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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,010 --> 00:00:02,461 Chapter 14. 2 00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:03,850 There was nothing Tom enjoyed more 3 00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:06,200 than stories of traveling to distant lands, 4 00:00:06,220 --> 00:00:07,910 and there was nothing that Tom enjoyed less 5 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:09,544 than actually traveling. 6 00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:10,719 I can't find my khakis. 7 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,303 The one with the side pocket 8 00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:14,098 - for sunscreen? - Mm-mm. 9 00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,154 He needs to re-apply every 15 minutes. 10 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,602 The dermatologist said he'll literally catch on fire. 11 00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:21,760 Tom, you are the most nervous traveler. 12 00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:23,232 Do you have to go to Puerto Rico? 13 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,140 Sof�a wants me to see the village she grew up in 14 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,234 so I can write about her impoverished childhood in the memoir. 15 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,173 Now, how many umbrellas do you think I'll need? 16 00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:32,500 One to none? 17 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,243 I thought this trip was gonna be a few days. 18 00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:36,074 Yeah, but it's pretty humid down there. 19 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,789 You got to expect at least three pairs of socks per day. 20 00:00:38,790 --> 00:00:41,110 - Ew. - If you're this anxious about going, 21 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,334 I can take your place. 22 00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:45,045 Although Sof�a might be more of a handful than the twins. 23 00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:46,859 No. You know, working on that book hasn't been all bad. 24 00:00:46,860 --> 00:00:49,717 Thanks to Sof�a, I've learned that I'm a ceviche guy. 25 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,840 What? I've been pushing you to try ceviche for years. 26 00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:55,472 You said eating raw fish makes you feel like a pelican. 27 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,200 Well, technically, ceviche isn't raw fish. 28 00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,977 It's cured in acid. Sof�a taught me that. 29 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,855 Can I go to the movies after this? 30 00:01:02,860 --> 00:01:04,106 Sure, sweetie. Who all's going? 31 00:01:04,110 --> 00:01:06,210 Just some friends from school. 32 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,902 Oof, cold. 33 00:01:08,910 --> 00:01:10,900 I was like that at her age... 34 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,573 which means you're in trouble. 35 00:01:12,580 --> 00:01:15,614 Oh, all right. Let me just kind of... 36 00:01:15,620 --> 00:01:16,869 Come on. 37 00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:18,558 First she ditches us on Halloween, 38 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:19,880 now this attitude. 39 00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:21,209 Teen years are starting off rough. 40 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:23,040 I hope Gretchen stays my little girl forever. 41 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:24,459 - Come on. - Maybe she'll be a late bloomer 42 00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,940 like Tom and require a medical intervention 43 00:01:26,950 --> 00:01:28,047 to kickstart puberty. 44 00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:29,423 Come on. 45 00:01:29,430 --> 00:01:30,591 Maybe it never kicked in. 46 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,100 I wonder if something more is going on with her, 47 00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:35,262 'cause she's been especially cagey with us lately. 48 00:01:35,270 --> 00:01:36,300 I wouldn't sweat it. 49 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,960 She's probably just nervous to see Cayden. 50 00:01:38,980 --> 00:01:41,970 - Who's Cayden? - Cayden. The boy she likes, 51 00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:44,730 whose ass I'll kick if he breaks her heart? 52 00:01:44,740 --> 00:01:47,909 Oh, my God, her first crush. Why didn't she tell us? 53 00:01:47,910 --> 00:01:49,720 Yeah. And why did she tell you? 54 00:01:49,740 --> 00:01:52,112 Because I'm the cool uncle that she can confide in. 55 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,074 Oh, please. Like you understand the emotional life of a teenage girl. 56 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,840 We have a very active text thread, okay? 57 00:01:57,860 --> 00:02:00,537 Our memes are so crazy, I don't even understand them. 58 00:02:00,540 --> 00:02:03,263 Okay, well, Shamiah will come to us 59 00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:04,549 when it's something worth sharing. 60 00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:06,335 Yes, of course. Absolutely. 61 00:02:06,340 --> 00:02:09,100 And... done. Got it. 62 00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,260 Are those mittens? 