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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:06,000 -David Hassel... -David Hasselhoff... 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,200 According to the Guinness Book of World Records, 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,320 over 1.1 billion viewers watched David Hasselhoff 4 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,720 at the height of his fame. 5 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,400 But where did the viewers go? 6 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,800 After his comeback tour was pulled by US promoters, 7 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,760 is the career of the famous lifeguard all washed up? 8 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,320 David Hasselhoff has now filed for bankruptcy. 9 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,920 According to his UK manager, he is leaving the United States 10 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,960 to pursue opportunities in England. 11 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,920 The British relaunch of David Hasselhoff has ended in disgrace 12 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,520 after he was caught performing for a notorious warlord. 13 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,120 After being implicated in a child abduction, 14 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,720 is David Hasselhoff now unemployable? 15 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,680 I don't do weddings. 16 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,680 This wedding happens to pay £150,000. 17 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,080 Yorkshire's another country. 18 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,120 "Ey up", that means, begin sexual intercourse. 19 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,440 You got a problem with people from London? 20 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,520 Well, you're all twats. 21 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:53,800 Fair enough. 22 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,600 -[screams] David! -[laughing] 23 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,240 -I am literally your number one fan. -Really? 24 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,840 -Whoa! -[laughs] 25 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,920 In there, there's four, five scary Northerner's. 26 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,560 Out there, there's fucking 1000s of them. 27 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,720 -You're a dog murderer. -[sighs] 28 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:13,480 You killed David and now you're throwing him in the lake like some Russian whore. 29 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:14,880 Presents. 30 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,160 Oh, sorry about that. 31 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,600 Totally got the wrong end of the stick. 32 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,520 [singing] ♪ Baby for me ♪ 33 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,640 Could you just give me five minutes? 34 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,160 David Hasselhoff is an ideas man. 35 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,680 He must send me 20 to 30 ideas a day. 36 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:36,440 He's like Thomas Edison 37 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,720 if all of Thomas Edison's ideas were shit. 38 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,960 So it's my job to tell him 39 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,960 that those ideas are shit 40 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,800 and that he should do this job that I've got him, an advert for Netto, 41 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,160 a panto in Belgium. 42 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,680 Belgium, they're getting into pantos now. 43 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:54,720 That's what David should be doing. 44 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,880 We inhale, 45 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,400 reach up, 46 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:02,760 and we point towards the Dog Star. 47 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,280 What is up with you today? 48 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,600 Ooh, man, I'm sorry. 49 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,040 Could we just call it quits? 50 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,120 Okay. 51 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:13,280 Yeah, I just... I got some issues I'm dealing with, Danny. 52 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,880 -What's going on? -I'm working on my passion project, okay? 53 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,280 This means the world to me. 54 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,800 It's the story of T. E. Lawrence. 55 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,040 -The porn guy? -No, that's D. H. Lawrence. 56 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:22,640 This is the story of Lawrence of Arabia. 57 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,600 I'm writing the play, so 58 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,720 -I turn in my first draft to Max. -And what did Max say? 59 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,600 Not interested. Nobody will ever finance a project like this. 60 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:31,800 That is typical Max. 61 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,160 I mean, I was born to play Lawrence of Arabia. 62 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,000 You ever heard of a geezer called Bunny Vasilis? 63 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,800 He's a billionaire and he funds all sorts of airy fairy shit. 64 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,000 -Yeah. -He financed Cirque du Soleil. 65 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,640 He bailed out the Italian government and best of all, 66 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,480 he plays paddleball with Lionel Richie. 67 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,440 Bunny is big time... 68 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,680 And I've got an in. 69 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,880 Max doesn't believe in the play 70 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,520 because Max doesn't like it when David stretches himself. 71 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:59,280 The thing is with Max, it's all about a quick buck. 72 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:02,280 He doesn't want David to stretch himself and build something. 73 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,080 I mean, Hoff is a man of surprises. Do you know what I mean? 74 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,320 Yeah, he can sing. Yeah, he can dance. 75 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,560 Yeah, he can fight. 76 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:10,160 Yeah, he can fuck. 77 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:11,320 Do you know what I mean? 78 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,560 But, I didn't know he could write. 