too.
418
00:25:56,598 --> 00:25:59,732
No, I wanted to share
ours too, but...
419
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:04,563
It's hard.
420
00:26:06,086 --> 00:26:07,087
It is.
421
00:26:16,705 --> 00:26:17,706
Honey?
422
00:26:30,023 --> 00:26:31,067
Thank you.
423
00:26:39,772 --> 00:26:40,947
I'm sorry.
424
00:26:41,948 --> 00:26:42,992
I...
425
00:26:45,778 --> 00:26:51,522
If I could just
show you something?
426
00:26:51,566 --> 00:26:53,002
No, we don't have to.
427
00:26:53,046 --> 00:26:55,222
-No?
-No, no, no, no.
428
00:26:55,265 --> 00:26:56,658
Maybe it wasn't a good idea.
429
00:26:58,268 --> 00:26:59,487
No, I want to.
430
00:27:02,403 --> 00:27:04,535
I brought something.
431
00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:08,017
Uh, it's easier.
It's not photos.
432
00:27:08,061 --> 00:27:10,280
But is that okay, Gail?
433
00:27:12,021 --> 00:27:13,153
Sure.
434
00:27:13,936 --> 00:27:15,155
Okay. Right.
435
00:27:16,156 --> 00:27:18,637
So, this is...
436
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,812
Oh, wow.
437
00:27:19,855 --> 00:27:20,900
Yeah.
438
00:27:22,597 --> 00:27:27,036
He used to carry this
all the time.
439
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:28,821
When? Fourth and
fifth grade, right?
440
00:27:28,864 --> 00:27:29,952
No, younger than that.
441
00:27:29,996 --> 00:27:31,388
What am I looking at?
442
00:27:31,432 --> 00:27:35,131
Well, he used to love
to collect snails.
443
00:27:35,175 --> 00:27:38,047
He was just fascinated
by snails.
444
00:27:38,091 --> 00:27:40,528
And he would collect them
in this jar.
445
00:27:43,792 --> 00:27:47,796
And he would carry them around
with him wherever he went.
446
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,843
But, um, kids...
thought it was weird.
447
00:27:50,886 --> 00:27:52,322
It was, a little.
448
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,586
He just loved them.
449
00:27:55,630 --> 00:27:58,807
But there were problems
with keeping them this way.
450
00:27:58,851 --> 00:28:01,680
He would just get
so upset, you know.
451
00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:06,641
And when snails break,
it's... No.
452
00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:09,905
So one day,
he showed up with this.
453
00:28:10,819 --> 00:28:13,126
Paper snails. See?
454
00:28:13,169 --> 00:28:16,172
-Yeah.
-There's leaves and a flower.
455
00:28:16,216 --> 00:28:18,000
And I think this is a rock.
456
00:28:18,044 --> 00:28:20,089
Uh-huh.
457
00:28:20,133 --> 00:28:23,092
-It's a garden for the snails.
-Right.
458
00:28:23,136 --> 00:28:27,357
And he said,
"This way, they won't die."
459
00:28:28,184 --> 00:28:31,710
I think it's so, so clever.
460
00:28:31,753 --> 00:28:32,928
Yeah, that is.
461
00:28:34,103 --> 00:28:37,106
I thought it...
I thought it was.
462
00:28:37,150 --> 00:28:41,720
And then when
I had my concerns...
463
00:28:41,763 --> 00:28:42,895
You did?
464
00:28:44,070 --> 00:28:45,332
Oh, not...
465
00:28:46,246 --> 00:28:47,900
About his sensitivity.
466
00:28:47,943 --> 00:28:49,466
Yeah.
467
00:28:49,510 --> 00:28:52,731
Although, really,
I was happy for him to...
468
00:28:52,774 --> 00:28:53,993
Find a solution.
469
00:28:54,036 --> 00:28:58,171
He was always determined
to find a solution.
470
00:29:01,652 --> 00:29:07,136
Yeah. I was happy that he was.
471
00:29:13,969 --> 00:29:15,449
Well, thank you.
472
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:17,843
Thank you
473
00:29:17,886 --> 00:29:20,149
-for sharing that, Linda.
-Yeah.
474
00:29:20,193 --> 00:29:23,587
I just wanted to, um,
show you something.
475
00:29:23,631 --> 00:29:24,763
-Mmm-hmm.
-The...
476
00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:37,079
So, your daughter.
She's doing well?
477
00:29:37,123 --> 00:29:38,777
-Yeah.
-She's doing well, yes.
478
00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:41,475
Yeah, she's gonna
be fine. Yeah.
479
00:29:41,518 --> 00:29:45,044
She's a lot more sociable
than she was.
480
00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:46,959
Or she's, um...
Actually, we miss her.
481
00:29:47,002 --> 00:29:48,395
Now, she's out too much.
482
00:29:48,438 --> 00:29:49,788
She's dating.
483
00:29:49,831 --> 00:29:51,137
I don't know
if she's actually...
484
00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:52,791
She's dating.
485
00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:57,186
Oh. Well, there you go.
So she's, uh...
486
00:29:57,230 --> 00:29:58,405
Yeah.
487
00:29:58,448 --> 00:30:00,059
She's starting to be
a lot more herself.
488
00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:01,887
Oh. That's wonderful.
489
00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:04,541
Yeah. She's made
a lot of progress.
490
00:30:04,585 --> 00:30:06,717
Oh. That's wonderful.
491
00:30:06,761 --> 00:30:08,589
You mentioned to Linda
492
00:30:08,632 --> 00:30:11,766
that you've made
some progress yourself, um,
493
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:13,115
in your letters.
494
00:30:13,159 --> 00:30:14,203
A therapist?
495
00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:16,771
Oh, I'm sorry,
I did share that.
496
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,207
I did share it with him.
497
00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:20,122
She just mentioned.
498
00:30:20,166 --> 00:30:24,300
Um, you mentioned that you
found someone who's been...
499
00:30:24,344 --> 00:30:27,086
Yes, she's been very helpful.
That's right.
500
00:30:27,129 --> 00:30:28,217
That's good.
501
00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:31,830
Yeah, that's...
She's... She was...
502
00:30:31,873 --> 00:30:34,441
Well, she is a big reason
why we're here.
503
00:30:35,529 --> 00:30:37,792
Okay, so you both see her.
504
00:30:37,836 --> 00:30:39,098
Well, um...
505
00:30:40,099 --> 00:30:41,883
-We do.
-Yeah.
506
00:30:41,927 --> 00:30:43,754
Yeah. Yeah.
507
00:30:43,798 --> 00:30:50,065
And she has encouraged us
to express ourselves today,
508
00:30:50,109 --> 00:30:53,982
but not to interrogate,
that's important,
509
00:30:54,026 --> 00:30:57,899
to be curious,
and not defensive...
510
00:30:57,943 --> 00:30:59,074
Not vindictive.
511
00:31:00,467 --> 00:31:02,948
-She said "vindictive."
-Not defensive?
512
00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:04,993
No, if we are vindictive.
513
00:31:05,037 --> 00:31:06,690
All right. Sorry.
514
00:31:08,127 --> 00:31:09,650
It doesn't matter.
515
00:31:09,693 --> 00:31:13,741
The point is that
we're not here to attack you,
516
00:31:14,394 --> 00:31:15,699
and we've promised that.
517
00:31:15,743 --> 00:31:19,703
But we've felt everything
that we've said.
518
00:31:19,747 --> 00:31:22,054
Right? We're not...
519
00:31:22,097 --> 00:31:25,405
We're not going to apologize
for our feelings.
520
00:31:25,448 --> 00:31:26,797
Thank you for your honesty.
521
00:31:26,841 --> 00:31:29,148
We want to listen,
522
00:31:30,323 --> 00:31:31,715
and we want to heal.
523
00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:32,760
Of course.
524
00:31:33,804 --> 00:31:35,632
You know, your letters
525
00:31:36,677 --> 00:31:38,940
meant so much to me.
526
00:31:38,984 --> 00:31:42,161
Even the hard ones,
I really...
527
00:31:42,204 --> 00:31:44,511
I really appreciate them.
528
00:31:52,475 --> 00:31:56,871
We can tell that you've done
a lot of work, continue to,
529
00:31:56,915 --> 00:32:01,963
and I don't just mean
what you've done publicly.
530
00:32:02,007 --> 00:32:05,184
But it is admirable how you
put yourselves out there.
531
00:32:05,227 --> 00:32:06,794
Uh, we actually, Linda and I,
532
00:32:06,837 --> 00:32:08,883
have, um, followed
your work for years.
533
00:32:08,927 --> 00:32:10,537
-Right.
-Well, everyone's...
534
00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:13,105
-Yeah, everyone's, but...
-Well, thank you.
535
00:32:13,148 --> 00:32:17,674
But I... I don't get any
pleasure from it, you know.
536
00:32:17,718 --> 00:32:20,242
It can be defeating,
that kind of activism.
537
00:32:20,286 --> 00:32:22,505
Yes, it can,
but I don't like that word.
538
00:32:22,549 --> 00:32:24,420
I'm not...
539
00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:28,250
I wouldn't know what else
to do with myself.
540
00:32:28,294 --> 00:32:29,991
Your persistence is admirable.
541
00:32:30,035 --> 00:32:32,515
Well, thank you.
542
00:32:32,559 --> 00:32:36,693
But we're really not here
today to talk about that.
543
00:32:36,737 --> 00:32:38,130
Oh, I don't think
it's not relevant.
544
00:32:38,173 --> 00:32:40,480
You don't believe,
as a country,
545
00:32:40,523 --> 00:32:43,048
we are meeting
our obligations.
546
00:32:43,091 --> 00:32:45,746
Well, I didn't... That...
I was quoting President Obama.
547
00:32:45,789 --> 00:32:48,009
No, I don't. I think
we're killing each other.
548
00:32:48,053 --> 00:32:49,793
-We are.
-I don't disagree.
549
00:32:49,837 --> 00:32:51,752
But there are just
so many factors that...
550
00:32:51,795 --> 00:32:55,060
You know, it's not about
one thing or the other. It...
551
00:32:56,844 --> 00:32:58,063
Yeah. Sorry.
552
00:32:58,106 --> 00:33:00,630
No. Go ahead.
553
00:33:00,674 --> 00:33:03,503
It's just, I promised I
wouldn't talk about it today.
554
00:33:03,546 --> 00:33:05,505
-We don't have to.
-No.
555
00:33:07,637 --> 00:33:09,509
It's just...
Can I just say that
556
00:33:09,552 --> 00:33:12,338
it's not whether
it's one thing or the other.
557
00:33:12,381 --> 00:33:13,600
That's the fallacy.
558
00:33:13,643 --> 00:33:17,647
That's their whole
distraction, or defense.
559
00:33:17,691 --> 00:33:19,040
You know, "Don't look
over here by guns.
560
00:33:19,084 --> 00:33:20,911
"Look over there
by mental health,"
561
00:33:20,955 --> 00:33:23,349
as if, you know, it's not
possible to address both.
562
00:33:23,392 --> 00:33:24,872
It's insulting.
563
00:33:24,915 --> 00:33:27,788
Yes, we can. But if your child
wanted to hurt himself,
564
00:33:28,571 --> 00:33:29,659
would you only remove
565
00:33:29,703 --> 00:33:31,009
the dangerous items
from the house?
566
00:33:31,052 --> 00:33:34,012
No. You'd want to help him.
567
00:33:34,055 --> 00:33:35,665
You'd want to find out
what was wrong
568
00:33:35,709 --> 00:33:36,797
and you'd want to change that.
569
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,712
Hey, why are we
talking about this?
570
00:33:39,887 --> 00:33:41,193
What?
571
00:33:41,236 --> 00:33:42,585
Why are we talking about this?
572
00:33:42,629 --> 00:33:45,284
I didn't come here
to listen to this.
573
00:33:45,327 --> 00:33:48,417
Yeah, okay. I'm sorry.
574
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:53,161
-I didn't mean to offend.
-Oh.
575
00:33:53,205 --> 00:33:57,035
I just think that we find,
576
00:33:57,078 --> 00:33:59,907
through blame,
our means to change,
577
00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:02,475
and I want to question that.
578
00:34:02,518 --> 00:34:05,608
I want to look at everything
because I blame myself,
579
00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:08,002
and I can't change that.
580
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:10,091
What do you mean?
581
00:34:10,135 --> 00:34:11,527
-I can't...
-When you say that,
582
00:34:11,571 --> 00:34:14,226
what do you... What do you
mean when you say that?
583
00:34:17,316 --> 00:34:19,057
I can't change what I've done.
584
00:34:20,188 --> 00:34:21,842
You... So you blame yourself?
585
00:34:26,499 --> 00:34:27,978
I'm asking...
586
00:34:28,022 --> 00:34:29,589
-Do you blame yourself?
-Hey.
587
00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:32,418
No, I want to know.
588
00:34:32,461 --> 00:34:34,855
I didn't come here
to talk fucking politics.
589
00:34:34,898 --> 00:34:36,465
I wanna know.
590
00:34:36,509 --> 00:34:38,554
We don't wanna interrogate.
591
00:34:38,598 --> 00:34:41,557
I can imagine how hard it is
to live with his actions.
592
00:34:41,601 --> 00:34:43,298
-It is.
-But our loss...
593
00:34:46,823 --> 00:34:49,130
Please just tell me
what you mean by that.
594
00:34:50,784 --> 00:34:55,484
When you talk about blame
on your part,
595
00:34:55,528 --> 00:34:57,486
I want to know
what you're referring to.
596
00:34:57,530 --> 00:35:00,228
There is nothing that wasn't
covered in the depositions.
597
00:35:00,272 --> 00:35:02,752
But I want to hear it now.
598
00:35:03,884 --> 00:35:05,407
We never filed against you.
599
00:35:05,451 --> 00:35:07,235
We never took part
in any of that.
600
00:35:07,279 --> 00:35:09,629
Maybe a better way
than interrogating
601
00:35:09,672 --> 00:35:13,023
-is to learn what we remember.
-Fine. Fine.
602
00:35:13,067 --> 00:35:16,549
So... tell me
what you remember.
603
00:35:18,072 --> 00:35:19,552
Tell me about your son.
604
00:35:23,033 --> 00:35:24,252
What would you like to know?
605
00:35:24,296 --> 00:35:25,166
Everything, I want
to know everything.
606
00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:26,559
Why?
607
00:35:26,602 --> 00:35:28,082
Why do I want to know
about your son?
608
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:29,344
Because he killed mine.
609
00:35:55,544 --> 00:35:57,677
How far back
would you like to go?
610
00:35:58,547 --> 00:35:59,766
Wherever you need.
611
00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:05,772
Because I can
tell you everything.
612
00:36:05,815 --> 00:36:08,209
But there's so much
that no one will ever know.
613
00:36:13,345 --> 00:36:18,741
He was shy, always.
Even as a baby.
614
00:36:18,785 --> 00:36:22,789
We watched him.
But I wasn't concerned.
615
00:36:22,832 --> 00:36:25,183
I saw things
that no one else saw.
616
00:36:26,358 --> 00:36:28,098
He didn't play well
with others.
