All language subtitles for Rel.S01E12.Cleveland.eng

Okay, who want to try
this new drink I created?

Jake, what is that called?

S... Smoky alcohol?

Smells like gasoline.

It got a little bit of that in it.

Dang, that was quick.

Yo, is that vision board party
over already?

No, Rel started roasting everybody

and got us kicked out halfway through.

Okay, come on, now. No, no,
I wasn't roasting anybody.

I was just pointing out the obvious.

One girl had flat irons,
kitchen knives

and a foot massager
on her vision board.

You shouldn't be able
to create a vision

with just a trip to the drug store.

Okay, someone give me a hint.
What-what is a vision board?

You cut out pictures of things
you aspire to,

and then you glue them on a
board to keep your mind focused

on where you want your life to go.

Oh, so you got grown people
taking pictures,

cutting 'em out of a magazine,
sticking it on cardboard,

and hoping a miracle will happen.

That's called voodoo.

Look, one girl brought
her vision board that she had

from last year because
none of her visions came true.

And look, everybody was sitting
there like it wasn't sad.

That was weird to me.

That's what being
a supportive friend is called.

You know... how I act like your
life ain't sad all the time?

Whatever, whatever, whatever.
My board is simple.

- I got everything I want on mine.
- But Rel,

this don't make no sense.
You already got them kids.

They just live in Cleveland.

That's what I told him.
See, you get how it work, Milt.

I most certainly do not.

Oh, yeah, let me take this call.

Wait. So, Britt, like,
what's on your board?

Look, I divided mine
into three areas...

career, dreams and love life.

For my career, I would love for
my fashion line to go national.

Dreams: I dream about
my fashion line going national.

And my love life...

I'd love my life if
my fashion line went national.

What's wrong with you? You good?

Oh, that was Shannon. Um...

she said Erica got suspended.

For what... winning
- too many spelling bees?

No. Apparently,

she made fun
of a girl with a disability.

Hold it.

This-this Shannon calling back.
Let me take this outside.

Whoa, whoa. Look, check this out.

Rel put a picture of his kids
on the board, right?

And now he outside talking
to Shannon about his kids.

I'm getting chills.

Man, I don't believe in vision boards.

But I got a dream catcher

that's filled almost entirely
with nightmares.

That thing saved my ass
countless times.

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Man, I can't believe
sweet, smart, quiet Erica

would make fun of somebody
with a disability.

I can. I was bullied
by a girl for seven years

who seemed like
she was "nice" in school.

- What was her name?
- Brittany.

- Ooh, look.
- What?

- Ow!
- Uh, look, guys, look.

Shannon... Shannon says she
don't know what got into her,

you know, 'cause stuff like this
I usually expect out of Terry.

You know, little boys...
they do crazy stuff.

I remember one time,
he thought paste was ice cream,

and he ate it, right?

And we asked him what was wrong,

but his mouth was glued shut
so he couldn't tell us.

Erica is usually the one
with some sense, man.

Something's got to be going on.

Look, I can tell you what's going on.

Look, no disrespect to Shannon.

She's the mother
of my grandkids, and I love her,

but the kids are missing their father.

I mean, I know you FaceTime,
I know you call them,

but it's not the same
as being there, okay?

Yeah, you right.

You know something?
I'm-I'm-a use my vacation days,

I'm-a fly to Cleveland tomorrow...

'cause my family needs me.

Oh, hell, no.

Uh-oh. You got that look in your eyes.

- There's no look.
- There's definitely a look.

No, Brittany, it's not a look.

- I'm telling you, I see it.
- Look, stay out my damn eyes!

Look, Rel, this is
- your first trip to Cleveland,

and you're already imagining
your family back together again.

- Come on, Britt, you tweakin'.
- Naw.

You're gonna get there,
and Shannon's gonna be Shannon.

Cool. Hot.

The woman that you fell
in love with, and you thought

you would spend the rest
of your life with.

