Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:10,676
[tense music]
2
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:17,269
* *
3
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:22,397
- The son of a bitch
skinned Constantine
4
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,519
then used his fucking skin
5
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,856
as a protective barrier
from the fire.
6
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,241
- Jesus.
7
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,158
- Keep an eye on our six,
Dawkins.
8
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,736
He's out there somewhere.
9
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,369
- On it.
10
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,579
Can't wait
to light this dude up
11
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,198
like the fucking 4th of July.
12
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,077
- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
13
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:49,255
* *
14
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:57,716
[twig snaps]
15
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:07,821
Hold your fire! Hold your fire!
16
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,485
Just a squirrel.
17
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,413
Dawkins.
18
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,245
Dawkins!
- [whistles]
19
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,462
Looking for this?
20
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:34,299
[screams]
21
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:47,647
* *
22
00:01:53,905 --> 00:01:55,815
- [groans]
23
00:01:58,326 --> 00:02:00,536
- Yoo-hoo.
[screams]
24
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,158
[grunts]
25
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:06,376
[yelling]
26
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:18,555
MacGruber!
27
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,846
[screams]
28
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,391
[groans]
29
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,896
[dramatic music]
30
00:02:27,939 --> 00:02:34,899
* *
31
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:51,843
- * MacGruber *
32
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,670
[fire crackles]
33
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,638
- Sir, just got a call
from DHS,
34
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,430
all borders are secure.
- Good.
35
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,604
Alert JSOC we're going
to Threatcon Delta.
36
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:06,902
Need to catch these bastards.
37
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:07,936
- Barrett.
38
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,862
- Victoria,
what are you doing here?
39
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,069
- We need to talk.
40
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,278
- Honey, I'm really
up against it right now.
41
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,239
- I want to have a child
with you.
42
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,239
- What?
43
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,570
- Look, I'm sorry.
44
00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:20,445
I know you're really
up against it right now,
45
00:03:20,492 --> 00:03:23,202
but I'm finally ready,
and I just had to tell you.
46
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,084
I'm sorry it's taken me
so long,
47
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:27,251
but I've been scared.
48
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,830
Like mess my pants scared.
49
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,920
And I'm not scared anymore.
50
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,264
- Does this have anything to do
with MacGruber?
51
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:36,928
- Absolutely not.
52
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:38,676
- Then what's changed?
53
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,468
- Last night, when you told me
MacGruber was dead,
54
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,603
I went home and it hit me
like a ton of feathers.
55
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,060
[heartfelt music]
56
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,310
I've been sitting around
57
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:49,401
waiting for some
prince charming
58
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:52,227
when all along, my Shrek
59
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,823
has been standing right
in front of me the whole time.
60
00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,486
And I don't want to wait
one more second
61
00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,990
for my fairy tale ending.
62
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,453
- You mean that, Mrs. Fasoose?
63
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,914
- More than anything.
64
00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,705
My decision's final.
65
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,918
I want to start a family
with you.
66
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,879
- You have no idea
how happy that makes me.
67
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,340
- Oh.
68
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,470
- Thank you, Victoria.
69
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:19,297
- Let's start tonight, okay?
70
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,842
I say we try a bunch of times.
71
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,175
Throw as much spaghetti against
the wall as you can muster
72
00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,221
and see what sticks.
73
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,434
Really get it up there.
74
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,983
- Mm-hmm.
- [laughs]
75
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,727
Sound like a plan, Stan?
- It's a date, Kate.
76
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,689
- Well, I'll let you
get back to work, Kirk.
77
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,860
[laughs]
78
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:34,767
And good luck
with the terrorists.
79
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:40,025
- [sighs]
80
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:43,871
* *
81
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:49,456
[tense music]
82
00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:56,627
* *
83
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:00,340
- Babe, I'm gonna hit the head.
Will you grab me some Combos?
84
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:01,553
- Yep.
85
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,810
- What you looking at, freak?
86
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,521
- Be that way.
87
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,519
[dramatic rock music]
88
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:19,692
* *
89
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:37,046
- [vocalizing]
90
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,127
* Tell you something
I want you to know *
91
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,093
- Rodney, wait.
Where are you going?
