All language subtitles for The Wild Wild West - 0210 - The Night of the Green Terror

I can't believe it.

It's as though
every living thing

had suddenly disappeared
from this forest.

I haven't seen a bird
in three days. Not one.

Artie, look.

Dead.

All the berries
are dead.

Well, everything else seems
to be perfectly all right.

Why only the fruit-bearing
plants?

It's as though anything
that could sustain life

in this forest
is suddenly dead.

Well, maybe the Indians
in Bright Star know something.

So welcome to Sherwood Forest,
our naughty varlets.

Merry men, huh?

Hate to think what they look
like when they're not merry.

Squab, gentlemen?

Or would you rather eat crow?

Well,

if it isn't our old friend
Dr. Miguelito Loveless.

Ph.D.

Well, my sweet chuck,
my bully blade,

what brings you
to Sherwood Forest?

Robin Hood bids you
welcome hith-

Don't show any interest.

You know he'll tell us
everything.

He can't stand
being ignored.

You're right.

Prithee, Robin,
take heed of thy hay fever.

Prithee,
blow thy nose.

Thank you,
fair Maid Marian.

Well, old sly boots,

what perilous dragon
must be slain this time?

Well, now, don't try to pretend
you're not interested.

I can tell you're dying
of curiosity.

Well, I'll tell you.

Fifteen miles from here,

there's an Indian village,
the village of Bright Star.

Now, not long ago,
a famine befell them,

and the Indians starved.

I suppose you're here
to tell us you did it.

I?

Bring such a miracle to pass?

Oh, I think you
flatter me too much.

And besides, why would
I want to do such a thing

to those poor Indians?

I demand an answer.

Why would I want to reduce them
to such cruel poverty?

Because I love them,
that's why!

Because I want them to realize
who their true benefactor is:

me!

Dr. Miguelito Loveless,
alias, Robin Hood.

Hyah!
Hyah!

Robin?

Robin,
art thou all right?

I am fine.

But thou hast
let them go.

You don't understand, my dear.
I meant to from the very start.

Don't you see? West is so proud
of his ability to escape,

and I wanted to teach his pride
a little lesson.

Varlet, tell Maid Marian

what's going to happen
to West and his friend

when they reach Bright Star.

Ah- Ah-

I thought you said
they'd be friendly.

We'll find out
right away.

That must be the chief.

No, that's his wife.

She fights at his side
in every battle.

She looks it.

Who are you?
Why have you come?

Uh, my name is James West,
and this is Artemus Gordon.

How...

do you do?

Uh, we've come a long way

to talk to you
and your warriors,

all the way
from Washington, D.C.

From Washington?

Yes.

Is it about the famine
you have come?

Yes.

Go away.

We've come to help you.

Help?

If we had any more
of your government's help,

we would all starve.
Go away.

Well, can't we talk
to you first?

A warrior who loves
his people

will not have
a deaf ear to reason.

All right, but I know
who my friends are.

But you may speak.

Food from the lord
of the forest!

Sand.

You have brought us sand
instead of food. Why?

My master,
the lord of the forest,

is very angry with you.

Now he has always treated you
with loving kindness.

In your need,
he brought you food

from his secret sanctuaries.

In return, you have repaid
this kindness with disloyalty.

There are among you
two strangers

who would kill him
because they hate him.

Are you loyal to my master?

Yes.

Then prove it.
Kill them.

Even an animal kills
for food.

Stop!

Take him prisoner.

The other one, he got away?

Send two of your best trackers
to find Mr. Gordon.

Meanwhile,
the lord of the forest

is delighted
that you have this one.

But he doesn't want you
to kill him so quickly.

Use some exquisite
Indian torture that takes time.

He despises haste.

It offends
his contemplative nature.

Ta-ta, Mr. West.

Tie him there.

Ugh. Sorry, I slipped.

Your death will be
your own fault for coming here.

I came as a friend
because of the famine.

Our government sent help,
and you refused it.

Help?

You call this help?

Seeds to plant,

hoes and rakes
and paper books.

"Ten Easy Steps
for Better Corn."

"The Proper Care
of Rutabaga."

You call that help?

We sent food too,
and you sent it back.

