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Tawny Young reporting
live from Gotham City Hall
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00:00:25,018 --> 00:00:27,059
as the mayor,
in a rare public appearance,
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00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:28,840
has come out
to honor the heroes
4
00:00:28,925 --> 00:00:31,781
who fought so bravely
in the Battle of Gotham.
5
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,301
I present you each
with a key to the city.
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00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,804
There you go, Superman
and, of course, Wonder Woman
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00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:39,355
and Batman.
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00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:40,473
Check out that grip.
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00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:41,991
There you go, space cabbie.
10
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:43,126
Couldn't have
done it without you.
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00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,275
Who the fuck are these guys?
12
00:00:44,359 --> 00:00:45,871
Commissioner Gordon,
what do you think
13
00:00:45,956 --> 00:00:47,280
of this beautiful ceremony?
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00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,551
I'm just so honored to be
getting a key to the city
15
00:00:49,636 --> 00:00:51,370
seeing as I was
here the whole time
16
00:00:51,471 --> 00:00:52,655
protecting lives.
17
00:00:52,739 --> 00:00:54,355
The Mayor's probably
saving the best for last
18
00:00:54,439 --> 00:00:56,090
like I did with
the Mission Impossible movies.
19
00:00:56,174 --> 00:00:57,609
I watched one first
20
00:00:57,694 --> 00:00:59,918
- but then I went to four...
- Mmm-hmm. Let's listen.
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00:01:00,003 --> 00:01:02,228
There's one last person
I need to thank today.
22
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:04,800
If it weren't for him,
our city would still be riddled
23
00:01:04,885 --> 00:01:06,151
with supervillains.
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00:01:06,236 --> 00:01:08,471
This mustachioed
servant of the people
25
00:01:08,556 --> 00:01:09,657
may not have powers
26
00:01:09,856 --> 00:01:12,206
but, man, he sure is super.
27
00:01:12,359 --> 00:01:13,427
That's right, citizens.
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I hereby honor myself.
29
00:01:15,829 --> 00:01:17,469
What? What about me?
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We helped this city together.
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00:01:18,865 --> 00:01:19,682
Not him.
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00:01:19,767 --> 00:01:21,517
Seriously,
I think I've seen this guy
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00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:23,596
like one other time,
like, ever.
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00:01:24,962 --> 00:01:26,962
*HARLEY QUINN*
Season 02 Episode 13
35
00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:29,214
Title: "The Runaway Bridesmaid"
Aired on: June 26, 2020
36
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:32,143
Dr. Psycho, check.
37
00:01:32,270 --> 00:01:35,323
Riddler, check.
Welcome back, by the way.
38
00:01:36,049 --> 00:01:37,583
Harley Quinn!
39
00:01:37,684 --> 00:01:39,135
Don't tell me...
40
00:01:39,219 --> 00:01:40,520
You're not supposed to be here.
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00:01:40,621 --> 00:01:42,539
Is anyone supposed
to be anywhere?
42
00:01:42,623 --> 00:01:43,673
Oh, you wanna talk about it?
43
00:01:43,757 --> 00:01:44,859
Maybe over a fruit cup.
44
00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:45,896
Nah...
45
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,409
I wanna be alone
with my thoughts.
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00:01:47,493 --> 00:01:49,512
Don't worry about me.
I'll break out when I'm done.
47
00:01:49,596 --> 00:01:51,213
I'm just going through
a personal crisis.
48
00:01:51,297 --> 00:01:52,783
Actually, I'll take
that fruit cup though.
49
00:01:52,867 --> 00:01:55,002
Well, fruit cup
in exchange for conversation.
50
00:01:55,102 --> 00:01:57,004
Sort of linchpin
of this whole social contract.
51
00:01:57,103 --> 00:02:00,462
So... I'm gonna go.
52
00:02:00,907 --> 00:02:03,776
Look, thank you for giving
me a chance to talk to you.
53
00:02:03,877 --> 00:02:05,412
Why did you do it?
54
00:02:05,511 --> 00:02:08,280
I don't know.
I fucked up.
55
00:02:08,381 --> 00:02:10,550
I wish I had a better answer.
56
00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:11,785
I love you.
57
00:02:11,886 --> 00:02:14,321
That Harley stuff
was a stupid fling
58
00:02:14,421 --> 00:02:15,534
and a mistake.
59
00:02:15,618 --> 00:02:17,440
And I promise
it will never happen again.
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00:02:17,524 --> 00:02:18,708
If you don't want to marry me,
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00:02:18,792 --> 00:02:20,476
just say it
so I can go to a bar,
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00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,678
and get loaded and get
into an argument with somebody
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00:02:22,762 --> 00:02:24,931
about what the most
metal album of all time is.
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00:02:25,031 --> 00:02:26,281
And then start crying
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00:02:26,365 --> 00:02:27,800
for no reason
and puke on myself
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00:02:27,901 --> 00:02:31,254
Oh, Kite Man, I do.
I do want to marry you.
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00:02:31,338 --> 00:02:32,339
And if you, you know,
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00:02:32,439 --> 00:02:33,589
were a metal album,
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00:02:33,673 --> 00:02:34,825
you'd be
Appetite for Destruction.
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00:02:34,909 --> 00:02:35,958
- You know...
- What? What...
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00:02:36,042 --> 00:02:38,345
GNR is not even metal.