79 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,320 I didn't know that about him. Do you know what I mean? 80 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,240 I thought he was illiterate for a long time. 81 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:21,120 Um, but he's got a nice little, he's got a nice little pen game. 82 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:28,880 I am wearing Arab robes. 83 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,000 I cross the entire Sahara desert. 84 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,120 I haven't had a drink of water in over four days. 85 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,680 At this point he's probably drinking his own piss. 86 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,240 He is parched. 87 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,040 Sorry. 88 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,280 I reach the British Embassy. 89 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,200 I say, "My name is T. E. Lawrence." 90 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,920 The century says, "I have never heard of you." 91 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,440 Then I say, in a British accent, 92 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,760 "Soon the entire British Empire 93 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,480 will know my name." 94 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,240 So he's universal. 95 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:04,840 No matter who you are, race, creed, colour, how much money you have, 96 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,480 we're all the same. 97 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,440 David, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me, 98 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,000 are you completely out of your fucking mind? 99 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:24,680 Yes. 100 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,720 Great. That's just what I wanted to hear. 101 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,280 How much money do you need? 102 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,960 £1.2 million to do the project properly. 103 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:38,640 Yep. 104 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,360 Okay. It's fine. 105 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,240 Wait, did you just say you're actually going to give us the money? 106 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,320 -Yes, I am. -[laughing] 107 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:45,400 Right. 108 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,200 Let's put on a show, but first, let's have some fun. 109 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,800 £1.2 million. 110 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,440 You can put a play on for like, what, 500 quid. 111 00:04:58,560 --> 00:04:59,920 The rest of that is ours. 112 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,160 I'm going to buy a boat! 113 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,920 It's one of my favourite venues in the whole of London. 114 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,880 I bring many of my esteemed guests here. 115 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,400 Berlusconi, funny guy. 116 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:19,720 Ban Ki-moon 117 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,520 and, uh, of course, your George Osborne, 118 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,000 super crazy guy. 119 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,360 And now we have my David. 120 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,800 I like to propose a toast, to David Hasselhoff, 121 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,560 to the West End and beyond! 122 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:31,640 [cheering] 123 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,040 [Terry] And beyond! 124 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,960 Have you lot seen these mini hot dogs? 125 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,360 Look at the size of them. 126 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,520 They're fucking mental. Yes. 127 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,040 Money can do different things to people. 128 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,720 It can make people act strange, do you know what I mean? 129 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,640 But I think sometimes you need the money 130 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,520 to make you realise like, there's other lifestyles out there. 131 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,960 Do you know what I mean? I've just been living in Sutton the whole time 132 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,440 going to the same kebab shop my whole life. 133 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,840 I've never experienced this. 134 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,480 Bunny showed me another side, the other side of the tracks. 135 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,680 Rebecca tells me you used to be a scientist, 136 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:06,960 working on a cure for malaria? 137 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,800 I was only really a very junior member of the team. 138 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,520 Never be modest. Celebrate your achievements. 139 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,880 That's a really nice watch. 140 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,920 -It's a platinum Rolex. -[chuckles] 141 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,000 You want it? 142 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,080 Have it. 143 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,240 What? 144 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:24,360 Me? 145 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:25,680 Bunny's incredible. 146 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,160 Bunny's grabbed life by the balls and that's what I'm going to do. 147 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:33,200 Wake up every day, find life's balls and grab them. 148 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,360 -Go have some fun. Go on. -Okay. 149 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:40,600 Let's go. 150 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,240 Okay, everybody. 151 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,080 Uh, good evening. 152 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,160 My name, DJ Dieter. 153 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,320 I am the Antichrist! 154 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,640 So, you're a bit of a ladies man, Terry, yeah? 155 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,160 Are you also a player? 156 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,320 Player recognises player. Bring it in. 157 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,880 Oh, mate, you know, Terry loves the ladies, ladies love Terry, 158 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,200 do you know what I mean? 159 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:11,920 Oh my days, is that Tulisa? 160 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,640 Mate, I love her. 161 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,080 -Hello. -Bunny's at the bar. 162 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:18,520 He'd like a word. Could you come over? 163 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,040 Oh yeah, course I can. I'll be there in one sec. 164 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,320 God. 165 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:24,480 Hello, Bunny. 