All language subtitles for The Big Leap s01e09 What Prevents Us.eng

This holy anointed oil...

[people sobbing]

I bless you
in Jesus Christ's name.

May the Lord raise you up.

If you have things left unsaid,
this would be the time.

[somber music]

♪

Has anyone seen Mikey?

He's in the kitchen
organizing the Tupperware lids.

- [clattering]
- MIKE: Unbelievable.

None of these lids fit.
None of these lids fit.

I don't know
how people live like this.

Hey, big baby.
This is happening.

Our dad is dying whether
you want to admit it or not.

He's gonna pull through,
okay?

I do not understand where
the contact paper is though.

Honestly, pretty unsanitary.

We have known this was coming
for a year and a half.

You can face reality,
or you can just keep remodeling

the whole house
like you did with Nana June.

Fits.

MOM: He's gone.
[sobbing]

Great. You missed it, jackass.

And I missed it too.
Oh, Daddy...

[upbeat music]

[clattering]

♪

[man screams]

Come on, haven't you
ever wanted

to be one of those people
who opens something

and eats it before they pay?

Maybe a bag of chips,
but you are housing

a full sheet cake
that feeds a small family.

Yeah, but I'm dying.

So I'm gonna do whatever I want

without worrying
what people think.

Yeah, right,
and I fully support you,

but everyone can see
that you shoved

a bottle of vodka
down your pants.

- Shh!
- I'm sorry.

I just know that you wanted
to stop treatment

to live life to the fullest,
but I didn't know that meant

you wanted to spend it
in a correctional facility.

All right.
I was gonna pay for it.

I just want to feel the rush,
you know?

I wanted to feel all the feels.

I made a to-do list.

MIKE: Wow, this
is a versatile bucket list.

Okay, "Dance more."
Check there.

"Vandalize."
That's a surprising one.

Oh! I just--check, aisle five.

I just drew a penis
on a jar of marinara.

"Run a marathon."
You are gonna do that alone.

"Skinny dip in Lake Como."
We could do Lake Erie.

Marry someone
I'm madly in love with.

That's like flossing.

It's, like, too much work,
and it's way too late.

[classical music playing]

I mean, uh, you could do that.

Are you being serious
right now?

Yeah.

I'm gonna call your bluff.

What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do?

- [intercom beeps]
- Attention, shoppers.

Please make your way
to the produce section

between the bananas
and the tomatillos

where I am going to ask the man

that I am madly in love with
to marry me.

I already told her
that I would, and I meant it.

Yes, Paula.

I will marry you.

[cheers and applause]

[Paula laughs]

[jazzy bass music]

♪

You splurged on me. Wow.

- Oh, my God. I'm still married.
- [crowd gasps]

But, uh, practically divorced.

Um, just not legally.
She's actually moved on.

She's pregnant,
and we are--we're doing this.

It's--it's good. I'm in love.
Getting married.

[upbeat music]

And they're not calling
any plays for me.

I know you're nervous
about--it's not a big--

[Gabby giggles]

Look, having a herniated disc
is not as--

I disagree.

Just make some calls
for me, okay?

What's with
the herniated disc?

I thought you said
you were fine.

It feels like
you're lying to me.

Gabby, I'm not lying to you.

It's just an old injury.
It's from that car accident.

I'm not keeping
anything important from you.

I wouldn't do
anything stupid, okay?

Okay.

Come on.

[emotional music]

♪

[indistinct chatter]

Hey. You doing okay?

You are so brave, Paula.

Okay, uh, let's get this
out of the way.

I have cancer.

And it's weird for me too.

But when I'm here
with you guys,

I'd like to be treated
like a normal person,

not a puppy abandoned
at a truck stop.

- Totally understandable.
- Okay, fine.

You're just--
you're just a blonde lady

with moderately above average
dance skill.

I feel like you went
a little too far

in the opposite direction.

But I appreciate the effort.

We're just on our way
to something.

- SIMON: Yeah, okay.
- Thanks. Thanks.

[cheerful piano music]

Um, the wedding.
Let's talk about that.

- Yes, I have a plan.
- Oh, good.

How about my divorce?

What the hell is this?

It's from
the 12 days of Christmas.

It would make more sense,
Alan,

if we weren't a month away
from Christmas.

Wow.
You're a premature decorator.

I never would have guessed.

Let's just say I'm never
going to tell Alan

- to take initiative again.
- I love the holidays.

What can I do for you guys?

Mike and I want
to get married ASAP,

but we don't want
to plan anything.

Oh, my God. That's amazing.

I love weddings.
Plus with you two,

America's gonna have
a five-hanky crygasm.

But Mike is still married.

So we need to rush the divorce.

But Paige is pregnant,
so should be easy.

What? A pregnancy,
a wedding, and a divorce

all in one episode?

