All language subtitles for AllCreaturesGreatAndSmallS7_ProdigalReturns_eng

Goodbye, Mrs Stubbs.

Thank you, Mrs Stubbs.

Mr Biggins!

Mr Biggins!

Mr Biggins!

I brought my bill,
veterinarian.

-That's very good of you.
-But, there's an item
here that, uh,

-I don't quite remember.
-Uh-huh?

Fourteenth of July, 1951.

"Vitamin pills", that says.

"One shilling and six pence",
that says.

I have no recollection
of that bit, Herriot.

-That was 18 months ago.
-But I have no recollection.

To tell you the truth,
Mr Biggins, neither have I.

Well, how do I know
that you've not charged me
for so much I've never had?

I'll tell you what?
You call around to
the surgery on market day,

and I'm sure that
Mrs Herriot will...

Mr Biggins?

Look, Mr Biggins...

If you would show me
the lame calf you wish me
to examine, Mr Biggins,

I will be very grateful.

Mr Biggins!

I'll treat no beast of mine
until I get my recollection
of them vitamin pills.

If you've dragged me
all the way out here

to argue about an item
on the bill for one and six

that's been outstanding
for 18 months...

My God, he has.

Good morning!

Helen!

-You got to help me, darling.
-Yes.

It's, uh...
It's forgery actually.

-What?
-I need a signature.

-Where did you get this?
-Oh, I have my sources.

It's a welcome home card
for Tristan.

-Want a pen?
-(CLEARS THROAT)

All right, ready? To my
dearest darling, Tristan.

No. Dearest darling, Tris,

longing to see you again

and to talk about

our plans

for the future.

Lots of love and kisses,

from your blue-eyed Susie.

Oh, James, come on, she...
You know she's
happily married.

(CHUCKLING) Yes, but Tristan
doesn't know, does he?

You remember that dance
we all went to before
we went to Ireland?

(LAUGHING) Yes.

He got so drunk
and couldn't remember
if he proposed to her or not.

-He was panic stricken.
-(CHUCKLING) I know.

(SIGHING)

Oh...

(CHUCKLING) Oh, Mr Farnon!

I heard tell you was back,
and I'm really glad
to see thee.

And very good it is
to be back, too, Bert.

I were into Drovers
only last night,

and I was saying then
to the whole place,

it'll like as not
be a bit lively with
young Mr Farnon back.

Well, it certainly
is my intention
to enter fully

into the spirit
of the community again, Bert.

But you'll not find it
a mite dull, maybe?

Always was a bit
of a lad that knows.

Well, you know, Bert?
Dullness is a state of mind.

I have no intention
of letting it afflict me.

(CHUCKLES)

I wonder if you'll have
some stories to tell, eh?

I certainly have, Bert.

And there will be some
good drinking in the
Drovers over there telling.

(CHUCKLING)
I can promise you that.

Look, I must be going.
The fatted calf awaits.

James!

Uh...

Hello.

-Helen! James!
-Siegfried.

(SIEGFRIED CHUCKLING)

(SNIFFING)

(CHUCKLING) Oh

I had fun.
I found the most, uh,

perfect housekeeper,
who will cater for my little
brother's every need.

Really, Siegfried?
Who might that be?

She's a widow, uh,

Helen, with no domestic ties.
Fine Christian woman.

Reputation for good cooking.

Besides, she wins the GFS
flower arranging competition
just about every year.

-Do we know the name
of this paragon?
-Yes, we do.

-Mrs Alton.
-(WHISPERING) Mrs Alton?

I've spoken to her
in general and she's agreed,
in principle.

You think she and Tris
will hit it off together?

I see no reason why not.
I find her very obliging.

Oh, I'm sure you did,
Siegfried, but, uh,

wouldn't we let Tristan make
his own appointment?

Well, of course. Of course.

I'm simply doing
his donkey work for him.

He's the one who has got to
live with her after all.

Yes.

What am I...
What a pair
of doubting Thomases.

I've only got my brother's
best interests at heart.

The prodigal returns.
I want to make him
feel entirely welcome.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

That's him. He's back.

HELEN: Tris!

(CHUCKLING) Helen!

-Welcome home.
-You look marvellous.

-James, it's good to see you.
-It's good
to see you too, Tris.

Tristan.

Siegfried.

I can't think why,
but I've missed you.

Good Lord, really?

Well, come on!
Let's have a drink.

To Farnon, Herriot.
Herriot and Farnon.

And to the new master
of Skeldale House, welcome.

-Yes. Welcome home, Tris.
-Thank you.

To you, Tris.

Well then, now that
we've attended to
the formalities.

Tristan, is not this
the real reason
for the homecoming?

(INHALES)
To answer a call of the heart?

Who is this from?

Oh, we've no idea, Tris.

Had a lot of fun trying
to guess, though, didn't we?

So, if you have
an announcement to make,
please don't keep us waiting.

Are we to welcome a new
mistress to Skeldale, too?

Oh, nothing could be further
from the truth.