63 00:02:15,270 --> 00:02:18,250 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 64 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:23,620 But if the gardener couldn't have been the Hothouse killer, 65 00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:24,650 then who was? 66 00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:26,620 It was the brother-in-law, Steven. 67 00:02:27,490 --> 00:02:29,210 Oh, I've heard this one already. 68 00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:32,736 Hi, honey. 69 00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:35,983 Are you in the jungle? Have you been kidnapped? 70 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:37,574 We don't have the money to pay ransom. 71 00:02:37,580 --> 00:02:40,100 What? No. No, I just want to call you 72 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,100 before I jump off this 40-foot waterfall. 73 00:02:42,110 --> 00:02:43,872 What? Oh, he did it! 74 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,793 What? You're terrified of heights and water. 75 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,580 Yeah, I know. This was Sof�a's idea. 76 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:51,119 She said it'd a fun way to cap off our trip 77 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:52,139 before we head to the airport. 78 00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:55,300 Well, you could just tell them you have diarrhea. 79 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:56,600 No, I'm gonna go for it. 80 00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:58,979 She's got this crazy way of pushing me out of my comfort zone. 81 00:02:58,980 --> 00:03:01,560 An hour ago, I let an iguana sit on my head. 82 00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:04,570 What? Hey, how are the kids? 83 00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:06,074 Are Alejandro and Esteban asleep? 84 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,356 "Es-tay-ban." Wait, you said it correctly. 85 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,775 Yeah. Sof�a has been helping me with my Spanish. 86 00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:14,840 Don't worry, it's not like that. 87 00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,080 She's actually sleeping with our driver. 88 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,420 It's... it's really awkward. 89 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,360 Tom�s, v�monos. 90 00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:22,400 "Tom�s"? 91 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,770 Oh, yeah, it's what Sof�a started calling me. 92 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,410 It's Spanish for Tom. 93 00:03:26,420 --> 00:03:27,949 Okay, I'm gonna go. 94 00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:29,839 It's my turn to jump. I don't want to keep them waiting. 95 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,421 Yeah, yeah, I'd hate for you to be inconsiderate. 96 00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:34,749 Okay. Love you. Bye. I'm coming! 97 00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:40,179 It was the brother-in-law, Steven. 98 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:46,640 Wait, who is Sue? 99 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,880 I thought Abby Wambach was in love with Glennon. 100 00:03:50,540 --> 00:03:52,660 Oh, I see. We swapped books. 101 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,460 You were reading Megan Rapinoe. 102 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,237 - Oh... Well, I'm invested now. - Yeah. 103 00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,740 Oh, hey, sweetie. How was the park? 104 00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:04,411 - Is everything okay? - It's fine. 105 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,530 Okay, clearly, not everything's fine. 106 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:09,291 Yeah, did it look like she's been crying? 107 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,280 Whoa. 108 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,297 Shamiah, are you hungry? 109 00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:16,840 Should I make you a tofu scramble? 110 00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:18,179 Yeah, we can eat it while we watch 111 00:04:18,180 --> 00:04:20,340 "High School Musical: The Musical: The Series." 112 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,804 Wow, I finally got the title right. 113 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,557 Great. She's literally tuning us out. 114 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,266 I bet this has something to do with that boy she likes. 115 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,309 Oh. 116 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,439 I don't get it. She knows she can talk to us about anything. 117 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,647 This is a safe space. 118 00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:32,980 Yeah, it says so right there. 119 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,140 _ 120 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,690 We do know someone she feels comfortable talking to. 121 00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:39,822 No, no way. 122 00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:41,698 We need cool uncle Connor. 123 00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:43,039 Okay, first of all, do not call him that, 124 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,980 and also, I don't like the idea of Connor 125 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,620 being Shamiah's confidant. Okay? 126 00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:49,060 In high school, he went to nine proms. 