Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:06,000
-David Hassel...-David Hasselhoff...
2
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,200
According to the Guinness Book
of World Records,
3
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,320
over 1.1 billion viewerswatched David Hasselhoff
4
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,720
at the height of his fame.
5
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,400
But where did the viewers go?
6
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,800
After his comeback tour was pulledby US promoters,
7
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,760
is the career of the famous lifeguardall washed up?
8
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,320
David Hasselhoff has nowfiled for bankruptcy.
9
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,920
According to his UK manager,he is leaving the United States
10
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,960
to pursue opportunities in England.
11
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,920
The British relaunch of David Hasselhoffhas ended in disgrace
12
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,520
after he was caught performingfor a notorious warlord.
13
00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,120
After being implicatedin a child abduction,
14
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,720
is David Hasselhoff now unemployable?
15
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,680
I don't do weddings.
16
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,680
This wedding happens to pay £150,000.
17
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,080
Yorkshire's another country.
18
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,120
"Ey up", that means,
begin sexual intercourse.
19
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,440
You got a problem
with people from London?
20
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,520
Well, you're all twats.
21
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:53,800
Fair enough.
22
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,600
-[screams] David!
-[laughing]
23
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,240
-I am literally your number one fan.
-Really?
24
00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,840
-Whoa!
-[laughs]
25
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,920
In there, there's four,
five scary Northerner's.
26
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,560
Out there, there's fucking 1000s of them.
27
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,720
-You're a dog murderer.
-[sighs]
28
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:13,480
You killed David and now you're throwing
him in the lake like some Russian whore.
29
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:14,880
Presents.
30
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,160
Oh, sorry about that.
31
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,600
Totally got the wrong end of the stick.
32
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,520
[singing] ♪ Baby for me ♪
33
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,640
Could you just give me five minutes?
34
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,160
David Hasselhoff is an ideas man.
35
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,680
He must send me 20 to 30 ideas a day.
36
00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,440
He's like Thomas Edison
37
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,720
if all of Thomas Edison's ideas were shit.
38
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,960
So it's my job to tell him
39
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,960
that those ideas are shit
40
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,800
and that he should do this job that
I've got him, an advert for Netto,
41
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,160
a panto in Belgium.
42
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,680
Belgium, they're getting into pantos now.
43
00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,720
That's what David should be doing.
44
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,880
We inhale,
45
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,400
reach up,
46
00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,760
and we point towards the Dog Star.
47
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,280
What is up with you today?
48
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,600
Ooh, man, I'm sorry.
49
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,040
Could we just call it quits?
50
00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,120
Okay.
51
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:13,280
Yeah, I just... I got some issues
I'm dealing with, Danny.
52
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,880
-What's going on?
-I'm working on my passion project, okay?
53
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,280
This means the world to me.
54
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,800
It's the story of T. E. Lawrence.
55
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,040
-The porn guy?
-No, that's D. H. Lawrence.
56
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,640
This is the story of Lawrence of Arabia.
57
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,600
I'm writing the play, so
58
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,720
-I turn in my first draft to Max.
-And what did Max say?
59
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,600
Not interested. Nobody will
ever finance a project like this.
60
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,800
That is typical Max.
61
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,160
I mean, I was born to play
Lawrence of Arabia.
62
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,000
You ever heard of a geezer
called Bunny Vasilis?
63
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,800
He's a billionaire and he funds
all sorts of airy fairy shit.
64
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,000
-Yeah.
-He financed Cirque du Soleil.
65
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,640
He bailed out the Italian government
and best of all,
66
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,480
he plays paddleball with Lionel Richie.
67
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,440
Bunny is big time...
68
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,680
And I've got an in.
69
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,880
Max doesn't believe in the play
70
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,520
because Max doesn't like it
when David stretches himself.
71
00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,280
The thing is with Max,
it's all about a quick buck.
72
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,280
He doesn't want David to stretch himself
and build something.
73
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,080
I mean, Hoff is a man of surprises.
Do you know what I mean?
74
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,320
Yeah, he can sing. Yeah, he can dance.
75
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,560
Yeah, he can fight.
76
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,160
Yeah, he can fuck.
77
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,320
Do you know what I mean?
78
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,560
But, I didn't know he could write.
79
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,320
I didn't know that about him.
