All language subtitles for AllCreaturesGreatAndSmallS7_IfMusicBetheFoodofLove_eng

So, they're still at it, then.

I'm delighted, Mr Biggins,
you called us in early
for once.

It makes all the difference.

Won't make
any difference
to the bill, though.

No, it'll makes
all the difference to
the health of the beast.

That's the point.

But that's naught but posts
between cleats.

Thou call it
foul in the foot,

and charge me
through the nose.

-(COW MOOS)
-(SCOFFS)

We spend all too much
of our time dealing
with chronic cases

which should have never been
allowed to become chronic.

More preventative treatment,
that's what we should
be doing.

Oh! Aye.

Yeah, well, then,
you'd never be
off the premises.

We'd have a dale
full of fat cattle
and bankrupt farmers.

And then they'd see
how the other half lives,

with no farmers to fleece.

Just so long as we are all
in business, Mr Biggins,

I would very greatly
appreciate the settlement
of your account.

All right.

(CAT MEOWS)

That cat doesn't look
just quite right to yourself?

Wearin' out.

I'm wonderin' if I oughtn't
to shoot him or summat.

Don't think I'd recommend
anything quite as drastic
as that, Mr Biggins.

Ah! There's no point
in messin' around a lot
with cats,

not to my mind, I think.

Your brother likes fussin'
with them, though.

Yes, my brother's
very interested
in the feline species.

(DUST MY BLUES
PLAYING ON THE GRAMOPHONE)

(DOOR OPENS)

Tris.

Tris! I wonder if...

(MUSIC VOLUME LOWERS)

Tris, Helen's at
a concert rehearsal
over at Hargrove

and I said I'd pick her up,
but I still haven't
finished here,

so I thought if you got
nothing on this afternoon...

Ah! I'd love to, James,
but...

But, um, what?

I really must get down to it
once I've finished this,
you know.

I've got calls to make,

places to go, people to...

-See?
-Yes, exactly.

-Never mind.
-Oh, James, could you...

Yes, of course.

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SIGHS)

-Hi, James.
-Any joy from Biggins?

Do you think he even knows
the meaning of the word?

You know, we're much too soft
in this practice sometimes.

Altogether too soft.

Hello, Mrs Alton.
Is that for me?

It is.

Wonderful, wonderful.

We're keeping you busy,
I see.

Aye.

I've had to miss
Choral Society practice,

and it's the concert
next week.

Oh, my dear, well,
I am sorry to hear that.

The house has been
so phenomenally tidy
ever since you came to us,

I can't see that there should
have been any difficulty at
a mere odd afternoon off.

If I left Mr Tristan here
on his own for the afternoon,
it would not be tidy for long.

I don't know how
one man can get through
this much crockery.

Oh, I'll have a word with him,
of course.

As for that music!
Well, you can't call it music.

No good comes of it,
I do know that.

It's not what I'd expected,
not in a professional
household.

(MUSIC BLARING)

Tristan, this is not
a dance hall.

This is a professional
household and you're
supposed to be a partner...

-(PHONE RINGING)
-Ah!

Darrowby 385!

Oh, hello, Granville,
how are you?

Yes, yes.

Yes, we got a pack of hounds
in the sitting room.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Of course
we'll have a look at her.

This evening? Uh...

Well, certainly
you can stay the night.

I shan't be here myself,
but the other two will
do the honours for you.

Well, I look forward
to seeing you later, then,
Granville.

All right, well, bye.

Tristan, for God's sake!

It's got to be loud,
Siegfried,

that's what it's all about.

Will you kindly turn
that damn thing off!

Quite apart from
the professional
problems presented

-by not being able
to hear the telephone bell...
-(MUSIC STOPS)

...and the effect on
one's own ear drums,

poor Mrs Alton
is well on the way
to being persuaded

that strange rites
are going on here
behind closed doors.

If only there were.

I do not wish to lose her.

Absolutely not, Siegfried,
you can count on me.

(PHONE RINGING)

Tristan! Telephone.

(TRISTAN VOCALISING
BLUES MUSIC)

Darrowby 385.

Yes, it is Mr Farnon.

Yes, Mr Tristan Farnon,
the very same.

Oh, good afternoon,
Mr Biggins.

Ah! No, I can't place
the cow myself.
Who saw it?

Looks to me like
straightforward pyometria.

Of course, that little bitch
is getting on, isn't she?

-Persephone?
-Hmm.

Granville's so touchy
about his own animals.

One of his most endearing
qualities. Don't you agree
with me, James?