127 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,589 There was a write-up about it in the paper. 128 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,560 So he's experienced. 129 00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:54,318 Look, she's shutting us out for some reason. 130 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,700 - We're gonna need his help. - Okay, I can talk to kids. 131 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,006 Right? It's my job. 132 00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:01,590 'Sup, girl? 133 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:05,480 Can we come in and just hang on the floor, 134 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:07,100 like, listen to some music? 135 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,309 Oh, is that the new Lizzo? 136 00:05:10,030 --> 00:05:13,522 Yas queen, I love that, that bus'ing beat. 137 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,357 Just leave me alone! 138 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,060 Fine. 139 00:05:21,950 --> 00:05:23,198 What's up, Sarah? 140 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,367 Hey, Connor, what's going on? 141 00:05:25,370 --> 00:05:27,440 Just finishing up a little workout sesh. 142 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,540 Just benched three hundy for the first time, 143 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:31,164 kind of an emotional day. 144 00:05:31,170 --> 00:05:32,749 - Please let me hang up. - Keep going. 145 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:35,963 Congrats. That's a lot of hundys. 146 00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:37,700 Hey, if you're in the neighborhood later, 147 00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:40,540 we could use your help with our garbage disposal. 148 00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:44,177 I'm getting to it. It's making a weird sound. 149 00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,139 Ooh, just got a text from Shamiah. 150 00:05:47,140 --> 00:05:48,265 She wants me to come over. 151 00:05:48,270 --> 00:05:50,704 She used punctuation. It's a hot one. 152 00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:52,720 I'm on my way. And call a plumber. 153 00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:54,770 What do I know about garbage disposals? 154 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,514 Hola. 155 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:05,198 Tom? You're back. 156 00:06:06,370 --> 00:06:08,911 And dressed like you're in a tequila ad. 157 00:06:08,912 --> 00:06:11,219 Yeah, it's crazy, right? The airline lost my luggage, 158 00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:12,664 so I had to get all new clothes in San Juan. 159 00:06:12,665 --> 00:06:15,264 After all your stress about what to bring... 160 00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:18,045 That bag had three of your five favorite hoodies. 161 00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:20,380 It's just stuff. Yeah. It turns up, It turns up. 162 00:06:20,390 --> 00:06:23,800 I'm sorry, who are you? And what's with the gold chain? 163 00:06:23,810 --> 00:06:24,840 Oh, you like? 164 00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:27,220 Sof�a said it screamed "Tom�s." 165 00:06:27,230 --> 00:06:30,160 Puerto Rico was incredible. 166 00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:32,893 I rode a horse. I ate ant eggs. 167 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,399 We even trespassed into an abandoned castle 168 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,771 to drink rum at sunset. 169 00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,419 Wow, for someone who didn't want to go, 170 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:38,815 you sure had a great time. 171 00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:40,960 Yeah, well, Sof�a has got this saying, 172 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,695 "You only live once." 173 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,864 That's a very common saying. 174 00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:47,809 Yeah. Well, I guess I just never really understood it before. 175 00:06:47,810 --> 00:06:48,825 Hey, how was your week? 176 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:51,703 Well, Alejandro has an impacted stool. 177 00:06:51,710 --> 00:06:53,020 Camilla called me a monster 178 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,589 when I didn't let her watch "Gossip Girl." 179 00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:56,800 And even though I've been doing laundry non-stop, 180 00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:58,418 this pile never gets smaller. 181 00:06:58,420 --> 00:06:59,790 Well, you'll be happy to know 182 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,280 that these clothes are dry clean only, so... 183 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:03,674 Ha-ha. 184 00:07:05,650 --> 00:07:08,980 Uh... Yeah, you know, it must have been really hard 185 00:07:08,990 --> 00:07:10,472 staying here all week, 186 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,392 with me at work, having to take care of all this stuff. 187 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,900 Why don't we go out tomorrow night? 188 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,603 We'll go to Gianno's. They have a new special. 189 00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:18,050 Chicken parm, I know. 190 00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,691 It's been their new special for the last three years. 