166 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,480 -Hey! -Good to see you. 167 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,080 Mwah. My little T girl. 168 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,160 Mwah. I've missed you. 169 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,280 My baby, how are you? 170 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,480 How've you been? 171 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,920 I want you to meet a very cool and sophisticated guy, Terry. 172 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:36,640 Uh... 173 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,680 [stuttering] Sorry... My name's Tulis... Terry... 174 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,080 Uh... 175 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,920 Sorry, I can't even hear you. Let me get a little closer. 176 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,480 What you been up to this evening? 177 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,320 Tzatziki sauce... Sorry... 178 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,360 Sorry, I've gotta just... 179 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:55,680 Sorry. 180 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,960 Sorry, I've got to go. 181 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,040 Is that the, um, competition winner? 182 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,200 Let's go and have a drink, yeah? 183 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,000 I read the script again and I love it even more than the first time. 184 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,920 Thank you, I've been working really hard on it. 185 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,240 It's fantastic. Now you know me, David, 186 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,840 I've managed some of the top hedge funds in the world, so, 187 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:18,040 I know how these things work. 188 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,200 I think we need to make a few changes just to make the play even better. 189 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,640 -Okay. -The whole thing needs to be livened up. 190 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,640 -How? -We need some explosions 191 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,880 we need some car chases. 192 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,760 Have you seen Transformers: Age of Extinction? 193 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,240 [laughs] That's... That's a Michael Bay film. 194 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,920 I'm... I'm writing a play here. 195 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:39,080 Okay, David, I need to have an explosion in the fucking play. 196 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,000 I know, but this is a life story about a man. 197 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,480 He's a legend and we've got to stay true to the story. 198 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,720 Was everything real in Knight Rider? 199 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,400 Knight Rider was fictional. 200 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,120 -Was it? -Yes! 201 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,880 The other thing is, I think the play needs some songs. 202 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,240 -Songs? -Yes. You know the band Roxette? 203 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:56,320 Yeah, yeah. 204 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,880 I own the entire back catalogue. I have all the rights. 205 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,000 I want you to try and fit some Roxette songs into the play. 206 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,240 No. It's going to make the play completely ridiculous. 207 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,160 David, if we make the changes 208 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:10,080 then the more people will see your play and more people will hear your message. 209 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,200 [stammering] I don't know. 210 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,920 Look at these guys, look. 211 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,440 These are your friends. Look at the super fun they are having, hmm? 212 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,400 This is fantastic. This is the life they want to live. 213 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,680 This is why we must make the changes. 214 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,680 All right, I can't promise anything but I'll try. 215 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,280 That is my little Michael Knight. 216 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:27,560 Sorry to interrupt. 217 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:30,360 Bunny, you've got a call from the president of Uganda. 218 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,920 -Says it's a matter of life or death. -This guy is calling me all the time. 219 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,560 He's inviting me to see Les Miserables. 220 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,720 He's a fucking savage. 221 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,080 Joshua, hello. 222 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,480 You will not believe it, I am with the Hasselhoff. 223 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,560 Mr David. 224 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,840 David has a wonderful vision. He's a very talented man, but he has, 225 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:53,680 he is held back sometimes by this quality of integrity. 226 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,320 This search for integrity. 227 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,160 And this is gone now. 228 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,120 This is gone '83, '84. 229 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:00,720 This is gone. 230 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,760 Now is the time to make the money, to enjoy your retirement, 231 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,160 to spend time with the pretty girls. 232 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,960 Desert. 233 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,520 [stammering] And, oh, I... I don 't know how to put a song in this. 234 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,400 And car chases? It's just ridiculous. 235 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:19,560 I can't do this. 236 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,280 Come on, Dad. You need to think outside the box. 237 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,320 What if we give Lawrence a jet-pack? 238 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,400 -A jet-pack? -Yeah, like in Iron Man. 239 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:28,880 Are you serious? 240 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,560 All right, two words, sex scenes. 