All language subtitles for br iiiii no

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(IN GERMAN ACCENT)
What's up? I'm Brüno.

(LAUGHING)

I live in Austria's
coolest city, Vienna.
No big deal. Whatever.

I am the host of Funkyzeit,

the most important
TV fashion show in any
German-speaking country,

apart from Germany.

Funkyzeit is
über influential.

In fact, Austrian fashionistas
live their lives according
to my "In or Out" list.

In! Autism.

Aus. Chlamydia.

Why is autism
so cool at the moment?

Because it's funny.
Great.

BRÜNO: Through Funkyzeit,
ich have done interviews

mit everyone in
the Euro-fashion world.

Can you look into
this camera and just say,

"You're watching
Funkyzeit mit Brüno"?

You are watching Funkyzeit
program with Brüno,
and it's really a great show.

Yeah, that's cool.
Can you do it, like, even more
like a kind of black guy?

You know,
like an afrikanischer...

Like this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You are watching
Funkyzeit program
with Brüno.

Yo, man. Fuck, man.
Welcome to the jungle.

Something maybe
a bit more crazy.

Maybe show a bit of skin
or something like that.

No, I don't think so.
Or what about just
like one Kugelsack?

One of the balls?

No.

And the most exciting
and amazing thing
in the town,

from the fashion streets
of Milan, only for the
German girls, my great hairs.

Yo, man.

Modeling, a lot of people
think it's easy.

But it's the hardest job
in the world, isn't it?

It's very hard.
Standing in heels all day,
and everyone's watching you,

so you have to make sure
your walk is good. And, yeah.

Yeah, it's really hard,
'cause you've gotta
remember, like,

to put your right leg forward
and then put
your left leg forward

and then, like,
which one now?

Right leg again,
and then, like,
the left one.

And then sometimes
you even have to turn.

Yeah. And especially
the turn. It's so scary.

BRÜNO: Being the host from
Funkyzeit means Brüno's always
seated on the front row.

Hi. How are you?

You have to lose
some weight.

The kettle is calling
the pot black.
Oh, yeah?

Put your shoulders back.
This is a fashion show,
not a slave auction.

BRÜNO: Mein personal
assistant, Kookus,
is my rock.

He's also mein stylist.

Do you think the glasses
are too much?
Yeah, I'd lose them.

They're too much like,
"Look at me.

"Hey, everybody,
look at me.
Look at my glasses."

Yeah.
"Everybody, like,
stare at my glasses."

BRÜNO: He's also
my nutritionist.

(RETCHING)
Yeah, that is good.

BRÜNO: I have a second
assistant, but ich can't
remember its name.

Brüno has known true love
twice in his life.

Once, for seven minutes
with Milli from
Milli und Vanilli.

No big deal. Whatever.

But for the last nine years,
ich have been head über heels
in love

mit a pygmy flight
attendant called Diesel.

We're just like an ordinary
couple, you know, boring,
stay-at-home types.

(GROANS)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, my God. I feel it.
You're getting so big.
(MOANING) Ja.

(LAUGHING)

DIESEL: Ooh!

How much do you want?
Just half a glass.
Otherwise I get too giggly.

BRÜNO: In September 2008,

I left for Milan Fashion Week

to shoot a new season
of Funkyzeit.

Brüno had backstage access
for the hottest show
of the week, de la Prada.

So I wore the jewel
of mein wardrobe, a suit
made entirely out of Velcro.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

I'm wearing this.

This is a prototype.
It's a Velcro suit
made by Frederic Worms.

Wow.
Pretty cool, right?

It is. I was looking at it,
and can I have one?

Well, it's a prototype.
It's a one-off.
Okay.

Thank you.
Yeah. Okay...

Also... Yeah.
Can you go out, please?

We'll get out,
but don't push me.

Yeah. Okay, no listen.
We haven't finished
the thing.

You go out now.
Yeah.

Yeah, wait a second.

Take... Get this off...

Stop!

(PEOPLE CLAMORING)

Thank you.
Can someone
help this guy?

Can you take...

(CROWD MURMURING)

BRÜNO: Wait.
Get me out of this.
Get me out of this.

(CROWD BOOING)

BRÜNO: Brüno was aus.

For the second time
in a century,

the world had turned
on Austria's greatest man

just because
he was brave enough
to try something new.

No.
Okay.

BRÜNO: Brüno was
schwarz-listed.

I'm on the front row.
I don't think so.

(MALE GUARD SPEAKING)

I'm sorry.

BRÜNO: Und worst of all...

Hello?

(MAN CHATTERS ON PHONE)

...ich was fired
from Funkyzeit.

Ich realized that night
that the fashion world was
superficial und vacuous.

So, I decided instead
to go to Los Angeles
to become a celebrity.

Ich was going to be
the biggest Austrian
superstar since Hitler.

What? I'm not coming.

Why not?
Because you out.
You humiliate me.

I'm so sorry
I humiliate you.
Okay. Gotta go.

Bye, baby,
I love you.

Diesel,
I love you. Diesel.

(BLOWING NOSE)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

BRÜNO: Ich arrived in LA

und cunningly avoided
being snapped by
the waiting paparazzi.

BRÜNO: No photos, please.
Do you want another
Diana on your hands?

BRÜNO: Mein Plan was to become
the biggest gay movie star
since Schwarzenegger.

Maximum Santzgaut!

Also, ich headed
to my first meeting mit
a Hollywood über agent.

So my name's Brüno.
I was born in Klagenfurt.

I'm 19 years old. And,
of course, you'll know me
as the host of Funkyzeit.

Okay. Well,
I understand that you
took a look at a side

that I wanted you
to think about from
the Jerry Maguire show.

And I wouldn't mind
hearing you try that out.

Okay, great.

"Jerry enters."
No.

"Dorothy seated."
Just start with
the word "hello."

"Hello. Hello.

"I'm looking for my wife!

"Shut up, women."
That was improvisation.
Fine.

"I couldn't hear your voice
or laugh about it with you."

(LAUGHING)

All right,
let me stop... Wait.
No, wait, wait. I...

Let me stop for two minutes.
Let me stop you right there.

Nowhere in the script
does it say

he pauses for
an inordinate period of time.

