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1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,880
[light orchestral music]
2
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:26,220
[grand orchestral music]
3
00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:46,170
[upbeat funk music]
4
00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:32,220
[vacuum whirring]
5
00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:37,590
Oh!
6
00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:39,500
Here, what do you think you're playing at?
7
00:01:39,590 --> 00:01:40,510
What are you going on about?
8
00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:41,470
I bet it ain't the first time
9
00:01:41,550 --> 00:01:43,340
you've lost your knickers in a tube.
10
00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,170
Mr. Harman.
11
00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:47,470
Will you please hurry about your business
12
00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:48,840
and get back to the store room?
13
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,960
You've got no authority
over me, so get stuffed.
14
00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:53,720
I didn't hear that.
15
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:56,680
You've got no authority
over me, so get stuffed!
16
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,590
[knocking on door]
17
00:01:58,670 --> 00:01:59,800
[Mrs. Slocombe] Oh! Drat.
18
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,800
The damn door's stuck again!
19
00:02:02,340 --> 00:02:05,510
It's Mrs. Slocombe,
she's trapped in the lift!
20
00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:07,050
Mr. Harman, get that door open.
21
00:02:07,130 --> 00:02:08,760
[knocking on door]
22
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,380
See if you can force it open.
23
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:11,710
Get your feet at it.
24
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,510
Pull, pull. That's right.
25
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:16,760
It's time somebody saw
to this dratted thing.
26
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,130
Come on, we'll give you a hand.
27
00:02:18,210 --> 00:02:19,630
Oh, pass your stuff out.
28
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:20,790
Yes, take Mrs. Slocombe's things.
29
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,170
Oh, and would you mind
taking this, Mr. Harman?
30
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:25,840
Take the bag, take the bag.
31
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,800
Yes, but how am I going to get down?
32
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,130
You'll have to back out.
I'll get you a stool.
33
00:02:30,210 --> 00:02:31,540
Oh, thank you, Miss Brahms.
Oh!
34
00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:33,550
Would you mind holding my pussy?
35
00:02:33,630 --> 00:02:34,420
[cat meows]
36
00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:36,430
Mrs. Slocombe, you're
not taking that thing
37
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:37,890
on holiday with you, are you?
38
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:38,750
Well, of course I'm not.
39
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:42,220
I'm boarding her at the pussy
hotel in the pet department.
40
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,720
She's such a retiring little soul.
41
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,050
She won't be by the time some
42
00:02:46,130 --> 00:02:47,590
of them randy moggies up there
43
00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:49,590
give her a good going-over.
44
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:53,250
I am paying a surcharge
for her private quarters.
45
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,470
That's the bit they're
looking forward to.
46
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,510
[Miss Brahms] Here Mrs. Slocombe,
here's your stool.
47
00:02:57,590 --> 00:02:59,300
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Miss Brahms.
48
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,880
Oh, I hope I haven't
forgotten me passport.
49
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:02,710
Don't worry.
50
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,050
If you show that lot at customs
51
00:03:04,130 --> 00:03:04,880
what you're showing us, I'm
52
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,290
sure they'll know you're British.
53
00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,510
Oh, couldn't I have a ladder?
54
00:03:08,590 --> 00:03:09,760
You've already got one.
55
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,970
It goes nearly out of sight.
56
00:03:12,050 --> 00:03:15,050
I'll bat your earhole
when I get out of here.
57
00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:16,760
Come along, Mrs. Slocombe.
Here, give me your hand.
58
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:17,800
Miss Brahms, hold that.
59
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,340
Oh, thank you, Captain Peacock.
60
00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:22,750
Mr. Harman, kindly avert your gaze.
61
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:23,840
Come on, give me a hand.
62
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,300
Oh, and keep your hands on the stool.
63
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:29,800
[light orchestral music]
64
00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,420
Yes, you've clone very well, Mr. Henry.
65
00:03:41,510 --> 00:03:42,760
It's not easy, my hair.
66
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:43,880
Oh, no, sir.
67
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,500
You have to find it before you can cut it.
[laughs]
68
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,880
Take your account to my
office, will you please?
69
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,420
Will there be anything else, sir?
70
00:03:51,510 --> 00:03:54,220
Yes. Get your cards at the same time.
71
00:03:55,460 --> 00:03:57,540
Henry, love, I think I'm about clone.
72
00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:59,550
I've got to be upstairs in three minutes.
73
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:03,460
Coming, clear.
74
00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:14,170
Mmm.
75
00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:15,260
That suits you.
76
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:16,420
It's me mother's.
77
00:04:16,510 --> 00:04:17,760
Our heads are the same size,
78
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,550
and she's off to a bingo reunion,
79
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,710
so I thought I'd treat her to a free set.
80
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,920
Do you know, I'm not sure I like it.
81
00:04:27,630 --> 00:04:29,170
Now, Miss Brahms.
82
00:04:29,260 --> 00:04:31,930
You can start getting
rid of them balloons.
83
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,010
The sale was over yesterday.
84
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:35,840
Here.
85
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,880
I've got a display unit for you.
86
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,590
The Lifebelle inflatable swimsuit,
87
00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:43,170
completely safe for the non-swimmer.
88
00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:45,680
It works with a sparklet bulb.
89
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,640
What does it do?
90
00:04:47,710 --> 00:04:50,210
[air hissing]
91
00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:53,630
You will note they are
independent of each other
92
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,170
in case of a puncture.
93
00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:56,300
[air hissing]
94
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,590
It comes complete with a
mid-ocean repair outfit
95
00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:01,500
in case you get caught on a sunken wreck
96
00:05:01,590 --> 00:05:03,630
or a Romeo with sharp teeth.
97
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:05,790
Oh, thank heavens I can swim.
98
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:09,090
Ah, but think of the
other advantages, darling.
99
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:10,710
You're lying out there on the beach.
100
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,800
Your eyes is closed.
101
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,340
A Robert Redford comes out of
102
00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:15,130
the sea looking for the crumpet.
103
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,090
What do you do?
104
00:05:16,170 --> 00:05:18,590
You press the emergency
valve and, hey, presto!
105
00:05:18,710 --> 00:05:20,420
[air hissing]
106
00:05:21,670 --> 00:05:23,380
Disgusting.
107
00:05:25,510 --> 00:05:29,970
I have never seen
anything like it in my life.
108
00:05:31,630 --> 00:05:33,960
I wonder if they give staff discount?
109
00:05:34,050 --> 00:05:35,260
I should take one on our holiday
110
00:05:35,340 --> 00:05:36,920
with you, ifl was you, darling.
111
00:05:37,010 --> 00:05:38,340
I don't want to spend half of my life
112
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,300
giving you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation
113
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,420
every time I pull you out of the sea.
114
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,800
Don't tell me you're coming as well!
115
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,710
Well, of course I am!
You don't think I'm going to
116
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,300
spend all me time on me own here
with the store shut?
117
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:50,460
I see.
118
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,220
Miss Brahms, come with me.
119
00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:55,050
Captain Peacock, are you free?
120
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,380
At the moment, Mrs. Slocombe.
121
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:01,920
When I consented to take part
122
00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:04,050
in the Grace Brothers holiday offer,
123
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,670
I didn't think we'd be mucking
124
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,140
in with the maintenance staff.
125
00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:12,000
Mrs. Slocobe, the whole store
is being closed for redecoration.
126
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,590
The only way the entire staff
127
00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:16,420
could be persuaded to take
their holidays simultaneously
128
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,470
was to make this very
attractive, low price offer
129
00:06:18,550 --> 00:06:20,010
to all departments.
130
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:22,590
Well, if that coarse
lot in carpets is coming,
131
00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:24,000
you can count me out,
132
00:06:24,090 --> 00:06:26,130
and I am unanimous in this.
133
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:27,670
They are going to Tunisia.
134
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:30,010
We are destined for the Costa Plonka.
135
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,590
Then why isn't Harman going to Tunisia?
136
00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:34,250
Maintenance, being a small section,
137
00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:35,550
can go wherever they wish.
138
00:06:35,630 --> 00:06:38,170
Mmm, I know where I'd wish they'd go.
139
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:44,210
Is it true that Mrs. Peacock
won't be accompanying us
140
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:45,680
on our holiday?
141
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,140
Sadly, she will not.
142
00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:50,040
We'll have to watch it then, won't we?
143
00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:51,920
Watch what, Mrs. Slocombe?
144
00:06:52,010 --> 00:06:53,260
Well, you know,
145
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:57,760
two unattached persons thrown
together on a foreign shore,
146
00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,630
hot tropical nights,
147
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,790
pulsating music,
148
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,300
a couple of rum and Cokes,
149
00:07:03,380 --> 00:07:05,210
and anything could happen.
150
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,840
Don't worry, Mrs. Slocombe.
151
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,590
You can rely on me to
behave like a gentleman.
152
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:11,590
I was afraid of that.
153
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,180
I had a bit of bad news yesterday.
154
00:07:21,260 --> 00:07:23,590
Mrs. Peacock won't be able
to come on holiday with me.
155
00:07:23,670 --> 00:07:25,210
Oh, yes?
156
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,630
I take it you'll be
unaccompanied as well?
157
00:07:27,710 --> 00:07:29,000
Of course.
158
00:07:29,090 --> 00:07:30,300
Hmm.
159
00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:33,260
Two lonely people thrown
together on a foreign shore.
160
00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,510
[chuckles]
161
00:07:34,590 --> 00:07:36,090
We'll have to watch it, won't we?
162
00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:38,130
Well, I intend going to
the discos every night,
163
00:07:38,210 --> 00:07:40,210
so you'll have to watch it on your own.
164
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:42,300
[bell rings]
165
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,340
Right. Places everyone,
places.
166
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:48,720
[light orchestral music]
167
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,970
[panting]
168
00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:53,380
I'm very nearly late!
169
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,430
You are late, Mr. Lucas.
170
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:57,340
Wh...
171
00:07:58,630 --> 00:07:59,920
How many times have I told you
172
00:08:00,010 --> 00:08:01,890
not to put food in your pockets?
173
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,250
Every time you've caught
me, Captain Peacock.
174
00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:06,920
You will get all your pockets
sewn up by the coffee break.
175
00:08:07,010 --> 00:08:07,760
Sewn up?
176
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,590
Sewn up, Mr. Lucas.
177
00:08:09,670 --> 00:08:12,710
What is more, it is two minutes past nine,
178
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,300
and this is the third occasion
179
00:08:14,420 --> 00:08:16,840
on which you have been late in one week.
180
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,050
I shall be making a report.
181
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,460
Oh, just a minute, Captain Peacock.
182
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:21,090
I mean, just because
somebody presses a bell,
183
00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:23,840
it doesn't mean to say
they know what time it is.
184
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,590
My watch says two minutes past nine.
185
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,800
Ah, yes, so it might,
but have you checked it?
186
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,760
I check it every morning
by the church clock.
187
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,220
Ancl who's to say the
vicar hasn't bunged it
188
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,050
on a minute or two
189
00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:34,340
so as to cram 'em in early for matins?
190
00:08:34,420 --> 00:08:36,880
I'm going to make an adverse
entry on your time sheet.
191
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,500
Before you do that, Captain Peacock,
192
00:08:38,590 --> 00:08:40,970
may I suggest you dial Tim?
193
00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:41,800
Oh, yeah.
194
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:43,420
What a good idea, Mr. Humphries.
195
00:08:43,510 --> 00:08:45,640
- Oh, very well.
- No, it's all right, sir. I'll do it.
196
00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:53,300
[rotary phone dialling]
197
00:08:55,420 --> 00:08:57,300
[Mr. Humphries] At the third stroke,
198
00:08:57,380 --> 00:09:00,760
it will be nine o'clock precisely.
199
00:09:01,510 --> 00:09:04,010
PIIP/ PIIP/ Pip-
200
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:06,800
At the third stroke--
201
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,300
Hold that a moment, Mr. Lucas.
202
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:09,670
It will be nine o'clock
203
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,970
and 20 seconds.
204
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,380
Pip, pip, Pip-
205
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:18,880
At the third stroke
206
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,590
I shall be reporting you
for being late, Mr. Lucas,
207
00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:23,540
and I shall be reporting Mr. Humphries
208
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:24,800
for aiding and abetting you.
209
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,750
PIIP/ PIIP/ Pip-
210
00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:32,340
[knocking on door]
211
00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:33,630
Come in.
212
00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:35,750
You sent for me, sir?
213
00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:37,930
Uh, who are you?
214
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,970
I'm Rumbold of the Men's.
215
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:42,680
You're very well dressed
for a lavatory attendant.
216
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,140
Er, no, sir, the Men's
Department, second floor.
217
00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:47,550
Ah, young Rumbold, yes.
218
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,710
What do you want?
219
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,550
I've come for the travel tickets, sir.
220
00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:52,170
Oh, yes, yes.
221
00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:55,390
Let's see, bathroom fittings
are going t0 G020.
222
00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,960
Hardware are going to Las Palmas.
223
00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:01,590
Ah, yes, and your lot are
going to the Costa Plonka.
224
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:03,250
Don Bernardo's Palace.
225
00:10:03,340 --> 00:10:05,130
There's the tickets,
226
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:06,790
there's the brochure.
227
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,050
Thank you, sir.
228
00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:10,050
May I inquire which department is to have
229
00:10:10,130 --> 00:10:11,630
the pleasure of your company, sir?
230
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:14,210
I shall be visiting each one in turn.
231
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:15,720
After that, I shall be hard at it
232
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,550
with my new secretary on
my yacht in St. Tropez.
233
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:22,340
How's that letter coming
along, Miss Nicholson?
234
00:10:22,420 --> 00:10:25,170
Oh, I've nearly finished it now, sir.
235
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:29,500
You're coming along very well.
236
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:33,010
She didn't start that
letter until yesterday.
237
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,640
I'm sorry that I'm late, Stephen.
238
00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:39,460
I'm sure you have a
very good reason, Ernest.
239
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:41,930
I had to pick up my passport.
240
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:44,640
I've never been abroad before, you know.
241
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:47,840
Ancl for some reason, they held it up.
242
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:49,130
Whatever for?
243
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:52,050
Well, my wife filled
in the application form
244
00:10:52,130 --> 00:10:54,010
and where it said "sex," she put
245
00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:57,510
"August the third, 1953."
246
00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,420
She's got a memory like an elephant.
247
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:01,420
Come to think of it, she's got
248
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:03,430
everything like an elephant.
249
00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:09,010
I'm thinking of buying one
of these for me holidays.
250
00:11:09,090 --> 00:11:10,630
What do you think?
251
00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:11,630
I can see it all, you and me
252
00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:13,540
dancing together under the stars.
253
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:14,840
Ole, ole!
254
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,090
Not like that, we won't be.
Give it to me!
255
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:19,420
Ooh.
256
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:22,010
Oh, blimey, you've gone topless.
257
00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:23,470
They're not very big, are they?
258
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:24,800
You're sex mad.
259
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,710
I'm going to lock the door
of my room every night.
260
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,130
Quite right. We don't want
anyone to come in and
261
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,710
disturb us, do we?
262
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:30,720
[Captain Peacock] Miss Brahms,
263
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,050
stop encouraging Mr. Lucas
to leave his department.
264
00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:34,800
Ancl where's your jacket?
265
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,340
Mr. Humphries is just
sewing up the pockets
266
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:38,170
as per your instructions.
267
00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:39,590
Here, it's ready.
268
00:11:39,670 --> 00:11:41,590
Thanks, Mr. Humphries.
269
00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:43,050
Haven't you got skillful hands?
270
00:11:43,130 --> 00:11:45,510
So I've been told.
Now, let's have a go at the trousers.
271
00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:46,970
Oh, no, you're not sewing them up.
272
00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:48,220
Well, didn't your mother
do it for you when you
273
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:49,380
were a little lad?
274
00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:50,710
No. Did yours?
275
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,800
Oh yes.
I used to keep my conkers in there.
276
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,340
I suppose she sewed them
up to stop you playing
277
00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:55,420
with your conkers.
278
00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:56,890
No, she sewed them up
to stop other little boys
279
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,130
playing with me conkers.
280
00:11:58,210 --> 00:11:59,290
Now where was I?
281
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:00,960
Oh, you were telling me
about that fancy dress party
282
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,220
you went to on holiday last year.
283
00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:04,640
Oh yes.
Do you know I couldn't think what to wear?
284
00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:06,880
So I found a pair of me
mother's black tights.
285
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,340
They came up to here.
286
00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:11,050
Then I got me poor old dad's ARP cape.
287
00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:12,920
Ancl that came down to there.
288
00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:15,050
Some Wellingtons, gardening gloves,
289
00:12:15,130 --> 00:12:17,260
a black mask, and then I
went to look for a taxi.
290
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:19,420
- Did you find one?
- Hmm, I found six,
291
00:12:19,510 --> 00:12:21,340
but they all drove off
before I could tell them
292
00:12:21,420 --> 00:12:22,460
where I wanted to go.
293
00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:23,760
I'm not surprised.
294
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:24,920
What were you going as?
295
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:26,640
[laughs] Batman.
296
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,760
Did you win a prize?
297
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:29,880
I didn't even get there.
298
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,000
I'd ordered a mini-cab and
that broke down on the way.
299
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:34,170
There I was in the middle of dockland
300
00:12:34,260 --> 00:12:35,760
trying to find a telephone box,
301
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,590
and the draught wasn't
half whistling around
302
00:12:37,670 --> 00:12:39,880
the cargo handling
equipment, I can tell you,
303
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,630
when all of a sudden, these
great big dockers appeared
304
00:12:42,710 --> 00:12:43,290
from nowhere.
305
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:44,840
I bet that made your heart beat faster.
306
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,960
Well, it did.
One of them looked me up and down
307
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:48,880
and said, "We don't get many
of your sort around here."
308
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,960
How could he tell?
309
00:12:51,050 --> 00:12:52,720
I shan't let you into my confidence
310
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,680
if you're going to mock me.
311
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:58,470
Anyway, I said to him, "I'm Batman, pow!"
312
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:01,050
He said, "I'm Robin, poof!"
313
00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,960
Next thing I knew, I was
being taken through customs,
314
00:13:04,010 --> 00:13:05,970
ancl one or two of them
I'd never even heard of.
315
00:13:06,050 --> 00:13:08,340
Do you know I was
impounded for three clays?
316
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:10,090
You do get about, Mr. Humphries.
317
00:13:10,170 --> 00:13:12,050
[chuckles]
Not after that.
318
00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:13,010
Not for a whole week.
319
00:13:13,130 --> 00:13:17,170
Mr. Lucas, put these
sales displays away.
320
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,180
You should have done it last night.
321
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,050
Yes, Mr. Grainger.
322
00:13:27,210 --> 00:13:29,670
[elevator clings]
323
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:33,430
[dramatic orchestral music]
324
00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:40,130
Good morning, sir, may I help you?
325
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,750
Salamu alaykum.
326
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,380
Salamu alaykum.
327
00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:47,130
[speaking Arabic]
328
00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:48,290
Hm?
329
00:13:48,420 --> 00:13:49,710
Ah, the emir greets you,
330
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,260
and says may you be blessed
331
00:13:51,340 --> 00:13:54,170
with 100 sons and 1000 grandsons.
332
00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:58,090
Oh, I'll tell Mrs. Peacock
to cancel bridge next Thursday.
333
00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:02,210
The emir wishes to
purchase some trousers.
334
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,470
Ah.
335
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:04,300
Mr. Humphries,
336
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:07,090
are you free for a
Middle Eastern gentleman?
337
00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:09,210
They say a change is as good as a rest.
338
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,710
What did the gentleman have in mind?
339
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,050
The emir wishes to be trousered.
340
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:17,130
Walk this way.
341
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:20,710
Will you ask the emir to walk this way?
342
00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:23,970
It is more than my job is worth.
343
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:25,920
Here, these Arabs spend a fortune.
344
00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:27,180
Let me have half the sale.
345
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,140
Are you asking to share my trousers?
346
00:14:29,210 --> 00:14:31,000
Yes, but I didn't
mean it quite like that.
347
00:14:31,090 --> 00:14:32,300
Come on.
348
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:34,930
Good morning, sir.
349
00:14:35,010 --> 00:14:38,140
What colour did the noble son
of the desert have in mind?
350
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,250
Blue.
351
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:40,630
Go nice with the sand.
352
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,130
- Do you know your master's size?