241 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,640 -Sex scene and a jet pack? -Yeah. 242 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,400 Bunny wanted to sex it up, and I kind of understand where he's coming from, 243 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:36,840 do you know what I mean? Nowadays, 244 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,960 I mean I actually read a survey, and it said that the attention span of a man 245 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:44,960 is around three seconds, so you have to constantly show him tits, 246 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,240 you know what I mean? And... 247 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,880 I think that's what we need for the play. 248 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,720 I'm sort of on Bunny's side, like, have you ever seen a normal play? 249 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:55,440 Every play I've sat through, would be improved by a car chase 250 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,720 and that is no disrespect to Shakespeare. 251 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,360 -Wow. -Hello? 252 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,040 It's Bunny. 253 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,120 [Bunny on speaker phone] Hi, David. 254 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,560 I want to discuss the play some more. Can we meet up tonight? 255 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,320 Uh, no, I really want to discuss the changes now. 256 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,440 Hi, Bunny! 257 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,680 Hi Bunny, it's Harriet and Dieter. 258 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,480 Hi, guys. So, you want to come out tonight and party? 259 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,600 -Ah, yes, I think we do. -Yeah, we do. 260 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,680 -Okay, great. I pick you up in an hour. -No, we really need to talk about this. 261 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,600 -Things are not gonna... -[Bunny hangs up, dial tone sounds] 262 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,160 Oh, he's gone. Okay, we got one hour. 263 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,400 -We need to get ready. -Ooh, yeah. 264 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,760 Come on, Dad, you make the changes and we can go party. 265 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,640 Go. I'll catch up with you later, okay? 266 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,880 All right, David, you big square. 267 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,640 Yeah, square. 268 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:35,880 Right. 269 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,400 See you guys. 270 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,440 Guys, do you think this mascara makes my eyes look bigger? 271 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:49,520 -Yeah. -Proper. 272 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,760 -You look fit. -Oh, I was just checking the time 273 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:51,840 on my new watch. 274 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,640 -Bunny will be here soon. -Baller. 275 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,720 I can't believe we're going to this casino tonight. 276 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,640 Do you know how difficult it is to get into that place? 277 00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:59,840 Prince Harry only gets a plus one. 278 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,200 The money hasn't changed us. 279 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,640 Do you know what I mean? I always wear a satin shirt when I'm going out. 280 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,320 Always. Do you know what I mean? 281 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,960 I've had the same one since Zante '02. 282 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,720 And I've never washed it 283 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,520 so it's still got all of those memories. 284 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,080 All of those very pungent memories inside of the fabric. 285 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,680 My outfit's obviously the best. 286 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,160 I look like a rebel snooker player. 287 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,640 Like Judd Trump. 288 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,200 Bunny is starting to see our potential. 289 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,840 Bit embarrassed actually, Bunny said that he wants to speak to me 290 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,720 about setting up my own music conglomerate. 291 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,040 Kind of investing some seed capital in my ideas. 292 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,560 Be so annoyed if you'd become the next Reggae Reggae Sauce guy. 293 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:36,960 "Terry's White White Sauce." 294 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,440 Cum. 295 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:40,880 [mobile chimes] 296 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,440 It's Bunny. 297 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:43,520 [all gasp] 298 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,000 -The limo is on its way. -[all whooping] 299 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,640 [laughing] 300 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:55,240 Guys, don't you think that Bunny will be annoyed if my dad isn't with us? 301 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:06,840 Where's David? 302 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,800 Oh, um, yeah, headache. 303 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,120 What do you mean? Is there a problem with the play? 304 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,520 -[Harriet] No. -Oh, no. No, No. 305 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,760 -No problem with the play. -Everything's fine. 306 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,880 He's actually just finishing off a draft and then he's going to 307 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,000 meet us at the club later. 308 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,080 Okay, as long as there is not a problem with the play? 309 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,200 No. 310 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,640 -Oh, no. -Everything's fine. 311 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:26,560 'Cause if there was a problem with the play, I'd have to yank out all of my money 312 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:27,880 and just throw you out in Peckham. 313 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:31,280 [laughing] 314 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:34,200 I'm having a little joke here. 315 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,400 Okay, come on, guys, let's go have some super fun, yeah? 316 00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:38,560 -Great. -Get into the Bunny-mobile. Let's go. 317 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,600 Oh, my two favourite smells, leather and pussy. 318 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:50,920 [limo honking] 319 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,120 Okay, guys. 320 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,640 Welcome to Bunny's little hole. 321 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,400 It's members only. Thank you. 322 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,440 Let's go have some fun, Harriet. Red or black? 