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1
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,899
VACUUMING
2
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:20,340
I can still see dust!
3
00:00:20,381 --> 00:00:21,941
Well, nobody else can.
4
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,421
You all right, Mum?
Yes. Do more cleaning.
5
00:00:26,020 --> 00:00:29,220
Oh! What's this? My eyes!
Stop the polishing!
6
00:00:30,581 --> 00:00:33,101
Is the Queen coming today, is she?
Yes, Queen Bertha of Bromley.
7
00:00:33,141 --> 00:00:35,421
I thought it might be good
for your sister to see some dirt.
8
00:00:35,461 --> 00:00:38,141
She will NOT see any dirt!
9
00:00:39,661 --> 00:00:41,220
Why are you worrying?
Ooh!
10
00:00:41,260 --> 00:00:43,421
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Come on, love.
11
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,461
I...
Come on.
12
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:46,741
Oh...
13
00:00:50,101 --> 00:00:52,540
BELL TRINGS,
HE WHISTLES
14
00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:55,500
HE LAUGHS
Childish, Pop. Very childish.
15
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:58,101
Ooh, Edith, yes!
16
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,940
You're on the parish council.
Yes.
17
00:00:59,981 --> 00:01:01,981
Do you want to join us?
You'd be such an asset.
18
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,820
Or the playing fields committee?
I'm on that, too. Do join us.
19
00:01:04,860 --> 00:01:06,661
Or the Knitting For Poor,
Cold Children club?
20
00:01:06,701 --> 00:01:08,180
Edith, Edith...
Forgive me.
21
00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,381
You bring out the poxy in me.
Oh, right.
22
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:13,261
I've been told Tom Fisher
wants to extend his hotel
23
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,020
and do away with Spreading Linda.
24
00:01:15,061 --> 00:01:18,220
Oh, no, Spreading Linda?
Our beautiful tree?
25
00:01:18,261 --> 00:01:20,061
I was in and out of her
many a summer back
26
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,701
when I felt able to do
that sort of thing.
27
00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:24,220
D'you know if he's submitted
any plans? No.
28
00:01:25,380 --> 00:01:27,660
Would you like me to trigger
the consultation process
29
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:30,740
via Rule 29B and call a meeting?
30
00:01:33,020 --> 00:01:34,901
There you go.
Thanks.
31
00:01:36,181 --> 00:01:39,541
Have you seen Charley?
I think he's avoiding me.
32
00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:42,181
Because you're spending time
with Tom. Less than with him.
33
00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:45,981
Tom's just more pushy.
And... smooth as a baby's arse.
34
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:48,580
GIGGLING
Did I hear "arse"?
35
00:01:48,621 --> 00:01:51,380
Anyway, I'm off to my job in Paris
in a few weeks...
36
00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:54,220
And Charley's an angel.
I don't wanna hurt him.
37
00:01:54,261 --> 00:01:56,701
I told him he should have swept you
off your feet by now.
38
00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,541
Well, if he has to be told, then
there's not much point, is there?
39
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:03,261
Right... ladies!
40
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:06,261
Let's get picking!
THEY LAUGH
41
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,660
OK.
Whoo!
42
00:02:07,701 --> 00:02:09,860
Down by your strawberry beds,
anyone?
43
00:02:09,901 --> 00:02:12,020
Let's pick this field naked!
44
00:02:12,061 --> 00:02:14,220
Whooooo!
MARIETTE SCREAMS
45
00:02:14,261 --> 00:02:18,661
I've just been so full of life
down here on the Larkins' farm, Mum!
46
00:02:18,701 --> 00:02:20,941
'Because of this girl?'
Yes! No.
47
00:02:20,981 --> 00:02:25,381
Abso... No. Mum, it's... everyone.
Everything.
48
00:02:25,421 --> 00:02:27,421
'And are you still happy?'
Er...
49
00:02:31,821 --> 00:02:34,261
Actually... no.
50
00:02:37,261 --> 00:02:39,740
WHISTLING
51
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,661
Mr Larkin!
Tom.
52
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:53,261
What, do you wanna come in?
Oh, no, Tom.
53
00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:56,221
I've got some mad in-laws
to get home to.
54
00:02:56,261 --> 00:02:58,860
You know...
Anyway, look, word is that,
55
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:02,101
besides turning Bluff Court
into a big hotel...
56
00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,501
you're gonna be knocking down
our most famous tree!
57
00:03:04,541 --> 00:03:07,261
Well... that's all speculative
at this stage.
58
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:08,580
No, it's not. You mean business,
59
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:11,020
and you should be sharing that
with the village,
60
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,261
so we can all discuss it.
61
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,141
Do you share
all YOUR business plans?
62
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:16,860
Well, of course!
If it affects everyone.
63
00:03:16,900 --> 00:03:17,941
So!
64
00:03:19,941 --> 00:03:21,780
See you at the village hall.
65
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:30,580
All right, Charley?
66
00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:33,740
Mm-hm.
Yeah, just ringing my parents.
67
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:37,981
Though it is odd, being called
"Cedric". I kept correcting them.
68
00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:40,580
Yeah, they're shocked that I've
thrown in my job at the tax office.
69
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:41,860
Well, what did you tell them?
70
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,860
That I'd found
a better way of living.
71
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,620
Amongst inspirational people.
72
00:03:46,740 --> 00:03:48,261
Yeah, they told me I'm an imbecile.
73
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,460
SHE CHUCKLES
74
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:53,101
Oh, yeah, how's, er... I-Is it Tim?
75
00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:56,300
SHE SIGHS
No, it's Tom. I dunno. Ask him.
76
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,340
Don't be disingenuous.
You know what I mean.
77
00:03:58,381 --> 00:04:00,340
Charley, I was brought up
to say what's on my mind.
78
00:04:00,381 --> 00:04:02,541
I just did,
and you seem a little defensive.
79
00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:03,860
No, I'm due to go to France,
80
00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:05,421
we've got
the family lunatics staying
81
00:04:05,460 --> 00:04:07,261
and I'm behind on my French.
J'envie donc.
82
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,060
Calmes-toi, je t'en prie!
83
00:04:09,101 --> 00:04:11,421
What is it with you men
and being able to speak French?
84
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,261
Oh, for...
So he can speak French as well?
85
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:16,141
Goodness me, is there anything
the smarmy hustler can't do?!
86
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:19,580
Jealousy is so boring.
Worry about yourself more than him.
87
00:04:19,620 --> 00:04:22,981
Oh! All right, so I'm boring
and self-deluded?
88
00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:25,340
Well, you should've just said so
before, Mariette.
89
00:04:25,381 --> 00:04:27,261
HE SIGHS
90
00:04:33,501 --> 00:04:36,340
APPLAUSE
Mr Charlton?
91
00:04:36,381 --> 00:04:37,420
Mr Charlton, sir!
92
00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:44,061
Hello, Brigadier.
You're looking very cheesed off.
93
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,821
How can we put the cheese
back on your face?
94
00:04:46,861 --> 00:04:48,580
Or take it off, whichever it is.
95
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:51,580
Er... You can't, but thank you.
96
00:04:51,621 --> 00:04:54,340
Ooh, I'd better, er...
No, no, stay.
97
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:55,941
They can play around you.
PLAYER GRUNTS
98
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:57,660
MAN: Don't drop it!
To me, mate!
99
00:04:57,701 --> 00:05:00,020
APPLAUSE
100
00:05:00,061 --> 00:05:02,621
Oh!
Good throw. Most impressive.
101
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:05,340
Pick a team.
Oh, er, thank you,
102
00:05:05,381 --> 00:05:07,501
but I'm leaving the village.
103
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,020
I can't stay with the Larkins
any more.
104
00:05:09,061 --> 00:05:11,660
It's not my place to ask why.
105
00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:14,580
So, you might want to tell me?
106
00:05:14,621 --> 00:05:18,980
Oh, sorry. Erm...
I just felt it was time to, er...
107
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:23,821
No. No, it's Mariette.
108
00:05:23,861 --> 00:05:25,381
She...
SIGHS
109
00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:26,580
..is unsettling.
110
00:05:26,621 --> 00:05:28,780
Then bill it with us.
We love guests.
111
00:05:28,821 --> 00:05:30,941
Oh, er... are you sure?
112
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:34,220
CHUCKLING: Your, er... your sister
doesn't seem hugely sociable.
113
00:05:34,261 --> 00:05:37,980
Oh, she is.
But she seldom tells her face.
