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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,179 - * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR 2 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,047 * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX * 3 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,282 * SHAKE IT, DUDE 4 00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:22,290 * 5 00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,663 * ONE, TWO, DO IT 6 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:32,133 * 7 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,467 * ONE, TWO, THREE 8 00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,236 - * FOUR, FOUR 9 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:38,339 * 10 00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,742 [cheers and applause] 11 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,745 [Voodoo Princess] 12 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:49,217 - * WILD PARTIES, HEADS ARE SWIRLING * 13 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,586 * GOTTA BE THE HOTTEST PLACE AROUND * 14 00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:56,224 * LEGS ARE JUMPING HIPS ARE ROLLING * 15 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:59,260 * BEAUTIFUL BODIES BOUNCING UP AND DOWN * 16 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:02,563 * HOT SAPPHIC SO GRAPHIC * 17 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:06,234 * DANCE WITH FIRE LIKE AN ISLAND GIRL * 18 00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:09,770 * HOT SAPPHIC SO GRAPHIC * 19 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,606 * DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN AND GIVE IT A TWIRL * 20 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,674 - HAVING FUN? 21 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,409 - OH, IT'S AMAZING. IT'S-- 22 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,678 - I DIDN'T REALIZE STAGETTE PARTIES WERE THIS WILD. 23 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,280 - IT'S THE WARM-UP FOR YOUR HONEYMOON. 24 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,183 NOW COME ON, FOLLOW THE LEDA. 25 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,152 THIS WAY. - OH. 26 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:27,421 [cheering] 27 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:31,292 * WHEN SHE ROCKS TUMULTUOUS * 28 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,660 * WHEN SHE MOVES 29 00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,562 - [laughs] - IS THIS THE HAPPY COUPLE? 30 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,430 - SICKENING, ISN'T IT? 31 00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,499 THEY WANT THEIR FORTUNE TOLD. 32 00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,669 - PLEASE, I AM NOT A GYPSY... ROSE LOUISE. 33 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,837 I AM A TRAINED TAROTITIAN. 34 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,340 - [chuckles] 35 00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,709 - NOW, SHALL WE SEE WHAT THE CARDS HAVE IN STORE? 36 00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,344 - OH. - OH. 37 00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,681 - UH-HUH. 38 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,349 WHEN IS THE SPECIAL DAY? 39 00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,485 - THIS SATURDAY. 40 00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,586 - UH-OH. 41 00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,753 - WHAT? - WHAT? 42 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,389 - I'M SORRY, GIRLS, 43 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:03,857 BUT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY GET MARRIED THIS SATURDAY. 44 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,759 DIDN'T YOU KNOW? 45 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,795 MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE, 46 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:11,365 A TIME OF EXTREME IMBALANCE IN THE UNIVERSE, 47 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,467 UPHEAVAL, MISCOMMUNICATION, 48 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,435 AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS, 49 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,471 RESULTING IN SERIOUS DISCORD FOR EVERYONE. 50 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:18,906 - UH-- 51 00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:21,242 YEAH, BUT IS IT GOING TO RAIN? 52 00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,042 - [sighs] 53 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,412 SIGNING CONTRACTS, MAKING PACTS, 54 00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,381 TAKING VOWS-- NO. NO. NOT NOW. 55 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,850 IT'LL BE A TOTAL DISASTER. A CATASTROPHE. 56 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,886 BUT ON A POSITIVE NOTE, 57 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,356 YOU'LL REDECORATE YOUR DINING ROOM AROUND JUNE 58 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,924 IN AQUA AND MAROON. 59 00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:40,728 AND IT WILL BE STUNNING. 60 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:43,331 - AW. 61 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:47,901 [pinball machine rings] 62 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,537 - AH. 63 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,240 SO WHAT DO YOU GET TWO DYKES WHO HAVE EVERYTHING? 64 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,907 - DYKES DON'T HAVE EVERYTHING. 65 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,310 THAT'S WHY THEY'RE SO MISERABLE. 66 00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,779 - WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, MATCHING PENIS TRANSPLANTS 67 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:02,283 ARE A LITTLE PRICY FOR A POOR SHOPKEEPER LIKE MYSELF. 68 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,851 - SILVER-PLATED DENTAL DAMS? 69 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,754 - OOH, A SPECIALLY ENGRAVED DOUBLE-HEADED DILDO? 70 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,222 - HOW ABOUT STEMWARE? 71 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:11,292 - HONEY, DILDOS ARE STEMWARE. [all chuckling] 72 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,593 - A WATER BUFFALO. 73 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,262 - WHAT? 74 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,929 - LESBIANS ARE INTO ENDANGERED SPECIES. 75 00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,499 - YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY THEY AREN'T ONE OF THEM. 76 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,967 - OH, YOU GUYS ARE BRUTAL. 77 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,303 - WE NEED TO GET THEM SOMETHING THAT SHOWS WE CARE, 78 00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,437 SOMETHING SPECIAL. 79 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,705 - WELL, I'D GO SHOPPING WITH YOU, 80 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,640 BUT, UH, I'M ACTUALLY PICKING OUT 81 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:29,577 A VERY SPECIAL GIFT FOR MYSELF. 82 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,711 YES, BOYS. 83 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,313 I HAVE FINALLY SAVED UP ENOUGH CASH 84 00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,315 WHACKING AWAY ON TEDDY'S HOUSE OF PORN, 85 00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,717 TO BUY ME THAT BRAND-NEW ASS I'VE ALWAYS WANTED. 86 00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,019 - YOU'RE REALLY GETTING PLASTIC SURGERY? 87 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,422 - THE LANDSCAPE IS LITTERED WITH SLAVES TO BEAUTY 88 00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,956 WHO HAVE NOSES THAT ARE TOO SMALL, 89 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,592 TITS THAT ARE TOO BIG. 90 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,560 YOU COULD END UP THE NEXT COSMETIC CASUALTY. 91 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,462 - IT'S TRUE. WHAT IF THEY MAKE A MISTAKE? 92 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,698 - LIKE ACCIDENTALLY SEWING UP YOUR ASSHOLE? 93 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,500 - WELL, YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO CHEW ME A NEW ONE. 94 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,967 YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT. 95 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:57,538 - AT LEAST WAIT A WEEK UNTIL MERCURY'S OUT OF RETROGRADE. 96 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,807 - BOY, YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THAT SHIT? 97 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,376 - THERE IS EVIDENCE THAT UPHEAVALS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM 98 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,345 CAN CAUSE DISTURBANCES HERE ON EARTH. 99 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,746 - BLAMING THE PLANETS FOR YOUR FUCK-UPS 100 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:09,717 IS JUST AN EXCUSE NOT TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY. 101 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,019 [overlapping chatter] 102 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,354 - GENTLEMEN! 103 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,323 IT'S TIME TO PICK THE WINNER 104 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:18,392 OF THE LIBERTY AVENUE AIDS HOSPICE CHARITY RAFFLE. 105 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:19,827 [cheers and applause] 106 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,929 NOW SOMEBODY'S GOING ON AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID TRIP FOR TWO 107 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:25,666 TO THIS WEEKEND'S WHITE PARTY IN MIAMI. 108 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,067 CAN I GET A DRUM ROLL PLEASE? 109 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,838 [all tapping] 110 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:37,845 AND THE LUCKIEST PRICK IN PITTSBURGH IS... 111 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,680 BRIAN KINNEY. 112 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:43,517 [cheers and applause] 113 00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,718 - YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. 114 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,420 THE PLANETS DON'T SEEM TO BE FUCKING WITH ME. 115 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,321 [mockingly laughs] 116 00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,357 - OH, YEAH? HOW DO YOU PLAN TO GO AWAY 117 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,024 AND STILL BE AT MELANIE AND LINDSAY'S WEDDING? 118 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,926 [mocking laugh] 119 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,929 [cheers and applause] 120 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,935 - OH, NO. 121 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,371 - VIC? 122 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,839 WHAT'S THE MATTER? - YOU OKAY, UNCLE VIC? 123 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:09,510 - SEE FOR YOURSELF. 124 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,612 - THEY'RE REEVALUATING YOUR DISABILITY? 125 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,614 - AND IF THEY TAKE IT AWAY, THERE GOES MY SHARE 126 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,882 OF OUR MONTHLY INCOME. 