Granville has all too many
enduring qualities, Siegfried,

and I've had the hangovers
to prove it.

Rather marvellous company,
isn't he?

That's the problem.

We'll, I hope we can show him
some real hospitality tonight,
anyway.

Is he staying?

Yes, he's very insistent
that he's going to be
no trouble at all.

As if he could, the dear man.

So you will help out,
won't you, James?
Well, of course you will.

No friend like Granville.

Actually,
I think Helen was hoping
for a quiet evening at home.

There's no such thing
in veterinary practice.

And you've heard that
frightful cacophony just now
of Tristan's stuff?

Well, you know,
he hasn't exactly
won Mrs Alton over,

and an evening spent
with Granville,

most charming man
on earth, of course,

well, she might
not quite understand
all those high spirits,

and Tristan's certainly
easily led, isn't he?

Well, if there is any
leading astray to be done,
Granville's your man.

Yes, exactly. That's why your
restraining hand is so vitally
important, my dear James.

Siegfried,
I'd like to see Granville,
of course I would, but...

Look, maybe we could keep
a steadier hand than usual
with our combined forces.

I knew I could rely
on you, James.

I just wish I could be
with you,

but I have that blasted
dinner in Brawton.

I don't want to go
but I've got to.

Wait a minute, Siegfried.

James!

-You make me feel
rather guilty.
-Huh?

I know how busy you are.

I've got a few things
I could be doing
over in Hargrove.

Well, quite a few things,
now I come to think of it.

I could easily pick Helen up
from the village hall.
Save you the trip.

-Oh, that's really good
of you, Tris, thanks.
-Hmm.

Oh, by the way,
that was Mr Biggins
on the phone.

He's not too happy
with the cow you saw
this morning.

He's not happy
with the diagnosis
or the treatment,

and he wants someone
to look at her this afternoon.
I must dash.

(WHISPERS) Bloody man!

He argues about
every farthing on every bill.

He never settles his account
from one year's end
to the next.

He's forever trying to get

treatment and advice
out of this practice
without paying for it.

He's ill-mannered,
ill-natured, ill-tempered.

And now he's dissatisfied
with the service
that we offer.

Now, come on, Siegfried,
don't mince your words.

-Say what you mean.
-All right.

James, I'm not amused
when my professional
judgement is questioned.

No, no, of course
you're not.

Nevertheless,
you're going to have to visit
that cow of his again.

Never let it be said
that this practice
does not respond

to the requests of clients,
however unreasonable.

(CHUCKLES)

He wants a second opinion.

-Better give him yours, James.
-What?

And while you're
about it, James,

see if you can get out of him
what he owes us.

Siegfried!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Thanks a lot!

# Well, gettin' up
this morning

# I believe I dust my broom #

(VOCALISING)

# Well, gettin' up
this morning

# I believe I dust my broom #

(VOCALISING)

(CONTINUES SINGING
INDISTINCTLY)

(CHOIR SINGING)

(SINGING SERENADE TO MUSIC)

# My God and King

# My God and King

# My God... #

All right,
I think that will do for now.

Thank you very much,
everybody.

I'll see you all
tomorrow night.

-Your carriage awaits.
-That's very good of you,
Tristan.

I thought James was
coming to pick me up.

Ah! Too busy, I'm afraid,
so I offered.

And I know,
how much you like
this sort of music.

Well, the thing to do is,
is to slip across to the pub
just after the start,

and then get back
just in time for the finish.

That's what
I always used to do
when I was at school.

-HELEN: I thought you
used to be in the choir.
-Yes, I was.

Oh, Jane...

Tris, do you know Jane Mercer?

I'm sure I should.

Frank Mercer's daughter.
Remember, Birstwith Farm.

Good Lord! It must be...

-Let's just say several years.
-(ALL CHUCKLE)

I hope you haven't
got a lift home?

Well, what I mean is...

Patience, Tris,
I was just about to say,

-"Could you possibly
drop Jane off?"
-Oh!

TRISTAN: I just heard
the tail end of the music.

Oh! It's very scrappy.

Nonsense!
It sounded marvellous.

I've always had a passion
for choral music myself.

It's so... Well...

-Choral?
-(ALL LAUGH)

I'd love to have kept up
singing myself,
but there's so little time.

Oh, I don't know, Tris.
It's only a couple of hours
a week.

Yes, but when
a sudden emergency
could crop up at any time.

At least you can enjoy
the pleasure of other
people singing.

I would do, of course.

But there's always the danger
of a sudden emergency,
isn't there, Tris?

I have to say,
I've been out of touch, Jane.