114
00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:40,540
THEY SHOUT
115
00:05:41,861 --> 00:05:43,980
GROANING AND LAUGHTER
116
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:51,701
How can we get Mariette together
with Charley?
117
00:05:51,741 --> 00:05:53,141
Oh, it's just bad timing.
118
00:05:53,181 --> 00:05:55,340
You can't make someone love
who they don't want to.
119
00:05:55,381 --> 00:05:57,621
No, otherwise,
I'd be fighting of Rock Hudson,
120
00:05:57,660 --> 00:05:59,821
and he'd be shacked up
in the woods with Lauren Bacall.
121
00:05:59,861 --> 00:06:01,301
Mariette should know better.
122
00:06:01,340 --> 00:06:02,741
I tell you what, then.
123
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:04,980
Why don't you let us
choose your boyfriends?
124
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:07,861
What about that? I mean, I like that
Rom Pummel in her class, don't you?
125
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,220
Ooh! He's a charmer.
Mm.
126
00:06:10,261 --> 00:06:14,780
Mariette is just distracted
by France and Tom.
127
00:06:14,821 --> 00:06:16,501
How can she trust Tom
128
00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:19,020
when we know he wants to pull up
that lovely old tree?
129
00:06:19,061 --> 00:06:21,220
Actually, she's right.
That is a bit sly.
130
00:06:21,261 --> 00:06:23,460
Especially after
I'd made a massive cash offer
131
00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:25,181
for that big old pile of bricks.
Shh!
132
00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:27,741
There's something... What? What?
133
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:30,100
I can hear them.
Hey?
134
00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:33,780
CAR APPROACHING
135
00:06:35,141 --> 00:06:41,215
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
136
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:52,301
Jemima!
137
00:06:52,340 --> 00:06:55,580
Bertha, sweetheart.
MA CHUCKLES
138
00:06:55,621 --> 00:06:57,301
Florence.
139
00:07:01,181 --> 00:07:02,861
Hello, Pop.
Howard, how are you?
140
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,861
Let me look at you.
141
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:06,621
BERTHA CHUCKLES
142
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:09,741
And let me look at you.
143
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:13,301
Jemima...
144
00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:17,301
So, er... what do you think?
145
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:19,741
Oh, well, look at that sky.
I mean...
146
00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:22,460
Although the veg will need a bit
of rain, mind, you know. No, no.
147
00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:25,701
I mean our new 3.4L Jaguar.
148
00:07:25,741 --> 00:07:28,340
Oh. Yeah, very nice. Very nice, yes.
HOWARD CHUCKLES
149
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:32,780
Now, think about car dealers
is you've got to bargain with them.
150
00:07:32,821 --> 00:07:35,660
Now, I told him, I said,
"I am not paying the full price
151
00:07:35,701 --> 00:07:37,501
"unless you throw in
those mud flaps."
152
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,381
Right.
153
00:07:39,420 --> 00:07:40,821
So he did.
Oh.
154
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,780
Brilliant.
Well, I can't wait to, erm...
155
00:07:42,821 --> 00:07:45,061
tap into your extensive knowledge,
Howard.
156
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:47,941
I'll give you a hand with them.
STRAINING: Right.
157
00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:50,381
We do like a nice car.
158
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:52,580
We like nice things generally,
don't we, Howard?
159
00:07:52,621 --> 00:07:54,821
Oh, yes.
That's just us.
160
00:07:54,861 --> 00:07:56,621
SHE CHUCKLES
161
00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,141
We have a Rolls-Royce.
162
00:08:03,301 --> 00:08:05,741
Ooh...
163
00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:07,220
It's quite an old one.
164
00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:11,340
You know what?
I'm going to go to the village,
165
00:08:11,381 --> 00:08:12,660
get some castration pliers.
166
00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:14,220
Good luck, everyone.
167
00:08:16,301 --> 00:08:18,301
Let me take that from you, pumpkin.
168
00:08:19,460 --> 00:08:20,540
Shall we?
169
00:08:24,061 --> 00:08:26,301
We've got lots of animals
on the farm, Jemima.
170
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,061
Which is your favourite?
She hates all animals.
171
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,100
They've usually got mud on them.
172
00:08:37,261 --> 00:08:39,900
It's so silly,
both of us living in the same county
173
00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:41,221
and hardly ever meeting.
174
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:42,861
It is.
175
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:46,020
But we are addicted to Bromley.
Mm.
176
00:08:47,621 --> 00:08:51,341
The interesting thing about Kent
is it's not only rural,
177
00:08:51,381 --> 00:08:53,101
but also suburban,
178
00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:56,621
with lots of commuters
going into London by train.
179
00:08:58,940 --> 00:09:00,141
BERTHA CHUCKLES
180
00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:05,020
You must be desperate for a ride
in our new 3.4L Jaguar.
181
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,300
Oh... yes.
182
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,861
What do you fancy doing tomorrow,
Jemima?
183
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:11,341
Staying clean.
184
00:09:11,381 --> 00:09:14,741
"Staying clean"? Are you serious?
185
00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:17,981
She's spotted a fair bit
of mud and dirt. Hm...
186
00:09:18,020 --> 00:09:21,501
She likes her tarmac.
Don't you, 'Mima?
187
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,221
Kunzle Showboat.
188
00:09:30,381 --> 00:09:32,141
WHISTLING
189
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:33,940
'Ey up, Charley.
Ooh.
190
00:09:33,981 --> 00:09:36,180
Are you all right?
Yeah.
191
00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:38,420
Oh... You're not leaving, are you?
192
00:09:38,461 --> 00:09:40,700
Oh, please don't think me
ungrateful.
193
00:09:40,741 --> 00:09:43,501
I just... didn't want
to disturb the household.
194
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,861
No, not at all! The out-laws,
they'll be gone in a day or two.
195
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:48,780
No, no, no,
I mustn't impose on you any longer.
196
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,300
I'll saying with the Brigadier.
197
00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:52,341
OK, well, good. That's not far.
198
00:09:52,381 --> 00:09:53,940
No, no.
We'll miss you.
199
00:09:53,981 --> 00:09:55,180
Especially Mariette.
200
00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:57,900
Well...
201
00:09:57,940 --> 00:09:59,861
Bye.
OK.
202
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:25,900
HORN BEEPS TWICE
203
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:28,101
You all right, Tom?
Mornin'.
204
00:10:28,141 --> 00:10:30,020
Nice.
205
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,420
Fancy a spin in the country?
206
00:10:33,461 --> 00:10:35,700
Any particular reason?
Well...
207
00:10:35,741 --> 00:10:38,700
It's a chance
to understand me better.
208
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,861
Hello, horrors.
209
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:45,540
Well, you're young and... small.
210
00:10:45,581 --> 00:10:47,261
That's not what you say to kids.
211
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:50,501
Well... I break all the rules,
don't I?
212
00:10:50,540 --> 00:10:53,341
Erm... What do you think
of my nice car?
213
00:10:53,381 --> 00:10:56,141
Don't YOU start.
Oh!
214
00:10:56,180 --> 00:10:57,940
What an expected pleasure.
215
00:10:57,981 --> 00:11:00,141
I love to give the people
what they want.
216
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:03,741
Especially you, Mrs Larkin.
When Kentish eyes are smiling, hey?
217
00:11:03,780 --> 00:11:06,381
SHE CHUCKLES
LOWERS VOICE: How old are you, Tom?
218
00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:07,780
32.
219
00:11:07,820 --> 00:11:11,700
Mm! Quite a big age gap between you
and our Mariette, isn't there?
220
00:11:11,741 --> 00:11:13,540
So you would prefer a 20-year-old
221
00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:15,221
driving around
your precious daughter?
222
00:11:15,261 --> 00:11:18,381
Touchy!
I think you mean touche.
223
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:20,540
No, I don't.
224
00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:23,141
She can look after herself,
but don't go mucking her about.
225
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:27,141
I treat all women with reverence.
Even when they're mucking me about.
226
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:29,341
Ooh, I hope you haven't got
any nasty secrets -
227
00:11:29,381 --> 00:11:31,540
no dead wife in the woodshed!
228
00:11:31,581 --> 00:11:34,020
SHE LAUGHS
Sorry.
229
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:38,060
I'm just trying to crack you open.
You seem too good to be true.
230
00:11:38,101 --> 00:11:39,780
We love the village, but...
231
00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:44,060
it has more of its fair share
of gargoyles and muggins.