This is perfect.
Thank you.

- So we're good?
- Yeah, yeah.

We'll set it up for tomorrow.
Right?

Great.

Hey, you know we can--
we can turn this into

a cake topper maybe.

Okay, what about
the Reggie tape?

Are we still gonna
show it to Gabby?

Yeah, but when
the time is right.

As for the wedding--
you know what?

I'll handle the divorce.
You are a girl.

You take care
of the decorations.

Uh, I'm actually a woman
with no desire to get married,

but what are your thoughts
on colors, flowers?

- Are we talking rustic?
- We got 24 hours. Who cares?

Look, just call the network
and have them send the set

of Married by Mike Tyson
here.

And stop looking so stressed.

It's a wedding.
Who cares?

Alan? Pretty ugly.
Makes no sense.

- You gonna get rid of it?
- Yeah, I'll take it.

I mean, it's a bunch of birds
on a platter.

And I don't want to see it.
I don't--

Even when we're
close to Christmas,

I don't want to see it.

Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

[snapping]

Would you stop that?

[stomping]

Julia, lengthen!

How many times
do I have to tell you?

Do you ever stop yelling?

Three months ago,
I was teaching calculus

to teenagers
that were half asleep.

I can't take this.
I'm taking a break.

[tapping]

Uh-uh-uh.
Back here. please.

Justin, did you see
who's here?

Oh, my God. It's Annie Hines.

Talk about exuding
Scorpio energy.

She's a Broadway director.
Started as a choreographer.

She won three Tonys
in the last five years.

Let's just break.
I have a meeting.

When we come back,
I want your heads in the game!

- Heads in the game.
- Shut up, Simon!

No, not you.
Justin, come with us.

Go.

MONICA: Justin, come on!

Talk about me. Talk about me.

[upbeat music]

♪

I hope she saw that.
That was so good.

When I think
about the future,

I just focus on my two dreams.

Performing with y'all in
Swan Lake and marrying Mike.

I might not make it
to the performance

'cause I'm tired
and losing weight, but...

[sighs]

But I get to marry Mike
tomorrow.

And one out of two
ain't bad, right?

[upbeat music]

♪

Hey.

I'm gonna produce the hell
out of that wedding.

You're gonna have your day.
I promise you.

Let's do
something classic, right?

Oh, come on. Seriously?

Guys, these flowers remind me
of my Aunt Edna's wake.

Let's get a little class
in here, huh?

Oh, off-white. No brainer.

They all look the same.

No, Alan,
they do not look the same.

One is warm,
inviting, and romantic.

The other one screams,
"Come to a lunch

and buy a timeshare."
All right? Come on, guys.

We are better than this.

Ooh, someone turned
into bridezilla.

Brittney, Raven,
and I are planning

a spa-themed bridal
bachelorette party for Paula.

Honestly,

I've never even been to a spa
or a bachelorette party.

So what do you have in mind
for the spa theme?

Okay.
So I'm bringing these new,

highly effective,
questionably-toxic,

nightshade face masks that I am
the brand ambassador for,

which actually
really works out,

'cause I owe them a lot of
video content and testimonials.

I'm making a cocktail
called Mint to Be

from "Martha Stewart Living."

Yeah, that's right.
Get into it, Alan.

Martha's my bitch.

She's been to prison. Like--

I was gonna bring some
flesh-toned penis straws.

But apparently they don't fit

into Brittney and Raven's
vision.

You know they're called
cocktails for a reason.

- I get it. Mm-hmm.
- Cocktails. Yeah.

- He gets it.
- That's good.

I can tell you're doing
something amazing, Monica.

Still haven't managed
to teach most of them

what a chasse is.

Don't dismiss a compliment
when it's true.

It has passion and art.

And you're thinking
outside the box,

which is surprising coming from

the uptight purist
I used to know.

[both laugh]

Next you're going to tell me
you quit smoking.

I did actually.

Or that you removed
our matching tattoos.

How's your mom?

She's finally
gotten over our breakup.

Mary's the best; I still
think about texting her.

You should.
She really loves you.

She's the only mother
who ever did.

[laughs]

So Annie here
is a Broadway director.

I heard that.

Did you hear that
I'm casting my next show?

I asked her to come
and see you,

because I think
you should audition.

Really?
Yeah, that--that'd be amazing.

Fantastic.

Happy I flew in.

[cheerful music]

♪

Thank you so much for coming
with me to get beauty supplies.

- Appreciate it.
- My pleasure.

Which, coincidentally,
is the name of this red.

- Is it really?
- Yeah.

Well, I have to be honest.

I'm really sorry that we didn't
get to go on our lunch date,

but I hope
we can take a "Rain Check."

- [chuckles] Nice one.
- Thank you.

Do you think the person
who names these is doing okay?

