Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,310 --> 00:00:09,096
Troops, we're running low
on fresh water,
2
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,446
so I must speak against
this ridiculous new trend
3
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:13,056
of handwashing.
4
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:15,537
Sir, I heard that handwashing
prevents dysentery.
5
00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:19,019
Oh, I'm sorry, Collins,
are you a physician or a barber?
6
00:00:19,149 --> 00:00:21,064
[laughter]I didn't think so.
7
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:25,851
Now, time for
my newest invention.
8
00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,245
One that shall surely turn
the tide in this conflict.
9
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,860
A musket with a spy glass
attached. I'm calling it...
10
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,993
the "Eyesaac."
11
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,864
So just your name?Right.
12
00:00:38,995 --> 00:00:40,431
But instead of the letter "I,"
13
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:41,867
I'm spelling it
with the word "eye"--
14
00:00:41,998 --> 00:00:45,697
E-Y-E-- at the front.
15
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:49,310
Point is, close combat will
soon be a thing of the past,
16
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,442
because the Eyesaac,
E-Y-E,
17
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:55,011
allows for accurate targeting
of up to--
18
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,795
and I kid you not--
50 yards.
19
00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:59,015
[applause][smug chuckle]
20
00:01:00,451 --> 00:01:03,324
Glory be, I've got eyes
on a British officer.
21
00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:06,327
Now, of course it would be
dishonorable to engage
22
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:08,416
while, you know,
he's unarmed.
23
00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,766
Quite a striking fellow.
24
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:12,594
He's fit of body,
25
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:14,987
well-groomed,
26
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,077
ready for action.
[chuckles]
27
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:19,253
[clears throat]
28
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,866
Right.
29
00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,782
Well, lots of war stuff to do.
30
00:01:26,912 --> 00:01:28,827
Battle is nigh.
And remember,
31
00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:31,482
do not shoot them until
32
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,702
you see the green of his eyes.
33
00:01:33,832 --> 00:01:35,443
Theireyes.
34
00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,227
Till you see the green
of their eyes.
35
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:38,837
I actually didn't notice
if he had green eyes.
36
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:40,926
Theyhad green eyes.
37
00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:43,277
♪
38
00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:50,197
Oh, I gotta find a way out
of this crypt.
39
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:51,720
I'm not getting eaten
by a purple worm.
40
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,069
Eaten by a worm?
41
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,375
This game seems
stressful.
42
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:56,028
This is what Jay
does to relax?
43
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,639
Dungeons & Dragons isn't
about relaxation,
44
00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,031
it's about adventure.
45
00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:00,468
Yeah. Nothing says adventure
like eating
46
00:02:00,598 --> 00:02:02,818
a family-size bag of
chips by yourself.
47
00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:05,995
Okay, Jay, you're gonna have
to make a decision. Do you...
48
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,301
Oh, come on. Not again.
49
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:12,828
I'm sorry, guys, my Internet
cut out again.Yeah, we know.
50
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:15,004
It's happened, like,
20 times already.
51
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,919
Yeah, well, what do you expect?
It's rural Internet.
52
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,486
You guys get it.
You're from Queens.
53
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:19,922
That's practically
the country.
54
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,489
Jay, we moved downtown,
by Brett and Shayla.
55
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:22,838
You did? Wait.
56
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:23,752
Who's Brett and Shayla?
57
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,188
NEAL:
You haven't met Brett yet? Okay.
58
00:02:25,319 --> 00:02:27,451
He is hilarious.
He fits right in.
59
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,366
We met him at a pub quiz.
60
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:31,238
[groans]Oh...
61
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,544
I'm confused. Is this
part of the game?
62
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,242
Unfortunately, I think
the only game being played here
63
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:36,330
is an adult man
64
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,506
trying to maintain
long-distance friendships.
65
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,638
I don't get it. Couldn't...
a hotspot or something?
66
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,510
Oh, great, you're back.
Hey, can you hear me?
67
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:45,077
Do we just ask Brett
to take Jay's spot?
68
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:46,427
What? Brett can't have my spot.
No way.
69
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:47,906
What are you thinking, should we
just kill Jay's character?
70
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:48,907
No, guys,
71
00:02:49,038 --> 00:02:50,996
I can hear you.
72
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:53,608
I'm sad to lose Jay.
But Brett? Hello?