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00:02:38,445 --> 00:02:39,996
What are we even talking about?
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00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,232
- Is this...
- Chuck, I hate that I hurt you.
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00:02:42,316 --> 00:02:43,799
You know, you
deserve everything.
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00:02:43,883 --> 00:02:45,501
And I know
this doesn't fix anything.
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00:02:45,585 --> 00:02:46,953
But could you pull over here?
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00:02:49,356 --> 00:02:53,060
Ta-da! It's the old
Gotham corn factory.
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00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,863
What is this? Is this
just a tour of my failures?
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00:02:55,963 --> 00:02:57,530
It's your dream wedding venue.
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00:02:57,631 --> 00:02:58,682
If you still, you know,
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00:02:58,766 --> 00:03:01,802
wanna get
married to this old gal.
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00:03:01,901 --> 00:03:03,142
What about Condiment King?
83
00:03:03,226 --> 00:03:05,589
Didn't that dick face already
call dibs on this monument
84
00:03:05,673 --> 00:03:06,941
to rustic perfection?
85
00:03:07,041 --> 00:03:08,074
So about that...
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00:03:10,786 --> 00:03:13,881
Come to ask for an invite
to our wedding, Ivy?
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00:03:13,981 --> 00:03:15,782
Change of plans, sauce fucker.
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00:03:15,882 --> 00:03:17,483
It's Condiment King!
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00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:21,537
So, you know, he just, sort of,
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decided to just give it to me
91
00:03:23,756 --> 00:03:25,708
and he is still
obviously very much alive.
92
00:03:25,792 --> 00:03:27,778
But he's, sort of,
like out of town indefinitely,
93
00:03:27,862 --> 00:03:29,478
and no one knows
if he'll ever come back,
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00:03:29,562 --> 00:03:30,998
but, you know, probably not.
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00:03:31,097 --> 00:03:33,000
Ivy, Kite Man, we're so happy
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00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,802
to have you
at the old corn factory.
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00:03:34,901 --> 00:03:37,571
We know your
wedding will be perfect.
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00:03:37,671 --> 00:03:38,922
Wait. You risked your life
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00:03:39,006 --> 00:03:40,422
against one of the most
formidable villains
100
00:03:40,506 --> 00:03:41,742
Gotham has ever seen
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00:03:41,841 --> 00:03:43,259
just to give me my dream venue?
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00:03:43,343 --> 00:03:45,478
I think that's maybe
like an overstatement
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00:03:45,578 --> 00:03:48,048
of Condiment King.
But essentially, yes.
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00:03:48,149 --> 00:03:50,584
That's what I did
because I love you.
105
00:03:50,684 --> 00:03:52,085
So...
What do you say?
106
00:03:52,185 --> 00:03:54,554
You wanna get married or what?
107
00:03:54,655 --> 00:03:55,939
Wow. This is
a lot to think about.
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00:03:56,023 --> 00:03:57,608
You, probably,
can't tell right now,
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00:03:57,692 --> 00:03:59,760
but I am tots overwhelmed.
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00:03:59,859 --> 00:04:01,678
Look, just take your time.
111
00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:03,779
You know, just know
that it's waiting for you
112
00:04:03,863 --> 00:04:04,863
if you want it.
113
00:04:09,169 --> 00:04:10,870
Why are you so calm, Gordo?
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00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:13,489
Aren't you excited to see
me going back to Arkham?
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00:04:13,573 --> 00:04:15,576
I'm a complex man
with many emotions.
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00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:16,959
That must be sifted through.
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00:04:17,043 --> 00:04:18,728
The Mayor didn't give
you the key to the city
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00:04:18,812 --> 00:04:20,630
- and now you're sad.
- I don't have a key, goddammit!
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00:04:20,714 --> 00:04:22,481
I mean, no,
that's not it at all.
120
00:04:22,582 --> 00:04:23,784
That was a dumb guess.
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00:04:24,217 --> 00:04:25,627
Dummy!
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00:04:26,587 --> 00:04:28,337
Let me give you
a little piece of advice.
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00:04:28,421 --> 00:04:29,505
You don't wanna be the one
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00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:30,890
who gets the key to the city,
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00:04:30,990 --> 00:04:32,892
you wanna be
the one who gives it.
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00:04:33,894 --> 00:04:35,062
Yeah, Gordo.
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00:04:35,161 --> 00:04:37,497
You should run for mayor.
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00:04:37,598 --> 00:04:39,533
I got into public service
to shoot bad guys
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00:04:39,632 --> 00:04:41,416
while allowing
for the occasional accidental
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00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,553
shooting of an innocent,
because no one's perfect!
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00:04:43,637 --> 00:04:44,805
I don't even like politics.
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00:04:44,904 --> 00:04:46,406
Well, I love 'em.
133
00:04:46,505 --> 00:04:48,541
Come on, let's overthrow
Mayor What's-his-name?
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00:04:48,642 --> 00:04:51,144
I can run your whole
campaign from behind bars
135
00:04:51,245 --> 00:04:53,447
like a real campaign manager.
136
00:04:53,545 --> 00:04:54,581
No!
137
00:04:56,183 --> 00:04:57,700
But let's just say
for argument's sake
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00:04:57,784 --> 00:04:58,612
I want the job.