I've been working away
like you, in Ireland,
actually.

-Oh, really?
-On the west coast.

Marvellous country.
Wonderful people.

I've never been.
Heard a lot about it.

Whatever you heard,
it's much more beautiful.
I had a great time.

Of course, it helps
if you can pick up
a bit of the lingo.

I was in the Gaeltacht.
I managed to pick up
quite a bit.

(SPEAKING IRISH GAELIC)

An Irish boyfriend,
in Scarborough.

That's the thing about Irish,
of course, the dialects,
they vary such a lot.

Rory's a native speaker.

I never understand
why he works in Scarborough.

He can't stand the English.
(CHUCKLES)

He makes an exception
in your case, then?

Oh, very definitely.

Well, made, rather than makes.
Past tense.

Oh, it's lovely here,
isn't it?

Yes.

Yes? Is that all?

Because you live
here all the time,
you just don't see it.

Oh, I see it all the more.

-Mr Farnon. How do?
-Hello, Mr Bullock.

You don't see many like her.

No, you certainly don't.

Do you not like it?

I'm too contrary.

When I'm here,
I want to be somewhere else.

-When I'm somewhere else,
I want to be here.
-(CHUCKLES)

Oh! That does not
look very fair.

Hello, Mr Bullock.

Look at her.

Aye, good for naught, she is.

There's nowhere
for her to shelter.

Tristan, don't you think
she should be stabled?

I think we should go.

Mr Bullock's donkey
is his own business.

The coat's all matted.

Oh, I shouldn't worry
your pretty little head
about that, miss.

Helen, don't you think
she's in pain?

I must say,
she doesn't look
very comfortable, Mr Bullock.

Are times so hard
you need to send
your womenfolk

out to tout for business, now,
veterinary?

She is in poor condition,
Mr Bullock,

and this field
is very exposed.

That beast is neither use
nor ornament.

You said yourself,
she's my business.
Well, so she is.

I'd thank you to
keep your neb out of it.

If you can't look after her
properly, Mr Bullock...

I think, that's enough, miss.

-This is my land,
and I'd like you off it.
-Come on.

Aren't you going
to do something?

Can't you threaten him
with something?

I don't mean a shillelagh.
I just mean...

What about the RSPCA ?

Well, if she really
was being mistreated, yes,

but the most
you can say is that

Mr Bullock isn't looking after
her as well as he should.

That's not quite
the same thing.

It's the same thing,
as far as I'm concerned.

Jane, I'm being professionally
compromised here.
Surely, you can see that.

I'm sorry, Tris.
Look, I'll think of something.

Let's meet up tomorrow.

This foot Mr Farnon attended
to is fine, Mr Biggins.

-He'll be right as rain
in a matter of days.
-(MOOS)

Then, you'll not be charging
ought if there's naught wrong
and there's no treatment?

Ah! About the matter
of charges, Mr Biggins.

Oh!

-Hello! I don't often see
you in here, do I?
-(MOOS)

You're right off your beat,
aren't you?

-Sorry?
-No, I'm talkin' to
this little bugger.

He just sits around all day
doin' naught.

I'll have to send missus
out after the mice if
he doesn't fray 'em himself.

He's not worth his keep.

Mr Biggins, I was wondering
if you might think about
settling up.

You'll not be charging me
for this visit, I hope?

-Well, it is a
normal procedure. Yes.
-(COW MOOING)

-I asked for Mr Farnon.
-You didn't, actually.

I think I know what I said.

Come on, Mr Biggins,
what you asked for
was a second opinion.

I asked for young Mr Farnon,
not the old one.

You want Tristan to come out?

Ah, well, some folks can be
on a job too long, you know.

A bit of new blood,
that's what we need.

Well, I'll, um...

There you are, you see. Look.
He just can't settle, can he?

(PANTING)

It's not really advanced,
but severe enough.

Yes, I know.

The discharge
isn't too bad today,
but she's thirstier than ever.

Well, this is old hat to you,
Granville.

Wouldn't you be happier
operating yourself?

Well, I'm a bit soft where
this old lady's concerned.

We'd be honoured to do it,
of course.

But sooner rather than later.

I'll take your car, then
I'll pick you up tonight.

That's not necessary.
If I'm called out...

You can take Tristan's.
You are not driving after
an evening with Granville.

-I'm not going to drink.
-Keys!

-I mean it.
-Of course you do.

-See you later.
-Yes.

I do appreciate it,
Siegfried, so does Zoe.

Hysterectomy on
Persephone, James.

-Saturday afternoon,
all right?
-Fine.