No, no. I'm as free
as ever and determined
to keep it that way.

Come on, open up.
We're all agog.

I'll open this in private
without the attendance
of a gawking audience.

It was evidently, uh,

delivered by hand,
so it must be from
some local beauty.

Siegfried, nothing
will persuade me
down the aisle.

I know.

Well, in that case,
you better take advantage

of the opportunity
that I've uncovered for you.

I've got you a housekeeper.

A widowed woman.
A positive charm.

No dependants,
who will attend to all
your legitimate needs.

-And discourage
all the other ones.
-(JAMES CHUCKLES)

Who?

-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-She's Mrs Alton
of Five Market Cottages.

And, uh, you better take
advantage of her before
somebody else does.

She's expecting
to hear from you.

Well, that's awfully kind
of you, Siegfried,
but I would rather like to,

um, advertise the position
myself and interview
prospective candidates.

(CHUCKLING)
Precisely what I said.

-(DOORBELL RINGING CONTINUES)
-I'll get it.

That is precisely why
I made the appointment.

-MRS BIRSE: All right.
-(LATCH UNHINGING)

-Hello, my name's Herriot.
-Aye, in here.

JAMES: All right.

(MUSIC ON TELEVISION)

This is the patient, is it?

What are his other symptoms?

(INDISTINCT SPEECH)

(CHUCKLES) Oh, look at that!

You are in a state,
aren't you, eh?

Oh, she rode the finest horse
you've ever seen, Helen.

Standing 17.2 with eyes

-like hers, wide and green.
-(CHUCKLING)

(SIGHING) But?

Oh, there, poor Tris.

Oh, for goodness' sake,
just drink up. You're
becoming tediously maudlin.

If only you'd
seen her, Siegfried.

You were never much
of a horseman, anyway.

-Oh, that's not the point.
-No...

(CLEARS THROAT) Exactly!
The point is not to fester

pathetically in the past
but to forge the future.

Here it is, Tristan.

The bird in the hand.

-Open up, Tristan.
Let's drink to what's to come.
-Oh, no, no, no, no.

If you think that by getting
me drunk you can get me

to divulge the deepest secrets
of my heart...

I would have thought
you would have done
enough of that already.

(STUTTERING) But I'm glad
to hear you confirm that it is
a secret of significance.

-Oh, all right, then.
-Just give me a minute.
Let me guess who it is.

Is it Rachael Walsworth?

No, no, no, no.
She's bespoke, as I recall.

Is it, uh, young Debbie Mount,

returned from
the Australian outback
to claim your heart?

Siegfried, whoever
this is from, it cannot
possibly be...

I know, I know.
Sophie Stanton.
She's the only one who can

possibly keep you
in the style to which
you aspire.

Siegfried, I am not about
to propose marriage,

not to Sophie Stanton
nor to anyone else.

Yeah, but the point is,
some eligible damsel

may be on the point
of proposing marriage to you.

Come on, now. Read it.

Uh-huh?

(SIGHS AND CLEARS THROAT)

JAMES: I think it's mange.

This will confirm it.

I'm pretty sure, Mrs Birse.
This is sarcoptic mange.

Is that bad?

It's not as bad as the
demodectic sort, that's nearly
always incurable.

He's infested.

Nasty little mites.

Horrid, bristly
little creatures.
They burrow into the skin,

-causing...
-(GIRL LAUGHING)

And they cause
intense irritation.

(CHUCKLES)

Making his life a misery.

Yeah, he is scratching
all the time.

He needs bathing regularly
with this mange wash.

And make sure
you read the instructions
very carefully.

And you can bath him
immediately,

making sure you get it into
every nook and cranny.

MRS BIRSE: Right.

Right.

I can't say much
for the quality of your
conversation, my dear brother.

I'd expected a touch
of the blarney
to have rubbed off.

-(DOOR OPENS)
-Ah, James!

-Ah, still here?
-Oh, yes.

It is extraordinary, you know?

When I took that call
from Mr Birse, I was convinced

-it was a matter
of life and death.
-Uh-huh.

-Sarcoptic mange.
-(SIEGFRIED GASPS)

And they couldn't give
a damn about that poor dog.

Sat glued to the wretched
television. Hardly got a word
out of any of them.

It's much the same story here,
James, I'm afraid.

You certainly
haven't missed anything.

Still, I suppose under
the conditions, allowances
have to be made.

I think the card
has touched a nerve, James.

Oh, Helen.

Oh, come on, Tris.

-Drink up.
-No, no, I'm never
touching another drop.

Really?

The remedy is confession,
my dear boy.

I should have thought
you learnt that in Ireland.

Reveal all to those
you can trust and sleep easy.

No. There's no need for that.

Well, if anyone can get it
out of him, James, you can.

Tris?

Have you, uh...

Have you got any news for us?

-Who's the lucky girl then?
-Oh, James.
Please, spare me!

I had no idea that card
was so significant.

(FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS)

-Morning, Tris.
-Well, this is an all too
unaccustomed pleasure.