139
00:04:58,697 --> 00:04:59,676
Being the police commissioner
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00:04:59,761 --> 00:05:00,918
of the most
dangerous city in America,
141
00:05:01,002 --> 00:05:02,095
I got low favorables.
142
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:04,645
You also seem like
a hair-trigger reactionary
143
00:05:04,730 --> 00:05:06,641
kind of guy
who runs his mouth off
144
00:05:06,726 --> 00:05:07,878
when he's backed into a corner.
145
00:05:07,962 --> 00:05:09,046
That's bullshit.
146
00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:10,930
Say that to my fucking face!
147
00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:12,699
Ah-ha! See, you're a cop,
148
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,135
but you're not a hero.
149
00:05:14,235 --> 00:05:16,570
Unless, you do something heroic
150
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,171
that gets your
name in the papers.
151
00:05:18,272 --> 00:05:21,724
Cuffing your occasional
costumed psycho isn't splashy.
152
00:05:21,808 --> 00:05:23,134
But guess what?
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00:05:23,219 --> 00:05:25,886
A little bird told me
that Ivy and Kite Man
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00:05:25,979 --> 00:05:27,714
are getting
married on Saturday.
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00:05:27,815 --> 00:05:29,649
And I've got their guest list.
156
00:05:31,087 --> 00:05:33,553
All these criminals
will be in attendance
157
00:05:33,654 --> 00:05:35,622
- with their guard down.
- Wait a minute.
158
00:05:35,721 --> 00:05:36,906
I just have an idea.
159
00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:38,692
I bust that wedding
and I become a hero
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00:05:38,791 --> 00:05:39,926
as big as Batman.
161
00:05:40,026 --> 00:05:43,562
Now you're
getting it, Mr. Mayor.
162
00:05:46,033 --> 00:05:48,168
Hey, there, sweetheart.
Why so gloom?
163
00:05:48,269 --> 00:05:49,635
What are you guys doing here?
164
00:05:49,736 --> 00:05:52,005
Really?
165
00:05:52,106 --> 00:05:54,974
So did you get
the paperless post reminder?
166
00:05:55,074 --> 00:05:56,642
Ivy's wedding is on.
167
00:05:56,743 --> 00:05:58,712
And the bride
still wants you to come.
168
00:05:58,812 --> 00:05:59,913
I'm not going.
169
00:06:00,014 --> 00:06:01,402
I'll just be a distraction
170
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,166
and like Ivy said,
I always fuck everything up.
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00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:05,551
It's your goddamn
best friend's wedding!
172
00:06:05,651 --> 00:06:06,654
Yeah and for once,
173
00:06:06,738 --> 00:06:08,272
I wanna make the
right choice. Restraint.
174
00:06:08,356 --> 00:06:09,889
Everyone wants you there.
175
00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:11,824
And you wouldn't want
to miss my performance
176
00:06:11,925 --> 00:06:13,026
of an aria.
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00:06:13,127 --> 00:06:15,077
I'll be singing
at the reception.
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00:06:15,161 --> 00:06:17,113
Did we mention there's
going to be vanilla cake?
179
00:06:17,197 --> 00:06:19,033
- I'm not going.
- I'll save you a seat.
180
00:06:21,887 --> 00:06:24,070
So you're bailing
on your best friend's wedding?
181
00:06:24,171 --> 00:06:25,973
Why is everyone so chatty?
182
00:06:26,072 --> 00:06:28,274
This place used to be
great for silent brooding.
183
00:06:28,375 --> 00:06:30,192
If you're really
worried about someone
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00:06:30,276 --> 00:06:33,012
dragging Ivy's wedding
to hell in a handbasket,
185
00:06:33,113 --> 00:06:34,214
I got bad news.
186
00:06:34,315 --> 00:06:35,716
- What is it?
- Help break me out
187
00:06:35,815 --> 00:06:37,000
and I'll tell you.
188
00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:38,200
- I ain't buying it.
- All right.
189
00:06:38,284 --> 00:06:39,887
That's fine.
190
00:06:39,986 --> 00:06:42,123
Screw over your
best friend twice, I guess.
191
00:06:45,024 --> 00:06:46,151
Gordon's planning to arrest
192
00:06:46,235 --> 00:06:48,296
all the villains at the
wedding. He told me himself.
193
00:06:48,396 --> 00:06:50,596
The cojones on that guy.
194
00:06:50,697 --> 00:06:52,733
How the fuck's he
going to pull that off?
195
00:06:52,832 --> 00:06:54,000
Oh, he probably won't.
196
00:06:54,101 --> 00:06:55,118
But he's gonna try.
197
00:06:55,202 --> 00:06:56,286
And I mean, these weddings...
198
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:57,688
Oh!
199
00:06:57,772 --> 00:06:59,322
...they're so
meticulously planned.
200
00:06:59,406 --> 00:07:00,873
Anytime you throw
a wrench in it,
201
00:07:00,974 --> 00:07:02,743
it's like a ripple of...
202
00:07:02,842 --> 00:07:05,111
Well, if I can't fuck up
Ivy's wedding.
203
00:07:05,212 --> 00:07:06,913
- No one can!
- Okay.
204
00:07:07,014 --> 00:07:08,714
I hear bells ringing.
205
00:07:11,017 --> 00:07:12,920
Listen up.
I didn't just bring you in here
206
00:07:13,019 --> 00:07:14,288
to enjoy these vegan donuts.
207
00:07:15,822 --> 00:07:16,806
Vegan?