Cans of meat that
were bad to the taste.

Cans that were spoiled
and burst in the sun.

No, that was not help.

But the lord of the forest
sent his little warrior to us.

And he brought venison
and quail, salmon and trout,

and ale that was nut-brown
to the taste.

And for all of this,

all he asked was loyalty
from our people.

We sent you seeds and tools

so your people
could help themselves.

Look at your village.

Your tepees are decayed.
No one works.

He promised us the good life,
where no man needs work again.

The little warrior
is not your friend.

Believe me, I know him.
He's evil.

The lord of the forest
is good.

He would not have
an evil warrior for a servant.

I will go to my people,

and we will pray to our gods
to banish your spirit

from our village
after you are dead.

The thong is wet.

As it dries,
it will pull the trigger.

It will not take long.
It is a warm day.

I absolutely refuse.

Nobody can make me do
what I don't want to.

First it's hay fever,
and now it's a terrible cold.

Well, it serves you right,

traipsing around in the woods
in the twilight dew.

Well, I was practicing
my stalking.

Well, I want you to eat
your supper.

Oh, I hate venison.

Oh, now.

Mm, besides,
it's not this accursed cold.

It's that silly chief
in Bright Star.

He still hasn't killed West.

Why does he have to go through

all that silly superstitious
nonsense first?

Well, maybe
you've misjudged him.

I? Misjudge people?

That's unthinkable.
I know human nature.

Yes, Miguelito.

All you have to do

is keep giving people something
they want badly enough.

Give it to them
for nothing

and you reduce them
to passive obedient children.

Shh.

You can make them do anything
you want to,

anything in the world.

They become so dependent
on you.

Yes, Miguelito.

I can have them
eating out of my hand.

Of course, Miguelito.

Hmm.

I'll probably
have to do it myself.

Those Indians dawdle so.

Yes, Miguelito.

Why don't you do it after
you finish your nice venison?

Sorry to disturb
your meditations, Mr. West.

What are you doing
sneaking around here?

Sneaking? Not at all.

I just wanted to make sure
my friends the Indians

didn't disturb
our last moments together.

I wanted it to be
just the two of us.

Aren't they the devilish lot,
though?

You just couldn't stay away,
could you?

Oh, no.
That would be rude,

not to say goodbye
to an old friend.

And you know
how I abhor rudeness.

Sorry, Mr. West.
I have a terrible cold,

and I should never
forgive myself

if you caught it from me.

Thanks.

Go ahead and gloat.
That's why you came, isn't it?

Oh, not at all.

I just thought
you might be interested

to see how I ended
all life in this forest.

I did it with this.

It kills all insects.

And without insects,

fruit-bearing trees
cannot pollinate.

There can be no fruit.

Don't worry, Mr. West.

At the moment, the solution
isn't strong enough,

but add just a little bit more
of my secret formula,

and "whoo."

A film forms on water,
and all the fish die.

A bit more

and birds fly,

only to die
in a feathered falling.

Just a little bit stronger,

the largest elk feels faint,

flees,

and fading, dies.

And finally,

if needs I must,

add just a little bit more
of my secret formula:

man.

And children too?

Children who cry out
in the night

from the hunger you've caused?

What can children know
of crying in the night?

What could children know
of a whole lifetime of crying?

You know, Mr. West,
in a way, you're lucky.

In a very few minutes,
you will be beyond all the pain,

all the crying.

Well, what can one say
at a time like this, Mr. West?

Au revoir.

No.

Just goodbye.

Once and forever,

goodbye, Mr. West.

Hi, Jim.
Artie.

Stop!

Move back.

I don't wanna hurt anybody.

Chief, you're leaving with us,
and no one else is to follow.

The rest of you
turn around.

Do put down that silly knife,
Mr. West.

Now, really,

sometimes you can be
quite exasperating.

What are you doing here?

I want a powwow.

I have no time for that.

Not with you.

With the lord of the forest.

Tie those two.

Ow. Ooh. Ooch.

Ooh, darn these
pine needles.

Why can't a forest
be decently carpeted?

They want a powwow, do they?

I'll give 'em powwow.
Get the ladder.