73
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:54,870
I hate Brett.
74
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,219
Wow. Hard to imagine
75
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,047
feeling this betrayed
by friends.
76
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,223
Didn't your best friend sleep
with your wife?
77
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:03,444
Yes, Sasappis. Thank you
for that helpful example.
78
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,489
So you want me to just take down
the whole shed?
79
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,361
Yeah, it's kind of an eyesore.
80
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:10,233
Oh.
81
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:15,369
What on earth is
the meaning of this?
82
00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:18,981
Oh, yeah, this place
will come down real easy.
83
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:20,548
NIGEL:
Come down?
84
00:03:20,678 --> 00:03:22,071
I'll have you know
these barracks
85
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,725
are the sovereign territory
of his Royal Highness
86
00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:25,292
King George III.
87
00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,468
And look at this one.
88
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:28,730
Gawking.Sorry.
89
00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:30,775
Mark.
90
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,255
Sorry, Mark.
91
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:34,431
Uh, just leave the shed.
92
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:35,824
I have a meeting.
93
00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,913
We'll talk later.
94
00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,697
She can see us.Remarkable.
95
00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:41,351
Indeed.
96
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,049
Hey. Uh, did you guys know
there's three British soldiers
97
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,835
from the Revolutionary War
living in our garden shed?
98
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:47,836
Don't worry about them.
99
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,054
They mostly stick
to themselves.
100
00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:50,795
PETE:
They come up
to the main house
101
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:52,971
once every year or so with
some dispute or complaint.
102
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,235
They've never gotten
over losing the war.
103
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:57,585
Well, those limeys can wipe
their eyes with crumpets.
104
00:03:57,715 --> 00:04:00,327
'Cause this land is,
and has always been, American.
105
00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,763
Said the guy from Massapequa.
106
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:03,939
PETE: Ever since the war,
the agreement's been
107
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,941
the Americans get the house,
the Brits get the shed.
108
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:06,637
JAY:
No, no,
109
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:07,943
no, no.
110
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:10,162
Oh, no. What is it, Jay?
111
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,947
Hitch died.
112
00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:13,818
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
113
00:04:13,949 --> 00:04:15,820
That's awful. He was a...
114
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:17,518
really...
115
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:18,780
You have no idea
who Hitch is, do you?
116
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,086
I do not.He was my D&D character.
117
00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:22,305
SAMANTHA:
Oh. No, not to
be insensitive,
118
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,873
it's just, doesn't he exist
entirely in your head?
119
00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:26,440
What is it, Pete?
120
00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:29,486
I-I just wanted to say, as
a long-time adventurer myself,
121
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:32,446
the bond between D&D creator
and character
122
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:33,969
can be very real.
123
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,840
I know I shed a few tears
when I lost Gelvin Monkspear
124
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,320
to the demogorgon.
125
00:04:37,451 --> 00:04:39,627
Pete's saying he can relate,
'cause he got upset
126
00:04:39,757 --> 00:04:41,846
about losing some character
to a demidragon.Demogorgon.
127
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:42,847
Demogorgon?
128
00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,806
Pete plays D&D?
129
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,895
Heck yeah. It was
really popular in the '80s.
130
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:49,593
Hey, maybe Jay and I
could play together.
131
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:51,508
Oh, that's really sweet-- Pete
wishes he could play with you.
132
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,206
Whoa, we totally could
do that. Hey, Pete,
133
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:56,948
Pete, listen, you pick
a character and I'll DM,
134
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,908
and then Sam... Sam,
all you have to do
135
00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:01,213
is translate,
like you're doing right now.
136
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,085
I love this idea!Oh, no, no, no.
137
00:05:03,215 --> 00:05:04,739
I mean, I love you,
obviously,
138
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:05,957
but fantasy role-playing games
139
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,916
are at the far end
of that affection.
140
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:09,918
Yeah. Okay, cool.
141
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:12,094
All my best friends
just broke up with me,
142
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:13,791
but, uh, I can see
143
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:17,360
that playing a game is...
is too big of an ask.
144
00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:19,493
Okay, we can play tonight.
145
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,799
Yes! Oh!
[laughs]
146
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,366
Pete, saddle up, baby!
147
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,281
Oh, no.Whoo! [laughs]
148
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,936
Tonight we ride!Rrroo!
149
00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,807
NIGEL:
We demand parley
150
00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:31,418
at once!