323 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:12,560 Uh, red. 324 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:13,960 All on the red. 325 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,160 -Ooh. -[laughing] 326 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,640 [whistling] 327 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,160 [lips smacking] 328 00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:26,480 [snorting] 329 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,480 That was £75,000. 330 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,160 You just lost me £75,000. 331 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,640 [Harriet] I'm so sorry. 332 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:40,880 Come on! 333 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,120 [laughing] 334 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,760 I'm fucking with you, yeah? 335 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,040 -Okay? -Thank you. Got me. 336 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,080 My hedge fund is making 75,000 in about, 337 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:51,040 I would say, eight to nine minutes. 338 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,160 -[Harriet] Bunny. -Relax. Welcome to my world. 339 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,240 Chill out guys. 340 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,560 Rebecca's going to give you some chips. 341 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,160 I want you to get on the table and have some fun. 342 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,880 It's funny time. Okay? Bunny-funny. 343 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,160 -Thanks, Bunny. -Funny guy. 344 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,600 So these ones are probably worth 5 quid or something, yeah? 345 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,040 No. 346 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,400 They're worth £100. 347 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,440 These are worth £1,000. 348 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,800 And these are worth £5,000. 349 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,920 Good luck. 350 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,520 She has just given us maybe £50,000. 351 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,360 Let's make some money. 352 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:26,640 Come on. 353 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:27,760 [Harriet] Can I have one of those ones? 354 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,880 Never having experienced that before. Obviously I'm more fruit machine based. 355 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,640 You know what I mean? So to be in a big, big casino like that, 356 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,560 members only as well, the Bunny Hole, 357 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,360 really felt a part of something, you know? 358 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,480 Part of elite. 359 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,400 Oh, yeah. 360 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:46,600 Oh, David. 361 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,680 It's so great that you're here. 362 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,480 We saved you some foie gras. 363 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:51,560 Hey! 364 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:52,880 It's the man of the moment. 365 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,160 It's the top man. It's the guest of honour. 366 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,960 Rebecca has just ordered some champagne, vintage '67? 367 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,080 Uh, it's the 1964. They didn't have the '67. 368 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,880 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 369 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,400 I think, maybe '64 is a better year so, uh... 370 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,480 Love it! 371 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,160 I think we're all in for a treat tonight. 372 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,920 -Yeah! -Okay, David. My David. 373 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:20,680 I want you to cast my girlfriend, Katarina in the play, okay? 374 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:21,760 Hmm. 375 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,680 Super hot and she's huge on Snapchat. 376 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,240 Very bored with the hostessing, wants to break into the acting, okay? 377 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,640 Hey, shawdy, come! 378 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,080 Look at this. 379 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,520 She was busty. 380 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:40,760 She had sort of, half sleeping eyes. 381 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,400 She looked hammered. 382 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,280 And I thought, class. 383 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,280 I think she could maybe play the Lawrence guy, his girlfriend. 384 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,440 Right. 385 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,240 Well, I'm sure that you're a terrific actress 386 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:57,200 but you see, Lawrence really doesn't have a love interest in the play. 387 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,520 He's focused on his mission. 388 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,120 Can we get a voice coach to sort out the accent? Yeah? 389 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,360 I think we're talking about two different productions. 390 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,840 Okay, David. 391 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:11,560 Can I let you into a little secret? 392 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,080 I've never even seen Lawrence of Arabia. 393 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,800 Don't give a fuck about Lawrence of Arabia. 394 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,760 I don't go to the theatre and I've never read any books. 395 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:23,160 I think that we can make some serious money from the play because what we do? 396 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,720 Is we're going to tour the shit out of it in China. 397 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:30,760 Now, the Chinese population are extreme in their tastes, 398 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,520 if they love something, then they really fucking love it, okay? 399 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,760 Now, they haven't got a clue who the, uh, D. H. Lawrence guy is. 400 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,120 To them, he's just a man in a sheet. 401 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,800 I tell you what they do like, 402 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:46,240 they like Katarina in the hot pants 403 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,280 because that is universal, yeah? 404 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:51,840 Yes. 405 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,000 Okay, it's, um, time to go. 406 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,880 No, dad, we're still having fun. 407 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:00,080 Yep, and also Bunny's agreed to back my malaria charity proposal. 