You're here
because you are looking
to do feature films.

I wanna be a star.

In?
In a huge Hollywood movie.

Can you make
that happen?
No.

What?
I definitely cannot.

BRÜNO: But he did get me
a starring role in
a top TV show as an extra.

DIRECTOR 1: All right,
picture's next.
Last looks, please.

CREW MEMBER:
Yep. A mark.

(SIGHS)

CREW MEMBER: Set.

DIRECTOR 1: Background.
DIRECTOR 2: Action.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

it gives me
no pleasure at all to speak
to you this afternoon.

(CLICKING TONGUE)

The defendant,
as you know,

has served our municipality
for more than 12 years
as city controller.

Oh.
So I was pained
to learn that his debts

compelled him to accept
hundreds of thousands
of dollars in bribes.

DIRECTOR 1: Cut!
(WHISPERING) Just do
a little bit less.

More or less?
Less.

Less. Okay.
Yeah.

(WHISPERING)
Sure. Thank you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

CREW MEMBER: Set.
DIRECTOR 2: Action.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,

I'm afraid it gives me
no pleasure at all to
speak to you this afternoon.

As you know, the defendant
has served our municipality
as city controller

for more than 12 years,

and I have
known him personally
for most of that time.

So I was very pained
to learn that

his personal debts
compelled him
to accept bribes.

DIRECTOR 1: Cut!
Here, I'll
take that.

Okay.
Thank you.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

BRÜNO: Sorry.

DIRECTOR 1:
Should we just go again?
DIRECTOR 2: Okay.

(SIGHS)

As you know,
the defendant

has served this municipality
as city controller for more
than 12 years,

and I have
personally known him
for most of that time.

That is why I was
very pained to learn...

Cut. Sorry,
I'm not feeling this one.
Could we go again?

This way.

(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

You were actually
my second choice.

I was going to go
to the salon that maintains
Salma Hayek's inner thighs,

but the team that do it
were booked up
for the next four days

because she's got
the Elle Style Awards.

And they said they're, like,
really, really exhausted
after they do her.

They're exhausted
after they wax Salma Hayek?

She must have
a lot of hair.

They say that after a waxing,
there's enough
to stuff a mattress.

Well. Speaking of rectums,
let's get you clean.

Okay. There we go.
There's not much.

Yeah, sure.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Telephone.

Hello?
Hey, how you doing, man?

Lloyd, hi.
How are you?

I just got off the phone
with the network. They've
agreed to do a screening.

Great! Das is all
maximum Santzgaut!

In two days.
I got them to pay for
a focus group for the show.

I think you just
scraped my anus.

WAXER: I did.
I got you clean.

BRÜNO: My stinker
is slightly burning.
Is that normal?

What?

No, that was
to the lady who is...
I'm in the salon, yes.

She's just washing
my Arschwitz.

Is there any way we can
get something together
enough to put it on?

Okay, sure.
All right. I'm gonna
call them right now.

Are you using Vaseline?

No, lotion.

Could you take
your finger out of
my Arschenholer?

All right. I think,
guys, we're finished.

Once again,
"Can you take my finger,
your finger out of my ass,"

is what the guy
just said on the phone.

No, Lloyd, I was not
speaking to you. I was just
talking to the woman here.

Who's got the audio?

I want to hear
the audio back.
I want you to hear...

I want you to hear
what this fool is saying.

Play it back.
Talking about what?
His asshole.

(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(HUSHING IN GERMAN)

Can you be quiet?

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Hello, hello. Hey,
can you come in?

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Hi. How are you?
Hi.

I'm Brüno.
Great to have you here.
It's nice to meet you.

Come and sit on
our great furniture.

These are our
Mexican chair people.

Demi Moore has
two of them in her house.

Yeah, if you sit here.

If you sit on that one.

(GRUNTING)
Also, so tell me about
your humanitarian work.

How important is it for you
to help other people?

Helping other people
is so vital to my life.

It's like the air
that I breathe and
the water that I drink.

Please, have some water.
It is extremely,
extremely important for me.

You give love
to other people and you
get love back in spades.

And I just feel like
that's been my life.

Great. You must be hungry.
Let's bring in some food.

Oh, my God.

BRÜNO: Have some.
ABDUL: Yeah,
this is really bad for me.

I'm sorry.
This is really not good.

We're leaving.

BRÜNO: Come back, please.
Can you please come back?

LUTZ: Yes, yes,
I understand.
But I was thinking...

Okay, but...
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Yes. Thank you.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SIGHS) Minimum Santzgaut.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Puffy Vater?

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Reese Witterspinzel?

Stevie Wunderbar?

Wilhelm Schmidt?

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Bradolf Pittler?

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

I think this focus group
is really gonna be

a very interesting example
of how it's gonna play out.

I actually
got an interview
mit Harrison Ford.

Oh. Very good.
Very good.
Yes.

So, you probably already know,
today we're going to be
looking at a new TV show,

A-List Celebrity Max Out
mit Brüno.

Howdy,
I'm Lloyd Robinson.
Lloyd, Denny Bond.

Hi. Hi. Great.

Me und Lloyd,
we haven't actually spoke
since the other day

when I was getting
my anus bleached.

(ALL LAUGHING)

We won't go there,
please.

We won't go there.
Yeah.
That was a very

difficult issue
on the phone.

And it's very important
what scores you give it,

because if the show
scores over an 85%,

the network's obviously
gonna be very interested.
So take a look.

Absolutely.
Congratulations.

BRÜNO ON TV: Who's ready
to max out with loads
of celebrities? I am.

Because das ist
A-List Celebrity Max Out.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

BRÜNO ON TV: How are you?
Great. Thank you
for having me.

Okay, so this is
the part of the show,

it's called Future Kinder.
People who are pregnant,

we've managed to get
the ultrasound photos.

It's totally great.
Okay.

Okay, it is Britney's sister.
I can't even
remember her name.

What's her name?
Jamie Lynn.

Jamie Lynn Spears.
I mean, is she a celebrity?
No.

(LAUGHING)

Okay, let's see
what she's got
in her stomach.

All right.
What do you think there?
Is that a white-trash fetus?