-Helen gone?
-Yes.

-You've cleared the late pass,
have you?
-Late-ish.

I'm dying to sink a few pints,
I can tell you.

I wish I could get out
of this damned do.

Charitable dinner's
are always so stuffy.

The Langthorpe, then, James?

Oh, it's months since
I was in a decent country pub.

Small animal practice
may be good for
the bank balance,

-but there is a hell
of a price to pay.
-(SIEGFRIED CHUCKLES)

Look, Granville, if you want
a pint, that's fine.

But, I happen to be
on the wagon at the moment.

Same old James!
What a sense of humour.

Sounds like a good evening.

I envy you both.

I'll just have to wait
till tomorrow for the
pleasure of your company.

Goodbye, Granville.

-Bye, Siegfried, thank you.
-Bye, Siegfried.

Look, James,
I'll just settle Persephone,
and I better give Zoe a ring.

She'll want to know
what we decided.

So, why don't you take Tristan
and get stuck in?

I'll be with you in
two shakes of a lamb's tail.

-Oh, James.
-What?

Order a few for me, will you?

We're in for a long night.

Hello, Persephone.
You're going to be all right.

-Mr Farnon?
-Mrs Alton.

I'm sorry
it's such short notice
about Mr Bennett staying.

I was just checking up
on the whisky.

The decanter in the
sitting room is about
half full, wouldn't you say?

That's right.

Yes, I think
that's quite sufficient,
I was just going to hide...

Put these somewhere
rather less conspicuous.

When old friends get together,
you know what it's like.

Can't really say that I do,
Mr Farnon.

Well, Mr Bennett's such
an ebullient personality,
and Mr Tristan,

young blood and all that,
you know.

Mr Herriot, of course,
is sound as a rock.

(CROWD TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

You're only going
for a walk with her.

Yes, but she asked me, James.

She didn't have to.

Oh, she's beautiful.

-I've never seen any...
-Where have I heard
all that before?

-No, no, this is different.
-Different.

Mock if you will.

"She walks in
beauty like the night,

"of cloudless climes
and starry skies,

"and all that's best
of dark and bright,

"meet in her aspect
and her eyes."

-How's your orange squash?
-It's foul, thanks.

But then, I promised Helen,
didn't I?

Don't know why you're sticking
with ginger beer, then.

Fair maiden was rarely wooed
by a thick head

and the breath of last night's
booze, James.

It's never stopped you before.

It's not often
you meet a woman
like Jane Mercer.

Nope,
Granville can do his worst.
I am utterly resolved.

Good evening, Mr Bullock.

You've a nerve, Farnon.

I've no time for women who
think they can show a man up

because they've got more brass

or more learning
than what's good for them.

That lass of Frank Mercer's,
she should've had her
hide tanned ages ago.

And she would be wedded
with a couple of kids by now
if she had.

I wouldn't worry
too much about...

I'll worry about
what I want to worry about.

That donkey's mine,
and I'll shift for her,
if and when I want.

Oh, I don't think,
it's anything to fall out of,
would you?

And your missus is
all ears and graces

and looking down her nose
these days.

"She doesn't look
very comfortable, Mr Bullock."

I'm sorry, Mr Bullock,
but I don't know
what this is all about.

Well, I know what it's about,
and I'll not have it!

Mr Bullock, you are keeping
an animal in awful conditions.

Not feeding it properly,
not providing it
adequate shelter.

If you object to the fact
that Miss Mercer had the
courage to say that to you,

and it's more than
most men would have done,
then I'm sorry.

-But I say, good for her.
-(SCOFFS)

-Ah! Good evening. Tristan.
-You've changed your mind.

Afraid not, James.
Now...

But Biggins has been
on the telephone.

He's got a very sick cow.

-Again?
-(CHUCKLES) Yes.

And he specifically
asked for you.

Now?

Well, I suppose you better
stay and have one drink

with Granville,
and then you can go.

No, no. Granville won't mind.

Duty calls, and all that.
Good night, gentlemen.
Good luck, James.

Oh, there's a good boy.

Sorry I can't stay, James.

Granville said
he'll be over in a minute.

Enjoy yourselves. Goodnight.

Well, your cow seems
perfectly normal to me,
Mr Biggins.

(MOOING)

Nothing wrong with its heart,
lungs, stomach or udders.

I know
what's not wrong with her.

I sent for you chaps
to tell me what is wrong
with her.

There's nothing
wrong with your cow,
Mr Biggins.

Oh, I don't know.

She were right off-colour
all day.

Well, don't you ever
feel like that, Mr Biggins?
I know I do.