353
00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:44,540
Yes, I do.
354
00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:47,460
They live very close
together in the desert.
355
00:14:47,550 --> 00:14:50,050
Around the waist, he has two cubits.
356
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,760
And between the legs, my master
has one and a half cubits.
357
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,550
He'll never be able to wear shorts.
358
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,630
[Mr. Lucas chuckles]
359
00:15:01,710 --> 00:15:02,960
What's cubits?
360
00:15:03,010 --> 00:15:05,090
Isn't that the name of
the firm that built the M1?
361
00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:07,430
Do you mean to say he's gone
362
00:15:07,510 --> 00:15:08,930
one and a half of them up there?
363
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,290
Some people have all the luck.
364
00:15:13,510 --> 00:15:14,510
Excuse me, sir.
365
00:15:14,590 --> 00:15:15,880
Just check your cubits.
366
00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:22,840
46, our portly range.
367
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,250
Now for the inside leg.
368
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,540
[speaking Arabic]
369
00:15:28,630 --> 00:15:30,550
My master says, "Where are you going?"
370
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,170
He's hoping to strike oil.
371
00:15:32,260 --> 00:15:35,220
[speaking Arabic]
372
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,380
The emir says no infidel
373
00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:40,710
may touch the bare flesh of
the exalted one and live.
374
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,090
I think we've got a
bit of a problem here.
375
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:46,250
How are we going to get the tape up
376
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:47,920
without touching his cubits?
377
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,630
Leave it to me, Mr. Lucas.
378
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,300
Sticky tape, Mr. Lucas.
379
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:54,260
[Mr. Lucas] What?
380
00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:56,380
Oh, ha!
381
00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:57,960
You're determined not to lose the sale,
382
00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,260
aren't you, Mr. Humphries?
383
00:15:59,340 --> 00:16:00,920
Not ifl can help it.
384
00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:04,920
Would you raise the curtain, Mr. Lucas?
385
00:16:05,010 --> 00:16:06,010
Excuse me.
386
00:16:08,170 --> 00:16:09,460
- I'll release the projectile.
387
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:11,180
You keep an eye on the tape.
388
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:17,170
[balloon blowing]
389
00:16:18,130 --> 00:16:20,670
[Mr. Lucas] Keep your
heels on the ground, sir.
390
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,050
It's supposed to be a sign
391
00:16:22,130 --> 00:16:24,800
of good manners in their country.
392
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,880
He's being polite for a very long time.
393
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,840
-[Mr. Lucas] Somewhere around 35.
- 35, 45, in blue.
394
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,380
35, 45 blue coming up, Mr. Humphries.
395
00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:42,180
[speaking Arabic]
396
00:16:42,260 --> 00:16:44,760
His excellency is delighted,
397
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,470
and requires 101.
398
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:49,710
What did I tell you?
399
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:50,880
A fortune in commission.
400
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,590
101 pairs of trousers?
401
00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:53,960
No.
402
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,920
One pair of trousers,
403
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:58,340
100 balloons.
404
00:16:58,420 --> 00:17:01,840
(light orchestral music)
405
00:17:04,630 --> 00:17:06,550
[Miss Brahms] That does suit madam.
406
00:17:11,590 --> 00:17:13,220
Oh, that really does suit madam.
407
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:28,670
Lovely.
408
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,420
[cash register clings]
409
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:34,260
Ancl may I wish madam
a very happy honeymoon.
410
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:36,590
Ancl I do hope our Paris model nightie
411
00:17:36,670 --> 00:17:38,920
gives every satisfaction.
412
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:41,090
It was the full length
one you wanted, madam?
413
00:17:41,170 --> 00:17:41,920
YES.
414
00:17:42,010 --> 00:17:43,090
Well, I hope you didn't mind,
415
00:17:43,170 --> 00:17:44,800
I've wrapped the negligee with it.
416
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:45,880
Oh, thank you.
417
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,930
My customer's driving me mad!
418
00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:52,470
She's tried on every hat I've got
419
00:17:52,550 --> 00:17:54,630
and she still can't make up her mind.
420
00:17:54,710 --> 00:17:56,130
In millinery, Miss Brahms,
421
00:17:56,210 --> 00:17:58,710
don't expect the customer
to make up her own mind.
422
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,590
You have to make it up for her.
423
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:01,960
Here, I'll show you.
424
00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:05,590
- Don't move.
- What, what?
425
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:06,800
That's it!
426
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,210
Oh, that hat was millined for madam.
427
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:11,720
The colour and the shape.
428
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,970
Oh, this suits madam's face a dream.
429
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:15,090
Do you really think so?
430
00:18:15,170 --> 00:18:16,750
Look no further.
431
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,800
- Mrs. Slocombe--
- Don't interrupt the flow, clear.
432
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,050
Wrap it up for madam.
433
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:21,800
Unless madam would like to keep it on?
434
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,710
Ah, well, er, if
you're absolutely certain
435
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,510
it suits me better than any of these--
436
00:18:25,590 --> 00:18:27,880
No question of it!
Make out the bill, Miss Brahms.
437
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,040
I can't.
438
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:29,920
Why not?
439
00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:32,180
It's her own hat.
440
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:36,590
Drat!
441
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,920
Are you free, Mrs. Slocombe?
442
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:43,430
At the moment, Captain Peacock.
443
00:18:43,510 --> 00:18:44,640
Sister tells me that you still
444
00:18:44,710 --> 00:18:46,090
haven't had your inoculation.
445
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:47,250
Oh, I know.
446
00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:49,130
I keep putting it off.
447
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:50,540
If you don't have it clone here,
448
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,880
you'll have to have it done at the
airport abroad when we arrive.
449
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:55,000
Yeah, and they treat you
like cattle on the continent.
450
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:57,670
But the mere sight of a
needle makes me pass out.
451
00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,590
I can't even knit.
452
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:01,130
Oh, it doesn't hurt.
453
00:19:01,210 --> 00:19:02,840
It's the thought of it.
454
00:19:03,670 --> 00:19:05,340
Couldn't you take her by surprise?
455
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:08,210
Oh, what a good idea,
and then I wouldn't know
456
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,470
anything until it's over.
457
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,510
I should settle for that, sister.
458
00:19:12,590 --> 00:19:14,840
In my hearing, Mrs. Slocombe
has given you her permission
459
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,210
to take her by surprise.
460
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,090
Well, if that's the way you want it.
461
00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:23,050
Oh, I shall be a nervous
wreck now until it's over.
462
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:25,380
It'll be like having
the mafia after you.
463
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:26,750
She'll have to be clever.
464
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,630
I've got eyes in the back of me head.
465
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:29,460
[needle squishes]
466
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:30,380
Aah!
467
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,630
Well, that was the cholera.
468
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:35,590
Are you ready for the yellow fever?
469
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:39,750
I think you'll have to wait
to surprise her with that.
470
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,050
I'll see you later.
471
00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:43,170
Not ifl see you first.
472
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:47,340
By gum, my bum's numb.
473
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:50,500
Er, there is just one
other thing, Mrs. Slocombe.
474
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,970
Not beri beri?
475
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:54,420
No, it concerns your visa.
476
00:19:54,510 --> 00:19:57,140
Everybody has provided
a photograph except you.
477
00:19:57,210 --> 00:19:57,960
Oh, yes.
478
00:19:58,050 --> 00:20:00,880
Would you mind passing
my handbag, Miss Brahms?
479
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,380
I looked through my photo album last night
480
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:04,920
and I found one.
481
00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:07,420
There.
482
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:08,640
Oh.
483
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:13,640
Is that you?
484
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:15,880
Well, not all of it.
485
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,710
I had it taken in Brighton last year.
486
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:19,550
It's one of those things
487
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,420
where you put your head through a hole.
488
00:20:21,510 --> 00:20:22,840
The face is mine.
489
00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:24,420
Oh, it was a nice thought,
490
00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:26,300
but I'm afraid it won't do.
491
00:20:26,380 --> 00:20:28,260
You'd better go to the photographic studio
492
00:20:28,340 --> 00:20:29,340
on the third floor.
493
00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:31,550
Oh, but I can never work those machines.
494
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,050
- In that case, I'll come with you.
- Oh, very well.
495
00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:36,300
Take over for me, Miss Brahms.
496
00:20:36,380 --> 00:20:39,800
[light orchestral music]
497
00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:50,260
[Captain Peacock] In here, Mrs. Slocombe.
498
00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:53,130
Now, all you do is sit in the chair
499
00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:56,390
and compose your features,
500
00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:59,880
and when you are ready,
you insert the 1o pence.
501
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:01,800
Is this expression all right?
502
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:04,800
The authorities don't like you smiling.
503
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,420
I must say I agree with them.
504
00:21:06,510 --> 00:21:08,550
Just look dignified and disdainful.
505
00:21:10,550 --> 00:21:11,630
No.
506
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:13,970
No.
507
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,210
Oh, no.
508
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,590
Look, I don't think I
can do it without a mirror.
509
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:22,090
I lose track of where me face is.
510
00:21:22,170 --> 00:21:23,420
Perhaps I can help you.
511
00:21:23,510 --> 00:21:25,010
Just imagine that a customer
512
00:21:25,090 --> 00:21:27,380
has brought back a
garment that has been worn
513
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:28,960
and is asking for a refund.
514
00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:30,880
That's perfect.
515
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,040
Now put in your 10 pence.
516
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,180
N0, that's a 50.
517
00:21:36,260 --> 00:21:37,300
Oh.
518
00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:41,500
Now I'll have to start
me expression again.
519
00:21:41,590 --> 00:21:42,420
Well, well, look, I,
520
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:44,390
I'll look after that
part of the operation.
521
00:21:44,460 --> 00:21:45,960
Uh, I really don't think you
522
00:21:46,050 --> 00:21:47,680
should have those earrings on.
523
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,090
Look, all I want to do is to get it over
524
00:21:50,170 --> 00:21:51,840
as quickly as possible.
525
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,500
There. Now I've taken them off.
526
00:21:53,590 --> 00:21:54,840
Now you put it in.
527
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,500
Don't be surprised if you have to wait
528
00:21:56,590 --> 00:21:59,760
a minute or two before anything happens.
529
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:01,010
I'll call back later.
530
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:09,800
It's not working.
531
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:10,710
[camera flashing]
532
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,630
Oh, drat, I missed it!
533
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:13,760
Well, don't worry.
534
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:14,880
You get four for your 1o pence.
535
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,750
Now settle down quickly
536
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,130
and lean further back in the chair.
537
00:22:19,210 --> 00:22:20,380
[screaming]
538
00:22:20,460 --> 00:22:22,090
[camera flashing]
539
00:22:22,210 --> 00:22:24,340
[both grunting]
540
00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:25,500
Hey, wait a minute.
541
00:22:25,590 --> 00:22:26,590
Where's my glasses?
542
00:22:26,670 --> 00:22:27,840
Oh, they're under here.
543
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,420
[screaming]
[camera flashing]
544
00:22:29,510 --> 00:22:31,390
Come on, come on,
or you'll lose the last one.
545
00:22:31,460 --> 00:22:33,250
Yes, but the, but the chair's broken.
546
00:22:33,340 --> 00:22:35,130
Well, stand where it was and crouch.
Hurry.
547
00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:36,670
Is this position all right?
548
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:37,930
IdeaL
549
00:22:38,010 --> 00:22:39,340
[screaming]
[camera flashing]
550
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:40,670
[knocking on door]
551
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:41,840
Enter.
552
00:22:43,050 --> 00:22:44,720
[Mr. Haran] Here we are then.
553
00:22:46,710 --> 00:22:48,460
A cup of hot water.
554
00:22:48,510 --> 00:22:49,890
What's it gonna be this morning?
555
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,290
Instant coffee, instant
tea, or chicken noodle soup?
556
00:22:53,380 --> 00:22:55,800
- Tea.
- All right.
557
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:57,260
I've some minestrone left there.
558
00:22:57,340 --> 00:22:58,170
Now what do you want?
559
00:22:58,260 --> 00:23:00,930
Indian tea powder or China tea powder?
560
00:23:01,010 --> 00:23:03,300
Well, which tastes most
like the label on the packet?
561
00:23:03,380 --> 00:23:05,880
The actual packet, there's
no point in being fussy.
562
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:06,710
It's all Japanese.
563
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,260
Here, have the Indian.
564
00:23:09,340 --> 00:23:11,920
Am I supposed to leave
it for two minutes to brew?
565
00:23:12,010 --> 00:23:13,140
Oh, I shouldn't do that.
566
00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:15,290
It'll take the pattern off the cup.
567
00:23:16,710 --> 00:23:19,420
Here, is that the hotel we're going to?
568
00:23:19,510 --> 00:23:20,510
We?
569
00:23:20,590 --> 00:23:22,090
Yes, well, the offer is open to the
570
00:23:22,170 --> 00:23:24,420
lower class menials as well, you know.
571
00:23:24,510 --> 00:23:25,640
Ooh!
572
00:23:25,710 --> 00:23:27,540
Hey, look at the crumpet around that pool.
573
00:23:27,670 --> 00:23:29,670
Oh ho! Look at their bristols.
574
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,340
That will be all, Harman.
575
00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:34,420
Yeah. I can tell by the tone
of your voice, Mr. Rumbold,
576
00:23:34,510 --> 00:23:36,970
that I have inadvertently over-stepped
577
00:23:37,050 --> 00:23:39,550
the accepted manager/worker relationship
578
00:23:39,630 --> 00:23:41,550
with my misplaced bonhomie.
579
00:23:41,630 --> 00:23:43,210
I do apologise.
580
00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:44,050
Oh, that's all right.
581
00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:45,590
Just don't let it happen again.
582
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,970
Oh, uh, would it be in order to ask
583
00:23:49,050 --> 00:23:51,510
if you are taking your
good lady wife with you?
584
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,880
No. As a matter of fact,
she will be staying at home.
585
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,130
Oh, I see, hoping to cop a
586
00:23:55,210 --> 00:23:57,290
bit of spare when you get there.
587
00:24:01,510 --> 00:24:04,340
[telephone rings]
588
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,800
Men's Wear.
589
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,550
No, it's me, Mr. Humphries.
590
00:24:10,460 --> 00:24:12,000
I know I didn't sound like me.
591
00:24:12,090 --> 00:24:13,720
I didn't even sound like me to me.
592
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,550
That's the way I answer the phone.
593
00:24:16,590 --> 00:24:17,590
Captain Peacock.
594
00:24:18,420 --> 00:24:19,420
Captain Peacock?
595
00:24:19,510 --> 00:24:21,050
Mr. Rumbold for you.
596
00:24:21,130 --> 00:24:22,920
Take a message, will you?
597
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,090
Hello, Mr. Rumbold.
598
00:24:25,630 --> 00:24:27,340
No, I know it doesn't
sound like Captain Peacock.
599
00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:29,340
It's me, Mr. Humphries again.
600
00:24:29,420 --> 00:24:31,550
This is my normal voice.
601
00:24:31,630 --> 00:24:33,300
Well, as near as I can get.
602
00:24:33,380 --> 00:24:36,170
Captain Peacock says can I take a message?
603
00:24:36,260 --> 00:24:38,760
He's with child at the moment.
604
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,420
You're on your way down?
605
00:24:40,510 --> 00:24:42,010
Oh. I'll put out the red carpet.
606
00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:55,840
Here, what are you doing?
607
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,170
Oh, it's Brandy.
608
00:24:58,260 --> 00:25:00,390
Don't let old Peacock see you with that!
609
00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:01,840
It's his flask.
610
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,670
He lent it to me to get over the shock.
611
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,390
I'm not surprised.
These pictures would shock anybody.
612
00:25:06,460 --> 00:25:07,210
I mean, look at that.
613
00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:08,720
That's enough to give you the shudders.
614
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,260
Do you mind? That's the best one.
615
00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:12,840
Oh, heck.
616
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,920
Ooh, it's typical, isn't it?
617
00:25:15,010 --> 00:25:19,470
All these pamphlets talk
about is sun and sea ancl sex.
618
00:25:19,550 --> 00:25:22,340
They never mention a
jacksey full of vaccine.
619
00:25:28,170 --> 00:25:29,170
Where have you been?
620
00:25:29,260 --> 00:25:30,930
Chatting up that blonde
in the joke department.
621
00:25:31,010 --> 00:25:33,260
You've been told off about
that sort of thing before.
622
00:25:33,340 --> 00:25:35,590
I know. The supervisor nearly caught me.
623
00:25:35,670 --> 00:25:37,800
I had to pretend to be a
customer ancl buy these.
624
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,670
[teeth chattering]
[laughing]
625
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,340
Look out, here comes big ears.
626
00:25:42,420 --> 00:25:44,380
Would you gather everyone
around, Captain Peacock?
627
00:25:44,510 --> 00:25:46,300
Yes sir.
Are you free, Mr. Humphries?
628
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:47,920
I'm free.
629
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:50,970
Mr. Lucas.
630
00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,430
[Mr. Lucas] Captain Peacock.
631
00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:53,840
Where is Mr. Grainger?
632
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,210
He's gone through there.
633
00:26:00,340 --> 00:26:02,420
What have you got behind your back?
634
00:26:02,550 --> 00:26:03,680
Nothing, sir.
635
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,430
Have you been smoking on the floor?
636
00:26:05,510 --> 00:26:08,640
No sir, I never smoke on the floor.
637
00:26:08,710 --> 00:26:10,750
Have you got something in your hand?
638
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,170
No, sir.
639
00:26:12,260 --> 00:26:13,720
Look.
640
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,050
What about the other one?
641
00:26:16,420 --> 00:26:17,670
Both, Mr. Lucas.
642
00:26:19,590 --> 00:26:21,300
- Both?
- Both.
643
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,220
Thank you, Mr. Lucas.
644
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:28,630
You may come over here now.
645
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,420
Now, pay attention, everybody.
646
00:26:31,510 --> 00:26:33,680
I have here your tickets
and insurance forms.
647
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,510
I want you all to check the particulars
648
00:26:35,590 --> 00:26:37,260
and then sign to say that
you have received them.
649
00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:38,630
Certainly, sir.
650
00:26:38,710 --> 00:26:40,290
Ah, Miss Brahms, you're first.
651
00:26:40,420 --> 00:26:43,340
[teeth chattering]
652
00:26:48,710 --> 00:26:49,920
Don't go away, Mr. Lucas.
653
00:26:50,010 --> 00:26:52,180
No, no, Captain Peacock.
654
00:26:54,590 --> 00:26:57,550
[teeth chattering]
655
00:26:57,630 --> 00:27:00,630
[light piano music]
656
00:27:06,130 --> 00:27:10,670
[light piano music continues]
657
00:27:27,510 --> 00:27:28,640
[teeth chattering]
658
00:27:34,090 --> 00:27:35,550
[teeth chattering]
659
00:27:40,380 --> 00:27:42,340
[light piano music continues]
660
00:28:05,130 --> 00:28:07,800
[keys clanging]
661
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,840
[teeth chattering]
662
00:28:42,460 --> 00:28:43,130
[teeth snapping]
663
00:28:43,210 --> 00:28:44,000
Ahh-oow!
664
00:28:46,130 --> 00:28:47,590
Mr. Humphries, say something.
665
00:28:47,670 --> 00:28:49,340
It's the first time one bit me.
666
00:28:49,420 --> 00:28:50,250
What?
667
00:28:51,210 --> 00:28:52,960
Don't let Peacock see them.
668
00:28:53,050 --> 00:28:55,380
Mr. Humphries, can we
have your attention, please?
669
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:56,920
Now pay attention.
670
00:28:57,010 --> 00:28:58,550
You all now have your tickets,
671
00:28:58,630 --> 00:28:59,710
and don't forget your passport.
672
00:29:00,260 --> 00:29:01,760
Any questions?
673
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,010
Oh!
674
00:29:03,710 --> 00:29:06,090
Do we bring sandwiches?
675
00:29:06,340 --> 00:29:08,420
Oh, no, lunch will
be served on the plane.
676
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:09,670
Oh.
677
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:10,890
Oh, one final thing,
678
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:11,920
young Mr. Grace hopes that
679
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,250
you'll all have a wonderful holiday.
680
00:29:14,510 --> 00:29:16,930
Oh, how very nice.
681
00:29:18,010 --> 00:29:19,720
So it only remains for me to say,
682
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,470
see you at 12:30 at the airport tomorrow.
