All language subtitles for The.Court.Jester.1955.1080p.BluRay.FLAC.x264-HANDJOB

Life

Could not better be

Better be

Better be

It could not possibly

No, sirrah-sirrah, siree

Songs could not gayer be

Sound your do, re or mi

Re, mi, fa, so, la, si

Follow me

Why be gloomy?

Cut thy nose off to spite thy face

Listen to me

A nose is hard to replace

Skies could not bluer be

Hearts in love, truer be

I say for you or me

Life couldn't possibly,
not even probably

Life couldn't possibly better be

Life could not better be

On a medieval spree

Knights full of chivalry

Villains full of villainy

You'll see as you suspect

Maidens fair in silks bedecked

Each tried and true effect

For the umpteenth time we resurrect

We did research

Authenticity was a must

Zooks! Did we search

And what did we find?

A lot of dust

After the dust had cleared

Half the cast had a beard

And I'm the one, as you can see

For whom the bell tolls merrily

We asked Shakespeare

And Francis Bacon would they declare

Which one wrote this

And they both said,
"Get out of there!"

Which brings us to the plot

Plot we've got quite a lot

As it unfolds, you'll see

What starts like a scary tale

Ends like a fairy tale

And life couldn't possibly

Better be

This is the story of how
the destiny of a nation

was changed by a birthmark.

A royal birthmark,

on the royal posterior
of a royal infant child.

Here, returning to his castle,
is King Roderick.

Roderick the Tyrant who,
some months before,

seized the throne by a massacre
of the entire royal family.

But uneasy lies Roderick's crown.

For rumor hath it that an infant,

the rightful heir to the throne,
had survived the massacre,

and even now, was being cared
for by a group in the forest.

A group led by an elusive,
dashing outlaw known only as

the Black Fox.

"The child lives. Death to the Tyrant.
The Black Fox."

The Black Fox again.

To the castle, quick.

My kingdom seething with revolt.

Cutthroats and assassins
in every tree.

Why must I be surrounded by fools?

Ravenhurst.

- Ravenhurst.
- Sire.

Could you have been so incompetent,

bungled so horribly, as to have
permitted that child to live?

Sire, there is no child.

My men assure me that none of
the royal family escaped alive.

Believe me, Sire, this is nonsense.

Nonsense? You call it
nonsense, Ravenhurst?

Is it nonsense that I cannot
ride in my own domain

without being murderously attacked?

My child, I came
within an inch of my life.

Oh, Father.

Each day, some new insurrection.

Who is this Black Fox?

Oh, just some ridiculous adventurer
with a handful of rabble.

Rabble today, but an army tomorrow.

We need help to wipe
them out, men and arms.

Aye, an alliance with our good friend
Griswold of the North.

Aye, alliance, and quickly.

He arrives tomorrow
for the great tournament.

- Alliance with Griswold?
- Sire, this rabble can be crushed.

Griswold has men and arms.

We need no uncouth
interloper from the north.

Uncouth, yes, but Griswold is strong.

Perhaps too strong.

Perhaps our friend Ravenhurst
fears an alliance

would put Griswold and not himself
at the King's right hand.

- You shall die for this.
- One of us will.

Stop. Stop, I say.

Put up your sword, you fool.

- Sire. But, Sire.
- Silence. Silence.

- Come, Sire.
- And you, too.

Must we quarrel amongst ourselves?

Do you think I could make alliance?

Griswold is rich.

What could I offer him?

That which he desires
most in the world.

Marriage, Sire.

With your daughter,
the Fair Gwendolyn.

Marriage with Griswold?

- Never.
- What's that you say?

He's a brute and a lout.

Brute or not, lout or not, if I so
decide, you will marry Griswold.

I will not.

I am the king.

If it pleases me,
you will marry Griswold.

If it pleases you so much,
you marry Griswold.

When I marry, I marry for love.

Someone dashing and romantic
who will carry me off

as a princess should be carried off.

Who fills your head with
this childish fiddle-faddle?

I know.

Griselda.

She of the evil eye.
Take the witch out and burn her.

Harm one hair of her head, and I
throw myself from the highest turret.

Gwendolyn, you go too far.

Dire news, Sire.

I've just come from the forest.

The child lives.

- The child lives?
- Aye, Sire.

How know you this is the royal child
and not some outrageous impostor?

Because, Sire, disguised as a member
of their group, I saw him,

and I can assure you that,
like his royal ancestors,

and on the same spot
as his royal ancestors,

he bears the royal birthmark.

The...

Purple pimpernel?

The purple pimpernel.

Then why stand you here,
you incompetent jackanapes?

To horse. To the forest.
Hunt them down.

Kill the infamous child
who claims to be the rightful king.

And destroy, forever, this traitorous
fiend who calls himself the Black Fox.

Only the sharpest eye,
the keenest nose

The quickest ear and the fleetest toes

Can ever outfox the Fox

They'll never outfox the Fox

Only the stoutest arm,
the bravest heart

With a magic charm
and a good head start

Will ever outfox the Fox

They'll never outfox the Fox

Those who try to tangle
with my derring-do

Wind up at the angle that herring do

They hold their head
like very dead herring do

Only a sprightly sprite,
the nimblest elf

The wickedest witch
or the devil himself

Can ever outfox the Fox

They'll never outfox the Fox

Whenever they try to find me

They find me where I am not

I'm hither and yon, I'm there and gone

I'm Johnny-Not-On-The-Spot

I'm out on a limb, they think

I'm down on the ground in a wink

My enemies say, "Gadzooks, it spooks!"

Shivering in their socks

They know that they'll never
I'm far too clever

They'll never outfox the Fox

The Fox, there's only one of me
Till suddenly, there's two of me

When two is what you see of me
Gadzooks!

Three of me

That's the proper score of me
Three of us is the core of me

And we can tell you

Sorry! Four of me

There's one of me, two of me,
three of me, four of me

Five, six, seven

Sorry, no more of me

Each as strong as ten are we

Very stout-hearted men are we

We're off to right a wrong

And we'll right it right or wrong

I'm hither and yon, I'm there and gone

I'm Johnny-Not-On-The-Spot

Only the sharpest eye,
the keenest nose

The quickest ear, the fleetest toes

Can ever outfox the Fox

Can ever outfox, can ever outfox

Can ever outfox the Fox

Any one of us can be

At any time the Fox

But I tell you confidentially

That I'm the Fox

No, I'm, no, I'm, no, I'm the Fox!

- Oh, I'm the Fox
- No, I'm the Fox

- Is he the Fox?
- No, me the Fox

- If he's the Fox
- Don't squeeze the Fox

- I'll choose the Fox
- Don't lose the Fox

Because no matter who's the Fox

They'll never, never, never, never

Never, never, never,
never, never, never

- Never outfox the Fox
- Never outfox the Fox

- Never outfox the Fox
- Never outfox the Fox

Never outfox the Fox

Hawkins. Hawkins.

Come here.

- You hurt yourself?
- Hawkins, you all right?

- Hope you're all right, Hawkins.
- Come here.

Sir.

Hawkins, how many times have I
told you to stay out of my clothes?

And who are these little people?

Well, these are my friends, sir. They
used to work with me at the carnival.

They're the finest troupe of acrobats
and tumblers in all of England.

But why did you bring them here?

Well, they too, would be
part of our group, sir.

They feel strongly as we do
about the tyranny

and would join in our worthy cause.

- Sir.
- Well, Captain?

The new recruits are arriving, sir.

Good. Hawkins,

I don't mean to be disparaging
to your little friends,

but weapons are limited, and...

Oh, I didn't intend
for them to fight, sir.

I merely thought that they would

take over my chores
of entertaining the men.

Then perhaps, I'd be free
to bear arms myself, sir,

and come to grips with the enemy
face to face,

and steel to steel.

Fist to fist, sir.

Little friends, I'm sorry,

but food and weapons are limited,
so, you see...

We'll do anything for Hawkins, sir.