Yes. Not often I have seen you
so bright and early either.

Well, you know me, Helen.
New leaves and all that.
Start as I mean to go on.

Really? I heard tell
of merry goings on in the
Drovers last night.

-How are you feeling?
-In the pink, of course.

Suffering from a skin
full of pink gins you mean?

What an appalling suggestion.

Siegfried and James have
been up and about since
sparrow's spit, I suppose.

They have.

Yes, well I thought I'd
better make a bit of
an early start myself

just to check that everything
is as it was.

(SCOFFS) And is it?

Well, you know,
it's rather comforting to find
that Siegfried's

relentless gospel on progress
of modernisation
has been, uh...

More honoured in the breach
than the observance.

You'll find the clients
haven't modernised
themselves much either.

Are you ready for them?

-Oh, absolutely.
-The word's gone round,
you know?

They've come
from far and wide.

That'll make a change.

Siegfried always used to say
they stayed away in droves

when they knew
it was my surgery.

Bert Chapman's first.
And Susie of course.

Susie?

His Labrador.
Don't you remember?

Oh, yes. Of course.

(SIGHING) Of course.

SIEGFRIED: I think he's got
wind of what's in store
for him, Tom.

Aye. Well, that's why
I want him done.

Past few months
he's got worse and worse.

The three of us
can't hardly handle him.

Well, that's
classical behaviour
for a rig, isn't it?

One of his testicles
lodged in the abdomen

or possibly
the inguinal canal.
Makes him very fractious.

I don't think he's going
to let himself be caught
while I'm around.

He's got me marked down
as the one who's going to
pick his pockets for him.

He's been wild before,
but never so's
we couldn't catch him.

Well, I really ought
to be looking to
my patients...

(MAN CHUCKLES)
Oh, come on, Mr Farnon. Hey...

There's always time
for a bit of a tale.

(CHUCKLING)
Come on, sit yourself down.

-Well, it was, uh...
-Come on.

It was in a village
called Clonmachry

just outside of, uh, Wicklow.
Wonderful hunting.

And Major Fitzgerald
was retired, but...

Very peppery and he loved
to hunt astride
the wildest monsters.

-(INDISTINCT SPEECH)
-(ALL LAUGHING)

Your namesake, Mr Maloney,

-he was...
-Farrier.

The farrier.
He was terrified
of the major's horses

but even more so
of the major himself.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Morning. I was, uh,
just passing. I thought I'd
have another look at your dog.

-What, again?
-I think it's necessary.

Do you mind?

-(CHUCKLING)
-Then he ducks under
the lintel,

and right into the parlour
where he kicks over the table

to discover poor Pat Maloney
cowering for safety.

Well, he whips him out
with his crop

and drives him down
to his shop

where he hammers

-trembling...
-Trembling.

...like a leaf. He hammers a
shoe on the wild beast

and the major rides off
into the fray.

You haven't actually
bathed him yet, then?

Ah, well.
I've been a bit busy.

I'll get him done tonight.

-What's his name?
-Jack.

Get me a bucket
of warm water,
would you, Mrs Birse?

I'll give him
his first treatment now.

It'll only take
a couple of minutes.

TRISTAN: The major
was carted off to hospital,

but Genghis was left roaming
wild about the countryside,

threatening to do unto others
what he'd been encouraged
by the major to do

to poor Pat Maloney's horse.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I was, uh, brought in to
assist in catching
the wild beast by, um,

-slipping in a Mickey Finn.
-A Mickey Finn!

I liked Genghis.
He was a noble horse
in my opinion.

And all he needed was firm
but considerate handling.

Do you know, within the hour,

-I had that stallion
eating out of my hand?
-Oh...

To the amazement
of the population
of Clonmachry,

so much so that the major,
who by this time was

holed up in bed
for several weeks,
called upon me

to keep his horse
in trim for him while his, uh,
back mended.

-(ALL LAUGHING)
-MAN: Bravo, Mr Tristan!

SIEGFRIED: Good morning,
ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, it is still just
in the ???,

and I do apologise
for the lateness of surgery
this morning.

But we shall be
underway directly.

I wondered if you could
spare me a moment.

If you think you've
come back here to
a permanent social club,

let me disabuse
you of that idea immediately.

Siegfried, I was
just cultivating

the veterinary equivalent
of the bedside manner,

which you never tire of saying
is of such importance
in country practice.

Let me remind you
that our bedside
is as often as not

a freezing, evil-smelling
cow byre.

James and I
have been out there since dawn

slaving frost bitten fingers
to the bone.

While you slither out
of your bed mid-morning

and amble down to the surgery
for a quiet chat with
a few old friends.

Siegfried, I was merely
re-establishing old ties.

According to my information,
you and half the village

spent most of the night
doing precisely that

at the Drovers.
Good God, man, you've not
been back here 48 hours,

and already the backwash
of your scandalous behaviour

is battering away
at the good name
of this practice.

