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1
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,179
- * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR
2
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,047
* ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX *
3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,282
* SHAKE IT, DUDE
4
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:22,290
*
5
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,663
* ONE, TWO, DO IT
6
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:32,133
*
7
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,467
* ONE, TWO, THREE
8
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,236
- * FOUR, FOUR
9
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:38,339
*
10
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:41,742
[cheers and applause]
11
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,745
[Voodoo Princess]
12
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:49,217
- * WILD PARTIES,
HEADS ARE SWIRLING *
13
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:52,586
* GOTTA BE THE HOTTEST PLACE
AROUND *
14
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:56,224
* LEGS ARE JUMPING
HIPS ARE ROLLING *
15
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:59,260
* BEAUTIFUL BODIES
BOUNCING UP AND DOWN *
16
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:02,563
* HOT SAPPHIC
SO GRAPHIC *
17
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:06,234
* DANCE WITH FIRE
LIKE AN ISLAND GIRL *
18
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:09,770
* HOT SAPPHIC
SO GRAPHIC *
19
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,606
* DRINK FROM THE FOUNTAIN
AND GIVE IT A TWIRL *
20
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:13,674
- HAVING FUN?
21
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,409
- OH, IT'S AMAZING.
IT'S--
22
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,678
- I DIDN'T REALIZE STAGETTE
PARTIES WERE THIS WILD.
23
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,280
- IT'S THE WARM-UP
FOR YOUR HONEYMOON.
24
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,183
NOW COME ON,
FOLLOW THE LEDA.
25
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,152
THIS WAY.
- OH.
26
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:27,421
[cheering]
27
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:31,292
* WHEN SHE ROCKS
TUMULTUOUS *
28
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,660
* WHEN SHE MOVES
29
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,562
- [laughs]
- IS THIS THE HAPPY COUPLE?
30
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,430
- SICKENING, ISN'T IT?
31
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,499
THEY WANT THEIR FORTUNE TOLD.
32
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:41,669
- PLEASE, I AM NOT A GYPSY...
ROSE LOUISE.
33
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,837
I AM A TRAINED TAROTITIAN.
34
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:46,340
- [chuckles]
35
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,709
- NOW, SHALL WE SEE
WHAT THE CARDS HAVE IN STORE?
36
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,344
- OH.
- OH.
37
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,681
- UH-HUH.
38
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,349
WHEN IS THE SPECIAL DAY?
39
00:01:55,383 --> 00:01:57,485
- THIS SATURDAY.
40
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:58,586
- UH-OH.
41
00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,753
- WHAT?
- WHAT?
42
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,389
- I'M SORRY, GIRLS,
43
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:03,857
BUT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY
GET MARRIED THIS SATURDAY.
44
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:05,759
DIDN'T YOU KNOW?
45
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,795
MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE,
46
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:11,365
A TIME OF EXTREME IMBALANCE
IN THE UNIVERSE,
47
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,467
UPHEAVAL, MISCOMMUNICATION,
48
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,435
AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS,
49
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,471
RESULTING IN SERIOUS DISCORD
FOR EVERYONE.
50
00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:18,906
- UH--
51
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:21,242
YEAH, BUT IS IT GOING
TO RAIN?
52
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,042
- [sighs]
53
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,412
SIGNING CONTRACTS,
MAKING PACTS,
54
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,381
TAKING VOWS--
NO. NO. NOT NOW.
55
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,850
IT'LL BE A TOTAL DISASTER.
A CATASTROPHE.
56
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,886
BUT ON A POSITIVE NOTE,
57
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,356
YOU'LL REDECORATE
YOUR DINING ROOM AROUND JUNE
58
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,924
IN AQUA AND MAROON.
59
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:40,728
AND IT WILL BE STUNNING.
60
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:43,331
- AW.
61
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:47,901
[pinball machine rings]
62
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,537
- AH.
63
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,240
SO WHAT DO YOU GET TWO DYKES
WHO HAVE EVERYTHING?
64
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,907
- DYKES DON'T HAVE EVERYTHING.
65
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,310
THAT'S WHY
THEY'RE SO MISERABLE.
66
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,779
- WELL, UNFORTUNATELY,
MATCHING PENIS TRANSPLANTS
67
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:02,283
ARE A LITTLE PRICY FOR
A POOR SHOPKEEPER LIKE MYSELF.
68
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,851
- SILVER-PLATED DENTAL DAMS?
69
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,754
- OOH, A SPECIALLY ENGRAVED
DOUBLE-HEADED DILDO?
70
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,222
- HOW ABOUT STEMWARE?
71
00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:11,292
- HONEY, DILDOS ARE STEMWARE.
[all chuckling]
72
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,593
- A WATER BUFFALO.
73
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,262
- WHAT?
74
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,929
- LESBIANS ARE
INTO ENDANGERED SPECIES.
75
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,499
- YEAH, UNFORTUNATELY
THEY AREN'T ONE OF THEM.
76
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,967
- OH, YOU GUYS ARE BRUTAL.
77
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,303
- WE NEED TO GET THEM SOMETHING
THAT SHOWS WE CARE,
78
00:03:22,336 --> 00:03:23,437
SOMETHING SPECIAL.
79
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,705
- WELL, I'D GO SHOPPING
WITH YOU,
80
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,640
BUT, UH,
I'M ACTUALLY PICKING OUT
81
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:29,577
A VERY SPECIAL GIFT
FOR MYSELF.
82
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,711
YES, BOYS.
83
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,313
I HAVE FINALLY SAVED UP
ENOUGH CASH
84
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,315
WHACKING AWAY
ON TEDDY'S HOUSE OF PORN,
85
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,717
TO BUY ME THAT BRAND-NEW ASS
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.
86
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,019
- YOU'RE REALLY GETTING
PLASTIC SURGERY?
87
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,422
- THE LANDSCAPE IS LITTERED
WITH SLAVES TO BEAUTY
88
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:42,956
WHO HAVE NOSES
THAT ARE TOO SMALL,
89
00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:44,592
TITS THAT ARE TOO BIG.
90
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,560
YOU COULD END UP
THE NEXT COSMETIC CASUALTY.
91
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,462
- IT'S TRUE.
WHAT IF THEY MAKE A MISTAKE?
92
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,698
- LIKE ACCIDENTALLY SEWING UP
YOUR ASSHOLE?
93
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,500
- WELL, YOU'LL JUST HAVE
TO CHEW ME A NEW ONE.
94
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,967
YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT.
95
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:57,538
- AT LEAST WAIT A WEEK UNTIL
MERCURY'S OUT OF RETROGRADE.
96
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,807
- BOY, YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE
IN THAT SHIT?
97
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,376
- THERE IS EVIDENCE THAT
UPHEAVALS IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM
98
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,345
CAN CAUSE DISTURBANCES
HERE ON EARTH.
99
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,746
- BLAMING THE PLANETS
FOR YOUR FUCK-UPS
100
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:09,717
IS JUST AN EXCUSE
NOT TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY.
101
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:12,019
[overlapping chatter]
102
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,354
- GENTLEMEN!
103
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,323
IT'S TIME TO PICK THE WINNER
104
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:18,392
OF THE LIBERTY AVENUE AIDS
HOSPICE CHARITY RAFFLE.
105
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:19,827
[cheers and applause]
106
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,929
NOW SOMEBODY'S GOING ON
AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID TRIP FOR TWO
107
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:25,666
TO THIS WEEKEND'S
WHITE PARTY IN MIAMI.
108
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,067
CAN I GET A DRUM ROLL PLEASE?
109
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,838
[all tapping]
110
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:37,845
AND THE LUCKIEST PRICK
IN PITTSBURGH IS...
111
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,680
BRIAN KINNEY.
112
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:43,517
[cheers and applause]
113
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:44,718
- YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.
114
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,420
THE PLANETS DON'T SEEM TO BE
FUCKING WITH ME.
115
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,321
[mockingly laughs]
116
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:49,357
- OH, YEAH?
HOW DO YOU PLAN TO GO AWAY
117
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,024
AND STILL BE AT
MELANIE AND LINDSAY'S WEDDING?
118
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,926
[mocking laugh]
119
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,929
[cheers and applause]
120
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,935
- OH, NO.
121
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,371
- VIC?
122
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,839
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- YOU OKAY, UNCLE VIC?
123
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:09,510
- SEE FOR YOURSELF.
124
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,612
- THEY'RE REEVALUATING
YOUR DISABILITY?
125
00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,614
- AND IF THEY TAKE IT AWAY,
THERE GOES MY SHARE
126
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,882
OF OUR MONTHLY INCOME.
127
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:16,784
- WELL, GOD DAMN IT!
128
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,652
WHAT KIND OF
FUCKED UP UNIVERSE
129
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:21,889
WOULD SNATCH MY BROTHER
FROM THE JAWS OF DEATH
130
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,124
ONLY TO SLOWLY STARVE
BOTH OF US
131
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,793
OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME?
132
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,628
- BEN SAYS IT'S GOT TO DO
WITH MERCURY.
133
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:28,696
- OH, DOES HE?
134
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,399
- LOOK, DON'T PANIC.
I CAN HELP OUT.
135
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,800
- NO.
136
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,001
MICHAEL, THIS IS A SIGN.
137
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,869
IF I LOSE MY BENEFITS, THEN...
138
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:38,038
I'LL JUST HAVE
TO GET BACK TO WORK.
139
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,773
- ARE YOU SURE?
140
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:42,476
- ONCE UPON A TIME,
I WAS A PRETTY DECENT CHEF.
141
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,378
- DECENT?
HAH.
142
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,779
DECENT?
143
00:05:45,813 --> 00:05:47,748
HE WAS ANOTHER SARA LEE.
144
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,450
- I'LL TAKE THAT
AS THE COMPLIMENT
145
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,520
THAT I'M SURE WAS INTENDED.
146
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,622
THE TRICK WILL BE FINDING
SOMEBODY WILLING TO HIRE ME.
147
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,490
- WELL, THERE'S
NO SHORTAGE OF RESTAURANTS.
148
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,826
- THERE'S ALSO
NO SHORTAGE OF CHEFS.
149
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,861
I'M RUSTY AS AN OLD SKILLET.
150
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,464
AND WHEN THEY FIND OUT
WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING,
151
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,899
THEIR SOUFFLES WILL DROP.
152
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:07,968
- WOULD YOU STOP TALKING
YOURSELF OUT OF A JOB
153
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:12,906
BEFORE YOU EVEN GET ONE?
154
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,809
WHAT IF I GOT YOU
A SHIFT AT THE DINER?
155
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,145
WE COULD WORK TOGETHER.
156
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,048
- [chuckles]
157
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,616
- COME ON.
158
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:24,885
IN SELECTING
YOUR IDEAL DERRIERE,
159
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,488
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT
YOU BE HAPPY WITH YOUR CHOICE,
160
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,156
SINCE IT'LL BE FOLLOWING
YOU AROUND
161
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:30,123
FOR A LONG, LONG TIME.