He always was our friend.

I'm sorry.
There's no time to discuss it.

Please go.
Quickly and without detection.

Well, if you ever need us, call us.

Thank you. I shall.

- Bye, Hawkins.
- Bye, Hawkins.

Hawkins,

the recruits will be here in a moment.
Get the child.

The child.

I hate to keep mentioning this, sir...

Just get the child.

Well, sir, you know I'd do
anything for His Majesty,

but don't you think it would
look better if a woman...

Tend to your duty.

- And get out of my clothes.
- Yes, sir.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Sir, don't you think
it really would look better

if this kind of thing
were done by a woman?

I've told you repeatedly, Hawkins,
each one serves as best he can.

I know, sir, but when I ran away from
the carnival and joined your group,

I thought I'd be in the thick of it.

Robbing the rich
and giving to the poor.

Sir,

our presence is known.
The King's men are on their way.

We must disperse. Maid Jean.

- Yes, sir.
- You will see that the child

- is transported to the abbey in Dover.
- The usual method?

- The usual method.
- Come, Hawkins.

Yes, Captain.

The rest of you men, disperse.

Hawkins, hurry.

I'm putting the last touches
on right now.

Don't just stand there, man.
Make haste.

There.

Why do you stare?

I...

Beg pardon, Captain.

But I'm... I'm sorry, Captain.
I didn't mean to stare.

Each time I see you
as a woman, sir, I... I...

I mean, with your flowing hair...

Conceal the child.

- Quickly.
- Yes, Captain.

The King's men.

You know what to do, Hawkins.

Yes, Captain. I'll try.

Hold there.

Hold, I say.

Come down, old man.
We would talk to you.

You too, wench.

- What's that?
- Hurry along. This is King's business.

- Hey, what's the meaning of this?
- Come on.

What's the meaning of this?
What do you want of us?

Where go you, ancient one?
Who are you?

- What's that?
- Who are you?

- What's that?
- Who are you?

- Fine, thank you.
- No, no, no. Who?

Who? Who?

Who?

I'm Foutzingdale, the wine merchant,

and this is my little granddaughter.

Poor child, she's a mute.

She neither speaks nor hears
except through my fingers.

Child. No, no. Here.

Child... These...
These are the King's men.

Men of the King.

She says, "Long live the King,
and down with his..."

Long live the King, and down with...

Long...

A little harder, dear.

Long live the King,
and down with his...

Not quite so hard.

Long live the King,
and down with his enemies.

Enough. Have you seen a group
in the forest with a child?

- What's that? What?
- A child. A child.

A child. Child.

Lovely child.
Pretty little creature, isn't it?

But you stay away from her.

No, no. A child so big.

With a little mark on...

You do, and I'll break
every bone in your body.

Ask the... Ask the girl
if she's seen a group in the forest.

What's that? What?

Ask the girl
if she's seen a group in the forest.

- What do you... What?
- Ask the girl

- if she's seen a group in the forest.
- There's no need to holler, sir,

for I hear very well indeed.

- Well, ask her.
- Ask her what?

If she's seen a group in the forest.

Child, have you seen
a group in the forest?

- She says, "No."
- What took her so long?

Stutters.

Oh, we waste time with these dolts.

On your way. Off with you.

Oh, he's quite all right.

You were excellent, Hawkins.

You too, Captain.

We played our parts
extremely well, I thought.

You know, we should spend
a lot more time together.

For rehearsal, I mean.

There's a storm brewing.

We'll spend the night
in the woodman's hut.

Yes, Captain.

There, there.

I'll take you dreaming

Through the rainy night

To a place behind the raindrops

Where the stars are bright

You may not find gold or silver

But a richer prize waits for you

Behind the raindrops

If you'll close your eyes

Tonight

Tonight

When all the world's asleep

We will tiptoe home
with a wondrous star

A star you can always keep

And years from now,
when you go dreaming

When you're very old

Though your crown be rich with rubies

Diamonds set in gold

None will shine as bright

As the star we'll find

Tonight

Tonight

Tonight

When all the world's asleep

We will find a star

That you can always keep

His Majesty's asleep now.

We better get some sleep, too.

Over there.

There's only room for one.
I think you'd better take it.

We can both lie there.

If you get wet and ill, you'll be
no use to His Majesty at all.

Lie down.

Yes, Captain.

Wet.

Very.

There'd be more room
if you raised your arm.

The other one.

Sorry.

Hawkins.

Yes, Captain?

I'm sorry I...
I spoke in the manner I did.

I was wrong.

Yes, Captain.

There's something else
I'd like to say.

Yes?

I am a woman.

And I do have feelings.

I...

I find it hard to believe that

the Captain could ever be fond
of a man

who isn't a fighter.

Sometimes, tenderness and kindness
can also make a man.

A very rare man.

Could the Captain ever...

Could the Captain
ever entertain thoughts

of marriage with such a man?

Yes, Hawkins.

I think she could.

And would.

If things were different.

How different?

The infant on the throne

and our fight for freedom won.

Why does such a little girl
have to do such a big job?

It's the way I was brought up.

My father's influence.

You see, my father made me
everything I am.

He does beautiful work.

He taught me how to

love freedom,

hate injustice.

The use of weapons and how to fight.

In fact,

I think he... He really wanted me to

be a boy.

Too bad. You'd have
made a wonderful girl.

No. We daren't think of ourselves
until our fight is won.

Yes, but that could
take 20 years or more.

Or 20 hours.

If only we could put our plan
into operation.

Plan? Do we have a plan?

A handful of men could overthrow
the castle in a matter of hours.

You see, there's a secret passage
that starts in the forest

and tunnels underneath
the walls of the castle.

A secret passage.

But it's locked at both ends,

and the key
is in the King's possession.

In the King's possession.

If only we could have someone
inside the castle.

An intimate of the King
with access to his chambers.

With access to his chambers.

But that's impossible.

Now.

Good evening.

A thousand apologies
for this intrusion,

but may I beg shelter and warmth
from this miserable storm?

Who are you?

A stranger in this land,
young woman, but not for long.

I'm Giacomo of the continent,
the King's new jester.

- The court jester.
- Giacomo?

Giacomo the Incomparable.
King of jesters and jester of kings.

Well, where are you from?

Most recently, the Italian court.

But I've entertained
in all the courts of Europe

and speak a ready wit
in their every tongue.

Hawkins, we are, indeed, honored that
our humble hut should shelter one who,

tomorrow, will be
an intimate of the King.

With access to his chambers.

But how will they know you?

Are you sure that no one at the castle
has ever seen your face?

Not yet, but I assure you,
ere another sun has set,

the entire court of England
will succumb to the charm, wit,

and song of the Incomparable Giacomo,

King of jesters.

And jester to the King.

I'll take the child to the abbey.
You must go to the castle at once.

Quickly, into his clothes.

- What are we gonna do about him?
- I'll notify the Fox.

He'll be taken care of.

Now listen. Listen carefully.

Once inside the castle,
you must get to the King's chamber

and find the key
to the secret passage.

- Key to the passage.
- Then you must give it to the one man

inside the castle
who's our confederate.

Confederate.

You mean we already have
somebody inside the castle,

- one of our own?
- You will contact him by whistling

our secret call.

Whistle it, hum it, sing it.

But I don't understand.

If we already have somebody
inside the castle,

- why doesn't he get the key?
- You'll understand when you see him.

Now, he'll hear that
and identify himself.

- Can't you tell me his name?
- Should they discover you,

they might force you
to reveal his identity.

I'd like to ask you one question.

After months of pleading
for just this kind of action,

what makes you think anybody,

anybody could force me to reveal
the identity of my confederate?

Because they'd put you on the rack,
crack your every bone,

scald you with hot oil,
and remove the nails off your fingers

with flaming-hot pincers.

I'd like to withdraw the question.

Hawkins,

the future of England depends on this.

You cannot fail.

- I will not.
- Oh, heaven help you.