151
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,767
Ugh, these fools.
152
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,899
Oh, boy.
What's going on here?
Aah!
153
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:35,813
She cansee us.
154
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,902
My God,
155
00:05:38,033 --> 00:05:40,165
what foul deal with the devil
hath provoked such a power?
156
00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,167
She fell down the stairs,
and when she woke up
157
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,169
she could talk to
ghosts and animals.
158
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,781
Uh, no. I'm not sure
where she got the animals thing.
159
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:47,956
But I'm Samantha. Hi.
160
00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:49,479
Lieutenant-Colonel
Nigel Chessum.
161
00:05:49,610 --> 00:05:52,569
I've come to discuss
the unprovoked attack
162
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,136
on our land.
SASAPPIS:
I don't know
163
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:55,442
if I'd say
this is your land.
164
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:56,660
Yeah, give 'em hell, Sass!
165
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:57,879
USA!
166
00:05:58,009 --> 00:05:59,924
USA!
Are you talking
about the door?
167
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:03,232
This is about dignity
and decorum and...
168
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:04,929
Yes, the door.
169
00:06:05,060 --> 00:06:06,757
We want it put back, and we
won't accept anything less.
170
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,064
JAY:
Sam?
171
00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:12,197
Have you seen
my yellow Decepticons shirt?
172
00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,460
Oh, I think it's in the dryer.
173
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:14,896
Uh-uh, I checked.
174
00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:16,071
I'll come help you in a sec.
I'm just dealing
175
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,160
with some British ghosts
from the Revolutionary War.
176
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,553
Okay. I'll check the hamper.
177
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,730
Sorry, you were saying?
178
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:25,472
Our barracks.
This affront shall not go un...
179
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,864
Oh, fine, I'll-I'll do it.
180
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:27,996
Pardon?
181
00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:29,606
I'll tell the contractor
182
00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:30,825
to put the door back on.
Anything else?
183
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:34,437
Oh. Um, I...
184
00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:37,745
had sort of a lengthy diatribe
planned, but, uh, splendid.
185
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:38,746
JENKINS:Well,
186
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:39,790
shall we get out of here, sir?
187
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,618
Oh, yes.
188
00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,881
I suppose there's
no reason to linger.
189
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,927
No other reason I can think of.
190
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,146
ISAAC:
Sam, I believe that shirt
that Jay's looking for
191
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:50,584
is in the hallway closet
upstairs...
192
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,849
Lieutenant-Colonel Chessum.
193
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:57,025
Captain Higgintoot.
194
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:59,244
What, um...
what fortune prompts
195
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,551
such an unexpec... pected visit?
196
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:04,859
A... trivial matter,
now concluded.
197
00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:06,513
Hmm.I...
198
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,340
do hope my presence,
though unexpected,
199
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:10,386
is not entirely unpleasant.
200
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:12,693
Oh, no, I think it's fair to say
201
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,522
that your presence is the
furthest thing from unpleasant.
202
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,045
Okay, am I nuts,
or is there, like,
203
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,829
crazy chemistry
between these two?
204
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,831
This has been going
on for centuries.
205
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:23,443
Every year they find some reason
to "redraw the border"
206
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,183
or "extend the truce,"
and neither one of them
207
00:07:25,314 --> 00:07:27,055
ever makes a move.Mm.
208
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,360
NIGEL:Well, I,
uh, suppose
209
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,537
I shall bid you adieu.
210
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,365
Yes, yes,
and I shall bid adieu to you.
211
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,410
[laughs]:
Oh.
212
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:35,933
What a droll little rhyme.
213
00:07:36,064 --> 00:07:37,239
Oh!
214
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,197
[Isaac laughing]
215
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:40,808
NIGEL:
Splendid.
216
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,505
Well...
[clears throat]
217
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,769
I guess I'm not going
to fife myself out, am I?
218
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,075
[chuckles]:
Oh, no.
219
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:48,555
[clears throat]
Baxter?
220
00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:50,774
♪
221
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,478
[sighs]
222
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,176
Well, back to the closet.What?
223
00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:02,743
To look for Jay's shirt.
224
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,397
Right.
225
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:08,444
JAY:
You cross the icy river
226
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:12,361
only to find what nightmares
lurk on the other side.
227
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,406
From forth
the darkness of the cave
228
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,714
emerges an abominable yeti!