162
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:31,124
- RIGHT.
163
00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:32,926
- OUR CATALOG WILL HELP.
164
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,595
- THANKS.
165
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:36,096
[phone rings]
[exhales]
166
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,932
WOW.
SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM.
167
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,469
PEAR SHAPE, MELON SHAPE.
168
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:45,673
EACH WITH
ITS OWN UNIQUE PERSONALITY.
169
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,674
GOD.
170
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,075
HOW AM I EVER GOING
TO DECIDE?
171
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,812
- WELL, SOMETIMES IT HELPS
TO SEE THEM IN THE FLESH.
172
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,814
MY STAFF HAVE
ALL HAD WORK DONE,
173
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:54,948
AND THEY'D BE MORE
THAN WILLING TO SHOW YOU
174
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,584
OUR MOST POPULAR MODELS.
175
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:57,985
- SOMEBODY LOVES HIS JOB.
176
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,019
[chuckles]
177
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,721
- WHEN YOU WORK IN A BAKERY,
178
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,089
IT'S HARD TO RESIST THE BUNS.
179
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,524
[intercom beeps]
180
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,926
GERALD?
TELL THE BOYS TO COME IN.
181
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,728
- [over intercom]
YES, DOCTOR.
182
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:10,731
[military marching band music]
183
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,566
*
184
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,801
- OH.
185
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:18,105
*
186
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:21,975
- MR. HONEYCUTT'S HAVING
DIFFICULTY MAKING UP HIS MIND.
187
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,483
- WOW, THEY'RE ALL SO BEAUTIFUL.
188
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,852
- I DID THEM ALL MYSELF.
189
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,654
I ALSO DID THEIR ASSES.
190
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:34,855
- OH.
[both laughing]
191
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,256
- SO TAKE A GOOD, CLOSE LOOK.
192
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,158
FEEL FREE TO TOUCH.
193
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:41,829
FIRMNESS AND FLEXIBILITY
ARE KEY FACTORS.
194
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,764
- DOUBLE BUBBLE.
- MM-HMM.
195
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,166
- GOOD SKIN TONE.
196
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,635
REALLY, UH,
197
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,603
REALLY GIVES A BOY
SOMETHING TO...
198
00:07:49,637 --> 00:07:52,506
HOLD ON TO.
199
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,274
OH. [laughs]
DIMPLES.
200
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,276
ALL THE RAGE THIS YEAR.
201
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,746
LOOKS LIKE
LITTLE TWIN PUDDINGS
202
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,848
JUST BEGGING TO BE TASTED.
203
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,784
OH, HELLO, GORGEOUS.
204
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,953
WHOO! LOOK AT THAT.
205
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,921
IT'S A GREAT GIVE, YOU KNOW?
206
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,790
YOU COULD STRETCH IT OUT,
207
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,291
AND IT'D STILL HOLD ITS SHAPE.
208
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,726
[laughter]
209
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:16,597
GOD, THEY'RE ALL SO TEMPTING,
DR. BEAMER.
210
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,132
BUT HOW DO I KNOW
WHAT'LL LOOK GOOD ON ME?
211
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,101
- I CAN SHOW YOU ON
MY DIGITAL IMAGING SYSTEM.
212
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:22,803
OR IF YOU PREFER,
213
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,871
WE CAN DO A CUSTOM DESIGN.
214
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,606
OF COURSE,
THAT WOULD BE EXTRA.
215
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,140
- WELL, NOW IS DEFINITELY
NOT THE TIME
216
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,742
TO SIT ON ONE'S WALLET.
217
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,744
LET'S DO IT.
- GOOD.
218
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,280
- WE FAXED THOSE ORDERS
WEEKS AGO.
219
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,116
NO.
WEEKS AGO.
220
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:37,585
[sighs]
221
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,886
MANY DAYS AGO.
222
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,721
LOOK, IS THERE SOMEBODY THERE
WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH
223
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:41,722
AS A FIRST LANGUAGE?
224
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:42,723
- PARDON?
225
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,158
- OH.
LINDSAY!
226
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:48,195
OH, GOD. GUS JUST ATE
THE SEATING PLAN.
227
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,763
- WE DO NOT HAVE THE ORDER.
228
00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:51,599
- SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO SERVE
229
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:54,735
MY 24 NO DAIRY, NO YEAST,
NO WHEAT KOSHER VEGANS?
230
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,069
- MADAME...
- OH--
231
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,971
- [hyperventilating]
232
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:58,972
- OH.
[phone beeps]
233
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:02,209
[groans]
SWEETHEART, OH MY GOD.
234
00:09:02,242 --> 00:09:04,878
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
235
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:08,816
- HAVE...A PANIC...
236
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:09,817
ATTACK.
237
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,719
- OH, MY GOD!
238
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,787
- BLOATING. I--
239
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,856
LOOK. I CAN'T EVEN...
240
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,257
PUT ON MY SHOE.
241
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,026
[hyperventilating]
242
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,661
- IT'S--IT'S JUST
A LITTLE ANXIETY-RELATED
243
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:21,662
WATER RETENTION.
244
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,096
IT'S--
- [crying]
245
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:28,101
I'M AS BIG AS LAKE MICHIGAN.
- NO, NO, NO, NO.
246
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,770
- [rapid panting]
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
247
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:35,643
HERE. BREATHE INTO THIS.
THERE WE GO, THERE WE GO.
248
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,778
THERE WE GO.
OKAY. LIE DOWN.
249
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,179
PUT YOUR FEET UP.
250
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,347
THAT'S IT.
251
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:43,050
- [rapid panting]
252
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,986
I AM NOT GOING TO GET
INTO MY DRESS.
253
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:46,887
- YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT WE AGREED,
254
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,656
NO WEIRD LESBO SEX
IN FRONT OF THE KID.
255
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,323
both: FUCK OFF, BRIAN!
256
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:51,792
- FINE. I JUST DROPPED
BY TO LET YOU KNOW
257
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:52,926
I'M NOT GOING TO BE
AT THE WEDDING.
258
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,828
- FUCK!
- I'M GOING TO THE WHITE PARTY
259
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:55,963
IN MIAMI INSTEAD.
LATER.
260
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,765
- YOU CAN'T DITCH
MY SPECIAL DAY!
261
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,667
- YOU SELFISH PRICK.
262
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,769
- AS USUAL,
OBJECTIVITY FALLS TO ME.
263
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:02,636
THINK.
264
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,772
YOU DON'T REALLY
WANT ME THERE, DO YOU?
265
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:07,340
I'D HAVE TO BE CHEMICALLY
DEPENDENT JUST TO SHOW UP.
266
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,142
I'LL BE DRUNK, I'LL BE BORED,
267
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,712
NOT TO MENTION BETTER-LOOKING
THAN THE BRIDES.
268
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:14,748
I'LL OFFEND ALL THE DYKES,
I'LL HECKLE THE CEREMONY,
269
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,049
TABLE-DANCE AT THE RECEPTION,
270
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,018
AND INEVITABLY FUCK
EVERY GOOD-LOOKING GUY,
271
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,120
GAY, STRAIGHT, OR UNDECIDED
IN THE PLACE.
272
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:24,257
FINALLY, I'LL PASS OUT NAKED,
BITCHING ABOUT THE CHEAP BOOZE.
273
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,026
YOU'LL LOSE YOUR DIGNITY,
YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOUR SHIRTS
274
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,327
PAYING FOR THE DAMAGES.
275
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,262
HELL, I'M DOING YOU
A FAVOR
276
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:32,065
GETTING OUT OF TOWN.
277
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,369
both: HAVE A SAFE TRIP.
[Gus babbles]
278
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,442
- [sighs]
279
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,878
I CAN'T GO ON.
280
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,346
WE'VE WALKED, HOW FAR?
281
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:49,149
100 BLOCKS
IN, WHAT, 100 HOURS?
282
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:51,284
- TRY TWO BLOCKS IN
ABOUT 11 MINUTES.
283
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,419
- OH.
284
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,055
SEEMS A LOT LONGER WHEN
YOU'RE SHOPPING FOR LESBIANS.
285
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,791
- I STILL SAY A WEDDING GIFT
SHOULD BE SOMETHING ROMANTIC.
286
00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,359
YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS.
287
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,228
- LINGERIE?
288
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,330
I THOUGHT YOU SAID "ROMANTIC"?
289
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,867
YOU WANT TO GET TWO DYKES
A ROMANTIC GIFT?
290
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,268
GET THEM THIS.
291
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,137
- POWER TOOLS?
THAT'S ROMANTIC?
292
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,171
- FOR DYKES THEY ARE.
293
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,372
[laughter]
294
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:13,473
OH, AND FOR ONLY $499,
295
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,909
THESE BEAUTIES ARE A STEAL.
296
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,278
- ONLY?
I CAN BARELY AFFORD A SCREW.
297
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:22,182
- WELL, FORTUNATELY,
YOU HAVE BEN.
298
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,918
I'LL COVER IT, WE'LL JUST
SAY IT'S FROM BOTH OF US.
299
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:27,220
- I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT.
- I CAN AFFORD IT.
300
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:28,822
[cell phone chirps]
301
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:32,926
OH, SHIT.
302
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,394
SHIT.
- WHAT?
303
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,196
- I'D BETTER GET BACK
TO THE STUDIO.
304
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,799
I'VE GOT A THREE-WAY
AT HALF PAST 4:00.
305
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,801
OR IS IT A FOUR-WAY
AT HALF PAST 3:00?
306
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:43,837
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
HERE. TAKE THIS.
307
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,205
- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET,
308
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:48,776
THE POWER TOOLS OR THE LINGERIE?
- YOU DECIDE.
309
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,812
WHATEVER YOU PICK, I'M SURE
IT'LL BE THE PERFECT GIFT.
310
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,814
BYE.
311
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,426
[tribal music]
312
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:14,401
*
313
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:16,837
- HELLO, MON!
314
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,271
WELCOME.
315
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:22,175
COME TAKE A LOOK HERE.
316
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:24,277
- THESE ARE AMAZING.
WHERE ARE THEY FROM?
317
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,781
- FROM A LITTLE COUNTRY
IN AFRICA RIGHT NEXT TO CHAD.
318
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,149
IT'S CALLED CHUCK.
319
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,484
MY PEOPLE HAVE LIVED THERE
FOR CENTURIES
320
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:34,888
IN PEACE AND HARMONY,
MAKING LOVE AND ART.
321
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,057
- HMM.
322
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:41,394
- ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?
323
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:42,863
HER NAME IS HAZA-RI,
324
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:46,033
GODDESS OF LOVE AND PRIDE.
325
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,434
- HOW MUCH IS SHE?
326
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,870
- $600.
327
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,371
- I ONLY HAVE $500.
328
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,974
- THAT WOULD BE
IN $600 CHUCK DOLLARS,
329
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,508
$500 AMERICAN.
330
00:12:55,542 --> 00:13:00,080
*
331
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:03,150
- COMPETITION: WORLD CLASS.