92
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,217
- To kick ass.
93
00:05:45,261 --> 00:05:48,141
* *
94
00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:57,861
Fuck you.
95
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,488
[heartfelt music]
96
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:08,541
* *
97
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,496
[sultry R&B music playing]
98
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:18,628
* *
99
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,138
- Perfect.
100
00:06:32,183 --> 00:06:33,393
- You forgot one thing...
101
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:34,885
- [gasps]
102
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,056
- MacGruber.
103
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,619
- They said you were dead.
104
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,027
- I'm sorry, Vick,
105
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,995
I know it'd be a lot easier
for you if I had died.
106
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,457
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
107
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,617
- I think you do.
108
00:06:56,666 --> 00:07:00,496
Rose buds, candles, champagne,
109
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,705
chocolate covered strawberries.
110
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,216
[sultry R&B music playing]
111
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,928
You're making a child tonight,
aren't you?
112
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,849
- Yes,
as a matter of fact, I am.
113
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,679
- So I guess it's true,
114
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,144
you really have moved on.
115
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,345
- I guess so.
116
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,725
- Well, then we'll just
117
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,732
have to keep things
strictly professional.
118
00:07:23,234 --> 00:07:25,704
I like this song, Vick.
- Thank you.
119
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,617
- No, thank you
for putting such a big night
120
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,406
on hold
and joining this mission.
121
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,330
- What? What mission?
122
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,409
- MacGruber.
123
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,584
I came as soon as I could.
124
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,792
- And the gang's all here.
125
00:07:37,832 --> 00:07:39,292
Look, we got
a lot to cover, Vicki.
126
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,674
Piper's already been debriefed.
- Hey, Vicki.
127
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,211
- Hi, Piper. Look, I'm sorry.
128
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,094
You guys have to leave.
You cannot be here right now.
129
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,511
Tonight is
a very important night
130
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,549
for me and my husband,
who will be home any second.
131
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,803
- Vicki,
please just hear us out.
132
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,215
Two days ago,
I was dropped off in the desert
133
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,894
and exchanged for a little girl
and a fucking dog.
134
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,734
And you'll never guess
who was behind it.
135
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,399
- Queeth.
- Piper!
136
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,557
- What? You told me.
137
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,895
- Yeah, but Vicki
didn't know yet.
138
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,730
Remind me to mess up
your next big story
139
00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,025
that you're excited to tell.
140
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,568
So yeah, anyway it was Queeth.
141
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,782
- I'm sorry,
I don't know who that is.
142
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,912
- Brigadier Commander
Enos Queeth.
143
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,828
- Piper!
- Jesus Christ.
144
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,906
- No, go ahead.
You want it so bad, go, say it.
145
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,542
Come on,
let's hear all about him.
146
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,868
- Be my guest.
147
00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:18,923
- Oh, thank you so much
for giving me permission
148
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,577
to tell my own story.
149
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,496
Brigadier Commander
Enos Queeth,
150
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,585
elite special forces leader
turned American traitor.
151
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,431
He's been off the grid
for 20 years
152
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,046
rotting away
in a Burkina Fasonian prison.
153
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,644
And guess who put him there?
154
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,509
Piper, you want
to ruin this one, too?
155
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:36,016
I did.
156
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,767
So needless to say, we don't
exchange Christmas cards,
157
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,100
especially after
what he did to my family.
158
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,436
- Oh no, what'd he do
to your family?
159
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,440
[dramatic music]
160
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:49,363
* *
161
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,954
- Doesn't matter.
162
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,197
All that matters now
is that we take him out,
163
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,953
for good this time.
164
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,365
And I'm the only one
who can do it
165
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:01,293
'cause I'm the only one
who knows what he's up to.
166
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,462
- What is he up to?
167
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,670
- My gut tells me
that Queeth is planning
168
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,801
to unleash
a major chemical weapon
169
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:08,508
somewhere on American soil.
170
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,258
- What? Oh, my God.
171
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,470
- Don't worry, we still
have a chance to stop him,
172
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,470
but we're running out of time.
173
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:15,722
So what do you say?
174
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,100
Piper's in.
175
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:22,352
- I didn't say that.
- But you're about to.