232
00:11:44,101 --> 00:11:46,861
Well, I love it here, too.
It's home now.
233
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:50,020
Oh, credit to you.
We need new blood.
234
00:11:54,261 --> 00:11:56,981
Right, come on. Out of the way.
CHILDREN PROTEST
235
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,581
Thank you.
236
00:12:06,020 --> 00:12:08,900
How can I persuade you that
I have your - and the village's -
237
00:12:08,940 --> 00:12:10,221
best interests at heart?
238
00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:11,700
Stop throwing your weight around?
239
00:12:11,741 --> 00:12:14,060
If you mean me restoring
a broken old mansion,
240
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,420
and, yes, enlarging it
241
00:12:15,461 --> 00:12:17,780
and sadly losing one of
several thousand trees, then...
242
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,540
Beware men, especially businessmen,
bearing gifts.
243
00:12:20,581 --> 00:12:23,700
Your dad may be making money, but
most people around here need work.
244
00:12:23,741 --> 00:12:26,501
Opportunity, income.
Imagine if you were staying here.
245
00:12:26,540 --> 00:12:28,101
I'm not!
But if you were.
246
00:12:28,141 --> 00:12:30,540
Do you really wanna work
for your parents forever?
247
00:12:32,981 --> 00:12:34,700
CYCLIST: Morning!
Morning.
248
00:12:34,741 --> 00:12:37,020
BELL TRINGS
249
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,621
Hey up, Libby.
What's all this, then?
250
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:41,141
A public meeting's been called.
Uh-huh?
251
00:12:41,180 --> 00:12:44,861
About Tom Fisher's plans to build
an extension on his exciting 'otel.
252
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,261
Really? Who'd have thought?
253
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,461
You're normally the first to know,
Larkin.
254
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,300
Best thing to happen here for years.
Something in it for you, is there?
255
00:12:51,341 --> 00:12:53,501
First an oversized hotel,
256
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:56,141
then he plans to chop down
one of Kent's legendary trees.
257
00:12:56,180 --> 00:12:57,501
We can't let this happen!
258
00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:00,940
No, I agree. We can't.
Let's see who wins, shall we?
259
00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:06,741
Do you know anything about cars?
Yes.
260
00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:09,141
I know that, when they go wrong,
you get a bloke into fix it.
261
00:13:09,180 --> 00:13:13,540
Oh. My little sister, Victoria,
can build a car from the wheels up.
262
00:13:13,581 --> 00:13:14,700
Really?
Mm-hm.
263
00:13:14,741 --> 00:13:16,621
Should've taken her out,
rather than you.
264
00:13:16,660 --> 00:13:19,341
Mm, might be a bit weird.
She talks mainly in grunts.
265
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:23,060
Ugh... I'm afraid this feels
like just deserts.
266
00:13:23,101 --> 00:13:27,381
I shouldn't be here.
Why not? Why deprive yourself?
267
00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:30,461
My friend Charley's moved out cos
he doesn't think I should trust you.
268
00:13:30,501 --> 00:13:32,141
And do you trust him?
269
00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:34,981
It took him years to realise
that being a taxman is boring.
270
00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:37,540
Hm! It's a good and honest job.
HE SIGHS
271
00:13:37,581 --> 00:13:39,981
And being here's
really opened his eyes.
272
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,141
Are you your own person or his?
273
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:45,581
I'm infinitely complicated.
Me, too!
274
00:13:45,621 --> 00:13:49,540
Let's be "infinitely complicated"
together. Or...
275
00:13:49,581 --> 00:13:54,420
shall we embrace
our more basic instinct...
276
00:13:54,461 --> 00:13:57,420
At least we're only a few miles away
from home. Here comes a car.
277
00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:00,660
SHE LAUGHS
278
00:14:00,700 --> 00:14:04,020
Traffic policeman meets
bull-fighter? Could be disastrous.
279
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:07,180
I don't know. 'Ello, 'Ello. Ole!
280
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,461
I'll do this. You'll scare them off.
281
00:14:13,540 --> 00:14:16,621
Erm...
Chance of a lift to a call box?
282
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:18,101
Yes.
283
00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:22,341
You keep this hood up. OK, my dear?
284
00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:28,180
I think she might be a bit hot.
Clean and safe.
285
00:14:28,221 --> 00:14:30,820
If you see an animal, poppet,
just scream
286
00:14:30,861 --> 00:14:33,420
and your cousins will
throw themselves in front of it.
287
00:14:33,461 --> 00:14:35,741
Don't be scared of mud. It's normal.
And dung.
288
00:14:35,780 --> 00:14:37,981
Normal.
Pigs mating? Normal.
289
00:14:38,020 --> 00:14:40,341
Enough. We won't make you
watch pigs mating, sweetheart.
290
00:14:42,180 --> 00:14:45,741
Jemima?
Don't panic if you see birds.
291
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:48,261
Don't be scared any more.
Come on! It's fine.
292
00:14:49,581 --> 00:14:52,581
POP: What a shame.
There'll be other times.
293
00:14:52,621 --> 00:14:54,940
You sure it weren't Charley
sabotaging your motor?
294
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,581
No, course he didn't.
295
00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:59,060
He's not clever, but not with
his hands, as far as I know.
296
00:15:00,101 --> 00:15:03,020
Ha! Anyway, Tommy, should you
really be swanning around?
297
00:15:03,060 --> 00:15:05,221
Haven't you got to face the village
about your plans
298
00:15:05,261 --> 00:15:06,820
to eventually turn it
into Birmingham?
299
00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:10,060
Ha-ha (!) You should take
your comedy on stage.
300
00:15:10,101 --> 00:15:13,820
Well, that big cedar'll
have to go for kick-off, 'ey?
301
00:15:13,861 --> 00:15:17,300
Or what about there, big car park?
Road? Car park?
302
00:15:17,341 --> 00:15:19,141
Dad, don't tease.
303
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:22,981
Ooooh!
304
00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:24,741
THEY LAUGH
Hey!
305
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:29,060
That's more like it, Jem.
Oh!
306
00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:31,341
Berries!
307
00:15:33,101 --> 00:15:34,221
HE SIGHS
308
00:15:35,261 --> 00:15:37,221
Come on.
309
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,381
Come on, let's go.
THEY CHEER
310
00:15:44,420 --> 00:15:47,300
20 minutes,
and we're in London by train.
311
00:15:47,341 --> 00:15:48,741
Oh, that's handy.
312
00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:51,141
Pop helped save our railway
only last week.
313
00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:54,540
And we don't fancy that and we're,
er... we're bored with Bromley...
314
00:15:54,581 --> 00:15:57,101
Unlikely!
Unlikely.
315
00:15:57,141 --> 00:16:00,461
..we've got all the joys of Croydon
just a short hop away.
316
00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,180
Erm, top-up, anyone?
317
00:16:02,221 --> 00:16:05,420
You know what? I'd love an advocaat.
318
00:16:07,101 --> 00:16:10,581
You'd think you'd through checking
the only drink we haven't got.
319
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:12,060
Where's Mariette gone?
320
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:14,621
Toilet.
That's a long toilet.
321
00:16:14,660 --> 00:16:17,861
You know what?
I've got to go check on the, erm...
322
00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:19,780
How's-your-father.
323
00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:21,940
..geese. Geese.
324
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:28,700
So, Mariette's friend's car
broke down, did it?
325
00:16:28,741 --> 00:16:30,940
Wouldn't happen to
our new 3.4L Jaguar.
326
00:16:30,981 --> 00:16:33,141
It only broke down
because Victoria sabotaged it.
327
00:16:35,621 --> 00:16:37,501
We prefer Charley to Tom.
Mm!
328
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:41,861
On geese... Little-known fact.
329
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:45,060
A group of case is called a gaggle.
330
00:16:45,101 --> 00:16:48,341
Or a wedge if they're in flight.
Or a plump in tight formation.
331
00:16:48,381 --> 00:16:50,621
A gaggle. Yeah.
332
00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:53,420
Interesting little titbit for you.
333
00:16:53,461 --> 00:16:55,461
Excuse me, I need an aspirin.
334
00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:06,501
SHE SIGHS
335
00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:08,420
What are you doing?
Get back in there!
336
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,381
You go back! It's my turn.
337
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,581
Oh, oh...
HE SIGHS
338
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,740
They'll be back when they're hungry.
339
00:17:22,821 --> 00:17:25,061
IN HINDI:
340
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:32,621
Er, wh...
what are you talking about?