332
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,418
WARDROBE: CRUCIAL.
333
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:11,124
MARGIN FOR ERROR: ZERO.
334
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:16,096
SO LONG, PITTSBURGH.
HELLO, MIAMI VICE.
335
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,003
- I THOUGHT YOUR
ALL-EXPENSE PAID FUCK FEST
336
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,105
WAS JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.
337
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,606
- WELL, EACH PARTY HAS
ITS OWN THEME
338
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:29,009
AND A STRICT DRESS CODE.
339
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,844
THE WHITE PARTY--
340
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:34,181
15,000 HORNY QUEERS
ALL IN WHITE.
341
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,515
- I'LL BE BUSY, TOO.
342
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,985
I HAVE A PAPER DUE
ON RENAISSANCE ART.
343
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:40,153
- THEN THERE'S
THE MUSCLE BEACH PARTY.
344
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,488
- THEN THERE'S THE LAUNDRY.
345
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,590
AND OF COURSE THE WEDDING.
346
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:46,193
- AND I MUSTN'T FORGET
THE CABANA BOY CONTEST.
347
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,461
- I HAVE TO REMEMBER
TO WRITE MY GRANDMOTHER.
348
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,063
- FUCK.
349
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,565
I'VE GOT DICK-ALL TO WEAR
TO THE WHITE DAWN BASH.
350
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,602
- WILL YOU EVEN NEED CLOTHES
BY THEN?
351
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:58,005
- NOT IF YOU'VE GOT ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
352
00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,007
- YOU'RE TAKING ME?
353
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,274
- IF YOU CAN TEAR
YOURSELF AWAY
354
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:02,209
FROM YOUR GRANNY'S LETTER.
355
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,977
- OH, THANK YOU!
356
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,612
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU!
357
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:11,084
SHIT! WHAT AM I GONNA WEAR?
358
00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,887
- * WHAT DO YOU ASK OF ME?
359
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,423
* I ASK ONLY
360
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,658
* THAT YOU DANCE
361
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:22,930
*
362
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,365
- YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
WHAT I GOT THEM.
363
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:26,433
WHAT WE GOT THEM.
- WHAT? WHAT?
364
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:28,201
WHAT IS IT?
365
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,037
- NO, YOU'LL SEE,
IT'S A SURPRISE.
366
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,072
WHAT'D YOU GET THEM?
367
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,942
- THE BEST GIFT OF ALL--
MY ABSENCE.
368
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,576
- ALL RIGHT, JUDGES.
369
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:40,380
TIME TO MAKE
YOUR FINAL DECISION.
370
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:46,053
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING
THREE CHOICES WILL IT BE?
371
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:47,154
- WELL, IF YOU CHOOSE
NUMBER ONE,
372
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,356
YOU'LL LOOK EXACTLY
LIKE, UH...
373
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,058
MICHAEL.
374
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,125
- GO WITH NUMBER TWO.
- SHH.
375
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:53,126
- YOU'LL LOOK JUST LIKE
THE REAR END
376
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,494
OF A '72 IMPALA.
377
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:57,230
- NUMBER THREE'S
PERT AND PERKY.
378
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,632
THOUGH IT MIGHT BE TOO SMALL
FOR THE REST OF YOUR FEATURES.
379
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,402
- PERHAPS I NEED
AN ARTIST'S OPINION.
380
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,939
JUSTIN, WHICH DO YOU
FIND TO BE
381
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:07,340
MOST AESTHETICALLY PLEASING?
382
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,675
- [chuckles]
383
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,344
- THIS ONE.
384
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,280
IT SUCCESSFULLY INTEGRATES
FORM AND FUNCTION
385
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,348
INTO AN ELEGANT WHOLE,
BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
386
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:16,583
IT'S IN GOOD TASTE.
387
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,685
- HE DOESN'T WANT AN ASS
WITH GOOD TASTE.
388
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:22,055
HE WANTS AN ASS
THAT TASTES GOOD.
389
00:15:22,089 --> 00:15:24,992
- THANK YOU, SWEETHEART.
390
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:27,594
WELL, BOYS,
SHALL WE DANCE?
391
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,030
- I NEED MY BEAUTY REST
FOR THE WHITE PARTY.
392
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:31,198
- NOW THAT YOU'RE OVER 30,
393
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,699
SHOULDN'T YOU BE GOING
TO THE GRAY PARTY?
394
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,034
- YOU SHOULD BE GOING
395
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,336
TO MELANIE AND LINDSAY'S
WEDDING.
396
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,639
- YOU'LL BE THERE,
YOU CAN CRY FOR BOTH OF US.
397
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,474
* DANCE
398
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:47,314
*
399
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,715
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
400
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:50,750
EVERY TIME SOMETHING BIG
HAPPENS,
401
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:53,453
MY MOVING AWAY, YOUR FUCKING
30TH BIRTHDAY PARTY,
402
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,056
YOU PULL THE ELUSIVE
BRIAN KINNEY BIT AND BAIL.
403
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,490
WHY IS THAT?
404
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,392
- YOU KNOW,
IF THAT'S A RHETORICAL QUESTION
405
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:01,061
NOT REQUIRING AN ANSWER,
406
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,763
PARDON ME
WHILE I TAKE A LEAK.
407
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,399
- YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT IS?
408
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,268
I THINK YOU'RE AFRAID
TO LET ANYONE KNOW
409
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,003
THAT YOU LOVE THEM,
410
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:14,007
THAT YOU HAVE FEELINGS
LIKE THE REST OF US.
411
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:17,177
IT'S OKAY TO BE HUMAN,
YOU KNOW.
412
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,446
- OKAY.
413
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,250
YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW
THE REASON I BAIL?
414
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,519
THE TRUTH IS,
I'D RATHER GET LAID.
415
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,188
- * DANCE
416
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:31,191
- WE DONE?
417
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,135
- DOES HE ALWAYS
KISS YOU LIKE THAT?
418
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,437
- ABOUT FOUR TIMES A YEAR.
419
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:45,705
USUALLY WHEN HE'S REALLY DRUNK
420
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,475
OR HE WANTS ME TO SHUT UP.
421
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,243
- AH.
422
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,749
- I STICK IT AND SPIN.
423
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,385
OKAY?
NOW WHEN IT'S READY,
424
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:00,487
YOU PLATE 'EM, YOU DROP
THE TAB UNDER THE DISH,
425
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,055
YOU THROW IT HERE,
AND THEN YOU RING THE BELL.
426
00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,357
[bell rings]
GOT IT?
427
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:07,227
- STICK IT, SPIN 'EM, DROP 'EM.
[bell rings]
428
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:08,528
- WHAT'D I TELL YOU?
429
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,730
SHORT ORDERING'S NO DIFFERENT
THAN BEING A CHEF.
430
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,165
- JUST FASTER.
431
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:15,535
- HEY, WE GOT HUSTLE
IN OUR BLOOD.
432
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:19,672
OKAY, NOW I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU
YOUR FIRST TIP.
433
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,542
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
DON'T PANIC.
434
00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,145
JUST TAKE YOUR TIME, OKAY?
435
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,114
YOUR WORST
IS FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH
436
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:28,781
FOR THIS JOINT.
437
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:32,485
OKAY?
438
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,321
- IT'S NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL.
439
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:38,358
HEY, DEBBIE. WE NEED A COUPLE
OF BLACK COFFEES TO GO.
440
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,459
- THEY WERE SPECIALLY ENGRAVED
441
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,362
WITH OUR NAMES ON THEM
AND EVERYTHING.
442
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,400
- I HATE TO TELL YOU, GALS,
443
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,202
BUT FOR THE HAPPY COUPLE,
444
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,570
YOU LOOK FUCKING MISERABLE.
445
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,172
- ROSENBERG'S JEWELRY CALLED.
446
00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:54,141
THEY CAN'T FIND
OUR WEDDING RINGS.
447
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,309
- YOU CAN USE
MY NIPPLE RINGS.
448
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:58,278
LOADS OF SENTIMENTAL VALUE.
449
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,279
TO ME.
450
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,780
- THANKS, HONEY.
451
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,782
BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T BE
THE SAME.
452
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,384
- LISTEN...
- NO.
453
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,252
- WE'RE NOT GOING
TO ALLOW MERCURY
454
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,387
OR ANYTHING ELSE
TO FUCK UP OUR WEDDING.
455
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,590
EVERYTHING'S GOING AHEAD
AS PLANNED.
456
00:18:10,623 --> 00:18:13,560
- UH, NOT EXACTLY EVERYTHING.
457
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,262
- MORE GOOD NEWS?
458
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,729
- BRIAN INVITED ME
TO THE WHITE PARTY.
459
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,565
- AND YOU SAID?
460
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,268
- THAT I'D GO.
461
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,270
IT'S A ONCE
IN A LIFETIME THING.
462
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,606
- SO IS GETTING MARRIED.
463
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:27,707
'COURSE THERE ARE
NO HARD BODIES.
464
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:30,343
NO DRUGS, NO THOUSANDS
OF DICKS.
465
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:33,146
JUST TWO PEOPLE SAYING,
"I DO."
466
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,183
YOU'RE RIGHT,
HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY COMPARE?
467
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,484
- IT'S OKAY.
468
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,186
AFTER ALL JUSTIN'S BEEN
THROUGH.
469
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:40,587
- YEAH, HE DESERVES A BREAK.
470
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:44,757
HAVE A GREAT TIME.
471
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,858
- [sighs]
472
00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,161
- OH, THAT FUCKING BRIAN.
473
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,629
IT'S BAD ENOUGH HE'S NOT COMING,
DOES HE HAVE TO POACH
474
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:50,830
OUR RING BEARER AS WELL?
475
00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,465
- WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
THERE ARE NO RINGS.
476
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:55,635
[cell phone rings]
HEY, HONEY.
477
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,504
[phone beeps]
HELLO?
478
00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:58,771
- [woman speaking
indistinctly on phone]
479
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,773
- I'M SORRY, WHAT?
480
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,310
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- IT MUST BE THE CATERER.
481
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,845
JO, WHAT KOSHER VEGAN DELICACY
HAVE YOU WHIPPED UP?
482
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:07,514
- I'M SORRY.
483
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:10,717
- OH, WAIT. LISTEN,
YOU BLEEDING ASSHOLE!
484
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,785
I'M A LAWYER,
WE HAVE A CONTRACT, WE'LL SUE.
485
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,855
- SUE?
- OH, THAT WORD YOU UNDERSTAND.
486
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,458
[phone beeps[
- SOMETHING WRONG?
487
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:19,492
THE CATERER AND THE HALL
488
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:20,793
HAVE BEEN SHUT DOWN
BY THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT,
489
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,262
FOR SALMONELLA POISONING.
490
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,430
- [laughs mockingly]
491
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:25,332
IS THAT ALL? IS THAT ALL.
- IS THAT ALL? IS THAT ALL?
492
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:27,367
WE HAVE NO FOOD, WE HAVE
NO PLACE TO EAT THE FOOD.