408 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,400 He really believes in me. 409 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,120 Bunny is an idiot. Okay? He's wasted all of our times. 410 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,800 Come on, it's time to go home. Let's go! 411 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,080 But Bunny says it's really important that you do a good rewrite. 412 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:11,840 He doesn't know shit about anything, okay? 413 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,680 I want to do something artistic, Dieter. 414 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,040 I want to do something truthful. 415 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,920 He just wants to make some money. 416 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,000 -Talking about cash... -Well, it's all right for you, isn't it? 417 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,680 With your twinkly eyes and your fucking charisma. 418 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,000 But as soon as the little guy gets a shot of the action 419 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,880 then suddenly, it's artistic integrity. 420 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,360 David, all this time, this whole year, we have waited for someone to see 421 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,800 the value in what we are doing 422 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,160 and that someone has come and his name is Bunny. 423 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,240 Weirdly. 424 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,040 Come on. We could put the play on ourselves, all right? 425 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,160 Guerilla style. 426 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,360 We can put it on anywhere. 427 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,600 Hoff, have you tasted these caviar blinis? 428 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,280 They are to die for. 429 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:45,560 Never had that before. 430 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,160 It was like a ripped cracker but with like, shit on it. 431 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:50,960 You know what I mean? But like, nice shit. 432 00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:53,040 Like, 'cause that's what caviar is, isn't it? It's fish shit. 433 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,640 What's wrong with you guys? 434 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,560 I'm out of here, okay? 435 00:18:58,640 --> 00:18:59,960 I'm going. 436 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,880 Who's with me? 437 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,480 Um... 438 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,360 And he was trying to break it up. 439 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,440 And I love Hoff. Obviously, like, I would literally cut my penis off for him 440 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,000 but it was kind of like, you know when you've got a house party and like, 441 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,280 your mum turns up, she's like, 442 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,440 "Come on Terry, we're going home!" 443 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,120 Come on Hoff, we're having a good time. He was a bit of a vibe killer. 444 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,320 In the 1980s and the 1990s, 445 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,680 David, you had about 20 years of solid fun. 446 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,320 Well, this is our time. 447 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,000 This is Max Coleman's moment to have his fun. 448 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:42,440 Place your bets, please. 449 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,440 -Oh, yes, I want to put all of mine on-- -Put 'em all on-- 450 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,000 Top that. 451 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,920 [Harriet] I think I might be out of chips. 452 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,240 [Dieter] Me too. 453 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,440 [Danny] What about you, Terry? 454 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,840 -I'm out, mate. -I've got nothing. 455 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,040 Right, I've just spoken to Bunny 456 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,360 and he wants us to come to a meeting with him tomorrow 457 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,960 and he wants us to bring David. 458 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:28,800 Oh. 459 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,440 Well, I guess it's all over then? 460 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,200 There goes my range of bespoke Danny Jones protein shakes. 461 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:36,560 Just as I was developing a taste for Beluga caviar, 462 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,000 it gets snatched away from me. 463 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,240 Well, hold on a minute guys, that's not necessarily it, is it? 464 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,840 I mean, we could still go to the meeting. 465 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,440 What are we going to say when Bunny asks where David is? 466 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,320 We'll just say we're speaking on behalf of David. 467 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,640 Yeah, we've got enough Hasselhoff right here. 468 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,360 Got a little Hoff right here, isn't it? 469 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,440 -True. -[gags] 470 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,760 You've just been sick in your mouth, haven't you? 471 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,760 Swallow it. Don't spit it out. 472 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,800 -[Terry] Down it like a shot. -[Harriet] That's a nose bleed. 473 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,280 -[Max] Go on. -Like a shot! Down your sick like a shot. 474 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,520 [Bunny] Hey, guys! 475 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,880 Hey, what happened to you guys last night, hmm? 476 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,640 Sorry, we had to catch the last tube. 477 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,320 Okay, now where is my David? 478 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,720 He's written a new draft of the sexy Lawrence play? 479 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,040 -Yes. -Yeah. 480 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,360 -Yes, he has. -So, where is he? 481 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:25,040 Um, he's actually authorised us to speak on his behalf today. 482 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,920 I don't feel bad about going to the meeting without David. 483 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,360 Sometimes what's best for him is to, 484 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:36,000 is to not tell him what's best for him and just to, to do it. 485 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,080 I've got power of attorney. 