341
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,301
Er... Recipes.
342
00:17:34,341 --> 00:17:36,101
You, er...
You must teach me some Hindi.
343
00:17:36,141 --> 00:17:38,861
You won't be staying long enough.
Right.
344
00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:40,541
So, what are your plans?
345
00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:46,260
I don't have any.
Oh...
346
00:17:49,021 --> 00:17:51,301
So, you must have taught
all of the Larkins.
347
00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:53,061
What was Mariette like at school?
348
00:17:53,101 --> 00:17:56,381
Headstrong, always fighting
off boys, often arrived on a horse.
349
00:17:56,420 --> 00:18:00,141
Oh. Right. Nothing's changed.
CHUCKLES
350
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,301
You have admirers, too.
351
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:03,781
Pauline at the inn said
there'll always be a welcome
352
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:04,980
in her hillside for you.
353
00:18:06,621 --> 00:18:09,220
Oh, d'you know what?
I have had my offers.
354
00:18:09,260 --> 00:18:11,821
Haven't we all?
She hasn't.
355
00:18:11,861 --> 00:18:14,260
God, how have I become so spineless?
356
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:18,180
Don't know, not interested.
We're off to the village hall.
357
00:18:18,220 --> 00:18:19,940
Come with us.
358
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:22,301
Tom Fisher's defending
his building plans.
359
00:18:22,341 --> 00:18:23,821
I predict a punch-up!
360
00:18:25,781 --> 00:18:27,381
VILLAGERS CHATTING,
GAVEL BANGS
361
00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:29,821
A country-house hotel
will create jobs
362
00:18:29,861 --> 00:18:34,541
and boost every local business -
farms, shops, services.
363
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:37,381
The extension is needed
for staff accommodation.
364
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:40,180
We'd rather keep our very old tree!
MURMURS OF AGREEANCE
365
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:43,581
Small sacrifices must be made,
sadly.
366
00:18:43,621 --> 00:18:47,301
Look, change is coming to our
village, whether we like it or not,
367
00:18:47,341 --> 00:18:50,821
but I will manage it better
than most because I live here.
368
00:18:50,861 --> 00:18:54,220
And everything I want is here.
369
00:18:54,260 --> 00:18:56,460
Thank you.
CROWD MUTTERS DISAPPROVINGLY
370
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,740
Thank you, Tom. Stunning.
371
00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:01,500
As chairman
of your parish council...
372
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,420
Here, here.
Thank you, Norma.
373
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:05,381
Get on with it, you creep.
Here, here.
374
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:07,980
Rest assured, we will be listening
to all views
375
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:10,381
before voting
at the end of the week.
376
00:19:10,420 --> 00:19:12,900
But you'd be a halfwit
to object to this development
377
00:19:12,940 --> 00:19:14,301
or to cutting down a lump of wood.
378
00:19:14,341 --> 00:19:15,980
We need a swimming pool!
379
00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:20,021
Shut it, Mr Binns.
Put me down for a swimming pool.
380
00:19:20,061 --> 00:19:23,061
Sorry,
Mr Fisher claims to be a resident,
381
00:19:23,101 --> 00:19:25,061
but how long
has he actually lived here?
382
00:19:25,101 --> 00:19:27,260
Longer than you.
True.
383
00:19:27,301 --> 00:19:29,460
But I'm not trying to
quietly concrete over paradise
384
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,500
just to make a profit.
385
00:19:30,541 --> 00:19:33,101
Yeah. We don't mind a hotel...
386
00:19:33,141 --> 00:19:35,341
or maybe losing a tree
we've all loved for centuries.
387
00:19:35,381 --> 00:19:37,260
WOMAN: Yeah!
But it won't stop there, will it?
388
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:38,581
Of course it will.
389
00:19:38,621 --> 00:19:41,021
You wanted to buy Bluff Court,
didn't you? Yes, I did.
390
00:19:41,061 --> 00:19:44,061
And your plan was to knock it down
and sell it off for scrap.
391
00:19:44,101 --> 00:19:47,781
And open the land for...
It is a splendid manor house,
392
00:19:47,821 --> 00:19:51,341
which you wanted to destroy
to make a profit!
393
00:19:51,381 --> 00:19:53,900
So much for
"preserving the village", huh?
394
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:56,141
CROWD MURMURS
395
00:20:01,101 --> 00:20:03,301
Charley, boy! I've missed ya.
396
00:20:03,341 --> 00:20:04,781
Oh!
HE LAUGHS
397
00:20:04,821 --> 00:20:06,660
That was a fun one. Ha...
398
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:09,821
Oh, well, I've missed you.
How are you all?
399
00:20:09,861 --> 00:20:13,180
How's Primrose?
I'm disappointed in you, Charley.
400
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:15,381
You're letting Tom
stamp all over you.
401
00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:17,861
MAN: Come on, then!
MAN: Right, you...
402
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,500
I'll put one on you!
WHISTLE BLOWS
403
00:20:19,541 --> 00:20:21,381
I'd advise you not to... Oh!
Yeah! Take that.
404
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,061
All right, all right, all right!
Don't make me use my judo.
405
00:20:24,101 --> 00:20:25,980
Just pack it up, pack it up.
Come on.
406
00:20:26,021 --> 00:20:28,180
Leave him alone!
Get her off me!
407
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:30,021
Time's running out.
408
00:20:30,061 --> 00:20:33,180
Either Mariette's off to France
or Tom will have her.
409
00:20:33,220 --> 00:20:34,660
Oh, don't worry.
410
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:38,740
Yeah, I lost confidence for a while,
but... now the dragon is stirred.
411
00:20:38,781 --> 00:20:39,900
APPROVINGLY: Hmm.
412
00:20:48,021 --> 00:20:52,220
Oh... It seems they don't like us
OR the countryside.
413
00:20:52,260 --> 00:20:57,141
So why have they come?
Because she is your beloved sister.
414
00:20:57,180 --> 00:20:59,141
It's like they've only come
to niggle.
415
00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:00,581
And to show off the new car!
416
00:21:00,621 --> 00:21:02,781
Have they got a new car?
They have.
417
00:21:02,821 --> 00:21:05,341
MOCKING:
They've got a new 3.4L Jaguar.
418
00:21:05,381 --> 00:21:08,500
Is it?
MOCKING: Is it a new 3.4L Jaguar?
419
00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:10,660
THEY CHUCKLE
420
00:21:11,781 --> 00:21:14,940
Yeah... Well, they just have trouble
enjoying themselves.
421
00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:16,781
A lot of folk do.
Mm...
422
00:21:16,821 --> 00:21:18,740
I want to love
my own flesh and blood,
423
00:21:18,781 --> 00:21:20,781
not run it over in its own car.
HE CHUCKLES
424
00:21:22,460 --> 00:21:24,420
I'm sorry.
Hm?
425
00:21:24,460 --> 00:21:27,740
You've got a village to preserve.
Yeah...
426
00:21:32,141 --> 00:21:34,781
I'm just not used to
the likes of Tom.
427
00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:38,940
You and me, we're canny, Ma,
but so's he.
428
00:21:40,740 --> 00:21:43,101
And it seems like he's the future.
429
00:21:43,141 --> 00:21:45,861
Well, there's nine on the committee.
Mm.
430
00:21:45,900 --> 00:21:48,781
Looks like four for Tom
and four against.
431
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,180
Get the vicar and we've won!
Nobble the vicar.
432
00:21:55,220 --> 00:21:56,460
CHUCKLING: Yeah.
433
00:22:11,861 --> 00:22:14,061
Larkin! Get in that church.
434
00:22:14,101 --> 00:22:15,460
Why? What's happening?
435
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,861
Eternal salvation's happening,
what else, you heathen lowlife?
436
00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:20,101
Hm, I might give that a go.
437
00:22:20,141 --> 00:22:22,061
Meanwhile,
which way will you be voting?
438
00:22:23,301 --> 00:22:25,781
I'm waiting for a sign from God.
439
00:22:25,821 --> 00:22:28,500
I doubt that.
440
00:22:28,541 --> 00:22:29,900
Why? What are you offering?
441
00:22:29,940 --> 00:22:32,940
You'd vote to damage the village?
442
00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:36,460
Two sides of every coin.
And indeed, every banknote.
443
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:39,260
REVVING
444
00:22:39,301 --> 00:22:41,900
Rural dean. I'm on a last warning.
