All language subtitles for Pretty.Smart.2021.S01E09.1080p.WEB.H264-CAKES

"Adrian looks into the mirror and wonders,

is this all a dream,
a figment of her imagination?"

No, that sucks.

Gary, that's twice in two days.

You keep falling asleep in that sauna,
you're gonna cook yourself.

Is your computer pressuring you to update?
Just click, "Remind me tomorrow."

You won't do it then, either.

No, I'm just frustrated.

I'm writing a short story. Or trying to.

That's cool. Short stories
are my favorite length of stories.

You won't be reading this one.

I have the worst writer's block
I've ever had.

Give it time. You'll get there.

I don't have time, Grant.

I'm trying to submit
to the Harvard Review,

and the deadline is soon,
and I can't come up with an ending.

You can't, huh?

Oh, good. Michael.

Can you wrap me in these towels
and bury me under the free weights?

I mean, I could,
but I'd have to run it by HR.

Chelsea, I could develop
a workout program for you.

Clear that writer's block up.

That's a very kind offer,

but I can't imagine working out
will clear my writer's block.

I wouldn't be so sure.
You see that lady doing chest flies?

- Yeah.
- That's Athena.

She's an astrophysicist
who was blocked on some project,

until she worked out with Grant.

In a week, she discovered a quantum realm.

Impressive, huh?

I was proud of myself
when I discovered Santa Monica.

Hey, Grant. How's my miracle worker?

Doing great. Was telling Chelsea
about your breakthrough.

Oh, yeah. One week with this guy,

and suddenly,
I'm changing the course of human history.

I call him MacArthur Genius Grant,
because he helped me win one.

You mind handing me a fresh towel?

Sure. They're not folded yet, sorry.

Actually, every element in matter
is folded billions of times over.

Grant helped me figure that one out
on week two.

Not to mention
what he did for my pelvic floor.

So, what do you say?

Okay, I'm in, but we have to start now
'cause my deadline's in three days.

I still have Maureen on my schedule.

Screw Maureen!

Hi, Maureen! Cute top.

Thank you, Howard.
Another delicious brunch.

We don't serve brunch on Tuesdays.

What you just had, Jayden, was
a single banana and a lot of cocktails.

It's really fun hanging out like this.
You've been so busy lately, Solana.

I know.
Energy work has been in high demand

ever since J.Lo claimed
it's why she doesn't have wrinkles.

Allison, hi.

Hi! What?

- Funny bumping into you...
- Well, okay then, you must be on your way.

Okay. I'll leave you to your meal.
See you tomorrow.

Yes! Tomorrow is
certainly, yes, a day, that is for sure.

Bye.

Bye.

- What was that?
- Did that guy just call you Allison?

Allison? Do I look like an Allison to you?

- No way.
- Who was that guy?

- What guy?
- The guy talking to you.

And ignoring me,
even though my hair is amazing. That guy.

What are you talking about?
You guys are being really weird.

Okay, all right.
I'm ready to "shred," as they say.

So what do you wanna start with?

Nope.

Some push-ups? Some pull-ups?

Ooh, that thing I saw on TV where men
in kilts throw telephone poles over walls?

- Nope. We'll start on the treadmill.
- Oh, okay. Great.

- Fire me up. Crank me to 11.
- I'm not turning it on.

Just walk forwards and backwards.

Walk on a motionless treadmill?

While keeping your eye on this can
the entire time.

- This is how Athena had her breakthrough?
- No.

Athena did
high-intensity cardio kickboxing.

You're gonna walk
on a powered-off treadmill.

While staring at a can.

Begin.

Okay.

- How will this help me...?
- Be back in an hour.

- Hour?
- Eye on the can.

Oh, why keep my eye on the can?
Okay. Jeez!

I can't get over
how strange Solana was acting earlier.

Pretending not to know that guy.

Yeah, what was with that Allison stuff?

Don't get me wrong.
I get mistaken for people all the time.

Once, someone thought I was the alpaca
that looks like Tilda Swinton.

It felt like Solana was hiding something.
I mean, who was that man?

Maybe he's a celebrity client,

and she uses a fake name
to protect his anonymity.

Claire, there are only a handful
of famous bald men,

and they're all
in the Fast & Furious movies.

That guy was not one of them.

Unless it was Tyrese.

Was that Tyrese?

- There is another possibility.
- What?

Okay, hear me out. She could be in a cult.

Do you think?

Jayden, I have to tell you something.

When I first got to L.A.,
I was desperate to make friends.

So I fell into a group
of super nice, super hot people

and, well, one thing led to another.

And what I'm trying to say is,
I was in a cult.

No way.

Me too!

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

Wait, which one?

Okay, on three.

Sun Collective. Oh, my God!

I knew we were solstice sisters.
Wait, when were you there, girl?

- I took my vow in 2016.
- Ah. 2015.

Wait, how did we not run into each other?