They tell me
you're a dab hand with cats.

-Cats?
-Aye.

Cats. Meow!
(HISSES)

Yes, I'm very fond
of cats, Mr Biggins.
Marvellous animals.

I'll tell you a funny thing.

The more I learn about cats,

the more puzzled I am
by human beings.

Goodnight.

-Hello, Tris.
-Shh!

-(WHISPERS) He's asleep.
-James?

(SNIFFS)

Shh!

(GRANVILLE SNORING)

(DOOR CLOSES SOFTLY)

-(BOTH WHISPERING)
-What is it?

Let's get out of here.
If he wakes up,
he'll get his second wind.

-Coffee on at home,
strong and black.
-I don't need it.

-What do you mean?
-I've done it.
I've beaten him.

An evening with Granville,
and I'm stone cold sober.

-You are, too.
-(CHUCKLES)

It's not that difficult,
is it?

Come on, staying sober
with Granville Bennett?

It makes walking on hot coals
look like a stroll
in the park.

-I ought to be
very proud of you, then.
-Yes, very.

Right, can we go home now,
so I can stop whispering?

-Smashing breakfast, Mrs A.
-Hmm.

-A little more?
-No, I couldn't, really.

-Granville, how about
some music?
-Oh, good idea.

I rescued these from
the attic. Siegfried's.

-Does the job, I hope.
-(GRANVILLE CHUCKLES)

(REQUIEM PLAYING
ON GRAMOPHONE)

Oh, now,
that's lovely, Mr Tristan.

Yes, I suppose it is.

Oh, Try this one, then.

I gather Miss Mercer
prefers the classics.

Miss Mercer.
Excuse me, would that be Jane?

-That's right.
-A bonnie lass.

She is indeed.

Of course, you were in
the choral society together.

I've known her all her life.

Why she had to go gallivanting
off to Scarborough,
I'll never know.

She could've had her pick
of all the young men
in the Dales.

Absolutely.

I thought, if it wouldn't
be too much trouble,
I might ask her to tea.

There's nothing
I'd like better, Mr Tristan.

Mrs Alton,
I hope you won't mind,

but you've looked after
Persephone and me so well...

Oh, Mr Bennett.
This really isn't necessary.

I think saying thank you
to someone special
is always necessary.

Well, thanks.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh, good morning, Mrs Alton.

Morning, Mr Farnon.

I do hope
everything's all right?

Certainly.

I mean, last night,
not too much disruption?

Last night?

Yeah, I feel rather guilty.

I'd much prefer
to have been here
to look after them myself,

but you know
my own commitments.

They didn't find
the rest of the whisky?

Oh, Mr Farnon,

I like a joke myself,
but not at the expense
of others,

if you don't mind me saying.

Three better-behaved
gentlemen you'd rarely meet.

They were all consideration.

And Mr Bennett...

Well, it's been a pleasure
having him stay.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Good morning, Siegfried.

Morning.

Hello.

JAMES: Here we are, Sally.
He'll be fine now.

-Good morning, James.
-Morning, Siegfried.

-Something wrong?
-No, no, no.

Was it a late night?

No. Not really.

You did stay
at the Langthorpe?

Yes. Till closing time.

"The sun was shining
on the sea,

-"shining with all his might."
-What?

"He did his very best to make
the billows smooth and bright.

"And that was odd, because it
was the middle of the night.

"How late it's getting.
Don't you agree, Alice?"

(DOOR CLOSES)

I really don't see
the point of this.

I told you I had a row
with Bullock last night.

I hope you put him
in his place.

We are on his property, Jane,
and in my position...

Oh, you know, you really are
a lot more conventional
than you like to make out.

Anyway, I don't mind
being told I'm stupid,
even by a vet.

Now, then, isn't anyone
looking after you?

Yes, well, she's scouring.

Certainly looks wormy.

-Oh, dear.
-What is it?

Her feet are sore.

What the hell's goin' on?

Oh, no.

I told you this donkey
wasn't well, Mr Bullock.

I'll have the law on you,
Farnon.

-Look, I apologise,
Mr Bullock.
-You apologise?

Just get off my land!

Your donkey is in
poor health, Mr Bullock,
she's scouring.

She's rubbing herself raw
because of lice,
and her feet...

You'll tell me next,
you want paying.

I've tried to apologise.
That does not alter
the donkey's condition.

-Five pounds.
-You what?

I'll give you five pounds
for her.

Mr Farnon has already
contacted the RSPCA.

-They'll almost certainly
bring him out to prosecution.
-Jane!