Do you know what I mean?
80
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,240
I thought he was illiterate
for a long time.
81
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:21,120
Um, but he's got a nice little,
he's got a nice little pen game.
82
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,880
I am wearing Arab robes.
83
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,000
I cross the entire Sahara desert.
84
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,120
I haven't had a drink of water
in over four days.
85
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,680
At this point he's probably
drinking his own piss.
86
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,240
He is parched.
87
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,040
Sorry.
88
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,280
I reach the British Embassy.
89
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,200
I say, "My name is T. E. Lawrence."
90
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,920
The century says,
"I have never heard of you."
91
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,440
Then I say, in a British accent,
92
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,760
"Soon the entire British Empire
93
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,480
will know my name."
94
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,240
So he's universal.
95
00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,840
No matter who you are, race, creed,
colour, how much money you have,
96
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,480
we're all the same.
97
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,440
David, I want you to look me
in the eye and tell me,
98
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,000
are you completely out
of your fucking mind?
99
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,680
Yes.
100
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,720
Great. That's just what I wanted to hear.
101
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,280
How much money do you need?
102
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,960
£1.2 million to do the project properly.
103
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:38,640
Yep.
104
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,360
Okay. It's fine.
105
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,240
Wait, did you just say you're actually
going to give us the money?
106
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,320
-Yes, I am.
-[laughing]
107
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:45,400
Right.
108
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,200
Let's put on a show,
but first, let's have some fun.
109
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,800
£1.2 million.
110
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,440
You can put a play on for like, what,
500 quid.
111
00:04:58,560 --> 00:04:59,920
The rest of that is ours.
112
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,160
I'm going to buy a boat!
113
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,920
It's one of my favourite venues
in the whole of London.
114
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,880
I bring many of my esteemed guests here.
115
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,400
Berlusconi, funny guy.
116
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,720
Ban Ki-moon
117
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,520
and, uh, of course, your George Osborne,
118
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,000
super crazy guy.
119
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,360
And now we have my David.
120
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,800
I like to propose a toast,
to David Hasselhoff,
121
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,560
to the West End and beyond!
122
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:31,640
[cheering]
123
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,040
[Terry] And beyond!
124
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,960
Have you lot seen these mini hot dogs?
125
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,360
Look at the size of them.
126
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,520
They're fucking mental. Yes.
127
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,040
Money can do different things to people.
128
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,720
It can make people act strange,
do you know what I mean?
129
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,640
But I think sometimes you need the money
130
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,520
to make you realise like,
there's other lifestyles out there.
131
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,960
Do you know what I mean? I've just been
living in Sutton the whole time
132
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,440
going to the same kebab
shop my whole life.
133
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,840
I've never experienced this.
134
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,480
Bunny showed me another side,
the other side of the tracks.
135
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,680
Rebecca tells me you used
to be a scientist,
136
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:06,960
working on a cure for malaria?
137
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,800
I was only really
a very junior member of the team.
138
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,520
Never be modest.
Celebrate your achievements.
139
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,880
That's a really nice watch.
140
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,920
-It's a platinum Rolex.
-[chuckles]
141
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,000
You want it?
142
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,080
Have it.
143
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,240
What?
144
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,360
Me?
145
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,680
Bunny's incredible.
146
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,160
Bunny's grabbed life by the balls
and that's what I'm going to do.
147
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:33,200
Wake up every day,
find life's balls and grab them.
148
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,360
-Go have some fun. Go on.
-Okay.
149
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,600
Let's go.
150
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,240
Okay, everybody.
151
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,080
Uh, good evening.
152
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,160
My name, DJ Dieter.
153
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,320
I am the Antichrist!
154
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,640
So, you're a bit
of a ladies man, Terry, yeah?
155
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,160
Are you also a player?
156
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,320
Player recognises player. Bring it in.
157
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,880
Oh, mate, you know, Terry loves
the ladies, ladies love Terry,
158
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,200
do you know what I mean?
159
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,920
Oh my days, is that Tulisa?
160
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,640
Mate, I love her.
161
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,080
-Hello.
-Bunny's at the bar.
162
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,520
He'd like a word. Could you come over?
163
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,040
Oh yeah, course I can.
I'll be there in one sec.
164
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,320
God.
165
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,480
Hello, Bunny.
166
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,480
-Hey!