-Siegfried, I...
-Sooner you are safely married
the sooner you stand

some chance of becoming
a responsible member
of this practice.

-Siegfried!
-You will take
evening surgery instead,

for I intend to satisfy
the needs of these poor
patient people

before the morning
is entirely out.

Bert Chapman has to be
in pole position,
I think, if he's first.

-Siegfried...
-I wish that you install
Mrs Alton here immediately,

and then perhaps
early to bed and early to rise

may once again become
the motto of this household.

-But, Siegfried...
-Go!

(SIEGFRIED CLEARS THROAT)

-Oh, Mr Chapman
and, uh, Susie, is it?
-That's right.

-(MEWING)
-SIEGFRIED:
I'll just be a moment.

-(DOG WHINES)
-Good girl.

By God, Mr Farnon.

You'll be able to
look to your reputation
as the horse doctor

now that young
Mr Tristan's back.

(CHUCKLING) By all accounts.

He showed him a thing or two
in Ireland.

Come from miles around,
they did.

Hunters, jumpers, chasers,

all sorts of horses
worth hundreds
and hundreds of pounds.

Must have made him
quite a rich man by the look
of that car he's driving.

Now, there doesn't really seem
to be much wrong with your
little bitch, Mr Chapman.

Would you tell me
what the symptoms are?

Oh! Oh, there's nowt
amiss with Susie,
Mr Farnon.

You see, I just brought her in
to show Mr Tristan how well
she's come through after that

last bit of trouble she had
before he went away.

(CHUCKLES)

-Morning!
-Oh, morning.

-You're their veterinary?
-That's right.

(LAUGHING)

You've got a busy job
going round back on
them dogs all the time.

What?

Oh, yes. It's quite a job.

Aye. He's a grand dog.

-He certainly is.
-(DOG WHINES)

You know, them folks
don't bother with him at all,
you know?

-Oh?
-He's in hell of a state,
isn't he?

Can you, uh, can you cure him?

Yes, I think so.

It'll take time.

-Regular washing
with this stuff.
-Regular, eh?

I'm going to ask Mrs Birse
to do it as often as she can
until it's cleared up.

You'd be lucky.

Yes.

Yes.
I'm beginning to see that.

Oh! Uh, good morning.

May I speak to Mrs Alton?

Well, that's me.

Oh...

I see. Jolly good.

Um, I am Mr Farnon.

Mr Tristan Farnon?

I understand you
might be interested in
domestic employment.

-Well, actually...
-And in the position of, uh,

(CHUCKLES) housekeeper
at Skeldale house
in particular.

Looking after me.

-Well, I suppose I...
-Splendid!

Well, um, shall I take you
across there now
for a quick tour?

Just let me get my coat, okay?

(SIGHS) Oh...

Well, that's about
it then, Sylvia.

Bit of a barn of a place
for just the two of us.

We shall probably
rattle around like
two peas on a drum.

-Do sit down.
-Thank you.

But I dare say, we shall
find ways to keep
each other company.

(CHUCKLES) I think we'll be as
snug as two bugs in a rug.

Oh, absolutely.

Uh, how about a drink, then,
to seal the deal?

That's a bit naughty
at this time of day,
isn't it?

Well, you'll find me a pretty
free and easy sort of chap,
you know, Sylvia.

Not much of a stickler
for rules, discipline,
all that sort of rot.

(CHUCKLES) My feeling is,
if you feel like a drink,

have one.
How about a nice gin?

-I'll not say no to that.
-Atta girl, neither will I.

It, um,

must have been
a great shock for you.

Losing your husband at sea
and all that.

Yes, it was.

-You have my deepest sympathy.
-Thank you.

It all seems so long ago.

You, um, must have lived
a very lonely life.

I'll say.

To the good ship Skeldale
and all who sail in her.

Us.

Yes,

to us.

(DOOR OPENS)

Ah-ha!

The fair lady herself.

Yes, indeed.

Well, Tristan,
I must say, congratulations.

Oh, no, no.
It's I who ought to thank you.

Whatever for?

(CHUCKLES) Oh, I see.

For putting up with you
all these years.

Well, I now hand over
the burden

to you with
the utmost pleasure, um...

Sylvia.

Sylvia!

Welcome aboard.

When's the date?

Date?

Oh, I thought
as soon as possible, yes?

Oh, yes.

Oh, that's marvellous.

I say, I don't suppose
you'd like to go out
to dinner tonight.

I'd love to.

Just to celebrate.
After surgery, if that's
all right with you, Siegfried.

Yeah! Spanking idea.
I'll tell you what?

Let me, uh...

Sock it to ya.

-(LAUGHS)
-Oh!

(DOOR OPENS)

-TRISTAN: Ah!
-My!

You look smart.

Well, Siegfried has obviously
changed for the better
in my absence, Helen.

He was setting me up
for a nice surprise.

Oh?

He has a bit of clever
with the old
psychology sometimes,

this dear old bro.

Well, I must say,
you have perked up.

Well, you know me, Helen,
I take things as they come.