Now, remember, from this moment on,
you're no longer Hubert Hawkins,

the carnival entertainer.

You're the Incomparable Giacomo,

King of jesters
and jester to the King.

Jester to the King.

Jester to the King.

To the King?

The child escapes.
You hear that, Ravenhurst?

The child escapes.

Gwendolyn, dear,
do stop picking that thing.

The revolt spreads.

Brockhurst here
says alliance with Griswold.

Finsdale says alliance.
Pertwee says alliance.

And yet, you, Ravenhurst,

- you of all my ministers...
- Sire...

if milords Brockhurst, Finsdale

and Pertwee plead
so strongly for alliance,

then, by all means,
let us have such alliance.

A marriage between Sir Griswold
and the Princess Gwendolyn.

You're quite right.

Never. Never marriage with Griswold.

- Be sensible.
- Sensible?

I've seen this monster.

And it's not for nothing he's called

the "Grim and Grisly
Gruesome Griswold."

Grim, grisly, or gruesome,
you marry Griswold.

- I'll die first.
- Go to your chambers.

Good. It is done.

Arrange for the wedding
directly after the tournament.

We'll make a show of this.

You there, go hence.

Scour the countryside, bring in
the fairest wenches in the land.

Mind you,
see that they are the fairest.

Wenches, laughter, song...
That's what this court needs.

Indeed, Sire,
and the good Giacomo will provide it.

Giacomo? Who's Giacomo?

He's the new jester I've sent for.

By reputation, the gayest
and wittiest entertainer in Europe.

Splendid.

What a festival this will be.

Jousting by our boldest knights,
wenches at our beck and call.

My daughter married to Griswold,

who will take her
to a castle up north.

Way up north.

My gentle lords,
you make me very happy.

They have won.

For the moment, yes,

but the King is guided
by the last voice he hears,

and that voice shall be mine.

Giacomo will see to that.

Giacomo? A mere jester?

With one special talent, for which
my agent has bargained dearly.

In addition to his brilliance
as an entertainer,

the jester Giacomo also happens
to be the world's most skillful,

devious and subtle master
of the art of assassination.

So Hawkins becomes
the Incomparable Giacomo.

And heads towards the castle,
while the Maid Jean,

with the infant King
still hidden in the wine cask,

journeys towards the abbey,
and safety for the child.

Their plan seemed simple enough,

but the simplest plans
so often go amiss.

For at the very moment
Hawkins was delayed on the road,

the Maid Jean was to run afoul
of the King's men,

who were scouring the countryside
for the fairest wenches in the land.

And so Jean and the precious wine cart

were taken and sent to the castle

before Hawkins had even completed
repairing his wheel.

Hold there.

What's that?

Welcome, Giacomo.

We have come to escort you
to the castle. We...

Haven't we met before?

It's not very likely, my good man.

You see, I'm on my way back
from the Italian court.

How speak you the King's English
with no trace of accent?

My dear sir, Giacomo is the master
of many, many tongues, indeed.

French.

Italian.

German.

Which means, in any language,

"Why tarry? Let us off to the castle."

- Off to the castle?
- Off to the castle.

To the castle.

- Quick. The infant.
- The infant? Where?

Hustle them in. Hustle them in.

The child is in the cask.

In the cask?

You must get him to the jester.

But the jester hasn't arrived yet.

Well, something must have gone wrong.

You look after the child.

I'll have to get the key myself.

- But how?
- I don't...

Come along there, wench.

My heart knows a lovely song...

So this is the Incomparable Giacomo.

He looks not at all
like what I expected.

And this singing peacock will still
the voices of Brockhurst, Finsdale,

and Pertwee?

Before midnight,
if he fulfills his bargain.

You sent for me, milady?

Lock it.

What is it, child?

Something wrong, milady?

Drink.

A brew of your own concocting.

Before I marry Griswold,
I will die, and so will you.

- Drink.
- No.

Don't despair, child.
You will not marry Griswold.

I've told you,
it was written in the stars.

Your true love will come yet,
I promise you.

Drink. You lie.

Would I lie to you, child?
Your own Griselda?

Look at me. Look in my eyes.

Try not your wiles on me, witch.

Too often, have I seen
people look in those eyes

and fall under your evil spell.
You will die for your deceit.

Filling my head with fairy stories
of a romantic lover,

a lover who would carry me away
from this monstrous castle.

And so he shall.

He comes even now.

- You lie.
- I swear it, Your Highness. Look.

If this be another one
of your tricks...

Trust me. Look.

Look. Near the drawbridge.

It whistles it all day long...

"King of jesters. Jester of kings."

- He is most fair of countenance.
- He is.

- Handsome of bearing.
- Like Apollo of the Greeks.

- A figure of romance.
- Sent by the gods, and for you alone.

Now, mark this, creature of evil,

if this be not my true love,

and I am faced
with marriage to Griswold,

you will die, and by my hand.

Fear not, milady.

Your lover will be here,
in this room, within the hour.

And he will prove that
his is a mission of love.

For your sake, dear Griselda...

he had better.

I'm Giacomo

Giacomo

My fame before me rings
the King of jesters

And jester of kings

My heart knows a lovely song

It whistles it all day long

Giacomo is my nom de plume

I whistle and hum, but I hum to whom?

To whom do I hum?

To whom?

My song of love,
let the whole world hear

Until that sweet moment, that moment

When you appear

I'll whisper it in your ear

I bid you welcome. I am Ravenhurst.

Ravenhurst.

Ravenhurst?

- The real Ravenhurst?
- What?

I mean, does the King know?
Does the King know

- about you being the real Ravenhurst?
- Keep your jests for the King.

Don't stand there gaping.

You, Fergus, and the others,
get the jester's bags.

You've arrived not a moment too soon.

- When do we start?
- Tonight.

Good. I'd like to get in,
get on with it,

get it over with, get out. Get it?

- Got it.
- Good.

That was an interesting song
you sing.

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it,
old man.

Did it go like this?

Hostler, about your business.

What is the first step?

Get me to the King's chambers.

- King's chambers?
- Yes.

Very well, if you say so.

That may be the key to the whole plan.
Get it?

- Got it.
- Good.

Yes, yes.
I'll see Griswold's emissaries.

But for the moment,
there are other matters.

I understand the wenches
have arrived. Where are they?

- What have we here?
- Sire, may I present

the Incomparable Giacomo?

King of jesters and jester of kings.

Oh, yes. From Italy.
I haven't been there for years.

Tell me. How go things
at the Italian court?

- Very well indeed, Sire.
- Splendid, splendid.

What about all those
stories we've heard?

Wasn't it awful about
the Duchess of Erba?

Oh, just... Just awful, Sire.

I ask you, how could
a thing like that happen?

Well, Sire,
you know the Italian court.

What better place to court Italians?

Italian court. Court Italians.

Oh, Ravenhurst, the fellow has wit.

I must say, I was shocked
to hear about the Duchess.

What did the Duke do?

- Pardon?
- The Duke. What did the Duke do?

- The Duke do?
- Yes. And what about the doge?

- The doge.
- Well, what did the doge do?

- The doge do?
- Yes, the doge do.

Well, the doge did what a doge does...

When the doge does his duty
to a Duke, that is.

- What? What's that?
- Oh, it's very simple, Sire.

When the doge did his duty
and the Duke didn't,

that's when the Duchess did the dirt
to the Duke with the doge.

- Who did what to what?
- They all did, Sire.

There they were in the dark.

The Duke with his dagger,
doge with his dart,

the Duchess with her dirk.

- Duchess with her dirk?
- Yes.

The Duchess dug at the Duke
when the Duke dove at the doge.

The Duke ducked, the doge
dodged, and the Duchess didn't.

So, the Duke got the Duchess,
Duchess got the doge,

and the doge got the Duke.

Curious. I... I... I...

What... All I heard was that
the Duchess had a siege of rheumatism.

- She's 83.
- Come next summer, Sire.