This one's called
"Crying from a Rooftop."

Wow.
I don't know which is sadder,

that or "Boiled Shrimp"?

- Delicious.
- I don't know about that.

Yeah.

I really do want to go
and celebrate Paula.

She deserves it.

But I just kinda don't want
to go back yet.

Let's just play
some more hooky.

And get some frozen yogurt.

- All right.
- All right?

- Very specific.
- How could you say no to that?

[classical music playing]

♪

You know you can pay someone
to do that, right?

It relaxes me.
What do you want?

I want to see
if you'll officiate

Paula and Mike's wedding.

- I am not interested.
- What?

I just assumed you'd already
fantasized about it.

Like, maybe jotted down
some corny jokes

on paper or something.

If you must know,
I'm cursed.

I've officiated seven weddings.

All of which
have ended in divorce.

Ariana and Pete just asked me
to officiate,

and you see
what happened to them.

Yeah. Oh, yes.

Well they'd definitely
be together if not for you.

Come on. I want this wedding
to be special.

Look, you and I both know
that if I put Monica up there,

she's going to dump a bucket
of pig's blood on her head

before burning the whole thing
to the ground.

Is that how you speak
about the woman you're dating?

It's the reason I like her.

Look, I want tomorrow
to be special too.

That's why I'm saying no.

But if Paula wants,
I'll walk her down the aisle.

Oh, that's very--
don't do that. Stop.

- Shoo, shoo, shoo.
- Is that sandalwood?

- Shoo.
- You sure?

- Shoo.
- Come on, Wayne.

Oh, my gosh. I love these.
These are so good.

Be right with you folks.

- Oh, my God.
- I know.

Too much to choose from, right?

Hey, mate, what do you--
what do you recommend?

People seem to like
the Cheeky Chocolate Chunk.

The Bodacious Butterscotch
is pretty popular.

Okay. Yeah, yeah.
I'll take a Cheeky Chocolate.

Oh, with rainbow sprinkles.
Thanks.

I think I'll take
the butterscotch

and a freaking explanation.

Am I missing something?

Yeah, this is my husband
who disappeared two months ago

and drained
our savings account.

I'm sorry I didn't call, Julia.

I was robbed at this
youth hostel in Costa Rica.

Seriously, Kevin?
A youth hostel?

And now you're working
at some lame-ass yogurt shop

not 3 miles away
from our home and your girls?

This place isn't as bad
as it looks, all right?

- I get free yogurt.
- No. Again, Kevin,

the yogurt is deducted
from your paycheck.

You said rainbow sprinkles?

Shut up about your
rainbow sprinkles,

you feckless, disappointing,
sad sack of a man!

[upbeat music]

♪

You know what?

With that bone structure, girl,

let's just keep it down.

Tease it to high heaven.

Sexier. Boom.

Let's do that. Let's do that.
And what about concealer?

'Cause I have kind of
an under eye situation.

Don't worry, my concealer
could cover a face tattoo.

Paula. Hey.
I was hoping I wouldn't have to

bother you with any decisions,

but apparently Wayne
has been cursed by a witch--

don't ask--
and can't officiate.

Look, I can get you
anybody else.

I can get you Andy Cohen.
I can get you a Sean Spicer.

I can get you Chip
and/or Joanna Gaines.

- Uh, Mike Tyson?
- Why don't you do it?

Well, I can't do it.
I'm not on the show.

So be on the show.

I don't think you understand.
There's the producer.

Then there's the show.

Producer. Show.

And never the twain shall meet.
Okay?

- I get it. You're scared.
- I'm not scared.

Stay there. I'm a--
I'm a professional.

You know that means
you have to do it, right?

No, I--stop it.

- Think about it.
- Movie star.

Go get him. Go get him.

[both laugh]

He's scared.

Does it say my name behind me?

- Oh, yes, it does.
- It does.

- And it's huge, isn't it?
- Oh, yes, it is.

Now look over here.
Just sit back. Show me--

Wayne, I know where to look,
all right?

And it's just this chair
is really uncomfortable.

I know. You requested it.

Are the lights
always this bright?

I feel like I'm going
under the knife.

- Nick, just talk to me.
- I'm talking to you.

- No, no, look here.
- I know where to look,

but you said talk to me.

- Talk to me here.
- Wayne, don't get

too comfortable back there.

Okay. Now, tell me how
do you feel about officiating

Mike and Paula's
wedding tomorrow?

Uh, I feel better knowing

I'm going to make you
write everything I say.

Oh, not happening.

I'm sensing
a growth opportunity here.

Nick Blackburn's
very own big leap.

You know what?
I'm going to leap out of here.

I'm sick of seeing
your face right here.

- [crowd shouting]
- [dance music]

Are we gonna dance
or are we gonna do gymnastics?