Yeah. Totally.

She's got her arms up
like she's a A-lister.

Newsflash, you're
in a C-lister's womb.
Am I right?

Worse. I think, like, D.

Do you think
this kid is retarded?

Definitely the hands
look way too big,

and the ears, like,
have not been developed yet.

Yeah, so keep it
or abort it?
Abort it.

(SIGHS)

Und now,
my exclusive interview
mit Harrison Ford

is only moments away.
But first, some more
dancing mit Brüno.

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

That's right.
It's the time you've
all been waiting for.

It's my one-on-one,
exclusive interview
mit Harrison Ford.

Also, here I am
mit Harrison Ford.
Fuck off!

(LAUGHING)

What's that?

(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

That's actually mine.

More champagne?
No, I'm fine, thanks.

Brüno!

The end bit
was Lloyd's idea.

The last bit was?
Lloyd's?

So if you could
describe this show
in one sentence...

Can anybody give me
one sentence?

Go ahead.
The worst piece of crap
I have ever seen.

There's always one
who's against it. Those...

In any group,
there's always one.

What sick human being
came up with
something like this?

Well, there's always two.
There's always two.

I wanted to
poke my eyes out
with hot needles.

You'd have to borrow
the needles from me.

Lloyd, we need
to distract him

from listening to this.
You can't. You can't.

We need
to distract him.
You can't.

Kiss me.
No.

No logical person
would consider
a show like this

unless they had
some sort of
a mental or moral defect.

WOMAN: Everything.

Oh, my God.

BRÜNO: Let me have
a look at those.

"The host is
a talentless idiot."

Is this the dancing
of a talentless idiot?

I would say that it is.
MAN: Yeah, yeah.

Please,
where you going?

Please, this is my career.
I put all my money into this.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

I'm here with
Congressman Ron Paul,

who was the 2008
presidential candidate.

So tell me,
who are you wearing?

Well, I don't even know
because it's pretty
conventional.

And I'm pretty,
in that sense,
pretty ordinary.

But the message is
not ordinary.

(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

Sure.

Do you want some champagne?
I don't care for any. No.

There's no ice bucket,
but I know a good place
to put it.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, you were great in there.
Have you done
a lot of television before?

Well, off and on throughout
the years. This last year,
a tremendous amount.

Sure.
I do a lot of them.

Do you want
some strawberries

or maybe some oysters?
No, I'm okay.

I'm gonna light
some candles
if it's okay.

Really loosens you up.

Has anyone
ever told you you look
like Enrique Iglesias?

Mmm-mmm.

Of course not.
You're much cuter.

(LAUGHS)

I love music.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)

And dancing.
I used to be a dancer.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Whoops.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

All right!
Get out of here!
What?

All right,
this has ended.
BRÜNO: What's going on?

PAUL: That guy is queerer
than the blazes. He took his
clothes off. Let's get going.

WOMAN: What happened?
He's queer. He's crazy.

He put a hit on me.
He took his clothes off.

BRÜNO: I couldn't even
schtupp RuPaul.

How would I
become weltfamous?

Ich decided to seek advice
from the wisest guy
I'd ever known.

I wanna speak to Milli

from the pop dance group
Milli und Vanilli.

Is he in heaven?
And if so, is he
in the VIP section there?

He says he's in a place
with green trees
and flowers.

Can I ask him
if he has any
advice for me?

(EXHALES)

He says there's some sort of
thing that you will set up,

like a foundation
or something,

where there will be
other people involved
that will benefit.

Okay, that's a great idea,
'cause if I do that,

then I'll definitely
become world famous.

Absolutely.

There's something that
he could do that could
make me incredibly happy.

Can I kiss him now?
Of course.

(SPITS)

(MUMBLING)

(SNORTS)

(GAGGING)

(GROANING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(PANTS)

Well, good luck
with your life.

BRÜNO: Thanks to Milli,
ich could now see clearly

despite having
an eyeful of Schpunken.

Charity was a great way
to become famous.

Also, Brüno just needed
to find the hottest
world tragedy to fix.

I want a charity
that doesn't involve
too much effort,

but is gonna really make
a difference, you know,
really put me into the A-list.

Is there something
that you, like,
that you believe in?

Well, I'm really
into issues.

Yeah. Global warming's
only getting worse.

So...
Great.

Now, I think that would be...
That's something
to get involved now,

so, we can just
help ease the...

Like, after us,
in order to
help for our future.

In order for everyone...
It's just a beneficial thing
to be involved with now.

I'm really into
doing something
maybe for Africa.

Okay.
Is that still cool or...

Saving some kind
of extinct animal. What's
going extinct right now?

I don't know,
like elephants or something.
And then make bracelets?

That's so bad. Never mind.
I was gonna say
make bracelets out of a...

Make bracelets out of
the extinct animal?

That's not gonna
really work though,
because you need the...

You can't take
from the extinct animal.

What's the coolest
type of charity to get
into at the moment?

Save Dafar?

Save what?
Save Dafar.

Save Dafar, yeah.
Angelina Jolie.

Is that in, like, Iraqi
or something like that?

Yeah, that's in the...
It's in... Yeah.

Yeah.

Is there anywhere
in the world that no
celebrity has tried to fix?

Darfur is the big one now.

Yeah, no, it is.
What's the new one?
What's Dar-five?

Yeah.
Yeah.

BRÜNO: Ich was going
to become famous by
solving a world problem.

But which one?

Clooney's got Darfur.

Sting's got the Amazon,
and Bono's got AIDS.

Luckily, there was
still one shithole
left to fix,

the Middle-earth.

Mein Plan was to get both
sides to sign a peace deal
in front of the world's press,

making Brüno über famous.

Hi, I love your hat.
It's great.

(BRÜNO SPEAKING SPANISH)

Hey, great.
Is that Marc Jacobs?

(MAN YELLING)

BRÜNO: Lutz! Lutz!
Start the car!

Lutz!

Why are you
so anti-hummus?

I mean,
isn't pita bread
the real enemy?

You're confusing Hamas
with hummus, I believe.

Hummus has nothing
to do with Hamas.
Do you think

there is a relation
between Hamas and hummus?