486 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:40,760 He doesn't know that. 487 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,840 When the time is right, I'll be the one who turns off the machine. 488 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,240 Okay, so tell me about the new draft. 489 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:48,800 -Yes. -Yeah. 490 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,560 Okay, here we go. 491 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,320 So, Lawrence of Arabia, yeah? 492 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,120 Is in a casino 493 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,640 in Cairo. 494 00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:01,960 [Harriet] He's down on his luck. 495 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,560 He's bet on red, but it's come out black. 496 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,920 Yeah, then in walks your bird, etcetera. 497 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,720 -Katarina. -Katarina. 498 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,320 Boom! A bomb goes off. 499 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,200 -Lawrence is thrown against the wall. -[Harriet] Yeah. 500 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,280 He slides down the wall. 501 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,160 Yeah, Katarina's head knocks against the wall, she's knocked out. 502 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,800 But then they wake up, they crawl to each other's arms, it's lovely. 503 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:20,880 They make love in the rubble? 504 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:22,000 -Yes. -Yes. 505 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,880 Okay, serious question, why can't she be killed 506 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,360 and then he avenges her death and becomes a bad angel? 507 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,360 Uh, do you like that? 508 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,560 I love that. 509 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,840 That's what happens. 510 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,200 -Yeah. -[Harriet] Well done, Bunny. 511 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,280 So, what do you think? 512 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,360 I think it's shit. 513 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,120 But I think it's going to make a ton of money in China 514 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,720 and I'm going to finance the whole project. 515 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,280 We're going to have a lot of fun, but I have one more proviso. 516 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,400 Great, what is it? 517 00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,160 I want the Hasselhoff, in the play, 518 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:57,320 to bomb an entire village of the brown people. 519 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,120 Anyone in a sheet... Boom. 520 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,320 Preferably with napalm. 521 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,960 Yeah, no, I don't think David's going to agree to that. 522 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,520 Okay. 523 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,960 I can see that you guys are essentially the brains behind this operation, yeah? 524 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,960 So, let me explain... 525 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,920 If the Hasselhoff cannot agree to the changes, 526 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,560 then we have arranged for my dear friend 527 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,720 Jean-Claude Van Damme, to play his lead. 528 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,280 -What? -We've already spoken. 529 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,360 He's agreed terms. 530 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:25,720 It's going to be macho. 531 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,440 It's going to be a bit wacky but it's going to be super fun. 532 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,840 The real Van Damme? 533 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,320 The real Van Damme. 534 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,560 Do you mind if we just discuss this for a moment? 535 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:36,720 Mmm-hmm. 536 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,280 It's exciting, yeah? You, me and the muscles from Brussels. 537 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,360 Yeah? 538 00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:44,760 [Harriet] Okay, okay, okay. 539 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,680 I've done worse projects than this. 540 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:48,920 Van Damme is a remarkably subtle actor. 541 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,480 He's in my top three, do you know what I mean? 542 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,600 I've got Liam Neeson, Ian Beale and Van Damme. 543 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,720 It's a good list. 544 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,880 I can't believe we're thinking about doing this. 545 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,400 What are you talking about? 546 00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,320 The guy has clearly lost his shit. 547 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,880 I mean, like, what are we becoming? 548 00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:04,920 Rich? 549 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,040 -Meeting Van Damme is my dream. -[all arguing] 550 00:24:06,120 --> 00:24:07,560 Listen to me! 551 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,400 You know, apart from the first 25 years of my life, 552 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,720 David Hasselhoff has always been there for me. 553 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,160 Yeah. I mean, he's been there for all of us. 554 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,320 We've been blinded by posh champagne. 555 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,240 Oh, bollocks. 556 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:25,960 We're not going to do it, are we? 557 00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:31,440 Uh... 558 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,120 We've come to a decision, 559 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,040 we come as a package 560 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,520 with David Hasselhoff. 561 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,440 You know what I say? 562 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,160 I say, fuck David Hasselhoff. 563 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,200 The meeting is over. 564 00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:58,720 Oi, fuck face. 565 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,320 -Yep. -Yes, you. 566 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:01,520 Give me my watch back. 567 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,040 Call Van Damme. 568 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:11,400 Call Jean-Claude. 