You always were a mad 'un,
Jane Mercer.

Take her, then,
since you're so concerned.

Now just get off my land,
all of you.

Hey! She'll always want
to wear the trousers,
that one!

Fine! And what do you
suggest we do now?

Car keys?

I'll take your car.
You take the donkey
back to the farm.

Shouldn't take much longer
than an hour.

That's not much
of a bargain, Tristan.

I know that old car of
yours was expensive to run.

I can't get her to move.

# There's a song in the air

# But the fair senorita
doesn't seem to care #

What?

It's the Donkey Serenade.
It worked in the film.

Good luck, old boy.

Do you really want me
to sing to you?

I thought that might
be too much for you.

Where were you?

Oh, well, you're here now.
Come on, you must be tired.

Come on. Good girl.

(DONKEY BRAYS)

You'll know a bit about
our lass now, Mr Farnon.

Does what she wants.
Always has done.

I suppose you weren't
expecting a donkey today?

No, never brought one
home before.

Nor a veterinary.

JANE: Come on, Tristan!

I'm not going to wash off
any more mud now.

She's more badly infected
round the heel and
the coronet than I thought.

She must have been
like this a long time
to develop mud fever.

Thanks, Tris.

I'll think of you
when every farmer
on the Dale says,

"There goes Farnon,
the interfering do-gooder."

-Worth it, though.
-Oh, yes.

I'll, um,
get something for the lice.

She was stable
through most of yesterday,
but she's worse today.

(SNIFFS)
She's becoming
quite toxaemic.

(PANTING)

Don't you worry, Granville.
We're all ready to go.

Stupid of me to delay so long.

All the advice you give
other people so readily.

I'll tell you what,

I'll get Persephone ready
for the operation, lay out
the instruments and so on.

Why don't you go
and have a cup of tea?

-No, I think I'll be
more use here.
-Come on, Granville.

-I'll see if Mrs Alton's
got the kettle on.
-Later, James.

What anaesthetic are you
going to use, Siegfried?

She presents
quite a risk, you know.

Any chance of an afternoon
with you now?

Thanks again, Tris.

I suppose this is the sort
of thing that keeps
holding you back.

Hmm?

One of those emergencies
that stops you
from being in the choir.

Oh, absolutely.
I can't tell you.

Must be very hard.

-Very. Very.
-All those emergencies.

Oh, this is a different sort
of emergency altogether.

Are you sure you wouldn't
be better off with Pentothal?

I think, we know
what we're doing, Granville.

Yes, of course, sorry.
Force of habit.

Granville, why don't you
go and get a gin and tonic?

Thank you, Siegfried. Later.

Now, I hope
this is all right, Jane.

It looks lovely, Mrs Alton.

But I don't think,
I'm going to be able
to eat any, though.

I never can before concerts.

Oh, you'll want
a full stomach to sing on.
I shall have.

Thanks, Mrs Alton.

-(DOOR CLOSES)
-(REQUIEM PLAYING
ON THE GRAMOPHONE)

-Tristan?
-Yes?

Do you have anything
a bit lighter?

Oh, yes, of course.

(MUSIC STOPS)

Tea in front of
a roaring fire,

the soothing sound
of voices singing...

-(REQUIEM BURSTS OUT LOUDLY)
-(LAUGHS)

Don't you think
a little to the...

...left?

-All right, James?
-Yes, Siegfried.

I'm looking forward to it.
I'm missing teaching.

It's a long way,
though, Bristol.

It's the right job
for me, Tris.

It's what I want.

Well, I suppose
it's not that far.

When do you go exactly?

Exactly, um, tomorrow.

Tomorrow?
God, that's terrible!

(SIGHS) I'd better get
the road maps out.

I'm afraid it's not
quite that simple.

I knew it. The Irishman.

No. Not exactly.

It's hard to say
this without sounding...

Look, the thing is,
I'm not in the market
for anything serious.

Well, not yet.

I can assure you
there's nothing remotely
serious about me.

-Ask Siegfried.
-(LAUGHS) Oh!

(MOANS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Mr Biggins,
you just can't do that.

It's that sick cow of mine,
Mr Farnon.

She's still not right.

(SIGHS)

James, there's the third.
Tie it off, please.

Her heart's all right, is it,
Siegfried?

Yes, her heart's doing
just fine, Granville.

Oh, damn it.

All right.

In fact, she's doing
altogether beautifully.

Now, then, let's see.

-That's enough.
-(EXHALES)

That's a very neat job, chaps.

Very neat.

But I'm still worried
about her heart.