- So is the Duke?
- So is the Duke.

Remarkable, those Italians.

Made the whole thing up, didn't you?

Very witty, very clever.

Just what this court needs,
laughter, gaiety, song, wenches.

Oh, yes, wenches.

I'm just on my way
to inspect the lot of them.

Who knows? I may find some luscious...

Sire,

if I may suggest, it ill befits
the propriety of your high office

to be seen with these unkempt wenches.

- What?
- It is said the Incomparable Giacomo

has a discerning eye for beauty.

Why not let him select a suitable
companion for Your Majesty?

Excellent, excellent.

I trust the jester's reputation

is based upon many years
of accomplishment?

Why do you think they
call me "Incomparable," Sire? Get it?

- Got it.
- Good.

Bring her to my chambers.

- Within the hour?
- Within the hour.

Finish with the King,
and come to my chambers.

Within the hour.

- About that song, sir...
- Some other time, my good man.

Fergus, get on with your work.

Good Captain will escort you
to your quarters.

Very well.

- Are you sure we haven't met before?
- Quite sure.

Within the hour.

Your Giacomo seems more
the fool than the assassin.

Or perchance,
a brilliant combination of both.

We shall see.

I'm Giacomo, Giacomo

My fame before me rings

King of jesters and jester of kings

- What are you doing here?
- I'm Fergus, the hostler.

- Who-gus the what-sler?
- Fergus, the hostler.

It is I, not Ravenhurst,
who is your friend.

Look, my good man, you pick
your friends, and I shall pick mine.

At the moment, I have a very important
mission with the King.

After all,
I'm the Incomparable Giacomo,

King of jesters and jester of kings.

I've entertained
in all the courts of Europe

and speak a ready wit
in their every tongue.

- Who are you?
- I am Griselda.

- Gri-who-Ida?
- Griselda.

I bring you a message
from the princess.

- The royal princess?
- She finds you most attractive

- and would like to meet you.
- Me?

Yes. She finds you passing fair,
passing graceful.

Well, tell her thank you very much,
but I'm just passing through.

One does not ordinarily
refuse a princess.

One doesn't ordinarily, but you see...

Is it possible there's someone
else of whom you are fond?

- Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.
- Giacomo, would you look in my eye?

- Eye?
- Yes, it's been troubling me,

and I thought that the great Giacomo
would have a knowledge of science.

Science. Well, yes,
as a matter of fact,

I've a great deal
of scientific knowledge.

- We have... Which eye?
- Both.

Look at them both.

Closer, closer. Deeper, deeper.

Deeper, deeper.

Tails of lizards, ears of swine,

chicken gizzards soaked in brine,

now thine eyes and mine entwine,

thy will is broken, thou art mine.

Repeat after me,
"I am craven, and thou art my master."

I am craven, and thou art my master.

- Stand there, fool.
- Stand there, fool.

- Silence.
- Silence.

You are in my power
and will obey my every command.

- Every command.
- And remember,

any time I choose,
a mere snap of the fingers

can bring you out
of the spell like this

and back like that.

- Do you understand, fool?
- Yes, master.

You can snap me in and snap me out.

Now, listen closely.

First and foremost, you must convince
the girl that this is a miracle,

that you've been sent by the gods.

To do that, you must go
to her room and make love.

Go and make love to the princess.

- The princess.
- At once.

Wait, not like that.

You are a figure of romance,
of spirit and action,

but at the same time,
humble and tender.

You are a man of iron
with the soul of a poet.

You are adventurous, gay,

but with a lover's
brooding melancholy.

And above all, you must show passion.

Show passion. Not me, you fool.

Now go. Make love.

Climb the vine to the tower
where your love awaits you.

But above all, remember,
you must be cavalier, dashing.

Fear not, master.
Once I'm up the thorny vine,

the regal maiden shall be mine.

Fear not, master.

Hawkins.

You got here.

Well, of course I got here,
my silly little goose.

Thank heaven.

You'll have to wait your turn
like the others.

Good, good. You're doing it well.
Have you heard the change of plan?

- Here. Take this.
- I just told you, dear,

- you'll just have to wait your turn.
- Now, don't overdo it.

- Fergus will bring you the infant.
- Well, well, Giacomo.

Successful so soon.

Truly as dainty a dish
as ever was set before a king.

About your business.
I would have a word with the maid.

Your Majesty.

What is your name, child?

- Jean, Sire.
- Jean.

A lovely name for a lovely face.

See that she's jeweled and gowned.

She shall sit next to me
at the banquet tonight.

You. You've come.

At your service, milady.

So this is Giacomo,
King of jesters and jester of kings.

Not today, milady.

Today, I am Giacomo,
a lover of beauty.

And a beauty of a lover.

Can this be true,
or is it merely a dream?

Dream? Is this a dream?

Or this? Or this?

- Or this? Or this?
- Oh, no, no, no.

We are strangers, hardly met.

What manner of man are you, Giacomo?

What manner of man is Giacomo?

I shall tell you
what manner of man is he.

He lives for a sigh.
He dies for a kiss.

He lusts for a laugh.

He never walks when he can leap.

He never flees when he can fight.

He swoons at the beauty of a rose,
and I offer myself to you.

All of me, my heart, my lips,
my legs, my calves.

Do what you will. My love endures.

Beat me. Kick me.

- I am yours.
- Oh, Giacomo, you are so ardent.

With your permission, milady,
I'd like to go around again.

Oh, no, Giacomo. We must be discreet.

Discretion is for fools
and simpletons.

This cannot be.

Miracles are things of fancy,
and lovers are not sent by the gods.

Speak not too lightly, my love.

Who are we to say nay to miracles?

But one doesn't find love
in one moment, one kiss.

That key, where did you find it?

- Key?
- It is a miracle.

The gods who sent you have also
provided a means to our escape.

This is the key
to the secret passageway.

- Grand. We leave at midnight. Get it?
- Got it.

Good. Very good.

Oh, no, my precious.

I'll keep it next to my heart.
A sweet symbol of your love.

And take this, a sweet symbol of mine.

I'll wear it, always,
next to my heart.

Gwendolyn, are you there?
I would have words with you.

- My father. You must hide.
- Hide?

Giacomo hides for no man.

But you must. He'd kill any man
found in my chambers.

Be he king or peasant,
my ready blade shall find its mark.

I'll... I'll... I live for a sigh.

I die for a kiss. I lust for a laugh.

- Quickly...
- What?

...or our lives aren't worth that.

Don't be frightened.

Are you alone, my dear?
I thought I heard voices.

- Yes, I'm quite alone, Father.
- Listen, my child.

- The King.
- I've just met Griswold's emissary,

- and the marriage is approved.
- You know very well, Father,

that when I marry,
I marry only for love.

I knew you'd say that.
Now, Gwendolyn, do be reasonable.

Don't you realize
that without this alliance,

our prestige, our power,
our position could go like that?

- Well, then, let it go like that.
- I wish you to marry Griswold.

And suppose I do not
wish to marry Griswold?

- I don't give a fig for your wishes.
- And I don't give a fig for yours.

No one snaps at the king.
Don't snap at me.

- I'll snap if I choose.
- Don't you dare snap at me.

- I will snap.
- You won't.

Understand this, my child.

This castle has walls high and strong,

with massive gates under lock and key.

Whilst you remain within those walls,
and I am the king,

you will obey my commands.

Very well, Father.

Perhaps I have been selfish
and thoughtless.

Oh, my child.

I knew I could depend upon you,
because you are a princess.

A true princess, loyal to the crown.

Sympathetic, sensitive, faithful...

The key to the secret passage.

- Let me have it.
- So, you'd run away?

Well, you trick me not.
This key will never leave my person.

You will marry Griswold
upon the morrow.

And I promise you, daughter or not,
princess or not,

one move, one false move,
and your neck will snap like a twig.

Where is he?
Giacomo hides not behind drapes.

- No, no, no. You must go.
- I'll cut him to ribbons.