569 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,120 Just to confirm, you'd like to call Johnny... 570 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,400 No, call Jean, call Jean-Claude Van Damme. 571 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,600 Calling Jo Cockenden. 572 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:21,760 [Bunny] Fuck! 573 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,680 David, where are you going? 574 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:32,880 -Home. -Wait, Dad, look. 575 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,640 I just want to say, I'm really sorry. 576 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,480 There's no need to apologise. I'm just going back to the US of A. 577 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,520 And then I realised he was going and... 578 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,320 It didn't feel good. 579 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,520 This is actually the end. 580 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,840 I mean, what am I going to do? 581 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,960 I've got no other clients. 582 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,360 You know? 583 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:55,240 I've got a meeting with a dog next week who's supposed to be a good actor. 584 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,560 Apparently. 585 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,560 But, I mean, that's it. 586 00:25:59,120 --> 00:26:00,720 Come on, David. Don't do that. 587 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,280 Obviously, you've all got your little individual things going on here 588 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:06,760 so I'm out of here, all right? 589 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,080 Halt! 590 00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:13,960 Who goes there? 591 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,080 I am T. E. Lawrence 592 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,160 and I've come to speak to General Allenby. 593 00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:23,240 I've never heard of you. 594 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,800 Soon everyone in the British Empire will know his name. 595 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,520 We worked out that there was only one way 596 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:36,920 to stop him from going and that was to act out his shitty play. 597 00:26:37,360 --> 00:26:38,720 All three hours of it. 598 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,080 Success! 599 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,760 The city of Damascus has fallen. 600 00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:45,720 When you're acting it, 601 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:49,400 I started to think, do you know what, I've been sort of, anti this play. 602 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,040 It's very good. It's very moving. 603 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,360 The desert will never leave you. 604 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,240 It is inside of you. 605 00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,520 You have come from far away and you have given us hope. 606 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,360 This is your home now. 607 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:06,160 [exclaims] 608 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:07,480 Fucking, know what I mean? I got goose bumps. 609 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,040 It was just so much emotion. 610 00:27:09,120 --> 00:27:11,320 We didn't want him to leave. He belongs here. 611 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:17,080 We will always treasure you in our hearts. 612 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,160 And I... 613 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,000 You. 614 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,240 [David] It's terrible! 615 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,120 It's complete shit! 616 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:32,360 You guys were great 617 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,840 and thank you, but my play? 618 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:37,200 My playwriting? 619 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,840 Absolutely sucks! 620 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,640 You know, Max, you were right. 621 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,520 Doing a commercial for Netto is not so bad. 622 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,520 And doing a panto in Belgium, it's not so bad. 623 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,240 As long as we're in it together, it's okay by me. 624 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,240 What do you say, I stay in your country and, uh, 625 00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,480 we all go get a non-alcoholic beer? 626 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,160 [laughing] 627 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,040 Hoff's moving on from the playwriting phase of his life. 628 00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:06,720 They say that everyone's got one play in them. 629 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,600 It's just unfortunate for David that his was shit. 630 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,840 I think Hoff should definitely not stick to playwriting, you know. 631 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:17,760 He should stick with what he knows and that's just basically cars and tits. 632 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,560 We're going to fucking Romania. 633 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:22,680 Well organised, mate. 634 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,480 It's just the way independent films work. 635 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,880 It's been 14 days without food or water and my men are hungry... 636 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:33,320 Mr Hasselhoff is setting fire to my art and then he is urinating on the ashes. 637 00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,960 We don't seem to be able to get the crows to stay on the dead body. 638 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,440 Superglue. 639 00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:39,560 The director is a freaking lunatic. 640 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,080 I am going home. Bye! 641 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:43,720 It is a haunted, ancient forest. 642 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,760 Home to a lost tribe of savages called the Yesti. 643 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,360 The raft just took off. 644 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,000 And if this gets wet, I'm going to sink like a dwarf. 645 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:53,880 No, that is blood. 646 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:55,800 -[birds cawing] -Are you out there? 647 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,040 -Anyone there? -[growling] 648 00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,240 Shit! 649 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,240 -[thuds] -[screaming] 650 00:29:02,290 --> 00:29:06,840 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 49160

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