445
00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:45,420
And in at number ten, thou shalt not
covet thou neighbour's wife,
446
00:22:45,460 --> 00:22:49,940
staff, ox or indeed ass,
so please don't do it.
447
00:22:49,980 --> 00:22:51,861
Dean!
448
00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:03,660
SOUND FROM TELEVISION
449
00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:08,021
Fancy a walk at all?
We don't walk, really.
450
00:23:08,061 --> 00:23:09,980
Except to the car.
451
00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:12,621
And inside shops.
452
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:16,900
Modern man is built biologically
to sit.
453
00:23:16,940 --> 00:23:20,021
Hence us not being on all fours.
454
00:23:20,061 --> 00:23:24,500
Except on special occasions,
and hence us not having a tail,
455
00:23:24,541 --> 00:23:28,260
which otherwise would get
in the way... on the chair.
456
00:23:28,301 --> 00:23:31,101
That is nonsense, Uncle Howard.
457
00:23:31,141 --> 00:23:33,541
Why are you always telling us things
458
00:23:33,581 --> 00:23:36,660
that are either wrong
or we know them already?
459
00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:37,781
GROWLS
460
00:23:39,260 --> 00:23:41,980
I expect she'll want to apologise
to us later.
461
00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:46,980
It's true, Howard,
you do sometimes, erm...
462
00:23:47,021 --> 00:23:49,141
Well, you guess, really, don't you?
463
00:23:49,180 --> 00:23:51,301
Well, he can't be THAT stupid,
464
00:23:51,341 --> 00:23:53,980
or he couldn't have bought us
a new 3.4L Jaguar.
465
00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:05,980
Oof!
466
00:24:06,021 --> 00:24:07,541
Hoo!
467
00:24:07,581 --> 00:24:08,700
All right...
468
00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:14,541
Oh, left a bit. Cowpat.
469
00:24:14,581 --> 00:24:16,740
CHILDREN GIGGLE
470
00:24:18,821 --> 00:24:20,341
Monty!
471
00:24:27,581 --> 00:24:28,980
You can do it, Jemima.
472
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:33,781
What are you scared of?
Most things.
473
00:24:33,821 --> 00:24:35,381
Why?
Don't be.
474
00:24:35,420 --> 00:24:37,381
Just try jumping,
you really want to.
475
00:24:46,900 --> 00:24:47,980
Oh!
476
00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:52,740
Oh!
477
00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,180
We've got your vote,
Mrs Fothergill,
478
00:24:57,220 --> 00:24:58,301
and that's the main thing.
479
00:24:58,341 --> 00:25:00,861
You will have to shout,
I'm on a horse.
480
00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:04,220
SHOUTS: We've got your vote?
Oh, absolutely.
481
00:25:04,260 --> 00:25:08,541
Mummy believes our ancient way of
life must be protected at all costs.
482
00:25:08,581 --> 00:25:10,141
Wait,
we're not saying that, actually.
483
00:25:10,180 --> 00:25:12,341
Steady.
Steady.
484
00:25:20,061 --> 00:25:22,861
Miss Chand,
always a deep joy to be near you.
485
00:25:22,900 --> 00:25:25,460
Don't waste your moth-eaten charm
on me, I'm not voting your way.
486
00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:26,500
Why not?
487
00:25:26,541 --> 00:25:29,061
Any development will mean
an influx of people,
488
00:25:29,101 --> 00:25:30,500
which will mean a bigger school,
489
00:25:30,541 --> 00:25:32,141
so we can demolish
the tired, old one.
490
00:25:32,180 --> 00:25:34,861
Demolish the school?
It made me what I am today.
491
00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:36,500
My point exactly.
492
00:25:36,541 --> 00:25:38,541
No, you can't,
you got the memories, you see?
493
00:25:38,581 --> 00:25:42,861
We did the nativity every year.
Using real shepherds, and... Alec!
494
00:25:42,900 --> 00:25:46,781
Come on, what are you getting
out of all this business, eh?
495
00:25:46,821 --> 00:25:49,621
A nice hotel management job,
Tom's little reward, is it?
496
00:25:49,660 --> 00:25:53,381
Oh, I think you're underestimating
Mr Fisher's ambitions.
497
00:25:53,420 --> 00:25:54,861
You have no idea.
498
00:25:59,061 --> 00:26:01,420
He's gonna pay off the vicar,
I'm gonna be right behind him.
499
00:26:01,460 --> 00:26:04,381
What time's the planning break, Dad?
Four o'clock, why?
500
00:26:18,781 --> 00:26:22,581
Beautiful, dangerous Mariette.
Mr big-shot developer.
501
00:26:24,061 --> 00:26:27,581
I found out why my car broke down.
God telling me you're dodgy?
502
00:26:27,621 --> 00:26:29,740
Your Victoria tinkered with it.
503
00:26:29,781 --> 00:26:32,301
No!
Mm! She just admitted it.
504
00:26:32,341 --> 00:26:34,460
Good mechanic, terrible liar.
505
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:37,621
Oh, sorry.
But you are... controversial.
506
00:26:37,660 --> 00:26:42,660
Mm. Tom Dracula here,
sucking the blood from the village.
507
00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:45,341
Well, you'll just have to try harder
to prove we can trust you.
508
00:26:45,381 --> 00:26:46,581
Good luck.
509
00:26:46,621 --> 00:26:48,781
I'm off, anyhow.
No, you're not.
510
00:26:50,420 --> 00:26:54,621
How's your French coming along?
Commey ci, commey ca.
511
00:26:55,581 --> 00:26:57,861
This'll cheer you up.
512
00:26:57,900 --> 00:26:59,260
Voila!
513
00:27:04,700 --> 00:27:06,700
Manager of my new hotel.
514
00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:10,180
The job's yours. You'd be brilliant.
515
00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:11,500
You're ambitious.
516
00:27:11,541 --> 00:27:14,660
Why d'you wanna be a lonely au pair
when you'd be here with me,
517
00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:16,900
making a difference and having fun?
518
00:27:18,381 --> 00:27:19,821
You pig!
519
00:27:19,861 --> 00:27:21,460
HE SNIGGERS
520
00:27:40,621 --> 00:27:42,621
What'd he offer you?
521
00:27:42,660 --> 00:27:45,381
This is to restore my organ.
I bet it is.
522
00:27:45,420 --> 00:27:47,581
Come on, Vic, don't be shy
because this is important,
523
00:27:47,621 --> 00:27:48,940
I'll up his offer for your vote.
524
00:27:48,980 --> 00:27:52,740
�100.
I'll do it in guineas.
525
00:27:52,781 --> 00:27:53,821
How much is that in pounds?
526
00:27:53,861 --> 00:27:55,381
A guinea's one pound
and one shilling.
527
00:27:55,420 --> 00:27:57,660
Call it 120 quid.
105.
528
00:27:59,940 --> 00:28:01,220
HUFFS
529
00:28:01,260 --> 00:28:03,781
Right, you're on board,
no funny business.
530
00:28:03,821 --> 00:28:05,940
Of course not.
531
00:28:05,980 --> 00:28:07,381
Isn't there something in the Bible
532
00:28:07,420 --> 00:28:09,700
about Jesus throwing the money men
out of the temple?
533
00:28:09,740 --> 00:28:12,781
Don't worry about that.
That was a long time ago.
534
00:28:24,740 --> 00:28:26,500
Jemima?
535
00:28:26,541 --> 00:28:28,381
She's so weedy!
536
00:28:28,420 --> 00:28:30,581
I'm not carrying her
across that stream again.
537
00:28:30,621 --> 00:28:33,341
You have to understand,
we come from different backgrounds.
538
00:28:33,381 --> 00:28:36,220
You wouldn't be so sure
of yourselves in the city.
539
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:42,660
Just need to show
a little bit of patience. And...
540
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:44,980
JAGUAR ROARS
541
00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:51,180
Just taking the new Jaguar
out for a spin.
542
00:28:51,220 --> 00:28:53,821
I'm afraid we'd leave your old car
for dust.
543
00:28:53,861 --> 00:28:56,101
Right. That's it.
544
00:28:56,141 --> 00:28:58,381
That's it, Bertha.
545
00:28:58,420 --> 00:29:01,220
I have heard enough crap
about your car.
546
00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:02,821
We have a Rolls-Royce!
547
00:29:02,861 --> 00:29:05,381
And do you hear us
boasting about it?
548
00:29:05,420 --> 00:29:06,460
CHILDREN GIGGLE
549
00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:10,900
I'm not cross about your disrespect,
Florence...