Then you're gonna fall back
into your old patterns,

because you can't get that dream

of having a perfect family
out your head.

She does make a point, bro.
Shannon is kind of perfect.

Except the time when she slept
with your barber, and...

Hey!

Look, Rel, you're a family addict,

and I just don't want
to see you hurt again.

Please don't tell me
you're staying at the house.

No, I'm staying at a hotel, okay?

And-and look, guys,
y'all getting carried away.

I'm only gonna be there
for a couple days.

Good, 'cause I can't lose you
to Cleveland.

You're my brother and my mentor
and my best friend.

Nat, what you talking about?

That's what you say at funeral.

The man ain't dead.
He's just going to Cleveland.

Look, look, look, look, guys, look.

I'm a grown-ass man.
I don't need anybody's help.

I got this, all right? Now,

which one of y'all want
to take me the airport tomorrow?

- Oh.
- My car got a flat.

Um, hey.

Hey.

Just...

Yeah. Uh, okay.

Kids, look who is here.

- Hey. Hey. Hey.
- Daddy!

Oh, God, I missed you guys so much.

- How are my babies doing?
- I'm great.

But Erica is in big trouble,
which is why I'm great!

Okay, Terry, please go put
on your pajamas.

Are you gonna sleep here, Daddy?

I mean, look,
I just came to say good...

Mom, please can he stay?

Please, please can he stay?

What did I say? Huh?

Come on, put on your pajamas, babe.
Let's go.

Are you going to yell at me, too?

Oh, he will... as soon
as you tell him what you did.

I told Lisa Maxwell
to give me a high three.

Wait. What's a high three?

Lisa Maxwell only has three fingers.

Oh.

So, why-why did you say that?

She was making fun of me first.

She called me "Stinky Butt."

What? She started it?

All right, look, well, you, you...

Why don't you go to bed, right,

and we'll talk about this
in the morning.

Come here. I missed you. Mmm.

- Good night.
- Good night. Good night.

Mm-hmm, goodnight.
I'll be up in a minute.

So, um,

well, why you ain't tell me
about the three finger part?

Oh, I kind of just wanted
to see your face in person

when you heard it.

So worth it!

I mean, I know it's wrong
and everything, and... you know.

I don't know
who her parents is, but...

you got a kid with three fingers,

you got to let them know,

"Look, you can't be talking
about people."

True, true.
I knew you would like that.

But listen, in all seriousness,
come on.

Her being suspended is
a really big deal.

We have to figure out
how to handle this.

You know, we just got to let her know

you can't go right after the
three, you know what I mean?

Or we can just teach her coping skills

on how to deal
with being teased. Real simple.

I mean, I guess
that's another option, you know.

All right, wait for it.

Wait a minute.

Hot cocoa?

And you put
the little marshmallows in there

and everything.
You-you remember how I like it.

Hey, thank you.

You're welcome. And, uh,

I think it'll make Terry very,
very happy if you stay here.

And I'm cool with that, you know,

if that's what you want to do.

Well, I mean,
if-if that's what, you know,

if that's what Terry wants.

Brittany, what are you doing?
What... Is everything all right?

Yeah. Why are you whispering?

Uh, you know, 'cause I'm...

Hi, Aunt Brittany!

Damn, Rel, I knew

you was gonna end up
sleeping at the house.

Look, look, the-the kids
wanted me here, okay

- Terry?
- Yes, Aunt Brittany?

If your dad sleeps anywhere
but that floor,

you call me,
and I'm gonna send you $20.

- Okay.
- Okay. We got to go. Bye.

I'm watching you.

I don't know why,

but I'm watching you.

Okay, just because you are suspended

doesn't mean you got the day off.
Roasting class is in session.

- What's roasting?
- Good question.

Roasting is how you verbally
defend yourself, right?

I'm gonna teach you
to look like the good guy

instead of the bad guy.

Mom said that I should be
the bigger person,

but this sounds more fun.