No, we'll escape tonight
after the banquet.

Very well, my sweet. Until tonight.

- Very good.
- Do be cautious, sweet Giacomo.

Caution is for popinjays
and cockatoos.

Begging your pardon.
Until tonight, my sweet.

But you heard what my father said.

If caught,
our necks will snap like twigs.

- Like what?
- Twigs.

Twigs? Speak not of twigs
when you look at an oak.

Until tonight, my little sapling.

If Giacomo says he'll be here
within the hour,

he will be here within the hour.

At your service, milord.

Your arrival, good Giacomo,
shows imagination and brilliance.

Did you expect less?

Are you now prepared
to fulfill the bargain

arranged by my agent
Sir Bertram of Allenberg?

- Quite.
- Very well, then.

- There are two plans.
- Two plans.

Plan one, the untimely demise
of milords Brockhurst,

Finsdale and Pertwee.
These three must die tonight.

Three for tonight. Proceed.

The method I leave to you,
but die they must.

- They shall drop like flies.
- Precisely.

Like flies.

- Do you have some sort of twitch?
- Twitch?

I twitch only for action.

I live for a sigh. I die for a kiss.

- I like that very much.
- Thank you. I lust for a laugh.

- Yes, but...
- I never leap when I can walk.

I never flee when I can fight. Pardon?

But listen carefully.

If plan one fails,
you must execute plan two.

- Plan two?
- Take the princess from the castle

before midnight,
by whatever means you may devise.

For murder or abduction, I'm your man.

You've paid the price, name your plan.

First, plan one.

Are you sure
you can dispose of milords

Brockhurst, Finsdale and Pertwee?

- Are they married?
- Yes.

Order flowers for the widows. Get it?

- Got it.
- Good.

Tally-ho.

- Master, I am back.
- Well?

I have climbed the thorny vine,
and the regal maiden is mine.

Good.

Now, when I release you
from the spell,

you will fall into a deep sleep
and remember nothing.

- Nothing.
- Look into my eye.

Deeper, deeper.

Milords.

I understand the marriage of
the Princess Gwendolyn to Sir Griswold

will be announced tonight.

My congratulations.

There's something afoot.

He's far too confident.

- If this alliance fails, we are lost.
- It must not fail.

Let us solemnly pledge
that we will permit nothing

to interfere with the marriage of
Griswold to the Princess Gwendolyn.

- I so pledge.
- And I.

Though it cost our very lives.

- Our very lives.
- Our very lives.

Please stop your picking and fussing.
I must breathe some air.

- But, madam...
- All afternoon

without a moment's peace.

I just learned of your whereabouts.
What happened?

Never mind that.
You must take the child to the jester.

- To the jester?
- Immediately. He has the key.

- He's under the spell of...
- Silence. Take him the child at once.

- It's my command.
- But... But...

The jester. Where is the jester?
Summon him immediately.

Very good, Sire.

- Jester.
- Coming.

Come quickly, man.
The King is waiting.

Yes, sir.
Have you seen Ravenhurst about?

He's somewhere about, yes.

I was supposed to see Ravenhurst
on some rather urgent business,

but I fell asleep.
I don't quite remember what happened.

Giacomo, a striking costume, indeed.

- From the Italian court, I presume.
- Yes, Sire, Italian court.

What better place to

- court Italians.
- Court Italians.

This will be a festive evening.

Noble knights to joust
at my tournament...

Come along... And by my side,
a lovely little wench

who I'm sure will fulfill
every promise of your discerning eye.

Look at her.

Charming.

Charming, Giacomo, charming.

A tribute to you, my dear Giacomo.

Come here, my child.

Come.

Your Majesty.

Was there ever more beauty?

More radiance?

Rise, child.

The sweetness of your smile
outshines the elegance of your gown.

Thank you, Sire.

Would you attend me?

You're most gracious, Sire.

- Quickly, use the key.
- Key?

Remember, plan one,
Brockhurst, Finsdale and Pertwee.

Brockhurst, Finsdale and Pertwee.

Midnight. Horses at the north gate.

Horses at the north gate.

Summon the jester.

Where are you going?
Didn't you hear the King?

Cover your head.

Get in there.

Come, come, Giacomo.
Let us be gay. I would have a song.

- Song?
- Has the cat your tongue?

No, I...

What do you carry there?
Why the basket?

Basket? What basket, sir?

What basket, indeed.

Come, boy, come. Show me
what you have in the basket.

Well, I...

Come on. Show me what
you have in the basket.

- Basket?
- Yes, and what about that song?

The song, Sire? The song?

If Your Majesty doth ask it
I will tell about the basket

With a willow, willow, wailey
and a nonny, nonny

What's that? With a what?

With a willow, willow, wailey
and a nonny, nonny

- What are you "loo-loo-looing" about?
- I'm not "loo-loo-looing," Sire.

- I'm "willow, willow, waileying."
- Oh, all right. All right.

Willow away, willow away.

We will willow it away

With a willow, willow, willow

We will willow it away

With a willow, willow, wailey
we will sing about it gaily

With a willow, willow, wailey
and a hey, nonny...

No.

Come back here.

What have you there?
What have you in the basket?

The basket?
Oh, Sire, it's nothing, Sire.

Merely a jester's bag of tricks, Sire.

It's a secret, Sire. Yes.

A deep, dark secret,

which has never before been revealed
to anybody in the world, Sire,

but I...

I... I am prepared
to make a statement.

When I was a lad, I was gloomy and sad

As I was from the day I was born

When other babes giggled
and gurgled and wiggled

I, proudly, was loudly forlorn

My friends and my family
looked at me clammily

Thought there was something amiss

When others found
various antics hilarious

All I could manage was this

Or this Or this

Or this

My father, he shouted,
"He needs to be clouted

"His teeth on a wreath I'll hand him"

My mother, she cried
as she rushed to my side

"You're a brute,
and you don't understand him"

So they sent for a witch
with a terrible twitch

To ask how my future impressed her

She took one look at me and cried

He?

What else could he be but a jester?

A jester, a jester

A funny idea, a jester

No butcher, no baker,
no candlestick maker

And me with the look of a fine
undertaker impressed her

As a jester?

But where could I learn
any comical turn?

It was not in a book on the shelf

No teacher to take me
to mold me and make me

A merry man, fool, or an elf

But I'm proud to recall
that in no time at all

With no other recourses
but my own resources

With firm application
and determination

I made a fool of myself

I found a bow and arrow
and I learned to shoot.

Found a little horn
and learned to toot.

Now I can shoot and toot.
Ain't I cute?

I started to travel to try to unravel

My mind and to find a new chance

When I got to Spain
It was suddenly plain

That the field that
appealed was the dance

The Spanish were clannish,
but I wouldn't vanish

I learned every step they had planned

The first step of all
wasn't hard to recall

'Cause the first step
of all is to stand

And stand

And stand

And stand

...His Majesty, please.

Julio.

I was badly abused

But the King was amused

And before his siesta
he made me his jester

And I found out soon
that to be a buffoon

Was a serious thing, as a rule

For a jester's chief employment

Is to kill himself for your enjoyment

And a jester unemployed

Is nobody's fool

Tend to your duties.
Serve your drinks.

Hold it with that basket.
Let's have a look.

A toast.

A toast.
A toast to His Most Royal Highness.

To Roderick I
for all that he has done,

for this great England of ours.

May providence provide
a true and just reward.

To the King.

To the King. To His Majesty.

Brockhurst.

Brilliant.

Finsdale.

Magnificent.

Pertwee.

Fantastic.

Brockhurst, Finsdale, Pertwee.

They're all dead, Sire.

As you said, flowers for the widows.

Dead? Murdered?

And by whose hand?
And who may be next?

Sir Griswold of McElwaine
is approaching the castle.

And just in time.

He comes not a moment too soon.

Bid Sir Griswold enter.

Plan two.

Plan two?

Plan two.

Get those bodies out of here.