191 00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:24,820 Okay. Well, then we'll just order in, and watch a movie. 192 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,329 There's a voter suppression documentary 193 00:07:26,330 --> 00:07:27,906 that Sarah has been raving about. 194 00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:30,620 Those are my options? Why can't I have adventure? 195 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,660 Why can't I have Tom�s, 196 00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:35,080 the man who jumps off waterfalls, 197 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:36,539 who doesn't blink at losing his luggage. 198 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,250 Why don't I get that side of you? 199 00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:40,414 We went on a haunted hayride once. 200 00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:42,984 I've been pushing you for years to try new things. 201 00:07:42,990 --> 00:07:44,923 Like the nude beach. 202 00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:47,426 Those seagulls were, like, weirdly aggressive. 203 00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:49,759 For our anniversary, I said we should get wedding band tattoos, 204 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,263 and you got physically ill. 205 00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:53,164 Yeah, well, what if I got an infection? 206 00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:55,320 I can't afford to lose a finger. 207 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:56,518 These are my moneymakers. 208 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,300 Around Sof�a Salazar, nothing seems to scare you. 209 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,898 Heights, eating ants, rum. 210 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,775 Come on. I drank rum for work. 211 00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:05,860 Wha... okay. 212 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,660 Look, it's different around you. 213 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:10,073 I can be myself. I don't have to try so hard. 214 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,214 Oh. 215 00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:14,828 So you put in the effort for Sof�a, but not for me? 216 00:08:16,590 --> 00:08:19,249 I'm gonna go take my first shower in three days. 217 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,802 Seriously? 218 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,859 They've been in there for, like, a half hour. 219 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:34,309 I need to know what they're talking about. 220 00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:37,200 - You're being ridiculous. - You're right. 221 00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:38,268 I need a glass. 222 00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:40,540 That's not what I meant. 223 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,564 Also, the glass thing only works in the movies. 224 00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:46,840 - I think I hear something. - Wait, it works? 225 00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:53,030 Wow, not cool, Denise. 226 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,659 And the glass thing only works in the movies. 227 00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,900 - So what's going on? - Yeah, what happened? 228 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,331 Don't worry, everything's fine. 229 00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:01,541 - And... - And what? 230 00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:02,584 And anything. 231 00:09:02,590 --> 00:09:06,171 Oh, you guys want the deets. 232 00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:07,422 Yes, obviously the deets. 233 00:09:07,430 --> 00:09:09,500 Sorry, it's a no-can-do. 234 00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:11,218 I'd be breaking uncle/niece code. 235 00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:12,389 What about brother/sister code? 236 00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:13,413 That's not a thing. 237 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:16,264 Connor, please. We're worried. She was so upset. 238 00:09:16,270 --> 00:09:19,120 Look, it's just teenage boy drama, okay? She likes him. 239 00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,439 She's worried he doesn't like her back. 240 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:21,919 And I'm already telling you too much. 241 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:23,939 Okay. Don't rat on me. 242 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,360 I hate this. Your first crush is an important milestone. 243 00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:28,401 - And I wanna be a part of it. - Me too. 244 00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:31,530 I can't believe she'd open up her heart to you over us. 245 00:09:31,540 --> 00:09:34,059 You're like the jock in every teen movie who dates the dorky girl 246 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:36,576 - on a bet. - Hey, that was one time. 247 00:09:36,580 --> 00:09:39,300 And when Gwen took her glasses off, she was stunning, 248 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,789 so joke's on you. 249 00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:42,960 Look, I'm just trying to help. Okay? 250 00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:44,419 I told Shamiah to talk to you guys about it, 251 00:09:44,420 --> 00:09:45,719 but she said you won't understand. 252 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,160 Why wouldn't we understand? 