493
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,535
- [hyperventilating]
494
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,770
OKAY, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
495
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,539
I THINK I'LL LIE DOWN FOR A BIT,
OKAY?
496
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:37,577
- YEAH.
- [rapid panting]
497
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:42,815
- YOU SPENT $500--
MY $500 ON THAT?
498
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:43,950
- IT WAS A STEAL.
499
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,352
- YEAH, AND I'M THE ONE
THAT GOT ROBBED.
500
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,353
LOOK, JUST TAKE IT BACK.
501
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,620
- I CAN'T TAKE IT BACK.
502
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:48,788
WHAT STORE DID YOU BUY IT AT?
503
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,690
- I DIDN'T GET IT AT A STORE.
504
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:51,691
- WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
505
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:52,692
- OFF A BLANKET.
506
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,761
- A BLANKET?
507
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,629
YOU BOUGHT LINDSAY
AND MELANIE'S WEDDING GIFT
508
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,265
FROM SOME STREET CORNER
SHYSTER?
509
00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,366
- IT'S FROM CHUCK.
510
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:00,800
IT'S A LITTLE COUNTRY
NEXT TO CHAD.
511
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,902
- CHUCK? CHAD? THEY SOUND LIKE
A COUPLE OF HOMOS.
512
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,304
- IT'S THE PERFECT GIFT.
513
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,972
- PERFECTLY HIDEOUS.
- IT'S A WORK OF ART!
514
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:06,773
- IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT.
515
00:20:06,806 --> 00:20:08,908
- IT'S SYMBOLIC
OF LOVE AND PRIDE.
516
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,977
- IT'S SYMBOLIC OF STUPIDITY
AND BAD TASTE.
517
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:11,778
- YOU TAKE THAT BACK.
518
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,281
- I CAN'T.
I GOT IT OFF A BLANKET.
519
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,648
- LOOK, THE NEXT TIME
YOU WANT TO BUY A GIFT,
520
00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:16,849
BUY IT YOURSELF.
521
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,551
- THAT'S WHAT
I WAS COUNTING ON YOU FOR.
522
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:21,321
- YEAH, YOU WERE TOO BUSY
BRINGING JOY TO THE WORLD.
523
00:20:21,354 --> 00:20:22,422
- LOOK, JUST BECAUSE
I'M A SUCCESS--
524
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,423
- YOU CAN TAKE YOUR SUCCESS
525
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:24,591
AND SHOVE IT.
526
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:25,592
AND I'M SURE YOU WON'T
HAVE ANY TROUBLE
527
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:26,826
FIGURING OUT WHERE.
528
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:31,564
- YEAH, I'LL JUST ASK
CHUCK AND CHAD.
529
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:38,438
- I'M SORRY, GEORGE.
530
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,307
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
531
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,610
- BUT IT'S SUCH A...
532
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,345
BEAUTIFUL BOTTOM.
533
00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:46,813
- IT'LL DO IN A PINCH.
534
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:47,980
- I'LL SAY.
535
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:49,749
BESIDES, YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.
536
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:53,019
I MEAN, PLASTIC SURGERY
IS JUST FOR FOOLISH OLD MEN
537
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:57,990
WHO REFUSE TO GROW OLD
GRACEFULLY.
538
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,692
- WHAT ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON?
539
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:02,695
AND ELIZABETH TAYLOR
AND CHER?
540
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:05,865
- WELL, I CAN'T SPEAK
FOR THEIR BACKSIDES,
541
00:21:05,898 --> 00:21:07,367
ONLY YOURS.
542
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,901
- THANK YOU.
543
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:11,504
BUT IN MY WORLD,
IF YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU
544
00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:14,006
JUST STEPPED OUT OF
A CALVIN KLEIN UNDERWEAR AD,
545
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,842
YOU'RE NOTHING.
546
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,378
- WELL, THAT'S A WORLD
I'M HAPPY NOT TO KNOW.
547
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,313
- NOT TO MENTION,
548
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,048
IT'LL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
ABOUT MYSELF.
549
00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:25,352
YOU KNOW,
RAISE MY SELF-ESTEEM.
550
00:21:25,385 --> 00:21:27,920
- WELL, MY WIFE VIRGINIA
FELT SIMILARLY.
551
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,890
HAD HERSELF SNIPPED AND CLIPPED,
EYES TO THIGHS.
552
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,892
SWORE IT WOULD
CHANGE HER LIFE TOO.
553
00:21:32,925 --> 00:21:34,661
- AND DID IT?
554
00:21:34,694 --> 00:21:37,029
- SHE WAS THE SAME MISERABLE
CUNT SHE ALWAYS WAS.
555
00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:40,333
ONLY WITHOUT THE WRINKLES.
556
00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:42,001
NOW EMMETT...
557
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:43,636
FORGIVE ME.
558
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:48,641
BUT ANYONE WHO VALUES THEMSELVES
BECAUSE OF THEIR ASS...
559
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,578
IS AN ASS.
560
00:21:54,581 --> 00:21:55,815
[overlapping chatter]
561
00:21:55,848 --> 00:21:57,083
- OH, I'M SO SORRY
YOU'RE STILL WAITING.
562
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,518
MORE COFFEE?
IT'S ON THE HOUSE.
563
00:21:58,551 --> 00:22:00,420
NO?
OKAY.
564
00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:03,823
UM, YOUR ORDER IS NEXT,
I PROMISE YOU.
565
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,959
- ALL I WANT IS A HAMBURGER!
566
00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:10,363
- YOUR ORDER HAS BEEN
ABDUCTED BY ALIENS,
567
00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:12,432
SO DON'T GIVE ME
THOSE DIRTY LOOKS.
568
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:14,401
[dishes clatter]
569
00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:15,702
- HEY, DEBBIE,
WHAT'S UP WITH MY ORDER?
570
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:16,703
[bell rings]
571
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:18,405
- HEY!
572
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,707
I HAVE GOT ORDERS COMING
OUT MY ASS,
573
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:23,042
A ROOM FULL
OF HUNGRY HOMICIDALS,
574
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:24,577
AND I DON'T HAVE
ANY CLEAN PLATES
575
00:22:24,611 --> 00:22:25,978
TO DO MY SET-UPS WITH.
576
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,947
WHAT IN THE FUCK
IS GOING ON BACK HERE?
577
00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,649
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL.
578
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:30,850
I'M RIGHT HERE.
579
00:22:30,883 --> 00:22:31,818
- WELL, YOU COULD HAVE
FOOLED ME.
580
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,720
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
DO A GRILLED CHEESE
581
00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:34,921
IN UNDER AN HOUR?
582
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:38,858
- YOU TOLD ME TO TAKE MY TIME.
- DEBBIE!
583
00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,727
- I DIDN'T MEAN
YOUR FUCKING LIFETIME.
584
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,397
- [sighs]
THAT DOES IT.
585
00:22:44,431 --> 00:22:45,798
- EXCUSE ME.
- WHO AM I KIDDING?
586
00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:46,933
- EXCUSE ME!
- I CAN'T DO THIS.
587
00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:48,668
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
588
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:49,669
HOME.
589
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,438
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS.
590
00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:52,672
- YOU'RE BETTER OFF.
591
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,608
I'M USELESS.
I'M WORSE THAN USELESS.
592
00:22:55,642 --> 00:22:57,844
I'M RIDICULOUS.
- TEN MORE MINUTES, I PROMISE.
593
00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,412
- WE'RE HUNGRY!
594
00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:02,715
- HONEY, THERE IS NO WAY
WE CAN SQUEEZE
595
00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:04,617
THAT MANY GUESTS
INTO OUR HOUSE.
596
00:23:04,651 --> 00:23:07,119
- BABY, WE CAN MOVE ALL
THE FURNITURE INTO THE GARAGE.
597
00:23:07,153 --> 00:23:11,691
- LAMBSKIN, YOU'D HAVE
MY 1,000-YEAR-OLD AUNT
598
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:12,959
STAND ALL NIGHT?
599
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:15,094
- PUDDING PIE,
SHE HAS A WALKER.
600
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,429
SHE CAN LEAN.
601
00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:18,631
- AND WHAT IF, SOMEHOW,
602
00:23:18,665 --> 00:23:21,033
MY LITTLE LOVE BUTTON,
603
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:24,170
WE MANAGE TO OVERCOME THE LAWS
OF PHYSICAL SCIENCE
604
00:23:24,203 --> 00:23:25,705
AND PACK 'EM ALL IN?
605
00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:27,907
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE
606
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:29,609
BESIDES EACH OTHERS'
NOSE HAIR?
607
00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:31,478
- YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING
TO MAKE THIS WORK.
608
00:23:31,511 --> 00:23:33,513
- AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN TRYING
TO MAKE SENSE.
609
00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:34,881
- THERE'S NO NEED TO BE ABUSIVE.
610
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:36,716
- I WASN'T BEING ABUSIVE.
611
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,652
I WAS MERELY EXPRESSING...
612
00:23:39,686 --> 00:23:40,653
FRUSTRATION.
613
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:41,721
- SO NOW I'M FRUSTRATING?
614
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,490
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
[groans]
615
00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:44,491
[knock on door]
616
00:23:44,524 --> 00:23:46,926
- CLEANING'S HERE. AH.
617
00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,163
- YOURS, MEL.
618
00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:54,901
AND WHAT WAS YOURS, LINZ.
619
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:57,804
APPARENTLY THE DRY-CLEANING
SOLUTION WAS TOO--
620
00:23:57,837 --> 00:24:02,074
- THERE'S NO NEED TO EXPLAIN.
621
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:07,013
AT THIS POINT IN THE PLOT,
WE ALL GET IT.
622
00:24:07,046 --> 00:24:08,080
- BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS,
623
00:24:08,114 --> 00:24:11,751
THEY GAVE YOU $100 WORTH
OF COUPONS.
624
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:13,152
- HURRAY.
625
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:17,490
- WE WILL FIND YOU SOMETHING
ELSE TO WEAR, BOO-BOO.
626
00:24:17,524 --> 00:24:19,626
AND WE WILL HAVE
OUR BEAUTIFUL,
627
00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:22,228
SPECIAL FUCKING DAY,
GODDAMN IT!
628
00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:26,165
EVEN IF WE HAVE TO DO IT NUDE
IN THE BACKYARD.
629
00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:29,536
[thunder rumbles]
630
00:24:29,569 --> 00:24:30,537
[Gus crying]
631
00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:34,707
- OR MAYBE WE CAN FACE REALITY.
632
00:24:34,741 --> 00:24:36,676
MYSTERIOUS MARILYN WAS RIGHT.
633
00:24:36,709 --> 00:24:40,580
- OH, NOT THAT MERCURY
IN RETROGRADE SHIT AGAIN.
634
00:24:40,613 --> 00:24:42,181
- OUR WEDDING'S
BEEN METHODICALLY
635
00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:44,216
AND SYSTEMATICALLY
DECONSTRUCTED.