550
00:29:10,940 --> 00:29:13,141
I'm just intrigued.
551
00:29:13,180 --> 00:29:16,021
Oh, don't give me that toot.
552
00:29:16,061 --> 00:29:18,260
I'll race you around the farm.
553
00:29:18,301 --> 00:29:22,141
Ooh, ah, no, no,
I don't that's a very good idea...
554
00:29:22,180 --> 00:29:23,180
Oh, shut up, you.
555
00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:27,220
If your car is so amazing,
then you'll romp home.
556
00:29:27,260 --> 00:29:28,980
And I'll give you a head start.
557
00:29:29,021 --> 00:29:30,980
If that's what you want.
558
00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:40,141
Keys, Howard.
In the ignition, Bertha.
559
00:29:43,341 --> 00:29:44,660
Right!
560
00:29:45,781 --> 00:29:48,700
CHEERY WHISTLING
561
00:29:48,740 --> 00:29:51,500
Working hard, son?
You look chipper, Dad.
562
00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:52,700
That's because Tom Fisher
563
00:29:52,740 --> 00:29:55,341
can't get enough votes
to get his building plans through.
564
00:29:55,381 --> 00:29:56,781
What about that?
565
00:29:56,821 --> 00:29:58,460
ENGINES ROAR
What's going on?
566
00:30:00,301 --> 00:30:02,420
Come on, keep up!
567
00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:04,581
Stop that, you two, no! Grow up!
568
00:30:04,621 --> 00:30:07,821
Is that the best you can do?
Go on, the wife!
569
00:30:19,821 --> 00:30:21,700
MEEKLY: Hello.
570
00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:23,141
I'm a Littlechurch resident
571
00:30:23,180 --> 00:30:25,301
and I believe I'm entitled to see
572
00:30:25,341 --> 00:30:28,220
all planning applications
filed with you?
573
00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:31,101
How old are you?
I beg your pardon?
574
00:30:40,220 --> 00:30:42,220
Right. Right, OK.
575
00:30:43,900 --> 00:30:45,420
Ooh!
576
00:30:45,460 --> 00:30:46,821
No!
577
00:30:46,861 --> 00:30:49,621
Oh, oh, ow, ow!
578
00:30:52,260 --> 00:30:53,781
Right.
579
00:31:00,460 --> 00:31:02,381
OK. Oh, gosh.
580
00:31:02,420 --> 00:31:04,861
Hoo!
SIGHS
581
00:31:04,900 --> 00:31:07,061
HUMMING
582
00:31:07,101 --> 00:31:09,980
SINGS: Oh, Mariette...
REVVING, TYRES SCREECH
583
00:31:11,500 --> 00:31:14,021
Oh, oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
584
00:31:14,061 --> 00:31:17,460
Oh... Oh... Ow! Argh! Argh!
585
00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:19,381
CAR HORN
586
00:31:19,420 --> 00:31:22,541
CHARLEY YELLS
587
00:31:28,141 --> 00:31:30,621
Not like this!
588
00:31:30,660 --> 00:31:32,541
No, no. Oh...
589
00:31:41,541 --> 00:31:42,621
Charley?
590
00:31:49,301 --> 00:31:50,940
Obviously, I'd like you to keep
591
00:31:50,980 --> 00:31:53,260
your change of heart
quiet until the vote.
592
00:31:53,301 --> 00:31:55,460
Of course we will,
we're not morons.
593
00:31:56,420 --> 00:31:58,061
Now, to be fair, she is.
594
00:31:58,101 --> 00:31:59,700
I've only reconsidered
595
00:31:59,740 --> 00:32:02,260
because I've realised that change
596
00:32:02,301 --> 00:32:04,621
is the lifeblood
of a vibrant community.
597
00:32:04,660 --> 00:32:06,341
So it's not this?
598
00:32:06,381 --> 00:32:09,980
Look, we are all human, I know I am.
599
00:32:10,021 --> 00:32:12,581
OK, off you trot and vote.
600
00:32:18,101 --> 00:32:22,301
This plan's for a housing estate.
Shops, major roads...
601
00:32:22,341 --> 00:32:24,301
In our little village!
602
00:32:24,341 --> 00:32:26,460
And a massive roundabout!
603
00:32:26,500 --> 00:32:30,220
No, that's a coffee mug ring.
Oh, yes...
604
00:32:30,260 --> 00:32:31,781
But these are just ideas,
aren't they?
605
00:32:31,821 --> 00:32:32,900
It won't actually happen?
606
00:32:32,940 --> 00:32:34,940
I think it will
if it gets through phase one.
607
00:32:34,980 --> 00:32:37,980
Mr Fisher seems very well connected
with our planners.
608
00:32:39,900 --> 00:32:43,420
So he has to just get it through
Parish Council, then he can do this?
609
00:32:44,980 --> 00:32:47,220
I must take these immediately
to show...
610
00:32:47,260 --> 00:32:48,621
No, you can't take them with you.
611
00:32:55,821 --> 00:32:58,101
ENGINES ROAR,
TYRES SQUEAL
612
00:33:14,541 --> 00:33:18,021
Oh, bless her. Oh!
613
00:33:19,220 --> 00:33:20,700
TUTS
614
00:33:20,740 --> 00:33:24,141
Ha-ha!
615
00:33:24,180 --> 00:33:27,301
Don't look so worried, man.
I'm praying she doesn't crash.
616
00:33:27,341 --> 00:33:30,700
Bertha'll be all right, she's cut
from the same tough old tree as Ma.
617
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:32,900
That's why they give the odd bark!
POP CHUCKLES
618
00:33:32,940 --> 00:33:35,061
The car's not actually paid for.
619
00:33:38,781 --> 00:33:41,101
Phil, come and watch the big pitch,
come on.
620
00:33:45,460 --> 00:33:46,660
Here they come!
621
00:33:46,700 --> 00:33:49,341
Whoo-hoo!
622
00:33:49,381 --> 00:33:51,021
Whoo!
623
00:33:51,061 --> 00:33:53,220
BRAKES SCREECH,
CHURNS CLATTER
624
00:33:59,341 --> 00:34:00,381
All right, Ma?
625
00:34:00,420 --> 00:34:03,900
Right, couple of lessons from this.
Later, Howard.
626
00:34:03,940 --> 00:34:07,621
It's only a stupid car.
Hey, Howard, come here.
627
00:34:09,381 --> 00:34:10,700
Come on.
628
00:34:12,141 --> 00:34:14,260
Well done, Bertha.
629
00:34:14,301 --> 00:34:17,220
And I'm sorry
we haven't been getting on.
630
00:34:17,260 --> 00:34:18,300
Me too.
631
00:34:18,340 --> 00:34:20,660
What's wrong with us?
I know we're different, but...
632
00:34:20,700 --> 00:34:23,300
We're jealous, me and Howard.
633
00:34:23,340 --> 00:34:26,820
Of what?
You. This. Everything.
634
00:34:26,860 --> 00:34:30,141
Oh, but you love your life.
Yes, but...
635
00:34:31,300 --> 00:34:32,541
..you lot are so happy.
636
00:34:32,581 --> 00:34:36,141
And your kids...
are what children should be like.
637
00:34:36,180 --> 00:34:38,380
Oh, God forbid that's true!
638
00:34:39,621 --> 00:34:41,581
Jemima's a bundle of nerves.
639
00:34:43,260 --> 00:34:44,621
I wanted to bring her here
640
00:34:44,660 --> 00:34:47,220
so your kids' confidence
could rub off on her.
641
00:34:47,260 --> 00:34:49,740
Oh, Bertha.
642
00:34:49,780 --> 00:34:53,101
Pop and I worry about ours
just like you do.
643
00:34:53,141 --> 00:34:55,981
Whether you're ten like Jemima
or 20 like Mariette,
644
00:34:56,021 --> 00:34:58,501
we'll still worry about them
when they're 50, God willing.
645
00:34:58,541 --> 00:35:00,021
I know.
646
00:35:00,061 --> 00:35:02,820
We want our kids to be strong
and independent,
647
00:35:02,860 --> 00:35:04,981
but we want them to need us too.
648
00:35:06,380 --> 00:35:10,421
I've been on edge lately.
And there's a reason why.
649
00:35:10,461 --> 00:35:13,260
Mariette leaving?
No, it's...
650
00:35:13,300 --> 00:35:14,501
Here you go, girls.
651
00:35:14,541 --> 00:35:18,220
Hey, now, look, all mended now?