127 00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,784 - WELL, GOD DAMN IT! 128 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,652 WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP UNIVERSE 129 00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:21,889 WOULD SNATCH MY BROTHER FROM THE JAWS OF DEATH 130 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,124 ONLY TO SLOWLY STARVE BOTH OF US 131 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,793 OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME? 132 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,628 - BEN SAYS IT'S GOT TO DO WITH MERCURY. 133 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:28,696 - OH, DOES HE? 134 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,399 - LOOK, DON'T PANIC. I CAN HELP OUT. 135 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,800 - NO. 136 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,001 MICHAEL, THIS IS A SIGN. 137 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,869 IF I LOSE MY BENEFITS, THEN... 138 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,038 I'LL JUST HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK. 139 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,773 - ARE YOU SURE? 140 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:42,476 - ONCE UPON A TIME, I WAS A PRETTY DECENT CHEF. 141 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,378 - DECENT? HAH. 142 00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,779 DECENT? 143 00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,748 HE WAS ANOTHER SARA LEE. 144 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,450 - I'LL TAKE THAT AS THE COMPLIMENT 145 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,520 THAT I'M SURE WAS INTENDED. 146 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,622 THE TRICK WILL BE FINDING SOMEBODY WILLING TO HIRE ME. 147 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,490 - WELL, THERE'S NO SHORTAGE OF RESTAURANTS. 148 00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,826 - THERE'S ALSO NO SHORTAGE OF CHEFS. 149 00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,861 I'M RUSTY AS AN OLD SKILLET. 150 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,464 AND WHEN THEY FIND OUT WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING, 151 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,899 THEIR SOUFFLES WILL DROP. 152 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,968 - WOULD YOU STOP TALKING YOURSELF OUT OF A JOB 153 00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:12,906 BEFORE YOU EVEN GET ONE? 154 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,809 WHAT IF I GOT YOU A SHIFT AT THE DINER? 155 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,145 WE COULD WORK TOGETHER. 156 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,048 - [chuckles] 157 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,616 - COME ON. 158 00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,885 IN SELECTING YOUR IDEAL DERRIERE, 159 00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,488 IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE HAPPY WITH YOUR CHOICE, 160 00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,156 SINCE IT'LL BE FOLLOWING YOU AROUND 161 00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,123 FOR A LONG, LONG TIME. 162 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,124 - RIGHT. 163 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,926 - OUR CATALOG WILL HELP. 164 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,595 - THANKS. 165 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,096 [phone rings] [exhales] 166 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,932 WOW. SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM. 167 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,469 PEAR SHAPE, MELON SHAPE. 168 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:45,673 EACH WITH ITS OWN UNIQUE PERSONALITY. 169 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,674 GOD. 170 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,075 HOW AM I EVER GOING TO DECIDE? 171 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,812 - WELL, SOMETIMES IT HELPS TO SEE THEM IN THE FLESH. 172 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,814 MY STAFF HAVE ALL HAD WORK DONE, 173 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:54,948 AND THEY'D BE MORE THAN WILLING TO SHOW YOU 174 00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,584 OUR MOST POPULAR MODELS. 175 00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,985 - SOMEBODY LOVES HIS JOB. 176 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,019 [chuckles] 177 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,721 - WHEN YOU WORK IN A BAKERY, 178 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,089 IT'S HARD TO RESIST THE BUNS. 179 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,524 [intercom beeps] 180 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,926 GERALD? TELL THE BOYS TO COME IN. 181 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,728 - [over intercom] YES, DOCTOR. 182 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,731 [military marching band music] 183 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,566 * 184 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,801 - OH. 185 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:18,105 * 186 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,975 - MR. HONEYCUTT'S HAVING DIFFICULTY MAKING UP HIS MIND. 187 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,483 - WOW, THEY'RE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL. 188 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,852 - I DID THEM ALL MYSELF. 189 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,654 I ALSO DID THEIR ASSES. 190 00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,855 - OH. [both laughing] 191 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,256 - SO TAKE A GOOD, CLOSE LOOK. 192 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,158 FEEL FREE TO TOUCH. 193 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:41,829 FIRMNESS AND FLEXIBILITY ARE KEY FACTORS. 194 00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,764 - DOUBLE BUBBLE. - MM-HMM. 195 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,166 - GOOD SKIN TONE. 196 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,635 REALLY, UH, 197 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,603 REALLY GIVES A BOY SOMETHING TO... 198 00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:52,506 HOLD ON TO. 199 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,274 OH. [laughs] DIMPLES. 200 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,276 ALL THE RAGE THIS YEAR. 201 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,746 LOOKS LIKE LITTLE TWIN PUDDINGS 202 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,848 JUST BEGGING TO BE TASTED. 203 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,784 OH, HELLO, GORGEOUS. 204 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,953 WHOO! LOOK AT THAT. 205 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,921 IT'S A GREAT GIVE, YOU KNOW? 206 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,790 YOU COULD STRETCH IT OUT, 207 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,291 AND IT'D STILL HOLD ITS SHAPE. 208 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,726 [laughter] 209 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:16,597 GOD, THEY'RE ALL SO TEMPTING, DR. BEAMER. 210 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,132 BUT HOW DO I KNOW WHAT'LL LOOK GOOD ON ME? 211 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,101 - I CAN SHOW YOU ON MY DIGITAL IMAGING SYSTEM. 212 00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,803 OR IF YOU PREFER, 213 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,871 WE CAN DO A CUSTOM DESIGN. 214 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,606 OF COURSE, THAT WOULD BE EXTRA. 215 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,140 - WELL, NOW IS DEFINITELY NOT THE TIME 216 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,742 TO SIT ON ONE'S WALLET. 217 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,744 LET'S DO IT. - GOOD. 218 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,280 - WE FAXED THOSE ORDERS WEEKS AGO. 219 00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,116 NO. WEEKS AGO. 220 00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,585 [sighs] 221 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,886 MANY DAYS AGO. 222 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,721 LOOK, IS THERE SOMEBODY THERE WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH 223 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:41,722 AS A FIRST LANGUAGE? 224 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:42,723 - PARDON? 225 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,158 - OH. LINDSAY! 226 00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:48,195 OH, GOD. GUS JUST ATE THE SEATING PLAN. 227 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,763 - WE DO NOT HAVE THE ORDER. 228 00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:51,599 - SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SERVE 229 00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:54,735 MY 24 NO DAIRY, NO YEAST, NO WHEAT KOSHER VEGANS? 230 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,069 - MADAME... - OH-- 231 00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,971 - [hyperventilating] 232 00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:58,972 - OH. [phone beeps] 233 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:02,209 [groans] SWEETHEART, OH MY GOD. 234 00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,878 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 235 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:08,816 - HAVE...A PANIC... 236 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:09,817 ATTACK. 237 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,719 - OH, MY GOD! 238 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,787 - BLOATING. I-- 239 00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,856 LOOK. I CAN'T EVEN... 240 00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,257 PUT ON MY SHOE. 241 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,026 [hyperventilating] 242 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,661 - IT'S--IT'S JUST A LITTLE ANXIETY-RELATED 243 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:21,662 WATER RETENTION. 244 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,096 IT'S-- - [crying] 245 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:28,101 I'M AS BIG AS LAKE MICHIGAN. - NO, NO, NO, NO. 246 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,770 - [rapid panting] - NO, YOU'RE NOT. 247 00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:35,643 HERE. BREATHE INTO THIS. THERE WE GO, THERE WE GO. 248 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,778 THERE WE GO. OKAY. LIE DOWN. 249 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,179 PUT YOUR FEET UP. 250 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,347 THAT'S IT. 251 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,050 - [rapid panting] 252 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,986 I AM NOT GOING TO GET INTO MY DRESS. 253 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:46,887 - YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT WE AGREED, 254 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,656 NO WEIRD LESBO SEX IN FRONT OF THE KID. 255 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,323 both: FUCK OFF, BRIAN! 