253 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,460 Because it's about a boy? 254 00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:51,675 And she thinks we can't relate because we're gay? 255 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:53,343 That can't be it, can't it? 256 00:09:53,350 --> 00:09:55,762 She likes boys and we don't. 257 00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:58,120 - We do not. - Yeah, it's pretty obvious. 258 00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,643 You have a k.d. lang cookbook. 259 00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:02,319 "Constant Cravings" has some solid recipes. 260 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,344 I was so afraid that this might happen. 261 00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,144 We need to make it clear to Shamiah 262 00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:07,509 that we understand what she's going through. 263 00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:09,523 Otherwise, she's just gonna shut us out completely. 264 00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,420 That's Shamiah. 265 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,400 Cayden just posted his new kicks on the 'gram, 266 00:10:15,420 --> 00:10:16,900 and she needs my help with a comment. 267 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,537 It's a delicate dance, might take a while. 268 00:10:22,820 --> 00:10:26,000 Oh, she did ask me to tell you guys just one thing. 269 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,360 What is it? 270 00:10:28,550 --> 00:10:30,180 She wants tacos for dinner. 271 00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:35,043 Can I please watch "Gossip Girl?" 272 00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:36,980 Why, I didn't realize you were an adult. 273 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,340 Do you wanna go to jury duty and pay taxes too? 274 00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,230 - Tom? - No. No, no. 275 00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:56,320 It's Tom�s, and I'm here to show you a wild night. 276 00:10:56,330 --> 00:10:59,451 Really? And where did Tom�s get such a sexy car? 277 00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:01,340 Well, Tom�s knows a guy in private equity. 278 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,247 Has a mansion, kind of a mean housekeeper... 279 00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,279 it's Connor. I don't know if you guessed yet. It's Connor. 280 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:07,640 I borrowed his car. Tell you what? 281 00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:08,989 The babysitter gets here any minute. 282 00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:11,019 Why don't you go inside, change into something sexy, 283 00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:14,380 and then get into this sexy car... sexy? 284 00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:15,544 Oh. 285 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,637 I like the way Tom�s thinks. 286 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,100 Well, get used to it, 287 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,580 because one... oh, it's in neutral. 288 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:22,849 I think I left it in neutral. 289 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,185 Go ahead, you change. And I'll take care of this. 290 00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:27,960 - Ah... - It'll be fine. As long as I... 291 00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:29,849 Left the keys... I think I... 292 00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:31,459 I think I left the keys inside. It's good. Go ahead. 293 00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:32,720 Go inside. It's fine. 294 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:40,020 It's all good. It's fine. It's fine. 295 00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:48,083 So where is Tom�s taking me? 296 00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:51,004 How does a seaplane around the Bay sound? 297 00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:54,676 Wild but expensive. 298 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,050 Money means nothing to Tom�s. 299 00:11:57,060 --> 00:12:00,414 Although he does know his way around a Groupon. 300 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,760 We'll be sipping champagne and taking the sights 301 00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:05,433 from 1,500 feet above sea level. 302 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,769 - Oh. That's pretty high up. - Yes, 303 00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:12,190 Tom�s is doing his very best not to think about that. 304 00:12:13,276 --> 00:12:15,360 - Oh. - Oh. 305 00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:17,200 Oh. Is that a good sound? 306 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:19,940 I'm just still kind of getting the feel of it. 307 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,242 Took it pretty slow on the way over to our house. 308 00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,910 _ 309 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,360 Oh, you know what? I'm gonna let this go to voicemail. 310 00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:28,456 He's probably just making sure I'm taking care of his baby. 311 00:12:28,457 --> 00:12:30,374 Tom, what are you doing? 