Why do they have
to bother me now?

I distinctly told them
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

Put it down, quick.
Hurry.

Ah. Okay, hold that.

Be careful.

Jim,

counting all the tribes
of the forest,

how many "friends"
do you suppose

that gives Dr. Loveless?

Around 10,000.

Right.

That's quite an army.

I'm ready.
Put the back plate on.

Miguelito,
are you all right?

I'm fine.
Go see what they're doing.

They're coming.

What urgent matter brings
you all into my awful presence?

You have said that you can
rebuild our country for us,

build a new land.

Do you doubt my word?

It is a vast country.

The paleface has many
towns and cities,

and a vast army.

How are they to be
defeated?

Never fear.
We shall win.

But how?

My best young braves
said they will fight beside you

only if you answer
that question.

Order them to.

I am an old man.

They are young and strong.

Well, tell them
that if they do not fight,

my brave and magnificent
warrior, Robin of the wood,

will stop bringing food.

You will all starve again.

I have told them that,

but they say they
will leave the forest

and move to other
hunting grounds.

Very well. I shall send
my brave and magnificent

Robin of the wood
to show you.

That little man?

I hate
being spoken to by him.

Sometimes he acts as though
he were a great warrior.

He does not know
his place.

He is a genius.

He wants you to have
your homeland back.

He wants you to live hereafter
in a perfect world,

where there will
be no work or woe.

He is a saint.

Go now.

He will come to you.

He will show you
how we shall regain our country.

Come.

Get the ladder.

That old fool.
Who does he think he is, anyway?

"Little man," indeed.

You'll have to go out
the back way.

Stop treating me like a servant
and get that back plate off.

Whatever that powwow
was about,

I don't think
it turned out too well.

They look sore.

Maybe Loveless cut off
their food supply.

Hmm.

How long do you think it'll be
before Loveless

turns his twisted
little mind to us?

Right now, Mr. Gordon.

In fact,

you and Mr. West are never
out of my mind.

Untie them.

My master bids me show you

how we shall kill
the evil palefaces.

The great chief
will remain silent.

He says an eagle
will not speak with a mole.

Blindfold them
and bring them.

Why them?

I am to show you how
to kill palefaces, am I not?

Come with me.

Oh, don't stop, dear.
You play so beautifully.

Uh, seat the gentlemen here,
please.

Hmm. Uh, remove
the blindfolds.

Mr. West, Mr. Gordon,

welcome to my humble abode.

Now,

here we have a town
of palefaces,

but let us suppose
that this town

is Washington, D.C.

Will that do, gentlemen,
Washington, D.C.?

Very well.

This is President Grant,
there the vice president.

Over there, there,
and over there,

cabinet officers.

There's some senators-

Be brief.

Yes, yes.

Heh-heh.
Brevity, the soul of wit.

Wit, joy, gaiety.

Gaiety, fun.

A balloon.

A balloon filled
with hydrogen.

But a balloon
must have a cargo,

a precious cargo
of green powder,

powder of my invention.

But don't be alarmed.

This has been reduced
ten thousandfold in strength.

Ah, the simple pleasures
of boyhood.

And there, gentlemen-

There goes Washington, D.C.

Or Boston or New York
or San Francisco.

Anywhere, everywhere
the winds carry my balloons,

and I shall send thousands
of them,

tens and hundreds
of thousands,

and the powder will be
at full strength.

And then we shall move in
to sack, to loot,

to rebuild our cities,

for there will be
no palefaces left anywhere.

And you tell your warriors

that is how
we're going to do it.

This is only make-believe,
isn't it? Heh-heh.

There was no real city there,
no real people, huh?

Nothing was real.

But...

Mr. West is real.

Now I will show you

what this does
to a real man.

Is the lord of the forest weak,

that he has such a little man
do his killing for him?

Go ahead and grovel, Mr. West.
It will get you nowhere.

If he's such
a great warrior,

why doesn't he prove
his strength?

Nowhere. Nowhere, Mr. West.

Then he must be a coward.

I challenge him
to a duel.

You won't be around, Mr. West.

Stop.

He is right.
Let there be a duel.

Believe me,
this is more merciful.