256 00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:51,792 - FINE. I JUST DROPPED BY TO LET YOU KNOW 257 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:52,926 I'M NOT GOING TO BE AT THE WEDDING. 258 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,828 - FUCK! - I'M GOING TO THE WHITE PARTY 259 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:55,963 IN MIAMI INSTEAD. LATER. 260 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,765 - YOU CAN'T DITCH MY SPECIAL DAY! 261 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,667 - YOU SELFISH PRICK. 262 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,769 - AS USUAL, OBJECTIVITY FALLS TO ME. 263 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:02,636 THINK. 264 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,772 YOU DON'T REALLY WANT ME THERE, DO YOU? 265 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:07,340 I'D HAVE TO BE CHEMICALLY DEPENDENT JUST TO SHOW UP. 266 00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,142 I'LL BE DRUNK, I'LL BE BORED, 267 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,712 NOT TO MENTION BETTER-LOOKING THAN THE BRIDES. 268 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:14,748 I'LL OFFEND ALL THE DYKES, I'LL HECKLE THE CEREMONY, 269 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,049 TABLE-DANCE AT THE RECEPTION, 270 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,018 AND INEVITABLY FUCK EVERY GOOD-LOOKING GUY, 271 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,120 GAY, STRAIGHT, OR UNDECIDED IN THE PLACE. 272 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:24,257 FINALLY, I'LL PASS OUT NAKED, BITCHING ABOUT THE CHEAP BOOZE. 273 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,026 YOU'LL LOSE YOUR DIGNITY, YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOUR SHIRTS 274 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,327 PAYING FOR THE DAMAGES. 275 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,262 HELL, I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR 276 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:32,065 GETTING OUT OF TOWN. 277 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,369 both: HAVE A SAFE TRIP. [Gus babbles] 278 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,442 - [sighs] 279 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,878 I CAN'T GO ON. 280 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,346 WE'VE WALKED, HOW FAR? 281 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,149 100 BLOCKS IN, WHAT, 100 HOURS? 282 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,284 - TRY TWO BLOCKS IN ABOUT 11 MINUTES. 283 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,419 - OH. 284 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,055 SEEMS A LOT LONGER WHEN YOU'RE SHOPPING FOR LESBIANS. 285 00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,791 - I STILL SAY A WEDDING GIFT SHOULD BE SOMETHING ROMANTIC. 286 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,359 YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS. 287 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,228 - LINGERIE? 288 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,330 I THOUGHT YOU SAID "ROMANTIC"? 289 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,867 YOU WANT TO GET TWO DYKES A ROMANTIC GIFT? 290 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,268 GET THEM THIS. 291 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,137 - POWER TOOLS? THAT'S ROMANTIC? 292 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,171 - FOR DYKES THEY ARE. 293 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,372 [laughter] 294 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,473 OH, AND FOR ONLY $499, 295 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,909 THESE BEAUTIES ARE A STEAL. 296 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,278 - ONLY? I CAN BARELY AFFORD A SCREW. 297 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:22,182 - WELL, FORTUNATELY, YOU HAVE BEN. 298 00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,918 I'LL COVER IT, WE'LL JUST SAY IT'S FROM BOTH OF US. 299 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:27,220 - I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT. - I CAN AFFORD IT. 300 00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,822 [cell phone chirps] 301 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:32,926 OH, SHIT. 302 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,394 SHIT. - WHAT? 303 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,196 - I'D BETTER GET BACK TO THE STUDIO. 304 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,799 I'VE GOT A THREE-WAY AT HALF PAST 4:00. 305 00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,801 OR IS IT A FOUR-WAY AT HALF PAST 3:00? 306 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,837 I CAN'T REMEMBER. HERE. TAKE THIS. 307 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,205 - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET, 308 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:48,776 THE POWER TOOLS OR THE LINGERIE? - YOU DECIDE. 309 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,812 WHATEVER YOU PICK, I'M SURE IT'LL BE THE PERFECT GIFT. 310 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,814 BYE. 311 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,426 [tribal music] 312 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:14,401 * 313 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,837 - HELLO, MON! 314 00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,271 WELCOME. 315 00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:22,175 COME TAKE A LOOK HERE. 316 00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,277 - THESE ARE AMAZING. WHERE ARE THEY FROM? 317 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,781 - FROM A LITTLE COUNTRY IN AFRICA RIGHT NEXT TO CHAD. 318 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,149 IT'S CALLED CHUCK. 319 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,484 MY PEOPLE HAVE LIVED THERE FOR CENTURIES 320 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,888 IN PEACE AND HARMONY, MAKING LOVE AND ART. 321 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,057 - HMM. 322 00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,394 - ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL? 323 00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:42,863 HER NAME IS HAZA-RI, 324 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:46,033 GODDESS OF LOVE AND PRIDE. 325 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,434 - HOW MUCH IS SHE? 326 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,870 - $600. 327 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,371 - I ONLY HAVE $500. 328 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,974 - THAT WOULD BE IN $600 CHUCK DOLLARS, 329 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,508 $500 AMERICAN. 330 00:12:55,542 --> 00:13:00,080 * 331 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,150 - COMPETITION: WORLD CLASS. 332 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,418 WARDROBE: CRUCIAL. 333 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:11,124 MARGIN FOR ERROR: ZERO. 334 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:16,096 SO LONG, PITTSBURGH. HELLO, MIAMI VICE. 335 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,003 - I THOUGHT YOUR ALL-EXPENSE PAID FUCK FEST 336 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,105 WAS JUST FOR THE WEEKEND. 337 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,606 - WELL, EACH PARTY HAS ITS OWN THEME 338 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,009 AND A STRICT DRESS CODE. 339 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,844 THE WHITE PARTY-- 340 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:34,181 15,000 HORNY QUEERS ALL IN WHITE. 341 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,515 - I'LL BE BUSY, TOO. 342 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,985 I HAVE A PAPER DUE ON RENAISSANCE ART. 343 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,153 - THEN THERE'S THE MUSCLE BEACH PARTY. 344 00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,488 - THEN THERE'S THE LAUNDRY. 345 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,590 AND OF COURSE THE WEDDING. 346 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,193 - AND I MUSTN'T FORGET THE CABANA BOY CONTEST. 347 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,461 - I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO WRITE MY GRANDMOTHER. 348 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,063 - FUCK. 349 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,565 I'VE GOT DICK-ALL TO WEAR TO THE WHITE DAWN BASH. 350 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,602 - WILL YOU EVEN NEED CLOTHES BY THEN? 351 00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,005 - NOT IF YOU'VE GOT ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. 352 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,007 - YOU'RE TAKING ME? 353 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,274 - IF YOU CAN TEAR YOURSELF AWAY 354 00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,209 FROM YOUR GRANNY'S LETTER. 355 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,977 - OH, THANK YOU! 356 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,612 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 357 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:11,084 SHIT! WHAT AM I GONNA WEAR? 358 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,887 - * WHAT DO YOU ASK OF ME? 359 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,423 * I ASK ONLY 360 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,658 * THAT YOU DANCE 361 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:22,930 * 362 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,365 - YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT I GOT THEM. 363 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,433 WHAT WE GOT THEM. - WHAT? WHAT? 364 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,201 WHAT IS IT? 365 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,037 - NO, YOU'LL SEE, IT'S A SURPRISE. 366 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,072 WHAT'D YOU GET THEM? 367 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,942 - THE BEST GIFT OF ALL-- MY ABSENCE. 368 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,576 - ALL RIGHT, JUDGES. 369 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:40,380 TIME TO MAKE YOUR FINAL DECISION. 370 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:46,053 WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING THREE CHOICES WILL IT BE? 371 00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,154 - WELL, IF YOU CHOOSE NUMBER ONE, 372 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,356 YOU'LL LOOK EXACTLY LIKE, UH... 373 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,058 MICHAEL. 374 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,125 - GO WITH NUMBER TWO. - SHH. 375 00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,126 - YOU'LL LOOK JUST LIKE THE REAR END 376 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,494 OF A '72 IMPALA. 377 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,230 - NUMBER THREE'S PERT AND PERKY. 378 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,632 THOUGH IT MIGHT BE TOO SMALL FOR THE REST OF YOUR FEATURES. 379 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,402 - PERHAPS I NEED AN ARTIST'S OPINION. 380 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,939 JUSTIN, WHICH DO YOU FIND TO BE 381 00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:07,340 MOST AESTHETICALLY PLEASING? 