Tris, would you like
to come to supper tonight
at Rowan Garth?

The kids are dying to see you.

That's awfully kind
of you, Helen, I'd love to.

But tonight, tonight,
I have a prior engagement.

Good afternoon, everybody.

Hello, Tris.

Hello, Susie.

What on Earth is the matter?

Nothing. Nothing

(STUTTERS) I'm fine.

It's as if you've seen
a ghost.

Do you, um, want me to tell
them you're unwell.

(SIGHS) No, no...

I think we ought
to get on then, Tris.

Yes.

Back from the abyss.

Equilibrium restored.
Show in the first client,
if you please, Helen.

Bert Chapman,
if I'm not mistaken.

You sure you're all right?

Show him in.

Good evening, everyone.

Hello, Susie,
how nice to see you.

Hello, Helen.
I see Tris' back.

Yes, he's taking
surgery this evening.

Mr Chapman, Mr Farnon
will see you now.

Oh.

Come on, Miss Susie.

This way.

(CAT MEOWING)

Sweet little kitten.

Just got him for a present,
thought I'd get him injected.

Well, that won't take long.

Um, would anyone mind
if Susie went in next?

No, Helen, I'm quite
happy waiting till last.

You must remember my Susie,
Mr Farnon.

(CHUCKLES)
Well, you did wonders
for her before you left.

(NERVOUSLY) It's very kind
of you to say so, Bert,
very kind indeed,

and it is lovely to see Susie
again after all this time.

She really does look
in fine fettle.

I don't know what's up
with you, Farnon, as of late.

Always in a tear these days.

Good bye, Mr Chapman.

See you, dear.

See you again then.

Tris, Susie Parker
has got a new kitten
who only needs an injection,

so I said she could
come in next.

I don't like having
to say this to you, Helen,

but I do think
it's most unwise

to interfere with the natural
process of the queue system.

"First come, first serve"
has always been
axiomatic here.

Actually, I think she wants
to see you really.

Everyone's quite happy
to let her come in first.

Yes, well, I'm sorry, Helen,
but I am not.

(STUTTERS)
I can't allow it. It will set
a dangerous precedent.

Oh, come on, Tris,
so hard of heart
for an old flame?

You used to be so fond
of her, and I know
she's very fond of you.

Do you remember that
village dance we all
went to together?

We often talk about
that evening, you know?
Susie and I.

I think you quite
took her fancy.

Helen!

Oh, come on, Tris,
I'm sure she only wants
to welcome you home.

(SIGHS) Oh, all right.

Helen, my throat's absolutely
parched. I wouldn't half be
grateful for a cup of tea.

Yes, of course.

I'll tell you what,
I'll make one for Susie, too,

you're not going to be long,
are you, with the kitten?

She and I can sit in
the kitchen and have a nice
chat while you finish surgery.

(GASPS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Hello, Darrowby 385.

(IN AN ACCENT) Mr Farnon
asked me to call, Mrs Herriot.
A Mr Tristan Farnon!

I called him to surgery,
and he had to come
to me right away.

He particularly asked me
to apologise to any folks
still waiting for surgery,

but, uh, I'll be right
grateful if the lad
can save my beast.

And, um, Mr Farnon's arrived
at your farm already, has he,
Mr Biggins?

Oh, aye, Mrs Herriot,
Mr Farnon's with me cow now.

Gosh, I told Mrs Alton
I'd help her bring
some of her things over.

Ah, Helen, I've just found
Tristan in a telephone box
pretending to be Biggins.

(CHUCKLES) Ah, yes.
Uh, yes, Tris is trying
to get out of taking surgery.

Oh, yeah. Would you mind
telling me what's going on?

(LAUGHS) The card,
you remember the card?

Yes, indeed, I do.

Well, I wrote it pretending
to be Susie Parker.

Susie Parker?

Yes, well, it was James' idea.
It was a practical
joke, you see,

to remind Tris of that
time at the village dance
when he got so drunk

he couldn't remember
if he'd proposed
to her or not.

So you mean the poor boy
is living in mortal dread

that young Susie is going
to sue him for breach
of promise at any moment?

-That's wonderful, Helen.
(LAUGHS) Wonderful!
-(LAUGHING)

But then who's
that other girl?

-What?
-Well, the girl he had
with him this morning.

The one I thought
the card was from.

His blushing bride, Helen.

His what?

Well, no wonder he was
so reluctant to confide in us.

(SNICKERS) Well, I have no
idea who the other one is,

but Susie Parker's
out there now, Siegfried.

Yes, Tris tried to make her
wait till last, he's terrified
of seeing her face-to-face.

He's panic stricken.

-Oh, this is wonderful.
-I think we might
have gone too far.

Nonsense! It's perfect.

We'll have her in
straight away.

Susie, my dear, you've had
an inexcusably long wait.
Do please forgive us.

Won't you come in now, please?

-Thank you, Mr Farnon.
-We shan't be long.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

My, my, you are in a hurry.