229
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,237
Ha-ha-ha!
230
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:20,978
Oh, not good.
231
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:22,632
We probably should have
taken the mountain pass.
232
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:25,026
Pete says they should have
taken the mountain pass.Yeah.
233
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,463
That's what we get for accepting
a map from a Frost Giant.
234
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,639
Sass is second-guessing
the Frost Giant.
235
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,293
Well, I'm not messing
with a yeti.
236
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:32,512
I'm getting back
in the boat.
237
00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,078
And Alberta wants
to get back in the boat.
238
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:35,863
Ooh, unfortunately,
239
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,255
you turn
around to see
240
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:38,822
that the boat has sunk
241
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,084
into the icy river.
242
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,043
Oh.Escape...
243
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:43,958
is no longer an option.
244
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:46,874
Well, then combat it is.
245
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,354
Sam, please tell Jay
that Gelvin Monkspear II
246
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:51,487
has unsheathed his sword.
247
00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:56,405
SASAPPIS:
Sam? A little focus?
We're about to be devoured
248
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,711
by a ferocious beast over here.
249
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,756
Right. Sorry, it's just,
it's been a few hours.
250
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:01,628
So is the game
almost done?
251
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:04,805
Well, I mean, this particular
session could be close to done.
252
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:05,719
[chuckles]:
This session?
253
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,634
What do you mean?
Doesn't somebody win
254
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,070
and then, like,
we're done?
255
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:10,811
[laughs]:
No.
256
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,377
This isn't Candy Land, Sam.
257
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,422
JAY:
Dungeons & Dragons
258
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,685
is not a game that just ends
in one night.
259
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,992
Every campaign is
a multi-chaptered quest.
260
00:09:18,122 --> 00:09:20,298
They could last months
or even years.
261
00:09:20,429 --> 00:09:21,648
Years?
262
00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:22,823
That's what makes it so fun.
263
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,085
Now, where were we
264
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:25,826
with that yeti?
265
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,568
A little too close
for comfort, I'd say.
266
00:09:28,698 --> 00:09:31,222
Repeat that for Jay. I think
he'd get a kick out of it.
267
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,965
ISAAC:
How about those Brits
stopping by, hmm?
268
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,315
Probably won't have to see
them for another few years.
269
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,709
[big sigh]
270
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,582
Uh, I have to say,
though, that...
271
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:45,541
that Nigel fellow seems
like a really good guy.
272
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:49,589
Oh, well, can't say I agree
with his politics, but, uh...
273
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,634
he's a man of honor.Interesting,
274
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,332
because you're also
kind of a man of honor.
275
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,814
Well, the truth is,
is that there's a secret
276
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,990
that I've been
keeping from Nigel,
277
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,340
and to share it would release
an immense burden,
278
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:06,083
but I have a feeling he is
not going to take it very well.
279
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,520
Okay, I hear you,
but there's also a chance
280
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:10,914
that something that seemed so
unthinkable all those years ago
281
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:13,264
might not be a big deal now.
282
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,266
You're right.
283
00:10:15,397 --> 00:10:17,181
What am I so afraid of?
284
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:18,966
I'm gonna do it.
285
00:10:19,096 --> 00:10:21,229
Really? You'll talk to him?
286
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,710
Uh-huh. I'm gonna do it.
287
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,059
[gasps]
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
288
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,190
What do I wear?
289
00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:29,541
Wait, no, can't change,
so itchy shirt it is.
290
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:32,501
Break a leg!
291
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,590
JAY [yawns]:
Man...
292
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,027
we were up so late
last night, huh?
Were we?
293
00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:39,682
Gosh, I was having so much fun,
I didn't notice.
294
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,162
I could have
gone all night.
295
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,032
JAY: You want to know
what my favorite part was?
296
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,426
It was just getting to know
the ghosts a little bit.
297
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:45,645
Pete? Are you kidding me?
298
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:47,821
That guy is great.
I didn't think anyone knew more
299
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,126
about '80s basketball
than I did.
300
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:52,521
Well, early '80s, and then...
[imitates arrow striking]
301
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,958
JAY:
You know, if we're gonna get
to the fortress any time soon,
302
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,699
we're gonna have to play
a few times a week,
303
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:57,787
at least.
And each
of those sessions
304
00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,397
would last about...?Not long.