208
00:07:16,890 --> 00:07:18,175
We have a special
mission today.
209
00:07:18,259 --> 00:07:21,060
Oh, come on, boss.
It's Saturday.
210
00:07:21,161 --> 00:07:23,331
I've got
my half-sister's baby shower.
211
00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:25,899
We're going to Poison Ivy
and Kite Man's wedding.
212
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,767
Ivy's going
through with it, huh?
213
00:07:27,868 --> 00:07:29,870
You mean Kite Man's
going through with it?
214
00:07:29,969 --> 00:07:31,839
After all that
woman's done to him.
215
00:07:31,938 --> 00:07:33,990
Look, we don't know
the emotional underpinnings
216
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:35,248
of that relationship
217
00:07:35,332 --> 00:07:37,993
but by God we will when
we arrest those two lovebirds
218
00:07:38,077 --> 00:07:40,714
along with every major
supervillain in the city
219
00:07:40,813 --> 00:07:42,882
who didn't have
prior weekend plans.
220
00:07:42,983 --> 00:07:44,817
Sounds like Batman's problem.
221
00:07:44,918 --> 00:07:48,322
Well, I am off to my
half-sister's baby shower.
222
00:07:48,421 --> 00:07:50,039
Not so fast, Cheryl.
223
00:07:50,123 --> 00:07:52,625
Aren't you tired of the supers
getting all the credit?
224
00:07:52,726 --> 00:07:53,961
Here. Here's the guest list.
225
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:56,163
Take one. Pass 'em along.
226
00:07:56,262 --> 00:07:58,598
These are the most powerful
supervillains in Gotham.
227
00:07:58,699 --> 00:08:00,134
Exactly. It's pretty badass.
228
00:08:00,233 --> 00:08:01,901
Pretty damn key worthy.
229
00:08:02,002 --> 00:08:04,654
But, sir, these people have
a myriad of superpowers.
230
00:08:04,738 --> 00:08:06,072
And what do we have?
231
00:08:06,173 --> 00:08:08,723
A damn good plan.
232
00:08:26,426 --> 00:08:29,062
Oh, Father,
I gotta sin I've gotta confess.
233
00:08:29,163 --> 00:08:30,964
Ah, this isn't really
a good time, son.
234
00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:32,698
Yeah, uh, I must confess.
235
00:08:32,798 --> 00:08:34,934
All righty then,
what is it, my son?
236
00:08:35,034 --> 00:08:38,485
I punched out a priest.
237
00:08:50,851 --> 00:08:53,019
Look at you!
Looking all elegant and shit.
238
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,120
You come alone?
239
00:08:55,789 --> 00:08:57,258
My name is...
240
00:08:59,427 --> 00:09:00,961
Can I get an amen?
241
00:09:01,061 --> 00:09:02,096
Amen, sir.
242
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:07,234
Oh! Oh, now this is majestic.
243
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,403
It is very 2014 Pinterest.
244
00:09:09,503 --> 00:09:12,672
Kite Man is a basic bitch
through and through.
245
00:09:12,773 --> 00:09:15,174
Oh, he's drinking
out of a mason jar.
246
00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:17,311
I am so nervous.
247
00:09:17,410 --> 00:09:20,947
Relax. Weddings
are a joyful occasion.
248
00:09:21,048 --> 00:09:22,982
You know,
unless you're one of the bridesmaids.
249
00:09:23,082 --> 00:09:24,918
The gifts are okay, I guess.
250
00:09:25,018 --> 00:09:27,087
I'm not nervous
about the wedding.
251
00:09:27,187 --> 00:09:29,423
I'm nervous about
performing at the reception.
252
00:09:29,523 --> 00:09:32,793
This particular piece
is a musical minefield.
253
00:09:32,893 --> 00:09:35,962
The tricky rhythms,
dramatic shifts in pitch.
254
00:09:36,062 --> 00:09:39,899
One needs the lung
capacity of an Adam Lambert.
255
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,168
Aren't you cute?
256
00:09:41,268 --> 00:09:43,937
Look, I'm sure Ivy
will love the song.
257
00:09:44,037 --> 00:09:45,371
I don't care if she loves it.
258
00:09:45,472 --> 00:09:47,707
I only care if he does.
259
00:09:47,808 --> 00:09:49,103
Catwoman's date?
260
00:09:49,187 --> 00:09:51,010
How dare you? That's
not just Catwoman's date.
261
00:09:51,111 --> 00:09:53,813
That's cinema auteur,
Tim Burton.
262
00:09:53,913 --> 00:09:56,266
If I deliver
a siren song for the ages,
263
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:58,634
it could be my big break.
264
00:09:58,718 --> 00:10:00,821
So you weren't singing
this song out of love?
265
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:05,058
- I was, out of love for acting.
- Mmm-hmm.
266
00:10:05,159 --> 00:10:06,293
Oh, my gosh! She's here.
267
00:10:06,394 --> 00:10:08,777
Hey, hi, howdy, hello,
268
00:10:08,861 --> 00:10:10,647
everybody continue talking
amongst yourselves.
269
00:10:10,731 --> 00:10:12,098
Everything's cool.
270
00:10:12,198 --> 00:10:15,034
Harley! I'm so glad
you decided to come.
271
00:10:15,135 --> 00:10:16,970
- Love wins again.
- Yeah, yeah.