636
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:47,086
IF YOU ASK ME,
SOMEBODY UP THERE
637
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:50,557
DOESN'T THINK
WE SHOULD GET MARRIED.
638
00:24:50,590 --> 00:24:53,993
MAYBE THERE'S A REASON.
639
00:24:54,026 --> 00:24:58,998
MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE
PEOPLE LIKE US...
640
00:24:59,031 --> 00:25:00,700
AREN'T SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED.
641
00:25:00,733 --> 00:25:02,068
- "LIKE US"?
642
00:25:02,101 --> 00:25:03,235
- DO YOU NEED THE ROOF
TO CAVE IN?
643
00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:06,639
[crying continues]
644
00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:18,585
[eerie music]
645
00:25:18,618 --> 00:25:26,525
*
646
00:25:37,069 --> 00:25:41,107
- YOU KNOW, I'M REMINDED
OF A SCENE FROM ALIEN.
647
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,777
ONE OF THE GREAT AIDS METAPHOR
FLICKS OF ALL TIME.
648
00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:47,046
OUR INTREPID INTERGALACTIC
GARBAGE COLLECTORS,
649
00:25:47,079 --> 00:25:49,649
LED BY UBER-BITCH DYKE RIPLEY,
650
00:25:49,682 --> 00:25:52,785
AFTER WHO YOU'VE OBVIOUSLY
MODELED YOURSELF,
651
00:25:52,819 --> 00:25:55,321
ARE SNUGGLED SAFELY
IN THEIR SLEEP PODS
652
00:25:55,354 --> 00:25:57,189
FOR THE LONG RIDE HOME
653
00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:59,792
WHEN SUDDENLY
THE MONSTER APPEARS.
654
00:25:59,826 --> 00:26:01,928
- THE WEDDING'S OFF.
655
00:26:01,961 --> 00:26:04,864
- YOU TWO HAVE FINALLY COME
TO YOUR SENSES?
656
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,799
THAT'S ALMOST REASON ENOUGH
657
00:26:06,833 --> 00:26:08,868
TO INTERRUPT MY BASE COAT.
658
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:12,004
BUT NOT QUITE.
659
00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:14,073
- IT'S BECAUSE OF LINDSAY.
660
00:26:14,106 --> 00:26:16,142
SHE--
[sobs]
661
00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:17,343
SHE...
662
00:26:17,376 --> 00:26:19,211
- SHE WHAT?
663
00:26:19,245 --> 00:26:24,050
- WITH ALL THE DISASTERS
AND MYSTERIOUS MARILYN,
664
00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:27,219
MERCURY IN RETROGRADE
AND THE RINGS AND THE FOOD
665
00:26:27,253 --> 00:26:30,322
AND THE HALL AND THE DRESS,
666
00:26:30,356 --> 00:26:32,358
SHE THINKS THE WEDDING'S NOT
SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN BECAUSE--
667
00:26:32,391 --> 00:26:35,361
BECAUSE WE'RE GAY.
668
00:26:35,394 --> 00:26:37,897
- CHRIST.
669
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:43,102
SEND IN A DYKE
TO DO A FAGGOT'S WORK.
670
00:26:43,135 --> 00:26:46,072
WE HAVE PRECISELY 21 HOURS
671
00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:48,174
TO GET THE MUNCHERS MARRIED.
672
00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:50,810
- WHAT? ARE YOU CRAZY?
- WE CAN'T DO THAT.
673
00:26:50,843 --> 00:26:52,779
- NOBODY KNOWS WEDDING SHIT
BETTER THAN QUEERS.
674
00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:54,714
WE'RE THE FLORISTS,
THE CATERERS,
675
00:26:54,747 --> 00:26:56,783
THE PLANNERS, THE DESIGNERS.
676
00:26:56,816 --> 00:27:00,252
THE SERVERS, THE PERFORMERS,
EVEN FUCKING PRIESTS.
677
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,988
- HE MEANS THAT LITERALLY.
678
00:27:02,021 --> 00:27:03,022
- IF ANYBODY CAN DO IT,
WE CAN.
679
00:27:03,055 --> 00:27:06,325
AND WE WILL, IN TIME FOR ME
TO MAKE MY FLIGHT.
680
00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:08,094
- DON'T YOU THINK
THIS IS AWFULLY AMBITIOUS?
681
00:27:08,127 --> 00:27:09,028
- WHY DON'T
YOU JUST LEAVE IT UP
682
00:27:09,061 --> 00:27:10,730
TO EVERYBODY ELSE
SO YOU CAN CRITICIZE?
683
00:27:10,763 --> 00:27:11,864
- IF WE LEFT IT UP TO YOU,
684
00:27:11,898 --> 00:27:13,265
THEY'D BE GETTING MARRIED
ON A BLANKET
685
00:27:13,299 --> 00:27:14,734
ON A STREET CORNER.
- YO, BITCHES,
686
00:27:14,767 --> 00:27:16,135
TEAR EACH OTHER'S
HAIR OUT LATER.
687
00:27:16,168 --> 00:27:17,336
I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT,
688
00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:19,405
BUT YOU TWO ARE RESPONSIBLE
FOR STAFFING,
689
00:27:19,438 --> 00:27:21,841
FLOWERS, AND DECORATIONS.
690
00:27:21,874 --> 00:27:24,210
- EMMETT, YOU FIND US A PLACE.
691
00:27:24,243 --> 00:27:26,145
- OH, HOW ABOUT
THE LIBERTY BATHS?
692
00:27:26,178 --> 00:27:29,682
THEY HAVE
A FABULOUS PARTY ROOM.
693
00:27:29,716 --> 00:27:33,019
- DEB, YOU PULL TOGETHER
SOMETHING FOR LINZ TO WEAR.
694
00:27:33,052 --> 00:27:34,687
- I'D LOVE TO.
695
00:27:34,721 --> 00:27:37,123
OH, I CAN JUST SEE IT
WITH ITS FLOWERS
696
00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:41,027
AND BOWS AND RUFFLES AND--
697
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,430
MAYBE SOMETHING MORE SIMPLE.
698
00:27:44,463 --> 00:27:45,965
- VIC, YOU'RE UP FOR THE CAKE.
699
00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:48,234
- NO, MY COOKING'S
A RECIPE FOR DISASTER.
700
00:27:48,267 --> 00:27:49,902
- HE'D BE GREAT...
701
00:27:49,936 --> 00:27:53,139
IF THEY WERE GETTING MARRIED
A YEAR FROM NOW.
702
00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:54,440
- DON'T WORRY, VIC.
I'LL HELP YOU.
703
00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:57,309
- OKAY, GREAT. GET TO WORK.
704
00:27:57,343 --> 00:27:58,711
- NOW HOLD IT, KINNEY.
705
00:27:58,745 --> 00:28:00,446
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
706
00:28:00,479 --> 00:28:04,050
- I'M GETTING MY BEAUTY REST.
BYE-BYE.
707
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:05,184
- [laughs]
708
00:28:05,217 --> 00:28:08,120
[overlapping chatter]
709
00:28:08,154 --> 00:28:12,925
- OH, NOT TONIGHT, DEAR.
I'M SAVING MYSELF FOR MIAMI.
710
00:28:12,959 --> 00:28:14,160
- CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG,
711
00:28:14,193 --> 00:28:15,427
BUT I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T GIVE
712
00:28:15,461 --> 00:28:16,763
A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS,
713
00:28:16,796 --> 00:28:18,430
THAT YOU ONLY CARE
ABOUT GETTING LAID.
714
00:28:18,464 --> 00:28:21,801
- I JUST NEVER WANT TO HEAR
THE WORD "WEDDING" AGAIN.
715
00:28:21,834 --> 00:28:24,170
- YOU'RE PATHETIC.
716
00:28:24,203 --> 00:28:25,738
- OH, EMMETT, DO YOU WANT
TO GO WITH ME
717
00:28:25,772 --> 00:28:27,073
TO GET MATERIAL?
718
00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:31,277
- UH, HELLO.
ZANZIBAR. YEAH.
719
00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:34,080
YES, I'D LIKE TO BOOK A WEDDING
IN YOUR PRIVATE ROOM.
720
00:28:34,113 --> 00:28:36,448
- YES, OF COURSE.
WE CAN DO THAT, NO PROBLEM.
721
00:28:36,482 --> 00:28:38,785
- YOU CAN?
OH, YOU CAN.
722
00:28:38,818 --> 00:28:40,286
OH, GOD. WONDERFUL.
723
00:28:40,319 --> 00:28:44,223
OKAY. RIGHT, WELL,
THAT WILL BE FOR ABOUT 80.
724
00:28:44,256 --> 00:28:46,492
MM-HMM.
RIGHT. TONIGHT.
725
00:28:46,525 --> 00:28:49,829
- TONIGHT?
[laughs]
726
00:28:49,862 --> 00:28:52,364
[phone beeps]
727
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:53,833
- ANY LUCK?
728
00:28:53,866 --> 00:28:56,202
- I HAVE TRIED
"A" THROUGH "Z."
729
00:28:56,235 --> 00:28:58,504
I'M AFRAID
THERE IS NO SUCH THING
730
00:28:58,537 --> 00:29:01,207
AS AN INSTANT WEDDING.
731
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,309
- IF I MAY MAKE A SUGGESTION?
732
00:29:03,342 --> 00:29:06,112
- BE MY WEDDING GUEST.
733
00:29:06,145 --> 00:29:07,513
- WELL, IT'S NOT VERY TRENDY,
734
00:29:07,546 --> 00:29:09,515
BUT THE PRICE IS RIGHT.
735
00:29:09,548 --> 00:29:12,518
[classical music]
736
00:29:12,551 --> 00:29:16,355
*
737
00:29:16,388 --> 00:29:18,190
- HOLY XANADU.
738
00:29:18,224 --> 00:29:21,794
- WELL, LAST TIME IT WAS USED,
739
00:29:21,828 --> 00:29:24,330
IT WAS MY DAUGHTER
FRANKIE'S WEDDING.
740
00:29:24,363 --> 00:29:25,865
- "FRANKIE"?
741
00:29:25,898 --> 00:29:27,533
- YEAH, VIRGINIA NAMED HER
AFTER HAMMOND MEATS'
742
00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:29,135
MOST POPULAR PRODUCT.
743
00:29:29,168 --> 00:29:30,970
[chuckles]
744
00:29:31,003 --> 00:29:33,239
GOSH, IT WAS ONE OF
THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.
745
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:34,473
- WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME, HONEY,
746
00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:36,976
LIKE THIS PLACE IS DUE
FOR A PARTY.
747
00:29:37,009 --> 00:29:39,078
- I COULDN'T THINK OF
A MORE APPROPRIATE OCCASION
748
00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:40,012
THAN YOUR FRIENDS' WEDDING.
749
00:29:40,046 --> 00:29:43,215
I'LL FILL THIS ROOM
WITH EXOTIC FLOWERS.
750
00:29:43,249 --> 00:29:44,483
I'LL BRING
IN THE PITTSBURGH SYMPHONY.