-Good to see you.
167
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,080
Mwah. My little T girl.
168
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,160
Mwah. I've missed you.
169
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,280
My baby, how are you?
170
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,480
How've you been?
171
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,920
I want you to meet a very cool
and sophisticated guy, Terry.
172
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,640
Uh...
173
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,680
[stuttering] Sorry...
My name's Tulis... Terry...
174
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,080
Uh...
175
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,920
Sorry, I can't even hear you.
Let me get a little closer.
176
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,480
What you been up to this evening?
177
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,320
Tzatziki sauce... Sorry...
178
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,360
Sorry, I've gotta just...
179
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,680
Sorry.
180
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,960
Sorry, I've got to go.
181
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,040
Is that the, um, competition winner?
182
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,200
Let's go and have a drink, yeah?
183
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,000
I read the script again and I love it even
more than the first time.
184
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,920
Thank you, I've been working
really hard on it.
185
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,240
It's fantastic. Now you know me, David,
186
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,840
I've managed some
of the top hedge funds in the world, so,
187
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,040
I know how these things work.
188
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,200
I think we need to make a few changes
just to make the play even better.
189
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,640
-Okay.
-The whole thing needs to be livened up.
190
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,640
-How?
-We need some explosions
191
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,880
we need some car chases.
192
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,760
Have you seen
Transformers: Age of Extinction?
193
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,240
[laughs] That's...
That's a Michael Bay film.
194
00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,920
I'm... I'm writing a play here.
195
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:39,080
Okay, David, I need to have
an explosion in the fucking play.
196
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,000
I know, but this is
a life story about a man.
197
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,480
He's a legend and we've got
to stay true to the story.
198
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,720
Was everything real in Knight Rider?
199
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,400
Knight Rider was fictional.
200
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,120
-Was it?
-Yes!
201
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,880
The other thing is,
I think the play needs some songs.
202
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,240
-Songs?
-Yes. You know the band Roxette?
203
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,320
Yeah, yeah.
204
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,880
I own the entire back catalogue.
I have all the rights.
205
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,000
I want you to try and fit some
Roxette songs into the play.
206
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,240
No. It's going to make
the play completely ridiculous.
207
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,160
David, if we make the changes
208
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:10,080
then the more people will see your play
and more people will hear your message.
209
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,200
[stammering] I don't know.
210
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,920
Look at these guys, look.
211
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,440
These are your friends. Look at the super
fun they are having, hmm?
212
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,400
This is fantastic.
This is the life they want to live.
213
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,680
This is why we must make the changes.
214
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,680
All right, I can't promise
anything but I'll try.
215
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,280
That is my little Michael Knight.
216
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:27,560
Sorry to interrupt.
217
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,360
Bunny, you've got a call from
the president of Uganda.
218
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,920
-Says it's a matter of life or death.
-This guy is calling me all the time.
219
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,560
He's inviting me to see Les Miserables.
220
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,720
He's a fucking savage.
221
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,080
Joshua, hello.
222
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,480
You will not believe it,
I am with the Hasselhoff.
223
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,560
Mr David.
224
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,840
David has a wonderful vision.
He's a very talented man, but he has,
225
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:53,680
he is held back sometimes
by this quality of integrity.
226
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,320
This search for integrity.
227
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,160
And this is gone now.
228
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,120
This is gone '83, '84.
229
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,720
This is gone.
230
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,760
Now is the time to make the money,
to enjoy your retirement,
231
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,160
to spend time with the pretty girls.
232
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,960
Desert.
233
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,520
[stammering] And, oh, I... I don 't know
how to put a song in this.
234
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,400
And car chases? It's just ridiculous.
235
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:19,560
I can't do this.
236
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,280
Come on, Dad.
You need to think outside the box.
237
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,320
What if we give Lawrence a jet-pack?
238
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,400
-A jet-pack?
-Yeah, like in Iron Man.
239
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,880
Are you serious?
240
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,560
All right, two words, sex scenes.
241
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,640
-Sex scene and a jet pack?
-Yeah.
242
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,400
Bunny wanted to sex it up, and I kind
of understand where he's coming from,
243
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:36,840
do you know what I mean? Nowadays,
244
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,960
I mean I actually read a survey, and it
said that the attention span of a man
245
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,960
is around three seconds, so you have
to constantly show him tits,
246
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,240
you know what I mean? And...