176
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,645
Look, Vicki,
177
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,319
I understand that you're trying
178
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,438
to bring a new life
into this world,
179
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,315
but if we don't stop Queeth,
180
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:34,742
there might not be a world left
to bring that child into.
181
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,493
[phone buzzes]
182
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:43,424
* *
183
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:48,340
- I'll give you 24 hours,
but that's it.
184
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,340
- Thank you.
185
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:51,970
Hey, Pipe.
186
00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:58,222
Have you ever seen the movie
"The Outsiders?"
187
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,314
- No.
188
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,730
- Do it for Johnny.
189
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,938
- What does that mean?
190
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,192
- That's something they say
in that movie.
191
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,446
- Let's get something straight.
192
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:15,617
If I do this,
I'm doing it for my family.
193
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,527
Are we clear?
- Loud and.
194
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,615
Piper the family man.
195
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:23,041
Never thought I'd see the day.
[imitates whip cracking]
196
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,211
- I'm already regretting this.
197
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,710
Okay, let's go.
We can take my Jeep.
198
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,421
- [chuckles]
Nice try, Piper,
199
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,461
but we're gonna need
something with a little
200
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,835
more juice.
201
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,802
[upbeat rock music]
202
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:41,644
* *
203
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:44,893
- * Anything that you desire *
204
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,726
* Magic *
205
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:53,402
* And you know you're the one
who can put out the fire *
206
00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:55,655
- Sir, just got word.
207
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,947
The dispersal devices
are now in our possession.
208
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,911
[tense music]
209
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,463
- Well, we got
our Christmas stockings.
210
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,877
Now all we have to do
is stuff them with coal.
211
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,881
[Laura Branigan's
"Self Control" playing]
212
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,012
- * Oh, the night *
213
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,470
* Is my world *
214
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,640
* City light *
215
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,929
* Painted girl *
216
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,183
- Hey, sorry, Vick.
217
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,104
Between serving a life sentence
218
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:27,603
and doing that suicide mission
for my country,
219
00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,815
never had a chance to clean up
our wedding decorations.
220
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,357
- Oh, I hadn't noticed.
221
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:36,820
[phone buzzing]
222
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,993
Oh, shoot. Barrett's calling.
223
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,582
- No, don't answer it.
Don't answer it.
224
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,447
- Don't you want the help of
the United States government?
225
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:44,124
- Look, I don't know
how far down
226
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,542
the rabbit hole
this thing goes.
227
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,870
So until we know more,
we got to keep this
228
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:51,166
in the inner circle and not
including of our dong husbands.
229
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,131
- I thought you said
we were gonna
230
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,380
keep this professional.
231
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,341
- I always keep things
professional,
232
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,432
and you both know that.
- Hmm.
233
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,547
- Good, because I think Barrett
could be a huge asset.
234
00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:02,564
- A huge ass head?
Yeah, I don't disagree.
235
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:03,807
Face!
[laughs]
236
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,058
Piper gets it.
237
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,640
[phone buzzing]
238
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,135
- Oh, look, he's calling again.
239
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:09,686
If I don't answer, he's gonna
know something's wrong.
240
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,359
- Okay, fine, but say exactly
what I tell you to.
241
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:15,989
Just answer the way you'd
normally answer your phone.
242
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,447
- Hello?
- Hi, sweetie.
243
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,368
Still stuck at work.
Where are you?
244
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,527
- Where am I?
- [stammers]
245
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,325
Make up something.
- I'm at the park.
246
00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,120
- You're in the park?
- No, no, no.
247
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,753
- No, I'm not at the park.
248
00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,250
What made you say that?
249
00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:32,461
You must've misheard me.
I'll try to speak more clearly.
250
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,842
Um, I'm on a ship.
- You're on a ship?
251
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,010
- I'm certainly not in the car,
252
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:38,048
if that's what
you're implying, mister.
253
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,841
- Good, good.
254
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,184
- Is everything okay?
255
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:42,599
- He's asking
if everything's okay.
256
00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:45,887
- Oh, fuck, fuck.
Oh, what do we do here?
257
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,852
What's our play?
What's our fucking play?
258
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,772
- What do I say?