So was the founder
of Hamas a chef?

He had created
the food and then
got lots of followers.

Hummus has nothing to do
with Hamas. It's a food.
Okay? We eat it. They eat it.

It's vegetarian.
It's healthy. It's beans.

Well, do you
both agree on that?
Hmm?

We both agree that
hummus is very healthy.

So we're making progress.

Let's try and get
a solution, right?

'Cause I'm not gonna
be here forever.
Will you, the Palestinians,

agree to give
the pyramids back
to the Israelis?

This is in Egypt.
Not in Palestine.

I don't care
where you put them.
Give them back.

This is about
gaining something
for your own people

whether you believe it,
whether you were
convinced to do that.

But in any case...
All right, okay.
Take it easy, girlfriend.

All right.
SELA: Civil rights...

BRÜNO: If I did not get
these queens to sign
a peace deal soon,

I would not become famous.

So I decided
to think outside the
Geschwindigkeitsbegrenzung.

I've written a song
that I think is gonna
help us make peace.

In fact,
I know it will.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) I've written a song

that I hope is gonna
bring you two together

It's time for
this war to end

Jews and Hindus,
you be friends

This is the Middle East

Creating love
is my mission

Don't kill each other

Shoot a Christian

Ich bin Brüno,
dove of peace

Yeah, a bit more
than that.

BRÜNO: Ich was
out of options.

My song hadn't worked,
und I didn't have
enough ecstasy for everyone.

Ich was ready to give up
when I suddenly
remembered something

that the Jude had said.

SELA: In the last few years,
people were kidnapped,

and then they would
broadcast it
to the whole world.

To the whole world?
Yeah.

So what,
the whole world gets to see

these hostage videos?
Of course. Of course.

BRÜNO: Ich would
become famous
by getting kidnapped.

I am going to say something
that is gonna get you so angry

that if you've got
a gun on you,
you're gonna pull it out

and shoot me in the head.
Are you ready?
Yeah.

Your hair is sun damaged.

(MALE TRANSLATOR
SPEAKING ARABIC)

I'll be honest with you.
I want to be famous.

And I want the best guys
in the business to kidnap me.
Al-Qaeda is so 2001.

I don't like.

Can I give you guys
a word of advice?

Lose the beards,
because your King Osama

looks like
a kind of dirty wizard
or a homeless Santa.

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

(TRANSLATOR SPEAKING ARABIC)

(SPEAKING ARABIC)

TRANSLATOR: Get out.
Get out now.

BRÜNO: Ich was encouraged
to leave the Middle East.

But Brüno had a new plan.

It involved
stopping off in Africa

on the way home
for a little bit
of shopping.

(LAUGHS)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

BRÜNO: Mein little
afrikanischer Freund

was going to get me
on the cover
of every magazine.

Also, ich hired
a top photographer

und held a casting
for the hottest baby
photo shoot ever.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

We're gonna do like
this religious theme

where my baby is gonna be
on a crucifix playing Jesus

even though my baby's black.
So it's pretty cool, no?

That's cool.
It's kind of like
that Madonna video.

Yeah, it's really edgy.
You know, we're
turning it on its head.

Why not?
Come on. Whatever.

So. We're looking for
two thieves to be on the
crucifixes next to my baby.

Would you be ready for
your baby to be strung up
on a crucifix next to mine?

Fine.
Yeah, I don't mind her
being up on a crucifix.

Sure.

Is your baby
comfortable with bees,
wasps and hornets?

George is comfortable
with everything. He's fine.

Is he comfortable
with dead or dying animals?

Yes.

Great.

Amateur science?

What do you
mean by that?

You know, some
untrained people conducting
scientific experiments.

Oh. Should be fine.
You know,

her mixing the pots
of acid and that type...

Okay.
And so it's a yes.

Yes.
Great.

Is she okay
with extremely
rapid acceleration?

(LAUGHING) Yes.

Okay.
Yes.

Does she always have to be
in a car seat, or can
she just, like, freestyle it?

Yeah. You can freestyle it,
put her in a car seat.
Whatever.

If it looks better
without the car seat...

Of course. Of course.

So what?
You're traveling fast.
You're not gonna kill it.

Of course. Of course.

Is your baby fine
with antiquated
heavy machinery?

Yeah, she's fine.
She's been around that.

Would she be fine
to operate them?

Yes.
Great.

Is your baby fine
with lit phosphorus?

Yes.

Excellent.
Does he like it?

Loves it.
Oh, good.

A little
sensitive subject here.
How much does she weigh?

She's about 30 pounds.

Thirty pounds.
Yes. Approximately.

Can Olivia lose 10 pounds
in the next week?

In the next week,
seven days.

Yeah. I'd have to do
whatever I could.

If there's a problem
losing the weight,

would you be
ready to have Olivia
undergo liposuction?

If that was a last resort
and she didn't lose
the few pounds,

then, yeah,
we'd have to do that.

Great. Fantastisch news.

We have chosen your baby
to be dressed
as a Nazi officer

pushing a wheelbarrow
with another baby
as a Jew in it into an oven.

Into an oven?

Congratulations.
How do you feel?

Great, if she got the job.
That's great.
Yeah.

(SINGING LULLABY IN GERMAN)

(BOTH SINGING IN GERMAN)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

O.J., you're going
to be on television.

(RAP MUSIC PLAYING
ON HEADPHONES)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(EXCLAIMS)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(HONKS)

Welcome back to
Today with Richard Bey.

Now, our next guest
is a single parent.
Please welcome Brüno.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Where are you from?

I'm from Austria.

Austria.
And what are your impressions
of the American people?

You see a lot of them
out here.

I gotta say, I love
American people, and I love
African-American people.

You're the best.
You guys are the best.

All right, all right.
Now, you are a single parent.

Yeah.
Most people think
that a child

should have two parents.

It is, like,
really difficult,
you know,

bringing up a child
without another parent.
Am I right?

AUDIENCE: Right.

I'm hoping that
I don't grow old alone.
Am I right?

WOMAN 1: True that. True that.

I'm hoping that I find
Mr. Right. Am I right?

AUDIENCE: No!

WOMAN 2: No, no, no, no, no.