♪

- [crowd chatters]
- Oh!

We don't need to compete
to be my best man.

Life is a competition, Mikey.
Let's get in there, Ellison.

♪

In his face.
Put it in his face.

Put it in his face.

I feel like we're watching
a back injury compilation here.

[overlapping chatter]

- Buddy, you all right?
- Ice it. Ice it.

Yeah, Ellison just relegated
himself to ring bearer.

Oh, rings. Rings.
I need to get rings.

Isn't Nick taking care
of everything?

No, no, no. I don't want Nick

picking up a ring
for my future wife.

Yo, we know a guy
who could get you

a mall's kiosk worth of rings.

You do?

Yeah, we get all our stuff
from there.

Check it out.
Check it out.

Yeah. I'm okay.
I think I'm good actually.

Okay, he just texted me back.

He said he'll be here
in an hour.

He takes cash or Bitcoin,

but don't look at him
in the eye; he don't like that.

- Okay, good to know.
- And Mikey...

- Now go have fun.
- Mikey! Mikey!

ALL: Mikey! Mikey! Mikey!

To love or have loved,
that is enough.

Alan, where'd you get
this garbage?

Victor Hugo.
Les Misérables.

Oh, Les Mis. It's only the most
depressing movie ever made.

I can't--I can't read this
at the ceremony, Alan. Come on.

Well, I've got great news,
I've got good news,

and I've got bad news.
Which would you like?

I'd like all of it,
Alan, obviously.

Okay.
Well, the great news is we went

with the off-white linens
and they look spectacular.

- That's not news, Alan.
- ALAN: Okay.

Well, the good news is I took
the Ordained Minister test

for you and got 100%.

Yes, that is news.

The bad news is Michigan
has a two-day waiting period.

No. Alan, no. [groans]

What time does the county
clerk's office close?

So how'd it go with Annie?

What did she order?
Did she even eat?

Kind of weird. Yeah.

She and Monica were giving
googly eyes the whole time.

Googly eyes?
Wait, they were together?

Oh, my God. First Annie.
Now Nick.

Everything Monica does
is so fascinating.

She's my queen.

So why'd they bring you?

Well, she wants me
to audition for her next show.

- What?
- I know.

It's pretty cool, right?

- How does she even know you?
- What do you mean?

No offense, but you have
no followers, zero credits.

- Ouch.
- I'm just surprised.

That's all.

Well, when you get over
your shock,

maybe you can say,
"Congratulations."

Justin, I didn't mean it--

I got to get this right.

But there is
a wide variety here.

- Mikey, we got you.
- Yeah.

Oh, thanks for
modeling them, guys.

The snake, you know--I mean,
normally I would say no,

but she has been exploring
her wild side lately.

Maybe the one in sapphires
that says, "S-O-B."

Maybe that's too aggressive.
Could work.

Honestly, I don't know.
What do you think, ring guy?

Yo, don't--don't look him
in the eye.

Oh, I'm sorry. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't look.

Let me tell you this
real quick.

All of these have
a lifetime guarantee.

You come back in 10 years
and need them cleaned,

just come back to me.

We don't have 10 years.

[emotional music]

Okay, um, you know something?
I'm just going to get

a breath of fresh air
if that's all right.

- Yeah.
- Mike.

♪

- Bing!
- Yes.

[P-Nut Butter's
"I'm Glad I Knew You" playing]

And over here we have
"Big Leap's"

Monica Sullivan soaking it in.

I just know your pores
are in heaven.

How does this mask
feel on your face?

Like a front row seat
to Chernobyl.

[British accent] Cheerio.
Another success story.

If you'll excuse me,
I need some burn salve

and a fire extinguisher.

Your hands are cold.
How's your circulation?

It's not great.

- You getting tired?
- Yeah.

But don't tell anybody,
'cause I'm having fun.

Um, uh, excuse me,
Mr. Plumber Man.

This is the women's
locker room.

Sorry, drain's clogged
in the bathroom.

- So which one of y'all did it?
- Excuse me?

I said which one of you made
a huge mess in there?

It was me. I did it.

Miriam!

- [hip-hop music playing]
- ♪ 'Bout to tear it up

Yeah!

[screaming]

♪

[cheering]

♪ You ain't finished yet,
you say you the best ♪

♪ Say it with your chest

♪

[cheering]

♪

[screams]

Let's just say

I had to smuggle in
my own penis straw.

[slurps]

I'm the bride!
I'm the bride!

[cheering]

♪

Just one second.

Can we just have second?

Julia, are you okay?

I'm fine.
I'm fine.

[sobbing]
I'm so sorry I'm crying.

You know,
this is supposed to be happy.

And we're all pretending
that it's normal, but it's not.

It's sad. I'm sorry. [sobs]

You don't have to be sorry.