382 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,675 - [chuckles] 383 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,344 - THIS ONE. 384 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,280 IT SUCCESSFULLY INTEGRATES FORM AND FUNCTION 385 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,348 INTO AN ELEGANT WHOLE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, 386 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:16,583 IT'S IN GOOD TASTE. 387 00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,685 - HE DOESN'T WANT AN ASS WITH GOOD TASTE. 388 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,055 HE WANTS AN ASS THAT TASTES GOOD. 389 00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,992 - THANK YOU, SWEETHEART. 390 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,594 WELL, BOYS, SHALL WE DANCE? 391 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,030 - I NEED MY BEAUTY REST FOR THE WHITE PARTY. 392 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,198 - NOW THAT YOU'RE OVER 30, 393 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,699 SHOULDN'T YOU BE GOING TO THE GRAY PARTY? 394 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,034 - YOU SHOULD BE GOING 395 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,336 TO MELANIE AND LINDSAY'S WEDDING. 396 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,639 - YOU'LL BE THERE, YOU CAN CRY FOR BOTH OF US. 397 00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,474 * DANCE 398 00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:47,314 * 399 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,715 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 400 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,750 EVERY TIME SOMETHING BIG HAPPENS, 401 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,453 MY MOVING AWAY, YOUR FUCKING 30TH BIRTHDAY PARTY, 402 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,056 YOU PULL THE ELUSIVE BRIAN KINNEY BIT AND BAIL. 403 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,490 WHY IS THAT? 404 00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,392 - YOU KNOW, IF THAT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION 405 00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:01,061 NOT REQUIRING AN ANSWER, 406 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,763 PARDON ME WHILE I TAKE A LEAK. 407 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,399 - YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT IS? 408 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,268 I THINK YOU'RE AFRAID TO LET ANYONE KNOW 409 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,003 THAT YOU LOVE THEM, 410 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:14,007 THAT YOU HAVE FEELINGS LIKE THE REST OF US. 411 00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:17,177 IT'S OKAY TO BE HUMAN, YOU KNOW. 412 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,446 - OKAY. 413 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,250 YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW THE REASON I BAIL? 414 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,519 THE TRUTH IS, I'D RATHER GET LAID. 415 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,188 - * DANCE 416 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,191 - WE DONE? 417 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,135 - DOES HE ALWAYS KISS YOU LIKE THAT? 418 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,437 - ABOUT FOUR TIMES A YEAR. 419 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:45,705 USUALLY WHEN HE'S REALLY DRUNK 420 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,475 OR HE WANTS ME TO SHUT UP. 421 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,243 - AH. 422 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,749 - I STICK IT AND SPIN. 423 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,385 OKAY? NOW WHEN IT'S READY, 424 00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,487 YOU PLATE 'EM, YOU DROP THE TAB UNDER THE DISH, 425 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,055 YOU THROW IT HERE, AND THEN YOU RING THE BELL. 426 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,357 [bell rings] GOT IT? 427 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,227 - STICK IT, SPIN 'EM, DROP 'EM. [bell rings] 428 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,528 - WHAT'D I TELL YOU? 429 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,730 SHORT ORDERING'S NO DIFFERENT THAN BEING A CHEF. 430 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,165 - JUST FASTER. 431 00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:15,535 - HEY, WE GOT HUSTLE IN OUR BLOOD. 432 00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:19,672 OKAY, NOW I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU YOUR FIRST TIP. 433 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,542 NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, DON'T PANIC. 434 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,145 JUST TAKE YOUR TIME, OKAY? 435 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,114 YOUR WORST IS FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH 436 00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,781 FOR THIS JOINT. 437 00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:32,485 OKAY? 438 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,321 - IT'S NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL. 439 00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:38,358 HEY, DEBBIE. WE NEED A COUPLE OF BLACK COFFEES TO GO. 440 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,459 - THEY WERE SPECIALLY ENGRAVED 441 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,362 WITH OUR NAMES ON THEM AND EVERYTHING. 442 00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,400 - I HATE TO TELL YOU, GALS, 443 00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,202 BUT FOR THE HAPPY COUPLE, 444 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,570 YOU LOOK FUCKING MISERABLE. 445 00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,172 - ROSENBERG'S JEWELRY CALLED. 446 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,141 THEY CAN'T FIND OUR WEDDING RINGS. 447 00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,309 - YOU CAN USE MY NIPPLE RINGS. 448 00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,278 LOADS OF SENTIMENTAL VALUE. 449 00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,279 TO ME. 450 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,780 - THANKS, HONEY. 451 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,782 BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T BE THE SAME. 452 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,384 - LISTEN... - NO. 453 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,252 - WE'RE NOT GOING TO ALLOW MERCURY 454 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,387 OR ANYTHING ELSE TO FUCK UP OUR WEDDING. 455 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,590 EVERYTHING'S GOING AHEAD AS PLANNED. 456 00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,560 - UH, NOT EXACTLY EVERYTHING. 457 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,262 - MORE GOOD NEWS? 458 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,729 - BRIAN INVITED ME TO THE WHITE PARTY. 459 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,565 - AND YOU SAID? 460 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,268 - THAT I'D GO. 461 00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,270 IT'S A ONCE IN A LIFETIME THING. 462 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,606 - SO IS GETTING MARRIED. 463 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:27,707 'COURSE THERE ARE NO HARD BODIES. 464 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,343 NO DRUGS, NO THOUSANDS OF DICKS. 465 00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:33,146 JUST TWO PEOPLE SAYING, "I DO." 466 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,183 YOU'RE RIGHT, HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY COMPARE? 467 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,484 - IT'S OKAY. 468 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,186 AFTER ALL JUSTIN'S BEEN THROUGH. 469 00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,587 - YEAH, HE DESERVES A BREAK. 470 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,757 HAVE A GREAT TIME. 471 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,858 - [sighs] 472 00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,161 - OH, THAT FUCKING BRIAN. 473 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,629 IT'S BAD ENOUGH HE'S NOT COMING, DOES HE HAVE TO POACH 474 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:50,830 OUR RING BEARER AS WELL? 475 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,465 - WHAT DOES IT MATTER? THERE ARE NO RINGS. 476 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,635 [cell phone rings] HEY, HONEY. 477 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,504 [phone beeps] HELLO? 478 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:58,771 - [woman speaking indistinctly on phone] 479 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,773 - I'M SORRY, WHAT? 480 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,310 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. - IT MUST BE THE CATERER. 481 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,845 JO, WHAT KOSHER VEGAN DELICACY HAVE YOU WHIPPED UP? 482 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,514 - I'M SORRY. 483 00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:10,717 - OH, WAIT. LISTEN, YOU BLEEDING ASSHOLE! 484 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,785 I'M A LAWYER, WE HAVE A CONTRACT, WE'LL SUE. 485 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,855 - SUE? - OH, THAT WORD YOU UNDERSTAND. 486 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,458 [phone beeps[ - SOMETHING WRONG? 487 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,492 THE CATERER AND THE HALL 488 00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:20,793 HAVE BEEN SHUT DOWN BY THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT, 489 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,262 FOR SALMONELLA POISONING. 490 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,430 - [laughs mockingly] 491 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,332 IS THAT ALL? IS THAT ALL. - IS THAT ALL? IS THAT ALL? 492 00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,367 WE HAVE NO FOOD, WE HAVE NO PLACE TO EAT THE FOOD. 493 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,535 - [hyperventilating] 494 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,770 OKAY, IF YOU DON'T MIND, 495 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,539 I THINK I'LL LIE DOWN FOR A BIT, OKAY? 496 00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:37,577 - YEAH. - [rapid panting] 497 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,815 - YOU SPENT $500-- MY $500 ON THAT? 498 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:43,950 - IT WAS A STEAL. 499 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,352 - YEAH, AND I'M THE ONE THAT GOT ROBBED. 500 00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,353 LOOK, JUST TAKE IT BACK. 501 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,620 - I CAN'T TAKE IT BACK. 502 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,788 WHAT STORE DID YOU BUY IT AT? 503 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,690 - I DIDN'T GET IT AT A STORE. 504 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:51,691 - WHERE'D YOU GET IT? 505 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:52,692 - OFF A BLANKET. 506 00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,761 - A BLANKET? 507 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,629 YOU BOUGHT LINDSAY AND MELANIE'S WEDDING GIFT 508 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,265 FROM SOME STREET CORNER SHYSTER? 