Well, honey, you need
to get it together. Sugar,
you're lost and confused.

BEY: All right, now...
Listen,
you're just jealous

'cause you know
I can get any guy here.

WOMAN 3: Go get them!

(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

BEY: You brought
your son here today?

BRÜNO: That's right.
Can we see your son?

Yeah, sure.

MAN: No. No.

BEY: All right,
this is...

(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

What?
Where did they allow you

to get your baby from?
Is your baby from Australia?

I was in the Middle East,
like, solving
the crisis there.

No big deal. Whatever.

And I flew back here
to America,

und I stopped over
in this country
called Africa, right?

Africa is a continent,
not a country, baby.
Get it right.

Well, it is full of
African-Americans.

It's full of Africans.
It's full of people
of African descent.

No. That's a racist thing
to call them.

African-Americans
is the right word.

(AUDIENCE DISAGREEING)
No. African-Americans
are here.

No, they're called
African-Americans,
girlfriend.

No, fool.

BEY: All right.
So how did you
find your son?

I swapped him.

WOMAN 1: You swapped him?
WOMAN 2: What?

(AUDIENCE CHATTERING)

Swapped the baby
for what?

For an iPod.
What?

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

Not just any iPod.

One that was, like,
limited edition, red.
A U2 iPod. Heard of it?

BEY: All right,
but wait a second.
You are the baby's father now.

And you chose
to dress that baby up
in a T-shirt that says what?

Gayby.

That's not the baby's name,
is it?

No. I gave him, like,
a traditional African name.

So what's the baby's name?

O.J.

(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

BEY: Stand up, please.

I think you're using him
as an accessory.

I think maybe
because he's a black baby
that might be your cue,

like how some people
walk in the park with
dogs to pick up girls,

that might be your cue
to get maybe
a down-low brother.

I don't know.
What do you think?

I gotta be honest.
He's a real dick magnet.

(AUDIENCE CLAMORING)

You brought some
photographs that you took
with the child because...

I guess to demonstrate
how much you love the child.

We're going to put them
up on this screen.

That's the first shot.

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

Let's see the next picture.

You're gonna burn in hell
for that one.

That's some mess.

All right.
Do we have another photo,
or is that the last one?

There we go.

What is going on here?

If I'm having fun,
I want little O.J.
To come with me.

I want him to
have fun with me.

BEY: Hold on. Hold on.
What's that?

What is that?
BRÜNO: Oh, someone's scared.

BEY: You're making
the audience leave.
They are scared of the truth.

Yes, ma'am?
Stand up, please.
Go ahead.

Listen, I don't see how
you can even walk out of here
with that baby in your hands

without someone stopping you
and taking that baby
out of your possession.

All right, well, you know,
there is a finale
to this talk show.

Please welcome Shatonya
Miggins from the State
Child Services Department.

Take the baby.

What would be the opinion,
the legal opinion
of the state,

which is empowered
to look after children
and their welfare?

This child is here
illegally.

No, it's not.
I made a deal
with the mother.

And at this time,
we're taking the child
into protective custody.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
You are not doing that.
You're not taking...

MIGGINS:
The child is going...

Get off me.
That is my baby.

Give him back!
Give me my baby back!

Give me my baby!
Give him back!

Come on! Back!

Give me my baby back!

O.J.! Give me my baby!
Give me my...

Give me my baby! O.J.!

O.J.!

O.J.! Give me
my baby back!

You want
some pie today?

Yeah. I haven't had
any carbs for 15 years,

since I was, you know,
four years old.

Since you was four?
Yeah.

Is that your boy?
He's pretty.

BRÜNO: That was my boy.
He got taken away today.

I'm so sorry. Gosh.
What is he, about two?

I think he was about,
I don't know, six or...

Was he?
Was he about that age?
I don't know.

He could've been a midget.
So he could have been 10.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(LUTZ LAUGHS)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

(LUTZ SPEAKING GERMAN)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING GERMAN)

(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)

Good morning, cowboy.
What's your name?

(MUFFLED) Lutz.

(SCREAMING)

(SHOUTING IN GERMAN)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(MUMBLES)

(BRÜNO YELLING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
BRÜNO: Get that
out of my face.

Move that out of my...
No, Lutz.

Hello? Engineering.

Hello, I apologize
for the state of the room.

But can I assure you,
the toilet is
absolutely spotless.

Can you look?
The key, I think,
is over there, just...

No, I can't do this.

Yeah, Brian,
I need you up here
on 20 immediately.

Well, no, it's two guys
handcuffed together
on a bed.

And there's some contraption
with a dildo on the end of it.

And they're asking...
They've been staying
at the hotel for a while

and wanted to know if I can
get the key for them because
they can't get out of bed.

I'm pretty freaking
flipping right now.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

BRÜNO: Come in.
MANAGER: Can you
tell me what's going on?

You were not meant
to see this. You find the key,
I can get out of this.

Now, can you just
look under that shelf...

No. This is not
what was supposed
to be going on in here.

You're telling me,
honey.

I should be chained
to a 6'4" Norwegian
with a PhD in sucking dick.

That's not my concern.

Okay, well, listen,
one other thing.

Can you switch off
the television?
Because I made a fart,

and I am on the verge
of buying Mr. Magorium's
Wunderbar Emporium.

That's unfortunate.

No, but I refuse to pay
for Mr. Magorium's
Wunderbar Emporium.

I did not press it.

No, I'm afraid we are not
gonna be doing that.

Hey, listen, you.
What's your name?
Hi. What's your name?

No,
don't even talk to me.
You're cute.

You're like
a Latino Paul Giamatti.

Hey, don't talk to me.
I'm not talking to you.
Hey, girlfriend.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING)

Also, great.
Maybe they can let us out.

Excuse me, can you unlock us?
Please. Hello?
Can you unlock us?

Please,
can you unlock us?

Please. My assistant's
about to shit on my balls.

(SIREN WAILING)

What's going on here?

BRÜNO: What does it
look like, Paul Blart?

Brüno.

(EXCLAIMS)

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(EXHALES)

Brüno.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

BRÜNO: Ich was at a low point.
Brüno had hit rock Arsch.