247
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,880
I think that's what we need for the play.
248
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,720
I'm sort of on Bunny's side, like,
have you ever seen a normal play?
249
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:55,440
Every play I've sat through,
would be improved by a car chase
250
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,720
and that is no disrespect to Shakespeare.
251
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,360
-Wow.
-Hello?
252
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,040
It's Bunny.
253
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,120
[Bunny on speaker phone] Hi, David.
254
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,560
I want to discuss the play some more.Can we meet up tonight?
255
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,320
Uh, no, I really want to discuss
the changes now.
256
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,440
Hi, Bunny!
257
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,680
Hi Bunny, it's Harriet and Dieter.
258
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,480
Hi, guys. So, you want to comeout tonight and party?
259
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,600
-Ah, yes, I think we do.
-Yeah, we do.
260
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,680
-Okay, great. I pick you up in an hour.
-No, we really need to talk about this.
261
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,600
-Things are not gonna...
-[Bunny hangs up, dial tone sounds]
262
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,160
Oh, he's gone. Okay, we got one hour.
263
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,400
-We need to get ready.
-Ooh, yeah.
264
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,760
Come on, Dad, you make the changes
and we can go party.
265
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,640
Go. I'll catch up with you later, okay?
266
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,880
All right, David, you big square.
267
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,640
Yeah, square.
268
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,880
Right.
269
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,400
See you guys.
270
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,440
Guys, do you think this mascara
makes my eyes look bigger?
271
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:49,520
-Yeah.
-Proper.
272
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,760
-You look fit.
-Oh, I was just checking the time
273
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:51,840
on my new watch.
274
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,640
-Bunny will be here soon.
-Baller.
275
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,720
I can't believe we're going
to this casino tonight.
276
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,640
Do you know how difficult it is
to get into that place?
277
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,840
Prince Harry only gets a plus one.
278
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,200
The money hasn't changed us.
279
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,640
Do you know what I mean? I always wear
a satin shirt when I'm going out.
280
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,320
Always. Do you know what I mean?
281
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,960
I've had the same one since Zante '02.
282
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,720
And I've never washed it
283
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,520
so it's still got all of those memories.
284
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,080
All of those very pungent memories
inside of the fabric.
285
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,680
My outfit's obviously the best.
286
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,160
I look like a rebel snooker player.
287
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,640
Like Judd Trump.
288
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,200
Bunny is starting to see our potential.
289
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,840
Bit embarrassed actually,
Bunny said that he wants to speak to me
290
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,720
about setting up
my own music conglomerate.
291
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,040
Kind of investing some
seed capital in my ideas.
292
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,560
Be so annoyed if you'd become
the next Reggae Reggae Sauce guy.
293
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:36,960
"Terry's White White Sauce."
294
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,440
Cum.
295
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:40,880
[mobile chimes]
296
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,440
It's Bunny.
297
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,520
[all gasp]
298
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,000
-The limo is on its way.
-[all whooping]
299
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,640
[laughing]
300
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:55,240
Guys, don't you think that Bunny will be
annoyed if my dad isn't with us?
301
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:06,840
Where's David?
302
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,800
Oh, um, yeah, headache.
303
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,120
What do you mean?
Is there a problem with the play?
304
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,520
-[Harriet] No.
-Oh, no. No, No.
305
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,760
-No problem with the play.
-Everything's fine.
306
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,880
He's actually just finishing off a draft
and then he's going to
307
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,000
meet us at the club later.
308
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,080
Okay, as long as there is
not a problem with the play?
309
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,200
No.
310
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,640
-Oh, no.
-Everything's fine.
311
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:26,560
'Cause if there was a problem with the
play, I'd have to yank out all of my money
312
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,880
and just throw you out in Peckham.
313
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,280
[laughing]
314
00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,200
I'm having a little joke here.
315
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,400
Okay, come on, guys, let's go
have some super fun, yeah?
316
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,560
-Great.
-Get into the Bunny-mobile. Let's go.
317
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,600
Oh, my two favourite smells,
leather and pussy.
318
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:50,920
[limo honking]
319
00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,120
Okay, guys.
320
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,640
Welcome to Bunny's little hole.
321
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,400
It's members only. Thank you.