509 00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,366 - IT'S FROM CHUCK. 510 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:00,800 IT'S A LITTLE COUNTRY NEXT TO CHAD. 511 00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,902 - CHUCK? CHAD? THEY SOUND LIKE A COUPLE OF HOMOS. 512 00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,304 - IT'S THE PERFECT GIFT. 513 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,972 - PERFECTLY HIDEOUS. - IT'S A WORK OF ART! 514 00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:06,773 - IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT. 515 00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,908 - IT'S SYMBOLIC OF LOVE AND PRIDE. 516 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,977 - IT'S SYMBOLIC OF STUPIDITY AND BAD TASTE. 517 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:11,778 - YOU TAKE THAT BACK. 518 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,281 - I CAN'T. I GOT IT OFF A BLANKET. 519 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,648 - LOOK, THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO BUY A GIFT, 520 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:16,849 BUY IT YOURSELF. 521 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,551 - THAT'S WHAT I WAS COUNTING ON YOU FOR. 522 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:21,321 - YEAH, YOU WERE TOO BUSY BRINGING JOY TO THE WORLD. 523 00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:22,422 - LOOK, JUST BECAUSE I'M A SUCCESS-- 524 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,423 - YOU CAN TAKE YOUR SUCCESS 525 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:24,591 AND SHOVE IT. 526 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:25,592 AND I'M SURE YOU WON'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE 527 00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:26,826 FIGURING OUT WHERE. 528 00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:31,564 - YEAH, I'LL JUST ASK CHUCK AND CHAD. 529 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:38,438 - I'M SORRY, GEORGE. 530 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,307 I'VE MADE UP MY MIND. 531 00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,610 - BUT IT'S SUCH A... 532 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,345 BEAUTIFUL BOTTOM. 533 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:46,813 - IT'LL DO IN A PINCH. 534 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:47,980 - I'LL SAY. 535 00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,749 BESIDES, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG. 536 00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:53,019 I MEAN, PLASTIC SURGERY IS JUST FOR FOOLISH OLD MEN 537 00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:57,990 WHO REFUSE TO GROW OLD GRACEFULLY. 538 00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,692 - WHAT ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON? 539 00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:02,695 AND ELIZABETH TAYLOR AND CHER? 540 00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:05,865 - WELL, I CAN'T SPEAK FOR THEIR BACKSIDES, 541 00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,367 ONLY YOURS. 542 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,901 - THANK YOU. 543 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,504 BUT IN MY WORLD, IF YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU 544 00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:14,006 JUST STEPPED OUT OF A CALVIN KLEIN UNDERWEAR AD, 545 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,842 YOU'RE NOTHING. 546 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,378 - WELL, THAT'S A WORLD I'M HAPPY NOT TO KNOW. 547 00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,313 - NOT TO MENTION, 548 00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,048 IT'LL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF. 549 00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:25,352 YOU KNOW, RAISE MY SELF-ESTEEM. 550 00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:27,920 - WELL, MY WIFE VIRGINIA FELT SIMILARLY. 551 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,890 HAD HERSELF SNIPPED AND CLIPPED, EYES TO THIGHS. 552 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,892 SWORE IT WOULD CHANGE HER LIFE TOO. 553 00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,661 - AND DID IT? 554 00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:37,029 - SHE WAS THE SAME MISERABLE CUNT SHE ALWAYS WAS. 555 00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:40,333 ONLY WITHOUT THE WRINKLES. 556 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,001 NOW EMMETT... 557 00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:43,636 FORGIVE ME. 558 00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:48,641 BUT ANYONE WHO VALUES THEMSELVES BECAUSE OF THEIR ASS... 559 00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,578 IS AN ASS. 560 00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:55,815 [overlapping chatter] 561 00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:57,083 - OH, I'M SO SORRY YOU'RE STILL WAITING. 562 00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,518 MORE COFFEE? IT'S ON THE HOUSE. 563 00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:00,420 NO? OKAY. 564 00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:03,823 UM, YOUR ORDER IS NEXT, I PROMISE YOU. 565 00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,959 - ALL I WANT IS A HAMBURGER! 566 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:10,363 - YOUR ORDER HAS BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS, 567 00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:12,432 SO DON'T GIVE ME THOSE DIRTY LOOKS. 568 00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,401 [dishes clatter] 569 00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:15,702 - HEY, DEBBIE, WHAT'S UP WITH MY ORDER? 570 00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:16,703 [bell rings] 571 00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:18,405 - HEY! 572 00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,707 I HAVE GOT ORDERS COMING OUT MY ASS, 573 00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:23,042 A ROOM FULL OF HUNGRY HOMICIDALS, 574 00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:24,577 AND I DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN PLATES 575 00:22:24,611 --> 00:22:25,978 TO DO MY SET-UPS WITH. 576 00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,947 WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON BACK HERE? 577 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,649 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL. 578 00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:30,850 I'M RIGHT HERE. 579 00:22:30,883 --> 00:22:31,818 - WELL, YOU COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. 580 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,720 DO YOU THINK YOU COULD DO A GRILLED CHEESE 581 00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:34,921 IN UNDER AN HOUR? 582 00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:38,858 - YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE MY TIME. - DEBBIE! 583 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,727 - I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR FUCKING LIFETIME. 584 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,397 - [sighs] THAT DOES IT. 585 00:22:44,431 --> 00:22:45,798 - EXCUSE ME. - WHO AM I KIDDING? 586 00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:46,933 - EXCUSE ME! - I CAN'T DO THIS. 587 00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,668 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 588 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:49,669 HOME. 589 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,438 - YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS. 590 00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:52,672 - YOU'RE BETTER OFF. 591 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,608 I'M USELESS. I'M WORSE THAN USELESS. 592 00:22:55,642 --> 00:22:57,844 I'M RIDICULOUS. - TEN MORE MINUTES, I PROMISE. 593 00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,412 - WE'RE HUNGRY! 594 00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:02,715 - HONEY, THERE IS NO WAY WE CAN SQUEEZE 595 00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:04,617 THAT MANY GUESTS INTO OUR HOUSE. 596 00:23:04,651 --> 00:23:07,119 - BABY, WE CAN MOVE ALL THE FURNITURE INTO THE GARAGE. 597 00:23:07,153 --> 00:23:11,691 - LAMBSKIN, YOU'D HAVE MY 1,000-YEAR-OLD AUNT 598 00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:12,959 STAND ALL NIGHT? 599 00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:15,094 - PUDDING PIE, SHE HAS A WALKER. 600 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,429 SHE CAN LEAN. 601 00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,631 - AND WHAT IF, SOMEHOW, 602 00:23:18,665 --> 00:23:21,033 MY LITTLE LOVE BUTTON, 603 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:24,170 WE MANAGE TO OVERCOME THE LAWS OF PHYSICAL SCIENCE 604 00:23:24,203 --> 00:23:25,705 AND PACK 'EM ALL IN? 605 00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:27,907 WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO SEE 606 00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,609 BESIDES EACH OTHERS' NOSE HAIR? 607 00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,478 - YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO MAKE THIS WORK. 608 00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:33,513 - AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO MAKE SENSE. 609 00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:34,881 - THERE'S NO NEED TO BE ABUSIVE. 610 00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:36,716 - I WASN'T BEING ABUSIVE. 611 00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,652 I WAS MERELY EXPRESSING... 612 00:23:39,686 --> 00:23:40,653 FRUSTRATION. 613 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:41,721 - SO NOW I'M FRUSTRATING? 614 00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,490 - I DIDN'T SAY THAT. [groans] 615 00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:44,491 [knock on door] 616 00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:46,926 - CLEANING'S HERE. AH. 617 00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,163 - YOURS, MEL. 618 00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:54,901 AND WHAT WAS YOURS, LINZ. 619 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:57,804 APPARENTLY THE DRY-CLEANING SOLUTION WAS TOO-- 620 00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:02,074 - THERE'S NO NEED TO EXPLAIN. 621 00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:07,013 AT THIS POINT IN THE PLOT, WE ALL GET IT. 622 00:24:07,046 --> 00:24:08,080 - BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, 623 00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:11,751 THEY GAVE YOU $100 WORTH OF COUPONS. 624 00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:13,152 - HURRAY. 625 00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:17,490 - WE WILL FIND YOU SOMETHING ELSE TO WEAR, BOO-BOO. 626 00:24:17,524 --> 00:24:19,626 AND WE WILL HAVE OUR BEAUTIFUL, 627 00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:22,228 SPECIAL FUCKING DAY, GODDAMN IT! 628 00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:26,165 EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO IT NUDE IN THE BACKYARD. 629 00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:29,536 [thunder rumbles] 630 00:24:29,569 --> 00:24:30,537 [Gus crying] 631 00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:34,707 - OR MAYBE WE CAN FACE REALITY. 632 00:24:34,741 --> 00:24:36,676 MYSTERIOUS MARILYN WAS RIGHT. 