617
00:36:28,142 --> 00:36:30,144
Not that he was mean.
618
00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:34,235
He just didn't seem
to know how to.
619
00:36:34,279 --> 00:36:36,846
And later, when he was older,
he only wanted to be outside.
620
00:36:36,890 --> 00:36:38,370
He loved the outdoors.
621
00:36:38,413 --> 00:36:40,546
I know this. No, I know this.
622
00:36:40,589 --> 00:36:43,244
I mean, he was shy,
he loved animals.
623
00:36:43,288 --> 00:36:46,247
I've read everything.
624
00:36:46,291 --> 00:36:47,857
I don't know what
you want me to say.
625
00:36:47,901 --> 00:36:49,903
What did worry you?
626
00:36:49,946 --> 00:36:53,167
You said you never worried,
but what scared you?
627
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:56,126
My son never scared me
as a child.
628
00:36:56,170 --> 00:36:57,606
The photographs I have,
629
00:36:57,650 --> 00:36:59,304
the ones we don't
want to look at...
630
00:36:59,347 --> 00:37:00,740
I don't need
to see them. Okay?
631
00:37:00,783 --> 00:37:03,046
-That's not why we...
-I don't need to see him.
632
00:37:03,090 --> 00:37:06,528
-Sure. Okay.
-I want to know what changed.
633
00:37:07,834 --> 00:37:11,838
When he was 13,
he started going online.
634
00:37:11,881 --> 00:37:14,362
He started that gaming
profile, that account.
635
00:37:14,406 --> 00:37:15,711
They weren't
violent games then.
636
00:37:15,755 --> 00:37:17,017
I know that, but...
637
00:37:17,060 --> 00:37:18,975
They were
fantasy games, like role-play.
638
00:37:19,019 --> 00:37:20,107
Yeah, I know that.
But it was still
639
00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:21,804
the same account
that he used later on.
640
00:37:21,848 --> 00:37:25,895
So I'm just asking,
what changed?
641
00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:27,245
That's very
hard to answer.
642
00:37:27,288 --> 00:37:29,421
-Well, please try.
-It's not just one thing.
643
00:37:29,464 --> 00:37:31,031
Then tell me
more than one thing.
644
00:37:31,074 --> 00:37:33,686
Okay, Gail.
Let's not do it like this.
645
00:37:33,729 --> 00:37:35,470
-Okay?
-Okay.
646
00:37:35,514 --> 00:37:37,255
All right.
647
00:37:37,298 --> 00:37:39,257
You're right.
648
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:41,868
-I'm sorry.
-Yeah, yeah. Just...
649
00:37:41,911 --> 00:37:43,913
We're not interrogating.
650
00:37:43,957 --> 00:37:45,263
Then what
are you doing?
651
00:37:47,308 --> 00:37:50,572
I say that as compassionately
as I can.
652
00:37:50,616 --> 00:37:52,835
What are we doing?
653
00:37:52,879 --> 00:37:55,882
You say you want to heal.
We all do.
654
00:37:56,535 --> 00:37:57,927
Is this how?
655
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:11,811
I think, uh,
we wanna know why...
656
00:38:12,942 --> 00:38:15,118
How this happened.
657
00:38:15,162 --> 00:38:16,250
-Right?
-Mmm.
658
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:20,298
I mean, we...
We need to hear that.
659
00:38:21,516 --> 00:38:23,823
We need your help with that.
660
00:38:27,348 --> 00:38:28,741
I'm willing to help.
661
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:32,353
We moved.
662
00:38:32,397 --> 00:38:33,963
You asked what changed.
We moved.
663
00:38:34,007 --> 00:38:35,530
We did,
but we can't be certain
664
00:38:35,574 --> 00:38:38,272
which changes
affected him most.
665
00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,840
The new school
with a new environment.
666
00:38:40,883 --> 00:38:41,928
It's very, very hard.
667
00:38:41,971 --> 00:38:44,670
Hayden didn't have
close friends,
668
00:38:44,713 --> 00:38:46,846
growing up,
as you probably know.
669
00:38:46,889 --> 00:38:48,935
But by middle school,
that mattered more,
670
00:38:48,978 --> 00:38:51,024
and it affected him.
671
00:38:51,067 --> 00:38:53,766
A lot of things changed
at that age.
672
00:38:53,809 --> 00:38:55,158
I had a new job.
673
00:38:55,202 --> 00:38:56,682
Steven was applying
for colleges.
674
00:38:56,725 --> 00:39:00,990
So we were looking at tuition
costs, private schools.
675
00:39:04,472 --> 00:39:05,517
We moved.
676
00:39:07,606 --> 00:39:09,303
Our older house
had more space.
677
00:39:09,347 --> 00:39:11,392
Outdoors, but where
we moved to actually
678
00:39:11,436 --> 00:39:13,786
was a much bigger home.
679
00:39:14,482 --> 00:39:16,223
That's true.
680
00:39:16,266 --> 00:39:18,530
But where we were
had a great backyard.
681
00:39:18,573 --> 00:39:19,922
The new neighborhood
was very nice.
682
00:39:19,966 --> 00:39:21,359
It was just more suburban.
683
00:39:22,925 --> 00:39:24,057
Plots.
684
00:39:26,494 --> 00:39:28,714
There wasn't the freedom
he was used to.
685
00:39:28,757 --> 00:39:30,019
But it was nice.
686
00:39:33,414 --> 00:39:34,676
It was, Richard.
687
00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:36,286
The new school
was very hard for him,
688
00:39:36,330 --> 00:39:39,072
seventh grade in particular.
Bullying.
689
00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:40,465
Yes, it was...
it was very bad.
690
00:39:40,508 --> 00:39:45,339
Yes. And the boys were
a few years apart.
691
00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:48,864
So Steven, who was really
thriving in high school,
692
00:39:48,908 --> 00:39:50,866
he didn't have a lot
to give Hayden
693
00:39:50,910 --> 00:39:53,173
at that time, unfortunately.
694
00:39:55,131 --> 00:39:59,222
Sometimes I wish that
the boys had been closer,
695
00:39:59,266 --> 00:40:02,356
closer in age so that they
could've shared friends.
696
00:40:14,368 --> 00:40:20,983
We never planned or expected
to have another.
697
00:40:24,509 --> 00:40:26,598
I think
he was lonely, uh,
698
00:40:26,641 --> 00:40:31,080
and I think he missed
how things were.
699
00:40:31,124 --> 00:40:32,299
And that's when
he began to spend
700
00:40:32,342 --> 00:40:34,083
more time on the computer.
701
00:40:35,781 --> 00:40:38,914
The games, you know,
we thought they were creative.
702
00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:43,484
We...
We encouraged them at first.
703
00:40:43,528 --> 00:40:45,530
He could make choices.
704
00:40:45,573 --> 00:40:48,358
He could be whatever
he wanted to be.
705
00:40:48,402 --> 00:40:54,277
And we could hear him
playing with others,
706
00:40:54,321 --> 00:40:57,803
and he would laugh,
which made me...
707
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:02,547
I'm very sorry.
708
00:41:02,590 --> 00:41:05,114
Uh, and he was
doing well in school.
709
00:41:05,158 --> 00:41:08,857
I mean, yeah, which
was confusing and misleading.
710
00:41:08,901 --> 00:41:10,206
He always had
very good grades.
711
00:41:10,250 --> 00:41:12,644
-He was first...
-Yeah, I know.
712
00:41:12,687 --> 00:41:15,429
-I'm sorry. I... I just...
-That's fine.
713
00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:17,257
We had nothing to do
with publishing his grades
714
00:41:17,300 --> 00:41:18,606
or scores, any of that.
715
00:41:18,650 --> 00:41:20,303
Yeah, well, you didn't
speak out about anything.
716
00:41:20,347 --> 00:41:21,740
I was only saying that...
717
00:41:21,783 --> 00:41:25,918
Well, we mistakenly thought
his grades were a sign
718
00:41:25,961 --> 00:41:27,397
that things were okay.
719
00:41:27,441 --> 00:41:29,399
-That's not all.
-It is, Richard.
720
00:41:29,443 --> 00:41:30,923
We thought that's
what mattered.
721
00:41:30,966 --> 00:41:33,055
He wasn't fitting in. It hurt.
722
00:41:33,969 --> 00:41:35,057
The good grades made us
723
00:41:35,101 --> 00:41:36,276
-look past some of it.
-Okay.
724
00:41:36,319 --> 00:41:37,712
Why didn't the school
say anything?
725
00:41:37,756 --> 00:41:38,800
RICHARD:
This was middle school.
726
00:41:38,844 --> 00:41:40,498
I know. But why?
727
00:41:40,541 --> 00:41:42,717
The school couldn't
be bothered.
728
00:41:42,761 --> 00:41:46,852
He was quiet,
and he was doing well.
729
00:41:46,895 --> 00:41:49,115
He didn't require attention.
730
00:41:51,291 --> 00:41:52,510
But there was a teacher,
731
00:41:52,553 --> 00:41:54,163
a math teacher
in the eighth grade...
732
00:41:54,207 --> 00:41:55,208
Linda.
733
00:41:57,210 --> 00:41:58,211
No.
734
00:42:00,474 --> 00:42:01,867
Hayden loved him.
735
00:42:02,998 --> 00:42:05,479
I don't know
what the connection was,
736
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:07,699
or why it was so great.
737
00:42:07,742 --> 00:42:11,746
But he made him feel confident
when he didn't.
738
00:42:14,009 --> 00:42:15,445
I wish I had...
739
00:42:17,709 --> 00:42:20,494
When he was really
struggling later on,
740
00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:22,627
I tried to see
if he could talk to him.
741
00:42:22,670 --> 00:42:25,543
But he had left for another
school. And I didn't...
742
00:42:29,764 --> 00:42:31,853
I gave up looking
for him. I...
743
00:42:35,204 --> 00:42:36,684
-I'm sorry.
-That's... That's okay.
744
00:42:36,728 --> 00:42:40,427
He was teased because
he had other interests.
745
00:42:40,470 --> 00:42:42,298
I think it made
him embarrassed
746
00:42:42,342 --> 00:42:43,473
to have those other interests.
747
00:42:43,517 --> 00:42:46,476
He saw being different
as a deficit,
748
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,436
and we didn't know it
or realize it
749
00:42:49,479 --> 00:42:51,394
until he showed signs
of depression.
750
00:42:53,005 --> 00:42:56,051
He didn't strike you
as being sad before?
751
00:42:56,095 --> 00:42:58,358
Quiet, but no.
752
00:42:58,401 --> 00:43:00,186
-Violent?
-No, not then.
753
00:43:00,229 --> 00:43:03,058
When we grew concerned,
we got help.
754
00:43:03,102 --> 00:43:04,625
When was that?
755
00:43:04,669 --> 00:43:06,496
His medical records
were made public.
756
00:43:06,540 --> 00:43:08,194
We know the timeline.
We read everything.
757
00:43:08,237 --> 00:43:10,283
-We want...
-But what specifically?
758
00:43:10,326 --> 00:43:12,546
It was his
unwillingness to do things.
759
00:43:12,590 --> 00:43:15,767
When Steven left for college,
760
00:43:15,810 --> 00:43:18,073
he became angry
at our attention for him.
761
00:43:18,117 --> 00:43:19,771
What would be wrong with that?
762
00:43:19,814 --> 00:43:22,121
I think he resented
our concern.
763
00:43:23,209 --> 00:43:25,080
He wouldn't even
let us touch him.
764
00:43:25,124 --> 00:43:27,213
So that's when
you got him help?
765
00:43:27,256 --> 00:43:28,780
Eventually.
766
00:43:28,823 --> 00:43:30,912
-He didn't want to...
-He never did.
767
00:43:30,956 --> 00:43:32,827
We finally forced him
to see someone.
768
00:43:32,871 --> 00:43:34,350
And we didn't feel
we had a choice.
769
00:43:34,394 --> 00:43:35,656
But he begged us to stop.
770
00:43:35,700 --> 00:43:38,833
He pleaded with us
to let him be normal,
771
00:43:38,877 --> 00:43:41,270
or that he didn't
need it anymore.
772
00:43:43,055 --> 00:43:46,711
He said the sessions
made him feel not...
773
00:43:47,581 --> 00:43:48,582
What?
774
00:43:52,151 --> 00:43:53,718
Not human.
775
00:43:55,720 --> 00:43:56,721
He said that?
776
00:43:59,419 --> 00:44:01,639
The therapist said
he needs to stop isolating.
777
00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:04,642
It's only reinforcing
his negative expectations.
778
00:44:04,685 --> 00:44:08,428
All this time online is not
enhancing his relationships.
779
00:44:08,471 --> 00:44:09,516
It's making him lonelier.
780
00:44:09,559 --> 00:44:11,605
So, you just let him
stop going?
781
00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:13,172
For a while.
782
00:44:13,215 --> 00:44:16,218
And then things would change
or something would happen...
783
00:44:16,262 --> 00:44:18,220
-Like the pipe bomb.
-...and we'd go through it
784
00:44:18,264 --> 00:44:19,482
again. Yes. Yes.
785
00:44:19,526 --> 00:44:21,093
That certainly
had consequences.
786
00:44:21,136 --> 00:44:22,398
Consequences.
787
00:44:22,442 --> 00:44:25,271
At the time, it did.
He was arrested.
788
00:44:25,314 --> 00:44:26,838
There was no consequence.
789
00:44:26,881 --> 00:44:30,668
I know how that sounds,
but we were devastated.
790
00:44:31,494 --> 00:44:33,235
And we tried everything.
791
00:44:33,279 --> 00:44:34,715
Was the doctor good enough?
792
00:44:34,759 --> 00:44:36,412
Would they get
the prescription right?
793
00:44:36,456 --> 00:44:38,240
Did they take insurance?
794
00:44:38,284 --> 00:44:39,851
I mean, of course
we would have paid anything,
795
00:44:39,894 --> 00:44:42,288
but it was expensive.
796
00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:46,248
I'm just saying, this was
the reality of how it was,
797
00:44:46,292 --> 00:44:48,163
how defeating,
798
00:44:48,207 --> 00:44:51,776
and even with all
the professional advice,
799
00:44:51,819 --> 00:44:54,779
it came down
to the two of us alone,
800
00:44:54,822 --> 00:44:56,345
making the choices.
801
00:44:56,389 --> 00:44:59,958
And we tried,
over and over again.
802
00:45:00,001 --> 00:45:01,960
-You can see.
-It's true.
803
00:45:02,003 --> 00:45:03,613
There is no new information
804
00:45:03,657 --> 00:45:05,746
regarding his criminal
or medical records.
805
00:45:05,790 --> 00:45:07,356
You have access to everything.
806
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:08,444
Why didn't you
tell the school?
807
00:45:08,488 --> 00:45:10,098
This was high school.
808
00:45:13,319 --> 00:45:14,581
We didn't have to.
809
00:45:15,843 --> 00:45:16,975
He had just
started there...
810
00:45:17,018 --> 00:45:18,367
-What?
-...and...
811
00:45:19,978 --> 00:45:23,546
I didn't want it
to reflect badly on him.