322
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,440
Let's go have some fun, Harriet.
Red or black?
323
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:12,560
Uh, red.
324
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:13,960
All on the red.
325
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,160
-Ooh.
-[laughing]
326
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,640
[whistling]
327
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,160
[lips smacking]
328
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,480
[snorting]
329
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,480
That was £75,000.
330
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,160
You just lost me £75,000.
331
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,640
[Harriet] I'm so sorry.
332
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:40,880
Come on!
333
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,120
[laughing]
334
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,760
I'm fucking with you, yeah?
335
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,040
-Okay?
-Thank you. Got me.
336
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,080
My hedge fund is making 75,000 in about,
337
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,040
I would say, eight to nine minutes.
338
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,160
-[Harriet] Bunny.
-Relax. Welcome to my world.
339
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,240
Chill out guys.
340
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,560
Rebecca's going to give you some chips.
341
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,160
I want you to get on the table
and have some fun.
342
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,880
It's funny time. Okay?
Bunny-funny.
343
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,160
-Thanks, Bunny.
-Funny guy.
344
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,600
So these ones are probably worth 5 quid
or something, yeah?
345
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,040
No.
346
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,400
They're worth £100.
347
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,440
These are worth £1,000.
348
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,800
And these are worth £5,000.
349
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,920
Good luck.
350
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,520
She has just given us maybe £50,000.
351
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,360
Let's make some money.
352
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,640
Come on.
353
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:27,760
[Harriet] Can I have one of those ones?
354
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,880
Never having experienced that before.
Obviously I'm more fruit machine based.
355
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,640
You know what I mean?
So to be in a big, big casino like that,
356
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,560
members only as well, the Bunny Hole,
357
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,360
really felt a part of something, you know?
358
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,480
Part of elite.
359
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,400
Oh, yeah.
360
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,600
Oh, David.
361
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,680
It's so great that you're here.
362
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,480
We saved you some foie gras.
363
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:51,560
Hey!
364
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:52,880
It's the man of the moment.
365
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,160
It's the top man.
It's the guest of honour.
366
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,960
Rebecca has just ordered some champagne,
vintage '67?
367
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,080
Uh, it's the 1964.
They didn't have the '67.
368
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,880
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
369
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,400
I think, maybe '64 is
a better year so, uh...
370
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,480
Love it!
371
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,160
I think we're all in for a treat tonight.
372
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,920
-Yeah!
-Okay, David. My David.
373
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,680
I want you to cast my girlfriend,
Katarina in the play, okay?
374
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:21,760
Hmm.
375
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,680
Super hot and she's huge on Snapchat.
376
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,240
Very bored with the hostessing,
wants to break into the acting, okay?
377
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,640
Hey, shawdy, come!
378
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,080
Look at this.
379
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,520
She was busty.
380
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,760
She had sort of, half sleeping eyes.
381
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,400
She looked hammered.
382
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,280
And I thought, class.
383
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,280
I think she could maybe play
the Lawrence guy, his girlfriend.
384
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,440
Right.
385
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,240
Well, I'm sure that
you're a terrific actress
386
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:57,200
but you see, Lawrence really doesn't
have a love interest in the play.
387
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,520
He's focused on his mission.
388
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,120
Can we get a voice coach
to sort out the accent? Yeah?
389
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,360
I think we're talking about
two different productions.
390
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,840
Okay, David.
391
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,560
Can I let you into a little secret?
392
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,080
I've never even seen Lawrence of Arabia.
393
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,800
Don't give a fuck
about Lawrence of Arabia.
394
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,760
I don't go to the theatre
and I've never read any books.
395
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:23,160
I think that we can make some serious
money from the play because what we do?
396
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,720
Is we're going to tour
the shit out of it in China.
397
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:30,760
Now, the Chinese population
are extreme in their tastes,
398
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,520
if they love something, then they really
fucking love it, okay?
399
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,760
Now, they haven't got a clue who
the, uh, D. H. Lawrence guy is.
400
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,120
To them, he's just a man in a sheet.
401
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,800
I tell you what they do like,
402
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,240
they like Katarina in the hot pants
403
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,280
because that is universal, yeah?
404
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:51,840
Yes.
405
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,000
Okay, it's, um, time to go.
406
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,880
No, dad, we're still having fun.