Yes, I'm sorry
I'm a bit early, but, um...

Steady on, there.

Are you, uh,
ready for the road?

Actually, it would suit me
very well to go before
my sitter arrives.

Yeah, but I understood
that you had no dependents.

Just a relative who thinks
she should keep an eye on me

ever since me
husband passed on.

Let's go before
she arrives, eh?

Your wish is my command.

You know, you're going
to be just the kind of boss
I love to work for.

Lead on, Sir Galahad.

HELEN: I began to feel quite
sorry for poor Susie.

I'm sure she was oblivious
to what was going on,

but she must've wondered why
Tris was jumping up and down
like a cat on hot ashes.

-(JAMES LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS) The poor boy's
completely snapped.

He's a hopeless prey
to his guilty conscience.

I do congratulate you both.

Well, where is he now?

He's not likely to take this
a bit too far, is he?

Well, he said that he was
going to collect
Mrs Alton's things,

but I happened to know
that he's taking his
fiance out to dinner.

His what?

Thank you, Tristan,
it's been a lovely evening.

It's not going
to end here, I trust.

Tomorrow we'll be
on our own in Skeldale House,

but tonight we'd be
asking for trouble.

We've been asking for trouble
all evening, I don't see
any reason to stop now.

There's trouble
and "trouble", Tristan,

and this is the kind
of trouble we wish to avoid,
believe me.

(SCATTING)

Gracious me.

Siegfried, thank you,
thank you for Mrs Alton.

What a splendid
creature she is.

What?

(STUTTERS) Well, indeed she

certainly has a reputation
at the WI for good cookery.

-Well, all the better
to feed me with.
-(CHUCKLES)

Ah, she's a woman
of parts indeed.

Tragic, of course,
that she's lost her husband,

yet how philosophically
she has borne that loss.

She'll be the perfect
companion for me
here at Skeldale.

Well, my dear Tristan, I'm...

Must say,
I'm absolutely delighted

you've come around so quickly
to my way of thinking.

To be quite honest, I thought
it would take you
a good deal longer

to appreciate
her many qualities.

But you've met her, Siegfried.
She and I've
had a little, um...

Yes, I think that's the word,
an intimate chat, and we see
eye to eye on most things.

Hmm.

Ah, with her special
and particular talent for
flower arranging,

the church will look
absolutely splendid.

Uh, well, yes, well, anything
that takes the fancy of
the delightful Mrs Alton

will most assuredly take mine.

(BELL RINGS)

Ah, that must be her now.

(INDISTINCT)

-Ah, good morning,
good morning, come.
-Good morning,

-Mr Farnon.
-Mrs Alton,
welcome to Skeldale House.

-Mrs Alton?
-And who might you be,
young man?

Oh, I'm the other Mr Farnon.

But I don't believe I've had
the pleasure of
your acquaintance.

Well, I'm the other Mrs Alton.

Sylvia's mother-in-law.

She's gone and led you
up the garden path.

I've come to take
up my position,

which was offered to me
yesterday as housekeeper
to Mr Tristan Farnon.

Which Mr Siegfried Farnon
offered to me last week.

(MUMBLES)

(NERVOUSLY)
What I suggest is...

(STUTTERS) Is...

Since there appear
to be misunderstandings
on both sides,

I suggest we divide
our forces, uh,
Altons to one side

and Farnons to the other.

(STAMMERS) Would
you mind just
waiting here, ladies?

I shan't keep you long.

(WHISPERS) Is there no depth
to which you will not sink?

Siegfried?

You allowed me
to believe that
that girl was your fiance.

-I what?
-Bold as brass, you sat there.

Siegfried, you instructed me
to go and see Mrs Alton,

it just happened that Sylvia
was the Mrs Alton I saw.

-(GRUMBLES) Never, ever.
-You were doing me a favour.

(STAMMERING)
The flower arranger.

Good God, man, you even
conned me out of a prize
of a good dinner

to celebrate your engagement.

-Engagement?
-Will you keep
your voice down?

(SIGHS)

Oh, Siegfried, this is your
maddest piece
of wish fulfilment yet.

I thought you just found me
a good housekeeper.

You can't seriously suppose
I would ever offer that girl
a job looking after you.

Well, you had no trouble
thinking of her as my fiance.

You deliberately
misunderstood me!

I was pleasantly surprised!

Oh, I realise now,
of course, it was
your intention all along

to find me a jailer,
not a housekeeper.

Well, she's the one
who's got the job.

And I'm only so sorry
that the poor woman has
found herself mixed up

in your sordid machinations.

Oh, well, I suppose
it's better to be facing

a breach of contract than
a breach of promise.

Come on.

Now then, Mrs Alton, and, uh,

Mrs Alton.

(LAUGHS)

My brother and I have
discussed this matter
very thoroughly,

and it is my opinion that,
since the primary
misunderstanding

between Alton and Farnon
derives in very great measure

from secondary
misunderstandings

between Alton and Alton
on the one side

and Farnon and Farnon
on the other,

that it is
the primary contract,

notwithstanding its deficiency
in legal plenipotential,

uh, that should be allowed
to stand and any subsequent
agreements or understandings

between parties
of the same name,
howsoever related,

should therefore fail.