I was a year ahead of you.

Year one was all fun and games,

but year two was entirely devoted
to digging the Infinity Hole.

Year two was a nightmare.

During one of my digging sessions,
I found a collarbone.

Jayden, I'm scared for Solana.
I think she might be in a cult.

That guy at Franklin's
did have a super cult-y look.

Loose fitting jeans,
New Balances, no pop of color.

We shouldn't jump to conclusions.

You're right. The last time we jumped
to conclusions, we joined a cult.

Maybe we should investigate to confirm.

Great. If there's one thing we learned
in the Sun Collective,

it's how to uncover secrets
our loved ones are hiding.

- My cult name was Rainbow. What was yours?
- Judy.

Ow, ow.

Ow, ow.

Ow.

Can't believe I'm sore from walking.

It's the backwards part.
Most people walk forwards.

- Ready to get back to the gym?
- No, Grant. I'm not.

Feel like I was
zipped up in a sleeping bag

and thrown down the stairs.

That's typical after a workout.

Walking on a shut-off treadmill

while staring at a can is not a workout.

That's a performance art piece
by a college freshman.

I lost an entire day, and I still
don't have an ending to my story.

Thank you for your help, but I'll just
tell the Review I won't be submitting.

Unacceptable!

- What are you doing?
- I'm not letting you quit.

You made a promise to yourself.
Don't make promises you can't keep.

Don't make promises you can't keep?
Grant, I can't...

I'm not Grant.
I'm your trainer, named Grant.

Now, quit whining,

put on your Harvard sweatshirt
so everyone knows you went there,

and get to the gym.

Wow, that was very intense
but kind of exciting.

- Are you like this with all...?
- No more questions!

Okay. All right. Listen,
just to say, the Harvard sweatshirt,

it's not to show off,
it's just comfortable...

I said, go.

- Where did the whistle come from?
- Now!

Okay. Fine.

Come on, go. Come on!

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

What do you think she's reading?

Probably the cult by-laws.
I read them for hours.

Not to brag, but I won
the by-law trivia bee. Unopposed.

Ooh, she's getting a phone call.

Hey. Yeah.

Look, this will all be over soon,

and the final judgment
will be better than anything.

Final judgment!

It's confirmed. She's in a cult.
We need a game plan.

Oh, and I just wanted to apologize
for acting odd at the restaurant.

My roommates
don't know I'm practicing law again,

but I assure you,
it won't affect our case.

We need to tell her that we know,

- and that she has to get out of it.
- We can't confront her.

Like when someone has terrible bangs,
you don't tell them.

They have to realize for themselves
the bangs don't work.

You liked my bangs, right,
before they grew out?

Oh. Mm-hm.

Okay. Talk soon.

Okay, she's coming. Go, go, go.

Oh, hi, Solana.
I didn't realize you were home.

Not for long.
I've got a big day ahead. Of healing.

Why don't you do your healing
here at home, with us?

I could do some of my very tranquil,
very relaxing beatboxing to set the mood.

Thanks, but it's an in-home client.

Okay, well, I just wanna let you know

that if you need to talk
to anyone about anything, we're here.

Yeah. If you're scared
or feel like you don't know where to turn,

or you're nervous
for an upcoming erotic ritual,

we got you, girl.

I'm fine. I gotta go.

Last time I heard someone say "I'm fine,"

Richard was sent to visit Mother Spider.

She's in deep. She needs us.
She can't be trusted on her own!

We have to follow her.

I still remember how to stalk people

from when the Collective was
obsessed with Dianne Feinstein.

Right. "Stay behind-y the Feiny."

How's she doing?

Walking real slow,
staring at that chunk of metal.

This must be
how goats get pumped for dinner.

And has she complained
about staring at the can?

No. But she does
keep looking over at me like...

Grant!

You see? Just like that.

She's not ready, Michael.

Grant, please!

Eye on the can.

What is this place?

I don't know, but the walls are so green,
I feel like I'm inside an avocado.

- Someone's coming. What do we do?
- Say something cult-y.

- Uh, love and blessings.
- Late '90s Madonna.

Okay, she was acting crazy.

Jayden, there she is,
and there's the bald guy.

And they're wearing suits?

It's worse than we imagined.
The fashions in particular.

You entered into an agreement,
there's no negotiating it.

You're asking us to do the unthinkable.

There's no coming back
according to the affidavit.

Affidavit?
My really German SoulCycle instructor?

He's wrapped up in this too?

Have you even
considered the circumstantial evidence?

They're circumcising each other.

Enough talking. Let's get this done
and execute the final judgment now.

Oh, my God, it's happening now.
We have to save her.

Applesauce.

That's it! We've heard enough!

We're here to save this girl.
We know she's in there. Remember her!

Why are you guys here?

Solana, it's Jayden,
your most famous friend.

I'm here now. I'm here now.

I hope someone's recording this.