652
00:35:18,260 --> 00:35:20,021
Yes.
Yeah, good, good.
653
00:35:20,061 --> 00:35:23,700
Amazing what racing round a farm
like a couple of goons can do.
654
00:35:23,740 --> 00:35:27,101
Am I going loopy, or did I see
Charley in the wood with a...
655
00:35:27,141 --> 00:35:30,141
Indiany musical instrument?
656
00:35:30,180 --> 00:35:33,300
Yeah, interesting fact
about India...
657
00:35:33,340 --> 00:35:36,660
Ah... Oh... Sorry...
658
00:35:36,700 --> 00:35:38,180
That's boring.
659
00:35:38,220 --> 00:35:39,621
Oh!
660
00:35:43,621 --> 00:35:44,820
What have I done?
661
00:35:46,901 --> 00:35:49,340
Where's Jemima?
Don't worry about Jemima.
662
00:35:49,380 --> 00:35:51,180
Our lot'll look after her,
won't they, Ma?
663
00:35:51,220 --> 00:35:54,101
Course.
Cheers.
664
00:35:54,141 --> 00:35:57,700
ALL: Cheers!
All right.
665
00:36:04,820 --> 00:36:06,220
Let's leave her to it.
666
00:36:06,260 --> 00:36:08,421
Yeah, there's no chance
she'll make it.
667
00:36:08,461 --> 00:36:10,380
It took me years of falling in.
668
00:36:15,660 --> 00:36:17,141
Argh!
669
00:36:46,621 --> 00:36:50,180
Ooh! Hello, Tom.
670
00:36:50,220 --> 00:36:53,061
You look like you think
you're gonna lose the vote.
671
00:36:53,101 --> 00:36:56,141
Yeah, well, it was always gonna
be difficult taking on passionate
672
00:36:56,180 --> 00:36:57,981
and persuasive locals like you.
673
00:36:58,021 --> 00:36:59,820
Yeah, well,
we'll find out later, won't we?
674
00:36:59,860 --> 00:37:02,581
Yeah. Anyway, I'm here to do my bit
675
00:37:02,621 --> 00:37:05,300
to stop Mariette
skipping off to France.
676
00:37:05,340 --> 00:37:07,860
Oh, so you won't get a shred of
pleasure out of her staying, then?
677
00:37:08,981 --> 00:37:10,901
Listen, I never get involved
in my kids' lives,
678
00:37:10,941 --> 00:37:13,461
I really, really, don't,
my mum and dad, Lord love 'em,
679
00:37:13,501 --> 00:37:15,901
they let me learn by my mistakes,
and I made some big-uns,
680
00:37:15,941 --> 00:37:18,101
including trying to cut me own hair
with a lawn mower.
681
00:37:18,141 --> 00:37:20,260
Ha... Look...
682
00:37:20,300 --> 00:37:23,501
Getting the development approved
could help Mariette stay.
683
00:37:23,541 --> 00:37:27,740
You really wanna throw her out
because of a... Lazy Susan?
684
00:37:27,780 --> 00:37:30,300
Spreading Linda, Tom.
685
00:37:30,340 --> 00:37:33,780
Yeah, I can see it in your eyes.
686
00:37:33,820 --> 00:37:36,220
You're a townie, son.
You've come here to build a town.
687
00:37:36,260 --> 00:37:38,380
Here's a piece of advice.
688
00:37:38,421 --> 00:37:41,901
Take a flask and a pie
689
00:37:41,941 --> 00:37:44,541
and climb high up into that tree,
690
00:37:44,581 --> 00:37:49,021
and then just look down at
the unspoilt glories beneath you.
691
00:37:49,061 --> 00:37:51,700
And just sit there, Tom.
And enjoy them.
692
00:37:51,740 --> 00:37:55,421
Where do you think your six children
are gonna live when they grow up?
693
00:37:55,461 --> 00:37:57,660
In magic houses built in Neverland?
694
00:37:57,700 --> 00:38:01,220
There are plenty of folk
who prefer towns, Tom.
695
00:38:01,260 --> 00:38:02,941
My in-laws, for instance,
696
00:38:02,981 --> 00:38:06,700
they get queasy
at the sight of grass, you know?
697
00:38:06,740 --> 00:38:10,260
Look, let's have London,
let's have New York,
698
00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:12,981
but let's not have
10,000 ugly dormitories
699
00:38:13,021 --> 00:38:15,021
on our beautiful countryside.
700
00:38:15,061 --> 00:38:17,700
Eh? So...
701
00:38:17,740 --> 00:38:19,380
No hard feelings
when all this is over?
702
00:38:19,421 --> 00:38:22,380
Goodness, no.
Good, good, yeah.
703
00:38:22,421 --> 00:38:27,700
Well, as for Mariette,
she's, er, gone off for the day.
704
00:38:29,220 --> 00:38:30,981
Oh.
Hm.
705
00:38:32,461 --> 00:38:34,061
Thanks.
You're welcome.
706
00:38:35,541 --> 00:38:39,740
Have a good day, Tom.
Yeah. You too.
707
00:38:43,780 --> 00:38:46,700
I wonder who you've nobbled,
you wily toe-rag.
708
00:38:46,740 --> 00:38:49,421
We knew you could do it, Jemima.
709
00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:53,300
See, Jem, you'd've seen them cows
and run off screaming.
710
00:38:53,340 --> 00:38:55,660
That's no cow!
What is it?
711
00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:59,901
Don't worry, it's just a male cow.
So it's a bull?
712
00:39:01,421 --> 00:39:03,141
Run!
713
00:39:03,180 --> 00:39:05,300
Run, run, run!
714
00:39:05,340 --> 00:39:06,581
Faster!
715
00:39:06,621 --> 00:39:09,141
Oh, quick!
Argh!
716
00:39:13,340 --> 00:39:15,021
THEY ALL SIGH
717
00:39:17,180 --> 00:39:19,141
LAUGHTER
718
00:39:19,180 --> 00:39:22,340
Has that ever happened before?
Yeah. Most weeks.
719
00:39:23,780 --> 00:39:27,380
Welcome to this special meeting
of the Parish Planning Committee.
720
00:39:27,421 --> 00:39:28,700
Over the last few days,
721
00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:32,660
we've listened to local opinion
on this major decision. Hear, hear.
722
00:39:32,700 --> 00:39:34,660
Can we not do
the hear sodding hears?
723
00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:38,740
So we can go straight to a vote
on approving this exciting project
724
00:39:38,780 --> 00:39:40,941
with all its heart-stopping
benefits.
725
00:39:40,981 --> 00:39:41,981
DOOR CLATTERS
726
00:39:42,021 --> 00:39:43,541
Stop the proceedings!
727
00:39:47,180 --> 00:39:49,820
BREATHLESSLY: I'm sorry,
I've just run from the pick-up.
728
00:39:49,860 --> 00:39:51,581
I need to bring up
an important issue.
729
00:39:51,621 --> 00:39:53,621
Overruled.
Right, those in favour...
730
00:39:53,660 --> 00:39:55,820
I support Mr Larkin on this issue.
What is the issue?
731
00:39:55,860 --> 00:39:57,780
Er, we need to delay the vote.
732
00:39:57,820 --> 00:40:01,380
Because, erm, I don't wanna use
the word "bribery", but...
733
00:40:01,421 --> 00:40:04,461
There's nothing wrong with gifts.
That's how local government works.
734
00:40:04,501 --> 00:40:06,461
Larkin is aware of that,
live by the sword,
735
00:40:06,501 --> 00:40:08,180
the skill is being
on the winning team.
736
00:40:08,220 --> 00:40:11,380
The skill is living a good life in a
place you wanna love and look after.
737
00:40:11,421 --> 00:40:14,101
And that's exactly
what we're voting on now.
738
00:40:14,141 --> 00:40:16,061
Those in favour of Mr Fisher's
739
00:40:16,101 --> 00:40:18,660
development of Bluff Court
and grounds...
740
00:40:18,700 --> 00:40:20,461
I don't feel very well!
THUDS
741
00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:22,501
GASPS
742
00:40:22,541 --> 00:40:25,621
Those in favour? No, no,
she's fainted. Stop the vote!
743
00:40:25,660 --> 00:40:27,941
It's a rouse, we're carrying on.
Those in favour...
744
00:40:27,981 --> 00:40:30,461
DOOR CLATTERS
745
00:40:30,501 --> 00:40:32,421
Oh! How many more of them
are out there?