Now, look, here's the thing, though.

You can't go at the disabilities,

or talk about something
a person can't change.

You got to be more creative.

Like, I'll give you
a perfect example, right?

I remember when I was
in school and this kid,

you know, was-was calling me
"four eyes."

I was like, "Well, the only
reason I got these glasses on

is to block your bad breath
from giving me pink eye."

And the next thing you do,
all you got to do is

add an act-out to that,
and you're good.

What's an act-out?

Oh, an act-out is when

you actually act out the joke
you said, right?

I'll give you a perfect example,
right?

This mean kid who used to pick on me

had on some dirty Jordans one day.

And I was like,
"Your-Your Jordans are so dirty,

"Michael Jordan's not holding
a basketball anymore.

He's holding a washcloth." And
then I started doing like this.

And everybody started dying laughing.

And that's all you got to do,
you know?

As a matter of fact,
let's-let's... let's practice.

Look at this pillow.

Pretend this pillow is Lisa Maxwell.

That's right, that mean girl
that talked about you.

And she said your butt stinks. Go.

You only know my butt is stinky

because you like to sniff butts. Hmm.

I mean, that is funny,

but, uh, you're also admitting
that your butt stinks.

So...

it's a win-loss situation.

How about this, Dad?

Your shirt is so dirty,
I almost gave you a quarter

when I saw you this morning.

All right, look,
that's not bad, but, you know,

you don't know
this kid's financial situation.

20 years ago, you know,
poverty wasn't off-limits.

You know, right now you got
to factor in the socioeconomics,

you know what I mean?

Ew, what are you eating for lunch?

It smells like bubbling hot garbage.

Well, your outfit is so weird
that they cancelled picture day.

Good job!

Okay, look,
you've been doing great today,

but this is your last test.

Roast your dad. Come on, hit me.

Your breath's so bad

that your family moved
all the way to Cleveland.

Damn, girl.

Okay, I didn't know
you was gonna go that low,

uh, but it was good, you know,

but... but you're cold-blooded.

Ooh, I got one.

Your daddy's head smells
like doodie fish. Ha!

What's a...
what's a "doodie fish," though?

I like how you added

the "ha" at the end, 'cause
it made more emphasis to it.

Wow, I haven't heard

that much laughter in here in a while.

And I made you a plate.

Mom, I'm sorry I got suspended.

I know what I did was wrong.

Dad helped me see that.

Wow.

Okay, apology accepted.

Come here and give me a hug. Mm!

Come on, Terry,
let's get our pajamas on

so we can watch a family movie.

Oh! Oh! Hi, Mom.

Hi.

Okay, wait. Laughter, dinner,

family movie night and an
apology from my daughter?

- Look at you. Well done.
- Yeah, you know,

I taught her some
coping skills, you know.

And, uh, guess what?

I made the cocoa.

Here you go.

Damn, Rel.

They seem really happy.

I have to admit,
I was a little nervous

about asking you to come here,
but this is nice.

In fact... mmm, smells good...

I am gonna go take off this suit,

so that I'll be ready
for family movie night.

Go and get comfortable.

- Don't drink my cocoa.
- I won't.

Okay. You're killing it, Rel.

You are the man.

Aah, hot, hot, hot!

All right, when you're making
a vision board,

you shouldn't think
of objects you want.

Think of objects that represent
where you want your life to go.

Do either of you envision
a drink in your future?

Because if not, I can see my
future without you in the bar.

Look, yo, yo, this place is good luck.

This is exactly where Rel was
when his kids called

and his vision board came true.

- What's that, Nat? What'd you say?
- I was...

Oh, you want a vodka soda
and a beer? Coming right up.

Let's see what you got on yours, Nat.

It's hard to make sense of this.

Is that a briefcase
and a woman twerking?

Yeah. 'Cause, you know,
I want a job, right?

But I want a "good-ass" job.

You see what I'm saying?

Feel me?

Right there.

Look, you know
this ain't a word game, right?