683
00:29:22,550 --> 00:29:23,300
[teeth chattering]
684
00:29:23,380 --> 00:29:24,670
Oh-ho-ho!
685
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:25,680
Mr. Humphries, what is the matter?
686
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:26,890
[teeth chattering]
687
00:29:27,630 --> 00:29:29,760
I've just lost me camping equipment.
688
00:29:35,460 --> 00:29:36,210
[bell ringing]
689
00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:37,720
[Woman] Will passengers on Dan Air
690
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,720
flight 597 to Costa Plonka--
691
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,800
Would you mind taking off your hat, sir?
692
00:29:44,710 --> 00:29:45,750
Ah, yes.
693
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,010
Carry on, sir.
694
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,170
Mr. Lucas, I thought you
said that my Panama hat
695
00:29:51,260 --> 00:29:52,840
was the last one in the sale.
696
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:54,250
It was, Captain Peacock,
697
00:29:54,340 --> 00:29:55,760
after Mr. Rumbold bought his.
698
00:29:57,170 --> 00:29:58,000
Thank you.
699
00:30:01,590 --> 00:30:02,470
Blimey, is that your age,
700
00:30:02,550 --> 00:30:04,720
or have you got it mixed up
with your bust measurements?
701
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:05,880
I do hope you're not going to have me
702
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,540
helpless with laughter
for the two whole weeks.
703
00:30:08,630 --> 00:30:10,420
Talking about that, if
you and I share a room,
704
00:30:10,510 --> 00:30:12,090
do you reckon we'll get a refund?
705
00:30:12,170 --> 00:30:13,460
About all you would get.
706
00:30:17,460 --> 00:30:20,590
This is the first time
I've been abroad, you know.
707
00:30:22,380 --> 00:30:23,590
Thank you. Next!
708
00:30:23,670 --> 00:30:25,500
Where's the aeroplane?
709
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:26,710
Well, you'll excuse me ifl don't
710
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,590
show you to it personally, sir,
711
00:30:28,670 --> 00:30:29,710
but I have other things to do.
712
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,880
Yes, well, at least you might tell me
713
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:33,960
what platform it goes from.
714
00:30:34,260 --> 00:30:35,010
Well, just over there, sir,
715
00:30:35,090 --> 00:30:36,840
it's through the luggage check.
716
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,670
Never mind, we'll show you.
717
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:41,680
Thank you.
718
00:30:41,710 --> 00:30:43,460
Oh, how did that get in there?
719
00:30:44,460 --> 00:30:45,380
Never mind.
720
00:30:47,090 --> 00:30:48,720
Not a very good one, I'm afraid.
721
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,760
No, but it's very like you.
722
00:30:55,210 --> 00:30:56,130
Carry on.
723
00:30:58,210 --> 00:30:59,540
Thank you.
724
00:31:00,550 --> 00:31:02,260
- Hello.
- Your luggage, sir?
725
00:31:03,340 --> 00:31:05,800
Well, of course it's my luggage.
726
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:07,670
Would you mind placing it here, sir?
727
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:08,800
We have to search it.
728
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,090
You put the revolver and the bomb
729
00:31:13,130 --> 00:31:14,800
in the false bottom of
your trunk, didn't you?
730
00:31:15,550 --> 00:31:19,050
I don't consider that funny, Mr. Lucas.
731
00:31:19,130 --> 00:31:21,670
You wouldn't think he was one
of the top brass in the KGB.
732
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:23,970
Through the loop, sir.
733
00:31:25,710 --> 00:31:26,460
[beeping]
734
00:31:26,510 --> 00:31:27,470
Aah!
735
00:31:27,550 --> 00:31:29,720
They've found the commando
knife strapped to your thigh.
736
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,470
Would you mind removing
any metal objects
737
00:31:31,510 --> 00:31:32,800
you have on your person, sir?
738
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:33,710
Well, I...
739
00:31:35,210 --> 00:31:37,960
of course, there's the
key of my front door.
740
00:31:38,050 --> 00:31:40,180
Well, hand them over
and we'll try again.
741
00:31:41,380 --> 00:31:42,550
[device whirring]
742
00:31:42,630 --> 00:31:44,460
Uh, there must be something else, sir.
743
00:31:44,550 --> 00:31:45,720
I know, it's his truss.
744
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:46,550
Now don't take that off him.
745
00:31:46,630 --> 00:31:48,510
He'll never carry his bag.
746
00:31:48,590 --> 00:31:50,800
Don't be cheeky, Mr. Lucas.
747
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,010
Pass through, sir.
748
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,170
Oh, blimey.
749
00:31:54,300 --> 00:31:56,260
Hey, it's the sugar plum fairy.
750
00:31:56,340 --> 00:31:58,300
I'm sorry I missed the bus.
751
00:31:58,380 --> 00:31:59,130
I had to thumb a lift
752
00:31:59,210 --> 00:32:01,210
in one of those great
big French juggernauts.
753
00:32:01,300 --> 00:32:02,760
Do you know they're very well equipped?
754
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,420
There's a bed at the back of the cab.
755
00:32:04,510 --> 00:32:05,840
I've been halfway to Paris by now
756
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,300
if the electric blanket
hadn't caught fire.
757
00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:11,470
[beeping]
758
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,760
[device whirring]
759
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:15,550
Ooh!
760
00:32:15,590 --> 00:32:16,840
Your equipment's working well.
761
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:17,960
So's yours.
762
00:32:24,710 --> 00:32:25,960
[airplane noise]
763
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:42,880
[FLIGHT ATFENDANT]
Good afternoon, ladies ancl gentlemen.
764
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:44,290
On behalf of Captain Constantine,
765
00:32:44,380 --> 00:32:47,090
I would like to welcome you
onboard this Dan Air comet 4C
766
00:32:47,170 --> 00:32:49,380
on your flight 597.
767
00:32:49,460 --> 00:32:52,250
Our flying time is estimated
at three hours, 1o minutes,
768
00:32:52,340 --> 00:32:54,800
and we shall be cruising at
an altitude of 35ooo feet.
769
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:57,010
Don't go before I've sat down, will you?
770
00:32:57,090 --> 00:32:57,970
Don't worry, sir.
771
00:32:58,050 --> 00:32:59,880
You're the sixth row along on the left,
772
00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:01,590
next to the window.
773
00:33:01,670 --> 00:33:03,340
Aren't you going to punch my ticket?
774
00:33:03,380 --> 00:33:04,550
Just move along, sir.
775
00:33:05,340 --> 00:33:06,970
Although I'm very
senior to you, Peacock,
776
00:33:07,050 --> 00:33:09,550
I have arranged to sit
with you during the flight.
777
00:33:10,510 --> 00:33:11,720
I'm very honoured, sir.
778
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:14,590
Centre or outside seat, sir?
779
00:33:14,670 --> 00:33:15,500
Outside.
780
00:33:22,510 --> 00:33:25,090
[hat crunches]
781
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:27,800
I'm terribly sorry, Peacock.
782
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:30,010
I appear to have sat on your hat.
783
00:33:30,090 --> 00:33:31,130
I'm afraid it's ruined.
784
00:33:31,210 --> 00:33:32,710
That's all right, sir.
785
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,800
It was ridiculous, both of us
wearing the same hat anyway.
786
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,760
Well, I must say you're
taking it very well.
787
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:39,420
I've every reason to, sir.
788
00:33:39,510 --> 00:33:40,340
It's your hat.
789
00:33:44,170 --> 00:33:46,550
I think that's my seat in the corner.
790
00:33:46,630 --> 00:33:48,590
Uh, will you excuse me?
791
00:33:52,010 --> 00:33:53,260
That's the wrong seat, sir.
792
00:33:53,340 --> 00:33:54,590
You're in the one behind.
793
00:33:54,670 --> 00:33:56,380
Oh, I'm so sorry.
794
00:33:56,460 --> 00:33:58,380
Uh, will you excuse me?
795
00:33:59,050 --> 00:34:01,510
Ooh, that's me tights gone.
796
00:34:01,630 --> 00:34:02,960
We must have you in your right seats,
797
00:34:03,050 --> 00:34:04,720
otherwise where would it all end?
798
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:06,260
The pilot's got to
know what seat you're in
799
00:34:06,340 --> 00:34:08,720
so he can compensate for the extra weight.
800
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,090
Oh, he is a buffoon.
801
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:13,210
Ooh.
802
00:34:13,710 --> 00:34:15,340
There's Mr. Humphries' tights gone.
803
00:34:15,420 --> 00:34:17,090
Ooh, settle down, Mr. Grainger.
804
00:34:17,590 --> 00:34:19,760
Very tiring, this air travel.
805
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,340
[engine starts]
806
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:22,710
What was that?
807
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:24,510
Just the engine starting, sir.
808
00:34:25,420 --> 00:34:26,750
[FLIGHT ATFENDANT] Ladies and gentlemen,
809
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,550
we are about to take off,
810
00:34:28,630 --> 00:34:30,550
so would you please
fasten your safety belts
811
00:34:30,630 --> 00:34:33,710
ancl also ensure that your seats
are in an upright position?
812
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:34,930
Thank you.
813
00:34:35,010 --> 00:34:37,430
Look at those people down there.
814
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:39,090
They look just like ants.
815
00:34:40,050 --> 00:34:40,800
They are ants.
816
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,130
We haven't taken off yet.
817
00:34:52,340 --> 00:34:56,380
[Airplane engine noise]
818
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:13,300
[CAPTAIN] Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.
819
00:35:13,420 --> 00:35:15,250
This is Captain Constantine.
820
00:35:15,380 --> 00:35:17,210
We shall shortly be crossing the coast,
821
00:35:17,300 --> 00:35:19,340
passing directly over Bognor Regis.
822
00:35:20,170 --> 00:35:22,920
I spent a holiday in Bognor Regis,
823
00:35:23,010 --> 00:35:25,390
and I was grossly overcharged.
824
00:35:25,460 --> 00:35:26,880
I should go to the little boys' room
825
00:35:27,010 --> 00:35:28,890
and see if you can get your revenge.
826
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:29,790
Where is it?
827
00:35:30,710 --> 00:35:32,500
Just along there, behind the curtain.
828
00:35:32,590 --> 00:35:34,010
Will you excuse me?
829
00:35:35,550 --> 00:35:38,550
- Oh, thank you.
- Go on through there.
830
00:35:48,420 --> 00:35:50,170
[doorknob rattling]
831
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,090
[banging]
832
00:36:02,340 --> 00:36:05,130
Oh, I'm so sorry,
the door wasn't locked.
833
00:36:07,300 --> 00:36:09,300
Are you going to be long?
834
00:36:09,380 --> 00:36:10,670
About two and half hours.
835
00:36:12,050 --> 00:36:14,010
I can't hold out all that time.
836
00:36:14,090 --> 00:36:16,970
I'll see if one's vacant at the other end.
837
00:36:19,550 --> 00:36:21,930
[horn honking]
838
00:36:22,010 --> 00:36:24,590
[upbeat music]
839
00:36:39,090 --> 00:36:41,840
[all chattering]
840
00:36:48,090 --> 00:36:49,090
Stand aside.
841
00:36:49,170 --> 00:36:49,920
Wait, wait--
842
00:36:50,010 --> 00:36:52,340
Oh, love, I've got me hands full.
843
00:36:52,420 --> 00:36:53,170
No.
844
00:36:53,210 --> 00:36:54,630
I've already got me own.
845
00:36:55,420 --> 00:36:56,170
Oh, senor--
846
00:36:56,260 --> 00:36:57,470
No, thanks very much.
847
00:36:57,550 --> 00:36:59,300
[IN SPANISH] Yes, yes.
It's not very large, but--
848
00:36:59,380 --> 00:37:01,960
No, please, I'm with those
people over there, you see.
849
00:37:02,050 --> 00:37:04,050
[both talking at once]
850
00:37:04,130 --> 00:37:07,670
[speaking Spanish]
851
00:37:07,710 --> 00:37:09,710
[IN SPANISH]
Please sir, please sir!
852
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:10,840
Oh, well, all right.
853
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,880
Two minutes, but not a second more.
854
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,460
I am passing out.
855
00:37:15,550 --> 00:37:17,260
It is in the 90s, Mr. Grainger.
856
00:37:17,340 --> 00:37:18,090
I think you could afford
857
00:37:18,170 --> 00:37:19,920
to take off your scarf and overcoat.
858
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,420
A sudden change of temperature
859
00:37:22,510 --> 00:37:25,050
can often cause a cold.
860
00:37:26,380 --> 00:37:28,670
Oh, it looks quite nice, doesn't it?
861
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:30,390
It smells different.
862
00:37:31,050 --> 00:37:32,680
It's all that garlic.
863
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,140
Go away!
864
00:37:34,210 --> 00:37:35,710
Will you go away?
865
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:38,340
[speaking Spanish]
866
00:37:38,420 --> 00:37:41,170
Look, two necklaces is quite enough.
867
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:42,970
Anymore and people will start to talk.
868
00:37:43,010 --> 00:37:43,890
[Speaking Spanish]
869
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,250
Now get on your donkey and
ride off into the setting sun
870
00:37:46,340 --> 00:37:48,590
and try ancl forget you ever even met me.
871
00:37:49,550 --> 00:37:53,800
[speaking Spanish]
872
00:37:55,260 --> 00:37:56,930
I have put a curse on you.
873
00:37:57,010 --> 00:37:57,970
[chuckhng]
874
00:37:58,050 --> 00:37:59,930
You're too late, love.
875
00:38:00,010 --> 00:38:03,090
[Speaking Spanish]
876
00:38:03,170 --> 00:38:04,710
Ring the bell, Peacock.
877
00:38:05,630 --> 00:38:07,550
I hope you're not going to
continue to order me about.
878
00:38:07,630 --> 00:38:09,210
We are on holiday, you know.
879
00:38:09,260 --> 00:38:10,010
Yes, of course.
880
00:38:10,090 --> 00:38:10,970
I'm sorry.
881
00:38:11,050 --> 00:38:12,180
Ring the bell, Stephen.
882
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:15,010
[rings bell]
883
00:38:15,090 --> 00:38:16,090
Guten tag.
884
00:38:18,340 --> 00:38:19,470
You British?
885
00:38:19,550 --> 00:38:21,260
We are, as a matter of fact, yes.
886
00:38:21,340 --> 00:38:22,840
Oh, that is good.
887
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:23,670
It's nice of you to say so.
888
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,590
Are you having a long holiday?
889
00:38:25,670 --> 00:38:26,840
Just a couple of weeks.
890
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,840
Ah, if you worked harder,
you could have longer.
891
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,090
Still, the way the pound is going,
892
00:38:32,170 --> 00:38:33,920
you are lucky to be here at all, eh?
893
00:38:34,010 --> 00:38:35,470
[IaughiFIQ]
894
00:38:35,550 --> 00:38:36,800
Bosch bastard.
895
00:38:37,420 --> 00:38:38,170
Uh, what is that?
896
00:38:38,260 --> 00:38:40,220
He said what a posh basket.
897
00:38:44,420 --> 00:38:46,550
Ah, senores and senoras.
898
00:38:46,590 --> 00:38:47,470
Welcome.
899
00:38:47,550 --> 00:38:49,050
I am Carlos.
900
00:38:49,670 --> 00:38:50,920
Welcome to you.
901
00:38:52,300 --> 00:38:53,470
Bienvenido.
902
00:38:54,300 --> 00:38:55,050
Welcome.
903
00:38:55,090 --> 00:38:55,760
Get off!
904
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:56,590
Oh!
905
00:38:56,630 --> 00:38:57,840
Welcome, senor.
906
00:38:59,590 --> 00:39:02,010
Oh, oh!
907
00:39:02,090 --> 00:39:04,170
[laughs]
908
00:39:05,550 --> 00:39:06,800
Ah.
909
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:07,710
Mmm.
910
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:09,800
Welcome, senor.
911
00:39:11,010 --> 00:39:12,680
He had me worried for a minute.
912
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,590
I am most honoured to welcome you
913
00:39:15,670 --> 00:39:17,670
to the Don Bernardo Palace Hotel.
914
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,470
Heh heh, yes.
915
00:39:21,090 --> 00:39:22,170
Who are you, please?
916
00:39:22,260 --> 00:39:23,300
I believe you have a booking
917
00:39:23,380 --> 00:39:24,880
in the name of Grace Brothers.
918
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:25,670
Ah, yes.
919
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,140
You are the Grace Brothers?
920
00:39:27,170 --> 00:39:27,920
That is correct.
921
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:28,710
SI'.
922
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:29,590
Hello.
923
00:39:29,670 --> 00:39:32,000
- He is the amazing grace.
-[laughs]
924
00:39:32,130 --> 00:39:33,260
- Ancl the ladies?
925
00:39:33,340 --> 00:39:35,420
They are Grace Brothers as well.
926
00:39:35,510 --> 00:39:38,090
Ah - the ladies are brothers?
927
00:39:39,090 --> 00:39:41,220
Ah, yes.
928
00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:42,930
I am hearing about this.
929
00:39:44,010 --> 00:39:46,760
You are the English drag show, yes?
930
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:49,220
With the female impersonations.
931
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:50,670
YES.
932
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:52,340
Now I look, I can tell.
933
00:39:52,420 --> 00:39:54,340
Those are the false booby doos.
934
00:39:54,420 --> 00:39:55,250
Very funny.
935
00:39:56,340 --> 00:39:57,380
Get off!
936
00:39:57,460 --> 00:40:00,420
I would have you know
these are real booby doos
937
00:40:00,510 --> 00:40:02,720
and I object to being ravaged.
938
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:05,590
Would you want to swap places?
939
00:40:05,670 --> 00:40:07,090
I think perhaps I should explain.
940
00:40:07,170 --> 00:40:09,630
Now, we are all employed
941
00:40:09,710 --> 00:40:12,670
by Grace Brothers department store.
942
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:17,220
We have a booking at this
hotel for seven rooms.
943
00:40:17,300 --> 00:40:19,510
Siete chambres.
944
00:40:19,590 --> 00:40:20,760
Thank you, Peacock.
945
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:21,590
YES.
946
00:40:21,670 --> 00:40:23,170
We do have booking.
947
00:40:23,260 --> 00:40:25,680
Grace Brothers, two
brothers, one room, two beds.
948
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:27,260
Oh, well, that will
do for Shirley and me.
949
00:40:27,340 --> 00:40:28,880
What about the rest of them?
950
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,420
I think one has to assert
one's authority here, Peacock.
951
00:40:31,510 --> 00:40:32,260
Now, see here.
952
00:40:32,300 --> 00:40:33,970
I want to see the manager.
953
00:40:34,050 --> 00:40:35,380
I am the manager.
954
00:40:35,460 --> 00:40:36,540
[chuckles]
955
00:40:36,630 --> 00:40:38,550
But there is nothing to worry about.
956
00:40:38,630 --> 00:40:40,210
We have good rooms for you.
957
00:40:40,300 --> 00:40:42,720
[all chattering]
958
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:43,550
Tomorrow.
959
00:40:43,630 --> 00:40:44,960
[all chattering]
960
00:40:45,050 --> 00:40:46,300
What about tonight?
961
00:40:46,380 --> 00:40:49,460
Tonight, I can only
give you the new wing.
962
00:40:49,550 --> 00:40:50,840
I'll settle for the parson's nose,
963
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:52,670
so long as it's got a bed in it.
964
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,890
What is the accommodation
in the new wing?
965
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,920
In the new wing, I can
give you the pentyhouse.
966
00:40:58,010 --> 00:40:59,550
Penthouses.
967
00:40:59,630 --> 00:41:00,460
Sounds all right.
968
00:41:00,550 --> 00:41:02,300
Well, speaking for myself,
969
00:41:02,380 --> 00:41:04,420
I'm not sharing a penthouse with no one,
970
00:41:04,510 --> 00:41:06,430
and I am unanimous in that.
971
00:41:06,510 --> 00:41:09,930
No no, clear lady, we have
got seven pentyhouses.
972
00:41:10,010 --> 00:41:12,050
You have one pentyhouse each.
973
00:41:12,130 --> 00:41:14,170
One each at no extra charge?
974
00:41:14,260 --> 00:41:15,840
Of course not, senor.
975
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:16,670
Very well, then.
976
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,550
We will each take a penthouse.
977
00:41:18,630 --> 00:41:19,960
Oh, good.