305
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:02,009
Five, six hours.Wow.
306
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,924
Well, let me check my schedule.
Available.
307
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,317
And that could go on
for potentially years?
308
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:07,536
Yeah.
309
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:12,889
Jay, I don't know exactly
how to tell you this, but...
310
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,283
the ghosts don't want to play
with you anymore.
311
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,893
Whaaat?What?
312
00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,503
I know. I'm sorry.
313
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:20,680
But I thought they had fun.
314
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:22,682
We did have fun.
What are you doing, Sam?
315
00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:24,074
Well, I guess
that not being able
316
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,120
to move the pieces or roll...
317
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,861
Some of them just got
a little bored.Bored?
318
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:28,862
That's not true.
319
00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:30,037
Okay.
Yes,
it's disappointing.
320
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:31,952
I'm upset, too. I...
321
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:35,477
I love this game!
Those darn ghosts!
322
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,392
Well, if they didn't like it,
then... they didn't like it.
323
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,002
We loved it.
324
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,048
Liar!JAY:
Huh.
325
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,963
I guess I'll just put
all this away, then.
326
00:11:43,093 --> 00:11:44,094
You know, maybe we could watch
327
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:45,313
a movie later.
328
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:46,880
Yeah.
329
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,925
Sure, that sounds fun.
330
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:49,796
Hmm.
331
00:11:52,102 --> 00:11:54,017
And I thought
the mindflayer
332
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,454
would be the greatest monster
I'd encounter this week.
333
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,154
Or the gelatinous cube.
That one was tough, too.
334
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,684
So she just straight-up
lied to him?
335
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:09,903
Like it was nothing.We have to fix this.
336
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,556
Last night was so fun,
337
00:12:11,687 --> 00:12:12,688
and I don't know
if you've noticed,
338
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:13,907
but we don't have
a ton going on here.
339
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:15,169
Yeah, I just wish
there was a way
340
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,258
we could talk to Jay directly
and set this straight.
341
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,955
If only there was some way
we could get a message
342
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:21,001
across the celestial plane.
343
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,615
I think I have an idea.
344
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:30,750
Uh, perhaps we discuss
345
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,448
whatever it is you...
wanted to talk about.
346
00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,625
Well, well, the truth is,
is it's quite personal,
347
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,367
and I've been keeping
a secret from you
348
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:42,718
for, oh, 250 years.
349
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:44,372
Oh?
I'm just
really nervous
350
00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,808
about how you're gonna take it.
351
00:12:45,939 --> 00:12:46,896
Well, I...
352
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,985
think I might take it...
353
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,074
just fine.
354
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,989
Really?
355
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,599
Oh.
356
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:57,124
All right, here it goes.
357
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,386
Nigel?
358
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,344
Yes, Isaac?
359
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:02,999
I killed you.
360
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,002
Excuse me?!
361
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:07,917
[whooshing]
362
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,314
ISAAC:
Hello, Officer.
363
00:13:14,358 --> 00:13:15,882
[sneezes]
364
00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:19,929
Oh, boy.
365
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:21,670
Are you telling me
366
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,455
the cowardly sniper
that took my life was you?
367
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:27,545
Well, th-that was not at all
my intention.
368
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,852
To have murdered in cold blood
369
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:31,462
a fellow officer!
370
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:32,507
My hope was to apologize.
371
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:34,901
I've had enough of this.
372
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:36,250
Uh...
373
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:37,425
Baxter?
374
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,948
[fife playing]
375
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:41,429
[quietly]:
Oh, God.
376
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,387
[fife music fading]
377
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:45,215
[scat singing]
378
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:48,740
All right, no Sam in sight.
379
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,307
Hurry up and do your thing.
380
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:55,356
[sustained grunt growing louder]
381
00:13:55,486 --> 00:13:58,533
[yelling]
382
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,190
Just a little
faster, buddy.
383
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,669
I think Jay's
rinsing off.[yelling]
384
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,497
[continues yelling]
385
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,328
[gasps]
386
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,680
[panting]Lied about what?
387
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,857
Seriously, dude,
this is gonna kill me.
388
00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:19,249
We've come too far, man.
389
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:20,642
Fine.
390
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:21,904
[exhales sharply]
391
00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:22,862
[inhales]
392
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:28,432
Hey, babe.