312 00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:32,400 Oh, okay. I meant to hang up. 313 00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:35,088 I'm just gonna say, what's up, bro? 314 00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:36,950 What's up is, you stole my car. 315 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,353 Lupe just texted me. 316 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,302 No, no, I didn't. 317 00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:42,123 The Post-It note I left 318 00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:44,556 clearly states that I'm borrowing it. 319 00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:46,224 You don't even know how to drive a stick. 320 00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:47,976 Yeah, I do. I learned in high school. 321 00:12:47,980 --> 00:12:50,394 You stalled on a hill and rolled backwards 322 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,980 into Katie French's lemonade stand. 323 00:12:51,990 --> 00:12:54,540 So I'll avoid hills. 324 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:57,652 We live in San Francisco. It's nothing but hills, man. 325 00:12:57,660 --> 00:12:59,550 Hi, Connor. I'm here too. 326 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,220 We will bring your car back in one piece, I promise. 327 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,533 Oh, hey, Marina. 328 00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:05,019 At least there's one adult in the car. 329 00:13:05,020 --> 00:13:06,400 Just tell Dom Toretto over here 330 00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:08,913 to back off on the gas when he shifts. 331 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:12,584 Right, that's it. Okay. Good talking to you, man. Let you go. 332 00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:15,350 Jeez. Freak out much? 333 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:18,131 - I'm still on, Tom. - Right, okay. Bye for realsies. 334 00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:22,344 All right, let's get this wild night back on track, huh? 335 00:13:22,350 --> 00:13:24,840 Was it off track? I didn't notice. 336 00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:27,740 You know what? 337 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,740 Let's open this baby up, see what she can really do. 338 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:35,189 Ooh. 339 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:36,733 Maybe a little fast though? 340 00:13:36,740 --> 00:13:39,778 For Tom�s, there are no speed limits. 341 00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:43,610 Well, legally, there are. 342 00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:53,940 Why are you replacing our lesbian memoirs 343 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,283 with the Twilight books? 344 00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:57,962 To demonstrate to Shamiah that we honor hetero culture. 345 00:13:57,970 --> 00:13:59,589 And that includes vampires? 346 00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:02,217 I just think it would help if we straighten up the place. 347 00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:04,302 Get it, "straighten up"? 348 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,721 Oh, I got it. I just chose not to react. 349 00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:09,015 Okay. Is Jane Austen gay? 350 00:14:09,020 --> 00:14:12,102 - She never married. - Goodbye. 351 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:15,105 What about this large ceramic owl? 352 00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:16,440 Clearly gay. 353 00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:19,260 Sarah, I want Shamiah to come talk to us just as much as you do, 354 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:21,458 but I don't think this is the best way to go about it. 355 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,559 But we need to show her 356 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,893 that we understand straight relationships. 357 00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:28,201 So we're gonna watch "The Bachelorette." 358 00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,840 Just follow my lead, okay? 359 00:14:31,860 --> 00:14:34,749 And then Tom was like, "I'll avoid hills." 360 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,410 Hey, guys, was ice cream fun? 361 00:14:38,430 --> 00:14:41,210 Do you want to come and sit, watch some TV with us? 362 00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:43,098 Oh, you guys are a part of Bachelor Nation? 363 00:14:43,100 --> 00:14:44,809 You could have been in my fantasy league this whole time. 364 00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:46,179 Yeah, it's, like, one of our favorite shows. 365 00:14:46,180 --> 00:14:47,449 - Right, Lulu? - Watch it every Thursday. 366 00:14:47,450 --> 00:14:48,763 - Tuesday. - Tuesday. 367 00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:51,641 I've literally never seen you watch it before. 368 00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:53,279 What do you think we do when you go to bed, 369 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,280 just, like, sit around and knit? 370 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:56,980 Come sit. 371 00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:00,200 Come on in here. 372 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,320 Oh, I hope she picks this guy 373 00:15:04,340 --> 00:15:06,680 'cause he has the most... the best muscles. 