Quick, take him to safety.

Get those goblets away.

No, not you, jester. Not you.

Come here. Come here, boy.
Come here. Sit here by me.

Sir Griswold of McElwaine.

Approach, Sir Griswold.

Lighten the mood, jester.
A note of welcome for Sir Griswold.

My liege lord.

Sir Griswold of McElwaine,
I bid thee welcome.

Oh, welcome, Sir Griswold,
your beard is full of hair

But do I say welcome

Or do I say...

Sire, my emissary did report,

and I proudly accept your terms.

The terms, the terms

He doth accept the terms

He looks not smart, but...

Excellent, excellent.
Members of the court,

know you that the crown would make
a most felicitous announcement

concerning the defense
and security of our great kingdom.

I would have you know that, today,
was an alliance consummated

between the crown and our honored
and valiant baron,

Sir Griswold of McElwaine.

And the terms, the terms...

- We've already had the terms.
- Oh, yes.

To cement this alliance,
I have decreed a royal marriage,

between Sir Griswold of McElwaine
and Gwendolyn the Fair.

Rejoice, rejoice

Although his brain is brief

For when the larder's empty,
she'll have her ton of beef

Would you like to try
the other side, Sire?

Thank you, Sire.

What say our gallant Griswold?

Sire, princess fair.

From this moment on,
this hand, this steel,

this heart, will exist for naught
but the love of the lady...

Save your breath, Griswold.

There will be no alliance
and no marriage.

What's that?

I cannot marry Griswold, Father.

- I love another.
- Another?

Another, another...

What is this nonsense?
What do you mean, you love another?

Simply that, Father.

A miracle has happened
to fulfill my every dream.

I have found my love, Father.

My true love.

- Who is this man?
- One to whom I have given

both my heart and my hand.

He who, even now,
wears my silken handkerchief

next to his heart.

- What's that?
- What's that?

Her heart, her hand

She holds for joy or grief

But he who holds her hand,
holds her heart-kerchief

The handkerchief, her handker-heart

Heart-kerchief... hand...

Who is this man? His name.

The man I love is a simple man
but noble of heart.

- My beloved Giacomo.
- What?

She's named his name
and now his blood must flow

Light up the oil, this man must boil

This man named Giacomo?

Oh, no.

Seize this wretch and search him.

I'm... This is all a mistake, Sire.

I don't have a heart-kerchief.

A handker-heart.
I don't have... This...

A handkerchief. "G."

- Gwendolyn.
- No, Sire. "G," Giacomo.

Shield me not, sweet Giacomo,
our love makes me strong.

Love for a common jester?

- Take the swine out and hang him.
- Harm one hair of that majestic head,

and I throw myself
from the highest turret.

Enough of this.

How much insult must I endure?
Come, men.

Hold, Sir Griswold.
Your honor will be avenged.

How? Were that wretch of noble rank,

I would challenge him
to combat mortal.

But I would not deign to soil my blade

with his miserable common blood.

He's right, you know, Sire?
Rules of chivalry, you know?

Rules of chivalry be hanged,
and so will you.

She'll jump.

- Come, men.
- Hold, Sir Griswold.

You will stay until the morrow.
It is my command.

- Till the morrow, Sire.
- You, Gwendolyn, to your chambers.

Be brave, sweet Giacomo.

Throw this blackguard in chains.

Is he not fabulous?

To go from plan one to plan two
without a moment's pause.

The man is pure genius.

Sir Griswold will never tolerate
this insult.

Milords, to your chambers.
Ponder this problem.

A solution must be found
ere we meet in council tomorrow.

Sire.

Welcome home, Sir Bertram.

You saw the jester's performance?

When I sent you to negotiate
with Giacomo,

I never expected results like this.

Was he not brilliant?

Indeed.

With one slight discrepancy.

This man is not Giacomo.

- What?
- I know not this pretender,

but I assure you,
he is not the Giacomo

I met and negotiated with in Europe.

I tell you I've seen this man before,
and somehow, that maid.

What did I tell you?

What plan now?

To my chambers immediately.

But if he's not Giacomo,

who can he be, and what does he want?

Why would he do our every bidding?

Why work to destroy the alliance?

Why would he murder
with the cunning of a fox?

A fox.

But of course, a fox. A black fox.

- But you don't think that...
- Why not?

Who else would oppose Griswold
and want the alliance destroyed,

but that rabble in the forest?

The forest...

That's where I saw him, dressed as
an old man riding into the forest

with the very wench
who sat beside the King tonight.

My lords, what a prize.

The Black Fox himself.

Expose him. You'll get all the credit.

Not so fast.

Not until the Fox pays us
one last service.

He'll rid us, forever,
of the barbaric Griswold.

Kill Griswold? But how?

Whose is the deadliest
blade in England?

Who is the only man alive
who can best Griswold

in mortal combat? Only the Black Fox.

But the Fox is a commoner
and cannot fight in tournament.

We shall see.

No, Ravenhurst, I do not understand.

What do you mean, Griswold, himself,
suggested a solution?

You, yourself, heard him, Sire.
He said were the jester of noble rank,

he'd challenge him to combat.

But the jester cannot fight
in tournament. He's a commoner.

- Then, Sire, knight the jester.
- Knight the jester?

Griswold can then challenge him for
the hand of the Princess Gwendolyn,

and by the rules of chivalry,
she must wed the victor.

Knight the jester.

Sir Griswold will challenge him.
He dare not refuse.

They meet at the tournament tomorrow,

Sir Griswold's lance
runs the jester through,

and the marriage
and the alliance proceed.

Yes?

- Magnificent.
- Thank you, Sire.

But Your Majesty,
knighthood is an arduous ritual.

It would take three years
to knight the jester.

Three years? Nonsense.

Ravenhurst, take that nincompoop

and knight that nincompoop
by noon tomorrow.

Sire.

"By order of His Sovereign Majesty,
the jester Giacomo shall enter upon

"a series of tests of manhood,
skill and courage,

"requisite to his becoming
a knight of the realm."

Me, a knight? But why?

To make you eligible for the hand
of the Princess Gwendolyn.

Marry the princess? When?

Upon your passing each and every test.

Oh, well, that's different.
It takes four or five years

- to become a knight, doesn't it?
- We shall see. Let the tests begin.

Wait. What's the hurry? I'm...

"He must scale a stone wall
in full armor."

The candidate passes.

I didn't...

"With longbow,
he must slay a hawk in full flight."

- He passes.
- But I didn't even shoot...

- The candidate passes.
- But I didn't shoot the arrow...

I didn't pass...

"The candidate must conquer
a wild boar with his bare hands."

Release the boar.

He passes.

No one enters, by the King's command.

But this is the King's command.

Maid Jean, welcome.

What brings you here at this hour?

Concern for you, Sire.

You were so distressed last evening

that I thought, perhaps,
I could comfort you,

ease the burdens of state.

Don't tug it, idiot.

That's very considerate of you,
my dear.

I shall take advantage
of your delightful offer.

Perhaps, this evening?

Why tarry, Sire?

I am most accomplished
on matters of appearance

and would gladly free these young men

for more important chores elsewhere.

Well, that's very kind of you, but...

Oh, yes.

Pages, I'm sure you have some
very important business to attend.

Now then, Sire, we have to get you
ready for the ceremony.

- But, my dear...
- Now, there.

You can't imagine my feelings

when I touch the head of a man

who calls himself the King of England,

who is the King of England,

and very handsome too, Sire.

On the day of your first tournament.

There you are.

- Where?
- Now I must go, Sire.

- Now, wait, dear. Wait.
- You have to get to your ceremony.

But there's no hurry.

We can't start until the jester's
been made ready.

- The jester?
- Yes.

Haven't you heard?
We're knighting the poor fool.

- Knighting the jester?
- Yes. You'd never guess why.

- So that he can marry the princess.
- Well, that's what the fool thinks,

but the moment I dub him knight,
Griswold will challenge him

- for the hand of my daughter.
- In mortal combat?