812
00:45:23,590 --> 00:45:25,026
If we thought
he was dangerous...
813
00:45:25,070 --> 00:45:26,549
Oh, God.
814
00:45:27,942 --> 00:45:30,031
-I'm sorry.
-As long as he completed
815
00:45:30,075 --> 00:45:31,250
-his program, his reports...
-Jesus Christ.
816
00:45:31,293 --> 00:45:33,165
The program was a joke.
817
00:45:33,208 --> 00:45:35,384
They made mistakes.
They missed things.
818
00:45:35,428 --> 00:45:36,559
We all did.
819
00:45:38,431 --> 00:45:39,649
But he was lying.
820
00:45:40,433 --> 00:45:41,651
What?
821
00:45:41,695 --> 00:45:43,479
Did you know that?
822
00:45:43,523 --> 00:45:47,005
I suspected that he
was holding things back,
823
00:45:47,048 --> 00:45:49,529
but I never, never
could have believed...
824
00:45:49,572 --> 00:45:51,487
I understand
not speaking publicly
825
00:45:51,531 --> 00:45:52,793
made it look like
we had secrets.
826
00:45:52,837 --> 00:45:54,752
I don't... I'm...
It's not secrets
827
00:45:54,795 --> 00:45:57,667
that I have doubts
about, though.
828
00:45:57,711 --> 00:46:01,933
Or facts. It's... Knowing.
829
00:46:03,108 --> 00:46:06,807
It's parents' intuition, hmm?
830
00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:09,157
You feel it.
It should hurt you.
831
00:46:10,202 --> 00:46:11,290
It did.
832
00:46:11,333 --> 00:46:12,944
And we got him help.
833
00:46:12,987 --> 00:46:15,033
We didn't know.
834
00:46:15,076 --> 00:46:16,774
And everything that
happened afterwards,
835
00:46:16,817 --> 00:46:18,514
the lawsuits, the media,
836
00:46:18,558 --> 00:46:21,517
the hate that flooded
into our lives,
837
00:46:21,561 --> 00:46:25,130
never once did we feel ready
or prepared for any of it.
838
00:46:25,173 --> 00:46:27,306
We just did the best
to survive.
839
00:46:27,349 --> 00:46:28,742
So why not speak?
840
00:46:28,786 --> 00:46:30,570
Because I didn't
have an answer.
841
00:46:30,613 --> 00:46:33,399
Why not help prevent this
from happening again?
842
00:46:33,442 --> 00:46:34,704
Because I don't know how.
843
00:46:34,748 --> 00:46:36,924
That's why
you didn't speak.
844
00:46:36,968 --> 00:46:39,666
You had no answers. No idea.
845
00:46:39,709 --> 00:46:44,453
Just understand that until
the civil statutes ran out,
846
00:46:44,497 --> 00:46:46,412
we were rarely given
permission to speak.
847
00:46:46,455 --> 00:46:50,155
Even our apologies
had to be worded.
848
00:46:50,198 --> 00:46:51,852
Linda couldn't join
a mothers' support group
849
00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:52,897
because they worried that
850
00:46:52,940 --> 00:46:54,463
she'd put the other women
at risk.
851
00:46:54,507 --> 00:46:56,770
-At risk?
-Of being deposed.
852
00:46:57,945 --> 00:46:59,077
I didn't know that.
853
00:47:11,872 --> 00:47:13,178
Well, look...
854
00:47:14,919 --> 00:47:17,269
A lot of what happened in
the aftermath was wrong.
855
00:47:18,705 --> 00:47:22,491
We know now a lot of mistakes
were made,
856
00:47:22,535 --> 00:47:23,884
even from the beginning,
857
00:47:23,928 --> 00:47:26,278
just institutionally,
legally, everything.
858
00:47:27,322 --> 00:47:29,411
But we didn't sue
859
00:47:29,455 --> 00:47:31,022
and we're not gonna.
860
00:47:31,065 --> 00:47:34,199
We signed all those waivers
for today.
861
00:47:36,157 --> 00:47:37,942
We didn't want anything.
862
00:47:37,985 --> 00:47:40,727
We wanted Evan back.
863
00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:43,991
Yeah,
and that was impossible.
864
00:47:44,035 --> 00:47:47,168
In hindsight, we would have
done things differently.
865
00:47:47,212 --> 00:47:50,215
The authorities would have,
too. There was negligence.
866
00:47:50,258 --> 00:47:52,782
That was the basis
of all the settlements, but...
867
00:47:55,829 --> 00:47:58,571
Where's your regret?
868
00:47:58,614 --> 00:48:00,965
That's what we want
to see. Right?
869
00:48:01,008 --> 00:48:02,749
Where is your regret?
870
00:48:04,142 --> 00:48:05,273
I regret everything.
871
00:48:06,448 --> 00:48:09,669
The worst outcome
imaginable happened.
872
00:48:09,712 --> 00:48:10,975
Any change I might have made
873
00:48:11,018 --> 00:48:12,454
could have resulted
in a different outcome.
874
00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:14,369
I regret everything.
875
00:48:14,413 --> 00:48:15,936
How can you be
so matter-of-fact?
876
00:48:15,980 --> 00:48:17,503
How else can I be?
877
00:48:17,546 --> 00:48:20,245
I don't know. The way you can
just talk about it so...
878
00:48:21,420 --> 00:48:24,989
Look, we decided
against litigation.
879
00:48:25,032 --> 00:48:28,122
But that doesn't mean
that we don't
880
00:48:28,166 --> 00:48:31,038
want to see you in pain.
881
00:48:31,082 --> 00:48:33,823
We want to see you punished.
882
00:48:33,867 --> 00:48:35,651
We want to see that you hurt.
883
00:48:35,695 --> 00:48:37,436
-Like everyone else.
-Like everyone else.
884
00:48:37,479 --> 00:48:39,917
-Like you.
-Yeah, like me, like us.
885
00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,832
Like our daughter,
who doesn't sleep.
886
00:48:42,876 --> 00:48:43,921
Jay...
887
00:48:49,187 --> 00:48:50,188
Fine.
888
00:48:51,972 --> 00:48:56,498
Okay, he has this boy
who makes a pipe bomb,
889
00:48:56,542 --> 00:48:58,761
a pipe bomb.
890
00:48:58,805 --> 00:49:01,199
And he's arrested.
He was put in this program.
891
00:49:01,242 --> 00:49:02,461
I was scared.
892
00:49:04,463 --> 00:49:05,768
What?
893
00:49:08,554 --> 00:49:09,947
We were, Richard.
894
00:49:12,036 --> 00:49:13,080
We were scared.
895
00:49:15,256 --> 00:49:16,562
I was scared.
896
00:49:17,345 --> 00:49:18,868
You were?
897
00:49:18,912 --> 00:49:20,392
I was.
898
00:49:20,435 --> 00:49:22,655
He told us before
he had contemplated suicide.
899
00:49:22,698 --> 00:49:23,917
But it was only on that test
900
00:49:23,961 --> 00:49:25,875
that he mentioned
thoughts of homicide.
901
00:49:25,919 --> 00:49:28,052
We were scared.
902
00:49:28,095 --> 00:49:30,706
But I was trying to see
the best possible outcome.
903
00:49:30,750 --> 00:49:32,012
We should have done
something then.
904
00:49:32,056 --> 00:49:33,100
-Now...
-We should have,
905
00:49:33,144 --> 00:49:34,232
we should have...
906
00:49:34,275 --> 00:49:36,974
Of course now,
but what?
907
00:49:37,017 --> 00:49:39,541
And I couldn't accept that he
would throw away his future
908
00:49:39,585 --> 00:49:41,891
because of a homemade bomb,
Linda. Please.
909
00:49:41,935 --> 00:49:44,720
Where did this interest
in bombs come from?
910
00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:46,157
Didn't it surprise you at all?
911
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:47,506
-Yes.
-We didn't know,
912
00:49:47,549 --> 00:49:49,247
anywhere. Yes. It surprised
us. It shocked us.
913
00:49:49,290 --> 00:49:50,378
He said
he read it online.
914
00:49:50,422 --> 00:49:51,727
He said he was bored.
915
00:49:51,771 --> 00:49:52,990
He said it was
just something to do.
916
00:49:53,033 --> 00:49:54,165
"I'm not the only one."
917
00:49:54,208 --> 00:49:56,558
-What?
-Yes, that's what he said.
918
00:49:56,602 --> 00:49:59,605
And once he'd made it,
he figured he'd set it off.
919
00:49:59,648 --> 00:50:01,955
He went back to the woods.
920
00:50:01,999 --> 00:50:03,304
Where we used to live.
921
00:50:03,348 --> 00:50:04,784
No one was around.
922
00:50:04,827 --> 00:50:06,742
He wasn't trying to...
923
00:50:06,786 --> 00:50:07,961
He didn't...
924
00:50:10,094 --> 00:50:13,488
We hoped it was
what he said it was.
925
00:50:13,532 --> 00:50:16,361
Later on, when we found
more plans in his room,
926
00:50:16,404 --> 00:50:20,147
he said there was good money
in artillery engineering,
927
00:50:20,191 --> 00:50:21,453
working in the
Defense Department.
928
00:50:21,496 --> 00:50:22,671
That was his excuse.
929
00:50:22,715 --> 00:50:24,195
You couldn't have
believed that.
930
00:50:24,238 --> 00:50:25,457
We knew
nothing about it.
931
00:50:25,500 --> 00:50:27,067
After everything, no.
932
00:50:27,111 --> 00:50:29,330
How could you
have believed that?
933
00:50:29,374 --> 00:50:30,984
Because I wanted to.
934
00:50:32,899 --> 00:50:34,814
He told me things.
935
00:50:35,423 --> 00:50:36,424
He did.
936
00:50:38,339 --> 00:50:40,080
I thought he confided in me.
937
00:50:43,083 --> 00:50:47,305
But now I know that some
of the things he told me were
938
00:50:47,348 --> 00:50:49,524
purposefully deceitful,
939
00:50:51,309 --> 00:50:52,571
to keep me away.
940
00:50:55,574 --> 00:50:58,403
We really did think
he was turning things around.
941
00:50:59,404 --> 00:51:01,188
We had plans for the summer.
942
00:51:02,102 --> 00:51:03,277
For college.
943
00:51:06,976 --> 00:51:11,503
We were told that once...
944
00:51:15,594 --> 00:51:17,639
I'm sorry.
945
00:51:17,683 --> 00:51:20,599
...once someone
decides their fate,
946
00:51:20,642 --> 00:51:22,731
they do find some happiness.
947
00:51:23,906 --> 00:51:25,778
They can even appear euphoric.
948
00:51:28,259 --> 00:51:31,914
Those last few months,
we were happy.
949
00:51:37,006 --> 00:51:39,139
He checked off
homicidal thoughts.
950
00:51:39,183 --> 00:51:40,836
His therapist said
that was normal.
951
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:41,924
Normal?
952
00:51:41,968 --> 00:51:43,317
For a young man
to be angry.
953
00:51:43,361 --> 00:51:46,277
Why ask the question
if you choose to ignore it?
954
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:48,366
Your neighbor
called the police.
955
00:51:48,409 --> 00:51:49,932
He called us, not the police.
956
00:51:49,976 --> 00:51:51,108
About a year before.
957
00:51:51,847 --> 00:51:53,327
That was a bad night.
958
00:51:53,371 --> 00:51:54,676
We would try to calm him down,
959
00:51:54,720 --> 00:51:58,289
minimize whatever it was
that was bothering him.
960
00:51:58,332 --> 00:51:59,725
I think that, in the end,
961
00:51:59,768 --> 00:52:02,075
it may have only
intensified his feelings.
962
00:52:04,208 --> 00:52:05,557
He could be frightening.
963
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,299
He would
get frustrated, easily.
964
00:52:08,342 --> 00:52:10,736
Frustrated with things
he couldn't figure out.
965
00:52:10,779 --> 00:52:12,694
And that would...
966
00:52:12,738 --> 00:52:14,000
-Embarrass him.
-Yes.
967
00:52:14,043 --> 00:52:17,699
And it was always hard for him
to ask for help.
968
00:52:19,223 --> 00:52:22,051
But eventually, he just...
969
00:52:22,095 --> 00:52:24,489
...stopped asking entirely.
970
00:52:29,058 --> 00:52:32,671
Maybe my expectations
for him were too high.
971
00:52:32,714 --> 00:52:37,719
I'd let it go,
thinking not to bother him.
972
00:52:37,763 --> 00:52:39,156
But then, I...
973
00:52:42,246 --> 00:52:44,161
I'd just be letting him go.
974
00:52:52,473 --> 00:52:54,301
Look,
I've done my accounting.
975
00:52:54,345 --> 00:52:56,042
There isn't a criticism
I haven't heard
976
00:52:56,085 --> 00:52:58,305
or placed upon myself.
977
00:52:58,349 --> 00:53:00,481
We were not impassive,
as you've said.
978
00:53:00,525 --> 00:53:01,700
-What...?
-Indifferent.
979
00:53:01,743 --> 00:53:03,354
You didn't speak out.
You said nothing.
980
00:53:03,397 --> 00:53:06,226
-We released a statement.
-That's bullshit.
981
00:53:06,270 --> 00:53:07,749
"Thoughts and prayers."
That's it?
982
00:53:07,793 --> 00:53:09,316
When we asked for privacy,
983
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:10,839
we were accused
of hiding something.
984
00:53:10,883 --> 00:53:13,233
You didn't deserve privacy.
You don't deserve privacy.
985
00:53:13,277 --> 00:53:15,104
You should have
said something.
986
00:53:15,148 --> 00:53:16,497
What should we say?
987
00:53:16,541 --> 00:53:17,716
-I'm asking you.
-You...
988
00:53:17,759 --> 00:53:18,978
No, I'm asking you. No.
989
00:53:19,021 --> 00:53:20,284
-No, no. What would we say?
-I don't know.
990
00:53:20,327 --> 00:53:21,415
You said that when it
happened, you weren't...
991
00:53:21,459 --> 00:53:22,460
I'm asking you.
What should we say?
992
00:53:22,503 --> 00:53:23,765
That when it happened,
993
00:53:23,809 --> 00:53:25,593
-that some part of you knew.
-No.
994
00:53:25,637 --> 00:53:27,856
What should we say?
995
00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:29,118
That when it happened,
996
00:53:29,162 --> 00:53:31,860
that some part of you
wasn't surprised.
997
00:53:31,904 --> 00:53:33,427
We were surprised.
998
00:53:35,429 --> 00:53:37,388
We didn't know what happened.
999
00:53:37,431 --> 00:53:38,911
I still don't know.
1000
00:53:38,954 --> 00:53:42,131
I came home from work
and the phone rang.
1001
00:53:42,175 --> 00:53:47,441
His friend called the house
to see if he was there.
1002
00:53:47,485 --> 00:53:49,878
I said, "Aren't you
both in school?"
1003
00:53:49,922 --> 00:53:51,663
I didn't...
1004
00:53:51,706 --> 00:53:54,274
He said he hadn't
seen Hayden all day,
1005
00:53:54,318 --> 00:53:55,710
that something happened.