393
00:14:28,563 --> 00:14:30,086
Got a better
Internet connection,
394
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,567
so now I can play D&D
with my boys in the city.
395
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,656
That's amazing.Yeah, and even better,
396
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,701
one of the guys
had to drop out,
397
00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,355
so there's room for you
398
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:39,574
to join permanently.
399
00:14:39,704 --> 00:14:42,055
No way.Super cool, huh?
400
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:43,839
'Cause I know how much
you love playing the game,
401
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,886
because that's what you told me.
402
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,367
I know you lied!
403
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,369
But how? No, I didn't!Uh-huh!
404
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,023
The ghosts told me.
And it was genuinely haunting.
405
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:55,807
I was in the shower, I was nude,
406
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:57,592
and then letters just appeared
in the steam!
407
00:14:57,722 --> 00:14:59,376
Trevor.The ghost
408
00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,291
without pants
is watching me shower?
409
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:02,466
Gotta love that.
410
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,599
Sam, why did you lie to me?
411
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:06,601
I wanted to help you play
with the ghosts,
412
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,472
but I really don't like
your favorite game.
413
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:09,996
Why didn't you
just tell me?
414
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:11,606
Because I didn't want
to upset you.
415
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:14,348
And it just seemed easier
to blame the ghosts.I don't care
416
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,306
if you like playing the game
or not, okay?
417
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:18,308
Objectively, you should,
because it's awesome.
418
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:21,007
But honestly,
I just miss my friends.
419
00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:23,313
I know.
And you have
this whole group of people
420
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,489
that-that you can talk to
that I can't even see.
421
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:27,665
So the other night when
we were all playing together,
422
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,841
I actually felt like
I was part of the gang.
423
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:34,324
PETE:
The British are coming!
The British are coming!
424
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:35,847
I do hear you.
425
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:42,332
So I guess things with Nigel
didn't go so great, huh?
426
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,421
No, Sam, they didn't.
427
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:49,339
It has come to my attention
that I, an officer
428
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:50,384
in His Majesty's
Armed Forces,
429
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,212
was murdered
430
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:55,476
by the shameful American
war criminal Isaac Higgintoot.
431
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:58,131
Wait, that was the secret?
432
00:15:58,261 --> 00:16:00,437
This horrifying breach of
decorum shall not go unpunished.
433
00:16:00,568 --> 00:16:02,265
We are taking the house.
434
00:16:02,396 --> 00:16:04,180
Well...
435
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:08,271
if you insist that the time
for words has passed--
436
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,664
just coming through--
437
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:14,190
then, no matter the cost
in blood or treasure,
438
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:19,108
my army and I will defend
this house to the bitter end.
439
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:23,373
If it's war you want...
440
00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,723
then war you shall have.
441
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,899
So be it.
442
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:28,988
It's time for battle!
443
00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:31,729
Oh!
444
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,689
[grunting, shouting]
445
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,343
PETE:
Get out of here.
446
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:39,650
This is the war?I'm a pacifist,
447
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,001
but even I would like to see
a little more action.
448
00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:45,526
Oh! Damn this
impotent existence!
449
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,658
If I was alive,
I would wipe you and your boys
450
00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:49,138
off the face of the earth.
451
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,748
No, you wouldn't.
You'd shoot me in the chest
452
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:51,836
while I was reading my poems!
453
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,448
Oh, wait. You already did that.
454
00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:55,710
[breathily]:
Well.
455
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,494
If we can't fight,
456
00:16:57,625 --> 00:17:00,236
then how the hell do we resolve
this invasion, hmm?
457
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:04,284
If only there were some way
to simulate actual combat.
458
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,764
What?
459
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,464
Damn it,
I may have the solution.
460
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,120
Okay, I don't really understand
what's happening here,
461
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:15,947
but I'd just like to say
for the record,
462
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:19,212
I am happy to solve all
future ghost conflicts this way.
463
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,518
Okay, Pete,
you are now face-to-face with--
464
00:17:21,649 --> 00:17:23,042
who's that guy?Oh, Jenkins.
465
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,217
That's one of the
British ghosts.
466
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:25,957
Okay, you find yourself
face-to-face
467
00:17:26,088 --> 00:17:27,959
with Jenkins' tiefling bard.