407
00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,080
Yep, and also Bunny's agreed to back
my malaria charity proposal.
408
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,400
He really believes in me.
409
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,120
Bunny is an idiot. Okay?
He's wasted all of our times.
410
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,800
Come on, it's time to go home. Let's go!
411
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,080
But Bunny says it's really important
that you do a good rewrite.
412
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:11,840
He doesn't know shit about anything, okay?
413
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,680
I want to do something artistic, Dieter.
414
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,040
I want to do something truthful.
415
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,920
He just wants to make some money.
416
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,000
-Talking about cash...
-Well, it's all right for you, isn't it?
417
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,680
With your twinkly eyes
and your fucking charisma.
418
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,000
But as soon as the little guy
gets a shot of the action
419
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,880
then suddenly, it's artistic integrity.
420
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,360
David, all this time, this whole year,
we have waited for someone to see
421
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,800
the value in what we are doing
422
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,160
and that someone has come
and his name is Bunny.
423
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,240
Weirdly.
424
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,040
Come on. We could put the play
on ourselves, all right?
425
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,160
Guerilla style.
426
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,360
We can put it on anywhere.
427
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,600
Hoff, have you tasted these caviar blinis?
428
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,280
They are to die for.
429
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:45,560
Never had that before.
430
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,160
It was like a ripped cracker
but with like, shit on it.
431
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,960
You know what I mean?
But like, nice shit.
432
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:53,040
Like, 'cause that's what caviar is,
isn't it? It's fish shit.
433
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,640
What's wrong with you guys?
434
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,560
I'm out of here, okay?
435
00:18:58,640 --> 00:18:59,960
I'm going.
436
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,880
Who's with me?
437
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,480
Um...
438
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,360
And he was trying to break it up.
439
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,440
And I love Hoff. Obviously, like,
I would literally cut my penis off for him
440
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,000
but it was kind of like, you know when
you've got a house party and like,
441
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,280
your mum turns up, she's like,
442
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,440
"Come on Terry, we're going home!"
443
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,120
Come on Hoff, we're having a good time.
He was a bit of a vibe killer.
444
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,320
In the 1980s and the 1990s,
445
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,680
David, you had about
20 years of solid fun.
446
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,320
Well, this is our time.
447
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,000
This is Max Coleman's
moment to have his fun.
448
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:42,440
Place your bets, please.
449
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,440
-Oh, yes, I want to put all of mine on--
-Put 'em all on--
450
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,000
Top that.
451
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,920
[Harriet] I think I might be out of chips.
452
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,240
[Dieter] Me too.
453
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,440
[Danny] What about you, Terry?
454
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,840
-I'm out, mate.
-I've got nothing.
455
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,040
Right, I've just spoken to Bunny
456
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,360
and he wants us to come
to a meeting with him tomorrow
457
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,960
and he wants us to bring David.
458
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:28,800
Oh.
459
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,440
Well, I guess it's all over then?
460
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,200
There goes my range of bespoke
Danny Jones protein shakes.
461
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,560
Just as I was developing a taste
for Beluga caviar,
462
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,000
it gets snatched away from me.
463
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,240
Well, hold on a minute guys,
that's not necessarily it, is it?
464
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,840
I mean, we could still go to the meeting.
465
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,440
What are we going to say
when Bunny asks where David is?
466
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,320
We'll just say we're speaking
on behalf of David.
467
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,640
Yeah, we've got enough
Hasselhoff right here.
468
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,360
Got a little Hoff right here, isn't it?
469
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,440
-True.
-[gags]
470
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,760
You've just been sick in your mouth,
haven't you?
471
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,760
Swallow it. Don't spit it out.
472
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,800
-[Terry] Down it like a shot.
-[Harriet] That's a nose bleed.
473
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,280
-[Max] Go on.
-Like a shot! Down your sick like a shot.
474
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,520
[Bunny] Hey, guys!
475
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,880
Hey, what happened
to you guys last night, hmm?
476
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,640
Sorry, we had to catch the last tube.
477
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,320
Okay, now where is my David?
478
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,720
He's written a new draft of
the sexy Lawrence play?
479
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,040
-Yes.
-Yeah.
480
00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,360
-Yes, he has.
-So, where is he?
481
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,040
Um, he's actually authorised
us to speak on his behalf today.