I mean, it is sad
and it's probably good

we acknowledge that.

Today was the best day.

- Good.
- [both laugh]

And I know that I'm asking
a lot of you guys.

And Mike, I see him being
so strong and supportive,

despite being so scared.

And I'm really grateful.

I do have one
last request actually.

Um, I always wanted
my bridesmaids

to wear really ugly
bridesmaid's dresses.

- [laughter]
- Why?

Even you, Monica.

I'd be honored and horrified.

[laughter]

So should I leave, or did you
want me to start from the top?

Start from the top!

[all cheering]

♪

JOEL: You mind if I sit
by this dumpster with you?

Yeah, sure.

I don't know
if I can do this, man.

What's going on?

He doesn't know
if he can do this, man.

It's just that I made
all those promises to her.

And now that it's here,
it is--

it's just--it's too...sad.

ELLISON: Hey, fellas.

What's happening?

He made all these promises,
but he doesn't think

he can do it anymore,
'cause it makes him sad.

You know, at least
with treatment

I thought I could hide
behind some hope.

I hear you, Mike.

It is so incredibly sad.

But even if you run from this,
Paula's gonna die.

[somber piano music]

And, um...

you're gonna be heartbroken.

♪

The choice isn't whether or not
you're gonna feel pain.

You're gonna feel pain.

The choice is about...

how you feel about yourself
when that time comes.

♪

Look, I know it's tough,

but, you know,
you'll get through it.

Yeah, I know.
I know you guys are right.

Right. Thanks. Thanks.
Yeah. Yeah.

It's okay to cry.

You can do it.

The only way is through.

You got to sit in it
and feel the feelings.

♪

Be there for Paula.
We'll be there for you.

♪

[Mike sobbing]

♪

I'm sorry, Mr. Blackburn,

but like I told you,
if we don't observe the 48-hour

waiting period,
we would be breaking the law.

And we don't want to do that.
Of course.

But I'd like to remind you

that there's a woman
dying of cancer.

Yes, you mentioned that
several times.

And none of that made it
into the crypt

that contains your heart?

She's going to die.

And the only thing she wants
is to marry

the man she loves tomorrow,
and we--

you and me--
have the unique opportunity

to make that dream come true.
All we have to do

is put that stamp on this piece
of paper right there.

So come on. Just do it.
Just stamp it. Just pick it up.

Put it down. Stamp it.
Just stamp it.

Stamp the pa--pick it up,
put it here, and it's done.

I would be happy
to stamp the certification

48 hours from today.

- I can see--
- [bell dings]

Let that ring in your ear.

Next.

Well, that crapped out.
Come on. Get outta here.

- Excuse me.
- Yes.

Mindy Kessler.
Born and raised in Saginaw,

home of the world's
largest bean elevator.

During the day,
I am a homemaker

and a data entry associate
at the county clerk's office.

But at night in my dreams,
I dance.

Would you like to make a deal?

[lively music]

Yes. Yes, Mindy, I would.

He got the ball, and he ran
towards the end zone.

- And smash!
- [laughter]

Yeah!

- You should've seen it.
- GABBY: Oh, yeah.

Well, it's a lot more fun
watching you replay.

Time for bed, mister.
It's late.

Is Reggie coming
to the wedding?

He better be; I'm planning

a big surprise
for Mike and Paula.

All right. Jammy time.
I'll be up in five minutes.

Goodnight, sweetie.

Don't you think all this
is going a little fast?

She has terminal cancer, Mom.

I'm talking
about you and Reggie.

Did you consider
slowing things down a little

and not bringing him
into Sam's life?

When I introduced him to Sam,
he was just my friend.

Your friend that you were
in love with.

Honestly, can you ever
just be happy for me?

[sighs]

NICK: Ooh, well,
someone went crazy

with taffeta
and a hot glue gun, huh?

- Oh, I'd like you to meet Tina.
- Mindy.

- Mindy. Meet Mindy.
- MINDY: Hello.

NICK: She's gonna be
joining our cast.

Mindy loves to dance.
Show her what you--

Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

NICK: Shuffle ball change.
It's a thing.

Yeah.
And she's promised to bring us

one of her famous
tater tot casseroles.

I use four types of cheese.

NICK: Sounds so good.
Thanks, Mindy.

You can go on out there
and dance some more.

- Okay.
- Just--

Okay.

No matter how low
I set the bar,

you never fail
to disappoint me.

Hey, what do you think about
being my date for the wedding?

Nick, it's one thing
to go to dinner.

It's another thing
to sit next to each other

and watch people
exchange lifetime vows.

Well, your loss.

You know, I'm--I'm gonna
be considered a hero

when you see what I do
with the wedding out there.

- Nick?
- Yeah?

Paige won't sign
the divorce papers.

Damn it! No.

What are you--guys,
move out of the way.