Lutz had gone,
und ich had only nine
Freunds left on MeinSpace.

Lutz! Lutz!

(WHIMPERING)

(YELLS)

(PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV)
BRÜNO: I was about to give up
on my dream of celebrity,

when suddenly it hit me.

All the most famous stars
in the world,

Tom Cruise, John Travolta,
Kevin Spacey, they all had
one thing in common.

They were all straight.

To become famous,
I would have to quit guys.

Ich just needed to find
a cock-aholics anonymous.

Things have got to change.
I want to become straight.

Awesome.
Once I'm straight,

can I still
play the clarinet?

If it doesn't remind you
about some of the behavior

that you engaged in
when you put
your lips around it.

If it doesn't
remind you of that,
then I say go for it

and play the clarinet
with everything
inside of you.

If it does remind you of that,
then I say put it down,

give it away,
let a friend hold it
until you know in your mind

you're ready to pick it up
again and it wouldn't remind
you of that.

Und what about
if I put a flute
up my stinker?

That... I wouldn't do that
either because it would remind
you of the former lifestyle.

So you don't put
any woodwind instruments
up your Arschwitz.

Absolutely not.
You know why?
Why?

Because that would
harm my body.
That would hurt...

Only if you
lose the reed.
Okay.

Well, that would...
That would be bad.

Is there any music that
I shouldn't listen to?
Any bands?

Sinead O'Connor.
The Indigo Girls.

Of course,
the Village People.

When I become straight,
you know, a Kuntmeister,

are there any new hobbies
that I should take up?

Do you enjoy hiking?
Lifting weights?
Sure.

Man, there's nothing
like just working out

and lifting weights
and building your muscles

around some other men
who are not gay.

I'm totally irresistible
to gay guys. They see me
und they want to schtupp me.

Right.
So how do I protect
against those guys?

If they get close to you,
hit them and leave
the situation.

How do you
spot the homosexual?

Very hard to do.

Because some of them
don't even dress no different
than myself or you.

Amazing.
You know?

It's kind of
like terrorists.

If a terrorist
has infiltrated
a police department

and he dresses
like the policemen,
how would you know that's him?

What are obvious things
that we can look for?

Obvious is a person
that's being extremely nice
to them to start with.

So if someone approaches you
in the street und is being
very, very nice to you,

you know that
they are a homosexual?

Most likely.

How should I protect myself
from being attacked
by homosexuals?

They probably would
attack from behind.

So, again,
if I am a homosexual,

and I'm just trying
to run in und kiss you...

Boom! You done moved in
the wrong range.
Right.

Let's say the homosexual
has got you on the ground.

Okay.
Und the homosexual, you know,
has got you down here.

Right.
I go to pull this down.

I want to lock this,
lock this leg here.
Touching.

Yeah.
Hit with the elbow.

Boom. As I roll across.

How do you protect yourself
from a dildo?

So let's say I'm trying...

Here, you know.

Like that. You know?

Und disarm the dildo?

Yes.

Is it harder to defend
against a black dildo?

No.
Great.

One is just as easy
as the other
to defend against.

So, I'm attacking.
Boom.

Like that.
Let's say
I go down and I...

Trap it, work the knees.
Work the elbows.

How do you defend
yourself against
the man with two dildos?

Coming in. Here. Boom.

Depending on his range.
Boom. Then to his face.
Boom.

Okay? Kick around, boom.

(PANTING)

He can't do nothing
from there.

And if he's just running
with his pants down?

Here. Boom.
And then to the eyes.

Homosexual
attacking your bum.
Leg here.

And then come in
and break his arm.
Take it here, take him out.

Break his arms.
Boom, break his ribs.
Break his arms.

Okay. Thank you very much.
Fantastisch.

Okay.
It's very useful.

That's just totally different
than what I've ever tried to,
you know, work with.

So you were never gay?

Mmm-mmm.

It's ironic that
you should have
amazing blow job lips.

Hmm.

Well, these lips were
made to praise Jesus.

No, they were made for
something else, but you're
just not using it for them.

Well...

Are there any activities
you suggest

where I'll be surrounded
just by straight guys?

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

LEADER: Let's go! Let's go!
ALL: Let's go! Let's go!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

ALL: Push ups! Sit ups!

Hurry up.
Get in here.
Was?

Make this bed.
Hurry up.
Make the bed.

But do you have something,
maybe a double...

Make the bed!

Could you hold
the sheet over there?

I'm not holding
anything.

Get down.
Get down.
Was?

I said, get down!
Do push ups.

This line right here is
a line that you don't cross.

This is TAC Alley.
TAC Officer's...

You're in it again.
This is my alley.

I don't want to be
in your alley.

Yeah, well, get out of it.
Your finger's in my alley.

Not yet.

By the way,
where's your uniform?
Go get your uniform on.

Do it!

Oh, my gosh.

What's up with the scarf?

That is, like,
it's my own thing.

Let me introduce you
to somebody.
Captain Miles.

Candidate,
what are you doing?

Stand at the position
of attention, candidate.

Do it! Do it!
Head and eyes
straight forward, candidate.

Head and eyes
straight forward.
Stand still, candidate.

That is not part of
the uniform, candidate.
You need to take that off.

This outfit is too
matchy-matchy as it is,

and so I was just trying
to break it up with some
simple horizontal lines.

Do you have an attitude,
candidate?
Do we detect an attitude?

Sir, she's got an attitude.
MILES: What?

Sir Officer Candidate,
did you just call me "she"?

Get down, candidate!
Now!
Do it!

What type belt is that,
candidate?

What is that?

D&G.
What is D&G?

Dolce und Gabbana.
Hello?

"Hello"?
"Hello"?

Front in the rest position.
Get down, you!

Sir Officer Candidate,
you deserve a medal
for exceptional skin.

What are you talking...
What are you trying
to say, candidate?

Sir Officer Candidate,
you could be a general

in the Bitch Army
the way you're going.

Did you use profanity again?
Did you use profanity?

But you're being
really nasty.

The OC guide states that
I will not use profanity
while I'm at OCS.

Yes, mein Führer.
Yes, Officer Candidate.

OFFICER: Hurry up!
MAN 1: Hurry up! Let's go!