482
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,920
I don't feel bad about going
to the meeting without David.
483
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,360
Sometimes what's best for him is to,
484
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:36,000
is to not tell him what's best for him
and just to, to do it.
485
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,080
I've got power of attorney.
486
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,760
He doesn't know that.
487
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,840
When the time is right,
I'll be the one who turns off the machine.
488
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,240
Okay, so tell me about the new draft.
489
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:48,800
-Yes.
-Yeah.
490
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,560
Okay, here we go.
491
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,320
So, Lawrence of Arabia, yeah?
492
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,120
Is in a casino
493
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,640
in Cairo.
494
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:01,960
[Harriet] He's down on his luck.
495
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,560
He's bet on red, but it's come out black.
496
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,920
Yeah, then in walks your bird, etcetera.
497
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,720
-Katarina.
-Katarina.
498
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,320
Boom! A bomb goes off.
499
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,200
-Lawrence is thrown against the wall.
-[Harriet] Yeah.
500
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,280
He slides down the wall.
501
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,160
Yeah, Katarina's head knocks against
the wall, she's knocked out.
502
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,800
But then they wake up, they crawl
to each other's arms, it's lovely.
503
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:20,880
They make love in the rubble?
504
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,000
-Yes.
-Yes.
505
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,880
Okay, serious question,
why can't she be killed
506
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,360
and then he avenges her death
and becomes a bad angel?
507
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,360
Uh, do you like that?
508
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,560
I love that.
509
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,840
That's what happens.
510
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,200
-Yeah.
-[Harriet] Well done, Bunny.
511
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,280
So, what do you think?
512
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,360
I think it's shit.
513
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,120
But I think it's going to make
a ton of money in China
514
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,720
and I'm going to finance
the whole project.
515
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,280
We're going to have a lot of fun,
but I have one more proviso.
516
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,400
Great, what is it?
517
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,160
I want the Hasselhoff, in the play,
518
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:57,320
to bomb an entire village
of the brown people.
519
00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,120
Anyone in a sheet... Boom.
520
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,320
Preferably with napalm.
521
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,960
Yeah, no, I don't think David's going
to agree to that.
522
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,520
Okay.
523
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,960
I can see that you guys are essentially
the brains behind this operation, yeah?
524
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,960
So, let me explain...
525
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,920
If the Hasselhoff cannot agree
to the changes,
526
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,560
then we have arranged for my dear friend
527
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,720
Jean-Claude Van Damme, to play his lead.
528
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,280
-What?
-We've already spoken.
529
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,360
He's agreed terms.
530
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:25,720
It's going to be macho.
531
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,440
It's going to be a bit wacky
but it's going to be super fun.
532
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,840
The real Van Damme?
533
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,320
The real Van Damme.
534
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,560
Do you mind if we just discuss
this for a moment?
535
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:36,720
Mmm-hmm.
536
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,280
It's exciting, yeah?
You, me and the muscles from Brussels.
537
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,360
Yeah?
538
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:44,760
[Harriet] Okay, okay, okay.
539
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,680
I've done worse projects than this.
540
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,920
Van Damme is a remarkably subtle actor.
541
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,480
He's in my top three,
do you know what I mean?
542
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,600
I've got Liam Neeson, Ian Beale
and Van Damme.
543
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,720
It's a good list.
544
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,880
I can't believe we're thinking
about doing this.
545
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,400
What are you talking about?
546
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,320
The guy has clearly lost his shit.
547
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,880
I mean, like, what are we becoming?
548
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:04,920
Rich?
549
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,040
-Meeting Van Damme is my dream.
-[all arguing]
550
00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,560
Listen to me!
551
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,400
You know, apart from
the first 25 years of my life,
552
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,720
David Hasselhoff has always
been there for me.
553
00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,160
Yeah. I mean,
he's been there for all of us.
554
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,320
We've been blinded by posh champagne.
555
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,240
Oh, bollocks.
556
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,960
We're not going to do it, are we?
557
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:31,440
Uh...
558
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,120
We've come to a decision,
559
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,040
we come as a package
560
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,520
with David Hasselhoff.
561
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,440
You know what I say?
562
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,160
I say, fuck David Hasselhoff.
563
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,200
The meeting is over.
564
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:58,720
Oi, fuck face.