Out of the way. It's just--
Thank you.

I saw Annie came by
this morning.

Yeah, she's auditioning
Justin.

I think it'll be a good match.

And you haven't spoken to her
in a while, huh?

What is it, Wayne?

I'm merely reminiscing
on the fact

that Annie was the last
real relationship you had.

- And that was years ago.
- So?

So why not go to the wedding
with Nick?

You hate Nick.

This is less about Nick
and more about you.

[emotional music]

♪

Paige, what prevents us?

Just so you know,

we're recording the Zoom
for the show.

What prevents you
from leaving me alone?

- Why are you hounding me?
- Well, Paige,

we need to get
these divorce papers signed,

and you were the one
who wanted to end the marriage.

So why don't you grab
a pen there

and get to scribbling, huh?

I'm just not sure
I'm ready, okay?

Come on. I know you're pregnant
with another man's baby.

All right?
You gotta cut bait on Mike.

- You're being selfish here.
- PAIGE: I'm sorry.

Are you calling a woman
who is this pregnant,

who spends her days barfing,
selfish?

Uh, no, I'm--I'm sorry.

I didn't mean--
I didn't mean that.

- [Paige sobbing]
- Um, okay.

[Paige sobbing]

Maybe I am, but I'm pregnant
and depressed.

And Patrick can't even
get a crib put together.

He's been working on it
for two days.

Mike could have done it
in two hours.

I get it. Hey, come on.

Calm down.
Things are bad right now.

I understand.
It's gonna be okay.

What? So I leave him,

and now all of a sudden
he's this really great guy?

And I'm supposed to let him
get married again

on television?

It's like telling the world
I failed.

Hey, hey, hey. Look at me.
You didn't fail, okay?

You did what you needed to do.
You took care of yourself.

You inspired Mike
to do the same.

Look, I understand this.
I've been through it.

Divorce is one of the hardest
things in the world,

but you cannot let it
harden you, Paige.

You deserve to be happy
and to move on.

And you know--you know Mike
deserves the same.

What do you say?

[sentimental music]

♪

Fine. Just don't tell Mike

that Patrick can't get
the crib together, okay?

Just tell him
he did it in an hour.

In an hour. You got it.

I hate you so much.

BRUNO MARS:
♪ It's a beautiful night

♪ We're looking
for something dumb to do ♪

♪ Hey baby, I think
I wanna marry you ♪

♪

♪ Don't say
no, no, no, no, no ♪

♪ Just say
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And we'll
go, go, go, go, go ♪

♪ If you're ready

♪ 'Cause it's
a beautiful night ♪

♪ we're looking for
something dumb to do ♪

♪ Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you ♪

♪

Okay, here we go.

We're gonna--it's time to--
it's a wedding.

Time to officiate.

So how are you feeling?

Uh, I'm feeling--you know what?

Hey, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Those go to the side,
all right?

We need to cheat
Mike and Paula's coverage.

Am I the only one
who shot a wedding here?

Guys, how about
some energy, huh?

Come on.
There's a wedding happening.

Nick?
I feel great. I feel great.

All right, come on.
Let's do this, guys.

Yeah. Cut.

["Stand By Me"
instrumental playing]

♪

You may be wondering--hold on,
can we reset?

Hey, let's cue
the sunset please.

Billy, cue the sunset.
Here we go.

- Aww.
- That's lovely.

Okay.

You may be wondering

why Mike and Paula asked me
to officiate their wedding.

Me too.
I didn't want to do this.

I did not want to stand up here
in front of cameras

and talk about love.

But then I asked myself
the question that I'm usually

asking everyone else,

which is what prevents us?

You can ask that question
about a lot of things.

What prevents us from saying
the things we want to say,

or from allowing ourselves
to love or be loved?

And you'll always come up
with the same answer.

The thing that
prevents us is fear.

Putting yourself out there.

Letting someone
really see you is scary.

Trusting other people's
terrifying.

Looking
at a terrible situation,

holding hands,

and facing it together,

well, I guess that's love.

So today we celebrate love
triumphing over fear.

You know, Mike and Paula
met on this show.

I have to give myself credit.
I saw their story right away.

I put their headshots
right next to each other.

And I said,

"These two--these two
are gonna bang."

[laughter]

But it turned out to be
much more than that.

It turned out to be
a love story

that should give us all
hope and inspiration.

So, Mike and Paula, thank you
for asking me to officiate.

If there's anything you guys
want to say to each other

before we get
to the deal points,

now is probably the right time.

- I do have a few things.
- Okay, great.

Paula,
ours is a classic love story.

Guy falls for girl.

Guy loses girl.

Guy goes on reality dance show
to win girl back

but then meets
totally different girl

who turns out
to be his soul mate

and shows him
what true happiness is.