751
00:29:44,516 --> 00:29:47,019
I'M ON THE BOARD.
- UM--
752
00:29:47,053 --> 00:29:49,088
THAT'S VERY KIND,
AS USUAL.
753
00:29:49,121 --> 00:29:53,025
BUT I'D KIND OF LIKE
TO TAKE CARE OF THIS MYSELF.
754
00:29:53,059 --> 00:29:56,262
YOU KNOW, GIVE MEL AND LINDSAY
THE MOST FABULOUS WEDDING
755
00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:57,563
TWO GIRLS EVER HAD.
756
00:29:57,596 --> 00:30:00,432
- THAT'S ALSO VERY KIND.
AS USUAL.
757
00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:03,836
HOW CAN YOU AFFORD TO?
758
00:30:03,870 --> 00:30:06,906
- MY TUSH FUND.
759
00:30:08,908 --> 00:30:11,043
- YOU'D BURST
YOUR BUBBLE-BUTT DREAM?
760
00:30:11,077 --> 00:30:14,146
- WELL, IF YOU DON'T MIND
A BUMPY RIDE,
761
00:30:14,180 --> 00:30:17,083
I THINK THIS OLD THING'S GOT
A FEW MORE MILES ON IT.
762
00:30:17,116 --> 00:30:18,217
- OH, MY GOD.
763
00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,220
[both laugh]
- MWAH.
764
00:30:23,255 --> 00:30:25,057
- THANK YOU.
765
00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:27,059
NOW, I HAVE TO GET STARTED.
766
00:30:27,093 --> 00:30:28,928
I SHOULD HAVE BEEN UP
TO MY TITS
767
00:30:28,961 --> 00:30:31,931
IN TULLE AND TWINKLING LIGHTS
HOURS AGO!
768
00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:35,167
[giggles]
769
00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:40,106
[sewing machine whirs]
770
00:30:41,273 --> 00:30:42,909
- OH, SHIT!
771
00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:44,210
- WHAT HAPPENED?
772
00:30:44,243 --> 00:30:46,245
- NOTHING.
773
00:30:46,278 --> 00:30:48,580
[cup clatters]
FUCK!
774
00:30:48,614 --> 00:30:50,349
- NOW WHAT?
775
00:30:50,382 --> 00:30:53,352
- IT'S ME, DEB.
I'M A KLUTZ.
776
00:30:55,254 --> 00:30:58,124
- YOU'D THINK I'D NEVER SET FOOT
IN A KITCHEN BEFORE.
777
00:30:58,157 --> 00:30:59,992
- YOU JUST NEED TO RELAX.
778
00:31:00,026 --> 00:31:01,227
- IT'S MORE THAN THAT.
779
00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:02,962
I'VE BEEN OUT OF THE WORLD
TOO LONG.
780
00:31:02,995 --> 00:31:04,196
I CAN'T GO BACK.
781
00:31:04,230 --> 00:31:06,265
- YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU CAN'T.
782
00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:09,268
CHRIST, WOULD YOU LOOK
AT THIS MESS.
783
00:31:09,301 --> 00:31:12,238
YOU ARE THE FUCKING SADDEST
HARD-LUCK CASE
784
00:31:12,271 --> 00:31:13,605
I HAVE EVER SEEN.
785
00:31:13,639 --> 00:31:16,475
- DEBBIE.
- GET BACK IN YOUR ROBE, HUH?
786
00:31:16,508 --> 00:31:19,111
OR BETTER YET,
FIND A TRAIN TO FALL UNDER.
787
00:31:19,145 --> 00:31:21,413
AT LEAST I'D GET THE INSURANCE.
788
00:31:21,447 --> 00:31:23,649
SUNSHINE, GET YOUR JACKET.
LET'S GO.
789
00:31:23,682 --> 00:31:24,984
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
790
00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:26,285
- WHERE DO YOU THINK?
791
00:31:26,318 --> 00:31:27,419
TO THE BAKERY.
792
00:31:27,453 --> 00:31:28,487
YOU PROMISED THE GIRLS
793
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,022
A WEDDING CAKE, DIDN'T YOU?
794
00:31:30,056 --> 00:31:31,690
- YOU CAN'T JUST STROLL
INTO A BAKERY
795
00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:34,260
AND BUY A WEDDING CAKE,
THEY'RE MADE SPECIAL.
796
00:31:34,293 --> 00:31:36,996
- SO, WE'LL GET 'EM
A BON VOYAGE CAKE
797
00:31:37,029 --> 00:31:38,497
OR A BIRTHDAY CAKE
798
00:31:38,530 --> 00:31:40,566
OR A FUCKING
BAR MITZVAH CAKE!
799
00:31:40,599 --> 00:31:43,535
ANY CAKE WILL BE BETTER
THAN THE DRIED-OUT BRICK
800
00:31:43,569 --> 00:31:46,572
THAT YOU'RE PLANNING.
801
00:31:51,277 --> 00:31:55,114
- HOW DARE YOU CALL
MY HAZELNUT BUTTERCREAM
802
00:31:55,147 --> 00:31:57,916
A DRIED-OUT BRICK?
803
00:32:08,194 --> 00:32:11,330
- [humming]
804
00:32:19,571 --> 00:32:21,440
- YOU DID ALL THAT ON PURPOSE,
DIDN'T YOU?
805
00:32:21,473 --> 00:32:25,744
- HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT HIM
TO LIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE?
806
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:30,582
I JUST KEPT SCREAMING,
"SO FUCKING DIE ALREADY!"
807
00:32:30,616 --> 00:32:32,218
WORKED LIKE A CHARM.
808
00:32:32,251 --> 00:32:35,221
- HE NEVER FIGURED IT OUT?
809
00:32:35,254 --> 00:32:37,589
- APPARENTLY NOT.
810
00:32:37,623 --> 00:32:39,091
- JUSTIN,
811
00:32:39,125 --> 00:32:40,326
I NEED
THESE EGG WHITES BEATEN.
812
00:32:40,359 --> 00:32:43,329
- AND AS FOR YOU...
813
00:32:43,362 --> 00:32:45,364
YOU WANT TO GROW UP
TO BE ANOTHER BRIAN KINNEY?
814
00:32:45,397 --> 00:32:48,067
ALWAYS RUNNING AWAY FROM LOVE,
NEVER TOWARDS IT?
815
00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,335
THEN YOU GO TO MIAMI
816
00:32:49,368 --> 00:32:51,203
AND YOU FUCK
YOUR LITTLE TWINKIE BRAINS OUT.
817
00:32:51,237 --> 00:32:53,639
BUT IT'S NEVER GONNA
MAKE YOU HAPPY.
818
00:32:53,672 --> 00:32:56,208
- [chuckles]
NICE TRY, DEBBIE.
819
00:32:56,242 --> 00:33:01,480
- WAIT A MINUTE.
820
00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:03,449
ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE ON TO ME.
821
00:33:03,482 --> 00:33:05,184
BUT ONE DAY YOU'RE GOING
TO LOOK BACK,
822
00:33:05,217 --> 00:33:09,521
AND YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET THAT
YOU DIDN'T GO TO THE WEDDING...
823
00:33:09,555 --> 00:33:12,358
WITH YOUR FAMILY.
824
00:33:12,391 --> 00:33:15,261
AND THAT'S THE TRUTH,
SUNSHINE.
825
00:33:15,294 --> 00:33:18,130
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
826
00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:33,279
- FRENCH TOAST
WITH FRESH STRAWBERRIES.
827
00:33:33,312 --> 00:33:35,681
BACON CRUMBLES
AND REAL MAPLE SYRUP.
828
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:40,286
COFFEE MADE
WITH THE REALLY GOOD BEANS.
829
00:33:40,319 --> 00:33:42,521
AND PEACHES
WITH THE SKIN PEELED OFF
830
00:33:42,554 --> 00:33:44,756
'CAUSE THE LITTLE HAIRS
MAKE YOUR TEETH ITCH.
831
00:33:44,790 --> 00:33:46,258
- NO, THANKS.
832
00:33:46,292 --> 00:33:48,160
- BABY, PLEASE,
YOU HAVE TO EAT.
833
00:33:48,194 --> 00:33:49,661
- WHAT FOR?
834
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,530
- YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR STRENGTH
UP TO FEEL MISERABLE.
835
00:33:51,563 --> 00:33:53,265
HAVE A STRAWBERRY.
836
00:33:53,299 --> 00:33:54,433
- NO.
837
00:33:54,466 --> 00:33:56,402
- COME ON, BOO-BOO.
ONE LITTLE BITE.
838
00:33:56,435 --> 00:33:58,637
- STOP IT!
- STOP WHAT?
839
00:33:58,670 --> 00:34:00,239
- BEING SO SWEET.
840
00:34:00,272 --> 00:34:01,407
- I CAN'T HELP IT.
841
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,409
COMPULSIVE ADORABLE DISORDER.
842
00:34:03,442 --> 00:34:05,544
- ALL RIGHT, GET UP.
843
00:34:05,577 --> 00:34:07,179
- WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
844
00:34:07,213 --> 00:34:08,314
- COME ON, MOVE YOUR ASSES.
845
00:34:08,347 --> 00:34:11,150
- WHAT FOR?
- YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED.
846
00:34:11,183 --> 00:34:13,152
- HUH?
[shrieks]
847
00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,827
- COME ON, GET OUT.
848
00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:23,462
COME ON, GET OUT.
- WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?
849
00:34:23,495 --> 00:34:25,664
- GET OUT, GET OUT.
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
850
00:34:25,697 --> 00:34:28,700
- MS. MARCUS, MS. PETERSON.
851
00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:30,669
WELCOME TO YOUR WEDDING.
852
00:34:30,702 --> 00:34:33,339
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE
OUR GRACIOUS HOST,
853
00:34:33,372 --> 00:34:35,807
MY DEAR, DEAR FRIEND,
GEORGE SCHICKEL.
854
00:34:35,841 --> 00:34:38,144
both: SCHICKEL'S PICKLES?
855
00:34:38,177 --> 00:34:41,713
- THE PLEASURE'S MINE.
AND MY HOME IS YOURS TODAY.
856
00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:43,549
- OKAY, ENOUGH CHAT. YOU'RE
BOTH DUE IN HAIR AND MAKE-UP,
857
00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:44,616
SO LET'S GET A MOVE ON.
858
00:34:44,650 --> 00:34:46,318
[overlapping chatter]
859
00:34:46,352 --> 00:34:48,487
- GO!
860
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:49,555
- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
861
00:34:49,588 --> 00:34:51,323
YOU'RE NOT BRINGING
THAT HIDEOUS THING IN HERE.
862
00:34:51,357 --> 00:34:52,624
- I MOST CERTAINLY AM.
863
00:34:52,658 --> 00:34:54,226
- NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT IT.
864
00:34:54,260 --> 00:34:56,462
- WELL, WHO GIVES A SHIT
WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT?