Do I say it's good?
259
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,691
- Oh, got it, got it.
260
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:55,360
Tell him everything's normal.
- Everything's normal.
261
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,900
Um, I'm not at the park.
I'm on a ship.
262
00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,824
- Wow.
- Just a normal ship.
263
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,363
Is everything normal
where you are?
264
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,526
- Well, actually, things are
starting to heat up over here.
265
00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:07,325
Anyway, I wanted to apologize
again about tonight.
266
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:09,540
Having a child with you is
267
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,671
the most important thing
in the world to me, honey,
268
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,628
and I just wanted to make sure
that you knew that.
269
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,339
- Oh, okay. Bye.
270
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,969
- Great job, Vicki.
That was the perfect call.
271
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,090
Right, Piper?
272
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:26,638
Whoo!
273
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:29,601
[singer vocalizing]
274
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,522
[tense music]
275
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:39,185
* *
276
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:41,235
- Sir.
- Yes, Major.
277
00:13:41,279 --> 00:13:43,199
- A C-130 was hijacked
over the Indian Ocean
278
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,119
and dropped off radar.
279
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,988
We think it's our guys.
- What were they carrying?
280
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,325
- That's the thing,
281
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,000
it was just a bunch
of ventilation equipment.
282
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,667
- What the hell are they up to?
283
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,919
- We managed to trace a call
from the cockpit
284
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,671
to an encrypted
satellite phone.
285
00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,763
We're tracking that phone now.
286
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:01,168
- Don't lose that signal,
287
00:14:01,216 --> 00:14:02,926
and get a Reaper
in the air pronto, Major.
288
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,427
- Yes, sir.
289
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,431
- Stay frosty, people.
290
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,517
This is our only shot.
291
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,480
[dramatic music]
292
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:21,492
* *
293
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:33,116
- What is this place?
- An abandoned weapons depot.
294
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:35,294
It officially doesn't exist,
295
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,843
but it does,
and you're about to see it.
296
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:38,997
[clanging]
297
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:42,669
This way.
298
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:45,636
[suspenseful music]
299
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,007
* *
300
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,224
Haven't been in here
for 20 years.
301
00:14:50,265 --> 00:14:54,015
Fingers crossed,
nobody else has, either.
302
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,190
Piper!
303
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,856
Trip wire.
304
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:02,277
* *
305
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,528
That could've been very bad
for all of us.
306
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,991
Now, watch your step
'cause I booby trapped
307
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,332
this whole place
to the fucking gills.
308
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:11,537
Now, let's keep moving.
309
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,448
Carefully.
310
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:14,325
- [groans]
Hey, guys.
311
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:17,082
I think I got a problem.
312
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:20,665
* *
313
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,302
- Okay, look.
314
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,919
Stay very still, Vicki.
- Okay.
315
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,506
- I'm gonna get you
out of this.
316
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:28,552
All right.
317
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,095
Look, you've already
triggered it.
318
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,468
- I know.
319
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:34,684
- As long as we keep
pressure on it, like so,
320
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,346
we'll be fine.
321
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:38,444
It's all about physics.
- Mm-hmm.
322
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,480
- Well, we can't
stay here forever, right?
323
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:41,523
- Yeah.
324
00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,146
- So we're gonna
have to make a move.
325
00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:45,203
Okay, look. Vicki, look at me.
326
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:46,526
Look at me!
327
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,281
I need you to trust me.
Do you trust me?
328
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:50,994
- Yes.
- Do you trust me?
329
00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:53,164
- I said yes.
- Good.
330
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,703
'Cause I'm about
to spring this--
331
00:15:54,746 --> 00:15:55,786
- What?
- Right--
332
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,960
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
333
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:58,708
- Now!
- [screams]
334
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:05,547
[sighs]
335
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:08,720
- Like I said, watch your step.
336
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,100
- [chuckles]
337
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,847
Thank you for saving me.
338
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,190
- It's what I do,
and it comes naturally,
339
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,147
like breathing.
- Oh.
340
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,517
- Just in and out.
341
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:26,444
In, out, in, out.
- [moans]
342
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,276
- In, out.
- [moans]
343
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:33,872
- In and out. In and out.