1006
00:53:55,754 --> 00:53:57,451
Something was happening.
1007
00:53:57,495 --> 00:53:59,497
I had no idea...
1008
00:53:59,540 --> 00:54:01,586
Even when I turned on
the television.
1009
00:54:01,629 --> 00:54:04,937
I saw the school from above.
1010
00:54:04,980 --> 00:54:06,808
I... I...
1011
00:54:06,852 --> 00:54:09,594
...what he could have
been talking about.
1012
00:54:09,637 --> 00:54:11,117
We didn't know.
1013
00:54:13,989 --> 00:54:16,557
His friend.
This was Alex. Right?
1014
00:54:16,601 --> 00:54:18,298
-Yes.
-Yeah. Who knew.
1015
00:54:18,342 --> 00:54:20,039
No. He suspected.
1016
00:54:20,082 --> 00:54:21,519
They were
his father's guns.
1017
00:54:21,562 --> 00:54:23,695
He didn't know
Hayden had taken them.
1018
00:54:23,738 --> 00:54:26,524
He thought... He thought
to ask you to go look.
1019
00:54:26,567 --> 00:54:27,699
So he must have
thought about it...
1020
00:54:27,742 --> 00:54:29,788
He asked
because it had happened.
1021
00:54:29,831 --> 00:54:32,138
He was there.
None of us knew yet.
1022
00:54:32,181 --> 00:54:33,444
"Go and look in his bedroom."
1023
00:54:33,487 --> 00:54:35,010
-He said... The closet.
-Yes. Yes.
1024
00:54:35,054 --> 00:54:36,229
It was Alex.
1025
00:54:36,273 --> 00:54:38,144
He said he wasn't
answering his phone
1026
00:54:38,187 --> 00:54:39,276
and that no one had seen him,
1027
00:54:39,319 --> 00:54:40,712
could I check?
1028
00:54:40,755 --> 00:54:43,584
Yes. I didn't understand
what I was even looking for.
1029
00:54:43,628 --> 00:54:45,543
I thought he would tell me.
1030
00:54:45,586 --> 00:54:49,634
He just kept crying
and saying, "I'm sorry."
1031
00:54:49,677 --> 00:54:51,723
I thought he did something.
1032
00:54:51,766 --> 00:54:52,767
We all did.
1033
00:54:56,118 --> 00:54:59,339
None of us knew that
Alex's family had guns
1034
00:54:59,383 --> 00:55:01,167
or that Hayden had used them.
1035
00:55:01,210 --> 00:55:03,778
We learned all of that after.
1036
00:55:03,822 --> 00:55:06,303
Where were you when...?
1037
00:55:11,177 --> 00:55:12,526
I was working.
1038
00:55:14,963 --> 00:55:16,835
I have events out of order,
1039
00:55:17,923 --> 00:55:18,967
apparently.
1040
00:55:20,534 --> 00:55:22,057
Um...
1041
00:55:23,537 --> 00:55:26,671
A friend, a colleague,
called me out of my office,
1042
00:55:26,714 --> 00:55:29,326
-and the television was on...
-Wait, wait. Stop. Stop.
1043
00:55:29,369 --> 00:55:32,024
We don't wanna hear...
We don't need to hear this.
1044
00:55:32,067 --> 00:55:33,547
We just want to know
why you didn't do something,
1045
00:55:33,591 --> 00:55:34,809
why you couldn't
say something.
1046
00:55:34,853 --> 00:55:36,028
I want to.
1047
00:55:36,071 --> 00:55:38,160
-What?
-I want to hear.
1048
00:55:38,204 --> 00:55:39,553
What's the point? Why?
1049
00:55:39,597 --> 00:55:42,077
I know. I want to hear.
1050
00:55:52,479 --> 00:55:53,654
I called you.
1051
00:55:53,698 --> 00:55:55,003
Yes. But it was...
1052
00:55:56,004 --> 00:55:57,528
hard for us to speak.
1053
00:55:57,571 --> 00:55:59,443
I tried,
but I couldn't.
1054
00:55:59,486 --> 00:56:03,360
I could tell.
So I feared the worst.
1055
00:56:04,448 --> 00:56:05,840
But I hadn't...
1056
00:56:07,494 --> 00:56:10,845
You said, "He was never here."
1057
00:56:10,889 --> 00:56:13,065
His room. It was...
1058
00:56:13,979 --> 00:56:15,502
His bed was made,
1059
00:56:15,546 --> 00:56:19,724
and there was this notebook
on his pillow.
1060
00:56:19,767 --> 00:56:22,161
I'd never seen it before.
1061
00:56:22,204 --> 00:56:25,817
It was worn and marked.
1062
00:56:26,687 --> 00:56:29,386
Oh, I was so scared.
1063
00:56:29,429 --> 00:56:32,867
It must have been there
all day, all night.
1064
00:56:32,911 --> 00:56:36,654
I didn't know what
she had seen yet.
1065
00:56:36,697 --> 00:56:38,003
I was just trying to get home.
1066
00:56:38,046 --> 00:56:40,614
And at one point, I thought,
1067
00:56:40,658 --> 00:56:44,618
"Why am I going home?
I need to get to the school."
1068
00:56:45,837 --> 00:56:49,710
And then I got a call
from my sister.
1069
00:56:49,754 --> 00:56:52,844
She kept telling me
to pull over,
1070
00:56:52,887 --> 00:56:53,975
and I said I will not.
1071
00:56:54,019 --> 00:56:57,762
I would not stop driving,
and then
1072
00:56:57,805 --> 00:56:59,894
we were both crying.
1073
00:57:01,113 --> 00:57:02,201
So I just...
1074
00:57:05,857 --> 00:57:07,336
I don't remember.
1075
00:57:09,164 --> 00:57:10,688
I pulled on to our street,
1076
00:57:10,731 --> 00:57:14,822
and I guess that's where
I wanted to go, and...
1077
00:57:14,866 --> 00:57:16,694
-But I was too late.
-Hmm.
1078
00:57:16,737 --> 00:57:18,870
Hundreds of them,
all in black.
1079
00:57:18,913 --> 00:57:21,655
So sudden, and helicopters...
1080
00:57:21,699 --> 00:57:22,874
Couldn't get near
our driveway,
1081
00:57:22,917 --> 00:57:24,528
so I just left the car.
1082
00:57:24,571 --> 00:57:26,268
I still don't know
who moved it back.
1083
00:57:26,312 --> 00:57:27,313
Yeah.
1084
00:57:29,184 --> 00:57:30,664
They kept us apart.
1085
00:57:30,708 --> 00:57:34,668
They made me wait outside
while they searched the house.
1086
00:57:36,104 --> 00:57:38,585
They kept me in the backyard.
1087
00:57:38,629 --> 00:57:42,720
I kept saying
it was a mistake. It was...
1088
00:57:42,763 --> 00:57:46,941
There was a young policeman
watching me
1089
00:57:46,985 --> 00:57:48,465
to make sure I didn't,
1090
00:57:48,508 --> 00:57:51,772
I learned this after,
hurt myself.
1091
00:57:52,773 --> 00:57:56,255
Finally, I said,
"Is my son dead?"
1092
00:58:00,912 --> 00:58:03,567
And he said,
1093
00:58:03,610 --> 00:58:05,960
not unkindly,
1094
00:58:06,004 --> 00:58:07,092
"Yes.
1095
00:58:08,223 --> 00:58:10,182
"But that's all
I can tell you."
1096
00:58:11,183 --> 00:58:12,489
As if...
1097
00:58:17,058 --> 00:58:19,583
It was wrong what
they did, keeping us apart.
1098
00:58:19,626 --> 00:58:21,236
It was wrong.
1099
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:23,064
It was, Richard.
1100
00:58:23,108 --> 00:58:25,719
Yeah,
they didn't have to.
1101
00:58:25,763 --> 00:58:29,680
I kept asking, demanding,
to see my wife.
1102
00:58:32,552 --> 00:58:34,119
I begged, Linda.
1103
00:58:35,250 --> 00:58:37,165
It's not our fault, Richard.
1104
00:58:38,123 --> 00:58:39,385
It was wrong.
1105
00:58:40,168 --> 00:58:41,387
It was.
1106
00:58:49,003 --> 00:58:51,571
There were many times
I wished he had killed me too.
1107
00:58:51,615 --> 00:58:54,052
But he loved us.
1108
00:58:55,706 --> 00:58:57,925
He told us.
1109
00:58:57,969 --> 00:59:01,538
He said he was sorry for what
he would put us through.
1110
00:59:02,495 --> 00:59:04,018
In his notebook.
1111
00:59:04,062 --> 00:59:05,063
Yeah.
1112
00:59:06,630 --> 00:59:08,545
He destroyed your lives.
1113
00:59:09,415 --> 00:59:10,764
All of our lives.
1114
00:59:15,508 --> 00:59:18,555
He did. But the love we had,
1115
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:22,689
it was real!
1116
00:59:22,733 --> 00:59:26,911
And the truth is, we believed
we were good parents.
1117
00:59:26,954 --> 00:59:32,612
And in some awful,
confusing way, we still do.
1118
00:59:32,656 --> 00:59:36,311
Isn't it worse that I thought
I was a good mother?
1119
00:59:37,008 --> 00:59:39,314
I love my children.
1120
00:59:39,358 --> 00:59:41,186
Other parents...
I wasn't so different.
1121
00:59:41,229 --> 00:59:43,405
How did I do things
so differently?
1122
00:59:45,233 --> 00:59:47,540
That makes it...
1123
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:51,805
It's very hard to trust
anything anymore.
1124
00:59:52,676 --> 00:59:54,416
I raised a murderer.
1125
00:59:56,854 --> 00:59:59,247
And sometimes I...
1126
01:00:01,380 --> 01:00:03,121
I don't know
if I'm still grieving
1127
01:00:03,164 --> 01:00:05,950
or if I ever really have.
1128
01:00:08,126 --> 01:00:10,302
The service was in secret.
1129
01:00:10,345 --> 01:00:13,566
No local church
would memorialize him.
1130
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:17,657
Richard had to beg
to bury his son.
1131
01:00:17,701 --> 01:00:22,619
And when we finally found
a place, I was so ashamed.
1132
01:00:23,271 --> 01:00:25,622
Their kindness...
1133
01:00:25,665 --> 01:00:29,364
You're supposed to
tell stories. We hid.
1134
01:00:29,408 --> 01:00:32,063
Many friends, our friends,
didn't know what to say.
1135
01:00:32,106 --> 01:00:33,891
-They didn't come.
-No.
1136
01:00:33,934 --> 01:00:36,894
We had our closest relatives
with us, good friends.
1137
01:00:36,937 --> 01:00:38,983
I remember looking
at the clock.
1138
01:00:41,202 --> 01:00:44,292
We were so overwhelmed
with blame.
1139
01:00:44,336 --> 01:00:47,078
Our financial situation
was impossible.
1140
01:00:48,296 --> 01:00:53,737
Grief felt like something
out of reach.
1141
01:00:55,390 --> 01:00:58,089
I didn't stop him
because I didn't know.
1142
01:00:58,829 --> 01:00:59,873
And I didn't say anything
1143
01:00:59,917 --> 01:01:02,310
because I didn't know
what to say.
1144
01:01:03,964 --> 01:01:05,313
And I'm sorry.
1145
01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:10,536
I never thought I had
enough good to say.
1146
01:01:13,757 --> 01:01:15,672
I want answers. I do.
1147
01:01:16,803 --> 01:01:20,241
I have to reconcile
his actions
1148
01:01:20,285 --> 01:01:23,375
with the child
I loved and raised.
1149
01:01:27,422 --> 01:01:28,946
But maybe there are none.
1150
01:01:30,904 --> 01:01:33,385
And maybe we're
the last people to ask.
1151
01:01:37,781 --> 01:01:40,218
"We know the hate."
1152
01:01:43,743 --> 01:01:45,484
Joy Murphy's parents
used to say that.
1153
01:01:45,527 --> 01:01:47,704
Remember their church?
1154
01:01:47,747 --> 01:01:50,619
"We need not know why the hate
for we know the hate,"
1155
01:01:50,663 --> 01:01:52,709
or some stupid thing.
1156
01:01:52,752 --> 01:01:54,449
Are these for us?
1157
01:01:54,493 --> 01:01:55,799
I'm sure it's all right.
1158
01:01:55,842 --> 01:01:57,626
Does anybody want one?
1159
01:01:57,670 --> 01:02:00,020
-No, thank you.
-I can't breathe in this room.
1160
01:02:03,676 --> 01:02:04,851
Ah.
1161
01:02:04,895 --> 01:02:06,853
That whole church movement
thing afterwards
1162
01:02:06,897 --> 01:02:08,159
made me so angry.
1163
01:02:09,073 --> 01:02:10,988
What? The devil?
1164
01:02:11,031 --> 01:02:12,076
Really?
1165
01:02:12,685 --> 01:02:14,469
Meaningless.
1166
01:02:14,513 --> 01:02:15,906
Trust the Catholic Church
to come up
1167
01:02:15,949 --> 01:02:17,603
with the most
bankrupt response.
1168
01:02:18,256 --> 01:02:19,823
Sorry.
1169
01:02:19,866 --> 01:02:21,738
This is an Episcopal Church.
1170
01:02:23,914 --> 01:02:26,481
Okay, I don't know. I'm...
1171
01:02:26,525 --> 01:02:30,050
I'm Christian.
I'm not religious.
1172
01:02:33,445 --> 01:02:35,316
Ah.
1173
01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:37,231
They recycle here or...?
1174
01:02:37,275 --> 01:02:38,885
Just leave it.
1175
01:02:42,454 --> 01:02:44,151
Huh!
1176
01:02:44,195 --> 01:02:46,806
At least they found
acceptance first.
1177
01:02:46,850 --> 01:02:50,244
Yeah. At least
they understood it for...
1178
01:02:51,724 --> 01:02:52,943
I don't know.
1179
01:02:54,814 --> 01:02:57,774
But for the rest of us
who need reason,
1180
01:02:58,949 --> 01:03:00,820
we need to look
at what he was.
1181
01:03:00,864 --> 01:03:03,823
We knew he was troubled,
just not how capable.
1182
01:03:03,867 --> 01:03:05,433
I believe you. You didn't...
1183
01:03:06,478 --> 01:03:08,828
I'm asking because
1184
01:03:08,872 --> 01:03:11,048
a psychiatrist
told us afterwards
1185
01:03:11,091 --> 01:03:13,354
that he wouldn't have
shared his problems.
1186
01:03:13,398 --> 01:03:15,356
That he probably
couldn't. That...
1187
01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:17,184
We thought he might
with his friends.
1188
01:03:17,228 --> 01:03:18,707
We asked him to.
1189
01:03:18,751 --> 01:03:21,536
He finally started making
friends again, in high school.
1190
01:03:21,580 --> 01:03:22,581
He found a good group.
1191
01:03:24,322 --> 01:03:25,976
A good group?
1192
01:03:26,019 --> 01:03:27,804
Alex, who showed him
where his family's guns were?