Paula, you met me at my worst,
and you accepted me.

You made me my best.

I love you.

Michael--that is
your real name, right?

Yeah.

Michael, we may not have
spent years together

or even months.

But from the moment I met you,

I knew that I could share
parts of myself

that I had never shared
with anyone else.

Thank you for loving me,
all of me,

and I hope
I can make you feel that loved.

Let's bring the rings, please.

[soft music]

♪

I pronounce you husband
and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

[cheers and applause]

Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on, please.

I can see that.
You're not close enough.

I need you
to get in here, okay?

Come on. All right.

Guys, reset
back to one, please.

Everybody, we're still excited.
Okay. Here we go.

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss your bride.

[upbeat music]

SINGER: ♪ I wanna cut
through the clouds ♪

Confetti!

SINGER: ♪ I wanna dance on
the roof, you and me alone ♪

♪ I wanna cut to the feeling,
oh yeah ♪

♪ I wanna cut
to the feeling ♪

♪ I wanna cut to the feeling

♪ I wanna cut
to the feeling ♪

♪ I wanna cut to the feeling

So, Paula, I--I see
what you love about this man.

And I have been lucky enough
to see it for nearly 15 years.

I love you guys.

[applause]

That was so beautiful, Joel.

We shouldn't have waited
to show Gabby that tape.

All right,
I'm going to do it tonight.

- She looks so happy, though.
- She deserves to know.

Somebody's got to keep
the gears running,

and we know it's not gonna be
Nicholas Sparks over there.

WAYNE: One more surprise
for you.

He looks good
in a suit, though.

Thank you, Mike and Paula.

for including us
in your special day.

["I Wanna Dance With Somebody"
playing]

♪

WHITNEY HOUSTON: ♪ Yeah

GUEST: Whoo!

♪

All right!

- PAULA: What?
- MIKE: Let's go!

WHITNEY HOUSTON:
♪ I wanna dance

♪ Clock strikes
upon the hour ♪

♪ And the sun begins to fade

♪

♪ Still enough time
to figure out ♪

♪ How to chase my blues away

♪ I've done all right
up to now ♪

♪ It's the light of day
that shows me how ♪

♪ And when the night falls

♪ My loneliness calls

♪ Oh, I wanna dance
with somebody ♪

♪ I wanna feel the heat
with somebody ♪

♪ Yeah, I wanna dance
with somebody ♪

♪ With somebody who loves me

♪ Somebody who, somebody who

♪ His arms, oh

♪ I need a man
who'll take a chance ♪

♪ On a love that burns
hot enough to last ♪

♪ So when the night falls

♪ My lonely heart calls

♪ Oh, I wanna dance
with somebody ♪

♪ I wanna feel the heat
with somebody ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ I wanna dance
with somebody ♪

♪ With somebody
who loves me ♪

♪ Don't you wanna dance,
say you wanna dance ♪

- ♪ Don't you wanna dance
- SINGERS: ♪ Dance

WHITNEY HOUSTON:
♪ Don't you wanna dance

♪ Say you wanna dance

- ♪ Don't you wanna dance
- SINGERS: ♪ Dance

WHITNEY HOUSTON:
♪ Don't you wanna dance

♪ Say you wanna dance

- ♪ Uh-huh
- SINGERS: ♪ Dance

WHITNEY HOUSTON:
♪ With somebody who loves me

♪ Who, who

SINGERS: ♪ Dance

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music playing]

- How did you guys do all this?
- Gabby.

She choreographed
the whole thing last night.

Thank you.

Of course! Of course!
[gasps]

- Oh, can you go get Sam?
- Yeah.

- That was amazing.
- Oh, my God.

I can't believe
you had everybody in it.

Gabby, can I grab you
for a quick OTF?

Okay, yeah, yeah.

I'll see you
on the dance floor.

Okay, have fun.
I'll see you soon. Hi!

I'll see you
on the dance floor.

[somber music]

♪

Um...

Can I go now?

♪

SINGER: ♪ Baby, dance,
show me your moves ♪

♪ Come on and give us
the stuff ♪

♪ Girl, get on the floor

See? I told you it would be--

Oh, my God.
It's Kevin.

TRAVELL: He showed up
in his yogurt shirt?

Oh, Fro-no.

Okay, Kevin, no, no, no.
You can't be here.

- Just listen to me.
- I don't care!

[music fades]

You drained
our bank account, Kevin.

Do you have any idea
how much you hurt me?

Check the account--I put most
of it back a week ago.

I don't care.

All right, I screwed up, Julia.

I thought I was trying
to leave you,

but I was trying to leave me.

I should have just joined
a reality show like you did.

Oh, yeah, 'cause that was easy,
right, Travell?

- You look happy.
- I am.

KEVIN:
It didn't cost you your family

and a case
of dengue fever to get there.