272
00:10:17,071 --> 00:10:18,405
Long live Poison Kitey.
273
00:10:18,505 --> 00:10:20,156
Well done.
That's one less thing
274
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:21,458
you'll regret your entire life.
275
00:10:21,542 --> 00:10:22,825
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
276
00:10:22,909 --> 00:10:24,477
So are there other
rooms here or what?
277
00:10:24,578 --> 00:10:27,196
They have us corralled
in here for cocktail hour.
278
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,283
Right under this godforsaken AC
279
00:10:29,383 --> 00:10:31,351
- which is doing nothing...
- Gordon.
280
00:10:31,452 --> 00:10:32,519
...my vocal chords!
281
00:10:32,620 --> 00:10:33,836
I'm gonna go find the bathroom.
282
00:10:35,054 --> 00:10:36,256
There you are, Gordon.
283
00:10:36,356 --> 00:10:38,058
- There you are.
- Ah! Don't touch me.
284
00:10:38,158 --> 00:10:39,209
Let's get you
285
00:10:39,293 --> 00:10:40,277
with the other
bridesmaids, okay?
286
00:10:40,361 --> 00:10:45,181
It's almost showtime.
287
00:10:45,265 --> 00:10:47,883
So how's everyone been?
288
00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:49,001
What the crap, Harley?
289
00:10:49,102 --> 00:10:51,004
I'm here. Ready to maid.
290
00:10:52,206 --> 00:10:53,690
You weren't at the rehearsal.
291
00:10:53,774 --> 00:10:55,174
How are you gonna
know how to walk?
292
00:10:55,275 --> 00:10:56,909
Uh, right foot,
left foot. Repeat.
293
00:10:57,010 --> 00:10:58,195
You bailed on Ivy.
294
00:10:58,279 --> 00:11:00,162
What do you care?
Are you even a bridesmaid?
295
00:11:00,246 --> 00:11:03,003
I still have all the
responsibilities of a bridesmaid.
296
00:11:03,087 --> 00:11:04,801
Just not the fashion ones.
297
00:11:04,885 --> 00:11:07,036
You think I'd be
caught dead in that rag.
298
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,521
Okay. Well,
then can I wear yours?
299
00:11:10,223 --> 00:11:13,192
Which ten pounds
do you plan on leaving behind?
300
00:11:13,293 --> 00:11:15,562
Ladies, I'm just
here to support Ivy.
301
00:11:15,663 --> 00:11:17,364
That is the only
reason I'm here.
302
00:11:17,465 --> 00:11:19,365
Please give me the chance
to make it up to her.
303
00:11:19,466 --> 00:11:21,934
And you. Cobb squad forever.
304
00:11:23,937 --> 00:11:25,938
Damn!
305
00:11:26,038 --> 00:11:27,857
I thought she was just being
a beep. This really is too tight.
306
00:11:27,941 --> 00:11:29,909
Hold still, goddamn it!
307
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:32,111
- BRB!
- Hey, I'm not done!
308
00:11:32,212 --> 00:11:34,548
You said you'd
braid my hair! Fuck!
309
00:11:34,649 --> 00:11:37,551
Where are you,
you rat bastard?
310
00:11:37,652 --> 00:11:39,086
What did you just call me?
311
00:11:39,186 --> 00:11:42,004
- Harley?
- Oh, hey, Mr. Groom.
312
00:11:42,088 --> 00:11:43,906
I just wanted to say mazel tov
313
00:11:43,990 --> 00:11:46,142
and I wish you
many happinesses.
314
00:11:46,226 --> 00:11:48,428
I am having so many
emotions right now.
315
00:11:48,529 --> 00:11:50,913
None of them
I would categorize as happy.
316
00:11:50,997 --> 00:11:52,849
Hey, where's Frank?
He said if this happened,
317
00:11:52,933 --> 00:11:54,283
he'd have a pocket full
of zannies for me.
318
00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:56,386
There you are,
my runaway bridesmaid.
319
00:11:56,470 --> 00:11:58,354
I'm supposed
to keep you two apart.
320
00:11:58,438 --> 00:11:59,472
Yikes!
321
00:12:01,207 --> 00:12:02,976
Hey, Jen, hair looks great.
322
00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:04,144
No thanks to you.
323
00:12:04,244 --> 00:12:06,312
Yass, queens. Okay, attitude.
324
00:12:06,413 --> 00:12:08,098
Give me attitude.
Great. Love it.
325
00:12:08,182 --> 00:12:09,249
Got you, Gordo!
326
00:12:09,350 --> 00:12:10,484
Ah, fuck my ass.
327
00:12:10,583 --> 00:12:12,918
No one ruins
my best friend's wedding
328
00:12:13,019 --> 00:12:15,472
but me!
329
00:12:15,556 --> 00:12:16,957
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
330
00:12:17,057 --> 00:12:18,525
Mr. Covington,
Help, the venue rep.
331
00:12:18,625 --> 00:12:20,927
He's bleeding.
332
00:12:21,028 --> 00:12:22,445
Hey, where do
I stand for the...
333
00:12:22,529 --> 00:12:24,298
- Tad!
- Ivy!
334
00:12:24,398 --> 00:12:26,933
Wow. You look stunning.
335
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:28,799
Harley!
336
00:12:31,038 --> 00:12:33,039
Hey, Tawny,
it's the Commish...