978
00:41:20,050 --> 00:41:21,380
Your passports, please.
979
00:41:23,670 --> 00:41:25,420
(hand thuds)
980
00:41:26,010 --> 00:41:26,970
(grunts)
981
00:41:27,050 --> 00:41:28,880
I have got girl to show you.
982
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:30,290
EXCUSE.
983
00:41:30,380 --> 00:41:31,760
Is she thrown in as well?
984
00:41:37,170 --> 00:41:38,590
Gracias, Tonto.
985
00:41:40,630 --> 00:41:41,590
When you wasn't on the bus,
986
00:41:41,670 --> 00:41:43,130
we thought you'd gone to another hotel.
987
00:41:43,210 --> 00:41:44,460
You don't want to go on them buses.
988
00:41:44,550 --> 00:41:46,380
You don't know who's been
sitting in the seats.
989
00:41:46,460 --> 00:41:47,210
Where's the geezer?
990
00:41:47,300 --> 00:41:48,050
[bell rings]
991
00:41:48,130 --> 00:41:48,880
I'm dying to get to my room
992
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,960
to have a shave, a shower,
and a sit on the balcony.
993
00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:52,220
Oh, what a shame.
994
00:41:52,300 --> 00:41:53,720
It's all booked up.
995
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,470
Ancl we've got the last seven penthouses.
996
00:41:56,550 --> 00:41:57,510
We'll see about that.
997
00:41:57,590 --> 00:41:58,340
[bell rings]
998
00:41:58,420 --> 00:41:59,170
Sl', senor?
999
00:41:59,260 --> 00:42:00,390
Good afternoon, squire.
1000
00:42:00,460 --> 00:42:01,540
I hope you've got my secretary's cable
1001
00:42:01,630 --> 00:42:04,760
confirming the VIP suite
for the Earl of Harman?
1002
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,010
Oh, oh, yes, your, your majesty.
1003
00:42:08,090 --> 00:42:09,670
We are, we are very honoured.
1004
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,300
[IaughiFIQ]
1005
00:42:11,380 --> 00:42:13,010
[hand thuds]
1006
00:42:13,090 --> 00:42:14,130
[laughs]
1007
00:42:14,210 --> 00:42:14,960
Pedro.
1008
00:42:15,050 --> 00:42:15,880
Shh.
1009
00:42:17,340 --> 00:42:18,630
The Earl of Harman?
1010
00:42:18,710 --> 00:42:20,290
You'll never get away with that.
1011
00:42:22,590 --> 00:42:24,590
I've got away with it.
1012
00:42:24,670 --> 00:42:27,130
I used to say I was a
trade union secretary,
1013
00:42:27,210 --> 00:42:29,420
but I couldn't afford
the rooms they gave me.
1014
00:42:29,510 --> 00:42:32,010
Pedro, take his highness to his room.
1015
00:42:33,550 --> 00:42:35,300
See you later, 'cock.
1016
00:42:36,630 --> 00:42:38,260
Ah, Conchita.
1017
00:42:38,340 --> 00:42:40,340
This is the Grace Brothers.
1018
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,800
Conchita, the pentyhouse.
1019
00:42:46,420 --> 00:42:47,170
YES.
1020
00:42:47,260 --> 00:42:49,470
I'm rather looking forward
to seeing the pantyhouses.
1021
00:42:49,510 --> 00:42:51,390
Uh, the pentyhouses.
1022
00:42:51,460 --> 00:42:52,380
[laughs]
1023
00:42:52,460 --> 00:42:54,130
You come this way.
1024
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,670
Mr. Grainger, are you free?
1025
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,970
Yes, I'm free.
1026
00:43:04,130 --> 00:43:06,340
[light orchestral music]
1027
00:43:07,590 --> 00:43:09,010
[CESAR] Carlos.
1028
00:43:09,630 --> 00:43:10,460
Cesan
1029
00:43:10,550 --> 00:43:11,680
What are you doing here?
1030
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,340
The uprising will start tomorrow.
1031
00:43:15,420 --> 00:43:17,500
At eight o'clock, the troops
will cross the border.
1032
00:43:17,590 --> 00:43:19,630
My men will capture the radio station here
1033
00:43:19,710 --> 00:43:21,630
and hold out till they arrive.
1034
00:43:21,710 --> 00:43:23,380
So tonight, you hide me.
1035
00:43:23,460 --> 00:43:25,170
Cesar, go away.
1036
00:43:25,260 --> 00:43:26,140
I am a man of peace.
1037
00:43:26,210 --> 00:43:27,250
I don't want no trouble.
1038
00:43:27,340 --> 00:43:28,130
You have a room?
1039
00:43:28,210 --> 00:43:30,920
I have one room only,
but it is not for you.
1040
00:43:31,010 --> 00:43:32,260
[grunts]
1041
00:43:32,380 --> 00:43:33,130
[sighs]
1042
00:43:33,170 --> 00:43:34,670
Upstairs, first right.
1043
00:43:35,050 --> 00:43:37,180
You make up your mind, Carlos.
1044
00:43:37,260 --> 00:43:39,890
You are with them, or you are with us.
1045
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:41,290
- Is that loaded?
- Of course.
1046
00:43:41,380 --> 00:43:42,840
I am with us.
1047
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:43,920
So I sleep here.
1048
00:43:45,010 --> 00:43:46,510
[chuckles]
1049
00:43:46,590 --> 00:43:47,590
Now, where is this,
1050
00:43:47,670 --> 00:43:50,170
this new beautiful serving girl of yours?
1051
00:43:50,260 --> 00:43:51,550
This Conchita?
1052
00:43:51,630 --> 00:43:52,550
Conchita, oh, no, no.
1053
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:53,380
She is for me, Cesar.
1054
00:43:53,460 --> 00:43:54,420
She is not for you.
1055
00:43:54,510 --> 00:43:55,590
Ha ha!
1056
00:43:55,670 --> 00:43:56,960
You tell me every night, she bolt
1057
00:43:57,050 --> 00:43:58,630
the door of her bedroom against you.
1058
00:43:58,710 --> 00:44:00,590
But tonight, it will be different.
1059
00:44:00,670 --> 00:44:02,170
How you know this?
1060
00:44:02,260 --> 00:44:03,510
I take off the bolt.
1061
00:44:03,630 --> 00:44:04,710
[chuckles]
1062
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,590
You are in luck, Cesar.
1063
00:44:06,670 --> 00:44:09,460
There are two beautiful
English women here.
1064
00:44:09,550 --> 00:44:11,720
Fair skins, big booby doos.
1065
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:12,550
[chuckles]
1066
00:44:12,630 --> 00:44:13,710
Look, I show you picture.
1067
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:16,840
Yeah.
1068
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:17,920
This is nice.
1069
00:44:18,010 --> 00:44:18,760
This good.
1070
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:19,800
This, name of Humphries.
1071
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:20,760
No, no, Cesar, this one.
1072
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:21,630
Look this.
1073
00:44:21,710 --> 00:44:22,920
Mrs. Slocombe.
1074
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,420
The face, ai yai.
1075
00:44:28,210 --> 00:44:29,210
But the body.
1076
00:44:29,260 --> 00:44:30,010
[chuckles]
1077
00:44:30,090 --> 00:44:30,920
Ai yai yai.
1078
00:44:31,010 --> 00:44:32,050
[both laugh]
1079
00:44:32,130 --> 00:44:33,710
Tonight, you tell me where she sleep.
1080
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:34,840
I will.
1081
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:36,210
Tonight, she is yours.
1082
00:44:36,300 --> 00:44:37,720
I give her to you.
1083
00:44:41,510 --> 00:44:42,300
[MISS BRAHMS] Oh, look.
1084
00:44:42,420 --> 00:44:43,170
They've got a big balloon
1085
00:44:43,260 --> 00:44:44,720
flying over the hotel.
1086
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:45,550
[MR. RUMBOLD] We could
do with one of those
1087
00:44:45,630 --> 00:44:47,340
at Grace Brothers.
1088
00:44:47,420 --> 00:44:50,500
Yes, it pays to advertise.
1089
00:44:50,630 --> 00:44:51,510
It certainly does.
1090
00:44:51,590 --> 00:44:52,340
[chuckles]
1091
00:44:52,420 --> 00:44:54,420
Well, all I want now
is a nice, hot shower
1092
00:44:54,510 --> 00:44:56,720
and rub down with a rough matador.
1093
00:44:56,800 --> 00:45:00,300
A matador, Mr. Humphries,
is a Spanish bullfighter.
1094
00:45:00,380 --> 00:45:01,130
YES.
1095
00:45:01,210 --> 00:45:01,790
[chuckles]
1096
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:03,800
You dry off your way, I'll dry off mine.
1097
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:05,420
Ah, Carlos.
1098
00:45:05,510 --> 00:45:06,800
[chuckles]
1099
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:07,880
Ah, yes.
1100
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:09,670
The Grace Brothers.
1101
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,930
Oh, don't start that all over again.
1102
00:45:12,010 --> 00:45:12,890
Why not?
1103
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,540
We're not in any hurry.
1104
00:45:14,630 --> 00:45:15,800
[Captain Peacock] Now, look.
1105
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:16,960
We've had a long journey.
1106
00:45:17,050 --> 00:45:19,760
We're hot and tired, ancl we'd
like to get to our penthouses.
1107
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:20,920
Now, where are they?
1108
00:45:21,010 --> 00:45:22,800
Ah, you have one pentyhouse each.
1109
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:23,670
Good.
1110
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:24,720
Where?
1111
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:25,970
Well, there.
1112
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:27,590
What are you talking about?
1113
00:45:27,670 --> 00:45:28,920
Those aren't penthouses.
1114
00:45:29,010 --> 00:45:31,340
But of course they are penthouses.
1115
00:45:31,420 --> 00:45:33,000
Look, I show you.
1116
00:45:33,090 --> 00:45:35,880
You take some pentypoles
and some pentypegs,
1117
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:36,710
you put them up.
1118
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,340
What have you got?
A pentyhouse.
1119
00:45:38,460 --> 00:45:40,170
HE means tGHtS.
1120
00:45:40,260 --> 00:45:41,720
Oh, of course.
1121
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:42,630
Tentyhouses.
1122
00:45:42,710 --> 00:45:43,460
Oh!
1123
00:45:43,550 --> 00:45:44,340
My English spelling is so bad.
1124
00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:46,460
Whenever I am wanting T, I am having a P.
1125
00:45:46,550 --> 00:45:48,630
Remind me to stick to coffee.
1126
00:45:48,710 --> 00:45:50,920
You'll not catch me in a tent.
1127
00:45:51,050 --> 00:45:53,220
After seeing Conchita,
I shan't even try.
1128
00:45:55,420 --> 00:45:56,170
I say,
1129
00:45:56,260 --> 00:45:58,220
having a bit of bother with the rooms?
1130
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:00,800
No, it's quite all right, thank you.
1131
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,380
What are you doing up there, Harman?
1132
00:46:02,460 --> 00:46:04,250
This is my private suite.
1133
00:46:04,630 --> 00:46:05,960
How did you manage to fiddle that?
1134
00:46:06,050 --> 00:46:08,760
Well, I always pay the VIP supplement.
1135
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:09,800
Well, I mean, you have to, don't you?
1136
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,010
You get a very dodgy class of riff-raff
1137
00:46:12,090 --> 00:46:14,090
on these package dos.
1138
00:46:14,170 --> 00:46:15,380
Excuse me.
1139
00:46:15,460 --> 00:46:17,630
My champagne's getting warm.
1140
00:46:17,710 --> 00:46:19,290
I think the best thing
we can do is ignore him.
1141
00:46:19,380 --> 00:46:20,210
[MR. RUMBOLD] Yes.
1142
00:46:22,210 --> 00:46:24,880
I wouldn't mind if he
wasn't so bleeding common.
1143
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:26,000
Captain Peacock,
1144
00:46:26,090 --> 00:46:28,170
seeing as how you have some Spanish,
1145
00:46:28,260 --> 00:46:30,180
will you inform this person
1146
00:46:30,300 --> 00:46:33,340
that we are not kipping under canvas?
1147
00:46:33,420 --> 00:46:35,300
Ancl I am unanimous in that.
1148
00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:38,380
Por favor, Carlos, aqul'.
1149
00:46:40,260 --> 00:46:42,550
Uh, now, look.
1150
00:46:42,630 --> 00:46:44,210
We've booked seven rooms in this hotel,
1151
00:46:44,300 --> 00:46:45,430
and we have confirmation.
1152
00:46:45,510 --> 00:46:47,390
Yes, you have confirmation,
1153
00:46:47,460 --> 00:46:49,540
but the rooms are not ready till tomorrow.
1154
00:46:50,130 --> 00:46:52,460
Can't we go somewhere else?
1155
00:46:52,550 --> 00:46:53,430
Town is full.
1156
00:46:54,710 --> 00:46:56,920
We'd better have a conference, Peacock.
1157
00:46:57,010 --> 00:46:57,840
Yes, sir.
1158
00:46:59,340 --> 00:47:00,590
Are you free, Mrs. Slocombe, Miss Brahms?
1159
00:47:00,630 --> 00:47:01,460
Over here.
1160
00:47:02,630 --> 00:47:04,260
Mr. Lucas, are you free?
1161
00:47:06,210 --> 00:47:06,750
YES.
1162
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:08,220
Surprisingly enough, at the moment,
1163
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:09,340
I am free, Captain Peacock.
1164
00:47:09,420 --> 00:47:10,250
Mr. Grainger.
1165
00:47:10,920 --> 00:47:13,250
Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
1166
00:47:13,550 --> 00:47:14,760
Mr. Humphries, are you free?
1167
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:16,170
As a bird, Captain Peacock.
1168
00:47:16,260 --> 00:47:17,800
Well, flutter over here.
1169
00:47:18,840 --> 00:47:22,010
Now, we appear to have a bit
of a crisis on our hands.
1170
00:47:22,090 --> 00:47:23,470
Obviously, we're in the right,
1171
00:47:23,550 --> 00:47:25,880
but due to circumstances
beyond our control,
1172
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,130
we are faced with only two alternatives,
1173
00:47:28,210 --> 00:47:29,710
either to sleep on the beach
1174
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,010
or to sleep here in those tents.
1175
00:47:32,090 --> 00:47:34,590
I vote that we all go home.
1176
00:47:35,260 --> 00:47:37,470
I'm missing Mrs. Grainger.
1177
00:47:38,460 --> 00:47:40,960
One gets used to things, you know.
1178
00:47:41,050 --> 00:47:42,180
Like arthritis.
1179
00:47:43,130 --> 00:47:44,550
It's a free holiday.
1180
00:47:44,630 --> 00:47:45,630
I'm staying.
1181
00:47:45,710 --> 00:47:47,290
Ancl she's unanimous in that.
1182
00:47:47,710 --> 00:47:49,460
No, of course, you all stay.
1183
00:47:49,550 --> 00:47:52,430
You have beautiful wine
now and beautiful food.
1184
00:47:52,510 --> 00:47:54,930
Ancl tonight, you sleep
in your beautiful tents.
1185
00:47:55,010 --> 00:47:57,640
Ancl tomorrow, you have
your beautiful rooms.
1186
00:47:57,710 --> 00:47:58,790
What do you say?
1187
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:01,630
If we say yes, do we get another kiss?
1188
00:48:01,710 --> 00:48:02,840
[MR. RUMBOLD] Oh, very well.
1189
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,590
Hands up all those who want us to stay.
1190
00:48:05,710 --> 00:48:07,040
Oh, very well.
1191
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:08,800
Oh, come on, Mr. Grainger.
1192
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,170
What have you got to lose?
1193
00:48:11,670 --> 00:48:14,170
At my age, very little.
1194
00:48:16,010 --> 00:48:17,180
Good. We all stay.
1195
00:48:17,260 --> 00:48:18,300
Dinner is at eight o'clock.
1196
00:48:18,380 --> 00:48:19,710
Where's the dining room?
1197
00:48:20,210 --> 00:48:22,420
Uh, the dining room
is full until tomorrow.
1198
00:48:22,510 --> 00:48:24,140
- What?
- Tonight,
1199
00:48:24,210 --> 00:48:26,290
you will have dinner underneath the stars.
1200
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:27,880
Oh.
1201
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:29,710
Oh, Captain Peacock,
1202
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:32,380
doesn't it make you feel romantic?
1203
00:48:32,460 --> 00:48:35,290
I'm fighting against it very
satisfactorily, thank you.
1204
00:48:37,460 --> 00:48:38,210
Oh, Well.
1205
00:48:38,260 --> 00:48:39,300
[laughs]
1206
00:48:39,340 --> 00:48:42,880
I suppose I'd better go and
make something of my face.
1207
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:44,920
Have they got a good
plastic surgeon in this hotel?
1208
00:48:45,010 --> 00:48:47,430
Mr. Lucas, just
because we're on holiday,
1209
00:48:47,510 --> 00:48:50,300
it doesn't give you carte
blanche to be sarkey.
1210
00:48:50,380 --> 00:48:51,260
I'm sorry, Mrs. Slocombe.
1211
00:48:51,340 --> 00:48:52,090
I take it all back.
1212
00:48:52,170 --> 00:48:53,380
You leave your old face just as it is,
1213
00:48:53,420 --> 00:48:54,710
and I shan't say another word.
1214
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:55,340
Ooh.
1215
00:48:56,210 --> 00:48:59,040
Oh, I hope there's
electricity in these tents.
1216
00:48:59,710 --> 00:49:02,460
If there isn't, I've got a
battery razor you can borrow.
1217
00:49:07,300 --> 00:49:08,260
(laughing)
1218
00:49:09,090 --> 00:49:12,590
(light acoustic guitar music)
1219
00:49:15,090 --> 00:49:16,510
Nice to see you here.
1220
00:49:17,670 --> 00:49:22,880
[Speaking German]
1221
00:49:31,550 --> 00:49:35,590
[accoustic guitar playing]
1222
00:49:45,510 --> 00:49:47,760
(laughing)
1223
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:15,500
Oh, Mrs. Slocombe,
1224
00:50:15,590 --> 00:50:17,920
may I say how charming you look?
1225
00:50:18,010 --> 00:50:19,930
Oh, it's nothing, really.
1226
00:50:20,010 --> 00:50:23,470
Ijust picked up the
first thing I could find.
1227
00:50:23,550 --> 00:50:27,010
Ah, may I show you to your table?
1228
00:50:27,090 --> 00:50:29,340
Oh, don't let's go
without Captain Peacock.
1229
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,630
Are you attired, Captain Peacock?
1230
00:50:37,170 --> 00:50:39,590
I was just about to go and
see if Miss Brahms was ready.
1231
00:50:41,050 --> 00:50:42,130
I've been ready for hours.
1232
00:50:42,210 --> 00:50:44,540
But I didn't like to
pop out there on me own.
1233
00:50:44,630 --> 00:50:45,800
I'll tell you what, Shirley.
1234
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:46,840
We'll all gather round you.
1235
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,960
Then, you can pop out among friends.
1236
00:50:49,050 --> 00:50:51,930
I've never seen you looking
so lovely, Miss Brahms.
1237
00:50:52,010 --> 00:50:53,180
I haven't been so moved
1238
00:50:53,260 --> 00:50:55,970
since I stood and gazed at the Mona Lisa.
1239
00:50:56,050 --> 00:50:56,800
Oh, yes?
1240
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:58,300
She got big knockers and all?
1241
00:51:03,670 --> 00:51:06,800
Ah, I see everyone's
ready for the repast.
1242
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:08,710
Lead the way, landlord.
1243
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:13,130
Mrs. Slocombe, would you
make an old man very happy?
1244
00:51:13,210 --> 00:51:15,380
Oh, Mr. Grainger.
1245
00:51:15,460 --> 00:51:19,500
One so rarely hears these
charming old world phrases.
1246
00:51:19,590 --> 00:51:21,670
What can I say?
1247
00:51:21,760 --> 00:51:22,590
Well, make up your mind.
1248
00:51:22,670 --> 00:51:23,800
Either pop into the tent with him now,
1249
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:26,090
or have dinner and get down to it after.
1250
00:51:26,170 --> 00:51:27,250
Ignore him.
1251
00:51:33,260 --> 00:51:35,390
J' Rule, Britannia J'
1252
00:51:35,420 --> 00:51:38,090
J' Britannia rules the waves J'
1253
00:51:38,170 --> 00:51:40,090
J' Britons never, never, never J'
1254
00:51:40,170 --> 00:51:41,590
J' Shall be slaves J"
1255
00:51:41,670 --> 00:51:42,670
Ignore it.