MAN 2: Yeah, this is mine.
MILES: You better
help your buddy.

(ALL SHOUTING)

Get out of my TAC Alley.

Hurry up! Hurry up!
OFFICER: Move over there!

(ALL YELLING)

(HIGH-PITCHED YELLING)

Salute!
Salute with
your right hand.

OFFICER: Salute with
your right hand.

That's not a salute.
That's not a salute.

OFFICER: That's not a salute.

Can I tell you
about the person
that changed my life?

Was it Karl Lagerfeld?

No, actually, his name
is Jesus. Jesus is
in this room right now.

He never leaves us.
He never forsakes us.

(WHISPERS) He's here.

(WHISPERS) Amazing.

That's exactly right.
He's amazing.

You want to be famous.
You'll be one
that's so famous, Brüno,

you will prepare the way
for other young men
all over the world

who want to come out of
the homosexual lifestyle and
make a change in their lives.

And they'll say,
"If Brüno can do it,
then I can do it.

"How did he change?
How did you change, Brüno?"

And they'll say,
"It's Jesus. He changed me."

But he wants to come into
your heart right now.

Are you ready to
make that change?

Are you hitting on me?

No, I'm not.

Okay, good, 'cause I just...
That was, like, really hot,
that whole speech.

Are there any
outdoor activities

that I should do
if I want to
become straight?

Absolutely.

Hi.
Hello.

Mike. Brüno.
Brüno.

Hey. Great.

I'm Donny.
Brüno.

Robert.

You ever been hunting?
BRÜNO: I've never
killed an animal.

Although, I did once
suffocate a hamster
in Mykonos.

The women, eh?
Do you prefer the vagina
or the mammary glands?

I prefer the vagina.
Me, too.

I love a woman
with a vagina.

Yeah.

My favorite.

Didn't see anything.

We were just talking
about vaginas.

About what?

Vaginas.
The woman's vagina.

Oh.

Sharing stories
and saying how much
we enjoy them.

Oh, yes.

Really fantastisch.

Really wonderful things.

It's my favorite.

(SCREAMS)

This is wonderful.

This is what
rabbit look like.

Look at the four of us.
We are so like
the Sex and the City girls.

No, we aren't,
either.

Which one
are you, Donny?

I ain't any one of them.
I'm Donny.

That is such
a Samantha thing to say.

BRÜNO: I've never been
out of the city before.

You haven't?
How's it feel?

I feel a bit vulnerable.

You know, I'm 19 years old,
I've got a perfect body.

You know, I really
don't want to wake up
tomorrow morning und find

that I'm torn
in my Arschenholer.

You probably
ain't the only one.

Me, either, definitely.

Wow, there's so many
stars in the sky.

Full of them.

Makes you think of
all the hot guys
in the world.

Do we all share one tent
or what's more sensible?

I hope not.

(WHISPERING)

(MIKE SPEAKING)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

(MIKE SPEAKING)

(BRÜNO WHISPERING)

(MIKE SPEAKING)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

(MIKE SPEAKING)

(BRÜNO SPEAKING)

All right,
God damn it.

BRÜNO: Reverend BJ found me
too much of a handful

and put me in touch
with one of his chums.

You look decent in that.

Look like a straight guy,
how's that?

(LAUGHS)

Women are good for us.

They're good even though

they appear to us
to be terribly conventional.

And we find that
somewhat irritating

that they complain so much.

Right.
But we need that.

We need many of the things

that, at first glance,
are annoying and irritating.

And women often
don't stick to the point.

They're often talking about
one thing and then another
and then another,

and they never get
back to the first point
maybe ever.

I am repulsed by the idea
of making the sex
with a woman.

The important thing is
to be around women,

somewhat,
that you find tolerable
or interesting

and give them a chance
to seduce you.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

How did you
get into it?

(ALL LAUGHING)
We, actually,
our first time was on our...

Our honeymoon.
Yeah.

Of all nights for us to swing,
the first time was
for our honeymoon.

Und what is your
favorite position?

That would be missionary
or reverse cowgirl.

What's reverse cowgirl?

Show me. I'll pretend
to be the woman.

Like, I'm sitting here,
and...

Yeah,
and so, if I'm the woman...
Don't worry. Yeah, so what?

You'd be sitting
like that,

and that's called
reverse cowgirl.
Right. Right.

And then
when you're facing me,
that's called cowgirl.

This one here is cowgirl
or reverse cowgirl?

This is cowgirl.

And then when you're turned
the opposite way,
it's reverse cowgirl.

Und what other positions
are there?

Power driver.
Right.

Sixty-nine.

But this is
the girl's position.

(INHALES DEEPLY)
You don't want to be
like this if you're a guy.

There's missionary,
doggy style.

So what's doggy style like?

You'd be bent over,
like a dog does it.

Yeah. Like that?
Uh-huh.

All right, and then
what would you be doing?

If you was a woman,
I would be humping you.

No, show me.
(LAUGHING) I'm not
gonna show you.

You're a man.
Don't be a faggot.

(CHUCKLING) Come on.
What's the big deal?
It's just a couple of guys.

I'd be humping you
like that.

Wow, I can't wait
to do this to a woman.

(LAUGHS)

(WOMAN MOANING)

Anybody want
a sandwich
or something?

(MOANING)

Yeah. Great.

Very good. You've got
great hair actually.

Thank you.
Yeah.

(EXHALES)
That was great.

Oh, yeah.
Good boy.

(MOANING)

Fuck, yeah.

You're doing
a great job.

Thank you.

Come on, Jack,
look me in the eyes.

Look me in the eye.
You can do this.

(LAUGHS)

(MAN LAUGHING)
Dude.

Why would he
look you in the eyes when
he's looking at a pussy?

Why would he look you
in the eyes?

No, no.
Just for concentration.

He does not look
in a guy's...

I don't need you
for concentration, okay?

Look her in the eye.
This is a fucking
swingers party. Okay?

If you don't want pussy,
if you don't want fucking...

No, I want...
Then quit fucking
touching me

and quit telling me
to look at you
in the eye. Okay?

I didn't come here
for no fucking
queer shit. Okay?

Me, neither.
Okay.