633 00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:40,580 - OH, NOT THAT MERCURY IN RETROGRADE SHIT AGAIN. 634 00:24:40,613 --> 00:24:42,181 - OUR WEDDING'S BEEN METHODICALLY 635 00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:44,216 AND SYSTEMATICALLY DECONSTRUCTED. 636 00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:47,086 IF YOU ASK ME, SOMEBODY UP THERE 637 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:50,557 DOESN'T THINK WE SHOULD GET MARRIED. 638 00:24:50,590 --> 00:24:53,993 MAYBE THERE'S A REASON. 639 00:24:54,026 --> 00:24:58,998 MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE US... 640 00:24:59,031 --> 00:25:00,700 AREN'T SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED. 641 00:25:00,733 --> 00:25:02,068 - "LIKE US"? 642 00:25:02,101 --> 00:25:03,235 - DO YOU NEED THE ROOF TO CAVE IN? 643 00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:06,639 [crying continues] 644 00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:18,585 [eerie music] 645 00:25:18,618 --> 00:25:26,525 * 646 00:25:37,069 --> 00:25:41,107 - YOU KNOW, I'M REMINDED OF A SCENE FROM ALIEN. 647 00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,777 ONE OF THE GREAT AIDS METAPHOR FLICKS OF ALL TIME. 648 00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:47,046 OUR INTREPID INTERGALACTIC GARBAGE COLLECTORS, 649 00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:49,649 LED BY UBER-BITCH DYKE RIPLEY, 650 00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:52,785 AFTER WHO YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY MODELED YOURSELF, 651 00:25:52,819 --> 00:25:55,321 ARE SNUGGLED SAFELY IN THEIR SLEEP PODS 652 00:25:55,354 --> 00:25:57,189 FOR THE LONG RIDE HOME 653 00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:59,792 WHEN SUDDENLY THE MONSTER APPEARS. 654 00:25:59,826 --> 00:26:01,928 - THE WEDDING'S OFF. 655 00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:04,864 - YOU TWO HAVE FINALLY COME TO YOUR SENSES? 656 00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,799 THAT'S ALMOST REASON ENOUGH 657 00:26:06,833 --> 00:26:08,868 TO INTERRUPT MY BASE COAT. 658 00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:12,004 BUT NOT QUITE. 659 00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:14,073 - IT'S BECAUSE OF LINDSAY. 660 00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:16,142 SHE-- [sobs] 661 00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:17,343 SHE... 662 00:26:17,376 --> 00:26:19,211 - SHE WHAT? 663 00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:24,050 - WITH ALL THE DISASTERS AND MYSTERIOUS MARILYN, 664 00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:27,219 MERCURY IN RETROGRADE AND THE RINGS AND THE FOOD 665 00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:30,322 AND THE HALL AND THE DRESS, 666 00:26:30,356 --> 00:26:32,358 SHE THINKS THE WEDDING'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN BECAUSE-- 667 00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:35,361 BECAUSE WE'RE GAY. 668 00:26:35,394 --> 00:26:37,897 - CHRIST. 669 00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:43,102 SEND IN A DYKE TO DO A FAGGOT'S WORK. 670 00:26:43,135 --> 00:26:46,072 WE HAVE PRECISELY 21 HOURS 671 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:48,174 TO GET THE MUNCHERS MARRIED. 672 00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:50,810 - WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY? - WE CAN'T DO THAT. 673 00:26:50,843 --> 00:26:52,779 - NOBODY KNOWS WEDDING SHIT BETTER THAN QUEERS. 674 00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:54,714 WE'RE THE FLORISTS, THE CATERERS, 675 00:26:54,747 --> 00:26:56,783 THE PLANNERS, THE DESIGNERS. 676 00:26:56,816 --> 00:27:00,252 THE SERVERS, THE PERFORMERS, EVEN FUCKING PRIESTS. 677 00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,988 - HE MEANS THAT LITERALLY. 678 00:27:02,021 --> 00:27:03,022 - IF ANYBODY CAN DO IT, WE CAN. 679 00:27:03,055 --> 00:27:06,325 AND WE WILL, IN TIME FOR ME TO MAKE MY FLIGHT. 680 00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:08,094 - DON'T YOU THINK THIS IS AWFULLY AMBITIOUS? 681 00:27:08,127 --> 00:27:09,028 - WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE IT UP 682 00:27:09,061 --> 00:27:10,730 TO EVERYBODY ELSE SO YOU CAN CRITICIZE? 683 00:27:10,763 --> 00:27:11,864 - IF WE LEFT IT UP TO YOU, 684 00:27:11,898 --> 00:27:13,265 THEY'D BE GETTING MARRIED ON A BLANKET 685 00:27:13,299 --> 00:27:14,734 ON A STREET CORNER. - YO, BITCHES, 686 00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:16,135 TEAR EACH OTHER'S HAIR OUT LATER. 687 00:27:16,168 --> 00:27:17,336 I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT, 688 00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:19,405 BUT YOU TWO ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR STAFFING, 689 00:27:19,438 --> 00:27:21,841 FLOWERS, AND DECORATIONS. 690 00:27:21,874 --> 00:27:24,210 - EMMETT, YOU FIND US A PLACE. 691 00:27:24,243 --> 00:27:26,145 - OH, HOW ABOUT THE LIBERTY BATHS? 692 00:27:26,178 --> 00:27:29,682 THEY HAVE A FABULOUS PARTY ROOM. 693 00:27:29,716 --> 00:27:33,019 - DEB, YOU PULL TOGETHER SOMETHING FOR LINZ TO WEAR. 694 00:27:33,052 --> 00:27:34,687 - I'D LOVE TO. 695 00:27:34,721 --> 00:27:37,123 OH, I CAN JUST SEE IT WITH ITS FLOWERS 696 00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:41,027 AND BOWS AND RUFFLES AND-- 697 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,430 MAYBE SOMETHING MORE SIMPLE. 698 00:27:44,463 --> 00:27:45,965 - VIC, YOU'RE UP FOR THE CAKE. 699 00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:48,234 - NO, MY COOKING'S A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. 700 00:27:48,267 --> 00:27:49,902 - HE'D BE GREAT... 701 00:27:49,936 --> 00:27:53,139 IF THEY WERE GETTING MARRIED A YEAR FROM NOW. 702 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:54,440 - DON'T WORRY, VIC. I'LL HELP YOU. 703 00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:57,309 - OKAY, GREAT. GET TO WORK. 704 00:27:57,343 --> 00:27:58,711 - NOW HOLD IT, KINNEY. 705 00:27:58,745 --> 00:28:00,446 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 706 00:28:00,479 --> 00:28:04,050 - I'M GETTING MY BEAUTY REST. BYE-BYE. 707 00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:05,184 - [laughs] 708 00:28:05,217 --> 00:28:08,120 [overlapping chatter] 709 00:28:08,154 --> 00:28:12,925 - OH, NOT TONIGHT, DEAR. I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR MIAMI. 710 00:28:12,959 --> 00:28:14,160 - CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, 711 00:28:14,193 --> 00:28:15,427 BUT I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T GIVE 712 00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:16,763 A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS, 713 00:28:16,796 --> 00:28:18,430 THAT YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT GETTING LAID. 714 00:28:18,464 --> 00:28:21,801 - I JUST NEVER WANT TO HEAR THE WORD "WEDDING" AGAIN. 715 00:28:21,834 --> 00:28:24,170 - YOU'RE PATHETIC. 716 00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:25,738 - OH, EMMETT, DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH ME 717 00:28:25,772 --> 00:28:27,073 TO GET MATERIAL? 718 00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:31,277 - UH, HELLO. ZANZIBAR. YEAH. 719 00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:34,080 YES, I'D LIKE TO BOOK A WEDDING IN YOUR PRIVATE ROOM. 720 00:28:34,113 --> 00:28:36,448 - YES, OF COURSE. WE CAN DO THAT, NO PROBLEM. 721 00:28:36,482 --> 00:28:38,785 - YOU CAN? OH, YOU CAN. 722 00:28:38,818 --> 00:28:40,286 OH, GOD. WONDERFUL. 723 00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:44,223 OKAY. RIGHT, WELL, THAT WILL BE FOR ABOUT 80. 724 00:28:44,256 --> 00:28:46,492 MM-HMM. RIGHT. TONIGHT. 725 00:28:46,525 --> 00:28:49,829 - TONIGHT? [laughs] 726 00:28:49,862 --> 00:28:52,364 [phone beeps] 727 00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:53,833 - ANY LUCK? 728 00:28:53,866 --> 00:28:56,202 - I HAVE TRIED "A" THROUGH "Z." 729 00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:58,504 I'M AFRAID THERE IS NO SUCH THING 730 00:28:58,537 --> 00:29:01,207 AS AN INSTANT WEDDING. 731 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,309 - IF I MAY MAKE A SUGGESTION? 732 00:29:03,342 --> 00:29:06,112 - BE MY WEDDING GUEST. 733 00:29:06,145 --> 00:29:07,513 - WELL, IT'S NOT VERY TRENDY, 734 00:29:07,546 --> 00:29:09,515 BUT THE PRICE IS RIGHT. 735 00:29:09,548 --> 00:29:12,518 [classical music] 736 00:29:12,551 --> 00:29:16,355 * 737 00:29:16,388 --> 00:29:18,190 - HOLY XANADU. 738 00:29:18,224 --> 00:29:21,794 - WELL, LAST TIME IT WAS USED, 739 00:29:21,828 --> 00:29:24,330 IT WAS MY DAUGHTER FRANKIE'S WEDDING. 740 00:29:24,363 --> 00:29:25,865 - "FRANKIE"? 741 00:29:25,898 --> 00:29:27,533 - YEAH, VIRGINIA NAMED HER AFTER HAMMOND MEATS' 742 00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:29,135 MOST POPULAR PRODUCT. 743 00:29:29,168 --> 00:29:30,970 [chuckles] 744 00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:33,239 GOSH, IT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. 745 00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:34,473 - WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME, HONEY, 746 00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:36,976 LIKE THIS PLACE IS DUE FOR A PARTY. 747 00:29:37,009 --> 00:29:39,078 - I COULDN'T THINK OF A MORE APPROPRIATE OCCASION 748 00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:40,012 THAN YOUR FRIENDS' WEDDING. 749 00:29:40,046 --> 00:29:43,215 I'LL FILL THIS ROOM WITH EXOTIC FLOWERS. 750 00:29:43,249 --> 00:29:44,483 I'LL BRING IN THE PITTSBURGH SYMPHONY. 751 00:29:44,516 --> 00:29:47,019 I'M ON THE BOARD. - UM-- 752 00:29:47,053 --> 00:29:49,088 THAT'S VERY KIND, AS USUAL. 753 00:29:49,121 --> 00:29:53,025 BUT I'D KIND OF LIKE TO TAKE CARE OF THIS MYSELF. 754 00:29:53,059 --> 00:29:56,262 YOU KNOW, GIVE MEL AND LINDSAY THE MOST FABULOUS WEDDING 755 00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:57,563 TWO GIRLS EVER HAD. 756 00:29:57,596 --> 00:30:00,432 - THAT'S ALSO VERY KIND. AS USUAL. 757 00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:03,836 HOW CAN YOU AFFORD TO? 758 00:30:03,870 --> 00:30:06,906 - MY TUSH FUND. 759 00:30:08,908 --> 00:30:11,043 - YOU'D BURST YOUR BUBBLE-BUTT DREAM? 760 00:30:11,077 --> 00:30:14,146 - WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND A BUMPY RIDE, 761 00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:17,083 I THINK THIS OLD THING'S GOT A FEW MORE MILES ON IT. 762 00:30:17,116 --> 00:30:18,217 - OH, MY GOD. 763 00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,220 [both laugh] - MWAH. 764 00:30:23,255 --> 00:30:25,057 - THANK YOU. 765 00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:27,059 NOW, I HAVE TO GET STARTED. 766 00:30:27,093 --> 00:30:28,928 I SHOULD HAVE BEEN UP TO MY TITS 767 00:30:28,961 --> 00:30:31,931 IN TULLE AND TWINKLING LIGHTS HOURS AGO! 768 00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:35,167 [giggles] 769 00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:40,106 [sewing machine whirs] 770 00:30:41,273 --> 00:30:42,909 - OH, SHIT! 771 00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:44,210 - WHAT HAPPENED? 772 00:30:44,243 --> 00:30:46,245 - NOTHING. 773 00:30:46,278 --> 00:30:48,580 [cup clatters] FUCK! 774 00:30:48,614 --> 00:30:50,349 - NOW WHAT? 775 00:30:50,382 --> 00:30:53,352 - IT'S ME, DEB. I'M A KLUTZ. 776 00:30:55,254 --> 00:30:58,124 - YOU'D THINK I'D NEVER SET FOOT IN A KITCHEN BEFORE. 