344
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,910
- Uh, could we keep moving?
345
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:39,084
[sultry music]
346
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:40,384
- Lady's choice.
347
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:45,548
- Sure, well, I guess
we should keep moving.
348
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,218
- Yeah.
349
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,127
Here you go.
- [sighs]
350
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,715
- There we go. All right.
351
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:58,481
* *
352
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,482
[trip wire plinks]
353
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,320
[suspenseful music]
354
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,241
* *
355
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,490
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine,
356
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,743
six, nine, number sign.
357
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,115
[keypad beeps]
358
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:21,292
* *
359
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:24,502
- So MacGruber,
why are we here?
360
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,764
- May 1, 1998, Burkina Faso.
361
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:30,627
Tiger Company,
the most elite special ops unit
362
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,505
in the world
had just gone rogue,
363
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,392
and their leader, Brigadier
Commander Enos Queeth,
364
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,770
had just gotten his hands
on the most devastating
365
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,767
chemical weapon the world
has ever known--
366
00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,230
Brimstone.
367
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,320
* *
368
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:48,987
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine,
369
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,987
six, nine, number sign.
370
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,279
[keypad beeps]
371
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:57,195
But what Queeth didn't know is
that Tiger Company had a mole.
372
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,463
Well, a mole-Gruber.
373
00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,117
Long story short,
I stole Brimstone
374
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,536
and left Queeth
and his men to die
375
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,504
in a Burkina Fasonian prison.
376
00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:09,674
Only problem, they didn't die.
377
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:13,184
And now Queeth will do anything
to get his hands on this stuff,
378
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,678
but luckily for us,
379
00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:18,179
I hid it where Queeth will
never find it.
380
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:21,603
Right through this door.
381
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,063
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine,
382
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,734
six, nine, number sign.
383
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:26,862
[keypad beeps]
384
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:33,278
* *
385
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:34,741
- Why didn't you
just destroy it?
386
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:38,081
- Piper, someone worked
very hard on this.
387
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,448
And now the moment
we've all been waiting for.
388
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:45,246
Did Queeth beat us to it,
or did we beat Queeth?
389
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:52,170
Six, nine, six, nine,
six, nine, six, nine.
390
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,375
No number sign.
[keypad beeps]
391
00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:56,755
[pneumatic hissing]
392
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:03,773
* *
393
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,446
Oh, thank God. Yes!
- [sighs]
394
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,333
- Fuck yeah.
And crisis averted.
395
00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:24,621
Fucking liar.
396
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,754
- What do you mean liar?
- Oh, just a detail.
397
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,883
Queeth lied to me,
said he already had this thing.
398
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,760
- But why would he lie to you
about having it?
399
00:19:33,798 --> 00:19:35,838
- I don't know,
some people just like to lie.
400
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,264
You know,
it makes them feel like
401
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,802
they can hang
with the big boys,
402
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:42,925
but sadly, Queeth is munching
our farts on this one.
403
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,894
Fucking dumbass.
404
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:48,444
I mean, this is such a great
series of wins for me.
405
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,070
He fucking lies to me
about having it,
406
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,476
and I know he's lying,
that's win number one.
407
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,395
Then I escape
like a fucking badass,
408
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:55,704
that's win number two.
409
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,657
And now I have the thing
he desperately needs.
410
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,697
I don't know if
you're counting, but I am,
411
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,031
and that's win number two.
412
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:06,124
- So he lied to you and said
he already had Brimstone.
413
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,464
- Yes.
414
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:10,339
- And then you somehow escaped.
415
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:13,087
- Heroically
and against all odds, yes.
416
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,629
- Yeah, they let you go.
417
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:16,013
- Practically, right?
418
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,549
- No, I mean,
they let you out on purpose.
419
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:22,353
- What? Ha.
I assure you, they did not.
420
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,518
- Why don't you tell us
a little more
421
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,099
about this crazy escape
of yours?
422
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:30,274
- I'd fucking love
to take you through it.
423
00:20:30,313 --> 00:20:33,363
Yes, so there I am at
this freaky underground lair,
424
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,690
naked, hanging schlong
for all to see.
425
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,525
And I didn't
even fucking care, right?