746
00:40:32,461 --> 00:40:34,340
I stole them
from the District Council,
747
00:40:34,380 --> 00:40:35,860
so I'll probably go to prison.
748
00:40:35,901 --> 00:40:38,461
I told you Tom wouldn't stop there.
749
00:40:38,501 --> 00:40:41,061
He's a disgrace!
I'll rip his pips off!
750
00:40:41,101 --> 00:40:42,340
Easy, General.
751
00:40:42,380 --> 00:40:44,180
The road slices through our garden.
752
00:40:44,220 --> 00:40:46,220
Less weeding...
753
00:40:46,260 --> 00:40:47,941
I'm being humorous.
754
00:40:47,981 --> 00:40:50,941
And a bloody great roundabout
around my church. Atheist scum!
755
00:40:50,981 --> 00:40:54,421
No, that's a coffee mug ring.
Oh, rightio. Thank you.
756
00:40:54,461 --> 00:40:56,220
Well, I'm voting against now.
757
00:40:56,260 --> 00:40:59,621
No!
Me too. What was I thinking?
758
00:40:59,660 --> 00:41:01,901
Forgive me, Vicar,
for I have sinned.
759
00:41:01,941 --> 00:41:03,941
Why are you telling ME?
I agree.
760
00:41:03,981 --> 00:41:07,541
I can't vote for this.
Norma! Have you lost your mind?
761
00:41:07,581 --> 00:41:09,700
Oh, Alec, it's going wrong, innit?
762
00:41:09,740 --> 00:41:12,180
Good, vote rejected.
BANGS GAVEL
763
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:13,820
Primrose, you're an angel.
764
00:41:13,860 --> 00:41:17,820
Oh, come on,
we can do better than that.
765
00:41:17,860 --> 00:41:21,660
Come on!
POP CHUCKLES
766
00:41:28,820 --> 00:41:32,220
I don't think the countryside's
only animals and muck,
767
00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:35,901
and we have a lovely library
and, ooh, next time,
768
00:41:35,941 --> 00:41:38,380
I'll show you the Roman Museum
in Canterbury.
769
00:41:38,421 --> 00:41:39,820
No, thanks.
770
00:41:39,860 --> 00:41:41,621
You can't leave
now that we've remembered
771
00:41:41,660 --> 00:41:45,421
how to talk to one another.
Oh, don't worry, we'll be back.
772
00:41:45,461 --> 00:41:47,820
But you must visit us in Bromley.
773
00:41:47,860 --> 00:41:50,740
That fabulous new shopping centre
I talked about.
774
00:41:50,780 --> 00:41:52,541
With a real foun-tain!
775
00:41:52,581 --> 00:41:56,981
Oh, I'm afraid we're gonna be too
busy with the farming jobs, dammit.
776
00:41:57,021 --> 00:41:58,700
Oh, yeah, yeah.
777
00:41:58,740 --> 00:42:02,061
Oh, well, what about November?
No, no... November...
778
00:42:02,101 --> 00:42:03,180
November's the, erm...
779
00:42:03,220 --> 00:42:05,101
All the leaves, Ma,
you know, the leaves. Yeah.
780
00:42:09,300 --> 00:42:11,901
Pop and I just don't wanna come
to Bromley.
781
00:42:12,981 --> 00:42:15,501
I'm sorry.
Oh.
782
00:42:15,541 --> 00:42:20,061
Well, we ARE quite different,
aren't we?
783
00:42:20,101 --> 00:42:23,021
CHUCKLING: We are.
784
00:42:24,220 --> 00:42:25,581
Let's celebrate that.
785
00:42:25,621 --> 00:42:28,780
CAR STARTS
786
00:42:28,820 --> 00:42:32,541
Hear that? Velvety.
787
00:42:32,581 --> 00:42:36,820
So, Pop, I don't know
what your poison is route-wise,
788
00:42:36,860 --> 00:42:40,780
but we are going A20,
cutting through Sidcup,
789
00:42:40,820 --> 00:42:42,581
depending on the traffic flow,
of course.
790
00:42:42,621 --> 00:42:43,941
And then, we're...
791
00:42:45,260 --> 00:42:47,981
Is the handbrake off?
No...
792
00:42:48,021 --> 00:42:49,700
They're backing away.
793
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:52,260
Drive on, Howard!
794
00:42:54,860 --> 00:42:56,660
REVVING
795
00:43:00,421 --> 00:43:03,820
Kids, promise me you will never
fall out or grow apart.
796
00:43:03,860 --> 00:43:06,021
We hate each other already.
797
00:43:06,061 --> 00:43:07,380
I'm gonna live in the lighthouse!
798
00:43:07,421 --> 00:43:10,180
I need my own bedroom.
Zinnia stinks.
799
00:43:10,220 --> 00:43:12,340
Well, it was a nice idea, wasn't it?
800
00:43:12,380 --> 00:43:14,380
THEY ALL CHUCKLE
801
00:43:23,340 --> 00:43:27,700
So, you've been caught
trying to pull a massive fast one.
802
00:43:27,740 --> 00:43:29,141
Yeah, it's called enterprise.
803
00:43:29,180 --> 00:43:31,340
Your little village
just wasn't ready for me.
804
00:43:31,380 --> 00:43:33,860
No, it was you
who wasn't ready for us.
805
00:43:33,901 --> 00:43:37,660
Your horizons are wider, Mariette.
You know you wanna be with me.
806
00:43:37,700 --> 00:43:40,541
Yeah, but I'd always be competing
for your love, wouldn't I?
807
00:43:40,581 --> 00:43:42,780
Who with?
Yourself.
808
00:43:45,421 --> 00:43:47,340
You could learn from Charley,
you know?
809
00:43:47,380 --> 00:43:50,141
Oh, well,
you are talking like a mad woman.
810
00:43:50,180 --> 00:43:51,941
I'd learn more
from that horse's backside.
811
00:43:51,981 --> 00:43:55,101
Oh, yeah? Who's been humiliated
today, him or you?
812
00:43:56,740 --> 00:43:57,981
You're never gonna leave here.
813
00:44:00,660 --> 00:44:01,820
Give us a kiss.
814
00:44:01,860 --> 00:44:04,421
It's the only bit of excitement
you're gonna get around here.
815
00:44:08,700 --> 00:44:10,340
Shut your eyes, you rude man.
816
00:44:26,061 --> 00:44:27,700
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
There you go, go on.
817
00:44:27,740 --> 00:44:29,860
Get in!
818
00:44:29,901 --> 00:44:32,380
Lovely jubbly!
819
00:44:32,421 --> 00:44:34,660
CHEERING
820
00:44:39,340 --> 00:44:41,021
I don't believe it!
821
00:44:41,061 --> 00:44:43,220
You've set that up quite nicely
for me, Pop.
822
00:44:43,260 --> 00:44:46,300
Go on, Ma. Go on, go on.
823
00:44:46,340 --> 00:44:48,141
THEY CHUCKLE
824
00:44:48,180 --> 00:44:50,340
Cheers, Ma.
Ah, cheers, darling.
825
00:44:50,380 --> 00:44:51,501
KNOCK ON DOOR
826
00:44:52,860 --> 00:44:55,780
He's back!
Hello, Charley!
827
00:44:55,820 --> 00:44:59,740
Was that you earlier near the woods?
Ooh, erm...
828
00:44:59,780 --> 00:45:03,021
Yeah, that might have been me.
Can I speak to Mariette, please?
829
00:45:03,061 --> 00:45:05,981
SHOUTS: Mariette, sweetheart?
Charley wants to speak to you!
830
00:45:06,021 --> 00:45:07,141
Oh, sorry.
831
00:45:08,621 --> 00:45:11,820
Sorry about the spittle.
We all still miss ya.
832
00:45:11,860 --> 00:45:13,141
Yeah, come back and stay with us.
833
00:45:13,180 --> 00:45:16,501
Please, I need to speak to Mariette.
834
00:45:16,541 --> 00:45:20,421
She is the gatekeeper to my soul
and my future.
835
00:45:20,461 --> 00:45:23,061
Oh, why don't you talk to me
like that?
836
00:45:23,101 --> 00:45:25,380
Yeah, it's time I told her
how I really feel.
837
00:45:25,421 --> 00:45:27,220
I think she's left!
838
00:45:27,260 --> 00:45:30,340
What's that?
Her suitcase and passport are gone!
839
00:45:37,220 --> 00:45:39,380
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