1256
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:44,260
I'll deal with them.
1257
00:51:44,340 --> 00:51:45,800
I speak the language.
1258
00:51:47,380 --> 00:51:50,010
J' Britons never, never, never J'
1259
00:51:50,090 --> 00:51:50,920
Please, Mr. Grainger.
1260
00:51:51,010 --> 00:51:52,340
We don't want to start
that all over again.
1261
00:51:52,420 --> 00:51:53,750
Sit down.
Sit down, please.
1262
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,050
Damned krauts.
1263
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,630
I didn't fight on the beaches
1264
00:51:57,710 --> 00:52:00,210
to be made to look a monkey.
1265
00:52:00,300 --> 00:52:03,260
Now, we'll sit with our
backs to them and ignore them.
1266
00:52:04,260 --> 00:52:06,140
Do I detect an anti-German feeling?
1267
00:52:06,210 --> 00:52:07,880
You do, Mr. Rumbold.
1268
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:09,590
Some of us remember the war.
1269
00:52:09,670 --> 00:52:11,710
I haven't forgotten being
flung flat on me back
1270
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,300
on Clapham Common by a land mine.
1271
00:52:14,380 --> 00:52:17,300
Ancl the German air force was responsible.
1272
00:52:17,380 --> 00:52:18,670
All the other times
she was flat on her back,
1273
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,550
the American air force was responsible.
1274
00:52:20,630 --> 00:52:21,670
[chuckles]
1275
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:23,760
I'm asking you for the last time.
1276
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:25,510
Will you please knock it off?
1277
00:52:25,550 --> 00:52:27,180
She even remembers what she said.
1278
00:52:28,090 --> 00:52:31,970
(light acoustic guitar music)
1279
00:52:33,550 --> 00:52:34,800
Blimey, look at that!
1280
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:37,930
Surely, that can't be our Mr. Humphries.
1281
00:52:39,010 --> 00:52:40,510
Lovely to have met you again.
1282
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:41,630
Lovely to see you, too.
1283
00:52:41,710 --> 00:52:43,380
I hope we're going to
see a lot of each other
1284
00:52:43,460 --> 00:52:44,710
during the next few clays.
1285
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:49,790
Hey!
1286
00:52:51,340 --> 00:52:52,970
Who's that gorgeous bit of crumpet?
1287
00:52:53,050 --> 00:52:54,630
That is a very good friend of mine.
1288
00:52:54,710 --> 00:52:55,710
Ancl I'll tell you something else,
1289
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:58,260
he's much happier since
he's had the operation.
1290
00:52:58,340 --> 00:52:59,380
Do the other two know about it?
1291
00:52:59,460 --> 00:53:00,840
Who, Harry ancl George?
1292
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:02,210
They paid for it.
1293
00:53:05,090 --> 00:53:07,470
You know some very strange people.
1294
00:53:07,550 --> 00:53:09,010
They seem quite normal to me.
1295
00:53:09,090 --> 00:53:11,380
Now, we really must learn the language.
1296
00:53:11,460 --> 00:53:13,290
What is Spanish for seat?
1297
00:53:14,210 --> 00:53:15,210
A-si-ento.
1298
00:53:16,590 --> 00:53:18,720
Well, that's easy to remember!
1299
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,340
I must say I'm feeling quite peckish.
1300
00:53:22,420 --> 00:53:24,550
All I had to eat on the aeroplane was
1301
00:53:24,630 --> 00:53:26,510
a dead thing in jelly.
1302
00:53:26,590 --> 00:53:28,550
Doesn't the food look different?
1303
00:53:28,630 --> 00:53:29,380
YES.
1304
00:53:29,460 --> 00:53:31,250
It smells different and all.
1305
00:53:31,340 --> 00:53:34,050
Certainly a change
from the staff canteen.
1306
00:53:34,130 --> 00:53:35,510
I hope it's good.
1307
00:53:35,550 --> 00:53:37,880
Well, 200 flies can't be wrong.
1308
00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:38,880
Get off.
1309
00:53:39,710 --> 00:53:40,960
Well, let's tuck in.
1310
00:53:41,050 --> 00:53:42,260
Who's for melon balls?
1311
00:53:42,340 --> 00:53:43,420
Me.
1312
00:53:43,510 --> 00:53:45,260
I might have guessed.
1313
00:53:45,340 --> 00:53:47,260
I think I'll try the seafood salad.
1314
00:53:47,340 --> 00:53:49,470
Yeah, that's supposed to
make you virile, isn't it?
1315
00:53:49,590 --> 00:53:52,340
Well, I hardly think two
mussels and a shriveled-up prawn
1316
00:53:52,420 --> 00:53:55,090
will affect my sex life
one way or the other.
1317
00:53:55,170 --> 00:53:57,880
I must say, this salad tastes lovely.
1318
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:00,040
The insects here are
very greedy, aren't they?
1319
00:54:00,130 --> 00:54:00,880
What do you mean?
1320
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:01,920
Well, that green wriggly thing's
1321
00:54:02,010 --> 00:54:03,260
just picked up a bit of your lettuce,
1322
00:54:03,340 --> 00:54:06,300
put it on its back, ancl he's
marching off home with it.
1323
00:54:06,380 --> 00:54:07,300
Ooh.
1324
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:11,590
Now, for you, we have
the specialty of the casa.
1325
00:54:11,670 --> 00:54:14,210
What a funny thing
to have a specialty of.
1326
00:54:14,300 --> 00:54:15,630
The poo poo grande.
1327
00:54:17,260 --> 00:54:18,800
Whatever is it?
1328
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,170
Um, big octopussy.
1329
00:54:21,260 --> 00:54:22,800
They've never boiled the cat?
1330
00:54:23,670 --> 00:54:25,840
Mrs. Slocombe, it's a traditional dish
1331
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:27,630
with a lot of oil and garlic,
1332
00:54:27,710 --> 00:54:29,790
and they chop the tentacles into slices.
1333
00:54:29,880 --> 00:54:31,880
Oh, don't tell us any more.
1334
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:34,840
It's not the sort of thing
I am accustomed to eating.
1335
00:54:34,920 --> 00:54:35,750
You don't like?
1336
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:37,090
I think it's horrible.
1337
00:54:37,170 --> 00:54:38,800
You prefer the English menu?
1338
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:39,960
[ALL] Yes, please.
1339
00:54:40,050 --> 00:54:42,720
Eggs, s_ausages, b_eans,
and chnps seven tnmes.
1340
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,130
Will you be taking the
wine or the brown ale?
1341
00:54:45,210 --> 00:54:46,750
Wine, please.
1342
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:47,800
Thank heavens.
1343
00:54:50,590 --> 00:54:52,840
El vino for the Grace Brothers.
1344
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:54,840
But first, the goblet of honour
1345
00:54:54,920 --> 00:54:57,000
for the lady with the beautiful body.
1346
00:54:57,090 --> 00:54:58,420
Oh, thank you.
1347
00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:03,050
Oh, aren't they gallant?
1348
00:55:03,130 --> 00:55:04,630
Muchas gracias.
1349
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:06,970
Ah, you speak Spanish?
1350
00:55:07,340 --> 00:55:08,170
Un petit pois.
1351
00:55:09,760 --> 00:55:11,680
[clears throat]
1352
00:55:30,170 --> 00:55:31,500
[liquid trickles]
1353
00:55:35,880 --> 00:55:37,550
[accoustic guitar plays]
1354
00:55:45,380 --> 00:55:48,260
[liquid still trickles, guitar still plays]
1355
00:56:01,260 --> 00:56:02,430
Captain Peacock.
1356
00:56:03,210 --> 00:56:04,710
Have you got your phrasebook?
1357
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:05,680
YES.
1358
00:56:06,670 --> 00:56:09,340
What's Spanish for where's
the little girls' room?
1359
00:56:09,420 --> 00:56:11,590
- I'm ahead of you, Mrs. Slocombe.
1360
00:56:11,670 --> 00:56:14,300
[IN SPANISH]
Where are the services?
1361
00:56:14,340 --> 00:56:16,260
Ah, the nearest one, she's over there.
1362
00:56:16,300 --> 00:56:17,930
[ALL] Thank you.
1363
00:56:19,460 --> 00:56:20,630
Ladies first.
1364
00:56:29,550 --> 00:56:30,590
Oh, really!
1365
00:56:31,920 --> 00:56:32,750
That was quick.
1366
00:56:33,300 --> 00:56:35,180
I haven't been yet.
1367
00:56:35,260 --> 00:56:37,300
There's no bolt on the door.
1368
00:56:37,380 --> 00:56:38,130
In my country,
1369
00:56:38,210 --> 00:56:40,380
when it is occupied, we sing.
1370
00:56:41,090 --> 00:56:41,920
I see.
1371
00:56:45,510 --> 00:56:49,430
J' There's an old mill by the stream J"
1372
00:56:49,510 --> 00:56:53,050
J' Nellie Dean J'
1373
00:56:53,130 --> 00:56:57,420
J' Where we used to sit and dream J'
1374
00:56:57,510 --> 00:56:59,970
J' Nellie Dean J'
1375
00:57:00,050 --> 00:57:00,800
Oi!
1376
00:57:01,340 --> 00:57:02,380
Belt up, you lot.
1377
00:57:02,460 --> 00:57:04,210
You're putting me off.
1378
00:57:04,300 --> 00:57:05,300
Sorry, Mrs. Slocombe.
1379
00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:06,670
We'll sing something else.
1380
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,970
J' Every time it rains, it rains J'
1381
00:57:10,050 --> 00:57:12,970
J' Pennies from heaven J'
1382
00:57:13,010 --> 00:57:15,890
J' Every little cloud contains J'
1383
00:57:16,380 --> 00:57:20,300
[toilet flushing and rattling]
1384
00:57:31,050 --> 00:57:34,050
For some reason, best
known to the locals,
1385
00:57:34,130 --> 00:57:36,710
the bolt is on the outside.
1386
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:37,680
[MR. LUCAS]
Well, if they like the song,
1387
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:40,470
they keep you there and make
you do it all over again.
1388
00:57:47,380 --> 00:57:48,050
Oh!
1389
00:57:48,130 --> 00:57:50,010
Composing a letter to
your mother, Mr. Lucas?
1390
00:57:50,670 --> 00:57:51,420
No, sir.
1391
00:57:51,510 --> 00:57:52,640
It's for Shirley there.
1392
00:57:53,590 --> 00:57:54,970
I'm giving her one more chance.
1393
00:57:55,050 --> 00:57:56,760
If she doesn't agree to my suggestion,
1394
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:58,840
I'll have to start chatting
up the local crumpet.
1395
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:01,550
But what exactly are you suggesting?
1396
00:58:03,260 --> 00:58:05,050
"Dear sexy knickers,
1397
00:58:05,130 --> 00:58:07,510
I've been mad about you ever since we met.
1398
00:58:07,590 --> 00:58:08,670
Come to my tent tonight
1399
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:11,180
and we'll watch the moon rise together."
1400
00:58:11,260 --> 00:58:13,430
She won't fall for that, will she?
1401
00:58:13,510 --> 00:58:15,970
If she doesn't, it's the
last chance she's going to get.
1402
00:58:16,050 --> 00:58:17,880
And Conchita could get lucky.
1403
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:18,790
Oi!
1404
00:58:21,420 --> 00:58:22,960
Sl', senor?
1405
00:58:23,090 --> 00:58:24,840
You speaky English?
1406
00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:26,340
A little titty bit.
1407
00:58:27,170 --> 00:58:28,420
Heh.
1408
00:58:28,510 --> 00:58:30,680
Give this to the senorita
1409
00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:32,260
wearing the glasses.
1410
00:58:32,340 --> 00:58:33,340
Sl', senor.
1411
00:58:34,550 --> 00:58:36,380
Isn't it a beautiful night?
1412
00:58:36,460 --> 00:58:37,630
Yes, but you know
1413
00:58:37,710 --> 00:58:40,840
the nights clamp down very
early in the tropicals.
1414
00:58:41,550 --> 00:58:42,180
Ah.
1415
00:58:42,210 --> 00:58:43,710
For you, senorita.
1416
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:44,510
A note?
1417
00:58:44,590 --> 00:58:45,340
For me?
1418
00:58:46,170 --> 00:58:47,750
How mysterious!
1419
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:49,260
Oh, who sent it?
1420
00:58:49,340 --> 00:58:51,260
Uh, senor who pour the wine now.
1421
00:58:56,130 --> 00:58:58,210
Here. Fill her up, Captain Peacock.
1422
00:58:58,300 --> 00:58:59,720
Thank you, Mr. Lucas.
1423
00:59:05,050 --> 00:59:05,800
Salud.
1424
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:06,840
[gasps]
1425
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:08,420
Captain Peacock!
1426
00:59:10,050 --> 00:59:11,180
Miss Brahms,
1427
00:59:12,090 --> 00:59:13,880
Captain Peacock sent me a note.
1428
00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:14,710
No!
1429
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:15,720
What's it say?
1430
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:17,630
Oh, I haven't read it yet, have I?
1431
00:59:17,710 --> 00:59:21,250
"Dear sexy knickers-"
1432
00:59:21,340 --> 00:59:23,260
I didn't know you wore sexy knickers.
1433
00:59:23,340 --> 00:59:25,050
That'll do, Miss Brahms.
1434
00:59:25,130 --> 00:59:29,010
Some people find directoires
are very exciting.
1435
00:59:29,090 --> 00:59:30,760
Well, they did during the war.
1436
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:32,210
Well, go on, then.
1437
00:59:32,300 --> 00:59:37,470
"I've been mad about
you ever since we met.
1438
00:59:37,710 --> 00:59:39,670
Come to my tent tonight
1439
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:41,050
and we'll watch the-"
1440
00:59:42,510 --> 00:59:43,930
The what rise together?
1441
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:46,550
Oh, "the moon."
1442
00:59:46,630 --> 00:59:48,880
Oh, would you believe it?
1443
00:59:55,420 --> 00:59:58,500
Oh, don't they get bold in the tropicals?
1444
00:59:58,590 --> 01:00:00,840
You're not going to go, are you?
1445
01:00:00,920 --> 01:00:04,000
Well, I think I ought to
go to teach him a lesson.
1446
01:00:04,630 --> 01:00:06,210
I shall lead him on,
1447
01:00:06,300 --> 01:00:09,340
and then I shall give
him a piece of my mind.
1448
01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:11,470
EventuaHy.
1449
01:00:11,710 --> 01:00:13,500
Have you got something to write with?
1450
01:00:13,630 --> 01:00:15,630
Oh yes. Here,
I have an eyebrow pencil.
1451
01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:20,380
Oh, thank you, Miss Brahms.
1452
01:00:20,460 --> 01:00:21,210
Now, then.
1453
01:00:21,300 --> 01:00:24,180
"Dear sexy,
1454
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:27,090
Y-fronts,"
1455
01:00:29,460 --> 01:00:32,040
Will come
1456
01:00:32,170 --> 01:00:36,460
to your tent tonight.
1457
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,050
Ancl together,
1458
01:00:40,170 --> 01:00:44,000
we'll see it
1459
01:00:45,590 --> 01:00:46,970
come up."
1460
01:00:49,170 --> 01:00:50,300
Carlos.
1461
01:00:50,710 --> 01:00:52,420
[MRS. SLOCOMBE]
Come here, Carlos.
1462
01:00:52,510 --> 01:00:53,890
5l', senorita?
1463
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:57,460
Would you give this note private-o
1464
01:00:57,550 --> 01:00:59,340
to the man with the mustache-o
1465
01:00:59,420 --> 01:01:01,250
at the end of the table-o?
1466
01:01:01,340 --> 01:01:02,800
Ah, sl', senorita.
1467
01:01:05,510 --> 01:01:06,760
- Eh, senor?
- Hmm?
1468
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:09,380
A note from the senorita down there.
1469
01:01:09,460 --> 01:01:10,750
Which one?
1470
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,260
The one with the
figure like Raquel Welsh.
1471
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:17,670
A note from Miss Brahms.
1472
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:19,800
"Dear sexy Y-fronts. "
1473
01:01:20,460 --> 01:01:22,540
Amazing how these rumours get around.
1474
01:01:22,630 --> 01:01:24,550
"Will come to your tent tonight
1475
01:01:24,630 --> 01:01:27,050
and together we will see it come up."
1476
01:01:27,130 --> 01:01:28,550
I wonder what she has in mind.
1477
01:01:28,630 --> 01:01:30,380
Bottoms up, Captain Peacock.
1478
01:01:30,460 --> 01:01:31,710
Oh yes.
1479
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:44,880
"Can't wait to get
together with you tonight.
1480
01:01:46,260 --> 01:01:51,430
More discreet if I come to your tent.
1481
01:01:52,510 --> 01:01:54,050
Bottoms up.
1482
01:01:54,130 --> 01:01:57,170
Signed, sexy Y-fronts. "
1483
01:02:01,380 --> 01:02:02,210
[CAPTAIN PEACOCK WHISPERS]
Conchita?
1484
01:02:04,380 --> 01:02:05,710
Sl', senor?
1485
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:06,630
Give this note
1486
01:02:07,710 --> 01:02:10,040
to the one making up
face in mirror.
1487
01:02:10,130 --> 01:02:11,510
Sl', senor.
1488
01:02:11,590 --> 01:02:13,550
Oh, Miss Brahms, what a good idea.
1489
01:02:13,630 --> 01:02:14,840
Can I borrow that, love?
1490
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:17,340
I don't mind my face looking lived in,
1491
01:02:17,420 --> 01:02:20,090
but I don't want it to look
as though I've got squatters.
1492
01:02:21,380 --> 01:02:22,840
This is for you, senor.
1493
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:24,920
Oh, a billet-doux.
1494
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:26,090
Can't wait.
1495
01:02:26,170 --> 01:02:27,000
Thank you.
1496
01:02:33,590 --> 01:02:34,420
"Bottoms up.
1497
01:02:35,210 --> 01:02:38,090
Signed, sexy Y-fronts."
1498
01:02:38,210 --> 01:02:41,540
Conchita, who sent this?
1499
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:44,630
The one who goes to sing the song.
1500
01:02:44,670 --> 01:02:48,420
Well, I'd never have
believed it in a million years.
1501
01:02:48,510 --> 01:02:49,550
It's the quiet ones.
1502
01:02:49,630 --> 01:02:51,380
They're all the same.
1503
01:02:52,710 --> 01:02:55,290
J' Where we use to sit and dream J'
1504
01:02:55,380 --> 01:02:57,210
J' Nellie Dean J'
1505
01:02:57,300 --> 01:02:58,380
J' Ancl the waters as they flow J'
1506
01:02:58,460 --> 01:03:00,170
This will dampen his ardour.
1507
01:03:00,260 --> 01:03:03,090
[toilet flushes]
[screaming]
1508
01:03:03,130 --> 01:03:04,380
Bottoms up.
1509
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:10,760
[speaking Spanish]
1510
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:11,970
Oh!
1511
01:03:12,010 --> 01:03:12,840
Sl', sl'.
1512
01:03:14,630 --> 01:03:16,380
Has my call to England come through yet?
1513
01:03:16,460 --> 01:03:17,250
It just come.
1514
01:03:17,300 --> 01:03:18,050
Thank you.
1515
01:03:18,090 --> 01:03:18,670
It's me mother.
1516
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:20,140
She worries about me.
1517
01:03:20,210 --> 01:03:21,040
Hello?
1518
01:03:22,210 --> 01:03:24,040
Oh, the call's only got as far as Bootle,
1519
01:03:24,130 --> 01:03:25,670
still, it's only a short walk.
1520
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:26,590
Yes, I'll hold.
1521
01:03:26,670 --> 01:03:28,000
Please, you must help me.
1522
01:03:28,090 --> 01:03:29,420
I am in trouble.
1523
01:03:29,510 --> 01:03:30,930
You're not, are you?
1524
01:03:31,010 --> 01:03:32,180
Yes, I'm still here, clear.
1525
01:03:32,260 --> 01:03:33,010
It is Carlos.
1526
01:03:33,090 --> 01:03:33,880
He wants to,
1527
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:34,790
he wants to--
[whispers inaudibly]
1528
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:37,090
[chuckles]
1529
01:03:37,170 --> 01:03:39,340
Oh, I've heard that's quite nice.