426
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,950
I sense an opening,
427
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,198
and I just fucking rip out
of my restraints
428
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:43,951
and fight my way through
the guy who was watching me.
429
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,003
- Wait, they left you
with just one guy?
430
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,577
- Yeah, but he was, like,
a super fucking badass.
431
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,963
Like, one of the toughest
blind guys you'll ever see.
432
00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:53,711
- Sorry, they left you
with a blind guy?
433
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,803
- Oh, yeah, and it was
so fucking terrifying.
434
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:57,469
You point that guy
in the right direction,
435
00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:58,967
he's like a guided missile.
436
00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:02,009
Oh, Constantine Bach.
You guys know him. Remember?
437
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,603
Yeah, apparently, he didn't die
in that explosion.
438
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,849
Anyway, so there was
this scalpel on a tray
439
00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:09,061
that was right next to me,
and when the blind guy,
440
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,482
Constantine,
turned away for a sec--
441
00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:13,651
stupid fucking move, right?
442
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:16,530
It gave me more than enough
time to free myself.
443
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:18,988
And then I just hand to hand
combatted him,
444
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:20,909
burned him alive
with his own flamethrower,
445
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,197
skinned him--it was
my first time doing that--
446
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:24,451
and then escaped.
447
00:21:24,492 --> 00:21:26,542
So you still think
they let me out?
448
00:21:26,578 --> 00:21:29,368
- 100%.
- I think maybe they did.
449
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,424
- [laughs]
Yeah, that makes sense.
450
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,208
They let me out so I could
immediately race right here
451
00:21:34,252 --> 00:21:36,882
and stop them from getting
the one thing they wanted?
452
00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:39,221
- Yeah, they didn't know
where it was.
453
00:21:39,257 --> 00:21:40,377
You led them right to it.
454
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:42,005
- Oh, my God, Piper.
455
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:44,972
We are so embarrassed for you.
- [mouthing words]
456
00:21:45,013 --> 00:21:47,063
- You have so much fucking egg
on your face.
457
00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:50,228
I mean, do you hear yourself
when you talk?
458
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:53,228
If I had led them right to it
then they would be here by--
459
00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:56,571
[door clangs open]
Whoa, whoa, there they are.
460
00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:58,398
- MacGruber.
461
00:21:58,443 --> 00:21:59,903
- Hello, Queeth.
462
00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:03,874
- Thanks for leading us
to your little hiding place.
463
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:05,577
- So this was all a set up?
464
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:07,407
- You really catch on quick.
465
00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:10,332
* *
466
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:13,332
- And you catch on
slow and low.
467
00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,665
You're such a dumb
piece of shit.
468
00:22:15,710 --> 00:22:18,250
See, I knew that
was your plan all along,
469
00:22:18,296 --> 00:22:22,426
so I made the very smart
decision to counterplan you.
470
00:22:22,467 --> 00:22:23,637
Net drop!
471
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,769
So where were we?
472
00:22:31,810 --> 00:22:34,600
- It was something
about a counterplan.
473
00:22:34,646 --> 00:22:37,766
- Ah, yes, the counterplan.
474
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:39,976
I mean, do you honestly believe
475
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:42,356
that I would lead you
right to Brimstone?
476
00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,614
Well then, think again.
477
00:22:43,655 --> 00:22:45,985
Then think again
and then think again
478
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:49,292
and again and again and again,
'cause that ain't this
479
00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:51,287
and this ain't that.
480
00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:52,789
- Then you'll let me have it.
481
00:22:52,831 --> 00:22:57,171
- [chuckles]
Go ahead, take it. Here.
482
00:22:57,210 --> 00:22:58,670
Be my guest.
483
00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:01,718
- Why did you do that?
484
00:23:04,759 --> 00:23:07,389
- I'm telling you,
you're getting played.
485
00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:08,599
Right, guys?
486
00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:10,968
- [chuckles]
Yes.
487
00:23:11,016 --> 00:23:13,636
- That's right--
not only is that canister
488
00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:15,685
filled with
a bunch of fresh jizz
489
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:17,519
from me and Piper here--
right, Piper?
490
00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:19,734
Right, Piper?