565
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,320
-Yep.
-Yes, you.
566
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,520
Give me my watch back.
567
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,040
Call Van Damme.
568
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,400
Call Jean-Claude.
569
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,120
Just to confirm, you'd like
to call Johnny...
570
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,400
No, call Jean, call Jean-Claude Van Damme.
571
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,600
Calling Jo Cockenden.
572
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:21,760
[Bunny] Fuck!
573
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,680
David, where are you going?
574
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:32,880
-Home.
-Wait, Dad, look.
575
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,640
I just want to say, I'm really sorry.
576
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,480
There's no need to apologise.
I'm just going back to the US of A.
577
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,520
And then I realised he was going and...
578
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,320
It didn't feel good.
579
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,520
This is actually the end.
580
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,840
I mean, what am I going to do?
581
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,960
I've got no other clients.
582
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,360
You know?
583
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:55,240
I've got a meeting with a dog next week
who's supposed to be a good actor.
584
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,560
Apparently.
585
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,560
But, I mean, that's it.
586
00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:00,720
Come on, David. Don't do that.
587
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,280
Obviously, you've all got your little
individual things going on here
588
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:06,760
so I'm out of here, all right?
589
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,080
Halt!
590
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,960
Who goes there?
591
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,080
I am T. E. Lawrence
592
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,160
and I've come to speak to General Allenby.
593
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,240
I've never heard of you.
594
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,800
Soon everyone in the British Empire
will know his name.
595
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,520
We worked out that there was only one way
596
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:36,920
to stop him from going
and that was to act out his shitty play.
597
00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:38,720
All three hours of it.
598
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,080
Success!
599
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,760
The city of Damascus has fallen.
600
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:45,720
When you're acting it,
601
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,400
I started to think, do you know what,
I've been sort of, anti this play.
602
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,040
It's very good. It's very moving.
603
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,360
The desert will never leave you.
604
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,240
It is inside of you.
605
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,520
You have come from far away
and you have given us hope.
606
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,360
This is your home now.
607
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,160
[exclaims]
608
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:07,480
Fucking, know what I mean?
I got goose bumps.
609
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,040
It was just so much emotion.
610
00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:11,320
We didn't want him to leave.
He belongs here.
611
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:17,080
We will always treasure you in our hearts.
612
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,160
And I...
613
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,000
You.
614
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,240
[David] It's terrible!
615
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,120
It's complete shit!
616
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,360
You guys were great
617
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,840
and thank you, but my play?
618
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,200
My playwriting?
619
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,840
Absolutely sucks!
620
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,640
You know, Max, you were right.
621
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,520
Doing a commercial
for Netto is not so bad.
622
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,520
And doing a panto in Belgium,
it's not so bad.
623
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,240
As long as we're in it together,
it's okay by me.
624
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,240
What do you say,
I stay in your country and, uh,
625
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,480
we all go get a non-alcoholic beer?
626
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,160
[laughing]
627
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,040
Hoff's moving on from
the playwriting phase of his life.
628
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:06,720
They say that everyone's
got one play in them.
629
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,600
It's just unfortunate for David
that his was shit.
630
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,840
I think Hoff should definitely not stick
to playwriting, you know.
631
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,760
He should stick with what he knows
and that's just basically cars and tits.
632
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,560
We're going to fucking Romania.
633
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:22,680
Well organised, mate.
634
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,480
It's just the way independent films work.
635
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,880
It's been 14 days without
food or water and my men are hungry...
636
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:33,320
Mr Hasselhoff is setting fire to my art
and then he is urinating on the ashes.
637
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,960
We don't seem to be able to get the crows
to stay on the dead body.
638
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,440
Superglue.
639
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,560
The director is a freaking lunatic.
640
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,080
I am going home. Bye!
641
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,720
It is a haunted, ancient forest.
642
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,760
Home to a lost tribe of savages
called the Yesti.
643
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,360
The raft just took off.
644
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,000
And if this gets wet, I'm going
to sink like a dwarf.
645
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:53,880
No, that is blood.
646
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,800
-[birds cawing]
-Are you out there?
647
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,040
-Anyone there?
-[growling]
648
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,240
Shit!
649
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,240
-[thuds]
-[screaming]
650
00:29:02,290 --> 00:29:06,840
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
49160
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.