1193
01:03:27,847 --> 01:03:29,022
Hayden stole those guns.
1194
01:03:29,066 --> 01:03:30,328
His friends had nothing
to do with it.
1195
01:03:30,371 --> 01:03:32,460
That group that went
to the gun ranges,
1196
01:03:32,504 --> 01:03:36,595
that sat up all day and night
playing Call of Duty.
1197
01:03:36,638 --> 01:03:39,859
It's a video game.
They're simulations.
1198
01:03:39,903 --> 01:03:41,252
And how many visits
to the gun range?
1199
01:03:41,295 --> 01:03:43,645
-Only two.
-No, that we know of.
1200
01:03:43,689 --> 01:03:45,256
And any... You don't
need to go anymore
1201
01:03:45,299 --> 01:03:46,692
with these games now.
1202
01:03:46,735 --> 01:03:50,174
If you'd allow me to finish
addressing your point,
1203
01:03:50,217 --> 01:03:53,873
I'm just saying that
by the end of his life,
1204
01:03:53,917 --> 01:03:57,877
whatever was going on inside,
he seemed popular,
1205
01:03:57,921 --> 01:03:59,313
-for him, in his circle.
-Fine. Sure.
1206
01:03:59,357 --> 01:04:01,838
Okay, but I'm talking about
something different.
1207
01:04:01,881 --> 01:04:03,317
And I'm just saying
1208
01:04:03,361 --> 01:04:05,667
that we couldn't know
how isolated he was
1209
01:04:05,711 --> 01:04:07,844
because he was popular.
1210
01:04:07,887 --> 01:04:09,889
Or not... That's not
the right word, I know.
1211
01:04:09,933 --> 01:04:13,153
But we couldn't know the level
of intimacy in his social life
1212
01:04:13,197 --> 01:04:14,546
from where he had been.
1213
01:04:14,589 --> 01:04:16,983
We were just happy for him
to have a social life.
1214
01:04:17,027 --> 01:04:19,116
Okay. That isolation...
1215
01:04:19,159 --> 01:04:21,553
But he was bullied
in high school.
1216
01:04:21,596 --> 01:04:22,815
Not by his friends.
1217
01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,251
But still.
1218
01:04:24,295 --> 01:04:25,644
They all told the police
1219
01:04:25,687 --> 01:04:27,733
how often he talked about
killing certain students.
1220
01:04:27,776 --> 01:04:29,909
They said they all
talked like that.
1221
01:04:29,953 --> 01:04:32,694
His group of friends
experienced a lot of bullying.
1222
01:04:32,738 --> 01:04:34,479
Well, that's fine.
I don't care.
1223
01:04:34,522 --> 01:04:37,786
Sorry. If I could
just get this out.
1224
01:04:37,830 --> 01:04:40,050
That isolation, that...
1225
01:04:40,093 --> 01:04:42,748
Even with friends,
that detachment,
1226
01:04:42,791 --> 01:04:46,926
sometimes indicative of a lack
of feeling, of empathy.
1227
01:04:46,970 --> 01:04:49,668
Now add to that
thousands of hours online
1228
01:04:49,711 --> 01:04:51,235
and no real human contact.
1229
01:04:51,278 --> 01:04:53,498
I'm just... This is how
the psychiatrist explained it.
1230
01:04:53,541 --> 01:04:55,543
We understand the psychology.
1231
01:04:55,587 --> 01:04:58,024
Okay, then, maybe you
know about the studies
1232
01:04:58,068 --> 01:05:00,722
using fMRI, brain scans,
1233
01:05:00,766 --> 01:05:02,594
where they say
they can see a response,
1234
01:05:02,637 --> 01:05:05,423
or lack of response,
in the brain.
1235
01:05:05,466 --> 01:05:06,946
There's actually
less connections,
1236
01:05:06,990 --> 01:05:10,515
less matter in the prefrontal
cortex and the amygdala.
1237
01:05:10,558 --> 01:05:12,473
-Jay, Jay...
-No, please, wait.
1238
01:05:12,517 --> 01:05:13,518
I'm just...
1239
01:05:15,433 --> 01:05:16,477
Have you heard
of mirror neurons?
1240
01:05:16,521 --> 01:05:18,262
Jesus, Jay,
we're not qualified.
1241
01:05:18,305 --> 01:05:21,787
I'm not an expert, okay,
but I'm trying... I think...
1242
01:05:23,136 --> 01:05:24,485
This could be helpful.
1243
01:05:24,529 --> 01:05:26,313
I don't know, the basic idea.
1244
01:05:26,357 --> 01:05:27,662
If we could have seen,
1245
01:05:27,706 --> 01:05:30,230
we could have been able
to predict something.
1246
01:05:30,274 --> 01:05:31,405
You know, the doctors,
1247
01:05:31,449 --> 01:05:33,146
with these tests,
what they can show...
1248
01:05:33,190 --> 01:05:34,234
I know.
1249
01:05:34,278 --> 01:05:35,714
They show certain
pictures or words
1250
01:05:35,757 --> 01:05:36,976
that should generate
a response,
1251
01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:38,108
an emotion or a feeling,
1252
01:05:38,151 --> 01:05:39,544
but they don't.
1253
01:05:39,587 --> 01:05:42,895
Exactly. And people
diagnosed with psychopathy...
1254
01:05:42,939 --> 01:05:44,984
-My son was empathetic.
1255
01:05:45,028 --> 01:05:46,943
He felt a great deal.
1256
01:05:46,986 --> 01:05:48,205
Well, maybe he was.
1257
01:05:48,248 --> 01:05:49,119
Maybe you didn't know
what he was feeling.
1258
01:05:49,162 --> 01:05:50,381
Maybe he was hiding things.
1259
01:05:50,424 --> 01:05:52,557
My son was not a psychopath.
1260
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:54,211
He was in terrible pain.
1261
01:05:54,254 --> 01:05:56,343
Maybe not treatable, right?
1262
01:05:56,387 --> 01:05:58,998
Because did anything
ever work?
1263
01:05:59,042 --> 01:06:00,652
I mean, how many
medication? Drugs?
1264
01:06:00,695 --> 01:06:03,307
I mean, if it's in
the structure of the brain,
1265
01:06:03,350 --> 01:06:05,831
you know, then it's not just
pathological, it's physical.
1266
01:06:05,874 --> 01:06:07,224
I understand
what you want to say.
1267
01:06:07,267 --> 01:06:09,443
So that it's not high school,
1268
01:06:09,487 --> 01:06:11,619
middle school,
moving, whatever.
1269
01:06:12,838 --> 01:06:13,970
It's him.
1270
01:06:17,669 --> 01:06:20,063
Do you remember Evan
as a baby?
1271
01:06:23,718 --> 01:06:27,461
I feel Hayden as my baby
every day.
1272
01:06:27,505 --> 01:06:29,159
His helplessness.
1273
01:06:29,202 --> 01:06:32,858
His crying, then his smile.
1274
01:06:34,077 --> 01:06:35,948
I don't believe
in what you're saying.
1275
01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:38,820
Linda, something
must have happened.
1276
01:06:38,864 --> 01:06:41,084
-There was no abuse.
-Not just abuse.
1277
01:06:41,127 --> 01:06:43,738
Neglect? We were
there whenever we could be.
1278
01:06:43,782 --> 01:06:46,089
And sometimes, you can't be.
I know that.
1279
01:06:46,132 --> 01:06:49,918
But we have to
correct their course
1280
01:06:49,962 --> 01:06:51,007
when we do have them.
1281
01:06:51,050 --> 01:06:52,269
So we failed.
1282
01:06:52,312 --> 01:06:54,401
I know that.
1283
01:06:54,445 --> 01:06:57,361
And I did everything
to try to correct it.
1284
01:06:57,404 --> 01:07:00,146
And I'd give anything
if I could be there with him.
1285
01:07:00,190 --> 01:07:01,234
You were there.
1286
01:07:01,278 --> 01:07:02,496
RICHARD:
If I could have known.
1287
01:07:04,411 --> 01:07:05,673
But maybe nobody
could have broken through.
1288
01:07:05,717 --> 01:07:06,805
Maybe he wasn't capable...
1289
01:07:06,848 --> 01:07:08,111
No!
1290
01:07:10,069 --> 01:07:13,986
Bipolar disorder, depression,
mania, ADHD,
1291
01:07:14,030 --> 01:07:16,075
possible schizoaffective
disorder.
1292
01:07:16,119 --> 01:07:17,424
None of that is psychopathy.
1293
01:07:17,468 --> 01:07:18,991
You don't know what
you're talking about.
1294
01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:20,384
If you take
the medical records
1295
01:07:20,427 --> 01:07:21,602
with the criminal report,
1296
01:07:21,646 --> 01:07:23,648
which, now finally
we have the full report,
1297
01:07:23,691 --> 01:07:25,389
don't you have
to weigh the evidence,
1298
01:07:25,432 --> 01:07:26,912
the facts of what he did,
1299
01:07:26,955 --> 01:07:29,001
against your personal
relationship history with him?
1300
01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:30,959
He became those things.
1301
01:07:31,003 --> 01:07:32,787
He wasn't always those things.
1302
01:07:32,831 --> 01:07:34,615
Well, you can trace
how far back
1303
01:07:34,659 --> 01:07:35,964
to when he started
planning it.
1304
01:07:36,008 --> 01:07:37,618
We can trace his footsteps,
for Christ's sake.
1305
01:07:37,662 --> 01:07:38,967
I don't think
the timeline
1306
01:07:39,011 --> 01:07:40,099
definitively proves anything
1307
01:07:40,143 --> 01:07:41,231
about his mental state.
1308
01:07:41,274 --> 01:07:42,580
How can you say that?
1309
01:07:42,623 --> 01:07:45,452
We're not denying what he did
or who he became.
1310
01:07:45,496 --> 01:07:47,933
Well, I can't help
but hear you blame
1311
01:07:47,976 --> 01:07:49,848
a not abnormal child.
1312
01:07:49,891 --> 01:07:51,415
He was my son.
1313
01:07:51,458 --> 01:07:53,286
I can't remove my feelings
1314
01:07:53,330 --> 01:07:54,722
from our history
or his records.
1315
01:07:54,766 --> 01:07:56,159
I'm not asking you to.
1316
01:07:56,202 --> 01:07:58,726
I'm saying that what he did,
his capacity for murder,
1317
01:07:58,770 --> 01:08:01,947
was probably potentially there
a long time
1318
01:08:01,990 --> 01:08:03,253
before anyone
could have known.
1319
01:08:03,296 --> 01:08:05,124
You think you can attach
one word to something
1320
01:08:05,168 --> 01:08:06,952
in order to understand it?
1321
01:08:06,995 --> 01:08:08,388
To make you feel safe?
1322
01:08:09,259 --> 01:08:10,999
Well, I won't say it.
1323
01:08:11,043 --> 01:08:12,088
I don't believe it.
1324
01:08:12,131 --> 01:08:13,350
It's not simple.
1325
01:08:13,393 --> 01:08:16,135
It's everything
you cannot see.
1326
01:08:16,179 --> 01:08:18,485
And it left him helpless.
He was helpless.
1327
01:08:18,529 --> 01:08:20,661
But it's
our job to help.
1328
01:08:20,705 --> 01:08:22,837
That's our job.
And at some point,
1329
01:08:22,881 --> 01:08:24,796
it doesn't matter whether
or not you see the signs.
1330
01:08:24,839 --> 01:08:27,103
We still...
It's still our obligation.
1331
01:08:27,146 --> 01:08:28,669
I said I failed.
1332
01:08:28,713 --> 01:08:31,759
Maybe you didn't know
who you were dealing with.
1333
01:08:31,803 --> 01:08:34,022
Look, the report
speaks for itself.
1334
01:08:34,066 --> 01:08:36,024
He was gone by then. He was.
1335
01:08:36,068 --> 01:08:37,896
I mean,
the deliberate choices.
1336
01:08:37,939 --> 01:08:39,680
-He did not target.
-What?
1337
01:08:39,724 --> 01:08:41,160
-What...?
-What are you ta... What?
1338
01:08:41,204 --> 01:08:42,205
What difference
does that make?
1339
01:08:42,248 --> 01:08:43,510
He would have said so.
1340
01:08:43,554 --> 01:08:45,425
What? Well,
how is that better?
1341
01:08:45,469 --> 01:08:47,123
What? What do you mean,
he did not target?
1342
01:08:47,166 --> 01:08:48,254
He never met any of them.
1343
01:08:48,298 --> 01:08:51,039
Jesus Christ.
Oh, it was his school.
1344
01:08:51,083 --> 01:08:52,258
His students.
1345
01:08:52,302 --> 01:08:53,172
He'd never been
in that classroom.
1346
01:08:53,216 --> 01:08:54,434
He wanted to kill them.
1347
01:08:54,478 --> 01:08:56,480
Those students,
they weren't in his grade.
1348
01:08:56,523 --> 01:08:58,003
-Evan...
-Don't. No, no, don't.
1349
01:08:58,046 --> 01:08:59,178
-I'm just saying...
-Just don't.
1350
01:08:59,222 --> 01:09:00,788
-I'm just saying.
-Well, don't.
1351
01:09:00,832 --> 01:09:02,312
-Okay.
-He didn't know them.
1352
01:09:02,355 --> 01:09:04,923
-He wanted them to suffer.
-Oh, Jay.
1353
01:09:04,966 --> 01:09:07,404
-But not...
-What?
1354
01:09:07,447 --> 01:09:10,537
Intentionally? Is that
what you were gonna say?
1355
01:09:10,581 --> 01:09:14,498
He didn't seek to make
any one individual suffer.
1356
01:09:14,541 --> 01:09:18,023
Well,
my son suffered.
1357
01:09:19,111 --> 01:09:21,809
Evan suffered so much,
and he let him.
1358
01:09:21,853 --> 01:09:23,289
I'm sorry.
Both of you.
1359
01:09:23,333 --> 01:09:25,030
-No...
-I know what happened.
1360
01:09:25,073 --> 01:09:26,292
-Wait.
-No, you don't.
1361
01:09:26,336 --> 01:09:28,425
He did the most awful thing
I've ever known,
1362
01:09:28,468 --> 01:09:29,861
but I know the report.
1363
01:09:29,904 --> 01:09:33,212
No! You do not know
how my son died!
1364
01:09:46,269 --> 01:09:47,487
God.
1365
01:09:52,884 --> 01:09:55,626
He entered Evan's classroom
at 1:29 p.m.
1366
01:09:55,669 --> 01:09:58,368
He threw a bomb
into the center of the desks.
1367
01:09:58,411 --> 01:09:59,717
He started shooting.
1368
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:01,240
He stayed there
for half a minute.
1369
01:10:01,284 --> 01:10:03,547
He could
have killed them all.
1370
01:10:03,590 --> 01:10:07,159
He chose not to.
He watched them.
1371
01:10:07,203 --> 01:10:09,422
They saw his face.
They saw him looking.
1372
01:10:10,902 --> 01:10:12,512
He knew Evan was alive.
1373
01:10:12,556 --> 01:10:15,602
He knew exactly who was alive
and who was dead when he left.