Then why... why ain't
no pictures right there?

Oh, see, that represents
endless possibilities.

But it's... it's nothing.

Yeah, but it could be anything,
you see what I'm saying?

You gotta open your mind, Britt.

Yo, Brittany,

how's Rel doing in Cleveland?

Did he get back with his ex
and re-tear that ass up?

No. But last night, I did find
out he was staying at the house.

Oh. Don't worry. Look, I got a picture

of Rel's favorite deep dish
spot on this vision board.

That'll make sure the universe
don't let him move to Cleveland.

Might be too late for that.
I've been calling his ass

all night, and he ain't answered.

I called you five times.
Why are you ducking me?

Come on, now, you know
I told you my phone was dead.

Rel, you're a terrible liar.
It rang every time.

Anyway, what time
are you going to the airport?

Well, here's the thing, you know,

um, I'm-a stay an extra night.

- What?
- I'm just saying, me being here

has been beneficial
for the kids, okay?

- Everything's going great.
- Beneficial for the kids?

Wait, are you whisking?

Show me what you're doing. Now.

You're making breakfast for dinner

with your signature scrambled eggs.

And hold up, is that the...

Yup. The Bobby Brown seasoning.

Because what I cook is my prerogative.

You brought that from home?

You flew with seasoning?
Who flies with seasoning?

Look, Rel,
I don't want you to backslide

and get your feelings hurt.
I just want you to...

Oh, well, gotta take this.

- Gotta go. Bye.
- No, don't pause...

Hey. Guess what I'm doing?

Wait, she got suspended again?

Erica, would you mind
telling your parents

what happened, please?

Well, I was doing my math lab,

and Lisa Maxwell said
that I was a baby,

because I was counting
on my fingers, and I said,

"You need to put some lotion
on your elbows,

because they look like they've
been dipped in cake batter."

Dip, dip, dip.

Are these the coping skills
you taught her?

Yes, but honest, I didn't know
she was gonna be so good at it.

And look, to tell you the truth,
the other girl started it,

You know what I mean?
When did you start

- suspending kids for being hilarious?
- Okay,

that's-that's not what we're doing.

I am sorry for what she did,

and I am very sorry
for what my husband did.

I'm sorry. My... my ex-husband.

Actually, he's not my ex-husband yet.

We're just separated, so I
am sorry for what this guy did,

but I have to agree with him:

she should not be suspended.

Yeah, yeah, man. I mean,
that girl insulted her first.

First.

Well, she's not
getting suspended for that.

In fact, I want
to apologize to you both

for not seeing
that Erica was being bullied.

Uh, Mr. Humphries,
can you come in here, please?

Uh, can you tell them what happened?

Gladly!

This little itty-bitty,
tiny little girl

had the audacity to insult me
that was so tragic.

I mean, the words were insulting,

and it had me petrified
of what she said to me.

This little insidious attitude,

this little bitty woman got
is ridiculous!

She's a little monster,
that's what she is, okay?

And what she said to me
had all the kids all riled up.

It was almost a riot in my classroom!

I couldn't hear myself think!

Okay, Mr. Humphries, what did she do?

Now, I told myself
I wouldn't repeat this.

But if I got to, I will!

This little girl said to me,

"Say it, don't spray it"!

Okay.

Uh, Principal Thompson,

I am sure that Erica is
very sorry for what she did.

She should not have spoken
to her teacher like that.

I'm sorry, Mr. Humphries.

No, you're not!

I'm so sorry about that.

Some tissue for the spray?

All right, Rel, um,
how about you tell me

what you were thinking
when you taught our daughter

to be disrespectful and insult people?

Well, first of all, I was teaching her

to stand up for herself,
instead of what you taught her

- as doing nothing at all.
- I didn't teach her to do nothing.

I told her to be the bigger person.

Well, to me, the bigger person
is the better roaster, okay?

You're from Chicago.
You know how we get down.