Stop talking back to me,
you funny little man.

Tell your master
there will be a duel.

Very well.

With maces.

We know that the great
lord of the forest

is a mighty warrior.

When he wins,

we shall fight by his side

and give him our loyalty
the remainder of our lives.

But if he loses-

Impossible!

Gods do not lose.

Shut your mouth,
little man.

If the impossible happens,

and he should lose,

then we shall give
our loyalty

to this warrior.

Now let us prepare
to fight.

You ever fought
with a mace before?

Fought with one?
I've never even seen one.

Well, there's always
beginner's luck.

Jim.

Look, I know this, uh,

may sound ridiculous,

but what if Loveless
were the knight?

A mechanical man
with Loveless inside.

Yeah.

Ah.

He moves too naturally.

There isn't even a whisper
of machinery working.

But remember, Artie,

Loveless is
a scientific genius.

Yeah, but yesterday when
he rode into Bright Star,

the knight rode
right with him.

At a safe distance.

An empty knight
on a horse.

That might be

just a suit of armor.

Why would he do it?

Well, you know Loveless.

To gain their respect.

Unless he were a heroic knight,

he wouldn't stand a chance
of getting his respect.

Yeah, but we can
tell the chiefs, Jim.

You don't have to go through
with this duel.

When he comes out,
we just expose him.

Artie, it's not just
a question of exposing them.

We have to win them back
to our side,

and they respect a fighter.

You're right.
You're right.

Just watch your step,
that's all.

If I know Loveless,

he's sure to try
to pull something.

And I have a surprise
for our friend Mr. West.

My explosive.

Just enough,

not a jot or tittle more,

but just enough,

so that when this mace
hits him,

it will explode.

And I, in my magic armor,

shall be unscathed.

Ah. Done.

Whoo-hoo!

Bring me the silken pillow.

But first we have
a little fun. Hm.

Some suspense,
a touch of pepper to the soup.

We give that mace
to Mr. West.

Miguelito, it-
Nah, nah, nah.

Don't worry, my dear.

I know what I'm doing.

Ready?

Here they are.

Mr. West,

so that the contest
will not be one-sided,

I will let you use
my favorite mace.

It was given to me
by my mother.

It is beautifully balanced.

My compliments
to your mother,

but I prefer that one.

Look out!

Jim,

they've got explosives
in that thing.

Mr. West,

are you ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Good luck.

Aagh!

Artie!

Attack them. They are warriors
of a false god!

Miguelito, quickly.

They disappeared
in here somewhere.

Quickly now, a balloon.
A balloon.

Now, this is full strength.

Just one of these is enough
to send the whole forest

up in flames.

I'll show West
and those Indians.

Wait till they see this.

"Boom."

Artie.

it's one of his balloons
with the green powder.

Hurry, hurry.

I'm afraid. Miguelito.

Quickly, into the log.

Into the log.
Quickly. Quickly!

The fire!

Hurry.
Help!

Hi, Jim.

Find anything?

Not a sign.

Whatever you do,
don't sit on that log.

You find anything?

Just his hunting horn.

Hunted everywhere for them.
There's no sign at all.

Searched for hours.

Maybe they got away, huh?

Not a chance.

Well, they certainly were here.

Yeah, they tried
to escape

out there in the worst part
of the fire.

Come on, Artie.

All right.

All right, how'd you do it?
How did you do it?

What was it you did?
Let me show you, Artie.

Here.
Yeah.

It's an outward strike.

Yeah?

Elbow to the rib cage.

Right.

Double hammer.

Right.

Back into position, kick.

You did it again.

All right.

All right, now let me
do it with you.

It's a block. Ugh!

You've got to watch
this elbow.

Very funny.
The block was perfect, Artie.

Yes, of course.

It's a-

It's a block.

Artie.
Yeah?

Why are we stopping?

Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I got a telegram.

We got to pick up
a package at the station.

Oh, yes.
We were expecting that.

Thank you.

Oh, you think it's funny?
Let's see you open it.

All right, Artie.

I opened it.

Hey.

"From your unknown admirer."
How about that, Artie?

Well, that's the price
of fame, Jim.

We got to be sure to-