1374
01:10:15,646 --> 01:10:17,387
We could never see
into that classroom.
1375
01:10:17,430 --> 01:10:19,650
No, he suffered.
1376
01:10:20,433 --> 01:10:23,131
Six minutes.
1377
01:10:23,175 --> 01:10:26,570
Six minutes later,
he comes back,
1378
01:10:26,613 --> 01:10:28,441
your son,
he retraces his steps.
1379
01:10:28,485 --> 01:10:29,703
He's in the hallway again.
1380
01:10:29,747 --> 01:10:34,360
1:35, he's come back
to finish.
1381
01:10:34,404 --> 01:10:35,883
And Evan is there.
1382
01:10:36,667 --> 01:10:39,757
The last gunshot, 1:36,
1383
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:41,541
goes into my son's...
1384
01:10:43,413 --> 01:10:44,544
neck.
1385
01:10:44,588 --> 01:10:45,806
Into his artery.
1386
01:10:45,850 --> 01:10:49,375
-Jay...
-No. Six minutes.
1387
01:10:49,419 --> 01:10:52,030
He was alive.
He was trying to get out.
1388
01:10:52,073 --> 01:10:55,251
The blood trails show
where he was trying to...
1389
01:10:55,294 --> 01:10:56,469
-Jay, please stop.
-No!
1390
01:10:56,513 --> 01:10:58,906
He came back.
He was methodical.
1391
01:10:58,950 --> 01:11:01,561
He was looking.
1392
01:11:01,605 --> 01:11:02,736
And Evan...
1393
01:11:04,825 --> 01:11:06,349
...was still alive.
1394
01:11:06,392 --> 01:11:07,393
I know.
1395
01:11:08,829 --> 01:11:11,441
You do not know.
1396
01:11:11,484 --> 01:11:12,877
I know!
1397
01:11:14,531 --> 01:11:16,446
I know.
1398
01:11:16,489 --> 01:11:20,711
The streaks on the floor.
1399
01:11:22,365 --> 01:11:25,629
The way he was crawling.
1400
01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,500
I know the wounds,
1401
01:11:28,806 --> 01:11:30,242
in what order.
1402
01:11:33,027 --> 01:11:34,638
How he fought.
1403
01:11:41,427 --> 01:11:42,950
And how he died.
1404
01:11:44,256 --> 01:11:45,257
Nah.
1405
01:11:54,701 --> 01:11:56,007
He died.
1406
01:12:18,682 --> 01:12:20,423
Now, please stop.
1407
01:12:22,729 --> 01:12:24,252
Please stop.
1408
01:12:54,805 --> 01:12:57,590
Caroline, Jonathan,
and Tory were killed instantly
1409
01:12:57,634 --> 01:12:59,026
in the blast.
1410
01:12:59,897 --> 01:13:02,769
Daniel, shot three times,
1411
01:13:02,813 --> 01:13:05,381
twice in the lungs,
once in the heart.
1412
01:13:05,424 --> 01:13:07,818
He died seated at his desk.
1413
01:13:09,776 --> 01:13:13,432
Juliana, shot twice in
the leg, once in the knee,
1414
01:13:13,476 --> 01:13:15,434
once in the thigh,
1415
01:13:15,478 --> 01:13:16,914
the femoral artery.
1416
01:13:16,957 --> 01:13:18,916
What are you doing?
1417
01:13:18,959 --> 01:13:22,702
She lost her vision
from the glass in her eyes.
1418
01:13:22,746 --> 01:13:26,010
She tried to crawl
out of the classroom.
1419
01:13:26,053 --> 01:13:27,141
But she died
before finding the way.
1420
01:13:27,185 --> 01:13:28,229
Okay.
1421
01:13:28,273 --> 01:13:31,232
Vanessa,
shot four times,
1422
01:13:31,276 --> 01:13:33,104
twice in the abdomen,
twice in the head.
1423
01:13:33,147 --> 01:13:35,149
We understand you know.
1424
01:13:35,193 --> 01:13:37,543
The victims, and the wounded.
1425
01:13:38,239 --> 01:13:39,632
I'm sorry.
1426
01:13:41,373 --> 01:13:43,070
But I do know.
1427
01:13:43,114 --> 01:13:44,942
All of them.
1428
01:13:46,030 --> 01:13:49,860
I know Evan,
his story that day.
1429
01:13:51,514 --> 01:13:53,298
And I know Hayden's.
1430
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:56,954
He did go back.
1431
01:13:56,997 --> 01:14:01,001
He was going to the library,
where he wanted to die.
1432
01:14:01,045 --> 01:14:03,439
He told us, wrote to us
in his notebook.
1433
01:14:04,875 --> 01:14:09,357
"That's where you'll find me.
Where it's quiet for me."
1434
01:14:09,401 --> 01:14:13,971
Where, respectfully,
1435
01:14:14,014 --> 01:14:18,671
the last shot was at 1:41.
1436
01:14:19,498 --> 01:14:21,021
In the library.
1437
01:14:22,980 --> 01:14:25,199
People saw. Kids saw.
1438
01:14:26,984 --> 01:14:28,986
-Christopher...
-Shot in the head.
1439
01:14:29,029 --> 01:14:30,683
I know.
1440
01:14:30,727 --> 01:14:32,032
My son.
1441
01:14:32,076 --> 01:14:34,731
Shot in the face,
1442
01:14:34,774 --> 01:14:39,126
hiding underneath the table,
begging for his life.
1443
01:14:40,127 --> 01:14:42,129
That is what they said.
1444
01:14:43,261 --> 01:14:46,351
That's... That's not feeling.
1445
01:14:47,265 --> 01:14:49,136
-That is hate.
-That's...
1446
01:14:50,311 --> 01:14:54,098
Disturbed? Hate? Rage?
1447
01:14:54,141 --> 01:14:56,753
-Hopelessness?
-No, no, no.
1448
01:14:56,796 --> 01:15:00,365
Apathy, indifference.
1449
01:15:00,408 --> 01:15:04,500
-Cold, callous.
-Evil?
1450
01:15:08,591 --> 01:15:10,201
Do you want to say?
1451
01:15:10,244 --> 01:15:11,942
Because I...
1452
01:15:13,378 --> 01:15:14,727
I won't.
1453
01:15:17,251 --> 01:15:18,470
I won't.
1454
01:15:18,514 --> 01:15:19,819
It doesn't matter.
1455
01:15:27,566 --> 01:15:29,568
We went to the
school. Did you know that?
1456
01:15:33,398 --> 01:15:35,574
It was supposed to be
for the victims' families,
1457
01:15:35,618 --> 01:15:40,144
and Hayden wouldn't be counted
as a victim.
1458
01:15:41,188 --> 01:15:43,321
So we fought for that.
1459
01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:48,065
And we saw, we saw the damage.
1460
01:15:48,108 --> 01:15:50,850
The windows, the black stains.
1461
01:15:52,025 --> 01:15:53,853
We saw his hate.
1462
01:15:55,072 --> 01:15:57,727
-The lines.
-What he did. What?
1463
01:15:58,379 --> 01:16:01,557
The lines or tape.
1464
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,863
The outlines of the children.
1465
01:16:03,907 --> 01:16:06,562
-Mr. Moore.
-Hmm.
1466
01:16:06,605 --> 01:16:08,433
The bodies. Yeah.
1467
01:16:12,002 --> 01:16:13,090
I was...
1468
01:16:16,223 --> 01:16:17,573
I didn't know
you were allowed in.
1469
01:16:19,009 --> 01:16:21,794
Well, they kept that secret.
They didn't want...
1470
01:16:21,838 --> 01:16:22,839
More outrage.
1471
01:16:25,058 --> 01:16:27,452
The world mourned 10.
1472
01:16:29,062 --> 01:16:30,847
We mourned 11.
1473
01:16:31,935 --> 01:16:34,241
There would be
no memorials for 11.
1474
01:16:34,285 --> 01:16:38,855
No concerts reading 11 names,
and I understood that,
1475
01:16:38,898 --> 01:16:43,076
but I would not be excluded
from that too.
1476
01:16:46,036 --> 01:16:47,341
The damage, though...
1477
01:16:50,214 --> 01:16:51,476
How much...
1478
01:16:55,523 --> 01:16:56,829
He was in pain.
1479
01:16:58,483 --> 01:17:01,704
It was the pain
that brought him there.
1480
01:17:07,753 --> 01:17:09,625
I didn't want another child.
1481
01:17:11,452 --> 01:17:12,453
But...
1482
01:17:15,195 --> 01:17:17,458
once he was born...
1483
01:17:22,115 --> 01:17:24,335
I loved Hayden so much.
1484
01:17:26,729 --> 01:17:30,471
But maybe...
1485
01:17:35,738 --> 01:17:38,001
Maybe he should
never have been born.
1486
01:17:38,044 --> 01:17:39,045
No.
1487
01:17:40,699 --> 01:17:43,920
We should never have
gone to the school.
1488
01:17:43,963 --> 01:17:49,577
I just remember this
terrible feeling of awe,
1489
01:17:49,621 --> 01:17:53,625
just awe at what
my boy had done.
1490
01:17:55,496 --> 01:18:00,763
And then a long, skinny frame
outlined in the carpet.
1491
01:18:00,806 --> 01:18:02,155
All alone.
1492
01:18:03,679 --> 01:18:05,202
I knew it was him.
1493
01:18:05,245 --> 01:18:09,249
Not because of where
it was or...
1494
01:18:09,293 --> 01:18:10,860
I just knew it was him.
1495
01:18:12,078 --> 01:18:13,906
I recognized Evan too.
1496
01:18:15,168 --> 01:18:16,692
Not because of the lines.
1497
01:18:17,910 --> 01:18:19,738
The number.
1498
01:18:19,782 --> 01:18:22,088
The number markers
for the report.
1499
01:18:22,132 --> 01:18:23,220
Yeah.
1500
01:18:23,263 --> 01:18:24,656
He was number one.
1501
01:18:25,831 --> 01:18:27,615
I guess he was
the first they found.
1502
01:18:30,227 --> 01:18:31,228
He was...
1503
01:18:35,275 --> 01:18:36,363
He was my...
1504
01:18:41,064 --> 01:18:42,282
That was hard.
1505
01:18:43,370 --> 01:18:44,720
It was.
1506
01:18:45,808 --> 01:18:50,813
But you know,
and please forgive me,
1507
01:18:50,856 --> 01:18:53,206
it made me feel
like the rest of you.
1508
01:18:59,952 --> 01:19:01,693
Some parent said,
1509
01:19:01,737 --> 01:19:03,782
I can't remember who,
1510
01:19:03,826 --> 01:19:08,526
said early on in a mean way,
meant to be mean,
1511
01:19:10,354 --> 01:19:12,878
that you were the loneliest
people in the world.
1512
01:19:15,968 --> 01:19:19,842
As if that was justice.
As if...
1513
01:19:19,885 --> 01:19:21,844
Well, we were.
1514
01:19:21,887 --> 01:19:23,802
I still get mail.
1515
01:19:23,846 --> 01:19:27,675
Some hateful,
some sympathetic.
1516
01:19:27,719 --> 01:19:30,330
Mostly just strange.
1517
01:19:30,374 --> 01:19:33,464
I can't say I understand
the purpose of it,
1518
01:19:33,507 --> 01:19:37,076
but it only reminded me
of what he had done.
1519
01:19:37,120 --> 01:19:43,256
And I was trying to restore my
memory of... of who he was.
1520
01:19:44,867 --> 01:19:47,217
And that's what I have to do.
1521
01:19:47,870 --> 01:19:50,263
Do you understand?
1522
01:19:50,307 --> 01:19:52,918
You said he destroyed
our lives.
1523
01:19:52,962 --> 01:19:54,441
Yes, he did.
1524
01:19:55,616 --> 01:19:57,227
And while I know the world
1525
01:19:57,270 --> 01:20:01,405
would have been
better without him,
1526
01:20:03,363 --> 01:20:05,017
I can't say I would have been.
1527
01:20:05,061 --> 01:20:06,802
Oh, God.
1528
01:20:06,845 --> 01:20:09,108
I'm sorry.
I know that's...
1529
01:20:09,152 --> 01:20:11,197
-No.
-I shouldn't have said that.
1530
01:20:11,241 --> 01:20:13,373
It's just... It's just...
1531
01:20:14,287 --> 01:20:16,724
I thought I had to believe
1532
01:20:16,768 --> 01:20:19,292
that my son's life
had no value
1533
01:20:19,336 --> 01:20:22,730
because of what he did
before he died,
1534
01:20:22,774 --> 01:20:29,346
but I don't have
to believe that, do I?
1535
01:20:31,087 --> 01:20:32,784
Or is that hard
for you to hear?
1536
01:20:38,311 --> 01:20:39,399
I guess.
1537
01:20:40,661 --> 01:20:41,662
Yes, it is.
1538
01:20:45,492 --> 01:20:47,407
But I won't tell you
how to keep your son.
1539
01:20:48,713 --> 01:20:49,932
No. I...
1540
01:20:53,936 --> 01:20:55,502
No, I don't know. I...
1541
01:20:56,721 --> 01:20:57,809
Yes, it is hard.
1542
01:20:57,853 --> 01:21:01,291
But, no, I think...
1543
01:21:02,379 --> 01:21:03,554
I think that's right. I...
1544
01:21:03,597 --> 01:21:05,643
God, I don't... I don't know.
1545
01:21:06,470 --> 01:21:07,775
That's okay.
1546
01:21:07,819 --> 01:21:10,126
I wouldn't ever expect you
to feel that way.
1547
01:21:10,169 --> 01:21:12,824
No, no, that's not it.
That's not it.
1548
01:21:12,868 --> 01:21:15,044
Not... Not your son.
1549
01:21:15,087 --> 01:21:16,175
Not
1550
01:21:17,394 --> 01:21:18,656
him.
1551
01:21:18,699 --> 01:21:19,744
It's...
1552
01:21:21,572 --> 01:21:22,921
value.
1553
01:21:24,183 --> 01:21:26,011
It's all of their values.
1554
01:21:28,753 --> 01:21:30,233
See, I...
1555
01:21:33,453 --> 01:21:36,892
I made a promise.
I made a promise to him.
1556
01:21:37,893 --> 01:21:39,285
That I can't keep...
1557
01:21:39,329 --> 01:21:41,897
-Hey, honey.
-No, it... Please.
1558
01:21:41,940 --> 01:21:44,377
What did you
promise him?
1559
01:21:44,421 --> 01:21:50,340
I promised him that his life
would mean something,
1560
01:21:51,689 --> 01:21:54,213
that it wouldn't be in vain.
1561
01:21:54,257 --> 01:21:56,433
That because of him,
all of them,
1562
01:21:57,869 --> 01:22:01,177
things would change, you know?
1563
01:22:02,395 --> 01:22:04,397
But nothing's changed.
Nothing.
1564
01:22:05,659 --> 01:22:08,488
The only difference
is that they're gone.
1565
01:22:08,532 --> 01:22:12,144
And that's all I hear. Still.
All those parents.