Biggins is cracking up.
Definitely, either that
or he's trying to crack me up.

-Well, I wouldn't
put it past him.
-A sick cow indeed!

The man's potty.
You get up there, all he does

is tell you
you don't know
what you're doing.

-He's going to shoot the cat.
-What?

Yes, he was murmuring
something about a cat to me.

The cat! Of course.

That's why
he wanted you up there.

He's heard of your
reputation with cats.

-I don't shoot them.
-No, of course you don't.

But don't you see,
he realises
what a fool he'd look,

if he's found out to be

calling on a vet
for his mangy old tom.

Ha! A chink in his armour!
At last.

I'd be more than happy
to do the suturing there,
Siegfried.

Oh, Granville,
that's very kind of you,

but in my surgery,
my suturing.

Now, it might amuse you
to go and see that cat.

James, don't you think
it's high time

that Tristan took Granville
to meet our friend Biggins?

-I think it's high time,
Siegfried.
-Yes.

No, I think,
I'd much rather...
(STAMMERS)

Oh, whatever you say.

On you go, Tristan.

I'm payin' you no more!

-I don't see why I should.
-(COW MOOS)

Nothing for the times
you've been
and found naught wrong.

We just need to have
one more look at the cow,
Mr Biggins,

then we'll discuss business.
First things first, eh?

Oh, I realise that it pays
you chaps to take your time
about your job,

and then hand out
blooming great dollops
of medicine

that I have to pay for.

I've seen it all before.

Oh, by the way,
this is Mr Granville Bennett,

the finest small animal
practitioner in the north.

But his charges would astonish
even the senior partner
of the Farnon practice.

Very pleased to meet you,
Mr Biggins.

I've heard a lot about you.

-What a lovely cat.
-(GROANS)

-Couldn't catch a cold,
let alone vermin.
-Not been well?

Goin' downhill fast.

Won't eat ought.
Won't do ought.

I wonder, would you mind
if we took a look at him,
as it's Mr Bennett's field?

-Well...
-(COW MOOS)

Yes, if you've a mind.

Of course, I would not send
for the vet to come out,
not to a cat.

No, no.
Of course not.

Just to indulge us,
Mr Biggins.

I'm very interested in cats.

That's a town practice
for you, you see.

Very well, then.

-Do you want him on the table?
-That's a good idea.

Tristan, could you get
something to wrap him up in?

-Mrs Biggins,
is there a towel?
-Aye, right here.

What do you want that for?

Oh, it's just
to keep him still.

He's maybe weak,
but he's not too weak
to use his claws.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

He's got a good set of claws
on him still.

He'd have you scratched
to ribbons by now
if he were himself.

Thank you.

(MEOWS)

TRISTAN:
What do you think it is?

GRANVILLE: Well,
it's not anaemia.

Aha!

No, it's a lot simpler
than that, happily.

Could I borrow
some instruments, please?

Now, I shall need a spatula

and some forceps.

Now, if you could open
his mouth for me, Tristan.
Would you?

As wide as you can.

That's it. That's a good lad.

Yes.

There we are.

You've been at those
chicken bones again,
haven't you?

Well, I'll be jiggered!

Yes, he's lost
a lot of fluid,

that's why he's so weak.

So, give him plenty
of extra food, plenty of milk,
he'll be right as rain.

Thank you very much indeed,
Mr Bennett.

-You managed that a treat.
-Oh, all in a day's work.

Mr Farnon will be
sending you his bill,

but I'll have to charge you
separately, of course.

Shall we say, a guinea?

A guinea?

-I usually charge a lot more.
-BIGGINS: Oh, no, no.

A guinea will do nicely.

If you have
an expert on the job,
you must pay an expert's fee.

I know that.

Didn't Siegfried give you
Mr Biggin's bill, Tristan?

Oh, yes.
Now you come to mention it.

I'm afraid I don't keep
that much money in the house.

But most of my customers
prefer to pay by cheque
these days.

It's a better reflection
of their financial standing,
you know.

Yes, certainly. Certainly!

I was going to give you
a cheque in any case
next time I came down,

-but seein'
that you're here...
-Marvellous.

Would you like some tea,
Mr Bennett, Mr Farnon?

Oh, yes, please, Mrs Biggins.

Something strong and sweet.
Hmm?

How about something a bit
stronger to wash it down?

Oh, certainly.

I've got a bottle
in the other room.
I'll go and fetch it.

(MOUTHS)

(SIGHS)

Siegfried will
never believe this.

(LAUGHS)

"Perm, your ladyship?
I think what you need
is a poodle parlour."