Yes, isn't it delicious?

He dare not refuse,
they meet at lists,

and Sir Griswold's lance
runs the jester through

as a fitting climax to a glorious day.

Oh, my dear,
you are a delicate, lovely creature.

Tell me, does it bother you
that I may be a few years your senior?

Oh, no, Sire. Not really.

In fact, you remind me so much of
my dear and recently departed father.

Your father, yes.
Was he a handsome figure of a man,

- dashing, attractive?
- Oh, yes, Sire.

Till the scourge
brought about his untimely end.

- Come here, my dear.
- What a horrible death.

- A little closer.
- I can see him now,

writhing on the floor in agony,
like so many of his brothers

and cousins and uncles and aunts.

Would you grant the King
a little kiss?

Oh, certainly, Sire. And don't worry.

They say it isn't catching.

Oh, you are a little...

- Catching?
- Just because it runs in the family

doesn't mean that everyone has it.

- Kiss me, Sire.
- Has it? Has what?

- Don't I please you, Sire?
- Oh, yes, yes,

but these brothers
and cousins and uncles...

And aunts. Let us not talk about their
swollen, twisted, pain-ridden bodies.

Hold me. Take me in your arms.

Tell me I am yours.

But this...
This writhing on the floor...

- In agony.
- Yes. What's...

How does one catch this thing?

Oh, the touch of a hand,
the brush of a lip,

but let us not spoil
this moment, Sire.

Hold me. Hold me close.

What's this monstrous thing called?

Breckenridge's scourge.

Who's Breckenridge?

My father.

You must excuse me, dear,
I'm feeling... Feeling rather poorly.

Sire, the ceremony is ready.

Oh, very well. I must go now, my dear,
and so must you.

Quickly.

And dear, don't touch anything.

- Where's the jester?
- Get the key?

- Yes, here it is.
- It must be sent by pigeon

- to the Black Fox at once.
- Let the jester take it and escape.

- They plan to kill him.
- It would never get there in time.

The bird's our only chance.

He who approaches,

deem you him worthy
of noble knighthood?

Yea, verily, yea.

- How many more before the jester?
- Just this one, Sire.

...fealty, loyalty, moisten his lips
with the vigorous wine.

Yea, verily, yea.

Yea, verily, yea.

Now as the symbol
of honor and dignity,

let us beplume him
and helmet his brow.

Yea, verily, yea.

- Yea, verily, yea.
- Sire, this storm bodes ill.

It might drench the field
and delay the tournament.

Fetch the jester and run him through
the ritual as quickly as possible.

- But, Sire, custom...
- Custom be hanged.

Fetch him and run him through.

Let him prepare...

A message for the jester.

From the King.

He requests you do this at once.

At once.

He who approacheth,

deem you him ready
for noble knighthood?

Yea.

Yea, yea.

Hath he passed all tests of valor?

Yea, verily, yea.

Now doth he flower with true nobility?

Yea, verily, yea.

Reveal him now to his sovereign liege.

Yea, verily, yea.

- Yea?
- Faster.

- Faster.
- Faster.

Provide now as a symbol
of fealty, loyalty,

moisten his lips
with the vigorous wine.

Yea, verily, yea.

Now hath he pledged all fealty,
loyalty, courage and vigor

- and valorous strength.
- Yea.

Now as a symbol of honor and dignity,

let us beplume him
and helmet his brow.

Yea, verily, yea.

Yea, verily, yea.

He who is girded
and plumed and helmeted,

let him prepare be now for his vow.

- Yea.
- Let him encircled be now

by his peers with whom he will share
all his glorious years.

Considering the virtuous
fidelity you have shown

and the honorable exploits
that you have done.

- Having given proof of that honor...
- But, Sire, I didn't...

And always, as is the part
of a good and faithful subject,

I hereby dub thee knight of the realm,

defender of the soil,
protector of the crown,

and a fit consort
for the Princess Gwendolyn the Fair.

Arise, Sir Giacomo.

Now, if any knight present
objects to this marriage,

let him now step forward
or forever hold his tongue.

I.

I, Griswold of McElwaine,
do so object.

- Very good. You hear that?
- I, too, love the princess

and would fight for her hand.

I hereby challenge in mortal combat,
Giacomo.

Giacomo. Knight to the realm,
defender of the soil,

and protector of the crown.

You won't have to fight.
I'll send a message.

The Black Fox will come
and fight in your place.

- Black Fox?
- Get up. Accept the challenge.

- Black Fox, huh?
- Yes.

- He'll come and fight in my place?
- Yes.

- You're sure he'll come?
- Yes.

Well, if it's mortal combat you want,
then mortal combat you shall have.

And at the hands of Giacomo,

knight of the realm,
defender of the soil,

protector of the crown...

Protector of the crown.

Good stock.

Good battle. Goodbye.

Your escorts,
to see you safely to the lists.

To the lists?

Very clever, Father.

Well, chivalry is chivalry, you know.

Yes, I know.

May the best man win.

Remember this.

If he dies, you die.

To the Fox, at once.

We have bigger game.

Get him.

Sir.

Griswold has challenged
the jester to mortal combat.

- The jester?
- Yes. The Maid Jean requests

that you come and fight in his stead.

The timbers have fallen,
and great rocks block the passage.

- Can it be cleared?
- Impossible.

With no passage,
we can make no diversion.

And with no diversion, no attack.

- Is there any opening?
- No more than that, sir.

Barely enough for a child.

A child. A child, or...

Or perhaps... My horse.

- Where go you, to save Hawkins?
- No, to save England.

- Then Hawkins must die.
- Yes.

But if my plan succeeds, I assure you,

Hubert Hawkins
will not have died in vain.

By order of
His Sovereign Lord Highness,

King Roderick I,

this royal tournament
is officially begun.

Where's the Black Fox?
What's delayed him?

There's rain in the hills.
Perhaps the river is swollen.

He'll be taking the coast road.
You'd better have a look.

Good stock.

The first contest
will be a battle to the death

for the hand of the Fair Gwendolyn.

It will be fought by
Sir Griswold of McElwaine

and Sir Giacomo of Italy.

These two bold knights
will choose weapons,

and enter upon the field of honor,
and fight in mortal combat

until one of them lies dead.

You must run for your life.

No. They'd...
They'd only catch me and kill me.

Can you ever forgive me?

There's nothing to forgive.

Dear Hawkins.

Sir Giacomo, you should be in armor.

And you, Maid Jean, in the stands.

If I die,
just pray that I die bravely.

You will not die.
You'll not have to fight him.

Griswold dies as he drinks the toast.

- What?
- Listen.

I have put a pellet of poison
in one of the vessels.

- Which one?
- The one with the figure of a pestle.

- The vessel with the pestle?
- Yes.

But you don't want
the vessel with the pestle.

You want the chalice from the palace.

I don't want the vessel
with the pestle,

I want the chalice from the what?

The chalice from the palace.

It's a little crystal chalice
with the figure of a palace.

Does the chalice from the palace
have the pellet with the poison?

No, the pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

- The pestle with the vessel.
- The vessel with the pestle.

What about the palace
from the chalice?

Not the palace from the chalice,
the chalice from the palace.

- Where's the pellet with the poison?
- In the vessel with the pestle.

Don't you see?

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chalice from the palace
has the brew that is true.

- It's so easy, I can say it.
- Well, then you fight him.

Listen carefully.

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chalice from the palace
has the brew that is true.

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chalice from the palace
has the brew that is true.

- Good man.
- Just remember that.

Sir Giacomo.

Sir Giacomo, into your armor.

And you,
to your place in the pavilion.

The pellet with the poison...

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chalice from the palace
has the true that is brew.

Brew that is true.

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chalice from the palace
has the true that is brew.

Brew that is true.

The "chestle" with the palace...

- Palace with the...
- Look out.

Hurry now. Get into your armor.

The pestle with...