865
00:34:56,495 --> 00:34:58,730
- I'M THE ONE WHO PAID
FOR THAT WASTE OF WOOD.
866
00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:00,199
- WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
867
00:35:00,232 --> 00:35:01,333
I'M GONNA PAY YOU BACK
AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT
868
00:35:01,367 --> 00:35:02,534
TO THE GIRLS MYSELF.
869
00:35:02,568 --> 00:35:03,435
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?
- I THINK YOU'RE AN IDIOT
870
00:35:03,469 --> 00:35:04,236
FOR PICKING IT OUT
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
871
00:35:04,270 --> 00:35:06,172
- WELL, I THINK
YOU'RE A DICKHEAD
872
00:35:06,205 --> 00:35:07,206
FOR MAKING ME FEEL
LIKE AN IDIOT.
873
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:08,640
- BOYS. BOYS.
874
00:35:08,674 --> 00:35:11,877
WE STILL SQUABBLING OVER
THE SILLY STATUE?
875
00:35:11,910 --> 00:35:14,713
GOD, SHE MUST HAVE BEEN
TO DR. BEAMER.
876
00:35:14,746 --> 00:35:17,383
- AH, YOU SEE? EMMETT AGREES.
IT'S AN ABOMINATION.
877
00:35:17,416 --> 00:35:19,351
- I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
878
00:35:19,385 --> 00:35:20,419
ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY
879
00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:23,255
IT'S NOT WORTH DESTROYING
YOUR FRIENDSHIP OVER.
880
00:35:33,799 --> 00:35:35,634
- NO, NO, DEBBIE,
I DO MY OWN HAIR.
881
00:35:35,667 --> 00:35:37,636
- I CAN TELL.
- [laughs]
882
00:35:37,669 --> 00:35:39,505
- YOU NEED MORE BELLA DONNA.
883
00:35:39,538 --> 00:35:40,906
LESS BITCHY BUTCHY.
COME ON.
884
00:35:40,939 --> 00:35:41,907
- NEXT THING,
YOU'LL HAVE ME WEARING
885
00:35:41,940 --> 00:35:43,509
A POINTY BRA AND LIPLINER.
886
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:44,510
- HOW COULD YOU GUESS,
SWEETHEART?
887
00:35:44,543 --> 00:35:46,378
[laughter]
888
00:35:46,412 --> 00:35:47,813
- OH, HEY, BRIAN! BRIAN!
889
00:35:47,846 --> 00:35:49,215
- BRIAN.
890
00:35:49,248 --> 00:35:50,649
- I'M THE ONE
THAT SHOULD BE SCREAMING.
891
00:35:50,682 --> 00:35:52,251
- AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE OFF SOMEWHERE
892
00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:54,786
STICKING YOUR PINA
IN SOME COLADA?
893
00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:57,223
- I NEED A FEW MINUTES
WITH THE BRIDES.
894
00:35:57,256 --> 00:35:59,425
ALONE.
895
00:35:59,458 --> 00:36:01,227
- YOU MAKE IT FAST, HUH?
896
00:36:01,260 --> 00:36:03,695
I GOTTA GET 'EM DRESSED.
897
00:36:03,729 --> 00:36:06,798
- I HEAR YOU'RE THE ONE
RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS.
898
00:36:06,832 --> 00:36:08,434
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT LYING
ASSHOLE TOLD YOU THAT,
899
00:36:08,467 --> 00:36:10,236
BUT I SUPPOSE A MAN
IN MY POSITION
900
00:36:10,269 --> 00:36:12,271
HAS TO ENDURE SUCH ATTACKS
AGAINST HIS CHARACTER.
901
00:36:12,304 --> 00:36:14,306
HERE.
- [laughs] OH, MY GOSH.
902
00:36:15,607 --> 00:36:18,944
OH, MY GOD, BRIAN.
- OH.
903
00:36:18,977 --> 00:36:21,713
THEY'RE EXACTLY LIKE THE ONES
OUR JEWELERS LOST.
904
00:36:21,747 --> 00:36:25,584
- [laughs]
COMPLETE WITH THE INSCRIPTION.
905
00:36:25,617 --> 00:36:28,587
- HEY, DON'T GET MOIST.
906
00:36:33,459 --> 00:36:36,662
- I'M GONNA CALL THE SITTER
907
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:38,297
AND MAKE SURE GUS IS ALL RIGHT.
908
00:36:38,330 --> 00:36:41,333
OKAY.
909
00:36:41,367 --> 00:36:43,702
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GUYS
PULLED ALL THIS TOGETHER
910
00:36:43,735 --> 00:36:46,438
AT THE LAST MINUTE.
911
00:36:46,472 --> 00:36:48,540
SO ARE YOU PACKED?
912
00:36:48,574 --> 00:36:51,843
- TOOTHPASTE AND UNDIES.
913
00:36:51,877 --> 00:36:52,944
- EXCITED?
914
00:36:52,978 --> 00:36:55,281
- MY PECKER'S ALL A-TWITTER.
915
00:36:55,314 --> 00:36:57,783
- [laughs]
916
00:36:59,585 --> 00:37:04,823
CAN YOU HELP ME BUTTON
THIS UP HERE?
917
00:37:04,856 --> 00:37:06,958
- OH, YEAH.
918
00:37:06,992 --> 00:37:08,560
- ISN'T IT AMAZING?
919
00:37:08,594 --> 00:37:11,430
DEBBIE JUST WHIPPED IT UP
920
00:37:11,463 --> 00:37:13,732
WITH THE HELP
OF SOME MICE AND BLUEBIRDS.
921
00:37:13,765 --> 00:37:17,469
- OH, YEAH. WELL, I'M SORRY
I WON'T BE THERE TO SEE YOU
922
00:37:17,503 --> 00:37:19,871
GLIDE DOWN THE AISLE.
923
00:37:19,905 --> 00:37:22,308
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.
924
00:37:22,341 --> 00:37:25,477
I'M SURE YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE A FABULOUS TIME.
925
00:37:25,511 --> 00:37:29,615
HEY, WE'LL BOTH BE IN WHITE.
- YEAH.
926
00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:31,950
- JUST BE CAREFUL.
927
00:37:38,924 --> 00:37:41,360
- LINDSAY.
928
00:37:41,393 --> 00:37:43,895
IT'S YOUR WEDDING PRESENT.
929
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:47,766
ALL-EXPENSE PAID TRIP
FOR TWO TO MIAMI.
930
00:37:47,799 --> 00:37:50,769
I TRADED IT IN
FOR A LATER FLIGHT.
931
00:37:50,802 --> 00:37:53,004
HAVE A HONEYMOON.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF GUS.
932
00:37:53,038 --> 00:37:54,906
- BUT YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE HERE.
933
00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:57,776
YOU SAID YOURSELF
YOU'D GET DRUNK,
934
00:37:57,809 --> 00:37:59,645
MAKE A SCENE, PASS OUT NUDE.
935
00:37:59,678 --> 00:38:01,547
- WILL YOU JUST TAKE
THE FUCKING TICKETS?
936
00:38:01,580 --> 00:38:03,949
- NO!
937
00:38:03,982 --> 00:38:06,518
I WANT YOU TO GO.
938
00:38:06,552 --> 00:38:08,887
IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT
FOR YOU TO STAY.
939
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:12,424
BRIAN KINNEY SACRIFICING
FOR OTHERS,
940
00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:17,028
TRAPPED IN A HIDEOUS DISPLAY
OF SENTIMENTALITY.
941
00:38:17,062 --> 00:38:19,765
I'D LOSE ALL FAITH, ALL HOPE.
942
00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:22,901
WHAT KIND OF GIFT IS THAT?
943
00:38:22,934 --> 00:38:27,673
I WANT YOU TO FUCK
LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL GUYS.
944
00:38:28,974 --> 00:38:31,977
NO APOLOGIES.
945
00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:35,347
NO REGRETS.
946
00:38:36,715 --> 00:38:40,686
IT'S THE BEST GIFT
YOU COULD GIVE ME,
947
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,854
KNOWING YOU'RE HAPPY.
948
00:39:05,444 --> 00:39:08,013
I LOVE YOU TOO, BRIAN.
949
00:39:09,781 --> 00:39:12,718
- THIS MARRIAGE STUFF
IS KIND OF COOL.
950
00:39:12,751 --> 00:39:16,555
IN FACT, I WAS THINKING
MAYBE SOMEDAY--
951
00:39:16,588 --> 00:39:17,889
- WHAT, YOU AND I?
952
00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:19,891
- YEAH, STRANGER THINGS
HAVE HAPPENED.
953
00:39:19,925 --> 00:39:21,427
- NOT REALLY.
954
00:39:21,460 --> 00:39:23,862
WHAT YOU NEED IS
A GOOD FUCKING ON THE BEACH.
955
00:39:23,895 --> 00:39:25,631
- HEY,
956
00:39:25,664 --> 00:39:27,566
I CAN'T GO.
957
00:39:27,599 --> 00:39:30,135
- YOU FORGOT
YOUR BAIN DE SOLEIL.
958
00:39:30,168 --> 00:39:32,738
- I WANT TO GO TO THE WEDDING.
959
00:39:32,771 --> 00:39:35,441
- FOR LINDSAY AND MELANIE?
960
00:39:35,474 --> 00:39:36,608
- FOR ME.
961
00:39:36,642 --> 00:39:38,444
I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT.
962
00:39:38,477 --> 00:39:41,747
I WANT TO SEE THEIR FACES
WHEN THEY SAY "I DO,"
963
00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:44,483
GIVE EMMETT KLEENEX,
CONSOLE DEBBIE.
964
00:39:44,516 --> 00:39:47,919
YOU KNOW SHE'S GOING
TO BE A MESS.
965
00:39:47,953 --> 00:39:51,457
- SO YOU'RE STANDING ME UP
TO SEE TWO DYKES TIE THE KNOT?
966
00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:55,894
- YEAH. I GUESS I AM.
967
00:39:55,927 --> 00:39:58,630
YOU ANGRY?
968
00:39:58,664 --> 00:40:03,168
- I THINK YOU'RE A SELFISH,
HEARTLESS ASSHOLE.
969
00:40:03,201 --> 00:40:06,738
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
970
00:40:06,772 --> 00:40:09,741
[romantic music]
971
00:40:09,775 --> 00:40:17,683
*
972
00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:47,679
- FRIENDS, FAMILY,
973
00:40:47,713 --> 00:40:52,684
WELCOME TO THE CELEBRATION OF
THE LOVING, LIFETIME COMMITMENT
974
00:40:52,718 --> 00:40:54,686
OF MELANIE AND LINDSAY.
975
00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:57,222
THEY'VE ASKED ME TO THANK YOU
FOR BEARING WITNESS
976
00:40:57,255 --> 00:40:58,857
TO TODAY'S CEREMONY
977
00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,959
AND TO JOIN THEM IN
RECOGNIZING IT
978
00:41:00,992 --> 00:41:03,829
AS A TRUE
AND BINDING EXPRESSION
979
00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:06,698
OF THEIR DEVOTION
TO ONE ANOTHER.