1566
01:22:12,188 --> 01:22:15,539
The last of us
in that firehouse,
1567
01:22:15,582 --> 01:22:19,673
the loneliest people
in the world, asking,
1568
01:22:19,717 --> 01:22:22,241
"What do you mean,
they're gone?
1569
01:22:22,285 --> 01:22:23,590
"Gone where?
1570
01:22:24,722 --> 01:22:26,419
"Where have they gone?"
1571
01:22:28,117 --> 01:22:34,123
So... you talk about value,
their lives having value,
1572
01:22:34,166 --> 01:22:36,995
and that's all I want.
1573
01:22:37,039 --> 01:22:39,476
I just want it
to mean something. I just...
1574
01:22:41,304 --> 01:22:43,088
I just... I want it to change.
1575
01:22:45,264 --> 01:22:46,396
Why does it have to change?
1576
01:22:46,439 --> 01:22:47,658
What?
1577
01:22:50,182 --> 01:22:52,315
Can you tell me
a story about Evan?
1578
01:22:53,577 --> 01:22:55,579
What?
1579
01:22:55,622 --> 01:22:58,930
Please? Can you tell me
a story about him?
1580
01:23:00,192 --> 01:23:01,280
Now?
1581
01:23:01,324 --> 01:23:03,195
Yeah.
1582
01:23:03,239 --> 01:23:07,243
Jay... I don't know.
There's so many.
1583
01:23:07,286 --> 01:23:09,636
Doesn't matter.
Just don't think about it.
1584
01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:12,030
-Just tell me one.
-Jay...
1585
01:23:14,685 --> 01:23:17,166
-No, come, come...
-It's okay. It's okay, honey.
1586
01:23:17,209 --> 01:23:18,863
-Go on.
-No, come here.
1587
01:23:18,906 --> 01:23:20,865
-Come, come here.
-Okay.
1588
01:23:20,908 --> 01:23:22,606
-Come.
-Okay, okay.
1589
01:23:24,086 --> 01:23:26,001
-Oh, Jesus.
-I got you.
1590
01:23:28,046 --> 01:23:31,310
Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay. I see, um...
1591
01:23:32,137 --> 01:23:34,966
Oh... let me think.
1592
01:23:35,749 --> 01:23:36,750
Oh.
1593
01:23:39,666 --> 01:23:42,017
He's 12 years old, I think.
1594
01:23:43,192 --> 01:23:44,671
He's 12 years old.
1595
01:23:44,715 --> 01:23:45,846
Um...
1596
01:23:45,890 --> 01:23:47,326
Sixth grade?
1597
01:23:47,370 --> 01:23:50,982
I don't know.
He's young, and...
1598
01:23:51,026 --> 01:23:54,333
It's fall. He's...
1599
01:23:54,377 --> 01:23:59,556
He's playing football with
his friends in the park,
1600
01:24:00,557 --> 01:24:02,646
near our house. It's...
1601
01:24:02,689 --> 01:24:05,866
He used to play in the park
near our house. It's, um...
1602
01:24:05,910 --> 01:24:07,651
On Sundays, you know.
1603
01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:12,395
Just a few blocks
from our home.
1604
01:24:12,438 --> 01:24:14,484
But we had a dinner to go to.
1605
01:24:15,354 --> 01:24:17,139
Jay's parents were visiting.
1606
01:24:18,618 --> 01:24:22,709
So I said to him,
"Do not get too dirty,
1607
01:24:22,753 --> 01:24:25,582
"because we've got to leave
the house by 5:00."
1608
01:24:25,625 --> 01:24:27,497
-And he said, "Mom,
1609
01:24:27,540 --> 01:24:30,065
"the dirtier you are,
the better you are.
1610
01:24:30,108 --> 01:24:31,849
"That's how you spot
1611
01:24:31,892 --> 01:24:33,677
"the best players on the team.
1612
01:24:33,720 --> 01:24:35,113
"They're the ones
with the grass
1613
01:24:35,157 --> 01:24:37,289
"and the stains
on their jerseys."
1614
01:24:38,029 --> 01:24:40,118
And I said...
1615
01:24:40,162 --> 01:24:41,467
I...
1616
01:24:41,511 --> 01:24:43,426
He was so funny.
1617
01:24:43,469 --> 01:24:49,693
I said, "But shouldn't the
good players not be tackled
1618
01:24:49,736 --> 01:24:52,087
"and fall on the ground
so much?"
1619
01:24:52,130 --> 01:24:58,441
"No, Mom, the dirtier you are,
the better you are."
1620
01:25:01,792 --> 01:25:03,098
"Okay."
1621
01:25:04,882 --> 01:25:07,798
You know, he was
like that about everything,
1622
01:25:07,841 --> 01:25:10,105
such strong opinions,
1623
01:25:10,148 --> 01:25:11,889
even if he didn't
know anything
1624
01:25:11,932 --> 01:25:13,847
about what he was
talking about.
1625
01:25:13,891 --> 01:25:15,414
Thank you.
1626
01:25:15,458 --> 01:25:16,459
So...
1627
01:25:17,721 --> 01:25:20,419
So it's 5:00,
or it's about to be.
1628
01:25:20,463 --> 01:25:23,814
It's almost 5:00,
and he's still not back,
1629
01:25:23,857 --> 01:25:27,339
and I'm about to just go
down there and grab him,
1630
01:25:27,383 --> 01:25:29,254
and drag him back,
1631
01:25:29,298 --> 01:25:32,214
when Sophie comes in the door.
1632
01:25:32,257 --> 01:25:34,477
She followed Evan
everywhere back then.
1633
01:25:34,520 --> 01:25:38,611
She loved watching the boys
playing, goof around.
1634
01:25:38,655 --> 01:25:41,179
So she burst in and she says,
1635
01:25:41,223 --> 01:25:46,619
"Mom, oh, my gosh.
Mom. Look at Evan."
1636
01:25:46,663 --> 01:25:49,405
So I come around the corner,
and I see him,
1637
01:25:49,448 --> 01:25:55,498
and he is covered,
head to toe, in mud.
1638
01:25:55,541 --> 01:25:57,804
-It was absurd.
-It was.
1639
01:25:57,848 --> 01:26:01,939
It was like he covered
himself, like a mud bath.
1640
01:26:01,982 --> 01:26:04,376
It just didn't really
even make sense even,
1641
01:26:04,420 --> 01:26:06,683
and I was... I lost it.
1642
01:26:06,726 --> 01:26:09,990
"Evan. What have you done?"
1643
01:26:10,034 --> 01:26:11,557
He was
completely unfazed.
1644
01:26:11,601 --> 01:26:13,907
Yeah. Right?
1645
01:26:13,951 --> 01:26:15,170
He played it cool.
1646
01:26:16,649 --> 01:26:20,827
"Mom, I told you, the best
players are the dirtiest."
1647
01:26:22,089 --> 01:26:23,178
He was...
1648
01:26:24,048 --> 01:26:25,441
You know?
1649
01:26:26,616 --> 01:26:28,270
I was so mad.
1650
01:26:30,228 --> 01:26:31,969
But then I was laughing.
1651
01:26:35,102 --> 01:26:36,365
And holding him,
1652
01:26:38,976 --> 01:26:41,196
and the dirt,
1653
01:26:41,239 --> 01:26:42,588
the grass.
1654
01:26:44,895 --> 01:26:46,766
That smell of him.
1655
01:26:48,507 --> 01:26:50,205
Wet leaves.
1656
01:26:52,337 --> 01:26:54,209
The child on him.
1657
01:26:56,863 --> 01:26:59,431
I could feel so much life.
1658
01:27:02,956 --> 01:27:04,871
We let him go
to dinner that way.
1659
01:27:04,915 --> 01:27:07,178
-He washed his face.
-Well, yeah. But...
1660
01:27:10,050 --> 01:27:12,227
-He was so proud.
1661
01:27:18,755 --> 01:27:20,757
That's what his life meant.
1662
01:27:22,933 --> 01:27:24,195
Let him rest.
1663
01:27:25,762 --> 01:27:28,765
Evan doesn't have
to change the world.
1664
01:27:28,808 --> 01:27:31,898
But I still miss him.
1665
01:27:39,341 --> 01:27:42,996
Do you remember
what you wrote to me?
1666
01:27:43,040 --> 01:27:44,998
Oh, God.
1667
01:27:45,042 --> 01:27:47,262
-I wrote you way too much.
1668
01:27:48,785 --> 01:27:50,265
You wrote to me,
1669
01:27:52,310 --> 01:27:54,486
"I want you to know my son.
1670
01:27:56,532 --> 01:27:58,273
"I want you to know his name."
1671
01:27:59,883 --> 01:28:00,884
Yeah.
1672
01:28:05,105 --> 01:28:06,498
Do you have a story?
1673
01:28:08,805 --> 01:28:09,849
Oh, God.
1674
01:28:09,893 --> 01:28:11,198
I, uh...
1675
01:28:12,199 --> 01:28:13,462
All of them.
1676
01:28:14,985 --> 01:28:16,421
I...
1677
01:28:16,465 --> 01:28:19,511
Let's just preserve them.
Okay?
1678
01:28:21,339 --> 01:28:22,949
Jay.
1679
01:28:22,993 --> 01:28:24,647
Yeah?
1680
01:28:24,690 --> 01:28:26,910
I think I need to...
1681
01:28:26,953 --> 01:28:27,954
What?
1682
01:28:28,564 --> 01:28:30,174
I think I'm ready.
1683
01:28:33,351 --> 01:28:34,526
Okay.
1684
01:28:38,400 --> 01:28:40,184
I need to tell you...
1685
01:28:43,405 --> 01:28:47,322
I wanted so, so badly
1686
01:28:47,365 --> 01:28:51,630
for you to be an example
or punished.
1687
01:28:51,674 --> 01:28:54,329
I came here wanting that.
1688
01:28:54,372 --> 01:28:59,508
But something's died
in all of us, all of us.
1689
01:28:59,551 --> 01:29:03,076
And I'm so scared
that what I wanted,
1690
01:29:03,120 --> 01:29:06,471
what I need,
isn't what I thought.
1691
01:29:07,211 --> 01:29:09,648
What did you think?
1692
01:29:09,692 --> 01:29:14,000
That if I forgave you,
I'd lose him.
1693
01:29:14,392 --> 01:29:16,394
Oh. No.
1694
01:29:16,438 --> 01:29:17,961
Yes.
1695
01:29:18,004 --> 01:29:20,529
But maybe I just needed
to be with you.
1696
01:29:21,312 --> 01:29:23,488
Because I know now. I...
1697
01:29:25,055 --> 01:29:26,926
I forgive you.
1698
01:29:29,233 --> 01:29:30,582
I do.
1699
01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:34,369
I have. I forgive you.
1700
01:29:35,195 --> 01:29:39,025
And I have to tell you...
1701
01:29:40,026 --> 01:29:41,854
I have to tell you...
1702
01:29:44,422 --> 01:29:46,293
I also forgive Hayden
1703
01:29:47,904 --> 01:29:52,778
for what he did,
for taking my baby's life.
1704
01:29:52,822 --> 01:29:57,261
Because I know, in my heart,
he was lost.
1705
01:29:58,436 --> 01:30:00,612
So I do... I forgive him.
1706
01:30:02,571 --> 01:30:04,703
Because I can't live
this way anymore.
1707
01:30:04,747 --> 01:30:07,880
-Sweetheart.
-No, I can't. We can't.
1708
01:30:07,924 --> 01:30:09,665
-Okay.
-We don't sleep.
1709
01:30:09,708 --> 01:30:11,318
We don't breathe.
1710
01:30:11,362 --> 01:30:13,103
We don't see
each other anymore,
1711
01:30:13,146 --> 01:30:15,410
and I want to. I want to.
1712
01:30:16,062 --> 01:30:17,324
-Okay?
-Yeah.
1713
01:30:17,368 --> 01:30:19,414
Because I can't hold on
to this any longer.
1714
01:30:19,457 --> 01:30:22,852
I can't. It's not him.
It's not.
1715
01:30:22,895 --> 01:30:26,072
It's just this terrible pain
1716
01:30:26,116 --> 01:30:28,814
for wishing
for a different past,
1717
01:30:28,858 --> 01:30:32,818
and I can't let it
control my life anymore,
1718
01:30:32,862 --> 01:30:35,691
because if I do, I'm afraid
I'll never see him again.
1719
01:30:36,474 --> 01:30:38,476
And I need to.
1720
01:30:38,520 --> 01:30:40,913
I know that I will.
I know I'll see him.
1721
01:30:40,957 --> 01:30:44,613
I know I'll hold him against
me, if I could just forgive.
1722
01:30:44,656 --> 01:30:46,789
If I can love again.
1723
01:30:46,832 --> 01:30:48,007
So I do.
1724
01:30:49,400 --> 01:30:50,488
I do.
1725
01:31:26,698 --> 01:31:28,308
Maybe this is right.
1726
01:31:30,093 --> 01:31:31,877
This moment of silence.
1727
01:31:34,706 --> 01:31:37,143
Maybe this is the right way
to say goodbye.
1728
01:31:42,714 --> 01:31:43,846
Yeah.
1729
01:31:45,369 --> 01:31:46,805
I like that.
1730
01:31:54,291 --> 01:31:55,771
Do you want to...?
1731
01:31:55,814 --> 01:31:57,381
Maybe we could do
a little, uh...?
1732
01:31:59,122 --> 01:32:00,297
Yeah.
1733
01:32:17,140 --> 01:32:18,533
Mmm.
1734
01:33:26,296 --> 01:33:27,297
Well...
1735
01:33:29,647 --> 01:33:31,388
I hope we were able to help.
1736
01:33:33,651 --> 01:33:35,174
Thanks.
1737
01:33:37,916 --> 01:33:40,919
I mean, is... Is that it?
1738
01:33:40,963 --> 01:33:44,488
I think so. I'm exhausted.
1739
01:33:45,924 --> 01:33:49,232
Well, I guess, uh...
You know...
1740
01:33:49,275 --> 01:33:51,713
We can always speak again.
1741
01:33:51,756 --> 01:33:53,192
-Sure.
-Right?
1742
01:33:53,236 --> 01:33:55,064
Of course.
1743
01:33:55,107 --> 01:33:57,109
Thank you so much
for bringing your pictures.
1744
01:33:57,153 --> 01:34:00,156
Oh, no, of course. Thank you.
1745
01:34:00,983 --> 01:34:02,767
Thank you for the flowers.
1746
01:34:02,811 --> 01:34:03,986
You're welcome.
1747
01:34:04,029 --> 01:34:05,204
Will they be able to travel?
The flowers?
1748
01:34:05,248 --> 01:34:06,466
I don't want you to have to...
1749
01:34:06,510 --> 01:34:07,642
Oh, no. We'll manage.
1750
01:34:07,685 --> 01:34:08,773
Yeah, sure.
1751
01:34:08,817 --> 01:34:10,383
Well...
1752
01:34:10,427 --> 01:34:12,647
Uh, maybe Kendra can
get you a box or something.
1753
01:34:12,690 --> 01:34:13,952
I don't want you to have to...