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The palace from the chalice
has the brew that is blue.

No.

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chal...

The pellet with the "plip"...

The pellet with the "poisel's"
in the vessel with the "placel"...

The "placel" with the "vlessel"...
The "vless"...

- The vessel with the "poisel"...
- Come along, Sir Giacomo.

His Majesty's waiting.

- The pestle with the "poilet"...
- And take your helmet.

Thank you. And the pellet...

The pellet with the "poisely"
is from the chalice with the "pasley."

Oh, hello, my dear.
It's nice to see you.

I've got it.

I've got it.

The pellet with the poison's
in the vessel with the pestle.

The chalice from the palace
has the brew that is true, right?

Right, but there's been a change.

They broke the chalice
from the palace.

They broke the chalice
from the palace?

- And replaced it with a flagon.
- A flagon.

- With the figure of a dragon.
- Flagon with a dragon.

- Right.
- But did you put the pellet

with the poison
in the vessel with the pestle?

No, the pellet with the poison's
in the flagon with the dragon.

The vessel with the pestle
has the brew that is true.

The pellet with the poison's
in the flagon with the dragon.

The vessel with the pestle
has the brew that is true.

- Just remember that.
- Yes, thank you very much.

The pellet with the "chasley"...

The pellet with the poison
is in the pasley with the "chassel"...

Just remember that.

Beware of the drinks.
One of them is poisoned.

- Poisoned? Are you sure?
- I heard the witch.

The "poisel" with the "plassley"
is the "chacel"...

The pellet with the poison's
in the flagon with the dragon,

the pestle with the pizzle...
Pizzle with the...

- The... The... The...
- No, no, no.

The pellet with the "poisley"
is the chalice with the...

The vessel with the pestle.

The vessel with the pestle
has the brew that is true.

Right. Don't forget it.

- Pellet with the dragon.
- No, no, no.

The knights will approach each other.

The pellet with the "poisel"
is in the "flagel" with the chalice.

The poison's in the dragon
with the pestle.

The "chassel" is in
the "poisley" with the palace...

With the "flam"... The "flaglace."

The pellet with the dragon's
in the pestle with the poi...

- The "pessley" with the "poisel"...
- The pizzle with the dragon.

- The "poisley" with the "placel."
- The "flaggley" with the pizzle.

The chalice with the...
The "flagon" with the chalice.

The poison with the "flagon"
is the chalice with the "poisley."

The knights will face the King.

The "poisley" with the "passley."

The palace with the poison
is the chalice...

The poison with the chalice is the...

They will approach the royal pavilion.

The pellet with the poison's
in the flagon with the dragon.

The vessel with the pestle
has the brew that is true.

Oh, you've got the wrong one.

Stop this mockery.
There will be no toast.

Put them to horse.
Let them choose weapons and fight.

This is the Black Fox?

And still playing the fool.

Sir Griswold,
declare a choice of weapon.

Mace and chain.

Sir Giacomo,
declare a choice of weapon.

I'll take one of those, one of those,

a couple of those, and...

I better take them all.

Mace and chain for him, too.

Charge.

Take that horse
and put it back under that idiot.

Unfasten that girth.

Charge.

All right, Sir Griswold,
prepare to die.

Go ahead, Sir Knight. Slay me.

You won in fair combat. Strike.

Let rivers of blood wash away
the stain of my disgrace.

Go on. Spew the field
with my dishonored guts.

No.

No, I cannot slay a man
whose only crime is that

he loved not too wisely but too well.

I grant your life.
Take your men and go.

Fergus is dead.

Did he talk?

The child in the castle?

Now listen carefully.
There's little time.

Oh, no.

Sir Giacomo,
I declare you winner of this combat.

And I hereby decree that you shall
marry the Princess Gwendolyn.

Hold, Sire. Seize this traitor.

Traitor? What's this?

- How say you, Ravenhurst?
- I say traitor, Sire.

And I shall prove to you
that this man who stands before us

is neither Giacomo nor jester,
but your deadly enemy,

the leader of the rabble
who have sworn to have your head.

- The Black Fox himself.
- Black Fox?

And this demure maid,

his foul accomplice.

Ravenhurst, are you mad?
Have you proof of this treachery?

- I have, Sire.
- Then repair to the court.

Summon the judges.
If what you say be true,

the headsman's ax will not only
rid us of this jabbering popinjay,

but will sever this lovely little head
from this delicate little neck.

To the castle.

Hurry along, little friends.

Hurry along.

Keep your heads down.

Hurry along there, men. All of you.

We'll take the coast road,
but stay close to the trees.

And I say, again, Sire. Never, Sire.

Never was there such infamous treason.

Not only is this man the Black Fox,

but he and his despicable accomplice

had the shameful effrontery
to shelter in this castle

the miserable child
they would put on your very throne.

What's this? What say you, Ravenhurst?

I repeat, Sire. The child
they would put on your throne.

The child.

- With the purple pimpernel?
- The very same, Sire.

Bring forth the basket.

Let me see this fraud, this charlatan.

Hurry up, hurry up. Bring it here.

In a moment, Sire.

But first, let me hear you pronounce
sentence on this unholy pair.

I know how anxious you are
to dispose of this villainous scum,

so that you may proceed
with the feast and the revelry.

Sire, I accuse these impostors

of the foulest and most loathsome
crime against the crown.

And I demand that they be given the
full measure of your righteous wrath.

And shall be disposed of
before another hour is passed.

I tell you, Sire, the headsman's ax

is too kind a fate
for these foul traitors.

They should be put on a spit
and roasted like yon boar.

Yes, yes. Death to both of them.

Father, I say Ravenhurst lies.

This is Giacomo, King of jesters.
Never the Black Fox.

Nay, fair lady.

For once, Ravenhurst is right. I am.

I am the Black Fox.

Guard that exit. Seize her.

Seize that traitor.

Ravenhurst. Ravenhurst, do something.

Do something.

Quickly, fetch Griswold.
Bring him back.

Take him to safety.

Our men. I must raise the gate.

Stop him.

- Quick. Lower the gate.
- The gate is lowered.

No, it isn't. Look.

If he dies, you die.

Tails of lizards, ears of swine,
chicken gizzards soaked in brine.

On your feet, be not afraid.
You're the greatest with the blade.

Hey, hey.

Play games with the Black Fox,
will you?

At this very moment,
my dear Ravenhurst,

your life isn't worth that.

Oh, hey, hey. Oh, hey.

Now, my gallant Fox,
we'll see whose life isn't worth that.

We shall indeed.

With your permission.

Why, you swine.

To your health.

Oh, you...

And now, Ravenhurst, you ratcatcher.

Oh, you... Oh, you...

Well, my dear Ravenhurst,
our little game draws to an end.

I have toyed with you long enough.

You shall die, and die like that.

Hurry, help the Fox.

- Jean.
- Oh, Hawkins, are you all right?

Never mind me. Where's the child?

- Safe.
- Good.

You've been wonderful.

How convenient.

The Fox and his mate. So my friends,

the tables have turned yet again,
but this time, for the last time.

And not only for one, but for two.

What a prize.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Griswold.

They'll cut us to ribbons. We've lost.

Hold, men. Hold.

Let no more English blood be spilled.

Victory is ours.

Not so fast.

Unhand the King.

- Surrender.
- Never.

Then die, a traitor to the crown.

Hold, Sir Griswold.

Hold your men.

Sir Griswold, I speak to you
as knight to knight.

When you were dubbed,
you pledged your hand,

your heart, and your sword
to defend the true King of England.

- Is that right?
- Well?

This man is not the true King.

He has usurped the throne
from the legitimate heir.

Heir? What heir?

He who bears the mark
of the royal bloodline.

- The purple pimpernel.
- Purple pimpernel?

Balderdash. No such person exists.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Your Majesty.

Life could not better be

The real King is on the throne

Jean is my very own

And life couldn't possibly

Not even probably

Life couldn't possibly

Better

Be