337
00:12:33,939 --> 00:12:35,075
...ioner.
338
00:12:35,174 --> 00:12:36,560
- Commissioner?
- Gordon.
339
00:12:36,644 --> 00:12:38,362
Yes. Listen, I've got
the scoop of the year for you.
340
00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:40,397
Bring your cameras down
to the old Gotham corn factory
341
00:12:40,481 --> 00:12:41,615
because there's gonna be
342
00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:44,250
something real
heroic going down.
343
00:12:46,553 --> 00:12:48,020
You're ruining my wedding.
344
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,090
I'm trying to do
the opposite of that.
345
00:12:50,189 --> 00:12:52,058
I keep finding people
that you've punched out
346
00:12:52,159 --> 00:12:53,977
and then you made
the photographer faint.
347
00:12:54,061 --> 00:12:55,478
- But...
- Look, I just need this day
348
00:12:55,562 --> 00:12:56,812
to go smoothly for Kite Man.
349
00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:58,003
I mean, he's a mess.
350
00:12:58,087 --> 00:13:00,150
I mean, he didn't
even want you here.
351
00:13:00,234 --> 00:13:01,618
I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have said that.
352
00:13:01,702 --> 00:13:03,152
It's just... Look,
this is supposed to be
353
00:13:03,236 --> 00:13:05,606
the happiest day
of my life, you know?
354
00:13:05,706 --> 00:13:08,641
I mean, that is if you ascribe
to those patriarchal norms
355
00:13:08,742 --> 00:13:12,060
about a woman's value fading
after she gets chosen by a man.
356
00:13:12,144 --> 00:13:13,480
Which we don't, right?
357
00:13:13,581 --> 00:13:15,515
Regardless,
it's supposed to be,
358
00:13:15,615 --> 00:13:17,901
overall,
a really good vibes day
359
00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:19,570
and it's barely
hanging on by a thread.
360
00:13:19,654 --> 00:13:20,987
I mean, I feel like I'm just
361
00:13:21,087 --> 00:13:23,056
sick of managing
everyone's feelings.
362
00:13:23,157 --> 00:13:25,192
I have my own.
363
00:13:25,292 --> 00:13:28,394
I'm nervous and I'm
scared about the future, too.
364
00:13:28,495 --> 00:13:30,230
But... I don't get a time
365
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:32,198
to just like
reflect about that, you know,
366
00:13:32,298 --> 00:13:35,034
before I walk down
the goddamn aisle forever.
367
00:13:35,135 --> 00:13:37,971
No, because someone's
going around cold-cocking
368
00:13:38,071 --> 00:13:40,341
- all my goddamn vendors. Shit.
- But...
369
00:13:40,441 --> 00:13:42,241
- But Ivy...
- Harley!
370
00:13:42,342 --> 00:13:44,977
Your friendship
means the world to me
371
00:13:45,077 --> 00:13:46,629
but, maybe, I'm kidding myself
372
00:13:46,713 --> 00:13:48,297
that I can have
my cake and eat it too.
373
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:50,518
You know, you
can't stop being you
374
00:13:50,617 --> 00:13:54,355
and... That fucks
up what I have with Kite Man.
375
00:13:54,455 --> 00:13:55,905
It just does.
376
00:13:55,989 --> 00:13:57,957
Gordon is here
to bust half your guest list.
377
00:13:58,058 --> 00:13:59,360
I'm trying
to save your wedding.
378
00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:01,945
- Listen how crazy you sound.
- I'm not.
379
00:14:02,029 --> 00:14:03,429
- Two-Face told me.
- Okay.
380
00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:06,701
A literal two-faced
person told you that.
381
00:14:06,801 --> 00:14:08,884
Harls, you may not even
know this but you're looking
382
00:14:08,968 --> 00:14:11,437
for any reason to disrupt
my life with Kite Man.
383
00:14:11,538 --> 00:14:13,207
And I just... I cannot have it.
384
00:14:13,307 --> 00:14:14,674
So what are you saying?
385
00:14:14,774 --> 00:14:17,360
I mean, I'm saying...
386
00:14:17,444 --> 00:14:18,964
I'm saying I don't
want you to be here.
387
00:14:27,788 --> 00:14:29,689
Harley, are you leaving?
388
00:14:29,789 --> 00:14:32,426
Yeah, I got duped by Two-Face.
389
00:14:32,525 --> 00:14:34,662
He told me Gordon was
gonna be here but he's not.
390
00:14:34,761 --> 00:14:36,663
And I just look
stupid and desperate
391
00:14:36,764 --> 00:14:38,197
in front of everyone as usual.
392
00:14:38,298 --> 00:14:40,217
Nonsense! We're at a wedding.
393
00:14:40,301 --> 00:14:42,118
The only person people
are paying attention to
394
00:14:42,202 --> 00:14:43,737
is the bride...
395
00:14:43,837 --> 00:14:45,639
And hopefully, me!
396
00:14:49,677 --> 00:14:52,679
Maybe I don't
fit in Ivy's new life.
397
00:14:52,779 --> 00:14:54,114
Ugh, I need water.
398
00:14:59,186 --> 00:15:02,238
Plastic?
399
00:15:02,322 --> 00:15:04,390
Ivy, from the first
moment I saw you,
400
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:06,659
I knew I could never do better.