777 00:30:58,157 --> 00:30:59,992 - YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX. 778 00:31:00,026 --> 00:31:01,227 - IT'S MORE THAN THAT. 779 00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:02,962 I'VE BEEN OUT OF THE WORLD TOO LONG. 780 00:31:02,995 --> 00:31:04,196 I CAN'T GO BACK. 781 00:31:04,230 --> 00:31:06,265 - YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU CAN'T. 782 00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:09,268 CHRIST, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS MESS. 783 00:31:09,301 --> 00:31:12,238 YOU ARE THE FUCKING SADDEST HARD-LUCK CASE 784 00:31:12,271 --> 00:31:13,605 I HAVE EVER SEEN. 785 00:31:13,639 --> 00:31:16,475 - DEBBIE. - GET BACK IN YOUR ROBE, HUH? 786 00:31:16,508 --> 00:31:19,111 OR BETTER YET, FIND A TRAIN TO FALL UNDER. 787 00:31:19,145 --> 00:31:21,413 AT LEAST I'D GET THE INSURANCE. 788 00:31:21,447 --> 00:31:23,649 SUNSHINE, GET YOUR JACKET. LET'S GO. 789 00:31:23,682 --> 00:31:24,984 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 790 00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:26,285 - WHERE DO YOU THINK? 791 00:31:26,318 --> 00:31:27,419 TO THE BAKERY. 792 00:31:27,453 --> 00:31:28,487 YOU PROMISED THE GIRLS 793 00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,022 A WEDDING CAKE, DIDN'T YOU? 794 00:31:30,056 --> 00:31:31,690 - YOU CAN'T JUST STROLL INTO A BAKERY 795 00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:34,260 AND BUY A WEDDING CAKE, THEY'RE MADE SPECIAL. 796 00:31:34,293 --> 00:31:36,996 - SO, WE'LL GET 'EM A BON VOYAGE CAKE 797 00:31:37,029 --> 00:31:38,497 OR A BIRTHDAY CAKE 798 00:31:38,530 --> 00:31:40,566 OR A FUCKING BAR MITZVAH CAKE! 799 00:31:40,599 --> 00:31:43,535 ANY CAKE WILL BE BETTER THAN THE DRIED-OUT BRICK 800 00:31:43,569 --> 00:31:46,572 THAT YOU'RE PLANNING. 801 00:31:51,277 --> 00:31:55,114 - HOW DARE YOU CALL MY HAZELNUT BUTTERCREAM 802 00:31:55,147 --> 00:31:57,916 A DRIED-OUT BRICK? 803 00:32:08,194 --> 00:32:11,330 - [humming] 804 00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:21,440 - YOU DID ALL THAT ON PURPOSE, DIDN'T YOU? 805 00:32:21,473 --> 00:32:25,744 - HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT HIM TO LIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE? 806 00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:30,582 I JUST KEPT SCREAMING, "SO FUCKING DIE ALREADY!" 807 00:32:30,616 --> 00:32:32,218 WORKED LIKE A CHARM. 808 00:32:32,251 --> 00:32:35,221 - HE NEVER FIGURED IT OUT? 809 00:32:35,254 --> 00:32:37,589 - APPARENTLY NOT. 810 00:32:37,623 --> 00:32:39,091 - JUSTIN, 811 00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:40,326 I NEED THESE EGG WHITES BEATEN. 812 00:32:40,359 --> 00:32:43,329 - AND AS FOR YOU... 813 00:32:43,362 --> 00:32:45,364 YOU WANT TO GROW UP TO BE ANOTHER BRIAN KINNEY? 814 00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:48,067 ALWAYS RUNNING AWAY FROM LOVE, NEVER TOWARDS IT? 815 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,335 THEN YOU GO TO MIAMI 816 00:32:49,368 --> 00:32:51,203 AND YOU FUCK YOUR LITTLE TWINKIE BRAINS OUT. 817 00:32:51,237 --> 00:32:53,639 BUT IT'S NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU HAPPY. 818 00:32:53,672 --> 00:32:56,208 - [chuckles] NICE TRY, DEBBIE. 819 00:32:56,242 --> 00:33:01,480 - WAIT A MINUTE. 820 00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:03,449 ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE ON TO ME. 821 00:33:03,482 --> 00:33:05,184 BUT ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK BACK, 822 00:33:05,217 --> 00:33:09,521 AND YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THAT YOU DIDN'T GO TO THE WEDDING... 823 00:33:09,555 --> 00:33:12,358 WITH YOUR FAMILY. 824 00:33:12,391 --> 00:33:15,261 AND THAT'S THE TRUTH, SUNSHINE. 825 00:33:15,294 --> 00:33:18,130 THAT'S THE TRUTH. 826 00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:33,279 - FRENCH TOAST WITH FRESH STRAWBERRIES. 827 00:33:33,312 --> 00:33:35,681 BACON CRUMBLES AND REAL MAPLE SYRUP. 828 00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:40,286 COFFEE MADE WITH THE REALLY GOOD BEANS. 829 00:33:40,319 --> 00:33:42,521 AND PEACHES WITH THE SKIN PEELED OFF 830 00:33:42,554 --> 00:33:44,756 'CAUSE THE LITTLE HAIRS MAKE YOUR TEETH ITCH. 831 00:33:44,790 --> 00:33:46,258 - NO, THANKS. 832 00:33:46,292 --> 00:33:48,160 - BABY, PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO EAT. 833 00:33:48,194 --> 00:33:49,661 - WHAT FOR? 834 00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,530 - YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR STRENGTH UP TO FEEL MISERABLE. 835 00:33:51,563 --> 00:33:53,265 HAVE A STRAWBERRY. 836 00:33:53,299 --> 00:33:54,433 - NO. 837 00:33:54,466 --> 00:33:56,402 - COME ON, BOO-BOO. ONE LITTLE BITE. 838 00:33:56,435 --> 00:33:58,637 - STOP IT! - STOP WHAT? 839 00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:00,239 - BEING SO SWEET. 840 00:34:00,272 --> 00:34:01,407 - I CAN'T HELP IT. 841 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,409 COMPULSIVE ADORABLE DISORDER. 842 00:34:03,442 --> 00:34:05,544 - ALL RIGHT, GET UP. 843 00:34:05,577 --> 00:34:07,179 - WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? 844 00:34:07,213 --> 00:34:08,314 - COME ON, MOVE YOUR ASSES. 845 00:34:08,347 --> 00:34:11,150 - WHAT FOR? - YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. 846 00:34:11,183 --> 00:34:13,152 - HUH? [shrieks] 847 00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,827 - COME ON, GET OUT. 848 00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:23,462 COME ON, GET OUT. - WHERE THE HELL ARE WE? 849 00:34:23,495 --> 00:34:25,664 - GET OUT, GET OUT. - WHAT'S GOING ON? 850 00:34:25,697 --> 00:34:28,700 - MS. MARCUS, MS. PETERSON. 851 00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:30,669 WELCOME TO YOUR WEDDING. 852 00:34:30,702 --> 00:34:33,339 ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE OUR GRACIOUS HOST, 853 00:34:33,372 --> 00:34:35,807 MY DEAR, DEAR FRIEND, GEORGE SCHICKEL. 854 00:34:35,841 --> 00:34:38,144 both: SCHICKEL'S PICKLES? 855 00:34:38,177 --> 00:34:41,713 - THE PLEASURE'S MINE. AND MY HOME IS YOURS TODAY. 856 00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:43,549 - OKAY, ENOUGH CHAT. YOU'RE BOTH DUE IN HAIR AND MAKE-UP, 857 00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:44,616 SO LET'S GET A MOVE ON. 858 00:34:44,650 --> 00:34:46,318 [overlapping chatter] 859 00:34:46,352 --> 00:34:48,487 - GO! 860 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:49,555 - OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 861 00:34:49,588 --> 00:34:51,323 YOU'RE NOT BRINGING THAT HIDEOUS THING IN HERE. 862 00:34:51,357 --> 00:34:52,624 - I MOST CERTAINLY AM. 863 00:34:52,658 --> 00:34:54,226 - NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT. 864 00:34:54,260 --> 00:34:56,462 - WELL, WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT? 865 00:34:56,495 --> 00:34:58,730 - I'M THE ONE WHO PAID FOR THAT WASTE OF WOOD. 866 00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:00,199 - WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 867 00:35:00,232 --> 00:35:01,333 I'M GONNA PAY YOU BACK AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT 868 00:35:01,367 --> 00:35:02,534 TO THE GIRLS MYSELF. 869 00:35:02,568 --> 00:35:03,435 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT? - I THINK YOU'RE AN IDIOT 870 00:35:03,469 --> 00:35:04,236 FOR PICKING IT OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE. 871 00:35:04,270 --> 00:35:06,172 - WELL, I THINK YOU'RE A DICKHEAD 872 00:35:06,205 --> 00:35:07,206 FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT. 873 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:08,640 - BOYS. BOYS. 874 00:35:08,674 --> 00:35:11,877 WE STILL SQUABBLING OVER THE SILLY STATUE? 875 00:35:11,910 --> 00:35:14,713 GOD, SHE MUST HAVE BEEN TO DR. BEAMER. 876 00:35:14,746 --> 00:35:17,383 - AH, YOU SEE? EMMETT AGREES. IT'S AN ABOMINATION. 877 00:35:17,416 --> 00:35:19,351 - I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 878 00:35:19,385 --> 00:35:20,419 ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY 879 00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:23,255 IT'S NOT WORTH DESTROYING YOUR FRIENDSHIP OVER. 880 00:35:33,799 --> 00:35:35,634 - NO, NO, DEBBIE, I DO MY OWN HAIR. 881 00:35:35,667 --> 00:35:37,636 - I CAN TELL. - [laughs] 882 00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:39,505 - YOU NEED MORE BELLA DONNA. 883 00:35:39,538 --> 00:35:40,906 LESS BITCHY BUTCHY. COME ON. 884 00:35:40,939 --> 00:35:41,907 - NEXT THING, YOU'LL HAVE ME WEARING 885 00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:43,509 A POINTY BRA AND LIPLINER. 886 00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:44,510 - HOW COULD YOU GUESS, SWEETHEART? 887 00:35:44,543 --> 00:35:46,378 [laughter] 888 00:35:46,412 --> 00:35:47,813 - OH, HEY, BRIAN! BRIAN! 889 00:35:47,846 --> 00:35:49,215 - BRIAN. 890 00:35:49,248 --> 00:35:50,649 - I'M THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE SCREAMING. 891 00:35:50,682 --> 00:35:52,251 - AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE OFF SOMEWHERE 892 00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:54,786 STICKING YOUR PINA IN SOME COLADA? 893 00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:57,223 - I NEED A FEW MINUTES WITH THE BRIDES. 894 00:35:57,256 --> 00:35:59,425 ALONE. 895 00:35:59,458 --> 00:36:01,227 - YOU MAKE IT FAST, HUH? 896 00:36:01,260 --> 00:36:03,695 I GOTTA GET 'EM DRESSED. 897 00:36:03,729 --> 00:36:06,798 - I HEAR YOU'RE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS. 898 00:36:06,832 --> 00:36:08,434 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT LYING ASSHOLE TOLD YOU THAT, 899 00:36:08,467 --> 00:36:10,236 BUT I SUPPOSE A MAN IN MY POSITION 900 00:36:10,269 --> 00:36:12,271 HAS TO ENDURE SUCH ATTACKS AGAINST HIS CHARACTER. 901 00:36:12,304 --> 00:36:14,306 HERE. - [laughs] OH, MY GOSH. 902 00:36:15,607 --> 00:36:18,944 OH, MY GOD, BRIAN. - OH. 903 00:36:18,977 --> 00:36:21,713 THEY'RE EXACTLY LIKE THE ONES OUR JEWELERS LOST. 904 00:36:21,747 --> 00:36:25,584 - [laughs] COMPLETE WITH THE INSCRIPTION. 905 00:36:25,617 --> 00:36:28,587 - HEY, DON'T GET MOIST. 906 00:36:33,459 --> 00:36:36,662 - I'M GONNA CALL THE SITTER 907 00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:38,297 AND MAKE SURE GUS IS ALL RIGHT. 908 00:36:38,330 --> 00:36:41,333 OKAY. 909 00:36:41,367 --> 00:36:43,702 - I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GUYS PULLED ALL THIS TOGETHER 910 00:36:43,735 --> 00:36:46,438 AT THE LAST MINUTE. 911 00:36:46,472 --> 00:36:48,540 SO ARE YOU PACKED? 912 00:36:48,574 --> 00:36:51,843 - TOOTHPASTE AND UNDIES. 913 00:36:51,877 --> 00:36:52,944 - EXCITED? 914 00:36:52,978 --> 00:36:55,281 - MY PECKER'S ALL A-TWITTER. 915 00:36:55,314 --> 00:36:57,783 - [laughs] 916 00:36:59,585 --> 00:37:04,823 CAN YOU HELP ME BUTTON THIS UP HERE? 917 00:37:04,856 --> 00:37:06,958 - OH, YEAH. 918 00:37:06,992 --> 00:37:08,560 - ISN'T IT AMAZING? 919 00:37:08,594 --> 00:37:11,430 DEBBIE JUST WHIPPED IT UP 920 00:37:11,463 --> 00:37:13,732 WITH THE HELP OF SOME MICE AND BLUEBIRDS. 921 00:37:13,765 --> 00:37:17,469 - OH, YEAH. WELL, I'M SORRY I WON'T BE THERE TO SEE YOU 922 00:37:17,503 --> 00:37:19,871 GLIDE DOWN THE AISLE. 923 00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:22,308 - NO, YOU'RE NOT. 924 00:37:22,341 --> 00:37:25,477 I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A FABULOUS TIME. 925 00:37:25,511 --> 00:37:29,615 HEY, WE'LL BOTH BE IN WHITE. - YEAH. 926 00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:31,950 - JUST BE CAREFUL. 927 00:37:38,924 --> 00:37:41,360 - LINDSAY. 928 00:37:41,393 --> 00:37:43,895 IT'S YOUR WEDDING PRESENT. 929 00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:47,766 ALL-EXPENSE PAID TRIP FOR TWO TO MIAMI. 930 00:37:47,799 --> 00:37:50,769 I TRADED IT IN FOR A LATER FLIGHT. 931 00:37:50,802 --> 00:37:53,004 HAVE A HONEYMOON. I'LL TAKE CARE OF GUS. 932 00:37:53,038 --> 00:37:54,906 - BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE. 933 00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:57,776 YOU SAID YOURSELF YOU'D GET DRUNK, 934 00:37:57,809 --> 00:37:59,645 MAKE A SCENE, PASS OUT NUDE. 935 00:37:59,678 --> 00:38:01,547 - WILL YOU JUST TAKE THE FUCKING TICKETS? 