1530
01:03:39,420 --> 01:03:40,590
Hello?
1531
01:03:40,670 --> 01:03:42,590
There's a lot of interference.
1532
01:03:42,670 --> 01:03:45,130
I don't know whether
it's at your end or mine.
1533
01:03:45,210 --> 01:03:46,380
I think most of it's at mine.
1534
01:03:46,460 --> 01:03:49,170
Sefior, he has taken
the bolt from my door.
1535
01:03:49,260 --> 01:03:52,890
Let me sleep in your tent,
I know I can trust you.
1536
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:55,250
How did you manage to work that out?
1537
01:03:55,340 --> 01:03:56,340
Hello?
1538
01:03:56,420 --> 01:03:57,840
Hello, mother.
1539
01:03:57,920 --> 01:03:59,710
Yes, I'm fine.
1540
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:01,840
Yes, I told the pilot what you said,
1541
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:03,250
and he was very careful.
1542
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:07,420
I know I've left me
hot water bottle, love.
1543
01:04:07,510 --> 01:04:09,180
Somehow I don't think
I'm going to need it.
1544
01:04:09,260 --> 01:04:12,430
Oh, senor, tell me I
may sleep in your tent.
1545
01:04:12,510 --> 01:04:13,260
(laughs)
1546
01:04:13,340 --> 01:04:15,090
Yes, it was a girl's voice.
1547
01:04:15,170 --> 01:04:16,090
Yes, you're right,
1548
01:04:16,170 --> 01:04:17,800
the change will do me good.
1549
01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:19,170
[CARLOS] Conchita, where are you?
1550
01:04:19,260 --> 01:04:20,970
Listen, I don't want to
stay nattering for a long time
1551
01:04:21,050 --> 01:04:22,340
'cause it'll run up a big bill.
1552
01:04:22,420 --> 01:04:23,960
Oh, senor, please say yes.
1553
01:04:24,050 --> 01:04:24,800
Give us a kiss, then.
1554
01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:26,800
Oh, you beautiful man.
1555
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:27,630
Muah!
1556
01:04:27,710 --> 01:04:29,340
Not you, clear.
1557
01:04:29,420 --> 01:04:30,800
No, love.
1558
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:32,670
No, that was the night porter.
1559
01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:34,390
I see you in your tent tonight.
1560
01:04:34,510 --> 01:04:35,390
Bye.
1561
01:04:35,460 --> 01:04:38,210
Yes, he has got a
very high-pitched voice.
1562
01:04:38,300 --> 01:04:39,470
He used to be a bull fighter,
1563
01:04:39,550 --> 01:04:42,300
but he got caught in the corridas.
1564
01:04:42,380 --> 01:04:44,630
Of course I shall say me prayers.
1565
01:04:44,710 --> 01:04:46,380
Ancl I'll ask him to make me a good boy.
1566
01:04:46,460 --> 01:04:47,630
[chuckhng]
1567
01:04:47,710 --> 01:04:50,250
He'll have his work cut
out tonight, though.
1568
01:04:50,340 --> 01:04:51,170
Bye-bye.
1569
01:04:51,260 --> 01:04:52,300
BYE-bye!
1570
01:04:52,380 --> 01:04:53,050
[laughs]
1571
01:04:53,130 --> 01:04:54,170
YES.
1572
01:04:54,760 --> 01:04:55,590
Bless her.
1573
01:04:57,260 --> 01:04:58,010
Ah!
1574
01:04:58,090 --> 01:04:59,380
Buenos noches, senor.
1575
01:04:59,460 --> 01:05:02,130
Uh, your, uh, your tenty
house is to your liking, yes?
1576
01:05:02,210 --> 01:05:04,000
You have got everything you need?
1577
01:05:04,090 --> 01:05:06,010
I've got one or two things I don't need.
1578
01:05:06,090 --> 01:05:08,340
Listen, for reasons that I won't go into,
1579
01:05:08,420 --> 01:05:09,590
you haven't got such a thing as
1580
01:05:09,670 --> 01:05:11,920
a spare bed anywhere, have you?
1581
01:05:12,010 --> 01:05:15,970
I have one bed, senor, but
I dare not offer it to you.
1582
01:05:16,050 --> 01:05:17,840
I shall make it worth your while.
1583
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:20,090
[chuckles]
1584
01:05:20,170 --> 01:05:24,550
The other bed in the room is
occupied by Cesar Rodriguez,
1585
01:05:24,630 --> 01:05:27,380
the most dangerous man
in the whole country.
1586
01:05:27,460 --> 01:05:31,250
It is said that he has killed
12 men with is bare hands.
1587
01:05:32,590 --> 01:05:34,510
In that case, if anybody wants me,
1588
01:05:34,590 --> 01:05:36,090
I shall be in my tent.
1589
01:05:37,960 --> 01:05:38,750
PSSt.
1590
01:05:39,090 --> 01:05:42,760
[dramatic orchestral music]
1591
01:05:44,130 --> 01:05:44,960
PSSt.
1592
01:05:46,510 --> 01:05:47,970
Any messages for me?
1593
01:05:48,050 --> 01:05:49,430
Nothing, Cesar.
1594
01:05:49,510 --> 01:05:51,640
Carlos, listen very carefully.
1595
01:05:52,590 --> 01:05:54,920
My men are hiding in the hills.
1596
01:05:55,010 --> 01:05:56,800
They will be with me at dawn.
1597
01:05:56,880 --> 01:05:58,380
At the same time, the liberating
1598
01:05:58,460 --> 01:06:00,590
forces will cross the border.
1599
01:06:00,670 --> 01:06:03,340
By midday, everything will be ours.
1600
01:06:03,420 --> 01:06:05,960
Tomorrow is your big clay, huh?
1601
01:06:06,050 --> 01:06:06,930
Ancl tonight
1602
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:10,000
is my big night.
1603
01:06:10,090 --> 01:06:11,090
[both chuckle]
1604
01:06:11,170 --> 01:06:12,460
What a body, hmm?
1605
01:06:13,380 --> 01:06:14,960
Now, you tell me which tent she is in.
1606
01:06:15,090 --> 01:06:16,970
- I'll show you myself later.
1607
01:06:18,260 --> 01:06:21,140
Tonight is my big night, too.
1608
01:06:21,210 --> 01:06:22,420
For me, Conchita.
1609
01:06:22,510 --> 01:06:25,760
For you, the beautiful
body of Mrs. Slocombe.
1610
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:29,840
[laughs]
1611
01:06:33,510 --> 01:06:36,510
[upbeat rock music]
1612
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:41,340
[MISS BRAHMS] Psst.
1613
01:06:41,760 --> 01:06:43,510
Is that you, Captain Peacock?
1614
01:06:43,590 --> 01:06:44,800
[MISS BRAHS] No, it's me Shirley.
1615
01:06:44,880 --> 01:06:45,630
Can I come in?
1616
01:06:45,710 --> 01:06:46,710
Oh.
1617
01:06:46,760 --> 01:06:47,840
Yes, do.
1618
01:06:49,170 --> 01:06:51,170
I've just passed old Peacock's tent.
1619
01:06:51,260 --> 01:06:52,930
He's humming "Tonight's the Night",
1620
01:06:53,010 --> 01:06:54,590
and the smell of his aftershave
1621
01:06:54,670 --> 01:06:55,840
practically took my breath away.
1622
01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:57,420
Well, you know, what they say,
1623
01:06:57,510 --> 01:07:00,510
anticipation is half the pleasure.
1624
01:07:00,590 --> 01:07:02,220
Is he going to get the other half, then?
1625
01:07:02,300 --> 01:07:03,380
Never you mind.
1626
01:07:03,460 --> 01:07:05,920
Oh, well, if you need
any help, give us a yell.
1627
01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:08,210
I shan't be asleep because the
beds are too uncomfortable.
1628
01:07:08,260 --> 01:07:09,890
Oh, well, I brought this.
1629
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:10,790
Oh.
1630
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:11,960
Well, good night, then.
1631
01:07:12,050 --> 01:07:13,300
Good night, love.
1632
01:07:14,170 --> 01:07:16,920
[toilet flushes]
1633
01:07:23,090 --> 01:07:25,670
Many more dinners like that,
1634
01:07:25,760 --> 01:07:28,090
and I shall have to learn a longer song.
1635
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,880
[upbeat rock music]
1636
01:07:43,630 --> 01:07:44,960
[CARLOS] Psst.
1637
01:07:46,510 --> 01:07:47,760
Yes, Miss Brahms?
1638
01:07:47,840 --> 01:07:49,550
[CARLOS] Uh, no, no, it's me, Carlos.
1639
01:07:49,630 --> 01:07:50,380
Oh.
1640
01:07:50,460 --> 01:07:51,290
Come in.
1641
01:07:53,050 --> 01:07:55,090
Uh, I forget to ask you,
1642
01:07:55,170 --> 01:07:56,750
what time you like breakfast?
1643
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:58,380
Well, speaking on behalf of the men,
1644
01:07:58,460 --> 01:07:59,380
I'd say eight o'clock.
1645
01:07:59,460 --> 01:08:00,250
Ancl the ladies?
1646
01:08:00,340 --> 01:08:01,220
Hmm.
1647
01:08:01,260 --> 01:08:02,680
I shall have to inquire.
1648
01:08:03,630 --> 01:08:05,800
[blowing]
1649
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:10,510
Mrs. Slocombe?
1650
01:08:10,590 --> 01:08:13,090
[air squeals]
1651
01:08:13,960 --> 01:08:15,170
Are you there, Mrs. Slocombe?
1652
01:08:15,260 --> 01:08:16,890
[Fart sounds]
1653
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:19,340
Yes, I thought you were.
1654
01:08:19,420 --> 01:08:21,170
I can call back later if you wish.
1655
01:08:21,260 --> 01:08:24,090
[fart sounds]
1656
01:08:24,170 --> 01:08:25,500
Or indeed not at all.
1657
01:08:25,590 --> 01:08:28,260
[MRS. SLOCOMBE]
I seem to have a slow leak.
1658
01:08:28,340 --> 01:08:30,130
Sounds like a quick one to me.
1659
01:08:30,170 --> 01:08:33,550
I was just putting a
little more air in my lilo.
1660
01:08:33,630 --> 01:08:35,630
Ah, that explains a lot.
1661
01:08:35,710 --> 01:08:36,960
I've got Carlos here.
1662
01:08:37,050 --> 01:08:39,180
He wonders what time you'd like breakfast.
1663
01:08:39,260 --> 01:08:40,720
Aren't we taking rather a lot
1664
01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:42,590
for granted, Captain Peacock?
1665
01:08:42,670 --> 01:08:43,800
No, no.
1666
01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:45,380
They have breakfast on the brochure.
1667
01:08:45,460 --> 01:08:47,340
Oh, is there a good view from there?
1668
01:08:48,630 --> 01:08:49,920
8:30.
1669
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:53,390
By the way, as we're abroad,
1670
01:08:53,460 --> 01:08:55,250
do you fancy it English or continental?
1671
01:08:55,340 --> 01:08:56,470
Oh.
1672
01:08:56,550 --> 01:08:58,180
Well, you're a man of the world,
1673
01:08:58,260 --> 01:09:01,890
I leave that entirely to you, Stephen.
1674
01:09:03,050 --> 01:09:04,840
We're having it continental style.
1675
01:09:05,510 --> 01:09:07,220
Don't tell everybody.
1676
01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:15,840
J' Anyway, I know you're familiar J'
1677
01:09:18,380 --> 01:09:20,260
[feet stomping]
1678
01:09:20,340 --> 01:09:23,010
J' I've seen you around J'
1679
01:09:23,130 --> 01:09:23,760
Good evening.
1680
01:09:23,800 --> 01:09:25,340
Heh.
1681
01:09:25,460 --> 01:09:27,420
Good evening, Mr. Humphries.
1682
01:09:27,460 --> 01:09:28,790
Just been in for a clip?
1683
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:30,380
Well, I haven't been
sitting in the cocktail bar
1684
01:09:30,460 --> 01:09:31,670
with this lot on.
1685
01:09:32,550 --> 01:09:33,630
[laughs]
1686
01:09:33,710 --> 01:09:36,790
Ijust fancy a quick
turn before lights out.
1687
01:09:36,880 --> 01:09:37,800
[chuckles]
1688
01:09:37,880 --> 01:09:39,460
Not with me you don't.
1689
01:09:43,550 --> 01:09:46,380
J' I've never seen J'
1690
01:09:48,840 --> 01:09:50,630
"It was dark in the jungle hut.
1691
01:09:50,710 --> 01:09:52,750
The drugged coconut juice
was having its effect
1692
01:09:52,840 --> 01:09:55,170
as Captain Strangeways
struggled against the bonds
1693
01:09:55,260 --> 01:09:56,550
that found him face to face
1694
01:09:56,630 --> 01:09:59,550
against the nubile body of Princess Lala.
1695
01:09:59,630 --> 01:10:02,510
Suddenly he was aware
of something stirring."
1696
01:10:02,590 --> 01:10:04,760
[shrieks]
1697
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:13,260
[knocking]
1698
01:10:15,840 --> 01:10:17,510
You can't come in, Captain Peacock.
1699
01:10:17,590 --> 01:10:20,090
I must warn you, I'm
armed, and I am dangerous.
1700
01:10:20,170 --> 01:10:21,500
[MISS BRAHMS]
It's me, Shirley.
1701
01:10:21,590 --> 01:10:22,670
Are you free?
1702
01:10:23,630 --> 01:10:25,550
Provided you haven't
got designs on my body.
1703
01:10:25,590 --> 01:10:27,220
Oh, listen, I'm in a bit of trouble.
1704
01:10:27,300 --> 01:10:28,630
There's a lot of it about.
1705
01:10:28,710 --> 01:10:30,880
No, there's this wiggly wiggly thing.
1706
01:10:30,960 --> 01:10:32,170
There's a lot of those about as well.
1707
01:10:32,260 --> 01:10:34,680
It came into my tent and frightened me.
1708
01:10:34,760 --> 01:10:37,390
I came out in big goosebumps all over.
1709
01:10:37,460 --> 01:10:38,540
Yeah, I can see.
1710
01:10:38,630 --> 01:10:40,090
A couple of them haven't gone down yet.
1711
01:10:40,170 --> 01:10:41,460
Oh look.
Can I sleep in your tent tonight,
1712
01:10:41,550 --> 01:10:43,130
and you sleep in mine?
1713
01:10:43,210 --> 01:10:45,130
What makes you think
that a wiggly wiggly--
1714
01:10:48,260 --> 01:10:49,970
- Evening.
- Good night.
1715
01:10:51,460 --> 01:10:53,710
On second thought, there's
lots of things wandering about.
1716
01:10:53,800 --> 01:10:55,340
I'll take up your offer.
1717
01:10:55,420 --> 01:10:58,000
Oh, here, take my hair lacquer.
1718
01:10:58,090 --> 01:10:59,090
It's wonderful stuff.
1719
01:10:59,170 --> 01:11:00,800
Turns flies into gliders.
1720
01:11:03,340 --> 01:11:06,510
"Dear sexy knickers."
1721
01:11:07,630 --> 01:11:09,590
Oh, how romantic.
1722
01:11:10,710 --> 01:11:11,960
What was it he said?
1723
01:11:14,260 --> 01:11:16,680
"Come to my tent tonight
1724
01:11:16,760 --> 01:11:19,390
and we'll watch the moon rise together."
1725
01:11:21,260 --> 01:11:22,430
Oh.
1726
01:11:23,050 --> 01:11:24,970
Well, that'll do to be going on with.
1727
01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:34,050
Aah!
1728
01:11:34,130 --> 01:11:34,960
Aah!
1729
01:11:38,260 --> 01:11:39,840
Oh, Mr. Humphries.
1730
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:42,250
I was just taking a little walk.
1731
01:11:42,340 --> 01:11:43,590
You see, when I'm at home,
1732
01:11:43,670 --> 01:11:45,420
I usually give my pussy an airing
1733
01:11:45,510 --> 01:11:46,590
at this time of night.
1734
01:11:46,670 --> 01:11:47,550
Oh, I see.
1735
01:11:47,630 --> 01:11:49,760
While you're out, can I stay in your tent?
1736
01:11:50,300 --> 01:11:51,050
What for?
1737
01:11:51,130 --> 01:11:52,340
I was in Miss Brahms' tent
1738
01:11:52,420 --> 01:11:54,800
and this big furry thing frightened me.
1739
01:11:54,880 --> 01:11:55,960
I've never seen one before,
1740
01:11:56,050 --> 01:11:57,720
so I hit it with this.
1741
01:11:57,800 --> 01:12:00,380
Haven't you led a sheltered life?
1742
01:12:00,460 --> 01:12:03,170
All right, then you can go
in my tent, just for a bit.
1743
01:12:03,260 --> 01:12:06,180
Ancl when I come back, I'll
explain things to you.
1744
01:12:06,260 --> 01:12:07,010
Oh, say,
1745
01:12:07,090 --> 01:12:08,380
can I borrow your face cream?
1746
01:12:08,460 --> 01:12:09,960
Oh, do.
1747
01:12:10,050 --> 01:12:12,010
Ancl help yourself to my vitamin pills.
1748
01:12:15,300 --> 01:12:18,760
- Psst.
-[THINKING] Miss Brahms just can't wait.
1749
01:12:19,460 --> 01:12:21,040
I was just about to come to your tent.
1750
01:12:21,130 --> 01:12:22,300
Are you sure nobody's seen you?
1751
01:12:22,380 --> 01:12:24,760
Well, they will if I'm
stuck out here much longer.
1752
01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:27,050
- Just a minute.
- Rumbold.
1753
01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:38,840
PSSt.
1754
01:12:49,380 --> 01:12:50,210
PSSt.
1755
01:13:01,510 --> 01:13:02,970
Where are you?
1756
01:13:03,050 --> 01:13:04,010
I'm here.
1757
01:13:04,090 --> 01:13:05,260
Mr. Rumbold.
1758
01:13:05,340 --> 01:13:06,920
Peacock, what are you doing?
1759
01:13:07,010 --> 01:13:09,390
What do you mean what am I doing?
1760
01:13:09,460 --> 01:13:11,920
You were beckoning and
waving your Y-fronts.
1761
01:13:12,010 --> 01:13:14,180
Yes, well, I can explain that, sir.
1762
01:13:14,260 --> 01:13:16,430
I was, I was trying to
attract someone's attention.
1763
01:13:16,510 --> 01:13:17,930
You did. Mine.
1764
01:13:18,010 --> 01:13:20,970
No sir, not yours, um...
It was, um,
1765
01:13:21,050 --> 01:13:22,760
I was trying to catch service.
1766
01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:25,010
What kind of service
were you trying to get?
1767
01:13:26,170 --> 01:13:27,840
Laundry service.
1768
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:29,460
They won't see you in the dark.
1769
01:13:29,550 --> 01:13:31,430
Perhaps that's why they didn't come.
1770
01:13:32,420 --> 01:13:33,920
Will there be anything else, sir?
1771
01:13:34,010 --> 01:13:34,890
No, no.
1772
01:13:34,960 --> 01:13:35,840
Carry on, Peacock.
1773
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:36,920
YES.
1774
01:13:37,960 --> 01:13:39,960
[sighs]
1775
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:45,090
[Mrs. Slocombe screaming]
1776
01:13:45,170 --> 01:13:46,500
Mr. Rumbold!
1777
01:13:46,590 --> 01:13:48,720
I'm sorry, but you're
supposed to sing a song.
1778
01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:50,430
Well, I forgot the words.
1779
01:13:50,510 --> 01:13:53,590
But couldn't you have gone,
"tiddle tiddle tum tum?"
1780
01:13:53,670 --> 01:13:55,840
Whether I wish to go
"tiddle tiddle" or not
1781
01:13:55,920 --> 01:13:57,710
is entirely my affair.
1782
01:13:57,800 --> 01:13:59,550
Good night, Mr. Rumbold.
1783
01:13:59,670 --> 01:14:00,750
Good night.
1784
01:14:13,260 --> 01:14:14,090
Mr. Rumbold.
1785
01:14:15,210 --> 01:14:16,090
Miss Brahms?
1786
01:14:16,170 --> 01:14:17,800
[chuckles]
1787
01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:18,710
Mrs. Slocombe.