Oh.

Whatever you think
best, Mr Farnon.

No, no, no, no, it's not my
opinion, Mrs Alton,

but the due process
of natural justice.

I take it that means
I've got the job, does it?

Let me be the first
to congratulate you.

Thank you, Mr Farnon.

Now then, Mrs Alton Senior,

allow me to show you
your new domain.

TRISTAN: Siegfried!

Sylvia?

-Are you going to let him
walk all over you like that?
-Sylvia?

I thought you were
the master of this house.

-The point is...
-Don't you talk to me,
Mr Farnon Junior,

until you're prepared to stand
on your own two feet.

(GRUNTS)

I have never been so
humiliated in all
my born days!

Don't waste my time,
Mr Farnon.

I heard the young Mr Farnon
had come back,
and I want him to come out.

Now, Mr Biggins, if you've
got it into your head

that young Mr Farnon is
a veterinary surgeon
of any quality whatsoever,

let me disabuse you
of that idea immediately.

He's nothing more than
a slothful, drunken,

incompetent lecher,
Mr Biggins,

who will soon be seeking
employment elsewhere.

(WHISPERS) It's Tristan
pretending to be
Biggins again.

-It can't be.
-It is.

I just left him
in the Drovers.

Uh, would you hold
the line one moment, please?

He is incapable of holding
a glass let alone a telephone.

Good God.

Then it's Biggins?

-(LAUGHS)
-In that case, James,
it's for you.

Hello, Mr Biggins.

Afternoon, Mr Biggins.

Afternoon, veterinary.

I've come to see
the scoured cow.

Oh, well she's back
at farm in Chipping.

Well, I'll pop down
and see her then.

I've, uh... I've no brace
to change the wheel.

Well, Hammond's garage.

You'll find the number
in the book.

Do you remember
that item that we were
discussing on Friday?

-The unpaid bill, you mean?
-Aye.

After you'd gone, suddenly,
everything come back to me.

-Recollection.
-Recollection?

What was it
jogged your memory exactly?

I recollected counting out
all them vitamin pills
same as I always do.

Yes.

I know that generally there's
one or two of them
missing on those.

But on that particular
occasion you had
the full complement of 100.

-Aye, that's right.
-Hmm.

You haven't got your
cheque book with you,
have you, Mr Biggins?

I might have.

Have you got a wheel brace?

I might have.

And a jack?

In exchange for
a signed cheque, Mr Biggins.

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Thank you.

Aye, thank you, Mr Biggins.

Right.
(EXHALES)

I'll wait while
you fix the wheel.

Then we'll go look
at your cow, eh?

Well, lad, there's no
need for that.

Well, she'll have come right
on her own, eh?

(LAUGHS)

And if there's no visit,
there'll be no bill, eh?
(CHUCKLES)

Them next doors've got him.

Thank you.

Eh, uh, you see, veterinary,
we're doing your job.

-This is the missus.
-(CHUCKLES)
Afternoon, veterinary.

Hello, you're doing
a grand job.

Well, them Birses, they never
bathed him once.

So I asked if we
could have a go.

Yeah, well, that's fine.

Now then, just a little bit
more on there, dear love.

Come on, let's have
this leg now, shall we?
(GRUNTS)

JAMES: You haven't missed
an inch, have you?

Well, we heard what
you said at start.

Them Birses there,
do you know they wanted
to have him put down?

-Oh?
-Mmm.

But we said we'd
get him better.

JAMES: Well, you can see
he appreciates what
you're doing for him.

Aw!

Right, I've brought some more
packs of that wash.

There we are.

Well, he's in good hands.
I can see that.

-(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
-Bye.

BOTH: Bye.

Nosy old buggers.
They're always minding
other folks' business.

Nosy?

Yes, well, maybe,
but they're very caring,
you know?

They've done wonders for Jet.

He still looks
a sight, though.

It's going to take
a long time.

Well, we can't afford
to keep having you to him
all the time, veterinary.

It's nursing care
he's going to need
more than anything else.

If you don't mind my saying,
no one in your family seems
to have much time for him.

Well, kids are
always busy now.

I think we'd be better off
having him put down.

I don't think that's
necessary, do you?

Specially when there are
people who want
to care for him.

-Why don't you let
the Howells have him?
-Why should we?

Well,

it's going to be a very
expensive business, you know?

Apart from my visits,
there's all the mange wash
to pay for.

And that dog's going
to need a good diet.

Fresh meat every day,
help build him up
so it doesn't recur.

The Howells have said
that they're willing
to foot the bill.

Old fools.

With all that money you save,
you can get yourself
another dog.

For when you're less busy.

(SCATTING)

James, you sound very
pleased with yourself.

Oh, do I?

-Why, yes, as a matter
of fact I am, Siegfried.
-Good.