Then she said, "I presume
they come in a range
of colours, Mr Bennett?"

"The dog has a colour, madam.
It's white."

"Oh, that won't do at all,
Mr Bennett,

"my new curtains are beige."

(ALL LAUGH)

Amazing what people
will waste their brass on.

They always say that
more goes out than comes in,
don't they, Mr Bennett?

Oh, call me Granville. Please.

Oh, another brandy, Granville?

Absolutely, em...

Ezra.

Ah, the book of Ezra.

"Then arose Ezra,
and made the chief priests,
the Levites, and all Israel,

"to swear that they should
do according to this word.

And they swear!"

Another drink! Another drink!

Hello, Mr Biggins.

Oh, don't stand on ceremony
with us. Sit this end down.

Thank you.

Granville, I just popped
in to say that
Persephone's recovering.

Coming along really well.

Oh, thank you. But there is
really no need, James.

I hope I didn't appear
to be that worried.

Afraid you did, actually.

Well, I'll just drink this up
and then I'll give Zoe
the good tidings.

Oh, I'm sure Ezra would
like you to join us.

Yes. Sit down, Mr James.

I have another glass.

Oh! That's very good of you,
Mr Biggins, but I really
ought to...

(MOUTHING)

Why not?

-Thank you.
-There we are, Jamie lad.

-It's going down a bit.
-Don't fret yourself,
Mr Tristan.

-There is another bottle
where that come from.
-Good show.

Mr Biggins, I really
ought to let
Helen know that...

I will telephone later.

Be of good cheer, Jamie lad.

Gentlemen, and lady,
I give you a toast.

To cats and dogs and
all those who care for them.

ALL: To cats and dogs
and all those
who care for them.

No, no, no, Mr Biggins.
Mrs Herriot is here now.

Yes, of course I'll tell her.

I appreciate your concern.

Thank you very much.
And a very good evening
to you, too.

-Something wrong?
It's Biggins.

Calling to say that James and
Tristan will be a little late.

It seems that he is throwing
an impromptu soiree,

and he's is very anxious
that you should realise
where James is.

He would like you and me
to join them.

Of course, meanwhile,
he sends his
sincerest felicitations.

Or words to that effect.

-Mr Biggins?
-The very same.

Or rather, not the same.

Ah, Helen, now, don't worry.
I'll take you to the concert.
You'll be in plenty of time.

Helen...

The idea that Granville should
visit us without wreaking
the least havoc in our lives

is hard to take.

The idea that Mrs Alton
is now so tremendously
fond of Tristan

is not easy to comprehend.

But that Biggins... Biggins
should be entertaining!

Turns the world on its head.

I'm not sure that I can
cope with change on such
a monumental scale.

(LAUGHING)

# Let all the world
in every corner sing

# Let all the world
in every corner sing

# My God and King!

# The heavens
are not too high

# His praise may hither fly

# The earth is not too low

# His praises there may grow

# Let all the world

# Let all the world
in every corner

# Sing

(SOUNDS OF LAUGHTER)

# Let all the world

# In every corner sing

# My God and King!

Sorry.

# The church
with psalms must shout

# No door can keep them out

-Beautiful!
-Yes, she certainly is.

# But above all
the heart must bear

# The longest part

# Let all the world
Let all the world
In every corner sing

# Let all the world
in every corner

# In every corner

# Sing

# My God and King!

# My God and King!

# Let all the world
in every corner sing

# My God and King! #

(DISTINCT CHATTER)

Well done, Mrs Alton.
That was all very splendid.

Yes, I'm glad there was
some people could enjoy it.

Oh, I'm sure
everybody enjoyed it.

Yes, well, as I've said before
it's not what you expect
in a professional household.

-Well sung, you two.
-Thank you.

Well done. Well done.

Do you think they liked it?

Oh, I think they really
appreciated it how much
we put into it.

The traditional method
of wakening is, I believe,
a kiss.

Which one's the prince?

Oh, well, then, my dear Jane,
you might be
in for disappointment.

It doesn't look very good,
does it?

Certainly not to Mrs Alton,

but I find it
all very rather reassuring.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Ah, Siegfried.

Ah, my dear Tristan,
did you enjoy it?

I can explain.
The thing was...

Granville and Biggins!
Say no more.
An unusual combination,

perhaps, but lethally
formidable.

(SCOFFS)

I have got Biggins' cheque.

The bill's been paid, in full.

Hardly a murmur.

I watched him write it.

Oh, God.

I left it there.

-It doesn't matter.
-Doesn't it?

Course not.
Everything's back to normal.