- Yeah.
491
00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,034
- But as we speak,
you are surrounded
492
00:23:22,068 --> 00:23:25,158
by the full width and breadth
of the U.S. military,
493
00:23:25,196 --> 00:23:28,616
who have orders to shoot you
on my command.
494
00:23:28,658 --> 00:23:31,328
Hold off there, General,
for a second.
495
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:34,459
Think I might be able to talk
a little sense into him.
496
00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:35,917
Oh, 10-4, what's that?
497
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:39,087
Huh? Roger? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
498
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:41,837
[laughs]
499
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,800
Oh, they want to shoot
your fucking face off so bad,
500
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:48,761
but I won't let them yet.
501
00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:51,723
So you want to rethink
your dumb little plan?
502
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:52,965
Hang on, hang on.
503
00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:55,846
Yeah, he's thinking about it
504
00:23:55,894 --> 00:23:59,274
with his dumb little brain.
505
00:23:59,314 --> 00:24:01,694
So don't kill him yet.
506
00:24:01,733 --> 00:24:03,283
Give him another ten...
507
00:24:03,318 --> 00:24:05,198
[tense music]
508
00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:06,736
Nine...
509
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:09,124
Eight...
510
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:12,242
- Seven.
- S--seven.
511
00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:15,115
* *
512
00:24:15,163 --> 00:24:16,793
- Six.
- Six.
513
00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:18,541
- Five.
- Fi--
514
00:24:18,583 --> 00:24:19,963
- Four.
515
00:24:20,001 --> 00:24:22,211
- Four...
516
00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:23,383
- Three.
517
00:24:23,421 --> 00:24:28,341
- Three...
518
00:24:28,385 --> 00:24:29,385
- Two.
519
00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:36,597
- Two...
520
00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:44,611
- One.
521
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:53,575
* *
522
00:24:53,618 --> 00:24:55,538
- One more,
straight down the barrel.
523
00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:56,788
- Yes, sir.
524
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:02,289
- Come on! This way.
525
00:25:04,129 --> 00:25:06,509
- Sir, it was a drone.
It's coming around again.
526
00:25:06,548 --> 00:25:08,048
- Yeah, well, take it out.
527
00:25:09,467 --> 00:25:10,637
Now!
528
00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:16,183
[computer beeping]
529
00:25:16,224 --> 00:25:17,434
[phone chimes]
530
00:25:17,475 --> 00:25:24,645
* *
531
00:25:31,156 --> 00:25:32,236
- Good God.
532
00:25:32,282 --> 00:25:38,792
* *
533
00:25:38,830 --> 00:25:40,210
Abort! Abort!
534
00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:41,618
- Sorry, sir,
it's been deployed.
535
00:25:41,666 --> 00:25:43,456
- Redirect. Redirect!
536
00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:44,791
- Trying, sir.
537
00:25:47,047 --> 00:25:49,337
- [laughs]
Swing and a miss.
538
00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:53,178
Fire.
539
00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:55,099
[computer beeping]
540
00:25:55,138 --> 00:25:56,678
- Got them.
541
00:26:02,354 --> 00:26:04,984
- Uplink terminated.
- Damn it!
542
00:26:05,023 --> 00:26:06,983
Get another Reaper up now.
543
00:26:07,025 --> 00:26:08,855
- 20 minutes, sir.
- Now, major!
544
00:26:08,902 --> 00:26:10,282
- Yes, sir.
545
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,820
- Now, where's our friend,
MacGruber?
546
00:26:12,864 --> 00:26:14,574
[tires squealing]
547
00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:16,026
[gunfire]
548
00:26:16,076 --> 00:26:18,696
- Ha, ha! Fuck you, Queeth.
549
00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:23,253
- Want us to go after him, sir?
550
00:26:23,291 --> 00:26:26,921
- No, we got
a schedule to keep.
551
00:26:28,630 --> 00:26:30,510
We got what we came for.
552
00:26:30,548 --> 00:26:32,968
* *
553
00:26:36,971 --> 00:26:39,931
[dramatic music]
554
00:26:39,974 --> 00:26:47,114
* *
555
00:26:47,164 --> 00:26:51,714
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37948
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.