1788
01:14:20,630 --> 01:14:22,340
I've got them on.
1789
01:14:22,420 --> 01:14:23,550
I'm glad to hear it.
1790
01:14:24,210 --> 01:14:26,460
Do you know Mr. Rumbold
just caught me in the loo
1791
01:14:26,550 --> 01:14:28,840
ancl told me off for not tiddling.
1792
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:30,960
That's rather exceeding
his authority, isn't it?
1793
01:14:31,050 --> 01:14:32,220
Oh, Stephen.
1794
01:14:33,340 --> 01:14:36,090
I wasn't serious about your Y-fronts.
1795
01:14:36,960 --> 01:14:37,710
Oh, good, good.
1796
01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:39,840
I'm not that sort of girl at all.
1797
01:14:39,920 --> 01:14:41,250
[laughs]
1798
01:14:41,340 --> 01:14:42,340
What time is it?
1799
01:14:43,590 --> 01:14:44,630
11:30.
1800
01:14:44,760 --> 01:14:46,260
What time does it come up?
1801
01:14:48,670 --> 01:14:49,670
Well--
1802
01:14:49,760 --> 01:14:51,590
You know, my friend Mrs. Axelby,
1803
01:14:51,670 --> 01:14:54,550
she says it always looks
much bigger in the tropics.
1804
01:14:55,760 --> 01:14:56,590
ReaHy?
1805
01:14:56,630 --> 01:14:59,590
I suppose if you're in the
arctic, it'll be quite small.
1806
01:15:01,130 --> 01:15:02,590
That would follow, yeah.
1807
01:15:02,670 --> 01:15:05,670
Oh, Stephen, isn't this romantic?
1808
01:15:05,760 --> 01:15:09,590
You and me and the hot tropic night.
1809
01:15:09,710 --> 01:15:12,250
Stephen, where are you going?
1810
01:15:14,380 --> 01:15:17,960
I thought we were going to
have it continental style.
1811
01:15:18,090 --> 01:15:19,090
Stephen!
1812
01:15:35,460 --> 01:15:39,380
All the time, I'm being
chased by that terrible sex man.
1813
01:15:39,460 --> 01:15:41,130
I feel safe with you.
1814
01:15:41,210 --> 01:15:44,170
Take me to England and
let me stay with you.
1815
01:15:44,210 --> 01:15:45,000
[screaming]
1816
01:15:45,090 --> 01:15:46,800
Here, what's your game?
1817
01:15:47,380 --> 01:15:49,510
I'm not sharing my bed with nobody.
1818
01:15:49,590 --> 01:15:50,340
I'm sorry.
1819
01:15:50,420 --> 01:15:52,130
I want to sleep with Mr. Humphries.
1820
01:15:52,210 --> 01:15:53,420
He will make me happy.
1821
01:15:53,510 --> 01:15:54,760
Yes, you'll be lucky.
1822
01:15:54,840 --> 01:15:56,420
He's in the end tent down there.
1823
01:15:56,510 --> 01:15:57,340
Oh.
1824
01:16:03,170 --> 01:16:04,000
Shirley?
1825
01:16:05,590 --> 01:16:06,420
Shirley?
1826
01:16:09,090 --> 01:16:09,920
I'm early.
1827
01:16:12,420 --> 01:16:14,630
I'll get in and pretend
I'm a hot water bottle.
1828
01:16:22,340 --> 01:16:24,380
Are you there, Mr. Humphries?
1829
01:16:27,260 --> 01:16:28,340
Mr. Humphries?
1830
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:31,590
Who is it?
1831
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:33,970
It is Conchita, Mr. Humphries.
1832
01:16:34,090 --> 01:16:35,010
Can I come in?
1833
01:16:35,090 --> 01:16:37,260
Depends what you want.
1834
01:16:37,340 --> 01:16:39,760
[CONCHITA]
I want to spend the night with you.
1835
01:16:39,840 --> 01:16:40,880
I'm free.
1836
01:16:45,840 --> 01:16:47,260
All the time I'm being chased
1837
01:16:47,340 --> 01:16:50,090
by that terrible sexy man Carlos.
1838
01:16:50,170 --> 01:16:51,340
I feel safe with you.
1839
01:16:51,420 --> 01:16:54,800
Aw, take me to England
and let me live with you.
1840
01:16:57,630 --> 01:16:58,460
Oh.
1841
01:17:01,550 --> 01:17:02,380
Ooh.
1842
01:17:02,460 --> 01:17:04,250
Ooh, Mr. Humphries.
1843
01:17:04,340 --> 01:17:06,760
[giggles]
1844
01:17:06,800 --> 01:17:08,930
Ooh! Ooh, Mr. Humphries.
1845
01:17:09,010 --> 01:17:09,760
No.
1846
01:17:09,840 --> 01:17:11,550
[giggles]
1847
01:17:11,670 --> 01:17:12,750
No, no.
1848
01:17:12,800 --> 01:17:13,550
Aah!
1849
01:17:13,630 --> 01:17:14,510
Mr. Humphries!
1850
01:17:15,340 --> 01:17:16,090
What's the matter?
1851
01:17:16,130 --> 01:17:17,380
I haven't clone anything.
1852
01:17:17,710 --> 01:17:18,540
[screaming]
1853
01:17:18,630 --> 01:17:20,760
It wasn't me, it was him.
1854
01:17:21,130 --> 01:17:22,510
Let's see what she's got.
1855
01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:25,090
Anti-wrinkle cream.
1856
01:17:26,130 --> 01:17:27,710
Well, I don't need any of that.
1857
01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:30,130
Not on my face anyway.
1858
01:17:31,090 --> 01:17:33,220
[dramatic orchestral music]
1859
01:17:33,300 --> 01:17:34,050
There you are, Cesar.
1860
01:17:34,130 --> 01:17:36,260
The tent of Mrs. Slocombe.
1861
01:17:36,340 --> 01:17:38,970
The one with the beautiful body, huh?
1862
01:17:39,050 --> 01:17:39,800
That's right.
1863
01:17:39,880 --> 01:17:40,920
Ancl the big booby doos.
1864
01:17:41,010 --> 01:17:41,760
[chuckhng]
1865
01:17:41,840 --> 01:17:42,590
Good luck.
1866
01:17:42,670 --> 01:17:44,500
And good luck to you, amigo.
1867
01:17:44,590 --> 01:17:45,880
I don't need luck,
1868
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:48,090
I have the bolt.
1869
01:17:48,170 --> 01:17:49,630
[laughs]
1870
01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:53,340
Oh, badedas.
1871
01:17:54,210 --> 01:17:56,090
Anything can happen with badedas.
1872
01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:02,970
[CESAR] Psst.
1873
01:18:04,260 --> 01:18:06,010
I only used a little drop.
1874
01:18:06,090 --> 01:18:07,470
[CESAR] Psst.
1875
01:18:08,460 --> 01:18:10,250
Go away, Captain Peacock.
1876
01:18:10,380 --> 01:18:11,510
Any impression I've given you
1877
01:18:11,590 --> 01:18:14,510
that your advances to me are
welcome is entirely false.
1878
01:18:14,590 --> 01:18:16,840
Ancl I wish it to be known by the world.
1879
01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:18,170
I'm not a peacock.
1880
01:18:18,760 --> 01:18:20,180
My name is Cesar.
1881
01:18:22,510 --> 01:18:25,590
Not the one that killed
12 men with his bare hands?
1882
01:18:25,670 --> 01:18:28,000
- 13.
- Unlucky for some.
1883
01:18:29,170 --> 01:18:31,250
I saw the photograph in your passport.
1884
01:18:32,260 --> 01:18:33,340
You have set me aflame.
1885
01:18:33,420 --> 01:18:34,670
It wasn't even a good one.
1886
01:18:34,760 --> 01:18:36,220
I've lost my heart to you,
1887
01:18:36,300 --> 01:18:38,470
my clear, beautiful Mrs. Slocombe.
1888
01:18:39,550 --> 01:18:41,050
Mrs. Slocombe?
1889
01:18:41,510 --> 01:18:44,180
Are you not going to
invite me into your tent?
1890
01:18:44,670 --> 01:18:47,000
Well, it's not very
convenient at the moment.
1891
01:18:48,130 --> 01:18:49,340
Why, you got a man in there?
1892
01:18:49,420 --> 01:18:51,340
No, no, no, l"lO.
1893
01:18:51,380 --> 01:18:53,550
If you have got a man in there,
1894
01:18:53,710 --> 01:18:54,630
I'll slit his throat.
1895
01:18:55,510 --> 01:18:56,930
Now, tell me you are alone.
1896
01:18:57,010 --> 01:18:58,550
I'm alone, I'm alone.
1897
01:18:59,460 --> 01:19:01,960
Do you invite
me or do I slit it open?
1898
01:19:02,050 --> 01:19:04,340
You don't give a girl
much choice, do you?
1899
01:19:04,550 --> 01:19:05,840
- I'm coming.
- No!
1900
01:19:05,920 --> 01:19:06,750
Hold on.
1901
01:19:07,510 --> 01:19:09,090
There's a couple things
I've got to see to.
1902
01:19:11,050 --> 01:19:11,930
Are you ready?
1903
01:19:12,380 --> 01:19:14,590
I'm just titivating myself.
1904
01:19:14,670 --> 01:19:17,710
[air hisses]
1905
01:19:18,590 --> 01:19:19,630
How tall are you?
1906
01:19:20,710 --> 01:19:22,250
Six feet.
1907
01:19:22,760 --> 01:19:24,720
[air hisses]
1908
01:19:26,010 --> 01:19:27,300
Can I come in?
1909
01:19:27,380 --> 01:19:29,960
Yes, but only for a chat.
1910
01:19:31,260 --> 01:19:32,050
No!
1911
01:19:32,130 --> 01:19:33,130
Take that thing away.
1912
01:19:33,210 --> 01:19:34,250
I haven't got a spare.
1913
01:19:34,340 --> 01:19:36,220
You don't like the cold steel?
1914
01:19:36,300 --> 01:19:38,010
I don't even like cold tripe.
1915
01:19:38,090 --> 01:19:40,220
I expect you wonder why I am here.
1916
01:19:40,300 --> 01:19:41,840
I've got a pretty good idea.
1917
01:19:41,920 --> 01:19:43,420
I come because of this.
1918
01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:45,680
The camera cannot lie.
1919
01:19:45,760 --> 01:19:46,680
[chuckhng]
1920
01:19:46,760 --> 01:19:49,550
That's told a couple of
fibs, though, hasn't it?
1921
01:19:49,630 --> 01:19:53,380
You, you are a woman in a million.
1922
01:19:53,460 --> 01:19:54,710
(air hisses)
1923
01:19:54,760 --> 01:19:56,720
I'm even more unusual than that.
1924
01:19:57,260 --> 01:19:59,050
Tomorrow, I may die.
1925
01:19:59,130 --> 01:20:01,300
Tonight will be a night to remember.
1926
01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:03,130
Wouldn't you rather go down
to the pub with the boys?
1927
01:20:03,210 --> 01:20:05,130
It's gay time from nine to 12.
1928
01:20:05,210 --> 01:20:06,460
Do not joke with me.
1929
01:20:06,550 --> 01:20:07,590
- No.
- I'm Cesar.
1930
01:20:07,710 --> 01:20:09,000
I am behind the big uprising.
1931
01:20:09,090 --> 01:20:10,760
It's better than being in front of it.
1932
01:20:10,840 --> 01:20:12,670
I have 6oo men camping near here.
1933
01:20:12,760 --> 01:20:15,510
Well, what do you want me for, then?
1934
01:20:15,590 --> 01:20:17,220
Just a, just one little kiss.
1935
01:20:17,300 --> 01:20:18,050
No!
1936
01:20:18,130 --> 01:20:19,300
No, I'm a respectable girl.
1937
01:20:19,340 --> 01:20:20,420
I've been brought up proper.
1938
01:20:20,510 --> 01:20:24,470
Yes, but you, uh, you've
kissed a man before?
1939
01:20:24,550 --> 01:20:26,090
[air hisses]
1940
01:20:26,170 --> 01:20:28,460
None of your business.
1941
01:20:28,550 --> 01:20:30,050
[air hisses]
1942
01:20:30,130 --> 01:20:32,630
Maybe it's this moustache frightens you.
1943
01:20:32,710 --> 01:20:34,590
No, my auntie Alice used to have one.
1944
01:20:34,670 --> 01:20:36,170
She used to put candle wax at each end
1945
01:20:36,260 --> 01:20:38,010
and light herself up for Christmas.
1946
01:20:38,090 --> 01:20:38,840
[laughs]
1947
01:20:38,920 --> 01:20:41,670
[suspenseful orchestral music]
1948
01:20:44,670 --> 01:20:47,090
You won't get away from me.
1949
01:20:50,760 --> 01:20:51,550
Oh.
1950
01:20:51,590 --> 01:20:52,970
Oh, Mr. Grainger.
1951
01:20:53,550 --> 01:20:55,220
I'm being chased by a man.
1952
01:20:55,550 --> 01:20:58,130
I'm not surprised, dressed like that.
1953
01:20:58,210 --> 01:20:59,290
[Cesar laughs]
1954
01:20:59,380 --> 01:21:03,300
[suspenseful orchestral music]
1955
01:21:23,460 --> 01:21:24,840
[music continues]
1956
01:21:49,550 --> 01:21:50,720
Now I have you.
1957
01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:51,630
Oh.
1958
01:21:52,510 --> 01:21:54,930
[air hisses]
1959
01:21:57,050 --> 01:21:58,760
[bra poplflin9]
1960
01:22:04,760 --> 01:22:06,260
[suspenseful music]
1961
01:22:11,170 --> 01:22:13,750
[MRS. SLOCOMBE] Captain Peacock?
1962
01:22:16,920 --> 01:22:18,590
Captain Peacock?
1963
01:22:20,210 --> 01:22:23,840
Where are you?
1964
01:22:27,090 --> 01:22:28,300
[whimpers]
1965
01:22:29,590 --> 01:22:31,050
Mr. Humphries!
1966
01:22:31,090 --> 01:22:32,840
What are you doing in my nightie?
1967
01:22:32,920 --> 01:22:35,710
It's what somebody else is
trying to do in your nightie.
1968
01:22:35,800 --> 01:22:37,550
I'm being chased by Cesar.
1969
01:22:37,630 --> 01:22:40,090
He killed 13 men with his bare hands.
1970
01:22:40,130 --> 01:22:42,050
Oh, what does he do to women?
1971
01:22:42,090 --> 01:22:43,800
I didn't stop to find out.
1972
01:22:48,210 --> 01:22:50,040
Come back, Mrs. Slocombe.
1973
01:22:50,130 --> 01:22:51,050
Come back.
1974
01:22:51,170 --> 01:22:53,250
Oh, and I never was any good at running.
1975
01:22:53,760 --> 01:22:54,510
[chuckles]
1976
01:22:54,590 --> 01:22:55,840
Which way to the beach?
1977
01:22:55,920 --> 01:22:57,090
- To the right.
- Thank you.
1978
01:22:57,170 --> 01:22:58,130
[chuckhng]
1979
01:22:59,460 --> 01:23:03,750
[bell clinging, birds]
1980
01:23:15,210 --> 01:23:17,670
What a charming old world sight.
1981
01:23:19,630 --> 01:23:20,510
Hey, you see the one at the back?
1982
01:23:20,590 --> 01:23:22,050
I seem to recognise the walk.
1983
01:23:22,090 --> 01:23:23,510
[MR. HUMPHRIES]
Peace be with you, sisters.
1984
01:23:26,210 --> 01:23:27,340
Mr. Humphries.
1985
01:23:28,050 --> 01:23:30,590
I feel you owe us some
sort of explanation.
1986
01:23:30,710 --> 01:23:33,000
I had to take sanctuary in a nunnery.
1987
01:23:33,090 --> 01:23:35,260
I'd still be there if my
needle-work had been any good.
1988
01:23:35,920 --> 01:23:38,130
Well, I trust you won't be
dressed like that for long.
1989
01:23:38,210 --> 01:23:40,500
I haven't taken the vows,
if that's what you mean.
1990
01:23:40,590 --> 01:23:42,920
Mind you, I did make one
or two rash promises.
1991
01:23:44,510 --> 01:23:45,970
Morning, one and all.
1992
01:23:46,050 --> 01:23:46,880
- Good morning.
- Morning.
1993
01:23:46,960 --> 01:23:47,710
[chuckhng]
1994
01:23:47,800 --> 01:23:50,010
My, you were a noisy lot last night.
1995
01:23:50,090 --> 01:23:51,510
Talk about horseplay.
1996
01:23:51,590 --> 01:23:53,590
You'll get the British a bad name.
1997
01:23:53,670 --> 01:23:55,750
And that poor little waitress.
1998
01:23:55,840 --> 01:23:57,300
You frightened her to death.
1999
01:23:59,710 --> 01:24:00,670
Thank you, darling.
2000
01:24:05,260 --> 01:24:05,970
[MR. LUCAS]
Here.
2001
01:24:06,170 --> 01:24:06,920
What's all this?
2002
01:24:07,010 --> 01:24:07,840
That's not on the menu.
2003
01:24:08,260 --> 01:24:10,760
The Earl was very good to me last night,
2004
01:24:10,840 --> 01:24:13,010
and he is very hungry this morning.
2005
01:24:13,630 --> 01:24:15,710
She needed a father figure.
2006
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:17,970
She got a grandfather figure.
2007
01:24:18,050 --> 01:24:19,340
The trouble with you is,
2008
01:24:20,840 --> 01:24:21,920
you're jealous.
2009
01:24:22,010 --> 01:24:22,840
Ahh.
2010
01:24:24,840 --> 01:24:26,720
When's our breakfast coming?
2011
01:24:27,550 --> 01:24:28,300
It's come.
2012
01:24:28,380 --> 01:24:29,210
One bun.
2013
01:24:30,260 --> 01:24:31,840
One bun?
2014
01:24:31,880 --> 01:24:32,960
Is that all?
2015
01:24:33,050 --> 01:24:33,880
YES.
2016
01:24:34,300 --> 01:24:35,050
If you go on like that,
2017
01:24:35,090 --> 01:24:36,550
you'll waste away to a mountain.
2018
01:24:37,510 --> 01:24:39,970
Well, why the special
treatment for Mr. Harman?
2019
01:24:40,630 --> 01:24:43,420
He's in training for the
Darby ancl Joan Sex Olympics.
2020
01:24:48,300 --> 01:24:49,970
Whatever's that?
2021
01:24:50,050 --> 01:24:52,800
I'm worried about my
nose catching the sun.
2022
01:24:53,800 --> 01:24:54,970
What about your ears?
2023
01:24:55,050 --> 01:24:56,800
They only catch the rain.
2024
01:24:56,880 --> 01:24:57,840
You should try one of these,
2025
01:24:57,920 --> 01:24:59,380
they've got built-in gutters.
2026
01:25:00,050 --> 01:25:03,590
[suspenseful orchestral music]
2027
01:25:03,670 --> 01:25:04,750
Bonito, stay here.
2028
01:25:04,840 --> 01:25:06,800
Tomas, Vormas, upstairs.
2029
01:25:06,880 --> 01:25:07,920
Carlos?
2030
01:25:08,050 --> 01:25:09,800
[CARLOS] Cesar, what are you doing here?
2031
01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:12,300
The fools have not crossed the border.
2032
01:25:12,380 --> 01:25:14,380
My uprising is cut off.
2033
01:25:14,460 --> 01:25:16,170
Here, there's a gun.
2034
01:25:16,260 --> 01:25:17,590
We will fight side by side,
2035
01:25:17,670 --> 01:25:19,050
and we will die together.
2036
01:25:19,130 --> 01:25:19,880
I cannot, Cesar.
2037
01:25:19,960 --> 01:25:21,710
I am writing the menus for lunch.
2038
01:25:21,800 --> 01:25:23,340
There is going to be no lunch.
2039
01:25:23,420 --> 01:25:24,380
Cesan
2040
01:25:24,460 --> 01:25:25,880
the government troops are in sight.
2041
01:25:25,960 --> 01:25:26,880
They know you're here.
2042
01:25:26,960 --> 01:25:29,000
Get the men to drop back on the hotel.
2043
01:25:29,090 --> 01:25:30,010
Sl', jefe.