374 00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:08,079 - You're nailing it. - Thank you. 375 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,560 Joe... 376 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:15,690 Oh, wouldn't. It's just so many hunks to choose from. 377 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,959 You know, how is she gonna pick? 378 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,420 I bet she wishes she could talk to her parents about it. 379 00:15:20,430 --> 00:15:21,919 That's what the hometown visits are for. 380 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,214 I think I've got homework. 381 00:15:23,220 --> 00:15:25,800 No. Homework? No, we're talking hotties. 382 00:15:25,810 --> 00:15:29,520 You know, your mom and I were just talking about which Chris 383 00:15:29,540 --> 00:15:30,950 is the foxiest. 384 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,390 And I think Hemsworth, and then Evans. 385 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,300 What do you think, Lulu? 386 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,300 Chris... toff Walz? 387 00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,160 Pratt. 388 00:15:40,170 --> 00:15:41,740 Ah, but there's Pine. 389 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,944 This is officially weird. I'm going to my room. 390 00:15:44,950 --> 00:15:46,460 Okay. 391 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,690 You'd think I'd be better at this. 392 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,993 I pretended to be straight for 18 years. 393 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,786 Oh, that's what you were doing. 394 00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:57,414 I mean, yeah. Yeah. You guys... you crushed it. 395 00:15:57,420 --> 00:16:00,960 For a second, I was like, "Did I walk into a sorority house?" 396 00:16:00,970 --> 00:16:04,088 Have you guys ever met a straight person before? 397 00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:10,595 My apologies, Officer, but Tom�s is a rule breaker. 398 00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:15,260 But not Tom, who's very, very sorry. 399 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,580 And an organ donor, if that helps me with anything over... 400 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,560 No. Okay. 401 00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:22,443 Man, the seaplane leaves in ten minutes. 402 00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:24,025 We're going to miss it. I'm sorry. 403 00:16:24,030 --> 00:16:25,163 It's fine. 404 00:16:25,170 --> 00:16:27,064 The high-speed chase was exciting. 405 00:16:27,070 --> 00:16:29,519 No! Come on. I promised you a wild night, 406 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,865 and I'm gonna deliver. What about this place? 407 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:33,904 It seems badly lit and potentially dangerous. 408 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:37,340 Seriously? You wanna just walk in without checking the Yelp reviews? 409 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,915 There's a guy passed out in the curb. 410 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:41,584 Just one guy? Perfecto. 411 00:16:41,590 --> 00:16:44,337 - Tom�s! - Stay close. 412 00:16:44,340 --> 00:16:46,190 No idea what's behind those doors. 413 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:47,853 Ay-ay-ay. 414 00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:52,700 Cash only? 415 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,265 It's 2021. Who even uses cash anymore? 416 00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:57,559 I always tell you to carry some just in case. 417 00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,270 Okay, first of all, germs. 418 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,600 Second, it makes it harder to track expenses. 419 00:17:02,610 --> 00:17:05,000 I'm not keeping paper receipts. 420 00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,526 They're also covered in germs. 421 00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:09,989 It's fine. I appreciate that you tried. I really do. 422 00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:13,157 Let's go home and watch "Love It or List It." 423 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,200 Or... 424 00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:19,240 Pfft. Yeah, right. 425 00:17:20,850 --> 00:17:21,874 No. 426 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,590 S�. 427 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,500 Check out this meme. 428 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,260 Oh, my God. You're savage. 429 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,299 I know. 430 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,700 If Shamiah won't confide in us, 431 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,039 at least there's someone in her life 432 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,620 she feels comfortable talking to. 433 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,600 Yeah, I guess you're right. 434 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:43,730 I could've used a cool uncle growing up. 435 00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:46,220 Mine was in an all-synthesizer band. 436 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,700 Mine made his own yogurt. 437 00:17:48,620 --> 00:17:49,652 Gross. 438 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,220 Hey, guys. Can we talk? 439 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,573 What's up? Pizza rolls ready? 440 00:17:53,580 --> 00:17:56,180 They're cooling. I just want to say, 441 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,870 we're sorry about all the weirdness earlier. 