936 00:38:01,580 --> 00:38:03,949 - NO! 937 00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:06,518 I WANT YOU TO GO. 938 00:38:06,552 --> 00:38:08,887 IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT FOR YOU TO STAY. 939 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:12,424 BRIAN KINNEY SACRIFICING FOR OTHERS, 940 00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:17,028 TRAPPED IN A HIDEOUS DISPLAY OF SENTIMENTALITY. 941 00:38:17,062 --> 00:38:19,765 I'D LOSE ALL FAITH, ALL HOPE. 942 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:22,901 WHAT KIND OF GIFT IS THAT? 943 00:38:22,934 --> 00:38:27,673 I WANT YOU TO FUCK LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL GUYS. 944 00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:31,977 NO APOLOGIES. 945 00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:35,347 NO REGRETS. 946 00:38:36,715 --> 00:38:40,686 IT'S THE BEST GIFT YOU COULD GIVE ME, 947 00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,854 KNOWING YOU'RE HAPPY. 948 00:39:05,444 --> 00:39:08,013 I LOVE YOU TOO, BRIAN. 949 00:39:09,781 --> 00:39:12,718 - THIS MARRIAGE STUFF IS KIND OF COOL. 950 00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:16,555 IN FACT, I WAS THINKING MAYBE SOMEDAY-- 951 00:39:16,588 --> 00:39:17,889 - WHAT, YOU AND I? 952 00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:19,891 - YEAH, STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. 953 00:39:19,925 --> 00:39:21,427 - NOT REALLY. 954 00:39:21,460 --> 00:39:23,862 WHAT YOU NEED IS A GOOD FUCKING ON THE BEACH. 955 00:39:23,895 --> 00:39:25,631 - HEY, 956 00:39:25,664 --> 00:39:27,566 I CAN'T GO. 957 00:39:27,599 --> 00:39:30,135 - YOU FORGOT YOUR BAIN DE SOLEIL. 958 00:39:30,168 --> 00:39:32,738 - I WANT TO GO TO THE WEDDING. 959 00:39:32,771 --> 00:39:35,441 - FOR LINDSAY AND MELANIE? 960 00:39:35,474 --> 00:39:36,608 - FOR ME. 961 00:39:36,642 --> 00:39:38,444 I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT. 962 00:39:38,477 --> 00:39:41,747 I WANT TO SEE THEIR FACES WHEN THEY SAY "I DO," 963 00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:44,483 GIVE EMMETT KLEENEX, CONSOLE DEBBIE. 964 00:39:44,516 --> 00:39:47,919 YOU KNOW SHE'S GOING TO BE A MESS. 965 00:39:47,953 --> 00:39:51,457 - SO YOU'RE STANDING ME UP TO SEE TWO DYKES TIE THE KNOT? 966 00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:55,894 - YEAH. I GUESS I AM. 967 00:39:55,927 --> 00:39:58,630 YOU ANGRY? 968 00:39:58,664 --> 00:40:03,168 - I THINK YOU'RE A SELFISH, HEARTLESS ASSHOLE. 969 00:40:03,201 --> 00:40:06,738 KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. 970 00:40:06,772 --> 00:40:09,741 [romantic music] 971 00:40:09,775 --> 00:40:17,683 * 972 00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:47,679 - FRIENDS, FAMILY, 973 00:40:47,713 --> 00:40:52,684 WELCOME TO THE CELEBRATION OF THE LOVING, LIFETIME COMMITMENT 974 00:40:52,718 --> 00:40:54,686 OF MELANIE AND LINDSAY. 975 00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,222 THEY'VE ASKED ME TO THANK YOU FOR BEARING WITNESS 976 00:40:57,255 --> 00:40:58,857 TO TODAY'S CEREMONY 977 00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,959 AND TO JOIN THEM IN RECOGNIZING IT 978 00:41:00,992 --> 00:41:03,829 AS A TRUE AND BINDING EXPRESSION 979 00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:06,698 OF THEIR DEVOTION TO ONE ANOTHER. 980 00:41:06,732 --> 00:41:10,836 MELANIE. 981 00:41:10,869 --> 00:41:11,937 - HONEY... 982 00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:13,104 [clears throat] 983 00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:17,242 I WASN'T SURE WE'D MAKE IT HERE TODAY. 984 00:41:17,275 --> 00:41:19,711 BUT THANKS TO OUR FRIENDS-- 985 00:41:19,745 --> 00:41:25,684 OR I SHOULD SAY, OUR FAMILY, 986 00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:28,253 NOT EVEN THE STARS OR THE PLANETS COULD KEEP US 987 00:41:28,286 --> 00:41:33,258 FROM EXCHANGING OUR VOWS. 988 00:41:33,291 --> 00:41:36,762 I LOVE YOU, LINDSAY PETERSON. 989 00:41:36,795 --> 00:41:38,764 I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU, 990 00:41:38,797 --> 00:41:43,001 I WILL PROTECT YOU. 991 00:41:43,034 --> 00:41:48,907 YOU ARE MY BESHERT. 992 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:51,743 - LINDSAY. 993 00:41:51,777 --> 00:41:53,745 - MELANIE, 994 00:41:53,779 --> 00:41:56,748 WITH SO MUCH LOVE AND SUPPORT AROUND US, 995 00:41:56,782 --> 00:42:00,886 I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO OBSTACLE, 996 00:42:00,919 --> 00:42:04,623 NO PROBLEM WE CAN'T OVERCOME. 997 00:42:04,656 --> 00:42:06,758 TOGETHER 998 00:42:06,792 --> 00:42:09,795 IN FRIENDSHIP AND IN LOVE. 999 00:42:09,828 --> 00:42:13,932 OUR HEARTS WILL BE ETERNALLY UNITED. 1000 00:42:15,967 --> 00:42:19,571 I LOVE YOU, MELANIE MARCUS. 1001 00:42:19,605 --> 00:42:22,741 - MAY I HAVE THE RINGS? 1002 00:42:34,686 --> 00:42:37,322 - HMM. 1003 00:42:37,355 --> 00:42:39,991 - MELANIE, 1004 00:42:40,025 --> 00:42:44,696 DO YOU TAKE LINDSAY TO BE YOUR WIFE? 1005 00:42:48,834 --> 00:42:51,603 - I DO. 1006 00:42:51,637 --> 00:42:55,106 LINDSAY, DO YOU TAKE MELANIE TO BE YOUR WIFE? 1007 00:43:00,245 --> 00:43:03,181 - I DO. 1008 00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:05,684 - BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME, 1009 00:43:05,717 --> 00:43:09,387 BY THE LOVE AND FAITH OF THOSE ASSEMBLED, 1010 00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:15,627 I DECLARE TO THE WORLD THAT YOU ARE MARRIED IN OUR EYES. 1011 00:43:15,661 --> 00:43:18,396 YOU CAN SEAL THIS WITH A LITTLE SUCK-FACE. 1012 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:21,867 [laughter] 1013 00:43:26,404 --> 00:43:30,175 - * ALL THE SORROWS 1014 00:43:30,208 --> 00:43:33,244 * WE CAN NAME 1015 00:43:33,278 --> 00:43:37,382 * ARE FAR AWAY AND HIDING NOW * 1016 00:43:37,415 --> 00:43:39,785 * I KNOW 1017 00:43:39,818 --> 00:43:43,989 * I KNOW IT'S POSSIBLE 1018 00:43:44,022 --> 00:43:48,727 * LOVE CAN WIN AND WE ARE ONE * 1019 00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,996 * AND NEVER FORGET 1020 00:43:51,029 --> 00:43:55,300 * THIS IS WHAT WE SHARE 1021 00:43:57,068 --> 00:44:01,172 * LOVE IS POSSIBLE 1022 00:44:01,206 --> 00:44:03,875 - WHAT WAS I THINKING, BUYING THEM THAT AWFUL STATUE? 1023 00:44:03,909 --> 00:44:05,176 - NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. 1024 00:44:05,210 --> 00:44:06,244 IT--IT--I WAS WRONG. 1025 00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:09,014 IT WAS THE PERFECT GIFT. - IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT. 1026 00:44:09,047 --> 00:44:10,248 - NO, IT'S A WORK OF ART. 1027 00:44:10,281 --> 00:44:13,685 - WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO WITH AN AFRICAN LOVE GODDESS? 1028 00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,187 - THEY'LL LOOK AT IT AND SAY, 1029 00:44:16,221 --> 00:44:19,057 "OUR FRIENDS MICHAEL AND TED 1030 00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:24,295 GAVE THIS TO US BECAUSE THEY LOVE US." 1031 00:44:24,329 --> 00:44:25,931 - AND THEN THEY'LL STICK IT IN THE GARAGE. 1032 00:44:25,964 --> 00:44:30,769 - [laughs] AND THEY'LL STICK IT IN THE GARAGE. 1033 00:44:30,802 --> 00:44:32,037 - COME ON. 1034 00:44:32,070 --> 00:44:36,474 [cheers and applause] 1035 00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:38,443 [both giggle] 1036 00:44:38,476 --> 00:44:41,179 - THIS IS DELICIOUS. 1037 00:44:41,212 --> 00:44:44,215 - MY HAZELNUT BUTTERCREAM IS A HIT. 1038 00:44:44,249 --> 00:44:46,251 - I NEVER HAD A DOUBT. 1039 00:44:46,284 --> 00:44:47,485 - WELL, FOR A WHILE THERE, I WASN'T SURE 1040 00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:49,921 I STILL HAD THE INGREDIENTS. 1041 00:44:49,955 --> 00:44:52,057 - IF YOU EVER NEED YOUR PANTRY RESTOCKED, 1042 00:44:52,090 --> 00:44:54,259 JUST HOLLER. [glasses clink] 1043 00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:55,861 - ATTENTION! 1044 00:44:55,894 --> 00:44:57,495 ATTENTION, EVERYONE. 1045 00:44:57,528 --> 00:45:01,266 AS HONORARY MISTRESS OF CEREMONIES, 1046 00:45:01,299 --> 00:45:06,004 IT IS MY PLEASURE TO ANNOUNCE THE THROWING OF THE BOUQUET. 1047 00:45:06,037 --> 00:45:07,238 YOU KNOW THE DRILL. 1048 00:45:07,272 --> 00:45:09,340 YOU CATCH IT, YOU'RE NEXT. 1049 00:45:09,374 --> 00:45:12,878 [excited chatter] 1050 00:45:12,911 --> 00:45:15,881 - BACK OF THE ROOM, KID. - [giggles] 1051 00:45:15,914 --> 00:45:16,882 - NO! NO! 1052 00:45:16,915 --> 00:45:20,018 - GET IN THERE, COME ON, MIKEY. 1053 00:45:20,051 --> 00:45:21,286 - READY? 1054 00:45:21,319 --> 00:45:23,021 [drum roll] 1055 00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:24,422 - READY! 1056 00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:28,393 [cheering] 1057 00:45:29,928 --> 00:45:32,898 [Celeda's Let the Music Use You Up] 1058 00:45:32,931 --> 00:45:40,906 * 1059 00:45:49,881 --> 00:45:52,283 [fireworks whistling] 1060 00:45:52,317 --> 00:46:00,291 * 1061 00:46:04,295 --> 00:46:06,865 - * LET THE MUSIC LET THE MUSIC * 1062 00:46:06,898 --> 00:46:08,867 * LET THE MUSIC LET THE MUSIC * 1063 00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:11,002 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1064 00:46:11,036 --> 00:46:12,403 * USE YOU UP 1065 00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:14,405 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1066 00:46:14,439 --> 00:46:16,141 * USE YOU UP 1067 00:46:16,174 --> 00:46:18,343 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1068 00:46:18,376 --> 00:46:20,045 * USE YOU UP 1069 00:46:20,078 --> 00:46:21,813 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1070 00:46:21,847 --> 00:46:23,548 * USE YOU UP 1071 00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:25,550 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1072 00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:27,285 * USE YOU UP 1073 00:46:27,318 --> 00:46:29,420 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1074 00:46:29,454 --> 00:46:31,056 * USE YOU UP 1075 00:46:31,089 --> 00:46:33,158 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1076 00:46:33,191 --> 00:46:36,561 * HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY 1077 00:46:36,594 --> 00:46:39,030 * OH 1078 00:46:39,064 --> 00:46:40,465 * 1079 00:46:40,498 --> 00:46:44,335 * USE YOU UP 1080 00:46:44,369 --> 00:46:48,073 * USE YOU UP 1081 00:46:48,106 --> 00:46:51,910 * USE YOU UP 1082 00:46:51,943 --> 00:46:53,311 * USE YOU UP 1083 00:46:53,344 --> 00:46:57,082 * YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO 1084 00:46:57,115 --> 00:47:00,518 * THIS DANCE IS FOR YOU 1085 00:47:00,551 --> 00:47:04,455 * LET'S TAKE IT 1086 00:47:04,489 --> 00:47:07,993 * 'CAUSE IT'S ALL UP TO YOU 1087 00:47:08,026 --> 00:47:11,329 * LET THE MUSIC POUND AND POUND * 1088 00:47:11,362 --> 00:47:15,133 * TELL THE RHYTHM TO PULL YOU DOWN * 1089 00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:19,070 * ON THE FLOOR 1090 00:47:19,104 --> 00:47:22,540 * ON THE FLOOR 1091 00:47:22,573 --> 00:47:25,010 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1092 00:47:25,043 --> 00:47:30,248 * LET IT USE YOU 1093 00:47:30,281 --> 00:47:32,350 * LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP 1094 00:47:32,383 --> 00:47:35,553 * HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY 1095 00:47:35,586 --> 00:47:37,488 * OH 1096 00:47:37,522 --> 00:47:41,226 * LET THE MUSIC POUND AND POUND * 1097 00:47:41,259 --> 00:47:45,096 * TELL THE RHYTHM TO PULL YOU DOWN * 1098 00:47:45,130 --> 00:47:48,499 * ON THE FLOOR 1099 00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:51,502 * ON THE FLOOR 1100 00:47:51,536 --> 00:47:54,172 * 1101 00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:56,441 * ON THE FLOOR 1102 00:47:56,474 --> 00:47:59,544 * HEY 1103 00:47:59,577 --> 00:48:01,446 * 1104 00:48:01,479 --> 00:48:05,283 * ON THE FLOOR 75878

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