401
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,445
And even though you rejected me
402
00:15:08,529 --> 00:15:11,180
over and over again
and over again,
403
00:15:11,264 --> 00:15:12,700
for good measure,
404
00:15:12,799 --> 00:15:16,102
I was determined
to share a life with you.
405
00:15:16,202 --> 00:15:18,404
You know, some
might call it stalking...
406
00:15:18,505 --> 00:15:20,724
Ivy, I can't wait to spend
407
00:15:20,808 --> 00:15:22,409
the rest of my life with you
408
00:15:22,509 --> 00:15:26,480
in our modest,
ranch-style, suburban home.
409
00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:29,683
Grilling meatless
proteins, of course,
410
00:15:29,784 --> 00:15:34,154
and spending weekends shuttling
our four kids between soccer,
411
00:15:34,254 --> 00:15:36,389
ballet, karate and capoeira,
412
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:39,793
which is this sick combination
of ballet and karate.
413
00:15:39,894 --> 00:15:42,211
Spending Sunday dinners
at my parents' house,
414
00:15:42,295 --> 00:15:45,164
as soon as they allow us back
into their lives, of course.
415
00:15:45,264 --> 00:15:48,468
Um, and just a lot
of chilling on the couch,
416
00:15:48,568 --> 00:15:51,138
binging some
premium streaming content
417
00:15:51,237 --> 00:15:53,606
and looking at our phones.
No-judgment style.
418
00:15:53,707 --> 00:15:56,476
Ivy, you are
the wind beneath my kite.
419
00:15:56,577 --> 00:15:58,378
What the hell do you
think you're doing?
420
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,514
Saving my best friend.
421
00:16:00,614 --> 00:16:02,733
Well, that was...
a very specific picture
422
00:16:02,817 --> 00:16:04,700
that you painted
of our future that I had not...
423
00:16:04,784 --> 00:16:07,120
I had
not totally considered.
424
00:16:09,288 --> 00:16:10,490
Oh, right, I'm up. Sorry.
425
00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:13,159
Um, hello,
uh, let me just check
426
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:15,128
my notes...
Right.
427
00:16:17,966 --> 00:16:20,366
Charles Kite Man Brown,
428
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,870
I...
429
00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:24,353
I knew you were bullshit.
430
00:16:24,437 --> 00:16:26,306
It's not what you think.
Just let me through.
431
00:16:26,405 --> 00:16:27,791
Fuck you, homewrecker.
432
00:16:27,875 --> 00:16:30,392
Time to put my Cardio Barre
membership to the test.
433
00:16:30,476 --> 00:16:31,393
Fuck, Jennifer.
434
00:16:31,477 --> 00:16:33,279
I am 36 goddammit!
435
00:16:33,380 --> 00:16:35,749
This might be the last wedding
I get to be a bridesmaid in.
436
00:16:40,287 --> 00:16:42,590
Why is a caterer
at the ceremony?
437
00:16:49,362 --> 00:16:52,700
Okay, great.
You did your part. Do you both agree now?
438
00:16:52,799 --> 00:16:53,833
- Hell yeah.
- I do.
439
00:16:53,934 --> 00:16:55,436
I now pronounce you...
440
00:16:56,904 --> 00:16:58,404
Under arrest!
441
00:16:58,505 --> 00:17:00,441
Do it, men and Cheryl,
442
00:17:01,976 --> 00:17:03,143
Too much glue.
443
00:17:03,242 --> 00:17:06,212
Why?
444
00:17:07,615 --> 00:17:08,564
The flowers.
445
00:17:08,648 --> 00:17:09,928
I'll get us out,
I'll get us out.
446
00:17:12,685 --> 00:17:15,204
This is... Shit! Plastic?
447
00:17:15,288 --> 00:17:17,541
Why?
448
00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:18,608
Gas masks!
449
00:17:23,663 --> 00:17:25,314
Merv, Merv,
are you getting this?
450
00:17:25,398 --> 00:17:26,532
'Cause I can't see anything.
451
00:17:29,569 --> 00:17:31,538
Darling, I think
it's time to leave.
452
00:17:31,638 --> 00:17:33,574
Don't leave, Mr. Burton!
453
00:17:33,673 --> 00:17:35,608
We haven't rapped yet.
454
00:17:35,709 --> 00:17:40,709
This is for you,
Timothy Burton!
455
00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:49,189
No! Why! No...
456
00:17:58,464 --> 00:18:00,366
Maid of honor coming through!
457
00:18:14,399 --> 00:18:16,572
Ah! I fucking love science.
458
00:18:18,719 --> 00:18:20,302
Tawny Young reporting live
459
00:18:20,386 --> 00:18:22,956
from the scene
of Ivy and Kite Man's wedding
460
00:18:23,057 --> 00:18:25,258
in which
Police Commissioner Gordon,
461
00:18:25,358 --> 00:18:26,961
- heroically...
- Retreat!
462
00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:28,512
Get outside! Quick!
463
00:18:28,596 --> 00:18:30,280
Pissed off some
very powerful supervillains
464
00:18:30,364 --> 00:18:32,349
and accomplished
absolutely nothing.
465
00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:33,617
All right, Merv,
let's pack it up.
466
00:18:48,848 --> 00:18:50,317
Gary, let's get out of here.
467
00:18:50,416 --> 00:18:51,652
That guy is creeping me out.