442 00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:02,260 We were just being silly and feeling a little jealous 443 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,780 because Uncle Connor knew about Cayden and we didn't. 444 00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,280 You told them about Cayden? 445 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,740 You broke the code. 446 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,883 No, I didn't mean to. It just slipped out. 447 00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:15,560 Okay. We just want to say that we're always here to listen, 448 00:18:15,580 --> 00:18:17,674 even if you think that maybe we can't relate 449 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,059 to what you're going through because we're gay. 450 00:18:21,060 --> 00:18:22,540 Wait, what? 451 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,470 Why would I care about that? I'm Gen Z. 452 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:29,190 Oh, then what is it? 453 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,820 I didn't wanna talk to you about stuff 454 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,854 because you're my parents. 455 00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:36,616 And you're, like, cringe. 456 00:18:36,620 --> 00:18:40,659 Oh, that's it? We're just cringe. 457 00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:41,669 We're cringe. 458 00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,400 Like all the other parents. 459 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,540 We're cringe. We're cringe, we're cringe. 460 00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:49,170 - See? - Yeah, it's hard to watch. 461 00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:51,274 Cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe... 462 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:52,450 Oh, man. 463 00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:54,676 Sorry. We're just so relieved. 464 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:55,900 Yeah. 465 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,260 Now about Cayden, 466 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,349 just remember that you are perfect just the way you are. 467 00:19:01,350 --> 00:19:04,580 Okay? Don't feel any pressure to change yourself 468 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,937 to make a boy like you back. 469 00:19:05,940 --> 00:19:07,605 Uncle Connor said the same thing. 470 00:19:07,610 --> 00:19:10,400 Well, you're lucky to have such a cool uncle. 471 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,950 He also said I have to step up my sneaker game 472 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,680 since boys love cool kicks. 473 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:16,820 So he's buying me a pair of Pump Omnis. 474 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:18,180 Yeah. 475 00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:21,850 Whoa, okay. Okay, whoa. 476 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,140 I just didn't know it was gonna hurt this much. 477 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,290 I... I can't look. Is he almost done? 478 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:30,670 Ah, he's only on the R of "Marina." 479 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:32,880 Ah. Come on. Come on. 480 00:19:32,890 --> 00:19:34,382 Are you sure you can handle the rest? 481 00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:38,928 No, you're worth it. You are so worth it. 482 00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:42,100 And just... why is there so much blood? 483 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:45,300 Hey, hey, hey. Listen, I know tonight didn't go as you planned, 484 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,340 but it means the world to me that you put in the effort, okay? 485 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,148 And this is a really nice surprise. 486 00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:54,080 Look, I promise to be more into trying new things. 487 00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,571 And I know I'm not the sexiest guy in the world. 488 00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:59,615 Honey, I know who I married, okay? 489 00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:03,220 I love Tom�s, and I would not mind seeing him again, 490 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,997 but I am happy to go home with Tom. 491 00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:12,799 In fact, I've changed my mind. 492 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,256 I want to get "Tom" instead of "Tom�s." 493 00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,759 Because she loves me just as I am. 494 00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,218 Absolutely. 495 00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:22,964 And it's two letters shorter. That looks very painful. 496 00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:25,034 Ahh! 497 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,320 Oh, here's the bone. 498 00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:27,769 He's at the bone! He's on the bone. 499 00:20:28,940 --> 00:20:30,550 Ah! 500 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,089 You've been sitting in my driveway for 30 minutes. 501 00:20:54,090 --> 00:20:55,838 You're gonna return the car, or... 502 00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,800 Just have a minute to say goodbye? 503 00:21:01,130 --> 00:21:02,660 Sure, Tom. 504 00:21:05,620 --> 00:21:06,641 Privately? 505 00:21:26,950 --> 00:21:31,958 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 37831

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