2044
01:25:31,420 --> 01:25:32,880
Carlos, everyone out.
2045
01:25:32,960 --> 01:25:34,670
But they've all paid for the week.
2046
01:25:34,760 --> 01:25:37,300
If they stay here, they die here.
2047
01:25:37,380 --> 01:25:39,920
Everybody leave, everybody go.
2048
01:25:40,010 --> 01:25:41,470
Everybody out.
2049
01:25:41,550 --> 01:25:42,510
Please leave.
2050
01:25:42,590 --> 01:25:43,920
Go, don't ask questions.
2051
01:25:43,960 --> 01:25:44,750
Go, please.
2052
01:25:44,800 --> 01:25:45,970
Bye-bye.
2053
01:25:46,420 --> 01:25:48,210
Well, I think I'll go
on the beach for an hour
2054
01:25:48,300 --> 01:25:49,880
and have a go on one of them peddlo boats.
2055
01:25:50,550 --> 01:25:52,130
I think I'll find a golf course.
2056
01:25:53,510 --> 01:25:54,510
I shall have to find a taxi
2057
01:25:54,590 --> 01:25:56,800
and meet young Mr. Grace at the airport.
2058
01:25:56,880 --> 01:25:59,090
What about you, Mr. Grainger?
2059
01:25:59,170 --> 01:26:02,090
Well, I thought that
I might buy a postcard
2060
01:26:02,170 --> 01:26:03,550
and tell my clear wife
2061
01:26:03,630 --> 01:26:06,010
that I've been dreaming about her.
2062
01:26:06,090 --> 01:26:08,010
[gun firing]
2063
01:26:08,050 --> 01:26:08,970
Whatever's that?
2064
01:26:09,760 --> 01:26:11,840
Well, probably a shooting party.
2065
01:26:11,920 --> 01:26:14,210
[guns firing]
2066
01:26:14,300 --> 01:26:16,340
Do they have pheasants on the beach?
2067
01:26:16,380 --> 01:26:17,800
You get them anywhere.
2068
01:26:17,880 --> 01:26:20,960
[jet flying overhead]
2069
01:26:21,050 --> 01:26:22,180
Well, it's not very sporting
2070
01:26:22,260 --> 01:26:24,430
to go after them with jet fighters.
2071
01:26:25,630 --> 01:26:27,130
[guns firing]
2072
01:26:27,210 --> 01:26:27,960
Quick, quick!
2073
01:26:28,050 --> 01:26:28,930
There is an uprising.
2074
01:26:29,010 --> 01:26:30,470
Everybody is leaving the hotel.
2075
01:26:30,550 --> 01:26:31,300
You must go, too.
2076
01:26:31,380 --> 01:26:33,260
What do you mean, leave the hotel?
2077
01:26:33,340 --> 01:26:34,420
We only arrived last night.
2078
01:26:34,510 --> 01:26:35,800
Please, senor, you must leave.
2079
01:26:35,880 --> 01:26:37,010
No, stay where you are.
2080
01:26:37,090 --> 01:26:37,880
The road is uncler fire.
2081
01:26:37,960 --> 01:26:38,750
You cannot go.
2082
01:26:38,840 --> 01:26:40,010
Stay where you are.
2083
01:26:40,050 --> 01:26:40,800
Ridiculous.
2084
01:26:40,880 --> 01:26:42,170
I don't believe a word of it.
2085
01:26:42,260 --> 01:26:44,760
[guns firing]
2086
01:26:48,380 --> 01:26:49,420
I believe a word of it.
2087
01:26:49,510 --> 01:26:52,010
[guns firing]
2088
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:03,720
[MRS. SLOCOMBE] What are we going to do?
2089
01:27:04,590 --> 01:27:06,970
[MR. LUCAS]
Get sister Humphries to say a few hail Marys.
2090
01:27:08,260 --> 01:27:09,930
The situation is perfectly plain.
2091
01:27:10,010 --> 01:27:11,470
Obviously, those troops
out there don't know
2092
01:27:11,550 --> 01:27:12,550
that we're British.
2093
01:27:12,630 --> 01:27:14,050
All we've got to do is show the flag.
2094
01:27:14,420 --> 01:27:16,460
But we haven't got a flag to show.
2095
01:27:16,550 --> 01:27:19,550
Well, without going into
details, I happen to know
2096
01:27:19,630 --> 01:27:20,380
that Mrs. Slocombe
2097
01:27:20,460 --> 01:27:22,130
has a nether garment that
would serve our purpose.
2098
01:27:22,210 --> 01:27:24,460
'Ere, have you been showing
him your knickers again?
2099
01:27:24,630 --> 01:27:25,840
That will do, Miss Brahms.
2100
01:27:26,670 --> 01:27:29,630
The garment you refer to
is no longer available.
2101
01:27:29,710 --> 01:27:30,460
Why not?
2102
01:27:30,550 --> 01:27:31,880
- They've gone to the laundry.
- Oh.
2103
01:27:31,960 --> 01:27:33,790
[guns firing]
2104
01:27:34,630 --> 01:27:36,170
We have to let them
know we're here somehow.
2105
01:27:36,630 --> 01:27:38,710
Well, wave your bowler hat at them.
2106
01:27:39,260 --> 01:27:41,140
[guns firing]
2107
01:27:41,210 --> 01:27:42,210
Mr. Lucas.
2108
01:27:44,010 --> 01:27:44,840
Captain Peacock.
2109
01:27:45,630 --> 01:27:47,210
Oh, there you are.
2110
01:27:47,300 --> 01:27:48,590
That was a good idea, Mr. Lucas.
2111
01:27:48,670 --> 01:27:50,710
Somebody wearing a bowler hat
could attract their attention
2112
01:27:50,800 --> 01:27:52,760
and address them over the wall.
2113
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:54,220
Mr. Rumbold has a bowler hat.
2114
01:27:54,300 --> 01:27:55,550
You can borrow it with pleasure.
2115
01:27:55,920 --> 01:27:58,050
May I remind you, sir, that
only management are allowed
2116
01:27:58,130 --> 01:27:58,800
to wear bowler hats?
2117
01:27:58,880 --> 01:28:00,420
Well, I could overrule that decision.
2118
01:28:00,510 --> 01:28:01,760
[gun firing]
2119
01:28:03,090 --> 01:28:04,920
Mr. Lucas, are you free?
2120
01:28:05,010 --> 01:28:06,680
Not at the moment, Captain Peacock.
2121
01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:08,470
[gun firing]
2122
01:28:08,550 --> 01:28:09,380
I'm free.
2123
01:28:09,840 --> 01:28:10,670
The bowler hat.
2124
01:28:11,260 --> 01:28:12,640
- Bowler hat?
- Get it.
2125
01:28:14,010 --> 01:28:14,970
Get it?
2126
01:28:15,050 --> 01:28:16,510
[gun firing]
2127
01:28:16,590 --> 01:28:19,550
Mr. Lucas, remember
you're up for a raise.
2128
01:28:20,920 --> 01:28:22,750
I hope you remember
that when the time comes.
2129
01:28:23,300 --> 01:28:25,340
I will, if you're still with us.
2130
01:28:28,130 --> 01:28:29,590
Here goes.
2131
01:28:31,380 --> 01:28:33,800
[gun firing]
2132
01:28:41,050 --> 01:28:41,720
Oh.
2133
01:28:43,050 --> 01:28:45,470
Thank god that wasn't me.
2134
01:28:45,550 --> 01:28:46,300
Oh, my god.
2135
01:28:46,380 --> 01:28:47,550
They've shot off his waterworks.
2136
01:28:48,130 --> 01:28:50,130
Not Mr. Lucas,
2137
01:28:50,260 --> 01:28:52,390
not in the prime of his life.
2138
01:28:52,460 --> 01:28:54,750
Well, he can always join us lot.
2139
01:28:54,840 --> 01:28:57,670
Not him, the fat little
boy on the fountain.
2140
01:28:57,760 --> 01:28:59,260
He can join us lot as well.
2141
01:28:59,670 --> 01:29:02,170
[guns firing]
2142
01:29:05,130 --> 01:29:06,300
Good luck, Mr. Rumbold.
2143
01:29:06,380 --> 01:29:07,760
But what shall I say?
2144
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:08,840
Just tell them we're British
2145
01:29:08,920 --> 01:29:10,420
and they're spoiling our holiday.
2146
01:29:10,510 --> 01:29:12,220
And tell them there's
a sister of mercy here
2147
01:29:12,300 --> 01:29:14,880
got to get back to the
nunnery to hold her canticles.
2148
01:29:14,960 --> 01:29:18,920
This is the kind of thing
that made Britain great,
2149
01:29:19,010 --> 01:29:21,180
stupid, but great.
2150
01:29:21,710 --> 01:29:23,920
[guns firing]
2151
01:29:24,550 --> 01:29:26,380
I say, you fellows, we're British.
2152
01:29:26,460 --> 01:29:27,500
[gun firing]
[gasping]
2153
01:29:29,510 --> 01:29:31,300
I don't think that was a
very good idea, Peacock.
2154
01:29:31,380 --> 01:29:32,800
I might have my brains blown out.
2155
01:29:33,630 --> 01:29:35,420
Nobody is that good a shot.
2156
01:29:36,710 --> 01:29:39,250
Why don't we phone the British embassy?
2157
01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:40,800
Good idea, Ernest.
2158
01:29:42,050 --> 01:29:44,510
[guns firing]
2159
01:29:44,590 --> 01:29:46,260
[bell rings]
2160
01:29:46,920 --> 01:29:47,750
- Carlos.
- Sl', senor.
2161
01:29:47,840 --> 01:29:49,840
Telephone the British embassy
and tell them we're here.
2162
01:29:49,920 --> 01:29:50,670
I cannot, senor.
2163
01:29:50,760 --> 01:29:52,050
We are cut off.
2164
01:29:52,130 --> 01:29:53,170
Can you send a message?
2165
01:29:53,260 --> 01:29:54,220
Oh, no, senor.
2166
01:29:54,300 --> 01:29:55,840
No man is safe on the streets.
2167
01:29:55,920 --> 01:29:57,170
In that case, send Mr. Humphries.
2168
01:29:57,260 --> 01:29:59,010
I shall smack your wrists in a minute.
2169
01:29:59,090 --> 01:30:00,170
I'm not being funny.
2170
01:30:00,260 --> 01:30:01,180
You're dressed as a nun.
2171
01:30:01,260 --> 01:30:02,180
Your habit could save you.
2172
01:30:02,260 --> 01:30:04,050
Oh, that would make a change.
2173
01:30:04,130 --> 01:30:06,550
[gun firing]
2174
01:30:11,050 --> 01:30:12,720
We're all going to be killed!
2175
01:30:13,090 --> 01:30:15,260
Your pussy's gonna be an orphan.
2176
01:30:19,380 --> 01:30:20,710
[guns firing]
2177
01:30:20,800 --> 01:30:22,180
[screaming]
2178
01:30:23,090 --> 01:30:24,840
Oh, it's like the Guns of Navarone.
2179
01:30:26,050 --> 01:30:27,260
He's not dead, is he?
2180
01:30:27,340 --> 01:30:29,920
No, he's just eaten one of their buns.
2181
01:30:31,510 --> 01:30:32,430
[guns firing]
2182
01:30:32,510 --> 01:30:35,090
Isn't there any other
way we can send a message?
2183
01:30:35,170 --> 01:30:37,090
The answer is up above.
2184
01:30:37,170 --> 01:30:39,090
Mr. Humphries, don't get
carried away by your costume.
2185
01:30:39,210 --> 01:30:40,090
I'm not.
2186
01:30:40,170 --> 01:30:41,550
I'm talking about the balloon.
2187
01:30:41,630 --> 01:30:43,210
All we've got to do is wind it down,
2188
01:30:43,300 --> 01:30:45,720
write a message on the
tablecloth, ancl tie it on.
2189
01:30:45,800 --> 01:30:47,930
Oh, isn't he ingenious?
2190
01:30:48,010 --> 01:30:50,640
Quick, Mr. Lucas,
wind that balloon down.
2191
01:30:50,710 --> 01:30:51,460
Oh, blimey.
2192
01:30:51,550 --> 01:30:52,340
Why does it always have to be me?
2193
01:30:52,460 --> 01:30:53,290
Because you're the junior.
2194
01:30:53,380 --> 01:30:54,210
Now get going.
2195
01:30:55,550 --> 01:30:58,300
Miss Brahms, take the
things off that table.
2196
01:30:58,380 --> 01:31:00,670
Don't waste time doing that.
2197
01:31:00,710 --> 01:31:03,750
This is a little trick I learned in Ensa.
2198
01:31:04,760 --> 01:31:06,680
[dishes breaking]
2199
01:31:06,760 --> 01:31:07,590
Oh, damn.
2200
01:31:16,630 --> 01:31:18,340
What are we gonna write with?
2201
01:31:18,420 --> 01:31:19,500
Has anybody got a lipstick?
2202
01:31:19,590 --> 01:31:20,510
Don't look at me.
2203
01:31:20,590 --> 01:31:21,760
We're not allowed to wear any.
2204
01:31:21,840 --> 01:31:22,590
Here we are.
2205
01:31:22,670 --> 01:31:23,590
[MISS BRAHMS] I've got one, too.
2206
01:31:23,670 --> 01:31:24,550
What should we write?
2207
01:31:24,590 --> 01:31:26,800
"Please inform British consul general
2208
01:31:26,880 --> 01:31:29,420
that Grace Brothers
executive trapped in hotel.
2209
01:31:29,510 --> 01:31:31,220
Regards, Cuthbert Rumbold."
2210
01:31:31,300 --> 01:31:32,470
We haven't got time for all that.
2211
01:31:32,550 --> 01:31:33,930
Look, just write "Help, British."
2212
01:31:34,010 --> 01:31:34,840
I'll write "help."
2213
01:31:34,920 --> 01:31:36,250
You write "British."
2214
01:31:36,340 --> 01:31:38,840
[guns firing]
2215
01:31:43,420 --> 01:31:44,500
[screaming]
2216
01:31:45,380 --> 01:31:47,670
'Ere some fella's just
dropped into your tent.
2217
01:31:47,760 --> 01:31:49,800
Oh, pity I was out.
2218
01:31:49,880 --> 01:31:51,920
[Guns firing]
2219
01:31:52,010 --> 01:31:53,590
[grunting]
2220
01:31:55,880 --> 01:31:57,090
It's no good.
2221
01:31:57,170 --> 01:31:57,960
I am finished.
2222
01:31:58,010 --> 01:31:59,640
Please, Cesar, surrender.
2223
01:31:59,710 --> 01:32:00,840
Surrender?
2224
01:32:00,920 --> 01:32:04,210
I will never surrender to these pigs.
2225
01:32:04,300 --> 01:32:05,880
But they are bringing
up the big cannons.
2226
01:32:05,960 --> 01:32:07,710
Oh, they're sending over more planes.
2227
01:32:07,800 --> 01:32:08,720
- Look!
- Vvhere?
2228
01:32:08,800 --> 01:32:10,590
You must surrender, Cesar.
2229
01:32:10,670 --> 01:32:12,170
Please leave us ancl save us.
2230
01:32:12,260 --> 01:32:13,760
They will blow up my beautiful hotel.
2231
01:32:13,840 --> 01:32:14,670
Neven
2232
01:32:14,760 --> 01:32:16,260
I will never surrender.
2233
01:32:16,340 --> 01:32:18,840
[guns firing]
2234
01:32:21,960 --> 01:32:22,710
NOW!
2235
01:32:22,800 --> 01:32:24,970
[whimpering]
2236
01:32:25,050 --> 01:32:26,760
[guns firing]
2237
01:32:27,960 --> 01:32:30,290
Please let the women go free.
2238
01:32:30,380 --> 01:32:32,170
Yes, think of us women and the babies.
2239
01:32:32,260 --> 01:32:33,010
Babies?
2240
01:32:33,090 --> 01:32:33,720
I see no babies.
2241
01:32:33,840 --> 01:32:35,170
[whimpering]
2242
01:32:35,260 --> 01:32:37,550
Oh, but I'm going to
have one in a minute.
2243
01:32:37,630 --> 01:32:39,920
[pistol clicks]
2244
01:32:40,010 --> 01:32:41,050
Keep down, Mrs. Slocombe.
2245
01:32:41,130 --> 01:32:42,260
Some of that was damn close!
2246
01:32:42,300 --> 01:32:43,840
Well, where can I go?
2247
01:32:44,210 --> 01:32:44,960
Get in the loo.
2248
01:32:45,050 --> 01:32:46,680
It's got a corrugated iron roof.
2249
01:32:46,760 --> 01:32:47,510
NO! no!
2250
01:32:47,590 --> 01:32:48,550
I go in there.
2251
01:32:48,630 --> 01:32:50,420
You rotten dog.
2252
01:32:50,510 --> 01:32:51,760
He meant me, not you.
2253
01:32:51,840 --> 01:32:54,050
Why does he always do this
to me in the tourist season?
2254
01:32:54,130 --> 01:32:55,420
Oh, you beast.
2255
01:32:55,510 --> 01:32:56,840
- Oh, you right beast.
- Quick, lock him in!
2256
01:32:56,920 --> 01:32:57,630
Lock him in!
2257
01:32:57,670 --> 01:32:59,340
Quick, get the balloon
up before it's too late.
2258
01:32:59,420 --> 01:33:01,670
[MR. RUMBOLD] Take the brake off.
2259
01:33:02,340 --> 01:33:04,760
[guns firing]
2260
01:33:04,840 --> 01:33:06,510
[MRS. SLOCOMBE]
Oh, look, it's caught on there.
2261
01:33:07,130 --> 01:33:09,590
[all shouting]
2262
01:33:10,010 --> 01:33:10,760
Bye bye!
2263
01:33:10,840 --> 01:33:12,380
[CESAR] Get me out of here!
2264
01:33:12,460 --> 01:33:13,210
Bye!
2265
01:33:13,300 --> 01:33:16,880
[indistinct shouting]
2266
01:33:16,960 --> 01:33:18,920
Oh, it's a shame to shoot at him.
2267
01:33:19,010 --> 01:33:21,510
[guns firing]
2268
01:33:22,380 --> 01:33:23,960
I surrender.
2269
01:33:24,880 --> 01:33:26,130
I, I surrender.
2270
01:33:26,210 --> 01:33:27,500
[MR. LUCAS] What's he waving?
2271
01:33:27,590 --> 01:33:29,880
I don't know, but whatever
it is, they've stopped firing.
2272
01:33:29,960 --> 01:33:31,460
[MR. LUCAS] He's dropped it.
2273
01:33:32,300 --> 01:33:34,840
Mrs. Slocombe, your laundry's come back.
2274
01:33:34,920 --> 01:33:37,380
How did he get them?
2275
01:33:37,460 --> 01:33:38,210
Hey, listen.
2276
01:33:38,300 --> 01:33:39,430
What, what's that noise?
2277
01:33:40,510 --> 01:33:42,680
They're sending the
tanks in against you.
2278
01:33:42,760 --> 01:33:44,180
You lot have had it now.
2279
01:33:44,260 --> 01:33:45,340
What do you mean "you lot"?
2280
01:33:45,420 --> 01:33:47,090
You've had it as well.
2281
01:33:47,170 --> 01:33:49,710
Speak for yourself,
you ruddy capitalist.
2282
01:33:49,800 --> 01:33:50,970
Up the revolution!
2283
01:33:51,050 --> 01:33:52,930
[guns firing]
2284
01:33:53,710 --> 01:33:55,750
[wall crashing]
2285
01:33:58,050 --> 01:34:00,550
[guns firing]
2286
01:34:10,420 --> 01:34:12,000
It's young Mr. Grace.
2287
01:34:13,920 --> 01:34:16,340
It's very difficult to
get a taxi around here.
2288
01:34:18,300 --> 01:34:19,050
You get down.
2289
01:34:19,130 --> 01:34:20,590
We haven't got to our hotel yet.
2290
01:34:22,670 --> 01:34:25,050
Well, how are you all
enjoying your holidays?
2291
01:34:25,130 --> 01:34:27,170
Well, it's different.
2292
01:34:27,260 --> 01:34:31,180
Yes, well, you've all clone very well.
2293
01:34:31,340 --> 01:34:33,760
[ALL] Thank you, Mr. Grace.
2294
01:34:33,840 --> 01:34:34,550
(upbeat music)
155256
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