Let's keep it
at that then.
Cool.

This is a fucking
swingers party.
Right, guys?

JACK: I see what the fuck
you're doing, dude.

Hi.
JACK: Did he not
try to pull

that queer shit
on you out there?
Hi. How you doing?

JACK: I don't need
this motherfucker
touching me on the back,

telling me to look him
in the fucking eye. Right?

I was just going
to the kitchen.
I know, yeah. Come on.

What's this shit?
Let's take this off.

Let's maybe we get
to know each other
a little.

I think you broke that,
actually.
I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, there is...
Let's get to know
each other a little bit first.

(EXCLAIMS)
Know each other? What?

You must produce
a lot of milk.

I don't want you
to do something
that you'll regret.

You wake up tomorrow,
you've lost your virginity,
and you feel ashamed.

You know, let's take
this a little slower.

We should reschedule.
Sit the fuck down.

Sit the fuck down.
Ow!

Don't fuck around!

No, let's do this
the right way.

(BOTH EXHALE)

I go, and I sit down
with your father,
we talk about this.

If he gives
his permission...
What?

Would you quit being
a little bitch here

and take
your little briefs off
before I fucking rip them?

Wait. Yes.

Yeah.
Fine.

Thanks.
Okay. Great.

I don't like
this little shit.

Yes, well,
I want to really make
this heterosexual sex.

It's going to be
fantastisch!

Do as I say.
Take that fucking
shit off now!

(WHOOPS)

Don't...
You fold them.
(EXCLAIMS) Fuck.

You gotta fold that neatly.
You don't treat suede
like that. It stains.

Sit the fuck down.
Take it off!

I've got an idea.
Let's play a little bit
of dress-up here.

It will be erotisch.

What is this?
You gonna dress me
like a man?

No, it's just a beard.

Am I supposed
to wear a beard?
It's just a...

Come on,
it will be fun.

I don't need a beard.

Take it off! Now!

Once you put the...

(EXCLAIMING)

Fuck! Take it off.
Okay. I'm...

Okay,
I'm going to do this.
Right now!

Get on your fucking knees
and suck my spike here, bitch.

Okay. Help!

Don't fuck around!

BRÜNO: Don't call me gay!

I'm gonna become straight.
I'm gonna become
über straight.

I'm gonna be
the straightest man
who's ever lived.

Und then I'll be famous.
You'll see. You'll see.

(DISTANT CHEERING)

(HEAVY METAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

What's up, Arkansas?
How's everybody doing?

You guys ready to see
a little ass kicking tonight?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)

Make some noise, everybody.
Put your hands together.
Make some noise

for the host of the brand-new
TV show, Straight Dave's
Man Slammin' Maxout.

Give it up
for Straight Dave!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Straight Dave.
Straight Dave.

(CHEERING)

(SHOUTING)

Are you ready for
some man-slamming
action?

Who's ready for
an old-fashioned
heterofest?

Are you 100%
hetero like me?

Who out there is
proud to be straight?

Let me hear you
say straight pride.

ALL: Straight pride.

Straight pride.

ALL: Straight pride.

I am so straight
that when I bought
my house,

the first thing I did
was brick up the back door.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You know why?
Because my asshole's
just for shitting.

Let me hear you say that.

ALL: My asshole's
just for shitting.

It's great to have
an evening
with straight people.

It's great not to
have any fags here.

MAN: You're a faggot!

Who called me a faggot?

Whoever called me
a faggot come up here,
and I'll beat your Arsch.

Who called Straight Dave
a faggot? Come up here.

Let him in.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY)

Who wants to see me
beat this fag's ass?

Who wants me
to beat this...

Fuck him up!

Get him, motherfucker!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Beat his fucking ass!

Kick his ass!

(SLOW ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)

Fucking fag!

Homo! Queer fags!
Motherfuckers!

(EXCLAIMING)

Stop! Stop!

Get out of my town.
You all are sick.

Tell him we don't have
no faggots here in Arkansas.
Take that shit somewhere else.

(SHOUTING)
You pussy-ass faggot
motherfucker!

(SHOUTING)

AUDIENCE: (CHANTING)
Fuck that shit!

Fuck that shit!

Fuck that shit!
Fuck that shit!

(SPEAKING MANDARIN)

BRÜNO: The footage went
everywhere, und Brüno
became über famous.

(CHATTERING)

As for Lutz,
we decided to get
married in California.

But because of the law,
we had to be a bit inventive.

I feel this is
the biggest step you'll ever
make in your lifetime.

It's a very big moment.
That's right.

Am I going to be able
to meet her before
we actually start?

Sure.

I... I don't marry
two men or two women.

If she's a man,
then how did it
give birth to our son?

You gave birth to
a little black child?

(IN FALSETTO) Yes.

When did you
have the baby?

I don't even know why
I'm asking that question.

BRÜNO: But even though
marriage was a nicht-nicht,

we weren't
gonna let it get us down.

We were happy.
We had each other.

And we had O.J. Back,

although he did cost us
a MacBook Pro.

Plus, ich was now
so famous

that I was able to record
mein very own charity video.

(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING)
I've written a song

that I hope is gonna
bring the world together

Put down your guns and bombs

and just make love forever

Okay, then.

He's come to heal the world

and make all nations calmer

I am the Austrian Jesus

He is the white Obama

He's the white Obama

War's just based
on hate and fear

Stop fighting,
North and South Korea

You're both
basically Chinese

And he's Brüno,
dove of peace

Hey, yo, Brüno,
where the bitches at?

BOTH: You are Brüno,
dove of peace

SNOOP DOGG:
You do it, fashion model
You got the cute hos

ALL: You are Brüno,
dove of peace

(SNIFFS)

You know,
I love black guys.
I'm a chocoholic.

ALL: Du bist Brüno,
dove of peace

Brüno wants peace.

Either we gonna have peace,
or we gonna have
motherfucking war.

I have a dream
for the Third World

Clean water,
food and teaching

In every village
and every town

a place for
anal bleaching

We need to rid
the world of hunger

I'm like Bono,
except much younger

He's only 19

Ich bin Brüno,
dove of peace

Hey, hey, he gay, he gay

Okay.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)