468
00:19:09,904 --> 00:19:11,253
Harley, I'm really glad
469
00:19:11,337 --> 00:19:12,822
you didn't leave
when I told you to.
470
00:19:12,906 --> 00:19:15,275
I thought maybe I could
do something right for once.
471
00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:17,610
Oh! I just want you
guys to be happy.
472
00:19:17,711 --> 00:19:18,878
Well, it's too late.
473
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:20,513
Once again,
everything is ruined.
474
00:19:20,614 --> 00:19:22,016
It doesn't have to be.
475
00:19:22,115 --> 00:19:23,450
Hey, I'm an ordained minister.
476
00:19:23,549 --> 00:19:25,317
I got a license... Ah... online.
477
00:19:25,419 --> 00:19:26,669
And I made it into a lanyard.
478
00:19:26,753 --> 00:19:28,588
Pretty legit, huh?
So what do you think, huh?
479
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,656
- Can I marry you?
- Wow!
480
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:32,392
Harley with a backup plan.
481
00:19:32,491 --> 00:19:35,029
Oh, good for you, Reverend.
482
00:19:35,128 --> 00:19:36,388
Fuck you!
483
00:19:36,472 --> 00:19:38,598
Listen, Kite Man,
I know we aren't in the corn factory
484
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,383
but we are on the property.
485
00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:41,952
So technically, you can tell
Us Weekly or whatever
486
00:19:42,036 --> 00:19:43,378
that you got married there.
487
00:19:43,462 --> 00:19:44,987
We can Photoshop some
pics later. It'll be great.
488
00:19:45,071 --> 00:19:47,907
Okay. Let's do this.
489
00:19:48,008 --> 00:19:50,010
- Hell no.
- What?
490
00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:52,928
I should have known
the third time I proposed.
491
00:19:53,012 --> 00:19:54,714
Every step in our relationship
492
00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:57,451
I've had to do over
and over and over.
493
00:19:57,550 --> 00:19:59,086
And I'm not.
494
00:19:59,186 --> 00:20:02,756
After all of this,
I'm not redoing my wedding.
495
00:20:02,856 --> 00:20:04,541
Don't you...
Don't you wanna marry me?
496
00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:06,660
Of course, I do. But you don't.
497
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,863
I saw your face during the vows
498
00:20:08,962 --> 00:20:11,498
and I knew
your heart wasn't in it.
499
00:20:11,597 --> 00:20:14,468
I may be simple
but I'm not a fool.
500
00:20:14,567 --> 00:20:17,070
It is hard to finally admit it.
501
00:20:17,171 --> 00:20:19,906
But since you
refuse to, I will.
502
00:20:20,007 --> 00:20:21,441
I'm not the person for you.
503
00:20:21,541 --> 00:20:23,109
No. Oh, shit!
504
00:20:23,211 --> 00:20:25,846
Like you said, Ivy,
I deserve the best.
505
00:20:34,855 --> 00:20:35,855
There they are!
506
00:20:37,724 --> 00:20:38,992
Shit! We gotta get out of here.
507
00:20:57,544 --> 00:20:58,729
Where's the exit?
508
00:20:58,813 --> 00:21:00,329
Oh, for the shit of shit.
509
00:21:00,413 --> 00:21:01,697
This is why I didn't
want to get married here.
510
00:21:01,781 --> 00:21:03,683
The parking lot is a damn maze.
511
00:21:07,054 --> 00:21:09,522
It's pollen season
in here, bitch!
512
00:21:09,623 --> 00:21:11,724
It's pollen season!
513
00:21:11,825 --> 00:21:13,042
I'm really sorry, Ivy.
514
00:21:13,126 --> 00:21:14,862
Kite Man will come around.
He always does.
515
00:21:14,962 --> 00:21:17,798
Yeah, but you know what?
I won't. I mean, he's right.
516
00:21:17,897 --> 00:21:20,600
I've been denying a lot
of myself for a long time.
517
00:21:20,701 --> 00:21:22,869
I guess... I guess,
it seemed easier for me
518
00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,538
to just go along
with it, you know?
519
00:21:24,637 --> 00:21:27,141
But now I realize
I hurt a lot of people
520
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,876
- delaying the inevitable.
- Well, people change.
521
00:21:29,977 --> 00:21:32,113
Yeah, yeah, people do change.
522
00:21:32,212 --> 00:21:35,081
I mean, look at you.
What you did for me today.
523
00:21:35,182 --> 00:21:37,750
You...
You showed me the Harls
524
00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:39,653
I always wanted
to see, you know.
525
00:21:39,752 --> 00:21:41,888
You don't think
I'm chaotic and crazy,
526
00:21:41,989 --> 00:21:44,157
- make a bunch of messes?
- No, you definitely do that.
527
00:21:44,258 --> 00:21:46,559
But you're trying to grow
528
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,862
and actually doing it.
529
00:21:48,962 --> 00:21:50,579
And that, I mean, for me,
530
00:21:50,663 --> 00:21:51,681
that's what matters.
531
00:21:51,765 --> 00:21:53,000
I love you, Ive.
532
00:21:55,102 --> 00:21:56,603
I love you, too, Harls.
533
00:21:58,704 --> 00:22:00,074
Oh... Oh, shit!
534
00:22:00,173 --> 00:22:01,508
Okay, eyes on the road!
535
00:22:01,593 --> 00:22:04,180
I love you, but Jesus!
36305
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