980
00:41:06,732 --> 00:41:10,836
MELANIE.
981
00:41:10,869 --> 00:41:11,937
- HONEY...
982
00:41:11,970 --> 00:41:13,104
[clears throat]
983
00:41:13,138 --> 00:41:17,242
I WASN'T SURE
WE'D MAKE IT HERE TODAY.
984
00:41:17,275 --> 00:41:19,711
BUT THANKS TO OUR FRIENDS--
985
00:41:19,745 --> 00:41:25,684
OR I SHOULD SAY, OUR FAMILY,
986
00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:28,253
NOT EVEN THE STARS
OR THE PLANETS COULD KEEP US
987
00:41:28,286 --> 00:41:33,258
FROM EXCHANGING OUR VOWS.
988
00:41:33,291 --> 00:41:36,762
I LOVE YOU,
LINDSAY PETERSON.
989
00:41:36,795 --> 00:41:38,764
I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU,
990
00:41:38,797 --> 00:41:43,001
I WILL PROTECT YOU.
991
00:41:43,034 --> 00:41:48,907
YOU ARE MY BESHERT.
992
00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:51,743
- LINDSAY.
993
00:41:51,777 --> 00:41:53,745
- MELANIE,
994
00:41:53,779 --> 00:41:56,748
WITH SO MUCH LOVE
AND SUPPORT AROUND US,
995
00:41:56,782 --> 00:42:00,886
I REALLY DO BELIEVE THAT
THERE IS NO OBSTACLE,
996
00:42:00,919 --> 00:42:04,623
NO PROBLEM WE CAN'T OVERCOME.
997
00:42:04,656 --> 00:42:06,758
TOGETHER
998
00:42:06,792 --> 00:42:09,795
IN FRIENDSHIP AND IN LOVE.
999
00:42:09,828 --> 00:42:13,932
OUR HEARTS WILL BE
ETERNALLY UNITED.
1000
00:42:15,967 --> 00:42:19,571
I LOVE YOU, MELANIE MARCUS.
1001
00:42:19,605 --> 00:42:22,741
- MAY I HAVE THE RINGS?
1002
00:42:34,686 --> 00:42:37,322
- HMM.
1003
00:42:37,355 --> 00:42:39,991
- MELANIE,
1004
00:42:40,025 --> 00:42:44,696
DO YOU TAKE LINDSAY
TO BE YOUR WIFE?
1005
00:42:48,834 --> 00:42:51,603
- I DO.
1006
00:42:51,637 --> 00:42:55,106
LINDSAY, DO YOU TAKE MELANIE
TO BE YOUR WIFE?
1007
00:43:00,245 --> 00:43:03,181
- I DO.
1008
00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:05,684
- BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME,
1009
00:43:05,717 --> 00:43:09,387
BY THE LOVE AND FAITH
OF THOSE ASSEMBLED,
1010
00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:15,627
I DECLARE TO THE WORLD THAT
YOU ARE MARRIED IN OUR EYES.
1011
00:43:15,661 --> 00:43:18,396
YOU CAN SEAL THIS
WITH A LITTLE SUCK-FACE.
1012
00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:21,867
[laughter]
1013
00:43:26,404 --> 00:43:30,175
- * ALL THE SORROWS
1014
00:43:30,208 --> 00:43:33,244
* WE CAN NAME
1015
00:43:33,278 --> 00:43:37,382
* ARE FAR AWAY
AND HIDING NOW *
1016
00:43:37,415 --> 00:43:39,785
* I KNOW
1017
00:43:39,818 --> 00:43:43,989
* I KNOW IT'S POSSIBLE
1018
00:43:44,022 --> 00:43:48,727
* LOVE CAN WIN
AND WE ARE ONE *
1019
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,996
* AND NEVER FORGET
1020
00:43:51,029 --> 00:43:55,300
* THIS IS WHAT WE SHARE
1021
00:43:57,068 --> 00:44:01,172
* LOVE IS POSSIBLE
1022
00:44:01,206 --> 00:44:03,875
- WHAT WAS I THINKING,
BUYING THEM THAT AWFUL STATUE?
1023
00:44:03,909 --> 00:44:05,176
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO.
1024
00:44:05,210 --> 00:44:06,244
IT--IT--I WAS WRONG.
1025
00:44:06,277 --> 00:44:09,014
IT WAS THE PERFECT GIFT.
- IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT.
1026
00:44:09,047 --> 00:44:10,248
- NO, IT'S A WORK OF ART.
1027
00:44:10,281 --> 00:44:13,685
- WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO
WITH AN AFRICAN LOVE GODDESS?
1028
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,187
- THEY'LL LOOK AT IT
AND SAY,
1029
00:44:16,221 --> 00:44:19,057
"OUR FRIENDS
MICHAEL AND TED
1030
00:44:19,090 --> 00:44:24,295
GAVE THIS TO US
BECAUSE THEY LOVE US."
1031
00:44:24,329 --> 00:44:25,931
- AND THEN THEY'LL STICK
IT IN THE GARAGE.
1032
00:44:25,964 --> 00:44:30,769
- [laughs] AND THEY'LL STICK IT
IN THE GARAGE.
1033
00:44:30,802 --> 00:44:32,037
- COME ON.
1034
00:44:32,070 --> 00:44:36,474
[cheers and applause]
1035
00:44:36,507 --> 00:44:38,443
[both giggle]
1036
00:44:38,476 --> 00:44:41,179
- THIS IS DELICIOUS.
1037
00:44:41,212 --> 00:44:44,215
- MY HAZELNUT BUTTERCREAM
IS A HIT.
1038
00:44:44,249 --> 00:44:46,251
- I NEVER HAD A DOUBT.
1039
00:44:46,284 --> 00:44:47,485
- WELL, FOR A WHILE THERE,
I WASN'T SURE
1040
00:44:47,518 --> 00:44:49,921
I STILL HAD THE INGREDIENTS.
1041
00:44:49,955 --> 00:44:52,057
- IF YOU EVER NEED
YOUR PANTRY RESTOCKED,
1042
00:44:52,090 --> 00:44:54,259
JUST HOLLER.
[glasses clink]
1043
00:44:54,292 --> 00:44:55,861
- ATTENTION!
1044
00:44:55,894 --> 00:44:57,495
ATTENTION, EVERYONE.
1045
00:44:57,528 --> 00:45:01,266
AS HONORARY MISTRESS
OF CEREMONIES,
1046
00:45:01,299 --> 00:45:06,004
IT IS MY PLEASURE TO ANNOUNCE
THE THROWING OF THE BOUQUET.
1047
00:45:06,037 --> 00:45:07,238
YOU KNOW THE DRILL.
1048
00:45:07,272 --> 00:45:09,340
YOU CATCH IT, YOU'RE NEXT.
1049
00:45:09,374 --> 00:45:12,878
[excited chatter]
1050
00:45:12,911 --> 00:45:15,881
- BACK OF THE ROOM, KID.
- [giggles]
1051
00:45:15,914 --> 00:45:16,882
- NO! NO!
1052
00:45:16,915 --> 00:45:20,018
- GET IN THERE, COME ON, MIKEY.
1053
00:45:20,051 --> 00:45:21,286
- READY?
1054
00:45:21,319 --> 00:45:23,021
[drum roll]
1055
00:45:23,054 --> 00:45:24,422
- READY!
1056
00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:28,393
[cheering]
1057
00:45:29,928 --> 00:45:32,898
[Celeda's
Let the Music Use You Up]
1058
00:45:32,931 --> 00:45:40,906
*
1059
00:45:49,881 --> 00:45:52,283
[fireworks whistling]
1060
00:45:52,317 --> 00:46:00,291
*
1061
00:46:04,295 --> 00:46:06,865
- * LET THE MUSIC
LET THE MUSIC *
1062
00:46:06,898 --> 00:46:08,867
* LET THE MUSIC
LET THE MUSIC *
1063
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:11,002
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1064
00:46:11,036 --> 00:46:12,403
* USE YOU UP
1065
00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:14,405
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1066
00:46:14,439 --> 00:46:16,141
* USE YOU UP
1067
00:46:16,174 --> 00:46:18,343
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1068
00:46:18,376 --> 00:46:20,045
* USE YOU UP
1069
00:46:20,078 --> 00:46:21,813
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1070
00:46:21,847 --> 00:46:23,548
* USE YOU UP
1071
00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:25,550
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1072
00:46:25,583 --> 00:46:27,285
* USE YOU UP
1073
00:46:27,318 --> 00:46:29,420
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1074
00:46:29,454 --> 00:46:31,056
* USE YOU UP
1075
00:46:31,089 --> 00:46:33,158
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1076
00:46:33,191 --> 00:46:36,561
* HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY
1077
00:46:36,594 --> 00:46:39,030
* OH
1078
00:46:39,064 --> 00:46:40,465
*
1079
00:46:40,498 --> 00:46:44,335
* USE YOU UP
1080
00:46:44,369 --> 00:46:48,073
* USE YOU UP
1081
00:46:48,106 --> 00:46:51,910
* USE YOU UP
1082
00:46:51,943 --> 00:46:53,311
* USE YOU UP
1083
00:46:53,344 --> 00:46:57,082
* YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
1084
00:46:57,115 --> 00:47:00,518
* THIS DANCE IS FOR YOU
1085
00:47:00,551 --> 00:47:04,455
* LET'S TAKE IT
1086
00:47:04,489 --> 00:47:07,993
* 'CAUSE IT'S ALL UP TO YOU
1087
00:47:08,026 --> 00:47:11,329
* LET THE MUSIC
POUND AND POUND *
1088
00:47:11,362 --> 00:47:15,133
* TELL THE RHYTHM
TO PULL YOU DOWN *
1089
00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:19,070
* ON THE FLOOR
1090
00:47:19,104 --> 00:47:22,540
* ON THE FLOOR
1091
00:47:22,573 --> 00:47:25,010
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1092
00:47:25,043 --> 00:47:30,248
* LET IT USE YOU
1093
00:47:30,281 --> 00:47:32,350
* LET THE MUSIC USE YOU UP
1094
00:47:32,383 --> 00:47:35,553
* HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY
1095
00:47:35,586 --> 00:47:37,488
* OH
1096
00:47:37,522 --> 00:47:41,226
* LET THE MUSIC
POUND AND POUND *
1097
00:47:41,259 --> 00:47:45,096
* TELL THE RHYTHM
TO PULL YOU DOWN *
1098
00:47:45,130 --> 00:47:48,499
* ON THE FLOOR
1099
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:51,502
* ON THE FLOOR
1100
00:47:51,536 --> 00:47:54,172
*
1101
00:47:54,205 --> 00:47:56,441
* ON THE FLOOR
1102
00:47:56,474 --> 00:47:59,544
* HEY
1103
00:47:59,577 --> 00:48:01,446
*
1104
00:48:01,479 --> 00:48:05,283
* ON THE FLOOR
75878
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