1754
01:34:13,996 --> 01:34:15,301
I'm so sorry. I should
have thought of that.
1755
01:34:15,345 --> 01:34:16,825
No, no. It's... We could
just carry them, right?
1756
01:34:16,868 --> 01:34:18,783
Yeah. Or just the woman
that works here,
1757
01:34:18,827 --> 01:34:20,524
she may be able
to find something.
1758
01:34:20,567 --> 01:34:22,047
Oh. I don't think
I've met her.
1759
01:34:22,091 --> 01:34:23,570
-Let me go see.
-Ah.
1760
01:34:23,614 --> 01:34:26,573
I don't know what
I was thinking. I'm sorry.
1761
01:34:26,617 --> 01:34:27,879
-Silly of me.
-It's fine.
1762
01:34:34,103 --> 01:34:35,234
Does anybody want...
1763
01:34:35,278 --> 01:34:36,714
You want a water bottle
for the road?
1764
01:34:36,758 --> 01:34:38,498
Oh, thank you. I'm all set.
1765
01:34:39,195 --> 01:34:40,979
They have coffee.
1766
01:34:41,023 --> 01:34:42,677
You want a coffee?
1767
01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:46,158
-Nah.
-All right. Okay.
1768
01:34:46,202 --> 01:34:48,987
I think I'll just see
if I can give him a hand.
1769
01:34:49,031 --> 01:34:50,510
Sure.
1770
01:34:53,600 --> 01:34:54,601
Okay.
1771
01:34:55,907 --> 01:34:57,387
I will see you
out front then.
1772
01:34:57,430 --> 01:34:58,693
-Yeah.
-Okay.
1773
01:35:03,785 --> 01:35:05,177
Hi, Linda.
1774
01:35:05,221 --> 01:35:06,918
Hello.
1775
01:35:06,962 --> 01:35:08,615
-Hmm.
1776
01:35:08,659 --> 01:35:11,444
I'll be right back.
I've got the flowers.
1777
01:35:11,488 --> 01:35:13,577
-And then...
-Mmm-hmm.
1778
01:35:16,798 --> 01:35:18,756
-Should we, uh...?
-Yeah.
1779
01:35:19,931 --> 01:35:20,976
I'll be right there.
1780
01:36:30,175 --> 01:36:31,786
Do you have newspaper?
1781
01:36:31,829 --> 01:36:34,049
Yeah, please
don't go to any trouble.
1782
01:36:34,092 --> 01:36:36,399
I'm so sorry.
I should have thought of that.
1783
01:36:36,442 --> 01:36:38,140
They brought the new
hymnal books in a box.
1784
01:36:38,183 --> 01:36:39,881
Oh, yes,
that's a great idea.
1785
01:36:39,924 --> 01:36:41,447
-Thank you.
-Oh, of course.
1786
01:36:41,491 --> 01:36:43,014
I'm going to go
check downstairs
1787
01:36:43,058 --> 01:36:44,494
to see if there's
something else.
1788
01:36:44,537 --> 01:36:46,626
-Thank you, guys.
-Okay.
1789
01:36:53,024 --> 01:36:55,026
-Well...
-I guess we're waiting for,
1790
01:36:55,070 --> 01:36:56,898
-uh...
-Yeah.
1791
01:37:00,902 --> 01:37:03,861
Um, well,
thank you both for today,
1792
01:37:03,905 --> 01:37:05,210
and Kendra, of course.
1793
01:37:05,254 --> 01:37:06,995
Oh,
it was my pleasure.
1794
01:37:11,477 --> 01:37:13,392
If you don't mind,
I should go.
1795
01:37:15,090 --> 01:37:17,005
Oh, sure, you know...
1796
01:37:17,048 --> 01:37:18,876
Linda, I should
really get back.
1797
01:37:18,920 --> 01:37:20,835
Okay.
1798
01:37:20,878 --> 01:37:22,532
I can walk back
without you if you...
1799
01:37:22,575 --> 01:37:23,925
No, no, no, I can...
1800
01:37:23,968 --> 01:37:25,230
-I can go with you.
-All right. Okay.
1801
01:37:25,274 --> 01:37:27,798
We walked here
together earlier.
1802
01:37:30,714 --> 01:37:31,976
It was, um...
1803
01:37:41,899 --> 01:37:43,074
Please take good care
of yourselves.
1804
01:37:43,118 --> 01:37:44,859
-Thank you.
-And you, Richard.
1805
01:37:49,515 --> 01:37:51,866
-We're gonna stay, right?
-Yeah.
1806
01:37:51,909 --> 01:37:54,216
We're always here. I mean...
1807
01:37:55,304 --> 01:37:56,914
Just stay in touch.
1808
01:37:59,134 --> 01:38:00,222
Good.
1809
01:38:05,270 --> 01:38:06,881
It's nice to see you again.
1810
01:38:12,974 --> 01:38:14,323
Take care.
1811
01:38:23,636 --> 01:38:25,464
Uh,
it's easier if you guys
1812
01:38:25,508 --> 01:38:27,466
would come down here,
maybe, with the flowers?
1813
01:38:27,510 --> 01:38:29,686
Yeah, sure. Good idea.
1814
01:38:54,450 --> 01:38:56,800
I think that this
might be the right one.
1815
01:38:56,843 --> 01:38:58,497
If we just put a little bit
of newspaper in it.
1816
01:38:58,541 --> 01:38:59,585
Fine. Sure.
Don't trouble yourself.
1817
01:38:59,629 --> 01:39:00,717
Okay.
1818
01:39:00,760 --> 01:39:02,458
Um. Hi.
1819
01:39:02,501 --> 01:39:04,460
Oh, did they...
Did they leave?
1820
01:39:04,503 --> 01:39:05,940
Yeah, they left,
but thank you.
1821
01:39:05,983 --> 01:39:07,071
Oh.
1822
01:39:07,115 --> 01:39:08,638
They're a gift,
they're ours, so...
1823
01:39:08,681 --> 01:39:10,945
I was just hoping
to say goodbye, is all.
1824
01:39:10,988 --> 01:39:12,685
I didn't even introduce
myself to them.
1825
01:39:12,729 --> 01:39:14,078
-It's okay.
-Don't worry about it.
1826
01:39:14,122 --> 01:39:16,037
-I'm sure it's fine.
-Yeah... No, I should have.
1827
01:39:16,080 --> 01:39:17,603
That's... That's fine.
1828
01:39:17,647 --> 01:39:21,520
Thanks so much for giving us
the space and for having us.
1829
01:39:21,564 --> 01:39:23,348
-It's really very...
-It's healing here.
1830
01:39:23,392 --> 01:39:26,656
It really is. It's safe here.
1831
01:39:26,699 --> 01:39:27,962
Wherever you come from.
1832
01:39:29,702 --> 01:39:31,530
So, I think we can
put it in here
1833
01:39:31,574 --> 01:39:32,705
if we just put
a little bit of newspaper.
1834
01:39:32,749 --> 01:39:34,359
-Judy?
-Yeah?
1835
01:39:37,058 --> 01:39:38,494
Pardon me. Uh,
1836
01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,278
they're bringing the rest
of the books to St. Thomas.
1837
01:39:40,322 --> 01:39:43,890
-So they need the boxes.
-Oh, okay. Okay.
1838
01:39:43,934 --> 01:39:45,109
Honestly...
1839
01:39:45,153 --> 01:39:46,110
But can't we just use
newspaper in here?
1840
01:39:46,154 --> 01:39:47,242
I would use
bubble wrap.
1841
01:39:47,285 --> 01:39:48,373
-I don't think...
-I really...
1842
01:39:48,417 --> 01:39:49,722
I don't want you to bother.
1843
01:39:49,766 --> 01:39:51,202
No, I can pack it. It's easy.
1844
01:39:51,246 --> 01:39:52,856
Just use a little bit
of newspaper in it.
1845
01:39:52,899 --> 01:39:54,205
Well, how much newspaper
do you have?
1846
01:39:54,249 --> 01:39:56,642
You know what? I'm just
gonna hold on to them.
1847
01:39:56,686 --> 01:39:59,036
-I want to. Yeah.
-Are you sure?
1848
01:39:59,080 --> 01:40:00,690
I am.
I think it'll be nice.
1849
01:40:00,733 --> 01:40:03,084
-Okay. I'm sorry.
-Well...
1850
01:40:03,127 --> 01:40:04,955
So, it was very nice
to meet you both.
1851
01:40:04,999 --> 01:40:06,130
-Oh.
-Um,
1852
01:40:06,174 --> 01:40:07,871
thank you for
everything and...
1853
01:40:16,967 --> 01:40:19,752
I have a story
I want to tell you.
1854
01:40:19,796 --> 01:40:21,058
Oh, okay.
1855
01:40:23,060 --> 01:40:24,801
I want to hear it.
1856
01:40:28,152 --> 01:40:29,458
He was 16.
1857
01:40:30,981 --> 01:40:32,548
He'd had such a bad week.
1858
01:40:33,723 --> 01:40:35,464
I felt so badly for him.
1859
01:40:37,248 --> 01:40:39,033
How cruel kids could be.
1860
01:40:40,643 --> 01:40:43,037
But I couldn't just
let him fall apart.
1861
01:40:43,080 --> 01:40:44,038
No.
1862
01:40:45,474 --> 01:40:47,519
We were alone.
1863
01:40:47,563 --> 01:40:50,000
Richard was working late.
1864
01:40:50,044 --> 01:40:52,698
I made dinner,
but he wouldn't eat.
1865
01:40:54,874 --> 01:40:57,703
I tried to talk to him,
but he wouldn't talk.
1866
01:40:59,009 --> 01:41:04,188
I went to his room.
He was on the computer.
1867
01:41:04,232 --> 01:41:09,324
I yelled at him,
"You have to start working.
1868
01:41:09,367 --> 01:41:13,284
"If you can't be happy,
at least you can do well."
1869
01:41:14,851 --> 01:41:19,464
He screamed at me,
"I don't want to be happy.
1870
01:41:20,422 --> 01:41:22,076
"I don't want to do well."
1871
01:41:23,512 --> 01:41:25,601
"Why?" I yelled.
1872
01:41:25,644 --> 01:41:27,559
"Why?"
1873
01:41:27,603 --> 01:41:29,779
Then we were screaming
at each other.
1874
01:41:30,867 --> 01:41:34,784
We were both... so hurt.
1875
01:41:40,529 --> 01:41:42,139
And we were afraid.
1876
01:41:42,183 --> 01:41:43,271
I know that.
1877
01:41:45,708 --> 01:41:47,797
It happened very quickly.
1878
01:41:47,840 --> 01:41:51,105
But then he said,
"Get out before I hit you.
1879
01:41:51,148 --> 01:41:53,759
"Get out before I beat
the shit out of you."
1880
01:41:53,803 --> 01:41:55,631
I swear to God...
1881
01:41:56,501 --> 01:42:00,157
He was... terrifying.
1882
01:42:02,812 --> 01:42:04,161
I went to my room...
1883
01:42:06,598 --> 01:42:07,947
and I locked the door.
1884
01:42:11,212 --> 01:42:12,169
Gail...
1885
01:42:19,568 --> 01:42:21,004
I wish I had let him.
1886
01:42:23,224 --> 01:42:28,011
I wish I had said,
"Okay, hit me.
1887
01:42:28,054 --> 01:42:29,665
"You hit me, sweetheart.
1888
01:42:31,493 --> 01:42:35,149
"Hit me for as long
as you'll ever need."
1889
01:42:37,890 --> 01:42:41,155
Because then I would
have known him.
1890
01:42:41,198 --> 01:42:44,636
I would have known
who he really was.
1891
01:42:47,596 --> 01:42:48,858
It's okay.
1892
01:43:06,876 --> 01:43:08,225
Mine's a...
1893
01:43:11,402 --> 01:43:14,231
Mine's a...
1894
01:43:14,275 --> 01:43:15,798
different kind of story but...
1895
01:43:15,841 --> 01:43:17,016
No.
1896
01:43:17,060 --> 01:43:18,627
We miss them.
1897
01:43:20,846 --> 01:43:24,850
-I wanted to tell a story too.
-I know.
1898
01:43:25,547 --> 01:43:27,201
I'm sorry I didn't ask.
1899
01:43:29,072 --> 01:43:30,204
Thank you.
1900
01:43:36,993 --> 01:43:38,212
Thank you.
1901
01:44:04,194 --> 01:44:05,369
We should...
1902
01:44:06,327 --> 01:44:07,676
Should we, uh...?
1903
01:44:09,112 --> 01:44:11,941
I thought we'd let them go.
1904
01:44:11,984 --> 01:44:13,421
That's a good idea.
1905
01:44:29,045 --> 01:44:30,133
What is that?
1906
01:44:31,395 --> 01:44:32,701
Sorry.
1907
01:44:34,050 --> 01:44:35,312
Is that coming from...?
1908
01:44:35,356 --> 01:44:37,532
Yeah, they're,
um, practicing
1909
01:44:37,575 --> 01:44:39,316
for the choir tomorrow.
1910
01:44:39,360 --> 01:44:40,883
I... I forgot.
1911
01:44:43,712 --> 01:44:45,801
Did we tell them?
1912
01:44:45,844 --> 01:44:49,152
I told you this morning
they were rehearsing today.
1913
01:44:49,195 --> 01:44:50,284
Did you?
1914
01:44:51,720 --> 01:44:53,243
I'm sorry.
1915
01:44:53,287 --> 01:44:56,290
Don't be. It's... It's nice.
1916
01:44:56,333 --> 01:44:59,554
Yeah, they're, um,
rehearsing for tomorrow.
1917
01:45:01,251 --> 01:45:02,383
Hear that?
1918
01:45:03,732 --> 01:45:05,037
They're singing.
1919
01:45:21,750 --> 01:45:23,665
Do you want to go up and see?
1920
01:45:25,971 --> 01:45:31,934
Blessed be the tie that binds
1921
01:45:31,977 --> 01:45:37,809
Our hearts in Christian love
1922
01:45:37,853 --> 01:45:41,683
The fellowship
1923
01:45:41,726 --> 01:45:45,861
Of kindred minds
1924
01:45:45,904 --> 01:45:48,777
No. That's all right.
1925
01:45:48,820 --> 01:45:52,258
Is like that to that above
1926
01:45:55,044 --> 01:46:02,051
Before our Father's throne
1927
01:46:02,094 --> 01:46:09,580
We pour our ardent prayers
1928
01:46:09,624 --> 01:46:14,019
Our fears, our hopes
1929
01:46:14,063 --> 01:46:18,589
Our aims are one
1930
01:46:18,633 --> 01:46:21,897
Our comforts
1931
01:46:21,940 --> 01:46:27,511
And our cares
1932
01:46:27,555 --> 01:46:34,997
When we asunder part
1933
01:46:35,040 --> 01:46:42,613
It gives us inward pain
1934
01:46:42,657 --> 01:46:49,315
But we shall still be joined
1935
01:46:49,359 --> 01:46:51,622
In heart
1936
01:46:51,666 --> 01:46:58,629
And hope to meet again
126258
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