What is going on?

You are escaping this death cult.

- Cult?
- Cult?

Oh, excuse me, techno-spiritual
soul-enlightening organization.

I know what you're up to.

You wanna change Solana,
own her and possess her,

all while playing Frisbee
in the sunniest parks.

Allison, what are they talking about?

Stop calling her by her cult name.
Her real name is Solana.

No, it's not!

My real name is Allison.

What?

And I'm not in a cult.

I'm practicing law again.

Oh.

- I see that now.
- Yeah, this feels less heroic.

She's gone completely blank.

Eyes all glazed over.

Looks like my mom
when she watches QVC at 3 a.m.

Any complaining?

No. She hasn't even pointed out

raspberry's misspelled
on the smoothie chalkboard.

She's ready.

All right, Chelsea, time to run.
Keep your eye on the can.

Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Now we're talking. This feels good.

Whoa! Hey.
Hello! How fast are we going here?

- Keep your eye on the can.
- I can't...

- Eye on the can.
- I can't...

Eye on the can.
Repeat after me. Eye on the can.

- Eye on the can.
- Good. Again.

- Eye.
- Eye.

- Can.
- Can.

- I can.
- I can.

- I can.
- I can.

I can.

I can.

I can.

- What can you do?
- I can run fast.

Yes, you can. What else?

I can parallel park while someone watches.

What else?

Put on eyeliner without opening my mouth!

What else?

I can... I can finish my story.

Yes, you can!

Yes, I can. Yes, I can!
I can finish my story!

I gotta finish my story.
You're coming with me, mister.

Well, I gotta go to Hawaii.

If she can leave her job
in the middle of the day, so can I.

I'm sorry I lied to you guys.

It's okay.

I just don't understand why
you've been hiding being a lawyer.

I get why you wouldn't want us to know

that you hang out
with people who dress like that,

but otherwise, yeah, why?

Being a lawyer is a part
of a really dark time in my past.

You'll never speak to me again
if you knew.

Solana, there's no judgment here.

Jayden and I were part of a cult
that kidnapped the uncles of celebrities

to raise money
to build a big retaining wall.

Yeah, what happened, sweetie?
You can tell us anything.

Well, I became a lawyer
to fight the big guy, right?

Then I took a job at a firm
to pay my law school debt.

I became their youngest partner.
Allison the Assassin.

- So fun.
- I love that.

I got this big corporate client
with a highly problematic case.

You defended People magazine when they
named Blake Shelton the sexiest man?

No. I defended Deepview Petroleum
in the Blackwater Horizon oil spill.

The one that dumped oil
into the Gulf of Mexico.

- Killed all those poor dolphins?
- Yes.

I argued that
the dolphins were being too chatty,

thus sending sonar waves into the pipes
and bursting them with their chirps.

You blamed the oil spill on the dolphins?

And I won.

I know. You hate me, and you're right to.

I'm a monster.

I hated the old me too,
that's why I changed my name.

Solana is just Allison
with the letters changed around.

Are we sure about that?

Look, whether you're Solana or Allison,
we could never hate you.

And, sure, what you did back then
wasn't super cool to the dolphins,

but you're obviously an amazing lawyer.

Just use your superpowers for good.

Yeah, on actual evil, like frackers
and people who read Cigar Aficionado.

I think it's time for peaceful Solana
and hard-arguing Allison to merge together

into one unstoppable...

- Solallison!
- The Assassissin!

Thanks, guys.

- Of course.
- Yeah.

Ooh. Now that you're practicing law again,

I'm being sued by Wendy's for wearing
red pigtails in a nude photoshoot.

Bring them on.

Oh, there's my girls.

Good night, Linda.
Good luck with your pot roast.

Hey.

Hey, Chels. What are you doing here?
I thought you'd be home writing.

I'm done.

I wrote.
And the words just flowed out of me.

Like a microwave.

I came up with an ending
and I submitted my story.

That's great.

Yeah, it's amazing.

Then why are you looking at me
like I'm an ages-14-and-up puzzle?

I just...
I can't wrap my head around what you did.

"I can." It's just...

Kind of silly, I know.

I didn't see it coming.
How did you know it would work?

Yesterday, you said "I can't"
three different times.

- Really? You noticed?
- Seven throughout the day.

Fifteen, if you count today.
I'm a trainer, I'm very good at counting.

I can get down on myself sometimes.

The Chelsea I know
can do anything she puts her mind to.

I just needed to remind her.

You. I'm talking about you.
You're the "her" that I'm talking about.

Yeah. I get it.

Grant, I've never met anyone like you.
You're kind of brilliant.

- Stop it.
- No, I'm serious.

- Means a lot coming from you.
- From me? Please.

Are you kidding? I feel lucky
that I even get to hang out with you.

That's like the nicest thing
anyone has ever said to me. God.

I could just kiss you.

What did I say
about making promises you can't keep?