Ugh! Rel, here we go. This is not

- a Chicago-Cleveland thing!
- Well, maybe it is, okay?

You know why it's
a Chicago-Cleveland thing?

Because I live in Chicago
and my kids live in Cleveland.

Did you ever think
that maybe she's acting out

because I'm not around?

I knew you would make this about you.

See, there you go
with that again, like,

always trying to call me
selfish, you know what I mean?

Look, you are the one who actually...

You know something,
what-what are we doing?

I know.

Dang.

And these last couple of days,
they've been really nice.

I actually thought
maybe there was a chance,

just maybe, that we could work out.

Here's the thing about it.

We can't make it about us
no more, all right?

It gotta just be about them.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Come here, come here,
come here, come here.

Look, I know we're not...

we're not good
at being husband and wife.

Matter of fact,
we might be kind of terrible.

We got to make sure we're
great co-parents for them.

You're right.

And I have to be completely honest.

The kids are having
a hard time adjusting.

I knew it would be hard
moving them from you

but this job offer,
it was just so good,

and at the time, I just thought
it was what was best for them.

Look, look, hey, hey, don't-don't...

you can't beat yourself up
about this, okay?

Agreed with you about
bringing them here to Cleveland.

You know, because this is
a huge opportunity for you,

and you deserve that...
you've worked really hard

to get where you at.

Look, Shannon...

Look, what can I...

No, let me rephrase that.

What can we do to make
this situation better?

Look, look, I know you guys have
been worried about me, but...

but Cleveland was, um...

Cleveland was amazing.

So, look, I got a surprise for you.

I brought back a couple of souvenirs.

- Hey!
- What?

RY - What, what, what?

Aw...

Oh, hey, hey, don't get me wrong, man,

I love seeing my grandkids, but...

...did you kidnap them?

Dad, no, no.

- So, how long are they visiting for?
- No, no,

it's not a visit, all right?

Look, me and Shannon
worked out all our issues,

and we had a long talk, and
we felt that, like, you know,

bringing them back to Chicago
to finish the school year,

it's just better for them...
you know, put them back in,

- like, familiar settings, you
know what I mean? - Yeah.

And, look, Shannon,
this gives her time to,

like, get settled into her job, and...

- Look, she's an amazing mom,
honestly, and... right now -Yeah.

We're just trying to be
the best co-parents we can be.

Look, look... l right, all right,

We got the family all back together.

- How we gonna celebrate?
- Breakfast for dinner.

That's right, I'm
making my famous scrambled eggs.

Eggs? Man, these kids been in
Cleveland for six months, man.

Who wants deep dish?

For real? I mean, you don't ask
my permission or nothing?

You're just gonna
walk out with my kids?

Bye.

Larry, you're not gonna believe

what this little nasty
little bitty boy did today.

He did one of the most
disgusting crimes of all time.

This little boy is one
of the nastiest little people

I've ever met in my life,

and I am sick of it!

When I tell you what he did,
you're gonna be... Oh, my God,

it's such a bacterial crime,
you're gonna be so... Oh!

Here we go. I'll tell you
what he did... this little boy

went to the bathroom
and didn't wash his hands.

And when I asked him,
he admitted to it!

He is disgusting. Now,
this is what I suggest we do.

We don't have to suspend him,

but we should hand-sanitize
his whole body.

That's right. I want permission
to strip him and dip him.

Absolutely not!

Young man, go wash your hands
and go back to class, please.

Thank you, sir. You're a young
king out here on these streets.

He's not a king, he's disgusting!

Mr. Humphries...

you can't keep trying
to suspend every kid,

or the board is gonna find out

that you, in fact, hate children!

Let me say this to you:
you are a coward.

You are a coward!

And guess what?

I quit. I don't need this mess.

I am done, Larry!

That's right, Mr. Humphries is done!

I'm going back into
show business. That's right!

I'm gonna call
Patti LaBelle right now.

Patti! Patti! Patti?!

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