I have here, somewhere,
a cheque from Mr Biggins.

-What...
-Ah, signed in settlement
of 18 months work.

Six quarters!

-Good God!
-Yeah.

Well, it took an hour
of my time, but, uh...

We have Mr Biggins' cheque.

My dear man,
domination at last.

I congratulate you, James.

And that dog that
I was treating for mange...

-Yes.
-Mmm-hmm.

Its owners have agreed
to let the neighbours have it.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, James,
cause for celebration, indeed.

Siegfried.

James, um...

I really do need
to talk to you.

Well, of course, my dear boy.

But, you know, the shop is
hardly the place for
personal conferences, is it?

Tell you what, why don't you
go ahead with James
to the Drovers,

and, uh, I'll follow just as
soon as I've shut up here.

Yes?

Yes, all right.

(SIEGFRIED CHUCKLES)

-James.
-Siegfried.

-This cheque of Biggins'?
-(CHUCKLES) Yes.

It's post-dated to June
of next year, it's six
quarters hence, James.

Hi, Susie.

Mr Herriot.

Oh, Tris, how are you?

Oh, say hello to her at least.

Oh, not now, James, please.

Come on,
she's a very nice girl.

Susie, I brought him
to see you.

Hello, Tris.

I've been trying to see you
since you got back.

How are you?

Well, things have been
rather traumatic, actually.

You'll soon get used to it.

I'd like to have
a chat with you.

(NERVOUSLY) Look,
I'll catch up with
you later, Susie.

Um, I am, in fact, in a rather
desperate need of medication.

It's just that I've got
so much to tell you.

Why is he like
that, Mr Herriot?

-I, uh...
-Never used to be nervous,
did he?

-Mmm-mmm!
-Not a care in the world.

-It's Jet.
-Pardon?

That dog's a patient of mine.

Tell you what I'll do,
I'll have a word
with the owners,

and then we'll smoke Tris out
of the Drovers, eh?

Right you are.

Hello.

-First walk with
his new owners?
-(LAUGHS)

And I reckon we have you
to thank for that, Mr Herriot.

It's grand having him.

It was awful being
without a dog.

Do you know they never
took him out at all.

Just let him wander
around by his self.

I don't know why some folks
have dogs at all.

"Come grow old along with me,

"the best is yet to be."

That's it, Mr Herriot,
that poem's got it just right.

Hmm.

-Well, I'll see you soon, eh?
-Okay.

Susie.

I got a bit sloshed.

Well, famously paralytic,
to be precise.

And then I went away
to Ireland.

Now I've come back,
and I'm being asked to marry
the girl. Now, is that fair?

Life's never fair, though,
mate, is it?

-Want another?
-Mmm.

So, mate, you're doing
about three to my one.

Oh, there he is.

At the bar, with my Joe.

Oh, is that your husband?

-Yeah.
-Gosh.

Why don't you sit down here,
and I'll bring him
over to you.

I'll just have a quick word
with him first.

Yeah, you can't be
too careful, mate.

I just don't see why,
after two years, nearly,

I should have to face up
to marriage.

Tris, a word.

Oh, hello, James.
I'm just having a quick drink
with my friend here.

Joe.

Couple of years, eh?
It's about that I would have
been away from my little lady.

Really? You live here
in Darrowby, do you?

-She comes from here...
-Tristan, I do need
to talk to you.

I'm from Lincolnshire,
east London.

We met up here
at a Forces dance.

Really? I used to go
to a lot of those.

I might know her,
what's her name?

Tris, will you listen
to me, please?

James, please, just hang on.

Gentlemen, your services
are required

in the execution
of professional duties.

Splendid.

Like I said before,
there are only certain ways
to geld...

Now I can't imagine that
my brother would recommend
for a moment

a chemical solution
to a simple question
of authority.

(NEIGHING)

All right.

-How much am I bet?
-Learn to take it alone?

-I'll bet you a fiver
I can do it.
-Tenner, you can't.

-Now, wait a minute.
-TRISTAN: 15.

SIEGFRIED: 20?
TRISTAN: 25!

Hey, Mr Farnon, it's more than
the animal's worth.

Oh, he's worth more
than that to me, Tom.

(NEIGHING)

Five, ten, fifteen,

twenty, twenty-five.

Three large whiskeys,
please, then.

And paid, let me tell you,
under protest.

The normal rules of gambling
protrude divine intervention.

Tris!

I tracked you down at last.

Gosh!

Susie, what a surprise.

SUSIE: I've been wanting
to tell you something.

Yes, I know, but, um...

I missed you after
you went away.
You could have written.

Not long after, I went
to one of the dances
up at the camp,

and I met Joe.

Well, he's been
in the army for a while,
but he's just got back.

Well, I know you've
already met.

-But I want you to be friends.
-But...

Tristan Farnon, Joe Manton.
My husband.

(LAUGHS) Well...

Congratulations.

-Drinks all round, Tris?
-Hmm?

-Thanks, Deb.
-(LAUGHS)