468
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:31,093
Okay. Well,
then I unsheathe my moonblade
469
00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,617
and whisper the phrase
"swift defeat to my enemies,"
470
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,880
thus marking him as a sworn
enemy, and giving myself
471
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,795
an extra 3d6 damage.
472
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,841
Gadzooks, this
is boring.
473
00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,538
Why would anyone play this?
474
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:43,323
Okay. This is silly.
475
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:45,107
Nigel,
476
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,544
my killing you
was an accident,
477
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,633
but not telling you about it
for the last two centuries,
478
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:51,722
that was just plain wrong.
479
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:54,899
And for that I'm truly sorry.
480
00:17:56,249 --> 00:17:58,555
Why didn't you
just say something?
481
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,818
I-I was afraid you'd be mad.
482
00:18:00,949 --> 00:18:02,255
SAM:
Oh...
483
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,474
Isaac and the British commander
are making up.
484
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,650
Aw, that's nice.
What did Isaac do?
485
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:09,697
He murdered him.Ooh, that is hard
to bounce back from.
486
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:12,569
I can see why that might be
a hard subject to broach, but...
487
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:15,616
how does one
even accidentally shoot another?
488
00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:16,965
Well...
489
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:21,100
I-I was really intending
to spy on you-ur camp,
490
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,233
using a musket looking glass
that I had invented.
491
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,931
Some people are calling it
the "Eyesaac."
492
00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:28,498
Like your name?
But with...
493
00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:29,630
E-Y-E at the beginning?
494
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,633
Yes. How did you know?Well,
495
00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:33,764
what else would it be?
496
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,375
Simply brilliant.
497
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:37,246
I love it.
498
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:38,682
I mean...
499
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:40,554
for an instrument of my demise.
500
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,251
And I love you...
501
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:44,862
...loving it.
502
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,647
I love you loving it.
503
00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,954
We shall consider the matter
water under the bridge.
504
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,522
The invasion is cancelled.
505
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,742
But we can keep playing, right?Yeah. Mama has
a fourth-level spell slot
506
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,352
she's itching to use.
507
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:57,397
NIGEL:
Thank you
508
00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,355
for your gracious hospitality.
509
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:02,271
Until we next parley.
510
00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:04,839
Baxter?
511
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,233
[fife playing]
512
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,366
A-About that,
513
00:19:10,497 --> 00:19:12,803
maybe it would help
keep the peace
514
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,675
if we, um...
515
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,416
parleyed more often.
516
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,114
Interesting.
517
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:21,943
Perhaps, say, we could walk
the grounds sometime
518
00:19:22,073 --> 00:19:23,988
to discuss the peace...
519
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,339
among other matters.
520
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,298
I'm... actually not...
521
00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:31,170
doing anything right now.
522
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,823
ISAAC:
Oh, uh, s...
523
00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,303
splendid.
524
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,478
To the grounds.
525
00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:37,915
[fife resumes playing]
526
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:42,398
Uh, as you were, Baxter.
527
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,445
Stand down.
528
00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:51,581
Okey dokey, conflict resolved.
529
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,453
Cool. All right, well, I guess
we're done playing, then.
530
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:56,325
No. Jay, D&D is not
one of those games
531
00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:58,371
that's just done
in an hour.
532
00:19:58,501 --> 00:20:00,373
It's a rich,
multi-chaptered campaign.
533
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,418
It could last
for months.
534
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:03,593
Are you serious?
535
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:04,812
Do you really want
to keep playing?
536
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,248
No.
537
00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:07,902
But I will, for you.
538
00:20:08,032 --> 00:20:09,382
Aw.
539
00:20:09,512 --> 00:20:10,948
Good. 'Cause I joined
that book club
540
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:12,036
last year for you.
541
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:13,560
All right,
let's roll for initiative!
542
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,083
[dice clatter]
543
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,302
[laughing]:
All right!20!
544
00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:29,402
Come on.
Guys, we're not doing this.
545
00:20:29,532 --> 00:20:31,534
This is not the new system.
546
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:32,666
I really want to smell
some pepperoni.
547
00:20:32,796 --> 00:20:34,407
There is no way
that I'm writing "pepperoni."
548
00:20:34,537 --> 00:20:35,451
JAY:
Seriously,
549
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,800
this is super creepy!
550
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,324
Are you guys
551
00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:40,369
still in here?
Please leave.
552
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:47,768
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
553
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,596
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
36936
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