You know what?
If you figured this all out,

then why didn't you bother
to call Olivia and Sophia, huh?

I was embarrassed.

I wanted to come back
in a respectable way.

With a job.

I'm trying
to build a foundation.

I just need the first brick,
and then I can--

Okay, look, it doesn't matter
where you are

in your life, okay?

It matters that you are in
our kids' lives.

They need you.

You're right.

I am going to get back
in their lives.

Great.

I'm going to get back
in your life too.

No.

I miss you, Julia.

I'm gonna win you back.

No, you absolutely are not.

Oh, and I'll even
do it on camera.

I'm going to win her back,
everybody.

No, please do not.

You better watch your back,
Thunder From Down Under.

I'm going to make moves
sharper than your jawline.

I love the show, everybody.

Hands up. Very serious.

Hi.

You don't mind
if I scooch in, do you?

Oh, no. Go ahead.

So how was the audition?

You don't need
to talk about it.

Yes, we do.

Listen, I may be a jealous
and petty competitor,

but I believe in you.

I really hope you get it.

And I'm sorry that I acted
like such a baby.

It wasn't a good look for me.

No, it wasn't, but...

thank you.

I believe in you too.

I believe in us.

Congratulations, Justin.
Annie called.

She wants you in the show.

- Shut up.
- I don't know if she told you,

but you're touring Europe
for six months.

So here's to Paris.

["At Last" playing]

ETTA JAMES:
♪ My lonely days are over

♪

♪ And life is like a song

Oh, no. I don't dance.

MONICA: Shut up.
You do now.

Mm.

ETTA JAMES: ♪ At last

♪

♪ The skies above are blue

♪

Oh, you weren't lying.
You really don't dance.

- No.
- [laughs]

You know, I'll admit.

You sure pulled off
this wedding.

Sometimes you really are
good at your job.

Ah.

Well, thank you.

Come on.
I just complimented you.

What's going on?

She's still gonna die, Monica.

It doesn't matter
how hard I worked,

or how happy everybody
pretends to be.

The ending doesn't change.

You just gave them
a night full of happiness.

So I think it changes a little.

Yeah.

ETTA JAMES: ♪ A thrill
to press my cheek to ♪

♪ A thrill that I...

This is a good first date.

Oh, so you are my date.

ETTA JAMES: ♪ You smiled

♪ You smiled

♪ Oh, and then
the spell was cast ♪

♪

[upbeat music playing]

[man singing indistinctly]

♪

Good looks ain't
the only thing you gave Sam.

Looks like
he got your moves too.

I saw the tape, Reggie.

The one of you kissing
that beautiful girl.

It's not even like that, okay?

She--she kissed me.
I stopped her.

I don't care.

You put yourself in a position
for it to happen.

They filmed me
while they showed it to me.

It was humiliating.

I'm so sorry, okay?

You made a big deal about not
keeping things from me.

I can't be with someone
like you.

I have a kid...

a kid. by the way,
who is crazy about you.

Oh, God. I'm so stupid.

Please, babe.
Please don't do this--

Don't.

Do not make a scene
in front of my son.

Hey. Hey, buddy.

Thanks.
Way past your bedtime.

Time to go, okay?

Is Reggie coming?

GABBY: Oh, not tonight.

Come on.

["Stand By Me" playing]

♪

BEN E. KING:
♪ When the night has come

PAULA: You're Mr. Paula Clark.

And you're Mrs. Mike Devries.

Listen, I have a very
serious question for you.

What is your favorite movie?

Seriously?
It's our wedding night,

and you wanna play
20 questions?

I just want to know as much
about you as I possibly can.

Just in case, you know, I need
to get the marriage annulled.

[laughs]

It's a tie between "Scarface"
and "It's a Wonderful Life."

Wow. That is range.

You?

If my friends are asking,
"The Matrix."

But if you are asking
it's "Pride and Prejudice."

Um...

Okay.

What's your earliest
childhood memory?

Um...

a tree falling next to me

while I was playing
in the front yard.

- Oh, no.
- You?

Fell in a pool.
My dad rescued me.

Both traumatic.
Interesting.

Yeah.

Okay, Billy Joel
or Bruce Springsteen?

That's a selfish choice
right there.

You put me in a tough spot.

I mean, I think you would think
I'm for the Boss

'cause I'm a factory guy,

but I'm gonna go
with the piano man.

Whoa!

Yeah.
Well, I got my uptown girl.

She's living in her
uptown...brownstone.

Okay. Last one.

If you could have one
magic power, what would it be?

BEN E. KING: ♪ Darlin',
darlin', stand by me ♪

To stop time.

BEN E. KING:
♪ Oh, stand by me

♪ Oh, stand now

♪ Stand by me, stand by me

[upbeat music]

♪

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